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break up with your boyfriend, i'm bored

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Jungeun has never been good at turning down Sooyoung’s advances. It’s one of her few flaws, at least she’s self aware enough to admit that. Sooyoung’s always been pretty persuasive, ever since the two of them met, so how could Jungeun possibly say no when the other girl is pushed up against her, whispering dirty lines into her ear. She has a certain way with words, like she’s been practicing for years until she gets them perfect, says them at just the right volume, just the right amount of want and desire dripping from them.

 

They’re at their local bar, not too far from campus, Jungeun’s been here so many times she could probably recited every crude or childish thing written on the bathroom stalls. She knows this place like the back of her hand, so why exactly does she feel like she’s in a whole new territory with Sooyoung’s darkened eyes staring deep into her?

 

When Sooyoung gently moves a few strands of hair to tuck behind Jungeun’s ear, she feels the hot breath against her lobe, and it takes Jungeun’s breath away. Really, she thinks, it’s a miracle she manages to stay sane.

 

It’s not like they’re alone either, maybe if they were Jungeun would be able to push Sooyoung away, but there’s people all around them right now, and Jungeun doesn’t want to make a scene. It’s bold of Jungeun to assume she’d ever push Sooyoung away, alone or not.

 

And maybe she’d feel a lot worse, considering her boyfriend is standing across from her in this club, except he’s quite obviously checking out some girl’s ass, so frankly Jungeun couldn’t give a shit.

 

It’s not the first time (and definitely not the last) Jungeun had wished her boyfriend could just disappear for one second, or better yet, not be in her life at all, but there’s always that overpowering pang of guilt that eats Jungeun up inside. He’s her boyfriend, the supposed love of her life, what does it say about her as a person for wanting him to not be around so she can get felt up in peace by her best friend?

 

She nudges her head towards said boy, but of course he isn’t even paying attention. The club’s not even full tonight, not like it has been before, and Jungeun’s almost a little disgusted at his ability to find any breathing female and not so subtly stare at them for most of the night. It’s never too long before Jungeun realises maybe she doesn’t feel as bad for the guy as she thought.

 

Jokes on him, Jungeun thinks, because yeah, there might be some other blonde chick dancing suspiciously close to him right now, but Sooyoung’s trailing her hand rhythmically against the base of Jungeun’s back, and she’s just started planting little soft kisses against her ear that leave Jungeun wanting more. They’re so gentle and quick that anybody else around them is oblivious, it’s just her and Sooyoung in on this little secret. So yeah, Jungeun’s doing just fine.

 

Sooyoung must have noticed that Jungeun’s attention was momentarily elsewhere, because she not only hears but feels a sigh from the other woman, warm breath settling on her skin.

 

“Fuck him.” Sooyoung scoffs.

 

If not for the shiver spreading through her spine, at the gentle lilt but also huskiness of Sooyoung’s voice, Jungeun would’ve been more prepared when Sooyoung loops her fingers through Jungeun’s jeans and pulls her dangerously close.


“But you said you didn’t like it when i did that.” Jungeun fake pouts, batting her eyelids. Yeah she’s taken aback a little by Sooyoung’s boldness, but this is Sooyoung, she’s nothing Jungeun can’t handle. Two can play at this game, she thinks.

 

She doesn’t often push Sooyoung’s buttons, but the results are rather pleasing when the time is right. Now proves to be one of those times.

 

She feels more than hears Sooyoung’s exhale of breath, against her already red ear, and even though she hasn’t spoken Jungeun knows she’s hit a nerve. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, she’s about to find out.

 

Sooyoung moves her hands so they’re now resting against each of Jungeun’s hips, standing directly in front of her. The song blaring through the club’s speakers is changing, now to one with a little more bass, and Sooyoung tries to match the sway of their bodies together, the two of them in synchronization with the pounding of the music.

 

“Babe,” Sooyoung lulls, looking at Jungeun with a pointed expression as she runs her tongue across her lips, “I don’t even think you like it when you do that.”

 

And then a smirk, before she continues.

 

Fuck him, I mean.” she repeats, pulling Jungeun’s waist closer to her body so there’s now minimal space between them (not like there was much to begin with).

 

It’s the way she says ‘fuck’, god, it’s the way she says anything really, that has Jungeun falling apart at the seams.

 

Jungeun just rolls her eyes, shaking her head a little as she lets Sooyoung have this one, the devilish smile and rise and fall of her chest as she laughs is enough to make Jungeun’s stomach flip.

 

She laces her arms around Sooyoung’s neck, threading her fingers through her hair at the base, and hums contently. Her and Sooyoung might like messing with each other, their whole friendship had practically been built around their teasing and jokes, but it’s moments like this, even with people surrounding them, where Jungeun feels most comfortable: in Sooyoung’s arms.

 

There’s three shot glasses on the table beside them: one for Sooyoung, one for Jungeun herself and one for her boyfriend, who only now seems to have remembered Jungeun’s presence. He’s saying something to the girl he’d been dancing with before turning and sending Jungeun a smile that’s probably supposed to be comforting, Jungeun just finds it obnoxious.

 

Sooyoung picks two shot glasses up, one in each hand, and throws them back consecutively like it’s nothing. Jungeun’s eyeing her, one eyebrow raised.

 

“He’s not gonna miss it.” Sooyoung reasons, gesturing over to where Jungeun’s boyfriend is finally making his way over to them.

 

“Thanks for keeping her company, Sooyoung.” he says smugly, winking at Sooyoung before not so gently tugging Jungeun out of her grasp. Physically, she feels nothing. Metaphorically, it hurts like a bitch.

 

“While you were doing what exactly?” It seems Sooyoung can’t help herself. This guy has always rubbed her the wrong way, ever since him and Jungeun started dating, she’s not about to change her views of the guy now.

 

“Just catching up with an old friend.”



“You know her?” Jungeun then asks, a little suspiciously. He’s her boyfriend, she shouldn’t exactly feel this way, like she can’t trust him. It’d make sense that he knows the girl, given the way they were dancing with each other. Jungeun should probably even feel a little relieved.

 

He looks at her confused for a second, before pulling her closer with the arm already wrapped around her shoulder. “We go way back to childhood years, we grew up in the same neighbourhood.”

 

“Oh,” she replies, “You didn’t wanna introduce her to me?”

 

“Didn’t wanna bother you, baby.”

 

Sooyoung probably should’ve tried a little harder to hide the look of disgust on her face at that. She picks up another shot glass, the one that was supposed to be Jungeun’s, and downs that too. One thing about Sooyoung is that she’s always been good at masking her emotions, Jungeun cannot for the life of her figure out what’s going on inside her head.

 

She’s getting a little distracted by the way Sooyoung is leaning against the high table behind her, there’s something about the way her hair falls past her shoulders, how her jaw clenches when Jungeun’s boyfriend runs his hand up and down her bare arm playfully. It shouldn’t be so attractive, her jealousy, but Jungeun can’t help but love it.

 

“You having a fun time?” the boyfriend asks, planting a small kiss to the top of Jungeun’s head. She’d find it endearing, he’s not usually the affectionate type, but Jungeun can’t seem get Sooyoung out of her head and the other girl standing merely a foot away isn’t making it any easier.

 

Jungeun just hums, snuggling a little closer into her boyfriend’s body (she has to make this believable at least).

 

He’s whispering something in her ear, probably something cheesy or vulgar, it’s always either or, but she’s not exactly paying attention. It’s reminding her of a few minutes earlier, when Sooyoung’s warm figure was against her instead of his. She like the warmth of his body too, don’t get her wrong, how his arms are long enough to wrap all the way around her, keep her tight in his embrace.

 

But Sooyoung’s arms are long too, and there’s something almost magical about the way her head can fit perfectly under the other girl’s chin. She hates to compare the two, god she really does, but Sooyoung always seems to come out on top more often than not.

 

She’s not looking too much into that for the time being.

 

“Well,” Jungeun hears Sooyoung say, “as riveting as this conversation is,” hears the clink of Sooyoung’s glass against the table as she sets it down, “I need to use the bathroom.”

 

It’s the way Sooyoung looks at her then, with hooded eyelids and darkened eyes, testing her, begging her, teasing her, that tells Jungeun all she needs to know about Sooyoung’s intentions.

 

* * *

 

A sketchy bathroom inside a random club isn’t the ideal place to hook up, Jungeun knows this, but even that isn’t going to stop her from letting Sooyoung have her way with her. It’s been far too long since they last did this, and by far too long she means five days. Jungeun’s often needy at the best of times, but college has been kicking both of their asses lately and she’s craving a release. Granted, she should probably turn to her boyfriend first for that. Oh well.

 

Sooyoung’s got her pressed up against the door of the first stall that was available. Luckily for them, this one actually locks, so Jungeun doesn’t have to worry about some middle aged woman walking in on them with Sooyoung’s hands down her pants (again). Jungeun will never hear the end of that one, how embarrassed she’d gotten, how Sooyoung just thought it was hilarious how Jungeun’s ears and cheeks turned the same colour of the shirt she was wearing that day.

 

The thing with Sooyoung is, she likes to tease. Which is all good and well until it starts to drive Jungeun insane. She’s always been a sucker for foreplay, and with Sooyoung that only seems to intensify, so when Sooyoung’s trailing her lips across her jawline, from the base of one ear to the other, Jungeun’s sure she’s in heaven already.

 

The lips against her are soft, wet and plump, as Sooyoung’s hands make little loops against the bare skin of her waist. She can probably feel how wound up Jungeun is already, the muscles in her stomach clenching with each movement of Sooyoung’s slender fingers.

 

She feels a hand begin to trail down her thigh, around to the back, and hook behind to lift it up and wrap it around Sooyoung’s waist. There’s really nothing else she can do but let out a little whimper as Sooyoung slots right in, their bodies pushed tight against each other.

 

Jungeun feels Sooyoung’s smirk against her, the corners of her lips rising as she meets Jungeun’s own again in a rough kiss.

 

Jungeun’s not afraid to make advances either, so when she starts running both hands along each of Sooyoung’s thighs, the latter isn’t particularly surprised. Sooyoung’s skin is burning, and Jungeun wanders what hers must feel like if even Sooyoung is this wound up.

 

What Jungeun doesn’t expect, when her hands reach the top of Sooyoung’s thighs, near her hips, ready to meet soft fabric and pull it down, is to find more bare skin.

 

She pauses for a second, eyebrows furrowed, before speaking against Sooyoung’s lips.  

 

“You’re not wearing any panties.”

Sooyoung pulls away, eyebrows raised as she looks at Jungeun with a smirk. Her lips are swollen, and it’s so attractive to Jungeun, knowing she did that.

 

“No.”


“Why?”

 

“Easy access.”

 

“For who?”Jungeun asks, a little irritated though she’s trying her best to hide it. She’s still got her hand up Sooyoung’s skirt, which she becomes hyper aware of now the kissing has stopped.

 

It’s like that goddamn smirk is permanently etched on Sooyoung’s face, that shit eating grin that often annoys the hell out of Jungeun.

 

“Anyone who’s lucky enough I guess.”

 

Jungeun scoffs, “Of course.”

 

Sooyoung’s biting her lip, in that way that drives Jungeun absolutely crazy whether she’s already turned on or not. “You jealous?”

 

Jungeun’s not about to admit that yeah, maybe she is a little, but deep down she knows it’s more likely that Sooyoung did this for her than any random girl she might meet tonight. So Jungeun simply smiles, tilting her head a little, and lowers her voice in the way she knows hits Sooyoung in all the right places.

 

“I’m the one you’re about to fuck, right?” she teases, grabbing Sooyoung’s thighs and pulling her a little closer, “So I think i’m all good.”

 

She knows it’s worked when Sooyoung lets out a groan, and hastily guides Jungeun’s hands back to where they were resting on her hips. She keeps them there, locked into place with her own hands on top of Jungeun’s, and starts grinding slowly into the other girl’s body.

 

Jungeun lets out a small exhale of breath, because shit, the way Sooyoung moves is like nothing Jungeun’s ever experienced before. She feels the other’s lips ghosting against her jaw, then her cheek, until they’re hovering over her lips.

 

“I could have any girl in this club tonight, you know that right?” Sooyoung purrs.

 

Jungeun scoffs, this woman and her unbelievable amount of confidence. It’s actually kind of sexy, but Jungeun will never let that slip out.

 

“Alright, Miss Inflated Ego.”

 

They both laugh, and Jungeun can feel it vibrate onto her lips, Sooyoung is so close, but somehow she needs more. She shoots forward, connecting their lips rather roughly, and the surprised gasp that escapes Sooyoung’s mouth tells Jungeun that she might actually have the upper hand.

 

She lets her right hand explore up to Sooyoung’s belly button and back down again, careful and gentle, before finding the warm insides of Sooyoung’s thighs. Her other is gripped tight around Sooyoung’s neck. She’s just about ready, feels like this teasing has been going on for centuries. Her fingers are practically aching to be inside of Sooyoung.

 

Except in that moment, Jungeun’s phone chimes. And god,  she really doesn’t know whether it’s a blessing or a curse that she still has it on loud. She throws her head back against the door behind her, while Sooyoung managed to tear her lips away from Jungeun’s neck and sigh heavily.

 

[baby<3] you two okay in there? getting kinda lonely out here without you

 

“Is it him?”

 

“Yeah.” she sighs, feeling a little guilty. Though she’s not even certain over what, the fact that he’s interrupted her time with Sooyoung (which the girl doesn’t seem to be too pleased about), or the fact that she’s left him out there alone, to get off with her best friend inside this dingy bathroom.

 

“Can’t you just,” Sooyoung whispers, trying to keep her voice level, “tell him i’m throwing up or something? I doubt he’ll bother you again if you say that.”

 

Jungeun looks at her, sees the annoyance in her eyes, wishes there was something she could do to get out of there, “I’m sorry, Soo. It’s been like 20 minutes, we have to go back out there.”

 

Sooyoung only groans, but that’s because she knows Jungeun is right. After a chain of morally questionable decisions, Jungeun is always the one to pull them back in, to make them face reality.

 

Sometimes it’s like this, sometimes they never get the chance to finish what they’ve started, either they’re interrupted part way through or one of them has to get to class or go to work. It’s frustrating, to say the least, but what does Jungeun expect from sneaking around behind people’s back with Sooyoung, that was never going to be perfect anyway.

 

She can’t exactly tell whether Sooyoung is mad or sad right now, but she’s running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes, taking a minute to cool down.

 

Jungeun’s buttoning her pants back up (when the hell did Sooyoung even undo those?) when the girl across from her brings her thumb up to her mouth, licks it and stretches over to Jungeun’s neck, rubbing at a spot that Jungeun can’t see. She wonders what the other girl is doing.

 

The look of relief on Sooyoung’s face says enough.

 

“Just a smudge of lipstick,” she says, “no cause for alarm.”

 

Sooyoung mocks wiping a layer of sweat from her forehead, and Jungeun can’t help but laugh.

 

She thanks whoever’s looking out for her, because the last time Sooyoung gave her a hickey she has some serious explaining to do to their friends (thankfully her boyfriend hadn’t noticed, thanks to Sooyoung’s impeccable make up skills).

 

“Ready?” Sooyoung asks, smiling fondly at Jungeun.

 

“As I’ll ever be.”

 

There’s something so familiar about walking out of that bathroom, Sooyoung’s slim figure ahead of her. Among the mess that is Jungeun’s love life, it’s actually almost comforting.

 

But Jungeun still feels that knot in her stomach, low and persistent, as Sooyoung leads her hand in hand out into the chaos of the club.

 

 


 

 

Jungeun’s not even sure how it all started. She has her ideas of course, hell, she’s thought about it and analysed it enough times already. But one minute they were friends, best friends really, and the next Sooyoung is pushing her up against the back of her bedroom door, hands tangled messily in her hair, lips meeting heatedly.

 

They’d been at a party, where some blue haired chick had been shamlessly flirting with Jungeun. Jungeun hadn’t even noticed of course, not until Sooyoung pointed it out rather bitterly later that night.

 

She just guessed that tipsy people were friendly, this girl being extra friendly towards her in particular. Honestly, Jungeun really hadn’t thought much of it when the girl’s hand had found its way to her arm, slowly rubbing up and down affectionately. She’d started to bat her eyelids and bite her lip in a way that Jungeun thought was probably supposed to be attractive. Jungeun almost felt guilty, she really couldn’t care less.

 

It wasn’t until she heard a little shout of protest beside her that she noticed Sooyoung pushing her way through the crowd, making her way over to the pair. Sooyoung’s face is always hard to read, so the blank expression it was wearing then told Jungeun nothing about what she was feeling.

 

Sooyoung stood between the two girls when she asked, “Am i interrupting something?”

 

“No.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Sooyoung had raised her eyebrows, jaw tight, looking pointedly between Jungeun and the blue haired girl. Jungeun realises now she was probably trying to seem threatening, but really, Sooyoung had nothing to worry about.

 

“I was just talking to Jiyeon here,” Jungeun explained, “it is Jiyeon right?”

 

The other girl, Jiyeon , had laughed, and somehow managed to scoot herself closer to Jungeun, linking their arms together. She’d looked at Sooyoung with a smile that was anything but pleasant, and after thinking about it Jungeun thinks Sooyoung probably would’ve slapped that smile right off her face if they’d have stayed there a minute longer.

 

“Yes, it is Jiyeon, silly!” the girl had said, her voice nasally enough that Sooyoung almost wanted to plug her own ears. “Jungeun is so nice, don’t you think? I don’t know many people at this party, and here she is, being so considerate and keeping me com-”

 

“Take me home.”

 

Sooyoung’s voice had never been that firm.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I’d like to go home now, please.”

 

“Ummm…” she’s not afraid to admit it, but Jungeun had been a little lost, “Can you just wait like five minutes, I’ve gotta say bye to Jiwoo and Haseul.”

 

“Take me home now , Jungeun.”

 

And Jungeun had never been scared of Sooyoung before, hell, she’s never been scared of Sooyoung since, but god, the way Sooyoung was looking at her, like she was ready to tear the whole world to shreds, Jungeun knew better than to ignore her in that moment.

 

***

 

The car ride home had been nothing short of uncomfortable, Sooyoung had gripped her seat so hard Jungeun could see her knuckles turning white. Jungeun’s mouth felt dry, her hands a little clammy, which is dumb really, because she’d done nothing wrong. At least, she didn’t think she had.

 

There’s times where she discreetly tried to take her eyes off the road and turn to Sooyoung, but the other girl had refused to meet her gaze, jaw still locked as she focused her sights on whatever semi fascinating thing was outside of Jungeun’s passenger side window.

 

Thank god Sooyoung’s place is only a few blocks away, because that silence was deafening, and Jungeun wasn’t entirely sure how much longer she could take it.

 

When Jungeun finally pulled into Sooyoung’s driveway, neither of the girls made any attempt at getting out. She’d been scared even the smallest movement would set Sooyoung off, she’d been deadly silent for the last five minutes, and Sooyoung likes to talk, especially after she’s had a little alcohol, so Jungeun automatically knew something is wrong.

 

“Soo,” she’d hesitated, “is everything alright?”

 

Sooyoung hadn’t even looked at Jungeun when she muttered, “Never better.”

 

Looking back now, Sooyoung had practically been seething with jealousy, but the other girl couldn’t really blame Jungeun for being so oblivious, Sooyoung’s always been a master at keeping Jungeun guessing.

 

She’d followed her up those stairs of Sooyoung’s house like a lost puppy, trailing way too closely behind Sooyoung’s feet. Jungeun had reached the top of her stairs when she’d tried one final time.

 

“Please just,” Jungeun pleaded, “tell me what I’ve done wrong.”

 

She’d put enough begging and wanting into her voice to know that it’d worked, that she’d hit Sooyoung’s soft spot for her.

 

They’re in her bedroom when Sooyoung had finally turned to look at Jungeun, met her eyes, for the first time since leaving that damn party, and let out an long exhale of breath, like she’d been holding that in forever.

 

“God, you are so clueless.”

 

That’s the last thing Jungeun remembers before the piercing memory of Sooyoung advancing on her, cupping her face with both hands and drawing her in fills her mind. It’s one of her fondest memories, Sooyoung’s smooth skin and plump lips, her mutterings of “please kiss me back” and “shit, i’ve been wanting to do this forever”.

 

It’s intoxicating really, kissing Sooyoung, thinking about kissing Sooyoung. Letting Sooyoung do whatever she wants with her, to her.

 

Jungeun let Sooyoung kiss her until there was no air left in her lungs, before she pulled her lips away and rested her forehead against Sooyoung’s own.

 

“Sooyoung…” she’d managed to get out. Her voice was husky with breathlessness, the blood pumping at a mile a minute in her ears.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What are we doing?”

 

They’re both panting against each other, the warm breath from Sooyoung hitting Jungeun’s cheeks and sending a wave of electricity through her body. Sooyoung finds a piece of stray hair and tucks it behind Jungeun’s ear, still staring at her lips.

 

There’s a few seconds of silence, except it’s not really silence because they’re both still struggling to fill their bodies with oxygen. Jungeun’s almost ready to repeat her question when Sooyoung lets out a long breath.

 

“I have no idea.” she settles, before pulling Jungeun in to crash their bodies together again.

 

Jungeun wished something had changed since then, except they’re five months into whatever this little arrangement is and Jungeun might actually be more confused than ever. They’d carried on for two months after that, having one conversation to discuss ground rules and boundaries and never bringing it up again, neither girl would ever dare. Jungeun’s actually a little proud that nobody else knew about it (that is until Sooyoung’s best friend Jinsol walked in on their pretty R rated make out session one night).

 

That’s the first time Jungeun had regretted what her and Sooyoung were doing, having to lie to their friends like that. God, if only she knew what she was in for next.

 

Jungeun had never wanted a boyfriend, not really. But certain circumstances call for drastic measures, and soon enough Jungeun had met Changmin. With the constant breathing down her neck from her parents and the incessant need to please, Jungeun finds that within a week of knowing the guy, they’re already dating. She almost scolds herself for wishing things had moved that fast with Sooyoung instead.

 

When she tells Sooyoung, there’s not much either girl can do, this was one of their rules, if either girl found themselves in a relationship, this would stop, this had to stop.

 

Except it didn’t, and it still hasn’t, and maybe Jungeun’s starting to understand what an addiction really feels like.

 

She’s almost losing her mind right now thinking back on that, about how Sooyoung’s lips first felt against her own, their fullness, their taste, how they seemed to fit perfectly in between Jungeun’s. It’s almost like she can feel her mouth against her now, their exchange of breath, a hand on her thigh, fingers dancing. Except this hand is too rough and these lips are too careless, they’re nothing like Sooyoung’s. And Sooyoung doesn’t smell like Sooyoung, all sweet and fresh. The person kissing her isn’t as thoughtful as Sooyoung, they’re too rushed and clumsy.

 

Probably because it’s not Sooyoung at all.

 

Jungeun opens her eyes, and they’re met with glimmering blue, not the dark irises of Sooyoung’s. It’s Changmin, she’s kissing Changmin, while thinking of Sooyoung.

 

God this is so fucked up, she thinks.

 

If Sooyoung would just get out of her damn head, she wouldn’t be having this problem. She thinks she hears Changmin say something to her, ask her a question, but she’s not listening. Jungeun can only nod, and watch as her boyfriend plants a chaste kiss against her cheek, smiles and heads into the kitchen.

 

Jungeun knows she’s a good person, when it all comes down to it, she’s got a good heart. These bad choices don’t define her, she’ll prove that someday.

 

But god, does Jungeun have a lot of work to do.

 

 

Chapter Text

 

When Sooyoung wakes up on that morning, after that first night, there’s nothing too out of the ordinary. She’s in her own bed, which of course is to be expected. Jungeun is lying next to her, and okay, that’s not a daily occurance, but it’s not the first time it’s happened.

 

They’ve shared beds before, hell, sometimes Sooyoung’s even woken to find Jungeun’s arm wrapped around her loosely, the other girl deep in sleep. Friends cuddle, of course they do, and best friends especially do things like that all the time.

 

Except maybe they don’t do this .

 

It only takes a few seconds of consciousness for it all to come rushing back to Sooyoung, what they did. What she initiated. Sooyoung’s always been the bold type, she’s never going to get anywhere in life if she doesn’t go after what she wants, Sooyoung just didn’t realise that meant Jungeun.

 

That she wants Jungeun.

 

Of course, she’s entertained this idea before. Jungeun is hot, extremely so, Jungeun is kind and has a good heart. Sooyoung’s just never crossed the line of whether she wants Jungeun exclusively in the physical sense, or if there’s more to it than that.

 

She’s quick to shut off her thoughts before she even has time to process that possibility.

 

There’s a little whine from beside her, and oh yeah, Jungeun is still asleep in her bed, blonde hair splayed across both of Sooyoung’s pillows. There’s something almost calming in the knowledge that she’s the only one awake right now, she’s alone in processing this, dealing with this, while Jungeun’s oblivious and worry free.

 

God, Sooyoung knows Jungeun well enough to guess exactly how the girl’s going to react when she finally wakes up. She’ll try to play it cool, but Jungeun’s got nothing on Sooyoung when it comes to faking it, and Sooyoung can always see right through her.

 

Jungeun’s got an arm laying idley above her head, and if Sooyoung looked down (which she does) she could see the fair skin of Jungeun’s upper chest. It sends the heat back to Sooyoung’s body, bringing with it the vivid images of the kisses she’d left there not so many hours ago.

 

She’s trying not to stare, but Jungeun looks so peaceful while she’s sleeping that Sooyoung is absolutely enamoured. Maybe if they could stay like this forever, and not enter the impending awkward stage Sooyoung knows is about to come, everything would be alright.

 

But the girl next to her is starting to come to, and Sooyoung feels her heart begin to beat a little faster, as Jungeun’s eyes flicker open and she’s met with a soft but confused expression.

 

Sooyoung can’t do much more than offer a warm smile.

 

“Morning, sleepyhead.”



“Hey.” Jungeun mutters, and Sooyoung realises there’s a tint of blush on her cheeks. Her voice is still husky from sleep, and Sooyoung doesn’t like the way it ignites something deep within her stomach.

 

“Sleep well?”

 

“Mhm.” Jungeun hums, but she’s pulling the duvet closer to her chest. And it can’t be because she’s cold either, because Sooyoung accidentally brushes her hand against Jungeun while she’s repositioning herself and almost recoils at how heated her body is.

 

Sooyoung lets out a sigh, and she’s searching Jungeun’s face for any indication of what she’s feeling, but Jungeun’s got both arms resting on her forehead, so she’s making it hard for Sooyoung to see past her lips (which she absolutely stares at for a little longer than necessary).

 

She focuses on the rise and fall of Jungeun’s chest beneath the covers, tries to find comfort in the slight sounds of both of their breathing, but this silence is defeating.

 

She’s sitting herself up in bed, adjusting the pillow against the headboard when she swears she feels Jungeun tense up.

 

“Don’t make this awkward.” Sooyoung begs, trying to make eye contact with the girl lying next to her. She can tell Jungeun’s a little uncomfortable, but 10 minutes into her conscious state and Sooyoung isn’t quite herself yet, she can’t seem to find the energy to crack a joke or ease Jungeun’s nerves.

 

“Don’t make this-” Jungeun scoffs, repeating Sooyoung’s words, “Sooyoung we’re lying naked in your bed...”

 

“Probably not the first time.” She tries to reason.

 

“No, you’re right, it’s probably not the first time I’ve woken up in your bed. Actually, I’m 100% certain it’s not. Definitely the first time i’ve woken up next to you, my clothes nowhere to be seen, after we’ve just spent the night-”

 

She stops herself then, whether it’s because she’s too embarrassed to carry on or because she doesn’t exactly know how to finish that sentence, Sooyoung isn’t sure.

 

But Jungeun’s still hiding half of her face, so Sooyoung goes with the former.

 

“You can say it, you know.”

 

“What?”

 

“Fucking.”

 

Jungeun pulls a face, and it’s lined with disgust. “Well, I didn’t wanna sound so crude.”

 

“It is what it is.” Sooyoung shrugs, as she tries to inch closer to the other girl without her noticing.

 

Jungeun shakes her head in a way that makes Sooyoung feel small, and maybe Sooyoung’s bluntness isn’t exactly the perfect way to be dealing with things right now.

 

She wipes the sleep from her eyes, and it’s actually adorable how disorientated Jungeun seems right now, but Sooyoung can’t afford to focus on that. Jungeun’s pulling the covers up as she maneuvers herself into a sitting position, careful not to let any more bare skin expose, head resting back against Sooyoung’s headboard.  


“You kissed me.” she suddenly says, but it comes out more like a question than anything else.

 

Sooyoung’s not exactly sure why Jungeun’’s pointing out the obvious.


“Yeah?”



“No, I mean, you kissed me .”



“I know, Jungeun.”



“Why?”

 

Sooyoung lets a few seconds of silence pass, that’s what she’s telling herself, and not that she just doesn’t have an answer to Jungeun’s simple question. 

 

“I don’t know.”



Of course, Sooyoung does know. Sooyoung knows all too well why she’d kissed Jungeun. And some part of her, a small part, thinks Jungeun probably knew too. So early on.

 

While this is technically Sooyoung’s fault (thought she’s not exactly sure ‘fault’ is the right word, it’s not like they did something terrible), there’s something eating at the back of her mind that begs to be addressed.

 

“You kissed me back.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why?”

 

If Jungeun’s taken aback, she doesn’t show it. And though it doesn’t seem like it, her answer is as thought out as any.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

It’s eerily unsettling, how Jungeun echos her own words from seconds ago, that Sooyoung is rendered speechless. They know each other too well to be playing games like this.

 

Sooyoung feels her stomach twist in a not totally unpleasant way when Jungeun throws back the covers, seemingly forgetting for a second that she’s completely naked beneath there apart from her underwear.

 

If the blonde is embarrassed, she quickly wipes it from her face as she turns her back to Sooyoung and starts searching the floor for her discarded clothes. Sooyoung almost wants to laugh, really, they could be anywhere.

 

“I need a drink.” Jungeun sighs then, finding her jeans and pulling them up to her slim waist.

 

Sooyoung tries to hide both her concern and surprise when she says, “Jungeun, it’s 10:30 in the morning.”



Of coffee. An espresso or something. God, anything.”


She tries not to take offense in how disgusted Jungeun sounds, like she needs to forget what happened.

 

Not overthinking the situation too much, Sooyoung follows in Jungeun’s footsteps, and gets out of bed to find the nearest pieces of (decent) clothing. She pretends she doesn’t see Jungeun peeking over her shoulder at her as she’s putting on her bra.

 

Sooyoung’s got one arm through her shirt, jeans still unzipped when she says, “Let’s go then.”

 

“Right now?” Jungeun replies, and it seems like she doesn’t know exactly where to look.

 

“Well, we’re not making any progress like this.”

 

Jungeun gives her a look, that if Sooyoung was anybody else maybe she’d be a little scared, but it’s clear that Jungeun knows she’s right.

 

Sooyoung watches as she ties her hair back into a low pony, little wisps coming loose at the front, and heads towards her bedroom door.

 

She stands there for a few seconds, and Sooyoung doesn’t even realise she’s staring until Jungeun clears her throat.

 

“Are you coming?”

 

And Sooyoung almost shivers, feels the hairs on her body stand up, because that sounds exactly like something Jungeun had asked her last night, more than once.


*****


Thankfully, Jungeun seems to have relaxed considerably once they’re out of the confinements of Sooyoung’s bedroom. Maybe it’s being out in public, or that Jungeun has some liquid courage (the caffeine kind) that makes her seem like the Jungeun Sooyoung knows and loves. She’s keeping up with the small talk Sooyoung is making, and things already seem normal again, Sooyoung’s almost completely forgotten about the disaster that happened after they’d just woken up.

 

Everything will be fine.

 

It’s not until she notices the way Jungeun’s fingers are tapping against her coffee cup, agitated and out of rhythm, that Sooyoung realises there’s something on her mind.

 

She puts down her own mug to reach across the table and settle her hand on Jungeun’s own, hoping it still has that calming affect she’s always been so proud of.

 

“You good?” she asks in a gentle voice.

 

“Yep.” the blonde replies, taking a long shot of the espresso in her hand. Sooyoung can tell there’s something Jungeun’s dying to say, so she waits, and busies herself with the half eaten donut on the plate in front of her.

 

It’s only a few moments of silence before Jungeun begins again, “I mean, this was just a one time thing right? We were at a party, it was really late and you probably had a lot to drink-”



“I had two wine coolers.”



“You did?”



“Yeah.”



“Oh.”

 

Jungeun swallows, and Sooyoung can’t help but stare as her throat bobs up and down.

 

Sooyoung lowers her voice then, like she’s embarrassed by what she’s about to admit, which is stupid really, because at this point Jungeun must know why Sooyoung did what she did last night.

 

“Kinda lost my drinking appetite after seeing that girl all over you.”



If she hadn’t already been looking at the other girl, Sooyoung would’ve missed the shade of guilt that passes over Jungeun’s face. Sooyoung almost protests, tells Jungeun that it wasn’t her fault, and she doesn’t exactly blame a girl for trying to put the moves on Jungeun, it’s something Sooyoung hadn’t managed to do until less than 24 hours ago. But she thinks better of it, and Jungeun herself doesn’t say anything, so they sit in silence for a few dragging seconds.



“Jungeun look,” Sooyoung tries again, sounding a little nervous, as she’s tapping her fingers against her coffee mug, “I don’t know why I did that last night.” She did. “It’s not like I’d been planning to find a way to get you into bed somehow.” She kinda had. “It just happened, in the heat of the moment.” At least that part was true.

 

I know,” Jungeun’s nodding, “I just didn’t expect it. A little warning first maybe?”

 

“You didn’t seem to have any complaints last night.” Sooyoung says under her breath, but she’s not very successful at keeping it out of Jungeun’s earshot, because the other girl is giving her a pointed look, and Sooyoung realises maybe joking about this in any way isn’t going to work.

 

Sure, she gets why Jungeun is so shaken by this, not everyone has Sooyoung’s laid back way of thinking when it comes to sex and the people she has it with. Maybe she just needs to be a little more compassionate.

 

She tries to scoot her chair closer to Jungeun without making it too painfully obvious, but the legs scrape across the floor with an unpleasant sound and Sooyoung can only give a shy smile when Jungeun meets her eyes.

 

“Jungeun…” she tries, and she desperately wants to reach out and hold Jungeun’s hand again.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“This doesn’t have to change anything.”

 

“Oh yeah?” She chuckles, but it says she doesn’t believe Sooyoung for a second more than it says she’s finding this humorous.

 

“Yeah,” Sooyoung begins, “Look, we had a good time right? It shouldn’t have to mean anything more than that.”



Jungeun looks at her puzzled, and Sooyoung knows she can see right through her. It doesn’t even make sense to her, saying this, when she was the one who kissed Jungeun first. Had begged Jungeun to kiss her back. Had taken Jungeun to her bed.

 

It makes no fucking sense at all, but Sooyoung’s sticking with it.

 

She can practically see the cogs turning in Jungeun’s head, as she’s biting on her bottom lip in a way Sooyoung should absolutely not find so attractive.

 

“Unless…”

 

Sooyoung’s heart skips a beat.

 

“Unless?” she dares to ask.

 

“I mean,” she can’t help but notice Jungeun’s restlessness, “It didn’t suck. It didn’t suck for you, right?”

 

The corners of Sooyoung’s mouth curl up at Jungeun’s desperate need for reassurance.

 

“God no.” she’s too quick to shut that down, and she sees the small smile that creeps onto Jungeun’s lips. She clears her throat, before confirming again, a little less enthusiastically this time, “No, it didn’t.”

 

“Well, good.” Jungeun says, “Good. I mean, I’m glad you...enjoyed it.”

 

“Is there a point you're trying to get to, Jungeun?” Sooyoung teases, seeing the way the other girl struggling with her words.

 

“How about,” she begins, and only continues when she’s met with Sooyoung’s expectant gaze, “we don’t stop? We both had fun right? And we’re both consenting adults, I don’t see why we can’t, you know, carry on.”

 

Sooyoung’s not entirely sure she’s heard right, but with the pinch she gives herself to make sure she’s not dreaming and the way Jungeun’s cheeks are tinted pink, she figures her brain isn’t actually playing tricks on her.

 

Sooyoung might be enjoying this a little too much.

 

“Are you asking me to be your fuck buddy?”

 

“Well when you put it like that…”

 

Sooyoung laughs, loud and unapologetic, and somehow her leg finds Jungeun’s underneath the table. She starts stroking it slowly, up and down, and sees Jungeun tense up, but she doesn’t pull away, and that’s all that Sooyoung needs. Yes, she’s really about to play footsie with Jungeun in this cafe.

 

“A few rules,” Sooyoung begins, and she’s looking Jungeun dead in the face. “We don’t talk about this again, we just get on with it, okay?” She waits for Jungeun’s nod before continuing, “We do not catch feelings.”

 

Sooyoung sees Jungeun scoff at this, and manages to playfully kick the leg she’s teasing.

 

“I’m serious! We don’t need this to get complicated.”

 

Jungeun’s eyes narrow, like she’s trying to read Sooyoung and her intentions, but she gives a shrug of her shoulders and says, “Fine by me.”

 

Sooyoung nods and goes on, “Either of us gets a girlfriend-”

 

“Or boyfriend.”

 

“Ew,” Sooyoung’s not even trying to hide her disgust, “Or boyfriend, whatever, this stops.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“This is just for fun. We don’t need any complications or unnecessary drama.”

 

“Perfect. No strings attached.”

 

“Exactly.” Sooyoung finalises, and there’s a glint in Jungeun’s eyes she doesn’t think she’s seen before.

 

“Deal?” Jungeun proposes.

 

There’s something so incredibly sexy about the knowledge that this was all Jungeun’s idea, that maybe she wants this just as much as Sooyoung, if not more. So Sooyoung extends her arm in a mocking fashion, waits for the warmth of Jungeun’s hand in her own, and winks playfully.

 

“Deal.”

 

There’s only a small part of Sooyoung, a hidden part, that regrets that one section of the agreement, has been regretting it since the moment the words left her lips, even months into their arrangement, no strings attached.


*****


When Sooyoung needs advice, or talking out of an impulsive idea (which is happening a lot lately), she goes to Jinsol. Sure she turns to Jungeun most of the time, but she can’t exactly ask Jungeun for help when it’s her she’s driving herself crazy over.



Jinsol’s the best friend that actually is a best friend. No hidden agendas, no sexual favours, just a good old fashion platonic duo. Sooyoung doesn’t even realise how thankful she is for having Jinsol until times like this. Jinsol is a solid, a constant in her life, and for that she’s forever grateful.

 

It helps that Jinsol is the same age as her too, not that Jungeun being younger is a problem, but her and Jinsol are going through the same things at the same time, and it helps to have someone she can lean on.

 

And even though Sooyoung’s the one who asked for Jinsol’s help, put on her best pleading voice that she knows Jinsol is a sucker for, begged her to come over and get her out of this funk (a funk she’s been in since that night at the club with Jungeun a few days ago), she isn’t exactly paying as much attention to the other girl as she should be.

 

Sooyoung can still feel Jungeun on her skin, lingering, like a sweet aftertaste she should’ve gotten used to by now.

 

And it’s toxic, god is it toxic, how Sooyoung’s thinking about a taken woman like this, wondering when the next time she can get close to her will be, when she can have Jungeun to herself again.

 

It’s only when Jinsol says Jungeun’s name that Sooyoung realises she hasn’t caught a single word of what the girl had been saying up until that point.

 

“-and Jungeun’s no better either. You both knew what you were getting yourselves into. And that was before she got a boyfriend, which by the way, was a few months back now. You’re a mess, she’s a mess, it’s a whole big ugly mess that I don’t think you’re ready to clean up.”

 

It’s not hard to get an idea of exactly what Jinsol is talking about, but Sooyoung mustn’t be a very good actor, because Jinsol can easily tell that Sooyoung missed the better half of her speech.

 

“Sooyoung,” Jinsol calls, “Are you even listening to me?”

 

Sooyoung shoots her a guilty look, and she’s met with a playful but hard shove to her shoulder.

 

“I’m trying to help!” Jinsol whines, jutting out her bottom lip.

 

Sooyoung ignores it, “Really? Because it just sounds like you’re using this as an opportunity to not so subtly judge me. Which I do not appreciate, by the way.”

 

The furrows between Jinsol’s brows deepen, and she’s pouting even more than Sooyoung thought possible. She asked for Jinsol’s help after all, it’s not the other girl’s fault if Sooyoung doesn’t like what she’s hearing.

 

They’re currently sitting on Jinsol’s back porch, and the sun’s at that midpoint in the sky that makes everything seem ten times more intense, and really, Jinsol is adorable (though Sooyoung would never let the other girl hear her admit that), so Sooyoung’s finding it hard to be mad at her.

 

“I’ve been extremely nice and nurturing to you up until this point,” Jinsol huffs, still pouting, “but I think it’s time for some tough love.”

 

Though she wants to laugh, Sooyoung suppresses it, because Jinsol might be as intimidating as a kitten, but she always knows the right thing to say, even if it’s something Sooyoung doesn’t want to hear.

 

And Sooyoung will take anything at this point, any advice is good advice, especially when it comes to her and this thing with Jungeun.

 

“If you ask me, which you did,” Jinsol gets in quickly before Sooyoung can protest, “this shit has been going on for far too long. Sure, it might’ve started out light and easy, you and Jungeun did pretty well at first I’ll give you that. But Sooyoung come on, when she met Changmin, what did you think was going to happen? You thought it’d still be the same walk in the park? You thought you two would be able to stop? Because let me tell you, I’ve seen you two together, what you guys have, it’s gotta take a whole lot to stop that.”

 

“You know,” Sooyoung chuckles, “sometimes I really don’t know whether you’re on board with the whole Jungeun and I thing or not.”

 

“I’m on board with what makes you happy,” Jinsol sighs, and her gaze softens as she looks at Sooyoung, “I am not on board with you being a homewrecker though.”

 

Sooyoung frowns, but only because Jinsol is right. She hates that word, has always hated it, but there’s something extra acidic about it when it’s being directed at her.

 

But she is, Sooyoung is a homewrecker, and no matter what she tells herself nothing will ever make that okay.

 

There’s a chill to the air that makes Sooyoung question whether it really is summer right now, but maybe it’s just psychological, and her body is dealing with the reality Jinsol is making her face. It’s kind of funny actually, because Jinsol’s not telling her anything that Sooyoung hasn’t already told herself.

 

Jinsol lets out a small sigh before she speaks again, her voice firmer but still as affectionate.

 

“It’s not healthy, Soo.”



Sooyoung groans, “You think I don’t know that?”



“You know I love you both,” Jinsol says, “And when this started I was your #1 supporter, but whatever this little arrangement with Jungeun has turned into, it has to stop. It might not seem like it now, but you’re hurting Jungeun, hell Sooyoung you’re hurting yourself.”

 

She almost recoils at how hard she scoffs at that, and runs a hand through her hair, “Jinsol, I really don’t care if I get hurt.”

 

“Well I do,” Jinsol says, “and I know Jungeun does too.”

 

The thing about Jinsol is, she cares, and she cares a lot, so much that it makes Sooyoung feel bad about the burdens she must put on the other girl, simply by being her friend.

 

But if Sooyoung has a weight to carry Jinsol will carry it with her. There’s something so calming and comforting about the blonde’s presence that Sooyoung can’t help but smile to herself when Jinsol guides Sooyoung’s head down and places it on her shoulder. Sooyoung has a little extra height on Jinsol, so leaning down is somewhat uncomfortable, but she doesn’t entirely mind.

 

Sitting in silence has never been awkward with Jinsol, so Sooyoung basks in it, gives herself a few moments to mull over what’s already been said. It’s never going to last forever of course, as Sooyoung’s thinking only seems to get her more riled up.

 

“It’s not fair!” she whines suddenly, and one corner of Jinsol’s mouth lifts up at her friend’s sulking, “I knew her first. I fucked her first. She was mine first.”

 

If Jinsol is shocked by Sooyoung’s bluntness she doesn’t show it.

 

“She’s not an object you can possess, Sooyoung.” Jinsol scolds, but Sooyoung can still hear the friendly lilt to her voice, she doesn’t think that ever leaves, even when Jinsol is mad at her.

 

“That’s not what I-”

 

“I know,” Jinsol reasons, and grabs the hand lying on Sooyoung’s lap to interlace it with her own loosely, “But look, if everything was fine, if everything was going well, if you could handle all of this, would we be here right now? Would you have asked for my help? I know you don’t like talking to me about this Jungeun stuff ever since I walked in on you guys…”

 

“Thanks for the reminder.”

 

“Hey, if I have to live with that burden of a memory you’re going down with me.”

 

They both laugh, and Sooyoung actually thinks it’s the first genuine thing that’s escaped her lips that day. Jinsol still has a hold on her hand, and she’s doing that thing that always calms Sooyoung down, running her thumb softly up and down Sooyoung’s index finger.

 

Jinsol is her best friend, so why is admitting defeat so damn hard.

 

“God, I hate when you’re right.” Sooyoung groans, leaning her head further into Jinsol’s shoulder. She feels the other girl’s body shake a little with laughter and Sooyoung knows she’s given her an ego boost.

 

“I think what you need,” the blonde begins, “is a distraction.”

 

Sooyoung perks up then, she likes the sound of that.

 

“You wanna get blackout drunk? We could go down to our local bar, I know a girl there who can get us some free shots.”



Sooyoung chuckles, but there’s still something sour there. “No, I don’t wanna do that.”



“How about a strip club?”



“Jinsoul.”



“Just throwing it out there...”

 

“Well take it back.”

 

“Listen,” Jinsol says, “you’ve gotta keep your options open. God knows what it’s going to take to help you through this.”

 

Sooyoung pinches Jinsol’s leg teasingly, but not hard enough to hurt or leave a mark. At Jinsol’s next suggestion though, Sooyoung almost wishes she had.

 

“Actually…” Jinsol drags, and there’s a look on her face that tells Sooyoung she’s just got a idea, whether it’s a good one or not Sooyoung’s about to find out.

 

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

 

“I could set you up on a date, ” the blonde suggests, before seeing Sooyoung’s horrified expression. “Hear me out. I actually know this girl, an exchange student from Hong Kong, who I think would be perfect for you.”

 

She refrains from rolling her eyes at that, how Jinsol puts extra emphasis on the word ‘perfect’. Perfect for her? Sooyoung already knows one person who’s perfect for her, and look how well that’s turning out.

 

“Well I’m gonna need you to tell me a little bit about this girl first.”

 

“Oh, yeah! Of course,” Jinsol says, excited, “Okay well, her name is Kahei, she’s been studying here for a little over two years, she’s studying fine art, pretty quiet, but once you get to know her you’ll realise how interesting she is.”

 

Sooyoung’s got to give it to her, Jinsol does a pretty good job of making a convincing argument. But she still hasn’t said yes, and that lack of a response is enough to get Jinsol pulling out the extra stops.

 

“Just one date, Sooyoung.” Jinsol huffs, “Please? For me?”

 

God, it’s like kicking a puppy, the idea of turning Jinsol’s idea down. So Sooyoung gives in, because how bad can it be really, Jinsol’s intentions are good, and she has Sooyoung’s best interests at heart.

 

Maybe this is exactly what Sooyoung needs right now, to focus her attention on someone who isn’t Jungeun, someone new, something fresh.

 

It’s with a skeptical mind that Sooyoung realises that’s exactly how her and Jungeun started out, so she’ll be sure to keep that in mind.


*****


In all fairness, her date with Kahei goes as well as any first date can, really. She almost wants to curse Jinsol for setting her up with someone so warm and gentle. Sooyoung was honestly afraid to make a bad first impression, and that rarely happens, Sooyoung worrying about what people think of her. Kahei’s almost out of Sooyoung’s league, almost.



She thinks of Jungeun on just a few occasions, and that’s only when Kahei orders food that Jungeun hates, or when they walk past a place her and Jungeun have hooked up in before. It’s not exactly easy to stop thinking about the other girl, not when that’s all Sooyoung really wants to do, but she manages, and her night turns out a relative success. Kahei might actually be the polar opposite of Jungeun; quiet, reserved, feminine. For now, Sooyoung has decided that’s a good thing.

 

It’s not until the next day, that Sooyoung falters. She hadn’t expected her restraint against Jungeun to last long, especially when the other girl doesn’t know that Sooyoung is actively trying to avoid her.

 

There’s something about that night at the club, the realisation that Jungeun got to walk out of that bathroom stall and into someone else’s arm while Sooyoung went home alone, that forms something ugly and twisted at the pit of her stomach. Sooyoung’s felt jealousy before, of course she has, she’s just never felt so painfully envious, and that scares the shit out of her.

 

Obviously Sooyoung needs to improve on her whole ‘avoiding’ plan, because right now it’s thrown out the window, proven by the fact that Jungeun’s laying opposite to her on her own sofa, eyes glued to the TV screen across the room playing a movie that Sooyoung couldn’t care less about.

 

She’d asked Sooyoung to spend the day with her (while Changmin was out of town), and even an idiot would be able to tell exactly what Jungeun meant by that, but Sooyoung suggested (and made sure) they go out for lunch, so thankfully her and Jungeun haven’t been alone together until now - not like that’s ever stopped them before.

 

She’s giving the blonde a foot massage, which Jungeun didn’t even need to ask for, Sooyoung just craved the physical contact. Yes, she’s weak, she can admit that.

 

Sooyoung’s not exactly sure why she says what she does next, but Jungeun and her have never kept secrets, and she’s not planning on starting now.

 

“I went on a date last night.”

 

Jungeun’s head snaps towards Sooyoung at that, and it’s not discreet at all, “Oh?”



“Yeah.”



“That’s why you couldn’t come over?”



“Yeah.” Sooyoung winces, recalling the couple of needy texts she’d received from Jungeun that had been absolute torture to ignore.


“Nice.” Jungeun mutters, and her gaze goes back to that TV screen, except now it looks like she’s trying to bore holes into the poor thing.

 

“What’s her name?” she asks, not looking at Sooyoung.

 

“Kahei.”

 

“Oh, pretty name.”

 

“Mhm.”


“Is she?” Jungeun asks next, “Pretty?”



“She’s kinda beautiful actually.” Sooyoung says, thought she’s not exactly sure why. She’s digging herself into a hole here, she can tell.


“Yeah? Tell me about her.”



Sooyoung doesn’t like where this is going. She’s dealt with a passive aggressive Jungeun enough times to know when to stop.


“Jungeun...” she hesitates.

 

She can’t decide whether this is more torturous for her or for Jungeun. Sooyoung hasn’t so much as touched the blonde since that night in the club, that is until now of course, with her hands massaging Jungeun’s legs and feet.

 

Jinsoul’s words keep ringing in her ears, it’s not healthy, you’re hurting Jungeun and yourself.

 

But there’s something so contenting in having Jungeun next to her again.

 

And Sooyoung’s pretty fucking great at reading Jungeun now, so she can sense she’s getting jealous. It makes Sooyoung feel weak in the knees, seeing Jungeun get so possessive, of a girl that isn’t even hers to begin with (no matter how much Sooyoung wishes that could change).



There’s only a minuscule part of her that regrets when she asks playfully, “Are you perhaps, jealous?”



Jungeun tenses, but it’s only for a fraction of second before she relaxes again.

 

“What? No.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Sooyoung,” Jungeun calls from the across the sofa, looking at her pointedly, “I’m not jealous.”

 

“Okay, good,” Sooyoung settles, raising her hands up, “because you shouldn’t be.”

 

Sooyoung thinks the conversation is over, because Jungeun’s gone to watching the hideously boring movie playing on TV, and Sooyoung finds herself getting a little sleepy. She blames it on the calming effect staring at Jungeun has, the other girl looking so breathtaking and peaceful at the same time.

 

But Jungeun pulls herself upright from her lying down position, and much to Sooyoung’s surprise turns the television off so they’re met with a black screen and silence.

 

She looks at Jungeun, who’s looking back at her, and raises an eyebrow, waiting for the other girl to speak.

 

When she does, Sooyoung has mixed feelings.


“Did you guys...you know.” Jungeun asks, leaving the sentence hanging in the air, and it takes Sooyoung a few seconds to connect the dots, but then it clicks, what Jungeun’s asking.

 

She doesn’t know whether she’s impressed or pissed off at the girl’s nosiness.

 

“You’re asking if we had sex on the first date?”

 

Jungeun simply shrugs.

 

Sooyoung lets out a curt laugh, “I’m actually a little offended.”

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” she hears Jungeun mumble. 

 

“I resent that.” 

 

“Well did you?” Jungeun persists. 

 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no, we didn’t.”



“Okay.”

 

She almost wants to shake her head at the other girl, but deep down Sooyoung loves it, the concern evident on Jungeun’s face over Sooyoung and the possibility of having sex with someone that isn’t her.

 

It’s only then that Sooyoung realises Jungeun is far too distant for her liking, and fuck whatever hesitations she had seeing her again so soon after her and Jinsol’s conversation, Sooyoung’s not a hormonal teenage boy, she can control herself.

 

So she gets Jungeun’s attention and beckons her closer with the signal of her index finger, patting her lap suggestively when Jungeun slowly moves towards her. Jungeun’s not heavy, and so Sooyoung enjoys the feel of the other girl in her lap, or on top of her, underneath her, anything really.

 

She pushes a stray strand of hair away from Jungeun’s eyes and sees them shining back at her. It only comes natural to her when she tucks said hair behind Jungeun’s ear and lets her hand linger there, brushing her thumb across the smooth skin of Jungeun’s cheek.

 

It’s Jungeun who makes the next move, leaning closer towards Sooyoung as she snakes her arms around the other girl’s waist, up her back until they’re resting behind her neck. She closes her eyes as she leans her head against Sooyoung’s, in a way that Jungeun’s mouth is in perfect viewing for Sooyoung’s hungry eyes.

 

Jungeun’s lips have always looked so inviting.


“Do you want to kiss me?” Jungeun whispers, her hot breath hitting Sooyoung’s ear.

 

And she really can’t help it, her next words catch in her throat, hairs standing on end across her body. Jungeun is so sexy like this, in her arms, all over her , it’s intoxicating.

 

“Thinking about it.” Sooyoung manages to say, half whisper half husky.

 

She runs her tongue across her lips, and Sooyoung’s not entirely sure whether it’s to tease Jungeun or to stop her own mouth from drying up with how close the two of them are. There’s a smirk on Jungeun’s lips that’s driving Sooyoung crazy, testing her, beckoning her, and Sooyoung’s one second away from pouncing on the other girl right now.

 

But Jungeun moves a little closer then, mouth no more than a centimetre away from Sooyoung’s own, so close Jungeun’s breath tickles Sooyoung’s skin, making her shiver.

 

Only a few seconds pass, but Sooyoung experiences it all like a lifetime, Jungeun breathing softly against her, skin on skin, almost lips on lips, hands gently tugging the hair at the nape of her neck.

 

Eventually, Jungeun is the one to lean in first, and Sooyoung’s not strong enough to resist, as she surges forward to meet Jungeun’s lips.



It’s slow and gentle, almost sensual, as Sooyoung keeps a tight grip on Jungeun’s hips, feels the girl rock needingly on her lap as their lips overlap.

 

Jungeun’s lips have never felt this soft, and Sooyoung’s afraid she’s going to draw blood when she tugs yearningly at Jungeun’s bottom lip.

 

In fact, she doesn’t draw blood, but Sooyoung certainly feels her own pumping around her body when Jungeun elicits a soft moan at Sooyoung’s actions. She captures her lip between her teeth, torturously slow, drawing back and watching it snap back into place once she lets go.

 

Jungeun is panting now, weakly, not too raged, and Sooyoung’s never heard a sweeter sound. She pushes the hair away from Jungeun’s neck to give her better access, and sets her sights on planting wet, open mouthed kisses along her jaw and neck.

 

If Sooyoung was so desperate to, she could leave her mark, she could leave her mark all over Jungeun’s body, and god does she want to. It’s only when Jungeun’s made quick work of unbuttoning her shirt, so now Sooyoung’s chest and black bra are visible, and her hands are working at the belt around Sooyoung’s waist, that she realises how quickly this is progressing.

 

“Come to bed.” Jungeun says, voice rough, dripping with suggestion.


Shit.


Her eyes have darkened, something Sooyoung only notices when she manages to pry her gaze from the girl’s swollen lips that are still lingering near her own. This is Sooyoung’s favourite sight, when Jungeun’s all worked up like this, and Sooyoung really can’t stop herself from wonder how wet the other girl must be right now.

 

Jungeun’s still got one hand on Sooyoung’s jeans, except this time it’s trying to pull down her zip instead, and the other hand still wrapped around her neck, fingers on both teasing Sooyoung’s skin torturously.

 

It takes every ounce of fight Sooyoung has, every rational bone in her body, to say her next words, and even then she can’t manage to say them convincingly.


“I should go.”

 

She pretends she doesn’t see the hurt washing over Jungeun’s face, the way her eyes glisten over. Jungeun goes to kiss her again, bringing Sooyoung’s chin towards her with the hand that was previously working at Sooyoung’s jeans. But Sooyoung pulls back, and there’s that sickly twist in her stomach again at the look on Jungeun’s face.  

 

“I should go.” she repeats, and this time it’s more like she’s telling Jungeun, and not just throwing the suggestion out there.

 

She presses a kiss to Jungeun’s temple, a goodbye, as the other girl numbly pulls herself from Sooyoung’s lap. If Sooyoung were to look at her, even for a second longer, she knows her resolve would falter.

 

Instead she busies herself with buttoning up her own shirt, and jesus she’s really never had to do this before, why would she ever want to? Dress herself again when Jungeun is more than ready to give her what she wants?

 

How easy it would have been to let Jungeun pull her upstairs, let Jungeun finish undressing her, to let Jungeun have her, like she has so many times before.

 

But nothing good is ever going to come of that, Sooyoung realises that now.

 

So instead Sooyoung goes home, and lies awake that night, wondering if the space left in Jungeun’s bed is just as cold and uninviting as her own.