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Self-Serving Pleasure

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It was an offhanded comment that led Jimin to where he is today. Naked. Legs up and back behind his head. Cock hard with two fingers inside of his ass. And Namjoon staring at him from the doorway. Such a stupid comment. So stupid. He feels really stupid. And, sitting here, mortified, the past three weeks flash before Jimin’s eyes.

It all started three weeks ago when they were in their dance studio, stretching, and like so many things, somehow, stretching turned into a competition. Taehyung’s been getting more flexible, so he was very happily showing off just how easily he could reach the floor with his palms, and then Jeongguk was doing the same and bending himself down a little farther than Taehyung. Hoseok joined quickly enough. Seokjin was looking at all of them like they had lost their minds. Yoongi’s face was similar to Seokjin’s. And Namjoon… Namjoon looked interested.

None of this was any challenge to Jimin obviously, being able to bend down, hug the backs of his knees and pull his chest towards his thighs. Yet, even though Jimin knew he was more flexible than all of them, and they knew it too, somehow, five minutes later, Jimin found himself sitting down, lifting his own leg and tucking an ankle behind his neck, trying to prove some kind of point. He remembers, right now, the way Namjoon was looking at him. The fascination in Namjoon’s eyes being so intense. There was focus in Namjoon back then. Serious focus. Jimin ignored it then. It meant nothing then. Really, he should have seen all of this coming. 

It was Namjoon who suggested that Jimin tuck both his feet behind his head then. And, while everyone was watching Jimin, including their dance teacher, Namjoon’s focus was something that stood out, something that Jimin didn’t expect. He saw it. He remembers it. He remembers ignoring it.

“God, I’d be sucking my dick all day long if I was that flexible,” Taehyung said then, obviously at awe of Jimin’s abilities.

Everyone laughed. Jimin didn’t think it was all that funny. But everyone laughed, including Jimin. Well, almost everyone. Namjoon didn’t laugh. Jimin blushed, realizing just how close his crotch actually was to his face in that position, and that it would legitimately be possible for him to suck himself off like this.

Jimin had never actually thought about sucking his own dick before. It hadn’t occurred to him that it was even a possibility. And then suddenly that was all he was thinking about. An offhanded comment that was supposed to be funny made all his fantasies about giving blowjobs and receiving blowjobs mix together into a fantasy of giving himself a blowjob.

He didn’t jump into it right away, mind you. Yes, he was thinking about it, but, for some reason, he was so incredibly grossed out by the thought of doing that to himself. That disgust was illogical, he knows it now, and he knew it then too. If he can make himself come with his hand, why can’t he do that with his mouth? How is doing that with his mouth any more disgusting than with his hand? The taste, maybe. He was worried that he would be grossed out by the taste. But then he thought about how, sometimes, after he comes, he deliberately licks his own come off his fingers. And it’s not like he’s never tasted dick before. The taste, both of himself and of the other guys he’s sucked off, was not all that bad.

So, what was it that weirded him out so much about his own desire in the first place? Taboo maybe. Maybe the fact that when Taehyung mentioned sucking his own dick, everyone laughed, so Jimin started off thinking that it was a laughable thing to do. But. And the but is big. He kept thinking about it. For a good week after that practice session, he just kept thinking about it. He missed blowjobs. Giving them and receiving them. He missed the feeling of cock in his mouth and mouth on his cock.

So, a week of deliberation after Taehyung’s comment about sucking his own dick, Jimin finally sat down on his bed with his laptop on his thighs and his headphones on, Hoseok in the room with him, taking a nap on his own bed, and did some research.

The first thing he found out was that there was a word for sucking your own dick. Autofellatio. And pretty much at the same time, he realized that this was a thing that some people actually did. It eased his mind a little, the fact that this desire wasn’t something totally new and off and incomprehensible. Some guys actually do that to themselves.

The second thing he learned was that it was really hot, and that doing his research with Hoseok in the room might not have been the greatest idea. But he continued anyway. It was important stuff that he was doing.

The third thing he realized was that there were quite a few positions that people can do autofellatio in. Standing up and bending forward. Sitting down with their legs straight and bending forward. Flipping upside down with their backs against the headboard of a bed or a couch and legs above them, pushing their hips and dick down towards their mouths. Jimin knew that he could do all of these positions if he stretched properly beforehand. But the position that stuck with him the most was the same one that he did in the practice room a week before, for a very simple reason. He could reach his ass in that position too.

Because see, as much as he missed blowjobs, and as much as the thought of blowing himself was awesome, the thought of fucking himself and sucking himself at the same time was beyond awesome. He’s only ever been fingered and blown at the same time once, and fuck, that was one memorable experience. If he’s already thinking about autofellatio, might as well go all the way with it.

He also realized, at that moment, that he was going to try it. It was no longer a question of ‘if’, it was a question of ‘when’. And that was one difficult question.

Being the only one in the dorm was such a rare thing that, by the time Jimin finally found himself alone, he was so impatient to do it. So buzzed. So ready. Two whole weeks he had to wait after his research. Three weeks since Taehyung brought the idea up. Countless hours of imagining it and planning it and convincing himself that it wasn’t abnormal, and just… just wanting to do it. When he finally closed the door behind Jeongguk and Seokjin today, leaving only himself alone in the dorm, he felt like he was going to explode.

The thing is, he knew the risks. Jerking off when you’re living with six other people, there’s always a risk of being caught. And Jimin’s been caught more than once by more than one member. And has caught other members before too. But this time, it was important for him to not get caught. He was going to try something new, something that he wasn’t fully sure he was going to like, something that he still may or may not think is slightly weird, so being walked-in on was the last thing that he wanted. Which means that he really shouldn’t have been surprised that that’s exactly what ended up happening.

He locked the front door behind Jeongguk and Seokjin, leaned against it and took a deep breath. It’s fine, he thought to himself, he’ll just give it a try, see if he even likes it, and, worst case scenario, he’ll just finger and jerk himself off and be fine. Can’t hurt to try.

So, pushing himself off the front door, he went towards his and Hoseok’s room. And… immediately turned back around to really truly make sure that no one is in the house. He opened and closed every possible door, every room, every bathroom, every closet. No one was home. Then he took out his phone and reread the earlier texts from their group chat. Just to make sure he knows where everyone is and that no one is anywhere near coming home.

He reread the text from Yoongi which said that he and Hoseok will be out until late, and the text from Namjoon saying that he’ll be sitting in the studio for a few more hours at least. And the newest text from Jeongguk, saying that he and Seokjin were safely in the cab. Which meant that they’ll be out for at least a few hours. Alone. Jimin was truly all alone. So he calmed down a little, only then realizing just how fast his heart was racing.

It wasn’t even like what he was going to do was such a big deal to him anymore. He had accepted that he was going to try it, no longer feeling grossed out by the idea, even if it might still be a little bit weird. But he had just built it up so much in his head over the past three weeks that at that point, he was just eager to do it. Get it over with, make himself stop thinking about it so much. Resolve all the anticipation.

But first, he needed to stretch.

He didn’t know how long he’ll have to be in the position he’s planning to get into, but however easy it might be for him to get there, he didn’t want to pull anything. So, he went into his and Hoseok’s bedroom and found a spot on the floor in front of the beds where he would have enough place to stretch. Ten minutes, that’s what he went for. About five minutes for each leg. Exercises that focused mostly on his thighs. And he just relaxed into it, doing some lunges, some squats, pulling his legs apart and lowering his chest to the floor. The stretches were nothing new, his body was used to them, so they didn’t just prepare him physically for what was about to come, they also calmed him down mentally.

When the ten minutes were over, he got up from the floor and sat on the bed. In his preparation for this moment, he figured he would have to get hard first and then get into position to suck himself off, thinking that it might both be too difficult for him to get hard in that position in the first place and that he probably won’t be able to reach his dick with his mouth when he was still soft. He’d need to have his dick… grow a little bit before trying to reach it.

Shirt off, sweatpants and underwear off, bedside lamp on, lube out and on the nightstand, sitting down against the headboard with his hand around his cock, and Jimin was slowly but surely getting himself hard. He found, as he was jerking himself off, that he wasn’t really sure what he should be thinking about. His thoughts were all over the place. Maybe that’s also why he wasn’t getting hard as fast as he normally did.

He was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. How good his hand felt. How excited he was to get a blowjob for the first time in months, even if it was from himself. The videos that he watched to learn about autofellatio were floating around in his head as well. Taehyung’s words from three weeks ago. The laughter from everyone but Namjoon. Namjoon being so fascinated by Jimin’s flexibility. Namjoon asking Jimin to put both legs over his head. Namjoon’s seriousness. Namjoon maybe thinking about Jimin sucking himself off in that position and not minding those thoughts. Namjoon jerking off to thoughts of Jimin sucking himself off. Namjoon. Namjoon. Namjoon. And suddenly, Jimin was hard as a rock.

And the weirdest thing was that Jimin didn’t even catch himself on those thoughts while they were happening. Sometimes, when he masturbates, he thinks about the other members. They’re attractive, he can’t help it. He’s not even mad at himself about it anymore. It’s never full-blown fantasies of them fucking him or blowing him though. Not anymore. He’s gotten over those fantasies. Whenever the other members appear during his jerk-off sessions nowadays, they’re usually watching him more than anything else. Complimenting him about one thing or another. Stuff like that. He doesn’t give it much thought.

But, sitting on his bed in that moment, getting himself hard, he was thinking about Namjoon jerking off to him. And, not paying attention to these thoughts, they very quickly developed into Namjoon jerking Jimin off, touching Jimin, blowing Jimin. It was getting Jimin very hard very fast, and he barely even noticed, his brain writing those thoughts off as absolutely normal. Besides, when he finally deemed himself hard enough, he had other, more pressing things to worry about. Like the fact that he was about to put his own dick in his mouth.

Bracing his lower back against the headboard, Jimin slowly raised one leg up. He gave it one last stretch, then lowered his head, tucked his heel behind his neck and straightened himself out, testing how it feels. The stretch was fine, but with his back mostly straight like that, his dick still seemed very far away. Taking a deep breath, he raised his other leg as well, crossing his ankles behind his head, then he pulled his arms forward through the spaces between his legs and torso, curling in on himself a little bit, making sure his calves rested comfortably on the backs of his forearms, and relaxed.

He felt like his body was being pulled in every direction in that position, the stretch was absolutely everywhere, from his legs to his back to his neck, but his dick- his dick was so close now. It was right there, looking right at him. It was weirdly intimidating. And a little funny. Like, ‘oh hi, definitely never seen you so up close before’.

It wasn’t that bad of a view to have, Jimin could admit that to himself. Yes, he doesn’t have the biggest dick in the world, but it’s not ugly. He wrapped a palm around his shaft and stroked a bit, keeping himself hard in the face of his own dick, studying the slit at the tip from up close. He almost chickened out of doing it, but, at the end of the day, curiosity overtook him, and he gently, hesitantly leaned his head down and gave a tiny lick to the very tip. And it felt good. Fuck, it felt so good. And, without so much as thinking about it, he took the tip into his mouth.

He moaned. Couldn’t help it. It felt so good. It didn’t fucking matter to Jimin anymore that this might have been something weird to do, he was getting a blowjob for the first time in months, and it felt too good to question. He opened his eyes, coming face to face with his own shaft and balls, and simply didn’t care, running his tongue over the crown of his dick and feeling his eyes roll back at how good it was.

Bobbing his head up and down turned out to be too much to ask for. Flexible as Jimin was, he couldn’t bend down far enough to take himself deep, could only reach a bit past the head. Forcing his head down on his own was too difficult. To take more of himself he needed someone to push his head down. Namjoon maybe. Namjoon always helps with everything.

And just like that, he was thinking about Namjoon again.

This time though, he noticed the abnormality of his own thoughts, realized that he probably shouldn’t be thinking about Namjoon in such a way. It’s been so long since he’s thought about Namjoon like that. Since he thought about any of the members like that. But especially Namjoon, who was a permanent fixture in his fantasies since day one.

He wasn’t even sure what it was that brought the thoughts back at that moment, in that position. And why Namjoon specifically. Namjoon with his big leader personality, who always seems to know what to do, and who always takes care of Jimin like Jimin’s the most precious thing in the world, who gives praise and really means it. Namjoon and his big hands and his big cock that Jimin accidentally saw once when he caught Namjoon jerking off in the shower.

He moaned again and tried to take his cock deeper into his mouth, only to remember that he couldn’t. It was frustrating. And contradictory to his fucking fantasy of Namjoon tangling his fingers in his hair and pushing his head down. Not that he should be fantasizing about that anyway.

But it was okay, it still felt good, and he still had his not so secret weapon. He reached for the lube with one of his hands without overthinking it, blindly patting the sheets until he found it. Then, he quickly flicked the cap open, brought the bottle closer to his ass, turned it over and poured some cold lube onto his hole.

He gasped, and his dick abruptly fell right out of his mouth. The little whimper he let out was fucking embarrassing, and he could tell himself as much as he wanted that he whimpered because of the cold lube, but his mouth was too empty, and his dick felt too cold, and he was pushing the tip right back into his mouth and moaning around it. He didn’t even know he was that good at giving blowjobs. God, if he could have actually bobbed his head further down it would have been the best blowjob he’s ever gotten. Maybe it was the best blowjob he’s ever gotten. No one else has ever known how to press their tongue to his tip so flawlessly.

And when he started pushing two fingers into his ass… it was amazing. He was amazing. He was honestly overwhelmed for a second with just how amazing he could make himself feel. Except that then- then he realized that, in the position he’s in, he can’t push his fingers all the way into himself. Combine that with the fact that he couldn’t stimulate his shaft the way he wanted, and the amazingness very, very quickly turned into frustration.

He kept trying though, breathing hard through his nose. Kept fingering himself and sucking himself as best as he could. Thinking about Namjoon helped actually. Namjoon’s kind voice praising him, Namjoon’s calculating eyes watching him, Namjoon’s cock teasing his hole the same way the tips of his own fingers were doing in that moment.

He didn’t hear anything.

His head was filled with the sounds of his own desperate moans and whimpers, the sounds of his lips doing their damn best around his cock, the sound of Namjoon’s voice in his head, encouraging, dirty.

Everything was so loud he didn’t hear anyone come back home. He didn’t hear Namjoon walking around or calling his name or anything.

The thing that snapped him out of his own head was the door to his room opening and Namjoon calling his name from very close but not from within his own head.

Which brings him back to now.

Namjoon is looking at Jimin from the doorway, his mouth open like he was just about to say something.

Jimin opens his mouth to say something too, his dick falling out of his own mouth, and the embarrassment is so overwhelming he shuts his lips right back.

And Namjoon in not leaving. He seems to be frozen, his eyes not moving away from Jimin. And Jimin’s dick, the fucking traitor, feels Namjoon’s gaze, thinks back to Jimin’s earlier fantasies of Namjoon watching him, and twitches. A full-on up and down twitch that has it bumping into Jimin’s chin.

Jimin really can’t take Namjoon watching him right now, he can’t take the silence. His mind still has the image of Namjoon’s cock imprinted in it, and Namjoon watching, mortifying as it may be, is not making Jimin any less hard.

“I’m-“ Namjoon says suddenly, inhaling and exhaling sharply. He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and maybe Jimin should say something, but he’s kind of frozen too. “I’m-“ Namjoon repeats, blinking hard and shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he turns his gaze away then brings it right back. “I’m so sorry.”

And then he leaves. And Jimin is still hard, but he can’t just continue now, not without- without saying something. Not without explaining himself. Holy shit, he can’t believe Namjoon just saw him like this. Holy shit. Holy fuck.

He gets his fingers out of his ass, then moves his legs from behind his neck to the mattress, whimpering quietly. He should have been more careful moving his legs, dammit. His breathing is rapid, and he’s not sure if it’s because he was masturbating a second ago or because he’s panicking. Probably because he’s panicking.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows he’s not thinking clearly right now. He knows his mind is clouded, but he gets up off the bed, puts on his bathrobe and goes after Namjoon.

His dick is not going soft, and he’s very much aware that it’s visible through the robe. And he can feel the fucking lube up his ass crack, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He needs to… he’s not sure what he needs to do. All he knows is that he wants to make sure him and Namjoon are okay.

Namjoon is in the kitchen drinking water when Jimin finds him. He doesn’t actually see Jimin, Jimin standing on the other side of their kitchen table, so Jimin takes that second to observe. Namjoon’s worked up, that’s for sure. He’s gulping down that water like he hasn’t drunk in days, and when he pulls the glass away and places it on the counter, Jimin’s sees how hard Namjoon’s breathing. Jimin doesn’t know what that reaction means, and he’s not sure whether it should calm him down or worry him more, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it.

When Namjoon’s gaze falls on Jimin, Namjoon visibly startles, gasping and flinching.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Jimin mumbles quickly.

Namjoon blinks at him for a few moments.

You’re sorry?” Namjoon whispers, incredulous. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked in.”

Jimin opens his mouth to say something, unsure exactly what, but Namjoon continues before Jimin has the chance.

“I just-“ Namjoon stops when his eyes move down, probably seeing the tent in Jimin’s robe. He looks back up. “I just came home, and I was looking around to see if you were here, and you were making… sounds, like you were in- in pain, not like you were jerking off,” Jimin blushes. They were frustrated sounds, Jimin knows, he doesn’t blame Namjoon for misunderstanding. “And I- I- I thought something was wrong, and you didn’t answer me when I called your name, so I just… walked in. And I- I shouldn’t have.”

“I don’t blame you,” Jimin says after a second of chewing on his bottom lip. “I’m not mad,” he adds. “Just mortified.”

“God, I’m sorry,” Namjoon shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay,” Jimin says. At least his dick is starting to soften. Though he should probably go wipe the lube off his hole. It feels weird to have it there when he’s not in the middle of… the act.

There’s really awkward silence for a good minute or two, Jimin not moving, Namjoon not moving, Jimin watching Namjoon, and Namjoon not watching him back. Jimin may or may not want a hug right now.

“I didn’t know you could-“ Namjoon pauses himself, eyes rising up to Jimin’s face, “-do that.”

“Do what?” Jimin asks.

Namjoon looks away.

“Oh,” Jimin exhales. The autofellatio thing. “It was my-“ he not sure what compels him to talk about it, “-first time. Trying that.”

“Really?” Namjoon looks back up.

Jimin swallows, nodding and biting his bottom lip again.

Namjoon nods too, “Was it,” he pauses, “Never mind.”

“Was it what?” Jimin asks.

“Doesn’t matter,” Namjoon shakes his head and laughs at himself. “I’m just-“

“Into that?” Jimin supplies, everything clicking into place all at once. Namjoon’s interest whenever Jimin stretches. His inability to leave when he saw Jimin. His curiosity right now.

“What?” Namjoon asks, looking absolutely dumbfounded.

“Flexibility, right?” Jimin asks, voice abnormally calm. He doesn’t even know where he’s going with this line of questioning. He doesn’t know what he wants to happen. “You’re curious?” All Jimin knows is that he’s curious too. And maybe it feels a little fair for Jimin to know a bit more about Namjoon considering what Namjoon knows about him now. “You can ask.”

There’s a pause.

“Was it-“ Namjoon asks again, “-good? Did it feel… good?”

A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer would probably end the conversation right there. But it’s not a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, and Jimin doesn’t want to lie. And he kind of wants this conversation to continue, wants to know where it’ll go, what he’ll learn, what Namjoon will be willing to tell him.

“Yes and no,” Jimin answers eventually, waiting for Namjoon to prompt an explanation.

Namjoon doesn’t meet his eyes, “No?”

“Well, I mean, it felt good. A blowjob is a blowjob, right?” Jimin tries to explain, blushing. “It’s just, as flexible as I am, I couldn’t really… reach very far… on my own.”

“Ah,” Namjoon exhales, nodding. “You needed someone else to-“

“Yeah,” Jimin laughs, not letting Namjoon finish the sentence. “Which… kinda defeats the point of masturbating.”

“So, you wouldn’t… do it again?” Namjoon asks, and maybe these questions are not as difficult to answer as Jimin thought.

“I don’t know,” Jimin shrugs. “Maybe a… different position would work better,” he blushes but keeps going. “Or with a partner maybe. Someone who wouldn’t think it’s too weird.”

“Weird?” Namjoon asks.

“Uh… yeah,” Jimin shrugs again. “It’s weird.”

“No, it isn’t,” Namjoon argues. “Doesn’t everybody try to do that?”

Jimin blinks at him, “I never have. Have you?”  

Namjoon doesn’t avoid Jimin’s gaze, “Sure.”

“Did you… like it?” Jimin asks.

“I wasn’t flexible enough for it,” Namjoon laughs.

“But you have a big-“ Jimin shuts himself up.

Namjoon visibly blushes, looking away.

“I- umm- I mean,” Jimin tries. “Shouldn’t the- the size make up for the flexibility?”

Namjoon exhales a laugh, “Not really. I could… kind of reach the… tip with my tongue but it- it made my back hurt.”

And now Jimin has this image in his head. Great. He’s only just now went back to being soft. He shouldn’t be imagining what Namjoon is saying.

“Does your back hurt right now?” Namjoon asks, and there’s genuine concern in his voice.

“It’s mostly my legs and neck, not my back, but,” Jimin says, “no. No, it doesn’t hurt.”

“Wow,” Namjoon exhales, looking away again. God, Namjoon’s definitely into flexibility. Why does Jimin like knowing that so much?

“I did some stretches before,” Jimin says. He’s still feeling a little awkward about being caught, but significantly less than he did a few minutes ago. Knowing that Namjoon wasn’t horrified by what Jimin was doing but rather was… intrigued by it, to say the least, is… satisfying. Jimin likes knowing that. Yeah.

“Really?” Namjoon asks, and Jimin nods. “That’s smart.”

And that’s praise, and Jimin’s kind of getting off on it even though he shouldn’t be, “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry again,” Namjoon catches Jimin’s gaze. “For walking in on you.”

“It’s okay,” Jimin says, and it really does feel more okay than it did before.

“You can…” Namjoon fidgets, “go back to… doing it, I- I won’t bother you.”

Won’t bother, but he’ll definitely hear, maybe even listen, and maybe Jimin wants him to.

“I…” Jimin breathes, blushing, embarrassed not by the thought of Namjoon listening, but by his own desire for that to happen. “I probably won’t,” Jimin tries laughing.

“Because it doesn’t feel good?” Namjoon asks, and he still looks awkward himself. But he’s pressing, not laying off the subject. What if he wants Jimin to go back to doing it because he wants to listen? What if he wants to jerk off to it?

“Partly,” Jimin answers. “Partly because the mood is kinda gone,” no, it isn’t, that’s a total lie, Jimin would probably need exactly two and a half seconds to get hard again.

“I could-“ Namjoon stops. God, Jimin likes the thought of Namjoon getting hard thinking about him way too much. “To- to make it-“

“What?” it’s Jimin’s turn to press.

“Nothing, I just-” Namjoon shakes his head, “thought I could… help? To make it better?”

“Help?” Jimin asks, confused, watching the regret so very clearly take over Namjoon’s face, suddenly understanding. “Oh.”

“Please forget I just said that,” Namjoon whispers, but Jimin won’t forget, he will absolutely not forget. Namjoon doesn’t just want to listen, he wants to watch, and help, whatever that means, and Jimin’s dick is going to start getting hard again any second now.

“Okay,” Jimin blurts out, knowing he’s going to regret it. They’re both going to regret it.

Namjoon looks up, eyes wide. He opens his mouth but Jimin cuts him off before he can speak.

“Okay,” Jimin repeats, nodding. “You can… do that.”

“Are you serious?” Namjoon asks.

“Are you gonna make it awkward?” Jimin asks, voice challenging but also frightened.

“I won’t- I won’t make it- I won’t do… anything that-“ Namjoon stumbles, and, for some reason, Jimin likes having brought genius collected Namjoon to this state. “I won’t even… I’ll only help, I won’t touch, I-“ he stops again. “Only what you… tell me to do.”

“Okay,” Jimin says for the third time. Only what he tells Namjoon to do… something that both makes him less scared, but also is the complete opposite of his fantasy of the controlling Namjoon who does whatever he wants to him.

But that’s fine. Compromise. Compromise is good. Hell, this is more than he ever thought could happen. He can’t believe any of this is about to happen. And, quite frankly, if neither of them moves, then it really won’t.

Jimin turns away from Namjoon towards the hallway, stands unmoving for a second, then starts walking to his and Hoseok’s room. When he doesn’t hear Namjoon walking behind him, he turns his head, finds that Namjoon isn’t there, and calls out, “Are you coming?” Which is then followed by the sound of Namjoon bumping against one of their kitchen chairs, then appearing in the hallway behind Jimin, and Jimin can’t help but laugh at him.

The laughter doesn’t last long though, because when Jimin finds himself in his room again, facing the crumpled bedsheets, the lube on the bed, the image of himself turning into a fucking pretzel to suck his own dick and the distinct sound of Namjoon’s steps pausing behind him, it’s really no longer funny. And when he hears Namjoon closing the door behind them, it’s even less funny.

Jimin’s heart is flipping all over his chest. He, perhaps, didn’t fully realize that he’ll have to be naked in front of Namjoon and hard in front of Namjoon, and have his own dick in his mouth in front of Namjoon and potentially have an orgasm in front Namjoon, all by choice, fully understanding the consequences. It’s going to be nothing like undressing in front of Namjoon between songs during performances or being seen naked and jerking off in the shower. Nothing like it.

“Changed your mind?” he hears Namjoon’s voice from behind himself. “It’s okay if you did.”

Jimin turns to Namjoon.

Namjoon looks… jittery. A mix of nerves and excitement. Jimin understands the nerves, feels them too, but it’s the excitement he sees in Namjoon’s eyes that gives him the confidence to move closer to the bed, fully face Namjoon, take hold of the belt of his bathrobe and tug on it, letting the robe fall open.

Namjoon’s eyes run up and Jimin’s body. Jimin lets him look, fighting the urge to cover himself. There’s no point in covering himself, not when they plan on doing so much more, when he plans on letting Namjoon see so much more.

“Wow,” Namjoon breathes suddenly, voice shaking.

Jimin gasps softly, his soft cock twitching ever so slightly at the praise.

Namjoon is looking at it.

“Wow?” Jimin asks, and Namjoon’s gaze shoots back up to Jimin’s face.

“Uh,” Namjoon gulps. “You know…”

“I don’t,” Jimin says, wants to hear Namjoon’s response.

“You… you look,” Namjoon pauses, and Jimin waits. “You know- you look… really good.”

Another tiny twitch from Jimin’s cock.

Namjoon’s gaze falls down, catching that twitch.

“Thanks,” Jimin whispers. “Umm….”

“You can still change your mind,” Namjoon’s eyes come back up.

Jimin doesn’t want to change his mind. He really, really doesn’t.

“I’m soft,” Jimin whispers.

Namjoon’s gaze goes down and up quickly, “Yeah.”

“I can’t…” Jimin swallows. “I won’t be able to reach it when it’s soft.”

“Ah,” Namjoon exhales, understanding. “What do you wanna- do you wanna-“

“I don’t know,” Jimin blushes. Somehow, the thought of standing there and jerking off so… clinically, right in front of Namjoon, is not the most appealing.

Namjoon hums, his eyebrows furrowing, thinking. Then, suddenly, he takes off his shirt. Jimin’s mouth opens in confusion, but Namjoon isn’t looking at him, quickly stepping on the backs of his shoes and taking them off, then unzipping his jeans.

“What are you doing?” Jimin asks just as Namjoon starts pushing his pants down.

Namjoon stops moving and looks up, “I thought this would make you more comfortable.”

“Oh,” Jimin breathes.

“Should I…” Namjoon hesitates, “not?”

“No, this is- this is good,” Jimin gulps, kind of grateful. Not being the only one naked is probably going to make him a little less anxious.

Namjoon kicks his pants off then straightens up, and Jimin eyes the bulge in the front of Namjoon’s gray boxer briefs. Namjoon’s hands reach for the waistband of said boxer briefs and pause. Jimin tears his gaze away from Namjoon’s bulge in favor of looking at Namjoon’s face, and Namjoon doesn’t have to say anything for Jimin to see that he’s hesitating about taking them off.

“You don’t have to take them off,” Jimin says quietly, smiling a bit.

“I-“ Namjoon tries, rubbing his lips together, nervous.

“You really don’t have to,” Jimin repeats, taking a deep breath.

“Okay,” Namjoon gives a sharp nod.

Jimin grabs the sides of his robe and tugs them off, letting the robe fall to the floor. Namjoon exhales deeply, like the sight pains him, and Jimin holds back a smile. He doesn’t know what gives him the confidence to spread his hands, palms up, and encourage Namjoon to look, but he does just that. And then he turns around slowly, feeling brave.

When he faces Namjoon again, Namjoon’s eyes are nothing if not glazed over, and a quick glance down tells Jimin that Namjoon’s bulge is growing. Jimin smiles, blushing and biting his lower lip, feeling himself get just a bit harder as well.

Namjoon takes two steps forward, bringing himself about an arm’s length away from Jimin, and Jimin feels himself warm at the proximity.

“You’re stunning,” Namjoon whispers, and Jimin loses his breath a little.

“Thanks,” he whispers back. He looks down at Namjoon’s bulge and wants to touch it. They’re so close, fuck, so close but so far.

“You’re getting hard,” Namjoon sticks to the whispering.

“You too,” Jimin counters.

“Sorry,” Namjoon looks away.

“Don’t be,” Jimin says and wraps a palm around his own half-hard shaft.

Namjoon watches him get himself hard but keeps his hands at bay, and Jimin doesn’t mind it. Likes it, even. Likes the way Namjoon is looking at him, a beautiful kind of desperation showing in his furrowed brows and parted lips. Jimin wants to kiss him. God, he wants to kiss him.

It’s less than a minute before Jimin is fully hard, and in the same amount of time, Namjoon’s cock gets hard enough for Jimin to see a very clear outline of it in Namjoon’s underwear. Fuck, it’s just as big as Jimin remembers. Jimin’s mouth waters, and he swallows. He wants to see it.

When he looks at Namjoon again, Namjoon’s head is bowed, looking at himself, but then his gaze drifts back up to Jimin’s. Jimin thinks Namjoon almost apologizes again for being hard, but Jimin’s glad that he doesn’t. He told Namjoon not to be sorry. He meant it. Whatever this is, they’re both in it.

Letting go of his own shaft, Jimin breaks his gaze away from Namjoon’s and turns to the bed, quickly climbing on, to the same spot against the pillow that he was sitting at before. Namjoon watches him, and Jimin hesitates for a second, keeping his legs bent at the knees and pressed together, but then he slowly spreads them apart.

Namjoon gulps hard then follows Jimin to the bed, sitting back on his heels between Jimin’s spread legs, but not touching. Not even a finger, his palms lying flat on his own thighs.

“Do you need to… stretch again?” Namjoon asks. His eyes can’t seem to stay on any one spot on Jimin.

“I don’t think so,” Jimin answers.

“Okay,” Namjoon answers, still looking at and between Jimin’s legs.

“I’m just gonna…” Jimin trails off, and Namjoon finally looks up at him.

Taking a deep breath, Jimin takes hold of one of his legs and lifts it up, leaning his head forward slightly to allow that leg to settle more easily behind his neck. Namjoon’s eyes are wide, looking up and down Jimin’s leg. Jimin blushes, embarrassed but enjoying it, then raises his other leg and crosses the two of them behind his head. God, he’s so exposed.

“Wow,” Namjoon exhales harshly. He’s not really even looking at Jimin’s dick anymore, seeming to be much more interested in Jimin’s thighs and calves. “Wow.”

Then Namjoon’s gaze drops to Jimin’s ass, and Jimin blushes even more.

“That’s so…” Namjoon trails off for a moment. “Wow.”

“Thank you,” Jimin whispers, not sure what else he could possibly say.

Namjoon looks up at him, “This is amazing.” His gaze rakes over Jimin’s legs again, “You look… so stunning.”

Jimin inhales and exhales shakily, and Namjoon looks him the eyes.

“Sorry,” Namjoon says, bashful, hesitant. “I’m making this awkward. I’ll stop.”

“Don’t,” Jimin whispers.

“Don’t apologize or…?” Namjoon trails off.

“Don’t… stop,” Jimin looks away, can imagine how pink his cheeks are, can see, from so close, the very tip of cock start to get wet with precome.

Jimin doesn’t wait for a reaction, afraid of what it might be. He just takes hold of the base of his cock with his fingers and then quickly wraps his lips around the tip.

He hears Namjoon’s gasp but keeps his eyes closed, so overwhelmed with how fast his heart is suddenly beating that he can’t even really enjoy the feeling of his own tongue twirling around his tip.

“Fuck,” Namjoon whispers. “So… so pretty.”

Jimin’s eyes open without Jimin giving them permission to do it, and Namjoon… Namjoon is looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed and lips parted, that same desperation from before appearing once again. And suddenly Jimin’s mouth feels better than it did a second ago.

He whimpers, can’t help it, and his cheeks get warmer.

“It feels good?” Namjoon asks.

“Mhmm,” Jimin hums, dragging his tongue up and down his slit.

“How far can you actually take it?” Namjoon asks.

Jimin bends down as far as he could go last time, which is just a little bit past the tip, but then pushes himself farther, wanting to impress so badly. He gets maybe another half an inch but then stops, unable to push his body any more.

“Amazing,” Namjoon breathes again, and Jimin feels pure pride bloom in his chest. “Do you want me to… help now?” Namjoon asks, and Jimin can see Namjoon’s fingers twitching in their place on his thighs, like he’s itching to touch.

Jimin hums his consent, and one of Namjoon’s hands lifts off and reaches for Jimin’s hair, gently brushing it off his forehead then threading into it and pressing. Suddenly, Jimin’s mouth is going down his shaft, maybe another inch or so, and he’s moaning around himself, watching Namjoon watching him.

The stretch doesn’t hurt any more than it did before, but that doesn’t change the fact that everything intensifies. When Namjoon releases the pressure on Jimin’s scalp, Jimin’s mouth goes up, and when Namjoon increases the pressure, Jimin’s mouth goes back down. His movements are fully under Namjoon’s control, and both he and Namjoon know it. It makes everything so much hotter somehow, fantasy mixing with reality.

There’s a dark gray wet-spot on the front of Namjoon’s underwear where the tip of his cock is leaning to the side that Jimin can’t keep his eyes off. He wants to fucking lick it.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks, and Jimin can only hum a positive answer. “You look so good.”

Jimin whimpers, his eyes lifting to Namjoon’s face. Namjoon’s flushed and breathing hard, and Jimin wants to be pushed harder. So, he grabs Namjoon’s thighs with both of his hands and pulls himself down just a tiny bit more.

“Fuck,” Namjoon whispers, and Jimin whimpers. “Beautiful.”

When Namjoon takes hold of one of Jimin’s wrists with his free hand, Jimin panics for a second, thinking that him holding Namjoon is pushing it too far, but Namjoon manages to calm Jimin and surprise Jimin at the same time. He changes his grip from Jimin’s wrist to hold Jimin’s palm and moves Jimin’s hand to Jimin’s own ass, bringing Jimin’s fingers to Jimin’s hole. Jimin gasps around himself, and Namjoon softly runs his fingers through Jimin’s hair.

“Yes?” Namjoon asks, and Jimin doesn’t even think before nodding, rubbing the tips of his fingers around his rim while sucking the head of his cock.

He’s not wet there anymore, the lube has dried off by now, so he can’t push his fingers in. But Namjoon takes care of that. Namjoon takes care of him. He grabs the lube bottle off the bed, opens it and pours a little bit onto Jimin’s taint, right above his hole. And Jimin- Jimin doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t let himself hesitate before dragging that lube down and pressing two fingers into himself.

He whimpers again, pulling off his own cock for a moment. The problem with this though, no matter how good it feels to have something filling him up, he knows it’s not enough. He can’t even enjoy the little bit of pleasure that he gets because he knows that he can’t get his fingers all the way in. And fuck, his fingers are not long as it is, so to be unable to have even that is so frustrating.

But he wants it. He wants to be filled so bad, and he’s looking right at Namjoon’s bulge and breathing hard and wanting it, and Namjoon either doesn’t understand that Jimin wants it, or he’s doing the right thing by not crossing that boundary.

“You don’t look like you feel good anymore,” Namjoon says slowly, running his fingers through Jimin’s hair again.

Jimin grunts, “I just can’t- I can’t push in.”

Namjoon eyes Jimin’s fingers. That dark gray wet-spot has gotten a little bigger.

“Keep sucking,” Namjoon says, and his voice is soft, but it still feels like an order, so Jimin lets go of Namjoon’s thigh and brings his cock back into his mouth.

Nothing different happens for a second, but then Namjoon’s free hand is touching the back of Jimin’s palm and pushing Jimin’s fingers deeper. Jimin has to pull off his own dick again to moan.

“Better?” Namjoon asks, and Jimin nods frantically. It’s still not the kind of fullness he wants, but it’s so much better than what he had.

And Namjoon’s still not touching him. Not really. He’s making Jimin feel so good, both Jimin’s cock and his ass, but he’s touching nothing, nothing but Jimin’s head and hand, and Jimin is grateful, he is, but he needs more. He grabs hold of Namjoon’s thigh again and lets Namjoon finger him. Because that’s exactly what’s happening. Jimin isn’t doing anything to himself anymore.

“Keep sucking,” Namjoon repeats, and Jimin would do it, but he doesn’t want to let go of Namjoon, and he can’t reach his cock without lifting it with his hand.

He tries to tell Namjoon but finds himself only able to whimper, needy, desperate and embarrassed. It’s not fair. Namjoon looks so composed, and it’s not fair. If not for that fucking dark gray wet-spot, Jimin would have thought Namjoon was entirely unaffected. He digs his fingers into Namjoon’s thigh harder and whimpers again.

“You can’t?” Namjoon asks, and Jimin shakes his head. “Do you want to?” he asks, and Jimin nods. “Okay,” Namjoon nods. “Okay, sweetie.”

And Jimin whines. A high-pitched, embarrassing noise, because Namjoon just called him fucking sweetie, and now Namjoon’s hand in leaving Jimin’s hair, and Jimin doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want Namjoon to take his hands away. But Namjoon isn’t. He isn’t taking it away. He’s moving it to Jimin’s cock, gently, so fucking gently, holding the base of Jimin’s cock with the tips of his fingers and lifting it to Jimin’s mouth.

“Lick,” Namjoon whispers, so that’s what Jimin does.

He tongues at his tip and tries to fuck himself harder with his fingers, but he can’t. Only Namjoon can, and Namjoon’s being gentle and fingering him so slowly. Namjoon understands though, when Jimin just keeps trying to shove his fingers in faster and deeper and harder, he understands that Jimin needs more. So, he gives Jimin more, pushing on the back of Jimin’s hand harder, until it starts to hurt.

“Please,” Jimin croaks out, but he’s not really sure what he’s asking for.

“Please what?” Namjoon whispers.

“More,” Jimin says, and since Namjoon is still holding his dick up, he goes right back to licking.

“I don’t know how to give you more,” Namjoon says.

He wants Jimin to ask for it, Jimin somehow knows that. Maybe he needs Jimin to ask for it. Consent. ‘Only what you tell me to do.’ Namjoon would never give Jimin anything more if Jimin doesn’t ask for it.

“Touch me,” Jimin whispers, gulping hard.

He knows the request doesn’t really make sense because Namjoon is already touching, but Namjoon understands. He understands because he always understand, and he doesn’t wait, running his own fingers through the lube on Jimin’s taint and sliding one finger in alongside Jimin’s two.

It silences Jimin. Of all the things it could do, it stops all of Jimin’s noises. Namjoon’s finger is so long and so deep, and Jimin’s gaze tears away from Namjoon because his eyes need to roll back into his head.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Namjoon says, and Jimin is tight. He’s tight because he can’t stop fucking clenching.

His own fingers, he pulls out of himself, leaving only Namjoon’s finger inside. Then, he exhales, long and deep, feeling like all of his strings have been cut off, his body calming down.

He blinks up at Namjoon’s now worried expression and whispers, “More.”

“You feel good?” Namjoon asks.

“Yes,” Jimin exhales, nodding.

“Keep licking then,” Namjoon smiles, nudging Jimin’s lips with the tip of Jimin’s cock.

Jimin wraps his lips around it, and Namjoon takes the opportunity to slide two more fingers into Jimin. He doesn’t give Jimin time to adjust, and Jimin doesn’t need it. It feels so good. It feels like enough. Jimin can get off on this, he’s sure of it. And maybe it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want to.

He moves his hand from Namjoon’s thigh to where that dark gray wet-spot is no longer a spot but a full-blown stain, and touches it. Namjoon inhales shakily but doesn’t stop Jimin, and Jimin takes that as a positive. He can’t properly rub his palm against Namjoon’s bulge, Namjoon’s too far away for that, he can only reach it with his fingertips, but that’s okay because, not one minute later, Namjoon is scooting forward, pushing into Jimin’s hand and letting Jimin hold him through his underwear.

His cock feels so good in Jimin’s palm, so long and thick and hard, and Jimin sucks himself harder, imagining his lips are around Namjoon’s cock instead. It’s becoming almost languid, the way they’re moving together. The knowledge that, with Jimin jerking him, Namjoon is getting something out of this too is making everything better. It doesn’t feel like Jimin’s about to come, it just feels good. And Jimin wants this feeling to last.

He doesn’t feel the need to complain though, when Namjoon lets go of Jimin’s cock, leaving it in Jimin’s mouth, and reaches for the waistband of his underwear, a silent question in his eyes which Jimin responds to by nodding. And Jimin doesn’t waste time after Namjoon pulls his underwear down to his knees, past his cock and balls, allowing them to hang there, heavy and full, before letting Namjoon’s shaft lay on his palm, Jimin’s fingers brushing Namjoon’s balls, and Namjoon’s tip reaching a few inches beyond Jimin’s wrist. He strokes Namjoon like that, up and down, slow and dry, and when Namjoon grunts, Jimin’s hole clenches around his fingers.

Somehow, after all of this, it feels like Jimin has gotten to touch more of Namjoon than Namjoon got to touch of Jimin. It feels like Jimin is the one going into risky territory, so directly getting off on Namjoon, while Namjoon is still just here, letting Jimin do what he wants, helping, serving almost. It’s not right, the guilt Jimin is suddenly overwhelmed with. Like he’s using Namjoon. Like Namjoon is not getting as much out of this as Jimin is.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks, concern in his voice. Maybe he could see that something was wrong on Jimin’s face. “Do you wanna stop?”

Jimin lets his cock fall from his lips, “Do you wanna stop?”

They do stop. Jimin stops stroking. Namjoon stops fingering. Everything stops, and it really, really doesn’t feel right.

Namjoon shakes his head, and Jimin thinks he should be relieved, but he isn’t.

“No,” Namjoon voices. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Yeah,” Jimin exhales, agreeing.

“No, I mean…” Namjoon tries, shaking his head. “This is… I never imagined… It’s more than I ever thought was possible.”

“You never imagined this?” Jimin asks, and he sounds small even to himself.

“No, no, I did,” Namjoon hurries to correct, looking away, blushing. “I did,” he repeats softly. “I just didn’t think it was possible. Not in our situation.”

“I think we both know that doing this is a really bad idea,” Jimin says, his palm squeezing around Namjoon’s cock. He doesn’t know why he does it other than because he wants to do it, as bad of an idea as it is, “But we’re already here.”

Namjoon closes his eyes, sighing, rocking his hips back and forth a couple times before gulping and opening his eyes again. When he reaches for Jimin’s hand, removing it from his cock, Jimin’s heart sinks, but Namjoon doesn’t leave. He only comes closer, bracing his unoccupied hand on the headboard next to Jimin. His fingers shift inside of Jimin as he moves, and Jimin has to hold back a whimper, both because of the movement inside of him and because of how close to his face Namjoon is all of the sudden.

“It’s a bad idea,” Namjoon says.

Jimin nods, “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Do you want to do this?” Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow.

Jimin gulps, unable to answer. He does want to. He’s just afraid of saying it.

“Because I do,” Namjoon whispers, holding eye contact. “But only if you do too.”

Hearing that makes it a lot easier to say it back, “I do too.”

Namjoon glances down to Jimin’s lips and back up again, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Please,” Jimin exhales, and then Namjoon leans in, and they’re kissing.

Jimin doesn’t know what he expected, roughness maybe, speed, but that’s not what he gets. Namjoon kisses him so softly, a simple press of their lips, and instead of feeling need and desperation, Jimin’s heart flips.

“God, your lips are soft,” Namjoon whispers against Jimin, and Jimin doesn’t even know why he blushes.

Namjoon pulls his fingers out of Jimin, and this time, Jimin does whimper, clenching on nothing.

“And the sounds you make,” Namjoon exhales, scooting closer, bringing his thighs up to Jimin’s ass, his cock pressing against it. Namjoon lays his wet palm onto Jimin’s thigh and runs it up over Jimin’s calf and back down. “So flexible,” Namjoon gets his other hand off the headboard and rubs it up and down Jimin’s other leg. “So beautiful.”

“Oh my god, stop complimenting me,” Jimin blushes, closing his eyes.

“Why?” Namjoon asks, and when Jimin opens his eyes, he sees that Namjoon is smiling. “I mean it. You’re stunning.”

Jimin whines, embarrassed by how much he likes it. His hole clenches. He feels so empty.

This time when Namjoon kisses him, it really is rough. Namjoon’s mouth opens against Jimin’s, and Jimin moans into it, his hands coming up to Namjoon’s neck, speeding the kiss up, pressing his tongue into Namjoon’s mouth. Namjoon lets Jimin lead for a moment or two, but then he takes over, slowing everything down again but keeping it just as rough, and Jimin is happy to let him do so.

Jimin’s surprised when Namjoon lets go of one of his thighs and takes hold of the bottom his shaft, but he doesn’t complain, can’t complain about the feeling of Namjoon’s hand around him. And he’s surprised once again when Namjoon brings Jimin’s cock to press against Jimin’s cheek.

Namjoon moves away from Jimin’s lips in favor of brushing Jimin’s cock over Jimin’s lips.

“Show me,” Namjoon whispers. “Stick your tongue out.”

Jimin follows instructions, and soon Namjoon is dragging the head of Jimin’s cock over Jimin’s tongue. Fuck, Jimin’s cock is properly leaking now. It’s salty, but Jimin kind of likes it. And he likes it so much better when Namjoon leans in and licks it with him.

The feeling of Namjoon’s tongue makes him moan so loud it’s fucking embarrassing.

“Fuck, you taste so good,” Namjoon says, and Jimin moans again. “Wrap your lips around it.”

Jimin does as he’s told, sucking the head of his own cock as Namjoon’s tongue travels down his shaft. The heat, fuck, the heat of Namjoon’s tongue low on Jimin’s shaft after having nothing touch that part of his cock for so long is so, so good. Jimin’s hole clenches again, still empty, still needing.

“Joon,” Jimin whines, letting go of his cock momentarily.

Namjoon looks up, lips pressed to the bottom of Jimin’s shaft, “What, sweetie?”  

Jimin whimpers, blushing, “Fingers,” he exhales, “give ‘em back.”

Namjoon smiles, drops another kiss onto Jimin’s shaft and moves away, dragging three fingers across Jimin’s hole.

“Look at this pretty little pink hole,” Namjoon whispers, and Jimin clenches. “Nice and tight,” he dips all three fingers into Jimin then pulls them back out, and Jimin clenches again. “No, don’t clench, let it gape for a second,” he pushes his fingers in again. “Let me see,” he whispers, pulling his fingers out, and Jimin holds off on clenching for as long as he can. Namjoon lets out a shaky breath, his eyebrows pulled together. “So beautiful,” he whispers, sliding his fingers into Jimin again.

“Hyung,” Jimin exhales, leaning his head a bit, wanting to see Namjoon’s cock.

“Hmm?” Namjoon hums, following Jimin’s gaze.

Namjoon’s cock is smearing precome onto Jimin’s ass, hard and big and beautiful.

“I want it,” Jimin whispers, bashful.

“How do you want it?” Namjoon asks, cupping Jimin’s cheek. “In your mouth… or in here?” he twists his fingers deeper into Jimin.

Jimin whimpers, “Both.”

“What do you want more right now?” Namjoon asks, lifting himself up and pressing a kiss onto Jimin’s forehead.

“Whatever you want,” is all Jimin can say in reply. He wants anything Namjoon wants. He wants Namjoon to take whatever he needs. “Just do whatever you want, please.”

“Oh, fuck,” Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow, and he kisses Jimin’s lips again, quick and hard. 

When he pulls away from Jimin’s lips, he also pulls out of Jimin’s hole. Jimin whimpers but waits, watching Namjoon wrap a hand around his own shaft and stroke a few times, head lolling back in pleasure for a moment before he brings his cock up to Jimin’s hole.

He lays his heavy shaft right over it, nudging the back of Jimin’s balls with the tip, and Jimin reaches for it with both hands, laying them flat over Namjoon’s shaft, pressing it down so that when Namjoon grinds, he’s dragging his shaft across Jimin’s hole.

“Fuck, that’s good,” Namjoon whispers. “Pour some lube on your hands and bring them back.”

Jimin reaches for the lube, pours some onto his palm and rubs his hands together, getting the lube warm. Then he presses his palms to Namjoon’s cock again, one above the other, getting Namjoon all wet and slippery.

“Good… good job sweetie,” Namjoon’s eyes close as he grinds, and Jimin feels the precome from his own cock drip down onto his stomach. Namjoon’s eyes open again, “Are your legs okay? They’ve been up there a long time.”

“They’re okay,” Jimin says. “Might need to stretch them out in a second though,” he can’t afford to pull a muscle, not with their upcoming schedule.

“Okay,” Namjoon inhales and exhales slowly, stopping his hips from moving.

But Jimin doesn’t want Namjoon to stop moving, so he wraps both palms around Namjoon’s shaft and jerks him off. Namjoon grunts from somewhere deep inside his throat, and Jimin’s cock twitches in response to the sound, but soon, too soon, Namjoon lays his hands over Jimin’s and stops them, taking them off his cock.

“Uncross your ankles,” Namjoon instructs, and Jimin does. “Spread your legs, stretch them out.”

Jimin holds the backs of his knees and he gets his legs away from the back of his head. He leaves his legs open as Namjoon wants and spreads them out to the sides, stretching the muscles and feeling them relax.

Namjoon watches him do it, that same pained expression on his face again.

God, you’re hot,” Namjoon exclaims, wrapping a palm around his own cock, and all Jimin wants to do is replace it with his own hand.

But he holds his legs open the way Namjoon asked him to, lets Namjoon look as much as he wants. Jimin doesn’t even feel bashful anymore, doesn’t feel like he has anything to be bashful about, not with the way Namjoon is looking at him.

With his free hand, Namjoon holds Jimin’s ass cheek, spreading it to the side, making Jimin’s hole gape ever so slightly.

“Such a pretty hole,” Namjoon says and brings his cock to Jimin’s hole again.

This time, Namjoon places his tip against it, not his shaft, rubbing it there for a second then lifting it up and slapping it against Jimin’s hole.

“Oh,” Jimin exclaims, his hole clenching. That felt… a little painful and a lot good.

“Not good?” Namjoon asks, holding his cock safely above Jimin’s hole.

“So good,” Jimin whispers, so Namjoon slaps his hole again. Then again, and again, slap, slap, slap, in quick succession.

Jimin is not the only one reacting to it. Namjoon is grunting with every slap, and Jimin thinks that even if he himself didn’t enjoy this little bit of pain, he would let Namjoon do it to him anyway, just so he could hear those grunts and see Namjoon’s face as he does it.

“Do you have a condom?” Namjoon asks.

Jimin realizes there’s a problem, “Only regular sized ones.”

Namjoon huffs out a breath, “Shit.”

“Do you have any?” Jimin asks, and Namjoon shakes his head.

Jimin pauses for a second, “Just go without.”

“Are you sure?” Namjoon asks. “We’re both clean, right?”

“Yes,” Jimin answers. “And yes.”

“Definitely sure?” Namjoon asks again, rubbing the tip against Jimin’s hole.

“Fuck, Namjoon, do you want me to fucking beg?” Jimin exclaims.

“Yes,” Namjoon answers calmly.

Jimin catches Namjoon’s gaze, his eyes wide, and sees that Namjoon is deadly serious.

“Please,” Jimin whispers, goosebumps rising on his skin. “Please.”

“Please what?” Namjoon insists, pressing the tip of his cock directly to Jimin’s hole but not pushing in.

“Please give me-“ Jimin stops when Namjoon pushes in harder, thinking Namjoon’s had enough, but Namjoon only lets the tip of his fucking tip inside of Jimin. “Please,” Jimin huffs out, clenching, then whining because the clenching only shoves Namjoon’s cock away. “Please, please, please, give me your cock, please.”

And Namjoon does give it to him. He pushes in and Jimin quiets down.

“Fuck,” Jimin exclaims. Only Namjoon’s tip is inside, but it’s so big already. It fucking burns.

“Fuck,” Namjoon agrees with him, then pulls his cock right out.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Jimin whines, and Namjoon pushes his tip in again.

Then he pulls it out again. And pushes it in again, his eyes locked on Jimin’s hole.

Jimin’s eyes roll back. It keeps going like that for a while. Full, empty, full, empty, teased with constant pain and pleasure.

By the time Namjoon finally huffs out and pushes in deep, Jimin can’t even breath.

“Look at me,” Namjoon grunts.

Jimin lifts his head, sees Namjoon and can’t, his head and his eyes lolling back again. Namjoon leans over and grabs Jimin’s chin, forcing Jimin to face him.

“Be good and look at me,” Namjoon says, and Jimin gasps, nodding fiercely, keeping his eyes on Namjoon even when Namjoon lets go of his chin in favor of grabbing the backs of his knees, right where Jimin is holding.

Namjoon pulls his cock back almost all the way and slides in again, Jimin accepting the pain that comes with it, liking the pain even. Fuck knows he’s never had a cock that big in him before. But he likes it. He likes it so much.

“You’re so big,” Jimin chokes out.

“You like it,” Namjoon says like it’s a fact, thrusting just a bit faster.

“I do,” it is a fact.

Namjoon pushes Jimin’s thighs wider apart, fucking him harder, and Jimin’s eyes roll back without Jimin so much as thinking. He hears the sound before he feels it, opening his eyes and realizing Namjoon’s slapped his thigh. Not hard, but more than hard enough to snap Jimin out of it.

“What are you supposed to be doing?” Namjoon asks, pausing the movement of his hips.

Jimin whimpers, “Looking at you.”

“That’s right,” Namjoon nods and starts thrusting again, slower than before. “What else?”

Jimin thinks, “Being good?”

“Exactly,” Namjoon presses harder on Jimin’s thighs as he leans in to kiss him, his hips snapping into Jimin hard.

Jimin kisses him as best as he can, but it’s hard when his lips are falling open with little gasps every time Namjoon pushes in all the way.

“Fucking beautiful,” Namjoon grunts into Jimin’s open mouth, breathing hard through his nose. In control. Namjoon’s so in control.

Namjoon shifts a bit inside him, and Jimin’s whole body stills. It all felt so good Jimin didn’t even realize that Namjoon, at no point tonight, touched his prostate. So, now that he does, thrusting right into it, it’s an absolute shock to Jimin’s system.

He stops breathing, unable to move, unable to stop whimpering.

“Nod if that’s a good reaction,” Namjoon says, and Jimin somehow finds the strength to move his head up and down. “Such a good boy for me,” he adds, and Jimin whines. “Are you getting close?”

He is. He didn’t even notice. His whole body is warm, and his cock is leaking precome. Everything’s on fire. He nods again.

“Me too, sweetie,” Namjoon whispers, dropping one kiss onto Jimin’s open mouth then another one to his nose. “Do you think you can get your legs up again?”

Jimin nods. He can do anything Namjoon wants him to do. Except moving. He can’t really move on his own right now. But it seems like Namjoon doesn’t expect him to anyway, pressing on the backs of Jimin’s knees and getting his legs up and back, not to the back of Jimin’s head but close, holding him open and stretched as he thrusts faster.

Jimin’s hands fall to the mattress, powerless, simply letting Namjoon move his body and use his body and make him feel good by making himself feel good.

“Open your mouth for me,” Namjoon instructs, so Jimin does. “Tongue out.”

When he brings Jimin’s cock back to Jimin’s mouth, Jimin doesn’t have the strength to do anything about it. His cock drips precome onto his tongue, and he tastes it and likes it and still doesn’t have it in himself to move. The only friction he’s getting on his cock is the little jostle of his tip against his tongue with every one of Namjoon’s thrusts. It’s most likely enough to make him come regardless.

“Wanna fucking take a picture of you right now, god,” Namjoon grunts. “Fuck, look at you.”

Watching Namjoon’s eyebrows pinch together, Jimin tries to imagine himself right now. At Namjoon’s mercy, boneless, probably flushed pink everywhere, his own hard cock on his tongue.

“Jimin, I’m gonna come,” Namjoon warns. His pace falters for a second, but then he regains control of it and keeps fucking Jimin deep and steady. “I want you to come with me, hmm? I want your pretty cock to paint your tongue and cheeks white, yeah?”

Jimin tries to nod, but all he ends up doing it clenching his hole and clenching his eyes and coming all over himself, just like Namjoon said, just like Namjoon wants. Namjoon thrusts into him hard, so fucking hard, letting him ride it out, and it hurts so good, but then suddenly he’s pulling out, and Jimin whimpers at the lost, his eyes opening to find Namjoon leaned over him, fisting his own cock above Jimin’s still open mouth.

So Jimin sticks his tongue out farther and holds eye contact with Namjoon right up until he feels the first spurt of Namjoon’s come hitting his tongue. He closes his eyes then, just in time to feel Namjoon’s come fall onto his eyelid.

When he stops feeling come dripping onto his face and hears Namjoon’s breathing start to calm, he opens the one eye that doesn’t have come on it.

“No, I take it back, this is the picture I want,” Namjoon exhales, guiding Jimin’s legs down onto the bed and bracing his palms next to Jimin’s head, looming over him in a way that makes Jimin want to lean up and kiss.

He’s still too weak to move though, and anyway, Namjoon takes care of the kissing too, bending down and connecting his lips to Jimin’s, getting his and Jimin’s tongues all tangled together, mixing their come more than it’s already mixed.

When he pulls away, Jimin chases him, and, with a smile, Namjoon brings their lips together once again. And with his eyes closed and his mind calm, Jimin feels Namjoon brush his thumb over Jimin’s come covered eye, then lower over Jimin’s cheek, and when Namjoon nudges that thumb between Jimin’s lips, Jimin opens both his lips and his eyes, contently licking their come off Namjoon’s finger.

Namjoon exhales softly, “Beautiful.”

Jimin doesn’t have the energy to blush, so he just keeps licking. There isn’t really anything to lick there anymore, but he likes the way Namjoon’s eyes are glazed over, watching him.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one who wants this to happen again,” Namjoon says, dragging his thumb out of Jimin’s mouth and over Jimin’s lower lip.

“I want it to happen again,” Jimin says, giving the pad of Namjoon’s thumb a small kiss.

“Good,” Namjoon nods and leans his forehead against Jimin’s. “Good.”

It’s easy to lean up and kiss Namjoon right now, so that’s what Jimin does, locking their lips and moving them slowly. Namjoon doesn’t let them kiss for long though.

“Do you have wet wipes?” he asks.

“I have makeup wipes over in that drawer,” Jimin points with his head.

He wants to keep kissing Namjoon, but he doesn’t really want their come to dry on his face, so he’s almost grateful that Namjoon made them stop kissing.

The cleaning is a gentle process, after pulling up his underwear, Namjoon takes out a few wet wipes. First, he cleans Jimin’s eye, then Jimin’s cheeks and his chin, then Namjoon pushes Jimin’s legs apart and cleans between them too, something which Jimin can’t help but blush over. He feels pampered and thinks he should maybe feel embarrassed by that, but he sees how much Namjoon is enjoying this and can’t bring himself to feel anything other than affection, his heart doing a tiny little flip in his chest.

When Namjoon tosses the wipes away, Jimin tugs him closer with his hands on his neck and brings their lips together again. Namjoon smiles into the kiss for the first couple of seconds and then relaxes into it, one hand brushing over Jimin’s chest and stomach and thighs and soft cock. Just touching for no apparent reason.

It's too soon that Namjoon pulls away and presses their foreheads together, his eyes open and on Jimin’s. And they just look at each other like that for a while, and Jimin feels that flip in his chest happen once again. Namjoon kisses his nose, and Jimin blushes, thinking about the fact that Namjoon is really, incredibly handsome. He doesn’t get enough credit for how beautiful he is, Jimin thinks, so he decides to tell him.

“You’re really beautiful, you know?” Jimin says,

The blush that blooms across Namjoon’s cheeks is so cute Jimin kisses Namjoon’s nose too, and Namjoon smiles, looking a little bashful himself.

There’s something here, Jimin thinks to himself, something between them, something that is hard for Jimin to define. It’s here though, Jimin can feel it. He wonders if Namjoon feels it too.