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Steve Rogers I Will Eat Your Fucking Eyelids

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Monday, March 4th.

8:07pm

TonyStark has created a chat.

TonyStark has added 9 users to the chat.

TonyStark has named the chat HoesAndTricks.

 

8:09pm

 

TonyStark: Welcome to the chat, brothers and sisters.

 

BruceBanner: Tony no.

 

TonyStark: Bruce is blocked because he thinks he can tell me what to do.

 

SteveRogers: Tony is blocked because he keeps making pointless chats.

 

TonyStark: Steve is blocked because hes gay

 

ClintBarton: Tony is blocked because hes home of phobic

 

NatashaRomanov: You're all blocked for being fucking annoying.

 

ClintBarton: Fair

 

SteveRogers: Fair

 

BruceBanner: Fair

 

TonyStark: Fair

 

NatashaRomanov: Who's all here

 

TonyStark: Why don't you check the user list, wise one

 

NatashaRomanov: Why don't I roundhouse kick you in the dick

 

TonyStark: Fair

 

BruceBanner: You added. Loki. To. A. Chat.

 

TonyStark: Thor would've whined if I didn't. 

 

TonyStark: He's like, 15. What real threat is that.

 

SteveRogers: He owns like seven snakes. 

 

ClintBarton: He threatened to kill me

 

SteveRogers: Me too

 

BruceBanner: Me too

 

NatashaRomanov: Me too

 

SteveRogers: Many times actually.

 

TonyStark: He's just going through his edgy emo phase

 

TonyStark: We've all been there.

 

NatashaRomanov: No. No we haven't 

 

TonyStark: If you didn't cry when MCR broke up, I don't want to associate with you.

 

ClintBarton: Can I get an F in the chat for all the MCR fans that never got to see a show before it was too late

 

BruceBanner: F

 

TonyStark: F

 

SteveRogers: Whos MCR

 

TonyStark: Blocked

 

SteveRogers: okay go off

 

NatashaRomanov: It was a punk band from the 2000s of something like that. 

 

SteveRogers: Oh. I don't like modern music

 

TonyStark: Prude

 

SteveRogers: Surprised you can even spell that word

 

TonyStark: It's five letters. 

 

TonyStark: You see that spot on the ground right there? That's where you need to land when you get off your high horse.

 

ClintBarton: OUCH

 

BruceBanner: That was poetry

 

SteveRogers: You're just mad because you're single, its okay tony.

 

TonyStark: Single and ready to mingle

 

TonyStark: Speaking of which, how's your goth boyfriend Steven?

 

NatashaRomanov: Oh?

 

SteveRogers: He's referring to bucky. And he's not goth just sad.

 

BruceBanner: Mood

 

ClintBarton: Fucking bood.

 

TonyStark: And you, Brucie, hows that sweet Norwegian ass?

 

BruceBanner: what

 

ClintBarton: Does Thor want your Midwesterner gam gams?

 

BruceBanner: MY WHAT

 

ClintBarton: Your

 

ClintBarton: GAM GAMS.

 

BruceBanner: That's disgusting

 

SteveRogers: That's not even a thing

 

NatashaRomanov: This is getting weird...good job tony

 

TonyStark: It's my specialty

 

TonyStark: Why is NO ONE else on? It's not even eight thirty

 

ClintBarton: Thor probably goes to bed at like 4 in the afternoon

 

BruceBanner: No he doesn't

 

SteveRogers: You would know

 

BruceBanner: STEVE

 

NatashaRomanov: Who's Vision and what kind of name is that

 

TonyStark: He's my student and that's not his real name

 

TonyStark: At least I don't think so

 

TonyStark: I hope not...

 

ClintBarton: You have a student?

 

TonyStark: He's a little nerd shit with 0 social skills so I help him make friends and in return, he assists me on projects.

 

TonyStark: Sweet kid.

 

TonyStark: Cool accent

 

TonyStark: It's like. Londoner. IDK if he's actually british or just weird

 

BruceBanner: Probably just weird

 

 TonyStark: Maybe

 

NatashaRomanov: This is boring. Deuces. 

 

NatashaRomanov  is offline.

 

ClintBarton: Boooooo Nat 

 

TonyStark: What a loser

 

SteveRogers: That's not nice. 

 

TonyStark: Im not nice

 

BruceBanner: We know

 

TonyStark: shut up ur soft

 

ClintBarton: Soft

 

BruceBanner: Don't call me soft I'll cry

 

SteveRogers: aww

 

ThorOdinson  is now online.

 

ThorOdinson: Hello friends! I thank you for adding me to this chat.

 

TonyStark: Of course big guy. We need someone to wrangle dark lord loki

 

ThorOdinson: Dark lord? 

 

ClintBarton: A little evil man

 

TonyStark: real rowdy boy

 

ClintBarton: satan child

 

ThorOdinson: No! Loki is very sweet!

 

SteveRogers: He's threatened to kill all of us more than once

 

ThorOdinson: He's goth.

 

BruceBanner: Hi Thor.

 

ThorOdinson: Hello Bruce! How are you, my small friend?

 

BruceBanner: Small?

 

TonyStark: Everyone's small compared to you, big guy.

 

ThorOdinson: Yes, I know. But that is okay. Small friends are good friends.

 

ClintBarton: We're all average sized humans.

 

SteveRogers: Except Tony

 

TonyStark: Fuck off

 

ThorOdinson: It is okay to be small, Tony. I was small when I was younger!

 

BruceBanner: I don't believe it. 

 

ClintBarton: Thor bust outta his mom like the Kool-Aid man.

 

SteveRogers: Ouch.

 

TonyStark: My metaphorical uterus hurt reading that.

 

ThorOdinson: You have a uterus, Tony? That is okay too. 

 

TonyStark: No, it's just an expression

 

SteveRogers: Thor how are you always so happy

 

ThorOdinson: What is there to be sad about? 

 

ClintBarton: So much man, so much.

 

ThorOdinson: I am aware of the state of the world. But there is nothing I can do about it. I have my family, my friends, my school, and a bright future ahead of me.

 

ThorOdinson: There is nothing for me to be sad about if I cannot control it.

 

TonyStark: Damn man.

 

ClintBarton: I might have to sit down and rethink my life.

 

SteveRogers: Things must be different in Norway.

 

ThorOdinson: Very different. Colder. All the time. People are quick to judge, as my family's names are all derived from ancient mythology.

 

BruceBanner: I noticed that. I think it's cool. A lot cooler than Bruce.

 

ThorOdinson: Thank you. I like your name. It fits you.

 

TonyStark: Should we leave you two alone?

 

ClintBarton: OwO whats this

 

BruceBanner: Knock it off

 

SteveRogers: Leave them alone. They can't help being gay.

 

ThorOdinson: Of course not! Sexuality is not a choice.

 

TonyStark: Another expression bud.

 

ThorOdinson: I know! Just stating.

 

TonyStark: So smart.

 

ClintBarton: Best friend material

 

TonyStark: Boyfriend material if you're a certain science nerd

 

SteveRogers: Tony leave Bruce alone

 

BruceBanner: ony-tay I will ill-kay ou-yay

 

ThorOdinson: What language is that?

 

SteveRogers: Don't worry about it big guy

 

ThorOdinson: Okay! 

 

TonyStark: o-day it ruce-bay

 

ClintBarton: What is happening

 

BruceBanner: Nothing Clint :)

 

ClintBarton: Threatened.

 

LokiOdinson  is now online.

 

LokiOdinson: What is this buffoonery.

 

TonyStark: Good evening, princess.

 

LokiOdinson: Eugh. Stark.

 

SteveRogers: Hello, Satan.

 

LokiOdinson: Rogers.

 

ThorOdinson: Hello brother! How are you enjoying your sleepover with our sister?

 

LokiOdinson: She's more tolerable than you.

 

ClintBarton: Oh so the demon spawn isn't at home?

 

BruceBanner: You guys have a sister?

 

LokiOdinson: Yes. Hela. She's older. And I stay with her sometimes to alleviate the stress at home.

 

ThorOdinson: And he leaves his snakes here overnight! I do not know how to care for a snake!

 

LokiOdinson: I leave you a simple guide every time. It's not complicated.

 

TonyStark: Why not bring the snakes with you?

 

SteveRogers: Snakes? Plural? How many?

 

LokiOdinson: Unlike Stark's wild guess, I have three.

 

ThorOdinson: Evil snakes.

 

ClintBarton: Why three. I couldn't handle one.

 

LokiOdinson: Of course you couldn't.

 

BruceBanner: Ouch.

 

TonyStark: Can I get an F in the chat

 

SteveRogers: Clint can barely take care of himself.

 

ClintBarton: That's very true.

 

ThorOdinson: He takes them out of their tanks and lets them slither around on his face.

 

LokiOdinson: NO I DO NOT. 

 

ThorOdinson: He talks to them in hiss noises.

 

LokiOdinson: I WOULD NEVER.

 

SteveRogers: Keep talking. 

 

TonyStark: I appreciate this blackmail material.

 

LokiOdinson: Thor I forbid you to tell them any more.

 

ThorOdinson: You don't own me.

 

ClintBarton: BOOM

 

ThorOdinson: He asks them advice. 

 

ThorOdinson: Usually concerning the senior he has a crush on.

 

TonyStark: I didn't know the forces of evil had time for romance.

 

LokiOdinson: Brother. I beg of you. No more.

 

SteveRogers: Who do you fancy, Loki?

 

LokiOdinson: It's none of your business.

 

ClintBarton: What's she like?

 

TonyStark: Tell us about her, Krampus.

 

ThorOdinson: Hah. "Her".

 

ClintBarton: ah, issa man huh.

 

LokiOdinson: Yes. Is that a problem, Barton?

 

ClintBarton: Hey man I don't judge. 

 

ClintBarton: I mean, I'm friends with Steve and Bucky. They practically spend every waking moment sucking each other's faces.

 

TonyStark: Me neither man. Homophobia is not an epic gamer moment.

 

LokiOdinson: I don't know what that means.

 

ThorOdinson: Nor do I. Just go with it.

 

ThorOdinson: I could tell you about him. Though I do not think you guys know him.

 

ThorOdinson: Loki often rants about him.

 

SteveRogers: I don't spend that much time with Bucky...

 

ClintBarton: Yes you do.

 

TonyStark: Yes you do.

 

ThorOdinson: You spend an adequate amount of time with James.

 

LokiOdinson: I've never seen you two apart.

 

SteveRogers: We're in love sorry you guys can't relate :/

 

TonyStark: Love is for people who have hearts.

 

ClintBarton: I have a girlfriend but okay steve.

 

SteveRogers: Shut up Clint

 

ClintBarton: No

 

LokiOdinson: I don't like when the conversation isn't about me. 

 

ThorOdinson: Would you prefer I spill the beans about your crush?

 

LokiOdinson: No.

 

TonyStark: Do it anyway. He's like 15, how threatening is that.

 

SteveRogers: You've already said that.

 

TonyStark: Well I said it again.

 

LokiOdinson: 15 and a half.

 

ClintBarton: Does it matter?

 

LokiOdinson: Do you matter?

 

ClintBarton: Nope.

 

TonyStark: Mood.

 

SteveRogers: What happened to Bruce? It doesn't say hes logged off.

 

BruceBanner: Im still here! Just reading. Kinda tired.

 

ThorOdinson: Oh, great. I'm glad to see you're still awake, Bruce.

 

LokiOdinson: Oh? 

 

LokiOdinson: Ohhhh…;)

 

ThorOdinson: Loki no.

 

LokiOdinson: Loki yes. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

EnDwiGast has created a chat.

 

EnDwiGast has named the chat Revengers

 

EnDwiGast has added five users.

 

3:07pm

 

Brunhilde: The fuck

 

LokiOdinson: Another chat?

 

EnDwiGast: Hello

 

EnDwiGast: My beautiful friends.

 

Brunhilde: What's the point of this

 

EnDwiGast: Nothin

 

Brunhilde: Bye

 

Brunhilde has left the chat.

 

EnDwiGast: What a party pooper

 

LokiOdinson: Yes. Quite.

 

EnDwiGast: How are you my serpent loving friend

 

LokiOdinson: I am well. I suppose.

 

LokiOdinson: Thor is having football practice that I have to sit through. He's my ride.

 

EnDwiGast: You need a ride home?

 

LokiOdinson: As much as I would love to take you up on that offer, imagine the scandal that would arise from my parents witnessing me get out of a stranger's car.

 

EnDwiGast: I'm no stranger

 

LokiOdinson: To them you are

 

EnDwiGast: Maybe then would be the perfect opportunity to introduce me to your parents

 

LokiOdinson: What makes you think they want to meet you?

 

EnDwiGast: Oh you burn me, Loki.

 

LokiOdinson: I hope so.

 

EnDwiGast: Like hot coal on my tongue

 

BruceBanner: If I may interject...

 

EnDwiGast: Bruce you beautiful nerd how are you

 

BruceBanner: I'm...good. You?

 

EnDwiGast: Better now that you're here

 

BruceBanner: Cute. Loki I can drive you home?

 

LokiOdinson: As if I'd set foot in your miserable wagon.

 

BruceBanner: Pick you up in ten minutes.

 

LokiOdinson: Thank you.

 

BruceBanner has gone offline.

 

EnDwiGast: Aw, you'd let Bruce drive you but not me?

 

LokiOdinson: My parents trust Bruce.

 

EnDwiGast: Bruce is 17 with grey hairs. I'd trust him to do my taxes.

 

LokiOdinson: You don't have taxes. You live with your mother.

 

EnDwiGast: Its just a saying, doll.

 

LokiOdinson: What?

 

EnDwiGast: I bet you look adorable right now. You're so cute when you're confused.

 

LokiOdinson: Knock that off you horny bastard.

 

EnDwiGast: Only for you baby.

 

LokiOdinson: You just hump everything in sight huh.

 

EnDwiGast: Mostly.

 

LokiOdinson: Ugh.

 

EnDwiGast: I have a lot of love to give

 

EnDwiGast: And there's a lot of people that need lovin

 

LokiOdinson: Love is ridiculous. I love no one

 

EnDwiGast: No its not. You love your brother

 

LokiOdinson: I don't want to fuck him though.

 

EnDwiGast: Well i would hope not. But love doesn't just need to be about who you want to rub hotdogs with.

 

LokiOdinson: WHO I WANT TO WHAT WITH

 

EnDwiGast: You know. Rub hotdogs.

 

EnDwiGast: In this case, hotdog meaning penis.

 

LokiOdinson: What makes you think I do that.

 

EnDwiGast: No self respecting heterosexual man has as much of an affinity for fashion as you dear

 

EnDwiGast: You also give off major bottom vibes that I pick up with my built in top radar

 

LokiOdinson: That's disgusting.

 

LokiOdinson: You're so dirty.

 

EnDwiGast: I won't allow myself to be kinkshamed.

 

LokiOdinson: ugh.

 

LokiOdinson is now offline.

 

EnDwiGast: What a complex creature.

 

6:45pm

 

Message from LokiOdinson to HelaOdinson

 

LokiOdinson: I seem to be...gayer than originally thought.

 

HelaOdinson: What is it now?

 

LokiOdinson: American seniors are unattainable. But I want one.

 

HelaOdinson: Is this about Gast again?

 

LokiOdinson: Who else.

 

HelaOdinson: I can't see what you see in him.

 

LokiOdinson: You must be blind.

 

HelaOdinson: Must be.

 

LokiOdinson: He's the only man good enough for me.

 

LokiOdinson: Tall, tan skin, strong hands, smart.

 

HelaOdinson: Sounds like you're in love.

 

LokiOdinson: Mayhaps.

 

LokiOdinson: Maybe it isn't love but I am very fond of him.

 

HelaOdinson: Are you going to do anything about it?

 

LokiOdinson: Of course.

 

LokiOdinson: I'm going to ignore it.

 

HelaOdinson: Hopeless.

 

Message from LokiOdinson to BruceBanner.

 

LokiOdinson: Bruce! I require assistance.

 

BruceBanner: Loki I just sat down.

 

LokiOdinson: Stay seated then.

 

LokiOdinson: You're a homosexual, correct?

 

BruceBanner: Uh...who told you that?

 

BruceBanner: Do people know? Are people talking?

 

LokiOdinson: Thor told me. And from my knowledge, nobody is talking about you.

 

BruceBanner: Thor knows?!

 

LokiOdinson: Why is it a big deal?

 

BruceBanner: Its whatever. What do you need help with.

 

LokiOdinson: How do I seduce a senior?

 

BruceBanner: What.

 

LokiOdinson: I have "caught feelings" for a senior boy. I wish to pursue a romantic relationship with him and if all goes well, perhaps a sexual relationship.

 

BruceBanner: I am too tired for this.

 

BruceBanner: Loki you're like a little brother to me. I can't give you sexual advice with a clear conscience.

 

LokiOdinson: Then it doesn't have to be sexual. Have you ever been in love?

 

BruceBanner: You could say that.

 

LokiOdinson: Of course you have. An idiot wouldn't miss the glances you give to my brother.

 

BruceBanner: Loki.

 

LokiOdinson: Okay okay fine. We can talk about that later

 

LokiOdinson: What do older men do for fun?

 

BruceBanner: Loki, is this the first time you've had a crush on someone?

 

LokiOdinson: There are few worthy enough for my affections.

 

BruceBanner: Riiiiight.

 

LokiOdinson: anyWAY.

 

BruceBanner: Do I know this man?

 

LokiOdinson: Yes.

 

BruceBanner: You gonna...tell me who it is?

 

LokiOdinson: Well I suppose I know who you're gay for. It would only be fair.

 

LokiOdinson: En Dwi Gast.

 

BruceBanner: I can see that for you.

 

LokiOdinson: Thank you.

 

BruceBanner: What kind of things does he like?

 

LokiOdinson: Anime

 

BruceBanner: Find another boyfriend.

 

LokiOdinson: I mustnt!

 

LokiOdinson: He's the only one good enough for me.

 

BruceBanner: What other things does he like?

 

LokiOdinson: He likes this one American actor...Gulblum or something like that.

 

BruceBanner: Goldblum? Jeff Goldblum?

 

LokiOdinson: Yes him.

 

BruceBanner: Invite him over to watch Jurassic Park. Goldblum was in that movie.

 

LokiOdinson: Whats it about?

 

BruceBanner: Scientists create dinosaurs again and have to deal with the consequences.

 

LokiOdinson: Sounds boring.

 

BruceBanner: Its a classic American film.

 

BruceBanner: Also, knowing both you and Gast

 

BruceBanner: You'll have your tongues down each others throats before the movie even starts.

 

LokiOdinson: I'm not some floozy.

 

BruceBanner: So if Gast were to show up in your room right now and say he wanted to have sex, would you turn him down?

 

LokiOdinson: Yes!

 

BruceBanner: Doubt.

 

LokiOdinson: My parents are home, Thor will be home soon, I don't have any lube.

 

BruceBanner: Ew.

 

LokiOdinson: If my brother were to appear in your room right now and preposition you for sex what would you say?

 

BruceBanner: Don't turn this on me.

 

LokiOdinson: Exactly.

 

LokiOdinson: Let's just say that if presented the opportunity, we would both sleep with our respected crushes.

 

BruceBanner: No!

 

LokiOdinson: Don't lie to yourself Banner.

 

BruceBanner: Whatever. Don't use my Jurassic Park plan.

 

LokiOdinson: Oh I plan to.

 

7:35am

 

HoesAndTricks

 

4 users are online.

 

TonyStark: First period study hall gang sound off

 

SamWilson: Ya

 

BuckyBarnes: dare I say: no

 

Vision: What

 

TonyStark: I said

 

TonyStark: FIRST PERIOD STUDY HALL GANG

 

TonyStark: SOUND OFF

 

SamWilson: And I said

 

SamWilson: YA

 

BuckyBarnes: Tony I'm trying to sleep

 

TonyStark: Wow imagine being named James

 

SamWilson: I'm telling Rhodey ur talking shit

 

Vision: Who's Rhodey

 

TonyStark: My bff and unless Sam wants to lose a nut he better shut up

 

BuckyBarnes: Imagine being ugly. Wow. Couldn't be me.

 

Vision: I can imagine being ugly

 

Vision: Because I am.

 

TonyStark: Hey that's an insult to me. I'm sculpting you in my image, little guy.

 

Vision: Hm. Gross.

 

TonyStark: My own kouhai....the audacity.

 

SamWilson: Fuck (and I cannot stress this enough) them kids

 

Vision: I'm not a kid.

 

BuckyBarnes: Freshie

 

Vision: I'm a sophmore.

 

BuckyBarnes: Sounds like a freshie

 

TonyStark: Stop bullying him you assholes

 

BuckyBarnes: No you woke me up this is what you get

 

SamWilson: I'm with fucky barnes on this one chief.

 

BuckyBarnes: This is blasphemy.

 

Vision: No its not.

 

TonyStark: Ur blasphemy

 

BuckyBarnes: Homophobia

 

SamWilson: Don't talk to me I'm homophobic now

 

Vision: What does that mean

 

BuckyBarnes: It means he's scared of homes

 

TonyStark: 🏠

 

BuckyBarnes: Stop it tony you're scaring him

 

SamWilson: Gay gay go away

 

BuckyBarnes: Can't believe I love my boyfriend

 

BuckyBarnes: You know him, right Sam? Tall, blonde, big tits, pretty jock? Steven Rogers?

 

SamWilson: Never heard of anyone like that.

 

Vision: I know someone like that.

 

BuckyBarnes: Well you stay away from my boyfriend you twink

 

TonyStark: I thought I said don't bully my fucking kouhai

 

SamWilson: Fuck your kouhai

 

Vision: Rude. :(

 

TonyStark: Look now you hurt his fucking british feelings.

 

SamWilson: Fuck the Brits.

 

SamWilson: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

 

BuckyBarnes: Murica

 

Vision: Who's your president again?

 

SamWilson: listen.

 

BuckyBarnes: Me n Steve are going to fight D*n*ld Tr*mp with our bare hands

 

TonyStark: Not censored enough

 

BuckyBarnes: D****d T***p

 

Vision: It must be so hard having a flaming dumpster as a country ruler.

 

TonyStark: That it is.

 

BuckyBarnes: Eat the rich.

 

TonyStark: N O

 

BuckyBarnes: Lord thank you for this meal in front of me

 

TonyStark: NO!

 

SamWilson: Eat the poor

 

BuckyBarnes: Wait no

 

Vision: You guys are weird.

 

Vision is now offline.

 

TonyStark: Eat the middle class

 

SamWilson: Wait. That's illegal.

 

TonyStark: Vore!!!!!

 

BuckyBarnes:  Steve has first period bio and I want to give him back his jersey

 

BuckyBarnes: Okay Google: Should I bust down my boyfriend's classroom door and throw his sweaty fucking jersey at him

 

SamWilson: Why do you have it

 

TonyStark: Make a blanket out of it

 

BuckyBarnes: Because he slept at my house and left it like a dumbass

 

SamWilson: Steve plays football and you don't. like okay secret twink

 

BuckyBarnes: Excuse me

 

BuckyBarnes: I'm not a twink I could snap you like an anime body pillow Wilson

 

TonyStark: Ugh i want an anime body pillow of myself

 

SamWilson: Try me fucky

 

BuckyBarnes: meet me behind Denny's

 

TonyStark: Bucky Barnes fucked me behind a denny's at three am

 

BuckyBarnes: I fuck no one

 

TonyStark: xoxo

 

SamWilson: bottom

 

BuckyBarnes: I'm gonna kick your balls into your throat

 

SamWilson: u ain't shit

 

BuckyBarnes: I am the shit

 

TonyStark: I'm calling the police

 

TonyStark: No fighting

 

BuckyBarnes: Calling the police is for gays

 

SamWilson: Gay gay go away

 

BuckyBarnes: Okay Google: I'm gonna put my boyfriends jersey in the fucking toilet if he doesn't answer my text

 

TonyStark: Wrow

 

TonyStark: If steve was here he'd have your head for swearing

 

BuckyBarnes: He swears plenty

 

TonyStark: ohohohoho~?

 

BuckyBarnes: Is everything a sex joke to you?

 

TonyStark: Sexy things are

 

SamWilson: I didn't do my trig hw

 

SamWilson: Suck my sack mr darcy

 

BuckyBarnes: You'd like that wouldn't you

 

TonyStark: why not lol

 

SamWilson: Too hard.

 

TonyStark: Do you want help

 

SamWilson: I need help that you can't supply

 

TonyStark: Who's room do you have study hall in

 

SamWilson: Mrs. Greyson

 

TonyStark: slapslapslapslapslapslAPSLAPSLAP

 

TonyStark: Thats the sound of me running to help you

 

TonyStark is now offline.

 

SamWilson:whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatt

h e fuck

 

SamWilson is now offline.

 

BuckyBarnes: I can't believe Sam is fucking dead

 

BuckyBarnes: Now, back to naptime.

 

BuckyBarnes is now offline.

 

No one is online. Chat room closed.

Chapter Text

HoesAndTricks

7:24pm

6 users are online.

 

PhilCoulson: Hm. Dont like this.

 

TonyStark: Hm. Didnt ask.

 

TonyStark: Dont you have someone's dick to suck somewhere

 

PhilCoulson: not currently. Its a dry season.

 

SteveRogers: hey phil

 

PhilCoulson: h e l l o

 

TonyStark: Rogers.

 

SteveRogers: Stark.

 

ClintBarton: Barton!

 

NatashaRomanov: Romanov?

 

WandaMaximoff: Maximoff?¿

 

ClintBarton: Romanov!

 

NatashaRomanov: Barton?

 

TonyStark: Coulson.

 

PhilCoulson: Stark.

 

WandaMaximoff: Rogers.

 

SteveRogers: Maximoff.

 

NatashaRomanov: Okay thats about enough of this.

 

SteveRogers: Now that we've all been acquainted.

 

ClintBarton: Philly cheese steak, send homework pics?

 

PhilCoulson: No

 

WandaMaximoff: What homework do you need?

 

ClintBarton: uhhhhhhhh all?

 

TonyStark: Wow getting help from underclassmen? Shame Barton

 

ClintBarton: Not all of us are geniuses

 

NatashaRomanov: Do your own damn homework

 

ClintBarton: Its HARD nat

 

NatashaRomanov: Then stay after and get extra help

 

ClintBarton: i hate staying after

 

PhilCoulson: Why?

 

ClintBarton: Laura never stays after and I dont like not riding the bus with her

 

TonyStark: Boy in love alert

 

ClintBarton: Shut up ive seen the way you eye ******* *******

 

TonyStark: you shut your whore mouth Clint

 

WandaMaximoff: I would help you if we had any classes together.

 

PhilCoulson: I wouldn't help you if we had every class together.

 

ClintBarton: Okay thats fucking RUDE

 

ClintBarton: UghhhhHHHHHHHHHH fine I'll just text Laura.

 

NatashaRomanov: Always taking the easy way out

 

ClintBarton: Shut up Nat

 

SteveRogers: You should man up and stay after for extra help.

 

ClintBarton: YoU sHoUlD mAn Up

 

ClintBarton: When was the last thing you did anything manly

 

TonyStark: He probably did Bucky last night

 

ClintBarton: TONY

 

PhilCoulson: Oh Jesus cover Wandas ears

 

WandaMaximoff: I feel so violated

 

SteveRogers: ANTHONY STARK

 

NatashaRomanov: Nah, Bucky does him.

 

ClintBarton: NAT

 

SteveRogers: NATASHA ROMANOV

 

TonyStark: you're so right

 

WandaMaximoff: please s t o p

 

SteveRogers: What Bucky and I do in our private time together is nobody's business but our own.

 

PhilCoulson: wishitwasmybusiness

 

ClintBarton: I'm crying.

 

WandaMaximoff: There are physical tears in my eyes.

 

TonyStark: I'd love to be a fly on the wall there

 

PietroMaximoff is now online.

 

PietroMaximoff: who the fuCK MADE WANDA CRY

 

NatashaRomanov: Steve, Tony, and Phil

 

NatashaRomanov: We were talking butt stuff

 

PietroMaximoff: Wha-

 

ClintBarton: PIETRO SEND CHEMISTRY HW PICS

 

PietroMaximoff: Okay

 

ClintBarton: This is why Pietro is my home slice

 

WandaMaximoff: I wouldve if we had any classes together clint I promise

 

ClintBarton: I don't doubt you, and I love you.

 

PhilCoulson: Eugh.

 

TonyStark: Please help me I'm shaking, Thor just sent me "what does okurr mean"

 

PietroMaximoff: WHAT

 

NatashaRomanov: I mean-

 

ClintBarton: he is probably deadass serious too

 

PhilCoulson: yaas

 

SteveRogers: What's okurr

 

TonyStark: God are you fucking 90?

 

ClintBarton: "Okurr" is what you say when you sister spill some hot piping tea boots the house down for your nerves werk hunty *mouth pop*

 

TonyStark: I can't believe I have to end you.

 

NatashaRomanov: I think that gave me eye cancer.

 

WandaMaximoff: Clint why

 

SteveRogers: Was that even English?

 

PietroMaximoff: Clint why

 

ClintBarton: Laura makes me watch rupauls drag race and I picked up a few things

 

ClintBarton: Its actually...super entertaining.

 

WandaMaximoff: but why would you curse the chat like that

 

PhilCoulson: im MAD that I understood that sentence

 

ClintBarton: Do you sister stan rupauls drag race phil?

 

PhilCoulson: I'm gonna sister shoot and sister stab you.

 

SteveRogers: Who's RuPaul

 

TonyStark: A drag queen that hosts her own reality show

 

ClintBarton: 14 queens compete for $100,000, world fame, and a spot in the drag race hall of fame.

 

SteveRogers: Drag queens are men that dress as women right

 

NatashaRomanov: Yeah

 

TonyStark: Well not always. Plenty of women and nb people do it too. Ask Loki. He probably knows all about it.

 

SteveRogers: I don't like to talk to Loki more than I have to.

 

PhilCoulson: He tried to kill me.

 

WandaMaximoff: Who?

 

NatashaRomanov: Join the club Phil.

 

PietroMaximoff: Loki?

 

TonyStark: Thors little brother with a murder fetish

 

WandaMaximoff: Riiiiight. Who's Thor?

 

PietroMaximoff: Blond Norway guy?

 

ClintBarton: Yeah that's him

 

WandaMaximoff: Oh. I like him.

 

PietroMaximoff: Mm.

 

WandaMaximoff: Is he single?

 

PietroMaximoff: WANDA.

 

TonyStark: Loki or Thor? Cause you're barking up the wrong tree with Loki.

 

SteveRogers: Both Loki and Thor are single. But yeah...Loki doesn't seem to have much female interest.

 

PhilCoulson: He's gonna appear now like the Candyman.

 

ClintBarton: Loki Loki Loki Loki LOKI

 

LokiOdinson is now online.

 

LokiOdinson: *notices your chat* OwO what's this?

 

TonyStark: OH FUCK

 

ClintBarton: OH SHITCJAJDBAK

 

PhilCoulson: Look what you've fucking done Clint.

 

NatashaRomanov: Leave.

 

LokiOdinson: No.

 

WandaMaximoff: Hi Loki, I'm Wanda.

 

LokiOdinson: Charmed. You're Clint's little red head friend right?

 

ClintBarton: Shes my little ginger buddy

 

PietroMaximoff: Hello.

 

LokiOdinson: And you must be the brother.

 

PietroMaximoff: My name is Pietro but ok.

 

SteveRogers: Loki what's an okurr

 

LokiOdinson: I don't recall allowing you to speak to me.

 

SteveRogers: Answer the damn question.

 

PhilCoulson: Is it hot in this chat or what.

 

LokiOdinson: Its just something you say to punctuate a sentence and add a little extra flair.

 

SteveRogers: Why

 

LokiOdinson: Its fun.

 

WandaMaximoff: Is your brother single?

 

LokiOdinson: Tch. You're not his type.

 

PietroMaximoff: Thot would be lucky to have Wanda.

 

PhilCoulson: Pietro....its Thor. Not-

 

ClintBarton has changed ThorOdinson 's username to ThotOdinson.

 

LokiOdinson: GASP

 

LokiOdinson: WE CAN CHANGE USERNAMES?

 

LokiOdinson has changed their username to YourSaviour.

 

YourSaviour: Nice.

 

PhilCoulson: Someone block him from changing names before he wreaks havoc.

 

NatashaRomanov: Go back to Norway.

 

YourSaviour: no~

 

ClintBarton: You're stinky huh. You're a little stinky boy. A real stinker huh.

 

YourSaviour: Don't ever assume you have the clearance to speak to me. I don't allow it.

 

TonyStark: I wanna play a game and I am god so what I say goes

 

TonyStark: @everyone

 

TonyStark: We're gonna play fuck marry kill to start some drama

 

Seven users are now online.

 

SamWilson: Oh we startin drama

 

BuckyBarnes: *disinterested sigh*

 

StephenStrange: I've openly tried to AVOID opening this chat. Thank you Tony.

 

JamesRhodes: Do not want.

 

NickFury: fuck kinda family reunion

 

ThotOdinson: Games! I enjoy games. Thank you for including me, Tony.

 

BruceBanner: Oh geez.

 

PhilCoulson: This can only go one of two ways.

 

NatashaRomanov: My pphon e c a nt handlle ths many peopleat one tiiime

 

ClintBarton: haha that's what you get for having an android you fucking fungus

 

YourSaviour: Ugh.

 

ThotOdinson: Loki? Is that you? Love the name change!

 

WandaMaximoff: How long until he realizes you think

 

NatashaRomanov: a a da y or 2

 

PietroMaximoff: I say never

 

SteveRogers: Are we gonna play or what.

 

TonyStark: Fine Mr sourpuss

 

TonyStark: I'll go first. Bruce,

 

BruceBanner: Oh god.

 

TonyStark: Einstein, Curie, Newton.

 

BruceBanner: Aw jeez. Uhhh. All three of those people made huge impacts.

 

ClintBarton: I dont know any of them

 

BuckyBarnes: Wasn't Newton like hella gay

 

SamWilson: Nah man he died a virgin.

 

PietroMaximoff: nah newton got regularly pounded by his roomate.

 

BruceBanner: Fuck Newton, Marry Einstein, Kill Curie.

 

PhilCoulson: I agree with that list.

 

TonyStark: I guess someone doesn't like curium.

 

BruceBanner: Well I've never worked with it and I don't encounter it in daily life so I wouldn't miss it.

 

YourSaviour: Boooring. My turn now.

 

TonyStark: I never said that

 

YourSaviour: Coulson.

 

PhilCoulson: Fuck off.

 

NickFury: damn.

 

YourSaviour: Steve, Fury, Barnes

 

PhilCoulson: Fuck Steve marry Bucky and kill Nick

 

NickFury: what did I do???

 

PhilCoulson: Nothing but I dont want to fuck or marry you

 

SteveRogers: I'm flattered Phil

 

BuckyBarnes: Stay away from my boyfriend you fucking receding hairline ass bitch

 

PhilCoulson: My hairline isn't receding?

 

BuckyBarnes: oh it will. just you wait. 

 

SamWilson: Your hairline gonna go too someday

 

BuckyBarnes: My dad never went bald

 

PhilCoulson: ur dads a bitch

 

TonyStark: someone GO.

 

PietroMaximoff: Natasha

 

PietroMaximoff: Bucky, Sam, Steve

 

SamWilson: oop

 

NatashaRomanov: Fucc k Bcky

, Marry    Sam, Kill Steve.

 

SteveRogers: Understandable.

 

BuckyBarnes: I love you Nat but no :/

 

SamWilson: I'm content with that.

 

StephenStrange: I have more important things to do.

 

ClintBarton: Stephen: Tony, Wanda, Me.

 

StephenStrange: That's an odd mixture of people. Do I really have to play this idiotic game?

 

ClintBarton: Yes.

 

TonyStark: iwillfuckingkillyouclint

 

ClintBarton: Yee haw

 

StephenStrange: Fine. Fuck Clint, Marry Tony, kill Wanda.

 

StephenStrange: Now leave me out of this.

 

TonyStark: oh.

 

ClintBarton: Well hmu anytime cutie

 

WandaMaximoff: Why would you kill me?

 

PietroMaximoff: Why would you kill Wanda?

 

StephenStrange: I don't know her well enough to marry her.

 

NickFury: Damn. Your loss.

 

PhilCoulson: Shut up Nick

 

NickFury: Shut up Phil

 

WandaMaximoff: Thats fair.

 

YourSaviour: Thor. You've been awfully quiet.

 

ThotOdinson: I have. I do not understand the parameters of this game.

 

ThotOdinson: Why would you kill each other?

 

YourSaviour: Its metaphorical. Phil isn't going to actually fuck Steve nor is Stephen going to kill Wanda.

 

ThotOdinson: Ah, I see.

 

YourSaviour: So I ask you dear brother

 

YourSaviour: Between Bruce, Natasha, and Steve, who would you fuck? Who would you kill? Who would you marry?

 

ThotOdinson: Ah. A tricky one. They are all my friends.

 

ThotOdinson: I suppose I would engage in intercourse with Natasha. I would wed Bruce. And I apologize Steve, but I would have to kill you.

 

BruceBanner is now offline.

 

ThotOdinson: Oh I hope I did not upset him.

 

YourSaviour: Quite the opposite i believe.

 

NatashaRomanov: Yoo ou'd fucck m e ovr St ve? STEVE?

 

SteveRogers: Thank you?

 

TonyStark: I think Brucie boy is screaming into a pillow right about now.

 

ClintBarton: I'm sure Thor can do that for him too.

 

NickFury: Maaan what the fuck.

 

PhilCoulson: This is exploitation.

 

SamWilson: Ur face is exploitation.

 

PietroMaximoff: This chat is gross™.

 

YourSaviour: I beg to differ.

 

PietroMaximoff: Didn't ask.

 

TonyStark: You dare insult god, Pietro?

 

PietroMaximoff: I dare.

 

TonyStark: Alright then. Someone ask Pietro.

 

ClintBarton: Me, Coulson, Thor.

 

PietroMaximoff: Those are all men

 

PhilCoulson: Don't bring me into this

 

ClintBarton: Yeah it is

 

PietroMaximoff: I guess I would fuck Thor, marry Coulson, and kill you.

 

ThotOdinson: Thank you, friend Pietro!

 

ClintBarton: Reee

 

PhilCoulson: I want a divorce

 

PietroMaximoff: Your turn Clint.

 

NickFury: Come up with something good

 

PietroMaximoff: Nick, Me, Thor.

 

NickFury: Son of a

 

ClintBarton: Well I'd have to kill you so i could eat your heart and gain your powers

 

PietroMaximoff: I understand.

 

ClintBarton: I would marry Thor because he has money. And a car.

 

ClintBarton: And I guess me and Nick~

 

NickFury: Finish that sentence I'll send these screenshots to Laura

 

ClintBarton: She knows I would marry Thor.

 

ThotOdinson: Would that not be cheating on your lovely Laura?

 

ClintBarton: Bruh we would both marry the fuck out of you.

 

TonyStark: Rhodey is ghosting us.

 

TonyStark: Do you not want a part in this

 

JamesRhodes: No not really.

 

TonyStark: Too bad.

 

SteveRogers: Rhodey, Tony, Wanda, Natasha.

 

JamesRhodes: Kill tony.

 

TonyStark: Oh yeesh.

 

JamesRhodes: And I don't want to play this game anymore.

 

JamesRhodes is now offline.

 

WandaMaximoff: He didn't have to dip on us like that.

 

TonyStark: I knew him when he was in diapers and THIS is the thanks I get?

 

NickFury: He'd murk your ass.

 

TonyStark: I'd get murked!

 

YourSaviour: Do you need me to stab him Tony?

 

TonyStark: No you blood fetishist.

 

ThotOdinson: Ha!

 

NatashaRomanov is now offline.

 

ClintBarton: Her phone musta shat on itself LMAO Fucking android

 

NickFury: Poor

 

WandaMaximoff: *covers my samsung logo with an apple sticker* Yeah haha

 

BuckyBarnes: Androids are fucking valid.

 

SteveRogers: He's right.

 

SteveRogers: Making fun of someones wage bracket is shallow

 

PietroMaximoff: Androids are valid.

 

TonyStark: Sorry I don't speak BROKE.

 

ClintBarton: android cameras be crunchy

 

NickFury: 1980s security camera faceass

 

SteveRogers: People with lower incomes are just as valid

 

BuckyBarnes: He's right

 

YourSaviour: Must you agree with everything he says?

 

BuckyBarnes: He's usually right

 

BuckyBarnes: Who invited u anyway

 

YourSaviour: Tony.

 

BuckyBarnes has changed the chat name to no twinks allowed

 

BuckyBarnes: Obey chat rules.

 

PhilCoulson: Oh ouch.

 

TonyStark: Wait that kicks me out of my own chat.

 

PietroMaximoff: I guess bye guys.

 

YourSaviour: Everyone loves twinks.

 

BuckyBarnes: I like beef. That's why I'm with Steve. He's beefy.

 

SteveRogers: Not because you love me?

 

BuckyBarnes: That too i guess.

 

ClintBarton: Bucky that rule kicks every guy in the chat out except You, Steve, Thor, and Nick.

 

BuckyBarnes: And?

 

WandaMaximoff: What's a twink?

 

SamWilson: Yo I'm not a twink tf

 

SteveRogers: Twinks are small skinny men.

 

BuckyBarnes: Bottoms.

 

TonyStark: Steve before he met Bucky.

 

NickFury: Thank god I'm not associated with coulson.

 

ClintBarton: Are twunks allowed?

 

BuckyBarnes: I guess but you're on thin fucking ice.

 

ClintBarton: I can stay. Whew.

 

PietroMaximoff: I still have to leave.

 

PhilCoulson: Oh thank god.

 

WandaMaximoff: Whats a twunk?

 

TonyStark: A twink with a little bit of a hunk body.

 

SteveRogers: Why do we have to divide ourselves.

 

YourSaviour: Twinks are valid. The most searched term for gay porn is twink.

 

ThotOdinson: Why is being a twink a bad thing? Loki is a perfectly capable gay man, just as you are James.

 

BuckyBarnes: Its BUCKY.

 

YourSaviour: I'm not gay!

 

NickFury: You sure?

 

ThotOdinson: Really? What about Gast?

 

YourSaviour: THOR.

 

ThotOdinson: Oh. Oh no.

 

ThotOdinson is now offline.

 

YourSaviour: I'm going to set all of my snakes loose on him.

 

YourSaviour is now offline.

 

SteveRogers: Gast? Like...En Dwi?

 

TonyStark: Aint he a senior?

 

ClintBarton: Loki been getting that good good from an older man???

 

SamWilson: Yo never say that again

 

NickFury: En would stoop that low?

 

WandaMaximoff: I'm so lost

 

PietroMaximoff: Fuck kinda name is En Dwi

 

SteveRogers: En Dai Gast is part of one of the richest families in the area. He started the gaming club and is very intelligent. He's a senior, but he's seventeen. And Loki is almost sixteen. So i suppose it isnt that weird.

 

TonyStark: And he's fucking LOKI?

 

PhilCoulson: Maybe its just a one sided crush

 

NickFury: I hope so. I had respect for Gast.

 

PhilCoulson: He scares me. So, perfect for Loki.

 

ClintBarton: he does seem like a marshmallow matey if you know what I mean.

 

WandaMaximoff: Sounds like it.

 

PietroMaximoff: Well good for Loki.

 

YourSaviour is now online.

 

YourSaviour has left the chat.

 

SteveRogers: Well thats not good.

 

TonyStark: nah hes alright.

 

PhilCoulson: Should we check on him?

 

NickFury: Not me.

 

SamWilson: Hell no.

 

WandaMaximoff: I'm busy.

 

PietroMaximoff: No thanks.

 

BuckyBarnes: I'd rather eat my own esophagus.

 

ClintBarton: Pussies.

 

SteveRogers: Then you do it.

 

ClintBarton: Laura's calling me

 

ClintBarton is now offline.

 

SteveRogers: Well I'm certainly not doing it. He tried to kill me with a plastic spoon.

 

TonyStark: Thors got it. No need to worry my patriotic amigo.

 

SteveRogers: If you're so sure.

 

TonyStark: Positive.

Chapter Text

 

5:58pm

Private message from ThotOdinson to YourSaviour .

 

ThotOdinson: Brother, why are you angry with me? It was a simple jest.

 

YourSaviour: I'm angry because you shared something personal about me!

 

YourSaviour: If I were to expose yourself and that Jane woman, how would you feel?

 

ThotOdinson: I do not harbour any more romantic feelings for Jane.

 

YourSaviour: Oh? When did this develop?

 

ThotOdinson: It was a mutual thing. We both agreed that we had something, until we didn't.

 

YourSaviour: Did she dump you?

 

ThotOdinson: Of course not. It was mutual.

 

YourSaviour: It still doesn't change the fact that you shared something private about me to a chat full of people I barely know.

 

ThotOdinson: Not out of disdain

 

YourSaviour: It still wasn't your business.

 

ThotOdinson: I apologize brother.

 

YourSaviour: Apology not accepted.

 

ThotOdinson: If I tell you a secret about me will you forgive me?

 

YourSaviour: Fine.

 

ThotOdinson: To be honest, brother, I have been questioning myself lately.

 

YourSaviour: In what way?

 

ThotOdinson: In sexual orientation. I feel I may be attracted to men. In the same way one would be attracted to women. You are the first person I have told. Is that secret enough for you?

 

YourSaviour: I forgive you now. I guess.

 

ThotOdinson: Thank you. Jeg elsker deg.

 

YourSaviour: Yeah yeah whatever. Are you sure about yourself?

 

ThotOdinson: I don't know.

 

ThotOdinson: Its true that I did like Jane. She was very kind to me. But recently all of my daydreams slip back into thoughts of men.

 

ThotOdinson: In the locker room I find myself staring more. Not in a sexual way. I do not wish to have sex with any of the people in there. But just staring. I admire their bodies. Especially Steven. He has a wonderful body.

 

LokiOdinson: We'll get back to Steven's body later.

 

ThotOdinson: I think it would be nice to hold hands with a boy. And kiss one. And marry one.

 

YourSaviour: Sounds like you're gay.

 

ThotOdinson: I hope not.

 

YourSaviour: Why not?

 

ThotOdinson: Father treats you much differently now. People bully you. Word gets around about you. I try to defend your name but people are so cruel. Students are not kind to Steven and James. They weren't permitted to go to prom together.

 

ThotOdinson: I do not want that for myself.

 

YourSaviour: I don't give a damn what father thinks. He is not my real father. But you are my real brother. And you are allowed to be scared. Society is often unkind to those who are different.

 

YourSaviour: But you are hurting no one with your sexuality. You deserve to be happy. If that happiness is in the arms of a man, then it is in the arms of a man.

 

YourSaviour: You are much more than who you love. You are Thor Odinson. Leading role in the senior play. Star running back. Friendly to everyone. The guy who would give you the shirt off of his back.

 

ThotOdinson: Thank you brother.

 

YourSaviour: Don't mention it. Really.

 

YourSaviour: I'm allowed only one good deed a month.

 

6:04pm

EddieBrock has created a chat.

EddieBrock named the chat WeedAndBalls

EddieBrock has added 4 users.

 

EddieBrock: Uhhhhhhhh hi

 

DoraSkirth: Heyya

 

EddieBrock: Welcome to weed and balls

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Sick.

 

DoraSkirth: That's quite a username V.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Yeah.

 

EddieBrock: I helped them pick it out.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Thanks bitch

 

DoraSkirth: love is in the air

 

EddieBrock: No no its not. Not in my good Christian chat

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: If love is in the air catch me with a hazmat suit

 

DoraSkirth: You two are no fun.

 

EddieBrock: I'm loads of fun. Who else lets you do experiments on them for free?

 

DoraSkirth: Plants

 

DoraSkirth: Myself.

 

DoraSkirth: V.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: I'm just always ready to fuck shit up.

 

EddieBrock: Okay okay I get it.

 

DoraSkirth: You ain't special.

 

EddieBrock: I happen to think I'm extremely special

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: You're just delicious~

 

EddieBrock: You cant see it but I'm vomiting

 

DoraSkirth: Cute

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: I'm hungy.

 

EddieBrock: Eat?

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: EaT

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: How about I eat your goddamn ass.

 

DoraSkirth: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

 

DoraSkirth: Serving it up, Eddie's way.

 

EddieBrock: oh yes hunty I'm serving lewks.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: NasTAY

 

DoraSkirth: Oh god I didn't spend four years as carlton drake's personal bitch for this.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Every secound he's alive I want to kill him more.

 

EddieBrock: Same. I should put something in the yearbook about him.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Tell everyone he has a small dick.

 

EddieBrock: Then people will think that I slept with him

 

DoraSkirth: Why would anyone willingly sleep with him

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Blind?

 

EddieBrock: Slip and fall into the wrong bed?

 

DoraSkirth: Good points.

 

EddieBrock: Not to be romantic on my good Christian chat but Vee, are you coming to dinner or what the fuck is up

 

DoraSkirth: Blocked for being horny on main chat.

 

EddieBrock: Aw.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Yeah im comin. You sure that your folks are okay with me?

 

EddieBrock: They kinda have to be. I'm not gonna break up with you because they wanna be dicks.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: You love me or somethin

 

EddieBrock: Yeah. I love you.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Oh.

 

DoraSkirth: You're so cocky until Eddie compliments you. Then you become a tsundere.

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Listen Eddie is so beautiful and perfect and has soft hands and a bubbly laugh and nice pecs

 

EddieBrock: Vee-

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: and a nice ass and warm chest and melodic voice and nice ass

 

DoraSkirth: Ugh you two are so in love

 

EddieBrock: He's the parasite I can't get rid of

 

Yourmomsboyfriend: Parasite?!

 

No Twinks Allowed

 

7:35pm

5 users are online.

 

ThotOdinson: Hello chat members!

 

Vision: Must you be so cheerful.

 

ThotOdinson: Yes!

 

TonyStark: How are you big guy

 

ThotOdinson: Great! An application I sent to a university has been accepted!

 

Vision: Oh. Congratulations Thor

 

NickFury: What college?

 

ThotOdinson: Fordham university

 

NatashaRomanov: Good job thor.

 

ThotOdinson: Thank you. My sister, Hela, has taken my brother and I to a celebratory dinner.

 

Vision: You allow Loki in public?

 

TonyStark: Aw, hes learning snarky one liners from the best

 

ThotOdinson: Yes. He enjoys being in public. He is quite sociable around the right people.

 

NatashaRomanov: Please don't gush about your brotherly love in this chat.

 

ThotOdinson: He has been "down in the dumps" lately.

 

NickFury: Why.

 

ThotOdinson: I...outed him. I feel terrible. It was not my job.

 

TonyStark added YourSaviour to the chat.

 

YourSaviour: Ugh.

 

TonyStark: Loki. We don't give a rats ass that you have some crush on an upperclassman.

 

NatashaRomanov: As long as you don't pine for him here.

 

Vision: I don't even know who he is.

 

NickFury: If you had to be gay for someone, I'm glad its at least Gast.

 

YourSaviour: I'm not upset.

 

ThotOdinson: If you were afraid of homophobia, I can assure you that three fourths of the chat already were aware.

 

NickFury: I wasn't. But I don't care. I'm friends with Coulson. And Clint.

 

Vision: But Barton is hetero?

 

NatashaRomanov: He's the gayest straight man.

 

TonyStark: Like Jeff Goldblum. He could be caught in another man's ass and "no homo" his way out of it.

 

ThotOdinson: Back to the topic at hand.

 

ThotOdinson: We support you brother.

 

NatashaRomanov: I support your sexuality. Not you personally.

 

NickFury: Same. You're an asshole. But a valid asshole.

 

TonyStark: Now can you stop bitching and congratulate your brother?

 

YourSaviour: Fine.

 

ThotOdinson: :)!

 

YourSaviour and ThotOdinson are now offline.

 

Vision: I'm glad that is resolved.

 

Vision: Tony, my hands still smell like the inside of someone else.

 

NatashaRomanov: Oh wow that's what your "experiments" are?

 

TonyStark: NO.

 

TonyStark: We dissected a frog.

 

NickFury: For fun?

 

Vision: Out of boredom.

 

NatashaRomanov: So you killed a frog?

 

TonyStark: no I found it dead in my backyard. 

 

Vision: It had another frog's foot in its stomach.

 

NickFury: Damn.

 

NatashaRomanov: Hardcore.

 

TonyStark: Viz is right tho. My hands smell like i just fisted a cow.

 

NatashaRomanov: That's fucking disgusting.

 

NickFury: Did you not wear gloves or something?

 

TonyStark: We were both wearing two pairs of gloves

 

Vision: You seem to underestimate frog stink.

 

TonyStark: They smell really fucking bad.

 

No Twinks Allowed

 

2:21pm

3 users are online.

 

BuckyBarnes: Dad sent me to the moon.

 

SamWilson: What are you, a fucking Luther stan?

 

BuckyBarnes: Yeah I'm a fucking Luther stan.

 

StephenStrange: Blocked and reported.

 

SamWilson: You just like Luther cause he sexy.

 

BuckyBarnes: Yeah I like Luther cause he's sexy.

 

StephenStrange: Shallow

 

BuckyBarnes: I can be deep.

 

SamWilson: Oh i bet.

 

BuckyBarnes: Deeper than your voice

 

StephenStrange: Are you in a bad mood or something?

 

BuckyBarnes: I'm in ur mum

 

StephenStrange: ha. You're so funny.

 

BuckyBarnes: I'm always in a bad mood. Generally just angry with life.

 

SamWilson: I'd be angry if I looked like you.

 

StephenStrange: That's not even accurate. Bucky is hot.

 

BuckyBarnes: I am.

 

SamWilson: To who

 

BuckyBarnes: A lot of girls. And Steve.

 

StephenStrange: Steve thinks anyone who looks at him nicely is hot, to be fair.

 

BuckyBarnes: You calling my boyfriend a floozy, bitch?

 

StephenStrange: Kind of.

 

SamWilson: Oh he got you

 

BuckyBarnes: I don't even know you like that

 

StephenStrange: You should get to know me then

 

SamWilson: watch it strange my mans Bucky got a boyfriend

 

StephenStrange: So he's not allowed to have friends because of Steve?

 

SamWilson: Aight aight carry on.

 

BuckyBarnes: I just want to sleep.

 

StephenStrange: You messaged the chat first

 

BuckyBarnes: But now I want sleep

 

StephenStrange: Sleep then

 

BuckyBarnes: No you said you wanted to be friends so what the fuck is up

 

SamWilson: Dude whats your deal

 

BuckyBarnes: Ooga booga this the police

 

SamWilson: Aight the old man is absolutely off his goddamn rocker

 

StephenStrange: He's only a year older than me

 

SamWilson: You old as fuck too

 

BuckyBarnes: I'm just a lonely little cowboy man. Looking for a little cowboy frand.

 

SamWilson: Pull the fucking trigger

 

StephenStrange: Don't make me ever read frand again

 

BuckyBarnes: Fuck you

 

StephenStrange: No thanks.

 

SamWilson: Uh hey dont

 

SamWilson: @SteveRogers come get yo mans

 

SteveRogers is now online.

 

SteveRogers: Oh?

 

BuckyBarnes: You left me on read

 

StephenStrange: That's why youre in a bad mood?

 

SamWilson: Nah thats understandable

 

SteveRogers: I'm sorry?

 

BuckyBarnes: Are you

 

SteveRogers: I was opening my calculator and accidentally opened your text. I couldn't answer in trigonometry

 

BuckyBarnes: Acceptable answer I guess.

 

StephenStrange: Are you chill now?

 

BuckyBarnes: I'm never chill

 

SteveRogers: I don't think we've formally met Stephen

 

SteveRogers: I'm Steve. Senior.

 

StephenStrange: Stephen. Not Steph or any other nickname. Just Stephen. also senior.

 

SamWilson: You're a junior?

 

StephenStrange: Yeah.

 

BuckyBarnes: Hah you two are babies.

 

SteveRogers: Buck!

 

SamWilson: And youre old

 

StephenStrange: Burn?

 

SteveRogers: I am unburned.

 

BuckyBarnes: Sounds like your mommas a bitch. bitch.

 

 SteveRogers: Don't bring a man's mother into a fight.

 

TonyStark is now online.

TonyStark added PeterParker to the chat.

 

TonyStark: This is Peter. He's my son.

 

SteveRogers: Hi Peter

 

PeterParker: Uh hi Mr. Steve

 

StephenStrange: Aww

 

SteveRogers: Mr. Steve...?

 

BuckyBarnes: Notice the chat name.

 

PeterParker: Whats a twink?

 

SamWilson: Steve in middle school

 

SamWilson: Before he got hot

 

PeterParker: I didn't know who Mr. Steve was in middle school!

 

TonyStark: Don't corrupt my newly adopted son

 

StephenStrange: You cant adopt a teenager

 

TonyStark: He's a freshie. He doesnt count.

 

PeterParker: Uh?

 

SamWilson: Yeah yeah we'll get to you

 

BuckyBarnes: Peter.

 

PeterParker: Mr. Bucky Barnes

 

BuckyBarnes: Good kid.

 

TonyStark: I don't need your approval

 

TonyStark: Now, me and Viz have some manners tutouring and elsewhere, I am needed.

 

TonyStark: Play nice, Peter. Tata for now.

 

TonyStark is now offline.

 

PeterParker: Sooooo

 

StephenStrange: How did you meet Tony, Peter?

 

PeterParker: Uh I switched chemistry classes to his period. And we got paired up for a lab. So now I'm his son?

 

SamWilson: Why did you switch chem?

 

PeterParker: There were way too many people in third period chem. I couldn't focus.

 

SteveRogers: Well now you can actually get some work done huh.

 

PeterParker: Yeah. My average dipped below a 97 so I knew I had to change.

 

SamWilson: Oh fuck off.

 

BuckyBarnes: My average dipped below a 97 in third grade and hasn't been up since.

 

StephenStrange: Is it that hard for you two to maintain averages above failing?

 

BuckyBarnes: Near fucking impossible

 

SamWilson: Im above failing but barely

 

PeterParker: What classes give you trouble?

 

SamWilson: Nah not about to get advice from a freshie.

 

PeterParker: Oh. Sorry.

 

SteveRogers: Don't be a dick Sam.

 

BuckyBarnes: All classes.

 

SteveRogers: And I said I would help you but you don't want my help

 

BuckyBarnes: Yeah well every time you come to my house I just want to stick my tongue down your throat.

 

StephenStrange: Oh my god

 

PeterParker: I am. Uncomfy.

 

SteveRogers: James.

 

SamWilson: oh fuck he brought out the james.

 

BuckyBarnes: What, its true.

 

BuckyBarnes: I love you?

 

SteveRogers: James.

 

BuckyBarnes: Okay okay I'm sorry for being gross.

 

PeterParker: Its okay Mr. Bucky Barnes White Wolf sir

 

StephenStrange: White wolf?

 

BuckyBarnes: Its a nickname from my twilight phase okay

 

StephenStrange: So its your fursona?

 

BuckyBarnes: Oh fuck off strange

Chapter Text

Tony Stark: Senior, 17.

Steve Rogers: Senior, 19.

Thor Odinson: Senior, 18.

Bruce Banner: Senior, 18.

Natasha Romanov: Junior, 17.

Clint Barton: Junior, 17.

Peter Parker: Freshman, 14.

Loki Odinson: Junior, 16. 

Stephen Strange: Senior, 18.

Bucky Barnes: Senior, 19.

Sam Wilson: Junior, 16.

Wanda Maximoff: Sophomore, 15.

Pietro Maximoff: Sophomore, 15.

Scott Lang: Junior, 16.

Hope VanDyne: Junior, 17.

Rhodey: Senior, 18.

Peter Quill: Junior, 17.

Gamora: Junior, 17.

Drax: Senior, 19.

Rocket: Junior, 16.

Groot: Freshman, 15.

Mantis: Freshman, 15.

Nebula: Sophomore, 16.

Nick Fury: Junior, 17.

Phil Coulson: Junior, 16.

En Dwi Gast: Senior, 17.

T'Challa: Junior, 17.

Vision: Sophomore, 15.

Eddie Brock: Sophomore, 16.

Venom: Sophomore, 15.

Dora Skirth: Junior, 16.

Anne Weying: Sophomore, 15.

Dan Lewis: Sophomore, 16.

Shuri: Freshman, 13.

MJ: Freshman, 15.

Ned: Freshman, 14.

Brunhilde: Sophomore, 16.

I think that's everyone...

Comment if I forgot anyone.