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UNIT chatroom

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TARDIS has created chatroom.
TARDIS has added 3rdDoctor, JoGrant, BrigadierLS, TheMaster.

3rdDoctor: I don’t think this kind of thing is supposed to happen in this timeline.
TARDIS: It is happening though.
3rdDoctor: But it shouldn’t…
JoGrant: Doctor? What is this?
3rdDoctor: A chatroom, that the TARDIS decided to make.
BrigadierLS: Doctor, ask the TARDIS why we can’t just TALK to each other. We’re in the same time (I think).
TARDIS: I’m in the chat too. And I can’t ‘just TALK’ to you.
3rdDoctor: How are you even working enough to make this?
TARDIS: It’s only the dematerialisation circuit and the temporal movement circuits that are broken. I do have other abilities.
JoGrant: How can the TARDIS talk to us? Is it alive?
3rdDoctor: Yes, she is alive.
TheMaster: How could you not tell? Idiotic apes.
BrigadierLS: And what are YOU doing here!?
3rdDoctor: I could ask the same.
TheMaster: Attempting to hold a conversation, my dear Doctor. I don’t believe it’s working, but the fault is not mine.
3rdDoctor: When is the fault NOT yours?
TheMaster: Now, evidently. Use your head.
JoGrant: Hold on, backtracking… ‘my dear Doctor’ ???????
3rdDoctor: Ah, yes. That.
TheMaster: How enthusiastic you are.
TheMaster: I could begin to explain, but the Doctor would likely decide to kill me if I did. (which would be fun, but I’m busy right now.)
3rdDoctor: Busy doing what?
TheMaster: You’ll see. Soon.
3rdDoctor: Also, I would not kill you.
JoGrant: But Doctor, he’s evil?
TheMaster: The conversation does appear to have made a circle. I believe you are the one who should explain, my dear Doctor.

A few hours, explanations, confused comments, and arguments later…

TheMaster: That took far too long.
BrigadierLS: Yes, I agree. Shouldn’t you be working, Doctor?
TheMaster: Yes Doctor, go back to work. I have been working the entire time.
3rdDoctor: It’s hard to try to do an experiment to fix my dematerialisation circuit and type at the same time. Think it through.
TheMaster: I disagree.
3rdDoctor: Naturally. What might you be doing?
TheMaster: Ask the Brigadier. I believe UNIT have likely found out by now.
BrigadierLS: As much as I hate to prove him right… he is correct. Doctor, to my office, as soon as you can.
TheMaster: See you soon! >:)
3rdDoctor: >:(
3rdDoctor, BrigadierLS, JoGrant have left the chatroom.
TheMaster has left the chatroom.
TARDIS added TheRani to the chat.
TheRani has left the chatroom.

Chapter Text

3rdDoctor, JoGrant, TheMaster have entered the chatroom.
JoGrant: What’s that message above? Says ‘theRani’?
3rdDoctor: Not sure.
TheMaster: I have an idea, but it may be far-fetched.
3rdDoctor: Why are you still here? We foiled your plot anyway.
TheMaster: I, like Miss Grant, am intrigued by this ‘Rani’.
TheRani has entered the chatroom.
TheRani: Now, if you two are who I think you are, it might be better to remove the human(s). Temporarily, of course.
3rdDoctor: I suppose?
TARDIS has moved 3rdDoctor, TheMaster, TheRani to a private chatroom.
TheRani: That should suit our purposes.
3rdDoctor: Who are you?
TheMaster: At a guess…
TheMaster: Ushas?
TheRani: No more than you are Koschei and Theta. But yes, I am one and the same.
3rdDoctor: How are you, …Rani?
TheRani: Fine, Doctor. A bit busy with my experiments, but you could’ve guessed that.
TheMaster: We’ll leave you to it then.
TARDIS has ended the private chatroom.
TheRani has left the chatroom.
JoGrant: …
JoGrant: So, who was it?
3rdDoctor: An old friend.
TheMaster: She didn’t have much to say. Do you think she’s still avoiding us?
3rdDoctor: Probably. She decided not to get involved in what she dubbed the ‘enmity of ages’
TheMaster: How many ages?
3rdDoctor: Count them yourself.
TheMaster: Also, Doctor, do you think there’s a reason your TARDIS put you as the Third?
3rdDoctor: Other than the fact that I am the third?
JoGrant: Third?!
TheMaster: But that wouldn’t need pointing out if you were the only Doctor planned to be here.
TARDIS: Correct.
JoGrant: Fine, ignore me.
JoGrant has left the chatroom.
TheMaster: So, who are you adding?
TARDIS: Is it time for them to come? *Temporal circuits enabling* *fail* *fail*
3rdDoctor: Yes, add them.
TARDIS has added HaroldSaxon, 10thDoctor, Missy, 12thDoctor.
Missy: Well, would you look at that!
12thDoctor: Nonononono. No. This is bound to end badly.
Missy: You always ruin my fun, dear.
TheMaster: TARDIS, you added two Doctors, who are the other two?
TARDIS: Time Lords. Think…
TheMaster: …
TheMaster: Oh.
TheMaster: >:D
HaroldSaxon: Give the man a medal! Actually do, we like prizes. >:)
10thDoctor: This is going to cause a paradox.
12thDoctor: No, it won’t, none of us will retain this. No paradox. Luckily. Mind you… it won’t end well.
3rdDoctor: Someone care to explain what’s going on?
Missy: Well, to explain time is a difficult process.
HaroldSaxon: To explain time to a exiled Time Lord, even harder.
TheMaster: Why are we (mis)quoting Academy lessons?
Missy: To mock the Doctor.
HaroldSaxon: Obviously.
TheMaster: Right. Yes. Should’ve expected that.
3rdDoctor: Who are you?
TheMaster: I’m the Master, I was your friend at the academy, and I keep annoying you about your exile.
3rdDoctor: Stop being annoying, I know who you are. Doctors, can you please explain.
10thDoctor: HaroldSaxon is one of the Master’s regeneration’s aliases.
12thDoctor: Missy is the oldest Master (in this chat). Oh, and she’s female.
TheMaster: I’m a woman now?
12thDoctor: In my timeline, yes.
3rdDoctor: So, three of each of us. Why do I feel like this will end badly?
HaroldSaxon: Ooh, let me think.
Missy: Such a hard question.
TheMaster: I don’t think an exiled Time Lord can work it out.
HaroldSaxon: Oh, and I don’t think the future incarnations of said exiled Time Lord can either.
TheMaster: It’s a recurring trait in the following regenerations.
Missy: Not being able to sense the danger of having three Masters in communication with each other.
3rdDoctor: YES I GET THE POINT. THANK YOU.
TheMaster: You look funny when you’re angry.
Missy: You should see Twelve’s eyebrows when he’s cranky. The eyebrows drop off when he smiles. And he’s gone all Scottish.
3rdDoctor: How do you know what I look like right now?
TheMaster: >;)
TheMaster has left the chatroom.
3rdDoctor: he’s walking into my lab. Of course he is. Jackanapes. Gotta deal with this.
3rdDoctor has left the chatroom.
10thDoctor: Did you really have to gang up on him/me?
HaroldSaxon: Does that question really need answering, Doctor?
Missy: I should’ve thought the answer was obvious.
12thDoctor: You two, stop it.
Missy: Not likely.
HaroldSaxon: And what would you do to make us stop?
10thDoctor: …
12thDoctor: Idiots.
Missy: …says the self-proclaimed idiot.
12thDoctor: At least I admit it.
HaroldSaxon: And at least we admit that we cause chaos wherever we go.
10thDoctor: We don’t. You do.
HaroldSaxon: ‘I could bring down your government with six words.’
HaroldSaxon: Thanks for that by the way. Faster route for me into power.
10thDoctor: She did the wrong thing. They were retreating, and she shot them.
HaroldSaxon: They invaded Earth, and you were still reeling from regeneration sickness. She thought it was self defence. Oh, and she died in your name later on. Don’t pretend you’re innocent.
10thDoctor: As you said, reeling from regeneration sickness.
HaroldSaxon: ‘the laws of time are mine and they will obey me.’
HaroldSaxon: That sounds remarkably like the path to you becoming the Valeyard…
10thDoctor: That’s why I travel with companions. And how DARE you bring up HIM.
HaroldSaxon: Considering I was the one who effectively saved you from the Valeyard’s wrath, I should think you’d be more grateful.
12thDoctor: Just shut up.
HaroldSaxon: *mocking bow* As you wish.
HaroldSaxon has left the chatroom.
Missy: I’ll leave you Doctors to yourself.
Missy has left the chatroom.
3rdDoctor has entered the chatroom.
3rdDoctor: Hello.
10thDoctor: Yeah. Hi.
3rdDoctor: Have they left?
12thDoctor: Yes.
TARDIS has moved 3rdDoctor, 10thDoctor, 12thDoctor into private chatroom ‘Doctors’.
TARDIS has moved TheMaster, HaroldSaxon, Missy into private chatroom ‘Masters’.
— Doctors —
10thDoctor: Three of them.
12thDoctor: And of us.
10thDoctor: Not the point. In a battle of words, they appear to be winning.
12thDoctor: You’re right. How do we stop THAT?
10thDoctor: Physical confrontation? Rather than virtual?
12thDoctor: Might work better.
3rdDoctor: Still not a good idea, not with three of them.
10thDoctor: Get ‘em one by one?
3rdDoctor: And they wouldn’t expect that at all.
10thDoctor: Right. Yeah.

— Masters —
TheMaster, Missy, HaroldSaxon have entered the chatroom.
Missy: It’s like his TARDIS wants us to plot. Honestly.
HaroldSaxon: You wouldn’t think so… or does she not know her timeline?
TheMaster: Well, with her temporal circuits broken, probably not.
Missy: So. Plans. Three of us, three of them.
HaroldSaxon: Capture them, take over the universe.
Missy: How specific. That is literally our to-do list.
TheMaster: I thought it was kill him?
HaroldSaxon: Yes, but to be honest, it’s much more fun to just threaten to kill. Capturing is entertaining.
TheMaster: True.
— Main Chatroom - small time-skip - —
BrigadierLS: Doctor?
3rdDoctor: Yes?
BrigadierLS: Where have you gone?
3rdDoctor: I’m in the TARDIS.
BrigadierLS: Again?
3rdDoctor: I’m busy talking to myself.
TheMaster: Hilarious.
BrigadierLS: Don’t get involved.
TheMaster: Try and stop me.
3rdDoctor: Master, stop it. What do you need me for, Brigadier?
BrigadierLS: Your job. Some weird set of numbers has come through from an untraceable source.
3rdDoctor: Alright. On my way.
3rdDoctor has left the chatroom
— Masters —
TheMaster: And so it begins. See my future faces in a minute.
HaroldSaxon: How long do you think it’ll take them?
Missy: Much too long. See you in a sec!
— Doctors —
12thDoctor: Why is it that I feel like there’s a plot going on?
10thDoctor: Knowing the Master, there likely is.
12thDoctor: Well that’ll be fun…>:/

Chapter Text

The Doctors step out of their TARDISes at the site of the co-ordinates, only to find weapons pointed at them from holes in the walls in all directions. “Step away from your vehicles. Hands up!” One voice rises in the silence.
The Doctors look at each other, hands rising. “So sorry, we thought this might have been a distress call,” begins Three, watching the weapons waver ever-so-slightly. “It would be nice of you to kindly refrain from pointing your guns at us.”
“No, it’s not a distress call,” says another voice, more cultured and clipped, entering the room as he speaks. All three Doctors stiffen to varying degrees. “More of a… well, how would you describe it?” He talks to someone outside the room.
“A trap!” sings Missy from a fair distance away. “Gotcha!”
“Honestly, Doctor.” The voice of the Saxon master is markedly closer, and they hear his footsteps. Entering the room, he continues, “How naïve can you be?”
Another set of footsteps a moment later, and Missy enters the room.
“So, you’ve got us, but what are you going to do?” Ten asks, very aware of the irony of their switched positions.
The Saxon Master grins at that. “I guess you’re ‘my responsibility’ and I’ll just ‘keep you’.”
“Yes, yes, we get it, hilarious, but actually. Why capture us?” Twelve interrupts the banter, stepping forward slightly. Laser sights flit to his chest, and he steps back, arms still raised, as the other Doctors’ are.
“To get you lot out of our way of course,” Missy replies in her Scottish drawl. “We can keep an eye on you here, too.”
Three grumbles something about them not being children, and Twelve does similar. Ten just huffs.
The Masters set the rules— no going near their work or any TARDISes, no leaving the building, no attacking them (which was pointedly directed at Three by the youngest Master), but otherwise pretty much free range.
—A bit later - chatroom —
JoGrant: You bring them back!
TheMaster: Now why would we do that, Miss Grant? You have absolutely no bargaining room. To coin a phrase, I hold all the cards.
BrigadierLS: We’ll get him back.
Missy: Oh? How’s that?
BrigadierLS: I’ll rephrase that. He’ll make it back. They all will.
3rdDoctor: Glad you have confidence in us, old chap.
JoGrant: Doctor!
12thDoctor: We’re all here.
10thDoctor: ‘Here’ being more literal than it really should be.
TheMaster: Did we actually let you communicate?
3rdDoctor: You said nothing against it… but private chat does seem to be disabled.
HaroldSaxon: Ah, good, no plotting against us. Not that you’d win.
3rdDoctor: How egotistical of you.
Missy: Says one of the three naïve idiots that we captured earlier…
10thDoctor: Oi!
HaroldSaxon: Ah, but it is true.
12thDoctor: You’re bloody ganging up on us again.
HaroldSaxon: State the obvious, much, Doctor!
10thDoctor: Are you three in the same room or something?
Missy: Nope. Just better at agreeing that you. Or at least we stay relatively the same between regenerations.
HaroldSaxon: We can easily follow each other’s train of thought.
TheMaster: It’s really not difficult. But then you’ve never had much finesse, Doctor.
Missy: And we have better fashion sense, too.
3rdDoctor: I am going to walk through this place and find you three just to punch you in the face.
TheMaster: *Looks pointedly at surrounding guards* You want to try and force a paradox?
12thDoctor: As if we’re not already tangled in one.
HaroldSaxon: Bootstrap. It’s irrelevant. But forcing a regeneration at the wrong time…
10thDoctor: Yeah. But you aren’t exactly supposed to threaten us, you’re a Time lord as much as us, you have a responsibility for keeping the universe in some form of …not-brokenedness…
TheMaster: What if we were only responsible when ruling?
10thDoctor: You don’t have a history/future of ruling responsibly.
HaroldSaxon: Exactly, Doctor. One word: Toclafane.
10thDoctor has left the chat.
HaroldSaxon: *smirks* He’s gone.
12thDoctor: Cheap shot.
Missy: Eh. Not really. Just reminding you lot of our past successes.
JoGrant: Invasions, you mean?
Missy: What, you’re still here? Yes invasions, what else?
BrigadierLS: How creative of you.
Missy: Well, we have to do something to stop you UNIT folks getting bored. And the Doctor.
BrigadierLS: Well, it definitely isn’t boring with you around, but that does not make it a good thing.
3rdDoctor: I tend to agree.
TheMaster: Oh, how you wound me.
3rdDoctor: The sarcasm dripping off that is near palpable.
TheMaster: Well, yes. But you like having me around, Doctor. Someone on your intellectual level, unlike the native species of that planet you love so much.
3rdDoctor: …
3rdDoctor: Well, I suppose…
JoGrant: Doctor.
3rdDoctor: Yes, Jo?
JoGrant: He’s your enemy.
TheMaster: Best enemy.
JoGrant: Shut up.
TheMaster: Not likely.
3rdDoctor: Yes, Jo. I thought we explained the complex relationship we had a while ago.
JoGrant: Right… you just said you used to be friends, that was pretty much it.
TheMaster: I do believe there was a lot more said than that, Miss Grant.
10thDoctor has entered the chat.
HaroldSaxon: Aaaaaaaand he’s back!
10thDoctor: What an observant statement.
HaroldSaxon: Bad mood? What’s wrong?
12thDoctor: Could you just shut up!
Missy: Calm down, dear.
12thDoctor: Missy…
Missy: Alright, alright. Hey younger-mes, lets go. Not like the Doctors can stop us anyway.
Missy, HaroldSaxon, TheMaster have left the chat.
12thDoctor: I have a bad feeling about that.
10thDoctor: Yeah. Me too.