Sully felt Michaela's body tighten as his head brushed against her lips, therefore preventing him from entry.
"I'm so sorry." Michaela said, holding back tears.
"You're still nervous aren't ya?", Sully asked as he sat up on the bed.
"It's just that I don't know what to think or feel anymore," Michaela said as a tear fell down her cheek.
"What are ya talkin about?". he asked out of confused concernment.
"It's that Mother always told us-", she began. "Well, as she put it, a woman should be with her husband whenever the need or want comes upon him."
"So, you think that us being together is for me only?" Sully reiterated what he had just heard. "That you're supposed to lay there and let me have my way with you?".
"That's what I thought until-", Michaela paused as she tried wording her feelings.
"Until things became serious between us.", she continued. "Whenever I'm near you or even thinking about you I start feeling strange."
"Strange?" Sully asked confused.
"It's been hard for me to put into words."
"Michaela, I've never known you to not be able to say how you feel or to say what's on your mind. How is this any different?", Sully asked.
"Michaela sat up. "I guess it's because I was taught to feel a certain way about being intimate. That was until this week."
"Mother taught us that being with our husbands were our "wifely duty."
Sully tried not to laugh, for what he was hearing sounded absurd.
"What?", Michaela asked, wondering what was so funny.
"It's that what you're saying doesn't make any sense."
Now you see where the confusion came from?
"It didn't make any sense being taught one way, and feeling another.", Michaela continued her explanation. "What I feel when I'm near or even thinking about you doesn't feel dutiful. "
"It shouldn't.", Sully began trying to comfort her. "Us being together should be as pleasurable for you as it is for me."
"That's what I was told earlier this week." Michaela continued before Sully interrupted with
"I was starting to get a little nervous myself" Sully said trying to make her feel comfortable.
"Yeah.", Sully started. "A lot of things were going through my head, well still are going through my head.", Sully began to confess. " I was afraid of hurting you, or possibly being too big. And then, there was wondering if I would be able to please you. Would you let me please you? Michaela there's so many things that I'm feeling right now, but I've learned not to numb the way I feel about some things. It ain't always good but, I've come to live with it. Besides since Abigail you're the only one I've been able to discuss my feelings with. That's until it came to this."
"I wish I'd known.", Michaela said, relieved to know that she wasn't the only one feeling apprehensive.
"It wasn't meant for you to know until now. Besides, they taught us in the army that a man ain't supposed to express his feelings. Now what were you saying?", Sully said, eager to remove all attention from him.
"That along with feeling how I felt which I still haven't been able to put into words. I started to get nervous." Michaela said as she continued her explanation. "I was worried that you'd compare me to her; or that I wouldn't be able to please you; or that you'd become frustrated by my lack of experience.", Michaela said as she finished her explanation. "That was until Wednesday."
"I asked Myra for advice.", Michaela responded, shocked at her own forwardness.
"Michaela!", Sully playfully scolded her, while trying to remain serious. "What made you want to ask her?", Sully asked, before realizing the question was rhetorical.
"She told me that it was pointless for me to be intimate with someone, especially my husband if I was going to just lay there and let him, let you use me. That it should be as pleasurable for me as it is for you. In fact, that's what she and Rebecca said."
"Yeah, we had a talk this morning. She basically said that everything Mother taught us about the marriage bed was wrong all while agreeing with Myra. But when I think about it, Mother has been wrong about nearly everything in my life."
"So why where you still worried?", Sully asked.
"I don't know. I guess being raised one way, and then being told something different later, just made my emotions and feelings more jumbled. I was beginning to become relaxed after talking to Myra and Rebecca, but I guess everything that I was feeling decided to become known when the moment came."
"I understand.", Sully said finally being able to make some sense of this ordeal.
"I have an idea."
"What is it?", Michaela asked giving him her full attention.
"Why don't we let things naturally progress?"
"Naturally progress?", Michaela repeated as she found herself getting lost in Sully's eyes.
"Yeah.", he continued. "In the past we had to stop before things went to far. Now we could let it get as far as we want." "But I'm going to need you to guide me."
"Guide you? But you're the one with experience."
"Yes, but only you know what feels good to you and what don't."
"What if there comes a time when I'm too tired or don't want to be with you?"
"Then you don't have to."
"Are you sure?", Michaela asked to be certain.
"Listen respect is a big part of being married. And if I were to make you do something that you didn't want to the I wouldn't be respecting you. That includes you being with me even when you don't want to."
"Thank you for being patient with me."
"No problem. Whenever you're ready I'll be waitin for ya."
"It's not that I'm not ready I just don't want my first time to be rushed."
"You're right we'll be in Denver in half an hour. What do you want to do until then?"
"Well, don't you think we ought to get dressed first?" Michaela asked as she noticed Sully's erection.
"Yeah that would help.", he said as he noticed where her eyes were.
The sight of Sully prompted her to ask what she and Rebeca had been thinking.
Sully?", she started nervously before spitting the words out. "Does it hurt when it gets like that?"
"When what gets like what?", he confusingly asked.
"When your-.", Michaela paused, unable to say the word.
"Oh that!", Sully responded finally catching on.
"Only if it goes unattended.", he said as he pulled on his pants.
"Unattended?", Michaela asked confusingly.
"You know if I don't do anything about it. But that"s not for you to worry about. I've learned how to relieve the tension when it gets like that.", he replied helping Michaela back into her dress.
"Relieve the tension how?"
Sully didn't want to tell her about servicing himself, although doing so never did anything for him but provide a physical release.
"They didn't teach you any of this in medical school?", Sully asked as he finished lacing up her dress.
"No. Why'd you think I went to Myra?"
"I see your point.", he playfully responded with that mischievous grin that Michaela had grown to love.
"They taught us the names of everything and what their practical uses and functions where, but they never dared to explain to us what else they were used for. Well, at least not to me. Besides I'm a woman and some things a woman is best left in the dark about. Well, that's the way things were in Boston."
They finished getting dressed and sat in each other's arms in silence for the remainder of the ride.