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Jude’s title, belongings and almost everything which she once possessed were all gone in the hollow. Somewhere in the pitch-black vacuum.

She was committed as a patient to the same mental institution where she has served as a nun for a decade and a half until she was being stripped off her clerical name and the former nun lost almost everything, or rather perhaps everything.

As her first days as an inmate weren’t the best ones, she was just mumbling to herself, rejecting to take the medicaments which were peculiar drugs, envenoming her body and destroying her brain cells, subsequently affecting her mental stability as well.

At last but not least, she spoke to no one with a handful of exceptions. They were Lana, Kit, Pepper and Frank.

She was wondering how her favorite ex-employer survived the possessed young nun’s attack as his throat was slit by her letter opener shortly after he locked up the murderous Santa Claus under the name Leigh Emerson. An unsolved question for her until nowadays as a madwoman.

The former nun was sitting on the edge of the tattered, filthy bed in her chilly, stanching ward. Ebony overally invaded her ward as she wasn’t capable of beholding the nearest objects, surrounding her. They seemed rather oblivious to her, in fact, the darkness concealed them under the shadow wings.

Jude had already dinner and the other inmates’ wails which were sufficiently audible for her ears, yielded her ears to bleed as they were vaguely louder than before, when she used to be a sister of the church. It was a common phenomenon the insane patients’ sorrowful and hysterical cries, overspreading from wall to room. Nonetheless, since Briarcliff’s downfall as Jude’s no longer in charge of running the facility, it was obvious the things won’t be sort and be the same ever again.

Suddenly she heard clicking keys, levitating in the long hallway of the women’s wing, approaching masculine footsteps whether Carl, Timothy or even Frank.

Once these footsteps halted, the sound of unlocking door promptly grabbed the blonde’s attention as well, daring her hazelish-brown eyes to the old, iron door of her ward until another sound of the keys, concluding with unlocking door opening askew as Frank, the former police officer offered a genial, heartfeeling smile to his former boss, who was currently patient.

When he stepped up inside her ward, shutting the mildly creaky door behind him, Jude’s palish face became sanguine as his presence was one of the fragments, granting her a heavenly hope.

At last but not least, the former holy woman couldn’t be more ashamed to being seen as a madwoman, dressed up in ragged, ordinary garments which weren’t enough to resist the cold climate that contacted her silken though sleeved in filth skin, losing its neatness.

In this moment, Jude bowed her head in shame, recognizing the masculine, velvety voice that exclaimed in the lurking darkness, timidly approaching her:




Neither a response, nor a reaction was followed by her. Glacial tears betrayed to tumble down her soiled cheeks, as a result, she hasn’t even washed her face for days. On the contrary, her heavy eyelids with its built ounce approaching its apogee to close like blinds within minutes, were already pooled with dew of moistness, keeping her wits about the melancholy she experienced lately especially when the most loyal friend she has ever had in her life witnessed her gradual nemesis as her self-confidence significantly diminished.

The former promiscuous nightclub singer wasn’t the same woman she knew herself ever again.  Little did she know since the loss of everything which she once possessed how it affected her en bloc. Sandstorm razed to the ground the facades that balanced her. Shattering everything literally.

In the meanwhile, her elbows propped her hands that held her face, flipping backward her unkempt, nevertheless, unarguably stunning golden hair that once possessed its glossiness until the former member of the clergy lost everything and an access to decent, regular hygiene and beauty products which the blonde used to possess, although they were almost redundant.


“Jude, are you alright?” The security guard asked concerned by taking a seat next to her, averting her fatigued eyes, evading an eye contact with her friend. 


Jude omitted a sigh by taking a deep breath, sniffling soundly as the scenery of her Achilles’ Feet was heartbreaking for Frank, himself. The middle-aged man has never seen his favorite former nun in such vulnerable, forlorn condition. Condition, he has never seen, encircling her. Roller coaster that descended from the top where she peaked during her nunnery, as descend incarnated her drastic, remorseless nemesis.


“Frank, you have no idea how ashamed I am actually. Nevertheless, how do you can still interact to a woman, who’s nothing but a lunatic with past you don’t want even to hear and leave you speechless?” She enquired beyond pessimistically, presuming the worst as always as lucid, wry tears streamed down her face, incapable of abstaining herself from the melancholy that invaded her in the past days.


“Judy, do not talk like that! You aren’t a lunatic. These sons of the bitches imprisoned you intentionally as they believed this insane patient.” His larger, surprisingly smooth hands grabbed her petite, filthy ones, fitting perfectly. Moreover, Jude was flabbergasted by Frank’s caring and benevolent nature, demonstrating brilliant compassion towards his friend he used to collaborate, during her nunnery. Frank was offended once he heard how the middle-aged lady called herself and the razor-edged words she used. “You played in the wrong team and they betrayed you when you needed them the most especially the Monsignor.” When the former cop mentioned Timothy’s name, the heartaching sensation that she felt in her pulsating chest, reborned all over again.


The thought of the priest who she was doted on him, beget conflicting feelings and emotions, brewing and cooking inside her. On one hand, Jude couldn’t endure the severe heartbreak she experienced as soon as he believed Leigh Emerson instead of listening to her story. On other hand, she was blindly doted on Timothy again, despite the gut-wrenching heartbreak which she has the least expected from such man. Man, who was bashful and struck her first with his loving, caring, aspiring and strong-willed nature until this betrayal blocked her way to the light she seeked for a long time, longing for it.  


“I know, Frank! I just don’t know what I shall do from now on except to rot there, according to the destiny that retributed me.” She shrugged self-consciously shoulders as she was almost speechless to carry on with her monologue, her whimpers embodying her genuine misery, inked on her fragile soul. “Why you even care about me when I am just a damn, worthless piece of waste?” She bewailed desperately, resting her head on his shoulder.


“Shu, shu, shu, Judy!” He removed one of his hands from her trembling ones by managing up a hand to the left side of her head, pushing it as he ran his long, fine fingers through her wild honey tresses, combing them as he admired the softness of her yet dazzling hair. The thumb of his mammoth hand kneaded the back of her hands gently. Further, the middle-aged man opted to comfort one of his friends that abided loyal and genuine for years. “You are not going to die right here, right there. Trust me, sooner or later I will find a way to get you out of there and we can flee together.”


Silence arched between the both adults as he incessantly shushed softly to her, persuading her to stop cry and weep as he got her back as well.


In the interim, he pecked a kiss on her forehead, stroking her hair.

Jude couldn’t contain a blossoming, rare smile she wore on her still lovely face with its bewitching facial features though the passing years and the aging process were inevitable. Her heart melted as she listened attentively Frank’s soothing words as he guaranteed her they will flee along the nuthouse one day. What she additionally felt was a profound, spiritual connection with the man she had always platonic bond and being deeply touched by his solicitude. Furthermore, the former nun felt the warmness, encompassing her and contacting her sensitive, goosebumped skin, factly, the cold climate didn’t affect her skin beneficially at all.

In addition to Frank’s promise to release her from the madhouse, the blonde abstained from further blandly commenting whether if it’s a joke or a hopeful promise.


“As an answer to your question, why I still care about you is that you are a loyal friend and I know our friendship truly means to both of us. I cannot abandon you all alone in the limbo.” His hand lowered to her shoulder as he dangled his muscular, strong arm around her upper back, rubbing her back in reassuring manner as their bright smiles flourished in the darkest night, hence, lit up their faces. “You are a valuable, wonderful friend and woman. Never and ever forget these words, Judy!” When he advised her, he removed his other hand from hers, pulling her in a tight, warm embrace as she couldn’t help, but snaking her skinny arms around his back, burying her face in the crook of his neck, closing her eyes and relished momentarily the moment of their closeness. For what Jude hankered for was the moment to last not for a single second. Nor for a sole minute. The ethereal eternity should stop the time, in fact, to snuggle in the security guard, absorbing the warmness from his body.

Afterwards they broke off the hug, admiring one another’s facial features.


“Frank, I have a confession for you since our friendship sparkles.”


“Go for it, Jude!” He listened with immense enthusiasm what might be her impending words that are going to imprint in his mind for the rest of the somber, relentless night.


“I love you!”


“I love you even more!”

Chapter Text

Jude hasn’t always being loved and she has never found comfort in the opposite sex’s company as they temporarily used her for their own physical and venereal needs. The former promiscuous jazz nightclub singer found comfort rather in the alcohol that muted the sorrowful pain of her past as its demons eagerly haunted her since her youth.

The one night stands to resurrect her body and physical, sexual pleasure. To sing in a nightclub and being incessantly touched by other men with their rough, large hands as each lightest touch granted her pleasure, sending shivers down her body of sweetness and carnal pleasure. Little did she know how savagely dangerous were these men. Assaulting her neck with ferocious kisses as they nibbled the silky, creamy skin of her pale neck; tugging her mane of long old Hollywood curls, descending down her upper back; bodies rubbing against one another; Soft skins contacting; Sore groans and moans escaping from the top of their lungs; Ravishing red stained lipstick left traces on their plain, light shirts and t heir damp lips. Traces of dragged well-formed nails in their backs’ flesh, due to the igneous  gusto they shared together as a piece of moment. Hickeys were naturally inked on her neck and her cleavage, as a result of their bloodthirsty, aggressive kisses on the neck and nibbling teeth they used.

Now the life as a nun wasn’t easy at all, nevertheless much better not until she finally found God and was employed in Briarcliff.

As the middle-aged woman anticipated the Monsignor for a coq-au-vin dinner since it was Friday, for this purpose after she finished with caning two pigheaded riots, she went in the kitchen as she studiously prepared the ingredients.

During the dinner’s preparation, the middle-aged lady chopped the onions as she was equipped with a plain white apron, shielding her rigid conservative habit, reciting inwardly her evening prayer:


“Holy Spirit, Love poured into our hearts, who grant grace and inspiration to our minds, the perennial Source of life, who bring to fulfilment the mission of Christ by means of many charisms, we pray to you for sister.”


All of a sudden, her teary eyelids shed a several wry tears, tumbling down her creamy cheeks as she wiped them with her forearm, due to the acute onion’s fragrance that levitated in the kitchen, yielding her eyes to produce crystal tears, itching her eyelids. In the meantime, she sniffled, waiting for the dish to bake.

A half an hour remained until the remarkable dinner with Timothy as the sister of the church headed up to change herself by putting on her frail skeleton the bloody red satin negligee which she specially wore for Timothy as she applied a tad quantity of make-up on her pale complexion and cologne, spraying on her cleavage and collarbones, slowly until she got dressed up in her dark clerical gown, starting to button from under her chin until her dexterious fingers peaked to the hem of the ridig robe, concluding by dusting with the palms of her hands everywhere that hugged underneath her Pandora’s box with its yet undiscovered paradoxal mysteries.

Thereafter she fled her office by imposing the “Stairway to Heaven” and paced up to the kitchen.

Once her agitated brown orbs scanned quizzically the oven’s timer, she read it exactly 5 more minutes.


“I hope he enjoys it!” The blonde whispered insecure in low voice to herself, glued eyes to the ceiling, pursing her lips in unsettled manner, wondering if the currently baking dinner dish is as mouth-watering and enjoyable as the times prior.


As she had limited bonus time, the nun adorned the dining table with a bottle of communion wine and silverware eating tools as her lips popped up like exploding dynamite.

Afterwards she found two empty plates until the oven piped, being all ears as the dinner meal has already baked.

It was high time for her to serve coq-au-vin in both plates until a handful of door raps snapped her of her pensiveness. Jude was completely sure it was Timothy, yelling:


“Yes? Come in!”


In the meanwhile, the man of the cloth entered in the kitchen, shutting the door behind him.


“Good evening, Sister!” He greeted her graciously, offering her a benevolent, sheepish smile, spread across his lips.


“Good evening, Timothy!” She responded enthusiastically as t he blonde couldn’t help when her girlish, bashful smile flashed on her white like milk complexion. Meanwhile Jude served the plates with coq-au-vin on the kitchen table in no time. “How your day passed?” Once she addressed him informally as it was her second nature, the younger man couldn’t contain flushed face.


“Pretty busy as well. Thank you!” He was beyond touched by her sudden verve. When it was up to Timothy, her maternal instinct promptly was unlocked with its key which she stored it inside herself, unable to use it unless if it was somebody like him or whom she got along well and was her juniors. The both adults momentarily took their seats on the kitchen table as they sat alongside one another. “What about you too, Sister?” He inquired her back with immense interest, awaiting her rational reply.


“It passed hectic as always.” The former licentious jazz nightclub singer took a deep breath, seconds before commencing to assault her dish by grabbing her silver fork and silver platted dinner knife. “Canning riots, inspecting sonly committed lunatics. Repeating the same schedule daily.” In the interim, Timothy poured some communion wine in his empty glass by grasping the glass bottle and offered Jude though she lifted a forefinger, rejecting offer.


“At least, I believe your days are different than these where the patients are being punished and spent a couple of minutes, reading an inmate’s file per an inmate. Would you like some communion wine, Sister?”


“Timothy, I don’t want to sound brash, but I have renounced myself drinking.” The sister of the church expressed her solemn apology, factly, she had combated one of her vicious demons for ages back in her sinful past that was on one hand a medicament to numb her timeless pain, whilst on other hand, causing even more detrimental bids. Moreover, she didn’t want to be haunted by the demon of the hanker for alcohol for the rest of her life. “You know my condition as well.” She furthered in velvety voice as he left the glass of communion wine in the middle of table, beginning to attack his dish by savoring its scrumptious meal. The younger man accepted immediately her apology and her words, assimilating it though he didn’t want to violate her personal space by asking more detailed and ruin their Friday dinner night, which they shared as a piece of moment once a week.


“It’s alright.” Hence, he munched the coq-au-vin that molted in his warm mouth as his chocolate brown eyes shifted to her, observing his favorite nun how she was masticating and scrutinizing her body language and actions. Something seemed much different tonight especially according to Timothy’s philosophy and in general. The nun eyed her coq-au-vin, feeling two pairs of deep chocolate pools observing her as she couldn’t help but blush, feeling her cheeks heating beneath her silky, creamy skin of her face. “Do you mind if I address you Jude instead Sister?”


“Sure!” She was fed up by being called formally especially by the man she yearned for, in fact, she felt potent otherworldly connection with him for a long time. In this moment, the holy man sipped his wine as its alcoholic beverage burned the corner of his mouth, gushing down inside his body and resurrecting it from its wasteland of dryness. “I would prefer to being called Jude, to be honest.” Jude confessed truthfully as she looked up at the priest as their eyes met for a while until he looked away.


The both saintly members of the clergy proceed with eating in silence for straight quarter an hour until they finished with their dishes and emptied successfully their plates.

Shortly after they finished with the eating process, Jude got from the table by cleaning the kitchen as she picked up the used, filthy dishes and silverware eating tools, posing a serious question to the younger man:


“Timothy, are you going to drink yet your communion wine?”


“No, thank you! I am not thirsty anymore.” Meantime she took the partly filled glass of red wine, putting the dishes and silverware tools in the sink, filling them with water until he got from the chair and snuck up behind her, snaking his strong, muscular arms around her slim waist as initially she flinched and paroxysm hit her out of nowhere. “Don’t be afraid, Jude! If you need my help with the plates and tools, I am right here.”


“You are so polite but I can do it by myself.” Her strong-willed nature never amused him since the blonde was facing the cruelties in this world from young age. Further, she was indisputably touched by his interest to participate in aiding her.


“Come on, Jude!” Nevertheless the member of the church leaned down as his face was against her partly exposing ear, whispering softly in her ear, doing wonders to her body with his decent British accent as shivers of pleasure electroshock her body in an instant. “Could you finish the glass of communion wine, please?” His utterance sounded rather bizarre for her, factly, she told him she gave up the alcoholism and she doesn’t wants to renounce her vows. What she hasn’t expected at all was actually his eccentric behavior especially now when he forced her to drink of his glass.


“But, Timothy,” The holy woman turned to him as their eyes met. Her face sunk in sanguine tint as she stuttered reluctantly. “I told ya, I am not drinking for ages.” She cautioned, opting to control her voice tone as she was never being capable of disrespecting him since he was her boss and she was his chosen right hand nun.


“I know, Jude. But could you do it just for me only? Just for me? I promise.”


She shuddered by grasping yet the glass of communion wine as his mammoth hands were still on her waist. What the middle-aged woman didn’t want to do is actually disappointing the man she has devoted herself as colleagues and friends.

Once she lifted up the glass as it met her lukewarm, luscious lips, she opened her mouth by gulping in a single sip the liquor, swallowing it until she put the glass with the other tools for washing.

Jude’s inebriated condition was evident after gulping instantly the partly filled glass with its alcoholic beverage, commanding her body and mind as she wasn’t able to control herself any longer. The demon of the past roamed around the kitchen where the both members of the clergy were right now. Surveying her manners, actions and so forth.

Suddenly Timothy’s face approached hers as she giggled uneasily as their faces were scarcely inches away from each other. She had never expected this to be a dream come true especially sharing barely any inch proximity with the love of her life’s face. It was so unpredictable. So arcane. So hypnotizing.

The truth was actually Timothy ached to kiss the woman he fell in love since the beginning and their first encounter as she was the sole person , who broke his curse of keeping his vows and the fact of never falling in love with a representative from the opposite sex. Thousands of butterflies fluttered inside their stomachs. Two fools in love knew exactly what they wanted as they equally lusted for it.   

Jude has never told the younger man about her lewd and unedifying past, where she played an antagonist. An antagonist against the norms and morals. It wasn’t her fault for all this, of course. Little did she know how he might react as soon as he hears every discreet detail about her past. All she has impended was of judgment and being rejected by the man, she madly fell in love.

Regardless the circumstances, Timothy loved her for what she’s and genuinely appreciated and valued her as a woman and person, not perceiving her as a mere nun tonight. If he has never even heard of her past or at least has heard something behind the mask of the stern, cold-blooded nun that concealed a heartbroken, lonely and lacking of love and warmness lady, he still was doted on her unarguably.


“Timothy, just tell me why I needed to drink your unfinished glass of wine.” She seeked logical answers, giving him time to think about it.


“I just,” He paused as he captured her lips, sealing them with his lustful, damp lips as the both secret lovers longed for this to happen eventually.


In the meantime, the older woman clasped her both arms around his shoulders as his fingers caressed her waist, admiring its slimness. Closing their eyes as they relished the phenomenal moment. In a matter of seconds, their kisses’ intensity escalated as they were tending to be ferocious and savage, muffling quiet moans as Timothy didn’t know what to do afterwards as his other hand traveled up to her conservative dark wimple, snaffling it without asking her directly as he knew right away she would permit him, tossing it rakishly on the floor. She was unable to break off the kiss as the faces of the church were bewitched by their kiss. The kiss of the forbidden fruit in Eden’s garden. Her mane of silken golden curls cascaded down her upper back.


“I don’t want to disappoint you, Jude. Nonetheless, I have never kissed a woman ever in my life.” He confessed in aboveboard manner.


“It’s okay, sweet boy.” He ran vigorously his well defined fingers through her honey blonde tresses, combing them. “Just be natural.” She advised him otherwise, besides encouraging him to be himself as he experienced his ever first kiss in his life. Jude was more than ready to guide Timothy though his absenting experience in the kisses and sex. She would never forsaken him just because of his inexperience. She loved his honesty as it was a key to fall in love with him even more and be the first woman, who’s being kissed by him.

Consequently she slid her tongue to his bottom lip, ushering him to enter his mouth as she plugged her wet, wine-stained tongue inside his mouth, poking his inactive wine-stained, soaked tongue, urging him to duel against hers. He did meekly what her actions were doing so. As their tongues were dancing altogether, subsequently his surprisingly won over hers, plugging it inside hers, deepening the scorching kiss in a French one, building its intensity. Releasing muffled moans, levitating in the kitchen as they were all alone. No one disturbed them which was one of the perfect things about Timothy’s first kiss. Everything else even their surroundings were hazily oblivious for them. They didn’t even care who could enter in the kitchen and interrupt their sweet, sultry moment.

Kiss of fire between two members of the clergy, who all wanted is to connect along not only physically and mentally, moreover spiritually, feeling their essences merging. The kiss of fire was fueling their melting their hearts, animating them to edges. Paradise for the fools in love, who shared a piece of remarkable memory that will abide in their hearts and minds for eternity even in their afterlives. They were on the seventh sky during and after the kiss, although they yearned for its eternity.


“Don’t you know how much I have desired for this?” Timothy whispered between the kiss very softly.


“Me either.” The nun confessed as they broke off the kiss, withdrawing their faces as his colossal, handy hands moved up to her face, cupping her cheeks. Her hands lowered to his shoulders, admiring one another’s enchanting facial features. Eyes glinted with twinkles of bliss, lust, desire and undeniable love. Content, saturating smiles honed up in the corner of their lips. Severe heart beats pulsated in their ribs. “I love you, Timothy!”


“I love you too, rara avis!” Timothy confessed for first time his strong love for his favorite nun in audacious way. It molted her heart, of course.


What the truth managed to tell us is the kiss of fire unites two lovers, who have a yen for another other though the years of abstinence that blocked their path to take the further step in their arcane relationship! Kiss of fire was their medicament for their somber issues that plagued their minds and corrupting each cell. They will never and ever forget this night and store it up in the limbo!

Chapter Text


Jude was sitting on her hardwood, lacquered desk in her dim lit office in the wee hours of the night, she was equipped with regular pair of eyeglasses, checking sonly some committed lunatics, surveying their biographies and stories before being actually housed for the rest of their days, destined to root and die in misery of the vacuum limbo.

The inmates were already locked up in their wards to have extra good night sleep and being supervised by the security guards in the men and women’s wings.

Today the middle-aged sister of the Roman Catholic church had a tough, particularly fatiguing day as her nerves verged to spring up like a toy-out-of-box. What she felt in general was actually a condition which she perfectly normal experienced almost incessantly.

Condition of being jaded after abundance of pressure flooded her body and mind. Condition that drained her physical and mental stamina she possessed.

Jude was no longer in mood in sharing profound, complex discussions right now with a handful of exceptions.

Whilst the middle-aged woman was folding forward by checking the imminent patient’s files as her dexterous fingers tipped the sheet, meantime a couple of light door raps snapped her out of her current task as she acknowledged in an instant who stood before her office’s door.


“Yes?” The blonde evoked sternly as she peeped over the sheet of paper’s file as her parchment hand held it. She didn’t take her inquisitive eyes off the door with its mosaic glass.


“Good evening, Sister!” The much younger sister Mary Eunice greeted warmly as she held a platter with their dinner meal, wearing a coy, girlish smile, honed up in the corner of her lips.


“Good evening, Mary Eunice!” The elder lady replied with a tad enthusiasm, vomiting in her voice undertone as she got to start in sorting the inmates’ files, tidying her hardwood desk by removing in a swift motion her ordinary pair of eyeglasses, which motionlessly sat on the bridge of her delicate, elegant nose.


“What a splendid surprise of bringing dinner,” The older blonde stuttered, licking greedily her lips as soon as the pervasive scents of buttered pitas breads, the bowls with hot tomato soups and honey puddings toyed with her nostrils, no longer bearing the gluttony that invaded her physically and mentally. It has been a long time since she has eaten something sweeter than honey pudding. She loved honey pudding though since the beginning of another life as a nun, where the frugal meals were part of her daily diet, despite the coq-au-vin dishes which she affords every Friday night especially for the Monsignor’s sake. Jude was eyeing down the platter with its scrumptious dishes for the both ladies as if she was a predatory beast, while the tomato soup and honey puddings with the buttered pitas breads were playing the roles of innoxious preys. “It looks so delicious.” Mary Eunice set the platter with their dinner meals on the polished desk as soon as Jude tidied her bureau, getting rid off worthless items which were taking extra, superfluous space.


“Just for both of us, Jude!” The young nun replied bashfully as she couldn’t contain blush as her young-looking, fresh face was airbrushed in sanguine tint when she addressed her tutor by her first name informally, chewing her bottom lip as the older woman instead of expressing her frustration and quarreling right at her for this, she just gave her protégé a benevolent smile, hugging her berry-coloured, plumpish lips, rising her head as their eyes met.


“That’s going to be one wonderful dinner night between us, Mary Eunice! You shouldn’t be too fearful of addressing me Jude, instead of Sister.” The both women seated against one another as their eyes met as the platter in the middle of the bureau was adorned with not only bowls of hot tomato soup, moreover with buttered pitas breads, honey puddings and silverware eating tools with handkerchiefs.


The truth was actually Jude was fed up of calling the younger blonde with her ecclesiastical title which they wore together, hence, it was her second nature to call her Mary Eunice, finding it for perfectly normal since their unarguable potent, doting platonic bond they have developed through the years of collaborating as devotional members of the clergy. Not only that was the genuine motive why their bond was undeniably puissant, even more Jude considered the innocent, unblemished nun as her own daughter role figure, although the ineluctable, sinister circumstance of infertility and emptiness she possessed years after blindly falling in love with her former fiancé, who hurted her not only with its foul infidelity and somber heartbreak, but also getting her down with a gruesome sickness, ceasing her to bear her own children to teach them and love with her entire heart.


“If you say so, Jude…Indeed, one wonderful dinner night between and for us only!” Mary Eunice stammered as she grabbed her silver spoon, occupying her petite, smooth hand, whereas the other one reached for her bowl of hot tomato soup and Jude commenced to equip herself with a spoon and bowl of soup, savoring it.


“For sure!”


In the first minutes of the dinner, they ate in silence until the moments turned into seconds, then they turned into minutes, advancing exceedingly, they could bear no longer the intense hush, arching between them. Unless the middle-aged woman broke the ice at last:


“How your day passed?”


“As usually, exhausting and dynamic! I really can’t complain about it.” The younger lady responded emphatically as she played in unsettled manner with her parchment, brittle fingers as they were on her lap, finishing her soup in a matter of minutes since it was damn mouth-watering and resuscitating her frail skeleton from its hunger, she has experienced without eating anything in hours, in fact, her daily schedule was immensely enervating and hectic, unable to rest for a single second.


“My day could be perfectly described in that way. At least, I feel better working as a nun than what I used to be stony-broke before joining the church, struggling to survive daily.”


“Oh!” The younger blonde cried out shortly after munching the last bite of her buttered pita, consequently wiping her clammy jaw with a handkerchief as she shifted her sheer sapphire blue eyes, fulfilled with delirious innocence and verdure, glinting its light nuances. What it intrigued her was actually about her tutor’s past. Past, full of paradoxal mysteries whether if they are prone to be disappointing or on the contrary relieving, removing its burdening ounce off the victim’s shoulders. “You used to have a terrible life before joining there?”


“Of course, I did.” Jude paused in wry manner, leaving her silverware tool in the platter with her already emptied bowl of tomato soup. What she felt was a demon, sent from igniting hell of her sinful past, haunting her as soon as she recalled its rueful moments of her life when she used to be a lewd, impulsive bimbo, who followed her heart as its booziness resiliently commanded her body instead of thinking before acting. Demon, roaming around her austere office with its his old victim of her past. “I wasn’t the woman who I am right now. The considering, caring, selfless and compassionate who I became years after facing bigger monsters than my own foes.” Afterwards she exhaled sharply, dramatically by pursing her lips, hence, popping them up as if a dynamite has exploded. “I doubt it you would like to listen about my past, Mary Eunice! I assure ya!”


“Jude, you don’t have any idea what child I used to be when I was younger.”


“You were a kid back then! We’re all sinners. Every one of us!”


“You don’t understand what I did as a child.” The younger woman heaved a sigh, escaping the top of her fragile lungs. Meanwhile her eyelids were pooled with wryness of dew, sprung her impending bittersweet tears which are almost ready to spout down her milky cheeks as she felt guilty conscience gnawing her slowly, gradually. “My parents have never liked me and they have always treated me if I was actually a stranger as one day when I was barely 10 years old girl,” Mary Eunice paused by taking her spoon and bowl of honey pudding by exhaling, recalling the explicit graphic memories of her painful childhood with her parents. “As I was sick and tired of their unmerited yells and being treated not as a normal child, hence, guess what I did!” Jude listened attentively her protégé without disrespecting her and cutting her off in the middle of her utterance as she was all ears, masticating from her own honey pudding. Her honey brown eyes were darted to the innocent sister of the church’s azure blue eyes, vomiting its insecurity and bashfulness which she naturally possessed incessantly, noting something was readily hitching her, recognizing it in no time.


“I’m listening!” The elder member of the church exclaimed plainly shortly after masticating a bite from her dessert.


“I was just sick and tired of them. They didn’t treat me as a child who’s supposed to be loved. When they were in the barn, feeding the horses which my family owned, as I knew they were already inside the barn and I scratched marks by throwing it onto the countryside building, taking steps backwards to be as far as I could. I watched and watched the burning farm where my parents were trapped in the fire. I wasn’t feeling guilty back. I was rather smug by rebelling against them.” Subsequently the young blonde inhaled inwardly, leaving her bowl of honey pudding and spoon back in the platter as her hands were uncomfortably tipping the rigid, conservative dark fabric of her habit as her hands were on her thighs. “I didn’t care how much they hated me. I didn’t care at all. All I can hear was their hysterical screams, crying out loud for help and cursing the perpetrator, who set on fire the barn.”


“Oh!” Jude gasped, paying utterly attention to the younger clerical member of the clergy’s speech without interrupting her directly, nonplussed what she really thinks of this, although she knew right away it wasn’t as horrendous as her depraved, dingy past at all. Pasts, brightly contrasting one another as if its oppositions were attracting together like magnets.


“They found an alternative how to escape the burning barn as quickly as possible with the horses as they were safe and sound. Then something chimed them I actually burned the barn by trying to kill them as a part of my revenge for their inferiority towards me.” In the meanwhile, she swallowed hard as soon as the worst part was coming. “Finally my goose was cooked after all this.”


Silence fell between the both women as a derisory smile, blossomed on the middle-aged woman’s porcelain face, framing her ethereal, natural grace which she possessed whenever she’s gleeful, moody or downhearted.


“Mary Eunice, ya shouldn’t blame yourself for this! You did what your impulse and inner childish voice told you so then. It’s perfectly normal one child to make such mistakes. It’s forgiving, at least.”


Thereafter the younger lady accepted Jude’s wise piece of advise, affirming her words by humbly nodding her head, without getting in heating bland argues with her and confronting her stiff-necked side which she once unlocks, there’s no escape from it unless she agrees with her. A sympathetic, demure smile flourished on her rosy-coloured, damp lips. Her frail heart molted as soon as the older blonde’s train of words marched the railway. Words, persuading her that Mary Eunice used to be a little, perplexed little girl whose mistakes can be effortlessly forgiven without further ado unlike Jude’s humongous, callous mistakes which on one hand transformed her in a much stronger, persisting and less trusting lady, while on other hand, she was beyond ashamed to tell any living soul about her gloomy past, when she was much different person.


“I’m not blaming myself. I am just realizing how infantile it was of my side. You are definitely right! I was just,” In the interim, Mary Eunice shrugged her shoulders embarrassed. “A child!” She suddenly lowered her honeyed voice.


“That’s what I am talking about, dear child! You have matured and realized every element between what’s right and what’s actually wrong.”


“Indeed! Jude, do you mind if you tell me a bit more about your past or the mistakes which you can’t even forgive yourself for?”


“I warned ya, I doubt it you will like it but since you insist, here we go!” The former promiscuous nightclub singer took a deep breath as she cleared her throat, seconds before commencing with her monologue about her debauched, grim past which she profoundly regretted from the bottom of her heart. Furthermore, what she attempted to do was to sort her mind, moments before starting promptly to spit out the truth. “I was just a young woman. A fool in love when it all began. Perhaps I was actually 18 years old gal, who fell head over heels with a man, who I considered as fine, caring, selfless and doting. His name was Casey. Yeah!” She dramatically lingering by tasting from the sweet, lip-smacking dessert she has ever eaten since she’s part of the Roman Catholic church’s duties. Meantime the younger nun didn’t peel a single word, thoughtfully listening to her tutor’s utterance, biting her bottom lip. “We used to be so happy and rejoiced together. We’re along for a few years until the last weeks of our relationship I noticed something odd in him. The things turned out to be much different. He didn’t seem satisfied at all. I just didn’t know why. Not only he broke my heart and hurt me with his infidelity, even more he took away my most precious thing I could ever have if it wasn’t it.” Jude abstained from weeping, in spite of her eyelids sunk in its crystal, lucid dew of welling tears, which are tending to gush down extremely soon. “Children of my own! To teach and love.” She whispered beyond desperately, bowing her head, while leaving her bowl of pudding and spoon in the bowl in the platter, holding her head.


“He put the blame on me as he called me a liar and a whore, therefore I became the whore as I was numbing myself with alcohol, boozing it until I passed and my memories and everything seemed blurring in my vision. I slept with more men than a normal woman get laid with for her whole life. One day, I was just desperate as I was inebriated in the middle of the night, driving until I crashed my cab in an angel statue and establishing there. In Saint Andrews where your tutor is here and there.” The older nun resumed her long, deplorable exclaimation behind her dark past that haunted her as old demons, returning from the searing hell to torture her in each way.


What Jude expected was her protégé’s instant disgust of her though she knew promptly Mary Eunice will love her as her own mother-figure, regardless what she used to be in the past, deeply relieving her. Little did she know about her impending reaction. The young woman figured out how tremendously painful and tormenting experience was as a roller coaster of her love life, descending gradually until it peaks the minimum level, without towering upwards, reckoning its progress.

The younger blonde put herself in Jude’s shoes, already picturing the scenery of the immense pain and sorrow which might encircle her if she had such an ex-boyfriend, leading her to the high-class prostitution after being dumped, muting her sorrow and affliction with the alcohol as it was her sole hope for everything problematic.


“I am so sorry for hearing this.”


“You shouldn’t be sorry, Mary Eunice! It’s in the past. We are living for today and tomorrow with new brighter hopes.” What the former jazz nightclub singer abhorred most of all was actually the feeling of being pitied and considered as a victim.


“Exactly! But I highly doubt to forgive myself for what I did a long time ago.”


“Aww, Mary Eunice! It’s okay.” In the meantime, the elder holy woman got from her chair as she rambled up to the younger woman, sitting on her desk as she placed on top of her shoulders her elvish, creamy hands, opting to soothe her by offering her a genial smile, distorted across her lips. Mary Eunice momentarily tilted her head as their gazes linked, locking up one another’s piercing eyes as she couldn’t help but smile in return. “You are still the pure and innocent girl in my eyes. I understand you how much you hated your biological parents and treated you unfairly, but look at us. You have me and I have you!”


Afterwards she got from her wooden, polished chair by approaching the older lady, snaking her arms around her upper back by pulling her towards her in a tight, warm and affable embrace as Jude couldn’t repress the instinctive urge to clasp her arms around her sidekick’s shoulders, imbibing its mutual warmness they shared with each other as she buried her youthful face in the crook of Jude’s neck, shutting tightly their eyes as they permitted themselves to relish the hug they sunk into. Their heavily throbbing hearts in their ribs were pressed against one another, feeling the motion of its frequent beats.


“Do you truly mean all this?”


“I say what I really mean, Mary Eunice! I am never prone to lie somebody. I would like to thank you for this splendid dinner we had altogether. I truly appreciate it, my child!”


In the interim, they broke off the hug as they withdrew their faces a handful of inches, taking their time to admire each other’s enthralling facial features as the both ladies were feeling much better after comforting and spilling the tea about their horrid memories which they shared along. They were not only in better condition and feeling less ounce burdening their frangible souls, but also they were relieved.


“No need to thank me, Jude! I really loved the dinner night we shared together and discussed together our burdening issues. You are my nonpareil mother figure as you know and you are my family, you know.”


“You can always count on me, no matter what’s encumbering you as well.” A sheepish, modest smile flashed on the young sister of the church’s palish, parchment complexion, illustrating her sheer and childish innocence as she resembled a true angel.


“Of course, I will! Thank you once again, Jude!” In the meantime, Mary Eunice was grabbed the platter with the emptied bowls of desserts and dishes as its pitas breads’ crumbs sheeted the salver, heaving it as Jude aided her by opening her office’s door.


“No problem, Mary Eunice! Good night and sleep tight!”


“Thank you and you too!”


Then the younger blonde fled her tutor’s office as soon as possible by pacing up in the dark, long hallway of the nuthouse until she descends the Stairway to Heaven’s stairs and heads up to the kitchen. While the middle-aged lady took a deep breath as she closed her office’s door, shutting it.

Jude has always loved Mary Eunice and became doted on her in no time since the beginning. Nonetheless, tonight’s dinner which they shared as a piece of moment of rapprochement was one of the most unique memories which she’s going to store up not only in her mind, further, abysmally in her heart, recalling the night whereas she shared with Mary Eunice her regretful past and vice versa.

Chapter Text



Jude hasn’t always being an optimistic woman. Furthemore, the combat that endured for ages. Ages of heartbreaks, endless sorrow, bleak melancholy and shed crystal tears, embodying each fragment of her befall and dynamic roller coaster of her life, fueled with failures.

What granted her ultimate felicity and sufficient comfort was God’s second chance. She readily embraced it with open arms as a God blessing. A new celestial roof under God’s hand. A better job than singing in the local nightclubs, boozing insane quantity of sinful, insatiable liquor, fancing and getting laid whether in the filthy, reeking of sex restrooms or old, grubby motel rooms which were reserved by the one night stand lovers as brisk walks divided them from the bed. Bed which was temporarily being resided by their mortal fleshy bodies as on the morning after were transformed into barrens, as a result of their sex battlefield. Shrivelled bed sheets. Collected discarded garments which were carelessly tossed on the floor by sheeting them. Ravishing red lipstick stained on the bed sheets and pillows, as a result of the former nightclub singer’s lustful, daring kisses. The beds’ springs jingling as they frequently sprung under the mattresses, interweaving with the muffled, sensual moans which floated in the motel rooms.

Nonetheless the first years as a nun were perfectly alleviating for her until she met the love of her life or rather her love interest, whom she firstly laid passionately eyes on and thinks he hung the moon since their first encounter. He was actually her dream come true, although their already took solemn vows of celibacy, stone hearts which were almost impossible for being poured with its love and lust potions, bewitching them.

Their relationship conveyed quickly from professional into a platonic one as their once a week coq-au-vin dinners, sharing similar views and ideas on saving wretched souls and their indisputably potent chemistry united them as a bond which has a great potential as a couple, regardless an unwed or a wed one. 2 essences mingling along as its handicaps are being ebbed.

Frank and Timothy were the sole men ever in her life who treated her well unlike her one-night stand lovers even her former fiancé, Casey.

Today it wasn’t one of the best days in Jude’s life as well. She was sitting as usually in her austere office as the light which dispersed through her office’s window bathed the room in light, illuminating it, whereas the light illuminated as its lighter nuances of her rigid, conservative habit and dark wimple acquired light-toned ebon tinges. The former promiscuous nightclub singer was playing disquietly with her long, slim fingers after finishing with perusing recently committed patients’ files by studying their biographies and the motives why they’re jailed in the mental hospital. Her polished, cherry wood bureau was adorned rather with her pair of eyeglasses which sat motionlessly on the bureau, followed by letter opener and rosary beads as each bead glimmered past her hazelish-brown eyes which absent-mindedly, glassily wandered in each direction of her office even idly glimpsing her en-suite bedroom’s shut door.

Lately she has been thinking of committing suicide or putting an end to her existence since the blonde couldn’t any longer overcome her melancholy over her past even the mistakes she did, besides the glacial desolation which encompassed her for not having a lover or a love companion to alleviate her, persuading her she’s still beautiful and feel the love from a representative of the opposite sex which Jude hasn’t experienced ever in the roller coaster of her tough life, flooded with galore hindrances. Under the notion of lately it wasn’t just seconds, minutes even hours. It has been days since the middle-aged sister of the church was overthinking, besides dithering whether if she should grasp the letter opener in her elvish, smooth hand and slit her wrists or perhaps her throat or otherwise leave it untouched from she took it. Namely her classy obsidian purse in her en-suite bedroom. No other living soul like Frank, Mary Eunice, Carl, Mother Claudia even Timothy, the love of her life, didn’t acknowledge her impending intentions.

On one hand, the middle-aged lady dithered to kill herself because once she just takes the sharp object even its honed edge lightly, scarcely brushes her mossy as apricot, milky wrist’s flesh, she’s far from pigheadedly, radically determined to permit its honed edge of her letter opener pierce even slash though the suicide was a sin. On other hand, the blonde was fearful to do it as her instincts and intuition were convincing her to proceed with living her life even as a nun.

“What shall I do anymore?” The woman of the cloth muffled a jaded whisper by exhaling sharply after playing with her fingers as one of her hands timidly was approaching its letter opener.

Shortly after the razor was in her trembling hands, her honey brown pools lowered to the razor by scrutinizing it as the patients’ incessant bewails collided in the dull walls of the asylum which were perfectly normal for any staff member, regardless a security guard, a nun, orderlies even the Monsignor, himself.

Her physical and mental stamina verged to survive since the silver paperknife was already in her hands, balling her fists until a handful of door raps interrupted her train of suicidal thoughts. Through the mosaic door’s glass was visible a tall, masculine figure, dressed up in ecclesiastical dark shirt, trousers and blazer hugged his discreetly toned body. Once her gaze met the door’s mosaic glass, she left the letter opener directly on her desk by exclaiming plainly:

“Yes, Monsignor? Come in!”

“Hello Jude!” As soon as he entered by opening the door by closing it behind him within seconds later, the blonde couldn’t suppress a growing beaming smile on her naturally rosy-coloured lips as they danced its own song of the joy.

“Hello Timothy! I haven’t been expecting ya so far. I mean,” Suddenly his chocolate brown eyes peeped at the letter opener on her lacquered, hardwood desk by spotting it as she acknowledged his scourge of solicitude predominating on his facial expression he recently wore as a mask. Mask, expressing his true self when it comes up to dangers especially affecting his secret love interest as well. Her heart raced as severely pulsation frequently increased its megawatt intensity of the heart beat. “It’s not what it looks like.” At last but not least, there were no tracks or piece of evidence for gore even stabbing with the razor, itself. Nonetheless, it left swarm of unanswered questions for the aspiring, juvenile man of the cloth.

What the older woman attempted to do was to conceal what Timothy had on his mind. It was his sixth sense, coercing him she’s going to take her own life with that razor, no matter if it resembled pristine or already used for any purposes.

First and foremost, Timothy commenced to wonder why the paper knife was sitting inertly on the desk. Second, what his favorite nun might to do with this sharp, nevertheless exceedingly dangerous and menacing its being life with sinister circumstances when the soul dwells out its mortal body, made of flesh and blood? His third question which whirled as a whirlpool in his train of thoughts was is Jude actually considering the self-harm even suicide as a solution to her own problems even if he knew partly about her grim past via the elder nun, Mother Claudia? Her grim past which was boxed in a Pandora’s chest box, full of gloomy and unbelievable mysteries behind her past which developed her character by learning from her mistakes and improving herself as a person. If she was actually, on the contrary, is her past a rational motive to do it? Wasn’t it unarguably bland even blunt and impulsive decision of hers to put an end to her precious life? That’s he thought eventually.

“Does it looks like somebody has been suicidal, doesn’t it?” His mammoth, amusingly warm hand reached down for the letter opener even if the older lady didn’t want Timothy to expose the most morbid secret of her. Literally killing herself and ending her endless, soreful pain and lack of love which she endured for ages. His cunning, astute intuition and instincts reminded him something atrocious was looming on the horizon as pre-suicide barriers encircled Jude, trapping her in the hollow of the death’s darkness. The sole savior of the hollow and its death’s darkness was the love of her life whom she had impure thoughts for a handful of years since the Roman Catholic church bought Briarcliff and turned it in a mental hospital for criminally insane.

“N-No! Timothy, it doesn’t even look like,” She was cut off in her mid-sentence as soon as he inspected from closer the silver sharp object as he arched momentarily an eyebrow, disapproving her stutter in her utterance. “I just used the letter opener for a message which I received via the mailbox, thanks to Sister Mary Eunice!” The holy woman tried to find a lie to conceal her real motives behind using the letter opener as if she was a little girl who was caught in trouble, thanks to her parents as if Timothy played the role of her parent.

“I don’t have any piece of evidence behind the mysterious message you have received from the mailbox, thanks to her, but,” He paused by clearing his throat by slamming the letter opener by casting a scrutiny look into her flushed complexion as she chewed her bottom lip in uneasy manner. “The truth is banished from what you are saying. Jude, please, don’t do this to yourself at least!”

“What are you thinking I’m doing?” She questioned in mellow voice as he approached her with light, hardly audible for her sensitive ears steps as if a ghost just roamed in her office by fixing her stare on his handsome, doting face which wore doubtless concern, incapable of wiping off it.

“Being suicidal? Jude, please, don’t do this,” All of a sudden, she yanked the razor again by aiming its honed, silver edge by rolling lightly one of her sleeves to expose slight creaminess of her pale flesh’s forearm in front of Timothy’s mortified chocolate brown pools by witnessing her pre-death scene which he abhorred to behold with his being. Further, his right hand cut him off as his sentence abided unfinished.

“Timothy, you don’t have any idea what it costs me to put an end to this stupid, barren life of mine! You don’t even know my story to pity me.”

“Jude,” All of a sudden, the younger man placed on top of his right hand’s shoulder his hand by attempting to soothe her as she dropped accidentally the letter opener in a swift, absentminded motion as if it was oblivious to her, without averting her hazel eyes of his warm chocolate brown eyes, fueled with indisputable benevolence and lovingness as his reassuring, beaming smile was her Achilles’ Heel. The clinking sound of the razor fumbling on her office’s flooring was overlooked by the both members of the clergy. It sent shivers down her body of sweetness, pleasure and mild embarrassment once she felt his creaminess contacting the rigid, wool habit’s fabric which clothed her shoulder. “You aren’t supposed to do this. What chimes you to give yourself to the death to finish you to bones for the sin’s sake?”

“The pain is timeless. I’ve tried my best to,” His other hand’s fingers cupped her chin by tilting her head to meet his gaze without reluctance though her obvious impotent crysis she experienced.

“Jude, my rare bird! Look at me!” The composure of his voice which he possessed was gone as it sounded more commanding, domineering when it came up to his favorite nun’s welfare. The delicateness of his fingers caressing her jawline were hypnotizing even spellbinding her even with a single touch of his muscle which contacted or brushed her skin. Without an ado, she obediently followed his instructions by not bickering back. “It would be a shame once if I lose you, my rara avis! You shouldn’t punish yourself with this especially being suicidal when I’m here and you have my love.”

“Your love?” Her voice was as mellow as velvet when the blonde enquired as he nodded humbly, affirming her words clearly. She couldn’t repress her impulse of chewing her bottom lip in coy, girlish manner. What it was indeed quizzical for her was his confession and his attempt to soothe her. She lastly found peace underneath his touch even his honeyed words as they jingled angelic anthems in her ears. “Oh! Timothy, you don’t have any idea I’ve,”

“Shu, shu, shu, Jude! Don’t be too fearful! I know what do you actually feel for me, in spite of you try to hide it as well. I know how much you do love me because I love you too!” Suddenly their faces’ distance closed abruptly as she inhaled inwardly as his cryptically alluring cologne reached her nose as her tender nostrils flared as the proximity was no longer a gap, looking into one another’s eyes with pure love, desire and perhaps unarguable lust. No explaination was necessary for their potent, howsoever, indubitable magnetic bond they have shaped by themselves. Their might chemistry was boiling and boiling as the possibility of chemical equation, despite their slight age gap and somewhat different worldviews, rendered even the greater chance of having a marvelous secret love affair, regardless their took hallowed vows for church, God and religion’s sakes. The elder nun’s heard molted once Timothy mentioned the word love and opted to reassure her even being beyond touched by his holy kindness for saving her from the worst and most fatal thing she might has ever thought of. Comitting suicide.

“Timothy, you don’t have any clue with who actually do you working even together on your Rome dream!”

“Don’t make it complicated! I know who you’re. You’re a spectacular woman with big and golden heart, besides possessing strong and persistent character! Never mistake it with the mistakes of your past. Never and ever!” His berry-coloured, soft lips hardly brushed hers just seconds before sealing his with hers by resiliently silencing her in a melting, loving kiss. The kiss which was a medicament of rescuing her from the pitch-black darkness of her melancholic, lethal thoughts of harming even killing herself. “And that’s why I admire you for what you’ve become, Jude! I love you!” He suddenly pressed his lips against hers as she wanted to withdraw or somewhat resist its taste of love which she might never savor ever in her life until instead of listening to the inner scorching, wrathful God’s voice, echoing in her frozen mind, she let herself to relish by sinking profoundly, slowly in the kiss. The both secret lovers shut their eyelids by letting themselves to convey in much different world, tantalizing each other.

In the interim, the head of Briarcliff clasped her arms around his strong, muscular shoulders as he was leaning past her, whereas one of his hands snatched her wimple in a swift motion in no time by tossing it carelessly on the floor which liberated her lion golden ringlet of silken old Hollywood curls to descend down her upper back as the same hand ran its fingers through her long wavy honey hair, combing it by admiring its softness. Jude softly purred with each passing second as their kiss intensified and became more aggressive as his other hand braced her upper back, their wet tongues began dueling against one another though Jude’s one won its dominance over his. Thereafter she plugged it in his mouth by deepening the kiss into a French one. Muffled, satin moans escaped their lips between the kiss. Their hearts heavily hammered in their chests. She promptly forgot about the suicidal thoughts at last. The hexing even passionate kiss quickly solved her issue with the suicidal thoughts for which Jude was cocksurely happy.

At last but not least, they broke off the kiss as they withdrew with scarcely an inch their faces, taking their time to admire one another’s faces as his hand which caressed her hallowed ringlet of golden tresses shifted down to her shoulder, rubbing it though he wasn’t supposed to touch a nun than her face and hands.

 “I love you so much, Timothy! You don’t have any idea how much you did help me.” The blonde fessed as she wasn’t capable of escaping the thought of the piece of moment they shared along. Their first romantic kiss. Especially with the man she has always hankered to share it sincerely and personally. Their smiles shone on their gleaming, charming complexions, highlighting its parchment skin tone they possessed, glittering.

“I’m really happy I helped you to overcome your suicidal thoughts, my rara avis! I’d like to hear it once again from you.” The younger man’s calm tone contrasted his authoritative caption as he wanted to hear her promise of not overthinking even pondering deeply in her rain of thoughts about suicide and self-harm ever again which murderously distresses him. “Promise me you will never think of committing suicide even depressing yourself and thinking about death!”

“I promise!” She nodded modestly her head in agreement, formally confirming his words.

Chapter Text


After finishing filming a handful of scenes of Feud as a scene took a couple of hours at least, nonetheless the both shining stars of old school Hollywood joined the limousine altogether as the chauffeur was driving them to the hotel, where they’ve reserved for themselves a room since their arrival in Los Angeles for filming the remarkable tv series.

The daylight hours have already died as the evening hours dawned with the ocean of twinkling stars in the nocturnal sky and the chattering strangers, who walked down the streets of the crowded city.

Jessica and Susan were seating approximately alongside one another, in spite of the handful of inches which gapped their proximity as well.

The blonde’s hazelish-brown eyes were darted out to the car’s window, contemplating the night’s scenery, admiring its ethereal beauty, although she wasn’t very fond of the urban life at all. Howsoever, there was anything to draw her attention visually. Whereas the redhead fixed her waterfall of glossy, curly tresses which cascaded her shoulders as they ideally framed her yet gorgeous complexion for such age.

Something urged the older woman to take the first step though the both women were gleeful when they once filmed along scenes for Feud by bringing them together. On one hand, hesitation enveloped her brittle, vigorously throbbing heart in her chest as she overthought the plotted first step how might affect not only her, but also Jessica as well since they weren’t as close as best friends. At least, she felt something instinctively and cordially, sweeping warmness and pride at the thought of their questionable chemistry was readily potent, despite they were both single mothers of already grown up children, who were already family people and gracing the prides of Hollywood with grandchildren.

A couple of unanswered or awaiting response questions flooded the redhead’s mind as the essential ones resurfaced as icebergs. For example, their chemistry is as potent as whiskey, inebriating them with more than just platonic thoughts of one another. Then what was the piece of evidence for their potent chemistry?

The second question was actually why these more than platonic thoughts tantalizing her? Third, if the reverie of hers comes true, how may affect their careers and reputation as revered, glamorous actresses? A scandal would befall them, nevertheless, they won’t give up especially if their feelings celestially escalate. And at last but not least, is the younger lady feeling the same for the older one as much as her?

In the interval, whilst Jessica pursed her naturally rosy-coloured, well-defined lips in unsettled manner, all of a sudden, the sound of moving up as closing the gap of proximity between the both ladies resurrected impulsive apprehension as pinkness tinted her cheeks with additional swelterness, warming them as her lips momentarily popped up, awaiting her secret love interest to make the first step and to initial the awkward hush, which arched between them.

“Jessica, I wouldn’t mind if we share a drink together at the hotel but I don’t know about you too.”  At the moment, Jessica was pinpointed herself in an awkward situation, although Susan’s amiable suggestion to share a drink along in the hotel.

In the interim, the younger actress turned to her colleague as a childish, demure smile cradled her lips, shaping an ivory crescent form. Shimmering as the moonlight. Pair of honey brown orbs met another pair of honey, locking up her stare.

At first, the blonde was befuddled, incapable of thinking of rational response for her offer by allowing herself the temporal hush take control over the messed up things by sorting her mind, hence, until a rational utterance lingers on her tongue at last.

She thought about Susan’s suggestion after their arrival in the hotel to share a drink and during that time, talking to each other by getting to know each other on personal level. Jessica would strongly agree especially since she found for entertaining and marvelous by associating her recent movie project with somebody, whom she thought she hung the moon, besides laying her eyes on her in the beginning.

“It would be a fantastic idea. Why not?”

“Yeah, not only sharing a drink, but also to get to know each other.” Susan’s petite, surprisingly warm hand lowered to Jessica’s bare knee, subsequently, patting it affably as the both women emitted a tad giggle, tickling the corners of their mouths. “It’s going to be a wonderful adventure after spending goddamn hours filming and filming.” She resumed her utterance in jeering manner by making her secret love interest cackle, almost unable to control their laughters, in spite of chauffeur’s obnoxious disinterest in the both women’s conversation which he wasn’t involved in. His ultimately attention was rather focused on the driving process until he stopped on a red light by taking a deep breath.

“I can’t agree more on the idea of getting to know each other, you know!” Jessica agreed by nibbling on her bottom, plumpish lip coyly as a schoolgirl. Her knees’ physical stamina petered out, as a result of the first Susan’s touch on different part of her body than just her hands, hair or perhaps porcelain complexion. It unconditionally bewitched her as her witchcraft excellently worked on her in a simple touch, besides the suggestion. “It’s going to be fun. Trust me!”

“Only if your shyness is being wiped off your face.”

“W-why?” In the meantime, the younger lady posed the question by stammering, struggling to spell each syllable since the older one exposed her genuine feelings and emotions, which cooked inside by being savored cordially outside. Girlish giggle jarred her oral caverns. “Is it just because of,”

“It’s not only, because of the blush, naturally tattooed on your face.” Smug, mischievous smirk flashed upon the older woman’s parchment, milky as snow complexion by scrutinizing from even closer her secret love interest’s face and profile, coming to the conclusion there were symptoms of falling in love or at least, the sensation of the hive of butterflies fluttering inside her belly. “Something else tells me there’s than just more than shyness, Jess! If you don’t mind being called Jess instead of your longer name.”

“Sure! You can call me Jess.” Jessica bobbed humbly her head by allowing the elder actress address her with her shorter name instead of her longer one. “I’m absolutely alright with being called Jess.”

“Do not change the topic, Jess!” The redhead cautioned in velvety as satin voice as she pawed her round, perfectly shaped for her age knee, kneading it on circles by admiring its gracious curve of her thighs which linked with the roundness of her kneecaps. “The shyness doesn’t justify what awaits us in the hotel. Huh?” She gamely winked at the blonde as a hoarse chuckle zinged her lips.

“As you say!” Meantime, Jessica felt shivers down her body of sweetness, pleasure and exiguous embarrassment as her cheeks tinted even more pinkish as the pinkish tinge was transforming in a sanguine more. Bashfulness was sketched on her face by shutting tightly her eyelids by allowing the other actress massaging with a thumb her kneecap, imagining the pleasure which electroshocked her body by experiencing a real electroshocking therapy, curing her train of thoughts to cleanse them from personal and career issues which led her to depression at times.

Monotonous, silver-tongued hum buzzed her plumpish lips until the driver of the limo yelled huskily at the both ladies without turning to check them or otherwise he would spiderweb them in the most mortifying moment in their lives by letting his darker side playing his cards right. His voice caught them off guard as they halted doing what they plotted to do.

“Ladies, we’re in front of the hotel!”

Chapter Text


“Take it easy! Thank you for the drive!” The slightly older woman expressed her gratitude, winking at the driver and Jessica in the same time as it was the driver, who opened prominently the passenger’s door, subsequently helping them to get out from the grand, lavish limousine.

“Ladies first!” The younger man winked back at the elder actress, offering her a mischievous, howsoever, affable smile, flashed upon his parchment complexion.

“Thanks! Farewell!” As soon as the both women got from the limo as they have gathered their remarkable items such as their purses. They waved at the chauffeur shortly before returning to his seat and subsequently starting the vehicle’s engine, having an utter control over it.

Once the both ladies were accompanying one another in front of the grandiose, tall hotel façade which front door was a feet away from them, distancing them, they directly passed through the double door as the blonde helped her older colleague, pushing the double door first as there was mass of people, wandering the exquisite’s state streets in the wee hours of the evening. Variety of facial expressions were painted across their faces whether youthful or senescent. Whether beaming or half-hearted smiles were cradling their lips. Whether grotesque, vivid frowns as grim, vivid memories from the past’s darkness or rather, artificial frowns were flourishing on their looks as disappointment, frustration, sorrow, ire or other brewing emotions were actually their real armor. Chattering and buzzing car engines were the dominant sounds in the background.

“You’re so kind, Jess!” Susan couldn’t repress a girlish, inward giggle, quivering her oral caverns as Jessica joined her as hers was readily bashful by judging her acquaintance which was on low level yet, nevertheless they have a great potential of getting to know better each other and most of all, becoming best friends even having a secret affair extremely soon.

“Aww, you’re the one who’s kind, Susan! It’s just my nature.” When the both ladies stepped inside the hotel’s lobby, the older actress escorted the younger one as they were heading towards the bar.

“Be careful what you wish for, Jess!” The redhead evoked in jeering manner as she slapped bizarrely, amiably Jessica’s shoulder once they entered in the bar. Smug, cocky grin crawled underneath Susan’s lips as the bar wasn’t crowded at all.

Perhaps the old, good Italian bartender, who has been working double shifts was there, besides 2 young couples and 2 middle-aged men, who were dressed as if they were eventually filthy rich or their background was at least, by judging their careers as businessmen.

I'm dancin' solo in the dark on the club floor! I need to let it go! Shake it off stop thinkin' 'bout you! I lose myself in the beat of the drum! Tryin' try-tryin' to forget what you done done!” Cher’s song was recently playing on the jukebox as her eloquent voice chanted.

“Oh my goodness!” The blonde couldn’t suppress a demure, quiet chuckle as soon as she heard Cher’s song playing in the background and most of all, entering in a bar with Susan and sharing an alcoholic beverage together. In the meanwhile, she earned her secret love interest’s leery, immensely inquisitive look, sketched upon her face. Her heart raced as its heart beats pulsated frequently into her sensitive ears.

“What is it, Jess? Is everything alright?” Susan enquired as concern was vomited in her velvety enquiry.

“Yeah, yeah! Everything is alright, Sue! You shouldn’t question my giggles. It just happens when I think of somet-“ As Jessica verged to resume her cautious, all of a sudden the Italian bartender cut her off curtly as they seated on the high bar leather stools, adjusting their seated positions to feel more comfortable.

“What would you like to order?” The barman posed the question as his moustache curled along with the lip, synchronizing a non-verbal choir.

The bartender, himself, was a man in the beginning of his 50s as he has worked as a barman for 3 decades, besides double shifts lately which was double trouble for him. Grizzled hairs were highlighting his moustaches and his bald head, besides his caramel green eyes were as soft as the warmest sun in the spring. Moreover, his height was 6’2 as his skin tone was mildly tanned, as a result of his nationality background and his lovely, tempting accent.

“Urm, I’d like one Lambay whiskey for me!” The younger actress replied, pointing directly at the compact glassy bottle with Lambay Irish whiskey, standing alongside 2 different whiskeys.

“And one Smirnoff vodka for me, please!” The older one ordered for herself vodka without even using a forefinger to point.

“Okie dokie, ladies! Your ordered drinks will be served within a few minutes.” The Italian solemnly promised as he gathered 2 unused yet scotch glasses shortly after taking off from the alcohol raft the both alcohol bottles within seconds only.

But honey this is a battle that you haven't won! Torn up, busted, taken apart! I've been broken down, left with a broken heart! But I'm stronger! Strong enough to rise above!

“So it amuses me Cher’s song is recently playing. What a surprise, Sue!” The younger lady snickered as she absently scratched her scalp with her well-shaped, manicured fingernails as they brushed the top of her head’s aureate flowerbed.

“It’s part of our tonight’s plan, Jess! Besides sharing drinks and a goddamn good shenanigan story!” Suddenly the blonde glanced at the both middle-aged men as their darkened, fiendish orbs were transfixed on the both famous actresses, nibbling on the silken skin of her bottom, plumpish lip, nonplussed. “Jess, would you like to dance with me?”

“Urm, what? What were you saying, Sue?” Jessica abruptly turned to her colleague and secret love interest, pursing her lips.

“Would you like to dance with me?” The redhaired lady heaved a slightly irritated sigh, flaring her lungs as they surged instantly the oxygen. The sinful, sweet, ravishing scent of alcohol reached quickly their nostrils as soon as the barman served the both scotch glasses, pushing them towards his clients, bobbing humbly his head. “Did you ever listen to me?”

“Of course, I did! Wait a second,” The blonde noted her scotch glass with the sinful, alcoholic liquor, glimpsing its bronze pigments into her honey brown pools as she sipped it, throughout licking greedily, coyly her lips. “You want us to dance? Just after finishing our drinks?”

“Don’t be so anxious, dear! It will be fun. It’s just part of the fun. We used to be younger in the bars or somewhere else, getting intoxicated and dancing like cuckoos.”

“Well, there’s difference between our 20s or probably 30s times and now us as old goddamn hags. It’s enormous, Sue!”

“It doesn’t changes the fact, you will still have a lot of fun and its part of the memories we collect.” In the meanwhile, the older woman swigged a couple of big vodka sips, consequently inebriating her tongue and organs as her body muscles relaxed even electrified once the alcohol entered its dungeon. “Just think about dancing as tipsy gals, bringing these old memories from the old school life we once had! Don’t be so modest, Jess! We’re still alive and the life is for fun. It’s not about limiting our needs.”

This is a woman's world! This is a woman's world! Tell the truth! This is a woman's world! Tell the truth, this is a woman's world said I'm stronger! Strong enough to rise above! This is a woman's world! This is a woman's world!

“As you say!” Meanwhile, the younger woman’s fingers were idly playing with her scotch glass, tipping with her frail fingertips as they once contacted the flimsy glass, throughout grasping it as she sipped 2 more sips before licking her damp lips again. Her caramel brown orbs were fixed on the scotch glass after sipping it with ginormous pleasure, oozing from her. “To be honest, I used to be that carefree young woman as I was getting intoxicated at times when I was with company or with Sam. Oh, these good old times, Sue! Believe me, I still memorize them from the first until the last brain cell!” She exhaled sharply as she was beyond elated at the thought of her recollected memories of her younger years as fragments.

“Yeah! Go ahead, dear!” The redhead insisted as she couldn’t suppress her significantly blooming smile as a spring flower just after the winter days have already died, resulting the spring’s wee days looming on the horizon.

“After sharing a few drinks or at least one, then we went on the dancing floor and we were particularly hilarious as hell. We were dancing as we were tipsy. There were some shenanigans, zinging our lips and on the morning after, we woke up with such such headaches. What great times!”

“I bet!”

After a couple of minutes after the both actresses finished their drinks and drowning themselves in long, rational discussions as they were getting to know each other, the music in the background changed as another song was playing.