Morgana felt unbalanced. She wasn’t quite sure why, but she felt like she had when she was a child and Arthur would hang off her arm because he wanted to play during her lessons. It wasn’t as funny now as it was when she knew why she felt off kilter. Now she just felt unhinged, exposed like a live wire.
She wanted to explode. She wanted to lash out at every person who dared to make her hide this piece of her. The piece of her that bubbled beneath her skin and screamed to be released like a living creature. She wanted to burn Uther into his throne and listen to him scream. She wanted to watch his skin bubble and his eyes melt the way he’d watched thousands of her people die. Morgana wanted every person who’d ever made the heat in her veins spark scream the way she wished she could so many times.
Gwen didn’t burn the way the fire in Morgana did. Gwen glowed and shimmered like liquid gold. She warmed a room like a hearth fire and all Morgana wanted to do was bask. Gwen could forgive. Gwen could relax her hold on the pain and anger and fear. She could watch it slip away. Morgana wanted to wrap her in a shield and light anyone who tried to hurt her like a torch. Morgana wanted and wanted and wanted, but she never wanted to give.
Gwen was the counter weight to Morgana’s unsteadiness. Morgana didn’t understand it. She didn’t seem to be understanding a lot, lately.
But Morgana understood that she loved to hold Gwen’s hand, to be touching her in any way, really. Morgana loved it when Gwen brought her flowers because she “seemed a bit down”. Morgana loved it when Gwen brushed her hair, Gwen’s hands brushing against the back of Morgana’s neck.
When Gwen was around, Morgana was steady. The ache in her chest to burn everything in her way, to tear the roadblocks, those from the past and present, into kindling and burn it, eased. Maybe it was because the heat in her veins sparked around Gwen, but it didn’t hurt in the way it did around Uther. Morgana couldn’t find it in her to care.
Would Gwen go with her if Morgana were to run? What would Gwen do if she found out about what runs in Morgana’s veins? Even if Gwen would go with her, even if Gwen would accept the magic, Morgana would end up laughing through flames as she burnt the world that hated her to the bone. She would never ask Gwen to choose that path with her.
Morgana was unbalanced when she stared out at the forest before her and took an unsteady breath. She blamed her shaking hands on the weather. The heat in her veins would warm her up soon enough anyways.