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The ‘Boyfriend Material’ Survey

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Tinder sucks. 

That was the only thing running across Jimin’s mind as he stared at his half-empty drink and nearly finished meringue cheesecake. He was sitting by himself in the coffee shop he worked at, waiting for his date to show up. They were suppose to meet up an hour ago but that plan quickly backfired. 

Taehyung and Jungkook looked at him from behind the counter, concern plastered on both their faces. They were the ones who suggested to have their first meet up in this particular coffee shop. Their reason being to keep an eye on his date if he does any funny business or to save Jimin if his date ended up being a serial killer or a pervy sixty-year-old man. But nothing prepared them for this. 

Jungkook and Taehyung shared a look before Tae poured hot chocolate to a styrofoam cup and walked towards Jimin’s table. He placed the hot drink down in front of him. “It’s on the house.”

Jimin gave him a small smile. “Thanks Tae, I appreciate it.”

”Somebody ordered two of this but I’ll give one to you instead,” says Jungkook placing a blueberry muffin on the table. “I’ll tell them they weren’t specific with their order so they’ll have to pay again.”

Jimin let out a chuckle but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Uh, thanks? I guess.”

“Don’t worry, hyung, after our shift ends, we’ll cheer you up,” Jungkook said.

”Yeah, then I’ll hunt down the guy, kill him and toss his dead body on Han River,” said Tae with his arms crossed. “I can’t believe that asshole.”

”Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Jimin picked up a fork. “After you’re finished we’ll head to the dorms and drown in ice cream. Sounds good?”

”Yeah, then you’ll forgot all about that douche,” Tae paused. “I bet he didn’t show up ‘cause he’s so ugly that he makes Shrek look gorgeous. You’re too good for him, Min.”

Jimin was about to say something when he got cut off by their boss commanding Taehyung and Jungkook to get back to work.

They begrudgingly walked away from him, hesitant to leave him by himself. Jungkook turned around and gave him two thumbs up. Jimin sighed and leaned his face against his hand. 

Tinder really sucks. 

 


 

"This sucks," said Jimin stuffing a spoonful of ice cream to his mouth. "Everything sucks. I hate life. Life sucks."

They were currently laying down on Jimin and Tae's living room, scattered all around them were empty pizza cardboard boxes, junk food wrappers and bottles of sodas. It was a mess but so were they. Jimin didn't mind. He was too tired to care.

"I can't believe I waited an hour for him to show up, waste of time," Jimin stuffed another spoonful to his mouth.

"I can't believe I actually looked forward to it," huffed Tae as he angrily chewed the chips.

Out of the three of them, Tae was the one mostly affected instead of it being Jimin. He ranted for almost an hour and a half about how he would kill the guy and his audicity to stand Jimin up. He was mad. So mad.

"Me too! Who knew he would turn out to be such an ass," agreed Jimin through a mouthful of ice cream.

"What was his name again, hyung?" asked Jungkook from his seated position on the carpet.

"He doesn't deserve a name. Let's just call him asshole," sneered Taehyung. 

Before Jimin could reply,  the sound of his phone ringing filled the room. He quickly grabbed it to look at the caller ID. His stomach dropped just by reading the name on screen.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," Taehyung glared at his phone. He sticked out his hand. "Here, give it to me. I'll talk to him."

Jimin pulled the phone closer to him. "No," he hissed. "You're gonna curse at him. I wanna hear what he has to say first."

"Bullshit is what you're gonna get out of him. Complete utter bullshit," sneered Jungkook. "He's gonna say something like 'something came up.' What a lame excuse."

Jimin ignored him and answered the call. He made sure to put it on speaker for everbody to hear. "Hello?"

"Jimin," breathed Taemin. "Look, I'm so so sorry. It's just that something came up-"

Jungkook mouthed an 'I told you so.'

"-and I completely forgot to tell you! I am so sorry. Are you still at the coffee shop? I’ll make it up to you, I swear."

"It's OK," replied Jimin. Taehyung looked at him disapprovingly. "It's no big deal and I already left the coffee shop anyways."

"I want to talk to him," whispered Taehyung. "I promise I won't curse at him. I'll just educate him."

Jimin should've felt something was off with the way Taehyung was talking so calmly. He obliged anyways and handed him the phone.

"No it's not, you dickhead. Do you know how long Jimin waited for your ugly stupid ass? He waited for an hour. And I know this because I was there, you fuck," bursted out Taehyung.

"TAE, NO-"

Jimin launched himself at the younger boy, wrestling him to get a hold of his phone but unfortunately Tae was a lot stronger and larger making it easy for him to get out of Jimin's hold with the phone still intact.

"Uh, who is this?" came the voice from the speaker. "Do I know you?"

"No," said Tae purposely making his voice deeper. Probably to intimidate him. "You don't but I know you. You're-"

"I AM SO SORRY!" cut in Jimin successfully taking hold of his phone. He quickly walked away from Tae but Jungkook decided to join in and snagged the phone off from his hand.

"Go die in a ditch somewhere or we'll do it ourselves. Bye," Jungkook said quickly before hang up.

Jimin couldn’t hold it in anymore. “GUYS, GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING PHONE."

Jungkook gulped and slowly handed him his phone while Tae snickered from behind Jimin. Jimin’s face was flushed red, either from anger or embarrassment, you couldn’t tell. Maybe both? 

"Now sit down and help me when I don't know what to say," demanded Jimin plopping down on the couch. Taehyung took a seat next to him while Jungkook cautiously sat to the blonde’s left side. Jimin dialed Taemin's number again. It rang for a few seconds before he picked up.

"I am so sorry," started Jimin. "My friends are...drunk. They're really drunk."

Taehyung and Jungkook tried to hide their laughter at the older's poor attempt at an excuse. It wasn’t even near convincing but the asshole seem to believe it.

"I totally understand and probably deserved that," he gave a dry chuckle. "But can we try again? I'll actually show up this time, I swear."

"Oh," said Jimin. He looked at Taehyung and Jungkook who only shook their heads at him. "Maybe some other time? Today was my only free time this month." The lie easily slip passed his lips. He hoped it was believable. “I mean with my schedule and school and work. I haven’t really got that much free time.”

"Oh, okay. I understand. So maybe next time?" 

"We'll see."

Taemin laughed. "OK-"

"It means not ever you dumbfuck," blurted out Taehyung as he abruptly ended the call.

"KIM TAEHYUNG!"

"What? Excuse me, you should be thanking me and oh look, he's blocked. You're welcome," Tae said with a grin, handing Jimin back his phone. “That jerk won’t bother you anymore.”

The blonde slumped down on the couch and ran a hand over his face, sighing. "I can't believe you guys but thanks for helping me. He was an ass."

"Well what are soulmates for? If you need us to beat someone up and release all of hell, don't hesitate to tell us. We'll gladly do it, right Kook?"

"Totally I'd help you hide a dead body if I have to."

"And I'll be there to bail your asses out of jail. I’m gonna need to start saving up now, to be honest. I haven’t got that much money left."

They laughed altogether and let the silence overtake them. They quietly munched on their food with their eyes focused on the television screen in front of them, playing Jimin’s favorite movie.

Abruptly the silence was shattered by Jungkook’s loud voice, “I HAVE AN IDEA!” He suddenly stood up on the couch and waved his bottle of soda around. “We find Jimin hyung a boyfriend the old-fashioned way! No dating apps, social media or Tinder! Just the way of people in the past.”

They looked at him with an unamused expression.

”Seriously?” asked Taehyung, raising a brow. “The people’s way in the past was through human interaction. Is that what you’re implying? For Jimin to strut around campus talking to everyone?”

Jimin snorted. “That sounds awfully a lot like what I do at the coffee shop. Out and talking to people for 8 hours.”

”No, not like that,” whined Jungkook. He glared at his hyungs. “Just hear me out!”

”Kookie, it’s fine. I’m not in any rush to be in a relationship. I can handle being a thirdwheel.”

”I don’t wanna hear it,” says Tae suddenly. “Because knowing me, I’d probably agree with any crazy idea you come up with.”

Jungkook winked at his boyfriend before he turned back to face the eldest of the three, who had his mouth set in a thin line. “Hyung,” he whined. “Just hear me out?”

Jimin sighed. “Whatever. Fine. Go ahead. Doesn’t mean I’ll agree though.”

Jungkook’s eyes lighted up. He stood up straighter and walked around the couch as if he was presenting a product. “How about we pass relationship surveys around campus? We make the questions with answers provided as choices. After that we hand it out to random people, have them answer it and then narrow it down to the best suitable match for our Jiminie! You guys meet up, we’ll make sure they show up don’t worry, and then BAM! You now have a boyfriend. It’s effortless and easy, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty. It’s like Tinder but real life!”

”Kook, you’re not drunk so how the hell did you come up with this idea,” deadpanned Jimin.

”I don’t need to be drunk to think of awesome ideas, hyung.”

Tae raised his arm. “I second this motion! Let’s do it!”

Jungkook clapped his hands excitedly. “That settles it then! The people have spoken. Two against one. Majority wins.”

”That’s not fair! There’s two of you and only one of me!” 

“What do you think is gonna happen if there were even votes, dumbass,” said Tae.

”Nothing in life is fair, hyung,” said Jungkook. “You just gotta have to deal with it or let it push you down.”

 


 

toddler jeon jungkook sent a message to We share one braincell 🤠.

 

toddler jeon jungkook: behold

toddler jeon jungkook:  the boyfriend material survey disguised as a campus evaluation sheet

me: no

toddler jeon jungkook: sent an image

 

Jungkook sent him a picture of the printed survey. Jimin did a double take at what he saw because it looked real. Too real. The first few questions were pretty convincing but as you flipped to the next page, it revealed its true colors. If Jungkook and Taehyung were serious on passing it around campus, he doubts anyone would have any suspicions. That is, until they flipped it to the second page and read the first few questions.

another species: i help with the questions too btw

another species: took some time but it was worth it

 


 

It was early in the afternoon and the Young Forever Coffee Shop was bustling with life. Soft chatters between friends and customers filled the air along with sweet smell of coffee beans. Hoseok and Yoongi were sitting near the window, quietly sipping their drinks.

Hoseok was observing the surroundings outside. His eyes focused on a few birds perched on a tree branch. "Hyung, did you know birds can't urinate?"

Yoongi almost choked on his drink, baffled with the sudden random question. "W-what?"

"Yeah, they can't urinate. Namjoon told me once, apparently they-"

They were interrupted by a soft voice coming from behind Yoongi. "Excuse me?"

Hoseok averted his gaze to the person while Yoongi turned around to face them. "Yes?"

The barista smiled. Yoongi thought he almost resembled a bunny. "I'm sorry to bother you but do you happen to go to Seoul University?"

They both nodded and the barista's smile widened. "Ah. Then would you mind answering an evaluation sheet? It's about the univeristy and how it can be improved. It's a yearly thing."

"Oh, uhm, sure," mumbled Yoongi as he took the evaluation sheet handed to him. The barista also gave one to Hoseok.

"Just leave it here when you're done, thank you so much for your cooperation!" excalimed the barista moving on to the next table. Yoongi guessed it was to hand out another set of evaluation papers.

Hoseok scanned the two pieces of paper while Yoongi opened his bag to retrieve pen. "Yearly? How come I didn't get one for the last three years I've been here?"

Yoongi took two pens and gave one to Hoseok. "I've been here for four years and I've never heard that the university gives out an evaluation sheet to its students."

"Maybe you just didn't get one, hyung," said Hoseok writing down on the paper.

Yoongi followed him and looked down at his own paper.

Name, it read. He read the next line. Wait what-

"Why the fuck would the univeristy need our phone numbers?"

"I dunno," shrugged Hoseok. "Probably to call us when they're gonna use our suggestion. Hey, what do you think is better a karaoke machine in the cafeteria or a student lounge room where there's a mini fridge?"

"What-"

"Wait no! Or a mini bar inside the lounge room!"

"The uni wouldn't allow us to drink nor would they allow us a karaoke machine in the cafeteria. It'll be too loud and crowded."

"Right, right, you're right," nodded Hoseok. He stared down at his paper.

Yoongi looked back down at his own paper before proceeding to the first number.

 

SEOUL UNIVERSITY'S YEARLY CAMPUS EVALUATION SHEET 

 

Name:  Min Yoongi

Phone #:   095 - 1360 - 1872

 

Please put a checkmark (/) inside the box beside your answer.

 

1. Does the campus live up to your expectations?

 

□ Yes

□ No

□ Could be better if _________________

 

Yoongi snorted and was tempted to check 'No' but he realized that the univeristy have his name and number and could probably kick him out before he even graduated. So he sucked it up and checked 'Yes' instead.

 

2. Do you find all the books you need in the library for your research and other purposes?

 

□ Yes

□ No

□ I don't go to the library

 

Yoongi doesn't go to the library but the checked 'Yes' anyways. From what he heard from Namjoon, the library had all the books he needed to do his research paper. He moved to the next number and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he read the question and choices.

 

3. Do you go to the Young Forever Coffee Shop located near the campus? If you answered Yes, please proceed to the next question. If you answered No, check out the coffee shop.

 

□ Yes, their coffee is amazing

□ Yes

□ No

 

He checks 'Yes, their coffee is amazing' because he thinks so too and also because he wants to avoid the consequences of checking the other boxes. But seriously, their coffee is amazing and it was much nearer too. He flipped to the next page and the questions started getting weird.

 

• For those who answered Yes, their coffee is amazing and Yes.

 

4. What do you think of the barista/s working there?

 

□ They're cute

□ They're pretty

□ I want to date them

□ All of the above

 

Yoongi stops and looks at Hoseok who was eagerly checking his paper. He looks down at his own and is torn between the evaluation test being a joke or actually serious. He checks 'All of the above.'

He moved to the next question and found a choice that best described his situation right now.

 

5. Do you see yourself dating one of the baristas there?

 

□ Yes

□ What?

□ I'm confused I thought this was a campus evaluation survey

 

He checks the last one.

 

6. What is your current relationship status?

 

□ Single 

□ Taken 

□ Complicated 

□ No label 

□ Fresh out of a relationship 

□ Waiting for a miracle 

 

He stops and realizes this is a joke. It has to be. The questions on these are questions you would never find in a university evaluation. They weren't even about the university except for the first two numbers. Yoongi was worried for nothing about the univeristy kicking him out the whole time he answered the survey. Nevertheless, might as well finish the whole damn thing. He made it this far, didn't he? None of the choices feel right at the moment, so he decided to make his own and write it under 'Waiting for a miracle.'

 

□ Made dinner for two. Ate both 

 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION WE WILL GET BACK TO YOU SOON :) 

 

Yoongi flipped to the first page and erased his name and number with his black pen, burrying the words under a scribble of lines.

 


 

"What the hell took you so long?" asked Yoongi as they stepped out the coffee shop, the bell dinging behind them.

Hoseok glared at him as he adjusted the strap of his shoulder bag. "Unlike you, hyung, I'm not good at writing formal and long essays about the univeristy's education system. That shit required more than 10 sentences. What the fuck. 10 words I could do but 10 sentences? Might as well consider me as good as dead. My hands are aching."

Yoongi stopped in his tracks. What. "What do you mean?"

"Didn't you hear a word I just said? I-"

Yoongi ran a hand through his hair. "I got like, weird questions asking me what I thought about the baristas working there and asking if I would want to date them."

Hoseok stared at him, unblinking, before he blurted out, "How come I didn't get one?"

Yoongi stared at him incredulously. "You don't want to. I felt like I was signing myself over or something."

"Hyung, one of the reasons I go to the coffee shop is because of the dusty blonde haired barista!" exclaimed Hoseok. "Do you know what this means?"

"I wasted my time answering a fake survey?"

"One of the baristas like you!" exclaimed Hoseok shaking Yoongi's arm. "I bet its the one who came up to us and gave the test. Why else would they ask those questions and for your number too? Wow, I'm so jealous. I wish I had someone who's willing to go through all these effort just to ask their crush out. "

Yoongi turned away from Hoseok and walked a few steps ahead of him. He shook his head. "I can't believe this shit."

Hoseok jogged up to him. "Hyung, we should come again tomorrow!"

Absolutely not.

 


 

At the end of the day, Jungkook managed to gather 106 answered surveys while Tae managed to score 111. All in all, they have 217 possible matches for Jimin. How exciting!

 

toddler jeon jungkook: HYUNG

another species: MINNIE

another species: WE HAVE LIKE 217 POSSIBLE MATCHES FOR YOU

toddler jeon jungkook: MY IDEA WORKED HA

me: what

toddler jeon jungkook: the real life tinder thing! we found you a total of 217 matches

me: WHAT THE FUCK U WERE SERIOUS ABOUT IT

me: AHSJKSSJSKSK

another species: we also have 217 phone numbers

another species: we think we found you your perfect match <3

toddler jeon jungkook: we're already in ur dorm so u could know who they are after ur shift

me: i can’t believe this

 


 

"What's this?" asked Taehyung as he picked up a boyfriend survey. The name and phone number were crashed out. It resembled some kind of black stain on the paper. "Why'd they crash their name out?"

"I dunno," replied Jungkook. "That's why I didn't include it in the pile."

Taehyung skimmed the paper. His eyes widened. "KOOKIE, HE'S THE ONE! HE'S THE ONE FOR OUR CHIM. HE WROTE DOWN 'MADE DINNER FOR TWO, ATE BOTH.' HE CAN COOK."

"What?" Jungkook rushed to Taehyung's side.

"He seems like Minnie's type. Funny, sweet, likes coffee, and ambitious."

"How can you tell all that from this?"

"Um, common sense?" shrugged Tae. "Which you obviously don't have."

Jungkook glared at him. Taehyung smiled sheepishly before pecking the pout on his lips. "I'm just teasing you. I don't mean any harm."

Jungkook rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his lips. "Give me a flashlight and let's decode this shit."

For a few minutes, all Tae and Kook did was flash the light at the paper and pressed their eyes on it to make out any words. So far, they have been successful.

"Oh-oh, I see something!" exclaimed Jungkook putting the paper closer to his eyes. "In.....gi? I'm sure that's a y or a g, look at the tails."

"In Goongi?" asked Tae baffled.

Jungkook's eyes lighted up. "Yeah, that's it! Wait no, I see an m in their surname. Min?"

"Lemme see," said Tae. He grabbed the paper and shoned a flashlight down to it. "It's for sure 'gi' you can see the curve of the g so that must mean the first letter of their name is y. MIN YOONGI!"

They stared at each other with eyes wide and mouth opened.

"I've never heard of him. Who is he?" blurted out Jungkook.

"It sounds somewhat familiar? I think they went to the coffee shop more than once if I'm able to familiarize."

"Is it too late to look around the trashcans in the shop?"

Tae scrunched up his face. "No, ew, Kook, no, just no. We're in the 21st century now. Let's search in social media."

Tae unlocked his phone and opened Twitter. He typed in 'min yoongi.' He waited for the search results  to load. As soon as it did, his eyes widened.

"What? What is it?" said Jungkook crawling over to Tae.

"Why does this bitch have his eyes closed? We won't be able recognize him!" exclaimed Tae glaring at Yoongi's icon. "Hey, look, I'm following him and I liked his recent tweet...? What the fuck. I don't remember any of this. Babe, I think you might need to take me to a hospital for a check up. I think I'm developing Alzheimer's disease."

"Tae, you're fine," reassured Jeongguk as he reached for the paper. "Should we decode the number as well?"

"What for? I can just straight up dm him-oh."

"Oh?"

"His dms aren't open," pouted Tae.

Jungkook smiled at him and stroked his chin. His expression fond. "You're too cute."

He closed his eyes and leaned in for a kiss when the dorm's door opened.

"NOT ON THE COUCH, YOU SICKOS. DON'T TAINT ITS PURITY."

The door closed with a slam. They both turned to look at Jimin standing in front of the door with a mortified expression. "I'm never gonna look at the couch the same ever again. You have your grossness all over it. Bleh."

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "We didn't do anything. Stop overreacting."

Jungkook pulled his hand away. "We were about to solve the phone number of your perfect match. He erased his name and number for some reason. He also wrote 'Made dinner for two ate both' as his relationship status. His name's Min Yoongi by the way. We also decoded that."

"What, did you guys turn into Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson while I was gone?"

"Uh, yeah?" replied Tae. "And you're gonna witness it happend again so get your ass over here and help us decode."

 

 

 

"Is that a 3 or an 8?" asked Jungkook o nobody in particular.

Tae and Jimin have long given up on decoding Min Yoongi's number but Jungkook was stubborn and insisted on finding out what his number was. 

"Why does it have to be him of all people?" groaned Jimin staring up at the ceiling.

"Ask the one next to you, not me," replied Jungkook still focused on the piece of paper. 

"It's because he didn't take it seriously like the others. He's a crackhead, we're all crackheads," yawned Tae.

"And how do you know he's gonna be the one for me?"

"I used to be Cupid, boy. Then I got casted down to Earth and took this human form to teach you mortals how to love."

Jungkook snickered.

Jimin rolled his eyes. "He crashed out his name for a reason didn't he? What if he doesn't want to be found?"

"If he didn't want to be found, he could've just thrown the paper away but instead he left it for Jungkookie to pick up. I'd say he was conflicted with what he wanted. Like maybe half of him doesn't want to be found and the other half wants to be found."

"What if he's not smart enough for that?" 

"Yah! Don't judge someone you've never met. That's rude."

"I'm gonna try all possible combinations," exclaimed Jungkook suddenly. He gave up on decoding. 

Jimin sighed and closed his eyes, drowning out the noises from his surroundings. 

 


 

Yoongi did not come to the coffee shop the next day and the day after that.

 


 

The day has come. And Yoongi dreaded every second of it.

He’s standing in a line inside the Young Forever Coffee Shop with two people in front of him. Yoongi knew he would find himself back in the shop eventually but he didn’t expect it to be this soon, just two days after the incident happened.

Yoongi stayed up late last night and could barely open his eyes. So, he went to the coffee shop, mind fuzzy to remember that he swore to himself that he wouldn’t go back. Ever. 

But whatever. He's here now. 

 The person in front of Yoongi moved away from the cashier. It was his turn to order now. He begrudgingly walked up, eyeing the barista.

 It was not the same barista who gave him the survey. This barista had dusty blonde hair and light brown eyes. He looked at Yoongi with a sleepy gaze. Yoongi can relate, he probably looked like that too. Except the barista was far too good-looking for him.

“Good morning,” he said stifling a yawn. “What can I get you?”

“A tall Americano,” Yoongi replied.

The barista punched his order on the computer with ease. “That’d be ₩5442.99, sir.”

Yoongi payed him the exact amount out of habit.

“What’s your name, sir?”

“Min Yoongi.”

The barista's eyes widened and he looked much more awake than he did a few seconds ago. "Min Yoongi? As in M-I-N space Y-O-O-N-G-I? Min Yoongi?"

He nodded.

Realization dawned on the barista's face. He smiled sheepishly at him. "Sorry, my mind's not fully awake yet. Your order will be served in a few minutes."

Yoongi walked away from the counter and towards one of the tables placed next to the window. He sat down and rubbed his eyes. He took out his phone and texted Hoseok.

 

me: hlep

me: help

me: i'm at the coffee shop

a literal shadow: hey hyung

a literal shadow: ok cool could u maybe get me a latte 

a literal shadow: WAIT

a literal shadow: THE COFFEE SHOP?

a literal shadow: without me?!

me: yes

me: fucking coffee machine broke

me: just my luck

a literal shadow: ok but is the barista there?

me: no

me: i think

me: someone else is at the counter

a literal shadow: :(

a literal shadow: fate better do something to keep you connected

 

Yoongi's phone buzzed as recieved a text from an unknown number. Confused yet curious, he exited Hoseok's chat and replied.

 

Unknown: Min Yoongi?

me: yes?

me: who is this?

 

They didn't reply.

 

Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows and thought of the possibilities on why an unknown number would text him. He had a group project due sometime next week, maybe it was them to remind him that he did absolutely nothing for the group and threaten him to not include his name on the final project. 

"Min Yoongi!" the barista called out.

Yoongi stood up and made his way to the counter. He thanked the barista (it was the same one from the cashier) first and grabbed his drink. He walked out the shop and halfway to his destination did he realize there were numbers written in black marker peeking through the cardboard sleeve of his styrofoam cup.

 


 

me: (095) - 1360 - 1872

side hoe #10: kookie what is that

me: a phone number

side hoe #10: well duh no shit

side hoe #10: whomst

me: min yoongi's

side hoe #10: who dat

side hoe #10: istg if u gave my number to some random dude

me: i didn't

me: its the guy from the bf survey

me: u know

me: ur perfect match

side hoe #10: ok lol whatevs

me: SAVE HIS NUMBER FIRST

 


 

"A barista from the YF coffee shop gave me their number," blurted out Yoongi to his group of friends.

Mixed reactions erupted from them.

"OOOOOOHHH!" said Namjoon giving Yoongi a mischievous look with his lips forming an 'O'.

Hoseok stood up and walked towards him, shaking his arm aggressively. "WAS IT THE ONE WHO GUY US THE SURVEY?! HOW COME I ONLY KNEW ABOUT THIS NOW? HYUNG, WE'RE BEST FRIENDS-"

"Are you sure it was meant for you," deadpanned Seokjin cutting Hoseok off.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and gently pushed Hoseok off. He sighed. "I don't even know why I bother coming to you guys for help."

"Because you're lonely," stated Jin. "And you need help and support which is what we're doing right now." 

"Sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

"This is how I show my support. Deal with it. Or do you want me to rephrase? OMG, YOU GO YOONGI! WHEN'S THE WEDDING? I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!" exclaimed Jin with fake enthusiasm.

"That ain't it," said Hoseok.

"The sarcasm was very clear on this one," said Namjoon.

"Whatever, Jin hyung. If you wanted to have the number, you could've just asked."

"Nah," Jin dismissed. "You keep it. It rarely happens to you so make sure you treasure it. Keep it in a shrine or something. Make sure to worship it everyday."

Hoseok and Namjoon bursted out in laughter. 

Yoongi sighed. This wasn't clearly working out to his favor. "You're lucky that you're older than me."

"If I were you, hyung, I'd call them," said Hoseok after composing himself.

"But I'm not you."

"Then text them instead," suggested Namjoon. "Ask them why they left their number, meet up for drinks."

"Or if it doesn't go well, the block button has never looked more shinier," grinned Jin.

"As Jin hyung once said, do it now, regret later!" exclaimed Hoseok.

This friends. Really. 

 


 

Min Yoongi (probably): a barista from yf gave me this #  10: 39 PM

Min Yoongi (probably): who is this?  10:39 PM

 

Jimin was gonna murder someone. Perhaps Taehyung or Jungkook. Or both of them.

 

 

me: sent image

me: ALRIGHT WHICH ONE U FUCKERS GAVE MY NUMBER

toddler jeon jungkook: AHSJKSKSK

toddler jeon jungkook: he actually texted you omg 😍

me: was it u kook

toddler jeon jungkook: i wish

me: then that leaves tae 

another species: im hurt i wasn't the first one who came to ur mind chim :'((

another species: think about hitting me later but GO TEXT HIM BACK SDJSK

toddler jeon jungkook: tell us all about it! :*

 

 

Min Yoongi (probably): a barista from yf gave me this # 

Min Yoongi (probably): who is this?

me: hi

Min Yoongi (probably): hey

me: i just want to say my friends are nasty little shits :)

me: im sorry they dragged you to this 

me: you can delete my number now

Min Yoongi (probably): um??

Min Yoongi (probably): does this have to do with the so-called campus evaluation sheet?

me: yet another reason why my friends are brats

me: you can forget all about it

me: goodbye now

Min Yoongi (probably) : wait

Min Yoongi (probably): to whom am I speaking to?

Min Yoongi (probably): the light brown haired barista or dusty blonde one?

me: neither

me: we haven't met yet

Min Yoongi (probably): oh

Min Yoongi (probably): we could change that :)

Min Yoongi (probably): who are you?

me: :))

me: you probably don't know i exist haha

Min Yoongi (probably): I doubt that

Min Yoongi (probably): you work at the coffee shop right?

Min Yoongi (probably): you probably took my order at some point

me: yea

me: but it's only just that

me: not important enough to remember by name

Min Yoongi (probably): dont say stuff like that

Min Yoongi (probably): you're important to someone 

Min Yoongi (probably): I'm sure of it

me: ...

me: thanks stranger

Min Yoongi (probably): stranger? 

Min Yoongi (probably): but you know who I am don't you

me: yea :D

Min Yoongi (probably): lemme guess

Min Yoongi (probably): your friends?

me: yup

me: they're so embarrassing ugh

Min Yoongi (probably): true but that's when you know their real friends

Min Yoongi (probably): if any of my friends do something even remotely close to something like this they'll be lying dead on the floor as we speak

me: oh wow

me: dingdingding u have won urself a piece of information about me 

me: my friends call me 'Chim'

Min Yoongi (probably): Min Yoongi

Min Yoongi (probably): but you already know that

me: i have sherlock holmes and dr. watson for best friends

Min Yoongi (probably): can I ask a question?

Min Yoongi (probably): howd the whole campus evaluation survey happen

me: ah

me: funny story actually :)

 

Jimin explained what happened from beginning to end, even the part where he got stood up by his Tinder date. He doesn't know what made him say that but it just slipped out naturally. He felt comfortable talking to Yoongi. They continued talking to each other via text. They talked about all kinds of things. They even talked about Taehyung, Jungkook, Hoseok, Jin and Namjoon, their so-called friends. They didn't stop talking, not until Yoongi's phone was on the brink of death and they had to end the conversation there. 

Jimin had told Yoongi to not waste his energy by going to the coffee shop tomorrow. He didn't have work tomorrow but Yoongi wanted to go anyways, claiming he only said that because Jimin doesn't want to reveal himself just yet. They both didn’t know what the other looked like.

After talking to Yoongi, Jimin felt like he understood why Taehyung thought Yoongi was the perfect match for him.

 


 

This is the first time Jimin has seen Yoongi. And he is breathless.

Taehyung had excitedly pointed at Yoongi on the way to their next class. Yoongi had come out from a classroom and walked ahead of them, with airpods in each ear. He was unaware of Jimin and Taehyung trailing behind him.

It has been a few days since Yoongi first texted Jimin but it didn’t end just there. In fact, it’s still going. Yoongi texted Jimin immediately after his phone recharged and they haven’t been able to stop since.

Yoongi still doesn’t know Jimin’s real name, still refers to him as ‘Chim.’ He still doesn’t know what Jimin looks like. The Jimin in his mind is based on how Jimin talks to him; sweet, nice, caring, funny and cute. His mental image of Jimin is a combination of known actors with the same persoality. It’s silly, he knows, but he has a vivid imagination.

Yoongi didn’t turn around as Jimin expected but it still hurt. 

The second time he saw Yoongi was when he’s on the other side of campus. He knows it’s him, the platinum blonde hair gave it away.

He stares at Yoongi as he disappears into a building with a redhead trailing after him. He doesn’t know why but he felt a slight pang of jealously. 

Again, Yoongi doesn’t look at Jimin’s way. 

The third time he saw Yoongi, he told him.

 

me: hyung i see you

Yoongi hyung: from where?

me: not telling hehe

me: but you’re somewhere in front of me

 

Yoongi looks up from his phone and Jimin panicks, quickly hiding behind group of students.

Yoongi scanned the area for a little while before taking out his phone.

 

Yoongi hyung: you’re hiding aren’t you

me: :))

Yoongi hyung: so u already know what I look like huh

Yoongi hyung: when will I ever see you 

me: someday 

Yoongi hyung: you always say that

Yoongi hyung: are you scared?

Yoongi hyung: what’s there to be scared of? I mean look at me

Yoongi hyung: I'm a potato

me: hahahaha

 

On the sixth time he sees Yoongi, he’s standing next to him, waiting to cross the road.

This is the closest he’s been with Yoongi, he realizes. Jimin tenses up and un-normally looks around, trying to ignore the elder’s presence. Yoongi didn’t notice his struggle. His eyes widened when he sees Jungkook jogging to his way.

He’ll know, Jimin thinks. He’ll know its him when Jungkook stops to stand beside him. He frantically shooed Kook with his hands, a mortified expression on his face.

Jungkook slowly stops in his tracks. He tilts his head.

“What?” he mouths.

Jimin just shakes his head and shoos him away. “Just go,” he mouths back.

Jungkook averts his gaze from Jimin and looked over his shoulder. He spotted Yoongi a few meters behind the blonde, with his hands tucked inside the pocket of his hoodie and a cap on his head. He makes an ‘O’ face and cheekily smiled at Jimin.

The light turned red and Yoongi is quick to cross the road. Jimin watched his retreating form get lost in the sea of crowd. He burried his face in his hands as Jungkook slowly approached him. 

“That was a close one,” the blonde mumbled, the words slightly muffled by the hands covering his face.

”Why didn’t you walk up to him?” asked Jungkook.

I’m scared. I’m scared he’ll reject me. I’m scared I won’t meet his expectations. I’m scared he’ll get disappointed. I’m afraid of all the things that could go wrong, is what he wants to tell him. 

”It’s not easy,” he says instead. 

 


 

Yoongi’s at the coffee shop again. He’s been coming a lot lately hoping to catch a glimpse of his enigmatic textmate. The universe doesn’t seem to be on his side though. He’s seen Taehyung and Jeongguk a couple of times but it was only the two of them. He practically memorized all the faces that worked in the coffee shop watching out for him, but so far, he’s seen no one new. 

Or Chim could be that guy in his late 20s with the mustache and graying hair, he doesn't know. He hopes it isn't. He pulls out his phone and texts Chim just in case.

 

me: hey what are you doing rn?

Chim: hi cant talk rn

Chim: lecture

 

He's relieved that the man doesn't pull out his phone to reply. That's one less people to suspect as Chim.

Hoseok stared at him with an 'are you serious' look from across the table.

Yoongi just shrugged and picked up his cup to take a sip.

”Don’t act like I don’t know why we’ve been going here, hyung,” said Hoseok, breaking the silence. 

“‘m not acting. Just haven’t been saying anything.”

Hoseok drew a long sigh. “So you seriously have nothing on him? Except his two friends? Taehyung and Jungkook?”

”Yeah. Though every time I ask, they always say to wait for him. That he’ll come around eventually.”

”I asked Taehyung once and I think he, uh, slipped up. Almost said his real name.”

That got Yoongi’s attention. “And then?”

”And then nothing. Corrected himself immediately after he realized his mistake. He said ‘ji.’ I think. He was too fast.”

”Jim? Could that be his real name?”

”I don’t know. Sounds awfully a lot like Chim, right?“

 


 

Jimin was peacefully wiping the working area clean when he spotted a familiar shade of platinum blonde hair from the corner of his eyes.

Shit.

He quickly ducked down the counter and hoped it was just in time. He tightly clench his right hand on the wet rag to subdue even just a little bit of nerves.

Taehyung looked down at him confusedly. “What are you-“

”SHH!” Jimin frantically whispered.

The shop’s door opened with the bell soflty dinging to signal the arrival of a customer. Taehyung looked up and his eyes widened. Out of instinct, he took a quick glance at Jimin who only shook his head in response. 

“Hey, Yoongi hyung,” greeted Taehyung with a smile. “Hoseok hyung. So the usual? One tall Americano and a latte?”

”Yeah,” said Yoongi.

At the sound of Yoongi’s voice, Jimin stiffened. He couldn’t believe that Yoongi was here. He got caught off-guard today unlike the other times he managed to successfully hide in the back. What was he suppose to do now? This position was hurting his legs.

”Actually I’d like an iced latte this time if you don’t mind. It’s really hot outside. I don’t know why hyung keeps on ordering Americanos.”

Taehyung laughed. “Yoongi hyung is immune to the heat. Will that be all?”

”Wait, can you add a banana choco muffin too?” asked Yoongi.

Oh no.

Yoongi was going to stay at the shop for who knows how longs. Jimin can’t survive this.

“And a banana choco muffin,” said Tae punching in their orders. “That would be ₩11, 887, good sirs.”

Jimin heard the rustle of clothes then the sounds of footsteps walking away. He slumped down on the floor, unbothered by it’s dirtiness and coldness. “Help me.”

Tae crouched down beside him and petted his hair. “You poor, poor baby. Get up, we have work to do.”

“Not yet," hissed Jimin. "Stand up and tell me where he is."

Tae rolled his eyes but obliged anyways. He look around the shop for any signs of Yoongi. He crouched back down. "Uh, he's at the table where he has a clear view of the counter. He was literally facing this way and we made eye contact for like, .2 seconds.”

Their boss came out from the back. He saw Taehyung and Jimin under the counter and took quick steps to reach them. "What do you think—“

"SHHH!!! SHHH!!!! SHH!" shushed Jimin grabbing his boss' arm and tugging him downwards.

The boss stumbled down and is stunned beyond words.

Jimin got up on all fours and hurriedly crawled to the back of the shop. Taehyung crawls after him, leaving their dumbfounded boss behind. 

A few minutes later, Jimin emerged from the back wearing his boss' fedora hat and a surgical mask. It was either that or the horryfing not appropriate for work clown mask someone left during Halloween. He didn’t want to recieve any more scoldings so he chose the mask instead.

"You look ridiculous," Taehyung comments as he prepares a drink.

"It's a disguise," responded Jimin walking towards Tae to help him prepare.

Taehyung nodded. "Uh-huh sure. Do you mind holding this for a moment? Thanks. Hoseok and Yoongi hyung!"

Jimin almost drops the drink in shock. "No, no, Tae what the fuck."

He didn’t bother to look at Yoongi and Hoseok to check if they saw him. Instead, he left the drink on the counter and sprinted to the back with Taehyung laughing at him.

 


 

Yoongi hyung: I saw you

Yoongi hyung: you’re blonde

Yoongi hyung: I saw you duck under the counter and I know its you bc who hides from a customer?

Yoongi hyung: also Tae kept glancing down 

Yoongi hyung: he’s not very subtle lol

Yoongi hyung: nice disguise too

Yoongi hyung: made you stand out a lot 

me: idk what ur talking about

me: i died today

me: so u probs saw my ghost or smth

Yoongi hyung: well I think I lived today when I saw you

Yoongi hyung: even if it was just a part of your hair

Yoongi hyung: but knowing we were in the same place at the same time 

Yoongi hyung: was enough for me

me: nvm i came back to life

me: or am in heaven?

 

Jimin mentally clapped himself on the back at his own comeback. 

 

Yoongi hyung: is it bc I look like St. Peter or something

 

Well, that quickly backfired. 

 

Yoongi hyung: do I get to know your real name now?

Yoongi hyung: I already know part of what you look like

me: Park Jimin

me: dONT GO AHEAD AND STALK ME NOW

Yoongi hyung: too late ;)

 

 

me: omg hyung stop liking everything

Yoongi hyung: your feed looks great wtf

Yoongi hyung: why do you keep avoiding me

Yoongi hyung: you look really beautiful

me: ...

Yoongi hyung: its true

Yoongi hyung: i...i’m actually really blown away

Yoongi hyung: Hoseok’s laughing at me now

me: thanks for the follow and likes hyung ASHKSJS

me: and thank you :D

 


 

It's four days before Valentine’s Day. Yoongi knows he’s gonna spend it alone like every other year. Unless he ‘grows some balls’ (Seokjin) and ask Jimin out. He’s never seen Jimin up close or personally but at least now he knows what he looks like. Yoongi will be lying if he said he didn't think about asking the blonde out. In fact, he has. Multiple times in my head but he just couldn't get himself to say it out loud.

It’s three days before Valentine’s Day and Jimin knows it’s gonna be Taehyung and Jungkook's first Valentine’s as a couple. He doesn’t want to intrude and thirdwheel so he’ll spend it alone, it’s no biggie. It’ll just be like every other day. Though deep, deep, deep down in his heart, he hopes a certain blonde would spend it with him. But a voice at the very back of his head tells him why would he even ask him out when they’ve never been properly introduced. Jimin tries to not keep his hopes up.

It’s two days before Valentine’s Day and Yoongi’s thumb hover above the keyboard, the conversation of him and Jimin open. He types then deletes, types again, deletes it and the cycle goes on. He doesn’t know what to say. In the end, he sighs and locks his phone.

It’s a day before Valentine’s day. Yoongi and Jimin are at the coffee shop unaware of each other’s presence. Jimin was waiting for the end of Taehyung and Jungkook’s shift so they could go bowling. Yoongi's reason for being there never changed. To see Jimin.

Taking a deep breathe, Yoongi mustered all the courage he had left inside of him and sent the message.

 

me: what are you doing for valentine's day?

Park Jimin: aside from moping around and watching dramas nothing

Park Jimin: you?

me: probablt just breathe

Park Jimin: cool

Park Jimin: i'm gonna convert oxygen to carbon dioxide too

me: nerd

 

Yoongi snorted as he read Jimin's text. While they were texting each other, he kept hearing a soft ding every time he sends a message to Jimin. He looked around but there was no sign of the blonde. Deciding to test out something, he looked back at his phone.

 

me: .

Park Jimin: ???

 

Yoongi's breathe hitched. There it was again. The soft ding of a text alert to signal the user has gotten a message. It’s not a coincidence, he thinks. Jimin’s here.

Yoongi gulped before pressing the call button.

This is a bad idea.

A cellphone rang amidst the soft chatter of the coffee shop. He quickly looked around for the source of the noise. Suddenly, he froze in his spot.

There he is. 

Jimin was sitting a few tables away with his back turned to Yoongi. He was glancing down at his phone. Abruptly, his head snapped and he turned around to look at the shop.

Immediately he locked eyes with Yoongi. The blonde felt the air in his lungs leave. He was staring at Yoongi with his mouth agape. It felt like the world had gone into slow motion. Nothing else mattered but the two of them.

Then it was shattered as quickly as it began. Jungkook called Jimin and the younger broke the contact first. He packed his things and walked towards the exit. He sneaked a glance at Yoongi before turning away.

Nothing was said but in that brief moment, they knew.

 


 

 

me: hey

Park Jimin: hi

me: since now I know what you look like

me: do you wanna go on a date with me tomorrow?

me: I would've asked you at the shop but you left before I could

Park Jimim: wow hyung

Park Jimin: quite the romantic you are 

me: can you please just answer im dying here

me: i havent got a lot of courage and dignity left

Park Jimin: hahhahaha on hyung

Park Jimim: the purpose of the boyfriend survey was to find a boyfriend the old-fashioned way

Park Jimin: this isn't old-fashioned

me: what are you implying...

Park Jimin: nothing

Park Jimin: just for dramatic effect and to say that one of tae and kook's shenanigans worked

me: is that a yes?

Park Jimin: of course it is hyung!

Park Jimin: i can't actually believe it worked

me: you said old-fashioned

me: i'll think of something for tomorrow ;)

 


 

It's Valentine's Day and Yoongi and Jimin spend it together.

 


 

 

5 YEARS LATER

 

"Hey babe," called out Yoongi. "I'm gonna make a quick trip to the store. We're out of...toilet paper. See you in a few." He pecked Jimin's forehead and headed towards the door. "Bye, I love you!"

 

"Love you too!" replied Jimin before continuing to vacuum the house.

 

Five years have passed since Taehyung and Jungkook went around campus passing around a boyfriend survey disguised as a campus evaluation sheet. Yoongi was now a well-known producer under Seokjin's company. Namjoon and Hoseok were working under the same company with Yoongi as well. Namjoon was an idol rapper who was nearing his comeback and Hoseok was the company's choreographer. Tae and Kook are stil dating and have been engaged for almost one year. Yoongi and Jimin are still not past the dating phase but Jimin was now living with Yoongi.

It was silent in the house for a few moments. The only sound occupying the place was the soft vroom coming from the vacuum cleaner. A few moments passed, and a buzzing sound was heard coming from the door. Jimin turned off the vacuum cleaner, confused.

He quietly padded to the door. He pressed the house intercom button and cleared his throat. "Yes?"

"Package delivery for Min Yoongi?" the voice replied. The voice was deep and somewhat familiar but Jimin couldn't put his finger on it.

He opened the door.

The delivery boy was much more taller as he stood before Jimin. There was something familiar with his frame and posture. The delivery boy was wearing a cap that covered half of his upper face. He held a clipboard and a pen in both his hands. Below him was the package neatly wrapped in a box.

"Please sign here," mumbled the delivery boy as he handed him the clipboard and pen.

Jimin quickly signed on the piece of paper. "Here you go."

"Um, thanks," he mumbled back. The delivery boy shifted awkwardly on his feet. "Do you...do you mind if you take a survey about our services regarding delivering and customer help? It'll greatly enhance the company."

"Yeah, sure, no problem."

 

MAGIC SHOP DELIVERIES

----------------

 

INSTRUCTIONS: Place a checkmark ( / ) inside the circle besides your chosen answer.

 

1. Did your delivery arrive in 2-4 days?

 

○ YES

○ NO

 

Jimin didn't know when Yoongi ordered the package so he blindly checked 'YES.'

 

2. Is the delivery neatly and orderly packaged?

 

○ YES

○ NO

 

He checks 'YES' again.

 

3. Do you have a significant other?
If you answered yes, please proceed to the next question. If no, goodluck with your lovelife.

 

○ YES
○ NO
○ I WISH

 

Jimin stopped for a second before checking 'YES' and flipping to the next page. The delivery boy made a slight noise before he cleared his throat.

 

*For those who answered YES

 

4. Are you lucky to have them in your life?

 

○ YES
○ VERY LUCKY
○ WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THEM LUCKY

 

He checks the all the options.

The questions started getting personal and Jimin resisted the urge to crumple the paper.

 

5. Do you love him?

 

○ YES, WITH ALL MY HEART
○ YES TO THE MOON AND BACK
○ YES I LOVE HIM
○ ALL OF THE ABOVE

 

Jimin doesn't question how the survey got his significant other's gender correct. Nonetheless, he checks the last option.

 

6. Will you marry him?

 

□ YES
□ YES YES
□ YES YES YES
□ YES100X

 

"Wait, hold the fuck up," said Jimin raising his head. "What is this-"

He stops talking in mid-sentence when he sees Yoongi standing next to-

"NAMJOON HYUNG?"

Without the cap hiding his face, Jimin could clearly see Namjoon's face behind it.

"I- what- what is going on?" he stuttered out.

Yoongi smiled at him fully showing his gums before kneeling down on one knee. He reached into his pocket and took out a blue velvet box.

Jimin can't breathe. He feels like he's gonna pass out.

Oh my god, this is really happening.

Yoongi opens the box and inside it was one of the most beautiful rings Jimin has ever seen. The ring was silver and had two bands which overlapped one another, creating some sort of wave and at the intersection between two bands was a diamond. A fucking diamond, shining under the hallway's lights. Jimin put his hand over his mouth. He felt like his soul just left his body.

Yoongi takes a deep breathe. "Will you, Park Jimin, marry me?"

Jimin's soul came back to him in an instant.

"YES!" he happily answered and quickly pulled Yoongi (his fiancé!!!!) for a hug, burying his face in the junction of his neck and shoulder. Yoongi laughed wholeheartedly and wrapped his arms around him, pulling the blonde closer.

"Why weren't there any options to decline?" asked Jimin giggling slightly.

Yoongi chuckled. "They told me to be optimistic about it."

"I can't believe you asked me through a survey."

"Well, that's how we met right? Five years ago? Through a boyfriend material survey test disguised as a campus evaluation sheet?"

"So from a boyfriend survey to a fiancé survey?" 

Yoongi nodded and repeated what he said. "From a boyfriend survey to a fiancé survey."