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oh my love, don't forsake me

Summary:

Alex and Strand are players in a bigger game they thought possible. One that extends past the Order of the Cenophus and potentially into the forest of the Pacific Northwest.

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Chapter Text

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"As fine as I can be. I don't know, tired? Exhausted?"

"How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Alex?"

"One? Maybe two? I drifted off at one point, but then..."

"Then?"

"I... I don't stay asleep very long anymore."

"Do you want to talk about that?"

"No."

"And you've been following the sleep hygiene routine we talked about?"

"Yes. No screens past eight o'clock, light exercise, warm milk. Ambien. I've done everything. For weeks."

"You seem agitated, Alex."

"I'm sorry, I'm... I can't keep going like this. I'm making mistakes at work. I dozed off at a stop sign the other day. I'm afraid..."

"Afraid of what?"

"That I'll never sleep again. That I'm turning into a shell, sleepwalking through my life. Jesus, I can't-"

"Take a deep breath, Alex. You're in a safe place."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come today. This isn't working. I just thought- Nic said it worked for him but clearly this is not for me."

"Alex, sit down. Let's talk through this. Nic is your producing partner?"

"He's my friend, my best- yes he's my producing partner. He said that your sessions were helpful. I know he's deep in some weird shit too - sorry - so I just thought it would help me too."

"It's okay, no need to apologize. You know that I cannot discuss another patient's sessions with you."

"I know that. I'm not asking-"

"But I can let you know that Mr. Silver is using a different treatment plan than you. Has he talked about his sessions with you?"

"The hypnosis, yes. I've heard the recordings."

"Does he find them helpful?"

"Yes."

"Would you like to try a hypnosis session? It could help clear whatever is blocking you from staying asleep."

"I don't know if anything will work at this point, I'm not sure."

"Just one session. If you don't like it, we can go back to cultivating healthy sleep habits and working through your challenges."

"What would I have to do?"

"Just lay back and close your eyes and listen to my voice."

______________________________________________

"I still think this is a bad idea."

"I'm aware, Nic. Can you reach that box for me?"

"Can I list the reasons why again?" Nic stretched to reach the shoebox in Alex's closet she was pointing to. It slid heavily off the shelf into his hands. She didn't answer him.

"That's going to weigh down your carry on," he noted as she took the box from him without meeting his eyes. She dropped it onto her bed and began rifling through the contents, choosing a couple of items and tucking them into the small duffel bag next to her.

"You can't ignore me forever, Alex." He sat down on the bed next to her growing pile of clothes and books that she was packing.

"I didn't ask you to help me pack, Nic," she said tightly, rolling a t-shirt and tucking it into the bag, "I didn't ask you to drive me home from the station. I just asked you to post the podcast once we were gone."

"Hey," he grabbed her hands and pulled her so she was standing between his knees. She didn't pull away, but she kept her eyes firmly on the window behind him. "It's me, Nic. Not your producing partner, not your sort-of boss. Your friend. Your emergency contact. Your "come-pick-me-up-from-this-date-gone-sour" guy," the corners of her mouth perked up and she clamped her lips down in an effort not to smile, "your person. And I'm worried." He frowned and moved his head so she would have to look at him. Her small hands were cold and clammy in his. There were dark circles under her eyes. He wanted her to stop what she was doing. He wanted to wrap her up with a blanket and force her to nap while he kept watch over the dark corner in her room. He didn't want her to run off to Geneva with their engimatic podcast subject.

"I know," she relented, softening her gaze and finally meeting his eyes, "and I know this plan is crazy and a little unethical." Nic raised an eyebrow, "And maybe a little dangerous. But..." She trailed off with a shrug, "the story. I can't let him go off alone. He'd be walking right into a trap. You heard Simon's voicemail."

"So you walking straight into that trap with him is a better idea?" Nic mused, "I'm sure Strand isn't thrilled at the idea of you being in harm's way."

"If I'm there, I think he'll be a little more... cautious. And I think he understands my line of thought. After Turkey..." Alex grimaced, remembering Strand's outburst after he found out she had traveled to Istanbul alone at the behest of a killer teenager. She pulled her hands out of Nic's and squared her shoulders, "He understands why I don't want him to go alone. And he also knows I can buy my own plane ticket and show up in Geneva anyways if he skirts off in the night." She returned to her packing.

Nic sighed deeply and leaned over his knees, rubbing his face. How had it come to this? "So there's nothing I can say to make you stay."

Alex put the last of her belongings in her duffel bag and started pulling the zipper shut. She was quiet for a few minutes as she collected her passport and wallet and tucked them into her purse. At last, she sat next to him on the bed.

"I keenly remember them pulling you out of that cabin," she started quietly, "covered in blood. After leading a search for you for a week. I don't remember getting a phone call from you asking if I was cool with you disappearing into the woods with a team of strangers."

Nic didn't have an answer for that. His disappearance and reappearance in the cabin was still a sore spot between them. Other than the odd narration, he tried to keep his Tanis work separate from Alex. Probably for the same reason she was trying to sneak off to Geneva without letting him get a word in edgewise. When she showed up at the studio that morning with a USB drive containing the final episode of The Black Tapes, he was sure she expected to slip into her car without a second word. Fortunately he was able to pin her into the studio long enough to listen to what she had put together and convince her to let him drive her home.

Alex leaned her head onto his shoulder and yawned. Her phone buzzed. "That'll be Strand, he was going to meet me here once he was packed and we were going to take a cab to the airport."

"So not after a night of wine and..." he trailed off and waggled his eyebrows at her. She slapped him on the chest, but didn't argue.

"Let me drive you to the airport," he said as she stood and gathered her bags, "It'll give me peace of mind. And I can give Strand a piece of my mind."

Alex frowned, "He is still the subject of our podcast."

"Is he? After the last episode?"

"You know what I mean."

"Relax," Nic stood and stretched, following her to the porch, "I just want him to know that if he doesn't return with you in one piece, he'll have more to fear than shadowy figures."

Alex gave him a once over and rolled her eyes as she pulled her coat on.

"Hey!" Nic whined, "I don't look like much, but I'm scrappy."

A sharp knock on the door interrupted their exchange. Alex opened it to reveal the good doctor standing on the other side, a similar duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

"Nic," he said, taken aback, "I wasn't expecting to see you here." He looked to Alex for confirmation. Nic stepped in front of her before she could interject.

"If anything happens to her while you're gone," Nic started. Strand looked from Alex to Nic and back to Alex. Alex shrugged her shoulders and yawned. Better to let him get it out of his system now. "I swear to god I will use all my resources to make your life miserable."

Strand frowned, clearly thinking about what kind of resources the short Canadian reporter would have in his arsenal to affect his life in any way. He bit back his response and nodded.

"I have advised Miss. Reagan that in light of the new revelations, it would be safer for her to stay in Seattle," Alex opened her mouth to interject but Strand put up his hand to stop her, "and she has insisted on joining me on this trip. I think we both know her well enough to know that she won't stop at any means to get to the end of her story," he looked her pointedly, "even if that means jeopardizing her own safety."

Nic stared at him, and he continued. "Rest assured, I will put her safety before mine."

"That's not fair," Alex interjected, "We're both equally important here. We can watch each other's backs."

Nic and Strand shared a look.

"Well, now that that's out of the way, I'll be driving you to the airport," Strand opened his mouth to interrupt, but it was Nic's turn to stop him, "and I will be waiting at the airport until your plane is gone. That's the very least I can do." He then brushed past Strand and headed for the stairs.

Alex came to stand next to Strand and touched his elbow. He turned towards her, stepping into her space. His hand reached towards her arm like it wanted to touch her or pull her to him. He settled for laying it on her shoulder.

"You can still stay here," he murmured, looking down at her. Alex gave him a sad smile.

"You know I can't. Let's go." She ushered him out the door and locked it, the deadbolt sliding into place with a clunk.

________________________

"Close your eyes and listen to my voice."

"Okay."

"I'm going to count down from ten. With each number, feel your body relax. Ten."

"Nine, your body is heavy. You're sinking into a warm cloud."

"Eight, relax."

"Seven, with each breath, feel your tension melt away."

"Six."

"Five, your body feels so heavy, you can't bear to move. It feels so good just to lay right there."

"Four."

"Three, sinking deeper and deeper."

"Two, almos there. When I say one and snap my fingers, you will be perfectly relaxed, only hearing the sound of my voice."

"One."

"Now, I want you to think back to a time when you felt perfectly safe..."