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|| okay | dear evan hansen oneshots, drabbles, etc. ||

Chapter Text

Evan anxiously bounced his leg, eyes flittering around the white-walled room, vision hazy and blurry as he bit his lip.
My fault, my fault, my fault.
The thought kept repeating in his mind, like a broken record or a scratched up CD. Evan thought it was his fault that the most kind and caring person in the world almost died.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. At all.
Evan paid no mind to the tears rolling down his cheeks, no mind to the people who might've been staring, no mind to the fact that his mom was waling towards him with a concerned look on her face. Heidi sat down next to him, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. The poor teen was trembling, teeth gritting as he tried to hold back all the sobs trying to escape him.
"He's awake, Ev..." Heidi whispered, thumb rubbing small circles into Evan's shoulder.
Her son's head shot up, eyes widening as he turned towards her.
"Re...Really?" He asked, shifting a bit as if he was ready to stand up.
Heidi smiled with a nod. "Come on."
Heidi lead Evan towards another room, which Evan caught the label on it reading 405, and his face paled. His boyfriend was lying on the white-sheeted bed, long hair splaying out over his shoulders. His ghostly white skin was speckled with freckles, which seemed so much darker than usual. The teen lying on the bed seemed so peaceful, less tired and depressed, more happy and bright.
Evan's mom nodded, stepping out of the room.
The door clicked as it closed.
"Hey, life saver." Connor's voice was raspy and hollow, tears starting to fill Evan's eyes again at the sound of it.
"H-Hi...pretty b-boy..."
Evan had given Connor the nickname about a year into their friendship.
It was an accident, at first. Evan had accidentally let it slip, apologizing profusely afterwards with an entirely red face. Connor had just laughed in response, the other male's embarrassment increasing. But, to Evan's relief, Connor didn't care and just embraced the nickname.
Connor lifted a hand, Evan rushing over and taking hold over it. His lip quivered, tears starting to escape.
"Hey, don't cry. I'm not dying anytime soon, Ev."
"B-But..."
"It's okay, love. I'm right here for you."

Chapter Text

"i know you're in here."

evan froze, his breathing coming to an abrupt stop. the clacking of his pursuer's black boots on the linoleum floor echoed throughout the three-stalled restroom, and evan felt the tears flow faster down his flushed cheeks. he needed to escape somehow, escape from whatever this monster was.
this wasn't the connor he knew.

"what's behind door number three, hm?"

repressing the urge to scream, evan clung to the tiled wall in an attempt to be as far away from the door as possible. the lock clicked, presumably connor managing to unlock the door. it swung open, revealing his boyfriend.

"i found you, my love." he said, a wicked grin unfurling on his face.

"h-haha...y-y-you win..." evan gulped, trembling. a fake smile formed. "i w-wanna...b-b-be alone n-now, connie."

connor's smile dropped, and he pouted. "you keep running from me. i'm not that scary..."

"y-you aren't! o-o-of course y-you...ar-aren't!"

"hey, jared's gonna stop bothering you now!" connor grinned, clapping his hands together. one had a pair of tweezers and a hairpin. "alana, too! you're mine now~!"

evan glanced at the open door behind connor. "th-they...were...wh-what about z-z-zoe?"

connor stopped smiling. he narrowed his eyes, a low growl escaping. evan flinched, staring at connor with pure terror.

"don't fucking talk about that bitch." connor snapped.

"s-sorry...c-c-connie..."

his boyfriend smiled, perking up. "it's okay, my darling~! i can't be mad at you!"

connor took a few steps forward, and evan shrunk down. the taller male stopped in front of the other, reaching out at placing a hand on his cheek. he tilted his head ever so slightly, furrowing his eyebrows.

"why are you crying?" he asked, frowning. "...did someone hurt you?"

"n-no! n-n-not at a-all!" evan stuttered, looking over at the door again.

his boyfriend took a deep, shaky breath, a smile forming again. evan knew connor was trying to maintain his composure.

"you must be tired." connor whispered, placing a kiss on evan's forehead.

"i-i'm o-o-okay, connie!" another broken grin.

"oh." connor stared at evan for a second, thumb grazing over his cheekbone. "i see."

the taller of the two pulled out a dirty blue rag and a small bottle.

oh, god.

evan's eyes widened, and he glued himself to the wall. "c-connie? wh-what are y-y-you doing...?"

"i'm sorry, my love." he said, face devoid of emotion. "i don't wanna hurt you. just stay still for me, okay?"

connor poured some of the contents of the metal bottle onto the rag, his gaze empty and cold.

"c-connor...d-d-did i tell y-you i l-love you?" evan gave his boyfriend a nervous smile, who just stared.

"i love you too, darling. i just need you to go to sleep right now."

evan darted forward, cupping connor's face as he kissed him. he didn't want to. well, he wanted to kiss the connor that he knew. not the psychopath he had been running from the past few days. he wanted his loving, caring, marshmallow of a boyfriend who wouldn't even consider murdering someone (well, maybe except jared) unless it was to protect evan. evan wanted that connor back. instead, he had this monster.

he would only pretend to love this creature until the real connor came back.

he pulled away, eyes pleading. connor was smiling.

the next thing he knew, his mouth and nose were being smothered by that dirty blue rag.

the last thing he heard before he passed out terrified him.

"good night, my love. i'll see you in the morning~"

Chapter Text

evan's eyes darted around, his breathing fast and heavy. he struggled under the rubble piled on top of him, looking to see zoe a few feet away from him.

"z-zoe!?" he shouted, tears forming. "a-a-are you al-alright!?"

"evan!" zoe shouted, trying to pry her leg from all the rocks and metal. "where's the gun!?"

his eyes widened, and evan swiveled his head around, trying to find the 'truth bullet' gun given to him and his friends by a woman named cynthia who had saved them from a swarm of monokumas that had attacked where he and his friends were hiding. "i-i d-d-don't know! wh-where are the o-others!?"

the chaos had happened all too suddenly. just a few days ago, evan and his friends zoe, alana, and jared were at a diner chatting about school and the upcoming midterms that they would all have to face. then, almost magically, a giant, black and white robotic bear crashed through a window, more following and starting to attack all the diner's patrons. luckily, the four had escaped with cuts, bruises, and fear. they found an abandoned apartment building and had camped out there for a few days before the bears found them, and that was when cynthia came in. she was from 'future foundation' and had given them the 'truth bullet' gun that would break down all the monokumas' code, destroying them.

and now, they had come across a monokuma that was somehow equipped with explosives. they had been trapped under some rubble after a particularly large explosion, killing the rest of the monokumas but leaving them stuck under some rocks and metal.

"o-over here!" a voice called, evan and zoe turning their heads to see a passed out jared with alana trying to wake him up, most of her body swallowed by the rubble. "jared is almost completely free, but he's knocked out cold!"

zoe scowled. "fucking jared!"

suddenly, a digital voice rang out. it was the mechanical cries of the monokumas.

fuck.

"damnit!" alana shouted, noticing the incoming enemies. "jared, wake up!"

there was another sound now as well.

it was...laughter?

no, it was full on hysterical cackling.

in a blur, the monokumas were on the floor, completely torn to shreds. the laughter was louder, and a figure hand landed in front of where the group was trapped. they were the one laughing that full-on bellyaching laughter, fists on their hips. both hands were occupied by silver, metal surgical scissors. they were wearing a black hoodie with rolled up sleeves and jeans, which both were torn. there were tally marks on their arms, long hair bouncing ever so slightly with their laughter.

"ahahahaha! how fucking pathetic!" the figure shouted, their voice hoarse and deep. "this is just too sad!"

evan looked over at zoe with wide eyes, confused and terrified.

the figure whipped around, a psychotic smile on their face, tongue sticking out. "well, hello, hello! nice to finally meet ya, losers!"

"what are you!?" zoe shouted. "and why are you fucking sticking your tongue out!?"

"awwww, mean!" the stranger pouted. only for a moment though. it quickly changed back to that maniacal grin. "might wanna dial that back a bit before i gouge your eyes out, little miss perfect."

the stranger resumed their hysterical laughter, then they stopped after a minute. they extended an arm, scissors pointed at evan. "i'm here for that one."

evan shrunk back, trembling. "u-um, wh-wh-what?"

"you can't take evan!" alana shouted, jared starting to stir. "you have to take all of us. isn't that why you saved us!?"

the stranger stared, before breaking out into laughter. they cackled, scissors snapping shut repetitively over and over. "ahahahaha! you're fucking hilarious! you think i'd save you pathetic worms!?"

in the blink of an eye, the stranger had their scissors just barely touching the bridge of alana's nose. "like i said, i'm here for evan."

"hey! you leave her alone!" zoe shouted, eyes narrowed.

"z-zoe-" evan started, but he was yanked out of the rubble by the stranger.

"cynthia says salu-fucking-tations!" they shouted, their tongue never retreating to their mouth.

a voice broke through, cracking with static. "connor! you're supposed to get the others too!"

the stranger, presumably connor, whined. "awww! no fun! i just wanna save the cute one!"

jared was awake now, looking around with a confused expression. he had the truth bullet gun in his hand, eyebrows furrowed as he adjusted his cracked glasses. "the hell...?"

"jared!" zoe shouted. "shoot the freak!"

said male turned towards connor, expression changing from confused to enraged. "get your fucking digits off my friend!"

he leaped to his feet with some struggle because of the rubble. he fired the gun at connor, who had a bored expression on his face. the bullet fazed through him, jared's eyes widening.

"h...huh?" he mumbled, firing again.

"jeez, you guys sure are stupid!" connor cackled. "that piece of scrap metal only works on technology~! besides, you don't wanna hurt the person who's gonna save your asses!"

alana was the one confused now. "you just said you weren't gonna help us."

connor rolled his eyes, snapping his scissors again. "ugh, why can't i just snip you all into bits!?"

"shut the hell up!" zoe shouted, clearly irritated. "just get us out of here!"

"how ungrateful! i should just leave you here. all alone, getting brutally murdered by those monokumas~!"

zoe's eyes widened. "o-okay! i'm sorry!"

"hm, hm, hm~" connor smirked, snapping his scissors, making evan flinch. "okay, i couldn't leave you even if i wanted!"

he wrapped an arm around evan's shoulders, giggling. evan was petrified, eyes darting between connor and his friends. "cute one stays with me, though."

"...fine." zoe growled. "now get us out of here."

Chapter Text

"j-jared...l-l-let's just g-get o-out of h-h-here..."

"hell no, man! let's see some ghosts!"

evan and his friend jared had gone on a month long trip to japan funded by his parents. evan was only there for one reason.

all the pretty sakura trees.

but, evan could only go if he investigated the suicide forest with him. he didn't want to, but it was for the sake of seeing real live sakura trees in their natural habitat. it was going to be worth it, he hoped.

and there they were, walking through the infamous suicide forest. jared was leading evan around the trails, keeping an eye out for dead bodies and 'paranormal activity'.

"j-jared..." evan whimpered, looking around as he shivered. why was it so cold?

"quit your whining." jared was determined to see a ghost, and nothing was going to change his mind.

evan heard a loud snap behind him, practically jumping out of his skin. he clung to jared, breathing quick as his shead swiveled around. "d-did you h-h-hear that!?"

"fuck yeah! we're doing something right!" jared shouted. "hey demons, it's me, ya boy!"

"jared! st-stop calling it that!" evan shouted, waving his hands around.

"deeemons!" jared called out, a wicked grin on his face.

another loud snap. this time jared jumped as well.

"okay, okay." jared shivered. "why is it so fucking cold in this shithole."

"b-because you're n-n-not wearing a sweater..." evan stuttered, shooting jared a weak glare.

"the kid's right." a voice said.

evan and jared whipped around, eyes wide. a figure stood in the misty forest, hands in their hoodie pockets. they were wearing jeans, a black hoodie, and black boots. their long, tangled hair rested over their shoulders, and they had that 'resting bitch' type face. or maybe he was just mad and tired.

"a-a-are you a gh-gh-ghost!?" jared shouted, trembling.

"no, i'm your fairy fuckin' godmother." they growled. "yes, i'm a motherfuckin' ghost."

"holy ca-carp..." evan mumbled, face almost pure white as he stared at the ghost.

"i-i'm sorry for c-c-calling you a demon!" jared screeched. "n-now go, unholy creature!"

the ghost rolled his eyes. "oh yeah, 'cuz that's much better."

"just, don't k-kill me!" jared shouted, evan shooting him a glare. "us!"

"s-sorry." evan managed to say, grabbing jared's wrist. "s...sorry...we'll l-leave..."

the ghost's eyes widened by a fraction. "...don't..."

"h-huh?" evan furrowed his eyebrows.

"don't go." they said. "i h-haven't...seen anyone since before i died."

"i-i'm sorry..." evan whispered. he wanted to stay. jared was shooting him a 'what the fuck are you doing bitch' look.

"let's go, evan." jared urged, shooting a glance to the ghost.

"...bye." the ghost whispered, eyes downcast as their image flickered. evan was dragged away by jared, and he sent an apologetic smile towards the ghost.

Chapter Text

evan glanced around, searching for his boyfriend in the alleyway he was told to meet at. he tugged at his shirt collar, messing with a string at the hem of his white button-down shirt. evan anxiously tapped his foot, hoping his boyfriend hadn't gotten into any trouble on the way.

oh, yeah. they're both apart of the mafia.

"hey, gorgeous." a voice whispered, right next to evan's ear.

evan flinched, whipping around and slapping whoever was behind him. he pulled out the pocket knife he always carried, pointing it at the creep who startled him. his eyes widened, realizing who it was.

"c-connor! i-i-i'm s-so sorry!" he shouted, lowering the knife. he rushed over, cupping his boyfriend's cheek. "i t-told you to st-stop doing that..."

"i didn't expect you to fucking slap me." connor mumbled, placing his hand over evan's, face slightly flushed. "give me a break, shortstack."

"s-sorry, love..." evan frowned. "do i need to k-kiss it t-t-to make it b-better?"

connor puffed up his cheeks, crossing his arms. the action almost made evan forget that his boyfriend was a murderer. adorable, but still a murderer. not saying a word, connor nodded.

the shorter smiled, gently pulling on connor's tie to bring him down to his height (his boyfriend is a fucking giant), kissing his cheek. connor huffed, cheeks turning a dull pink.

"you missed, idiot." connor grumbled, placing a kiss to evan's lips. he straightened, crossing his arms again. "better now."

evan giggled, a stupid grin on his face. "so, what are we doing today?"

connor shrugged, licking his lips. "i guess i have to hunt a fucker down and shoot him a few times."

the two started walking deeper into the alleyway, evan quickly interlacing his fingers with connor's. the other's face turned beet red, and he turned his head away, evan finding this extremely amusing. he smiled. evan loved making his tsundere of a boyfriend embarrassed, all in good fun, though.

"connie~" evan whispered, thumb grazing over connor's bruised knuckles.

"y-yes, hansen?" his giant of a boyfriend mumbled, still not looking at evan.

"i love you..." evan stopped walking, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

"ev..." connor groaned, face burning. "n-not...right now..."

"but con..." evan whined, burying his face into connor's arm. "you're adorable~"

connor's face got impossibly redder. "fuck."

evan start walking again, hands behind his back with an innocent smile. he tilted his head side to side, humming. connor narrowed his eyes.

"h-hey! you can't just do that to me, you jerk!"

Chapter Text

connor flopped down onto his bed with a huff, evan following behind as he giggled, seeing connor's face covered with his hair.

"are you okay?" evan asked, tilting his head.

"no." connor grumbled. "i hate christmas."

it was christmas eve, and evan was over at connor's house for 'moral support' and 'the sake of connor's sanity'. evan accepted, of course, since he had nothing else to do since his mom had the night shift at the hospital. zoe and alana were there as well, but so far, the night hadn't been going well. connor was on the verge of picking a fight with his dad, and when the two were done eating, connor dragged the tree-loving pushover to his room without hesitation.

so, evan was going to attempt to calm connor down. and so far, he didn't need to.

evan sat down next to connor, smiling. "well, you have me."

"whatever."

connor undid the top buttons of his shirt, running a hand through his hair afterwards. he sat up, evan staring wide eyed at connor. just the mere sight of connor's porcelain skin made evan want to tackle him and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. instead, he just stared, face a bright pink.

connor glanced over at him, smirking. "what are you staring at, hansen~?"

"u-um..." evan's face went from pink to dark red. "...y-y-you..."

"no shit." the taller laughed, brushing some hair out of his face.

but evan just stared, taking in connor's features.

and connor got nervous.

"um...why are you staring at me?" connor raised an eyebrow, tapping his finger on his leg.

"shirt." evan blurted out. "you're pretty."

connor made a small 'o' shape with his mouth, face, neck, and ears turning bright red. he bit his lip, looking down as he messed with a strand of his hair.

"s-s-s-sorry." evan squeaked, covering his face.

"it's...it's okay." connor mumbled, looking over at evan. he moved to button his shirt back up, but evan quickly grabbed his hand, pursing his lips.

"d-d-don't...y-you don't ha-have to b-b-button it back u-up..." he whispered. "i-i don't...i d-d-don't mind it..."

"okay..." the taller whispered, staring down at evan's hand on his. he looked up at him, staring for a minute. "don't hate me for this."

connor leaned forward, cupping evan's face with one hand. he pressed his lips to evan's, who was in complete shock. he closed his eyes after a moment, returning the kiss. connor's lips were chapped, yet evan could taste the slightest bit of cherry. huh.

several minutes later, evan pulled away. connor opened his eyes, licking his lips. "well, fuck."

evan giggled, resting his forehead against connor's. he ran his thumb over connor's scratched up and bruised knuckles, smiling.

there was silence for a bit before connor spoke. "can...can i kiss you again?"

"of course."

alana and zoe stood outside the door, grinning victoriously. the two high-fived, scurrying off to zoe's room afterwards.

Chapter Text

connor tried to hold back the tears building up, a scowl on his face as he stomped out of the school building before he could get into anymore trouble.

not like he fucking cared.

he wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to fucking kill someone. why did the worst things always happen to him? why did he had to suffer? yes, connor was a bad person, and he may have deserved it, but why!?

first off, his sister left for school without him that morning. leaving him to walk in the rain. second, he was in a really bad fucking mood already because of no goddamn reason. his emotions just decided to be a bitch today. third, he had walked into a fucking lame-ass joke, and he was fuming.

connor was mad enough already. he walked into the school auditorium hoping to get some peace and quiet afterschool, but apparently, some sort of asshole jocks decided to play an unfunny and utterly stupid joke on him. one held a sign that said, "what's up connor?", the next saying, "WHAT WHAT IN DA BUTT".

a fucking homophobic joke an entirely straight person attempting to repress their feelings for other men that wasn't even clever.

he just wanted to go home, light up, and fucking die.

but, he knew there was one way to help.

so, he walked towards his best friend's house, sending a withering glare to anyone who bothered to look at him, not caring if they were at least somewhat concerned for him.

connor climbed up the tree beside evan's window, aggressively knocking on the window. evan was reading on his bed, sunlight from his window pouring over him. he looked cute in the light. not like he already wasn't.

goddamn, connor was so gay for this kid.

evan opened the window, a concerned look one his face. "c-connor? wh-what are you d-doing here?"

connor didn't say anything, climbing into evan's room. he face-planted on evan's bed, groaning.

"put me out of my fucking misery."

evan smiled, sitting next to connor. "i c-can't do th-that."

another groan.

"y-you okay?" evan asked, placing a hand on connor's arm.

connor lifted his head, a painfully fake smile on his face. "oh yeah! everything is fucking sunshine and gay ass rainbows, comrade hansen!"

the smile disappeared, and he rolled his eyes. evan frowned as connor shoved his face in the pillow in front of him.

"a-are you h-hungry?"

pathetic shrug.

a few minutes later, evan returned with two plates of heated up pepperoni pizza. connor had sat up to eat, angrily stuffing the pizza into his mouth.

"life. is. agony." he said between bites.

evan nodded, taking small bites of his slice. he figured connor didn't want to talk about it, or he would've started talking about it already. the two often did this when the taller of them had a bad day. evan would heat up any leftovers he had when his mom ordered food for him, and they would just talk.

connor sighed, lying back down. evan did too, staring up at the ceiling.

"hey, hansen?"

"hm?"

"have you ever wondered what's it's like to kiss a dude?"

evan's face turned beet red, and he slowly nodded. connor let out an internal sigh of relief, and he felt the urge to throw himself out evan's window.

connor turned over, facing evan. "yeah, well, that's expected for someone who's as gay as me. i mean, my fucking nails are rainbow."

yep. connor had taken up all of his saturday painting all ten fingers with individual rainbow stripes with glitter.

and it was fucking worth it.

evan turned as well, the red on his cheeks darkening as he realized how close the two were. he was able to scan over every detail of connor's face. the freckles, his long eyelashes, the strands of hair that hung over his face, his tortoiseshell glasses.

and his fucking eyes.

those beautiful, ocean blue eyes. the right with the spot of hazel on the side.

by evan's standards, connor was basically perfect.

connor's eyes flickered to evan's lips, and his cheeks tinted pink, making the light freckles on his face stand out more.

"...h-hey, c-c-connor?" evan whispered, licking his lips.

the teen hummed in response.

"i...i l-like you..." he mumbled, face turning bright red.

connor just hummed again, closing his eyes as he pressed his chapped lips against evan's. his hand moved up to the shorter teen's face, thumb running across his cheek bone. evan ran an hand through connor's hair, closing his eyes as well.

maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all.

Chapter Text

zoe stared at her brother's grave, eyes misty as she sucked in a breath. connor's image stood behind her, hand outstretched as it hovered over her shoulder. he stared at his sister, knowing that she couldn't see him. or hear him.

she didn't know he was there.

"h...hey, connor." zoe finally said, voice wavering. "y-you're probably not thrilled to see me."

i am.

"i...i miss you. i wish i was a better sister."

no, don't do that.

zoe took a deep breath before she spoke again. "do...do you remember when we...we would play together? and talk? i wish i could go back. i wish i could go back and be there for you. not yell at you. we would go into middle school, and we would hang out. and when you'd graduate and go into college i'd be the loudest there. i wish i knew what i could do to help you back then."

she paused.

"i love you, connor."

"i love you too, zoe."

Chapter Text

evan placed the double chocolate caramel brownies in some tupperware, sealing the container afterwards with a smile. connor was going to love them.

he was heading to his boyfriend's house today as a surprise since he got word from zoe that connor had come third place in an arts contest. the contest accepted all forms of art from music to paintings to dance videos. for some reason though, zoe hadn't told evan what category of the competition he had won, and he was curious to know. whatever it was though, he was sure what connor had done was amazing.

evan grabbed his phone and his backpack of things he usually took over to connor's. extra clothes in case of an out-of-nowhere sleepover, books, a few of their favorite movies, a spare charger, extra earbuds, and his and connor's favorite candy.

he shuffled out of his house, almost running to connor's house with a giddy smile. he was so proud of his boyfriend.

connor's house wasn't very far away, so evan didn't have to walk very far.

when evan quickly and quietly opened the door to his boyfriend's house, he didn't expect to hear a soft voice echoing throughout the empty household.

his phone buzzed, and when evan checked, he had gotten a text from zoe.

yalikejazz: hope you enjoy :))

carefully, evan crept up the stairs, making sure to skip the few steps that usually made a harsh creak when stepped on, his smile wider than before.

connor murphy was singing.

his voice was sweet, almost melancholic. this was when evan realized he had never heard connor sing, even as a joke.

to evan, his singing was beautiful.

"this isn't the end, you're my lifelong friend..." connor sang, and evan heard the strum of a ukulele.

soon, to evan's disappointment, connor stopped singing. evan stood, pushing open connor's door and clapping. "that w-was amazing, c-c-connie!"

connor flinched, shoving the black and purple ukulele under his bed with a slight struggle. he turned to evan with a nervous smile. "oh, h-hey evan! didn't see you th-there!"

evan giggled, walking over to connor. he wrapped his arms around the taller teen, burying his face in connor's chest. "you don't have to hide it, con."

with a groan, connor put his arms around evan. "this is fucking embarrassing."

"y-you were good..." the shorter said lifting his head up and kissing connor's jaw. "i didn't kn-know you could s-sing."

"i can't."

"y-yes you c-c-can!"

connor buried his face in evan's hair, face flushed.

"will you not be embarrassed if i gave you brownies?" evan asked, smiling.

"what kind?" connor mumbled.

"double chocolate caramel~"

"you're lucky you're cute and have brownies." connor huffed.

Chapter Text

evan took a deep breath before knocking on his roommates', jared and connor, door. he fiddled with the hem of his shirt, then looked up as the door swung open.

"oh. hey, evan. what brings you across the hall?" connor asked, leaning against the doorway with an eyebrow raised.

jared waved from his bed, ps4 controller in hand.

"c-can i t-t-talk to you guys?" evan stuttered.

smooth, hansen.

"uh, yeah?" connor looked over his shoulder. "jared?"

"yeah, sure, whatever." jared said, tossing his controller on his pillow.

evan shuffled in, biting his lip. he sat down on jared's bed, and connor sat on his bed.

"sooooo..." jared trailed off, looking over at evan.

"u-uh..." evan shrunk down. "okay, th-this is kinda w-weird."

"yep." connor popped the 'p', taking his contacts out and replacing them with glasses.

jared snorted. "when are you not weird?"

that gained him a death glare from connor.

"i...wanna get to know you guys better." evan managed to say. "what kind of stuff do you guys like?"

connor and jared exchanged a glance, and they nodded in sync.

about fifteen minutes later, connor and jared had downloaded a game on evan's computer, and intense look on their faces. it took a while for them to set it up, but eventually, it was done. they sat evan down in front of the computer, who was utterly confused.

evan stared at his screen with distaste.

"doki...doki? this looks patronizing and pervy..." evan said, cringing.

"yeah, yeah. you know where to find us when you're done." jared said, patting evan's shoulder.

and with that, evan's roommates were gone.

after that night, evan has never looked at poetry the same way.

Chapter Text

evan frantically glanced around, tears escaping from his brown eyes. he whimpered, searching for his best friend through the trees.

"c-c-connor!?" he called out, wiping at his eyes. "l-let's go h-h-h-home!"

he finally spotted his friend, who was leaning against an oak tree in the middle, a dazed look on his face.

evan darted over to his friend, coming to an abrupt halt in front of him. connor smiled.

"hey, ev." he said, leaning forward and resting his head on evan's shoulder with a yawn. "kinda...tired...right now."

"p-p-please, stay aw-wake f-f-for m-me, connor, please." evan whispered, holding connor's shoulders. "wh-wh-what did you t-take?"

connor grinned. "nice of you to come see me."

the taller teen paled, leaning backwards onto the tree behind him. "my head hurts." he said, eyes fluttering shut for a second before they opened again.

evan dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone. he quickly called 911, breathing irregular as he wiped his eyes.

the other line picked up.

"h-hello? i n-n-need you to c-c-c-come to e-ellison state p-park orchard, p-please! m-m-my friend t-took a bunch of p-pills-" evan took a deep breath, glancing over at connor who was sweating bullets. "h-h-hurry, p-please!"

"alright, sir. try to stay calm and keep your friend awake." the man said on the other line. "do you know what he took?"

evan pulled the phone away from his ear. "c-connor!? what d-d-did you take!?"

"i don't feel so good, evan." connor mumbled, face paler than before, his skin almost an unhealthy white. he put a hand over his mouth, doubling over.

"st-stay with m-m-me, c-connor! it's o-ok-kay!" evan's breathing picked up, and he held the phone closer to his ear. "pl-lease, hurry! h-h-he's getting w-worse!"

connor started vomiting, and tears poured down evan's face.

when he stopped, connor slowly uprighted himself and put his head on evan's shoulder. "a lot. a mix of shit."

"h-h-he took a b-bunch of d-d-d-different kinds! h-he's throwing up n-now!" evan shouted, gently wrapping an arm around connor, starting to rub his back.

"you're doing great, sir. your friend is just trying to get the toxins out of his system. the ambulance should be there any second now."

"o-o-okay, thank y-"

evan was cut off by connor gently pressing his lips against his, and evan's eyes widened. connor pulled away, grinning. he then turned away, throwing up again.

"sir? sir, are you okay?"

"y-yes! j-j-just fine!"

soon, paramedics had rushed over, carrying connor on a stretcher. evan scurried after them, and they allowed him to ride in the ambulance and try to contact connor's parents.

no one picked up.

Chapter Text

connor cupped a hand around the unlit joint in his hand as he lit it, jaw clenched.

i don't feel anything
at all
i'm king of the clouds

with tears pouring down his face, he lifted the joint to his lips. he inhaled, shoving his sweater sleeves up his arms.

of the clouds
i get lifted
i get lifted

his hands ached as his fist hit the wall. there was definitely a bruise.

he didn't care.

king of the clouds
of the clouds

and he was crying again.

connor was alone.

i get lifted
i get lifted

Chapter Text

evan anxiously bounced his leg, chewing on his thumbnail. two other people sat around him, on being his friend, jared kleinman. the other, however, was unfamiliar to the twenty-year-old. it was a perky, dark-skinned woman who was constantly smiling. though, she was confused as well.

jared and evan had been called to their manager's office without explanation. evan assumed the worst right away. either they were getting fired, or were going to begin training.

both were equally bad.

the two males were in training to be musicians. they had come to yz entertainment together in hopes of becoming a musician, singer, or rapper together, but so far they hadn't had any luck.

so, evan assumed they were getting fired.

"hey, hansen, why do you think we're here?" jared asked, looking up from his phone.

is it not obvious!? evan thought, shrinking down.

"u-um...i d-d-don't know..."

"we might be put into groups together!" the woman suggested, grinning. "i'm alana. how about you guys?"

before either of the two could speak, the door swung open, revealing two people arguing with each other.

the shorter of the two had long, light brown hair and eyes that matched her hair. faded indigo reflected when the light hit her hair. she wore a blue plaid open button-down with a white shirt underneath and blue jeans. she was making exaggerated hand gestures, showing off the array of bracelets she was wearing, along with dark purple nail polish.

the taller, however, was the opposite. the woman standing next to him seemed brighter and more talkative. the man towering over her had long, dark brown (almost black) hair. his eyes were a stormy azure blue, and his left eye had a splotch of brown in it, almost as if it were an island in the middle of the ocean. he had at least five visible piercings, two in both ears and a nose piercing. the sleeves of his black sweater were rolled up, showing off faded white scars, and some looked fairly new. to complete the 'tall, dark, and mysterious' look, he wore black skinny jeans and matching nail polish.

evan's eyes widened at he watched the tall stranger speak.

is th-that a t-t-tongue piercing!? he screamed internally.

the female stopped speaking as soon as she noticed all eyes were on her and the male next to her. he stopped as well, rolling his eyes.

walking over to where the others were seated, the pair sat across from each other, initiating a glaring contest.

"wow." jared grinned, surveying the tall one. he leaned towards evan, whispering, "he looks like the embodiment of emo."

evan slapped a hand over Jared's mouth, lowering his voice as well. "y-you can't s-s-say that!"

jared snickered, and alana raised an eyebrow, but she quickly smiled as she directed her attention to the newcomers.

"hi! i'm alana! what're your names?"

emo boy rolled his eyes again. "what's the fucking point? we're getting fired anyway."

"wh-what!?" evan yelped.

"don't act like you don't know." emo scoffed. "you can't even sing in front of people. asshole with glasses can't dance, and miss perfect over there is about as talented as a dull toothpick."

everyone was baffled except for emo. the woman next to him narrowed his eyes. "like you can do any better!"

"i can. you all just feel sorry for yourselves."

evan was shaking as he looked down at the floor. maybe he did have a little stage fright. just a bit.

"well, you can't go one day without screaming your head off!" indigo hair shouted, bringing her fist down onto the table.

"because the people around me are idiots who don't know how to do anything right." emo said, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair.

the door opened once more, and two more people walked in.

the ceo, mr. lee, and someone unfamiliar.

"good morning everyone." mr. lee said, and everyone except emo greeted him in their own ways. "we have come to announce that-"

alana jumped up, eyes pleading. "please, don't fire us! we promise we'll do better! just please, don't kick us out!"

the man next to mr. lee shook his head smiling. "no, no. you're staying."

the trainees visibly relaxed.

mr. lee continued. "we have come to announce that from now on, you will be under the management of mr. sherman."

the man next to the ceo smiled, bowing his head. indigo hair's eyes widened.

"wait, as in...edward sherman!?" she shouted.

"yes, it's him." mr. lee said. "all five of you will train under him. you should probably all introduce yourselves."

he looked over at emo.

"you too, connor."

said male groaned, resting his head on his palm.

"i'll go first!" alana stood, a bright smile on her face. "my name is alana beck, and i specialize in singing. i hope we all get along well!"

jared stood as well, adjusting his glasses with a smirk. "i'm the insanely cool jared kleinman, and i'm a rapper."

emo scoffed. "you? rapper? oh, please."

"think you could do better?" jared raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

"of course." the taller male stood up. "connor murphy. rapper with seventy-five syllables in eight seconds."

jared's eyes widened by a fraction. "seventy-fucking-five? what the hell!? you're fucking with me!"

"it's true." indigo hair stood up as well. "i'm his sister, zoe murphy. i do dancing and singing."

"how the fuck!? when the fuck!? why the fuck!? who the fuck!?" jared shouted, then he pointed at connor. "fucking wizard!"

"u-um..." evan shifted in his seat, shoulders hunched. "i-i'm e-e-evan hansen...i s-sing..."

connor glanced at evan, gaze softening before it hardened again, and he looked over at jared. "i'm just better than you.

"fucker!"

Chapter Text

the sound of screaming filled the band's ears as the music to one of the solo songs started. four of the members were of to the side as the lights lit up on one of their rappers who was seated on a platform in the middle of the stage, wearing an impossibly red jacket that glittered under the changing lights.

"it was a good start in itself,
before I knew it,
we were tired of each other"

evan smiled as he watched his best friend and bandmate from the sidelines. connor was such an amazing rapper, and evan couldn't imagine ever being as skilled in the music industry and his friend was. sure, he could sing, but connor wrote music and rapped at amazing speeds.

"in all of these meaningless emotions
repeated seesaw game
i'm tired of this
repeated seesaw game"

connor was amazing, and evan was nowhere near him.

around halfway through the song, evan noticed a change in connor's demeanor and mood.

his friend's movements were less exaggerated and more sloppy, and he seemed almost drained of energy compared to when the concert first started. though the audience may not have noticed, connor was slower than he was supposed to be.

"alright-"

with one verse left, the rapper toppled backwards.

there were shouts of confusion from the audience, and the rest of the band exchanged looks before running on stage.

zoe looked panicked, jared was actually concerned for the fellow rapper for once, and alana looked terrified.

evan was too focused on connor to really notice, though.

"c-connor!? are y-y-you okay!?" evan's stutter had returned as he checked connor's pulse.

thankfully, he was okay.

the music was still going as the stage manager and producer came out to help connor backstage. evan and jared assisted them, and the audience was still shouting. evan swore he saw at least seven people crying.

backstage, evan was gnawing on his thumb as he paced next to the couch connor was on. his fellow bandmate was knocked out cold, and jared watched evan in his state of panic.

"ev, he's gonna be fine."

"b-b-but what i-if he's n-n-n-not!?" evan shouted, tugging at his hair. "th-this has never h-h-happened-"

"evan." jared had placed his hands on evan's shoulders, stopping the male in his tracks. "i'm sure your boyfriend is fine."

"b-boyfriend!?" evan spluttered, face turning cherry red. jared was smirked.

"i'm fine."

evan spun around, eyes landing on connor who had turned over, propping his head up with his hand as he stared at the two. "and i'm not hansen's boyfriend."

"c-connor!" evan scrambled to connor's side, heart racing. "a-a-are you o-okay!?"

connor gave a weak shrug.

jared raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "you collapsed in the middle of a song. your solo song on stage."

"oh, come the fuck on, i just passed out."

"yes, but there are thousands of screaming girls who are probably pissed at the fact that they didn't get to see the rest of their concert."

zoe stood beside alana, who was chewing at her nails. her eyes lit up once they landed on connor.

"connor!" she shouted, racing to his side. "you're okay right!? you don't have any health problems we don't know about!?"

"what the fuck, give me some space."

alana jumped back."

"i'm fine." connor sat up with a sigh. "just give me the sparkly death trap and i'll get back out there."

his hand was extended to the ruby red jacket in evan's hands. evan clutched it to his chest, shaking his head. "uh-uh."

connor stood up, frowning. "tell the stage manager that i'm fine. we could keep going, just start my song ov-"

"connor." zoe said sternly.

said male walked over to evan, reaching to take the jacket out of his hands.

"i need to t-talk to you!" evan blurted, shrinking back.

connor blinked, furrowing his eyebrows. "huh?"

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. evan internally cursed himself before nodding.

"could we do this af-"

"n-no!" evan shouted, pulling connor away and towards the restroom. the taller male didn't resist, though.

evan stopped when he had gotten connor inside the restroom. connor sighed.

"okay, what is it?"

evan looked down before speaking. "...you...you haven't been sleeping, have you?"

"what?" the other male was bewildered at evan's sudden question. "of course i h-"

"connor."

"jesus, you sound like my sister." connor joked, gently pulling the jacket out of evan's grasp.

evan lowered his voice to a whisper. "you're not denying it..."

"...shit."

the shorter frowned, taking the sparkly jacket out of connor's hands. "connor, you can't go out there like this. you could faint again-"

"i know, i know." connor huffed. "fuck the need to sleep."

"connor, you have to stay back here and get some rest. i'm not letting you go out there."

"hansen-"

evan looked up at connor, trying to look as innocent as possible. connor squirmed under evan's gaze, biting his lip. "please, connor...for me?"

there was silence for a bit.

"fuck your fucking puppy dog eyes." the rapper groaned, running a hand through his hair. "fine."

the shorter male smiled, attacking connor in a hug. "thank you, connie."

connor rolled his eyes. "you're so cute that it makes me wanna vomit."

evan snickered before reaching up and patting connor's head. "good boy."

after being still for a bit, connor kissed evan's cheek. "fucking tiny creature. get out there, asshole."

evan threw the jacket at connor, face almost the same color as it. "stupid."

Chapter Text

connor twirled his chopsticks in his hand, staring at his best friend who was in awe at the sakura trees that lined the sidewalks. he smiled, poking evan.

"your food is gonna get cold, shortstack."

evan flinched, eyes darting over to connor. "r-right!"

"wow." jared said, stabbing his chopsticks into his rice. "gay."

"that's really fucking dark man." connor pointed at his friend's chopsticks sticking up in his rice before plucking them out and setting them on Jared's napkin.

"the hell, man? don't touch my rice."

connor glanced over at evan, contemplating his next words. "don't leave chopsticks sticking out of food. it's disrespectful."

jared flicked connor's forehead. "leave me alone."

"it's also done at funerals."

evan stared at connor, bewildered. he quickly set his chopsticks down on his napkin. "h-huh?"

"yeah. offering rice to those who died and passing cremated bones around a table."

"you would just fucking love that, wouldn't you?" jared snickered, covering his mouth.

"what the fuck, kleinman."

"oh, come on. you like all that goth stuff, right?"

"i will eat all of your rice."

jared shielded his bowl. "you wouldn't dare."

"i would."

Chapter Text

connor rubbed his thumb over evan's knuckles, noticing his boyfriend staring at the window of a candy shop. evan looked over at connor grinning.

"how about it?" he asked, tilting his head.

"sure, hansen."

a few minutes later, the two walked out of the store, evan carrying a small box of chocolates, and connor with a bag full of a variety of candies. evan cracked open the box, carefully taking one of the chocolates out and holding it out to connor with a smile.

"here."

connor leaned down to take a bite, but evan quickly put the candy in his mouth, snickering. the taller male scoffed, looking away.

"okay, okay. here." evan held up a different piece of chocolate.

leaning down once more, connor was about to take a bite of the chocolate. instead, he pecked evan's lips, grinning.

"hah."

"c-c-connor! you c-can't do th-that without warning!"

Chapter Text

evan shifted from foot to foot as he stood in front of the white metal door that sealed away a dangerous patient in the ward, hands shaking as he tried to keep the metal tray he was holding from falling.

you can do this, evan. he thought, inhaling and exhaling slowly. it should be afraid of you, not the other way around.

after managing to undo the various locks that sealed the door shut, he slowly opened the door, taking a cautious step in. a security guard took his place, guarding the exit.

patient 109 was lying down, face slightly flushed from the blood rushing to his head, most likely from the way his head was hanging over the side. his long hair was splayed out over the flooring, blue and brown eyes bright and mischievous.

"well, hello, handsome~" the patient purred, grinning. "wow, even when i'm not full crazy, you look cute."

evan swallowed, setting the tray down on the floor. he cleared his throat, trying to sound as assertive as possible. "...g-g-get u-up..."

"aw, is blue boy scared~?" 109 giggled, tilting his head.

"g-get up!" he shouted, trembling.

the patient pouted, hoisting himself up. evan was surprised to see that, considering connor's--ahem, the patient's--arms were restrained by a straightjacket. he mumbled something, blowing his disheveled brown hair out of his face.

evan took a few more cautious steps forward, carefully grabbing connor's shoulders, starting to undo a few of his restraints. it was the first time evan ever had to feed a patient, since his work friend jared pawned the job off onto him.

connor was carefully observing evan's features, face blank. all of a sudden, he grinned.

"you're cute." he whispered, lips almost brushing against the shorter male's ear.

evan flinched, shoulders hunching as his face flushed. "...u-um...i...i'm n-n-not s-supposed to t-talk to you..."

connor pouted once more, huffing. "why am i being restrained? it's not fair."

"y-you're...dangerous..."

"of course i am." he grinned. "'cuz i'm 'crazy'~"

evan gulped, quickly shucking off the last restraint he was supposed to. he tried to take a step backwards, but connor quickly grabbed his shoulders, scanning over his face.

"...pretty eyes..." he whispered before smiling. "you're nicer than everyone else. that's good."

"u-um..." evan whimpered, and connor released him. he quickly scurried off to the corner near the door, hoping he could sink into the wall. "j-just...eat, please..."

connor hummed, sitting down. he stared at the food for a bit before looking up at evan with a grin. "not hungry. sorry."

"h-huh? bu...but...you h-haven't...eaten since...y-yesterday?" the doctor squeaked, biting his lip.

"since three days ago." the patient corrected, grin widening. "yeah, sorry. still not hungry."

evan frowned. "...you have to eat."

"nope."

a determined look flashed across the shorter's face as he marched over to connor, sitting down in front of the patient, who raised an eyebrow with that stupid grin still on his face.

"eat." he said, picking up the stale slice of bread that rested on the plate.

connor furrowed his eyebrows. "eh?"

"open your mouth, patient 109."

the patient groaned before reluctantly opening his mouth, allowing evan to put a piece of the stale bread inside of it. he let out a long sigh through his nose before chewing.

"th-they...sh-sh-ould really f-feed you guys b-better..."

connor swallowed before speaking. "not like whoever runs this place fucking cares about our health."

"but..."

"yeah, yeah, we're supposed to be getting help." connor stretched out his arms, yawning. "whatever."

evan's frown deepened. connor tilted his head.

"don't do that."

evan blinked. "h-huh?"

"you should smile." connor said simply, grinning. "it's bad enough that i don't smile enough. besides, you probably look adorable wh-"

the doctor shoved a piece of bread into his patient's mouth, face burning.

Chapter Text

my character's half and half
who knows?
a public figure's striving life
who cares?

jared's obnoxiously loud alarm blared, and he slammed his hand down on it. the shifting of blankets was heard from the other side of the room, from his roommate's--connor's--bed. he stared at his vibrant yellow ceiling--which he painted to show 'dominance'--that annoyed the fuck out of his room and band mate. with a sigh, he stood, grabbing his pillow and chucking it at his roommate.

"get up, you emo fuck."

"fuck off, weeabo." his roommate mumbled, simply wrapping his arms around the pillow and stuffing his face into it.

cute, he thought, chucking another pillow at connor. "you're gonna make us late again."

abstaining from large cravings
who knows?
always out of breath from daydreaming
who cares?

an hour later, he and his four bandmates were being driven to a fanmeet venue. evan was excitedly talking to connor about trees, using some colorful swears regarding the people who cut them down, which connor just nodded. jared's roommate was on the verge of conking out right then and there. zoe and alana had taken the very back of the car where the trunk should've been, and were conversing normally. jared could just barely tell the difference between everyone in the car from the variety of hair colors and voices, since he wasn't exactly paying attention.

he was quiet, off in his own head.

daydreaming.

wanna cry in peace,
i know
wanna party like crazy,
i know

four and a half hours later, jared was seated at a long table, holding the rest of his bandmates and himself, from youngest to oldest. it had taken two hours to prepare, and another two for how long the fanmeet had already gone. jared kept feeling pangs of hunger, since they had simply 'not had enough time' to eat. really, connor and zoe had had a screaming match with each other for some unclear reason.

a particularly excited fan was next, and placed a photocard down on the table to sign.

"i got your photocard!" they said, grinning.

there was a brief moment of silence before jared smiled.

"i'm sorry."

wanna be fluttered with love,
i know,
yeah i know, i know, i know,
we're all just like fish
caught in that net called 'desires'

jared extended his fists to the two males beside him, that signature half-smile on his face. evan happily returned the fist bump, giggling. connor gave him a sideways glare before rolling his eyes, reluctantly connecting his fist with jared's.

jared didn't get it.

why did connor hate him?

maybe he was a bit of a dick, but connor was too.

fucking hell, he did not have a crush on his roommate.

that psychological escape
even i can't swim away
now that reality refusal

the twenty-two year old reluctantly paused the seven deadly sins ('the best anime', he claims), noticing that his roommate was asleep, the little prince open in his lap. the light rise and fall of his chest made jared sigh in relief.

he didn't know why.

for once i want a different picture of life
that i wanna draw, my canvas daydream

why?

why couldn't jared have connor for himself?

why did he have to be so alone?

a world of mirages
and he'll be all mine
just like i imagined
but it won't last forever
fuck

Chapter Text

"murphy!"

alana stood at the entrance of the boar's hat, the door swung open with an infuriated expression.

"which one?" zoe asked, raising an eyebrow. connor grinned, twirling a strand of one of his gray highlights around his finger.

"the asshole one!" she shouted, gritting her teeth. the siblings exchanged a look, shrugging.

with a groan, alana dragged connor outside. she delivered a swift punch to the taller male's cheek, who chuckled.

"your pity punches are like a summer's fucking breeze."

delivering another punch, alana growled, summoning her spear.

disaster.

the spear penetrated connor straight through his chest, and he simply blinked.

"ouch."

alana let out a shout of frustration. "you told zoe that i like her, didn't you!?"

connor grinned. "oh, did i?"

"you did!"

"u-um..." a meek voice squeaked. "f-f-food's ready...?"

the two turned, seeing prince evan with a tray and two plates full of food. the prince's eyes widened at the gaping wound in connor's chest.

"c-connor-"

"i'm fine, princey." the sin waved a hand, and alana released the spear from his chest with a huff. the wound started closing immediately. "see? good as new."

evan frowned. "...oh."

"quit the gay and get talking." alana poked connor with the spear, narrowing her eyes.

"okay, maybe i hinted at it-"

sloth stabbed greed again, growling. greed frowned.

"so i told her, what's it to you?"

"i. like. her!"

"okay."

"and you told her!"

"okay."

"is that all you're gonna say!?"

"sure."

"ugh!"

Chapter Text

prince evan set down a tray of food onto the bar counter of the boar's hat, glancing around for his comrades.

"um, g-guys?"

"heyyy, princey~" evan's eyes darted over to his left, spotting the fox sin. "the others are out. so you're stuck with me."

evan frowned. "oh."

"oh, come on, princey! i'm not that bad."

"you're like an actual demon, connor!"

rolling his eyes, connor took a seat at the bar counter. with a huff, he took a bite of some of the food on the tray in front of him. evan narrowed his eyes, pulling the tray away.

"remember to save some for the others." he sighed before pushing the tray back in front of connor.

"yeah, yeah, princey." greed rolled his eyes.

the prince watched as connor ate, repressing a smile.

"any reason why you're staring at me, princey?" connor grinned, resting his head on the palm of his hand. "or am i just that handsome~?"

evan licked his lips, taking a seat at the bar. "you're distracting."

"oh, am i?" greed's grin transformed into a smirk. "how so?"

the prince flushed, looking down. "no matter."

"i'm curious now~"

"j-just...quiet!"

"princeyyy~"

connor reached over, poking evan's cheek, who swatted the other's hand away. "c-connor-"

the fox sin hummed in response, scanning over evan.

"n-no."

"'n-no' what, hansen?"

"d-don't poke m-"

connor had pressed his lips against evan's, who was internally screeching. greed pulled away, a large grin on his face. "how about that, then, princey?"

"c-connor!"

Chapter Text

i'm the one i should love
in this world
shining on me,
that precious soul of mine

connor wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks, throwing his pen across the room in frustration. the rapper leaned back in his chair, taking a deep breath.

stop being such a fucking crybaby, he thought. this is why people don't like you.

he slowly got up out of his chair, retrieving the pen that was thrown. the rapper sat back down, wiping more tears away. he heard distant footsteps that soon stopped in front of the door of his studio, a soft knock following.

"c-c-connor? are y-you okay? i th-think i heard something o-out here..."

i finally realized
so i love me
now perfect
but still beautiful

connor mentally cursed himself, wincing. "i'm fine, evan."

there was silence before the door opened, light from the hallway streaming into his dimly lit studio.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

"...are you sure?" his bandmate asked, pulling a chair over to connor's desk, sitting down. his eyes widened. "a-are you cr-crying?"

"um-" connor shrunk down into his hoodie. "...no."

"i know when you're lying, connor." evan frowned. "you w-wanna talk about it?"

im the one i should love
shaking and afraid
i keep going forward
meeting the real you

moments later, connor was sobbing in evan's arms. the shorter was rubbing the other male's back, humming.

"...i-i'm sorry..." the rapper choked out, face buried in his bandmate's chest.

"i-i-it's okay, connor. you didn't do anything wrong."

"but-"

evan just shushed connor, hand now running through the taller's hair. "it's okay."

hidden in that storm
why did i hide myself like this?
what am i so afraid of?
why did i hide myself?

after a while of comforting connor, evan was suggesting different lyrics to write into the song connor was struggling with. soon, though, connor had fallen asleep on evan's shoulder. the singer checked the time, face flushed.

1:13AM.

evan glanced over at connor before wrapping an arm around the older member, resting his head on connor's.

i'm the one i should love
in this world

Chapter Text

connor blew some hair out of his face, eyes narrowed. the rest of his bandmates stared, varying expressions on their faces. zoe looked like she was about to crack up, alana had a mildly impressed look, jared was smirking, and evan's eyes were wide.

"wow." jared grinned. "you look great?"

"fuck off, klienman." connor growled, shrinking down into his pale purple hoodie. zoe started cackling, then coughing. alana rubbed her back, smiling.

"i think it looks great, connor."

jared glanced over at evan, who was still staring at connor with flushed cheeks. the rapper leaned over, whispering, "...your gay is showing."

evan flinched, face going redder. "d-d-don't s-say th-th-th-that!"

the tallest of the members ran a hand through his hair, which now was dyed blue at the ends. "just...go. go get your fucking hair done so i can make fun of you."

three of the members left the room, yet evan and connor stayed behind. evan was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, biting his lip. he glanced up, cheeks becoming ruby red. his shoulders hunched as he opened his mouth to speak.

"i th-think it looks good on you, though!"

"shut the hell up, i look like i dipped my hair in cremated smurfs." the rapper's face turned a light pink. "...thanks, i guess..."

evan nodded vigorously, quickly taking a seat on the couch of connor's dressing room. with a sigh, connor joined him.

"...i-it really does l-l-look good..." the shorter whispered, looking up. he absentmindedly reached a hand out, running a hand through the ends of connor's hair.

"u-um...hansen?" connor squeaked.

evan snatched his hand away, eyes widening. "s-s-s-sorry!"

Chapter Text

evan hansen was curled up in his bed, shoving popcorn in his mouth with his eyes glued to his tv screen. he was watching coco on netflix, waiting for his boyfriend to show up so they could catch up after connor had gone to alaska for a family vacation, and to pick up the hoodie he had left at evan's house (which evan had been wearing ever since connor left).

the teenager instinctively pulled the tissue box on his bed side table closer since he was nearing what seemed to be a sad part.

oh boy, was he right.

the music started playing, and evan worked his way deeper under the fluffy blanket connor had gotten him as one of his birthday presents.

"remember me,
though i have to say goodbye,
remember me
don't let it make you cry"

evan bit his lip, glancing over at his window that connor would most likely climb through to get to evan's room. he shrunk down into his boyfriend's hoodie, feeling tears prick his eyes.

this song reminded evan of last time connor tried to hurt himself.

"i sing a secret song to you
each night we are apart
remember me
though i have travel far"

the teenager sucked in a breath, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. he was not going to cry over a disney movie again because it reminded him of his boyfriend.

never again. that was what he said last time.

"everytime you hear a sad guitar
know that i'm with you
the only way that i can be"

"hey, ev." connor whispered just loud enough for evan to hear, climbing through the smaller teen's window. he stuck out like a sore thumb in the night sky with a white tee-shirt on. "you awake?"

evan whimpered in response, tears pouring down his cheeks.

connor frowned, sitting down at the edge of evan's bed. "hansen?"

"until you're in my arms again
remember me"

"hansen, why are you-" the taller teenager glanced over at the tv screen, sighing. he crawled over to evan, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. "it's okay, hansen. i'm still here."

Chapter Text

evan picked at the hem of his shirt, biting his lip as the soft crunch of grass echoed around the empty orchard. he neared an oak tree, hand running over the trunk before looking up.

he was face to face with his best friend, connor murphy, who was hanging upside-down from a low-hanging tree branch. evan flinched as he faced connor, eyes widening as his face flushed.

"hey, hansen."

spiderman kiss, spiderman kiss, spiderman kiss. evan's mind screamed, his face flushing.

"u-um...hey." evan's voice cracked, and he winced.

connor chuckled, face somewhat pink from the blood rushing to his head. "what are you doing here, huh?"

evan cleared his throat, tugging at the collar of his shirt. "w-well, i...u-um...walking?"

"you're more awkward than usual." the taller teen gave evan an awkward half-smile. "this just in, evan hansen out awkwarded his awkward."

"hah."

"so, welcome to my bat tree." connor reached his arm out, managing to pat the tree trunk. "i sleep here, like, every night."

"o-or are you m-m-more like sp-spiderman?" evan grinned.

connor was silent for a second before his smile grew. "i guess i am."

a second later, connor had pressed his lips to evan's, who had started internally screaming/squealing(?). the taller teen pulled away, frowning.

"sorry."

"n-nonononono!" evan waved his arms around, face burning. "it's ok-okay! u-um, i d-d-d-didn't m-mind!"

"oh, okay." connor smiled. "can i do it again? just, on the ground this time?"

evan nodded, grin widening.

Chapter Text

evan, jared, alana and zoe watched as connor gently pushed a kid on the park swings, smiling. the random kid was laughing, and evan spoke up.

"don't you think connor would be a good dad?" he asked, a soft smile on his face.

"so what you mean to say..." jared cleared his throat, deliberately raising his voice, wiggling his eyebrows. "that connor would be a good daddy!?"

"wh-" evan's face turned cherry red. "jared, no!"

zoe wheezed before starting to laugh, Jared's snickering following. alana tried to stifle her giggles with a cough.

"i think he would, actually." she said. "he's surprisingly good with-"

"connor murphy, daddy of the year for alana and evan!" jared started cackling.

"i would, in fact, be the best daddy!" connor shouted from the distance, face flushed. "i am the best daddy that has ever been!"

Chapter Text

evan carefully pulled a leather-bound book from the library bookshelves, a contented smile on his face, aster and white poppies curling around his wrists. he flicked through the pages of the book he had picked up--which was about trees--scanning over the illustrations that decorated the old pages.

he turned, about to slip the book into his backpack when he came face to face with a pair of sunglasses and a grin.

evan yelped, stumbling backwards. his classmate and friend, connor murphy, snickered, adjusting his glasses.

"'sup, hansen." connor said, towering over evan.

"y-y-you kn-know you d-don't have to wear th-those around me, right?" evan squeaked, managing a shaky smile.

connor wore sunglasses almost everywhere since he was extremely self conscious of his eyes. one blue, one orange. when he got angry, the orange would turn to a dusty red, and he became extremely violent. the teenager also could emit heat from his body and produce fire pretty much anytime, anywhere.

the taller teen's expression fell. "and you know i have to."

"i th-think..." evan cleared his throat, face flushing. "...your e-eyes are n-n-nice."

"well, thanks, but you probably won't see them a lot."

evan frowned, yellow carnations with shriveled leaves starting to bloom along his arms. connor scanned the flowers along evan's arms before coughing, turning his head away.

"s-so, um, wh-wh-what are you d-d-oing here? i n-never...uh, see you h-here." the smaller teen stuttered, running his index finger along the spine of the leather book.

"actually, i was looking for you." connor's grin returned, gaze moving back towards evan.

evan's eyes widened. "m-me?"

the fire spirit hummed, brushing some hair out of his face. "yep. i wanted to-"

"i m-mean, why would y-y-you b-be l-looking for m-me?" evan mumbled, shrinking in on himself. "i-i'm n-n-not sp-special or a-anything, i mean, f-flowers gr-grow out of my ar-arms-"

"hansen." connor had placed a hand on evan's shoulder. "calm down."

"...s-sorry..."

"what i was going to say is that i wanted to ask you about something." the taller took a deep breath, choosing his next words carefully. "i was going to ask someone to prom? i just...didn't know how to say it."

yellow hyacinths shot out of evan's shoulders. "oh."

"think...think you could help?"

with a sigh, evan nodded. "i m-mean, i d-d-don't kn-know, but...j-just ask. who c-could say no t-t-to you?"

connor raised an eyebrow. "lots of people say no to me."

"you kn-know what i mean."

"okay, then." connor sucked in a breath, running a hand through his hair. he slowly removed his glasses, orange eye practically glowing. "evan hansen, will you go to prom with me?"

the smaller boy's jaw dropped, marjoram, holly, daises, and forget-me-nots sprouting on his skin. he struggled to get words out, thorny vines starting to dig into his skin as he held the leather-bound book to his chest. "wh-wh-what!?" he choked out.

the flame spirit raised an eyebrow, frowning. "is that a no?"

rainflowers, and pink and red roses joined the array of other flowers on evan's arms. "y-yes! o-o-of co-course i'll g-go with you!"

"great!" connor grinned, gaze moving down towards evan's arms. he gestured to the rainflowers and roses on evan's arms. "so, um, what do those mean?"

evan's face flushed bright pink, and he stared down at the flowers. "w-well, um, the pink r-roses m-m-mean h-happiness, the r-red ones m-mean i-i-i love y-you, and, uh, the wh-white ones m-mean th-that...i l-l-love you..."

producing two slightly crumpled flowers from inside of his hoodie pocket, connor gave evan a bashful grin, his orange eye a softer color than before. "red saliva, forever mine. yellow tulips, sunshine in your smile."

"c-connor..." evan whispered, happily accepting the flowers. he ran his thumb over the petals, smiling. "...thank you."

"no problem, hansen." connor slid his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. he traced a small shape into the air, snapping his fingers when finished. a small, flaming heart appeared in the air, evan's eyes widening. "i'll see you later, ev."

in a cloud a black smoke, connor disappeared into thin air.

Chapter Text

evan hastily knocked on the door to his best friend's dorm room, shivering from the rain as he clutched a botany book to his chest. he had left his umbrella at jared's dorm, but decided to run over to connor's dorm room instead to hang out--if connor wasn't busy.

the door swung open, revealing the familiar flame spirit. "hansen?"

"u-um, hi c-c-onnor." evan squeaked, a shy grin sneaking its way onto his face. "a-are you, um, b-busy?"

"no, not really. why?"

the smaller teen looked down. "w-well...you, uh, s-s-said you w-wanted to learn fl-flower meanings? so i-i b-brought over a b-book..."

"oh." connor scanned over evan, mouth forming into a thin lin. "come in."

he stepped aside, allowing evan to quickly slip past him. he breathed a sigh of relief at the slightly warmer temperature. not a moment later, he was enveloped with warmth. evan's cheeks flushed as he looked up. connor had wrapped his arms around evan and made his body temperature higher.

"you must be cold." the taller whisper, resting his chin on evan's head. "hope you don't mind."

"i-i, um, n-n-nope! n-not at a-all!"

only then evan had realized how warm connor was. the flower boy leaned his head back into connor's chest, enjoying the heat after being outside in the rain for so long. there was a prolonged moment of silence before connor spoke up.

"you hungry? want anything to drink?"

"o-oh, um, i-i'm good..." evan blinked a couple of times, now noticing how tired he was.

the flame spirit hummed, detaching himself from evan. he stared down at the flower's blooming on the smaller boy's arm, raising an eyebrow.

"you're either disappointed, rejected, or feel disdain towards me."

evan glanced down at the flora on his arms, eyes widening as he saw the yellow carnations on his arm. "u-um-"

"it's okay. i'm pretty terrible." connor grinned, hands reaching up to adjust his sunglasses which weren't on. his hand froze halfway when he realized they weren't there. "be right back. gonna go get my-"

"y-you don't ha-ha-have to." evan blurted, biting his lip. "i m-mean, there's on-only u-us, so..."

the taller teenager stared, eyebrows furrowed.

"u-um, connor?"

said male blinked, brushing some hair out of his face. "hm?"

evan frowned. "y-you're m-m-more spacey th-than usual. are y-you-"

"i'm just distracted, flower boy."

"f-f-flower boy!?" evan squeaked, cheeks turning bright red.

"yeah." the flame spirit grinned, before his smile dropped. "do you not like it?"

"n-no, um, it's f-f-fine, i j-just wasn't expecting it."

"oh." connor was silent before his smile returned. "you brought that book over for a reason, didn't you?"

Chapter Text

connor and evan stared up at the cloudy sky above the abandoned autumn smile orchard, hands joined as they talked about whatever came to mind. the taller male turned towards the other.

"hansen, you seriously don't realize how cute you are."

evan's eyes widened, stopping in the middle of his sentence. he slowly turned over, face burning. "wh-what?"

connor hummed, rubbing his thumb over evan's knuckles.

"i-i'm...not..." evan huffed. "cute."

the taller scoffed. "you're cuter than park jimin. that's a lot."

evan wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, hiding his red face in connor's chest, who grinned.

"actually, ev..." connor whispered, prying his hand from evan's. "you're beautiful."

the smaller boy balled his fists in connor's sweater. "c-connor, you're w-way better l-l-looking than me..."

"shut it, hansen."

evan squeaked as connor pressed his lips against the smaller boy's temple, smoothing back his hair. he lifted his head, to which connor grinned.

"there he i-"

the small bean of a boy pressed his lips to connor's, then pulled away quickly.

"h-hah."

Chapter Text

when evan arrived at autumn smile orchard, he didn't expect a full-blown surprise picnic.

and he especially didn't expect his boyfriend wearing a white button-down and glasses.

"c-connor..." he whispered, a smile spreading across his face. "...th-thank you..."

connor hummed, pressing a kiss to evan's forehead. "no problem, shortstack."

evan squeaked as connor picked him up, bring him over to the picnic blanket. he giggled as connor peppered kisses all over his face before he was set down onto the blanket.

"all your favorites, hansen." connor smiled, adjusting his glasses. "even the white chocolate macadamias with extra macadamias."

the smaller boy grinned, covering his mouth. "you remembered."

"what's in a cookie always matters."

the two spent the afternoon hanging out under the sun, talking and eating. at one point, connor took his old hoodie from the picnic basket and threw it at evan.

"keep it, hansen." he said, kissing evan's cheek, who buried his face in the old, black hoodie.

"th-thank you, connie..." evan mumbled, cheeks a dull pink.

"and for your final present..." connor grinned, leaning over evan. "you get to do whatever you want with me."

evan's eyes widened, the pink on his cheeks darkening. "wh-whatever i w-w-want?"

"mhm. for instance," the taller teen leaned closer to evan, brushing hair out of the smaller boy's face. "spooning, any other form of cuddling, painting my nails, tying me up, fucking me-"

with every example said, connor unbuttoned one button at a time on his shirt.

"i g-get it, i get it!" evan shouted, face burning. "j-just, um, m-m-my house, o-okay?"

"happy birthday, hansen."

Chapter Text

evan yelped as his locker slammed shut, the metallic thud echoing throughout the empty hallway. he was slammed against his mint blue locker and turned around, being held by his tie. the small teenager came face to face with connor murphy, who was undoubtedly pissed.

"you fucking told him." the taller hissed, nails digging into the metal evan was pressed up against.

"wh-wh-what?" evan squeaked, eyes wide.

"you. told. kleinman."

"t-t-told him wh-what!?"

connor scoffed, narrowing his eyes. "you told that idiot that i'm gay."

"i d-did't-" the smaller teen sniffled, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. "i-i-i di-didn't s-say an-an-anything..."

connor froze, his lips forming into a thin line. he scanned over evan's face, faltering slightly as he saw the tears glistening in the shorter boy's eyes. he let out a long sigh before tugging at evan's tie, pulling the other teen closer.

he pressed his lips against evan's, pulling away after a few seconds.

"don't...don't tell anyone about this, okay?" connor whispered, face slightly flushed as he brushed some hair away from his eyes. evan nodded quickly, beet red.

the taller teen hesitated before letting go of evan's tie, standing up straight. he pulled his hair into a ponytail, scanning over evan one last time before he turned, walking down the deserted hallways.

ohmygod. evan thought, fingers moving up to his lips as he licked them. he just kissed me. the boy i like just fucking kissed me.

Chapter Text

i'm happy for you
i'm smiling for you
i'd do anything
for you, for you

connor smiled as evan excitedly rambled on about the various types of trees he'd spotted around autumn smile, making exaggerated hand motions with a wide smile on his face. the taller of the two just smiled and nodded, itching to take evan's hand in his.

"i-isn't it just amazing, connor?" evan gushed. "nature i-is s-s-so c-cool!"

connor flashed evan a small half-smile. "damn right."

a tall oak tree connor knew all too well came into view. evan's eyes widened, and he ran ahead. connor raised an eyebrow, sluggishly flowing along. the smaller teenager fished his phone out of his pants pocket, glancing down at his phone before he shot connor a nervous smile.

"w-would you...um, m-m-mind t-taking a pi-picture of me?" he mumbled.

"anything for you, hansen."

it's always for you
and never for me
i need it to stop
so let me tell you,
please

connor watched evan fiddle with his pencil and anxiously bounce his leg, spinning the purple-ink pen in his hand. he looked down at the sketch of evan in his math notebook, curling his lip as he noticed how harsh the shading was. he scowled.

dammit, evan! he thought. just get out of my fucking head!

he saw evan look around the room, catching connor's eye. evan sent the taller a shaky smile, which connor returned.

connor put his head in his hands as soon as evan turned around. fucking hell, he's cute.

i'm always sad
and i'm always lonely
but i can't tell you
that i'm breaking slowly

"co...connor?"

said male's head shot up, eyes widening. he quickly threw the cigarette onto the floor, stubbing it out with the heel of his boot. connor swiped at his eyes with his hoodie sleeves before shoving his hands in his pockets. "hey, hansen."

evan stared at the remains of the crushed cigarette on the ground, visibly deflating. "i...i th-thought...you stopped..."

connor winced. "right. sorry."

"a-are...you okay?"

closed doors,
locked in with no keys
keeping my feelings hidden
there is no ease

"huh?"

evan took a few steps forward, the crunch of grass seeming louder than it should've been. "are you okay, c-connor?"

the taller clenched his jaw. "yeah, yeah. i'm fine."

evan took another few steps forward. "connor..."

i need it to stop
and i want to be able
to open up
but my feeling are fatal

connor felt tears welling up in his eyes as evan rested a hand on his shoulder, a worried look on his face. the taller opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again to refrain from anything other than words coming out.

the shorter noticed connor starting to crack, and he wrapped his arms around the taller teenager.

"i'm sorry, evan."

connor started sobbing, leaning into evan's hug.

how many times
must i keep it inside
i need to let go
and i swear that i've tried

the taller was clinging onto the shorter, face buried in his shoulder.

"i-it's okay, c-connor." evan whispered. "i'm h-here."

"you hate me, don't you?"

evan furrowed his eyebrows, pulling back. "wh-why would you think that?"

"everyone else fucking hates me. why don't you?"

but opening up means
trusting others
and that's just too much
i don't want to bother

"y-you know you can tell me wh-what's wrong, r-right?"

connor nodded, wiping away tears.

"so what ha-happened?" evan asked, leaning his head against connor's chest.

"i yelled at zoe for staring then she locked herself in her room after i pushed her." the taller mumbled, resting his chin on evan's head.

"what for?"

connor shrugged.

so i'll keep it inside
and i'll bury it deep
i know it's not healthy
but you won't hear a peep

"...is that all?" evan asked, rubbing connor's back.

slowly shaking his head, more tears started falling from connor's eyes. evan wrapped his arms around connor once again, running a hand through his hair.

"it's okay. i-i'm here for you." he mumbled, smiling.

"...th-thank you, hansen..."

i need it to stop
and i want to be able
to open up
but my feelings are fatal

"no problem, c-connor."

Chapter Text

"alright..." alana took the next card out of the deck. "music."

zoe grinned. "singer."

"sam smith."

"are we doing hella good singers or a specific genre?" zoe raised an eyebrow, grin widening.

"great singers."

"okay...billie eilish."

"you."

"oh, come on, lan. i'm not that great."

alana sighed, leaning over and kissing zoe's cheek. "oh, shush. you're amazing, zo."

"ugh, you flatter me too much." zoe's face flushed, and she scooted closer too alana. "you're amazing, too, lan."

alana laughed. "actually, you flatter me too much."

zoe hummed, pressing a kiss to alana's temple. "maybe. but at least i'm right."

Chapter Text

~an edit for this chapter~

~

connor cracked open his eyes, hearing the muffled sound of crashing waves above him. he felt heavy. like he had been microwaved, then frozen, then microwaved again. he squinted to see clearly, but realized the sun was streaming down onto his face in between the swish of waves above him.

he struggled to break the surface for a moment, before he quickly floated to the top.

no. tears pricked his eyes. no, no, no, no.

connor quickly paddled towards the shore, feeling less heavy than before. he was tired and drained, and was freezing.

evan. he sucked in a breath. evan was here. he is here.

"shit, shit, shit."

his eyes darted over to the scaffolding her jumped off of, a hand tugging at his hair. he saw the silhouette of his best friend at the top, eyes widening.

his hand dropped.

it was a blue-tinted white, as well as the rest of his skin, which was transparent. his nails were an almost black navy, as well as his hoodie, pants, and boots.

oh my god.

he broke into a run, almost tripping over the rocks scattering the beach. he called out his friend's name a few times, stumbling as he started climbing the latter towards evan.

"hansen!" connor shouted as he got to the top of the wooden structure.

evan whipped around, eyes wide. "c-connor...you..."

said male ran towards evan, tackled him into a hug. "i'm sorry, evan."

"c-connor...you're s-so...c-c-cold..." evan whimpered, returning the embrace. "y-y-you..."

"i d-don't know." connor whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. "i...i don't feel good, evan. i'm scared..."

the shorter buried his head into the taller's shoulder, sucking in a breath. "...m-me t-t-t-too..."

Chapter Text

"c-connor, you didn't ha-ha-have to..." evan smiled, staring down at the basket with a collection of different berries in it.

"shut the hell up, hansen." connor said, smile showing off his pointed teeth. "of course i did."

the angel's smile widened, cheeks flushing as he looked down. "a-at least e-e-eat some."

"fine, fine."

connor hopped down off the tree branch he was sitting on, sitting down at the base of the pine. he patted the dirt next to him, gesturing evan to sit down next to him.

"so, how's it been up there?" the demon asked, raising an eyebrow.

"o-oh, um..." evan frowned, tilting his head. "fine."

"not very convincing." connor said, about to pop a berry in his mouth.

evan opened his mouth to speak before his eyes widened.

"o-oh my god!" he yelped, leaning backwards. "y-your t-t-tongue!"

the demon blinked, eyebrows furrowing. "is there something wrong...?"

"nonononono! it's just..." evan stared. "...sn-snake tongue."

connor smiled. "oh, yeah."

he stuck out his tongue, making evan's eyes grow wider. the angel leaned closer, in complete awe. "...wow. is th-that...does e-e-every d-demon have a t-tongue like that?"

"nope." connor popped the 'p', tilting his head. "depends on the species."

"wh-what does it feel like?"

connor made a strangled noise, wheezing after. his face turned completely red as he repeatedly hit his chest, clearing his throat.

"o-ohmygoodness-" evan shouted, scooting closer to the demon. "a-a-are y-you okay!?"

Chapter Text

"i-ilikeboys!"

"woah." connor licked his lips, his snake tongue poking out of his mouth as it ran over his lips. "aren't you gonna be, like, kicked out of heaven or some shit?"

"i-i d-d-d-don't know!" evan yelped, tugging at his hair.

the demon moved closer to the angel, frowning as he rested a hand on evan's shoulder. "hey, hey. calm down. i'm sorry."

"h-how do y-y-you deal with i-it!?" evan shouted, gently grabbing connor by the hoodie. "i d-d-don't kn-know what i should d-do!"

connor's face turned a dull pink. "well, uh, it's different for everyone? i mean, like...i'm a demon? sex, drugs, shit like that is kind of...how should i put this...coping...in hell?"

evan faltered. "...o-oh."

"i guess i can show you how i do."

the angel grinned, his wings fluttering slightly. "r-really!?"

connor hummed. "yeah. just, like, don't freak out."

"w-what do you m-"

before evan was able to finish speaking, connor pressed his mouth against evan's in an open-mouthed kiss. the angel's eyes widened as the other male's thing, split tongue slipped into his mouth, letting out a quiet yelp. the demon pulled away a few seconds later.

"get high, get drunk, do that, sometimes get fucked. you know, demon stuff."

evan's fingers ghosted over his parted lips, letting out a barely audible 'oh'.

"sorry."

"i-it's okay!" evan shouted, the feathers on his wings puffed up. "i, um, likedthatithink!"

"oh." a smirk spread across connor's face. "does that mean i can do it again?"

Chapter Text

the lights in the theater dimmed, earning a cheer from the audience. a few moments later, dim lights shone down on five teenagers, one girl doing background melodies off to the side.

"if you've ever wondered why disney tales all end in lies," the audience roared as the five started singing. "here's what happened after all their dreams came true..."

suddenly, a yellow light lit up on the first teen, who was wearing a pale yellow polo shirt with freckles sprayed over his cheeks.

"was gonna be a mighty king, mufasa's famous heir!" he sang, a wide smile on his face as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

"well, your little mane's been lion tamed by beasts who don't fight fair!" a dark brown haired boy with black-rimmed glasses sang, bathed in blue light.

"i've turned into the main event, for soldiers big ad small..." slowly but surely, the yellow-shirted boy started to look more and more scared. "and now i dread my head might end up on your wall!"

at the end of the yellow boy's verse, he mimicked getting shot, making a pained noise before dropping to his knees.

the boy with glasses started to sing, getting more cheers from the audience.

"think of the fappiest thoughts..." he sang later into the verse.

"i'm a happy little thot!" the lights lit up on a girl in purple light with long brown hair.

a bit later, she started singing. her voice was powerful and enticing, earning whistles and yelling from the rest of the theater.

soon, a boy in all black with long, dark-brown hair lit up, singing with the girl next to him.

"hey herc, you're screwed." he said, before starting to sing. "the jesus freak is super weak-"

"i'm so divine!" the girl cut in, flipping her hair. "you see, i came inside a virgin's bod-"

the tall, long-haired boy scoffed. "so have i."

in the last verse, he lit up in red light.

"i'm a prisoner of war...isis blew up my city. they're throwing me off a building..." a nervous expression crossed his face. "'cause they think i like guys."

at the end of the song, they all sang their final lines.

"the lions are gone..."

"hair on my junk...!?"

"jesus is a hunk..."

"screw fucking trump~!"

Chapter Text

with a contented smile, evan lead his trail group not-so-accidentally close to the archery range. he loved watching the archery teacher, his best friend, teach kids how to fire and show off. not like he was in love with his fellow counselor or anything, but he did like seeing the concentrated look on connor's face as he managed to effortlessly fire arrows. and maybe he did like seeing connor's hair in a ponytail and him in shorts, and a kind of tight shirt-

okay, maybe he did like connor.

just a bit.

"uh, twig?" a girl asked, a confused look on her face. "isn't the ranch over sycamore hill?"

"oh, i thought you guys would want to refill your water bottles!" evan said cheerily, all too focused on where he was going.

"but-" the girl's friend leaned over, whispering into the first's ear. the first girl grinned a few seconds later. "oh, okay!"

"and here you guys...." evan trailed off as he set eyes on the archery teacher, voice lowering to a whisper with a flushed face. "...o-oh my fern."

connor stood in an empty archery range, firing arrows at different targets that varied in distance.

without a shirt.

cheers erupted from the campers, making connor turn around.

"oh." he smiled. "hey guys."

"holy shit!" a teen shouted. "simba's got abs!"

"you'll catch flies, twig!" another said, laughing.

evan's mouth snapped shut, face entirely red. he struggled to form words as he watched connor slip on a tank top that was on one of the range's benches.

"u-um, h-h-hi." his voice cracked, and his face turned impossibly redder. the campers cooed, more laughter following. "h-how a-a-a-are you, c-connor?"

"just dandy." the archery teacher said, a wide smile on his face. "heading to forest safety?"

"how d-d-do you kn-kn-know-"

"i helped make the schedule, twig."

another teenager's voice cut in. "when are you two getting married!?"

making a strangled sound, evan's eyes widened to the size of saucers. his gaze darted over to connor, and he began to apologize. "i-i'm s-s-so s-sorry-"

connor grinned. "i'd marry him."

the shorter male's eyes somehow widened even more, a string of unintelligible words leaving his lips. yelling sprouted from the excited group of teenagers evan was leading.

"i-i-i-i w-w-would!" he blurted out, ducking his head afterwards.

"aw. thanks, twiggy."

Chapter Text

connor leaned back, arms wrapped around evan who's head fell onto his chest. the smaller teen sighed contentedly, interlocking connor's hands with his. the other male placed a kiss onto evan's forehead.

with a small smile, evan spoke up. "y-you d-d-don't have to k-keep doing that..."

"doing what, hansen?" the taller smirked, shifting underneath evan a bit.

"u-uh..." evan squeaked, face flushing. "w-well...you do-don't have to keep kissing m-me..."

connor frowned, placing his chin on evan's head. "i can stop."

"n-n-no! ju-just, uh, i'm not th-that i-insecure."

the taller teen hummed, shoving his face into evan's neck, who shuddered. connor peppered kisses along evan's neck, licking his lips afterwards.

"c-c-connor, go p-put o-o-on some chapstick."

"oh, shush." connor whispered, placing a kiss to where evan's jaw and neck met. "you're warm, my love."

"c-on..." evan mumbled, tilting his head away from connor just a bit. "...n-not now..."

said male grinned before nipping at evan's skin. "uh-huh. whatever you say."

"a-ah...c-c-c-connor...!"

"hm?"

evan swallowed, his cheeks red as he struggled for the words to form. "n-nothing...j-j-just k-keep going."

"i don't have to." the other whispered, running a hand through evan's hair.

"i w-want this."

"okay, evan. anything for you."

Chapter Text

evan and connor glanced at each other, both of their cheeks flushing. zoe's grin widened as she giggled, slowly sitting down in her seat.

connor swallowed before speaking up. "uh, okay."

"great!" his sister shouted. "now, shoo. go."

the two males sat down at a couch a few feet away from zoe's table, a small coffee table holding a box of pocky and a few succulents scattered around it. connor nervously smoothed out his light-beige blazer.

soon, the performance started.

"so, what are your p-plans for the summer?" evan asked, a small smile on his face.

"oh, uh, just hanging out at home, i guess. nothing too fun." connor said, face slightly flushed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"i guess you're ha-hanging out with me th-then." the other said, smile widening.

connor grinned. "sounds great."

there was silence before evan frowned, scanning over connor's face.

"is s-something wrong?"

"huh?" connor blinked. "uh, no. i'm okay."

evan sighed, placing a hand on connor's arm. "y-you kn-know you can tell m-me anything, r-r-right?"

the taller looked down, tugging at his tie. "it's just...i wanted to ask you something."

"a-anything."

"could...couldyoumaybedoapockykisswithme?"

the shorter furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head. "pocky what?"

"just..."

connor picked up the box of pocky from the table, tearing open the package. he almost dropped the stick he pulled out with his shaking hands, muttering a quiet curse.

"open." he said, bringing one of the ends to evan's mouth, who complied.

"wh-what for?" evan asked, pocky almost falling out of his mouth.

connor pursed his lips, looking down. "you'll...you'll see. just eat your end of the pocky."

he brought his end of the pocky to his lips, cheeks red.

zoe squealed, patting her cheeks. "this is heaven."

connor glared at her from the corner of his eye, before starting to munch at the chocolate-covered biscuit. evan did the same, a confused look on his face.

when their lips met, evan's eyes widened.

oh. right. he thought, turning bright red. he's just acting. this means nothing.

a little too caught up in the moment, connor swiped at evan's lower lip with his tongue. the smaller boy's face turned even redder, melting under connor's touch.

zoe snapped a picture, grinning.

"fuck yessss..."

Chapter Text

evan fell into connor's arms as soon as he got to his boyfriend's room, face buried in his shoulder.

"h-hi, connie." he whispered, nuzzling connor's neck and savoring the smell of vanilla and pine.

connor shushed evan, pressing his lips to the smaller boy's temple. "i missed you, beautiful."

"m-m-me too..."

the taller grinned, pulling away from evan. "now i get to do this."

he pressed his lips to evan's, holding him by the collar. evan tangled a hand in connor's hair, his other hand balled in connor's faded sweater. after a few moments, connor pulled away and rested his forehead against evan's.

the shorter shuddered at connor's hot breath on his skin, licking his lips. he smiled, thumb running over connor's cheekbone.

"anyone try to steal you from me while you were gone?"

evan grinned. "well..."

the taller's eyes darkened. "you're mine, hansen."

evan's smiled widened. he absolutely loved seeing connor jealous. "i kn-know."

connor dipped his head, nipping at evan's skin. a few red marks were left on evan's skin afterwards. "mine."

"m-mhm..."

"i love you, hansen. don't ever fucking forget that."

Chapter Text

"i can explain."

evan stared wide-eyed at his boyfriend, who's lip was split and had a black eye as he stood over some guy who was knocked out on the floor. a few droplets of blood had collected on his chin, and connor looked completely worn out.

he rushed forward, placing his hands on connor's shoulders. evan scanned over his boyfriend, concern written on his face. "a-a-are y-you okay!?"

connor blinked, staring down at evan. "i...what?"

"a-are you o-okay? wh-what h-h-happened?"

connor pursed his lips before speaking again. "ev, i have to tell you something."

"n-not until you t-t-tell m-me what h-happened."

"that asshole started talking shit about you and i got mad so i hit him. then he tried to punch me and i beat him up..."

"and y-your lip?"

the taller smirked. "wow, okay."

"c-connor!" evan's face flushed. "n-n-not what i m-meant..."

"fucker managed to punch me."

the shorter teen frowned, pressing a kiss to connor's cheek. "l-let's get you cl-cleaned u-up..."

minutes later, the two were in the backseat of connor's car. evan had a first aid kit from the trunk of the car in his lap and was gently dabbing at connor's bottom lip with a cloth.

"you wanted t-to t-t-tell me something?" evan asked, wiping a small spot of blood away with his thumb.

it was kind of an excuse to touch connor's lips.

"uh, yeah." connor sighed, and evan pulled his hand away. "promise you won't freak out."

"i w-wo-"

"i'm a vampire."

evan's eyes widened, and his jaw went slack. "y-you're joking...?"

"okay, look just-" connor pulled his upper lip upwards, showing off a deathly sharp canine tooth. he dropped his hand, lip falling back into place. "fangs."

the smaller teen stared.

"that's why i don't like kissing you. i'm afraid my fucking hormones will kick in and i'll bite you, and you'll be hurt."

evan paled, hunching his shoulders. "w-won't i...?"

"no." connor leaned over evan, eyes flashing red. "not if i don't want you to."

the smaller's face turned bright red, eyes growing larger. connor straightened, clearing his throat.

"sorry. hormones."

Chapter Text

"hey, hansen."

evan blinked, looking up from his spot on the floor. "h-hey, co-connor."

"...you good? i kind of need to get something from my locker."

"o-oh, i-i-i'll move-"

"you know what, nevermind." connor smirked. "i'm enjoying the view."

the taller poked evan's ass with the toe of his boot.

"real nice."

evan's face turned beet red, and he scrambled to his feet. he put his hands behind his back looking down. "s-s-sorry."

"like i said, nice view."

Chapter Text

evan was seated on his friend-but-maybe-something-more-type-of-friend's bed, chewing on his lip as he stared down at the maroon-carpeted floor that matched with the red and black of the red of the room. that certain friend sat at his desk, gently blowing on his newly painted nails.

connor glanced back at evan before rolling his eyes.

"are you going to sit there or are we going to make conversation, hansen?"

evan flinched, staring at the taller male. "r-right, uh...h-how are y-you...?"

"fine." connor frowned. "isn't there anything you like to talk about, lame ass?"

the smaller hunched his shoulders. "w-well, i l-l-like trees..."

"tell me some fucking tree shit, then."

"d-did you kn-kn-know that in ch-chicago that trees get r-rid of at least eighteen-thousand t-tons of air pollution each y-year?" evan's eyes lit up, and he smiled. "f-forests also s-s-save an average of one life every year, t-too."

"you know what, never mind." connor carefully picked up a brush from his desk, sitting down next to evan. "brush my hair, please?"

evan quickly nodded. he quickly took the brush from connor's hands, starting to run it through the taller's hair. connor's cheeks flushed ever so slightly, but he continued to blow on his jet-black nails.

"i d-don't l-l-like it when y-your ha-air is up." evan blurted out.

there was silence.

"i think it looks fucking fine, thank you very much."

"m-maybe if y-y-you w-weren't wearing the st-stupid scrunchie all the t-time, i c-could l-l-like your hair a l-lot more."

connor pursed his lips, face turning red. "fuck you."

Chapter Text

evan slowly looked around the dimly lit warehouse, taking a few steps forward. a light at the top of the rickety stairs flicked on, revealed his masked enemy.

"good evening, young hero." he said, grinning. "i see you aren't ready to give up yet."

"sh-shut up." evan snapped, glancing at the vines he sent creeping up the walls behind his enemy. "i kn-know who you a-are, murphy."

connor sighed, slipping a black leather glove from his pocket onto his hand. "ah, pity."

the hero furrowed his eyebrows, before he shook his head. "j-just fight me a-already!"

"as you wish."

the vines shot out, making connor spin around and draw his sword from his belt. he jumped back, landing on the ground beneath the stairs. connor turned his heel, brushing his hair out of his face.

"i know your tricks, young hero." the villain said, taking a few steps forward.

evan scowled. "h-how do y-y-you know that?"

the villain just smiled, lunging at evan, who dodged just in time. connor spun around, thrusting his sword forward. evan yelped, stumbling backwards.

"now, mister hansen." connor's blade pressed against evan's chest, making the hero's eyes widen. "we could continue on like this, or we could negotiate."

the hero growled. "n-negotiate m-m-my ass."

"if you'd like."

"w-wait, n-n-n-no!"

Chapter Text

"guess what day it is, fuckbags!?"

evan cracked his eyes open and turned to see his boyfriend hitting the rest of the teenagers in the room with pillows.

"wake the fuck up!" connor shouted, hitting his sister over the head. "it's the day of my birth and the best fucking day of the year!"

zoe groaned. "go get high."

"i am, you cunt!"

Chapter Text

evan watches a long-haired boy dangle freakishly large earthworms--gross--into a fish tank with a smile on his face. a strange fish slowly swam up and grabbed the worms that were dropped into the water.

okay.

evan can talk to him.

well, this boy is pretty, handsome, even, and very much out of evan's league with the pretty brown hair and blue and brown eyes that looked stitched together. yes, it's kind of creepy that evan watches this boy as he takes care of this fish here, sure, but evan can't help it.

this boy is fucking hot.

"th-that's a cool fish." evan squeaks, and the boy turns around.

fucking hell.

long-hair blinks before letting out a breathy laugh.

"dude." he says. "it's an amphibian."

"i-i'm not c-c-concerned with wh-what is and what is n-not a fish."

"okay." the blue-and-brown-eyed boy smiles. "but it's an amphibian."

alright, evan didn't fuck this up.

great.

the boy leans against the table the tank is set on. "i've seen you around here a few times. been wondering what your name w-"

"e-evan."

"connor."

evan smiles, shifting from foot to foot. "so, u-um...ca-ca-care to teach me wh-what is actually a f-f-fish?"

"yeah, sure. first of all," connor grins. "i'm not a fish."

Chapter Text

evan is petrified as he stands in front of the door to his boyfriend's bedroom, trembling as his hand is extended to knock on the new, black-painted door that was installed just a month ago.

no one will answer and he knows that.

but he'll try.

so, evan knocks on the black door and calls out his boyfriend's name.

"c-connor?"

there is no response from inside. no funny remark, no tired calling out of his name, and the door doesn't even crack open the smallest bit.

evan is scared.

the door makes a soft creak as he opens it, and he's met with the sight of his boyfriend with his back face the door. connor's hair is tied up in a messy bun and his knees are pulled up to his chest. and from what evan can see, connor is a lot paler than usual. the mirror that was hung up on his wall was now face down on the floor, shards of glass scattered around it.

shit.

"uh..." evan pauses, shifts from foot to foot, and looks down. "z-zoe, um, told me th-that...you ha-ha-haven't, uh, left your room y-yet?"

deafening silence follows.

"you-you haven't d-d-done anything wrong, y-you kn-know...?" he mumbles, walking towards the edge of connor's bed. "...connie...?"

-

now four hours in, evan has run out of ideas. he wrapped up connor's bruised fists, braided his hair, tried getting a reaction out of connor in various ways--not even poking the back of connor's neck snapped him out of his static state.

connor still hasn't moved.

and evan is terrified.

"connor..." evan whimpers. "will you please j-just do s-s-something? a-anything?"

he feels his hand being squeezed as he sniffles.

-

connor feels like vomiting.

his boyfriend is the last person connor wants to see right now. larry would be better. hell, even fucking klienman would be a million times better than evan.

not if he's going to hurt evan again.

because of fucking course on the day evan gets beaten the shit out of, connor is having possibly one of the worst days of his life. his cuts felt like they were on fire, his dad screamed at him, zoe was a bigger bitch than usually, and cynthia just had to fucking nag him like she always does. just fucking nag, nag, nag all fucking day-

he hears a sniffle.

and goddamnit, connor needs to help evan. he's crying and this is connor's fault-

connor moves his free hand up to evan's cheek, eyes watering.

"it's...it's okay, ev."

Chapter Text

"so...what happened to your arm?"

eva flinched, whipping around. her eyes widened, cheeks flushing as she laid eyes on a tall girl standing a few feet away from her, who was holding a paper in her hands.

coraline murphy.

"i...u-um...i f-f-fell out o-of a tree." eva squeaked, nervously moving some hair out of her face.

"you fell out of a tree?" coraline raised an eyebrow, before snorting. "that's just the saddest fucking thing i've ever heard."

"y-yeah..."

there was a brief moment of silence as coraline sat down next to eva, who hunched her shoulders, chipping off small pieces of her cast.

"uh...no one's signed your cast."

eva flinched, eyes darting up to coraline.

"y-yeah, i kn-kn-know..."

coraline glanced down at the empty cast before she looked back over to eva. "i'll sign it."

"wh-" eva stared at coraline in shock. "y-y-you d-don't have t-to-"

"you have a sharpie?"

eva stared for a few more seconds before scrambling to get the black sharpie her dad packed her that morning. she handed it to coraline, hands trembling. the taller teenager roughly grabbed eva's arm, making her wince. coraline mumbled a quiet 'sorry', signing her name neatly on the cast.

"u-um, thanks..." the shorter mumbled, staring down at the cast when coraline finished.

"now we can pretend we both have friends."

there was silence.

coraline looked down at the paper in her hands. "this is yours, right? 'dear eva hansen'-"

"th-that's an a-a-a-assignment-"

"'it turns out that today wasn't a great day at all.' yeah, no kidding. i fucking shoved you, and now i'm trying to apologize. god, i'm an asshole."

"i-i-i'm o-okay-"

coraline smiled. "right. because everyone's definition of 'okay' is on the verge of tears."

eva purses her lips and picks at her cast. coraline shifts uncomfortably and brushes the hair out of her eyes.

"well, uh..." the taller glances around before looking up. "i'll see you later."

as coraline leaves the room, eva forces a smile and manages to squeeze out a quiet 'bye'.

maybe the year wouldn't be so bad after all.

Chapter Text

evan yelps as another stream of fire is sent barreling towards him. he scrambles away, tripping over his own feet and falling flat on his face. his nose hurts like hell and he thinks that he might have hurt his leg.

heat starts building up around him, and evan pushes himself upwards. walls of fire are building up around him, a small opening in a space in front of him. he sees his sparring partner walking through the gap, which closes as he passes through it. evan pushes his singed hair out of his face, scrambling backwards. he cries out in pain as his hand touches a part of the rapidly burning ground.

the walls of fire start to become smaller and less hot. his partner kneels down in front of him, offering evan a sheepish smile.

"sorry." connor says, holding out a hand for evan to take to lift him up.

the smaller teenager reluctantly excepts connor's hand, who pulls him up. evan rubs his other hand, the raw skin of it stinging.

connor was pushing it today.

"i-i-it's okay." evan mumbles.

connor frowns, staring at the burned skin of evan's hand. "shit. sorry. i just kind of needed to, uh...calm down, i guess?"

"n-no, no, really i-it's okay, i ju-ju-just kind of n-need to-"

"let me-"

"i'm okay!" evan shouts, snatching his hand away from connor's extended one.

his sparring partner deflates, hand dropping down to his side. "right."

there's a long silence.

"y-you were just, um, k-k-kind of ha-harsh today?" evan winces at his words.

connor flashes evan an apologetic grin. "i get it. i'm being kind of a dick today, aren't i?"

"i w-w-wouldn't sa-say-"

"you think it, though." connor sighs, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "sorry."

"it's o-okay."

connor's eyes move back down to evan's hand. "you...you can heal yourself, right?"

evan nods, shifting from foot to foot. he sees connor's jaw clench, and hears a long breath being sucked in.

it releases.

he takes that as the hint to get his hand patched up. vines start creeping out from under his left shirt sleeve, slowly, carefully wrapping around his arm. connor watches him intently, eyebrows furrowing.

"how is healing so fucking easy for you?"

evan flinches, looking up at connor. there's more silence before evan speaks. "w-well, healing t-t-takes time. s-so...it just t-took pr-pr-practice, i guess."

Chapter Text

connor scowls as he watches jared sling an arm around evan's shoulder, proceeding to ruffle his hair.

he will not get mad over something so fucking stupid.

but it's connor. he gets mad over the smallest things that would normally just make someone shrug or maybe even get a little bit annoyed at. but, well, this time it involves jared touching evan. connor hates jared and wishes he could snap his fucking neck or make him slowly burn to death to stop him from tainting evan because. evan is just.

well.

evan.

sweet and wonderful evan. the evan who doesn't care that connor is fucking mental, who doesn't care that connor is just the most fucking terrifying person on earth who can't control his fucking powers. connor is fucked up, connor is crazy, and he can't control his dumb powers that he wish he was never born with, or even better, he was never born.

he can feel his body temperature getting higher and higher, nails digging into his scalp, teeth gritted.

connor will calm the fuck down, and he'll stop getting mad, and he'll push down his stupid feelings because who could ever be attracted to the fucking mess that is connor murphy?

"hey, connor!"

the teen looks up, narrowing his eyes as jared walks into his line of sight. evan is beside him, an awkward smile on his face as he approaches connor.

"h-h-hi."

connor purses his lips, weighing his options.

either say something offensive and hurt evan's feelings, but maybe make jared go away, or put up with his shit and keep evan around.

and it looks like evan is staying.

he lets out a huff of air, dropping his hands from his head and propping his chin up on his left hand. "you decide to bother me again, kleinman?"

"fuck yeah." jared grins, sliding into the seat across from connor's. evan reluctantly takes a seat next to connor.

connor bites the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back a victorious smile.

point for connor murphy.

 

Chapter Text

evan huffs a sigh as connor doesn't respond to a poke to the horns, which would normally bother him. evan's demon friend hasn't moved an inch said he had said something about connor being a soft demon.

he puffs his cheeks up, crossing his arms.

maybe he has to poke connor elsewhere.

the angel tries his demon's side, ultimately gaining no response. he lets out a frustrated sigh, resting his head against connor's shoulder. "connor..." he whines, hitting his head against connor's shoulder again.

he looks up.

nothing yet.

a little exploration never hurt.

evan reaches up and runs his thumb over one of connor's deep red, stubby horns, furrowing his eyebrows. it kind of felt like wood, with small grooves he hadn't noticed before. they were cold compared to connor's usually warm skin.

moving his hand downwards, evan runs his fingers through connor's soft brown hair. he glances over at the demon's face, who is now staring at him, eyebrows furrowed. evan represses a smile, continuing to run his hand through connor's hair. he moves his hand downwards once again.

his hand hovers over connor's lips, which are pressed into a tight line. evan slowly traces a finger over the demon's lips, seeing his cheeks flush. the angel grins, managing to part connor's lips ever so slightly. he catches sight of the sharp teeth in connor's mouth.

once again, evan moves his hand downwards, down to connor's jaw, then his neck.

connor shudders as evan's fingers run down his neck, moving his shoulders in a circle. evan lets out a soft sigh, before resting his head against connor's chest.

evan hears the sound of connor's multiple hearts, running a hand through his hair again.

connor places a hand on evan's back, a smile gracing his lips.

Chapter Text

five teenagers sit at a table, bickering about the outfits they would wear to a convention.

jared snorts, rolling his eyes. "clearly alana is himiko."

"well," alana adjusts her glasses, huffing a sigh. "i feel like i'm more kirumi than himiko. first of all, i'm not ever really tired, and second, i don't believe in magic."

"agreed." connor taps his pencil on the side of his sketchbook. "tojo's reason for murder also seems pretty alana, too."

"i...wouldn't go that far."

"fine." jared rolls his eyes. "then hansen is saihara. we can all agree on that."

a murmur of agreement comes from three of the teens. evan's cheeks flush, and he struggles to get words out.

"i, uh, i d-don't think so..." he squeaks.

"oh, shut up." zoe flicks her brother's eraser at the freckled boy, much to both of their dismay. alana tosses the eraser back to connor, who mumbles something about alana being 'the only nice person besides evan'. "you're literally the fucking leader of this shit show. you deserve to be saihara more than any of us. plus," zoe grins. "connor is your kaede."

her brother makes a strangled noise, shooting zoe a look. both zoe and jared crack up at connor and evan's facial expressions, alana letting out small chuckles from behind her hand.

"fuck you guys." connor spits, cheeks red.

alana clears her throat, shooting jared and zoe pointed looks. "speaking of connor, i feel like he'd be hoshi."

evan frowns. "i th-think he'd b-b-be rantaro."

"gee," connor smiles. "thanks, hansen. nice to see you guys think i'm fucking dead."

"n-no!"  the shorter male shouts, eyes widening. "i d-d-didn't m-mean that!"

"you just wanna travel the world with connor, don't you hansen?" jared snickers, punching evan's shoulder, who's face reddens.

"actually, i think it's pretty accurate." zoe says.

connor rolls his eyes. "wow, you love me so much."

alana smiles. "she's right. in rantaro's free-time events, he's referred to as the ultimate big brother. despite not being there for zoe for a while, you're actually a great older sibling."

jared stops laughing, and evan stops midsentence. a silence settles over the room, and connor picks up his pencil, scribbling something down in his sketchbook. "actually!" jared pipes up. "he's korekiyo!

zoe and connor exchange a look, then cringe.

"no."

the glasses-wearing male starts cracking up again, evan gently pushing him with a bright red face. alana seems to be struggling to process Jared's words, her mouth open in shock. connor chucks his eraser at jared.

"okay, i love shinguji and it would be awesome to cosplay him." connor says. "but there is no fucking way i am even going to manage that without thinking about the fucking...grossness of all the incest, ew."

Chapter Text

sucking in painful, short breaths, evan pushes open the doors to the gymnasium, seeing heather mcnamara and veronica standing near the entrance. evan rushes over to the two, worry and concern etched into his features.

"is everything okay?"

heather is breathing quickly and unevenly. she holds up a tattered piece of fabric with a shaky hand, presenting it to evan.

it's covered in dried, splattered blood.

"we should go get everyone." veronica says, gently placing a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder. she turns her head towards mcnamara. "are you good to stay here on your own?"

evan turns away from the pair, briskly walking out the gym doors. minutes later, veronica and evan have gathered everyone in the gym. from there, the remaining students split up. alana and rich search the locker rooms, mcnamara and veronica check around the gym equipment, heather duke and chloe valentine check zoe's old lab upstairs, and evan and jared check the pool. 

just then, evan realizes something.

"jared..." evan whispers, furrowing his eyebrows. "did you see connor?"

the teen snorts. "your prince charming? fuck no."

"hold on."

evan runs out of the room. he asks everyone present, yet no one seems to have seen connor since yesterday.

"i...don't think anyone has seen him since dinner." alana says, a frown making its way onto her face. "rich?"

rich rolls his eyes, sighing. "who the hell cares about him?"

confused and panicked shouting is heard from outside, and the door connecting the two locker rooms opens.

"get your asses out here!" veronica shouts, and the three in the lockers rooms rush out. the other students are rushing through the pool doors, rich, alana, and evan following.

the door to the boy's locker room is open, and a metallic smell is faint.

"holy fuck!" valentine shouts, hands covering her mouth.

evan pushes past the students crowded around the door, eyes widening in horror at the sight in front of him.

connor murphy is propped up against a cart of towels, eyes rolled back into his head. blood was dried in streaks down his forehead and on the bridge of his nose, hair plastered to his face. there are cuts and slashes all over his skin, hoodie, and pants. blood is dried on his hands, matted in his hair, and splattered across the floor. there's a deep cut across his neck, and if evan squints, he thinks he can see streaks of faded eyeliner that had run down connor's face.

and there's two bottles of nail polish on the floor.

one black, one gold, both shattered with the glass stuck in connor's flesh.

evan can feel vomit rising in his throat as that horrific chiming sounds.

oh god, that fucking chiming.

his best friend is dead.

doubling over, evan clutches his stomach and covers his mouth. someone places a hand on his back.

"a body has been discovered!"

Chapter Text

connor can feel himself slipping into something that feels like an out-of-body experience.

he's confused--well, clueless--at the moment.

his house was full of people he barely knew, all from his school and other people he didn't care were there. zoe had invited a few people, he invited his dealer, and then the morphed into...whatever the fuck was happening. he was very, very high and very, very drunk at that time, and he wasn't aware of what was happening. he thinks someone might've been jerking off in his bathroom, but that's okay.

he could give less of a fuck, he thinks, at least.

but he was like this because of that asshole, leonard--who was now his official ex.

leonard was sweet, at first. then he turned sour, but he was still nice at some moments.

mostly in front of other people, like.

evan.

oh, evan.

now that he's done with leonard, he thinks he'll try evan. not like he would help. maybe evan won't be so sour, like leonard.

maybe evan will be nice.

but connor can't really think straight right, and he's thinking about how shitty his like is while watching people who are down at the pool, mainly evan, who looks so uncomfortable. connor smiles.

evan isn't sour.

for a minute, connor rummages around his dresser drawer until he finds his unopened bottle of sleeping pills.

connor kind of wants to die.

he'll do it now.

he struggles to get the seal off of the bottle, before he eventually was able to pop the lid off. he plops down at his desk and dumps the blue pills all over his desk, which bounce all over the place.

after he's had about a fistful and some more pills, he stumbles out of his room and down one of the three staircases in his family's house.

connor has almost fallen and maybe cracked his head open a total of four times now.

it's mostly a blur.

he's out of his room, and faces are flying past him. people making out, people snorting whatever-the-fuck they got their hands on, and people chugging whatever came out of his parent's liquor cabinet.

once he's outside, he waddles towards the diving board. he almost falls into the pool once he's on it.

evan catches sight of him, a worried look forming on his face when he notices how connor's swaying and how he's a lot paler than usual.

connor sort-of doesn't blame him.

"for my next trick!" connor shouts, making people turn their heads toward him. he feels so tired. "i'm gonna fucking kill myself."

he tips forward, falling into the water. before he goes under, he can hear shouts.

the water is colder than he remembers, but then again, he's high off his ass and very drunk, and his brain is weird so maybe the water always was very, very cold. not like it will matter. air is escaping him, and he feels something grabbing at him. connor is losing consciousness, kind of? he doesn't know anymore. everything is just really, really slow and warm and he was sweating a lot before he jumped into the water.

moments later he's being pulled out of the pool and onto the concrete. there's more shouting, and it's really annoying, so connor moves the cover his ears. but then he starts coughing up water because someone apparently pushed on his chest or something, and it's kind of a mix of vomit from all the drugs and alchol and the pills he consumed, and then it's water and it's gross.

he catches sight of evan.

and he feels a little bad through all the haziness.

because, well.

evan looks so scared.

fuck.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

connor scared evan.

he lifts his hand, which is pale and a little gray, towards evan, who is trying to push past everyone to get to him.

there's a muffled sound of sirens, and connor tries to sit up.

it's blurry, he can't hear, it's warm, and he's terrified.