Mornings are annoying. Jeongguk couldn’t think of anything more annoying than waking up at six to get ready for his classes, especially around winter since the sky was still dark when he was on the way to his university. In his book, the day didn’t start until the sun was up in the sky which was why it was difficult for him to function as he finally flipped his calendar to the last page with the ending month of the year.
The fact that the finals were coming wasn’t helping him at all, making him stressed and anxious instead. He’s been feeling exhausted for the past couple of weeks and the only thing there was to blame were the several books spread on the floor in his living-room because he felt a lot more comfortable on the fluffy rug in the small room with a pastel pink loveseat, a round glass coffee table with rose-gold frames and a small television placed on a wooden stand.
It all looked cramped together especially after he bought a couple of green plants and a cacti to make it cozier. His older brother wasn’t a big fan of the new addition to their apartment mostly because they didn’t have enough space, but seeing it made Jeongguk happier, he couldn’t help but praise him and tell him it looked good together.
They weren’t one of the rich families, so they had to work hard to make their home look a little presentable, now that they were far from their parents living on their own in one of the outskirts of Seoul. Being omegas, it wasn’t easy for them to get a good part-time job since all the employers wanted experienced alphas or betas for the well-paid positions.
Jeongguk hated the way the hierarchy worked in their country. He thought he was more than capable of working with administrations, yet whenever he applied for such a position he got turned down immediately because he had no experience and he knew if he was an alpha they’d be more than happy to train and hire him.
Omegas were supposed to have easier jobs and take care of their families. Said stereotype resulted in many omegas not going to universities and mating at an early age simply because it was easier that way and because it was expected from the society. Jeongguk wasn’t one of those. He liked to do whatever he wanted with his life and his parents, thankfully, supported both him and his brother.
Applying for the university wasn’t as easy for them as it was for the other ranks because there were limited spots, omegas getting the least, but despite that, Jeongguk got accepted and was now in his second year of studying IT, following his brother’s footsteps.
Playing with computers wasn’t as easy as Jeongguk had initially thought and not once did he consider changing his major, especially around the time of finals when he couldn’t get a certain topic covered and if it wasn’t for his brother, who spent hours of studying with him instead of focusing on his own subjects, he would’ve dropped out by now.
Somehow he always managed to keep his grades at the average of B which was more than satisfying for his scholarship. No matter how worried he was before each exam, he ended up getting through all of them easily.
Only this time he felt a lot more tired than before. In the previous semester he was able to stay up until very late to study, but now he could barely make it until midnight before he was physically and emotionally drained.
Not only the stress messed up with his sleep schedule, it also destroyed his eating habits. Waking up at an ungodly hour with a stomach ache happened more often than not at this point which was why Jeongguk finally decided to stop eating snacks after seven in the evening. That seemed to help for a few days before he was back by the toilet seat in despair.
In conclusion, the last two months of his life have been the worst which started with him breaking up with his ex because the older seemed to have no time for him and didn’t do anything to change that. They argued a lot at that time. It was mostly quarrelling over petty things, but it gradually became too much and resulted in them parting their ways.
It was Jeongguk’s stubbornness that caused the situation, it was his own fault for acting childish and immature that made him push his ex-boyfriend away despite being asked to reconsider several times. At that time, breaking up seemed like the right decision, but each day spent without Taehyung proved him wrong.
Either way, he got to accept the fact that he no longer had a boyfriend and started focusing on his studies instead. He thought that would be something that would make him forget or at least make him feel better but, once again, he was wrong.
He’d just flushed the toilet and brushed his teeth when his brother entered the small bathroom without asking for a permission. “Have you seen my birth control pills? I should have another packaging somewhere. You haven’t been using them right?” Yoongi asked as he ruffled the younger’s hair before he gently pushed him to the side to check the small cabin they had above the sink.
The older seemed to be in a good mood for he was humming to himself, evening wiggling his tiny waist to the melody as he scanned every shelf in search of the pills. Jeongguk was five years younger than Yoongi, but he was a bit taller than him, so he noticed there was something on top of the cabin. It wasn’t like Yoongi couldn’t reach it, he just didn’t notice it which was why Jeongguk reached over him to take the thin packaging with a few open spots.
“Here’s some,” the younger said, tapping his brother’s shoulder to get his attention and hand him the pills. The small smile on Yoongi’s faced turned into a pout, his eyebrows frowning at the packaging in his hand before he continued looking under the sink just in case.
When Yoongi crouched, Jeongguk got a glimpse of himself in the mirror and sighed deeply. His face was pale and still wet from how he splashed water over himself to feel fresh after the unfortunate reunion with the toilet. Just remembering that made him nauseous again, so he left the bathroom to go rest on the couch, tiptoeing between the books on the rug carefully.
If standing up was bad then lying down was three times worse because he felt like the world around him was spinning which almost convinced him into thinking he was just having a bad hangover, except for the fact that he didn’t drink the previous night. He lifted himself into a sitting position which was a little better as long as he didn’t move.
Closing his eyes, Jeongguk thought about his day and how painful it would be to deal with all of his classes with his current nausea. He had school in an hour, so it was about time he started getting ready, but he knew as soon as he stood up he’d by kneeling in front of the toilet again and that was the last thing he wanted.
“Damn, I can’t believe I only have pills left for this week. I’ll have to go to the doctor to get more prescribed,” Yoongi complained as he passed by the living-room to go to the kitchen counter where he’d prepared a glass of water, so he could take the pill. He continued mumbling something about how he disliked the nurse at his family care doctor, but Jeongguk couldn’t focus on his words.
The last thing he needed was a headache. He could already feel light pulsing in the corner of his forehead which Jeongguk considered a bad sign. He wasn’t going to survive a day with both nausea and headache. “Yoonie? Could you please bring me some water and a painkiller?” He asked when his alarm went off, signaling he had around fifteen minutes left before he had to leave home to get in time for classes.
There was no reply, but Jeongguk didn’t have enough will or strength to repeat the question, so he just sat on the sofa, taking deep breaths and waiting for his next alarm that would make him finally get up, grab his things and leave without breakfast. Again.
A minute has passed before he felt the surface of the couch sink a little, so he opened his eyes to see his brother holding a glass of water and a pill, looking concerned. He took both with a quiet thank you, gulping down the small white medication. Yoongi took the empty glass from him and placed his palm on his forehead.
“Did you throw up again?” He asked as he felt around his face, noticing the relief on the boy after having something cold pressed against his skin. Jeongguk didn’t want to worry his older brother, but he nodded anyway, knowing Yoongi could see through his lies anyway. “This is like the third day in a row. I think you should see a doctor,” he suggested, putting the glass on the coffee table so he could cup the boy’s face with both of his palms.
Jeongguk was never fond of doctors, visiting them only if it was absolutely necessary. He hasn’t even visited a family specialist to get his first check-up because he was anxious about it. Being twenty years old with an active sex life, having a family care doctor was a requirement, but instead of that he asked his brother to get birth control pills for him when he was still dating Taehyung, getting scolded by both of them every time he needed a new prescription. They’d only agree because he always said it was the last time he asked.
His fear of doctors began when he was young and broke his arm. The painful memory created a defensive mechanism which was why he always tried to hide if he was sick or if something hurt him just because he didn’t want to see a doctor. It was Yoongi who saw right through him and would always have to tell their parents to take him.
He was older now, so he wasn’t scared, but he was intimidated and uncomfortable about going to hospitals, so he was definitely going to pass on the offer. “I’m just stressed because of the exams. I’m sure I’ll be better soon,” he said as he stood up with Yoongi’s help to see if he was good to go.
The dizziness had vanished, but he was still feeling a little nauseous. “Are you sure? I can take you. We can skip one day, it’s not a big deal,” Yoongi tried to convince him, seeing the obvious discomfort on his little brother.
The second alarm went off and Jeongguk just shook his head and went back to his room to grab the first turtle-neck and black pants he saw. He quickly checked himself in the mirror before he took his favorite bucket hat to the hall where he put on his shoes and a dark green jacket.
“I’m leaving now. See you in the evening,” he finished when Yoongi appeared next to him to give him a goodbye kiss on his forehead which was a little awkward because of their height difference, but it always made Jeongguk feel a little better about his day.
Yoongi took the younger’s backpack only to put a lunchbox inside. “Make sure you eat this as soon as you feel better. Can’t have you running around on empty stomach,” he said as he moved the black bucket head so that the tiny white writing on it was in the middle.
“You worry about me too much,” Jeongguk giggled, giving the older a grin before he left the apartment without closing the door because he knew Yoongi hated when he did that and he liked annoying him, so hearing the loud groan followed by the door being closed made him scrunch his nose in mischief.
The fresh autumn air made him feel a lot better the second he walked out. Small puddles covered the pavements which only meant it must have rained during the night and that was why the air felt so relieving and refreshing.
After ten minutes of walking, he was back to his usual self. Nothing was hurting nor did he feel sick. He was lucky he didn’t have to travel to school by bus or the underground otherwise it wouldn’t be so easy. He was thankful for that because he had a long day ahead of him, lots of assignments to work on and exams to prepare for.
The first two classes passed by relatively quickly and so Jeongguk could finally leave the room with dozens of computers to eat something. He’d managed to finish the snack he got from Yoongi in between the classes but it was hardly enough to make his tummy satisfied. He was always one of those people who ate a lot and never gained weight. He did exercise every now and then, but not too much which was why he thanked the genes for his tender figure.
The university cafeteria wasn’t his to go place for lunch because it was usually crowded and he wasn’t the type of person who liked to be surrounded by strangers. It made him anxious which was why he decided to meet up with his best friends in a fast-food restaurant just a block away.
It’s become a tradition ever since he met Hoseok and Jimin, the two immediately falling in love with him. Them being alphas, they developed a need to protect the young omega and Jeongguk didn’t mind one bit because it only brought benefits to him. It was annoying sometimes when they couldn’t stop smooching his cheeks, but he could do with that for all the free food they offered him.
It wasn’t like he was using them, they just insisted on treating him simply because they liked taking care of him. Jeongguk wasn’t a very social person, so he was glad to have them, knowing he could rely on them. They were the only alphas he interacted with after he broke up with Taehyung.
“No, I’m paying for him today. Back off,” Jimin said with a frown as he held his credit card looking at Hoseok who had a few bank notes ready. Jeongguk rolled his eyes and gave an apologetic look to the lady at the counter while his two friends fought over who was going to be the one treating him. Again.
They usually took turns, but when Jeongguk hung out with either of them alone the order got messed up and they ended up arguing. On one hand, the omega thought it was quite embarrassing and unreasonable, but on the other hand, it made him feel special and loved which was something he lacked after he left Taehyung.
Jeongguk was very close to just taking out his own wallet and paying for his food, but then Hoseok placed the money on the counter, took the omega’s hand to go find them a seat while Jimin stared at him in disgust.
There was a table for four in the corner of the restaurant, so they sat in the booth and waited for their food. Hoseok occupied the spot next to Jeongguk, wrapping his arm around the boy’s neck which earned him a glare from Jimin who finally caught up and sat across them.
“For your information, I told the lady she could keep the change,” Jimin said, tapping his fingers on the surface of the white table, acting a little offended because things didn’t go the way he wanted and somehow Jeongguk found that cute even though it was a little immature.
By the time their food arrived, it’d started raining. People were running down the streets with hoodies on, some using their bags as a protection and only a couple were prepared and opened their umbrellas. Jeongguk liked rain, but only when he was at home and knew he didn’t have to leave the safety of either his bed of the couch for the rest of the day.
Just the thought of having to return to university to spend two more classes in the computer room was discouraging. The gloomy weather made him want to sleep and he knew he had hours to go before he could do so. It’s been like that for the whole week. No sun just clouds and smog covering the sky, occasional rain and chilly wind.
“Are you tired little one?” Hoseok asked Jeongguk who’d laid his head against the arm that was wrapped around his neck and closed his eyes for a short moment. Nodding, he turned his head a little to be more comfortable, inhaling the older’s warm scented that reminded him of a bonfire and the small sparkles that jumped out of it. It was comforting, especially on such a rainy day.
The break was coming to an end and Jeongguk only hoped he still had at least ten minutes that he could spend on his friend’s shoulder. It was the only thing on his mind, just repeating his wish of getting a few more minutes before he’d have to get up and leave. It was going well, Jimin and Hoseok were sharing a few words and nobody was addressing to him.
Jeongguk had muted the conversations and chattering coming from other tables, even the things his friends talked about while he was snuggled to Hoseok. He was glad to be resting, surprised it was taking so long. He didn’t want to check the time because he would be disappointed, knowing it was almost time to go which was confirmed as soon as he felt a hand on his cheek.
Jimin was leaning over the table, caressing his smooth skin as if he was trying to wake him up gently. “Baby,” the alpha whispered. “It’s time to go,” he said with a small smile, making the boy open his eyes and sit up properly after a series of small yawns leaving his mouth which made the alphas coo at him.
“Sorry I wasn’t that talkative, I’m just really tired,” the youngest apologized once they got their things and left the shop. It was still raining, but not too much, so his hoodie was more than enough to protect him from getting wet.
“Maybe you’re close to your heat?” Hoseok asked with concern in his voice as they walked towards the younger’s university building, crossing the road and passing by the park until they reached the gates which didn’t stop them even though they didn’t belong there.
The words made Jeongguk frown because that didn’t even cross his mind. He did feel slightly more tired when his cycle approached, but not like that. It was probably that with all the pressure he had from studying. He just wanted the phase to be over because he didn’t feel productive at all since his organism refused to cooperate.
“Maybe it’s that yeah. My heat isn’t very stable, so it’s hard to tell,” he explained. The irregularity of his heat was one of the argument Yoongi and Taehyung used when they tried to convince him to finally find a family care doctor. His ex-boyfriend studied the field and was working hard to become such a specialist at some point, so he was knowledgeable about that and, naturally, he wasn’t happy about how indifferent Jeongguk was about the situation.
As soon as they reached the classroom, Jimin cupped the younger’s cheeks and pressed a couple of goodbye pecks on each. “I hope you feel better soon. You know you can let us know if you need anything right?” He made sure Jeongguk knew he could rely on them and that they would come running to him if it meant making him feel better which was something Jeongguk appreciated dearly.
“Gross,” Jeongguk fake gagged, earning himself a smack from Jimin.
The older mumbled something, probably calling him a brat, but Jeongguk no longer focused on that for he was pulled into Hoseok’s arms, his face once again finding warmth in the crook of his neck. “Get some rest when you get home okay?” Hoseok kissed his forehead before Jeongguk could push him away because the two alphas were embarrassing him with all the kisses in front of his classroom.
“Just go already,” he told them through a giggle when Hoseok attacked his neck with kisses for he noticed Jeongguk tried to get rid of him. Jeongguk thought it was an endearing punishment and surely it gave him the needed energy for his classes, but it drew attention from the other students and he never liked being the center of attention.
They walked backwards towards the exit just so they could wave at him until they were gone, making Jeongguk blush because of all the smirks he received from his classmates. “Idiots,” he mumbled for himself before he entered his classroom and found his seat.
Three hours of suffering were ahead of him, but at least his tummy was satisfied and he got to rest for a little while. There was no way he was going to study for his exams once he returned home which wasn’t something he was happy about because it’d be a wasted day and exams were just a few weeks away, but he wasn’t physically capable of working more for the day.
“I’m home,” Jeongguk said as soon as he closed the door, releasing a deep relieving exhale. If he was tired around noon, he was dead tired now that he was finally over with his day. He toed his shoes off, not bothering to put them in order because the only thing he wanted was a shower and his bed.
The books he had set on the rug in the living room were now closed, creating a tower on the floor next to the TV stand. He would be angry if he had enough strength because he knew exactly where the things he needed were when it was organized on the rug, but now his system was ruined and it was going to take him forever to figure it out again.
“Don’t look at me like I just stole your favorite toy, the books were in the way. Don’t worry I marked the pages where you stopped,” Yoongi explained the situation from where he was sitting on the couch, his feet resting on the coffee table. He was working on his laptop or at least that’s what Jeongguk gathered from the few seconds he spent glaring at him before he left for his room. “What about my welcome kiss?” Yoongi yelled at him.
Ignoring him, Jeongguk threw his backpack on the floor and looked for some clean pajamas. He considered changing his sheets as well, but that was going to take a while, so he immediately dismissed the idea, thinking clean pajamas after a shower would be enough for him to feel fresh and comfortable.
He checked his phone and sent his friends a message to let them know he was home, getting several hearts of each color as a response from both Jimin and Hoseok which made him shake his head with a tiny purse of his lips. He was never going to understand why was everyone giving him so much affection when he was being a brat most of the times.
The only person he was always nice to was Taehyung who was gone, so he didn’t really think he deserved so much love. He wondered what the older was doing. The alpha was in his last year of his masters, so he was probably trying to find a place where he could work to get the needed experience. At least that was his plan when they were still dating.
Sighing, he put his phone to charge and went for the bathroom. Thinking about Taehyung didn’t hurt at this point, but there was an empty hole in his heart that always pulsed whenever Jeongguk wondered about his ex-boyfriend and how he was doing, yet he didn’t gather up the courage to message him, mostly because he didn’t think the older would have time for him anyway.
The shower was indeed relaxing, so he allowed himself to stay under the falling drops for a little longer than usual. The cool water sliding down his chest made him less sleepy which gave him a little hope of maybe being able to watch a movie or play some games before going to sleep, but as soon as he stepped out he was hit with the initial exhaustion again.
He washed his face and brushed his teeth, feeling defeated and convinced that it was better for him to go straight to bed if he wanted to be fresh for the next day. He knew he should eat something, but he wasn’t really hungry and didn’t want to risk throwing up again the next day, so he decided against it.
“Jeonggukie come sit with me, will you?” Yoongi asked nicely when the younger exited the bathroom.
“I was going to sleep,” he said but joined the older on their pink couch anyway. Yoongi gave him a surprised look, raising his eyebrows and checking the time on his laptop all within a couple of seconds. It was barely seven in the evening which was why the older was so shocked about his statement since both of them were used to going to sleep late.
Jeongguk eyed the stack of books on the floor and considered studying at least for a bit. He would get enough sleep even if he went to bed in a couple of hours and he wouldn’t feel guilty about not giving it a try at least.
“Okay, so that excludes these two,” Yoongi said, holding a paper with a long list of things Jeongguk couldn’t read from where he was seated. The older scratched a few words and rested the end of his pen against his lower lip as he scanned the rest of the list. “You don’t have fever do you?”
The scratching sound returned as Yoongi got rid of a few other things on his paper. Jeongguk was confused as to why the older had such a list to begin with or why he was working on that while he could be studying or doing his assignments instead. He watched him close several tabs on his browser, not having enough time to read the titles of the articles he had opened, so he just waited for him to say something else.
“Have you been drinking alcohol lately?” The older asked without sparing him a glance for his eyes were focused on the laptop screen as he scrolled down an article. “You haven’t been sexually active lately, have you? It’s a no for this too then,” he continued his research on his own, not giving Jeongguk a chance to reply.
“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asked his older brother after a moment of silence and a few questions that Yoongi seemed to answer for himself even though they were directed at him. The concentration on the older’s face made him a little concerned. He wanted to know what was going on, so he nudged him to get his attention, repeating his question.
“I did a small research about vomiting and there are so many things that could be causing it,” Yoongi explained as if it was the most obvious answer.
“Oh my god, you are not giving me a Google diagnosis Yoongi!” Jeongguk jolted up, looking down at his brother who held his paper protectively as if he was scared the younger would tear it into pieces. “You write you stopped breathing for three seconds and it says you have lung cancer or asthma,” he complained, knowing how misleading internet diagnosis was and all it did was bringing anxiety to people.
Turning on his heels, Jeongguk made his way towards his bedroom. “Just hear me out,” Yoongi came padding, his slippers covering only his toes for he had no time to put them on properly, wanting to reach Jeongguk before he could lock him out of the room.
The younger got under his covers and turned off the lamp on his nightstand, frowning when he felt his brother trying to slide beside him, fumbling around for his hand that Jeongguk tried to hide from him, but failing miserably.
“I know that you probably don’t have a concussion or a brain tumor or-“
“See? This is what I’m talking about,” Jeongguk sat up and looked at his brother with a frown. Shaking his head, Yoongi pulled him back down and ran his fingers through his still wet hair. “I’m fine, it’s just stress. Please don’t worry about me.”
“Of course I will worry about you, silly,” the older scoffed and wrapped his arm around Jeongguk’s waist, snuggling closer to him as if he was the one who needed to be comforted. “If you throw up again in the morning I’ll take you to a doctor okay? I don’t have classes tomorrow either, so it’s okay,” he suggested.
Jeongguk wanted to fight back, to tell him he didn’t need to see a doctor, but he knew Yoongi wouldn’t leave him alone unless he made that promise. He was feeling normal, so he thought maybe he wouldn’t feel sick again which was exactly why he nodded, feeling positive that his nausea period was over.
Yoongi didn’t leave after they made a deal. He stayed so they could talk about their day and just rest together. They’d always talk after they returned home, so Jeongguk wasn’t annoyed or surprised. They had a close relationship and they both cared about each other, so it was only natural for them to be curious about what happened while they weren’t together.
“Jimin and Hobi argued about who was gonna pay for my lunch again,” Jeongguk said with a chuckle, making his brother groan in annoyance because he heard the same story at least every two weeks.
“Those two idiots never learn,” he replied after they were done laughing about the situation Jeongguk described.
“You’re just jealous because nobody likes you.” Jeongguk loved teasing his brother, loved making him annoyed because he thought frustrated Yoongi was adorable. He’d always frown and pout which he thought was supposed to be an angry look while it was just endearing and Jeongguk teased him about that as well.
After a few more minutes, Yoongi finally got up, pulling the duvet up to Jeongguk’s chin before leaving a kiss on his forehead. “If you feel bad during the night or in the morning let me know. Now get some sleep kid, you had a long day,” he said and left before Jeongguk could complain about the way he called him.
“Sweet dreams gramps!” Jeongguk couldn’t help himself. He had to have the last word, no matter what situation. He was very stubborn and competitive which often got him into troubles. Either way, the proud feeling of winning the small exchange lulled him to sleep almost immediately.
He had no idea how the next morning would be like, he just hoped he wasn’t feeling sick because he knew he wouldn’t be able to back off from the promise he made with his brother. He hoped for a peaceful night and, most importantly, an unproblematic morning.
Luck wasn’t on Jeongguk’s side the next day either. He woke up around five in the morning and bolted into the bathroom, dropping himself by the toilet to throw up. The fact that he had no dinner made it more difficult for him because having nothing to exclude from his body made it quite painful and twice more uncomfortable.
It was still very early and Jeongguk didn’t want to wake his brother, so he did his best to mute the sounds, but it wasn’t easy since the whole apartment complex was embraced by dead silence. It wasn’t like he spent a minute on the floor either. It was a never-ending moment of nausea with no relief, so it was just a matter of time before Yoongi appeared.
His throat stung at some point when he became a sobbing mess. He held his temples with his fingers while his elbows rested on the toilet seat. It was frustrating. It was the forth day in a row that his sleep was interrupted by nausea and he had no idea why it was happening in the first place which was the most annoying part about it.
A few minutes later he heard a clicking sound of a door being opened which meant Yoongi had woken up. Jeongguk’s already accepted the fact that it was probably needed for him to visit a doctor because throwing up every morning wasn’t okay, especially since nothing about his routine that could affect it changed.
Soon after, Yoongi opened the bathroom door and leaned against the frame as he looked at his little brother with pity and concern. “Oh my poor thing,” he said as he crouched next to Jeongguk, rubbing his back gently. Just the older’s presence made the younger feel much better, not physically, but mentally for sure.
The soothing touch from Yoongi made him a lot calmer, so he closed his eyes and just took deep breaths. The fact that the older didn’t say anything and simply gave him comfort made him grateful because he couldn’t deal with conversations just yet. He was becoming sleepy again, so he laid his head against his arm, hoping to get better.
“Let’s get you to bed, so you can rest more. Can you manage that?” Yoongi asked quietly, his fingers brushing the younger’s hair as he watched his small exhales. The boy only managed to nod and let his brother help him up.
Jeongguk washed himself up quickly, so he was more comfortable once he was back inside his bed, trying to fall asleep. “I’m sorry for waking you up, you should go back to sleep,” he mumbled for his brother who was sitting on the edge of his bed, watching over him.
“I will, but I want to wait until you’re asleep to know you’re okay,” Yoongi whispered once he kissed the boy’s temple. He continued brushing his hair, knowing it helped Jeongguk fall asleep.
The honey and milk scent his brother had was so pleasant even though he could barely feel it. It was sweet but not too much and that was something Jeongguk appreciated. He loved the fact that he couldn’t properly feel other omega’s scent because the faint feeling was better than some of the strong alpha scents.
It was enough for him to doze off for a few more hours, feeling relieved that he no longer felt nausea, sleep completely blocking every feeling. It was a huge relief for the time being. That was the most magical thing about sleep. It completely consumed your worries and feelings for several hours.
Jeongguk always preferred crying himself to sleep over getting drunk to forget whatever bothered him. That way he never felt bad in the morning and still got his fair share of peace. He also thought it was economically more beneficial since sleeping was absolutely free unlike alcohol.
After what felt like just a few minutes, Jeongguk felt himself being gently nudged awake. He pushed his brother away because he wanted to sleep more and the older wasn’t letting him which was quite upsetting since Yoongi knew he hadn’t been feeling well earlier.
“I know you want to sleep little one, but we have to go to the doctor,” Yoongi said gently as he caressed the younger’s cheek even though Jeongguk tried to hide under his blanket. “It’s almost half past eight, so you need to get ready. I’ll go make some breakfast,” he said and pulled the blanket off the boy to make him get up.
Thankfully the nausea was gone so functioning wasn’t as difficult and Jeongguk managed to take a shower. He dressed up quickly, so he could join his brother at the kitchen counter since they had no room for a dining table.
Jeongguk stared at the omelet, contemplating whether it was a good idea to eat the eggs or not. He was worried he’d feel sick again, but his brother’s cooking was his favorite and he couldn’t resist it even if he tried, so they sat on the tall stools by the counter and listened to the radio while sharing a few words here and there.
“Don’t worry about the dishes just go grab everything you need so we can go,” Yoongi ruffled the younger’s hair as he took the plates and went over to the sink to wash them quickly. Jeongguk thanked him and returned to his room just for a couple of minutes to take the things he thought he’d need.
The moment they stepped out of the apartment, he considered turning back and running back to his bed because he was becoming anxious. He started overthinking, coming up with different possible outcomes or what the doctor could possibly tell him.
The worst part about it was that they had to take a bus and a subway to get there. The general practitioner they both had recently moved their office almost to the other side of the town which was annoying, especially now that Jeongguk couldn’t deal with public transport easily.
When Jeongguk thought it couldn’t get any worse, they entered the waiting room that was completely full of people. There was nowhere for them to sit, so they had to stand in one of the corners by a huge green plant. The air was heavy in the small area which only added to the discomfort.
“We’re going to spend hours here. Maybe we should just leave,” Jeongguk suggested, thinking that was a valid reason for them to go back home. It was almost ten in the morning and there were about six people in front of them if not more. “We can come back tomorrow.”
“No, we’re staying. It’ll be the same thing tomorrow,” Yoongi explained and unzipped the younger’s jacket because it was getting warm and they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Jeongguk wasn’t surprised, but he was surely disappointed. He already imagined himself dragging his brother to a grocery store down their street to get some banana milk, but sadly, that had to wait for a few more hours.
The nurse came out to gather the cards, so she could prepare their folders in advance to make it faster once the patients were inside. Jeongguk, being close to the door, managed to give her his card even before some people who’d been there when they arrived, so he hoped maybe he could jump the queue a little.
The waiting was annoying. Each patient took at least fifteen minutes to be done with their examination, not to mention all the people who knocked on the door and were left inside for whatever reason. Sighing, Jeongguk laid his head on his brother’s shoulder when he felt his sickness return.
Occasional coughs or sneezes interrupted the silence inside the room, people whispering to each other because they didn’t want to disturb others. There was an elder lady sitting next to them, blowing her nose every few minutes which was driving Jeongguk crazy at that point. According to his calculation, she was up next and he couldn’t wait for her to leave the room.
When her name was finally called, he felt relief wash over his face. It wasn’t like he minded the kind looking lady, he just disliked being in a sick environment. The last thing he needed was to catch a cold. He couldn’t afford to be sick in the exam period.
“Come sit down,” Yoongi guided him towards the empty seat before anyone else could occupy it. He wasn’t that fond of sitting on the same place because he was worried of getting sick, but having spent an hour on his feet, he listened to his brother and sat down, leaning his head against the wall behind him.
Yoongi passed him a bottle of water he’d packed, saying he looked pale and Jeongguk didn’t even need to see himself to believe him. Another reason why he hated visiting doctors was that it always took at least an hour before he could finally leave and in the meantime he became sick.
Another person down and Yoongi sat next to him, letting him lay on his shoulder again. “How many are left? I want to go home already,” the younger asked, keeping his eyes closed because it helped him control his dizziness and nausea.
“Well I don’t know the card order, but there are about four people who’d been here before we arrived,” he whispered as if he was afraid they’d hear him and see through their plan of ‘accidentally’ jumping the queue.
The nurse came two more times before she finally called his name, so he forced himself to get up and left his brother in the waiting room, putting his jacket on the older’s lap. The doctor’s office was in another room, separated from where the nurses sat. It was quite spacious, there were two tables and many drawers all around the room where they kept all the folders.
Before he could look around a bit more, he got his folder and was guided towards the room on the other side. The nurse announced him and after that he could finally enter to meet the doctor. They greeted each other politely before he was asked to sit down on a chair next to the lady’s desk.
The room was neat and Jeongguk didn’t feel sterile unlike the previous one. There was an examination bed next to the desk and a few glass cases with what Jeongguk guessed were some tools that were used for examinations, but otherwise the room was quite minimalistic.
“So, would you mind telling me about why you’re here today?” The doctor finally turned in her chair towards him. Her warm smile made him feel a little calmer even though he didn’t know her as well because he always chose not to come if he was sick, so the last time he saw her was basically the first time he came to sign up.
“Sure,” he started hesitantly. “I’ve been throwing up in the morning for the last week and a half. It started on Monday last week,” he said briefly, hoping the lady would ask him if there was anything else she needed to know.
She returned back to her computer and started typing something. The clicking sound of the keyboard made Jeongguk nervous, but he didn’t say or ask anything until he was addressed to. “Is there anything else that changed with it? Have you been feeling exhausted or did you have any fever at all?” She asked, her fingers still on the keyboard.
“Yes, ugh, I’ve been quite tired and stressed lately. I haven’t been eating as much because of the nausea, but apart from that nothing changed. I didn’t have any fever, I don’t have a runny nosy and I don’t cough either,” he summed up for her. He didn’t want her to ask every detail, so he tried his best to give her most of the answer in one. He just hoped she’d prescribe something for him and send him home.
“Alright, can you lay down over here?” She asked, patting the examination table beside her.
For a second Jeongguk considered telling her it wasn’t necessary, but that wouldn’t be very mature or him, so he nodded and moved over to the other side of the desk where he took off his shoes before he got on the bed and waited for the doctor to finish writing his symptoms.
He felt awkward while he waited, not knowing what to do with his hands or where to look, so he just stared at the white ceiling and thought about what was going to happen next. He’d never had stomach problems, so he had no idea what to expect.
“I’m gonna ask you to roll your shirt up so I can feel your tummy,” she said and finally approached him. Jeongguk did as he was told, feeling a little nervous. “Tell me if you’re hurting somewhere,” she said as she touched different spots on his belly.
It wasn’t uncomfortable, but Jeongguk wanted to be over already. He didn’t like when strangers touched him even though he knew it was strictly medical. Neither of the areas she touched hurt and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
“I don’t feel anything out of ordinary. When was the last time you had an intercourse?” She asked once she returned to the desk.
Jeongguk stayed seated on the table, his hands resting on his lap as he looked at her in question. “Like a month and a half ago. I think?” He answered, not sure of the fact himself. He knew it was when he was still with Taehyung, so he figured it was around the time they broke up.
“And when was your last heat?”
Jeongguk’s lips parted as he felt tension forming in the pit of his stomach for he figured where the doctor was going with that. He gulped thickly and explained the irregularity of his cycle as well as the fact that he still hasn’t visited the family care specialist.
She wasn’t very happy with the answer which Jeongguk read from the judging look she gave him, but that was the last thing that bothered him at that moment. She hasn’t explained why she asked those questions just yet and Jeongguk only hoped it wasn’t what he had in his mind because the thought on its own was scary.
“I’m going to give you an examination request in a family care clinic. You can sign up there or you can choose a different doctor later, but for now I’d like them to do pregnancy tests for you,”she said and Jeongguk’s heart dropped.
He didn’t once consider he could be pregnant. He started digging in his memories to see if there was a moment where he and Taehyung could have messed up. That was when it hit him. A few weeks before they broke-up he ran out of birth control pills and was too scared to ask Yoongi for new because he knew they’d give him a talk again. However, he didn’t even remember if he had sex with Taehyung afterwards, but the possibility was there.
Maybe it was panic that made him believe that was it. He was becoming paranoid and couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of him being pregnant. That was not how he wanted his life to go at all. The worst part was that Taehyung was no longer with him, so he couldn’t even imagine how he would take care of a child on his own.
“Jeongguk? Are you feeling sick again?” The doctor asked him and helped him lay down again. She took a barometer to measure his blood pressure as he tried to stay calm and not overreact when nothing was confirmed just yet.
“I-It’s just- I didn’t even consider that. I’m too young to be pregnant!” he explained, burying his face into his palms as soon as the tool was off his arm. He had no idea what to do or how to explain the situation to Yoongi or his parents.
The lady smiled at him again once he sat up and put on his shoes, placing her palm on his shoulder. “Don’t stress yourself. I just want to exclude that option before we can look into more detailed examinations, so do go there today and come back tomorrow in case they exclude pregnancy, okay?”
“T-today? I have to go there now?” Jeongguk asked, his heart beating fast.
On one hand, he felt a little relieved when the doctor said that she just wanted to exclude the possibility of him being pregnant as if it was just the first step to his diagnosis. Maybe there wasn’t anything to be worried about. On the other hand, he was nervous because he finally had to see the family care doctor, but figured the day was to come at some point, so he took all the papers he received, thanked the doctor and the nurses and left.
“I’ll call to work and tell them I can’t come. I’m not gonna leave you hanging, I know you are terrified to go there,” Yoongi said once they were out of the building, walking towards the bus stop Jeongguk needed.
It was past noon and Yoongi had work in a couple of hours, so there was no way he could go with Jeongguk if he didn’t want to be late. There was no way he could allow the older to get a day off on such a short notice because the job he got was important and barely a month passed since he started working there.
Yoongi was lucky to be working for an IT company despite not having his master’s degree which was why he couldn’t just call his boss to announce he had to go with his brother to a doctor, not to mention said brother was twenty years old and capable of taking care of himself.
“I’m not terrified, I’m just uncomfortable and that’s different,” Jeongguk corrected him. “I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like you’d go in with me and as much as I love your emotional support, I can manage to sit in the waiting room on my own,” he tried to convince his brother there was nothing to be worried about and that he could go to work peacefully.
Jeongguk considered not telling Yoongi about the possibility of him being pregnant. In fact, he did sugarcoat the truth and said that the doctor only wanted to be sure he wasn’t with child before she would do some other tests. He also told him it was unlikely anyway which Yoongi bought without a moment of hesitation since he thought his younger brother stopped taking the birth control only after he broke up with Taehyung.
He did his best to hide his fear, mostly trying to convince himself that everything was going to be alright because he knew that was the only way Yoongi wouldn’t notice something was off with him. “Let me take you there at least. I’ll take a bus home from there,” the older insisted, his eyes looking directly into Jeongguk’s soul.
“Alright,” Jeongguk agreed simply because he didn’t want his brother to be suspicious of him. They took the bus and twenty minutes later they were standing in front of a white building with a huge neon blue ‘Family Planning Clinic” sign written in cursive.
There was a beautiful yard in front of it with several benches surrounded by trees and flowerbeds. It almost looked like a park where the guests waited with children while their parent was inside. There was a small sandpit and a couple of swings which made Jeongguk feel a bit weird for he couldn’t imagine himself as one of those people who were looking after the children.
“Before you go,” he turned his attention back to his older brother. “What exactly happens during such an examination. What did they do when you went there for the first time?” He felt a little embarrassed to ask Yoongi about it, but he needed to know what he was getting into unless he wanted to have a mental breakdown in the waiting room.
Of course he was aware of certain things because of Taehyung who would often tell him what he studied about, but he never really mentioned the process despite telling him it was nothing and that he shouldn’t be afraid of going. But Jeongguk didn’t trust doctors and Taehyung was one.
“Well, I assume they’ll take your samples since you’re doing a pregnancy test. Other than that they’ll check your womb to see if everything is okay,” the older said with no hesitation.
“They’ll check my w-womb? As in-“
Yoongi giggled at his brother’s red cheeks and pulled him into a firm hug. “I promise it’s fine. It’s a little uncomfortable, obviously, but it doesn’t hurt at all,” he reassured him before he grabbed both of his shoulders to look at him with pride in his eyes.
The words only made Jeongguk more nervous. He definitely didn’t want anyone looking at his private parts. “I think I will sing up here. I don’t want to go through this more than once,” he said.
It made sense in his head. The clinic seemed to be one of the best according to the review Yoongi searched up on their way and it was new, so not many patients were singed up. He figured if he decided against the registration he would have to do the same thing at a different doctor and that wasn’t something he wanted to do.
“You’ll have to do it every year, silly,” the older was endeared by his brother’s behavior. It made him show his gummy smile and Jeongguk could do with that. He loved seeing him smile, so he wasn’t even going to complain about being teased.
Jeongguk waited with Yoongi for his bus which was supposed to come shortly. He didn’t want the older to leave him, but there was no other way. Maybe he was being dramatic for no reason. Maybe the examination was just a piece of cake and would scold himself for not doing it earlier. Or maybe it was going to traumatize him. He didn’t know.
“I’ll text you once I’m done and you can check it whenever you have a break okay?” Jeongguk promised when he noticed the older was still a little worried. He knew Yoongi wouldn’t be calm until he heard from him, so he made a promise to reassure him he would let him know how it went.
The bus arrived in the meantime, so the brothers shared another quick hug, the younger receiving his forehead kiss before Yoongi waved him goodbye, wishing him good luck which Jeongguk knew he would need. He watched the bus leave before he took a deep breath and turned back towards the building.
The clinic seemed to have different sections. There was a huge reception with a lounge area that was currently empty since it was quite pretty outside unlike the previous days. There was a guide of sorts on the wall by the counter with a couple of young ladies working and helping people around.
Jeongguk studied the board and figured it was like a small hospital, only it was specialized just for family planning. He didn’t really know where to go despite staring at the guide for a few minutes, so he shyly approached the counter, greeting one of the girls.
“Hello, how may I help you? I saw you looking at the board, didn’t find what you were looking for?” She giggled as she organized a few papers while she waited for Jeongguk to tell her the purpose of his visit.
He wasn’t sure how to tell her about it or what exactly she needed to know. He definitely didn’t want to tell her he was there for pregnancy tests because it would make him even more embarrassed than he’d already been. “I, ugh, I came to sign up? I’d like to sign up, yes,” he said, making the girl laugh fondly.
Another man approached the counter and asked the other receptionist something Jeongguk didn’t hear. He saw him nod and leave which made him realize he was making a fool of himself for no reason. There was nothing to be embarrassed. It was normal for him to be there.
“Alright, so you have to go to the end of the hallway and to the right. There’s a waiting room, so just wait until a nurse comes out and then she’ll tell you what to do,” the girl smiled at him and motioned with her hands as she showed him the directions.
He thanked her and followed her instructions, passing by a buffet of sorts that was filled with visitors, as well as doctors. A few moments later he was in the waiting room which, to his surprise, was empty.
The fact that he was alone made him more anxious for some reason. He couldn’t even sit down, so he paced the room instead. At that point, he wasn’t sure what scared him the most; the examination or the results.
When nobody was coming out even after a few minutes he considered knocking, but he knew the nurses were annoyed when patients did that, so he decided against it and waited for a few more minutes before the door opened. He greeted the woman that left with a kind smile before he heard the nurse asking him to come in.
The nurse office looked a lot more modern and luxurious than the one at his GP. The floor was covered with a grey carpet and the desk was similar to the reception one. There were pictures of babies on the wall as well as some biological posters he tried to avoid looking at.
“You’re new here, aren’t you? Did you come to sing up?” She asked and Jeongguk thank the god that he didn’t have to explain it again.
“I also came for this,” he said and showed her the examination request he’d received to which the lady nodded and asked him to sit down on one of the stools at the desk. Jeongguk noticed the lack of the sterile scent which was unbearable at the previous office and found himself liking the place, feeling satisfied with his decision to make his registration there.
The nurse asked him several questions about his personal information that she needed to create a file for him to officially register him. She seemed to be kind, also sharing small talks with him which helped him calm down in a way.
Once they were done with the questioning, she gave him the folder, told him to take it with him and give it to the doctor. She also asked him to drop his jacket and his bag in corner with a couch and hangers while she called the doctor to ask him if she could send him a new patient.
“Don’t worry, our doctor is a sweet young man. He’d just started working on his attestation, so he still has a long way to go, but he’s a professional I can tell you that,” she said when she noticed Jeongguk’s worried expression now that he was just a few minutes away from meeting said doctor.
He wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved that the doctor was young because he thought that would make him even more embarrassed. He had no idea how to picture the man, but he figured he’d find out very soon.
“That’s great,” he chuckled awkwardly.
The nurse giggled and told him she’d take his samples after the examination before she asked him to take off his shoes and proceed towards the leather door on the left side of the room. All the relief he felt when he talked to her was gone and replaced by his initial anxiety and fear.
Hearing he buzzing sound, he opened the door and entered the doctor’s office. Just like the previous room, it was modern even though he couldn’t see much for all the equipment hid behind the curtains. He was too distracted by admiring the interior to notice the man who finally appeared from the other side of the room. That was until he heard the familiar voice he hasn’t heard in six weeks which immediately quickened the pace of his heart.
The deep yet sickly sweet voice made Jeongguk’s heart twitch. The fresh scent of a rainy forest that he loved so much finally got in his personal bubble, letting him inhale the air he missed on a daily basis. It all came in a storm, all the emotions, the forgotten feelings and the ones that still hid in his heart.
It was as if the time had stopped. Jeongguk couldn’t move or look up, keeping his gaze strictly on a pretty wall art across him. He was being buried with all the painful memories. The man who once was his oasis, was now his desert and Jeongguk was ready to die from thirst.
He’d imagined what it would be like to see Taehyung again. He was curious if it would be awkward or if they would be able to talk properly. He’d thought of many different scenarios, so that he would be ready in case something like that happened. But nothing could have prepared him for this.
Hesitantly, his eyes follow the source of the pleasing scent and finally met the light brown lenses of his ex-boyfriend. It’s only been a month and a half since he saw Taehyung and he could’ve sworn the older had become even more gorgeous in the meantime. His dark brown hair was a little longer now, the strands peaking from behind his ears. His skin was a bit darker but maybe it was just a game of lights and shadows in the room. He still had the tiny mole on his nose that he loved so much.
The only thing that changed were the bags under his eyes. They were a little bit darker from what Jeongguk remembered, but not even that made him look any less beautiful. Taehyung looked more tired, but he still smiled when he saw him. The alpha always had enough energy for kindness and politeness which was something Jeongguk deeply admired about him since he himself lost temper easily.
For a moment, Jeongguk wanted to throw himself into the older’s arms and tell him how much he missed him, but he couldn’t do that. He was there for a different purpose. It wasn’t like they agreed to meet up to talk about things or to fix them. Taehyung stood in front of him as a doctor, and he was just his patient. Nothing more, nothing less.
For what it was worth, Taehyung also looked unsure of what to do. He was tapping with his foot nervously as he waited for the younger to say something and Jeongguk wondered why the alpha was acting so anxious about their meeting. He believed the older never cared about him as much because he didn’t do much to fight for him in the end, however, his current behavior made the young omega feel puzzled.
“Did you finally come to get your check-up? Are you making a registration here?” Taehyung asked with a smile after a cough to clear his voice. Seeing no reaction from Jeongguk, the alpha moved to sit at his desk, motioning for the younger to follow suit. He seemed to be genuinely happy to see the younger.
The marble table was neat, everything was nicely organized in folders, no extra papers laying around the surface. There was a calendar with puppies on the side closer to Jeongguk which screamed Taehyung for the older was really fond of dogs.
Jeongguk didn’t sit down right away for he was still too shocked to process what was happening. He wanted to leave yet he wanted to stay. He wanted to hug Taehyung yet he wanted to punch him. There were so many mixed emotions fighting inside his body he himself didn’t know what it was that he wanted more.
“I … actually have just registered,” he said, his voice uncertain. He sat down in a comfortable armchair by the desk and kept staring at his ex-boyfriend. He was unsure about the situation. He felt safer knowing Taehyung was the one to take care of him, but did he really want his ex-boyfriend to be his family care specialist? That didn’t seem like a good idea in his head.
Back when they were together, Taehyung often joked that the first thing he would do once he got his office would be giving Jeongguk a check-up since the younger was very stubborn about it. Jeongguk knew the alpha was just teasing him, but he really did believe that was going to be his first time anyway.
Taehyung chuckled and Jeongguk thought it was probably because of his expression. He couldn’t see himself but he knew he looked like a mess. “Can I take a look at the folder you are clinging onto then?” He asked and pointed at the file in Jeongguk’s embrace.
Nodding, Jeongguk passed him the material, observing his face without a word. He was confused. He didn’t understand why Taehyung was acting as if nothing had happened between them. He was being professional, he always has been, but even so, Jeongguk expected him to maybe say something or ask him how he’s been doing. He definitely didn’t think Taehyung would keep a strict professional boundary between them.
Either way, the omega stayed seated quietly while his ex-boyfriend checked the thin file the nurse had created. He wanted to say something, he wanted to initiate a small talk or anything that could help them pull through the tension between them, but nothing came out. He was absolutely frozen.
He watched Taehyung’s eyes move from one side to another as he read the lines, loving how his long eyelashes fluttered. He remembered waking up next to him only to see him blink his sleepiness away and a comforting wave embraced him for a while that lasted way too short for his liking.
“Y-you’re here for a pregnancy test?” Taehyung asked, his voice trembling as he stared at the paper, not turning his attention to Jeongguk. The younger noticed the alpha’s chest rising shakily as if he was having difficulties to take a deep breath.
From that angle, Jeongguk couldn’t see his expression properly, so he couldn’t guess what was going through the older’s mind and he didn’t even know if he wanted to see that, afraid of being disappointed. No matter what it was, he knew it would stab him.
The heavy silence was only interrupted by their gulps and breathing that gradually became unsteady. Taehyung had dropped the papers on his desk and placed his fingers onto his temples to massage it, his eyes closed.
Jeongguk wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t sure if the alpha was just exhausted or if the possibility of him being pregnant was shocking enough to break him like that. He needed him to say something, anything because it was becoming unbearable with every ticked second.
“Alright,” Taehyung said suddenly with a deep exhale, clapping his hands once before he opened up a document on his laptop. The sudden change of aura caught Jeongguk off guard. He still couldn’t tell the older’s emotions which was why he was tense. “I’m gonna ask you a few questions before we move to the examination itself.”
“Tae,” Jeongguk spoke, not knowing where he even wanted to go with that sentence. The alpha finally looked at him and not even that helped him figure out his thoughts. Taehyung was good at covering his feelings, but Jeongguk always managed to see through him. He always knew when something bothered him. But now he saw nothing.
Feeling the younger wasn’t going anywhere with that, Taehyung turned back towards his laptop, clicking a few enters before he tapped with his free fingers on the marble surface. “I need this information for both the check-up and the pregnancy testing, so make sure you answer truthfully,” he said as he nibbled on his bottom lip. “I need the exact date of your last intercourse and heat.”
Jeongguk froze on the spot. He hadn’t thought about that. He couldn’t tell him the truth if he didn’t want him to know the potential baby was his, but he couldn’t hide the fact from him either because he deserved to know that. He wasn’t prepared for the situation and he had no time to think about it either. Sadly, time was exactly what he needed.
“Both were a-about five weeks ago. It’ll be exactly five weeks tomorrow,” he lied because that seemed to be the right thing to do at the moment. It was panic and fear that decided for him, not his wisdom or his common sense. He figured he’d worry about the consequences later.
When he saw Taehyung stopped typing after two words and noticed the pained expression, that could no longer be unnoticed, his heart broke. The alpha opened his mouth twice only to close it into a thin line immediately. His eyes became glossy, but that could have been caused by the laptop screen as well.
Jeongguk knew Taehyung quickly put two and two together. It wasn’t that difficult either. The two of them have been broken up for six weeks which meant Jeongguk must have had a thing with someone just one week after they parted and the omega was aware the fact must have hurt the older.
Nodding, Taehyung continued typing, focusing his gaze on the small letters in front of him. He cleared his throat a few times as if he was trying to release some tension, but that didn’t seem to work because a few seconds after he dropped everything and buried his face into his palms. “One week Jeonggukie? Really? It took you one week to forget me?” He asked, his voice gentle.
It physically hurt to see the alpha like that, especially because Jeongguk knew what he’d just told him was a lie. He was already regretting his decision, but maybe, if he turned out to be pregnant after all, it would make things easier for him, so he had to go with it now that he’d already chosen the path even though it was selfish.
“It wasn’t because I had already forgotten about you. It was because I wanted to forget,” Jeongguk said, thinking the words would sooth the older’s pain in a way. He reached out to place his palm on the alpha’s hand that covered his face, but Taehyung only gently pushed it away.
The gesture, even though it was deserved, made Jeongguk’s heart ache. He had to stop himself from thinking about it if he didn’t want to cry there. Thankfully, Taehyung wasn’t crying either, so that much helped him keep himself together for the time being.
Taehyung rubbed his temples as if he was having a bad migraine and Jeongguk could relate because his head was also starting to hurt and they were far from being done with the examination. He wanted to know what broke inside Taehyung for him to be acting like that, he wanted to talk about it but he knew the alpha wouldn’t do that at work. He was a responsible man, probably scolding himself for even asking that one question.
As expected, the alpha continued with the needed questions and asked him about birth control pills and some other things that he immediately typed down without a hesitation. “We can proceed with the examination. I’d like to ask you to go behind the curtain and strip waist down. There’s a blue gown on a hanger, so you can put that over your T-shirt since it’s quite thin,” he explained briefly, the tone of his voice a bit lower and more serious, but still kind. “If you still want that of course. I could pass you to a different doctor in this clinic if that’s your wish.”
That might have been a smarter option, but Jeongguk wasn’t thinking clearly, his emotions won against rationality, so he only shook his head at the suggestion, earning a very faint smile from his ex-boyfriend. “But I think we should-“
“I’ll be with you shortly,” Taehyung interrupted him before he could even finish that sentence, probably guessing the end of it and wanting to stay professional. He’s always been passionate about medicine, about family in general which was why he worked hard to become a doctor and help people with their future families.
Getting the hint, Jeongguk got up and walked behind the curtain where he saw a changing room of sorts and a seat that he guessed was for the examination. It all looked clean and new, so the experience was going to be a little bit better thanks to that or that’s what Jeongguk thought.
His mind was filled with question marks and confusion. He couldn’t stop thinking about the painful expression on Taehyung’s face. He hurt him by lying to him about something so important, but the thought of Taehyung rejecting him after learning they were expecting a child together would be worse, so he decided to suck it up and focus on what was going to happen next.
A pool of nervousness was created as he took off his jeans and socks, folding them on the small bench in the changing-room. He hesitated before he got rid of his boxers as well, feeling embarrassed by standing half-naked behind the curtains. Taehyung has seen him that way many times, so he shouldn’t feel so nervous about it, yet the effect was the complete opposite.
“Are you ready?” He heard Taehyung’s voice that was very close and Jeongguk realized he must have been somewhere near the seat. He gulped thickly before he quickly put on the paper gown and popped his head between the curtains to see the situation outside.
Taehyung wasn’t facing him, he was washing his hands by the sink that was next to the examination seat that was now enlightened by the lamp that was next to it. It all looked different when the light was on. It felt more real and that made the boy extremely uneasy because it was something he’d been trying to avoid for ages after all.
He felt like a coward hiding in the small area with the curtains. Thousands of people went through this every day and he could only guess they weren’t so scared of it. He took a few deep breaths, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal, that he wasn’t even pregnant and that after this, he would only have to return next year.
It was when Taehyung turned around, pulling gloves on that Jeongguk managed to pretend he was just getting out as if he hadn’t been panicking for the last few minutes. Their eyes met and Jeongguk immediately looked away, waiting for the instructions with his hands behind his back.
The gesture made the alpha laugh fondly which got him the younger’s attention again. Jeongguk knew the older was aware of his feelings about that, so he thought it was his stressed expression that made Taehyung endeared. “Come on, hop on,” he said, his boxy grin back and Jeongguk thought the lamp was nothing compared to the brightness the older’s beautiful smile created.
Jeongguk got up, letting his legs linger a few inches above the floor, his feet crossed defensively. “Can you tell I’m pregnant just by touching me?” The boy asked after a while, feeling a little more relaxed when he saw the older was smiling. He used to ask him all sorts of questions about medicine when Taehyung was studying next to him, so the situation made him feel a little nostalgic.
“Well- put your feet on these steps and lay back,” Taehyung’s initial thought was interrupted once he positioned himself on a small stool in front of Jeongguk. Only then did the omega notice the two small rests. He realized it was quite high when he tried to put his left feet up which exposed him a little, so he held his gown over his crotch while he put the other one on the right rest.
“This is weird,” the boy mumbled as he laid his back against the seat, feeling extremely uncomfortable at that angle because he couldn’t see what was happening.
It became even worse when Taehyung excused himself for a moment and left him lying on the seat with his feet up in the air, feeling more exposed than ever even though he kept his knees close to one another. The anticipation was building inside him and the discomfort in the pit of his stomach only grew more.
He was tapping his fingers on his tummy feeling frustrated at that point. He considered calling Taehyung to ask him to hurry up, but he remembered they weren’t that close anymore, so he shouldn’t disrespect the young alpha doctor. Thankfully, the other returned shortly, so the thoughts of them not being close enough for him to ask such a simple thing vanished completely.
“I can tell if you’re pregnant by touching your womb, yes,” he finally answered the question, but went over to the sink to grab a few things he then put on a small table by the seat before he finally sat back on the stool. “You need to come all the way down to the edge. The only thing I’ll do is to feel your womb and take a sample. It might be a little uncomfortable but it won’t hurt one bit, I promise,” he explained and made sure the younger could tell him to stop at any point of the examination.
Sliding down the seat to the edge, Jeongguk thought the position was even weirder. Maybe staying with Taehyung was in fact the right choice because even though he didn’t trust doctors, he trusted him the most. “I’m so glad it’s you doing this,” he said without thinking, covering his mouth with his palm immediately when he realized what he’d said. “I-I mean I trust you and t-that’s why I’m glad.”
“Really?” Taehyung smiled at him and for a moment Jeongguk blocked out all the questions he had and imagined it was just the old them. He looked at the ceiling and gave all of his trust to the alpha, knowing he had nothing to worry about as long as he was with him. “I’m glad to be taking care of you too. Now, let your knees fall apart as much as you can,” he asked.
It was the first part of the sentence that made Jeongguk smile for himself. It was something the older used to tell him all the time. He missed him. He missed their talks and adventures, he missed how free he felt around him. He wondered if the older felt the same way about him, if he also thought about him every day and wanted nothing more than to be reunited with him.
“Do you have many patients?” Jeongguk found himself asking once he parted his knees and felt his gown being pushed towards his stomach. He felt more relaxed now that they started sharing a few words here and there. His need to catch up with the older’s life made him forget about the whole examination.
“Not too many, mostly people like you who came to register recently, so whenever there’s someone new they assign them to me,” he answered and Jeongguk heard him open something, but he kept his eyes on the ceiling because it made him feel easier. “I’ll spread some lubrication around your rectum and then insert my index finger inside, is that okay?”
“Yes, I think,” the boy said and waited for some applied pressure against his body, twitching a little when he felt the cold product on his skin. He took a deep breath when he felt the older work his digit inside him to feel around his walls gently.
“I know it’s uncomfortable, but don’t close your legs, try to keep them open,” the alpha said, gently parting the younger’s knees again. His hand barely touched the boy, yet Jeongguk felt a sort of emotional support from the gesture. He tried not to think of it as affection because that’s what the doctors did with each of their patients, but there was no way he couldn’t think of him and Taehyung as something more than just a doctor and a patient.
Taehyung was right when he said it wouldn’t hurt, but it wasn’t like Jeongguk expected it to be painful in the first place. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing which was why he didn’t want to undertake such examination. The alpha easily explained everything he was doing or what parts of his body he was going to touch in advance and after a few seconds Jeongguk was completely relaxed, still cringing at the feeling but not twitching anymore.
“Well? Can you tell if I’m pregnant?” Jeongguk suddenly remembered, his heart quickening immediately. His mind was a complete mess for too many things were going on and he had no idea where to focus.
A few minutes separated him from knowing the fate of his future, so he tensed and couldn’t get back to relaxing even after the older’s several requests. He needed to know otherwise he would either have a heart attack or a mental breakdown.
He felt like he was riding a rollercoaster. One moment he was calm and relaxed, the other he felt the need to run for his life and scream for help. His breathing became unsteady as more seconds passed without an answer. He heard the alpha say something, but he didn’t process his words, only felt something thicker inside of him which he figured was the second digit.
He wanted to cry as Taehyung continued the examination in silence which only meant that he’d already known something but was checking to make sure before he would say anything. Jeongguk already knew from the change of his behavior. He knew the moment his GP suggested the idea because it made sense. He just didn’t want to accept it.
A few seconds later, he felt empty and feeling nothing around himself, he propped onto his elbows to look at Taehyung who looked devastated. “It seems like your womb is about as big as a smaller orange now, I’ll have you do a urine test, but I think I can surely say that you-“ The alpha tried to stay calm and it was working. Jeongguk would’ve believed him if it hadn’t been for the pause. “You’re pregnant Jeonggukie. Congratulations,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach the omega with terror in his eyes.
The last flame of hope died when the urine test confirmed Taehyung’s words. Jeongguk was indeed pregnant and has been dealing with morning sickness just because of that. He was absolutely speechless ever since he got the definite results, tears streaming down his cheeks without efforts. He wasn’t even blinking because of the shocking news. He’d managed to steady his breathing at least since he’s been sitting on a new seat still in the doctor’s office, now fully clothed.
Taehyung told him to wait up so they could make an ultrasound since he was currently in his sixth week of pregnancy which the alpha wasn’t aware of for he had lied about the date of his last intercourse. Either way, the doctor was gone and Jeongguk could only wonder whether he was busy with some paperwork or if he was also trying to take in the fact that his ex-boyfriend was pregnant.
He pictured his future and more tears came out. He wouldn’t be able to finish his university, at least not for a few years, and he was quite sure he wouldn’t be allowed to continue afterwards anyway. He wouldn’t be able to get his dream job of being a game developer without his master’s degree and so he watched all his dreams being shattered into pieces right in front of him.
The worst part about it was that he had no one to raise the child with. He knew nothing about babies or how to take care of them. He was scared to be in it alone. The possibility of Taehyung being sad about the fact that the child wasn’t his made Jeongguk reconsider his decision about lying to him. Maybe the older would be willing to help him, maybe they could even become mates as they’d always dreamed of. He wasn’t sure if it was cowardice or fear that convinced him it was worth a try to tell his ex-boyfriend the truth, but the chance of Taehyung being devastated over the newly found information motivated him to make things right.
“Those better be happy tears,” Taehyung finally reappeared, his smile brighter than before.
Seeing the happiness on the older ruined all the plans Jeongguk made while the doctor was gone. He knew the Taehyung was good at controlling his emotions, but all he saw was genuine relief which made the younger feel pathetic for even considering his ex-boyfriend could possibly be sad about not being the father of his child.
“I’m just- overwhelmed,” Jeongguk said with a scoff, allowing more tears slide down his sticky cheeks. His heart pulsed with pain and all he could think about was burying himself in his brother’s body, needing his comfort now more than ever, but he knew the older wasn’t going to come back home until eight in the evening, so he was going to be alone with his thoughts for hours.
“You’ll feel even more so once you see your little one on the screen right here,” Taehyung said as he pointed at the monitor next to the bed. Jeongguk thought that would just make him more scared, but didn’t say anything. “Now just lay down, roll up your shirt and pull down your pants a little,” the older asked as he clicked some things on the computer to start up the screen.
Jeongguk did as he was told and closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he thought would be just another ordinary day, would turn out to be one of the most life-changing ones. He wasn’t ready to become a parent and he could only hope that would change until his due date.
Abortion was an option. He knew that because his ex-boyfriend talked to him about it when they were dating, saying he hated when people decided for said procedure which was why Jeongguk couldn’t do it. Knowing Taehyung who was the father of his unborn child was against abortion, he couldn’t bring himself to even think about it. It wouldn’t be fair, but then again lying wasn’t either. Jeongguk simply did what he thought was right.
“I’ll put this gel down on your tummy and then run this handle over it. There’s nothing to worry about it’s completely painless,” the alpha said, showing the small tube to Jeongguk before applying the gel onto his lower belly. “It might tickle though,” he warned before he giggled and the younger could only give him a small smile because he definitely wasn’t in the mood for any teasing or jokes.
It was a little cold, but quite pleasant which was surprising. It was like a massage which would probably make Jeongguk fall asleep if he knew it wasn’t an ultrasound of his unborn baby. He wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to fully accept the fact, but he hoped it would be soon just for the sake of the baby.
Even though Taehyung wasn’t aware. Jeongguk was glad he got to share these first moments with him. Keeping the older as a doctor may be painful for him, but at least their baby would be close to him until the birth. It was the least he could do for them. He knew Yoongi would try to talk him out of him, would try to convince him to tell Taehyung the truth, but he’s already made up his mind. He couldn’t bear being rejected.
“There it is. This little bean right here- Jeonggukie you don’t want to see?” Taehyung asked him when he noticed his closed eyes. The nickname, the gentle voice, the concern, it all made Jeongguk cry even more as he shook his head. He didn’t know why but he couldn’t look at it. Maybe he was scared of getting attached immediately or he feared he’d start hating and blaming whatever he’d see on the monitor.
His body was trembling at that point and he knew he was having a mild panic attack when he couldn’t breath out properly. The world was spinning around him and he could no longer hear anything. He was completely out, just panicking in the deepest and darkest parts of his mind.
It was when he felt fingers brushing his hair that he finally exhaled for the first time in what seemed like forever. “Breathe with me pup, please,” Taehyung said as he tried to sooth the boy, the pet name slipping out of his mouth naturally.
Jeongguk followed the alpha’s words, inhaling and exhaling with him. He focused on the older’s gentle brushing and the pet name he’d used. He hadn’t realized how much he missed his affection or how much he needed him in his life. He thought he was over what happened between them because he got used to being without him, but as soon as he got the taste again, he knew he never wanted it to stop.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’ll have a picture printed out for you and you can have a look at it whenever you’re ready,” he continued talking to him gently, helping him calm down by distracting him from the anxiety or panic that consumed him. “Do you want me to turn it off?”
“P-please,” the younger said with a sob.
It took only a few seconds until the sounds coming from the machine stopped completely and never once did Taehyung stop caressing the younger’s hair, not even when he grabbed a few tissues and wiped his belly to get rid of the sticky gel. He continued asking easy questions about things he knew Jeongguk liked, not bringing up his pregnancy again until he was completely still.
Once they were back at the office area, Jeongguk was offered some water and was already feeling a lot better physically. He felt weak mentally and hated the fact that Taehyung had to seem him that way. He tried so hard to keep it inside him and let it all out at home where he could just hide himself under blankets until he fell asleep, but it was too much for him to handle.
“I’ll have you come for a check-up every three weeks since male pregnancy is a little bit riskier and more complicated compared to female’s. I need you to rest and avoid stress from now on. Do you have morning sickness?” Taehyung asked after he printed some papers, letting Jeongguk sign them before he took one and put it inside the folder.
“Yes, a lot. Every day actually. Is there anything you can do about that? Please can you prescribe some pills for that?” Jeongguk pleaded once he was reminded of his morning struggles. He didn’t even want to imagine having to go through that every day because in no way he could function properly at school afterwards and he was determined to at least finish this year.
“I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do about it,” the doctor chuckled at the desperation and sudden change of Jeongguk’s behavior. “You just have to stay hydrated, so drink a lot of water. Eat regularly, you have to figure out what kind of food will be good for you after you have a morning sickness on your own, but don’t skip breakfast. Lemon and ginger are good, so you can have some tea every morning with something light like crackers or bread and then something bigger a little later,” he advised.
Jeongguk almost pouted when he learned that he simply had to go through that whether he wanted or not. “No pills?” He asked with puppy eyes, making the older look at him fondly. Once again he felt like nothing changed between them despite being broken up for a month and a half. Taehyung was still as kind and caring and Jeongguk demanding and clingy.
“No pills. Now, I will see you again in three weeks, the nurse will make an appointment for you,” Taehyung said as he got up which probably meant Jeongguk could finally leave. The boy got up as well and waited for the alpha to say something else, seeing there was something the older wanted to tell him. “Just- I have these afternoon sessions. It’s something like a private therapy which is basically just talking about the parent’s feelings and the weekly pregnancy progress. It’s mostly for single parents or young parents, parents who can’t deal with pregnancy on their own or for the couples who just want to see the whole progress of the growth of their baby and not just the monthly check-up,” he explained and took the younger’s hand between both of his to give him a reassuring squeeze. “I think it would be good for you. It’s every Friday from one until five in the afternoon, so just think about it. If you want you can simply show up after four because it’s usually empty then.”
The idea was appealing. Jeongguk indeed needed guidance and he would get to spend more time with Taehyung. He wasn’t a fan of therapies and psychological sessions, but since it was with someone he knew dearly, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give it a chance, especially now that he saw he wasn’t good at handling the situation well just yet.
He looked at their hands before he looked at Taehyung again, drowning in the depth of his gaze. “I’ll think about it I promise. Ugh, thank you Tae, for everything,” he said, feeling a lot calmer now which he knew wouldn’t last for too long, but at least he could leave without being an emotional mess.
Taehyung only gave him the folder and reminded him to make an appointment before he let go of his hand and sat back down in his chair. Jeongguk didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay with him and talk about anything, but he knew that wasn’t an option so he gave him one last smile and a polite bow as he grabbed the handle of the door.
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung spoke once again. “You can’t feel it, but your scent is a lot more intense and will become even more vibrant, so please take suppressants or-“ he paused to take a few deep breaths and Jeongguk noticed he wasn’t feeling well. “Or ask your partner to mate with you since you’re expecting a child. It’ll protect you.”
The request hurt, but the omega knew Taehyung was right. He couldn’t risk having alphas all over him, especially not now that he was pregnant. He had to keep himself and his child safe no matter the situation. “I will,” he said quietly and turned towards the exit.
He finally stepped out and took one last glance at Taehyung before he would disappear behind the door. He got only five seconds to look at him and just as he was closing the door he could see a single tear roll down his cheek.
The emotional exhaustion made Jeongguk fall asleep after a couple of hours crying in his bed and after drinking a whole carton of banana milk. He’d returned home after a quick stop at the grocery store where he’d bought some ingredients to make himself something to eat which didn’t happen for he collapsed onto his bed as soon as he entered his room.
He considered calling Jimin and Hoseok over so that he wasn’t alone, but he didn’t feel like explaining his situation. He only sent a text to his brother, saying he was home and everything went well, purposely not specifying what exactly went well and what didn’t. He wanted to talk to him about it in person. He needed to tell someone the whole truth, he wanted to share the burden with someone he could trust and if there was such a person, it was definitely his older brother.
He fell asleep with hope that once he woke up Yoongi would be home already, but that didn’t turn out to be the case when he woke up to an empty apartment just thirty minutes after he dozed off. It was difficult, he felt heavy, his chest was tight and his eyes dry because he’d shed all of his tears already.
Sitting up on his bed he looked around his small room with just a single desk and a wardrobe. It was cozy for him, but there was no way he could fit there with a child. He thought whether he would have to go back to his parents, so they could help him because otherwise he had no idea how he would manage financially and emotionally.
He figured he needed to start working to save up some money, but that would mean he had to quit university because he thought studying and working while being pregnant would be too much to handle. On the other hand, he didn’t think somebody would hire a pregnant omega, so there was that too.
He wondered if his parents would be disappointed. He was pregnant at the age of twenty without a mate. His future was gone just because he was a coward, there was no one else to blame. It was his own fault for not taking all the precautions to avoid such situations. He shouldn’t have had unprotected sex with Taehyung, knowing he wasn’t on birth control.
No matter how much he tried to put the blame on somebody else, he couldn’t. He couldn’t blame Taehyung because he didn’t know he’d stopped taking the pills. He couldn’t blame the baby for ruining his life either and knowing that it was indeed one hundred percent his fault just made him feel even worse.
Self-pity wasn’t going to change anything. He couldn’t go back in time, he could only march forward. Jeongguk finally managed to get up and went over to the tiny kitchen to make something to eat since skipping food wasn’t a good thing. He needed energy and so did his baby.
The untouched grocery bag was still on the counter, a small envelope lying next to it. It was the picture of the ultrasound and Jeongguk still hasn’t opened it. Maybe he was being ridiculous for overreacting because of one photo, but he still didn’t feel like he wanted to see it. It was probably the fact that he still hasn’t accepted the fact that he was pregnant. He didn’t feel like that.
Nothing about his body changed, or at least he didn’t feel anything. He couldn’t believe there was a new life growing inside him and as beautiful as it sounded, he felt a little uncomfortable about it. He had to be twice more cautious now, he had to think for two and not just for himself and that fact was unsettling.
His baby was now his responsibility and he could easily hurt them which on its own made him feel pressured. He was curious too. He wanted to see what exactly was inside him, but he was too afraid to look at the picture, so he went to the full-size mirror they had in the hall and observed himself.
There was nothing different about his face or his body shape, no hints of being pregnant. He gently lifted his shirt to check his tummy from every possible angle, but there was nothing to see. Despite concluding that there was no change on his body, he continued looking at the reflection.
He didn’t touch his belly, he simply looked at it curiously, tilting his head from one side to another. It seemed to distract him enough to push his worries aside for a little while. It was when his stomach growled that he got startled him and quickly pulled his shirt down before returning to the kitchen.
“That’s just hunger you delusional idiot,” he told himself after a moment of thinking about what just happened. He placed his palm on his forehead and exhaled deeply as he shook his head in disbelief.
The young omega turned on the radio and started unpacking his bag, feeling oddly at peace. He took the fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and other vegetables he’d bought so he could clean them. He’s always found cutting vegetables satisfying, especially after he learned how to do it quickly and precisely.
He cut two chicken breasts into small squares and put them on a saucepan where he’d let some butter melt. He wasn’t sure if he should change something about his eating habits now that he was pregnant, but he felt he couldn’t go wrong with chicken meat and vegetables.
It only took him about fifteen minutes to finish the simple dish. He mixed it all together in a small bowl and went to the pink couch to watch TV. They didn’t have many channels, so he often watched documentaries on YouTube. It was Taehyung who made him watch one animal documentary and it soon became their thing.
He was in the middle of a movie about a snake island in Brazil when he heard the entrance door being shut. He tilted his head back to see his brother who was just taking off his shoes. Jeongguk had almost forgotten about the conversation he was going to have with Yoongi, but it was unavoidable.
“Hey there my big boy,” Yoongi teased him once he sat down next to him and cupped his cheeks, still wearing his jacket. It was as if the older had been impatient about reuniting with Jeongguk even though they’d only spent several hours without each other. The cold fingertips were so welcome on the younger’s skin, as well as the kisses he received on his forehead. He finally felt some affection, so he didn’t hesitate before he climbed on the older’s lap and hugged him tightly. “Wow, I can’t believe I’m getting attention from my little brother. Whom can I thank for this?” Yoongi laughed fondly as he wrapped his arms around the boy.
Jeongguk wondered if there was such thing as the right time to share the news. He had no idea how to tell Yoongi without making him panic. He was finally feeling calm, so he didn’t want to fall back into anxiety, but he needed to tell him. The sooner the better. He couldn’t deal with it on his own.
“Yoongi,” Jeongguk started as he got back to his previous spot on the couch, crossing his legs. He could already see the worry in his brother’s eyes, he knew the older could already tell something was wrong when he spoke. “A lot of things happened today, but I need you to stay calm for both your good and mine. Pinky promise me that,” he insisted, offering Yoongi his pinky finger.
He wasn’t as nervous as he was when he was at Taehyung’s office, but there was still some uneasiness in the pit on his stomach left. He knew Yoongi was going to scold for the lies, but he wasn’t going to yell at him or blame him.
The older linked their fingers and looked at him in anticipation. It wasn’t like Jeongguk was trying to create a tension by taking his time to speak. He was genuinely trying to find the right words to explain his situation without scaring Yoongi immediately. “So, the thing is- I’m pregnant.”
“What? But how? You haven’t been with anyone since you broke up with Taehyung and you were on birth control while you were with him,” Yoongi asked, feeling confused about how the younger got in such situation when he was protected.
That was something Jeongguk hadn’t thought about. He had to tell him the whole truth and he knew that the lies about the pills might make the older a little upset, so he had to be careful with his words.
He intertwined their fingers and looked at his brother with guilt in his eyes. He could already feel the initial peace leave his body, slowly being replaced by despair and anxiety. He was thankful Yoongi wasn’t pressuring him and letting him take his time to explain, but he saw he was also dying to know the answers.
“I r-ran out of the pills and was too afraid to ask you because I knew I would just be lectured about how important it was for me to have my family care specialist,” he said hesitantly, watching the older’s confusion change into shock and disbelief. There was disappointment in Yoongi’s eyes and Jeongguk couldn’t bear that.
“And you thought it was a good idea to have sex when you knew you weren’t protected? Christ Guk what were you thinking?” Yoongi said as he jolted up. His voice wasn’t mean, he wasn’t angry, he was just extremely disappointment and devastated.
For a moment the possibility of Yoongi ditching Jeongguk because of that flashed through his mind and that triggered all the emotions inside him. He couldn’t stop himself from crying. “Y-Yoonie, I’m s-sorry I know it was irrational b-but please don’t leave me. I need you,” he said through sobs which immediately snapped Yoongi out of his thoughts.
It only took a few seconds before Jeongguk felt his brother’s arms around him once again. “Shh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just shocked and upset now, but I would never leave you,” he said quietly as he rocked the younger’s body, peppering kisses on top of his head.
“That’s not all,” Jeongguk said after he gulped, burying his face in the crook of his brother’s neck to inhale the comforting honey and milk scent. It was like a lullaby to him, making him a lot calmer. “Taehyung’s the doctor. He did my examination and he’s my family doctor now.”
“S-shit,” Yoongi cursed because the whole situation was complicated and Jeongguk didn’t blame him for reacting that way. He himself spent hours in despair, trying to take in all the facts. “What did he say?”
Yoongi gently pushed him further away from himself just so they could face each other. His eyebrows were raised as if his question was obvious. “I mean how did he react when he learned he was going to be a father just like that? He must have said something.”
That was another thing Yoongi wouldn’t like, another thing Jeongguk didn’t think over. He sobbed as he shook his head before he returned to the safety of his brother’s neck. “I told him it was someone else’s,” he admitted quietly.
There was a moment of silence. Yoongi was probably gathering his thoughts, putting the pieces together while he still rocked the younger in his arms. Jeongguk patiently waited for what he had to say, brushing his nose again the older’s jaw and pressing a peck on his neck as if he was trying to bribe him with affection.
A deep sigh escaped the older’s lips before Jeongguk felt himself being squeezed tightly. “I’m not going to lie. I think lying to Taehyung was wrong and I hope you reconsider that later. I know that you must be emotionally tired after such a day, so I think we should postpone this conversation to when we both feel a little better,” the older suggested, making Jeongguk nod against his neck.
The amount of consideration Yoongi had was unbelievable. Jeongguk felt relieved that he didn’t have to go through another long talk to explain everything, His own thoughts weren’t in place and he figured it would be better if he himself put them in order first before deciding on his future.
Just letting it out was more than enough of comfort for him at the moment. He knew Yoongi had his back at all costs. He wasn’t in it alone and that knowing that made his heart a lot lighter. It wasn’t going to be easy even with Yoongi around, but it was better than having no one at all.
Either way, he couldn’t find himself to be happy about being pregnant. There was absolutely no moment when he felt excited about it. He wasn’t sure if that was going to change at some point, but for the time being he wasn’t fond of his pregnancy.
Taehyung often talked about how being pregnant was one of the most beautiful moments of life. He talked about it with such passion as if it was something magical and unforgettable. But Jeongguk couldn’t see that. He only saw the problems that came with it, instead of realizing the positives.
“Are you angry at me?” The younger asked after a moment when he pulled away from his brother. He wasn’t sure of the reason why he had the sudden urge to ask the question. He knew the older wasn’t angry, yet he wanted to hear it. He wanted reassurance.
“What? No! Of course I am not angry. Jeonggukie, I don’t want you to look at this as something terrible. It’s not what you wanted, sure, but you are carrying a new life down here,” Yoongi said with a smile as he placed his palm on the younger’s stomach. “It’s beautiful. Try to think of the better side.”
Jeongguk couldn’t. He’d tried to find something positive about his situation, but couldn’t. Although, feeling his brother’s hand on his belly felt somewhat different. It created a very faint tingling inside his stomach and maybe that was a good start to optimism.
“Ugh, there’s a picture on the counter. I- couldn’t look at it, but if you want to you can see it,” Jeongguk said hesitantly, playing with his fingers as he tried to push his curiosity deeper inside his mind.
Yoongi got up without a moment of hesitation and for a second Jeongguk felt jealous. He felt a weird burning inside his chest, not liking the fact that he wasn’t going to be the first or the second to see the picture. It was his child, so why was he trying so hard to avoid it?
“Oh my god,” the older squealed when he opened the envelope and returned to the couch with the photo in his hand. “This is so adorable. It’s so tiny. Come on little one, you have to see it,” he tried to convince him, but Jeongguk only shook his head, deciding to stay in denial
He had his chance to be the second one to see it so why was he feeling angry now that he missed that opportunity? It was all very confusing, so he got up, saying he was going to take a shower. He only hoped it would make him feel better.
The day was coming to an end and Jeongguk could already feel how exhausted his body was. He figured there was no point in him going to school the next day because he would only be anxious. He needed to get himself back together if he wanted to go back to classes.
His future remained a huge question mark as he lied down in his bed, being embraced by his brother’s arms immediately, but whether he wanted or not, it was the beginning of something new. It was only up to him what kind of path he would walk.
Thank you for reading this chapter! Please let me know whether you liked it or not. The pace is a little slow now, but I feel like this moment was important so I made it like this. The emotions and mentality is important and this is the initial stage of the eventual progress. Anyway if you have any questions feel free to ask me here or on Twitter @gukkiepie
I don't know when the next chapter will be up because my uni is starting and I will be quite busy but I will do my best to update once or twice a week. I also have other stories to take care of so all I'm asking for it patience uwu <3 ILY
Taehyung was naturally a bubbly person. He always loved talking to people even though they were strangers or just his neighbors that he didn’t know too well. He wouldn’t go a day without smiling because he wanted to make the ones around him as happy as possible and he knew a smile was a good addition to it.
Ever since he was young, he’s been fascinated by medicine. Maybe it was his parents who guided him that way, both being doctors or maybe he just loved the magic that hid behind it. He found healing impressive even when he was just a little boy which made his passion and will to become just like his parents grow more and more.
Family was always his top priority which was why he chose his specialization. Helping people get their families in order and watching a new life being born motivated him to become a family care specialist and as soon as he got to try it in the new clinic, he knew he was never going to regret his decision.
Only a month has passed ever since he started working there, yet he became good friends with all of his colleagues. He was in his last year of university and he could already feel all the pressure he’d feel when the exam period would approach. Studying and working at the same time was exhausting and left him almost no time for himself, but it was worth it.
Taking care of his patients was something he treasured deeply and made sure to give them the best comfort and professional attitude. The clinic where he worked was one of the best hospitals concerning family care in the city and he was proud to have the opportunity to work there.
Fridays were his favorite because he got to spend the whole day in the clinic. In the morning he had the office and in the afternoon the consulting hours. It always brought him joy, he learned new things and met his patients which he knew well since he didn’t have many. It was a good way to welcome the weekend. Except, this time it wasn’t.
Learning about his ex-boyfriend’s pregnancy was the most difficult information he has ever had to take in because his feelings for him never faded away. School and work kept him busy, but whenever he returned home he always thought about Jeongguk. He thought of their happy moments and it always warmed his heart because they didn’t end things badly.
He knew the omega was free as soon as they broke up, so he had no rights to feel betrayed, yet the realization hit him hard in his chest. He didn’t want to believe Jeongguk was a person who would run after somebody else just a few days after they parted their ways, but it turned out that he was wrong.
“What’s wrong with you?” Seokjin chuckled and broke the train of the younger’s thoughts. They were both sitting on Taehyung’s couch, watching Netflix to rest after a long day of work just like did every few days.
Maybe inviting the older after such a stressful day wasn’t a good idea, but Taehyung thought it would make him forget things. Seokjin always had something to say, always made his mood a bit better in case he was triggered by something that happened in school, but this time, despite Seokjin’s tries, he felt completely and utterly devastated.
All he could focus on was Jeongguk and the newly found information about him. They often dreamed of having a family together, they talked about where they would live or how they would call their children. But now, it was all gone. Jeongguk was going to have it with someone that wasn’t him and it was his own fault.
If he had paid more attention to Jeongguk back when they were dating, the younger would never even consider breaking up. He should have figured out how to separate time for both his studies and his boyfriend, but he failed to do that. It was around the time he started looking for a place to start his attestation too, so he was extremely busy and the young omega couldn’t understand it.
When Jeongguk told him he wanted to break up, he wasn’t ready. He tried to talk him out of it, tried to explain that he wasn’t ignoring him or that he wasn’t any less important, but the boy didn’t listen. He understood. After a while, Taehyung realized that maybe if he had done a bit better, they could have still been together. He could have been the father of his child.
“I had a very tough day,” Taehyung sighed after a while, thinking maybe talking to his friend would make him feel better. Seeing the puzzled and encouraging expression on Seokjin’s face made him think that maybe if he talked about it to someone, he would be able to get over the fact. He needed to give Jeongguk his best care after all and he couldn’t do that if he felt hurt.
It was already difficult earlier that day when the omega visited him in the office. Having to hide his emotions and not breaking there on his desk was extremely hard even for someone like him who was good at controlling his emotions. Although, Jeongguk always had a more powerful effect on him, so it wasn’t that surprising.
“Wanna talk about it?” Seokjin asked kindly as he took his hand into his own to support him. Taehyung was thankful for the older because he helped him a lot. It was thanks to him that he got to work at the clinic because he and his father also worked there. They were close friends and Taehyung knew he could trust him with his darkest emotions.
The movie played in the background, neither of them paying attention to it. Taehyung didn’t even know how to start even though it was quite simple. He told the older about how Jeongguk visited him and how happy he was to see him because the younger had kept postponing his very first examination.
Seokjin knew about his ex-boyfriend for they met a few times. Jeongguk wasn’t fond of him because Taehyung spent a lot of time with him especially when they started preparing things for the attestation and when the older tutored him to be able to pass and apply for the position in the clinic.
“Long story short, he’s pregnant and it’s not my child,” Taehyung said, skipping all the unnecessary details. He should feel embarrassed or even offended for being dumped by an omega, but he wasn’t one of those alphas who thought they owned the world. Jeongguk, or any other human being, no matter the rank, was a person of his own and had the right to change their mind about something even though it was sometimes painful.
Having said the words out loud, Taehyung’s eyes became watery, but he didn’t care. He never thought crying was something to be ashamed of even though the other alphas claimed the opposite. He knew Seokjin wouldn’t mind either and so he let his tears fall onto his cheeks as he kept repeating the sentence in his head.
His chest felt a lot smaller now that it was enveloped by pain. It was difficult to breathe, more difficult to think or talk with each passing second. He was getting lost in his feelings, lost in the past when he felt his friend wrapping his arms around him as he tried to sooth him, but the embrace was cold, not reaching his heart.
“Are you sure it’s not yours? I mean you guys just broke up a while ago right?” Seokjin asked carefully, knowing it could hurt the boy in his arms even more if he wasn’t cautious. He meant no harm with the question and Taehyung knew that even though he didn’t want to get false hope.
“Yes. He was on birth control when we were together. Now he’s about six weeks pregnant which I didn’t even tell him or explain what was happening at this period because he had a panic attack,” Taehyung explained as he wiped the tears on his face. “He said his last intercourse was five weeks ago, but according to what I saw, he must have been impregnated a few days after we broke up. Can you believe it?”
Taehyung himself was shocked to learn that because he never thought the boy would be able to move on so quickly. He thought their love was genuine, but maybe in the end Jeongguk just found an easy way out by blaming him for not having enough time for him.
Weeks spent in guilt for nothing. It all made sense to him. Jeongguk didn’t want to hurt him, so he tried to twist their situation around to make himself as the victim while all he wanted was another guy. That was the most likely scenario swimming in Taehyung’s head at least, he didn’t want to accuse his ex-boyfriend from anything unless he was absolutely sure of it, but the current situation was a very strong argument.
“I’m so sorry you had to find out this way Tae. You can pass him to me or to someone else you know? You don’t have to torture yourself,” Seokjin said as he ran his fingers through the younger’s hair gently which made Taehyung close his eyes and focus on the movement. It might have worked for a while, but the second he opened his eyes he remembered why he’d been crying.
“It’s fine Seok. I want to take care of him, I don’t even know if this person who impregnated him is capable of looking after him, so I need to make sure he has everything he needs and I can do just that while being his doctor,” he explained his stance and immediately saw some understanding in the older’s brown eyes.
Seokjin was very attractive. His black wavy hair went well with his dark eyes and long eyelashes. His skin was absolutely flawless which always made Taehyung a little jealous because he himself had dark circles under his eyes from all the overworking and figured it was something he wouldn’t be able to get rid of anymore.
It wasn’t like Taehyung was looking for a partner, but he could see himself and Seokjin as a couple. They had a lot in common, yet they were different which was a welcoming contrast in relationships. Their dynamic was also very sparkly for they both managed to joke around each other without getting offended and they also trusted each other enough to share their secrets.
Taehyung felt bad for thinking about Seokjin like that when he was one of the reasons Jeongguk supposedly broke up with him for he blamed him for spending more time with the older than him which was true at that time, but they only studied and worked together, so Taehyung never saw it that way. It was something he found necessary, so he didn’t even consider Jeongguk would look into it from a different perspective.
“I know. I just want you to know that it’s an option,” the older smiled and rocked his body.
For Taehyung it wasn’t an option. He’d rather spend time with Jeongguk even though it would hurt him than leaving him with a random doctor, knowing how irritated and scared the younger got whenever he had to visit one. His love was stronger and Jeongguk’s happiness mattered to him the most.
“It was really difficult today,” Taehyung said, his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence as new tears occupied his cheeks. “H-how could he do that to me? It was almost impossible to smile and act professional around him,” he cried, laying his head on one of the throw pillows Seokjin had on his lap.
“I know, but you are very strong Tae. You’ll be fine. It will take months or years even, but you’ll be fine. I will help you, I promise,” the older said as he leaned down to kiss the younger’s forehead as if he was trying to seal his words. Taehyung appreciated all the affection and comfort he could get even though he knew it wasn’t likely to heal him, but just knowing somebody was there for him was more than enough.
His heart felt incomplete and he could only wonder if he would ever be able to collect all the shattered pieces and stick it back together. He wondered if things would get easier each time Jeongguk visited him or the other way around. He wanted to know the whole story which was why he hoped the boy would listen to his advice and make an appointment for his Friday afternoon session.
“He will have a f-family. We always talked about having a family together. I was his first and I was supposed to be his last as well,” he said through sobs as he slowly broke in the older’s arms. At that point, he believed he’d experienced as much pain as it was physically and mentally possible. All of his dreams of having Jeongguk as a mate were gone just like that.
Taehyung thought pregnancy was one of the most beautiful moments in one’s life and just the thought of not being able to share that with the boy he adored was heartbreaking. He’d always daydreamed about how he would take care of Jeongguk while they waited for they baby. It was supposed to be something they would enjoy together.
“You will have a family of your own. There’s no way you won’t find someone who would love you. You’re a beautiful person, both inside and outside. Jeongguk’s a fool for letting you go. He is the one who lost, not you,” Seokjin continued whispering comforting words even though it wasn’t really helping because Taehyung’s rationality was blocked by his own emotions and love for the boy who hurt him.
It was when his tummy growled did he realize he hasn’t eaten since his lunch break before Jeongguk came to the clinic. It was past nine in the evening now and he was starving, yet he couldn’t bring himself to get up and make something to eat. He didn’t even feel like eating, but he knew he had to stay healthy.
Seokjin insisted on him eating at least something small, so he asked if it was okay for him to make them pancakes and he only agreed to get some time alone and think without having to control himself about his reactions. He curled up in a ball and hugged a different pillow as he closed his eyes and hoped to doze off until his favorite pancakes were ready.
He wanted to forget at least for a little while, but he couldn’t, the image of Jeongguk being pregnant lingering in his mind. He wanted to know if the boy was happy about the fact. He knew the omega was absolutely terrified given the panic attack he had in his office which made him wonder if the father of his child was just his hook-up or if he was in a serious relationship with him.
Either way, he was sure of one thing; Jeongguk was over him. There were many questions in his head, but that one thing was absolutely clear. Touching his chest, he remembered how happy he and Jeongguk used to be in summer which was just a few months ago. It was ridiculous just how much has changed ever since.
He longed for the raspberry tulips scent and for the younger’s light green eyes that shone brightly when he was in pleasure. Taehyung often felt proud for being able to make his eyes sparkle like that. But now he knew he would never be able to do that again and it made his wounds even deeper.
“Here you go precious, your favorite pancakes,” Seokjin said and helped him up before he put a tray with goods on his knees. There were several pancakes stacked on top, banana cut in pieces in an extra bowl, maple syrup in a tiny jar, some cream and a glass of mango juice that he loved. It was his favorite breakfast combination, but he could eat it anytime.
The older went back to the kitchen, probably to take a plate of his own, when Taehyung put the extras together and rolled the pancake to take a bite. Seokjin’s cooking was great which he’d already known. These pancakes were no exception, the dough was soft and sweet just right, yet he couldn’t seem to enjoy it one bit.
“Thank you,” Taehyung said when the older returned and sat down next to him, changing the series they’d been watching to a documentary about neurology which they both enjoyed. “For staying with me, taking care of me and listening to me. It means a lot,” he specified.
“You know, I think you should talk to Namjoon about this. You’ve got a lot going on and I think talking about it with someone regularly would help you,” the older suggested with a smile, ruffling the younger’s hair before he returned his attention to the documentary.
Namjoon was, just like Taehyung, in his second year of the master’s degree, studying psychology. He was also doing his attestation in a private clinic, so he was quite experienced already and Taehyung has thought of asking him for help since they were good friends. He believed the beta wouldn’t have a problem at all for he also liked helping people, especially his closest friends and family.
“I should do that, shouldn’t I?” Taehyung chuckled now that there were no more tears left to cry and he was left with emptiness. “I will see if he is free tomorrow or on Sunday because I doubt either of us would have time during the week,” he said just to keep the conversation going.
Studying medicine, Taehyung knew just how important mental health was and he couldn’t let his depression or heartbreak ruin what he’s been building. He needed a clear mind to work with his patients and since Jeongguk was the only thing that occupied his mind lately, he had to make sure to get his thoughts together before he went to work again on Tuesday.
Waking up to an empty apartment used to be quite enjoyable. It made Taehyung feel like an adult, it gave him the comfort of having a household of his own. He loved being independent and even though he got the apartment with the help of his parents, it still made him feel proud. He knew sooner or later he would earn enough money to repay them and have a place that could be his own.
What he loved the most about having his own home was when his ex-boyfriend stayed over. They had the privacy they didn’t have at the younger’s place because of his brother whom Taehyung loved, but there were times when the couple wanted to be alone. The cheerful laughs that no longer filled his bedroom would linger in his heart for a very long time.
Every Saturday, Taehyung would clean his suite, but this time he barely washed up and grabbed a yoghurt for breakfast. He texted Namjoon to see if he could find an hour to meet up in a coffee shop in the afternoon to talk, but he hasn’t replied yet, so he only threw himself on the couch in the living-room, turned on the TV and watched the first movie that showed up.
It was a documentary about pandas, something Jeongguk would like or so he thought. He smiled when he remembered all the questions the younger asked him whenever they watched some educational movies or videos, how his mouth dropped open from all the new facts Taehyung shared with him or how wide his eyes became.
Until recently, he was able to smile fondly when he remembered those moments. The memories they’d created made him happy even after their break up. Jeongguk always surprised him with his cheerful behavior, he loved how unique he was. That was why the moment the boy decided it was time for them to part broke him.
It was one of the most difficult periods of the alpha’s life. Studying medicine on its own was time-demanding and together with the attestation, almost no time to rest was left for him which led to Jeongguk breaking up with him. He accepted it because he thought the boy loved him anyway and that maybe one day their paths could meet again, he thought it was a temporary parting, but he was wrong.
His happy memories that were once his safe haven now turned a little darker. Thinking about those times no longer warmed him, but it made him shiver. His eyes no longer sparkled at the image, but they were filled with tears that slowly created wet traces on his cheeks. His heart was bleeding from all the pain and damage he’s been through and he didn’t know if he could ever stitch it up.
No matter how hard it was, he had to keep going. He was going to bury himself with paperwork and books he had to study, just like he did back then. It helped him keep his mind off things, but somehow he didn’t believe it was going to be so helpful this time. The wounds were deeper.
It was around three in the afternoon when he finally met up with Namjoon, already regretting picking a public place since a small coffee shop with peaceful jazz music didn’t feel right for their talk. For what it was worth, the smell of cocoa blocked all the other scents which was something Taehyung was thankful for because he could still remember how vibrant Jeongguk’s scent was just a day prior.
They were both seated in dark green armchairs, a small wooden table separating them. Somehow, the gloomy weather he could see from where he sat by the window made him feel a little better. Knowing he wasn’t the only one in despair made him feel relieved and most importantly, it made him less lonely.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go to my office Tae? This place is nice and they make great americano, but I don’t know if we will have enough peace to talk about your feelings here,” Namjoon spoke when they got their drinks and both took a sip to taste their coffee.
The beta was the same age as him, yet Taehyung felt the obvious gap between them. Namjoon seemed a lot more sophisticated, just the way he spoke made a difference. He’d never noticed before, but the boy was perfectly able to switch between moods to meet the one that was needed for each situation.
Maybe the fact that they were between people made him think his situation wasn’t as bad. Being a doctor, he was supposed to understand there was nothing wrong with visiting an office, yet he was absolutely terrified to do so. Even though it was unreasonable, he thought his state would become more real if he’d done that. That was exactly why he felt immature compared to the beta across him.
“No, it’s fine. I’ve cried enough already,” he chuckled bitterly before he took a sip of his drink to earn some time and gather his thoughts.
Namjoon gave him a small smile before he took out a folder with papers and a fancy golden pen. It almost seemed like a job interview and the thought made the alpha feel a little ridiculous considering the truth behind their meeting.
Taking notes wasn’t something each psychologist did during the session. Taehyung himself preferred talking to his patients first and sum up everything at the end, but he knew the beta was an organized person, so he understood why he wanted to keep track of their session to make sure not to miss any detail. Though, at that moment, the alpha wished they would keep their talk informal.
“So, you can tell me what worries you now. You don’t have to tell me everything right away if you don’t feel comfortable. If you still want to continue our meetings after this, we can unwrap the situation gradually,” Namjoon said, placing his folder on his knees so he could take his cup of americano and sip on it carefully while he let Taehyung explain his situation.
The image of Jeongguk visiting him the other day popped inside his head. The expression on his face was unreadable, he was scared and relieved for sure, but he couldn’t see past that. He wanted to talk to him, ask him how he felt because being pregnant at his age wasn’t easy and even though it was going to hurt, he wanted to help him.
But for the time being, his own emotions were to be taken care of. He had a huge burden on his chest and wanted to get rid of some of it, so he could breath properly again. He had a lot of responsibilities and he couldn’t afford being down or depressed, after all his career and his patients were his priority now.
“You remember my ex-boyfriend Jeongguk, right?” He asked with a small smile, looking at the pretty single rose in a glass vase in the middle of their table. The question was unnecessary because he knew the answer. Jeongguk was fond of Namjoon when they were introduced and so was the beta. They would often go out together with Yoongi back in summer when things were still perfect between them.
He missed those times more than anything, but they only remained a memory. A painful memory. All that was left of the moments he spent with Jeongguk and his older brother had turned into ashes, but as long as there was want, there was hope too and Taehyung could only dream of something new being reborn from the gray powder just like a phoenix.
But those things didn’t happen in real life. He couldn’t just expect his ex-lover to ditch whomever was the father of his child to be with him. He wasn’t sure if he himself would be able to raise Jeongguk’s baby with him, knowing it was someone else’s, his alpha nature could be controlled but it had its limits.
“Well, he came to my office yesterday to do pregnancy tests and it turns out he is pregnant. He must have had an intercourse with someone a few days after our break-up or at least that’s what I gathered from the examination. I really- I couldn’t handle my emotions p-properly yesterday. I wanted to be angry, I wanted-“ He started explaining what happened quickly, forgetting to breath which made him cough from how dry his throat became.
Namjoon quickly passed him the glass of water that came with their coffee and helped him drink up. “I need you to breathe Tae, I know it’s difficult to talk about, but we have time, there is no need to rush things,” he said as he gently rubbed his back, moving his chair closer to him, so he could reach him whenever he needed to.
Telling the whole story from the very beginning until the end felt relieving once Taehyung finally managed to explain how he felt about the situation. He told Namjoon everything he went through during Jeongguk’s visit or how he handled himself in the evening when Seokjin was over at his place.
“I think the smartest option for you would be to redirect him to a different doctor, but I’m sure you’ve thought about that by now and knowing you, I’m quite positive you decided against it, right?” Namjoon asked when he wrote things he needed on his papers. It was time to conclude everything and to pick a sort of a goal that would help Taehyung get through his situation. The problem was, there was no way out of his misery, or that was what the alpha believed.
Leaving Jeongguk would be the easiest way to go around the problem, but he didn’t trust anyone to take care of him, so having him close especially during such an important period of life would make him feel relieved. Besides, the fact that Jeongguk agreed to stay under his wings gave him hope that maybe that was how things between them were supposed to be.
Staying with Jeongguk and watching his child grow would be an emotional torture for another eight months or so, yet he was willing to go through it all just to make sure the boy was okay because his love never faded.
“Right, I can’t leave him. I think having him in such way is better than not having him at all. I think this is the final path I have to walk with him. Once his baby is born and he gets mated, it’s over. He’ll be happy and I just have to make sure he gets there,” he explained his reasons.
Namjoon’s expression remained neutral with a gentle smile. Taehyung wasn’t sure what the beta thought of his words, but he knew he was going to support his decision and do his best to help him handle it emotionally.
“I understand that. So, does that mean you will redirect him when his baby is born? You will no longer be his doctor once you assure his safety and happiness?” The beta asked and looked at him with concern.
That wasn’t something Taehyung had a chance to think about or consider. It felt so far away he didn’t even want to think about it, but he knew having a sort of ending point would be good for him. He couldn’t live in despair and heartbreak forever after all.
“I don’t know,” he sighed in the end. “I have to think about that. I don’t even know who the father of his child is. I want to know he is in good hands because if he gets mated, there won’t be a place for me anymore,” he said, burying his face into his palms in hopes he would stop his tears from appearing if he pressed his palms against his eyes.
“What would you do if the child was yours?”
The question stabbed. He knew Namjoon was just trying to find something to make him feel better. If the answer to the given question was something negative, maybe accepting the fact the baby wasn’t his would be easier. But that wasn’t the case.
He often dreamed of having a family with Jeongguk. They’d dated for a couple of years before they decided to end it and not once did they imagine how it would be like to have a child together. It was a naïve and at that time unrealistic dream, but they enjoyed talking about it and Taehyung meant everything he said.
“Nothing would make me happier,” he said, smiling at the thought, a series of silent tears rolling down his cheeks that he didn’t even bother to wipe. “But that’s not the case, so I shouldn’t allow myself to imagine that. It’s not fair to Jeongguk and his partner.”
“Right, in this case, I think you should try to keep a professional boundary between you two. I’m not saying you can’t have a friendly conversation because I’m sure both of you need that kind of compensation, but I suggest you avoid meeting him outside your office,” he said once he took Taehyung’s hands into his own, gently caressing his knuckles.
Nodding, Taehyung laid his head on the older’s shoulder. It wasn’t like Jeongguk wanted to meet up with him anyway. He hasn’t received a single call or a text after they broke up, so their sudden reunion wasn’t going to change anything about that. He didn’t think the omega’s new partner would like it if he talked to his ex-boyfriend either, so basically there was no other way to go around their relationship.
“I know. I don’t think he will show up to my consulting sessions, so I will only see him every three weeks. I wish he came to visit me next Friday though, I didn’t have a chance to tell him much about the weekly progress of his body and I usually explain everything about the growth of the fetus, so the parents can form a stronger bond,” he said quietly, more to himself than to Namjoon.
Given Jeongguk’s panic attack, Taehyung was forced to stop their examination earlier, seeing the negative reaction from the boy. He couldn’t make him continue while he was having a breakdown, so he thought the detailed explanation would have to wait until next time. He just hoped Jeongguk understood everything important and wouldn’t do anything that could harm him or the baby.
“He didn’t even want to see the ultrasound Joon. I don’t think he’s happy about the pregnancy and that’s what worries me the most,” he continued sharing his thoughts with someone who could give him an honest opinion without trying to sugarcoat the truth for his sake.
“That’s nothing something you should think about Tae. I know you are worried about him, but you no longer belong to his personal life. If he opens up to you and shares his thoughts, then you can try to do something, but otherwise I think it’s better if you keep your distance.” It was something Taehyung knew Namjoon would say, therefore he wasn’t surprised. He completely agreed with his words even though it hurt. He was no longer a part of Jeongguk’s life.
To end their session, Namjoon ordered a piece of apple pie for Taehyung, which was one of his favorite desserts, to make him feel better. Despite having a sweet tooth, Taehyung knew no cake could help him with his sadness and sorrow at that moment, but either way, he was thankful for Namjoon who listened to him and helped him in a way he could.
The momentary relief faded as soon as Taehyung parted his ways with Namjoon and was left alone with his thoughts again. Talking about his issues surely helped and he agreed to meet with his friend again next week in the beta’s office since they both agreed having privacy was much better than being surrounded by people in a café.
It was still cloudy outside, painting the scenery in different shades of grey. The puffy pillows covering the sky could start pouring rain anytime which was why everyone rushed back to their homes or cars. Everyone except Taehyung. He figured a walk would help him, so instead of taking a cab back home, he decided to have a tour around the city center and take a bus later.
He had to go home and study, but somehow that was the last thing he wanted to do. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate anyway, he wouldn’t be productive for a while. He was drowning in self-pity as he passed by small restaurants and bars that were filled with people who hid from the weather.
Feeling a few wet drops on his face made Taehyung look up and before he could even think about what to do, it started raining. He quickly ran into the closest restaurant on the other side of the street, thinking he might as well get something to eat since he hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast.
If it wasn’t for the rain, he wouldn’t force himself to eat anything even though he knew it was wrong. He couldn’t allow himself to neglect his needs if he wanted to finish his attestation well, so he could stay at the clinic and keep his reputation.
Looking for an empty spot, Taehyung scanned the restaurant, his eyes falling on a boy who looked familiar. His heartbeat immediately quickened at the possibility of Jeongguk sitting alone in the corner. He couldn’t see his face properly because he had a hoodie covering his eyes. He couldn’t even sense his iconic tulips and raspberry scent for there were too many people inside.
There was an empty table just a few seats away from him, so the alpha allowed himself to go for the spot, making sure to observe the male. Being closer didn’t help for the boy was looking at the whiskey glass, twirling the liquid inside. The realization made him freeze. Without a moment of hesitation he walked the few stairs to get on the platform with the table and grabbed the boy’s wrist before he could take a sip.
The familiar scent was noticeable now that he was close to his ex-boyfriend, making his heart jump. His hoodie rolled down when he looked up to meet his eyes. Neither of them said anything, they just stared at each other, feeling like deer caught in headlights.
The last thing Taehyung expected after his session with Namjoon was to see the reason of his despair. He knew he shouldn’t interfere, but he couldn’t let Jeongguk drink alcohol when he was pregnant, that was his responsibility as his doctor, or at least that’s what he told himself when he grabbed his wrist in the first place.
“What are you doing?!” He asked, unintentionally raising his voice, feeling his breathing quicken as well to match the pace of his heartbeat. The younger raised his eyebrows in confusion, his lips parting as if he was going to say something but no words left. “You cannot drink alcohol when you are pregnant! I thought that much was obvious,” he huffed and took the glass from the omega, placing it on the table far from the boy.
The exhaustion was obvious on Jeongguk’s face which made him wonder whether or not he got any sleep at all. The dark circles under his eyes made him look a little older, so it naturally made him worried, already thinking of different scenarios as to why the younger looked like that and he could only hope it wasn’t because of alcohol.
“Jeongguk, how can you be so irresponsible! Drinking whiskey one day after you found out you’re with pup?” He asked, this time his voice held disappointment rather than anger for he knew yelling at the omega wouldn’t help him one bit.
“A-apple juice,” Jeongguk said after he gulped, probably shocked to be seeing the alpha as well. His voice stuttered and Taehyung immediately felt bad for scaring the boy, especially because of a misunderstanding.
He exhaled in relief as he dropped himself into the empty chair next to Jeongguk, letting their hands fall on the table. He couldn’t believe how paranoid he became over the night, mentally slapping himself for not asking before scolding Jeongguk for drinking alcohol when in fact he was drinking his favorite juice.
It was as if he’d forgotten everything about the boy. He knew Jeongguk didn’t like drinking alcohol, he knew the boy preferred sleeping his worries away rather than getting drunk, so he snapped at him for no reason because he didn’t think twice about it.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked,” he said as he let go of the younger’s hand to rub his temples. He was afraid to even look at Jeongguk who was quietly sitting beside him because he couldn’t bear to see that he’d scared him. He rarely raised his voice at the omega, not even when they fought, always choosing the calm way to deal with their problems.
“It’s fine, I understand why you panicked, but ugh-“
The unfinished sentence made Taehyung open his eyes and only then did he notice there wasn’t only one glass on the table. There was no way he was ready to meet Jeongguk’s significant other when he looked like a mess and was emotionally unstable. He figured he might have to meet him eventually because couples liked to visit the doctor’s office later on together, but he needed to mentally prepare himself for that meeting.
He wasn’t sure how he would react once he saw the new guy in his ex-boyfriend’s life, seeing how well he’s been handling his emotions, he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t punch him right away if his alpha was triggered enough, or worse, he could make a fool of himself and cry his soul out in front of the whole restaurant and that wasn’t something he wanted, so he stood up rapidly and turned to face Jeongguk.
“I should get going, I don’t want to disturb you if you’re here with your mate to be, so yeah I’m-”
The familiar voice made Taehyung exhale in relief once again before he turned around and saw Yoongi. He couldn’t even put how happy he was to see the boy into words, so he just threw himself into his arms without questioning it. It hit him when he felt the lack of warmth of the embrace. Things weren’t the same, they weren’t the same.
He was going to pull away when Yoongi finally hugged him back, squeezing him. At that moment, Taehyung felt like crying, but not because he was sad, but because he was happy that Yoongi didn’t hold any grudges against him. The omega was just a year older than him, but he had more respect for him than he had for anyone else. He always thought of him as an older brother he never had and so knowing he still had him was definitely soothing.
“I’ll use the bathroom now too if you excuse me,” Jeongguk said, gave them a small smile before he left them alone.
Maybe it was his overexcited reaction that made Jeongguk uncomfortable and Taehyung should have thought of him when he hugged his brother like that. He didn’t mean to hurt the youngest by showing affection to his brother instead of him, he just knew he wasn’t in the position to be touchy with him anymore.
“Yoongi how is he? Please tell me he is okay. He seems drained. Did he sleep? Is he eating enough?” Taehyung showered the older with questions as soon as he realized he only had a few minutes before the younger returned and he had to make sure everything was well with the boy. “Is he happy? Has he looked at the ultrasound photo? Wait, he has told you right?”
The older chuckled at the panicky expression on Taehyung’s face when he realized he’d just spilled the tea without being sure Yoongi had already been told the news. It was the nth time of the day he’d lost control over his thoughts and actions, so he wouldn’t forgive himself if he ruined Jeongguk’s situation more as well.
“He has told me, don’t worry. You should sit down, you look pale,” Yoongi said and helped the alpha back on the chair, sitting down on his own spot as well. “I’m not going to lie, he isn’t handling the situation well. I took him out because he refused to eat at home, so I only bribed him with lamb skewers. You don’t look too well either. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you, but-“
“We don’t have time to talk about me. Please, I can’t look after him now, so I’m gonna ask you to make sure he doesn’t skip meals and gets enough sleep. He can’t drink or smoke, he should avoid stress at any cost and I think it would be good for him to spend time outside. Oh and- h-he should mate with the father of his child because of his scent,” he quickly started naming things that would help Jeongguk and his well-being. He trusted Yoongi to keep an eye on him, but the older wasn’t aware of everything concerning pregnancy, so he had a lot to say in a short amount of time before Jeongguk came back.
He must have looked a little out of his mind with all the rushing requests, desperation on his face more vibrant than ever for he didn’t know when he would have such an opportunity again. It was a big coincidence he entered the same restaurant as Jeongguk and Yoongi, so he thought of it as a sign to tell the older everything he could, so he knew how to take care of Jeongguk.
“He neglects the baby Tae, he hasn’t accepted them. He hasn’t looked at the picture you’d printed for him,” Yoongi said truthfully and Taehyung figured the omega himself was also worried about his younger brother. “I don’t know what to do. I know he isn’t ignorant enough to drink or do something that would hurt the child, but I’m seriously worried about him.”
Taehyung had expected the answer. He knew the panic attack Jeongguk had wasn’t unreasonable and that there was something more he wasn’t aware of that could have triggered it. “Yoongi, please try to convince him to visit me next Friday. I want to talk to him about this, I want to help him accept it. It’s a sort of a therapy where I can teach him about parenting and everything he needs to know,” he said, feeling hopeful for he knew the younger might listen to Yoongi’s suggestion.
Before Yoongi could reply, Jeongguk joined them again, so Taehyung straightened his back and looked at the younger whose eyes were a little red. The thought of being the reason why the boy could have possibly cried made him sick. He couldn’t bear being anything but happiness to his ex-boyfriend, so he got up.
“Where are you going? Eat with us, I mean you came here for a reason right?” Yoongi asked, exchanging a desperate gaze with the alpha.
From the short conversation he had with Yoongi he realized the older was clueless about what to do with his brother or how to treat him, how to make him feel better. He didn’t know how his presence would be helpful, but he considered the invitation. He dared to look at Jeongguk and met his eyes that were filled with either fear or hope, he couldn’t tell.
Spending time with the two of them again after so long was tempting, but Namjoon’s words honked in his head. He wasn’t supposed to be getting closer to Jeongguk, he was supposed to create a professional boundary between them. It was the best he could do for them both.
“I would love to, but I have lots of paperwork and studying waiting for me at home. I just came here to hide from the rain but it’s stopped now, so,” he said and noticed how Jeongguk looked out of the window to watch the people running down the wet pavements, holding umbrellas above their heads to protect themselves from the rain.
The youngest looked at him again with a pained expression and Taehyung already regretted saying that for he made it obvious that he didn’t want to stay with them, but in the end, he thought it was better that way. “When you get home have a nice nap alright? Hopefully it’ll still be raining then,” he said as he allowed himself to run his fingers through the boy’s hair just like he did the other day.
Taehyung was aware of how much Jeongguk loved rain which was why he suggested a nap in the first place. He hoped the gesture would compensate for his poor excuse to leave. The boy always said how much he enjoyed napping in Taehyung’s arms while it was raining outside because his fresh rainy scent gave him a greater experience and comfort.
“Take my umbrella,” Jeongguk said and passed him his favorite blue umbrella with red pom poms he’d adjusted himself.
“H-how do you know I don’t have one?” The alpha asked, his heart pulsing with both love and pain at the gesture.
“You never take one,” the boy scoffed as if the question was something ridiculous. “You can give it back to me next time we see each other at your office,” he said and put the older’s palm on the handle once he saw there was no attempt from his side, taking just a second to brush his knuckles gently.
The way they still knew each other’s habits and reacted to them naturally hurt Taehyung even more. Tears started gathering in his eyes again, so he thanked Jeongguk and wished them a nice day before he left the restaurant, clutching on the umbrella tightly because it was a promise of being able to see the boy he loved again.
Hello! I'm sorry for taking 5ever to update but I've been trying to change my lifestyle lately after struggling with some health issues. I will try to update this every Sunday from now on! I hope the waiting didn't discourage you and stop you from reading! Thank you for your patience <3
Please let me know what you think in the comments of on my twitter gukkiepie where you can check my pinned for more stories <3
See you next time ILY <333
Ten minutes have passed since Taehyung left the restaurant, five of which Jeongguk spent staring at his meal mindlessly. He’d been looking forward to eating some lamb skewers, mostly because he’d been starving which was his own fault for being too stubborn to eat at home. When his brother finally convinced him to go out to eat, he managed to forget about the whole misery he was going through.
That was until his ex-boyfriend showed up and reminded him of everything. He couldn’t believe the odds of meeting him in the restaurant for he thought the only place where he’d be seeing him from now on would be the clinic where the alpha worked. Seeing him in a public place with dozens of people made him wander back to the times when they used to go out for lunch or dinner every weekend.
Whether their latest interaction was relieving or not was debatable and that was exactly what kept Jeongguk thinking. He was glad to see his ex-lover, that much was obvious, but the wounds became deeper every time he saw him which was something he figured out the day before. Now, a day later and just a few minutes spent with him made him feel different things.
He smiled as the memory of Taehyung taking his hand to stop him from drinking ‘alcohol’ popped in his head. He figured the older would be very protective of him during pregnancy and somehow the idea made his heart warm. Closing his eyes, images of the alpha taking care of him while they expected their baby appeared and Jeongguk knew that once he opened his eyes again, the beautiful and heartwarming pictures would be blurred away.
“Jeongguk! Can’t you hear me?” Yoongi shook his arm to snap him back to reality, looking extremely worried. The younger had no idea how much time he spent in his thoughts, but he was sure his meal was cold now for he saw the older’s almost finished with his own. He wondered if Yoongi talked to him and he just blocked out his voice or if his brother just gave him a moment to think.
It was still raining outside, people were still running down the streets, not minding the puddles anymore for there was no dry spot in the whole city. The dark puffy clouds weren’t going to stop pouring anytime soon it seemed. Jeongguk remembered Taehyung’s words about napping and frowned because there was no way he would enjoy an afternoon slumber while it rained as much as he would if he was in the alpha’s embrace.
As he watched the raindrops slide down the window, he remembered the excuse Taehyung used when he wanted to leave. He wondered whether the alpha felt so uncomfortable around him that he couldn’t even bear a single meal with him and his brother. He wasn’t even that surprised because that was how things were between them before Jeongguk finally broke up with him.
“Hey, hey you’re trembling,” Yoongi tried to help him calm down once he moved his chair next to him to wrap his arms around him, not minding the fact that they were still in the restaurant, surrounded by many.
Jeongguk hadn’t even realized he was shaking and crying until it was explicitly mentioned. He looked at his hand and despite his blurred vision, he saw he was indeed trembling. Two mild panic attacks in a row made him wonder if it was always going to be like this from now on. His anxiety rapidly increased in a short period of time, so it was extremely difficult to contain, especially now that he was vulnerable.
“He left. He really doesn’t care about me anymore, does he? He even made it so fucking obvious that he didn’t want to be here with us. He didn’t even take his umbrella again, he’s so stupid I can’t believe him,” Jeongguk let his anger out as well as a new spring of tears rolling down his cheeks.
Maybe it was just the heat of the moment that made him speak those words or maybe he was genuinely angry at Taehyung for being so indifferent, he wasn’t sure of his own emotions at that point. He was so overwhelmed and lost he couldn’t spot any light at the end of the tunnel. He knew he was wrong, he knew that Taehyung did actually care for him, a lot too, but he couldn’t accept it then. All he focused was on the fact that he’d just been just ditched by his ex-boyfriend for no reason and just that on its own brought him to paranoia.
Yoongi took a clean tissue and wiped his tears, but his cheeks stayed dry for no longer than a few seconds. “He cares about you a lot. He asked me to look after you, he named things I should take care of, so that you are safe. He really wants the best for you and you know it, you’re just not thinking clearly. He-“
“Then why the fuck did he leave like that?! Why isn’t he the one taking care of me?!” The younger snapped, swatting his brother’s hand away to look at him strictly, waiting for a reasonable answer that would convince him into thinking that Taehyung actually had a legit excuse and not a false statement about the weather.
“Stop swearing and lower your voice, it’s not good for you now,” Yoongi said quietly after he looked around to meet a few curious eyes that looked their way. Jeongguk didn’t even consider feeling ashamed for the scene he was causing, all he wanted was an answer. “Why do you think he left? God Jeongguk you made him believe you’re expecting a child with someone else. He must be devastated,” the older said carefully.
The blood in Jeongguk’s veins boiled. He couldn’t believe Yoongi was actually defending Taehyung after everything that happened. “W-why are you on his side? I thought you said you’d stay with me, you don’t care about me either, nobody does,” he sobbed as the lonely image of himself took over him again. He wanted to go home and lock himself in his room to hide from everyone.
He was scared. That was the only thing he was sure of. He was scared of being alone, scared of not being able to take care of himself, scared of having no future, but most importantly, he was scared of losing himself. He got the taste of how his new life would be like and so far nothing good happened.
Morning sickness, tears, headache, no appetite, no sleep, more tears and heartache on repeat for the last few days. He felt disgusted with not only his situation, but himself as well. He hated being so weak, hated not being able to deal with the problem like an adult, but spent hours of pitying himself instead.
“Don’t ever say that again.” Yoongi said with a serious voice as he took his younger brother’s hands in his own and squeezed them tightly in reassurance. “I will always be on your side bun, no matter what. I’ll help you get through this, but you need to cooperate. We need to talk about this and we need to make the right decisions. Mom and dad will also help and support,” he said in hopes to help the younger understand that in no way he was alone in this.
“D-do you really think mom will support me when I don’t even have a mate? What will dad say? They’ll be disappointed,” Jeongguk contradicted the words as if he couldn’t allow himself to feel some sort of relieve or maybe he just needed more reassurance, maybe he wanted his brother to keep saying that until he finally understood and accepted it.
“We love you little one. There’s no way we are leaving you alone, trust me. I’m your big brother and I will take care of you, okay?” The older said as he pulled Jeongguk into his arms, the younger finally letting him embrace and comfort him.
Jeongguk crawled onto his brother’s lap to hug him properly, not planning to let go anytime soon. He thanked Yoongi for picking a relatively private spot for them, so he could cry without too many people focusing on him.
“I d-don’t want this Yoongi,” the boy sobbed into the older’s ear, keeping their cheeks pressed together. “I want this bad dream to be o-over,” he whispered and focused on his brother’s fingers that brushed his spine and hair in a peaceful pace that could make him fall asleep for he was already physically drained if it wasn’t for the fact they weren’t at home.
It wasn’t a moment to be spent in a restaurant, but people couldn’t always control life. Some things were simply unexpected and unavoidable. Some people won lotteries, some people ended up pregnant in twenty with no partner. Some were lucky, some weren’t. It wasn’t something that could be controlled.
“We’ll take a cab back home, let me go pay okay? Then we’ll have a long nap at home,” Yoongi said with more cheer in his voice, thinking the suggestion would brighten up the younger’s mood, but all Jeongguk managed to do was sigh deeply.
“We don’t have money to waste for a cab, we can just walk or take a bus,” he suggested instead before he returned to his own chair and examined his untouched meal, taking a piece to see if it was edible, grimacing at the taste.
It felt like all the things he loved vanished within the last day. He lost all the motivation for he believed he could no longer continue his career now that he was expecting a child. He didn’t even feel like he’d enjoy doing IT again, he didn’t think he would like the things he used to love just a week ago.
Yoongi shook his head and reached over to grab his wallet before he turned to the younger again. “We can still afford a cab ride, don’t worry,” he chuckled as he ruffled Jeongguk’s hair. “Besides, I can’t risk you getting a cold or something. You’re pregnant, so you have to be safe at all costs,” he got up, kissed the top of the boy’s head before he went to pay for their meal.
Jeongguk didn’t say it out loud, but he thought being pregnant was a sickness on its own. It brought no good for him, all it made him feel was nausea and depression. He’d prefer having a cold over being pregnant anytime. His stomach growled then, making him frown for he’d tried to avoid paying attention to it. He didn’t even want to think of it.
“Would you like me to pack this for you, sir? Sir?” The young waiter that had been serving them came to collect their plates, noticing the untouched portion. Jeongguk felt bad for wasting food like that, knowing how expensive it was, so he nodded and silently thanked the boy.
When Yoongi returned, his stomach growled louder, making the older smirk. “Seems like our baby is hungry,” he said playfully, but Jeongguk ignored the implication as he got up to put on his coat and his beanie so they could leave.
“I am hungry, true,” he said as he passed by his brother, making his way out of the restaurant. He wasn’t going to let Yoongi make such implications, it made him uncomfortable. Just the thought on its own made him nauseous, so he didn’t want to think about it more than he’d already done.
When they finally returned home, Jeongguk took his tiny can and started watering the plants in the living-room. He took care of each with extra care, washing every leaf with a small clean sponge. It was relaxing. He really loved the greenery he brought to their apartment and couldn’t wait for spring to get tulips that would brighten up their home even more.
Humming a soft melody, the boy felt at peace as he continued cleaning his plants with the television playing in the background. He put a documentary about the Amazon rainforest which was something he’d already had knowledge about, but it was always fascinating to learn something new, not to mention it created a calming atmosphere for he also felt like he was in a forest when he was surrounded by the plants.
Jeongguk got distracted when the movie showed the Amazon river, listening carefully to all the stated facts and feeling fascinated that something so astonishing existed. “You’re not planning to go there, are you?” Yoongi teased when he sat on the pink loveseat, placing a bowl on the coffee table.
The older’s voice caught Jeongguk’s attention from where he was sitting on the rug staring at the TV with his lips parted in amaze. “I would love to see it one day, but I doubt I will ever get the chance,” he replied, his eyes following the screen again.
They were both calm now that they were home, both taking a while for themselves before reuniting because the younger was triggered by the implication earlier. Jeongguk still hasn’t eaten because he’d lost appetite by the time they returned, but he could feel his stomach tightening and it was slowly becoming uncomfortable.
“Aren’t you afraid of the anacondas that live in the river?” The older asked with a soft grin on his face. Jeongguk knew he wasn’t asking all those questions because he was curious, it was his way of apologizing and trying to get close to his brother again.
Either way, Jeongguk went with the idea for he also didn’t think sulking would do him any good. “Anacondas aren’t even the most dangerous animal that lives there, it’s the caiman that’s the real deal,” he explained without looking at Yoongi for he didn’t want to miss anything from the documentary. “But I find anacondas more fascinating.”
“Okay my little anaconda lover, time for you to feed,” the older said with a chuckle as he pointed at the bowl he’d brought. “I made your favorite soup for you. I can also heat up the lamb skewers, but I figured you would say no to that.” Yoongi frowned when he saw the younger showed no interest, so he got up and pulled his younger brother up to his feet, dragging him to the loveseat between distracting tickles.
Jeongguk finally sat next to him, not being able to fight the tickling any longer. Looking at the soup, he didn’t really feel like eating it which made him concerned because he knew he had to eat. He wasn’t even forbidding himself to, he simply didn’t have the appetite for it. It was something he might have caused himself by not eating properly for the last week because of his morning sickness, he wasn’t sure, but he felt his organism becoming weak each day.
“Fine, I’ll feed you like I used to when you were five,” the older wasn’t having it anymore, so he gently pulled the giggling boy onto his lap before he took the bowl and the spoon from the coffee table. “I see you’re not even protesting,” he laughed when he realized Jeongguk didn’t try to escape once.
The truth was, Jeongguk longed for any kind of affection, for anything that would remind him he had people that would take care of him, so when his brother offered to feed him, he wasn’t going to pass on the offer. Warm memories from his childhood occupied his mind, the documentary long forgotten as he thought of his life back at home when they were kids.
“So, one for me?” Yoongi imitated his younger self as he held the spoon for his brother.
Jeongguk could barely stop himself from laughing before he slurped the soup, knowing how much it annoyed the older. To his surprise, there was no complaining this time and he figured his brother was probably too focused on getting him to eat rather than reliving the memories.
“A big one for Jiminie and Hoseokie?” The older continued after he named their entire family, moving onto their friend list which was quite short. “You’re enjoying this way too much you child,” he laughed again, but Jeongguk knew just how endeared he must have been.
“It feels nostalgic,” Jeongguk giggled after a few more names were said. He felt much better now that he’d eaten, gaining some energy and will to live back. What was the most relieving part about it was that once he tasted the soup, he actually enjoyed it and wanted to keep eating it.
His belly was content with the warm meal, so he considered going to bed right after to rest or maybe read something for the exams, suddenly feeling a little motivated. He made a mental note to text Hoseok and Jimin and ask them to come over or meet up somewhere on the following day.
“And the last one for the baby,” Yoongi said, holding the last spoon close to the younger’s mouth.
Jeongguk’s lips were pressed together in thin lines. “I’m full already, thank you, it was delicious,” he said strictly as he hopped off his brother’s lap to go to his room, but before he could do so, he was being sat on the couch once again.
All he wanted was to spend the rest of the evening in peace. Things were going so well until Yoongi mentioned the baby again. He wasn’t angry at him because he knew the older was just trying to help him accept them, but that was something he wanted to control himself and he was nowhere close to being able to feel love towards the child.
“Why are you doing this? It’s not the baby’s fault. You shouldn’t have this attitude, you should treat them with love Jeongguk. They’re your future, don’t you understand?” Yoongi tried to explain the importance of a parental bonding, but it wasn’t something the boy didn’t know, it was simply something he didn’t want.
“But I don’t love it, so I can’t treat it with love,” he scoffed, still being stubborn about it.
“It? Are you really calling your child an it?” Yoongi asked in disbelief, placing the empty bowl and the spoon back on the coffee table to give his full attention to his brother who had an ice-cold expression on his face now.
“It’s just a fetus Yoongi, not a big deal. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll go to sleep,” he said and was about to stand up again before the older stopped him one more time, now looking at him with anger in his eyes.
The older rarely got angry at Jeongguk for the two had a great brotherly relationship, both of them being able to rely on one another. Yoongi often got annoyed at his younger brother because the boy was quite energetic and liked to joke around until recently. Jeongguk was surprised to see the other’s eye color change into yellow even though it lasted just for a few seconds before he calmed down probably reminding himself that he couldn’t really yell at a pregnant person.
“No matter how big they are, they’re still your child. What are you going to say when they are born? Will it still be just a fetus for you? Won’t you care one bit? I know this is difficult for you, I know this isn’t how you wanted your life to go, but it is how your life is now and the sooner you accept it, the easier it will be,” Yoongi explained, his voice deeper than ever, lacking the usual tenderness and affection that he used with his brother ever since he learned about his pregnancy.
The same thing over and over again. Jeongguk’s heard that several times now and it was easy to say for someone who wasn’t going through it, someone who was just observing from the safety of their almost perfect life. He hated that Yoongi didn’t understand what he was going through, he hated that he couldn’t see that he wasn’t ready.
His eyes flashed with yellow from how angry he was. He couldn’t believe the older kept lecturing him, knowing it only stressed him even more than he’d been. It wasn’t something Jeongguk could explain, he couldn’t describe how much it hurt to know the man he loved and the father of his child was out of his reach.
It hurt more than anyone could imagine, or so Jeongguk thought, especially after all the ideas and dreams he and Taehyung had about their future. Having perfect images of a family he’d created in his mind when he was with his beloved was a mental torturing because he knew that wasn’t his reality. It was going to remain a dream, a hallucination and a naïve wish.
“You think I don’t know that?! You have no idea what it’s like! You can’t just wake up one morning to learn your life’s ruined and accept it the very next day. How can I accept it when I know I cannot take care of this child? That I have no partner to raise it with. Nobody will mate me when I’m pregnant with someone else’s baby,” he snapped at him for the second time that day.
He already knew there was nothing to say to make Yoongi understand. The fact that he needed his understanding now more than ever and not getting it made him devastated. Apart from Taehyung, Yoongi was the only one who knew about his pregnancy and even though he physically supported him, he wasn’t helping his mental health.
“Then maybe if you didn’t lie to Taehyung you would have a caring alpha to help you, but you are stubborn about this as well. Why don’t you just tell him the truth?! It’s the most logical thing to do,” Yoongi raised his voice as well, his eyes matching his brother’s now.
That bothered Jeongguk as well. He was going to tell his ex-boyfriend about it during the examination, but then he saw how happy the alpha was and figured he would just be turned down. He was sure the older was no longer in love with him, so there was no point in giving it a chance, no point in dragging him into something he didn’t want.
“Maybe because I don’t want to be a fucking responsibility to someone! Maybe because I don’t want him to feel obliged to be with me just because I carry his child! I don’t want to force him to mate him, I don’t want to mate with someone who doesn’t love me! I’m doing this for both his and my good. What’s there not to understand?!” He yelled, holding his tears back because he was too angry to allow himself to fall down onto his knees and cry.
The expression on his brother’s face softened after the explanation, his eyes turning back to brown. Yoongi tried to reach out to hold the younger, but Jeongguk was done with him for the day. He got up rapidly, burning holes into the older’s soul as if he was trying to express just how complicated the whole situation was just by looking for he didn’t know how to put it into words.
“Jeongguk, I’m sorry I-“
“Keep it. You don’t understand, so just keep your empty apology,” Jeongguk scoffed and went to the bathroom to splash water over his face to cool down.
The pressure in his head made him dizzy from how quickly he got up from the couch. He let the tap running as he continued cooling his face, not knowing if it even was a good thing to do. The whole world was spinning around and when he looked into the small mirror he saw himself at least twice in the reflection, not knowing which image was the real one.
Desperation was the dominant feeling when he somehow got inside his bed. He stared at the ceiling, thinking about a way to comfort himself, thinking of someone who would be able to understand him. He closed his eyes and begged whomever was up in the sky to send someone who would stand by his side and talk him through his pain with understanding. He prayed for not being left completely alone, letting the pearls finally slide down his temples. It seemed like crying became a part of his daily routine.
Morning sickness, once again, made Jeongguk wake up early in the morning and even though it was still just as frustrating, he was no longer surprised for he’d expected it to happen. He wished he could sleep in at least on Sunday, especially after all the tiring days, but that didn’t seem like an option.
He still felt bad about the fight he had with his brother the previous night, still blamed him for not being understanding and he didn’t want to face him anytime soon which was why he washed and dressed up before Yoongi could even get up. He packed what he thought was necessary for a short trip and left.
The anxiety and fear of unknown made him go to the bus station without a moment of hesitation. There weren’t many people out on the streets for it was barely seven in the morning. Jeongguk figured most of them went to work despite it being Sunday, wishing it was his reason for being awake so early as well.
It was cold in the morning and after ten minutes spent on the bus station waiting mindlessly for he hadn’t even checked the departures, he regretted stepping out of the apartment in just his Thrasher sweatshirt he’d got from Taehyung earlier that year. He felt safe with his hoodie on, loving how soft the garment was and mostly all the memories it held.
Taehyung always took good care of him even when the younger insisted he stopped buying things for him. The alpha simply did it all just to show him how much he loved him and that he wanted the best for him, not expecting anything in return. Jeongguk appreciated how humble his ex-boyfriend was despite being an alpha coming from a rich family.
Feeling a cool breeze fly under his sweatshirt, Jeongguk shivered and rubbed his arms to create some warmth, hoping the bus would arrive shortly. Going home never felt so depressing. He felt like he was going to share some terrible news when in fact it was supposed to be the opposite.
The never-ending need to be understood and comforted made him realize that maybe his mother would be the one who would be able to help him the most. He was scared, terrified of his parents’ reaction, but he knew the sooner he told them the better. He could only hope they wouldn’t be angry with him even if they were disappointed, he didn’t want to go through any other fights with his family.
Guilt flashed through his body when the bus with a big Daegu sign arrived to the platform where he’d been waiting for the last thirty minutes. He didn’t even tell Yoongi he was leaving and he knew the older was going to freak out once he woke up and found out his younger brother was gone. He couldn’t even deny the fact that he didn’t tell him on purpose because that was exactly what he did. It wasn’t the right time to be petty, but Yoongi hurt him, so silent treatment was nothing compared to that.
He wasn’t planning to stay the night in Daegu, he just wanted to see his parents, spill the news and come back. It all depended on the reaction he was going to get. The last time he saw his mother and father was before he left back to Seoul in September after the summer break, so he was excited to see them despite all the worries.
Only once he found himself a seat and the bus left the station did he realize he brought no food with him. It was a two-hour long ride to Daegu and with his nausea and empty stomach, it wasn’t going to be very pleasant. He was lucky the ticket he’d bought provided him with a free bottle of water which was going to be his salvation for the following hours.
He’d never really travelled alone, not even within the country, so he was a little nervous every time the bus stopped and new people came in, feeling suspicious of every alpha even though there weren’t many because most of alphas travelled by cars or planes. It wasn’t the smartest decision, he admitted to himself when he couldn’t seem to relax for he always felt eyes on him.
Remembering Taehyung’s words, he mentally slapped himself for not taking any suppressants. He really couldn’t take care of himself properly, not to mention he was to be a father. Sighing deeply, he rested his head against the window and watched the gloomy scenery. He knew he still had an hour to go, but he couldn’t allow himself to fall asleep even though his eyes were sleepy. He’d decided to go home on an impulse and he’d be lectured if anything bad happened to him.
It was when he finally got caught up in thinking about programming and his exams that he felt his phone vibrate in his hands. He didn’t even have to look at the screen to know it was Yoongi calling. He grimaced when his thoughts were confirmed, not wanting to talk to his brother. It was childish and unreasonable, but he still decided to ignore the call.
Crossing his arms, he tried not to think about Yoongi. Instead, he focused on the familiar city becoming bigger every minute. Usually he and his brother would be happy now that they knew the bus ride was almost over, but this time, Jeongguk felt his heartbeat quicken the closer they got to the bus station for his family house was just five minutes of walk away.
More calls came as soon as he got off the bus, finally feeling safer because he was in his hometown and close to his parents in any case of emergency. He’d turned off his phone, not wanting to be bothered when he met his mother and his father, making a mental note to let Yoongi know where he was later.
The long street with houses came into view and he knew he only had to get to the end to finally reach his home. He remembered the way he and the kids from the street used to play there when they were little and smiled at the memory, wanting to go back in time now more than ever.
He wished he could be just a foolish little boy with no responsibilities and worries again. He wanted to go to the playground and play football with Yoongi and their friends. He wouldn’t even mind the day when he broke his hand if it meant he could be five again. If he could just go back, everything would be perfect. He wouldn’t have fought with Yoongi, he wouldn’t have dated and broken up with Taehyung, he wouldn’t have been pregnant. He would be happy.
Shaking his head, he scolded himself for being so negative again. He’d already known how bad his situation was, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was annoying, he was getting tired of it, yet all he could do was to pity himself and think about how things would be if he hadn’t made all those mistakes.
It was time to man up a little, so instead of waiting in front of the door to gather up courage, he took out his keys and entered his family house, getting hit with the familiar scent of his mom’s cooking. He felt relieved to know she was at home because he’d go insane if he had to wait any longer.
He took off his shoes and dropped his bag in the hall before he went straight for the kitchen, finding his mom behind the stove and his dad reading newspapers at the table while drinking his morning coffee. It was exactly how he pictured them before he entered the house, exactly how he saw them when he woke up late during the weekends when he still lived there.
“Jeonggukie? Honey you didn’t say that you were coming! I’m so happy to see you,” his mother noticed him first when she turned around to go over to the fridge, immediately changing her direction to go hug her son, smiling widely at the unexpected visit. “Is Yoongi here too?”
The warm embrace made Jeongguk feel emotional, so he tightened the hug as if he was afraid it was the last affectionate gesture he’d ever receive from his mother. Just the thought on its own made his heart sink. He didn’t want to be dropped, he didn’t want to disappoint the ones who raised him and loved him throughout his entire life.
“N-no, we had a fight yesterday,” he sobbed, hiding his face in the crook of his mother’s neck as soon as he felt her soothing palm rubbing his back. He felt a kiss on top of his head and he shed more tears, letting them flow like a waterfall down his cheeks.
He thought he would be able to last longer, he was determined to postpone any potential crying, but he couldn’t. He’s been extremely sensitive and emotional, not being able to control himself, so even though he failed, he wasn’t shocked.
A minute might have passed before his mother gently pushed him away to look at him with worry and concern in her brown eyes. His father also joined them in the living-room that was barely separated from the kitchen. They cared about him, but Jeongguk knew that could change within the following minutes.
“What’s wrong bun? Why did you fight with your brother?” The eldest in the room spoke, looking down at his son and squeezing his shoulder in encouragement. Jeongguk only focused on the pet name his father always called him and started crying even more before he hugged him as well.
He was gently guided to the U-shaped couch where they all sat down and patiently waited for the boy to speak. Even though Jeongguk didn’t want to tell them yet because he wanted to enjoy their love and presence for a bit longer, he knew there was no way he could brush it off now that he was a crying mess in front of them.
“I-I came to t-tell you something very important and p-please just don’t be mad at me. I ask for your understanding even though it might be difficult,” he stuttered, sniffling through his words, looking at his mother to find salvation in her kind gaze. She encouraged him with a nod, giving him all the time he needed to speak up.
Jeongguk hoped either of them would say they would support him no matter what, he needed them to say it to receive some reassurance, something that would make it easier for him to speak, but neither of them said anything and he didn’t know what to think of it. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
“I’m six weeks pregnant,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes on his mother for a few seconds before he looked at his dad who had a big smile on his face. Jeongguk expected that, he knew they would be happy to know they were going to be grandparents for they were both family oriented.
There was a lot more to the story, but before he could speak again, he was hugged by his mother again as she mumbled some incoherent words that Jeongguk couldn’t made out because both of his parents spoke at the same time.
“Oh my goodness honey, that’s lovely! Did you get back together with Taehyung, did you two finally decide to mate? I’m so very happy,” she said once she pulled away and cupped his cheeks before she peppered kisses all over his face.
It was way worse this way. Seeing how happy they were to learn the news, Jeongguk knew it was going to break them if they knew the whole truth and having to watch the change in their behavior and expression was going to be yet another difficult moments in his life.
His father also congratulated him in a more polite way and with a kiss on his forehead that Jeongguk enjoyed with his eyes closed, praying things were going to be okay even after they knew everything.
“No mom, we didn’t,” he said and as expected, confusion filled their eyes. He was sure they were going to ask questions, so he decided to just tell them everything himself. “It’s his child, but we aren’t together anymore. I decided not to tell him either because I think it’s better that way. That’s what my fight with Yoongi was about. He yelled at me for not telling Taehyung about it, so I yelled back at him and gave him multiple reasons as to why I decided against it. I just want someone to understand me,” he said all in one breath as if he was afraid of being interrupted.
There was a moment of silence and Jeongguk thought that was it. He kept his eyes closed because he didn’t want to see the disappointed or potential hatred. He could feel them mouth something between each other because of the quiet sounds they made, but he couldn’t figure out what exactly it was about.
To his surprise, he felt both of his hands being squeezed which made him open his eyes, meeting his mother’s pitying smile. She didn’t look angry or disappointed, so Jeongguk felt relieved. He wanted to see his father’s face as well, but before he could turn around to look at him, his mom got his attention again.
“I know this must be scary for you and I can see that you’ve been stressed about it, but I want you to know that whatever you decide to do, me and your father will always be here for you. I do think Taehyung deserves to know the truth and I do hope you will reconsider your decision, but the only one who gets to decide about this is you, okay?” She said slowly, making sure the boy caught every single one of her words because they were all equally important.
Jeongguk just stared at her, replaying the words as well as her calm voice, trying to see if it really happened or it was a hallucination, something he wanted to hear. The things she said were simple as if she knew he didn’t want to hear a long lecture. She knew all he wanted was some support and a reminder that things were going to be alright.
He felt some of the unbearable weight fall off his chest, he’d even stopped crying and tried to process the situation for he wasn’t even prepared for such reaction. He carefully turned around to see his father nodding in agreement.
“We love you Jeongguk, so please don’t think we would ever leave you, especially not when you need us the most. It might not be the most ideal situation which I’m sure you agree with, but it is how things are and we will deal with it together,” he said as he gently brushed his son’s hair.
To say Jeongguk felt at ease was an understatement. He couldn’t believe his parents were that supportive, he couldn’t believe their love for him was so strong and he felt ashamed for ever even doubting them and for thinking they would actually be angry at him.
Of course they didn’t know about all the details. They didn’t know about him skipping birth-control and having sex knowing he wasn’t protected, but he thought that wasn’t something they needed to know. They weren’t going to ask how it happened, so he thought it was okay to keep it a secret.
“Honey, say something, how are you feeling? Do you need some water? Shh don’t cry, we’ll be fine,” his mother said as he pulled him into her arms while his father left to the kitchen probably to bring some water for the distressed boy.
“I am devastated mom,” Jeongguk admitted because he finally felt like he could let all his emotions out and be comforted right away. “I’m scared, so scared. I don’t know how to take care of a child, I don’t even have money or a job. I can’t even finish university now. I’m so lost,” he said, his voice still trembling.
“We’ll help you Kookoo, you’ll always have a place here you know that right? You don’t have to worry about the money either, we’ll manage it all together,” she said and pressed several kisses onto his temple.
“T-thank you mom,” he whispered before he took the glass of water his father offered him once he returned. He was grateful even though his parents told him there was nothing to thank for. He knew it didn’t solve his case just yet, but it was indeed the first step towards a better future both for himself and his child.
After a delicious lunch, a long conversation with his parents and a much-needed nap, Jeongguk decided it was time for him to go back to Seoul. He enjoyed the little time he spent with his family even though he was asked all sorts of things about his pregnancy condition that he didn’t know much about because his panic attack last Friday made Taehyung end the examination earlier.
He considered staying for a few days, but the support and comfort he received motivated him to continue with his university until he no longer could. His mother taught him some basics about what he should and shouldn’t do, so he didn’t feel as bad as he had.
These might have been the longest days in his life and he was sure there were going to be many more, but for the time being, he wanted to continue his life the way it had been before he found out he was pregnant. He learned that it wasn’t going to be that different for the following months and that he could do pretty much everything he had been doing.
“Yoongi called us while you were asleep,” his father spoke once Jeongguk packed some food his mother had prepared for him to take back home. They insisted on him staying a few more days or at least until somebody could take him back to Seoul, so that he didn’t have to go alone to which he only shook his head, saying he was old enough to do that much on his own. He had to learn how to be independent. “He was really worried Jeongguk, you shouldn’t have ignored him, so make sure you call him soon. We told him you were here, but he’s still really sad about what happened between you,” he explained while the boy took on his shoes and dressed up properly to face the cold.
“I will, don’t worry. I want to go say hi to Tae’s grandparents before I leave, so I should get going if I don’t want to miss the bus,” he said with a soft smile before he hugged his parents and thanked them again for everything.
“Be good to yourself and to the baby okay? Be ready for my daily calls from now on,” his mother grinned before she pinched her son’s cheeks. Jeongguk wondered if Yoongi had mentioned something about his behavior towards the child or if she was just asking him to take care of himself. He nodded anyway and, with a small bow, he left.
The weather didn’t change one bit, if anything, it got darker outside for it was getting late. This time Jeongguk wore his mother’s suppressants, so he wasn’t as scared as he’d been. He also had a hat and a warm jacket, so he had nothing to complain about as he made his way to where his ex-boyfriend’s grandparents lived a few blocks away.
Ever since he met the couple, he’s been visiting them every time he came back home and this time, even though he no longer dated their grandson, wasn’t an exception. Jeongguk learned Taehyung had family in Daegu only after they started dating for his parents moved to Seoul when he was a baby which was why they never met when they were young.
He wondered whether the older had already told them about their break-up or if he had even visited them after they went back to Seoul after summer. It was just a matter of time before he learned the answers to his questions. He wasn’t really bothered by whatever the answers would be like, he just really wanted to see the old couple for he’d grown fond of them just like they had grown fond of him.
It didn’t take too long before he was at the threshold, knocking on their door. He wasn’t planning to stay for too long because he had to catch his bus in less than forty minutes, but thankfully the station was just a few minutes away from their house, so he would still have enough time to have a proper conversation with them.
When he heard footsteps, he smiled for he was excited to see them again, getting ready for tight hugs he was going to receive, but to his surprise, neither of them opened the door. His mouth dropped open because the coincidence was just ridiculous. He couldn’t believe the one time he decided to go home, Taehyung would do so as well.
The older gulped visibly when he saw him, taking a step forward and closing the door behind himself, so they could talk in private. Jeongguk didn’t know why he did that, so he continued staring at him in confusion. He wanted to leave, yet he wanted to stay and given the nervous tapping of Taehyung’s foot, he figured the older was having the same thoughts.
“I came to see your grandparents, I- I just visited my parents to tell them ugh the news. I’m taking the next bus back home, so I just stopped by on the way to say hello,” Jeongguk felt a sudden need to explain why he was there in the first place.
He didn’t want Taehyung thinking he came there for him even though he had no idea the older was there. Even after the explanation, there was no attempt of the other actually going to call his grandparents which was making Jeongguk a little uncomfortable because Taehyung wasn’t saying anything to him either.
“Jeongguk oh my god,” Taehyung suddenly snapped out of his trance and pulled the boy into his arms, squeezing him tightly which definitely left Jeongguk even more confused. “Yoongi called me, I was so worried. I felt so useless because I was here and I couldn’t help him look for you. I’m so glad you’re safe, god I was so worried,” he said before he pulled away, his eyes widening as soon as he realized what he’d just done. He took a step back and scratched his nape awkwardly. “I came here with my parents yesterday, but we’re leaving soon. W-would you like to come with us?” He asked, feeling uncertain about the suggestion himself, still embarrassed about his sudden affection.
Jeongguk’s heart melted after the warm embrace. In a way he was glad Taehyung had been worried about him, he was glad he got to experience such a caring embrace and such affectionate words again. He almost felt the older’s old love, but figured it was just him being polite and still worrying about him because he was his past lover who was pregnant and who was now his patient.
The offer on its own was very appealing because it was safer to go with the older’s family and it would take less time, but Jeongguk didn’t think meeting Taehyung’s parents and spending something over an hour with them in a car was going to be something comfortable for either of them.
On the other hand, the fact that Taehyung immediately thought of it just because it was a better option for Jeongguk made him feel warm. He used to drive with them whenever they went to Daegu and back, so it wouldn’t be anything new for him or them, but he hasn’t met with the older’s parents after the break-up, so he had no idea how they would react.
“I appreciate it really, but I think it’s better if I go by bus. I should actually get going because I will miss the bus. Please say hello to your family,” Jeongguk said, deciding against the offer for he didn’t want to burn himself more than he’d been.
“Are you sure? Traveling so late is dangerous. If you don’t want to meet my parents, I can just come with you,” Taehyung offered, his protective and caring self taking control over the situation. “I don’t want you roaming around Seoul alone at night.”
It was something Taehyung always said to him when they dated. He always took the boy home even though they were at his place and he had to go to the other side of the city. Jeongguk wished he had the older by his side during the bus ride, he wished he could take him home, but he didn’t want to bother the alpha, he wanted to show him he was capable of taking care of himself.
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Jeongguk gathered all the strength to fake a confident and reassuring smile to convince the older he really didn’t mind traveling alone. “Besides, Yoongi will be waiting for me at the bus station, so there’s no need for you to worry. You should enjoy time with your family and rest while you can,” he said before he turned around and walked down the path he’d taken with a different intention.
Taehyung seemed to be disappointed with the answer, but didn’t say anything to change it. They waved at each other one last time before Jeongguk disappeared, continuing his way to the bus station, now feeling both happy and sad at the same time. His mother told him pregnancy did things to one’s emotions and Jeongguk could already agree with the statement because the last few days were an emotional rollercoaster.
Given the fact that he didn’t get to talk to Taehyung’s grandparents, Jeongguk now had about twenty minutes until the bus was scheduled to arrive, so he sat on the empty bench near the platform, so he could get inside the vehicle as soon as he could. He took his phone and dialed his brother’s number to apologize for being so stubborn and to ask him if he would be so kind to come for him at the station despite him being so petty.
“Jeonggukie? I’m so sorry for being so reckless and-“
“Yoonie, it’s okay. Can we talk about it once I’m home? I just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving in twenty minutes so I’ll be in Seoul in about two hours and a half,” Jeongguk cut him off because he really wanted to talk to Yoongi and apologize properly, face to face.
It was relieving to hear the older’s voice. He was glad to finally talk to him again because he didn’t feel alone at the bus station. He even considered calling with him through the entire bus ride which he was sure his brother wouldn’t mind for he was feeling guilty and would do anything to earn his forgiveness.
“Of course, we will talk about it whenever you want to, I just want you to know that I love you and that I feel really bad about how I treated you,” Yoongi said and Jeongguk could hear just how genuine he was. “Should I come to pick you up?”
Jeongguk was about to say yes when he felt someone sit down next to him, receiving a warm smile as soon as he met their eyes. He couldn’t believe that even after he told Taehyung he was okay to be on his own, the alpha decided to join him anyway.
“N-no, it’s okay. Can you just cook something nice?” Jeongguk asked, not breaking the eye-contact he had with his ex-boyfriend. He remembered he had a bag full of food, but he needed to find a way to get Yoongi distracted because he was absolutely sure Taehyung was going to walk him home and even though he knew neither Yoongi nor Taehyung would mind if the former joined them, Jeongguk decided to be selfish and earn some more alone time with the alpha.
Yoongi agreed only once Jeongguk promised him he would take a cab from the station. He didn’t want to end the call even when the younger reassured him that he was going to be fine, that he missed him and was looking forward to seeing him again. Jeongguk managed to escape once the bus arrived and he told his brother he was going to get in.
After he said his goodbye and put his phone in his pocket, he could finally pay attention to Taehyung who lead him inside the bus, letting him sit by the window because he knew the omega preferred that spot. It all made Jeongguk so happy, but he didn’t voice it. He kept it to himself and treasured the moment while it lasted.
“You didn’t have to come with me,” he said when Taehyung settled next to him after he put their bags on the shelf above them, so that they had enough space and comfort for the long ride. “It’s a lot more comfortable to go by car.”
Taehyung shook his head and ruffled his hair out of habit. “I wanted to make sure you’re safe. I know I can’t always look after you, but when I can, I will,” he said with a smile and rested his head against the seat.
Two sentences and Jeongguk was a blushing mess as if he’d never heard those before. He felt so comfortable with the alpha by his side, he even allowed himself to close his eyes and take a nap for he knew he was safe as long as his beloved was around.
Thank you so much for your patience! I apologize for not updating last week, it just somehow didn't work out. I promise to do my best and update more frequently!
Please let me know how you liked this chapter here in the comments or on my twitter gukkiepie where you can check my pinned for more stories <3
Hello! I'm sorry I took forever, but I found it extremely difficult to find time to write so I decided maybe it would be better to make shorter chapters and faster updates! Let's see how I can handle it! Thank you for being patient if you're still here uwu, love you! Please enjoy the chapter~
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Conifers was what Jeongguk thought of when he felt a soft material on his chest, loving the fresh scent of the woods. It had started raining again, the tapping sound of the drops as well as the splashing of the puddles as the bus drove right through them made him feel comfortable, snuggling closer to the closest source of warmth. He gently laid his cheek against the alpha’s shoulder, hoping he wasn’t crossing the line.
Ever since they left Daegu, neither of them spoke. They sat next to each other in silence without a single touch or interaction until then. It felt nostalgic, definitely something that awoke memories Jeongguk embraced fondly, remembering how he used to travel with Taehyung, always napping on his shoulder to make the ride pass quickly. It was the opposite of what he wanted just a few months later.
It seemed as a consolation price to him. Knowing Taehyung wasn’t his anymore was difficult, having him beside him with such knowledge was even more burdensome, yet Jeongguk never wanted the moment to end. He wanted to pretend that everything was okay just like it had been.
He felt like he was stuck in a loop. He was going to keep seeing Taehyung since he was his doctor, he wanted to stay by his side, but he knew that parting and reuniting with him every few weeks was going to be a painful process for him. It made him wonder whether what he was doing was really the best decision for the both of them, but he figured he could still change his mind in case he found a new way of seeing things.
Taehyung shifted next to him and he felt himself being pushed away gently. He thought the alpha didn’t want to have that kind of interaction with him anymore which, on its own, hurt. It wasn’t like he expected the alpha to show him affection, but he didn’t think he would push him away if he simply wanted to lay his head on his shoulder.
Shivers covered his skin for he suddenly felt cold from the gesture. He forced his eyes stay shut for he was too afraid to see the older’s reaction. He’d rather think Taehyung pushed him away because he felt pain on his arm than seeing pity in his eyes. Pity was something he was going to see a lot in the following months, years even, so maybe getting used to it wouldn’t be a bad idea, but this time fear won over rationality.
It was when he felt a palm sneaking behind his neck did he realize the older actually planned to make him more comfortable. He let Taehyung wrap his arm around his neck and pull him back into his arms. Warmth enveloped the omega’s body as he was being held close to his ex-boyfriend’s heart, the beating sound helping him calm down and embrace the peace once again.
“Are you comfortable like this?” Taehyung asked, stroking the younger’s hair just how he liked.
Nodding against his chest, Jeongguk smiled for himself, gently placing his palm on the alpha’s hipbone to hug him. In that moment, he didn’t need anything else. “Very,” he said contently, making the alpha chuckle.
Jeongguk wanted to see inside Taehyung’s mind. He wondered what was going through his thoughts and why exactly did he decide to tag along with him. He liked to think it was still something romantic, but he knew the alpha was just being protective of him because they used to be together.
The fact that he had to use past tense with everything that concerned him and Taehyung was heartbreaking. It was something he’d got used to, but now that he knew he was pregnant with his child, it felt like he was being hit all over again.
“So, are your parents happy to be grandparents soon?” Taehyung asked after a moment of silence, still playing with the younger’s hair. The question surely caught Jeongguk off guard for he didn’t think he was going to have any serious conversation with his ex-boyfriend since they both settled on being silent for half the duration of the ride.
Feeling a little insecure all of a sudden, Jeongguk slipped out of the alpha’s hold and sat back in his seat properly, resting his head against the small pillow on the backrest. He didn’t really want to talk to Taehyung about his pregnancy because it constantly reminded him of the fact that he was lying to him about it. It was something he had to get used to if he wanted to survive the following months because it was all he was going to talk about with Taehyung especially.
“As happy as they can be I suppose,” he scoffed and took a glance at the older who was smiling at him. He didn’t feel like the smile was a happy one, it just felt sympathetic and that was enough for Jeongguk given the circumstances.
He had to become a lot more modest too. He believed he wouldn’t receive much romantic affection since he was pregnant. Nobody wanted someone who indirectly belonged to someone else and so, even though he didn’t pay much attention to it, he’d already settled on giving up on finding love again.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Jeongguk wondered if paranoia had become his second nature. The way his life filled with negativity and depression within such a short amount of time made him completely hopeless. His world was losing colors, all that was left for him to were just several shades of gray. He didn’t live because he wanted to, but because he had to.
“Well, they always wanted you to have many babies,” Taehyung laughed fondly at the memory, leaning back against his seat, looking up. “But they were teasing Yoongi about it more since he’s older,” he added, smile remaining on his face when Jeongguk gathered up enough courage to meet his eyes before looking away almost immediately.
It was true. Jeongguk’s parents did tease him and his older brother about having children, especially during the summer when they were in Daegu together with Taehyung and Namjoon. They would sit at the table they had outside and play cards together while the sun set. Retrospectively, Jeongguk felt like it happened in a different universe for it felt too different from how his life was just a few months later, but he was glad he got to keep such precious moment in his heart.
Back then, Taehyung often mentioned having a baby too. They used to talk about it a lot to the point where they sat on Jeongguk’s bed at home picking names for their future boy. Even though they both agreed they didn’t mind the gender of their baby, they always indirectly hinted at wanting a boy which ended up with them having picked four names for a boy and none for a girl.
Jeongguk smiled as he remembered how they browsed on the internet and argued over the names. He really thought it would be their future. Just the two of them and their own family forever. They weren’t far from achieving that either, but that was no longer reality or dream, it was just an illusion.
“Did you tell your parents?” Jeongguk asked suddenly, surprising himself with the question that he hadn’t even planned. He was close with Taehyung’s parents when they were dating. He hated the idea of the kind couple being so disappointed, so he secretly hoped that maybe the alpha hasn’t said a word about it.
In fact, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to hear. A no would mean Taehyung didn’t find it important enough to share with them, a yes, on the other hand, would probably mean disappointment from all three of them, or worse, good news.
“I didn’t and I don’t plan to. It’s none of our business anymore,” the alpha said, his previous smile long gone and exchanged with an unreadable expression. It seemed like he was hiding his emotions which somehow made Jeongguk relieved even though the words hurt.
He felt like he was nothing to the boy who once treasured him as if he was the most precious gem in the entire universe. It was difficult to hold back tears as his mind kept screaming that Taehyung no longer saw him as relevant and important in his life. It was just something he had to learn to accept.
The love he had for the alpha was something that was never going to fade away, he’d already figured that, but maybe if he tried hard enough, he could push the feelings in the deepest parts of his soul to at least stop hurting, but now that he was carrying Taehyung’s child, it was impossible.
Every single morning was like a reminder. It was as if the baby themselves wanted to tell him just how miserable their life was going to be. Just that on its own was enough to keep Jeongguk thinking about the alpha, wishing to go back in time and never let go of him or telling him the truth right away.
The worst part about it was that things were going to get worse with each day. Maybe the morning sickness would stop eventually, but his belly was going to grow and watching it bloom would be just as bad a reminder as constant throwing up if not worse.
“Why did you come with me then? If I’m not your business anymore,” Jeongguk asked through his teeth for he didn’t want to show how weak he felt or how empty he was whenever his brain decided to drop another series of reminders that he wanted to forget.
Taehyung looked puzzled after he heard the question. He sat up properly to look at the omega, his lips parting as if he wanted to say something but was too shocked to proceed. He placed his palm on the younger’s knee, startling him a little before he finally spoke. “Jeonggukie, just because you’re pregnant with someone else’s baby doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. You’ll always be in my heart no matter what happens. I mean- we didn’t spend two years together in a relationship to become enemies or something.”
Two years of pure love and affection that ended almost two months ago. Love that war buried deep under the earth’s surface. Jeongguk would have to dig for years to be able to recover the treasure he threw away so easily. It was his own fault, he created his own hell on earth.
“I miss us,” he whispered for himself, hoping Taehyung caught the words. The silence that embraced them made him even more anxious. He wasn’t sure if Taehyung heard him and simply couldn’t agree or if he couldn’t make out what he’d said. Either way the alpha said nothing.
They both seemed to fall into their own thoughts afterwards, letting the rest of the ride pass without a particular conversation, just a few words here and there. Jeongguk worried he was no longer able to speak with his ex-boyfriend, that they couldn’t find a topic they would both enjoy talking about.
No matter how bad the situation was, he didn’t want to lose Taehyung just yet. He was going to slowly let go, day by day, taking baby steps towards a darker future just to protect the alpha who, he believed, didn’t deserve to be dragged into the whole mess.
Back in Seoul, the streets were slippery, covered with puddles that continued expanding for the rain never stopped. Jeongguk always used to think of Taehyung when it rained because it reminded him of the older’s scent, it made him feel safe whenever the older wasn’t by his side and nothing about that changed.
Even with Taehyung by his side, he didn’t mind how quickly his hair became wet once he got off the bus. The tiniest tears snaking through his hair fell on his face and he enjoyed the sensation. It wasn’t cold to his skin, quite the opposite, it felt warm. It was as if the rain drops weren’t even trying to soak him but sooth him instead.
He slowly threw his head back and faced the rain with his eyes closed. It felt so calming, each drop making him feel more alive. That was until he felt himself being dragged somewhere he no longer could be caressed by rain.
“Do you want to get sick?”
It was Taehyung’s deep voice that reminded him he wasn’t in fact alone. The older was still holding his hand, wiping the drops off his knuckles with the sleeve of his hoodie. Jeongguk only opened his eyes to see their hands and the affection he received from the alpha, even though it was something as simple as drying his hand.
They were standing at a bus stop, no other people in sight probably because of the weather. It was just them in the darkness, waiting. They had to walk to Jeongguk’s apartment for there was no bus to catch, but it was pouring rain, so there was no way they could just make a run for it without getting all wet.
Subconsciously, Jeongguk chased for the older’s fingers when he gently dropped his hand, catching them just briefly for a second, pretending it was all an accident when he met the alpha’s eyes. Feeling a little embarrassed, he scratched his nape and hugged himself to warm up.
“Are you cold? You’re so quiet,” Taehyung sighed as he took off his thin scarf and wrapped it around the younger’s neck, standing a little too close to him for Jeongguk’s mind not to wander off to the countless moments when the alpha kissed him.
He would give anything to be able to have Taehyung’s plump lips against his own again. He was dying to taste them again, his eyes settling on them as if he was trying to feel them just by watching. In that moment, he’d forgotten everything about how their relationship changed and just took a step closer, placing his palm on the older’s chest.
The wind played with their hair as they looked at each other in dead silence. It was a slow motion. Jeongguk felt his eyes blink, the imagine of his alpha disappearing for longer than a split second. It felt so slow he actually registered such detail that was usually natural and wouldn’t make him think of it.
This time it was Taehyung who looked away and Jeongguk followed his eyes, seeing him blink several times before he met his eyes again. “What is it? Why aren’t you saying anything? Are you feeling okay?” The alpha asked again, his voice a little more desperate than before and Jeongguk couldn’t tell whether it was because he was annoyed or sad.
“Are you okay with how things are now?” Jeongguk asked, once again spitting a question he didn’t know he’d wanted to find an answer for. “I mean, you always ask me how I am, but you never tell me about you. How do you feel about this?”
Taehyung flinched after the questions, taking a step back which confused Jeongguk just as much as the sudden shock that appeared on his face as if he hadn’t expected to ever be asked something like that. Jeongguk heard the seconds being ticked away without an answer, he scanned the alpha’s behavior to figure out the answers on his own, but it was almost impossible.
A truck passed by, splashing them both with rain waiter from the road, making them look away from each other for a short while before Jeongguk settled on his ex-boyfriend again and waited for him to speak, his heartbeat quickening every eventless second.
Then, as if nothing had happened, Taehyung smiled. “I don’t really have a say in this anymore Jeongguk. We live two separate lives, so even if I wasn’t okay with it-“
“I asked if you are okay with it. I don’t want ifs Taehyung.”
The interruption caught the older off guard, so he turned sideways, facing the road instead of the omega. Jeongguk saw his eyes close as if he was trying to calm himself down. It didn’t take him long before he spoke, not looking at the younger. “I am. I just want the best for you. After we broke up, it was just a matter of time before we found someone else. I- I just didn’t think it would be so soon and that hurt me a little,” he said as he rubbed his eye that looked like he was wiping tears, but from the angle where Jeongguk stood, he couldn’t tell if he was just itchy or if he was really crying.
There were too many things that caught Jeongguk’s attention in that one reply. Taehyung was okay with the situation. Even though it hurt him it was that early, he was still fine with it because he knew it would be a matter of time before they found someone else. Jeongguk wondered if the plural meant the older had also found someone already. It wasn’t something he wanted to know.
“I’m going to call a cab to get you home,” he sighed and took out his phone, dialing a number before he started walking around the small shelter just like he always did whenever he called.
As soon as the person on the other side picked up, Jeongguk didn’t register what was happening. He was bathing in guilt and pain again. He breathed in the scent from the scarf, imagining himself in a forest in this exact weather because that was the closest description of the alpha’s scent, his safe haven.
He lost the count of how many times he had to remind himself to not have hopes anymore. He figured those thoughts would be engraved on his grave, he didn’t see himself forgetting anytime soon. He didn’t even want to forget. He wanted to keep dreaming and hoping for a common future with his beloved alpha, but if it was to ever happen, he wanted it to be because of love and not because of obligation.
The cab ride was quiet, except for the few sentences Taehyung exchanged with the driver. Jeongguk sat in the backseat, watching the night, mostly abandoned, city. The lights and buildings were blurry, but he still enjoyed the sight despite the negativity rushing through his entire body.
Leaning his head against the window, Jeongguk thought of what it was his brother prepared for dinner since he was quite hungry already. The images kept him busy for the whole ride. He loved Yoongi’s cooking, so he was sure he was going to love anything he made. Suddenly their fight popped up in his head and he started feeling a little guilty for ignoring the older.
Yoongi’s been nothing but supportive for as long as he could remember. If there was something he didn’t deserve, it was his younger brother’s disrespect. Jeongguk knew that they were both in the wrong and he only hoped they could talk it out and go back to normal as soon as possible.
The familiar neighborhood came into sight and Jeongguk, even though he wished he could be with Taehyung a little longer, was happy to be finally home. As the driver parked, he unbuckled his seat belt and grabbed his backpack so he could get out.
“Sir, could you give me a few minutes?” Taehyung asked the driver, exiting the car with Jeongguk after he received a reassuring nod form the middle-aged omega behind the steering wheel. The alpha was always so respectful to everyone, no matter the rank which was one of the things Jeongguk fell for.
They closed the door at the same time and walked towards the building, stopping in front of the entrance. It was time to part and all Jeongguk could think about was the next time they were going to see each other. He really didn’t want to go just yet, so he stood there nervously, swinging on his feet.
Even though their conversations weren’t really satisfying, he still loved his presence. Things he learned hurt, but he still wanted to be with the older more. He was like a drug to him, even though it was bad for him, he wanted to keep doing it because he knew he was going to feel even worse without it.
“D-do you maybe want to go upstairs with me? Yoongi made dinner,” he said, looking down at his boots. He felt like he was getting to know the older again. He was shy with him when the alpha started courting him over two years ago. He felt like the seventeen years old boy Taehyung fell in love back then, he wanted that again.
Jeongguk didn’t look up until he felt the older’s hand on his cheek. He leaned into the touch immediately, closing his eyes just for a couple seconds, reliving the first time the alpha had caressed his cheek. He didn’t need to hear the answer, he already knew Taehyung was going to decline the moment he felt the gentle touch that was supposed to be an apology or a compensation, so he wasn’t surprised when the older confirmed his assumption.
“I would love to have dinner with you and Yoongi, but-“ Taehyung paused, looking directly into the younger’s eyes with guilt. “You and I both know it’s not a good idea,” he said after a gulp and Jeongguk nodded.
For what it was worth, he agreed. It wasn’t good for them to grow attached to one another again, they were living separate lives now as the older had mentioned. In Taehyung’s eyes, Jeongguk was going to have a family with someone who wasn’t him, so even though it hurt a lot, he couldn’t blame him for wanting to keep his distance.
“I understand. Thank you for- ugh, taking me home,” he said with a sad smile before he took out his keys and opened the door. He held the door as he waited for a goodbye kiss, knowing it was no longer something he could expect. He couldn’t count how many pecks and kisses he received right there even if he wanted to, but he knew the exact number of times it was going to happen again and that thought broke his heart all over again.
Feeling tears filling his eyes at the realization, he forced yet another smile at the alpha who also seemed like he was thinking about what to do because they were both used to how things were between them before. It was hard to adapt to the drastic change.
“Anytime,” Taehyung said, returning the smile as he took a step back, moving backwards to the cab. “Good night Jeongguk, stay safe, for me,” he added before he waved and turned around, jogging through the rain.
And Jeongguk watched him for as long as he could, only stepping inside the building once the door of the cab closed behind the alpha, taking a minute to get himself together, silently hoping the older would change his mind and come back to him. Seeing that wasn’t the case a moment later, he sighed and went for the elevator.
As soon as he unlocked the door to his apartment, he had his brother running to him and pulling him into his arms to squeeze him tightly. The warmth made his heart at peace when Yoongi nuzzled his nose against his jaw to show him how much he missed him. He was thankful for all the love he received from his family that day, finally feeling positive he was never going to be alone as long as he had them by his side.
“Jeonggukie baby, I’m so sorry,” Yoongi said as he tightened his embrace. Jeongguk caught a glimpse of them in the full-size mirror, smiling at the loving sight which made him return the firmness of the hug.
Laying his head on the older’s shoulder, he continued looking at the reflection, panicking for a second when his brother shifted and he spotted his stomach, remembering he was pregnant and wasn’t sure if such tight hugs could possibly hurt the blooming life inside him.
With a twitch, he gently pushed his brother back a little, keeping his palms on his shoulders to let him know he wasn’t trying to get rid of him because he didn’t want to hug him, but because he wanted to see him.
“Yoongi,” he started, brushing his fingers through the older’s hair. “It’s fine, we were both in the wrong. I don’t want us to fight, but I want you to understand me. Maybe we should talk about this again,” he suggested and the older nodded in agreement.
“Come on, you said you were hungry,” Yoongi said and took the younger’s hand, guiding him to their small kitchen counter where two plates were already set. “I made kkampunggi with rice, is that okay?” The older asked as he took Jeongguk’s heavy backpack.
The regret and guilt were obvious on Yoongi’s face. It was obvious he wanted to make things right again and Jeongguk knew it wouldn’t take them too long to get over the fight. He felt extra thankful for all the trouble his brother put himself through to prepare such delicious looking dinner.
They never spent too much money on food, both trying to save up for renovating their apartment and for the future, so Jeongguk did feel a little guilty he made Yoongi worry so much about special dish when he could simply make instant ramen or eat something their mother packed for them.
“It’s perfect Yoon, thank you,” he smiled and allowed himself to kiss the older’s cheek.
The affectionate gesture surely made his brother happy for he gave him a genuine gummy smile before he returned to the stove where he kept the food still warm. Jeongguk grabbed two glasses and put them on the counter next to the plates, feeling happy to be domestic with Yoongi again, remembering the very first days when they moved in.
“How was the ride? Did you take a cab from the station?” Yoongi asked as he put rice into tiny black bowls, satisfied with how things were going between them so far.
Jeongguk opened the lid with the chicken and sauce, taking in the scent, his mouth watering at the sight. His stomach growled right after, making his brother laugh. “I met Taehyung at his grandparents’ house, so he decided to go with me so that I wouldn’t go alone,” he said, not thinking about the details, just answering the question with the image of delicious kkampunggi right in front of him.
He was right when he thought some food could help him keep his mind off things given how hungry he was. In the last week, he didn’t feel like eating, so he was excited to have a delicious dinner with his brother when he actually felt like eating and not just forcing some nutrition inside him for the sake of his health.
“Oh? That’s why you didn’t want me to come pick you up,” he teased him before he helped his brother to serve the chicken on the two plates, so they could eat, not asking about the meeting with the alpha. “I’ve got apple juice for you, by the way. Can you grab it?”
“You’re the best!” Jeongguk squealed, opening the cupboard where they kept the drinks, pouring the juice into both glasses immediately. If he was being honest, he didn’t expect the evening to go as smooth. He thought it would be awkward, but it was quite the opposite, he felt so safe with his brother after the few hours spent with Taehyung.
They sat together at the counter, sharing a few words about their day. Jeongguk learned the older spent most of the day panicking and calling people to see if they were with him, feeling guilty because of their fight. They weren’t blaming each other, they just updated one another because that’s what they did every evening after they returned from school or work.
The cozy dinner made the younger a little more motivated to go back to school and study for his exams. He decided to go to the library and get some catching up done since he’d just wasted a few days. He wanted to see Hoseok and Jimin as soon as possible as well, knowing he could get some comfort from the alphas, so he texted them while Yoongi talked about his work.
The food was delicious which wasn’t unexpected for Yoongi was great at cooking and could possibly make it his profession if he wanted, but they were both more into technology and internet. Either way, Jeongguk was proud of Yoongi for going after his dream. He always excelled in things he was interested in and that was something the younger admired about him, something that motivated him to become just like him.
Jeongguk used to think that the five years age gap between them didn’t make much difference, but now he understood the older was a lot more mature and better at handling stressful situations. He still had a lot to learn from him.
“Yoongi, about our fight,” Jeongguk started when they sat on their pink couch, the younger cuddling his brother. They were in the middle of watching a documentary when he felt like finally mentioning the topic, knowing they were both fine at that point. “I could’ve handled the situation better. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have disrespected you the way I did. You’re just trying to help me.”
There was a moment of silence, Yoongi continuing to brush the younger’s hair and waiting for him to continue. Jeongguk appreciated the time he was given to gather his thoughts, he knew he didn’t have to rush to speak, but he wanted to explain himself. There were several things he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to make it too long because he’s done too much thinking in the last few days.
“I know telling Taehyung may be the right thing to do, especially since he’s still in my life. He has the right to know, I agree with that, but-“ Jeongguk took a moment to put his thoughts together, all the reasons why he didn’t want to be honest with his ex-boyfriend flashing through his mind. “Taehyung’s young and ambitious, he had a lot of things on his shoulders when we dated and now he works too and I can tell he’s extremely exhausted. Being a father on top of that would physically ruin him.”
Jeongguk gave his brother a minute to say something if he had anything to share, tapping on the older’s belly as he got distracted by the movie. “That’s true,” Yoongi interrupted his trace of thoughts about crocodiles that appeared on the screen. “But, he is a family type. I think he would give away everything for his family. He’s always wanted kids and you know that better than anyone. How many did you plan to have again? Three?”
“It was four actually, but that doesn’t matter anymore. You’re right about that Yoon, but what he wants is a genuine family based on pure love. He’s over me, he implied having a new partner today. I mean I’m not sure if I understood that, but either way, even if he doesn’t have anyone now, our relationship is in no shape of being patched up. I already lied to him, he would be confused if I told him he was the father.”
Yoongi hugged him tighter, pulling him close enough to leave a few pecks on top on his brother’s head which helped Jeongguk stay as calm as he could. He felt like he was having a normal conversation compared to what happened the previous day when the fight happened.
“Maybe, but what about you Gukkie? You said it yourself, you’re not ready to raise a child. Sure, you have me, mom and dad, but do you want your baby to grow up without their parent?” Yoongi asked carefully, knowing it was a sensitive topic to talk about.
“I’m not telling him for my own sake too. Of course I don’t want this child to grow up in an incomplete family, but as you said, it is about me too and I don’t want to become someone’s obligation. I know Taehyung would probably make me live with him to secure the baby’s comfort, but I don’t want that. I couldn’t bear knowing he was with me just because of a mistake. I can’t be with him knowing he doesn’t love me,” he explained, closing his eyes to think about what he’d just said to see if he really meant it. It’s been just a few days since he found himself in such situation, so he thought he might possibly find a different point of view later on, but for the time being he believed he was doing the right thing.
He knew his ex-boyfriend better than anyone, he knew what he would do if he found out they were expecting a child together and Jeongguk couldn’t let that happen. He had his pride too and didn’t want to spend his entire life depending on someone else just because they had a child that connected that for the rest of their days. He knew that being a single father as an omega was going to be extremely difficult, but knowing he had his parents’ support, he thought it was doable.
“I understand your point baby. You’re young, you’re scared and you want love. This decision is completely on you and I will support you no matter what happens. I’m your older brother, so I’ll help you get through this. Besides, I already love the uncle title I will have,” he giggled, poking the younger’s waist to lighten up the mood a lot, earning himself a soft smile.
Jeongguk definitely didn’t like the title he was going to receive once his child was born, but he didn’t say that out loud. It was something he shouldn’t speak of because he knew it could trigger Yoongi and he didn’t want to have another fight with him.
“Thank you, I’m so happy to have you. I love you Yoongi, a lot,” he whispered before he laid his head on the older’s lap and continued watching the TV, leaving the topic open for a next time. It wasn’t something that could be covered within ten minutes and they both knew that. They were going to go through it all step by step, but for the time being, they decided to enjoy each other’s company.
“I love you too,” the older whispered back.
It was all Jeongguk needed in that moment. He felt satisfied with the conversations he had with his family and thought he could finally get some good night sleep without overthinking before falling asleep. The worries, doubts and insecurities weren’t going to go away anytime soon anyway, so he had to at least pretend things were normal until he could no longer do so.
They decided to call it a night once the documentary ended, so Jeongguk used the bathroom to prepare for bed without looking into the mirror. He’s learned a few things that triggered his anxiety and he knew it was better to avoid them until he found a way to live with them. He felt proud of himself to go through his evening routine without a single moment of self-loathe when he laid in his bed.
He felt so peaceful he even stayed up to talk to Hoseok and Jimin in their group chat, giggling whenever the alphas made stupid comments about which one of them loved him more. The two of them still didn’t know the story, but Jeongguk figured he would tell them in person, not wanting to ruin the satisfying evening he just had.
Half an hour passed when he finally locked his phone and put it on the night stand. It was when he was going to turn of the light that he noticed something familiar next to it, something he’s been dreading to touch, yet alone open. Such a small thing, yet it awoke so many mixed emotions whenever he saw it.
The ultrasound envelope.
Mondays weren’t usually rushed for Taehyung. It felt like a day off because he only had university classes to go to and the whole afternoon just for himself which he usually used for studying in the school’s library. Working and studying was indeed a difficult combination, being a student required reading different things than what he needed for the clinic.
Most of his classmates didn’t get the opportunity to start their attestation early and had to only deal with school related things unlike Taehyung who, thanks to Seokjin, got to try things hands on and take faster steps to becoming what he’d been dreaming of since he was young.
His parents both being doctors made the decision much easier for him when he was choosing what to do with his future. The passion he saw whenever the two of them talked about their jobs every day during their family dinner inspired him to study hard, so that he could also help people just like his parents did.
Studying medicine was both physically and mentally draining and Taehyung couldn’t even remember the last time he took some time just for himself. Back when he was dating Jeongguk and was in lower grades, they would spend a lot of time together and that was how he relaxed. He could be himself with the boy, he could forget about all the responsibility and assignments he had to simply focus on love.
He missed those moments, he missed being able to relax at least for a while, but with all the things he had on his mind, it was almost impossible for him to even consider it which was why he asked Namjoon to meet him right away instead of waiting until the next Saturday, so they could have their therapy session.
“So yeah, that happened yesterday,” Taehyung explained everything about his meeting with Jeongguk and about the brief conversation they had concerning their relationship and feelings. It was difficult to fall asleep once he returned home after parting with the younger, the boy’s words pulsing in his mind, causing him a bad headache.
He was confused about Jeongguk’s behavior. It almost felt like the younger was longing after him with all his questions and closeness during the bus ride, but it must have been his imagination because it wouldn’t make any sense. Jeongguk visited his parents to share the happy news with them so soon after finding out which meant he must have been excited about it.
“It’s just so sketchy Namjoon, I don’t understand it. One moment I feel like he misses me, but then I remember he’s going to have a family with someone who isn’t me. I want to know who’s the father of his child. I want to know if he can take care of him properly,” he said.
Jeongguk never mentioned anything about what future he planned to have with his new partner and Taehyung couldn’t help but wonder about where they would live or if they were going to move somewhere else. Despite being unbelievably heartbroken, he wanted the best for Jeongguk, he wanted him safe and taken care of, but it would be tactless of him to ask about it, or so he thought.
He was pacing inside Namjoon’s office where they’d decided to meet after their mutual agreement that a public place surely wasn’t a good idea to talk about such private matters. They met just a couple of days prior, yet Taehyung felt like so much changed since. He probably went against everything Namjoon advised him and so he came to confess his mistakes.
Judging by the older’s expression, he could already tell the beta wasn’t happy about it. He was playing with his golden pen before he wrote a few things down, lips pursing as he scratched his head. “You should sit down Tae, I can tell you’re nervous, but I need you to relax, so we can talk about it properly,” Namjoon suggested, not saying anything about his opinion on the matter just yet.
Taehyung listened to him and allowed himself to lay down on the couch, staring at the bright ceiling above him. “I guess I just don’t want to lose him. A part of me still hopes this is just a bad nightmare. I want to wake up and run back to him,” he whispered, closing his eyes to imagine the situation where the last months would be just a long dream. “I don’t want to move on. I’m not ready to let go.”
It was difficult to accept. Showing Jeongguk he was okay with how things were for the younger’s sake was even more difficult, but he had to do it for him. Being pregnant on its own must have been a lot to take in and from medical point of view, Taehyung knew the boy’s emotions were probably all over the place, so he figured there was no space for a jealous ex-boyfriend to make a bigger mess.
Visiting Daegu was supposed to be an escape for him, but it ended up being the complete opposite. When he suggested to visit his grandparents, his parents were more than happy to go with the plan, so Taehyung thought spending time with his family was going to help him and it did, until Jeongguk showed up at the threshold. It was like his life was mocking him.
“I know you love him and I know it’s difficult, but it’s time to let go. It’s not going to be a short process, it’s going to take a lot of time and effort to get over something precious you lost, but, Taehyung, letting him go is the best thing you can do both for him and yourself,” Namjoon said once he finished writing whatever he wanted to add inside his folder.
The worst part about it was that he’d already had to let Jeongguk go once. The break-up was so unexpected he didn’t have much time to take it in before he realized the omega was serious about it. He got back to his senses but it was too late, Jeongguk stopped answering him, stopped replying to his texts and just like that they grew apart.
Work managed to bury all of his thoughts back then, but now even his job reminded him of Jeongguk, it was going to be impossible to forget, especially when he imagined the omega’s tummy growing each time they’d meet. “How do I even do that when all I think about is him?” He asked, turning his head to look at his friend with tears filling his eyes just at the thought.
Namjoon gave him a sad smile, got up from his desk and sat in the armchair next to the couch where Taehyung rested. He took his hand and caressed his knuckles gently as if he was trying to prepare him for the next words.
“Well, love can only be healed with love,” the older said, not letting go off Taehyung’s hand, squeezing it tightly to support him. “I know that right now falling in love seems impossible, but I think spending time with someone could help you relax. It doesn’t have to be anything romantic or physical, just some nice company would be enough for a start,” he explained.
The truth was, Taehyung couldn’t imagine himself with anyone but Jeongguk. He didn’t even want to have such image because of the fantasies he had of his future with his ex-boyfriend. The world they had created blocked every thought of having someone else or falling in love again.
“N-no I can’t. I can’t, don’t w-want to,” his voice was no longer stable as he let the tears roll down his cheeks, his nose getting stuffed the more he cried. “There must be a way- a way how to win him back. Namjoon please, help me get him back. What can I do?”
Thinking about Jeongguk being away from him forever made him panic. He felt devastated and more desperate than ever. He was willing to do anything to get his beloved boy back. He wasn’t even realizing his words or how pathetic he sounded, but in that moment, his mind was blurred and completely blocked out. All he wanted was Jeongguk.
Shaking his head, he completely lost himself in the maze of desperation, not being able to find a way out. He didn’t even let Namjoon speak or to help him out of his panic attack, simply sinking deeper and deeper. “I l-love him so much, l-love him,” he repeated, squeezing his friend’s hand as if he was asking for help.
“Shh, I know you do. You love him a whole lot, don’t you?” Namjoon asked, trying to pull him out of his misery. “You know, sometimes letting go is how you express your love. Sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to and sometimes you fall, but it’s okay, all you have to do is get up and walk a different path.”
Listening to the older’s voice helped the alpha to calm down a little, getting the hang of his own emotions again. He considered every single word he’d just heard and nodded for himself. “If I let Jeonggukie go, it’ll mean I love him a lot right? I would do anything for him if it meant his happiness, so if letting go is the only way to show him how much he means to me, I will try it again.”
Taehyung’s always liked to think of his own life as a huge canvas where he painted his own days. He loved to think he was the one having the control over his life, but he learned that wasn’t the case. Sometimes you sprinkle paint on the canvas and cannot fix it unless you start over. That was what he had to do if he wanted a perfect picture.
The white walls of the clinic with warm tones in forms of thin wallpaper always made Taehyung comfortable as he walked towards his office. Ever since he started working, he’s grown fond of the place and couldn’t help but look forward to spending years helping his patients in this very building.
It was relatively new, so he didn’t feel like an intruder among the staff. It took him only one week to get to know everyone, making a good impression on every single one of the workers which made him feel a lot more comfortable when he started working properly.
Being an intern, he was still being monitored and couldn’t do major decision on his own without consulting with his assigned doctor. After a month spent under constant control, he could finally examine his patients on his own, calling for advice only when necessary. When his attending doctor told him he could start dealing with casual things on his own, he felt proud and received a new form of energy and motivation to start growing his name in the medical industry.
The day he received his office was one of the happiest days of his life concerning his dream job. He felt so accomplished when he brought his things and made himself at home in the small office, knowing it was his own and nobody else was ever going to use it unless he quit. He thought there was nothing that could make him love his job less.
That was until he came to his office earlier in the morning, not feeling too well. It was the first time he was going to have a patient with him after Jeongguk’s visit and he felt a little insecure about it for whatever reason. His professional behavior wasn’t affected one bit, but he didn’t feel like talking or casually making jokes with the patients he knew already.
He was getting flashbacks from the examination that happened last Friday and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it. The fact that his first patient of the day was a young omega boy in Jeongguk’s age wasn’t helping him one bit. His life’s shown him how vicious it could be and this situation was just a proof that things weren’t getting better anytime soon.
“Everything seems to be perfect with you Hwan-ssi,” he said with a forced smile as he stood up from the examination table to throw his gloves into the bin by the sink. He washed his hands, trying not to imagine Jeongguk being the one behind him just like previously, but it was extremely difficult and he felt quite disappointed in himself for not being able to push the thoughts away.
“So, I’m not pregnant right?” The boy asked with a huge smile once Taehyung turned around to clean up the small table he had beside the bed. It was heartwarming. Seeing the omega so happy about the results of his examination made the doctor just as happy. It was a different reaction from what he got from his ex-boyfriend and for a moment, he managed to forget about him.
He remembered that the reason why he wanted to become a doctor in the first place was helping people. He wanted to make their life easier and, most importantly, happier. All he wanted back was their smiles to know he was doing well. He’d learned there were situations he couldn’t affect and he had to expect them to prepare for not being able to solve them. There was no way he could make everyone happy, those were the words he learned from his own parents and even though he initially thought it was just a saying, he understood how right it was.
“Not this time,” he chuckled at the boy’s excitement. “I can prescribe birth control for you if you’d like. I suggest you take it if you have intercourse regularly,” he suggested while the omega still sat on the table releasing a deep exhale of relief.
“Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! I can’t imagine being pregnant so early, it must be emotionally draining,” he said as he finally hopped of the bed, disappearing behind the curtains to dress up, whistling for himself from how happy he was.
Taehyung returned to his table and wrote down everything he needed for his patient’s file. His head hurt and his shift had just started, so he already knew it was going to be a long day. He was no longer in state when he could just stay home if he wasn’t feeling well, he had responsibilities that couldn’t wait if he wanted to grow as a doctor and a person, so ignoring his headache as well as his broken heart, he continued working.
With every patient examined, he was getting more and more needy for his shift to be over. Hearing stories, sharing news and seeing new lives on the screen became too much for he felt like he was being slapped over and over again. He was unable to concentrate even after a cup of coffee and a painkiller which had never happened before.
He usually enjoyed his time in the office because he got to be there only three days a week, he would make everything nicely organized, he would talk to his patients, but this time he felt extremely tired and was sorry for the visitors he got because even though he tried to be bubbly, he must have seemed distant.
“Oh thank god,” he said when the door to his office was closed after he examined the last patient before his lunch break. He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes to try and relax, but before he could even take a deep breath, he heard a knock on his door.
If he was a different person, he might have just ignored it, but being the responsible alpha he was, he got up and opened the door to see Seokjin chatting with the nurse, wearing a white cloak identical with his own. The older was quite charming, no wonder the nurses always whispered about him, always asked Taehyung about their relationship and how he was outside work.
Somehow seeing the older and hearing his dad jokes he made with every colleague made him feel a little better. He loved seeing Seokjin so bright with a big smile on his face whenever he talked to people because he knew just how much he wanted them to be happy and he couldn’t help but find himself similar to him, not to mention the older was a sort of an idol for him.
Taehyung leaned against the door frame and smiled at the interaction, making a mental note to tease his nurse about how flustered she got around the doctor. It wasn’t like he blamed her, Seokjin was a very attractive and charming man and if they didn’t know each other for so long, he would’ve also felt a little shy if he flirted with him like that.
“Ah, Taehyung-ah finally,” Seokjin turned his attention to the younger who raised his eyebrows at him with an amused expression on his face. “I swear I wasn’t flirting with Nari-ssi,” he added with an awkward laugh.
It wasn’t the first time Taehyung caught the older flirting with his nurses and he would always ask him to stop as a joke, but as he could see, it was a lost case. The thing was, Seokjin wasn’t serious with his courting and everybody knew that, he was just trying to brighten up one’s day and somehow they all appreciated it.
It was simply his energy that made people around him feel a little better, so in the end, Taehyung was glad to see his friend, especially at times like this when he felt like he was just a leap away from collapsing. “Yeah I can see that, it’s not like Nari-ssi is blushing for a reason right?” He teased them both, allowing himself to smirk.
The young girl’s cheeks reddened even more at that and she started doing some paperwork to hide herself and avoid further embarrassment. She was also quite new in the hospital, working on her attestation as well which was why Taehyung loved to work with her because in some ways they could relate and understand each other.
“Anyway, do you want to go to the canteen for lunch?” Seokjin quickly changed the topic, resting his elbow on the counter of the small nurse reception, looking at the younger doctor patiently.
Food was one thing Taehyung’s been waiting for ever since he started his shift for he’d skipped breakfast, so with a nod he grabbed his wallet and his phone from the office and joined Seokjin, so they could walk down the hallway to the hospital canteen that was now filled with doctors, patients and visitors.
It was a modern room with simple table booths of either four or two, each one decorated with a yellow cloth and a vase with flowers suitable for the season. At the end of the room was a small buffet as well as the counter, so without a moment of hesitation, they headed over there to scan their options.
“Beautiful day ladies,” Seokjin greeted the girls behind the counter. “What would you recommend for this lovely day?” He asked and listened to their ideas that Taehyung didn’t focus on, hearing just the occasional giggles.
There were different sandwiches, salads and simple dishes he could choose from, but neither looked appealing which made him wonder if he was losing his appetite due to all the stress he’s been going through. Being a doctor, he knew how important nutrition was for his organism, so he had to eat at least something to gain some energy.
“What’re you having Tae?” Seokjin asked, holding a tray full of food. “I’m going to snatch us a table while you order okay?” He asked and left after Taehyung nodded, returning his attention to the menu board to pick something quickly, letting people in the line order first for he was undecisive.
After a few more minutes, Taehyung settled on a bowl of simple potato soup and an apple pie which was something he could never resist. He asked for another coffee, knowing it wasn’t good for him, but he had to last a few more hours before he could go home where a horde of books waited for him.
“Out of all things you could have ordered, you got gamjaguk,” Seokjin raised his eyebrows when the younger doctor sat across him. Taehyung simply nodded with a shrug before he started eating in silence, feeling much better once he tasted the warm soup. “You look like you got run over by a truck and magically survived,” the older said out of blue, not meaning to offend his friend, just feeling concerned.
“Because that’s exactly how I feel,” Taehyung admitted, not looking at Seokjin and focusing on his soup instead. He’d managed to get his mind off things for a little while, but the realization of not wanting to eat reminded him of the reason why he got himself in such state in the first place. He’d noticed how dark the circles under his eyes became, losing the motivation to even make himself look presentable.
Being with Jeongguk hurt. Being without him hurt even more. Taehyung tried to find a way to make it hurt less, considering things Namjoon told him the other day, but he couldn’t get himself to invite anyone out for a potential date. It wasn’t like he had no one to spend time with, he just still felt like it would be cheating on Jeongguk even though they were no longer together. It wouldn’t feel right.
It was as if Seokjin read his mind, seeing what he was thinking about for his next words were related to Taehyung’s thoughts. “Let me take you out on a friendly date,” he said casually, taking a sip of his juice before he proceeded. “I think you need to ease your mind a little.”
The invitation surely caught Taehyung off guard because never did he think of Seokjin and him dating despite the older being both kind and attractive. He took a minute to imagine such situation and couldn’t help but cringe, not liking the idea at all. “I’m sorry Seok, but- I don’t see us that way,” he apologized. “Besides, I don’t think I’m ready to go on a non-Jeongguk date.”
Seokjin giggled at the choice of words, reaching out to ruffle the younger’s hair, his smile never fading. He didn’t seem to be hurt or even bothered by the rejection which made Taehyung feel relieved because the last thing he needed was to lose one of the closest friends he had.
“I know, which is why it is a friendly date,” he emphasized.
“Did Namjoon tell you something? Why are you asking me out all of a sudden?” Taehyung was confused and full of questions. He couldn’t see why someone like Seokjin would want to go on a date with him without a proper reason, so while he waited for his answer, he tried to figure it out himself.
Placing the empty bowl aside, Taehyung took a bite of his apple pie, licking his lips afterwards, loving how smooth the apple flavor was. It wasn’t an ideal lunch, but he was always one for something sweet, so in the end he wasn’t complaining, he was happy he managed to eat something without having to force himself too much.
The painkiller finally made his headache vanish, so he felt like he could function properly again. If he couldn’t get himself in order mentally, then he had to manage to keep up physically at least. The problem was, he didn’t see a point in his life where he could relax, at least not in the near future.
“I spoke with Namjoon, yes. I agree with him, you should let yourself love someone else again. I’m not saying it should be me, although, I wouldn’t mind having a cute boy like you falling for me,” he chuckled with a mischievous smirk, winking when the younger locked eyes with his.
There was something about the confession that made Taehyung feel a little nervous and flustered. He knew the older probably jokingly said those word to many people, yet it made his heart twitch a little, feeling something he hasn’t felt in a while – being wanted.
“I- ugh, I didn’t see that coming.”
“You know, for an alpha, you blush quite a lot,” the older laughed and leaned over to pinch his cheek, smirking at some nurses that cooed at their interaction. “For real though, let’s go out for a drink on two. We’re both free on Friday,” he smiled, cupping his own cheek and resting his elbow on the table.
Taehyung knew that a night out could help him. He desperately needed to just stop thinking about school, about work, about Jeongguk. He needed a way out and Namjoon suggested spending time outside even if it wasn’t in a romantic way, so maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to accept the invitation.
“A friendly hangout,” he fixed the older’s previous words.
“Call it whatever you want Tae, I just want you to see how wonderful you are and that a broken heart can be healed with time,” Seokjin agreed before he continued eating. He seemed to be satisfied with Taehyung’s answer and that somehow calmed the younger, feeling grateful the older understood. “You know, we may not think of us right now, but maybe one day we could. We’ve got good chemistry, no pun intended,” he said, making a medical joke on spot.
The second part surely scared Taehyung. He felt bad for even thinking of Seokjin as something more as a friend, immediately thinking of how Jeongguk wouldn’t like it because even when they were together the younger got jealous whenever Taehyung spent time with the other alpha. There was absolutely no way he could let things happen between him and Seokjin, if not for the fact he wasn’t ready to move on, then definitely because he was the reason Jeongguk broke up with him in the first place.
“Seokjinie, I really appreciate your concern, but I’m in love with Jeongguk and I don’t see myself moving on anytime soon, so please understand why I don’t want to jump into another relationship just like that,” he explained as he put all of his dishes back on the tray, getting ready to leave because he no longer wanted to have the conversation even though he knew Seokjin just wanted to help him.
“I know Tae, I know Jeongguk is important for you and I know how much you love him, but look what’s it doing to you. You can’t see it but I see you breaking into pieces more and more every day,” Seokjin said after he put his own empty plates on the tray, wiping his lips with a clean napkin.
That was the last straw for Taehyung to get up rapidly. He wasn’t angry or upset, he just didn’t want to talk about his situation with the older anymore. “I can handle it, thank you for worrying about me. I should get going. I’ll see you around,” he said as he took the tray and went for the exit, ignoring the older’s call for him and a series of apologies.
He was usually one for tackling the problems instead of running away, but only when it was supposed to help the other person. When it came to his own despair, he preferred dealing with it on his own. He knew he was sinking, becoming a shipwreck that couldn’t be saved and he knew if he didn’t do anything about it he would end at the bottom of the ocean, completely powerless.
With a loud bump of the door, Taehyung exhaled, feeling happy to be at home after a long day at work. He toed his shoes off, not bothering to put them in order. He went to the kitchen to down a whole glass of water for he felt a little dehydrated, knowing he didn’t drink much during the day.
He considered taking a relaxing bath before he started studying, but before he could do so his phone beeped. He fumbled around his pockets until he found it right in front of him on the counter. Shaking his head at himself, he was ready to answer his mother, who always called him in the evening, only to see a different contact name on his screen.
Panic rushed inside his head and he started pacing the room immediately after he answered. “Yoongi? What’s wrong? Did something happen to you or Jeongguk?” He asked, feeling uneasy about the older calling him so suddenly. He was the last person he expected to call him, thinking Yoongi didn’t really want to do anything with him since he supposedly hurt his brother, but then he remembered how they talked in the restaurant just a few days ago and figured it wasn’t the case.
“I’m sort of on the way to yours, is it okay? I need to talk to you,” he said. Taehyung cringed at the background noises which meant the older was probably on the bus. He didn’t expect to have any visits in the following days, so his apartment was a huge mess, especially now that he stopped taking care of basically everything, including himself, but if Yoongi needed to talk to him so suddenly, it must have been important, so he couldn’t tell him no.
Looking around himself and saw books sprawled on the floor, a few days-worth dishes in the sink and the counter, chocolate wrappers on the coffee table in the living-room with pillows thrown around. His apartment wasn’t ready to have a guest. “Of course, I just- I haven’t really had time to clean up, so I apologize for the mess in advance,” he said with an awkward chuckle, grabbing everything he could throw to the bin to make the place look more presentable.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be with you in fifteen minutes. Do you want me to grab some food on the way?” Yoongi asked with concern in his voice and Taehyung instantly regretted indirectly telling him he was incapable of taking care of himself.
He was going to tell him not to worry and that he himself would prepare something quick for them but his fridge was completely robbed. “Ugh, see, I’ve been quite busy, so I don’t really have food here. If it’s not a bother-“
“Is pizza okay?” Yoongi cut him off.
“Yes please,” he said quietly, feeling quite ashamed that he had to let the older take care of him. He was an alpha, he was supposed to be taking care of Yoongi, it was his nature, yet he had to rely on him and it wasn’t even the first time. “I’ll pay you back once you’re here,” he said, hoping Yoongi wouldn’t object. Knowing he paid for the food would make him feel less useless.
“I’m not having this conversation with you,” he scoffed and Taehyung could perfectly picture how the older must have rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, but before he could hang up, Taehyung thanked him a few more times until the older simply cancelled the phone call without saying anything.
As soon as he realized the call was over, he rushed to the living-room to make the couch, placing all the pillows and blanket in order, adjusting the small vase in the middle of the coffee table. He grabbed every book he saw on the floor and threw them on the bed in his room, closing the door after himself, knowing Yoongi wouldn’t go there.
He didn’t want the older to see how much of a mess he’d become for he thought Yoongi might tell Jeongguk about the visit and the last thing he wanted was his ex-boyfriend knowing about his state. He didn’t want them to worry about him because he knew they must have had a lot of other things on their minds, he didn’t want to add on their troubles.
Just before the buzzer went off, Taehyung put the last glass in the washing machine, starting it immediately before he went to the door, looking at himself in the mirror before he let Yoongi inside. “Hey, come in,” he said, hugging the older, who was holding a pizza box, as soon as he closed the door behind them.
“Ugh, not that I mind, but I can’t breathe,” Yoongi laughed and within a second he was free again.
After the older dropped his jacked and took off his shoes, Taehyung took him to the living-room, asking him if he wanted some tea that Yoongi politely refused. They put the pizza on the table, the warm scent making Taehyung’s mouth water, feeling extremely hungry again.
Both of them took a slice and shared a few words about where the older got the pizza from because they agreed it was one of the better pizzas they’ve had. It was a little quiet but not necessarily uncomfortable. Taehyung was dying to know what it was that brought the omega to his apartment, but he let him start the topic once he was ready.
Having Yoongi so close reminded him of the times he spent with Jeongguk, him and Namjoon back in summer. They always had fun when they hang out together no matter where they went. In a club, they would all dance together and drink a couple of drinks before Taehyung decided it was time for them to leave for it was getting late. He missed being able to take care of them, he missed their dynamics and the freedom he felt when they were together.
“Tae, it’s about Jeongguk,” Yoongi said after a while, snapping the alpha out of his thoughts. Taehyung had figured it would be something concerning his brother, knowing Yoongi wouldn’t come to have a friendly conversation with him just like that for they were no longer as close. “He’s not taking care of himself properly, he neglects the baby as much as he can. He’s not doing well physically either and I don’t know what to do to help him, so I came for advice since you’re a doctor and someone who knows him well.”
Taehyung shivered. He didn’t like the image of his beloved boy struggling on his own. He felt triggered just thinking about it. He knew it was probably too much for him to take in so suddenly and that it would take time for him to accept the situation, so in a way he understood what was happening with him, but he couldn’t just do nothing about it.
He wanted to panic, to ask the older questions Jeongguk couldn’t answer him, he wanted to use the situation to learn more about the case, something that could heal his broken heart and help him move on, but he knew it wasn’t about him. It was about Jeongguk and his well-being. Yoongi came to him for help, so it must have meant Jeongguk’s condition must be quite bad which was why he had to focus on a more professional way to tackle the conversation.
“I think he’s just overwhelmed. It’s a lot for a young boy like him, so I can imagine just how stressful it must be for him. It’s all about mentality, you know? I think he needs to make peace with the situation, otherwise he’s not going to get better,” he said, looking at Yoongi to explain what exactly he meant with his words. “What exactly do you mean by not taking care of himself?”
“He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep, he barely managed to go to classes and I doubt he actually attended all of them. As far as I know he was supposed to meet his friends but cancelled on them last minute because he didn’t feel like going out,” Yoongi said with worries in his eyes.
It was difficult to keep calm when Yoongi explained just how worrying Jeongguk’s condition was. He was pushing all of his personal emotions aside to focus on telling the older what he could possibly do to help his younger brother. He hated the fact he wasn’t there to take care of him, he hated he no longer had the power to take care of him anytime he wanted to.
“I think all you can do about it right now is to give him love. Don’t pity him, don’t ask him about how he’s feeling too often because it will only remind him that he has something to feel bad about,” Taehyung suggested. The advice was something similar to what he received from Namjoon. Mental health was something really fragile and once the right spots were hit, rationality meant nothing. “What about his partner? Do they spend enough time together? Jeongguk needs the support of his alpha more than ever. It’s important the father of his child is with him to help him.”
Yoongi broke the eye contact, pausing to think for a second before taking another slice of pizza. The sudden change in his behavior and the way he avoided his eyes made Taehyung feel like something was wrong. He was missing something important and he had no idea what it was. He needed the omega to speak up, but the older didn’t seem to plan to elaborate.
“What is it you’re not telling me?” He asked as soon as Yoongi finished his slice.
Panic flashed through the older’s eyes once asked the question which made him link their eyes for a few seconds before he broke the contact again. Yoongi’s behavior was worrying and Taehyung didn’t even want to imagine what could be the trigger of such a drastic change.
The older nervously tapped with his foot, scratching his thumb with his index finger so hard Taehyung thought it could draw blood. He saw all the details of Yoongi’s body language that made him nervous as well. He needed to know what was happening.
“The alpha didn’t hurt him, right?” He asked through his teeth, anger filling up his body. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he found out Jeongguk was hurt in any way. He was ready to track the man down and show him his place to make sure he was never going to hurt anyone ever again. “I’m going to kill-“
“Calm down Taehyung, please,” Yoongi said after a deep sigh. “Jeongguk wasn’t abused in any way if that’s what you had in mind. The thing is that, god why is this so complicated,” he mumbled, barely audible for Taehyung to hear. “I can’t tell you much because Jeongguk doesn’t want to talk about it. Ugh, even I don’t know the whole story. Let’s just say their relationship is complicated, the alpha doesn’t even know,” he said carefully, choosing every word wisely.
It made sense. Jeongguk’s reaction in his office made sense. If things weren’t perfect with his partner, his panic attack was understandable. The fact that he was too scared to tell him made things even worse since he must have felt like he was in it alone. Pregnancy on its own was a stressful period in one’s life, so having to go through it without a partner must have been draining.
“I think he needs to talk to his alpha about it. He’s scared he will tell him they don’t want the child, which is why he isn’t telling him, but I think knowing their stance, even if it’s negative, would be better for him to move on,” Taehyung said, observing Yoongi’s reactions.
“He doesn’t want to tell him just yet, he’s quite stubborn about it, so please if you could just tell me how I can take care of him for the time being. I don’t know much about pregnancy, so I don’t know what things could possibly hurt him or not,” he admitted, taking Taehyung’s hands into his own, looking at him with desperation.
It must have been difficult for Yoongi as well. Having to watch his younger brother drown in depression and not being able to help must have been painful, especially considering how strong their bond was and the fact that Yoongi’s been taking care of Jeongguk ever since he was born.
“He’s still early in the pregnancy, so there aren’t things he can’t do, apart from drinking alcohol, smoking. He can do everything he’s been doing before, but should avoid stressful situations, he should be careful about getting sick because now he shares the body with his baby, they’re like one. He needs to accept the baby, Yoongi, and not think of them like a parasite, otherwise it can get worse,” the alpha said, his headache returning from all the thinking.
“But how do I get him to accept the baby? He didn’t even look at the ultrasound picture you gave him. He calls them it, Tae,” the older sobbed, his eyes getting watery from devastation. Taehyung pulled him in a for a hug and rubbed his back gently to hush him. “I’m a bad b-brother, I can’t even take care of him,” he cried.
“No- Yoongi, look at me,” Taehyung gently pushed him away, so they could look at each other properly. He wiped the tears that rolled down his puffy cheeks and shook his head. “You’re a great brother, you’re doing everything you can to help Jeongguk. You raised him well, you’re his role model. He loves you. This isn’t something that can be dealt with within a few days, it’s going to take weeks, maybe months, so please, just don’t leave him and don’t leave yourself. He needs you now more than ever,” he said before he hugged him again.
This time, Yoongi wrapped his arms around the alpha’s neck, squeezing him tightly as if he was trying to gather energy from him and in that moment, Taehyung was willing to give him all of it even though he himself needed it just as much. He kept the omega in his embrace until he felt better, offering him a tissue right after so he could blow his nose from all the crying.
“Thank you so much Taehyung,” he whispered. “I really miss you. I don’t think I can help him without you,” he admitted.
There was something about the confession that made the alpha feel warm. He felt needed and that emotion was priceless for him. He wanted to be by his side, he wanted to help him and Jeongguk overcome the obstacles, but things weren’t as easy as they seemed. Even if Yoongi wished for him to be with them again, it wasn’t something Jeongguk wanted and that was final.
“Let’s take baby steps, okay? I need you to act normal around Jeongguk, he needs to see that nothing changes between you even though he’s pregnant now, he also needs to understand that he’s not unimportant just because he’s with child. I think you should mention parenting or children here and there, but make it natural, don’t make it sound like you’re referring to his future. For example, take him to the mall and point out baby clothes just so that it catches his attention, you know what I mean?”
“So, like, dropping hints of sorts?” Yoongi asked to make sure.
“Exactly. You don’t want him to be too overwhelmed, but he needs to be aware,” he nodded, pinching the older’s cheek playfully to tease him about being a good student which earned him a smack on the shoulder. “Also, remember when I asked you to convince him to come to my therapy sessions?” He asked, waiting for Yoongi to nod. “Please remind him to come this Friday and ask him to take the ultrasound picture with him. I will see what I can do to help with his mental health.”
He wasn’t sure if Jeongguk would be willing to visit a doctor if he didn’t necessarily have to, but it was worth a try. He wanted to show him that there was nothing wrong with him and that the way his life was going was going to make him happy at some point of his life. He wanted to help him see the beauty of carrying a new life under his heart.
“Thank you so much for being here for me and Jeongguk,” Yoongi thanked him again before he said it was time for him to return home to check up on his younger brother and Taehyung agreed, listing a few things he should keep an eye on as he walked him to the door.
“Thank you for coming to see me and for the pizza,” Taehyung smiled, still feeling a little ashamed for Yoongi didn’t accept his money compensation, but he was glad to have the older’s company. It was good to have someone to talk to and even though it made him think of Jeongguk even more, he felt a little better knowing more about the situation.
After Yoongi left, Taehyung didn’t feel like studying anymore. He went for the relaxing bath and rested not only his muscles but his mind too for a full hour, thinking about multiple things. He considered Namjoon’s words again, thought about Seokjin’s invitation and most importantly, he tried to come up with ways to help Jeongguk.
The clock was ticking the last working minutes off as Taehyung sat in his consulting office, waiting for a certain someone to appear. Each time a full minute passed, he lost a bit of hope. He felt foolish for even thinking Jeongguk would care enough to show up, especially since he was still in his denial phase, he could have expected him to stay away from everything that concerned his pregnancy.
Either way, Taehyung spent the last fifteen minutes watching the clock patiently, knowing the waiting room was empty. He even made himself a cup of coffee, so that he felt like there was enough time for Jeongguk to visit him, not wanting to give up until the very last minute.
Ever since Yoongi’s visit, he’s been thinking about what he was going to talk to Jeongguk about to maybe help him open up or at least help him take a step forward to accepting his new life. He had a pregnancy diary ready for him, something he gave to every parent who decided to visit his consulting. He loved to see their eyes glow up at the kind gesture, loving how detailed the small book was and happy to be able to keep track of the growth of their baby.
He expected Jeongguk to dismiss the idea of keeping a diary, but it was worth a shot and Taehyung planned to make an excuse in case it went badly since it was what he offered to each of his patients. His plan was to have the boy at least consider it, to think about the idea, that on its own would be enough for the start, considering how bad his stance was.
He’d even asked Yoongi to have Jeongguk bring the ultrasound picture with him, so they could stick it in the diary together, but now that he was thinking about it, he felt ridiculous for believing he could share such precious moments with the younger. If Jeongguk was to embrace the fact he was going to have a baby, he wouldn’t want to do those things with him, but with his partner.
The way Yoongi talked about Jeongguk’s alpha kept him worried. He didn’t know much, he wasn’t going to ask for more unless Jeongguk himself wanted to share it with him. Maybe not knowing was better for him because he wouldn’t have too much to overthink, but if there was a chance him knowing could possibly help him deal with Jeongguk’s problem, he’d surely take his chances.
A knock snapped him back to reality, his heartbeat quickening at the thought of Jeongguk being behind the door. Hesitating, Taehyung got up and walked towards the door, placing his palm on the handle and waiting a few seconds before pulling it open to reveal Seokjin. He exhaled, not sure if it was a relief or a disappointment.
“Hey you,” Seokjin smiled as he booped Taehyung’s nose playfully, making him roll his eyes.
“Stop doing that,” Taehyung pouted as he leaned against the door frame, looking at his colleague with a frown. He both loved and hated the way Seokjin treated him. He as an alpha felt like he shouldn’t be babied that way, but he couldn’t help but enjoy not having to be the one in charge all the time.
Maybe it was because Seokjin was four years older, a sweet alpha with lots of love to give, or maybe it was his own kindness that was being repaid to him in such form. Either way, Seokjin was always fond of him, always showed him nothing but support and he couldn’t be more grateful to have someone like him by his side.
He was a little uncomfortable and awkward because of their conversation the other day, but he knew the older didn’t mind it one bit, so he tried his best to relax under his gaze. The grin that appeared on the older’s face earned yet another roll of his eyes and a scoff for Taehyung found it annoying, not in a bad way necessarily, it just made him a little envious because he couldn’t be as carefree as Seokjin even if he tried.
“What did you want again?” Taehyung pretended to be displeased by his friend’s visit, knowing he couldn’t cool the other, he just didn’t want to boost his ego even more, but Seokjin always found a brighter side in everything, so there wasn’t much he could do that would make the older annoyed.
“I came to check on you precious, you’ve been working nonstop since seven in the morning. Are you almost done with your consulting?” He asked before he handed the younger a small box which got Taehyung raising his eyebrow at him. “Got you a piece of apple pie,” he winked, answering the nonexistent question.
Taehyung smiled at him, thanking for the kind gesture. Sometimes the older would surprise him with treats, but it wasn’t something that happened regularly which was why it was always unexpected, making it even sweeter. Taehyung was a fan of little things which was why even something so simple brightened up his day.
“Yes, I was just-“ He was about to tell the older he was going to pack and leave when he noticed a tiny looking boy walk inside the waiting room, clutching on a book tightly as if he was nervous to be around. Despite the bucket hat covering half of the boy’s face, Taehyung knew.
Jeongguk was there, standing a few meters away from him looking at them from under the shield his hat created for him. It was when Seokjin turned around to see what got Taehyung so shocked that the young omega took a step back as if he got startled.
If there was something Taehyung didn’t want, it was Jeongguk seeing him with Seokjin after everything that happened, he didn’t want the younger thinking he was actually right about his assumption of him and Seokjin being a thing, so getting in said situation when his ex-boyfriend was so fragile and sensitive made him curse internally.
“Seems like you have another patient before you’re done,” Seokjin said with a soft smile once he returned his gaze on Taehyung. “Let me know if you want to go for a friendly hangout in the evening or not,” he added before he ruffled the younger’s hair and walked out of the room, saying hi to Jeongguk on the way.
They were left alone, Taehyung standing by the door of his office and Jeongguk by the exit on the other side of the room, neither of them daring to change the distance between them. Taehyung spent the whole day wondering if the younger would show up or not and now that he had him in front of him, he was frozen.
He noticed the younger scratching his thumb with his index finger, thinking it was cute how he took after Yoongi’s habits even though he’d known that already. Yoongi often told him that Jeongguk used to repeat everything after him when he was little, pretending to be his twin just because he thought it was ‘cool’ and Taehyung could always picture it perfectly. Jeongguk, of course, always denied it and claimed his older brother was just trying embarrass him in front of his boyfriend.
“My class ran late, ugh, did I miss your office hours?” Jeongguk asked then, adjusting his hat so that he could see Taehyung properly. He looked tired just like Yoongi described the other day, he looked thinner too even though he saw him just a few days prior. “I can leave.”
“No, it’s okay. You can come in. I just made coffee anyway,” Taehyung panicked when the younger suggested leaving, so he motioned for him to come closer and get inside his office. Hours spent of thinking about this very moment, yet he felt unprepared when the younger closed the door behind him, standing there looking clueless. “You can, ugh, take off your jacket and drop your things over there,” he said, pointing at the corner where he had hangers and a small bench with cushions to make it look comfortable.
In fact, Taehyung was the one who brought all the decorations because he felt the room looked too serious and empty which, he though, might have created an uncomfortable atmosphere for people who weren’t really into visiting doctors, just like Jeongguk which was exactly what motivated him to make the small room as appealing as possible.
The younger listened to him and walked over to the corner, taking off his thick jacket and bucket hat after placing his huge backpack on the bench. Taehyung gave him enough time to gather up the courage to approach him whenever he was ready, taking that time to make some apple and cinnamon tea for him.
“It looks nice here,” Jeongguk said, trying to small talk with the alpha as he looked around the room, his eyes falling on a small play area for kids.
Taehyung observed his reaction, but all he could see on the younger’s face was lassitude. There wasn’t a single second of interest in Jeongguk’s expression, yet he kept looking at the toys neatly placed on the shelves, some of them peaking for one huge box full of stuffed animals.
“Sometimes parents take their children for the sessions, so I made that for them to play, otherwise they would get bored and would rush their parents to leave,” Taehyung used that moment to initiate a conversation about parenting, hoping the younger would catch on and maybe add something, but instead, Jeongguk only nodded and walked to the other side of the room with the lounge area. “You can lay down if you want,” he suggested, pointing at the comfortable automatic seat he had because some people preferred to lay down while talking.
Jeongguk hesitated before he sat on the bed to test the softness. “So, what are we going to do or, you know, talk about?” He asked once he made himself comfortable in a sitting position instead which only meant he was feeling uneasy around Taehyung.
“Well, there are a few things I want to tell you since our examination last week was cut short and I also have something for you,” Taehyung smiled as he took out the diary from his drawer, taking that as well as the cup of tea he’d made, placing it on the small table next to the bed.
He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was going to receive, but he pulled his chair close to the seat, so he could talk to the younger properly, not wanting to be too far away from him in case of another panic attack or worse.
“What’s that book?” Jeongguk asked curiously, his big doe eyes settling on Taehyung’s.
“It’s a sort of a pregnancy diary,” he said carefully, waiting for Jeongguk to react. “It’s where you keep track of things, for example your weight or how your body changes as well as the growth of your baby and-“
“I don’t want that,” Jeongguk said, dismissing the idea even before Taehyung could finish explaining everything he could do with the book. There was no point in trying to convince the younger for it could only make things worse, so Taehyung only nodded and reassured him he didn’t have to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. “Actually- I don’t even know why I’m here, I should get-“
“Please stay,” Taehyung interrupted him, placing his palm on top of the younger’s hand that rested on the leather seat. Even the fact that Jeongguk came to visit him after all was a good sign, but Taehyung didn’t want it to go to waste, he wanted to make as much progress as possible. “Stay until you finish your tea at least,” he said, not wanting to pressure him.
Jeongguk seemed to think about it for a moment before he nodded, taking the cup, pressing the edge against his lower lip to blow air onto the drink, so it could cool down. Taehyung scanned his face now that he was closer, not liking how exhausted he looked. He wanted to ask about his condition, but he reminded himself it wasn’t an examination and he didn’t want to scare the younger off.
Taehyung already knew that anything pregnancy related was a trigger for the younger, so he had to try and avoid the topic even though that was what the whole consulting was supposed to be about. He wasn’t supposed to use his office hour to just chat with his ex-boyfriend, but he figured that was what was needed and it wasn’t like anyone would find out what they talked about anyway, so he decided to take baby steps with the boy.
“How was the class?” He asked, hoping for a better reaction.
The problem was, Taehyung wasn’t sure what it was Jeongguk expected from their session. He didn’t seem to come with the intention of discussing parenting, so it was quite difficult for the alpha to decide on what to talk about or how to approach him.
Maybe what Jeongguk was looking for was an escape, maybe he just wanted to talk to someone about anything, but that didn’t make sense for Taehyung either because he could easily just go out with his friends which Yoongi had mentioned wasn’t happening either.
“It was fine, we did some programming as always,” the boy said, scratching the back of his head. What Taehyung lacked about his reaction was the passion. Jeongguk always talked about his courses with sparkles in his eyes, loving absolutely everything about IT, but now, he felt simply indifferent and dull. It was as if he’d lost all the motivation to study and become what he’d dreamed of.
It physically hurt. The boy who once showed nothing else but his bunny smile and found everything so interesting became someone who only held sadness in his no-longer curious eyes that used to spark every time something caught his attention. In a way, Taehyung blamed himself for how the tables had turned. He hated himself for letting things go that way, hated the realization that both of them became wrecks just because of a misunderstanding.
Jeongguk sat quietly just a few meters away, yet they said nothing. He was looking down at his intertwined fingers, deep in his thoughts just like Taehyung himself. Not even two months back, they would have been all over each other, both loving skinship and affection. It all turned into dust, the memory, the dream, the want, it was all gone.
“School’s getting quite busy now that exam period is approaching, isn’t it? I’ve been studying a lot too,” Taehyung said, wanting to empathize with Jeongguk, thinking maybe that would help him speak up and share at least something from his life and feelings.
“It’s good you can focus on studying,” Jeongguk scoffed, swinging his legs that hang above the floor nervously. “I cannot focus on anything at all. All I think about is-“ He stopped before he could finish his sentence, burying his face into his palms.
Taehyung didn’t need the end to know exactly what it was he couldn’t get off his mind. It was the same thing that kept him from being able to focus. Their condition was similar, yet so different and no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t understand exactly what it must have felt to be in Jeongguk’s shoes right now.
Using the hint of Jeongguk admitting he’s been thinking about his pregnancy, Taehyung allowed himself to start a proper conversation about it, taking the younger’s hands away from his face gently just so he could see him. “I know how difficult it must be for you, I know that it’s not ideal, especially not with all the ambition you have, the plans you have, but things happened and it cannot be undone now,” he spoke quietly, hoping to be as gentle as possible.
Jeongguk made an eye contact with him then, opening his mouth to say something which made Taehyung panic for he didn’t want the younger to end the conversation which was why he continued instead. “But you can still have all of that even now, you know? Being pregnant isn’t an illness, you can do everything you had been doing before that. You can still sport, you can study, you can do programming, nothing of that is being taken away from you, you know that right?”
The boy sighed, closing his eyes just as one tear slipped out, creating a wet trace across his cheek. Taehyung caught it just when it was about to fall, gently wiping the memory line just like he’d done for the boy’s brother a few days back. “Look, I don’t know all the details about what’s going on with you right now, but I can tell you’ve been dealing with a lot of things. It may be difficult for you to talk about it, but there’s time Jeonggukie. We can take baby steps until you’re ready to open up to me again, okay? I’m here for you, I’ll always be here for you.”
Taehyung wasn’t sure if it was the words that made Jeongguk cry even more, but it made his heart ache either way. He hated knowing how much pain the boy he loved was going through and not being able to help him at all. He could relate with Yoongi’s words so much.
“I f-feel so- worthless,” Jeongguk sobbed and Taehyung couldn’t just sit there anymore, so he reached out for the younger’s hand and pulled him onto his lap, sitting him down on his thighs just like they used to do all the time when there was something that made the boy worried or sad. He didn’t care if he was overstepping the boundaries, Namjoon’s words long forgotten for the second time for all he cared about was the omega’s well-being even if it meant his own mental health would get even worse. “I-I just lost my l-life Tae, I d-don’t know what to do,” he continued crying, letting the older embrace him and rock him from one side to another.
“Hey, shh, don’t say that,” Taehyung comforted him, now acting more as a friend than a doctor because he thought that was what the younger needed the most. “You may not be able to see it or understand it now, but you didn’t lose anything. Jeonggukie, you’re going to have a family, your baby is going to be your everything and once they are born, you will not regret anything. It may be a burden now, but it will turn into treasure sooner or later,” he reassured him as he brushed his hair, feeling the boy’s tears against his neck.
It was difficult to restrain himself from crying with the omega boy in his arms, but he had to be strong for him, he had to show him that there was nothing wrong with him and that he was in a natural condition. He wanted him to understand that even though it wasn’t what he wanted, there were bright sides about it.
“I wish you were right,” Jeongguk said after a series of sniffles which made Taehyung lean over to the small table to grab a tissue for the boy who got off his lap. “I don’t want it though, so it’s difficult for me to even think it could ever make me happy,” he admitted before he walked to the corner where he’d dropped his things. “I want to go home now, thank you for, ugh, listening to me. Sorry it probably wasn’t what this session’s supposed to be like.”
“Please don’t apologize, there’s no strict form of how things are supposed to be here. I want to help you and as I said, we have to take baby steps to get through this,” he said once he approached him again and helped him inside his jacket, not wanting to keep convincing the boy to stay if it wasn’t what he wanted. “Do you want me to give you a lift? I’m done here for today anyway,” he offered.
Jeongguk smiled at him gently once he took his backpack, his eyes and nose still red from the crying. “Thank you, but I want to be alone for a while. I’ll just go for a walk, let my mind do its magic,” he chuckled awkwardly, placing his palm on the handle, but before he could leave, he gave the older one more smile. “I’ll see you around,” he said and with that he was closing the door.
“I hope it’ll be soon,” Taehyung said for himself, feeling like a complete failure. He didn’t get to do anything of what he’d planned for his session with his ex-boyfriend. He thought the progress would be a tiny bit faster, but he could already tell it was going to take a lot more time for Jeongguk to make peace with himself.
Feeling defeated, he dropped himself in his chair after he returned to his table, rubbing his face in despair. For what it was worth, Jeongguk did visit him which meant he cared at least a little, he spoke about his feelings which meant he still trusted him even though it wasn’t like it used to be. Taehyung tried to look at the positive sides of the session and only hoped the younger would keep coming back to him, so they could get over it together.
Hello! I'm sorry for taking forever to update :( The story isn't abandoned, I'm asking for patience though! I will have more time in summer so I hope I will get to update more frequently but I always say this and then things go differently ughh I'm really sorry :( Anyway if you are still here for the story, I hope you enjoy this quite short chapter! I love you!
Sensitive topic: abortion
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Watering his plans became one of the most calming activities for Jeongguk which was why he took a can and started doing just that when he returned home after a short walk to clear his head. However, even the fresh wind that blew the remaining leaves of warm colors off the tree branches didn’t manage to ease his burden after the short session with his ex-boyfriend. Exactly a week has passed since he found out about his pregnancy and he was still an emotional wreck, crying at every given opportunity. Even now some of his tears mixed with the water as he took care of the plants without him even realizing. It simply became a part of his daily routine.
For what it was worth, his morning sickness didn’t affect him as much anymore for he knew what to expect. It was still annoying, it still made him upset each time he found himself in the bathroom early in the morning, but at least he knew that once he threw up he would feel a little bit better. He tried eating different things afterwards even though he never had the appetite, but remembering Taehyung’s words, he figured it would be better if he found something suitable that would help him get better after the unpleasant morning pains.
Breakfast was usually the only meal he had during his days despite his brother’s efforts to make delicious food every day. He would only take a few bites to be polite, not wanting Yoongi’s hard work go to waste completely. Deep down he knew it was probably going to cause him troubles sooner rather than later yet he couldn’t bring himself to care, thinking he had nothing to lose anyway.
Dark thoughts have been gathering in his mind to the point where he felt guilty even thinking about it. He hasn’t bounded with his child one bit, so the abortion option kept popping up in his head more often, especially after seeing Taehyung happily chatting with Seokjin earlier that day. He didn’t feel like he owed it to him anymore. It wasn’t about the morals. It was about his well-being and future, but even though he was considering it, he couldn’t bring himself to search it up. He knew it wasn’t legal in his country, so he would have to go abroad if he wanted to undergo the procedure which would cost a ton of money. Money he didn’t have.
“Jeongguk! Mom’s calling,” Yoongi yelled from the kitchen where he was preparing their dinner.
Another thing that has changed was that his parents regularly checked-up on him. Jeongguk appreciated the support and care, but he was tired of being asked about his health because it felt like he was suffering from some incurable illness. In a way, he thought there was some truth to it. He was going to be stuck with a child he didn’t want for the rest of his life, knowing his family wouldn’t allow him to put them for adoption once they were born and something told him he wouldn’t be able to do so after nine months of struggle either.
With a sigh, Jeongguk walked into the kitchen and took the phone from his brother who was still talking to their mother. He made himself comfortable at the counter where he’d left a glass of apple juice and took a sip before he turned his attention to the phone call. “Eomma?” he greeted her.
“Honey, how are you? Everything’s okay?” She asked gently. Her sweet voice calmed Jeongguk for the few minutes he could listen to it which made him think about how lucky he was to have such caring parents after all. It also made him realize he was never going to be one of them. “Yoongi sent us a picture of your first ultrasound! We were so happy to see it, you should have brought it with you when you came over. I’m so excited to watch our little one grow,” she said, happiness the only thing heard in her voice.
Jeongguk was filled with anger within a few seconds. He had to try hard not to snap for he knew his mother had done nothing wrong, so he took a few deep breaths before he replied bitterly. “I don’t remember allowing Yoongi to take a photo of my ultrasound and send it to people without me knowing,” he said through his teeth looking directly at his brother who turned around at the mention of his name, guilt splashed all over his face.
Four. Four people have already seen the picture and he wasn’t one of them. He didn’t want to look at it, but that didn’t mean he wanted others to see it. He frowned at the realization, feeling unhappy about people just throwing his personal things around like a hot potato. He was supposed to be the first to see it, not Yoongi, not his parents, just him.
“I’m sorry, I asked him to do so because you kept forgetting to send it to us and we were so excited to see it. Don’t blame your brother,” she said between several giggles. Jeongguk wondered if she was that happy when she was pregnant with him. He felt the need to know he wasn’t a mistake, that he was a planned baby, but he never asked, not before because he didn’t question it and not now because he was scared.
Feeling a little betrayed, Jeongguk still talked to his mother for good ten minutes. He told her about the upcoming exams and that he planned to go to the library the next day. She didn’t ask anything about Taehyung and he didn’t mention him either, simply because he thought his mother might try to convince him to talk to his ex-boyfriend and try to sort it out.
After the call ended, Yoongi approached Jeongguk and handed him a plate with bulgogi so that he could put it in the middle while he got them rice. It smelled good, it always did, but it didn’t reach his appetite this time either. He only took a few small pieces of meat, some vegetables and started eating in silence as soon as he felt Yoongi sit down beside him.
“I’m sorry bun, they insisted and I figured I couldn’t just tell them you didn’t want to show them because they would question it,” Yoongi apologized before he himself tasted the food he’d prepared. Jeongguk understood and even felt thankful it was Yoongi who did it because if he wanted to do it himself he would have to look at the picture in the first place and that wasn’t something he wanted to do anytime soon, if ever.
Jeongguk nodded, accepting his apology without a moment of hesitation. He didn’t want to fight with his brother anymore, the last time was a good enough lecture for both of them. “It’s fine. They would see it sooner or later anyway,” he sighed, placing his chopsticks on the plate after he finished the small amount of food he’d taken.
“Aren’t you going to eat more? You barely ate,” Yoongi asked with concern in his voice. “Is something bothering you? Except, I mean, the usual,” he said awkwardly, probably realizing how off it sounded only after the said the words out loud.
A sudden need to talk embraced the young omega, so he turned around on the stool to face his brother, looking down. “Today when I went to see Taehyung at the clinic I saw him with Seokjin. He was leaning against the door frame and Seokjin stood so close to him,” he said quietly, replaying the moment again. “He gave him a cake or something. They just looked so close, you know? I can’t believe I was right after all,” he said as he looked up at Yoongi who’d stopped eating to listen to him carefully.
“What do you mean you were right?” The older asked, confused.
Jeongguk scoffed as he remembered all the times Taehyung had to cancel on him when they were together just because he had made plans with Seokjin. He lost trust then, he kept asking him why he spent so much time with the other alpha or if he maybe fell out of love with him, but Taehyung always denied. He always made him believe he still loved him, he swore he had nothing going on with Seokjin and that it was everything about the studies. He couldn’t believe he’d lied to him.
“Taehyung and Seokjin are dating, Yoongi. They must have been ever since we broke up. I was right when I suspected Taehyung. I can’t believe he would hurt me like that,” Jeongguk said, feeling emptier than ever. He carried a hole in his heart, one that could not be patched up anytime soon. Somehow he felt things were going to get worse.
Yoongi shook his head and put his chopsticks down only to take his younger brother’s hands into his own. “You’re wrong. Taehyung would have never cheated on you. Think about it, Seokjin is a doctor in the clinic where Taehyung works now. It only makes sense that it was Seokjin who helped him get in there. I believe that’s why they spent so much time together. Taehyung is not the type of person to go somewhere unprepared, so if he got the opportunity to work at the clinic he wanted to study ahead and Seokjin simply helped him with that,” Yoongi tried to explain his understanding on the case from almost two months ago.
Jeongguk thought that story may have been believable if Taehyung had mentioned anything about working at a clinic at that time, but nothing like that came up. His only excuse was studying and practicing. He didn’t know if that information would have changed anything between them or if they’d still be together, but either way it was too late for that now.
“Maybe, but right now they are together, or maybe not yet, but they are definitely having something going on,” he said sadly as he jumped off the chair, walking away. “It’s not like it matters anymore,” he added before he disappeared inside his room, feeling defeated once again.
It’s been a while since Jeongguk met anyone other than Taehyung or his brother. It was an extremely difficult and confusing period for him, that much was obvious to him, but he didn’t want to let it break his friendships, so, even though it was annoying, he got up in the morning and agreed to meet his best friends in a hot-chocolate place where they usually went, their favorite hang out place.
Both Jimin and Hoseok were excited to see the texts Jeongguk sent them and that on its own made him realize it was worth going through all the trouble. He missed them so much he regretted not reaching out to them sooner. He should have known if there was anyone who could offer and objective and genuine comfort it would be the two alphas who cared for him deeply. He hasn’t told them much about his situation or why he stopped meeting them on a daily, but he wasn’t worried about their reaction.
Despite being offered a ride, Jeongguk decided to get to the coffee shop on his own, taking a bus and a subway because he always appreciated some time alone. He spent it thinking about how to explain everything properly and not make it too long because he really didn’t want to talk about his pregnancy for longer than needed. Although, there were certain topics he was scared to bring up in front of Taehyung or Yoongi, so maybe talking to Jimin and Hoseok about it first would help him decide whether it would be a good idea to talk about with his family or not.
It was cold and Jeongguk realized just how much when he had to pull his scarf higher to cover half of his face. He still hasn’t returned it to Taehyung who’d given it to him on the bus stop after they returned from Daegu just like the alpha hasn’t returned his umbrella. It was a habit of theirs from when they were dating. They never needed to think of taking or returning, they just grabbed whatever and let the other take it whenever they needed it back. There was something about the alpha not asking him to bring the scarf back that made Jeongguk feel a little lighter. It made him feel like he still belonged to him.
Passing by the tiny store with different colorful cakes displayed behind the window, Jeongguk could already see Jimin and Hoseok sitting at the couch area where they always sat together. They were already bickering and annoying each other which made the omega grin because he really did miss the sight of the two of them playing.
As soon as he opened the door and the outside wind pushed his scent forward in a rush, the alphas both turned towards him and smiled. For a second Jeongguk scolded himself for forgetting to take his scent suppressant even though it still hasn’t intensified due to his pregnancy, but both Yoongi and Taehyung kept reminding him to get used to it as soon as possible, so that he wouldn’t forget it when things would get more advanced. He didn’t really care.
“Get out of my way Park! I’m hugging him first,” Hoseok said as he shoved Jimin back onto his seat, so he could get past the tiny coffee table and meet Jeongguk halfway. His arms were extended for the omega as if he was expecting him to run into his embrace despite knowing Jeongguk wouldn’t do that with all the people around them. It was embarrassing.
Just knowing how happy the two were to see him eased some of the pain of his chest and he couldn’t help but smile fondly at them. He was almost in range of Hoseok’s arms, but before they could hug or say anything, Jimin came running to push the other alpha out of his way, pulling Jeongguk into his arms immediately.
“Baby,” Jimin smiled against his cheek after he gave him a small welcoming peck, holding the back of his head tenderly as if he never wanted to let him go again. The sweet gesture made Jeongguk feel a little warmer, the warmest he’s felt in a while in fact. He was going to hug him back if it wasn’t for Hoseok pulling him into his arms instead.
“I’m so happy to see you little one,” Hoseok squealed as he squished the younger in his arms. “I. Missed. You. So. Much,” he laughed between kisses that he pressed on his neck, adding to the affection the omega received from Jimin. It was warm.
Finally, Jeongguk managed to escape so he could hug them both properly and so they could move to their table and order drinks. He was happy to feel some appetite for chocolate fondue with fruits and biscuits. It’s been a while since he had any dessert because he was usually worried about throwing up afterwards, but the want was stronger than worry then, so he didn’t even hesitate before he blurted out his order when the waiter came to their table.
“I don’t understand why you get to sit on the couch with him and I have to stay here alone,” Jimin complained with his arms crossed, throwing himself against the backrest of the yellow loveseat.
Jeongguk loved how normal it was, like nothing changed. In the last couple of weeks, his entire routine, his habits, his emotions and physical state changed. It was good to see at least something remained same old. Feeling satisfied, he allowed himself to snuggle closer to Hoseok who had his arm resting on top of the couch, securely around him so that his fingers could play with his hair.
“Because I’m a better cuddler, right?” Hoseok grinned proudly as he tugged on Jeongguk’s ear.
“You’re both great, stop fighting,” Jeongguk whined when the two of them continued their petty exchange over something so bizarre. He pretended to be annoyed, but he loved to feel wanted. He’s missed the feeling of being able to freely do or talk about anything he wanted. If he wanted to kiss Hoseok’s cheek, he could have. If he wanted to sit on Jimin’s lap, he could have and nobody would question anything, especially not he himself.
His problem overall wasn’t really what people, except from his family and friends, thought of him, but what he thought of himself. Most of his thoughts consisted on self-hate and self-insults towards his actions that brought him to where he was. Which was why spending time with Jimin and Hoseok was refreshing.
It was only a matter of time before one of the alphas asked about what was going on and Jeongguk didn’t want to walk around it, so he simply told them everything. He spoke about how he ended up pregnant, how the father of his child ended up being his doctor and how much the situation bothered him. His monologue lasted for a longer while, but neither Hoseok nor Jimin interrupted him, both carefully listening to every single word.
Surprisingly, it was relieving to say everything out loud, even things he didn’t mention to Yoongi or their parents. He genuinely shared how he felt, taking an advantage of the momentary freedom he felt in their presence, knowing it wasn’t going to last for too long.
He hadn’t even registered when Jimin joined them on the couch because the way they were all squeezed together was nothing but welcome. The contrast between the alphas’ scents was comforting when they both leaned to caress him or kiss him, not to pity him, but to show him their love.
Jimin’s ocean scent kept him sane, helping him surf on the waves of thoughts, to process them carefully before letting them guide him and express his emotions as well as he could. Hoseok’s bonfire scent, on the other hand, kept him warm and safe from the dark thoughts that still filled most of his brain, reminding him there was love around him no matter what happened.
“So, now I’m stuck alone forever because nobody’s going to mate a pregnant omega or worse, an omega with someone else’s child,” he exhaled deeply as he finished his talk, letting his head fall against Jimin’s shoulder, the alpha immediately brushing his hair in comfort and pressing quiet kisses on top of his head.
“Ridiculous! I’m going to mate you,” Hoseok said, pinching Jeongguk’s cheeks that made the younger look at him with question in his eyes as if he was trying to see if he was joking or if he was serious.
“You wish loser! I’m gonna mate Jeonggukie and take care of him forever,” Jimin said, tickling the younger in his embrace.
It was new. A reaction Jeongguk didn’t expect. He didn’t think the two would pity him or cry with him, but he certainly didn’t even consider them not making a big deal out of this. They didn’t seem too bothered by it and it made Jeongguk wonder if he was the only one who’s been overreacting. Either way, he was glad Jimin and Hoseok decided to stay calm and even joke with him, instead of helping him fall back into depression.
“Guys, I’m serious,” he said, eyeing them carefully.
“So are we though,” Jimin said after he shared a quick eye-contact with Hoseok who nodded at him. “Your situation surely isn’t easy, but it’s not something you can’t deal with. Have you considered abortion? I know it’s expensive, especially because you would have to fly abroad to have it done, but know that me and Hobi are willing to help you financially,” he said, the tone of his voice a little more careful now that he approached a sensitive topic.
Jeongguk has thought of abortion, but usually dismissed the idea right away because he was worried. He didn’t have money for that, he didn’t know if his family would support him, he knew how devastate Taehyung would be if he found out he gave up on their child without him even knowing, so he never brought it up. Maybe it was guilt that stopped him from doing so. He’d already lied to his ex-lover, so he would never have to tell him the truth, but he wasn’t sure if he could live with himself if he did that. He was already being eaten up alive by regret and guilt.
“Listen Jeongguk,” Hoseok said as he took his hand into his own. “It’s your body, your life, okay? You get to decide this for yourself. If you don’t want this baby, then we will help you. If you want to keep the baby and raise it, we will also help you with that. It’s up to you,” he said gently, thumbing on the younger’s knuckles.
The amount of support he’s just received was overwhelming in the best way possible. Even though he wasn’t too inclined towards abortion, just knowing he had an option was enough. Before, he thought there was no way he could make it happen, but now that he was told his friends were willing to help him both mentally and financially, it made him a little relieved. He had a way out, he just needed to decide whether to take it or not.
“I- do you really think I could do that?” Jeongguk asked, his eyes beginning to water.
“If you want to,” Jimin reassured him, pulling him onto his lap, so they had more space on the couch, the younger immediately laying his head against the alpha’s chest. “You have time to decide, maybe you should talk to other people too, you know?” The way he spoke was calm and slow and Jeongguk knew exactly what he meant. It was a decision he could make on his own, but his family deserved to know about it.
“You should also consult it with your doctor,” Hoseok added which alarmed Jeongguk. “You don’t have to tell him everything, this is just so that he is aware of your physical condition you know? Abortion isn’t all that easy I believe. If it’s not done properly, you can be affected by it,” he explained.
Jeongguk remembered when Taehyung talked to him about abortion when they learned about it at school. He knew how dangerous it could get, he knew his womb could get damaged, he could lose the ability to have children in case of complications. Taehyung had given him statistics about these problems and even though it didn’t happen too often, the risk was still there.
“You said you were in your seventh week now right?” Jimin asked.
“I think so,” the omega answered.
“So you have some more time to decide, but don’t try to drag it because it gets more complicated with each week. Or at least from what I know,” he smiled and pressed a kiss onto his forehead. Jeongguk was quite impressed by all the knowledge his two friends had. He was grateful he decided to see them and talk to them because they helped him a lot mentally.
Jeongguk nodded at that and thanked them quietly, ending the conversation because even though it made him relieved, he wanted to talk to them about casual things like their jobs or whatever they’d been up to before they met. It was nice to think about nothing but Hoseok scolding his boss at work for breaking the dress code he himself brought to the company or about Jimin complaining about his professors. It was their everyday life, something Jeongguk missed a lot. A stable routine.
The positive feeling he gained from talking to his best friends for hours lead Jeongguk to the library of his faculty. He wanted to get ready for his exams despite dealing with a lot of personal things. He still had a dream to achieve and if he decided to go for the abortion, he had to work hard to get there as soon as possible.
There weren’t too many people on Saturdays, so he was glad he had a little bit of privacy as he walked around the shelves, looking for a book about bioinformatics he needed for his first exam. It was an elective subject he’d chosen because of Taehyung who convinced him it was interesting. Jeongguk enjoyed the subject mostly because he could share so much data with his ex-boyfriend who always looked so proud of him when he learned something new, but now with the alpha gone, it wasn’t as thrilling.
The problem about the library of his faculty was that it was a big mess. The books weren’t properly organized, so he had to looks through each shelf if he wanted to find something for he was too anxious to ask the employees to help him. There were many irrelevant books ranging from geography to taoism that he bet none of the informatics students ever used.
Moving his fingers along the back of the books, he read the titles in hopes to find the one topic he needed so he could go to the study area and start reading before heading back home. As much as he tried, he couldn’t find anything but irrelevant books. He frowned with each book of a completely different field until he stopped on a book called ‘Guide to a healthy pregnancy’ which made him scoff loudly at that as he pulled the book out, ready to complain to whomever was in charge of the library.
“You know if you had any questions you could have just asked me.”
It was after hearing the words that Jeongguk noticed a pair of brown shoes next to him. He couldn’t believe he ran into Taehyung in the library of his own faculty. He couldn’t believe his life that kept slapping him at the most unexpected places. He didn’t look up, the familiar scent rushing into his nostrils as soon as he got a little closer to have a proper look at the book.
Out of all times Taehyung could have met him, he met him in a library holding a book about pregnancy as if his life wasn’t ironic enough. Maybe it was a sign, a chance to talk to the older about what he’d been thinking about, but he wasn’t sure if the library was a good place to talk about something so sensitive. He didn’t know if any place would be okay for such conversation.
“What were you looking for in this?” He asked and Jeongguk finally looked at him. He was tall, even taller than the other day they met which made the omega think he was just imagining it and that the alpha wasn’t really there which would make a lot more sense that the current situation.
Taehyung was wearing a mustard colored sweater and a dark blue coat that was a little bit fancier than the jacket Jeongguk was wearing. In other words, he felt like he was talking to a celebrity while in fact he was just talking to someone he used to be close to, someone he shared a bed with every other day because he couldn’t be without him for too long, someone he still loved.
“What are you doing here?” Jeongguk asked, feeling a little annoyed at the coincidence. He was having a relatively okay day, of course it was too good to be true, so he had to face the reason of his misery, as well as the only source of his past happiness.
He walked past by him, shoving the book against the older’s chest so he could have it and continued looking for what he came for in the first place. He was tired of reading the irrelevant titles, not believing how difficult it would be to simply organize the books. He considered walking up to the counter to offer help just so he could make it crystal clear.
“Well you see this is a lost and found section, so there are a few books I need to bring back to our library. The staff here called earlier and I offered myself to go here and grab what we needed. The book you were about to read is one of them, but if you want to borrow it-“
“I wasn’t going to read it! I’m looking for bioinformatics,” Jeongguk defended himself.
The words hit him later. Lost and found section. He groaned as he left the aisle, feeling angry at himself for not realizing that earlier. A few shelfs behind were nicely organized in alphabetical order as well as the field, so it wasn’t that difficult to find what he needed. Sighing in disbelief, he pressed his forehead against the wooden shelf.
Only when the fresh forest scent hit him again did he realize Taehyung followed him. “You know this book was written by professionals, so maybe you could borrow it after all,” he suggested, swinging with the book when Jeongguk looked at him in disbelief.
“I don’t need a guide. I can take care of myself,” he said and started focusing on the books again, pulling out what he thought would be helpful for his exams.
“Is that why you’re losing weight instead of gaining it?”
Jeongguk glared at the alpha then. He hated the fact Taehyung was so observant, he hated that he was actually scolded for a good reason, hated that he didn’t even care about being unhealthy. “I do have a parasite in my body, so I bet it’s stealing the little nutrition I get to my organism,” he said in annoyance, regretting his words as soon as he saw the older’s expression fall.
Of course Taehyung would get disappointed, sad even, if someone he used to love said something like that, knowing how much he adored children and family. Normally, Jeongguk wouldn’t have said it, but he was petty. Seeing the older’s lips form a soft letter c stabbed him. He always hated when Taehyung was sad.
“Is that what your baby is to you? A parasite?” He asked, voice a few octaves deeper.
“It’s a fetus, not a baby,” Jeongguk continued pushing it. He grabbed a few books and walked away, finding himself a small round table in the corner of the study area. He sat down and sprawled the books around before he took out his notepad to make notes, sighing when he noticed Taehyung sitting across him.
Even though he wasn’t in the mood to talk to Taehyung about his pregnancy or anything at all, he was still happy to see him. The fact that he was staying beside him even though he made it obvious he didn’t want him near made him feel like he still cared about him. He knew Taehyung cared about him, but it wasn’t enough.
“I know it’s a fetus Jeongguk, I’m a doctor. In seventh week, your parasite forms hands and feet and-“
“I don’t care, okay? I didn’t ask for this,” Jeongguk snapped, shocking Taehyung in the process. A few people turned to look at them, giving them glares which made the omega sink into his seat from how ashamed he was. “I’m considering an abortion.”
Taehyung’s mouth dropped open, skin going pale within just a few seconds. He couldn’t seem to form a sentence just yet, instead he looked at Jeongguk as if he was trying to see if he was being serious about what he’d just told him. Jeongguk realized a little too late that it was probably the worst way possible to share such information with him.
“W-we met yesterday in my office and you didn’t even consider telling me about this?” Taehyung seemed hurt. His voice was trembling, eyes settled on the younger, his eyebrows forming a desperate shape. He almost seemed betrayed, and in a way, Jeongguk understood where he was coming from.
It was surely something he should discuss with him. If not for the fact that he was also the father of the baby, then because he was his doctor. Once again, guilt washed over the younger’s body until sweat was forming on his forehead.
“It’s not your business,” he said, cursing himself the moment his words left his mouth. “I-“
“It’s not my business? Am I nothing to you now? Seriously? The two years we spent loving each other are nothing to you? I can’t believe you just said that,” he said, anger gathering in his voice contrary to his eyes that became even sadder as tears appeared in the corners.
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Jeongguk said panicky, reaching out to take the older’s hands, but Taehyung pulled them back as he looked away, tears escaping his eyes as soon as he squeezed them shut. “Tae, please look at me. That’s not what I mean I swear. You know you mean everything to me,” he said, feeling his heart hurting at the sight of his beloved crying silently.
“No Jeongguk, I don’t know that,” the alpha said through a sob. “Not anymore.”
The words came in a shape of an arrow, hitting Jeongguk’s heart in a lightspeed. He was out of breath, he couldn’t inhale or exhale. He simply stared at Taehyung who gathered the books he’d brought and stood up. He wanted to tell him not to go, but no words came out. He wanted to cry, but no tears escaped his cheeks. He was trembling, but Taehyung didn’t do anything about it.
“If you decide to go for an abortion, at least consult it with me. If I’m nothing in our private lives, I’m your doctor, so unless you want to change that, you should talk to me about it,” he said, sparing a glance at Jeongguk whose eyes were reddening from how he was looking at one spot for so long.
“Y-you’re not nothing,” the omega sobbed, finally taking a shaky breath, his head becoming a little dizzy from the pressure that got into his head.
Taehyung walked away and Jeongguk thought that was it, that he made it even worse, that they wouldn’t be able to talk about anything ever again, that he would have to change the family care doctor to someone he didn’t know, that he would never get to see those beautiful brown eyes or feel the rainy forest scent, but then he felt an arm around his shoulder and a plastic glass of water being held close to his lips.
“Drink up,” Taehyung said and helped the younger get the hold of the cup, still supporting it in case he dropped it from how his hands were shaking. “Now deep breaths okay? Inhale, exhale,” he repeated as he brushed his hair, knowing him perfectly well to know exactly what to do to help him through a panic attack.
“Y-you a-are not n-nothing,” Jeongguk shook his head, tears sliding down his cheeks towards his ear because of the angle.
“You make me feel like I am,” the alpha sighed, but pressed his lips against the younger’s temple, keeping them there until Jeongguk’s breathing steadied. “We may not be in a relationship anymore, but I meant what I said yesterday, so keep it in mind,” he said and left one last peck on his ear before he got up again.
Jeongguk didn’t want him to leave, he didn’t want him to leave thinking he meant nothing to him because it was the opposite. Even though he hurt him, he still meant everything to him, he still loved him as much, maybe even more so. He wanted to tell him, but he couldn’t. He wanted to have him back as his boyfriend, but he couldn’t. It seemed like every meeting with the alpha made him realize just how much they have drifted apart. Inseparable changed into separated and the thought of them staying that way forever hurt him.
“Please come back,” he whispered for no one in particular. He was left alone.
Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you enjoyed it even through the angst :( Please be patient and remember this is a slowburn so things will be frustrating for a while. If I could kindly ask you please don't ask me to end the angst because I won't and if you keep asking me it might affect my writing and I might lose the motivation to write it and then I will take forever to update again.
Another thing, note that abortion is a very sensitive topic and everyone has a different opinion about it so let's not start a fight about what's right and what not. So any problematic abortion comments or ccs will be ignored from my side since I don't want to start anything negative here.
One last thing! If you want you can follow me on twt @gukkiepie where you can read more stories from moi <3 ILY and thank you again!~
Sensitive topic: Abortion.
Please do know that this story is in NO way meant to be educational, so do not consider this to be advice or lecture for real life. I am not a doctor and the information is from what I found on the internet and things I've heard from relatives.
Once again, the abortion topic is really sensitive and people have strong opinions about it so I'd like to remind you not to start any discussion about said topic and remember this is a fictional story and that each person handles each situation differently from others.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Going outside became one of Jeongguk’s least favorite activities. He preferred spending his days in the comfort of his bed or on the couch in the living-room that was surrounded by his plants. It was his hideout, a place where he felt safe, especially when Yoongi wasn’t at home.
When he was alone he felt like the time had stopped, and that was exactly what he needed. He had a lot to think about, even more to consider, decisions to make, exams to study for, but he didn’t have enough time for neither.
He found it even more difficult to talk to his brother with the abortion idea in his head. He hated that he felt scared to even bring it up, hated that he didn’t trust Yoongi enough with something so important, but their relationship has worsened and the change was too vibrant to look past.
Yoongi seemed to be bothered by the change as well, which was why they were currently on a brotherly trip to the mall. It took some convincing, but in the end Jeongguk figured it would be better if he agreed and went with the idea his brother had come up with. He wanted to fix their relationship as much as Yoongi and running away wasn’t going to help.
The shopping mall was filled with people for it was Sunday. It was a day off for many which was why the shops were crowded. The pop music could be barely heard through the chattering and Jeongguk found himself feeling uncomfortable with so many people around him.
“So, if the new company project goes well, the boss said our pays will be raised,” Yoongi said enthusiastically as they walked past an inside fountain, not noticing his words just went through the younger’s head without leaving a thought behind.
Money was a struggle. Jeongguk had no idea why they were in the shopping mall in the first place. They didn’t need new clothing and getting new plants was, sadly, out of reach for Jeongguk had to start saving up for the future. They wanted to start slowly repairing their bathroom, but with their current situation, the thought was simply ridiculous.
“Mhm, that’s great hyung,” Jeongguk said to at least give him a reaction.
He realized he had to get a job soon, like it or not. He knew he had people who were willing to take care of him financially, but he never wanted to have to rely on anyone. His dream was to get a good job so he could take care of himself and even though that was no longer realistic, he still needed at least some income.
The problem was that he was a pregnant omega with no working experience and no university degree. It would have been a miracle to find any job at all, so Jeongguk refused to give himself much hope. He was determined to at least try, but he didn’t want to be too disappointed if he got no calls back.
Yoongi took his hand and entered their favorite shop. The clothes there were affordable, even more so when they had sales. They would go there once a month to buy a few new pieces, but never went overboard which was the opposite of what happened when Taehyung took him for a shopping spree back when they were dating.
Taehyung was quite rich and wanted to see Jeongguk happy, so he would often buy him presents even though the omega insisted it was unnecessary. He would take him to a store and pic dozens of things for him to try on. They had fun doing that, Jeongguk loved how Taehyung sat back and waited for him to come out and show him how he looked in the things he’d picked for him. They could stay in the same shop for over an hour and not get bored.
But that was in the past. Jeongguk couldn’t touch his savings and he didn’t want Yoongi to buy anything for him. He’d only let Taehyung do that because it felt somewhat familiar and domestic in a romantic relationship.
“Oh, I think you would look cute in this,” Yoongi smiled and showed Jeongguk a denim overall. It was simple, but definitely something Taehyung would love on him. He hated how his thoughts went straight to his ex-boyfriend. He didn’t first think of what he thought of the piece, he wondered about whether the alpha would like him in it first. It was frustrating.
There were habits Jeongguk couldn’t get rid of. This was just an example. He’d often found himself opening Taehyung’s chat to send him a good morning message without realizing they were no longer a couple, but that was something he’d managed to get used to with him. Maybe shopping just reminded him of their times too much.
“It’s nice Yoon, but I think you should try it. It would look cuter on you,” he said with a sad smile as he listed through the hangers with different T-shirts just to kill some time and pretend he was actually having fun doing it. He wasn’t planning on buying anything, but he didn’t want Yoongi to think he was annoyed or worse. It was about making their relationship better after all.
“That’s right! You’re gonna become chubby real soon anyway,” he giggled and put the overall back to its original spot. Jeongguk’s eyes fell on him with a glare, but Yoongi seemed to be too distracted by the clothes to notice.
His stomach became tense almost immediately. He felt uncomfortable pressure that he couldn’t even describe. Taking a deep breath, he gulped and ignored the comment for the sake of the purpose of their trip. He wanted to make things right, besides, Yoongi was actually excited to become an uncle so he couldn’t force him to stop.
Fear washed over his body as he started panicking internally again. He felt like he was living an endless cycle, the same things happening over and over again. Somehow he couldn’t get out of the hamster wheel. He had to keep running in circles even though he barely had any strength left. It was draining but he couldn’t stop.
“Do you think this would suit me?” Yoongi snapped him out of his thoughts, holding an orange-blue flannel shirt. The innocence and oblivion on his face made the younger exhale in relief because it seemed to have been a genuine comment and not something the older said on purpose.
The sudden need to feel affection made Jeongguk cuddle up to his brother, hugging his side gently. “I think you would look pretty in that,” he said and pulled back again, feeling much better now that they were back to simple things and gestures. Yoongi ruffled his hair with a gummy grin before they moved onto the next section.
They walked around and scanned through more clothes until they reached the end of the male section, Yoongi holding his flannel shirt he’d decided to buy. Jeongguk thought that was it, so he walked towards the cashier so they could pay and leave, but his brother grabbed his wrist and pointed at a smaller section behind the counter. Kids section.
“Let’s have a look there. Please?” He asked, not waiting for an answer before he dragged the younger to the more colorful section. The clothes were divided into smaller parts given the sizes. “Maybe we can buy something for little one. It’ll be the first thing we buy! Maybe a bodysuit?”
Jeongguk didn’t have time to breathe before he was standing at the newborn section watching his brother eagerly coo at every single article. “Hyung, let’s go please,” he said, biting on his lower lip as he was trying to keep his head cool and not let tension snake up his legs to his stomach again.
“Don’t you think this is adorable?” He asked as he showed him a simple white bodysuit with a small panda face on the front. Yoongi then showed him several others with different animals and Jeongguk couldn’t handle it anymore, his hands started trembling, but he didn’t want to snap, so he focused on his breathing with his eyes closed while Yoongi did his thing.
“Oh this is a set of three-“
“Yoongi, it’s too early for this. Please let’s just go,” Jeongguk said as he opened his eyes again, trying not to eye the tiny clothes. He couldn’t imagine a baby so small to fit in those, it made him wonder how they would look in such adorable suit. For a second he thought about how his baby would look in the panda one and that was the last drop. “Oh my god, I will wait for you outside,” he said and rushed towards the exit.
“Jeongguk! Should I get this one at least?” Yoongi called after him and the younger couldn’t contain himself anymore.
The building tension boiled inside him and he didn’t know how to tame it, how to stop it. He felt his body shaking, but he didn’t feel cold. He felt his stomach growling, but he didn’t feel hungry. He felt his throat dry, but he wasn’t thirsty. He couldn’t put into words what was happening.
“I might not even have the baby,” he said, watching his brother’s expression drop as well as the bodysuit he’d been holding. Yoongi stared at him, speechless. “I-I mean I’m not sure yet, b-but I’m thinking about abortion,” he added, hoping it would be enough of an explanation.
“You’re just telling me this so casually?! Just like that? In the middle of a shop? Are you kidding me?” Yoongi whisper-yelled after he picked the article he’d dropped and put it back on the hanger. “You would really just abort Taehyung’s baby without telling him? You’re lying to him about carrying his pup which is bad already and now you’re telling me you would do that behind his back?” He asked, his voice not holding anger, but desperation and disbelief.
It was not a conversation for a clothing store and Jeongguk instantly regretted speaking up. He should have waited until they were at home, but it all became too much too quickly and he couldn’t handle his thoughts.
“I don’t know Yoongi, I really don’t,” the younger said quietly, feeling defeated because he was genuinely clueless and lost. He didn’t know what to do, his thoughts were a huge mess, he couldn’t tell what he wanted anymore. “I have to think about it.”
Not wanting to continue the conversation, he walked away slowly, suddenly the people around him were invisible and he was alone. There was some truth to what his brother said. He wasn’t sure if he would be capable of doing something like that behind Taehyung’s back, but it was a possibility. Taehyung would never have to find out, but he would have to live knowing what he did and sure maybe with time he would learn how to, but something told him it was a lot more complicated than that.
Even though Jeongguk knew Yoongi wouldn’t agree with his idea of abortion, he still wanted to know his opinion on that. He was scared to talk to him about it because he could guess what he would say, yet he still wanted him to say it out loud for him.
The disappointment on his brother’s face was similar to what he received from Taehyung the other day. It was obvious neither of them wanted him to give up the baby, but they didn’t understand what situation he was in. They didn’t have to carry it for months and then raise it for the rest of their lives and even though he wasn’t in it alone, he was always going to be the parent figure in the child’s life, he wasn’t going to be able to take a break from them, so in the end he was, in fact, going to be burdened the most.
His head started spinning as the pictures in his head started popping up, sliding quickly to be replaced with something else not letting him to catch up. He saw moments he’d spent with Taehyung, he caught a glimpse of himself working in a company just like he’d always wanted, he saw a newborn baby crying, a toddler laughing, Taehyung surrounded by kids, he saw rain and himself sobbing kneeling in a puddle. It all came onto him like a tsunami of scenarios, how his future could be or how he wanted it to be.
Rubbing his temples, Jeongguk wanted to get rid of the painful images. He didn’t want to fall into the game of what ifs again because there was nothing he could do at that moment to change anything. Neither option was going to make his life good, he just had to pick a weaker poison.
“Let’s get something hot to drink,” Yoongi said gently when he caught up with him, taking his hand into his own as he guided him towards a small coffee shop. The fact that the older wasn’t angry made Jeongguk feel relieved. He squeezed his brother’s hand and almost cried out when he felt the other follow suit.
It was important to him that Yoongi was by his side no matter what. He considered him one of the wisest people he knew and so he trusted him to give him some valuable advice every time something bothered him. And right now, even though he wasn’t sure the older completely understood his situation, he needed to hear his insight.
They sat at the back of the café and made themselves comfortable in the hanging egg chairs. Jeongguk would always pick a table that didn’t just have an ordinary chair, always going for a sofa or a bean bag, even cushions on the floor. He simply found it more fun and Yoongi knew that well which was why he picked their current place.
“Should we even be here? We shouldn’t waste money, we could have simply had some tea at home,” Jeongguk said with a small voice after they both ordered white chocolate fondue. It was something Taehyung taught them to love when he invited them to go out on a cold night during the first fall they spent together. It was actually the first time Yoongi and Taehyung met after they’d become a couple and the memory always remained one of the fondest for Jeongguk.
It was ridiculous how every single thing connected him to at least one memory he had with his ex-boyfriend. There were thousands and thousands of things he could never forget because every moment he spent with Taehyung was special which made it a lot more difficult to accept that he no longer was with him.
As Jeongguk swung in his chair, he thought of the one night Taehyung almost mated him when they made love under the stars on a broad meadow in summer back in Daegu. It was a perfect moment, they were both lost in each other just like the stars above them in the entire galaxy. He wondered how different things would have been if that had happened. They would’ve been happy about his pregnancy, would probably be looking for a place to live and fight over what their first-born would be named. He wished he could go back in time to rewrite their destiny.
“You know,” Yoongi started, snapping his brother out of his thoughts. “I’m not against abortion in general, but I think you would regret it later. You and Taehyung wanted children, you got pregnant from love Jeongguk, not a one-night stand or something worse,” he shared his thoughts calmly which had the younger listening carefully not to miss anything important.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that I will become a single-father at the age of twenty. I cannot take care of myself, let alone an infant. I know you, mom and dad would help, even Jimin and Hoseok would, but that’s not what I want, you know?” Jeongguk said with a small frown at the thought of having people taking care of him like that, as if he was incapable of doing so himself.
One of the things he hated the most was feeling dependent. He was an adult and he wanted to be able to take care of himself. He was a student, so he still had allowance from his parents, but he always made sure it was enough for him, he even managed to save up some of it, but that was far from enough.
“I know, but sometimes it’s okay to ask for help. We’re family Jeongguk, you’re not asking strangers to help you raise your child. I don’t think you’re necessarily scared of having the baby, you’re scared they will remind you of Taehyung and that he won’t be there, but that’s exactly why you don’t want to go for an abortion,” Yoongi said, earning a puzzled expression from his younger brother.
“That makes no sense though. If I don’t want the child because I don’t want it to remind me of Taehyung then how can that be the one thing that would stop me from abortion?” Jeongguk asked, confused about the older’s words.
Yoongi smiled at him and took his hand across the table, looking at him sadly. “Because this baby is the only thing connecting you to Taehyung and as long as you have it, you have a part of him too and no matter how much you tell yourself you want to forget him, you know you don’t want to forget him at all.”
Jeongguk felt his eyes widen at the words. He was taken aback by the sudden realization, thinking Yoongi might have been right. Maybe the only reason why he was so restless about his situation was because his feelings contradicted. He wanted to keep the baby just for the sake of having Taehyung in his life at least in such way, but he didn’t want it because he knew it would hurt him and complicate his life.
It was surely something that cleared up a part of his thoughts, not much, but at least he understood why he was so conflicted with everything he had to do. “Maybe you’re right, but I still have to think about my future and if I have to s-sacrifice having Taehyung in my life at all to ensure my safety and happiness, then be it,” he said, finding the words hard to speak out.
Their conversation was interrupted when their hot chocolate was brought to their table. It looked good and Jeongguk was actually eager to dip the strawberries and bananas in the white chocolate and when he tried it, he hummed in satisfaction. It was sweet and familiar and Jeongguk was glad he hadn’t lost his taste buds, that he could still enjoy food.
He ate the biscuits that came with it and continued munching on the fruits covered in the chocolate, loving how the slightly sour taste of kiwi went with the sweetness of the drink. He couldn’t get enough of it, stealing a couple of strawberries from Yoongi’s plate without even considering to ask.
“You know it’s actually so fucking good to see you enjoy eating something,” Yoongi said, his eyebrows curled in a fond look with a small smile on his face.
Jeongguk understood where he was coming from. It must have been frustrating for Yoongi to watch him leave dinners untouched, he must have been worried watching him rapidly lose weight for he felt no need to eat.
“I’m sorry I’ve been too much to handle. I just find it really difficult to enjoy food and my body doesn’t even signal hunger if it makes any sense,” Jeongguk tried to explain even though he himself didn’t understand how his body worked.
“Don’t apologize, I just want you to be well, but-“ Yoongi said, looking at his own cup of hot chocolate, stirring it with his teaspoon mindlessly. “Promise me you will think this through. Don’t go for an abortion without telling Taehyung the baby is his, it’s not fair. Talk to him about it, he’s your doctor after all and he can tell you about the risks and so on,” he suggested and Jeongguk nodded in agreement.
It wasn’t something easy to decide on and he knew he had some time left to think. If there was anything he was sure of, it was that he really did need to talk to Taehyung about it to be aware of everything that comes with abortion.
“Yeah you’re right, he’s my doctor. I’ll stop by his office tomorrow morning just to, you know, ask a few things before I make my decision. Please don’t tell mom and dad about it, I think they wouldn’t approve and it would make it more difficult for me,” he asked with hope in his eyes.
“It’s not something I would want to tell them Jeonggukie. I don’t think they would handle it well, but this is about you, okay? Think about what I said,” Yoongi smiled at him once again as he reached over to caress the younger’s cheek softly.
The following days were going to be difficult. Jeongguk was in his seventh week and he knew it was only going to get worse with each week. His exams were close so he had to act and think quickly because after his exams, it might be too late for an abortion.
Yoongi gave him a few good points so he had at least something to work with. He was going to see Taehyung the following day to learn more about abortion that would, hopefully, help him finally decide on what to do, although he was more inclined to not going through with it after what his brother told him, not because he wanted the baby, but because he couldn’t lose Taehyung completely.
It was around eight in the morning when he found himself at the clinic again. The place was becoming familiar and he hated that. There was a short line at the reception where people checked themselves in before moving on to where they needed to go. He watched all the women and men, wondering if they were pregnant too or if they were there just for a regular check-up or the like.
Jeongguk knew his way around, so he made his way through the crowd to go for his doctor’s office, hoping there weren’t too many people in the waiting room because he still needed to go to school and he didn’t want to miss too many classes. His first exam was just a couple of weeks away and he barely started studying, so he wanted to go to the library as soon as possible too.
He found it a little weird to be there searching for Taehyung. After they broke up, they didn’t meet for a month and a half until Jeongguk went for his registration check-up when he found out about his pregnancy too. Ironically, ever since then, they’ve been bumping into each other every few days as if fate was playing with them.
The waiting room was empty which was something Jeongguk didn’t expect for it was early in the morning. He went for the door to the nurse’s office and checked the hours that were displayed in a white frame on the wall. “Oh no,” Jeongguk sighed when he learned Taehyung didn’t work on Mondays.
It made sense. Taehyung still had to attend university classes, so he couldn’t be there every day and Jeongguk should have checked that. He felt frustrated. Not only did he waste his time, he also spent two hours of contemplating whether he should go there or not in the first place.
He was going to leave when he heard tingling of a set of keys, so he stayed put waiting for a person to appear in the waiting room. He thought it was going to be another uninformed patient thinking the doctor was there, but the moment he heard a cough from the hallway, he knew he was wrong.
When Taehyung appeared in front of him, he wasn’t surprised anymore. He could recognize his voice or his coughs anytime. “Oh? Are you looking for me?” Taehyung, on the other hand, was shocked to see him there probably because he had no office hours so he didn’t expect anyone and because he knew Jeongguk wasn’t a fan of visiting doctors unless absolutely necessary.
“Y-yeah, but I just found out you’re not working today, so I will come back tomorrow if that’s okay. I just want to- talk,” he explained, stepping aside when Taehyung reached the door to unlock it.
He looked handsome, his hair was a little curled, creating a tiny heart out of his bangs, he was wearing a black turtleneck under a grey coat and a pair of black jeans supported with a thick black belt. Jeongguk couldn’t stop himself from eyeing him properly even though he wasn’t being subtle at all. He thought the older was used to that anyway.
“Well, my classes were cancelled today, so I came here to do some paperwork. You can come in with me if you’d like? So that you don’t have to come here again tomorrow since you’re already here now, I mean I wouldn’t want to waste your time because time is precious and yeah. Oh god I’m rambling,” he said quickly, shaking his head as he finally opened the door and turned on the lights in the room.
Jeongguk found it cute how Taehyung, despite being an alpha, got nervous at times. He could see a soft blush on his cheeks probably thinking he’d embarrassed himself in front of him. The sight eased some of the tension he’s been feeling ever since he woke up for he feared whatever he was going to be told.
“I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience. I mean you said you have some work to do, so I can just stop by tomorrow,” Jeongguk replied quickly when he realized he’d stayed quiet for a full minute.
Only now that they spent a few minutes together did Jeongguk finally feel the older’s refreshing scent. It was overwhelming even though it wasn’t as strong. It felt like home, home that was abandoned which made him sigh in realization. He longed for the comfort he’d always found in the crook of the older’s neck, sniffing his rainy forest scent shamelessly.
He could feel it properly back then. It would be his lullaby before he fell asleep whenever they stayed together over the night, limbs tangled until the morning for neither of them was willing to detach. He would feel it in the morning even when Taehyung was in his kitchen making breakfast for them while he was still rolling in bed.
Maybe it was the connection they had that made his smell sense stronger or maybe his scent simply stuck on him for they spend most of their free time together. Jeongguk wanted that back at least. He wanted to live in the times when senses were much stronger, when the smell sense range was a lot larger. What they had now was just a mere vestige of the past.
“Don’t be silly, I always have time for you,” Taehyung snapped him out of his thoughts and motioned for him to follow him inside the nurse office, locking the door behind him as soon as Jeongguk was next to him.
“That surely wasn’t true two months ago, was it?” Jeongguk couldn’t help but scoff at the older’s words, remembering how lonely he felt when their relationship was slowly coming to end, when his ex-boyfriend chose spending time with Seokjin over being with him.
And maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned anything, maybe he should have kept the thought to himself because he didn’t come there to fight after all, but despite that, he could not resist the urge to remind the alpha how much he’d hurt him.
The slightly happy expression on the doctor’s face faded, turning into something sad, regret gathering in his dark eyes. Taehyung twitched at the words, his gaze falling on the floor, no longer being able to hold eye contact with the omega.
Sighing, Taehyung opened to door to his own office, taking his coat off to put it on the hanger that was in the corner next to his desk. “If you had let me explain instead of breaking up with me day to day, we could have still been together now, but I assume you didn’t come here to talk about us, did you?” He said quietly, his voice lower than ever but not because of authority, but because he seemed to be tired.
The words pulled Jeongguk inside the office, taking a seat in the armchair by the older’s table just like the first time he visited. He thought about what Taehyung had just said and couldn’t seem to find any explanation that would have stopped him from breaking up with him, everything was clear back then.
“That’s true, I came to talk about something else,” Jeongguk dismissed the previous topic, ending it without a moment of hesitation not missing how the older’s eyes saddened at that. He wondered why the boy would even want to talk about their relationship when he clearly already had something new going on, with the main reason of their break-up too.
Taehyung sat down as well and turned on his laptop before he turned his attention to Jeongguk and forced a small smile. “Well then? Since you came to the clinic I guess you wanted to talk about something concerning your pregnancy. Abortion?” He asked, still able to read the younger well.
Nodding, Jeongguk crossed his hands over his chest as a defensive act, not sure how Taehyung, who loved family more than anything, would handle talking about abortion. He didn’t expect him to snap because if there was something he treasured as much, it was his profession.
“I-I haven’t decided yet I just came to ask about how it’s done or what the risks are,” Jeongguk specified when the doctor raised his eyebrows as if to ask him what exactly he wanted to know.
Humming in understanding, Taehyung leaned back in his chair, eyes focused on Jeongguk. He looked different now that he wasn’t in his work clothes, but in a casual turtleneck and pants. It almost seemed like they were going to talk about casual things when the truth was the opposite.
“Generally, abortion is a very safe procedure, probably one of the safest medical procedures to undergo. There’s two types of abortion; in-clinic and medication abortion. Complications are quite rare, but can happen just like with every other surgical procedure,” he started explaining after a small sigh escaped his lips.
Jeongguk listened carefully, making mental notes he could go back to later when it was time for him to decide what he wanted to do with his life. He could tell Taehyung had entered his professional mode, wanting to make everything clear and as understandable as possible.
“Even though the chance is really low, one of the risks is that the pregnancy won’t be interrupted or there’ll be some of the pregnancy tissue left in your womb. It is also unlikely, but in some cases the organs can be injured which can cause heavy bleeding,” he continued talking about the risks, describing everything into detail for Jeongguk to consider every risk even though they were unlikely to happen.
“Is the procedure p-painful?” Jeongguk asked after Taehyung finished his short lecture.
Being scared of doctors or simple not being comfortable with undergoing any examinations at all, it was only natural for Jeongguk to worry about how much pain he would have to go through if he decided to undergo the procedure.
“That depends. Some patients experienced no pain, some did. The bigger problem is people handling the aftermath mentally,” he said and continued talking about the consequences as well as other important things the younger needed to know about the procedure.
Jeongguk found himself lost in the long speech Taehyung was giving him, thinking about whether he would be able to deal with it emotionally, if he would be able to move on and forget, remembering his brother’s question. Would he be able to live with himself knowing he went for an abortion without telling Taehyung about the fact that the child was his? He didn’t know, but somehow, even though it wasn’t meant to be terrifying, the newly found information scared him.
He thought about what Yoongi said about him not wanting to give up the child because it would allow him to have a part of Taehyung in his life forever, and now sitting there looking at his ex-boyfriend he wondered about that. He wondered if the baby would look anything like the man in front of him, he wondered if they would have his eyes or his smile. He wondered if he could see Taehyung in them once they were born. If they were born.
He figured that it would be exactly what would be left for him after abortion. Wondering and what ifs. He knew he would keep thinking about it for a while, but maybe he could forget after some time.
“Jeonggukie,” Taehyung said softly, taking his hand to his own to intertwine their fingers. His free hand reached out to cup the younger’s cheek, his thumb wiping the wet pearls that must have rolled out of the boy’s eyes without him noticing. “I’m not going to tell you what to do or what you should do because that’s something you have to decide on your own, but,” he took a deep breath, making the omega look into his eyes. “I will be here for you, no matter what you decide.”
It hurt to see how willing Taehyung was. It hurt to know Taehyung still cared, even more so knowing he had someone else to love. Jeongguk leaned into the soft palm on his cheek, letting out a few more tears as he closed his eyes and tried to think about nothing.
Taehyung pulled himself closer, the wheels of his chair breaking the silence between them, and when he was close enough, he put his palm on the back of the younger’s head, brushing his hair gently before he pulled him onto his shoulder to give him his much-needed comfort.
Forest and rain. That was all the comfort Jeongguk needed then, all the comfort he felt when his nose caught the scent of his alpha. “W-what would you do, if you were in my p-place?” He whisper-asked, waiting for the answer he’d already known just like he had with his brother. He just needed to hear it.
“If I had the baby with someone I love, or someone I used to love, even at such a young age, I would’ve done everything to be able to keep it, raise it and love it for the rest of my life,” Taehyung said without a moment of hesitation, his words coming softly as if he didn’t want Jeongguk to think he was trying to persuade him or worse, guilt trip him. “But I don’t exactly know what you’re feeling right now Jeongguk which is why you have to think about this on your own.”
“I c-can’t, Tae, I don’t k-know,” Jeongguk said through his sobs, his palm landing on the older’s chest where he grabbed the clothing to support himself. He himself didn’t know what his words meant, he was unsure about everything again, so confused and devastated because everything what Taehyung said only made him more convinced of not getting an abortion and choosing to suffer for the rest of his life instead.
“Shh, it’s okay. You will know when the time comes,” the alpha whispered, still brushing the boy’s hair slowly.
Jeongguk took a few more minutes to get himself together before he left the safety of the older’s body to lean back in his armchair. “I s-should go. My next class starts in an hour,” he said with a deep exhale, not wanting to move, yet wanting to run away at the same time. “Thank you for helping me. I will think about it and I will consult it with you in case- you know what,” he finished his thought as he stood up, taking the jacket he’d taken off earlier.
Taehyung smiled at him as he nodded. “You know, maybe,” he started, nibbling on his bottom lip. “Maybe we could meet sometime to just- talk about things. I mean we keep bumping into each other, but we never have time to actually, you know, catch up,” he suggested.
A pink flush settled on Jeongguk’s cheeks for he felt his face getting a little warmer at the words. Taehyung still wanted to meet him, outside the medical environment. He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not anymore. He’d been convinced that it was better for them to only remain in a professional doctor patient relationship, but maybe, it wouldn’t hurt to meet outside the office once or twice.
“I’ll think about it,” he ended up saying, smiling softly as Taehyung stood up and showed him out.
They looked at each other when Jeongguk left the nurse office and stood in the waiting room, just thinking about what to say, but before he could say anything, there was someone behind him looking for Taehyung just like he had.
Seokjin. Of course.
I am sorry (as always) for the wait! Either way, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and that you will continue looking forward to the continuation of the story. Thank you for reading and staying with me <3 ILY <3