“I’m fucking leaving, Joshua, this is the last straw!” Tyler wasn’t sure why he was crying - he shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s because he’s angry, or upset. He always cries when he’s angry. Maybe it’s just him, telling himself nothing was ever Josh’s fault. He’s left twice, always came back to Josh - and Josh just welcomed him with teary eyes and open arms.
Maybe Tyler’s left because the inner demon - the part of him that fucking hates everyone - knows that Josh can’t live with seeing that door slam after Tyler leaves with his bag packed. The part that’s left, the part of Tyler that can’t live without Josh, knows how much it hurts. He’s been walked out on, and maybe that’s why he does it. Because he’s been hurt and he wants others to hurt just as bad.
Tyler met Josh’s eyes, even after he swore not to, and goddammit, he was crying. His soft brown eyes filled with tears ready to fall, no matter how hard he tried to get rid of them. He just stood there, watching as Josh failed miserably at trying not to cry. He was so hurt, and Tyler’s heart ached. His fingers grew clammy against the handles of his bags, they cramped and suddenly they fell from Tyler’s grip.
There were no words, they just stood there, and Tyler found it hard to believe they could ever fight. That a fight brought them here. Maybe it was toxic, but Josh couldn’t live without Tyler and Tyler couldn’t live without Josh and they were both screwed because no matter how hard they tried, they could never seperate.
The sound of Joshua crying was heartbreaking, he wasn’t the type to cry openly and just that hurt Tyler more than what leaving would do to him. Tyler’s a monster, he admits it, he isn’t good for Josh but what can you do? Leave? Tyler’s tried, he can’t bring himself to stay away from Josh forever. It’s only during fights this happens, every other time Tyler never thinks of leaving.
Their relationship is great - except for the times it isn’t. Tyler could think of a million things to say, like telling Josh he was leaving again. Or making another argument. But he couldn’t find the words to say, and so they just stared.
“Please don’t go.” Josh seemed to find his voice, the words were late and he knew it. Tyler wasn’t going to leave, not this time, but they slipped from his mouth and no - he didn’t regret them. He didn’t want Tyler to leave, Tyler didn’t seem to want to leave. All Tyler could hear was the hurt, the pain he was going through over seeing Tyler so close to abandoning everything again (trying to anyway).
“I’m not.” And that could either be a lie or a promise, but at least for now Tyler meant it and he repeated them, “I’m not,” his mouth dry and his face wet, soaked in tears previously shed. Tyler moved forwards without thinking, his bags abandoned by the door and the argument left in the past. Josh shook with more sobs, more cries and Tyler could hear them now.
His arms, seemingly heavy, reached up and he wiped Josh’s tears, the ones that had fallen - the ones Josh couldn’t keep in. His arms wrapped around Josh and for now it was safe, they were safe and Josh was shaking. Tyler had done this, Tyler’s a monster. He ruins Josh, and maybe it’s not all the time, but he does.
Tyler could taste Josh’s tears - salty, on his tongue and it felt like acid - when Josh kissed him, Tyler closed his eyes and just felt, felt Josh’s soft lips against his own and felt Josh’s tongue meet his. Josh was still shaking, Tyler could feel the pure love and emotion Josh was displaying through the kiss and his heart hurt.
Josh’s lungs burned, he couldn’t breathe but he didn’t stop - he had Tyler close to him again and when Tyler pulled away he gasped for breath. Tyler kissed away more of Josh’s tears, smiling softly at him.
“I won’t leave.” He whispered, his voice sounded broken. He was broken, he knew it and just like everything else, there was nothing to do about it. Maybe it’s cliche, but Josh always knew how to fix him - although Tyler breaks him in the process. “I promise.” Tyler doesn’t break promises, never has, and Josh knew that. That’s why Tyler never made them, never said those words unless he meant it.
“I love you.” Tyler’s head hurt, his vision was blurry. He already knew that, and he could admit it hurt whenever Josh said it because everything Josh does shows it. Tyler sniffled and tried to smile anyway, because as much as it hurt there was an indescribable feeling hearing the words come from Josh’s mouth, especially in a situation like this.
“I love you too, Josh. I’m sorry.”
And Tyler was.
He was sorry for everything, every argument. Josh knew he was sorry. Not because he always said it, but because Tyler always comes back, no matter what.
And he wouldn’t come back if he didn’t mean anything he’s ever said.