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(i need you) so much closer

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Chiaki doesn’t know how he ended up here.

Here, in his bed, Kanata underneath him looking impossibly soft and pretty, the first two buttons of his shirt undone. His skin is pale and smooth and Chiaki is taken aback at his desire to just bite him. He wants to touch and taste and bite. He feels dizzy, his entire body hot, a burning, dying supernova.

He doesn’t know how he ended up here but he knows that he doesn’t want to stop.

“Chiaki…” Kanata breathes quietly. His tongue peeks out of his mouth to wet his lips. Chiaki swallows. Those lips were what damned him.

He’d invited Kanata over for dinner, just the two of them, with entirely pure intentions. Dinner was fun, the two of them – well actually, mostly him - yelling over the oven as they attempted to bake the salmon that Kanata ‘caught.’ Ultimately they ended up making omurice with what they could salvage of the fish served on the side.

Surprisingly it had tasted pretty nice, even the bit that Kanata drowned in soy sauce. Chiaki obediently swallowed every bite that Kanata fed him and in return he’d gotten to pick what to watch after dinner. They’d squeezed together on Chiaki’s tiny couch as he put on Ex-aid, ready to explain the overarching plot. Kanata insisted on being ‘close’ to share warmth so he’d ended up practically in Chiaki’s lap with Chiaki’s arms wrapped loosely around Kanata’s waist. Chiaki had been too excited by the episode to see how compromising that position had been.

But then, right at the third explosion scene, Kanata had turned his head to say something. The TV had lit up his face in a way that made his delicate features glow. All of a sudden, Chiaki had been struck by the realization that Kanata was beautiful. So beautiful, it was almost unreal. Like he wasn’t even human. Like he didn’t belong here in Chiaki’s cramped apartment. Like he belonged in the sea.

That tiny realization shook Chiaki to his core, his mind going completely blank for few seconds, white noise buzzing in his ears.

Honestly, Chiaki didn’t mean to kiss him then. He wasn’t even thinking straight. He wasn’t thinking, period.

But Kanata kissed back.

Again, again, and again until Chiaki had lifted him up with strength he didn’t know he had to carry him to his room. Threw him on the bed, and crawled on top on him, Kanata eagerly pulling him close.

Now, here they were.

He doesn’t even have time to process what was happening with Kanata reaching up to pull him closer. His touch is gentle but firm, tugging at Chiaki’s hair in an insistent request for ‘more, more, more.’

And Chiaki has never been able to refuse him.

Kanata’s mouth when he leans down to kiss him again tastes like the soy sauce he had drenched his omurice in. He tastes salty, reminiscent of the sea that he loves so much.

More than anything, Kanata tastes like trouble. There’s a distant voice in the back of Chiaki’s mind that’s telling him to slow down, to stop and discuss this calmly with Kanata like two rational adults. But the rest of Chiaki’s mind is filled with thoughts on how Kanata’s lips are softer than anything he’s felt. How the little breathy noises he lets out when Chiaki kisses along his jaw makes his heart thud in his chest.

How he’s never been this close to another person but somehow with Kanata it feels inevitable.

He pulls away for a second, to catch his breath. Kanata’s face is flushed pink, mouth swollen and slick from their kisses. There’s a little spit in the corner of his mouth that should be gross but it just sends an indescribable surge of heat right towards his gut. He succumbs to his earlier urge and slots his mouth against the soft skin of Kanata’s neck, biting down very gently. Kanata’s grip in his hair tightens and he lets out a noise, plaintive and sweet, that makes Chiaki’s entire body throb, like a sore muscle that’s just been stretched out. He bites just a little harder and Kanata moans.

Chiaki wants to record that sound and play it on repeat, a sinful loop in his mind, for all time.

“Kanata,” he groans into his skin, shutting his eyes tight. He has no idea what to do, no idea what he’s doing, all he knows is that it feels good and he couldn’t stop if he tried. He’s running purely on red-blooded instinct, no rhyme or reason guiding his actions.

For a second, that worries him. What if Kanata wants to stop? That wouldn’t be very heroic of Chiaki to act this way, wouldn’t it? Then Chiaki wonders if he’s doing this all wrong. Hakaze had told him once to take girls out on a nice date before kissing them. Kanata isn’t a girl but Chiaki sure is kissing him. Should they have gone on a date before this? Or, did their dinner count as a date? These thoughts overwhelm him and he lets out a strangled little noise.

Kanata hums back at him. “Chiaki.” Chiaki grunts in reply. “Stop ‘thinking’ so much.” Kanata’s voice is as calm as always, anchoring Chiaki in the way only Kanata can. Except this time, there’s an undercurrent of breathlessness that Chiaki’s never heard before. He wants to hear it some more. He wants to uncover every secret Kanata has inside him. “Come ‘close’ to me. It is okay.”

Chiaki swallows. One hand lowers to Kanata’s hip, playing with the hem of his shirt, callused fingers close to touching smooth, cool skin. He wants to touch, so badly. “I just - I’m not sure what is okay,” he admits. He doesn’t want to stop, but he’s worried about doing something Kanata won’t like. They’re not taking any of the steps he remembers from Hasumi’s words about shoujo manga.

Kanata blinks slowly at him. His hands come up to cup Chiaki’s cheeks. Suddenly, he squishes them together, making Chiaki choke out in surprise. “Hehe... you're like a pufferfish….” Kanata puckers his mouth makes a weird ‘whoosh’ noise. Chiaki can't stop staring at his mouth.

“Chiaki.”

“Hmm?”

Kanata is smiling at him, slow and tender. His cheeks are still flushed but there's unmistakable fondness in his eyes. “If it's with Chiaki, ‘anything’ is fine... you know?” His hands relax on Chiaki’s face, tracing circles on his cheeks. “I don’t know what’s ‘okay’ either. But I do know that Chiaki, is just right.”

Immediately, Chiaki’s heart swells. He knows. He knows. How could he have been so worried, if it's Kanata? They’ve always dove into every new challenge without looking, but always together. Why should this time be any different?

“You’re just right too, Kanata,” he whispers, the sudden emotion that’s filled his lungs making his voice come out all choked up. “Can I kiss you again?”

Kanata laughs, delighted and amused. “If Chiaki does not, I will ‘punish’ you.”

…Strangely enough, Chiaki is okay with that?! But that's another thought for another time. Right now he has Kanata in his arms who has been waiting so patiently for him. Who promised to follow him so long ago, and hasn’t broken it since. It wouldn't be very heroic to leave him hanging, now would it?

He takes one deep breath before leaning back in. Kanata welcomes him with a fierce kiss, taking Chiaki by surprise when he slides his tongue into his mouth. Chiaki lets out a moan that vibrates through his entire body and Kanata echoes it back. Chiaki presses his entire body to Kanata’s, and Kanata winds a leg around the small of his back, pulling him impossibly closer.

Chiaki has never, ever felt like this before

How could he have not known before today that all he’s ever wanted was this?

He says as much when he breaks away, murmuring sweet litanies into the hollow of Kanata’s neck. Kanata sighs happily, tilting his head to give Chiaki more access. “Chiaki is a little ‘slow,’” Kanata murmurs dreamily, running his hands down Chiaki’s back, slipping underneath his t-shirt to touch heated skin. “I would have been happy as a clam… doing this years ago…” Chiaki is blindsided by an image of kissing Kanata in the dark after Ryuseitai practice, after the first years have left. He lets out a whimper at the thought.

Kanata shushes him soothingly. “But that’s alright… we’re here now, hm?”

Chiaki’s chest is overflowing with so many emotions, he feels like he can’t breathe. He doesn’t respond, just captures Kanata’s lips again in a firm kiss. It’s stifling, it’s suffocating. It’s as if he’s drowning, Kanata stealing the air from his lungs with every kiss.

Well, that’s fine. He’d rather drown, than stop kissing Kanata. What an embarrassing, romantic sentiment. But it’s true.

If it's Kanata, he would gladly drown.

“Chiaki is so ‘silly,’” Kanata gasps when Chiaki whispers those exact words into his ear, letting his hands travel every inch of Kanata’s body. “I would never let Chiaki ‘drown.’” Chiaki kisses his chest, directly over his heart, mouthing gently along his abdomen.

“Don’t you want to return to the sea though?” he asks quietly, lips never leaving the softness of Kanata’s skin.

Kanata tugs him back so he can look him in the eye. “Since Chiaki is on ‘land’ then that’s where I’ll ‘follow.’” Kanata pulls him closer, so their foreheads are touching. “Chiaki is why I am here… so take responsibility, okay?”

Chiaki’s eyes glitter with intense, unspoken emotion. “I’ll never let you go.” Another promise, to be sealed with a kiss rather than a sunset-tinted handclasp.

Kanata opens his arms, and his heart, for him to dive into.