(It's a pleasantly warm Sunday morning in March in Peaceful Pines. Spring is definitely here. Tulips, daffodils, and lilacs are in full bloom.. While the majority of villagers are still in bed or at church, LYDIA and BEETLEJUICE are lying on their backs on the highest hill in the cemetery. They're on the side that can't be seen from the main road, Maitlands Hardware, or anywhere in the village, so they feel secure from prying eyes, including the watchful, disapproving gaze of Barbara and Adam.)
(LYDIA and BEETLEJUICE have known each other since Halloween, and have spent the majority of their free time together. In the course of pranking school kids, villagers, tourists, and poor clueless Charles and hapless Percy, as well as adventures in the Neitherworld, the ghost and the little girl have gradually gotten to know each other over the last four months. LYDIA has been more forthcoming than the poltergeist, in part because of her youth. But BEETLEJUICE is not one to express any depth of feelings. If he's capable of any.)
(BEETLEJUICE is continuing their game of Truth or Dare.)
BEETLEJUICE: So? Which is it, babes?
LYDIA: If I say Dare you're going to make me eat something gross again, aren't you?
BEETLEJUICE: "Gross" is in th' palate of th' beholder. Lots of livin' people around th' world eat grubs. Don't be a snob.
LYDIA: I'm not! When you were alive did you eat them?
BEETLEJUICE: I don't talk about Before, babes, I told ya. So stop pokin'.
LYDIA: OK, Ok....
BEETLEJUICE: Besides, I'm not makin' ya do anythin'. You wanted t' play this game.
LYDIA: I know. (deep sigh) Truth.
BEETLEJUICE (trying not to let on how curious he is): Why d'ya keep askin' about Before?
LYDIA: Because you're not like any grownup I've ever known.
BEETLEJUICE (dry chuckle): Good thing, too.
LYDIA: I just wonder.... if you were like this when you were alive. Or if you changed After.
BEETLEJUICE: Like what?
LYDIA: Fun. Interesting. Doing whatever you want to do.
BEETLEJUICE: You've seen how popular that makes me in th' Neitherworld.
LYDIA: But that doesn't bother you. I want to be that way, too.
BEETLEJUICE: Whuddaya mean? You are.
LYDIA (confessing something she never has before): I don't like the bullying.
BEETLEJUICE (surprised, but not letting on): Sure, but ya don't let it get under yer skin.
LYDIA (enviously): I wish I had your powers.
BEETLEJUICE: HA. You'd never use them.
LYDIA: Sure I would!
BEETLEJUICE: C'mon, babes, we're doin' Truth. Whenever I want t' stick ants in Claire's dress or toss one of those bully boys upside down into a garbage can, you don't want me to. You've got an overdeveloped sense of empathy. Ya don't want t' be like me. Just enjoy it vicariously.
LYDIA (sincerely): I do.
BEETLEJUICE (also, hesitantly, sincere): I know. Which makes it all th' more fun. Besides...If you were like me, it'd be like lookin' in th' mirror. I don't want that.
LYDIA (laughs): You look in the mirror all the time! You love looking at yourself.
BEETLEJUICE (low voice): That's not whut I mean.
LYDIA: My turn.
BEETLEJUICE (uncomfortable): Isn't it time for you t' go home for lunch or somethin'?
LYDIA: My turn. Truth or dare?
BEETLEJUICE (confidently): Dare.
LYDIA: That's no fun. You're not afraid to do anything! And you can do anything!
BEETLEJUICE (laughs wickedly): Dare me, babes!
LYDIA (cunningly): OK. I dare you to tell me the truth about why you want to be my friend.
BEETLEJUICE: That's Truth, not Dare!
LYDIA: No! I dare you to tell the truth about one particular thing! If I chose Truth then you could tell the truth about anything. Like you told the truth about your favorite kind of beetle. (softer) You don't tell me about yourself, as a person.
BEETLEJUICE (darkly): I'm not a person.
LYDIA: Yes, you are! You were and you still are. You're just not like how you were.
BEETLEJUICE: I am absolutely like I was. An' I'm worse. By other people's standards, that is.
LYDIA (resentful): Are you going to renege? Fine. Be that way. (gets up) I keep forgetting, you don't have any rules. (LYDIA begins to walk away)
BEETLEJUICE (actually frightened that she'll leave and stay mad at him): Babes.....
(BEETLEJUICE realizes there's only one way he can keep his friendship intact: by being honest. He sings to LYDIA, softly at first)
BEETLEJUICE: My past is far more disturbing than you can imagine.
(LYDIA stops. She turns back and looks at him.)
I have robbed, I have conned, I have cheated.
I have duped, and defrauded, and stolen.
I’ve lusted and lied and let evil inside of my soul, oh yeah.
I have hurt, and betrayed and mistreated.
And suckered, and swindled and scammed.
I’ve done so much deceit and I’ve scandalized even the damned, yes indeed.
But like it or not, I’m exactly what you need.
(BEETLEJUICE rises and walks down the hill, facing LYDIA as he does)
I have run down the highway to ruin, I’ve fallen farther than Lucifer fell.
I’ve spent my life waiting to party with Satan in hell, yes sir!
And, whatever misdeeds you’ve been doin’, whatever your conscience conceals,
I ain’t judging you, kid, I’m just sayin’, I know how it feels..
Cuz if you think you’ve strayed, you’re only a beginner.
If you think you’re cursed, you still ain’t truly been.
And if you think you’re doomed, just look at me, you sinner.
I am the king of sin.
(LYDIA, stunned, sits down)
( BEETLEJUICE now sings with absolute, bare-faced honesty and vulnerability, which he has never done before, in Life and After.)
I ain’t up here bragging.
My life and death are a disgrace.
But in a graveyard one day, I saw a young girl’s face.
My goal was to terrify her, to make her wet her bed.
But in the end she haunted me instead.
Without fear she saw me, in her eyes I couldn’t hide.
Tore down my moldering wall and saw the emptiness inside.
No one had ever touched me in life or death, didn’t want it now.
Certainly not from some kid.
My dead heart was cold, entombed, but she lifted the lid.
A cruel girl could’ve torn me in half.
But Lydia Deetz made the face of death laugh.
(BEETLEJUICE throws his arms wide.)
I’m the lowest of all of the lowly.
The baddest of all of the bad.
My criminal record is so frigging checkered it’s plaid, oh yeah.
No one will mistake me for an angel.
I’m a poltergeist for Eternity.
If I’m cursed that’s OK, I’m willing to pay, just stay with me.
(BEETLEJUICE holds his hand toward LYDIA. Smiling while crying, LYDIA follows him into the graveyard as clouds gather above. BEETLEJUICE's characteristic thunder rolls and lightning blasts.)
Others run and hide in terrifying weather.
While you and I, we dance out in the storm.
I’m still what I am, but so much better ‘cuz we’re together.
I'm still the king
I am the king
I am the king of sin!
(BEETLEJUICE and LYDIA hold their hands skyward and laugh together as the rain plummets down.)