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No More Secrets (Old Version)

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Oh God he’s beautiful.

Every inch of him, from the fluffy green hair atop his head, that stuck out sporadically in wild curls, right down to his toes. His eyes had fluttered shut, framed by long, curled lashes. A smattering of freckles painted across his face like a stars. He wore a thin grey hoodie with white lining and “All Might” written in bold, coloured lettering along the back. His only visible scars were the ones on his hand, the rest were hidden by his clothes. Despite continual reassurance from his friends and family alike, Midoriya had always been self conscious of them.

Bakugou thought they were beautiful. Each one represented a battle he had fought, like a medal of honour. They showed that he survived, pushing past challenges to rise to where he was now. He had spent hours tracing the scars that crisscrossed over Midoriya’s skin. There were still some areas of his body, like his forearms for example, that Midoriya was still uncomfortable with him inspecting too closely. He figured that Midoriya would open up when he was ready, and he wasn’t about to force him.

Midoriya also wore a pair of faded, loose denim jeans that had been repaired at various times over the years with colourful patches of patterned cotton. Many a time, Bakugou had made the mistake of trying to replace the raggedy trousers but Midoriya was rather stubborn when it came to things he liked and no matter how many new pairs of jeans or how many times he got rid of the old pair, they always found their way back into the house.

Their shared house that is. The two boys had moved in together the year after they had left U.A., with a relationship that had been going on since their second year.

Midoriya’s t-shirt was black with a Ground Zero cartoon figure emblazoned onto its front. When class 1-A graduated and all of their classmates started to gain popularity, Midoriya had taken to collecting their merchandise and he had a suspiciously large stash of Ground Zero merchandise. Although he would never admit it, Bakugou occasionally felt the tiniest flicker of jealously for the giant Ground Zero themed pillow that Midoriya liked to snuggle into in front of the TV. (The great Bakugou Katsuki jealous of a pillow, never).

To complete his ensemble, Midoriya’s feet were snuggled into a pair of very fuzzy, thick, woollen rabbit socks. They acted like a pair of slippers, with grippy white patches in the shape of rabbit paw pads to stop him from slipping on their underside. The main socks were green and two tiny bunny ears stood up from the cuff at the front of them.

‘All in all,’ Bakugou thought while gazing at the sleeping form of his boyfriend. ‘He has to be the most fucking gorgeous thing alive.’

Katsuki doesn’t know what he did to deserve Izuku’s forgiveness, the nerd was far too forgiving. As children, he had put Midoriya through hell but the green haired boy had continued to bounce back at him like his attacks were nothing. Back then he had found Midoriya’s tenacity infuriating, but now he was glad that Midoriya had continued to work towards his dream.

As he sat there, Midoriya began to stir from his slumber. He smiled sleepily at the blonde and reached out one hand towards him. Bakugou’s eyes moved from Izuku’s face down to the arm lifting to him. He smiled as he took in the crooked bend of his fingers and the scars tracing up his arm being revealed as his sleeve was pulled back by gravity.

Wait.

What was that, what the heck. Bakugou frowned. He’d never seen them before, a web of thin scars crisscrossing across the skin on the underside of his wrist. It looks like there are hundreds of the tiny cuts, perfectly straight and obviously very old from the faded colour. They looked too neat, too precise, not like the jagged lines that came from villain attacks. Oh God please let them not be what he thinks they are.

“What are fuck are these?” He scowled, grabbing Midoriya’s wrist and to stop him from pulling it back into himself. Midoriya was awake now.

“Nothing Kacchan, really. Nothing to worry about, they’re from some villain battle of something.” Midoriya tried to pull his arm away from Bakugou’s harsh grip.

“Don’t give me that bullshit Deku, what kind of fucking villain makes injuries like that?” Bakugou was incensed. “They’re fucking old too, they look like they’re years old, all faded and shit.” As he got angrier he tended to swear more and more.

“UA training then, you know I have some scars from then. Now could you please let go,” Midoriya was less apologetic now, his face had started to twist into a frown.

“UA training my ass, I know which scars are from then. How come I’ve never fucking seen these before.” Bakugou was using the voice he normally used when interrogating villains.

“Maybe you just never noticed, now let me go.” Midoriya began to raise his voice.

“Why didn’t I know?” Bakugou demanded. Both of their voices raised to a shout.

“There is a lot you don’t know so Let. Me. Go.” Midoriya had started to panic, yelling as his breathing quickened. His last words were filled with so much emotion that Katsuki froze on the spot, shocked by the sudden outburst. Izuku used the seconds hesitation to yank his wrist from Bakugou’s hold and storm from the living room, running up the stairs.

When a door slammed Bakugou snapped back to reality. Quickly he jumped from the sofa any ran up the stairs onto the landing.

“Deku, come on where are you?” He called into the silence. He burst into each room searching for the familiar green haired boy. After trying several rooms, he came to a door he couldn’t open. None of the doors within the house had locks so he figured Deku must be sat on the other side, stopping the door from moving. When he pressed his ear to the door, he could here the sound of muffled crying. When Bakugou next spoke his voice was quieter, comforting even.

“De-Izuku, I’m fu-really sorry. I shouldn’t of pushed you, it was a really shi-stupid thing for me to do but we need to talk about it.”

“Go away, I don’t want to talk to you, go away.”

Bakugou sat on the floor with his back pushed against the door and his legs crossed. Midoriya sat on the other side with his legs bent under his chin and his head resting on his knees.

They sat in silence for a while, Midoriya’s quiet sobs slowly but surely disappearing before he took one last heaving breath and they stopped all together.

“Why?” Bakugou’s question seemed to echo down the hall, as though he was not alone but instead one of many.

“I think you know why.”

He was right.

Midoriya’s reply was solemn and he sounded exhausted as though a great weight was resting on his shoulders, dragging him down.

Bakugou hates to think about the implications of a Midoriya’s words. As soon as he had seen the scars he had known, somewhere inside him he knew. But facing that nagging voice in the corner of his mind meant admitting that it was his fault. The idea that he was the reason Izuku had hurt himself, cutting deep enough to leave permanent marks, burned.

He hated it, he hated it so much.

“Why?” He asked again, Bakugou already knew the answer but he needed to hear it from Midoriya’s mouth.

“You made my life hell, everyday reminding me of how worthless my existence was. How useless I was.” Midoriya’s tone was bitter and he spat the words out as though they disgusted him. “Hell, you even told me to kill my self.” The blood drained from Bakugou’s face.

“You didn’t...please tell me you didn’t.”

Midoriya laughed, a sour broken sound.

“No Kacchan, but I can’t say I never thought about it. I guess we can add it to the list of things I’m useless at.”

“I didn’t...you’re not useless Deku,” Bakugou’s voice was pained.

“Come on Kacchan, even that sentence contradicts itself. A useful Deku. In any case I could never leave mum, I couldn’t do that to her not after dad left.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Bakugou lifted his hands to his head and gripped his hair tightly pulling down with his elbows touching. “I’m sorry Izuku.”

“Why’d you have to find out Kacchan, I would have been fine with you never knowing, it’s the past, it doesn’t matter. Why’d you have to be so damn protective. You didn’t need to know, I’m over it.” Izuku’s voice strained, like he was gearing up to cry again.

“Never know! You wanted me to just carry on unaware that I nearly pushed you to suicide, that I was the reason that you went home any cut into your own skin, because you thought you deserved pain.” Bakugou’s voice cracked, he was starting to think that he would be the one to cry first. “I need to know so we can work through these things, you can’t go the rest of your life with unresolved feelings bottled up inside you, it’s that kind of thing that could cause even more problems.”

“You don’t need to know, we sorted all of this out when we went to therapy.”

“You can’t just leave me in the dark!”

“I was trying to protect you!”

“Then who will protect you!”

The yelling quietened and silence swallowed the room again.

“I was worried you’d react like this.” Midoriya’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Huh?”

“Right now I bet you feel awful, you’re probably going to blame yourself for all of it. I know you Kacchan, it’ll take weeks heck maybe even months for you to stop. I know all about self hatred and I don’t want you to go through that too. So yes I was protecting you.” Midoriya’s voice was resigned as though he knew he wasn’t going to get through this argument without giving Bakugou a complete explanation.

“I wouldn’t have reacted so bad if you’d told me earlier.” Bakugou insisted, indignantly.

“Really, your telling me that if I told you when we first got together you wouldn’t have reacted as badly. Or maybe you mean I should have told you before that, maybe in middle school. Because I’m pretty sure that it would have just given you another reason to hate me.” Bakugou knew Midoriya was right but the words still stung, he wasn’t proud of who he had been back then.

“Your right, and I’m sorry you never felt comfortable with showing me.” Bakugou’s pride still strained at admitting he was wrong but if it was what Izuku needed then it was worth it.

“See you blaming yourself already.” Midoriya huffed, exasperated. That obviously wasn’t quite the right thing for Bakugou to say.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“But I am.”

“I forgave you ages ago, you know that.” Midoriya insisted.

“You’re far to forgiving, damn nerd.”

“But you love me.”

“Yeah.”

The weight keeping the door close disappeared as Midoriya stood. Bakugou was caught off guard by the door suddenly swinging open and as the solid surface he was leaning on was removed he fell into the room in an graceless heap. He let out a grunt as his head hit the floor and looked up to see Midoriya’s tear streaked face looking down on him. Midoriya let out a giggle and starts to smile down at him, his face splotchy. Bakugou scowled.

“You could’ve given me some warning.”

“Nah” Izuku’s smile widened as he reached out his hand to help Bakugou up. Katsuki could see them, the scars, tucked on the inside of Midoriya’s wrist. He grasped Midoriya’s hand and pulled him forward hard so that he toppled forward in a sprawled heap on top of him. Midoriya rolled off him and they lay side by side for a second just enjoying the company.

“You know I love you right?” Asked Midoriya.

“Yeah, and I fucking love you too.”

They sat up and slowly helped each other to their feet. Sure their relationship wasn’t perfect but no relationship was. It didn’t matter what life threw at them, they would get through it together.

“No more secrets?” Asked Midoriya holding out his clenched fist to Bakugou. Bakugou lifted his own fist to Izuku’s and firmly pressed them together.

“No more secrets.”