Allison found herself getting frustrated these days. It had been a few weeks since they avoided the end of the world, a few weeks since she lost her voice. She didn’t really have that much time to mourn the loss with the impending doom. She would never admit it, but it hurt her more than she would ever let on.
It’s not the fact that she can’t use her rumor power anymore (to her knowledge), that much she didn’t care about. If anything she was thankful. But what’s upsetting is the fact she can’t express herself. She can’t ever get exactly what she wants to say out. There’s only so much a pen and paper can interpret.
There is just so much she wants to say to her siblings.
It hurts her when she sees Five in the kitchen at 2 AM with Dolores, huge bags under his eyes and a cup of coffee in his hand and visibly shaken. She will find him muttering things to himself about ash, smoke, and miles of nothingness. Sometimes he thinks he’s back there, alone.
“Five, what you went through is unimaginable. None of us could’ve survived but you did. You are special, talented, and most of all you are a human being. An incredible one. It’s okay to ask for help. I’m so happy you’re back. I love you. You are not alone anymore. We are family and we are here for you.”
It hurts her when she sees Vanya frustrated with herself and what she’s done. Allison knows she won’t ever forgive herself like she already has.
“Vanya I can assure you that it is okay. You are worth so much more than your powers or what you have done. You were left in the dark for so long, but not anymore. Never again. You’re my sister forever and always. I’m here for you. I love you.”
It hurts her when she sees Klaus fighting his demons both dead and alive. Sobriety and his new found powers were taking its toll on him. She’d find him sometimes shaking so violently, unable to center himself again. She wants to say soothing words.
“Klaus, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. You’re only going to get better from here. I love you dearly. You will get through this with me by your side.”
It hurts her when the rare times she’s able to see Ben, she sees him masking his sadness by burying himself in a book or constantly being in the shadows. She can tell that it’s all so overwhelming, being seen. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to exist outside of reality like he had for so long. The things he must have seen all those years in the dark.
“Ben, we see you. We hear you. We feel you. We love you. I can’t begin to imagine what it must have been like to be isolated for so long. But we are here for you, always.”
It hurts her when she sees Luther isolating himself from the family, constantly locked up in his room or in the training areas. He’s still processing the fact that yes, he suffered actual trauma during childhood. He’s processing that he is a victim just like the rest of his siblings.
“Luther it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be the strong, reliable leader all the time. Your family loves you and your flaws even if you don’t believe it. Please let us show you.”
It hurts her when she sees Diego in front of the mirror like when he was a kid, his words failing him. Diego hasn’t been big on communicating much at all lately. Sometimes going days with only saying a word or two paired with nods and grunts. They have all noticed.
“Diego you are so much more than your voice, we all know that. I’m sorry I wasn’t kinder to you about your situation when we were young but I can assure you I am going to try to be better. I understand now. Not having a voice is frustrating but your self worth isn’t defined on your speech. I love you.”
There’s so much more she wants to convey to everyone, so much she wishes she can say. She has grown to hate that yellow rectangle and ink pen. She hasn’t felt like herself since losing her voice. It was a part of her and an integral one.
Allison woke up to her 8:45 AM alarm, ready to start the day. Klaus had mentioned something about a family meeting at around 10:30 AM. Nonemergency he prefaced, but still important for her to be there.
She started her morning routine like she did everyday: 15 minute shower, her hair in a net. 30 minute face moisturizing routine. 20 minute makeup application - today being a peach toned eye with no liner, lashes, and a darker nude lip that made her skin tone pop all topped with gloss and blush.
She threw on a pair of high waisted, denim wash jeans and a red long sleeve crop top. She picked out a pair of black platform sneakers and slipped them on.
She gave herself one last look down in the mirror, satisfied with the result of her work.
“Still Allison freakin Hargreeves.” The woman thought to herself as she admired her reflection. But her eyes slowly wandered to the scar on her neck. She ran her thumb across the slightly raised skin. It was getting easier to accept this flaw of hers as time goes by, however that doesn’t mean it was necessarily easy. She shook her head before she let herself spiral into anymore negativity. She was trying to be better about this.
She grabbed the yellow paper and sharpie on her nightstand before making her way downstairs. She heard light chatter coming from the kitchen, mostly Five and Ben’s voice piercing through as they seem to be loudly debating some topic with many words she doesn’t fully understand. It brings a small smile to her face. The pair used to talk like that all the time before they parted ways.
“Morning sis! Loving the fit today - very you.” Klaus waved his hand from his spot at the table, his mouth half full of waffles.
Allison flipped to one of her prewritten pages in her notebook, “Thank you.”
Klaus winked and nodded before attempting to stuff even more food in his mouth. He was victorious.
“Oh Allison, I’m glad you’re here. We actually wanted to speak with you about something if that’s alright?” Five turned his attention to their taller sister, the rest of the siblings doing the same.
Allison cocked her head and her throat bobbed. She had no idea what this could be about. They’re not...upset with her? They shouldn’t be, she hasn’t really done anything. Or maybe that’s the problem - she knows she could be training harder. She just hasn’t felt the need to -
“Allison, we can see the wheels turning in that glorious head of yours. I promise you’re okay. Have a seat, yeah?” Ben’s gentle voice broke her out of her thoughts, bringing her back to reality.
She simply nodded and mouthed a sorry before placing herself between Diego and Vanya. Vanya slipped her arm through hers and gave her a reassuring smile. Allison was grateful for the contact.
“So do you remember when we were kids, Diego and I got yelled at for like, two solid months for sneaking into the library all the time?” Klaus started from across the table. Allison nodded, still unsure where this is going.
“Well! What were actually doing was reading up on communication. More specifically non verbal communication. Diego was, well,” He glanced over at Diego asking for permission to continue. Diego nodded, “frustrated with not being able to get his thoughts across properly. So we came up with a solution.”
“American s-sign language.” Diego finished from her left, signing as he did so.
“We uh, we got pretty good at it actually. Diego and eventually Ben and I would practice in my room a lot. It was fun! But when Diego’s speech improved we didn’t really need it as much anymore. It was still fun to talk shit without anyone understanding but when Five left we all didn’t really talk anymore, you know? I’ve forgotten a lot but I’m willing to learn. We all are.”
Allison looked around at her siblings smiling faces. Her eyes started to burn as they brimmed with tears. They were doing this for her? What did she do to deserve this?
Vanya wiped a tear that fell with her thumb, still being mindful of her makeup.
“We’ve seen the look you on your face when you’re writing on that paper. We know you’re hurting, Allison. We want you to be able to express yourself like you used to. I’m sorry I,” Vanya was started to get choked up herself, “I’m sorry I took that from you. But I promise I’m going to work hard so we can talk like we used to, okay? Yay sisters.” Vanya did a movement similar to jazz hands followed by her right first with her pointer finger extended going from her chin and landing on top of her left fist, pointer finger also extended.
Allison laughed softly, attempting to follow what she saw her sister do.
“Good! That’s good Allison. You’re already getting the hang of it.”
Allison reached forward and grabbed her notepad and pen, writing as fast as she could.
“This means so much to me, you don’t understand. I can’t even begin to thank you all. I love you.” She held up the paper for her siblings to read.
All six of them could see that there was so much more she wanted to say. And now she’d be able to.
“W-We actually have our f-first cl-class in half an hour. Th-think that’s e-en-enough time for you to eat?” Diego signed a few words along with his speech, pausing at ‘class’, ‘time’, and ‘eat’. He was already trying to make this the new normal. For both of them.
Allison gave a quick nod and leaned over to kiss his cheek. He brought his hand up to his face at the contact and reciprocated the action. She giggled, lightly placing her head on his shoulder hoping the action would be enough to show how thankful she is. Allison knew this would be good for Diego too. It would help him not feel ashamed when communicating. They all knew how hard on himself he was. It would bring a new level of comfort for him. A security blanket, almost. She was so, so excited.
“Eat up, Allison.” Luther came up from behind her and placed a plate of food in front of her and signed. She recognized the ‘eat’ sign from Diego.
Allison mouthed a thank you before turning back to her plate. She started to chow down, her thoughts still racing. This time not spiraling. She was thankful for her family. She was thankful for this opportunity to be able to communicate with them again. She would be heard, respected.
Her family loved her and she loved them. No more fighting, no more lack of communication. They were going to be okay.