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A Summer Daydream

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Simon sat sprawled in the bright sun of the morning light, feeling nothing but the grass tickling the back of his neck and the warm laughter of the person sitting next to him. It was the first day of summer vacation at the end of their first year of middle school and Simon felt, like he did every year, that this summer vacation was going to be the best one yet and Simon had no other person he’d rather spend it with.

Clary sat a foot away from him, her red hair billowing absolutely everywhere as the wind swept through the park they were laying in. There were other people around. Everyone seemed determined to enjoy the beautiful Saturday whether they’d been blessed with but for Simon, it felt as if it was just he and Clary laying there, wrapped in the warm embrace of absolute freedom.

They had to be home by eight (or at least, at one of their homes) and summer truly wouldn't last forever but the end was so far off that Simon could imagine it would. They had so many things they were going to do this summer. They were going to break into that abandoned a few blocks away from Clary’s because there had to be something cool in it, no matter what Luke said. They were going to go on a trip to the beach with Simon’s mom at the end of the week to collect shells for Clary to draw in her sketchbook. They were going to catch up on all the comics they’d been saving to binge read in Clary’s room, when they no longer had to worry about things like school nights and bedtimes.

They had a lot of things they were going to do. They had even made a list but today, they were going to relax in the sun and just breath in the start of the best time of year. Clary had her sketchbook open on her thigh and she was doodling the big oak tree a few yards away, with Simon’s feet peeking into the bottom corner of the page. She licked her finger and brought it down to smudge part of the bark she’d drawn, her eyebrows pulled together in concentration.

A moment ago, they’d been talking about a videogame they were going to buy after they saved up their money but the conversation had dropped when Clary had failed to respond again. For the moment, Simon knew he was forgotten about in lieu of the drawing she was focused on but that was okay. It gave him a moment to watch her without the fear of being caught, which was something that Simon had been increasingly worried about.

Clary was the most beautiful person that Simon had ever seen but he thought that she had never looked more beautiful than she did in moments like this. The sun was cascading past her, lighting her hair in a million hues of red. She wasn’t looking at Simon or anything around them, she was just… There, so absolutely absorbed in what she was drawing that Simon thought he could probably say anything he wanted and she wouldn’t even notice but he wasn’t going to risk disturbing her regardless. It wouldn’t have been worth it.

Simon had realized recently that maybe he loved Clary a bit too much. Clary was the most important person in Simon’s life, next to his mom and his sister. She was his best friend. She was the smartest most talented person he thought he’d ever meet but… Simon was starting to think that maybe he loved Clary a little differently than he had thought he did before. He was starting to think that maybe those kids that mocked him and called Clary his girlfriend were onto something but he was also starting to think that maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Simon had thought about it a lot in the past couple of weeks. He thought about things that people did when they were dating someone. He thought about holding Clary’s hand and kissing her and none of that seemed that bad. He even thought about the future and things that adults did when they loved someone. He thought about he and Clary getting married someday and something about that made Simon’s heart start to beat fast in his chest. He thought about them living together and getting to do all the thing they did during sleepovers all the time.

He thought that living with Clary would feel like one endless summer. That it might feel like this moment right now, like warmth, freedom and the hopeful feeling of not really knowing what was going to happen next but being excited regardless.

Simon also thought that Clary might just feel the same way. They spent all of their time together. Clary was always just as excited to see him as Simon was to see her and she was never really interested in dating anyone, even though Andrew had tried to ask her out at the beginning of this year. Why else would she not want too? If she didn’t love Simon, then she’d be interested in someone else right?

Simon wasn’t ready to tell her. He couldn’t even imagine saying it out loud to her but… he was starting to think about saying it. He was starting to think that maybe someday soon, he might find to words to tell her what he was feeling and he might just say it to her. Maybe at the end of the summer before they went back to school he’d tell her. Maybe even on the last day. Simon liked the thought of that and even if his palms sweat thinking about it and his heart fluttered nervously, he couldn’t really imagine it going that badly. He was almost… excited to tell her. Almost.

For now though, for today, Simon was happy sprawled out in the sun, basking in the comfortable silence of the world around them, dreaming about the day he might just tell Clary he loved her and everything that would follow.

It was the beginning of summer and Simon’s heart was full of hope. He wasn’t sure what the world was going to bring either of them but Simon knew that as long as Clary was by his side, things would be okay. He couldn’t imagine a future in which he and Clary were apart, so Simon figured that no matter what happened, his life was pretty set.

Later that night, he and Clary sat on the shag rug of her bedroom floor and they went over the list of everything they wanted to do that summer. They added things like ‘Beat Doom’ and ‘Finish making the best comic book.’ At the end of it, they had a list of almost twenty amazing things they were going to do before they had to go back to school. They stayed up so late that night, talking quietly so Clary’s mother wouldn’t hear and long after Clary had fallen asleep, Simon laid awake, staring at the ceiling. He thought for a moment and then he quietly sat up and pulled Clary’s notebook over to him.

He flipped past the page where they’d written their list and he ripped the next one out as quietly as he could. When Clary didn’t move, Simon grabbed her blue gel pen and he wrote himself his own list with just one thing on it. ‘Tell Clary that I love her.’ He folded it as small as he could and he pushed it deep into his pocket, like a reminder and then he curled up and dreamt about warmth, Clary and the future.

Simon couldn’t have imagined how dramatically their lives would change in the years to come but that night, he didn’t need too. Summer vacation was endless and that night, Simon Lewis didn’t worry about a thing.