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If Crazy Equals Genius

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“Kutomba wewe, wewe mwana wa mbwa wa kike,” Uhura muttered angrily. She had received a message from her asshole of an ex, and she was not happy about it. “Mama yako alikuwa hamster na baba yako harufu ya elderberries!”

She turned around when she heard someone laughing behind her, and to her confusion she saw the captain.

“Sir? Are you alright?”

“My god, Uhura, did you seriously just quote a movie from nearly 300 years ago? I don’t believe it.”

“I was talking in English?” she asked, horrified.

“No, no,” said Jim, catching his breath, “You were speaking Swahili, don’t worry.”

“You’re multilingual?”

“Uhura, I speak 21 languages.”

“You now what? I’m gonna go ahead and call bullshit on that.”

“You'll believe me sooner or later,” Jim said, shrugging.

“What you’re not going to try and prove it?”

“Nah, it’s more fun this way.”

“You know, you don’t have any room to judge,” Uhura said with a smirk.


“You recognized the quote, and therefore you don’t get to judge.”

Jim laughed again, shaking his head at Uhura as she turned back to her station.

Captain,” she asked, looking back, “When did you learn Swahili?”

“Well, I don’t remember exactly, but it was definitely before I turned 13,” he replied.

She looked back down at her station, shocked. How had she known him for this long and never knew that he spoke multiple languages? For fucks sake, he was the treasurer of the Xenolinguistics Club! How had she never heard him speak in something other than English? She shook her head and refocused on her work, realizing, for the first of many times, that she’d underestimate the intelligence of Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

Chapter Text

“Jesus Christ, Jim. I’ve seen your aptitude scores. You’re a genius, but it shouldn’t be possible for you to test out of this many classes,” said Chris, confused.

“I thought you saw my file?” Jim said questioningly.

“I did, but 95% of it was classified.”

“You didn’t look when you first met me, after...?” Jim asked, trailing off.

“I didn’t have the clearance.”

“Are the academic achievements also classified?”


“That explains a lot about how my teachers are treating me. They all seem to think I’m an idiot, and then when I do well they think I’m cheating.”

“How does this explain that?” Chris asked, even more confused that he was before.

“Chris, dude, buddy man, I have 13 college degrees.”

“Are you shitting me?” Chris asked. He really shouldn’t be this surprised, though, he thought. It’s Jim. This is nowhere near the weirdest thing about him.

“Nope, I have bachelors degrees in mechanical engineering, computer science and engineering, aerospace engineering, biological engineering, chemical engineering, linguistics and philosophy, and psychology, as well as a masters in psychology, and PhDs in psychology and biomedical engineering, an ScD in mechanical engineering and computation and another in nuclear science and engineering, and an MD in biomedical ethics and medical humanities,” he listed, counting them off on his fingers as he said each one.

“What in the everloving fuck, Jim.”

“I get bored easily!” he said, waving his hands.

“When did you even have time?!”

“Man, I got my high school diploma when I was 5. Chris, I had 5 bachelor's degrees and a doctorate before I even left Earth. When I got back I got 2 more bachelor's degrees, a masters, and 4 doctorates.”

“Why are you even in the Academy, then?”

“You dared me, Chris! You know I can’t turn down a dare!” he exclaimed

Chris slammed his head into his desk, totally done with life.

“Chris? Are you alright?” Jim asked carefully.

Chris looked up at him and started laughing.


“Jim, apparently you’ll never stop surprising me.”

“Well, I certainly hope not,” Jim said with a smirk.

“You’re dismissed. Just… I don’t know, go back to annoying that roommate of yours, or something.”

“With pleasure.”