Jungeun has never been good at turning down Sooyoung’s advances. It’s one of her few flaws, at least she’s self aware enough to admit that. Sooyoung’s always been pretty persuasive, ever since the two of them met, so how could Jungeun possibly say no when the other girl is pushed up against her, whispering dirty lines into her ear. She has a certain way with words, like she’s been practicing for years until she gets them perfect, says them at just the right volume, just the right amount of want and desire dripping from them.
They’re at their local bar, not too far from campus, Jungeun’s been here so many times she could probably recited every crude or childish thing written on the bathroom stalls. She knows this place like the back of her hand, so why exactly does she feel like she’s in a whole new territory with Sooyoung’s darkened eyes staring deep into her?
When Sooyoung gently moves a few strands of hair to tuck behind Jungeun’s ear, she feels the hot breath against her lobe, and it takes Jungeun’s breath away. Really, she thinks, it’s a miracle she manages to stay sane.
It’s not like they’re alone either, maybe if they were Jungeun would be able to push Sooyoung away, but there’s people all around them right now, and Jungeun doesn’t want to make a scene. It’s bold of Jungeun to assume she’d ever push Sooyoung away, alone or not.
And maybe she’d feel a lot worse, considering her boyfriend is standing across from her in this club, except he’s quite obviously checking out some girl’s ass, so frankly Jungeun couldn’t give a shit.
It’s not the first time (and definitely not the last) Jungeun had wished her boyfriend could just disappear for one second, or better yet, not be in her life at all, but there’s always that overpowering pang of guilt that eats Jungeun up inside. He’s her boyfriend, the supposed love of her life, what does it say about her as a person for wanting him to not be around so she can get felt up in peace by her best friend?
She nudges her head towards said boy, but of course he isn’t even paying attention. The club’s not even full tonight, not like it has been before, and Jungeun’s almost a little disgusted at his ability to find any breathing female and not so subtly stare at them for most of the night. It’s never too long before Jungeun realises maybe she doesn’t feel as bad for the guy as she thought.
Jokes on him, Jungeun thinks, because yeah, there might be some other blonde chick dancing suspiciously close to him right now, but Sooyoung’s trailing her hand rhythmically against the base of Jungeun’s back, and she’s just started planting little soft kisses against her ear that leave Jungeun wanting more. They’re so gentle and quick that anybody else around them is oblivious, it’s just her and Sooyoung in on this little secret. So yeah, Jungeun’s doing just fine.
Sooyoung must have noticed that Jungeun’s attention was momentarily elsewhere, because she not only hears but feels a sigh from the other woman, warm breath settling on her skin.
“Fuck him.” Sooyoung scoffs.
If not for the shiver spreading through her spine, at the gentle lilt but also huskiness of Sooyoung’s voice, Jungeun would’ve been more prepared when Sooyoung loops her fingers through Jungeun’s jeans and pulls her dangerously close.
“But you said you didn’t like it when i did that.” Jungeun fake pouts, batting her eyelids. Yeah she’s taken aback a little by Sooyoung’s boldness, but this is Sooyoung, she’s nothing Jungeun can’t handle. Two can play at this game, she thinks.
She doesn’t often push Sooyoung’s buttons, but the results are rather pleasing when the time is right. Now proves to be one of those times.
She feels more than hears Sooyoung’s exhale of breath, against her already red ear, and even though she hasn’t spoken Jungeun knows she’s hit a nerve. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, she’s about to find out.
Sooyoung moves her hands so they’re now resting against each of Jungeun’s hips, standing directly in front of her. The song blaring through the club’s speakers is changing, now to one with a little more bass, and Sooyoung tries to match the sway of their bodies together, the two of them in synchronization with the pounding of the music.
“Babe,” Sooyoung lulls, looking at Jungeun with a pointed expression as she runs her tongue across her lips, “I don’t even think you like it when you do that.”
And then a smirk, before she continues.
“Fuck him, I mean.” she repeats, pulling Jungeun’s waist closer to her body so there’s now minimal space between them (not like there was much to begin with).
It’s the way she says ‘fuck’, god, it’s the way she says anything really, that has Jungeun falling apart at the seams.
Jungeun just rolls her eyes, shaking her head a little as she lets Sooyoung have this one, the devilish smile and rise and fall of her chest as she laughs is enough to make Jungeun’s stomach flip.
She laces her arms around Sooyoung’s neck, threading her fingers through her hair at the base, and hums contently. Her and Sooyoung might like messing with each other, their whole friendship had practically been built around their teasing and jokes, but it’s moments like this, even with people surrounding them, where Jungeun feels most comfortable: in Sooyoung’s arms.
There’s three shot glasses on the table beside them: one for Sooyoung, one for Jungeun herself and one for her boyfriend, who only now seems to have remembered Jungeun’s presence. He’s saying something to the girl he’d been dancing with before turning and sending Jungeun a smile that’s probably supposed to be comforting, Jungeun just finds it obnoxious.
Sooyoung picks two shot glasses up, one in each hand, and throws them back consecutively like it’s nothing. Jungeun’s eyeing her, one eyebrow raised.
“He’s not gonna miss it.” Sooyoung reasons, gesturing over to where Jungeun’s boyfriend is finally making his way over to them.
“Thanks for keeping her company, Sooyoung.” he says smugly, winking at Sooyoung before not so gently tugging Jungeun out of her grasp. Physically, she feels nothing. Metaphorically, it hurts like a bitch.
“While you were doing what exactly?” It seems Sooyoung can’t help herself. This guy has always rubbed her the wrong way, ever since him and Jungeun started dating, she’s not about to change her views of the guy now.
“Just catching up with an old friend.”
“You know her?” Jungeun then asks, a little suspiciously. He’s her boyfriend, she shouldn’t exactly feel this way, like she can’t trust him. It’d make sense that he knows the girl, given the way they were dancing with each other. Jungeun should probably even feel a little relieved.
He looks at her confused for a second, before pulling her closer with the arm already wrapped around her shoulder. “We go way back to childhood years, we grew up in the same neighbourhood.”
“Oh,” she replies, “You didn’t wanna introduce her to me?”
“Didn’t wanna bother you, baby.”
Sooyoung probably should’ve tried a little harder to hide the look of disgust on her face at that. She picks up another shot glass, the one that was supposed to be Jungeun’s, and downs that too. One thing about Sooyoung is that she’s always been good at masking her emotions, Jungeun cannot for the life of her figure out what’s going on inside her head.
She’s getting a little distracted by the way Sooyoung is leaning against the high table behind her, there’s something about the way her hair falls past her shoulders, how her jaw clenches when Jungeun’s boyfriend runs his hand up and down her bare arm playfully. It shouldn’t be so attractive, her jealousy, but Jungeun can’t help but love it.
“You having a fun time?” the boyfriend asks, planting a small kiss to the top of Jungeun’s head. She’d find it endearing, he’s not usually the affectionate type, but Jungeun can’t seem get Sooyoung out of her head and the other girl standing merely a foot away isn’t making it any easier.
Jungeun just hums, snuggling a little closer into her boyfriend’s body (she has to make this believable at least).
He’s whispering something in her ear, probably something cheesy or vulgar, it’s always either or, but she’s not exactly paying attention. It’s reminding her of a few minutes earlier, when Sooyoung’s warm figure was against her instead of his. She like the warmth of his body too, don’t get her wrong, how his arms are long enough to wrap all the way around her, keep her tight in his embrace.
But Sooyoung’s arms are long too, and there’s something almost magical about the way her head can fit perfectly under the other girl’s chin. She hates to compare the two, god she really does, but Sooyoung always seems to come out on top more often than not.
She’s not looking too much into that for the time being.
“Well,” Jungeun hears Sooyoung say, “as riveting as this conversation is,” hears the clink of Sooyoung’s glass against the table as she sets it down, “I need to use the bathroom.”
It’s the way Sooyoung looks at her then, with hooded eyelids and darkened eyes, testing her, begging her, teasing her, that tells Jungeun all she needs to know about Sooyoung’s intentions.
* * *
A sketchy bathroom inside a random club isn’t the ideal place to hook up, Jungeun knows this, but even that isn’t going to stop her from letting Sooyoung have her way with her. It’s been far too long since they last did this, and by far too long she means five days. Jungeun’s often needy at the best of times, but college has been kicking both of their asses lately and she’s craving a release. Granted, she should probably turn to her boyfriend first for that. Oh well.
Sooyoung’s got her pressed up against the door of the first stall that was available. Luckily for them, this one actually locks, so Jungeun doesn’t have to worry about some middle aged woman walking in on them with Sooyoung’s hands down her pants (again). Jungeun will never hear the end of that one, how embarrassed she’d gotten, how Sooyoung just thought it was hilarious how Jungeun’s ears and cheeks turned the same colour of the shirt she was wearing that day.
The thing with Sooyoung is, she likes to tease. Which is all good and well until it starts to drive Jungeun insane. She’s always been a sucker for foreplay, and with Sooyoung that only seems to intensify, so when Sooyoung’s trailing her lips across her jawline, from the base of one ear to the other, Jungeun’s sure she’s in heaven already.
The lips against her are soft, wet and plump, as Sooyoung’s hands make little loops against the bare skin of her waist. She can probably feel how wound up Jungeun is already, the muscles in her stomach clenching with each movement of Sooyoung’s slender fingers.
She feels a hand begin to trail down her thigh, around to the back, and hook behind to lift it up and wrap it around Sooyoung’s waist. There’s really nothing else she can do but let out a little whimper as Sooyoung slots right in, their bodies pushed tight against each other.
Jungeun feels Sooyoung’s smirk against her, the corners of her lips rising as she meets Jungeun’s own again in a rough kiss.
Jungeun’s not afraid to make advances either, so when she starts running both hands along each of Sooyoung’s thighs, the latter isn’t particularly surprised. Sooyoung’s skin is burning, and Jungeun wanders what hers must feel like if even Sooyoung is this wound up.
What Jungeun doesn’t expect, when her hands reach the top of Sooyoung’s thighs, near her hips, ready to meet soft fabric and pull it down, is to find more bare skin.
She pauses for a second, eyebrows furrowed, before speaking against Sooyoung’s lips.
“You’re not wearing any panties.”
Sooyoung pulls away, eyebrows raised as she looks at Jungeun with a smirk. Her lips are swollen, and it’s so attractive to Jungeun, knowing she did that.
“For who?”Jungeun asks, a little irritated though she’s trying her best to hide it. She’s still got her hand up Sooyoung’s skirt, which she becomes hyper aware of now the kissing has stopped.
It’s like that goddamn smirk is permanently etched on Sooyoung’s face, that shit eating grin that often annoys the hell out of Jungeun.
“Anyone who’s lucky enough I guess.”
Jungeun scoffs, “Of course.”
Sooyoung’s biting her lip, in that way that drives Jungeun absolutely crazy whether she’s already turned on or not. “You jealous?”
Jungeun’s not about to admit that yeah, maybe she is a little, but deep down she knows it’s more likely that Sooyoung did this for her than any random girl she might meet tonight. So Jungeun simply smiles, tilting her head a little, and lowers her voice in the way she knows hits Sooyoung in all the right places.
“I’m the one you’re about to fuck, right?” she teases, grabbing Sooyoung’s thighs and pulling her a little closer, “So I think i’m all good.”
She knows it’s worked when Sooyoung lets out a groan, and hastily guides Jungeun’s hands back to where they were resting on her hips. She keeps them there, locked into place with her own hands on top of Jungeun’s, and starts grinding slowly into the other girl’s body.
Jungeun lets out a small exhale of breath, because shit, the way Sooyoung moves is like nothing Jungeun’s ever experienced before. She feels the other’s lips ghosting against her jaw, then her cheek, until they’re hovering over her lips.
“I could have any girl in this club tonight, you know that right?” Sooyoung purrs.
Jungeun scoffs, this woman and her unbelievable amount of confidence. It’s actually kind of sexy, but Jungeun will never let that slip out.
“Alright, Miss Inflated Ego.”
They both laugh, and Jungeun can feel it vibrate onto her lips, Sooyoung is so close, but somehow she needs more. She shoots forward, connecting their lips rather roughly, and the surprised gasp that escapes Sooyoung’s mouth tells Jungeun that she might actually have the upper hand.
She lets her right hand explore up to Sooyoung’s belly button and back down again, careful and gentle, before finding the warm insides of Sooyoung’s thighs. Her other is gripped tight around Sooyoung’s neck. She’s just about ready, feels like this teasing has been going on for centuries. Her fingers are practically aching to be inside of Sooyoung.
Except in that moment, Jungeun’s phone chimes. And god, she really doesn’t know whether it’s a blessing or a curse that she still has it on loud. She throws her head back against the door behind her, while Sooyoung managed to tear her lips away from Jungeun’s neck and sigh heavily.
[baby<3] you two okay in there? getting kinda lonely out here without you
“Is it him?”
“Yeah.” she sighs, feeling a little guilty. Though she’s not even certain over what, the fact that he’s interrupted her time with Sooyoung (which the girl doesn’t seem to be too pleased about), or the fact that she’s left him out there alone, to get off with her best friend inside this dingy bathroom.
“Can’t you just,” Sooyoung whispers, trying to keep her voice level, “tell him i’m throwing up or something? I doubt he’ll bother you again if you say that.”
Jungeun looks at her, sees the annoyance in her eyes, wishes there was something she could do to get out of there, “I’m sorry, Soo. It’s been like 20 minutes, we have to go back out there.”
Sooyoung only groans, but that’s because she knows Jungeun is right. After a chain of morally questionable decisions, Jungeun is always the one to pull them back in, to make them face reality.
Sometimes it’s like this, sometimes they never get the chance to finish what they’ve started, either they’re interrupted part way through or one of them has to get to class or go to work. It’s frustrating, to say the least, but what does Jungeun expect from sneaking around behind people’s back with Sooyoung, that was never going to be perfect anyway.
She can’t exactly tell whether Sooyoung is mad or sad right now, but she’s running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes, taking a minute to cool down.
Jungeun’s buttoning her pants back up (when the hell did Sooyoung even undo those?) when the girl across from her brings her thumb up to her mouth, licks it and stretches over to Jungeun’s neck, rubbing at a spot that Jungeun can’t see. She wonders what the other girl is doing.
The look of relief on Sooyoung’s face says enough.
“Just a smudge of lipstick,” she says, “no cause for alarm.”
Sooyoung mocks wiping a layer of sweat from her forehead, and Jungeun can’t help but laugh.
She thanks whoever’s looking out for her, because the last time Sooyoung gave her a hickey she has some serious explaining to do to their friends (thankfully her boyfriend hadn’t noticed, thanks to Sooyoung’s impeccable make up skills).
“Ready?” Sooyoung asks, smiling fondly at Jungeun.
“As I’ll ever be.”
There’s something so familiar about walking out of that bathroom, Sooyoung’s slim figure ahead of her. Among the mess that is Jungeun’s love life, it’s actually almost comforting.
But Jungeun still feels that knot in her stomach, low and persistent, as Sooyoung leads her hand in hand out into the chaos of the club.
Jungeun’s not even sure how it all started. She has her ideas of course, hell, she’s thought about it and analysed it enough times already. But one minute they were friends, best friends really, and the next Sooyoung is pushing her up against the back of her bedroom door, hands tangled messily in her hair, lips meeting heatedly.
They’d been at a party, where some blue haired chick had been shamlessly flirting with Jungeun. Jungeun hadn’t even noticed of course, not until Sooyoung pointed it out rather bitterly later that night.
She just guessed that tipsy people were friendly, this girl being extra friendly towards her in particular. Honestly, Jungeun really hadn’t thought much of it when the girl’s hand had found its way to her arm, slowly rubbing up and down affectionately. She’d started to bat her eyelids and bite her lip in a way that Jungeun thought was probably supposed to be attractive. Jungeun almost felt guilty, she really couldn’t care less.
It wasn’t until she heard a little shout of protest beside her that she noticed Sooyoung pushing her way through the crowd, making her way over to the pair. Sooyoung’s face is always hard to read, so the blank expression it was wearing then told Jungeun nothing about what she was feeling.
Sooyoung stood between the two girls when she asked, “Am i interrupting something?”
Sooyoung had raised her eyebrows, jaw tight, looking pointedly between Jungeun and the blue haired girl. Jungeun realises now she was probably trying to seem threatening, but really, Sooyoung had nothing to worry about.
“I was just talking to Jiyeon here,” Jungeun explained, “it is Jiyeon right?”
The other girl, Jiyeon , had laughed, and somehow managed to scoot herself closer to Jungeun, linking their arms together. She’d looked at Sooyoung with a smile that was anything but pleasant, and after thinking about it Jungeun thinks Sooyoung probably would’ve slapped that smile right off her face if they’d have stayed there a minute longer.
“Yes, it is Jiyeon, silly!” the girl had said, her voice nasally enough that Sooyoung almost wanted to plug her own ears. “Jungeun is so nice, don’t you think? I don’t know many people at this party, and here she is, being so considerate and keeping me com-”
“Take me home.”
Sooyoung’s voice had never been that firm.
“I’d like to go home now, please.”
“Ummm…” she’s not afraid to admit it, but Jungeun had been a little lost, “Can you just wait like five minutes, I’ve gotta say bye to Jiwoo and Haseul.”
“Take me home now , Jungeun.”
And Jungeun had never been scared of Sooyoung before, hell, she’s never been scared of Sooyoung since, but god, the way Sooyoung was looking at her, like she was ready to tear the whole world to shreds, Jungeun knew better than to ignore her in that moment.
The car ride home had been nothing short of uncomfortable, Sooyoung had gripped her seat so hard Jungeun could see her knuckles turning white. Jungeun’s mouth felt dry, her hands a little clammy, which is dumb really, because she’d done nothing wrong. At least, she didn’t think she had.
There’s times where she discreetly tried to take her eyes off the road and turn to Sooyoung, but the other girl had refused to meet her gaze, jaw still locked as she focused her sights on whatever semi fascinating thing was outside of Jungeun’s passenger side window.
Thank god Sooyoung’s place is only a few blocks away, because that silence was deafening, and Jungeun wasn’t entirely sure how much longer she could take it.
When Jungeun finally pulled into Sooyoung’s driveway, neither of the girls made any attempt at getting out. She’d been scared even the smallest movement would set Sooyoung off, she’d been deadly silent for the last five minutes, and Sooyoung likes to talk, especially after she’s had a little alcohol, so Jungeun automatically knew something is wrong.
“Soo,” she’d hesitated, “is everything alright?”
Sooyoung hadn’t even looked at Jungeun when she muttered, “Never better.”
Looking back now, Sooyoung had practically been seething with jealousy, but the other girl couldn’t really blame Jungeun for being so oblivious, Sooyoung’s always been a master at keeping Jungeun guessing.
She’d followed her up those stairs of Sooyoung’s house like a lost puppy, trailing way too closely behind Sooyoung’s feet. Jungeun had reached the top of her stairs when she’d tried one final time.
“Please just,” Jungeun pleaded, “tell me what I’ve done wrong.”
She’d put enough begging and wanting into her voice to know that it’d worked, that she’d hit Sooyoung’s soft spot for her.
They’re in her bedroom when Sooyoung had finally turned to look at Jungeun, met her eyes, for the first time since leaving that damn party, and let out an long exhale of breath, like she’d been holding that in forever.
“God, you are so clueless.”
That’s the last thing Jungeun remembers before the piercing memory of Sooyoung advancing on her, cupping her face with both hands and drawing her in fills her mind. It’s one of her fondest memories, Sooyoung’s smooth skin and plump lips, her mutterings of “please kiss me back” and “shit, i’ve been wanting to do this forever”.
It’s intoxicating really, kissing Sooyoung, thinking about kissing Sooyoung. Letting Sooyoung do whatever she wants with her, to her.
Jungeun let Sooyoung kiss her until there was no air left in her lungs, before she pulled her lips away and rested her forehead against Sooyoung’s own.
“Sooyoung…” she’d managed to get out. Her voice was husky with breathlessness, the blood pumping at a mile a minute in her ears.
“What are we doing?”
They’re both panting against each other, the warm breath from Sooyoung hitting Jungeun’s cheeks and sending a wave of electricity through her body. Sooyoung finds a piece of stray hair and tucks it behind Jungeun’s ear, still staring at her lips.
There’s a few seconds of silence, except it’s not really silence because they’re both still struggling to fill their bodies with oxygen. Jungeun’s almost ready to repeat her question when Sooyoung lets out a long breath.
“I have no idea.” she settles, before pulling Jungeun in to crash their bodies together again.
Jungeun wished something had changed since then, except they’re five months into whatever this little arrangement is and Jungeun might actually be more confused than ever. They’d carried on for two months after that, having one conversation to discuss ground rules and boundaries and never bringing it up again, neither girl would ever dare. Jungeun’s actually a little proud that nobody else knew about it (that is until Sooyoung’s best friend Jinsol walked in on their pretty R rated make out session one night).
That’s the first time Jungeun had regretted what her and Sooyoung were doing, having to lie to their friends like that. God, if only she knew what she was in for next.
Jungeun had never wanted a boyfriend, not really. But certain circumstances call for drastic measures, and soon enough Jungeun had met Changmin. With the constant breathing down her neck from her parents and the incessant need to please, Jungeun finds that within a week of knowing the guy, they’re already dating. She almost scolds herself for wishing things had moved that fast with Sooyoung instead.
When she tells Sooyoung, there’s not much either girl can do, this was one of their rules, if either girl found themselves in a relationship, this would stop, this had to stop.
Except it didn’t, and it still hasn’t, and maybe Jungeun’s starting to understand what an addiction really feels like.
She’s almost losing her mind right now thinking back on that, about how Sooyoung’s lips first felt against her own, their fullness, their taste, how they seemed to fit perfectly in between Jungeun’s. It’s almost like she can feel her mouth against her now, their exchange of breath, a hand on her thigh, fingers dancing. Except this hand is too rough and these lips are too careless, they’re nothing like Sooyoung’s. And Sooyoung doesn’t smell like Sooyoung, all sweet and fresh. The person kissing her isn’t as thoughtful as Sooyoung, they’re too rushed and clumsy.
Probably because it’s not Sooyoung at all.
Jungeun opens her eyes, and they’re met with glimmering blue, not the dark irises of Sooyoung’s. It’s Changmin, she’s kissing Changmin, while thinking of Sooyoung.
God this is so fucked up, she thinks.
If Sooyoung would just get out of her damn head, she wouldn’t be having this problem. She thinks she hears Changmin say something to her, ask her a question, but she’s not listening. Jungeun can only nod, and watch as her boyfriend plants a chaste kiss against her cheek, smiles and heads into the kitchen.
Jungeun knows she’s a good person, when it all comes down to it, she’s got a good heart. These bad choices don’t define her, she’ll prove that someday.
But god, does Jungeun have a lot of work to do.