The deep yet sickly sweet voice made Jeongguk’s heart twitch. The fresh scent of a rainy forest that he loved so much finally got in his personal bubble, letting him inhale the air he missed on a daily basis. It all came in a storm, all the emotions, the forgotten feelings and the ones that still hid in his heart.
It was as if the time had stopped. Jeongguk couldn’t move or look up, keeping his gaze strictly on a pretty wall art across him. He was being buried with all the painful memories. The man who once was his oasis, was now his desert and Jeongguk was ready to die from thirst.
He’d imagined what it would be like to see Taehyung again. He was curious if it would be awkward or if they would be able to talk properly. He’d thought of many different scenarios, so that he would be ready in case something like that happened. But nothing could have prepared him for this.
Hesitantly, his eyes follow the source of the pleasing scent and finally met the light brown lenses of his ex-boyfriend. It’s only been a month and a half since he saw Taehyung and he could’ve sworn the older had become even more gorgeous in the meantime. His dark brown hair was a little longer now, the strands peaking from behind his ears. His skin was a bit darker but maybe it was just a game of lights and shadows in the room. He still had the tiny mole on his nose that he loved so much.
The only thing that changed were the bags under his eyes. They were a little bit darker from what Jeongguk remembered, but not even that made him look any less beautiful. Taehyung looked more tired, but he still smiled when he saw him. The alpha always had enough energy for kindness and politeness which was something Jeongguk deeply admired about him since he himself lost temper easily.
For a moment, Jeongguk wanted to throw himself into the older’s arms and tell him how much he missed him, but he couldn’t do that. He was there for a different purpose. It wasn’t like they agreed to meet up to talk about things or to fix them. Taehyung stood in front of him as a doctor, and he was just his patient. Nothing more, nothing less.
For what it was worth, Taehyung also looked unsure of what to do. He was tapping with his foot nervously as he waited for the younger to say something and Jeongguk wondered why the alpha was acting so anxious about their meeting. He believed the older never cared about him as much because he didn’t do much to fight for him in the end, however, his current behavior made the young omega feel puzzled.
“Did you finally come to get your check-up? Are you making a registration here?” Taehyung asked with a smile after a cough to clear his voice. Seeing no reaction from Jeongguk, the alpha moved to sit at his desk, motioning for the younger to follow suit. He seemed to be genuinely happy to see the younger.
The marble table was neat, everything was nicely organized in folders, no extra papers laying around the surface. There was a calendar with puppies on the side closer to Jeongguk which screamed Taehyung for the older was really fond of dogs.
Jeongguk didn’t sit down right away for he was still too shocked to process what was happening. He wanted to leave yet he wanted to stay. He wanted to hug Taehyung yet he wanted to punch him. There were so many mixed emotions fighting inside his body he himself didn’t know what it was that he wanted more.
“I … actually have just registered,” he said, his voice uncertain. He sat down in a comfortable armchair by the desk and kept staring at his ex-boyfriend. He was unsure about the situation. He felt safer knowing Taehyung was the one to take care of him, but did he really want his ex-boyfriend to be his family care specialist? That didn’t seem like a good idea in his head.
Back when they were together, Taehyung often joked that the first thing he would do once he got his office would be giving Jeongguk a check-up since the younger was very stubborn about it. Jeongguk knew the alpha was just teasing him, but he really did believe that was going to be his first time anyway.
Taehyung chuckled and Jeongguk thought it was probably because of his expression. He couldn’t see himself but he knew he looked like a mess. “Can I take a look at the folder you are clinging onto then?” He asked and pointed at the file in Jeongguk’s embrace.
Nodding, Jeongguk passed him the material, observing his face without a word. He was confused. He didn’t understand why Taehyung was acting as if nothing had happened between them. He was being professional, he always has been, but even so, Jeongguk expected him to maybe say something or ask him how he’s been doing. He definitely didn’t think Taehyung would keep a strict professional boundary between them.
Either way, the omega stayed seated quietly while his ex-boyfriend checked the thin file the nurse had created. He wanted to say something, he wanted to initiate a small talk or anything that could help them pull through the tension between them, but nothing came out. He was absolutely frozen.
He watched Taehyung’s eyes move from one side to another as he read the lines, loving how his long eyelashes fluttered. He remembered waking up next to him only to see him blink his sleepiness away and a comforting wave embraced him for a while that lasted way too short for his liking.
“Y-you’re here for a pregnancy test?” Taehyung asked, his voice trembling as he stared at the paper, not turning his attention to Jeongguk. The younger noticed the alpha’s chest rising shakily as if he was having difficulties to take a deep breath.
From that angle, Jeongguk couldn’t see his expression properly, so he couldn’t guess what was going through the older’s mind and he didn’t even know if he wanted to see that, afraid of being disappointed. No matter what it was, he knew it would stab him.
The heavy silence was only interrupted by their gulps and breathing that gradually became unsteady. Taehyung had dropped the papers on his desk and placed his fingers onto his temples to massage it, his eyes closed.
Jeongguk wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t sure if the alpha was just exhausted or if the possibility of him being pregnant was shocking enough to break him like that. He needed him to say something, anything because it was becoming unbearable with every ticked second.
“Alright,” Taehyung said suddenly with a deep exhale, clapping his hands once before he opened up a document on his laptop. The sudden change of aura caught Jeongguk off guard. He still couldn’t tell the older’s emotions which was why he was tense. “I’m gonna ask you a few questions before we move to the examination itself.”
“Tae,” Jeongguk spoke, not knowing where he even wanted to go with that sentence. The alpha finally looked at him and not even that helped him figure out his thoughts. Taehyung was good at covering his feelings, but Jeongguk always managed to see through him. He always knew when something bothered him. But now he saw nothing.
Feeling the younger wasn’t going anywhere with that, Taehyung turned back towards his laptop, clicking a few enters before he tapped with his free fingers on the marble surface. “I need this information for both the check-up and the pregnancy testing, so make sure you answer truthfully,” he said as he nibbled on his bottom lip. “I need the exact date of your last intercourse and heat.”
Jeongguk froze on the spot. He hadn’t thought about that. He couldn’t tell him the truth if he didn’t want him to know the potential baby was his, but he couldn’t hide the fact from him either because he deserved to know that. He wasn’t prepared for the situation and he had no time to think about it either. Sadly, time was exactly what he needed.
“Both were a-about five weeks ago. It’ll be exactly five weeks tomorrow,” he lied because that seemed to be the right thing to do at the moment. It was panic and fear that decided for him, not his wisdom or his common sense. He figured he’d worry about the consequences later.
When he saw Taehyung stopped typing after two words and noticed the pained expression, that could no longer be unnoticed, his heart broke. The alpha opened his mouth twice only to close it into a thin line immediately. His eyes became glossy, but that could have been caused by the laptop screen as well.
Jeongguk knew Taehyung quickly put two and two together. It wasn’t that difficult either. The two of them have been broken up for six weeks which meant Jeongguk must have had a thing with someone just one week after they parted and the omega was aware the fact must have hurt the older.
Nodding, Taehyung continued typing, focusing his gaze on the small letters in front of him. He cleared his throat a few times as if he was trying to release some tension, but that didn’t seem to work because a few seconds after he dropped everything and buried his face into his palms. “One week Jeonggukie? Really? It took you one week to forget me?” He asked, his voice gentle.
It physically hurt to see the alpha like that, especially because Jeongguk knew what he’d just told him was a lie. He was already regretting his decision, but maybe, if he turned out to be pregnant after all, it would make things easier for him, so he had to go with it now that he’d already chosen the path even though it was selfish.
“It wasn’t because I had already forgotten about you. It was because I wanted to forget,” Jeongguk said, thinking the words would sooth the older’s pain in a way. He reached out to place his palm on the alpha’s hand that covered his face, but Taehyung only gently pushed it away.
The gesture, even though it was deserved, made Jeongguk’s heart ache. He had to stop himself from thinking about it if he didn’t want to cry there. Thankfully, Taehyung wasn’t crying either, so that much helped him keep himself together for the time being.
Taehyung rubbed his temples as if he was having a bad migraine and Jeongguk could relate because his head was also starting to hurt and they were far from being done with the examination. He wanted to know what broke inside Taehyung for him to be acting like that, he wanted to talk about it but he knew the alpha wouldn’t do that at work. He was a responsible man, probably scolding himself for even asking that one question.
As expected, the alpha continued with the needed questions and asked him about birth control pills and some other things that he immediately typed down without a hesitation. “We can proceed with the examination. I’d like to ask you to go behind the curtain and strip waist down. There’s a blue gown on a hanger, so you can put that over your T-shirt since it’s quite thin,” he explained briefly, the tone of his voice a bit lower and more serious, but still kind. “If you still want that of course. I could pass you to a different doctor in this clinic if that’s your wish.”
That might have been a smarter option, but Jeongguk wasn’t thinking clearly, his emotions won against rationality, so he only shook his head at the suggestion, earning a very faint smile from his ex-boyfriend. “But I think we should-“
“I’ll be with you shortly,” Taehyung interrupted him before he could even finish that sentence, probably guessing the end of it and wanting to stay professional. He’s always been passionate about medicine, about family in general which was why he worked hard to become a doctor and help people with their future families.
Getting the hint, Jeongguk got up and walked behind the curtain where he saw a changing room of sorts and a seat that he guessed was for the examination. It all looked clean and new, so the experience was going to be a little bit better thanks to that or that’s what Jeongguk thought.
His mind was filled with question marks and confusion. He couldn’t stop thinking about the painful expression on Taehyung’s face. He hurt him by lying to him about something so important, but the thought of Taehyung rejecting him after learning they were expecting a child together would be worse, so he decided to suck it up and focus on what was going to happen next.
A pool of nervousness was created as he took off his jeans and socks, folding them on the small bench in the changing-room. He hesitated before he got rid of his boxers as well, feeling embarrassed by standing half-naked behind the curtains. Taehyung has seen him that way many times, so he shouldn’t feel so nervous about it, yet the effect was the complete opposite.
“Are you ready?” He heard Taehyung’s voice that was very close and Jeongguk realized he must have been somewhere near the seat. He gulped thickly before he quickly put on the paper gown and popped his head between the curtains to see the situation outside.
Taehyung wasn’t facing him, he was washing his hands by the sink that was next to the examination seat that was now enlightened by the lamp that was next to it. It all looked different when the light was on. It felt more real and that made the boy extremely uneasy because it was something he’d been trying to avoid for ages after all.
He felt like a coward hiding in the small area with the curtains. Thousands of people went through this every day and he could only guess they weren’t so scared of it. He took a few deep breaths, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal, that he wasn’t even pregnant and that after this, he would only have to return next year.
It was when Taehyung turned around, pulling gloves on that Jeongguk managed to pretend he was just getting out as if he hadn’t been panicking for the last few minutes. Their eyes met and Jeongguk immediately looked away, waiting for the instructions with his hands behind his back.
The gesture made the alpha laugh fondly which got him the younger’s attention again. Jeongguk knew the older was aware of his feelings about that, so he thought it was his stressed expression that made Taehyung endeared. “Come on, hop on,” he said, his boxy grin back and Jeongguk thought the lamp was nothing compared to the brightness the older’s beautiful smile created.
Jeongguk got up, letting his legs linger a few inches above the floor, his feet crossed defensively. “Can you tell I’m pregnant just by touching me?” The boy asked after a while, feeling a little more relaxed when he saw the older was smiling. He used to ask him all sorts of questions about medicine when Taehyung was studying next to him, so the situation made him feel a little nostalgic.
“Well- put your feet on these steps and lay back,” Taehyung’s initial thought was interrupted once he positioned himself on a small stool in front of Jeongguk. Only then did the omega notice the two small rests. He realized it was quite high when he tried to put his left feet up which exposed him a little, so he held his gown over his crotch while he put the other one on the right rest.
“This is weird,” the boy mumbled as he laid his back against the seat, feeling extremely uncomfortable at that angle because he couldn’t see what was happening.
It became even worse when Taehyung excused himself for a moment and left him lying on the seat with his feet up in the air, feeling more exposed than ever even though he kept his knees close to one another. The anticipation was building inside him and the discomfort in the pit of his stomach only grew more.
He was tapping his fingers on his tummy feeling frustrated at that point. He considered calling Taehyung to ask him to hurry up, but he remembered they weren’t that close anymore, so he shouldn’t disrespect the young alpha doctor. Thankfully, the other returned shortly, so the thoughts of them not being close enough for him to ask such a simple thing vanished completely.
“I can tell if you’re pregnant by touching your womb, yes,” he finally answered the question, but went over to the sink to grab a few things he then put on a small table by the seat before he finally sat back on the stool. “You need to come all the way down to the edge. The only thing I’ll do is to feel your womb and take a sample. It might be a little uncomfortable but it won’t hurt one bit, I promise,” he explained and made sure the younger could tell him to stop at any point of the examination.
Sliding down the seat to the edge, Jeongguk thought the position was even weirder. Maybe staying with Taehyung was in fact the right choice because even though he didn’t trust doctors, he trusted him the most. “I’m so glad it’s you doing this,” he said without thinking, covering his mouth with his palm immediately when he realized what he’d said. “I-I mean I trust you and t-that’s why I’m glad.”
“Really?” Taehyung smiled at him and for a moment Jeongguk blocked out all the questions he had and imagined it was just the old them. He looked at the ceiling and gave all of his trust to the alpha, knowing he had nothing to worry about as long as he was with him. “I’m glad to be taking care of you too. Now, let your knees fall apart as much as you can,” he asked.
It was the first part of the sentence that made Jeongguk smile for himself. It was something the older used to tell him all the time. He missed him. He missed their talks and adventures, he missed how free he felt around him. He wondered if the older felt the same way about him, if he also thought about him every day and wanted nothing more than to be reunited with him.
“Do you have many patients?” Jeongguk found himself asking once he parted his knees and felt his gown being pushed towards his stomach. He felt more relaxed now that they started sharing a few words here and there. His need to catch up with the older’s life made him forget about the whole examination.
“Not too many, mostly people like you who came to register recently, so whenever there’s someone new they assign them to me,” he answered and Jeongguk heard him open something, but he kept his eyes on the ceiling because it made him feel easier. “I’ll spread some lubrication around your rectum and then insert my index finger inside, is that okay?”
“Yes, I think,” the boy said and waited for some applied pressure against his body, twitching a little when he felt the cold product on his skin. He took a deep breath when he felt the older work his digit inside him to feel around his walls gently.
“I know it’s uncomfortable, but don’t close your legs, try to keep them open,” the alpha said, gently parting the younger’s knees again. His hand barely touched the boy, yet Jeongguk felt a sort of emotional support from the gesture. He tried not to think of it as affection because that’s what the doctors did with each of their patients, but there was no way he couldn’t think of him and Taehyung as something more than just a doctor and a patient.
Taehyung was right when he said it wouldn’t hurt, but it wasn’t like Jeongguk expected it to be painful in the first place. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing which was why he didn’t want to undertake such examination. The alpha easily explained everything he was doing or what parts of his body he was going to touch in advance and after a few seconds Jeongguk was completely relaxed, still cringing at the feeling but not twitching anymore.
“Well? Can you tell if I’m pregnant?” Jeongguk suddenly remembered, his heart quickening immediately. His mind was a complete mess for too many things were going on and he had no idea where to focus.
A few minutes separated him from knowing the fate of his future, so he tensed and couldn’t get back to relaxing even after the older’s several requests. He needed to know otherwise he would either have a heart attack or a mental breakdown.
He felt like he was riding a rollercoaster. One moment he was calm and relaxed, the other he felt the need to run for his life and scream for help. His breathing became unsteady as more seconds passed without an answer. He heard the alpha say something, but he didn’t process his words, only felt something thicker inside of him which he figured was the second digit.
He wanted to cry as Taehyung continued the examination in silence which only meant that he’d already known something but was checking to make sure before he would say anything. Jeongguk already knew from the change of his behavior. He knew the moment his GP suggested the idea because it made sense. He just didn’t want to accept it.
A few seconds later, he felt empty and feeling nothing around himself, he propped onto his elbows to look at Taehyung who looked devastated. “It seems like your womb is about as big as a smaller orange now, I’ll have you do a urine test, but I think I can surely say that you-“ The alpha tried to stay calm and it was working. Jeongguk would’ve believed him if it hadn’t been for the pause. “You’re pregnant Jeonggukie. Congratulations,” he said with a smile that didn’t reach the omega with terror in his eyes.
The last flame of hope died when the urine test confirmed Taehyung’s words. Jeongguk was indeed pregnant and has been dealing with morning sickness just because of that. He was absolutely speechless ever since he got the definite results, tears streaming down his cheeks without efforts. He wasn’t even blinking because of the shocking news. He’d managed to steady his breathing at least since he’s been sitting on a new seat still in the doctor’s office, now fully clothed.
Taehyung told him to wait up so they could make an ultrasound since he was currently in his sixth week of pregnancy which the alpha wasn’t aware of for he had lied about the date of his last intercourse. Either way, the doctor was gone and Jeongguk could only wonder whether he was busy with some paperwork or if he was also trying to take in the fact that his ex-boyfriend was pregnant.
He pictured his future and more tears came out. He wouldn’t be able to finish his university, at least not for a few years, and he was quite sure he wouldn’t be allowed to continue afterwards anyway. He wouldn’t be able to get his dream job of being a game developer without his master’s degree and so he watched all his dreams being shattered into pieces right in front of him.
The worst part about it was that he had no one to raise the child with. He knew nothing about babies or how to take care of them. He was scared to be in it alone. The possibility of Taehyung being sad about the fact that the child wasn’t his made Jeongguk reconsider his decision about lying to him. Maybe the older would be willing to help him, maybe they could even become mates as they’d always dreamed of. He wasn’t sure if it was cowardice or fear that convinced him it was worth a try to tell his ex-boyfriend the truth, but the chance of Taehyung being devastated over the newly found information motivated him to make things right.
“Those better be happy tears,” Taehyung finally reappeared, his smile brighter than before.
Seeing the happiness on the older ruined all the plans Jeongguk made while the doctor was gone. He knew the Taehyung was good at controlling his emotions, but all he saw was genuine relief which made the younger feel pathetic for even considering his ex-boyfriend could possibly be sad about not being the father of his child.
“I’m just- overwhelmed,” Jeongguk said with a scoff, allowing more tears slide down his sticky cheeks. His heart pulsed with pain and all he could think about was burying himself in his brother’s body, needing his comfort now more than ever, but he knew the older wasn’t going to come back home until eight in the evening, so he was going to be alone with his thoughts for hours.
“You’ll feel even more so once you see your little one on the screen right here,” Taehyung said as he pointed at the monitor next to the bed. Jeongguk thought that would just make him more scared, but didn’t say anything. “Now just lay down, roll up your shirt and pull down your pants a little,” the older asked as he clicked some things on the computer to start up the screen.
Jeongguk did as he was told and closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe what he thought would be just another ordinary day, would turn out to be one of the most life-changing ones. He wasn’t ready to become a parent and he could only hope that would change until his due date.
Abortion was an option. He knew that because his ex-boyfriend talked to him about it when they were dating, saying he hated when people decided for said procedure which was why Jeongguk couldn’t do it. Knowing Taehyung who was the father of his unborn child was against abortion, he couldn’t bring himself to even think about it. It wouldn’t be fair, but then again lying wasn’t either. Jeongguk simply did what he thought was right.
“I’ll put this gel down on your tummy and then run this handle over it. There’s nothing to worry about it’s completely painless,” the alpha said, showing the small tube to Jeongguk before applying the gel onto his lower belly. “It might tickle though,” he warned before he giggled and the younger could only give him a small smile because he definitely wasn’t in the mood for any teasing or jokes.
It was a little cold, but quite pleasant which was surprising. It was like a massage which would probably make Jeongguk fall asleep if he knew it wasn’t an ultrasound of his unborn baby. He wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to fully accept the fact, but he hoped it would be soon just for the sake of the baby.
Even though Taehyung wasn’t aware. Jeongguk was glad he got to share these first moments with him. Keeping the older as a doctor may be painful for him, but at least their baby would be close to him until the birth. It was the least he could do for them. He knew Yoongi would try to talk him out of him, would try to convince him to tell Taehyung the truth, but he’s already made up his mind. He couldn’t bear being rejected.
“There it is. This little bean right here- Jeonggukie you don’t want to see?” Taehyung asked him when he noticed his closed eyes. The nickname, the gentle voice, the concern, it all made Jeongguk cry even more as he shook his head. He didn’t know why but he couldn’t look at it. Maybe he was scared of getting attached immediately or he feared he’d start hating and blaming whatever he’d see on the monitor.
His body was trembling at that point and he knew he was having a mild panic attack when he couldn’t breath out properly. The world was spinning around him and he could no longer hear anything. He was completely out, just panicking in the deepest and darkest parts of his mind.
It was when he felt fingers brushing his hair that he finally exhaled for the first time in what seemed like forever. “Breathe with me pup, please,” Taehyung said as he tried to sooth the boy, the pet name slipping out of his mouth naturally.
Jeongguk followed the alpha’s words, inhaling and exhaling with him. He focused on the older’s gentle brushing and the pet name he’d used. He hadn’t realized how much he missed his affection or how much he needed him in his life. He thought he was over what happened between them because he got used to being without him, but as soon as he got the taste again, he knew he never wanted it to stop.
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’ll have a picture printed out for you and you can have a look at it whenever you’re ready,” he continued talking to him gently, helping him calm down by distracting him from the anxiety or panic that consumed him. “Do you want me to turn it off?”
“P-please,” the younger said with a sob.
It took only a few seconds until the sounds coming from the machine stopped completely and never once did Taehyung stop caressing the younger’s hair, not even when he grabbed a few tissues and wiped his belly to get rid of the sticky gel. He continued asking easy questions about things he knew Jeongguk liked, not bringing up his pregnancy again until he was completely still.
Once they were back at the office area, Jeongguk was offered some water and was already feeling a lot better physically. He felt weak mentally and hated the fact that Taehyung had to seem him that way. He tried so hard to keep it inside him and let it all out at home where he could just hide himself under blankets until he fell asleep, but it was too much for him to handle.
“I’ll have you come for a check-up every three weeks since male pregnancy is a little bit riskier and more complicated compared to female’s. I need you to rest and avoid stress from now on. Do you have morning sickness?” Taehyung asked after he printed some papers, letting Jeongguk sign them before he took one and put it inside the folder.
“Yes, a lot. Every day actually. Is there anything you can do about that? Please can you prescribe some pills for that?” Jeongguk pleaded once he was reminded of his morning struggles. He didn’t even want to imagine having to go through that every day because in no way he could function properly at school afterwards and he was determined to at least finish this year.
“I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do about it,” the doctor chuckled at the desperation and sudden change of Jeongguk’s behavior. “You just have to stay hydrated, so drink a lot of water. Eat regularly, you have to figure out what kind of food will be good for you after you have a morning sickness on your own, but don’t skip breakfast. Lemon and ginger are good, so you can have some tea every morning with something light like crackers or bread and then something bigger a little later,” he advised.
Jeongguk almost pouted when he learned that he simply had to go through that whether he wanted or not. “No pills?” He asked with puppy eyes, making the older look at him fondly. Once again he felt like nothing changed between them despite being broken up for a month and a half. Taehyung was still as kind and caring and Jeongguk demanding and clingy.
“No pills. Now, I will see you again in three weeks, the nurse will make an appointment for you,” Taehyung said as he got up which probably meant Jeongguk could finally leave. The boy got up as well and waited for the alpha to say something else, seeing there was something the older wanted to tell him. “Just- I have these afternoon sessions. It’s something like a private therapy which is basically just talking about the parent’s feelings and the weekly pregnancy progress. It’s mostly for single parents or young parents, parents who can’t deal with pregnancy on their own or for the couples who just want to see the whole progress of the growth of their baby and not just the monthly check-up,” he explained and took the younger’s hand between both of his to give him a reassuring squeeze. “I think it would be good for you. It’s every Friday from one until five in the afternoon, so just think about it. If you want you can simply show up after four because it’s usually empty then.”
The idea was appealing. Jeongguk indeed needed guidance and he would get to spend more time with Taehyung. He wasn’t a fan of therapies and psychological sessions, but since it was with someone he knew dearly, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give it a chance, especially now that he saw he wasn’t good at handling the situation well just yet.
He looked at their hands before he looked at Taehyung again, drowning in the depth of his gaze. “I’ll think about it I promise. Ugh, thank you Tae, for everything,” he said, feeling a lot calmer now which he knew wouldn’t last for too long, but at least he could leave without being an emotional mess.
Taehyung only gave him the folder and reminded him to make an appointment before he let go of his hand and sat back down in his chair. Jeongguk didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay with him and talk about anything, but he knew that wasn’t an option so he gave him one last smile and a polite bow as he grabbed the handle of the door.
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung spoke once again. “You can’t feel it, but your scent is a lot more intense and will become even more vibrant, so please take suppressants or-“ he paused to take a few deep breaths and Jeongguk noticed he wasn’t feeling well. “Or ask your partner to mate with you since you’re expecting a child. It’ll protect you.”
The request hurt, but the omega knew Taehyung was right. He couldn’t risk having alphas all over him, especially not now that he was pregnant. He had to keep himself and his child safe no matter the situation. “I will,” he said quietly and turned towards the exit.
He finally stepped out and took one last glance at Taehyung before he would disappear behind the door. He got only five seconds to look at him and just as he was closing the door he could see a single tear roll down his cheek.
The emotional exhaustion made Jeongguk fall asleep after a couple of hours crying in his bed and after drinking a whole carton of banana milk. He’d returned home after a quick stop at the grocery store where he’d bought some ingredients to make himself something to eat which didn’t happen for he collapsed onto his bed as soon as he entered his room.
He considered calling Jimin and Hoseok over so that he wasn’t alone, but he didn’t feel like explaining his situation. He only sent a text to his brother, saying he was home and everything went well, purposely not specifying what exactly went well and what didn’t. He wanted to talk to him about it in person. He needed to tell someone the whole truth, he wanted to share the burden with someone he could trust and if there was such a person, it was definitely his older brother.
He fell asleep with hope that once he woke up Yoongi would be home already, but that didn’t turn out to be the case when he woke up to an empty apartment just thirty minutes after he dozed off. It was difficult, he felt heavy, his chest was tight and his eyes dry because he’d shed all of his tears already.
Sitting up on his bed he looked around his small room with just a single desk and a wardrobe. It was cozy for him, but there was no way he could fit there with a child. He thought whether he would have to go back to his parents, so they could help him because otherwise he had no idea how he would manage financially and emotionally.
He figured he needed to start working to save up some money, but that would mean he had to quit university because he thought studying and working while being pregnant would be too much to handle. On the other hand, he didn’t think somebody would hire a pregnant omega, so there was that too.
He wondered if his parents would be disappointed. He was pregnant at the age of twenty without a mate. His future was gone just because he was a coward, there was no one else to blame. It was his own fault for not taking all the precautions to avoid such situations. He shouldn’t have had unprotected sex with Taehyung, knowing he wasn’t on birth control.
No matter how much he tried to put the blame on somebody else, he couldn’t. He couldn’t blame Taehyung because he didn’t know he’d stopped taking the pills. He couldn’t blame the baby for ruining his life either and knowing that it was indeed one hundred percent his fault just made him feel even worse.
Self-pity wasn’t going to change anything. He couldn’t go back in time, he could only march forward. Jeongguk finally managed to get up and went over to the tiny kitchen to make something to eat since skipping food wasn’t a good thing. He needed energy and so did his baby.
The untouched grocery bag was still on the counter, a small envelope lying next to it. It was the picture of the ultrasound and Jeongguk still hasn’t opened it. Maybe he was being ridiculous for overreacting because of one photo, but he still didn’t feel like he wanted to see it. It was probably the fact that he still hasn’t accepted the fact that he was pregnant. He didn’t feel like that.
Nothing about his body changed, or at least he didn’t feel anything. He couldn’t believe there was a new life growing inside him and as beautiful as it sounded, he felt a little uncomfortable about it. He had to be twice more cautious now, he had to think for two and not just for himself and that fact was unsettling.
His baby was now his responsibility and he could easily hurt them which on its own made him feel pressured. He was curious too. He wanted to see what exactly was inside him, but he was too afraid to look at the picture, so he went to the full-size mirror they had in the hall and observed himself.
There was nothing different about his face or his body shape, no hints of being pregnant. He gently lifted his shirt to check his tummy from every possible angle, but there was nothing to see. Despite concluding that there was no change on his body, he continued looking at the reflection.
He didn’t touch his belly, he simply looked at it curiously, tilting his head from one side to another. It seemed to distract him enough to push his worries aside for a little while. It was when his stomach growled that he got startled him and quickly pulled his shirt down before returning to the kitchen.
“That’s just hunger you delusional idiot,” he told himself after a moment of thinking about what just happened. He placed his palm on his forehead and exhaled deeply as he shook his head in disbelief.
The young omega turned on the radio and started unpacking his bag, feeling oddly at peace. He took the fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and other vegetables he’d bought so he could clean them. He’s always found cutting vegetables satisfying, especially after he learned how to do it quickly and precisely.
He cut two chicken breasts into small squares and put them on a saucepan where he’d let some butter melt. He wasn’t sure if he should change something about his eating habits now that he was pregnant, but he felt he couldn’t go wrong with chicken meat and vegetables.
It only took him about fifteen minutes to finish the simple dish. He mixed it all together in a small bowl and went to the pink couch to watch TV. They didn’t have many channels, so he often watched documentaries on YouTube. It was Taehyung who made him watch one animal documentary and it soon became their thing.
He was in the middle of a movie about a snake island in Brazil when he heard the entrance door being shut. He tilted his head back to see his brother who was just taking off his shoes. Jeongguk had almost forgotten about the conversation he was going to have with Yoongi, but it was unavoidable.
“Hey there my big boy,” Yoongi teased him once he sat down next to him and cupped his cheeks, still wearing his jacket. It was as if the older had been impatient about reuniting with Jeongguk even though they’d only spent several hours without each other. The cold fingertips were so welcome on the younger’s skin, as well as the kisses he received on his forehead. He finally felt some affection, so he didn’t hesitate before he climbed on the older’s lap and hugged him tightly. “Wow, I can’t believe I’m getting attention from my little brother. Whom can I thank for this?” Yoongi laughed fondly as he wrapped his arms around the boy.
Jeongguk wondered if there was such thing as the right time to share the news. He had no idea how to tell Yoongi without making him panic. He was finally feeling calm, so he didn’t want to fall back into anxiety, but he needed to tell him. The sooner the better. He couldn’t deal with it on his own.
“Yoongi,” Jeongguk started as he got back to his previous spot on the couch, crossing his legs. He could already see the worry in his brother’s eyes, he knew the older could already tell something was wrong when he spoke. “A lot of things happened today, but I need you to stay calm for both your good and mine. Pinky promise me that,” he insisted, offering Yoongi his pinky finger.
He wasn’t as nervous as he was when he was at Taehyung’s office, but there was still some uneasiness in the pit on his stomach left. He knew Yoongi was going to scold for the lies, but he wasn’t going to yell at him or blame him.
The older linked their fingers and looked at him in anticipation. It wasn’t like Jeongguk was trying to create a tension by taking his time to speak. He was genuinely trying to find the right words to explain his situation without scaring Yoongi immediately. “So, the thing is- I’m pregnant.”
“What? But how? You haven’t been with anyone since you broke up with Taehyung and you were on birth control while you were with him,” Yoongi asked, feeling confused about how the younger got in such situation when he was protected.
That was something Jeongguk hadn’t thought about. He had to tell him the whole truth and he knew that the lies about the pills might make the older a little upset, so he had to be careful with his words.
He intertwined their fingers and looked at his brother with guilt in his eyes. He could already feel the initial peace leave his body, slowly being replaced by despair and anxiety. He was thankful Yoongi wasn’t pressuring him and letting him take his time to explain, but he saw he was also dying to know the answers.
“I r-ran out of the pills and was too afraid to ask you because I knew I would just be lectured about how important it was for me to have my family care specialist,” he said hesitantly, watching the older’s confusion change into shock and disbelief. There was disappointment in Yoongi’s eyes and Jeongguk couldn’t bear that.
“And you thought it was a good idea to have sex when you knew you weren’t protected? Christ Guk what were you thinking?” Yoongi said as he jolted up. His voice wasn’t mean, he wasn’t angry, he was just extremely disappointment and devastated.
For a moment the possibility of Yoongi ditching Jeongguk because of that flashed through his mind and that triggered all the emotions inside him. He couldn’t stop himself from crying. “Y-Yoonie, I’m s-sorry I know it was irrational b-but please don’t leave me. I need you,” he said through sobs which immediately snapped Yoongi out of his thoughts.
It only took a few seconds before Jeongguk felt his brother’s arms around him once again. “Shh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just shocked and upset now, but I would never leave you,” he said quietly as he rocked the younger’s body, peppering kisses on top of his head.
“That’s not all,” Jeongguk said after he gulped, burying his face in the crook of his brother’s neck to inhale the comforting honey and milk scent. It was like a lullaby to him, making him a lot calmer. “Taehyung’s the doctor. He did my examination and he’s my family doctor now.”
“S-shit,” Yoongi cursed because the whole situation was complicated and Jeongguk didn’t blame him for reacting that way. He himself spent hours in despair, trying to take in all the facts. “What did he say?”
Yoongi gently pushed him further away from himself just so they could face each other. His eyebrows were raised as if his question was obvious. “I mean how did he react when he learned he was going to be a father just like that? He must have said something.”
That was another thing Yoongi wouldn’t like, another thing Jeongguk didn’t think over. He sobbed as he shook his head before he returned to the safety of his brother’s neck. “I told him it was someone else’s,” he admitted quietly.
There was a moment of silence. Yoongi was probably gathering his thoughts, putting the pieces together while he still rocked the younger in his arms. Jeongguk patiently waited for what he had to say, brushing his nose again the older’s jaw and pressing a peck on his neck as if he was trying to bribe him with affection.
A deep sigh escaped the older’s lips before Jeongguk felt himself being squeezed tightly. “I’m not going to lie. I think lying to Taehyung was wrong and I hope you reconsider that later. I know that you must be emotionally tired after such a day, so I think we should postpone this conversation to when we both feel a little better,” the older suggested, making Jeongguk nod against his neck.
The amount of consideration Yoongi had was unbelievable. Jeongguk felt relieved that he didn’t have to go through another long talk to explain everything, His own thoughts weren’t in place and he figured it would be better if he himself put them in order first before deciding on his future.
Just letting it out was more than enough of comfort for him at the moment. He knew Yoongi had his back at all costs. He wasn’t in it alone and that knowing that made his heart a lot lighter. It wasn’t going to be easy even with Yoongi around, but it was better than having no one at all.
Either way, he couldn’t find himself to be happy about being pregnant. There was absolutely no moment when he felt excited about it. He wasn’t sure if that was going to change at some point, but for the time being he wasn’t fond of his pregnancy.
Taehyung often talked about how being pregnant was one of the most beautiful moments of life. He talked about it with such passion as if it was something magical and unforgettable. But Jeongguk couldn’t see that. He only saw the problems that came with it, instead of realizing the positives.
“Are you angry at me?” The younger asked after a moment when he pulled away from his brother. He wasn’t sure of the reason why he had the sudden urge to ask the question. He knew the older wasn’t angry, yet he wanted to hear it. He wanted reassurance.
“What? No! Of course I am not angry. Jeonggukie, I don’t want you to look at this as something terrible. It’s not what you wanted, sure, but you are carrying a new life down here,” Yoongi said with a smile as he placed his palm on the younger’s stomach. “It’s beautiful. Try to think of the better side.”
Jeongguk couldn’t. He’d tried to find something positive about his situation, but couldn’t. Although, feeling his brother’s hand on his belly felt somewhat different. It created a very faint tingling inside his stomach and maybe that was a good start to optimism.
“Ugh, there’s a picture on the counter. I- couldn’t look at it, but if you want to you can see it,” Jeongguk said hesitantly, playing with his fingers as he tried to push his curiosity deeper inside his mind.
Yoongi got up without a moment of hesitation and for a second Jeongguk felt jealous. He felt a weird burning inside his chest, not liking the fact that he wasn’t going to be the first or the second to see the picture. It was his child, so why was he trying so hard to avoid it?
“Oh my god,” the older squealed when he opened the envelope and returned to the couch with the photo in his hand. “This is so adorable. It’s so tiny. Come on little one, you have to see it,” he tried to convince him, but Jeongguk only shook his head, deciding to stay in denial
He had his chance to be the second one to see it so why was he feeling angry now that he missed that opportunity? It was all very confusing, so he got up, saying he was going to take a shower. He only hoped it would make him feel better.
The day was coming to an end and Jeongguk could already feel how exhausted his body was. He figured there was no point in him going to school the next day because he would only be anxious. He needed to get himself back together if he wanted to go back to classes.
His future remained a huge question mark as he lied down in his bed, being embraced by his brother’s arms immediately, but whether he wanted or not, it was the beginning of something new. It was only up to him what kind of path he would walk.