I had spent the evening driving around town in LA. The city bustle typically made me claustrophobic and dizzy but tonight it was different. I needed to cure my boredom. Slowly driving through red lights, even though I am an anxious driver, and blasting the music through the speakers of the car so my ears rang. It was definitely having an effect on me. I felt less stuck. The sun was starting to set over the horizon though and I knew that was my call to drive back home so I could get ready for tomorrow.
Well it wasn't exactly home, but I did a lot of work here. There was something about the Californian air that just got my creative juices flowing. Maybe it was the change of scenery as it’s quite different than back home in Oxford.
I had recorded countless things here and even had a studio rented out with my other band to rehearse for the tour we went on years back. It was the most creative place I had ever been in. Surrounded by nature and occasional birds that would fly through our open door to inspect the sounds that we had been making for countless hours. I tried to go back there for this project I have been writing but it had been rented out by someone else.
I drove through the gate in the neighborhood and eventually pulled up to my house. I sat in the car after turning it off for a moment and thought about how boring it had been the past few weeks. It’s been work, work, and more work, singing and playing instruments which I don’t mind. It’s everything to me. But it’s the same routine and no matter how exciting it is to do what I love all the time, even it gets old. Sigh.
I’m a person that needs new experiences and new routines constantly. If I don’t get that I get bored and I feel like I’m going insane. It’s nice being a musician especially a world famous one in that regard. Yeah, it has its downfalls and it can get very frustrating. I know from loads of experiences over the years slipping in and out of depression and constantly having to meet expectations. It sucked. I’m happier now though, and I figured out what I need and I’m aware on how to do that. I switch up instruments, go out and buy new ones that make new sounds, work on ways to make my voice sound weird, I travel the whole fucking world. It’s great and refreshing to have new things to keep me alive.
I’m still in my car trying to figure out how I can shake this routine up. I could go shopping. Buy a new synth and try to make a song out of it. But I have loads of work to do. Lots of writing that I need to get done to meet my deadline for this project. I sighed.
I could go out tomorrow night. That idea doesn’t seem so bad. There’s loads of great bars and clubs around here. Get a bit drunk and just loosen up a bit. Maybe there will even be a good dj that doesn’t play shitty remixes of the top 40 songs. I made that a mental note in my head. It’ll be nice to have a bit of stress relief as well as a new experience.
I got out and locked my door as I made up the front door. The neighbor across the street was riding a lawnmower so the smell of fresh grass was drifting across my nostrils. I always loved that smell. It reminded me that the earth is still alive even though we are killing faster than we can keep up.
I unlocked the door and made my way inside, immediately flicking on the lights. This place was usually filled with my musical doodles that I made on my laptop that I almost forgot what the silence felt like. I took my shoes off and made my way to the kitchen. The pantry was full of snacks that I took my favorite veggie crisps and sat on the couch to just veg out. The news was old anymore so I decided to turn on a movie. Nigel had been giving me recommendations nonstop last tour and I have been shit at watching them.
About halfway into the movie, I had reached the end of the bag of crisps and laughed a bit at myself. They were really that good. I sent Nigel a text about how good the movie was and he was almost instantaneous in his reply. Classic Nigel.
Once I had finished the movie I decided it would bea good time to go to bed. It was still a bit early for me but I still had a lot to do for this project. If I wanted to go out tomorrow I needed to work early tomorrow. Also the prospect of tomorrow night has got me very excited. It’s a very unusual excitement. I guess it just means that I need it.
I had got goosebumps on my arm once I realized I had finished for the day. I had spent almost ten hours on this piece and it was coming along nicely. It’s only a draft so it’s not a great product but it’s exciting to think about how it will sound in a studio setting and my voice over it of course. But now it was time to get ready to go out.
There was a bar in downtown LA that people had a lot of good things to say about so I decided it would be best. I’m usually never this picky about things because when I go out I just wanna drink til I’m drunk and dance even if the music is shitty. But I don’t know when I’ll get a night out again so I want a great experience.
I changed my shirt and pants as I haven’t changed out of pajamas all day. Being too caught up in my work will do that to me. I sometimes forget to take a piss once in a while because I get so obsessed with what I’m doing. It was a warm out as LA weather typically is so I went for my favorite white t-shirt and my usual skinny jeans. After tying my hair up in my tight bun I decided I was ready to go.
The Uber I had ordered dropped me off at the curb and I gave the driver a bit of an extra tip. I tended to be quite kind to people who had to lug me around. I’m quite the chatty passenger believe it or not so I give them a few extra dollars for putting up with me. There was already a line formed at the door of people who were waiting to get in so I took my place.
Everyone in line looked to be half my age and I never felt more out of place. I’m young at heart but I still feel awkward when 20 year olds are staring at me like ‘who let this grandpa in here?’ Which in my defense I went grey way before my time and so I do not look my age. Well I like to think that anyway. I may be in my late 40s but I still kick it like I’m 20. How many almost 50 year olds can say they can do a handstand while doing yoga? Not many I assume.
I smirked to myself and waited my turn to enter the gate into what almost felt like heaven at this point. The bouncer didn’t even card me as I walked inside. Typical. I made my way immediately to the bar and ordered a shot of tequila to get me started before ordering a mimosa. I like champagne drinks because they make me feel fancier than I actually am.
The taste of alcohol burned my mouth as it made it’s down and I had felt looser already. The DJ was playing some crazy remix of a rap song and I decided to have a dance. This was my night and I wasn’t going to think about anything for the entirety of it. Another sip and I was out there mingling with people who were there for the same reason as me.
The thing about going out at night is you never know who you might meet. I’ve had conversations about death with people I will never remember while sipping on a beer at two in the morning. I’m not a person who approaches people but I guess I give off an approachable vibe because people usually like to start conversations with me. I don’t mind it especially in this setting which can tend to get lonely very quickly. Like how I felt right now.
I sat at the bar after dancing my ass off for a few songs to catch my breath and I realized how old I actually was. I had finished my mimosa and asked for a beer. Beer isn’t my desired drink but it was something to nurse on while I chilled out. My eyes glanced over the dance floor which was covered in people who were not like me. Maybe they couldn’t dance well like myself but that was where the similarities ended. I felt so out of place. I made a dumb mistake by coming here I think. I took a small sip of my beer and sighed. Sweat dripped off my beard and into my hand which kind of brought me back to reality. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from having fun.
I waited a bit to make my way back on and started dancing with people. I could see that some of the people were thinking ‘what the fuck is this old guy doing?’ but I ignored their looks and kept on. I had been transported back with the alcohol being spilled on me and dancing in a foot of space to my earlier days. I remember djing back at art college and going to bars all the time. Dancing and letting go was my definition of fun. I still had partied a bit once Radiohead took off and getting drunk was something I enjoyed a bit too much. I still go to parties now but I haven’t had this energy in a while. I don’t know where it was coming from but I was enjoying it. Eventually I had a couple people vibing with me and we formed our own little space. Laughing and drinking and spilling bits of drink on ourselves. Ah youth. I smiled at myself and took another sip of beer before a new song started.
As I was jamming out in our space, I looked over at the bar and saw the most vibrant black hair that was bopping along to the beat of the song. It was the darkest hair I had ever seen in my life. It was almost absorbing all the lights that were shining on it. I don’t know what was so intriguing about it but I was having a hard time taking my eyes off it. It had turned around to face the woman standing next to it and suddenly I had caught a glimpse of the owner of the hair. Her lip color had matched her hair and she rolled up her sleeves to reveal the beautiful artistry that had been inked onto her skin. She was beautiful. I needed to talk to her. So naturally, I kept dancing.
In my mind I was trying to use telepathy to have her come over to me but of course it didn’t work. I didn’t want to be creepy and stare at her the whole time I just looked at her in glances and hope she’d pick up the vibe I’m trying to send her. She laughed at something her friend had said I let out a soft groan. How do you talk to girls? That’s definitely one thing I haven’t done in ages. Like since college. I pleaded in my mind for her to talk to me.
Her friend nodded in my direction and I turned away. God I am so shy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her tilt her head back in laughter. I bet it was infectious. My cheeks started to feel hotter than they already were. I bit my lip and smiled a bit.
The group of people around me had dispersed in seperate directions and I decided to go over to the bar. Maybe she’d talk to me then. There was a small gap between her and another guy beside her. Perfect size for a small lad like myself. I squeezed my way in and apologized as I did.
“You seemed like you were having fun,” her voice sounded gravelly. It was a bit deeper than what I expected but it was a pleasant sound. She smelled like a forest. I took a deep breath in.
“Yeah. I don’t get out much anymore,” I said, turning to face her.
Her lips curved into a smile as we made eye contact. Her eyes were the brightest blue I had ever seen; a complete contrast to the darkness her hair encapsulated. They were like the sky on sunny summer day. They almost seemed fake but I was staring into them right now.
“We don’t see a lot of old guys in here.”
“Hey I’m only 48!” I defended almost jokingly.
She laughed and took a sip of her drink that she had been holding this whole time but I had failed to recognize. I had been completely lost in the sky she calls eyes. Her friend distracted me by telling her something in her ear and before walking off. She turned back to me smiled at me. God she was so beautiful.
“So what brings you in here?”
“I’m working on a soundtrack and I’ve been here for almost a month doing nothing but that. I get bored easily and then I go insane I figured,” I shrugged, “why not?”
“You sound British,” she leaned into me, “Your accent sounds a bit posh.”
Oh man. She can’t be real right now. This is an angel that had come from the depths of hell to take my soul and test me. Not that I would mind that from her.
“I am. From Oxford.”
She nodded slowly. I felt like she was studying my face. “I feel like I’ve seen you before. Your face seems familiar.”
Of course. I always hated to get recognized by people in public. It was intervening on my personal time and for the most part I just wanted to forget the fame stuff. But right now I didn’t mind. I wasn’t going to tell her of course. She can figure that out herself. Judging by the tattoo of a tree on her arm with ‘stop killing me’ written below it, she was smart.
“I like your tattoos,” I motioned to that one in particular.
She almost had a surprised look on her face, like she had forgotten they were there in the first place. “Oh thank you. I got this one after a march about climate change. I’m very spiritual so the earth is my source for my breathing during meditation. It’s almost like my higher power. I can feel that it’s dying and it kills me. But I’m doing everything I can I suppose.”
Holy shit. Dare I say sexy? I nodded in agreement and sighed. Both in frustration at the situation with the world and admiration for her already. I took a drink and let the alcohol burn my throat a bit to distract me. I need to get her name.
“What’s your name? I’ve forgot to ask you.”
She giggled, “Celeste.”
She held out her hand and I took it. Her hand and grip were soft. My arms formed goosebumps as I tried to savor that feeling. She pulled away and leaned her head in her hand. “What about you?”
“That’s how I know you! Thom Yorke right?”
I nodded and chuckled a bit, “That’s me.”
I was hoping she’d end it at that as I didn’t want to this to turn south. She seemed really great and I didn’t want it to suddenly turn into questions about signing shit or taking a shitty video saying hello to her brother. I wanted her and I didn’t want to be an object.
“I like your voice. You’re soft and sensual in your songs all the time. Even unintentionally,” she blushed and smiled, “But I’m not here to fangirl.”
I grinned at that, “Thank you.”
We sat there after the conversation died down. I felt almost sad that it had. I finished my beer and tried to search through my mind for small talk. There were so many questions I could ask but nothing was interesting to me. What’s your favorite color? Favorite food? All overused and boring. Dammit.
“So… What else do you do?”
Oh thank god.
“I don’t really do much to be honest to you,” I grinned, “Doing music takes up a majority of my life. I guess if you count yoga I like doing that. Oh and going to fashion shows. I mean, maybe that isn’t as fun to me. But it’s kinda fun. DJing but I guess that’s doing music. I’ve kinda taken up photography lately too. My friend, Colin, has always been into it so he’s kinda shown me stuff. It’s interesting,” I realized I kinda rambled and decided to stop myself and looked her in her eyes, “What about you?”
She nodded, “Yeah I don’t really have time for much. I’m a spiritual teacher and I teach all kinds of stuff. It occupies a lot of my time it’s a miracle I have time to go out on nights like tonight,” she laughed, “But it’s cool to be doing something you’ve always loved doing.”
“What do you teach? Like the Bible or something?”
She once again snickered, “No, no, no. No. I don’t really believe in religion. Although I do believe in the Archangels. But anyway I teach loads of things. Reiki, spirit guide meditations, shamanism, grounding meditations, Archangel classes, art classes, god you know it I probably do it… Oh and I also do tarot readings.”
“Oh so you’re like a witch,” I stated.
“I mean I suppose. I don’t mind being called a witch,” she smiled, “I definitely partake in a lot of wicca and rituals. I’m not a Satanist despite what my hair might tell you.”
I laughed, “It is very dark.”
“Yeah my hairdresser uses a lot of dye to get it this dark.”
“Well it’s very beautiful.”
She bit her lip. Oh damn. “Thank you.”
We had spent the rest of the night in conversation over our days and how dumb it is sometimes to be stuck in the same cycle. She told me it’s good to do things to get out of it because it can fuck with your soul and aura or something. Every word she spoke to me I felt my heart pound so heavily I’m shocked I didn’t go into cardiac arrest. She was so eloquent with her words that I had never heard a better person speak. I guess that’s what she gets from being a teacher. I got so lost in the conversation and her voice that it was one in the morning. It was like I had blinked.
“Hey we should go,” her friend snapped us out of our trance.
She looked at her phone and giggled, “Oh man time flies when you’re having fun I suppose.”
Her friend looked at me and smiled. I gave a polite smile back. Celeste stood up from her stool and I realized not only was she hot and intelligent but she was also tall which is arguably just as sexy. I stood up as well.
“I should be getting back myself,” I said kind of disappointed.
We made our way through the crowd to the door and I took a breath of cold Los Angeles air. I put on my leather jacket and looked at her.
“Well it was lovely Thom. Thank you.”
The pleasure was all mine. “It really was.” She smiled and was getting ready to walk off before I stopped her. “Will I see you again?”
“Oh yeah. I’d love to. Uh,” She dug through her pockets to eventually find her phone, “You can give me your number.”
I typed my number in her phone along with my name, “Just tell me who you are when you text me because I get paranoid some crazy fan found my number or something.”
She laughed, “I will.”
We said our final goodbyes and I had time to sit on the sidewalk. I haven’t been in love in a long time. If you wanted to call this love. I mean I wanted to kiss her already and go out to dinner with her and share music with her and whatever it was that people do when they date. Whatever it was it was refreshing and suddenly I’m no longer bored of being here. I smiled to myself and kicked a stray rock onto the road.
Hey it’s Celeste. We met at the bar last night. I don’t know how drunk you were so I don’t know if you remember. But hey :-)
I immediately stopped what I was doing at the sight of her name. All my thoughts today have been about her. I had wondered when she would send me a message. I pressed pause and took my headphones off. My heart was skipping beats as I typed back. This wasn’t happening to me.
hey.. how has your day been?
It’s been lol. Wby?
just working on some trackz have loads of new ideas. its been gret.
Wish I could say the same.
do you have deadlnes too?
No not really. But it’s nice to have a steady stream of money. So I got to come up with new ideas and new classes. Ugh. It’s stressful sometimes.
I know the feeling.. ive been through that plenry of times. just go with your instinct. your first thought is what your new class.
I don’t think I can do a class about you Thom.
Oh dear god she was thinking of me. My heart exploded a bit in my chest. We’ve only known each other for a night and she was already all over my mind. And heart.
youd be surprised what ive hard
What? That you’re terrible at typing lol :-)
hey! Im a n old buggar leav me alone
Lol you’re cute
so r u
She didn’t reply back to that so I assumed she got busy and went back to work. I hummed over a track and tried to keep my mind focused on the task at hand. Maybe I could ask her out. It would be nice to see her again. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too busy. I paused again.
wanna go out tonite?
i kno a gret place
We proceeded to talk about it and decided where to meet. The work in front of me seemed less interesting now. I knew I had to get it done. Tonight was my motivation to get another sketch finished. I was going to see Celeste again. Hear her voice again. I wanted to ask her about her tattoos and the inspiration behind them. I have a thing for tattoos. In fact I have a thing for everything that woman looks like and thinks like. And that’s why I think she’s out to take my soul.
I was sitting across from Celeste in a Mexican restaurant after a long day of finishing a sketch. She was talking about her day and I hung on every word. She was stressed and I did my best to reassure her. It’s what came from being your own boss. I could tell she appreciated it. I told her about my day after she asked. I told her it was just me making songs even though a majority of it would probably end up in the garbage or at least on my laptop for ten years. Oh and thinking about her of course. But I didn’t say that part.
“What’s the project?”
“Oh I’m working on a soundtrack for a film. It’s the first time I’ve done it. I got the script last month and I’ve just been trying to get sketches done for Luca, the director, to listen to. It’s stressful mostly because I’ve only got my experience from looking over Jonny’s shoulder,” I snorted, “But it’s nice I guess.”
“Oh nice! I’m sure it will be amazing.”
“That’s the plan. It’s nice though because I have a lot of ideas. So I’m not going in completely blind. I came out here so I could have a change of scenery to inspire those ideas. I leave in a week or so to go back to my studio and put the ideas to test.”
“So I only get a week with you?” She pouted. I might have to postpone the trip back.
“Yeah sadly. Just a lot of obligations.”
“I’ll just have to make the most of it then,” she smirked.
Oh I am so down. “I suppose you will.”
Our food came to our table and she immediately dug in like she hadn’t eaten all day. I put my fork into my bite of vegan ceviche. This place always serves the best vegan mexican dishes ever.
“So you’re vegan…”
I answered after I swallowed my bite, “Yeah. I used to be vegetarian but I saw the benefits to the earth from going vegan. I’ve only been a vegan for a few years.”
“I tried to go vegan but I love an authentic cheese and also a good juicy burger every now and then,” she giggled.
I shrugged. “It’s not for everyone. I just wish people would make better choices.”
“Oh I agree. I love to live a waste free lifestyle. My mom always bred that into me from a young age. She’s quite spiritual like me so we always did our best to take care of our creator. I learned everything from her.”
“Yeah,” she smiled fondly.
I changed the subject in fear we’d never get to it, “I wanted to ask you about your tattoos.”
“What about them? Oh no they’re ugly aren’t they?” She said sarcastically.
“Oh no, no. They’re beautiful. I just wanted to know the meaning behind them.”
She rolled up her already short sleeves and exposed the rest of her ink that seemed like she had throughout her body. “I got my first one at 16 on this arm,” she pointed to her right bicep, “This is inspired by a painting of Angel Gabriel. He’s the angel of creation and of course, me being an artist I had to get him. My mom was so excited about it,” she giggled, “Anyway I showed you the tree one. On my wrist I have my mom’s name and on the other I have my dad.” She pointed to the cursive writing on both her wrists. “On my other bicep I have the phases of the moon because my dad always called me, and still calls me sometimes, his little moon child. I have loads of eyes everywhere. No particular reason for those. I just like eyes. Same with all the animals really no particular reason. Um… I also have the symbol of each chakra going down my spine. And I have more on my chest and stomach but you’d have to get me naked to see those.”
Oh. “They’re all so beautiful done.”
She blushed a bit and grinned, “Thank you.”
“How do you afford all of them?”
“I don’t,” she laughed, “No but seriously my mom bought the first few and I saved a lot of money when I had shitty jobs. I was getting a tattoo every few months. It was my addiction.”
“I mean, a beautiful one.”
“Stop it,” she giggled.
We finished our food rather quickly and stayed a while to talk. There were more conversations about the earth. She told me more about what she teaches. I told her it would be cool to learn. She said she would be willing to teach me. For a small fee. We laughed and drank a bit. It was an enjoyable time. The sun was starting to set and it was blinding us through the window.
“I think that’s our call to leave,” Celeste said.
I didn’t want to. I loved being with her and talking with her. She had so many good ideas that I wanted to go inside her mind. Explore her thoughts and her memories. I bet she had some good things going on in there. I wanted to know everything about her.
“I suppose so.”
We stepped outside after I paid the bill and she turned to face me. I was going to kiss her. I needed to feel her plump lips on mine. She smiled at me and closed her eyes. I took this as an opportunity and leaned in. I didn’t wanna go all the way just in case she wanted to stop me. We met halfway instead.
I immediately grabbed her sides and her hands went to my arms. I felt goosebumps form where her hands were. My heart picked up speed once again. It really was a miracle that I haven’t dropped dead yet. Her lips tasted like mango. They tasted amazing and new. I’ve never tasted chapstick like that. I wanted more. Her teeth grazed my bottom lip. So we were doing this now. I pulled away and placed a long kiss on her cheek as to keep her on her toes. We both smiled and giggled. It was like we were little schoolgirls who were trying to tell their crush they liked them. I couldn’t help but blush.
“Um… See you tomorrow?” She implied.
“If you want.”
“I do,” She said almost immediately.
“We could go to a park or something. Walk around. I don’t know.”
“Uh… Well I have to get up early tomorrow so…”
We both lightly chuckled at ourselves. Where were my words? I certainly couldn’t think straight. The only thing on my mind was the taste of mango still on my lips. I savored it. I wanted to be tasting it tomorrow. Or later. She was looking around at the cars that were driving by. Her eyes were luminous in the sunlight. I leaned in and placed another kiss on her lips. Her hand grasped my hair and moved down to my beard. She was learning my face. I let her explore as much as she wanted. The mango was strong again. Sweet. Just like her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I asked as we pulled apart. Strings of our saliva breaking apart. I giggled softly at that.
“Yeah. I hope so.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I said assuredly, “Bye Celeste.”
“Bye Thom,” she said as she waved and walked in the opposite direction as me.
Once I got back to my car, I sat in the driver’s seat just basking in the aura of a first kiss. I couldn’t help but squeal a bit. It was a bit like being young again and getting asked out for the first time. I felt the feeling of her hand when she touched my beard. My hand subconsciously traced the area she had touched so softly. A series of giggles escaped me and I placed my head on my steering wheel. This was actually happening. I turned on my car and drove home with the biggest smile on my face.
For me one of the most wonderful things about being alive is that the feeling of love can come at any time. It came all the time in my life. My love for my bandmates who are also my best friends. The love I have for performing in front of thousands of people. A love for my fans whom I credit everything to. But right now I feeling the deepest of the kinds. It amazed me because I had only known her for a short period of time. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t felt this in a long time or I had been so caught in a cycle that this was my escape. Either way I am enjoying it more than I realize.
I laid in bed staring at the ceiling trying to shut my brain off so I could go to sleep. My heart was still pounding in my chest. I sighed and rubbed my face. It was nice to bask in the feeling but I am tired. It had been a long evening and I was ready to wake up tomorrow.
I did some deep breathing and traced my hand over the places Celeste had touched. The taste of mango was still on my lips. My mind conjured images of her. The way she laughed and she smiled were at the forefront of my mind. Her soft hands on my body. Another deep breath and she was now kissing me. Her lips on my cheek then my neck then my shoulder. I moved my head to make way for her lips. Hands. Her hands moved all over my body exploring every place she could. I bit my lip and she had smiled. It didn’t take long for her hands to find my cock. She giggled softly while I moaned.
Her soft hand made small pumps and I arched my back slightly. She could control me so easily. I felt her other hand still moving around my chest. Sighs and soft moans escaped me as her hand still rubbed my cock. It felt like she was doing a ritual on me and I was being sacrificed to the universe. It was quite sexy to think about. Sweat started to form on my forehead as I knew I was about to come. A few more pumps and I was done.
I snapped out of it once I had felt the sticky substance on my hand. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. I’ll clean it up tomorrow.
“Do you like the beach?” Celeste asked as we had made our way to the shore on her idea.
It had been a few days since I had seen her. She had been occupied with her work which sucked but it was nice because I got ahead in my work. It was Sunday so we figured the beach would be a good place to chill.
In nodded and looked at her, “Yeah. I actually took surfing lessons before. I’m absolute shit at it but.”
We both laughed at the prospect of me falling off a surfboard. Our toes touched the sand and I took my sandal’s off immediately. I hadn’t been on a beach in ages. It was my way of savoring the moment. We found a spot to sit and she laid a beach towel down for us to sit on. Authentic. She smiled at me and removed her top to expose her bikini. Her torso was covered in tattoos just like her arms. Except there were less of them. I bit my lip and turned away, my cheeks red hot.
She sat next to me and took a deep breath in. “I love the sea air.”
“It’s quite nice,” I replied.
We looked at each other and smiled. Her hair was sparkling like her eyes in the sunlight. I leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. They still tasted like mango. I hummed as she touched my back. Her lips turned into a grin in the kiss and eventually she started giggling so we pulled apart. I place a long kiss on her jawline and cheek.
“I’m gonna go in,” she said.
“Come with me.”
“I don’t like taking my shirt off.”
I shrugged. I had done it on stage many times but this was a girl. A girl that I liked. A lot.
“Okay just sit here then,” she teased.
I watched as she made her way into the water. She stood at the shore for a bit letting the ocean splash her legs and feet. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She was angelic. Like God had carefully crafted her from his bare hands himself. I admired her curves and the chakras lining her spine. My fingers went to my lips subconsciously as I sighed.
She sat down at the shore cross legged. I assumed she was getting ready to meditate. I decided to join her in the prospect that I might find spiritual enlightenment. I could see her grin out of the corner of her eye once I took a seat. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply.
“Glad you joined me.”
“I wanna know what it is you do.”
“Just breathe Thom,” she almost whispered, “Close your eyes and breathe. Pay attention to the nature sounds around you.”
I did as she instructed. The sound of the waves coming up on the shore. Salty wind was blowing through my hair. Seagulls were squaking away trying to find their next meal. Eventually in my mind though, the scene had changed. I was laying down in the middle of the beach. Just me and her basking in the sun. I turned in her direction and she was gripping the sand. The ground moved with our every breaths. As if the world was breathing with us. In the real world I moved my hand flat on the ground. As I breathed I almost felt the ground under me do the same as well.
I had been a very outspoken person when it came to caring for the earth but this was a whole new level. I was making a connection with it. The earth was telling me that it needed to be cared for. I kept breathing and the ground kept doing the same. Tears rolled down my face and I took that as it was time to stop. My hand was still on the ground and tried to stop.
I saw her hand move on top of mine and squeeze. I laughed at myself for being emotional about this. She probably never saw that before. When I looked at her, though, her eyes said that she had and she knew. Not only was I making a connection with the earth but also with her.
We sat in my driveway a bit. My mind still processing what happened a few hours ago. I never thought I’d have an experience like that. My surroundings had changed. I was more aware of everything going on around me. It all felt illegal and hurtful.
“It happens to people more than you think,” Celeste said breaking the silence.
“I just can’t believe it,” I turned to her, “How do you do that?”
She laughed, “I don’t do anything. I just tell you what to do and your mind does the rest.”
“You’re so powerful.”
She grinned, “It always makes me feel good when people say that--”
“Well you are!”
“Okay so now comes the payment,” she joked.
“I didn’t know I had to pay for it or else I would’ve stopped by an atm on the way back.”
“That’s okay,” she leaned in. I could smell her lip gloss. She didn’t have to say anything else her eyes and body language were doing the talking.
Maybe I wasn’t insane for falling so quickly for this girl. She was on the same wavelength as me for what seemed like at all times. I didn’t have to say anything to her because she already knew and vice versa. A connection like this only comes once in a lifetime or in my case a few times. But she was special. The universe, or God, or whatever higher power it was granted me her. I don’t know what I did to deserve it but now she was in my bed.
My lips were on her neck and I was nibbling at the most sensitive part. It only took me one try to find it. Her moans were delicate and soft just like her. I sighed softly and kissed her face all over. Her head moved to the direction of my lips and her breaths were hitting my neck. We kissed a lot. So much so that I almost felt my lips get numb. Our shirts were gone in an instant and our lips were all over each other in the same time. It was messy but in the best way possible. I felt like I was losing my virginity all over again.
Her hands rubbed from my stomach up to my chest. She paused at the center of my chest like she was feeling my heartbeat. My heart was going to burst through at any moment.
“You’re so beautiful Thom,” She whispered as her lips replaced her hand.
I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t look anymore. Maybe it was my self conscious views of myself or maybe the feelings were just too intense (maybe it was a mixture of both) but I just couldn’t handle this. I let her touch me and kiss me and bite me and whatever she wanted to do to me and it felt good. It felt too good. My body was going to come undone the minute I would end up inside her.
My hands explored her body some more. I did it almost blindly because any time I opened my eyes I would almost go crazy. Her breasts were sizable but enough to fit in my hand. I kissed them. She would moan. I would smile. I moved her tummy. A kiss. A moan. Success. I kissed her arms, admiring the beautiful artwork as I did. Eventually I was kissing her thighs that were shaking. I didn’t know if it was nerves or excitement. I figured it was both. We were connecting again.
Once we had mapped each other’s bodies out enough she pleaded for me to go inside her. I was scared. Either this would be the worst sex she’s ever experienced or one of the best experiences. I was hoping for the latter as I did what she told me. My head leaned back and a yelp escaped me almost instantly. She felt amazing.
Her breathing picked up as I leaned down to kiss her neck. My hips rolling slowly against hers. Several strings of soft yeses and mores fell out of her mouth. I picked up my pace a bit. My hand moved moving to her clit my thumb rubbing gentle circles. Her back arched up into my chest and I wrapped my other hand around her back. She whimpered which drove me insane. I was going to hold on. This couldn’t end yet.
Our breaths mingled together and sweat dripped off my beard on her chest. We were being one together. Which is what sex was all about. She gripped my back and held me to her. I felt her body start to shake and she leaned her head back. Her mouth was agape and eventually she was screaming into the night. That was my cue that it was okay for me to let go. I came and it felt like forever before I was finished.
We laid there in silence together trying to catch our breaths. No word had to be said. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever experienced and sometimes the most beautiful things didn’t have to be talked about.
I had been sitting at a desk all morning staring at the sounds that I had been working on. Everything felt right but nothing at the same time. All could hear was Celeste’s voice pleading with me, “Yes Thom. Please. More. Harder. Don’t stop.” It was driving me to the brink of insanity. It felt good but at the same time I felt I would explode any minute.
I woke up this morning and she was gone. I thought it was probably work related but then I hadn’t received any messages from her like usual and I started to overthink. My body and mind were already in shambles and now I was sitting here at my laptop about to lose it. My body was craving her now. We passed over that bridge and the other side was better, definitely better, but it was so great that I couldn’t handle it. It’s only been a weekend.
I rub my temple in frustration and groaned. This wasn’t happening to me. It couldn’t be. This girl was taking my soul and having it for dinner. And I could only watch and accept that this was how I wanted it to be. Some sexy woman that I had met in a bar that loved to meditate with the earth.
Before I could even think I was in my car driving to her studio. The studio was where she did all her meditations. She had talked about it with me before so I knew where I was going. I was going to see her in action.
I got to the place and walked inside. It was full of women who almost looked similar to Celeste. Just less vibrant hair and less tattoos. It kind of looked like a doctor’s office with a front desk and hallways leading to various rooms. It was like a coven in here. A lady was sitting there piling through paperwork when I walked up. She greeted me with a polite smile.
“Hi welcome to Aquarius what can I do for you today sir?”
“Uh… There’s a woman named Celeste. I’m here to see her,” I stated.
“Oh yes. She’s getting ready to start one of her rituals and classes. I can take you back if you’d like.”
I nodded and she led me down a long hallway. The lady talked about how they rarely saw men here. I told her being in a class full of women wasn’t a big deal to me. She just smiled politely and told me to not take my phone in. I thought it was because it was a sacred thing to not be recorded but then I walked into a room full of naked women and one other man. Figures.
Celeste looked at me with almost shock in her face and then smiled, “Uh. Come in. Please take a seat. Nudity is not required but is recommended.”
I blushed and took a seat in the circle they were sitting in. Celeste sitting right across from me. The body I had laid hands on last night, in full view. Get it together. I decided to remove my shirt in solidarity. She grinned at me. I couldn’t help but blush. She made a call for everyone to quiet down. I couldn’t help but stare as she talked.
“Welcome brothers and sisters. Today we are on our spiritual journey. Some of you may be farther along than others and that’s okay. Whether you are here to start your discovery or whether you have seen your many lifetimes, today we go on a journey. I want you to close your eyes and breathe. Breathe deeply,” her voice got softer, “Feel your body expand as you breathe in and release as you breathe out.”
There was something about the way she spoke during meditation that could put me to sleep. In the best way possible. We all went together to a journey to the center of the earth. Seeing it’s core or as she called it the heart. It was so amazing to go to places that I didn’t even know I could see in my own mind. Eventually we travelled into a forest feeling it breathe, feeling the energy the earth gave us. Once we opened our eyes we had done a dance for the earth. It was most fun I had ever had in awhile. I was experiencing an awakening. In many various forms.
“Did you like it?” Celeste asked as people put on their clothes and left. Some stuck around to talk to their friends. She had put on a loose top that was a bit see through. I admit to my weakness.
“I loved it. Genuinely. You have a gift,” I said. Her mouth curled and grabbed her chin gently and gave her a soft kiss. Mango .
“I’m glad you could see what I do.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“Are you busy tonight?”
No hesitation in her answer, “No.”
Our bodies collided as she kissed me. I felt her desire in my bones. Her soft hands on my face. The taste of mango on her lips. Everything. She was everything.
I lay in bed my head on my pillow as Celeste straddled my stomach. Her hands were gripped to the sides of her shirt as she moved it swiftly. Our lips were messy in kisses. I leaned up to kiss her breasts and navel. She kissed my head, then my eyes, my cheeks.
“All so beautiful,” she whispered.
God I couldn’t take it. I don’t know what she saw in me but whatever it was it was beautiful to her. That was going to kill me. And I was going to let it. Our hands moved as they did last night just less excited. They knew where to go now. I rubbed her sides as she grinded her hips against mine. It felt so good. This is what euphoria was and we hadn’t even gotten to the best part.
We were naked in a moment’s notice. Her excitement bigger than mine. We kissed more and more. Her teeth dug into my shoulder and I moaned loudly. That was so hot. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and laughed. I couldn’t help but do the same.
“You’re so hot Thom.” That made me laugh more. She shut me up by kissing me. “Don’t close your eyes for this. I want you to watch me.”
I nodded even though that would be difficult for me. She grabbed my cock and slowly slid down it. Her breath hitching as she did so. I wanted to close my eyes at the pleasure but I did what she told me. I wanted to watch her.
“You have no idea how good this feels,” she whispered.
“Oh I have an idea,” I joked.
I held her hips as she bounced on top of me. It was such a beautiful sight. Her ink glistening in the moonlight and the marks I had made on her skin last and tonight coming into full bloom. Red and pink marks littered all over her skin. Her breasts bouncing softly as she did. The blackness of her hair almost turning a shade of blue. It was mine. All mine.
Her body started arching a bit and I moved my hand to her clit. She pleaded and begged for me to keep going so I did. I rubbed harder as she started to seize up again. Her screams and yelps out in the air. My name being yelled several times. It was so beautiful. And my eyes were open for it all. She kept riding me until she knew I was finished.
Our bodies tangled together, her head on my chest and my hands holding her close to me. We sat in silence of the afterglow for a while before we talked about a lot of things. Stuff from our hobbies to the meaning of life and what lies beyond. It was insane to me to experience this in only a weekend. I was falling in love with a woman who I only met 3 days ago. It blew my mind. I was never like this. It was fine but I was waiting for the explosion in my chest.
That’s how the rest of the week went. I would go insane during the day without her. We’d meet up whether it was at a bar or a restaurant or even her favorite record store and talk and enjoy a nice night together. Then we’d end up in my sheets. Our bodies connecting together. Our lips placing messy kisses everywhere. Soon I felt like I had run out of skin to put my lips on. Her body was covered in markings from me and it was a beautiful thing to see. Her imprint on me was less love bites and more imprints on my soul. It was driving me insane. Every time I came I felt like I was giving a piece of myself to her with the taste of mango always fresh on my mouth.
Our bodies would end up tangled together in one way or another. I’d wake up and she wouldn’t be there because of her work. But I’d go to one of her meditations or classes and then come back with loads of inspiration for this project. I would read the script and see her in it. Therefore my songs would just pour out of me. Everything I was feeling was put in the music. I was scared but so content at the same time. It was all exciting to me. All it took was me getting bored one day to get all this new excitement and surprises. It was like I was the luckiest game show contestant in the world.
But like all things it had to end at some point I just didn’t want it to be so quickly. A week felt like eternities with the amount of time we spent together. It was good though. I never wanted it to end. I had packed up my bags yesterday morning before I had went to a meditation yesterday. She seemed as disappointed as me when she saw them in my room last night. Now she was helping me pack them in the car. I told her she didn’t have to see me off but she kept insisting. Eventually I gave in.
We got in the car together the radio on low so you could only hear soft murmurs. The sun was starting to rise as we made our way. She was silent the whole way. I didn’t say much either. I couldn’t. I had parked the car in the rental car parking lot while a guy took my keys. I thanked him and made sure I had all my bags and suitcases before we made our way to the terminal. Still nothing from her.
“I had loads of fun with you,” I said.
She nodded not looking at me, “Me too.”
I sighed and grabbed her hand. I had to remind myself of all the obligations that would await me when I got back to keep myself from feeling emotional. I wanted to see her again. I’d hope I would see her again but my mind was telling me the possibility was small. It had only been a week. Oh no I was getting emotional.
The bus stopped and the driver helped me with my bags and I thanked them kindly. She brought a trolley out to help. I smiled at her and I checked in at the desk. Her hands gripped my arm the entire time. My heart was racing but not in a good way this time. The guy put my bags on a conveyor belt and I paid my hefty fee before grabbing my backpack and ticket and making my way to security with her following shortly behind me. I stopped before entering and turned to face her.
The minute I faced her she burst into tears. I pulled her into me and ran my fingers through her soft hair. This couldn’t be the last time I would see her.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked.
She pulled away and briskly wiped her eyes and nodded.
“I really like your lip gloss or chapstick flavor. It tastes like mangos and the taste drove me absolutely drove me wild.”
She laughed and then sniffled, “Thank you. It’s lip gloss. I like it too.”
“Don’t stop wearing it. Other guys will go mad for it.”
She nodded, “Okay.” A pause. “Can I tell you something?”
I arched my eyebrow. Oh no. “Yeah.”
“Your beard is amazingly soft. It feels really good.”
I chuckled and nodded, “Thank you.”
“Thanks for an amazing time Thom. It’s been the best week I could’ve possibly experienced in my life.”
“I agree. You drove me wild in the best ways possible. I’ve never written so much music before.”
She smiled, “Give me credit when you release it.”
We both laughed. I leaned in and kissed her one last time. She held my face there a few seconds longer. Eventually I had to pull us apart. I waved as I walked away. She waved back sadly and I was left with that image of her standing alone.
I had landed in London and it was the most bittersweet thing I experienced. It was nice to be back home in rainy England. But in LA there was a girl who I had fallen madly in love with. The taste of mango on my lips that I was savoring now. I checked my phone. No texts from her. I sighed and went to get my bags.
Months had passed and I got busy. The soundtrack occupying most of my time, going to visit the set, getting frustrated at producing this shit, Radiohead tour rehearsals. Every night before I went to bed though her face would pop in my mind. I’d go to lick my lips and slowly the taste of mango had faded away. That was the saddest night for me. The one thing I had left from that week and it was gone. I mean there was the memories I guess.
The memories are never as good than experiencing it though. I have memories of her fucking me until I can’t breathe but then I’d snap out of it and be left alone in my room with a sticky hand. I have the memories of the sweetest lip gloss but the memory of the taste was never as good. It wasn’t it.
I had tried texting her loads but she never responded. I thought maybe she had found someone who didn’t see her for a week and then leave. Which, of course, it made me jealous but I wasn’t going to deprive her of happiness. Maybe she was just mad at me for leaving her. Either way it sucked and I was lonely.
The tour had kicked off and it was nice to be back on the road. I did a lot of exploring in each city for my inspiration. Then I’d get to go on stage and perform in front of wicked crowds every night. Some more wicked than others but it was fun and I was beaming. The last tour ended in October but man I was missing it.
We were in Seattle tonight and it was rainy. Really rainy. I felt like I was back in England. I guess it felt like home but I was practically cooped up in my hotel room all morning. I sat at my laptop trying to get creative juices flowing. My brain wasn’t feeling it though. It was a miracle when my bodyguard said we had to go to soundcheck. I thought this moment wouldn’t come.
We made our way to the arena. Fans were lined up and I couldn’t believe their dedication. It amazed me. I would get super pissed in rain and people did this as if it was their job. I loved it. Soundcheck was boring and something I always hated just cos there was nothing to hype you up. No crowd meant no energy for me. Just as we finished a lady from the arena came up to me.
“Excuse me Mr. Yorke.”
“Thom. But yes?”
“Sorry,” she giggled, “But there is someone outside saying that she knows you. We obviously tried to turn her away but she was instant.”
I laughed. Then my brain stopped me. What if… No it can’t be. It’s not. “What’s her name?”
I didn’t let her finish. I was off that stage and running toward the door as fast as I could. Once I had gotten close, I saw the familiar head of sparkly black hair. Oh my god my heart was pounding in my chest and not just cos I had booked it across an arena. I waited a far enough distance away until she could see me. Her face lit up once she did. I signaled the guy to let her in.
Our bodies had collided almost instantaneously. Our lips met just as quickly. My hands moving to her hair. Her hands on my faces, running over my beard. God it felt so good. I was in euphoria. The taste of mango once again fresh on my lips.