Actions

Work Header

Thanks, Wade.

Work Text:

The battle was quite graphic, you honestly don’t know how you got in the middle of it. One second, you were strolling around the city, listening to Danger Days, the next you were in danger. A boulder flies at your head, and you’re shoved out of the way.

“Hey, dumbass, are you trying to get yourself killed?!”

“You saved me,” you say, gaping at the angel in front of you.

“Kind of my job, shit-for-brains.”

“Thank you, for saving my life and all,” is all you have to say.

“We’ve been over this. It’s what I do. Weirdo. Scram!”


Agh! What did I do?!” You question the red-suited superhero-looking guy who’s currently shooting at you.

“You bought the last chocolate chip cookie!” he yells back, chasing you through the streets.

Until you’re clipped by a bus.

“Oh my god, she fuckin’ dead,” Wade references a Vine.

“Deadpool!” Your rescuer from the other day groans, recognizing you. “I just saved her life, could you try not ending it?”

“B..but my cookie…”

“Who gives a fuck?” She asks him, before turning her attention to you. “Where are you hurt?”

“I, uh… I might have a bruise on my shin?”

She looks at you critically, and when she helps you up, her hand touching yours, even for a second, makes you blush.

“You’re really lucky you’re not, y’know, dead. That bus was speeding and ran a red light,” She explains, and you barely manage to hear her, too focused on her face. “What’s with that dopey expression of yours? You don’t have a concussion, do you? I don’t want to deal with that.”

“Um… N-no concussion, I don’t think…”


“Good. Well, uh, see you around, I guess. Since you keep getting in danger and all.”


You were helping your cousin’s girl scout troop sell cookies by supervising them as they went door to door when the apartment you were in lit up in flames. All that was there was a Janitor’s cart, and the fire was getting closer and closer. It was blocking your way to the door, but you were close to the window.

“Toss the cleaners out the window so they don’t blow up,” you tell the girls, not even sure where that came from. Fire department is taking too long. “Hey, you guys learned how to braid, right?”

The girls, all terrified, nod. You offer them giant rolls of toilet paper. “Let’s get closer to the window, and we can braid it tight, long, and fast, okay? And then we’ll braid those braids together, to make a rope.”

You and the four girls you’re with work as hard as you can. The fire department gets there once you’re done, and the girls climb down the rope and safely land on the trampoline. They can only get down one at a time, and you’re sure you weigh as much as at the very least one and a half of them.

You accept your fate, glad you could at least help the little girls get to safety when she comes in.

“It’s about time I introduced myself, considering I’ve saved your stupid ass so many times. Negasonic Teenage Warhead.”

“Is that your real name?”

“Fuck no! What kind of shitty ass parents do you think I have? Come on, I’m fireproof, I’ll help you get to safety, whatever your probably dumb and totally not a cool code-name name is.”

“Y/N,” you tell her.

Damn it, why’s she gotta have a name as pretty as her face? Ellie thinks, taking your hand and leading you out of the flames, tossing flaming wreckage out of the way and allowing you to escape.


“Are you trying to kill yourself?” She asks.


“No, I was looking at the sunset. And then I fell.”

She snickers cruelly at this as her mentor reaches down and plucks you from where you dangle off the edge of your roof.

“Young one, there are many resources if you are feeling sad. This is not a solution.”

“I’m not trying to kill myself, I promise!” You inform them. “…I’m just clumsy, that’s all,” you add shyly.


You’re at the farmer’s market about to pluck an apple from a pyramid of fruits.

“Stop right there, Klutzy McGee, you’re not even touching that!” Deadpool stops you.

“Please don’t shoot me! There are plenty of other apples.”

“What? I’m not gonna shoot you, I’m gonna take you to your girlfriend!” He informs.

“I- I don’t have a girlfriend,” you tell DP, maybe he’s got you confused for someone else.

“Not yet!” He chirps, dragging you along by your wrist to a rather large home, well, a mansion. He knocks hard on the door and none other than Negasonic Teenage Warhead answers.

“I got your girlfriend!” He says cheerfully, and you blush deeply, but shake your head.

“She’s…Not my girlfriend.”

“Don’t be like that, Nega-hedgehog YA Novel Atomic Thing! You two would make a great couple!”

She looks at him skeptically, and then you, with a concerned expression. You realize you probably look like a tomato on steroids.

“You’re not going to spontaneously combust, are you? That gig’s kinda taken,” she informs you. ‘Do you want me to call the police?’she mouths, and you shake your head.

“Ah, Deadpool and Y/N! Come in, have lunch!” Colossus says cheerfully.

You all eat BLTs, though Wade insists on having a knife with his to “feast upon it as the ancient lettuce-hunters would have.”

“So, Y/N, what would you like to do with your future?”

“I don’t know. I like helping people, maybe I’ll do something like be a nurse or a teacher.”

“Ooh, I like that!” Deadpool comments, gesturing with his steak knife and making you a little uneasy. You just know something bad is gonna happen with that knife.

“Ellie, pay attention,” Colossus requests, placing a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off, turning up the volume on her headphones to the point where you can hear it.

“You like MCR too?” You ask her.

“Uh, yeah… How can you hear this?”

“You have it cranked up really high,” you inform her.

“I can not hear it,” Piotr informs, and DP agrees. The two look curious.

“Oh, it’s nothing special. Just good hearing.”

“Well, damn. I was hoping you’d have an excuse to spend more time to spend with that grouchy teen over the-” He gestures towards Negasonic with the knife, and accidentally throws it at her face. You manage to catch it rather close to her face, gripping the blade. Blood drips down your wrist from your hand, and she looks at it with wide eyes, as does the rest of the group. “I stand corrected.”

“That is not normal, young one,” Colossus informs.

“Really? I’m sure she had no clue that it wasn’t completely fucking normal to catch knives thrown at people’s faces by a mercenary!” Deadpool snarks.

“Well done,” Ellie remarks, not to you, but to Wade’s sass skills.

“Have you always had such fast reflexes, Y/N?” Piotr asks.

“Uh, I mean, I guess. I would say I’ve been more, more lucky than anything.”

“But you’re always in trouble!” DP disagrees.

“And I’m not dead,” you point out.

“Ah…” Colossus sighs pensively.

Wade gets out one of his many knives from his belt and tosses it at Ellie. You catch this one as well, with your other hand.

“What the hell, Wilson?! Trying to kill me, now?”

“Not at all. Trying to get Y/N to save you. Ooh, watch this!” He aims so it’ll barely brush her shoulder, not that anyone else knows that when he shoots the pistol.

You catch the bullet between your wounded hands like a fly, feeling the burn.

“She’s totally a superhero, Iron Dick! Wait, that’s better for a different superhero in the Marvel universe, forget I said that one.”

“I’m not a superhero, I can barely take care of myself, let alone save people.”

“You saved Ellie three times from one of the best hit men in the world.”

“Well, I only saved her because-”

“Because you want to fuck her!” Wade cuts you off, and you look scandalized, a blush creeping onto your cheeks. Piotr and Ellie look at him like he’s insane, which he is, but- “What?! I see the goo-goo eyes Y/N gives her when she rescues her. I see the way Ellie looks at Y/N’s ass! Someone had to say something!”

You wish the ground underneath you would just vanish, you’re so embarrassed by his words that you don’t even notice his comment about Ellie checking you out.

“Y/N, would you like to join us? You are a gifted young girl and…”

“In case you missed the sign, this is kind of a place for gifted young people,” Wade finishes.

“I- I don’t really think I can help you, I’m sorry,” you deny his request.

“You can. I saw what you did for those girl scouts, and you said you wanted to help people earlier, right?” So, she was listening.

At Ellie’s insistence, you decide: “Oh.. Okay.”

 

“Yes! Another moody teen to annoy! Finally! I can’t get a rise out of any of the others!”

“Let us take you to the infirmary,” Piotr says.

“I’ll do it,” Ellie offers, walking you down the halls of the surprisingly quiet school. Deadpool follows closely behind, wanting to hear every detail of his OTP’s conversation.

The nurse, a mutant with the power to heal others, quickly fixes your wounds.

“Thanks for doing that, earlier. Saving me, I mean.”

“W-well, I mean, I had to make it up to you s-somehow. All- All those times y-you saved me, I mean…” You tell her, more shy now that it’s pretty much just the two of you. You stand, walking over to the sink to wash the gunpowder off your hands. You lean against the counter, but you slip on a stray glob of  hand-sanitizer that happened to be on the floor, grabbing onto a cot for purchase and trying to get up only causing you to slip more and more until you give up and let your face smush into the hardwood floor.

Ellie giggles at this, and you swear she sounds like an angel when she laughs.

You get up, rubbing your nose.

“Y’know, if you want to be one of the big shots like Colossus or whatever, you’re gonna have to be a lot less clumsy than that.”

Wade crashes into the infirmary. “Y’all having sex yet? I brought popcorn and dental dams!”

You and Ellie both look at him, like ‘WTF DUDE I’M TRYING BUT YOU KEEP COCK-BLOCKING!’

“Uh… I’m gonna go make some chimichangas. Lucky by Britney Spears, you better confess to Moody Teen Number Three before she puts those earbuds back in!” He dashes away.


“Why does he feel the need to play Fairy God-merc?” You ask her pitifully.

“Confess what to me…?” she asks you.

“Um- Uh- I- I killed the Easter Bunny!” You sigh, instead deciding to tell the truth: “No, uh… I like you. Like, uh, like-like you. I think you’re really pretty and mysterious and funny, and, I’m not really any of those things, so it’s cool if you don’t feel that way about me, but-”

She laughs at you, like it’s so funny that someone as horrid as you would like her. “You..Like me?”

“Yeah, it’s dumb, I know, sorry for wasting your ti-” Ellie grabs your arm as soon as you turn around, and kisses you.

Oh, you think. Thanks, Wade.