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we all hate and love and despair in equal measure

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All in all, it was just another day with another round of the evening news. A jet had appeared and then vanished. The angels were back, and this time they had taken the salt that should have gone into corn muffins, but it was for a godly mission, so who was Ryan to complain?

But then, a tall, handsome, mysterious stranger appeared in town, and Ryan was smitten.

"A new man came into town today," he crooned, leaning close to his microphone, the image of the tall figure still sharp in his mind. "Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? He says he is a scientist. Well…we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here? And just what does he plan to do with all those breakers and humming electrical instruments in that lab he’s renting – the one next to Big Rico’s Pizza?"

Ryan paused. "No one does a slice like Big Rico's. No one."

Distracted by thoughts of pizza and the dog park ("Do not approach the dog park!") and public safety ("Gatorade is practically soda, so give your children plain water and maybe an orange slice") Ryan moves on to the traffic and the weather, but eventually his thoughts came full circle, and as per usual, Ryan knew he had to overshare with the citizens of the desert community he loved so much. 

"That new scientist," Ryan announced with a measure of glee, "we now know is named Shane – called a town meeting. He has a square jaw, and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate, and despair, and love that perfect hair in equal measure."

It was silly and childish, yes, to notice the hair, but Ryan was smitten. 

"Shane told us that we are by far the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S., and he had come to study just what is going on around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect:"

Ryan paused, and the cooling desert air and the hooded figures and the angels and all the agents from the vague yet menacing government agency held their breath.

"I fell in love instantly."