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Why does everyone always think we’re a couple?” Penelope sunk into Schneider’s far-too-comfortable couch with a huff that said she was trying not to think about the sheer willpower that would be required to get up- he did not skimp on furniture.

“Hello to you too Penelope,” Schneider said, still half focusing on the game he was playing on his phone. It was some sort of unholy but fascinating combination of a first person shooter version of Plants vs. Zombies and Frogger- Penelope took one look at the screen and very pointedly Did Not Ask.

“How was the PTA meeting?” he asked.

“Fine. Answer the question.”

“You’re sure you wanna know?”

“Schneider.” One would think at some point her glares would stop being effective, but nope- still terrifying every single time. Well- terrifying and something else that he was absolutely not going to unpack with her sitting inches away from him on the couch.

“Okay fine! There’s a… vibe,” he said, waving one hand in a gesture that was probably supposed to be eloquent but managed to convey precisely nothing at all.

“A vibe?”

“We’re best friends. And we’re comfortable around each other, that-“

“I’m comfortable with Doctor Berkowitz too but- eeeugh, nope, not even gonna finish that sentence.”

Schneider rolled his eyes at her shudder and patted her shoulder absentmindedly. “It’s alright Pen, it’s just what people do.”

“I’m ruggedly handsome-” she snorted none too quietly when he continued, pausing the game- “and you’re beautiful-“ she actually did go quiet then, “-and everybody wants the chisme.”

Dead silence hung for a few seconds without even a comment from Penelope on his (still frankly terrible) accent, and then Schneider grinned.

“Plus you think I’m hot.”

Three, two, one…

Annnnd- there she was. His arm was definitely gonna be bruised in the morning but it was worth it for the look on her face.

Besides, she hadn’t said he was wrong.