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K/DA Chat Fuckery

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In a private message between an unknown number and Evelynn:

 

Unknown number: Yo, what’s up bitch?

Unknown number: Hey.

Unknown number: Yo

Unknown number: Yoooooo

Unknown number: Bitch, I know you’re seeing this.

 

Evelynn: Who the fuck are you?

Evelynn: How do you even have this number?

 

Unknown number: DID YOU DELETE MY NUMBER FROM YOUR CONTACTS???

 

Evelynn: ??

 

Unknown number: I AM SO OFFENDED RIGHT NOW

Unknown number: WOW I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT YOU BEING A PART OF MY GRAND PLAN!!

 

Evelynn: Look, whoever you are…

Evelynn: Fuck off

Evelynn: And you’re blocked.

 

Unknown number: NO WAIT WAIT IT’S ME

Message Failed [Unknown number: AHRI! IT’S ME, AHRI!!! ]

Message Failed [Unknown number: GOD DAMN IT, WOMAN!!!! ]

Message Failed [Unknown number: YOU REALLY HAVEN’T CHANGED A BIT!]

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:

 

Evelynn: YOU DISAPPEAR FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TEXT ME ALL OF A SUDDEN???

 

Ahri:  Yes, I’m doing fine. Thanks for asking, bitch.

Ahri: I hope you appreciate that I bought a new phone line to call your ungrateful ass because YOU DELETED MY NUMBER AND THEN YOU JUST BLOCKED ME!!

Ahri: Thank you for hanging up on me before I could explain, you selfish little prick.

 

Evelynn: OH DON’T YOU START WITH ME!

Evelynn: YOU DON’T GET TO FUCKING JUST LEAVE FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS, AHRI!!!

Evelynn: YOU DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING TELL ME YOU WERE JUST FUCKING YEETING OUT FOR 5 YEARS

 

Ahri: But I’m back. :)

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS AHRI

Evelynn: YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ANY OF MY CALLS AND TEXTS FOR 5 YEARS!

 

Ahri: I don’t get service in the mountains.

 

Evelynn: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE MOUNTAINS???

 

Ahri: Embracing my inner fox.

 

Evelynn: WERE YOU IN THE ‘HEAT’ FOR 5 YEARS????

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU!

Ahri: I DON’T GET ‘HEATS’!

 

Evelynn: WHAT OTHER REASON WOULD YOU GO TO THE MOUNTAINS OTHER THAN TO JACK YOURSELF OFF???

 

Ahri: KWDJFHKSHDGKLSJHLKSJHK

Ahri: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO IN THE MOUNTAINS, EVE???

 

Evelynn: To have loudass sex, duh.

 

Ahri: Oh…

Ahri: Well, I didn’t do that for these past five years.

Ahri: I’ve been trying to reinvent myself and my image.

Ahri: I am no longer the cute pop star idol. I am an elegant fox star now.

Ahri: E-L-E-G-A-N-T

 

Evelynn: It took you five years to do that?

 

Ahri: Okay fuck you

 

Evelynn: It takes me five minutes to decide if I want dick or not.

 

Ahri: Why am I friends with you?

 

Evelynn: Why did you disappear for five years?

Evelynn: It felt like the worst breakup ever.

 

Ahri: You never had a meaningful relationship…

 

Evelynn: You spent five years in the mountain to come back and not pull a Miley Cyrus, so fuck you.

 

Ahri: Do you want to see me on a wrecking ball?

 

Evelynn: I kinda prefer you did…

Evelynn: It’ll make up for the FIVE YEARS YOU JUST FUCKING LEFT ME!

 

Ahri: WOMAN I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE REALLY PUSHING MY BUTTONS

Ahri: You know what? Let's start over.

Ahri: Hello, Eve. I’m back and with a plan to take over the music industry.

 

Evelynn: No thanks, I’m good.

 

Ahri: BITCH FUCK YOU

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS AHRI

 

Ahri: IS THIS REALLY THE CLOSEST ‘WELCOME BACK’ I WILL EVER GET FROM YOU??

 

Evelynn: 5 FUCKING YEARS AHRI!!!

 

Ahri: OHH MY GODDDD

 

Evelynn: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO COVER YOUR ASS???

Evelynn: “WHERE’S AHRI?? WHERE DID SHE GO?”

Evelynn: “EVELYNN MUST HAVE KILLED HER, WOW WHAT A DIVA. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SO JEALOUS OF AHRI!”

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS OF THAT, AHRI!!!

 

Ahri: I’m surprised you haven’t killed me yet.

 

Evelynn: Touché…

 

Ahri: Okay, save the killing for later.

Ahri: I have an idea.

Ahri: To save the music industry.

 

Evelynn: If it’s anything other than you on a wrecking ball, it’s a no from me.

 

Ahri: WILL YOU JUST FUCKING HEAR ME OUT??

 

Evelynn: Fine…

 

Ahri: A girl group of four.

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: WILL YOU LET ME FINISH BITCH??

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri: You and me in that girl group, along with two other girls.

Ahri: Preferable one that is a dancer and one that is a rapper.

 

Evelynn: Wait

Evelynn: I’m joining??

 

Ahri: Why else would I fucking text you?

 

Evelynn: Oh idk...to say THAT YOU’RE SORRY FOR LEAVING ME FOR 5 YEARS!!

 

Ahri: IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH A TALENTED SINGER, I WOULD BE SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!!!

 

Evelynn: Oh?

Evelynn: You think I’m talented?

 

Ahri: You do have two hit songs and have a devoted fanbase so yeah...you kinda are a huge deal bitch

 

Evelynn: Huh.

Evelynn: Well, maybe I will consider joining your girl groupie thing…

 

Ahri: You have no choice.

Ahri: I already talked to your manager and they signed you in.

 

Evelynn: YOU TALKED TO MY MANAGER BEFORE TALKING TO ME????

 

Ahri: Ah shit

Ahri: Here we go again.

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS AHRI! I WAS ALONE FOR 5 YEARS WITH STUPID RUMORS THAT I FUCKING KILLED YOU OR I FUCKING ENDED YOUR CAREER!! I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF FROM DEATH THREATS AND FUCKING TROLLS THAT THINK I ACTUALLY ATE YOU!! MY LAST RECORD COMPANY ALMOST DROPPED ME BECAUSE THEY WERE CONVINCED THAT I KILLED YOU!!

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS OF THIS SHIT, AHRI!!!

Evelynn: NOW YOU COME WALTZING IN WITH YOUR FUCKING TAILS IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS WITH SOME GRAND PLAN OF SOME FUCKING GIRL GROUPIE AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE OPTION TO BACK OUT!!

Evelynn: SO FUCK YOU, AHRI!

 

Ahri: ...

Ahri: Are you done?

 

Evelynn: Yeah…

 

Ahri: Okay, good girl.

 

Evelynn: Fuck you.

 

Ahri: That’s better. :)

Ahri: Anyways, so this girl group would embody a cross-cultural aspect to it. Since I’m Korean, much of the music influence will follow a Kpop style. Your vocals will attract a broader audience, especially American fans. You do seem to be very popular in America.

 

Evelynn: They have great taste in artists.

 

Ahri: Debatable

Ahri: Sooo I was thinking that the next two girls we invite should also contribute to the multicultural background of the team.

Ahri: Any ideas?

 

Evelynn: You didn’t have two in mind??

 

Ahri: No…

 

Evelynn: Oh my god…

 

Ahri: I already got you in, so I did my job.

 

Evelynn: Yeah...I had no choice…

 

Ahri: You still love me~

 

Evelynn: I want to strangle you.

 

Ahri: Oh that’s better than being hit by your car.

Ahri: You have changed these past five years!

 

Evelynn: Ew

 

Ahri: My wittle Eve is aww gwown up!

 

Evelynn: Shut the fuck up.

 

Ahri: :))))

 

Evelynn: God you’re annoying me so much that I can’t focus on the season finale of Hong Kong’s Can You Dance…

 

Ahri: Oh??

Ahri: Any potential dancers??

 

Evelynn: Well…

Evelynn: I guess if you’re asking who I’m rooting for, I have had my eye on this competitor named Kai’sa.

 

Ahri: Hold on, I’m turning my tv on

Ahri: Okay

Ahri: So who is she?

 

Evelynn: She’s the one with dark brown hair

Evelynn: She’s the tallest girl.

 

Ahri: Her accent tho…

Ahri: I likey…

 

Evelynn: She speaks Afrikaans, Chinese, Korean, and English pretty fluently.

Evelynn: They had a segment of her talking in these different languages.

 

Ahri: She would look very pretty with a light purple hair color…

 

Evelynn: You already want her?

Evelynn: We don’t even know if she sings?

Evelynn: Or even if she wants to join…

 

Ahri: My gut is telling me that she is the dancer we need for our group.

 

Evelynn: Your gut also told you to FUCKING LEAVE ME FOR 5 YEARS!!

 

Ahri: WILL YOU DROP IT!??

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS, AHRI!!

 

Ahri: DROPPP IT!!!

 

Evelynn: DROP DEAD!

 

Ahri: GO WATCH THE SHOW AND FUCK YOURSELF!

 

Evelynn: FINE BUT ONLY BC I AM INVESTED IN IT AND NOT BC YOU TOLD ME TO!

 

XXX

 

Ahri: omg she won!

 

Evelynn: Isn’t she really good?

 

Ahri: She needs to join us.

 

Evelynn: You don’t have any way to contact her…

 

Ahri: I have my sources…

 

Evelynn: What??

 

XXX

 

In a private message between an unknown number and Kai’sa:

 

Unknown number: Hey, congrats on the win! :)

 

Kai’sa: Hahaha, thank you so much! :)

Kai’sa: Wait

Kai’sa: Who is this?

 

Unknown number: This is Ugly.

 

Kai’sa: Who?

 

Unknown number: Shit, autocorrect

Unknown number: It’s ungly

Unknown number: agriculture

Unknown number: Ahgli

Unknown number: Agrrr

Unknown number: AAHLI

Unknown number: Agli

Unknown number: Ugri

Unknown number: ugalolo

Unknown number: ah

Unknown number: lee

Unknown number: KJASNFKHDFKLGKSHGDFJ

Unknown number: FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

Kai’sa: You okay there?

 

Unknown number: No.

 

Kai’sa: Do you want to start over?

 

Unknown number: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, take your time.

 

Unknown number: Thank you.

Unknown number: This is Ahri.

 

Kai’sa: OMG AHRI???

 

Unknown number: Yep! It’s me!

 

Kai’sa: WAIT OMG PLEASE TELL ME YOU AREN’T LYING!

Kai’sa: BC IM STILL IN SHOCK ON WINNING THE COMPETITION AND NOW THE FAMOUS AHRI IS TEXTING ME??

Kai’sa: Didn’t Evelynn kill you?

 

Unknown number: No…

Unknown number: I’m not sure why everyone thinks that…

 

Kai’sa: There were conspiracy videos about you two.

 

Unknown number: Huh…

Unknown number: Interesting…

Unknown number: Well, anyhoo congrats on winning!

 

Unknown number renamed to Ahri

 

Ahri: So any plans after the competition?

Ahri: Big parties?

 

Kai’sa: Hahaha, I’m not really a party girl so I might stay for a bit for the after party and just go home.

Kai’sa: Lame and boring, right?

 

Ahri: No, that’s actually very wise of you.

Ahri: Partying can be fun but too much partying can really ruin people.

 

Kai’sa: Hahaha, yeah!

Kai’sa: I’m curious tho

Kai’sa: Why are you texting me?

Kai’sa: Like I’m honored that the amazing Ahri is texting me but this seems very out of the blue.

 

Ahri: Well, I’m going to transition then!

Ahri: So I have an idea to form a girl group, of 4, and making a debut back into the music industry.

Ahri: The group already consist of Evelynn and me

Ahri: And we would really love a dancer in the group

Ahri: Evelynn is a huge fan of yours and I saw you win the competition so I really think you might be the girl for our group.

Ahri: So I’m telling you that there is an open position for you to be our dancer!

 

Kai’sa: Oh I see

Kai’sa: So...Evelynn didn’t kill you?

 

Ahri: No but she wants to.

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Ahri: So what do you say?

 

Kai’sa: About Evelynn being your killer?

 

Ahri: NO

Ahri: About joining Evelynn and me in this girl group.

 

Kai’sa: Oh that

Kai’sa: Idk

 

Ahri: You don’t know?

 

Kai’sa: Here’s the thing

Kai’sa: My dad handles a lot of my business

Kai’sa: And I kinda let him pretty much run my life

Kai’sa: So...I can say yes but my dad will be the final decision.

 

Ahri: Ah…

Ahri: I see…

Ahri: The ‘parent’ agent

Ahri: It’s a smart business tactic when you’re just a kid.

Ahri: But you’re an adult now...

 

Kai’sa: Yeah…

Kai’sa: I can give you my dad’s info

Kai’sa: And he might consider since you’re Ahri!

 

Ahri: Oh don’t worry

Ahri: I can go get your dad’s info through my agent

 

Kai’sa: Okie :)

 

Ahri: But I have to know

Ahri: If your dad wasn’t controlling your business, would you say yes to my offer?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, I would join.

 

Ahri: Okie :) I’ll get in contact with your father!

 

Kai’sa: Yay!

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:

 

Ahri: We’re going to kidnap Kai’sa.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Sweet.

 

Ahri: You took that a lot better than I thought…

 

Evelynn: Well…

Evelynn: After FIVE YEARS, I’ve been through worse.

 

Ahri: DROP IT!

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS AHRI!

Evelynn: FIVE!!!

 

Ahri: JUST SHUT UP AND COME OVER SO WE CAN MAKE A PLAN TO KIDNAP KAI’SA

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kassadin and Ahri.

 

Kassadin: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY DAUGHTER!!???

 

Ahri: Hey, what’s up?

Ahri: How you doing?

Ahri: I’m honored that you already had my number.

 

Kassadin: SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

 

Ahri: Yeeeee

Ahri: The one and only Ahri!

 

Kassadin: DID YOU REALLY FUCKING JUST KIDNAPPED MY DAUGHTER????

 

Ahri: Isn’t that what I just did?

 

Kassadin: YOU DISAPPEAR FOR FIVE YEARS AND YOU COME BACK TO KIDNAP FATHER’S DAUGHTERS???

 

Ahri: You make it sound very bad…

 

Kassadin: THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT YOU DID!!!

 

Ahri: I know. :)

Ahri: Does your daughter like pizza with a lot of toppings or not a lot of toppings?

 

Kassadin: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS???

 

Ahri: Bc I duck taped your daughter’s mouth.

 

Kassadin: KDJFSGLHFGHDLKGHSHGKD

Kassadin: WHAT??

 

Ahri: Isn’t that what kidnappers do?

Ahri: They can’t have their kidnappee yelling and screaming

Ahri: Well...Kai’sa isn’t even doing any of that

Ahri: Eve wanted to be a bit extra and play the role seriously.

 

Kassadin: EVE???

Kassadin: YOU MEAN EVELYNN???

 

Ahri added Evelynn to the group chat.

 

Evelynn: Sup?

 

Kassadin: EVELYNN???

 

Evelynn: That’s me.

 

Kassadin: YOU KIDNAPPED MY DAUGHTER!!!??

 

Evelynn: Is it really kidnapping if Kai’sa was somewhat willing?

 

Kassadin: AHRI TIED HER UP AND CARRIED HER OFF!!

 

Evelynn: Key word here: “somewhat”

Evelynn: We both know Kai’sa can easily just sit on Ahri and win.

 

Ahri: Prolly true tbh

 

Kassadin: SO YOU WERE THE GETAWAY DRIVER???

 

Evelynn: Yes, I was.

Evelynn: ;)

 

Kassadin: I’m calling the police.

 

Ahri: No.

 

Kassadin: I WILL!

 

Ahri: Don’t.

 

Kassadin: YOU CAN’T STOP ME!!!

 

Ahri: Yes I can

 

Ahri added Kai’sa to the group chat.

 

Kai’sa: Hi dad.

 

Kassadin: KAI’SA ARE YOU OKAY??!!!

 

Kai’sa: Define okay

Kai’sa: I’m physically okay

Kai’sa: Mentally, I’m a bit shaken

Kai’sa: But they are getting me pizza so that kinda makes it up to me

Kai’sa: Although the ducktape is kinda soaked with my saliva

 

Ahri: Why?

 

Kai’sa: Bc I’m trying to get it off of me. Duh

 

Evelynn: Ahri, you’re right next to her…

 

Ahri: Oh yeah.

Ahri: Tee hee

 

Kai’sa: Aren’t you driving, Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: Oh shit you’re right hahaha

Evelynn: I should go watch the road.

 

Kassadin:

Kassadin: Kai’sa, I’m going to save you

 

Kai’sa: You know this might be a great time to tell you that I kinda want to join Ahri and Evelynn and maybe do my own business for a while.

 

Kassadin: Are they drugging you?

Kassadin: Are they forcing you to say that?

 

Ahri: WOW rude

 

Evelynn: I don’t do drugs

 

Kassadin: That’s...surprising…

 

Evelynn: RUDE

 

Kai’sa: So can I just join Ahri and Evelynn?

 

Kassadin: YOU JUST MET THEM!!!

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Please?

Kai’sa: Oh wait

Kai’sa: I don’t need your permission

Kai’sa: Bye Dad!

 

Ahri: WE GOT A DANCER!!

 

Evelynn: Yay.

 

Kassadin: Kai’sa, be reasonable…

Kassadin: What would your mother say about this?

 

Kai’sa: She would say, “Do whatever you want, your father can’t stop you.”

 

Kassadin: Did she really say that??

 

Kai’sa: Just now.

Kai’sa: I just texted her and that’s what she said.

 

Kassadin: Oh my god…

 

Kai’sa: I love you, Dad!

Kai’sa: I’ll send you updates!

 

Kassadin: You barely know these girls…

 

Ahri: We will get to know her soon, so thanks for your daughter sir!

Ahri: We’ll take good care of her!

 

Kassadin: I’m still calling the police on you two!

 

Evelynn: How about...no?

 

Ahri: FOCUS ON THE ROAD EVE!!

 

Kai’sa: We’re all in the same car!

 

Ahri: You’ll understand how our relationship works soon!

 

Evelynn: It’s complicated

 

Ahri: Like your nonexistent love life.

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!

 

Kai’sa: Can you please focus on the road?

 

Evelynn: We’re in the same car…

 

Kai’sa: I have duct tape around my mouth…

 

Ahri: Oh lol, forgot about that.

 

Evelynn: I got you, girl.

 

Ahri: FOCUS ON THE ROAD!!

 

Evelynn: I WAS RIPPING THE DUCT TAPE OFF KAI’SA MOUTH STFU AND CHILL

 

Kai’sa: I AM REGRETTING THIS ALREADY!

 

Ahri: TOO BAD YOU’RE STUCK WITH US!

 

Kassadin: PLEASE don’t kill my daughter.

 

Ahri: No promises.

 

Kai’sa: What…?

 

XXX

 

Ahri created a group chat.

Ahri named group chat ‘K/DA’

Ahri added Evelynn and Kai’sa to group chat ‘K/DA’.

 

Ahri: Now we have one more to find.

 

Evelynn: Where the fuck did you go???

Evelynn: Did you fucking dip off??

 

Ahri: Yeah, you’re paying the bill. :3

 

Evelynn: WOW

 

Kai’sa: What does K/DA mean?

 

Ahri: Kai’sa/ Ahri and ‘Big Dick Energy’ Evelynn

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: You’re damn right I’m Big Dick Energy…

 

Kai’sa: ??? Really?

 

Ahri: Yee.

Ahri: :3

 

Evelynn: So where are you?

 

Ahri: Waiting for you to pay the bill and get into the car.

 

Evelynn: Oh my fucking god…

 

Kai’sa: I never expected you to be so...immature, Ahri.

 

Ahri: Thanks!!

 

Evelynn: I have a problem…

 

Ahri: Yes?

 

Evelynn: I don’t have my wallet on me…

 

Ahri: Oh…

Ahri: Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: You guys kidnapped me a few hours after my competition and right off the streets.

Kai’sa: I don’t have my wallet on me.

 

Ahri: Ah…

Ahri: Okay, fair enough.

 

Evelynn: Do you have money, Ahri??

 

Ahri: Why else would I dip off and leave you with the bill?

 

Evelynn: oh my fucking god…

Evelynn: We’re at a pizza place at 3 am in the morning…

Evelynn: Just hours prior, you came back from going missing for 5 years

Evelynn: We kidnapped Kai’sa just two hours ago

Evelynn: And now we’re stuck with no way to pay for our late dinner…

Evelynn: I’ve had horrible hookups that were better than this, Ahri…

 

Ahri: Aren’t you glad I’m back?

 

Evelynn: I want to actually kill you.

 

Ahri: Aw nooo ;c

 

Kai’sa: I can call my dad…

 

Ahri: No, we just got him to not call the police on us!

 

Kai’sa: Well, how else are we suppose to pay the bill?

 

Ahri: Evelynn, go suck the owner’s dick and get out of the bill.

Ahri: You’ve done it before, right?

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU I HAVE SOME FUCKING PRIDE!!

 

Ahri: Well, do you have a better idea????

 

Evelynn: I fucking hate you.

 

Ahri: Wuv you too!!

Ahri: Btw, I have been looking into some female rappers to join our group.

Ahri: So I was thinking maybe I hit up some of them and see if they are willing to join

 

Evelynn: Well, here’s the problem….

Evelynn: I’ve pissed off every single female rapper in the entire music industry…

 

Ahri: I’m not surprised…

Ahri: Well that puts a kink to my plans…

 

Evelynn: Why don’t we focus on the plan to pay this bill???

 

Ahri: I said go suck the owner’s dick and get out of the bill.

 

Evelynn: I’m not going to do that!

 

Kai’sa: Hey, talking about female rappers totally reminded me about this one social media star named Akali.

Kai’sa: Idk if you know this, Ahri, but Akali got huge on the internet about five years ago?

 

Ahri: OMG I DO REMEMBER HER!

Ahri: She was huuuge!

Ahri: What happened to her??

 

Evelynn: Last I heard was that she was trying to work with a big record company.

Evelynn: And that the company wasn’t really working well with her.

Evelynn: But the company was shut down by some angry artist once they heard how they treated up and coming new artists

Evelynn: Not that I would know, I just heard rumors…

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Huh…

Ahri: I didn’t know you follow Akali on Instagram.

 

Evelynn: No, I don’t…

 

Kai’sa: *texts a screenshot*

Kai’sa: Yes, you do.

 

Evelynn: So what if I do?

 

Ahri:

Ahri: What’s Akali’s 47th video called?

 

Evelynn: *I Rap With A Kunai In My Mouth*

 

Kai’sa: What’s her most popular video to date and how many views does it have now?

 

Evelynn: *Rapping With People That Claim They Are The Best Rappers* and it got over 10 million views.

 

Ahri: You sure know a lot about Akali…

 

Evelynn: I feel like we’re straying away from the problem.

Evelynn: We still can’t pay our bill…

 

Ahri: But Akali can ;)

 

Kai’sa: Oh boy…

 

Evelynn: Ahri no…

 

Ahri: Ahri yes!

 

XXX

 

In a direct message via Instagram between Ahri and Akali:

 

Ahri: Hey, Akali! Want to do me a huge favor?

 

Akali: What?

Akali: Ahri??

 

Ahri: Give me your number!

 

Akali: Um...okay???

 

XXX

 

Ahri added Akali to group chat “K/DA”

 

Ahri: Can you pay our pizza bill?

 

Akali: Um...hi?

 

Kai’sa: This is embarrassing…

 

Ahri: It could be worse.

 

Akali: So um...hey??

 

Kai’sa: Hi, what’s up?

 

Akali: Woah wtf Kai’sa??

Akali: I just saw you win the dance competition!

Akali: You were great!

 

Kai’sa: Aw thanks!

Kai’sa: I’ve seen your rap videos! You’re so talented!

 

Akali: Aw thanks!

 

Ahri: Aw, glad you two are familiar with each other.

Ahri: Evelynn, why don’t you greet yourself?

 

Evelynn: Hello, Akali.

 

Akali: Hi.

Akali: You know me?

 

Ahri: You don’t know she follows you on Insta?

 

Akali: I honestly thought she did it on accident.

 

Evelynn: I don’t do things on accident.

 

Ahri: Uh huh…

Ahri: So you admit that you have been keeping up with Akali’s life on Insta?

 

Evelynn: Ahri stfu

 

Akali: Oh! So you’re a fan!?

 

Evelynn: I mean...yeah

 

Ahri: She’s a ‘big’ fan. ;)

 

Akali: Aw shucks!

Akali: This is so cool!

Akali: The diva Evelynn is actually a fan of me!?

Akali: What an honor!

 

Evelynn: Hahahahahahaha

Evelynn: Yeah, I really like your raps.

 

Akali: Aw thanks!

 

Kai’sa: You’re taking this pretty well…

Kai’sa: You don’t seem bothered by a random celeb asking you for money at 3 am in the morning…

 

Akali: I’ve been through weirder events.

Akali: Plus its Ahri.

 

Ahri: Huh?

 

Akali: You don’t remember?

Akali: You were the one that shared my video and helped make it go viral.

 

Ahri: I did that??

Ahri: Well shit…

Ahri: SO THAT MEANS EVELYNN HAS TO THANK ME!

 

Akali: ??

 

Evelynn: Shut up, Ahri…

 

Ahri: It was meant to be, Evie!

 

Evelynn: SHUT UP AHRI

 

Ahri: Niew!

 

Kai’sa: Ohhhhhh, I’m starting to get it.

 

Ahri: Right??

 

Akali: ??

Akali: Do you still want me to pay your guys’ bill?

 

Kai’sa: That would be much appreciated.

 

Akali: Okay, I venmo the cash to Ahri’s account.

 

Ahri: Thanks!

Ahri: Also, do you want to join K/DA and be our rapper?

 

Akali: Sure.

 

Kai’sa: That was a quick answer.

 

Akali: I’m kinda desperate to become a professional rap artist at this point.

 

Ahri: Evelynn’s desperate too! ;)

 

Akali: But Evelynn has such a strong career already?

 

Evelynn: Can you shut the fuck up, Ahri?

 

Ahri: Niew!

Ahri: Well girls! Welcome to K/DA!

 

Kai’sa: Yay!

 

Akali: :)

 

Evelynn: I already want out…

 

Ahri: No, you’re not wussing out on me!

 

Evelynn: SAYS THE BITCH THAT LEFT FOR FIVE YEARS!!!!!

 

Ahri: WILL YOU DROP IT!

 

Evelynn: I WILL DROP YOU ON YOUR HEAD!!

 

Ahri: I WILL GLADLY TELL AKALI THE TRUTH!!!

 

Akali: Truth about what?

 

Evelynn: No wait, please don’t…

 

Ahri: For all my life that I knew you, I never have seen you so shy before.

Ahri: Consider this as an ‘apology’ gift for being gone for 5 years.

Ahri: YOU SHALL GET SOME NINJA PUSSY AND I SHALL HELP MAKE IT HAPPEN!

 

Evelynn: SHUT THE FUCK UP AHRI!!!

 

Akali: ??

 

Kai’sa: Run, Ahri.

Kai’sa: Evelynn just disappeared in thin air.

 

Ahri: Ah shit…

Ahri: FUCK

 

Akali: Are they always like this?


Kai’sa: I’ve only known them for two hours but I can confidently say yes.

Chapter Text

Ahri: Girls! I have bought a house!

 

Akali: What?

 

Kai’sa: A house?

 

Evelynn: Oh no…

Evelynn: The chat was so quiet and peaceful…

Evelynn: I already miss the 5 years you were gone…

 

Ahri : RUDE

 

Evelynn: Fuck off

 

Akali: Evelynn-senpai, why don’t we hear Ahri out?

Akali: Maybe she has a plan for the house?

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Sure, Akali.

Evelynn: :)

 

Ahri: GIRL YOU GOT IT BAAAAAD!

 

Evelynn: Shut up.

 

Akali: What does Evelynn-senpai got bad?

 

Ahri: First of all, stop calling her senpai

Ahri: Second, you really don’t know??

 

Akali: Well, Evelynn-senpai is the oldest.

Akali: Right?

 

Kai’sa: I think what Ahri is trying to say is that since we’re all going to be in a group, formalities would establish a hierarchy among us and it could be hard to establish a bond

 

Akali: Oh, okay!

Akali: It might be a bit hard but I’ll try.

 

Kai’sa: You can do it!

 

Ahri: Just call Evelynn, Eve.

Ahri: That’s her nickname.

 

Akali: Eve-Chan!

 

Evelynn: :)

 

Akali: I did it!

Akali: Ahri-Chan!

Akali: Kai’sa- Chan!

 

Kai’sa: :))

 

Ahri: See, we’re making progress!

Ahri: I’m a great leader!

 

Evelynn: Wait…

Evelynn: You’re the leader??

 

Ahri: Uh...yeah???

 

Evelynn: Since when???

 

Ahri: Since I made the group????

 

Evelynn: Do you two accept this??

 

Kai’sa: I thought she was the leader…

Kai’sa: I mean...she told me to dye my hair light purple and get my hair styled so I assume she was the leader.

 

Akali: Ahri is the one that helped me become an Internet star so I think she’s leader quality.

 

Evelynn: I DON’T ACCEPT THIS!

 

Ahri:  lol that sucks ahahahahahahahah

Ahri: Maybe...um...just realize that I’m the leader and move on??? :3

 

Evelynn: No no no no no!

Evelynn: We need to have some sort of competition or something to really decide the leader….

 

Ahri: Well, I already bought a house so I think I’m winning…

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: See? That’s our house!

 

Akali: It’s huge!

 

Kai’sa: Goodness…

Kai’sa: Just for the four of us?

 

Ahri: YEEEAAIIIPP

 

Evelynn: I know damn well that your paycheck could barely pay half of that house…

 

Ahri: I know

Ahri: So I used your money to pay for the rest of it

 

Evelynn: What…

Evelynn: omg…

Evelynn: Ahri…

Evelynn: *texts screenshots*

Evelynn: *texts screenshots*

Evelynn: *texts screenshots*

Evelynn: AHRI DID YOU FUCKING DO THIS?????

 

Ahri: Yep!

 

Evelynn: AHRI HALF OF MY MONEY IS FUCKING GONE!!!

 

Ahri: To go to the house!

 

Evelynn: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO MY ACCOUNT!!!?????

 

Ahri: I picked up your wallet when we had that fight in the car.

 

Evelynn: YOU TOOK MY WALLET???!!!!

Evelynn: IT WAS YOU?????

 

Kai’sa: I feel like there are legal reasons to ensure that the money you’re using is yours and not stolen….

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

Ahri: I may or may not have...maybe...manipulated the real estate agent….

Ahri: Tee hee!

 

Evelynn: lkjjsdlkgdhsfhgkj

Evelynn: AHRI I STILL HAVE CARS TO PAY UP!!!!

Evelynn: NOW I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR EVEN HALF OF THEM!!!

 

Ahri: Maybe...don’t buy any more cars?

Ahri: :3

 

Evelynn: TURN ON YOUR LOCATIONS, AHRI!

Evelynn: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!????

Evelynn: I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!!!

 

Ahri: Nope~

 

Evelynn: AHRIIIII!!!!!!

Evelynn: YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD WHEN I FIND YOU!

Evelynn: YOU’RE GOING TO WISH YOU NEVER CAME BACK FROM YOUR 5 YEAR HIATUS!!!

 

Akali: Eve-Chan! I have money to help pay for your cars!

 

Evelynn: Oh, Akali. You don’t need to.

Evelynn: This isn’t your fault at all and you shouldn’t take responsibility for Ahri’s actions. :)

 

Kai’sa: Well said, Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: Bitch, you need to pay me some cash too.

Evelynn: You’re part of K/DA now and you’re just as responsible for Ahri as Ahri is responsible for her own actions.

 

Kai’sa: ?????!!!!

Kai’sa: WHAT??

 

Ahri: DAMN KAI’SA YOU TRIED HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

Kai’sa: ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!

 

Ahri: I just bought a house.

Ahri: It’s Evelynn that’s having a problem with it.

 

Kai’sa: AND I NEED TO PAY UP TOO????

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: WHAT???

 

Akali: *texts screenshot*

Akali: Guys, I got you

 

Ahri: Fuck…

 

Evelynn: Oh my…

 

Kai’sa: You got all that money from being an Internet star???

 

Akali: I don’t spend my money that often.

 

Ahri: I CAN SEE THAT

Ahri: YOU HAVE MORE THAN EVE AND I COMBINED!!!

 

Kai’sa: Thank god Akali is here….

 

Evelynn: We’re getting off on a great start.

 

Kai’sa: SAYS THE ONE THAT FUCKING WANTED ME TO PAY YOU MONEY ON AHRI’S BEHALF!!!

 

Evelynn: *shrugs*

 

Ahri: You will learn that our relationships will soon turn complicated

 

Kai’sa: I’m already so confused…

 

Akali: But at least we have a house

 

Ahri: EXACTLY!

 

Kai’sa: Oh my goodness…

 

Ahri: What’s nice is that you will all get your own rooms!

 

Evelynn: I’m not moving out of my penthouse.

 

Akali: I’m really excited to live with you girls.

 

Evelynn: Me too, I’m already packing my stuff.

Evelynn: Screw the penthouse.

 

Ahri: Yes, we know you want to screw Akali.

 

Evelynn: AHRI I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!!!

 

Akali: Screw me?

Akali: Like?

Akali: Trip me up?

 

Kai’sa: ...

 

Akali: Isn’t that what ‘screw’ means?

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Um...no….

Ahri: Looks like you got some work to do, Eve.

 

Evelynn: Just shut the fuck up…

 

Kai’sa: This is amusing.

Kai’sa: Unexpected of you, Eve, but amusing

 

Evelynn: Thanks…

 

Akali: So when can we come to the house?

 

Ahri: NOW

Ahri: First come first serve for the rooms.

 

Evelynn: BITCH YOU KNOW I AM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY!!!

 

Ahri: I know

Ahri: I’m already here ;3

 

Kai’sa: I’m a few minutes away.

 

Akali: I’m taking an uber so i'll be there in 10 minutes

 

Evelynn: Unfair…

 

Ahri: The house has a large garage for you to store your cars. :3

 

Evelynn: Wow...that makes up for everything -_-

 

Ahri: Tee hee!

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: Please tell me that thin line of smoke in the air isn’t coming from the house…

 

Ahri: Oh you’re almost here!

 

Kai’sa: Akali blew up a portion of the house

 

Evelynn: kjdfalkshglkhlkadj

Evelynn: What???

 

Akali: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS THE GENERATOR!!!

Akali: I WAS TRYING TO FIX IT!

 

Kai’sa: BY THROWING YOUR FUCKING KUNAIS??????

 

Akali: Ahri said it was fine!

 

Evelynn: Ahri isn’t the smartest fox on the block.

 

Ahri: RUDE!!!

 

Evelynn: I LITERALLY SAW YOU LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE BC ALL THE OTHER KIDS WERE DOING IT!!!

 

Ahri: I THOUGHT IT WAS A CHALLENGE!!!

Ahri: BESIDES THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO!!

 

Evelynn: ICE BUCKET WAS A CHALLENGE

Evelynn: LIGHTING YOURSELF ON FIRE IS JUST PLAIN STUPID!

Evelynn: UGH

Evelynn: I highly doubt you’ve changed since then

 

Ahri: I bought a house

 

Evelynn: *clap clap*

Evelynn: WOW good for you

 

Kai’sa: I just realize…

Kai’sa: Are you texting and driving??

 

Evelynn: I’m in my Tesla

Evelynn: It drives itself

 

Akali: THAT’S SO COOL!!!

 

Evelynn: I would love to take you out on a ride if you want, Akali. :)

 

Akali: OKIE OKIE

 

Kai’sa: I mean...we have a portion of a house that was blown up…

Kai’sa: We have other problems to deal with first….

 

Ahri: Yeah, I see the smoke from the other side of the house

 

Kai’sa: Where are you?

 

Ahri: Chillin in the sun

 

Kai’sa: Well...can you help???

 

Ahri: Yah sure.

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: Hey, I’m stuck in a sudden traffic jam so I have no clue when I’ll be there.

 

Kai’sa: Ahri ate a tide pod.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: WHAT????

 

Akali: She ate a tide pod

 

Evelynn: Why?

 

Ahri: For the tide pod challenge

 

Evelynn: YOU LITERALLY HAVEN’T CHANGED THESE PAST FIVE YEARS!!!!

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

 

Kai’sa: WHERE ARE YOU?

Kai’sa: YOU’RE NOT IN THE ROOM???

 

Ahri: I’m in the bathroom.

 

Kai’sa: I didn’t even see you walk past me…

 

Ahri: I’m a fast foxy

 

Akali: Found her

Akali: *texts photo*

 

Evelynn: Why are you like this, Ahri?

 

Ahri: I’m feeling better, thanks for asking!

Ahri: :3

 

Evelynn: You’re not human.

 

Ahri: Yeah, I’m a gumiho.

Ahri: Duh…

Ahri: WAIT SHIT EVELYNN YOU FUCKING CALLED ME OUT!!!

Ahri: DAMN IT

Ahri: I WANTED THEM TO SEE HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE FOR THEM TO SEE IM A REAL NINE TAILED FOX

 

Kai’sa: Wait...you’re not human?

 

Akali: Bro…

 

Ahri: I like how we’re all standing in the bathroom and texting on our phones instead of talking to each other.

Ahri: I’m just talking to myself...

 

Evelynn: I think they’re in shock.

 

Akali: I have never met a real gumiho…

Akali: I’m shocked

 

Ahri: Hi shocked, I’m a gumiho

 

Evelynn: stfu Ahri.

 

Kai’sa: Hi, gumiho. I have a parasite that follows me around and blows stuff up when I’m mad.

 

Ahri: holy shit…

Ahri: EVE! KAI’SA FUCKING PULLED OUT THESE WEIRD METALLIC SHOULDER CANNONS OUT OF NOWHERE!!

 

Kai’sa: DON’T CALL THEM WEIRD, THEY HAVE FEELINGS. DON'T BE RUDE

 

Evelynn: Huh…

 

Ahri: I sowwy

 

Evelynn: So they’re parasites?

 

Kai’sa: When I was a kid, I got lost in a cave for weeks.

Kai’sa: Then this parasite kinda just latched onto me and didn’t leave me.

Kai’sa: They seem to like me and they don’t hurt me. So don’t worry about them hurting you.

Kai’sa: They listen to me.

Kai’sa: It took my parents a while to just accept them

 

Ahri: Akali just walked out.

Ahri: She yeeted lmfao

 

Evelynn: @Akali are you okay?

 

Akali: My whole life is a lie.

Akali: I thought Ahri wore fake fox ears and a tail this entire time

Akali: But she’s a real nine tail fox?

 

Evelynn: So Kai’sa’s parasites don’t scare you…?

 

Akali: They look like little baby robots

Akali: They cute.

 

Kai’sa: Aww thanks

Kai’sa: They like that compliment

 

Ahri: Yee, I am a real gumiho

Ahri: I can show you that I don’t have human ears

 

Akali:

Akali: Okay, I’m coming back up

 

Evelynn: Well, nine tail foxes are extremely rare so it is hard to tell who is impersonating them and who is actually them.

Evelynn: Unfortunately for us, Ahri is a real gumiho

 

Ahri: RUDE

 

Evelynn: Well, I guess if everyone is confessing their true identities

Evelynn: I’m a succubus.

 

Kai’sa: Oh yeah we know

 

Akali: I assumed

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: You guys couldn’t tell if Ahri was a real gumiho or not but you two already knew I was a succubus???

Evelynn: She has a tail and everything????

 

Kai’sa: I thought Ahri was a furry

Kai’sa: And she was into that stuff

 

Akali: I thought it was a way to stand out from her fellow artists

Akali: So I thought she decided to be a furry.

 

Ahri: kjsadkjghkjdfkghkdjfg

Ahri: DON’T COMPARE ME TO A FURRY!!

 

Akali: What’s wrong with furries?

 

Ahri: BC IM A REAL GUMIHO

 

Akali: And?

Akali: Can gumiho not be furries?

 

Ahri: Oh

Ahri: Good point.

 

Akali: I guess I’m the only normal human?

 

Kai’sa: Technically hahah

Kai’sa: If you call jumping 20 feet in the air ‘normal’

 

Akali: I did train under my master shen

Akali: Although I ditch him to rap hahah lol

 

Ahri: Well aren’t you a lucky gal for you to be here now!

 

Evelynn: We’re lucky to have you, Akali~

 

Akali: Aw thanks!

 

Ahri: Wish you were here, Eve!

Ahri: We’re all just sitting on the bathroom floor

Ahri: texting on our phones

Ahri: Ignoring the fact I vomited so much in the toilet

Ahri: This is great.

 

Evelynn: Can’t wait to get there...

 

Kai’sa: Today has been a weird day…

 

Ahri: It could be worse

Ahri: One of us could be a murderer. ;3

 

Kai’sa: Lol that would definitely be interesting

 

Akali: Hahaha, Ahri you’re so funny.

 

Evelynn: Hahahahahahahaha

Evelynn: Shut up, Ahri.

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Is anyone awake?

 

Evelynn: It’s 3am in the morning…

 

Ahri: Why are you awake?

 

Evelynn: I forgot to fucking silence my phone

 

Ahri: Trolololo

 

Evelynn: This better not be a normal thing…

Evelynn: It’s only night 1 in hell with you

 

Ahri: Rude.

Ahri: We may have our own rooms but I won’t hesitate to barge in yours

 

Evelynn: Please don’t...

 

Kai’sa: The more you two interact with each other, the more you two seem like an old married couple

 

Akali: I ship it

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Evelynn: Dear god no…

Evelynn: It’s already so horrible to even know Ahri…

 

Ahri: HEY IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIEND!!???

 

Kai’sa: Childhood friends?

 

Ahri: We were in the same idol training class under Riot entertainment

 

Akali: You two trained to be idols?

 

Ahri: Yep!

 

Evelynn: It has been hell ever since…

 

Ahri: SHUT UP YOU LOVE ME!

 

Evelynn: IT’S HARD TO LOVE YOU WHEN YOU FUCKING TEST MY SANITY!!!

 

Ahri: WE BOTH KNOW DAMN WELL THAT YOUR CAREER WOULD BE DEAD IF I WASN’T THERE TO SPICE IT UP!

 

Evelynn: MY CAREER IS FINE WITHOUT YOU!

 

Ahri: I STRONGLY DISAGREE!

 

Akali: You two really do work well together.

 

Kai’sa: Are you sure you two didn’t fuck?

 

Evelynn: I WOULD RATHER LET TWISTED FATE FUCK ME AGAIN!

Evelynn: aw fuck...

 

Kai’sa: Wat?

 

Akali: You slept with that famous playboy swindler?

 

Ahri: KJDGHKSJFGHKJDSJGLHDGFKJ

Ahri: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK

Evelynn: DON’T FUCKING TELL THEM AHRI!

 

Ahri: Twisted Fate was Evelynn’s first.

Ahri: I still cry when I remember what Evelynn said about how he enticed her to bed.

 

Evelynn: SHUT THE FUCK UP AHRI!

 

Ahri: She was like, “He told me he could show me a magical time in bed.”

Ahri: “He just showed me card tricks and somehow I let him sleep with me.”

Ahri: “But he was able to guess my card right every time so I guess there was that.”

 

Evelynn: Oh god you remembered….

 

Akali: Isn’t that a meme?

Akali: Person A: “When you said ‘magical in bed’ this isn’t exactly what I exp-“

Akali: Person B: “*holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card?”

Akali: Person A: “*softly* holy shit”

 

Kai’sa: So Evelynn made a meme come true?

Kai’sa: Or she fell for the meme?

 

Akali: That is the question.

 

Ahri: EITHER WAY SHE GOT DUMPED AND SHE WAS FUCKING MORTIFIED ABOUT IT!

Ahri: SHE WAS LIKE, “ I WILL NEVER LOOK AT CARDS AGAIN AND THINK ABOUT HOW THEY FOOLED ME!”

 

Evelynn: I WILL BARGE INTO YOUR ROOM YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!

 

Ahri: Come at me!

 

Kai’sa: Are you sure you two haven’t fucked?

 

Ahri: I’m surprised we haven’t

Ahri: We would have great hate sex.

 

Evelynn: I would murder you

 

Ahri: And there’s that

Ahri: I would like to live :3

 

Akali: Still ship it.

 

Evelynn: I don’t want to be shipped with Ahri…

 

Ahri: Yeah, she wants to be shipped with you Akali.

 

Evelynn: Oh my fucking god, Ahri…

 

Akali: Hahaha, Evelynn is way out of my league!

Akali: But I’m happy we’re teammates!

Akali: And I hope we can be great friends.

 

Evelynn: Yeah, me too. :)

 

Kai’sa: That was so sweet

Kai’sa: But now I feel bad for Evelynn…

 

Ahri: That was quite a friendzone

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Akali: ???

 

Evelynn: Test me one more time and I will fucking smother you with your own pillow, Ahri.

 

Ahri: You’ve done it before.

Ahri: And I lived.

 

Kai’sa: How are you two alive?

 

Ahri: We’re not human.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, true.

 

Evelynn: Bc I have a soul with morals

 

Ahri: No you don’t.

 

Evelynn: I have fucking common sense to shut the fuck up when I annoy my friends.

 

Ahri: Okay, that’s true.

 

Kai’sa: Are you sure K/DA doesn’t mean Kill/Death Assist?

 

Ahri: At the pace we’re going, that may come true.

 

Evelynn: Well the Internet pretty much thinks I killed you

Evelynn: FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS AHRI!!

 

Ahri: OH MY GOD DROP IT!

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS!

 

Ahri: ONLY FIVE YEARS, EVE!

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS OF THIS ‘EVE KILLED AHRI’ BULLSHIT!!!

 

Ahri: OKAY BUT YOU TOTALLY SUCKED THE DICK OFF SOME OF THE MISSING MALE CELEBS SO IT'S NOT TOO FAR FETCHED!!!

 

Evelynn: BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

 

Kai’sa: Woah…

Kai’sa: What did I get myself into?

 

Ahri: Was kidnapping you not a huge hint of what you were getting into??

 

Kai’sa: Okay, true

Kai’sa: But I was kidnapped so it’s not like I had much of a choice.

 

Ahri: That’s true.

 

Akali: So we have a real gumiho, a murdering succubus, and a woman with a parasite

Akali: And me, a ninja.

Akali: Master Shen would be so worried if he knew what kind of group I ended up with.

 

Ahri: Tell your Master Shen to suck my ass and grow up.

Ahri: This is our world now

 

Kai’sa: Okay Ahri…

Kai’sa: That’s a little disrespectful…

 

Akali: Oh don’t worry

Akali: I got fed up with him fighting with his ex ‘bff’ Zed

Akali: I told him to stop having a dick measuring contest with Zed and maybe I’ll consider coming back to the dojo.

 

Kai’sa: Goodness…

 

Evelynn: Yes, girl.

Evelynn: You tell him.

 

Akali: I’m not coming back to that dojo tho

Akali: No matter what he says.

 

Ahri: And now you are ours!

 

Akali: YEP!

 

Kai’sa: This may be the worst mistake or the best decision I made about joining K/DA.

 

Ahri: You just realized this?

 

Kai’sa: I tend to overthink after I make my decisions.

 

Evelynn: I wish Ahri does that too…

 

Ahri: WOW

Ahri: I CAN THINK!

 

Evelynn: Were you thinking when you were GONE FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS!!!????

 

Ahri: Will you drop it!??!?!?!

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS!

 

Ahri: GET OVER IT!

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS!!!

Evelynn: DON’T TELL ME TO GET OVER IT!!!

 

Ahri: GET THE FUCK OVER IT YOU FUCKING HORNY TENTACLE HOE!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!

 

Ahri: FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri: I regret saying that.

 

Kai’sa: Oh my

 

Akali: I still ship it.

 

Evelynn: No…

Evelynn: I don’t want to be shipped with Ahri…

 

Ahri: I would rather be Twisted Fate’s rebound after he slept with you.

 

Akali: oooooooooo

 

Kai’sa: Oh goodness...

 

Evelynn: THAT’S IT!!!

Evelynn: SQUARE UP BITCH I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!

 

Ahri: COME AT ME!

Ahri: I’M READY!!

 

Kai’sa: …

Kai’sa: I assume that’s them making all that racket?

 

Akali: Yesh

 

Kai’sa: Should we stop them?

 

Akali: I’m too snugged in my bed

 

Kai’sa: Same…

 

Akali: So tell me more about yourself, Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: I already regret joining K/DA and I fear I can’t get out.

 

Akali: Interesting.

Akali: How does that make you feel?

 

Kai’sa: Like I’m in a void that I can’t escape from.

 

Akali: Hmm…

Akali: So what’s your favorite food?

 

Kai’sa: Peaches.

 

Akali: I like spicy ramyun! :)

 

Kai’sa: I’ll take note of that.

 

Akali: ?

 

Kai’sa: I like cooking so I would be happy to make you some spicy ramyun. :)

 

Akali: aaahhhhh

Akali: Marry me.

 

Kai’sa: Hahah, okay lol

 

Evelynn: KAI’SA WTF???!!!

 

Ahri: ajahakjhgskdghkdjfhg

Ahri: KAI’SA IS SWOOPING IN HARD!!!

 

Akali: Kai’sa is a true bae

 

Kai’sa: Sorry, Eve. ;p

Kai’sa: Maybe learn how to cook?

 

Evelynn: KAI’SA IM COMING IN!!!

 

Kai’sa: Where???

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Is that your glowing eyes in the corner of my room?

 

Evelynn: Yes, bitch.

 

Kai’sa: Oh boy…

 

Ahri: JSDBFJSHFGJKDJGF

Ahri: I LOVE YOU GUYS!

 

Akali: I like you guys!

Akali: I’m so excited to make our first song!

 

Ahri: Me too!

Ahri: Once I realign my spine :)

 

Akali: Oh…

Akali: Are you okay?

 

Ahri: Don’t worry. Evelynn has done worse to me.

 

Akali: Scary…

 

Ahri: Oh I’ve done worse to Eve

 

Akali: and you two are still friends?

 

Ahri: It’s a miracle, right?

 

Akali: I guess

Akali: Oh boy

Akali: That was a loud explosion

 

Ahri: Sounds like Kai’sa might have won.

 

Kai’sa: Hey, Akali

Kai’sa: Do you have enough money to repair an entire wall?

 

Akali: Yeah, don’t worry

Akali: I got you.

 

Kai’sa: Sweet.

 

Evelynn: Your parasites are terrifying

 

Kai’sa: Where did you go?

 

Evelynn: The blast threw me into the trees.

 

Kai’sa: Oh, I see you.

 

Ahri: I feel like we made great progress with our bonds.

 

Evelynn: I hate you, Ahri.

 

Ahri: Wuv you too!

 

Kai’sa: So like...can I share a room until my wall is fixed?

 

Akali: You can share with me, wifey

 

Evelynn: No, we’re all sleeping in the living room

 

Akali: Oh fun, group sleepover!

 

Ahri: cockblocker

 

Evelynn: I don’t want to hear that from you…

 

Kai’sa: Jealous, Eve?

 

Evelynn: I’m going to set you up with someone.

 

Kai’sa: Oh? Taking me away from my wifey?

 

Evelynn: I am setting you up with someone and you will love them!

 

Kai’sa: I’m pretty picky on dates.

Kai’sa: I’m a hard person to please.

Kai’sa: I guess I have high standards.

 

Evelynn: Idk if you ever heard but I’m a great matchmaker

 

Ahri: Says the woman that has never had a meaningful relationship

 

Evelynn: AHRI I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS TREE I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!

 

Ahri: Tee hee ;3

 

Kai’sa: I’m curious

Kai’sa: I’ll take your challenge, all jokes aside  

Kai’sa: Set me up with someone and see if sparks fly

 

Evelynn: Alright, I will.

 

Kai’sa: If it fails, you just have to accept Akali as my wifey.

 

Evelynn: Oh...okay...

 

Akali: What is your type, Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: Idk, let Evelynn decide for me. ;)

 

Ahri: lmfao hahahahahah

 

Evelynn: Just you wait...I am a great matchmaker.

 

Akali: Evelynn, do you need help getting down from the tree?

 

Evelynn: Yes…

 

Akali: Okie, I’m coming!

 

Evelynn: Thank you…

 

Ahri: I’ll set up the pillows in the living room!

 

Kai’sa: I’ll bring the blankets!

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:

 

Ahri: Hey

 

Evelynn: What? We’re trying to sleep….

 

Ahri: Do you have any idea who you are setting Kai’sa up with?

 

Evelynn: I have no fucking clue.

 

Ahri: Set her up with Twisted Fate. ;3


Evelynn: Fuck you.

Chapter Text

Evelynn: Hey, where are you girls?

 

Kai’sa: At the dance studio, perfecting the choreography

 

Akali: Working on my raps at home

 

Ahri: Just woke up from a cat nap.

 

Evelynn: You’re so fucking useful, Ahri

 

Ahri: I literally was talking to our film director for 4 hours, chill bitch

 

Evelynn: You chill, bitch.

 

Ahri: BITCH

 

Evelynn: BITCH!

 

Ahri: BIIITCH!

 

Evelynn: BIIIEEETCH!!!

 

Ahri: BEEAAAAATCH!!

 

Evelynn: BIOOOOTTCH!!

 

Ahri: BEEEEEEIIIIIAAYYYYYTCH!

 

Evelynn: BIOTCHE

 

Kai’sa: Girls, girls, we know you two fucked each other now stop.

 

Ahri: KDSKGJHDLGKHKL

Ahri: I LOVE KAI’SA HAHAHA

 

Evelynn: Ugh

Evelynn: *eye rolls*

 

Akali: Still ship it.

 

Evelynn: Please don’t…

 

Akali: You can’t stop a shipper’s heart.

 

Evelynn: Ship me with anyone besides Ahri

 

Akali: Fine, Kai’saXEvelynn

 

Kai’sa: Lmfao

Kai’sa: Ew

 

Evelynn: OKAY RUDE

Evelynn: I am a wonderful girlfriend to have!

 

Ahri: That’s not what those missing male celebs said.

 

Kai’sa: OOOOOOOOOO

 

Evelynn: Ahri, I swear to god…

 

Akali: HAHAHAHA!!!

 

Evelynn: Surely there has got to be another person you could ship me with?

 

Akali: hmmm

Akali: Nope, can’t think of anyone else besides Ahri and Kai’sa.

 

Evelynn: ...really?

 

Kai’sa: It must suck being you right now, Eve.

 

Evelynn: Keep teasing me and I will set you up with one of my exes

 

Kai’sa: Twisted Fate?

 

Evelynn: ANYONE besides him…

Evelynn: I’m not that mean...

 

Ahri: Set Kai’sa up with a woman.

Ahri: Men are too messy

Ahri: Eve would know

 

Evelynn: Hahaha….

Evelynn: Very funny...

Evelynn: Fuck you

 

Kai’sa: I’m fine with that.

Kai’sa: But the woman has to be taller than me

 

Evelynn: Ugh

Evelynn: That doesn’t help when you’re the tallest…

 

Kai’sa: Deal with it

Kai’sa: :p

 

Ahri: LMFAO

Ahri: I love Kai’sa’s ass

Ahri: SASS

Ahri: I meant ASS

Ahri: FUCK

 

Kai’sa: lol auto correct

Kai’sa: Thanks, my ass is nice.

Kai’sa: It’s all the dancing I do.

 

Evelynn: Since you love her ass so much, Ahri, maybe I should set you two up.

 

Ahri: No, thanks.

Ahri: I don’t want to date.

 

Kai’sa: I’m not dating someone that ate a tide pod after being told not to eat it.

 

Ahri: Okay, no need to attack me.

Ahri: Because I feel very attacked.

 

Akali: Kai’sa literally said, “You will die if you eat it.”

Akali: Then you ate it…

 

Ahri: I will never die.

 

Kai’sa: I’m already dead inside.

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Kai’sa: Hmm?

 

Ahri: What’s that, Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: Nothing. :)

 

Akali: U good Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: Yes, I am good.

 

Evelynn:...

Evelynn: Moving on…

Evelynn: I’m at the recording studio and I’m in a mood for pizza.

Evelynn: If I order pizza, will you guys want some?

 

Akali: YES!

 

Kai’sa: Sure, I could use a break.

 

Ahri: YES! YES!

 

Evelynn: The invitation was only for Kai’sa and Akali.

 

Ahri: WTF??

Ahri: I’m the leader!

 

Evelynn: And?

 

Ahri: FEEED MEEEE

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: I’ll dieeee

 

Evelynn: Then die.

 

Akali: You just said you can’t die

 

Ahri: I’ll die if I don’t have pizza

 

Evelynn: She’s being overdramatic

 

Ahri: You’re stingy

 

Kai’sa: You can have a slice if you convince our director to let Evelynn try to hit me with her car and I dodge.

 

Ahri: OKAY

Ahri: I’ll call him right now!

 

Evelynn: Huh

Evelynn: That was easy…

 

Akali: Are you going to have the pizza sent to the home or at the recording studio, Eve?

 

Evelynn: At the recording studio

Evelynn: I have some stuff to go over with you guys.

 

Kai’sa: Alright, what time should we be there?

 

Evelynn: In an hour or so.

 

Kai’sa: Okie

 

Akali: Kk

 

Ahri: HE SAID FINE SO CAN I HAVE A PIZZA SLICE?

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: Bitch.

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS

 

Ahri: OH MY FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FOX GET THE FUCK OVER THAT!

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS, AHRI!

 

Ahri: DROP IT!

 

Kai’sa: Shut up or Akali and I will just eat the pizza.

 

Ahri: Okie…

 

Evelynn: Fine…

 

XXX

 

In a private message between an Unknown Number and Evelynn:

 

Unknown Number: Hello, this is your pizza deliverer, Sivir, I am here with your order of three cheese pizzas and a side of breadsticks. I am here out front of the building.

 

Evelynn: Thank you. I’ll have someone let you up.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:

 

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: Okay, hear me out…

Evelynn: I think I found Kai’sa’s future bae…

 

Ahri: You know...I was about to say that you’re a total fucking asshole for setting her up with the pizza deliverer

AhriL and it would have been nicer to her if you set her up with Twisted Fate

Ahri: But Twisted Fate can go fuck himself

Ahri: You fucking found a Goddess…

 

Evelynn: Right??

Evelynn: And she’s single

 

Ahri: How did you figure that out?

 

Evelynn: I just asked.

 

Ahri: lol

Ahri: But is she into women?

 

Evelynn: *text photo*

Evelynn: Does that answer your question?

Evelynn: Unless she’s a fucking straight girl asshole that has pride stickers on her motorcycle, she has to have some interest in women.

Evelynn: And she literally has a sticker labeled ‘Dykes on Bikes’

 

Ahri: Damn…

Ahri: Why can’t you seem to find a decent person for yourself?

 

Evelynn: Fuck you.

 

Ahri: Tee hee

Ahri: You barely get through Akali

 

Evelynn: shut up

 

Ahri: TEE HEEE

 

Evelynn: One problem tho

Evelynn: I think she’s my height

Evelynn: So she’s shorter than Kai’sa

 

Ahri: I highly doubt Kai’sa will fucking measure her once she sees what a fucking snacc that woman is.

 

Evelynn: Touché

 

Ahri: Did you get her name?

 

Evelynn: Sivir.

 

Ahri: Sivir?

Ahri: Like ‘Severe’?

 

Evelynn: No, like siv-er

 

Ahri: ‘Severe’ sounds better

Ahri: It sounds better to moan with

 

Evelynn: lmfao

Evelynn: Okay, Ahri

Evelynn: Thirsty much?

 

Ahri: Well would you rather moan ‘severe’ or ‘siv-er’?

 

Evelynn: ‘Severe’

 

Ahri: I thought so.

Ahri: So how are you going to set them up?

 

Evelynn: Let me wait for everyone to get here

Evelynn: And I’ll call the pizza place and order some dessert

Evelynn: Sivir comes here and I’ll have her wait in a room

Evelynn: Then send Kai’sa in there and see what happens.

 

Ahri: That’s better than what I had planned

 

Evelynn: What was your plan?

 

Ahri: Just straight up ask Sivir if she wants to date Kai’sa

 

Evelynn: This is why I am known as a great matchmaker and not you

 

Ahri: Uh huh, sure whatever bitch

 

Evelynn: Bitch fox

 

Ahri: horny tentacle monster

 

Evelynn: They are called lashers

 

Ahri: Then my tail is called the Rammer

 

Evelynn: Okay stop

 

Ahri: Niew ;3

 

Evelynn: I sometimes really just want to just block you from my life.

 

Ahri: But you haven’t and that says a lot about you.

Ahri: U wuv me

 

Evelynn: Fuck you

 

Ahri: lol

Ahri: By the way

Ahri: I’m going to crystallize my tail

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Ahri: My tails are going to be crystals

 

Evelynn: Why?

 

Ahri: Bc I want to

Ahri: And because they’ll look nice

 

Evelynn: How are you going to do that?

 

Ahri: Magic

Ahri: duh

 

Evelynn: Did you talk to the director about this?

 

Ahri: Lol no

Ahri: He’s going to be so mad hahahahahah

 

Evelynn: Omg…

 

Ahri: Now my tail can really be known as the “Rammer”

 

Evelynn: Please stfu.

 

Ahri: Niew!

Ahri: :3

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: Why did you guys lock me with the pizza deliverer…?

 

Akali: ???

 

Evelynn: It’s a blind date.

Evelynn: Have fun.

 

Kai’sa: ...

Kai’sa: what

 

Ahri: Go talk to Sivir. :3

 

Kai’sa: You were serious about the matchmaking!??!?!

 

Evelynn: Yes?

Evelynn: Did you think I was joking???

 

Kai’sa: YES!

 

Ahri: What in the flying nyahing fox would you think Eve would joke about setting you up with someone?

 

Kai’sa: I WASN’T SERIOUS ABOUT BEING AKALI’S WIFE!!

 

Akali: You are going to still make me spicy ramyun, right?

 

Kai’sa: THAT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER RIGHT NOW!

 

Akali: It matters to me.

 

Evelynn: Just greet Siver and talk about each other.

 

Kai’sa: I would rather let the void engulf me and seal me up.

 

Ahri: Yeah, no

Ahri: Don’t do that.

Ahri: Kai’sa, we can see you and Sivir in the room with the cameras

Ahri: Why are you huddled in the corner?

 

Kai’sa: I lied.

 

Evelynn: ??

 

Kai’sa: You know how I said I have high standards?

Kai’sa: I lied.

Kai’sa: I have really bad social anxiety on dates and I honestly failed every date I was on.

Kai’sa: I’m very scared.

Kai’sa: I might have a panic attack...

 

Evelynn: Oh…

Evelynn: Well this is awk

 

Kai’sa: NO SHIT EVELYNN!!!

 

Evelynn: You didn’t tell me this! You encouraged it!

 

Kai’sa: I KNOW AND THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING STUPID OF ME NOW PLEASE LET ME OUT!

 

Ahri: Okay, why don’t you tell her that this was a bad joke and we’ll come down and explain.

 

Kai’sa: I HAVE TO SAY THAT?!?!

 

Akali: yes?

 

Kai’sa: Please just fucking kill me.

 

Evelynn: Can you not talk?

 

Kai’sa: I told you that I have bad social anxiety…

Kai’sa: Only in dating situations

 

Ahri: So you’re fine being kidnapped but can’t handle dates?

 

Kai’sa: I guess?????

Kai’sa: I’m weird like that

 

Akali: Oof

Akali: If it makes you feel better, Sivir seems to be checking you out.

 

Kai’sa: ???

 

Ahri: Kai’sa, get off your phone and look at Sivir.

Ahri: I think she wants to offer you something.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: Is it easier to talk to me like this?

 

Kai’sa: Yes…

 

Sivir: Okay, good.

Sivir: I’m Sivir.

 

Kai’sa: I’m Kai’sa.

Kai’sa: Look, I’m very sorry but my friends kinda set me up with you as an impromptu blind date…

Kai’sa: And I have really bad social anxiety...

 

Sivir: Ah, that makes sense now.

Sivir: It’s not every day I’m shoved into a room with a cute girl like you so I’m not too weirded out by it.

Sivir: :)

 

Kai’sa: Oh god, I’m not cute

Kai’sa: I must look like a mess right now

 

Sivir: It’s okay.

Sivir: Just take a breath.

Sivir: I’m not going to bite.

 

Kai’sa: Okay

Kai’sa: Sorry, this must be quite a predicament you’re in.

Kai’sa: I’m sure my friends will come down and let us out.

 

Sivir: Okay, hahaha. That’s good.

Sivir: I kinda have other deliveries to make.

Sivir: Don’t freak out!

Sivir: Hey

Sivir: It’s okay!

Sivir: I’m not mad. It wasn’t your fault.

Sivir: Hey

Sivir: Look at me

Sivir: You’re okay.

 

Kai’sa: Sorry…

Kai’sa: I just feel really bad.

 

Sivir: Don’t be.

Sivir: To be honest, I kinda think this is unique and an interesting way to meet new people.

Sivir: A bit extreme, maybe

Sivir: But at least I’m stuck in a room with a very beautiful girl like you.

 

Kai’sa: Do you mean that?

 

Sivir: Yes. :)

 

Kai’sa: Thank you.

 

Sivir: :)

Sivir: You have a gorgeous smile.

 

Kai’sa: Thank you.

 

Sivir: How are you feeling?

 

Kai’sa: Better.

Kai’sa: You’re very sweet.

 

Sivir: Thank you.

Sivir: I’m glad I can make you feel better.

Sivir: Can I come closer?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah. :)

 

XXX

 

In group chat K/DA.

 

Kai’sa: Hi.

Kai’sa: I’m Ubering home

 

Evelynn: Hey, are you okay?

 

Akali: We were worried after we went off our separate ways.

 

Evelynn: Also, I’m sorry.

 

Kai’sa: No, I’m sorry.

Kai’sa: Obviously I should have been honest about myself in the first place.

 

Evelynn: I should have talked to you about it.

 

Kai’sa: We’re still getting to know each other so we’re bound to mess up.

Kai’sa: Don’t worry, Eve.

Kai’sa: But your plan didn’t fail.

 

Ahri: So where did you and Sivir walk off to together?

 

Kai’sa: I kinda just went along with her delivery routes and after we finished, we just hung around a park.

 

Akali: Cute!

Akali: She seems nice.

 

Kai’sa: She really is.

 

Ahri: Soooo??

 

Kai’sa: ??

 

Ahri: You said the plan didn’t fail.

Ahri: Are you two going to keep talking?

 

Kai’sa: Maybe.

 

Evelynn: It’s either a yes or a no

 

Kai’sa: It’s a maybe

 

Ahri: Girl, we did not wait four hours for your response to say maybe.

 

Kai’sa: Idk

Kai’sa: What if she was just being nice and decides to cut me off after today?

 

Akali: She really doesn’t seem like the type to do that.

 

Evelynn: And I mean you’re going to be a big celebrity

Evelynn: So like...she’s crazy to cut you off.

 

Kai’sa: I didn’t tell her I was a celeb

Kai’sa: I’m not really a celeb right now

 

Ahri: You will be soon

 

Evelynn: And she met me

Evelynn: I’m a celeb

Evelynn: So that gives you some credit.

 

Kai’sa: She didn’t recognize you.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Yeah, she’s not good for you.

 

Ahri: OMG EVE AHAHAHAH

 

Evelynn: HOW DOES SHE NOT RECOGNIZE ME???

 

Kai’sa: She doesn’t even know you.

 

Evelynn: WHAT?!

Evelynn: HOW???

Evelynn: MY FACE IS ON EVERY FUCKING TABLOID!

 

Kai’sa: *shrugs*

 

Ahri: LMFAO!!!!

 

Kai’sa: She knew Ahri tho

 

Evelynn: WHAT!?!?!?!?

 

Ahri: HA!

Ahri: Take that bitch!

 

Evelynn: I can not believe this…

 

Kai’sa: lol

Kai’sa: Guys, she texted back

Kai’sa: It’s only been like 15 minutes since we split…

Kai’sa: I scared

 

Akali: That’s a good sign

 

Ahri: Go read it!

 

Evelynn: Go on.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: I had a lot of fun meeting you today. :)

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: She said she had a lot of fun meeting me today.

 

Ahri: Tell her that she’s cute.

 

Evelynn: No, ask her to hang out again with you.

 

Kai’sa: Ahhhhh

 

Akali: Tell her that you had fun too and thank her.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: I had a lot of fun too, thanks for today.

 

Sivir: Of course!

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: She just said, of course

 

Ahri: Tell her that you think she’s bootiful

 

Evelynn: Don’t listen to Ahri

Evelynn: Ask her out properly

Evelynn: “Would you like to go on a proper date with me?”

 

Kai’sa: No, that’s too fast

 

Akali: Tell her that you want to make it up to her for helping you out and not freaking out.

Akali: Offer to take her to the movies.

 

Kai’sa: What movie?

Kai’sa: Like romance?

Kai’sa: Action?

 

Ahri: Porn

 

Evelynn: Shut the fuck up, Ahri.

 

Ahri: I WAS KIDDING

Ahri: I’m trying to lighten the mood!

 

Akali: Just say movie.

Akali: Don’t be specific.

Akali: Just offer.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Can I make it up to you for helping me out earlier? Like, take you to a movie?

 

Sivir: That sounds great.

Sivir: Would this Sat be okay with you?

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: She asked if this sat be okay with me.

 

Akali: Say okay.

 

Kai’sa: Just “okay”?

 

Akali: Well, add something to it.

Akali: Like “sounds great”

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, sounds great.

 

Sivir: Perfect.

Sivir: So it’s a date?

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: She asked, “So it’s a date?”

 

Ahri: SAY YESS!

 

Evelynn: Please say yes

 

Akali: Say yes.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Say yes.

 

Sivir: Yes?

 

Kai’sa: I mean, yes it’s a date.

 

Sivir: Okay, hahaha.

Sivir: Can’t wait.

Sivir: :)

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: I said yes.

Kai’sa: Now what?

 

Akali: Now you wait till Sat.

 

Kai’sa: Fuck…

Kai’sa: Really, that’s all??

 

Akali: Yep.

Akali: You have a date now!

 

Evelynn: Thank god

 

Ahri: Akali, you seem to have a lot of experience with dating.

 

Akali: I just read a lot of shoujo mangas

Akali: I have zero clues about real-life romance tho

 

Kai’sa: But you knew exactly what to make me say

 

Akali: I just read the situation and tried to give an answer to the best of my abilities.

Akali: To be completely honest, I never really dated

Akali: I actually haven’t had my first kiss.

Akali : I’m just going to say it

Akali : I’m a virgin

 

Evelynn: And there’s nothing wrong with that, Akali

Evelynn: We’re NOT virgin shaming.

Evelynn: RIGHT? AHRI?

 

Ahri: I didn’t even say anything!

 

Akali: I mean like

Akali: I’m not ashamed of being a virgin

Akali: I think of myself as like a rare unicorn

 

Ahri: Omg you pure pure soul...

 

Kai’sa: What did we do to deserve such a pure maknae?

 

Ahri: What we can do is keep her away from Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: Wait what

Evelynn: Why?

 

Ahri: You’ve done a lot of nasties

 

Evelynn: DON’T SLUT SHAME ME!

 

Ahri: I’M NASTY SHAMING YOU!

 

Akali: Hahahahaha!!!

Akali: You two are so funny!!

 

Ahri: I know, right?

 

Akali: But I mean

Akali: I don’t judge

Akali: At least I know I can count on you guys to give me advice if the time comes to lose my virginity.

 

Evelynn: ...please only ask for advice from me.

Evelynn: Don’t be so trusting of Ahri…

 

Akali: Hahah, okie!

 

Kai’sa: Hey, don’t take advantage of Akali like that.

 

Evelynn: That’s not what I meant.

 

Ahri: You were prolly thinking of it

 

Evelynn: I wasn’t!

 

Akali: Hahah, no i trust Eve!

Akali: She’s been nothing but super nice to me

Akali: Oh, are you guys aware that she’s going to help provide backup vocals to my rap part?

 

Ahri: oh?

 

Kai’sa: Is she?

 

Evelynn: Yes…

Evelynn: I am…

Evelynn: Nothing wrong with that.

 

Akali: It’s going to help my raps so much!

Akali: I’m really excited to film our scenes together.

 

Ahri: Oh??

Ahri: I didn’t know you two have scenes together now…

 

Evelynn: Yeah, I was going to let you guys know later.

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Was that why you wanted to talk to Akali alone for a bit?

 

Kai’sa: ….was my fiasco with Sivir just an excuse for a distraction, Eve??

 

Evelynn: Of course not.

 

Akali: I promise it’ll all be worth it.

Akali: She’ll be touching me to help make me feel like a more authentic rapper.

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Ahri: Eve…

 

Evelynn: What she means is that I told her that rappers always have a hot girl around them and I volunteered to help her image and be the ‘hot’ girl next to her.

Evelynn: It’s just to help her feel more like a rapper.

 

Ahri: Uh huh

Ahri: Sure

 

Akali: She’s just going to hug me from behind.

Akali: For like a photoshoot

 

Kai’sa: Just hugging?

 

Akali: Yeah, she’s touching me

 

Evelynn: IT’S HUGGING.

 

Akali: Hugging

Akali: Touching

Akali: Same thing *shrugs*

 

Ahri: IT’S NOT THO HAHAHAHAHHA

 

Evelynn: Shut up, Ahri!

 

Ahri: YOU SUCH A FUCKING SUCCUHOE EVE HAHAHAHHA

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU, YOU NASTY SMELLY FOX!

 

Ahri: IT’S NOT NASTY!

Ahri: IT’S MY FOXY LADY MUSK!

 

Evelynn: YOU’RE A NASTY FOX!

 

Ahri: YOU A FUCKING LITTLE BITCH!

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS!

 

Ahri: OH MY GOD DROP IT!

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS AHRI!

 

Kai’sa: Here we go again...

Chapter Text

Kai’sa: I appreciate the fact that you girls are here to support me on this date.

Kai’sa: But why did I see Evelynn throwing Ahri across the movie theatre?

Kai’sa: And Akali, why did you fill up half of the theatre with your shroud smoke?

 

Evelynn: More importantly…

Evelynn: How is the date going?

 

Kai’sa: It was going well until you three caused the entire movie theatre to be cleared up

Kai’sa: The fact that no one has figured out it was you three is a miracle…

 

Akali: Ninja powahhhh!

 

Kai’sa: What is wrong with you guys?

 

Evelynn: It was Ahri’s fault.

 

Ahri: I didn’t do anything!

 

Evelynn: Oh no you escaped…

 

Ahri: THE VET CAN’T FUCKING CONTAIN ME!

 

Kai’sa: You took Ahri to the vet…?

 

Evelynn: Where else do I go?

Evelynn: The vet is for sick pets, right?

 

Ahri: I AM NOT A PET, EVE, FUCK YOU!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CRYSTAL TAILS!

 

Kai’sa: When did you get crystal tails, Ahri???

 

Ahri: This morning after you left for your date

Ahri: :3

 

Akali: Did they patch up your tail?

 

Ahri: Yeah, they fucking just glued it back on.

Ahri: fuck those fucking vets

Ahri: I can just use magic to fix them

Ahri: SO STOP TAKING ME TO THE VET, EVE!

Ahri: WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS FOR YEARS!

 

Evelynn: THE MORE YOU ACT LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL, THE MORE I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE VET!!

 

Kai’sa: What the fuck?

Kai’sa: Ahri, did your tail break in half or something???

 

Ahri: Yeah.

Ahri: When Eve threw me.

 

Kai’sa: Why did Eve throw you???

 

Evelynn: For jabbing her annoying tail into my side

 

Ahri: I said we needed an aisle seat!

Ahri: You know this, Eve!!

Ahri: I CAN’T SIT IN THE MIDDLE!!!

Ahri: I NEED SPACE FOR MY TAIL!!!

 

Evelynn: HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WATCH KAI’SA AND SIVIR WHEN WE’RE HIDING IN A FUCKING CORNER??

 

Ahri: YOU HAVE FUCKING EYES, BITCH!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU!

 

Evelynn: I HOPE THE VET PROBES YOUR ASS!!!

 

Ahri: LIKE YOU NEVER HAD ANYTHING UP YOUR ASS BEFORE, BITCH!!!

Ahri: NOT EVERYONE LIKES BUTT STUFF!!!

Ahri: LIKE ME!

 

Evelynn: IT’S FOR YOUR HEALTH, YOU PET!

 

Ahri: I AM NOT A FUCKING PET!!!

Ahri: I CAN GO TO A NORMAL HUMAN HOSPITAL!!!

 

Evelynn: NORMAL HUMANS DON’T FUCKING BITE THEIR DOCTOR’S EAR OFF!!

 

Ahri: THAT WAS ONE TIME!!!

Ahri: YOU KNOW I HATE SHOTS!!!

 

Evelynn: AND THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE TO GO TO VETS BC ONLY THEY CAN HANDLE YOUR FUCKING CANINE TEETH!!!!

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU!

 

Evelynn: FUCK OFF!!!

 

Kai’sa: Shut the fuck up…

Kai’sa: Omg…

 

Akali: So how are you doing, Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: Worried about Evelynn and Ahri…

 

Akali: How’s the date going?

 

Kai’sa: Sivir is also worried about Evelynn and Ahri…

 

Akali: Ah

Akali: What should we do to get you two to NOT worry about us?

 

Kai’sa: Stop fighting?

 

Evelynn: Oof

Evelynn: Are you sure we can’t bring you two some snacks and lady condoms?

 

Ahri: Lady condoms?

Ahri: That’s a thing??

 

Evelynn: Yes it is.

 

Ahri: It’s only the first date, Eve

 

Evelynn: Hey, I don’t know

Evelynn: Maybe there’s sexual tension between them

 

Kai’sa: No, we’re both confused about you two

 

Evelynn: Well if you need condoms, I have some

 

Ahri: What’s the point of a lady condom??

 

Evelynn: When the man is too lazy to wear one

Evelynn: Or in this case, if Sivir needs some extra lube

Evelynn: She can use a lady condom

Evelynn: I mean regular condoms work too but I only carry lady condoms with me

 

Kai’sa: Bold of you to assume that I’m a bottom…

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, I’ve seen how you sit in a chair.

Evelynn: There is no way you’re a top.

 

Kai’sa: jnxcvkjhkxjhvkxjv

Kai’sa: WHAT???

 

Ahri: LMFAO HAHAHAHAHA

 

Akali: What’s a bottom?

Akali: And a top?

 

Ahri: Uke and seme

 

Akali: Okay, I got it.

 

Evelynn: ?????

 

Kai’sa: I’m not a bottom.

 

Evelynn: How do you know?

 

Kai’sa: I’m pretty sure I’m not a bottom.

Kai’sa: I don’t feel like a bottom.

 

Evelynn: Honey, that’s not how it works.

 

Ahri: Here, let me help

 

Ahri added Sivir to group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: I hate you, Ahri.

 

Ahri: ;3

 

Sivir: We meet again, fellow gals.

Sivir: Also, Kai’sa, where did you go?

 

Kai’sa: Am I not next to you?

 

Sivir: No.

 

Kai’sa: Oh…

Kai’sa: um…

Kai’sa: I’ve been standing next to someone else that looks like you…

 

Sivir: Hahahahaha!

Sivir: Aw no!

 

Akali: Where are you two?

 

Kai’sa: We found this county fair and decided to check it out

Kai’sa: And I lost Sivir…

 

Sivir: Hahaha, this place is big

Sivir: Just meet me at the front entrance and I’ll meet you there.

 

Kai’sa: Okie *blushie*

 

Ahri: Sivir, are you a top or bottom?

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

Kai’sa: Ahri please no…

 

Sivir: A top

Sivir: Why do you think I took an interest in Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: You think I’m a bottom too????

 

Sivir: Have you seen the way you sit?

 

Kai’sa: Why does the way I sit indicate that I’m a bottom???

 

Evelynn: I mean there are other factors

Evelynn: The way you hold your cup

Evelynn: The way you drink

Evelynn: If you’re ticklish, you’re a bottom

 

Kai’sa: What?????

 

Akali: Oh I’m ticklish

Akali: So I’m a bottom??

 

Evelynn: I mean if you want to be a bottom…

 

Ahri: Hey, keep it in your pants succuhoe

 

Evelynn: Fuck off.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, that’s ridiculous

Kai’sa: Being ticklish or not doesn’t indicate if you’re a top or a bottom

 

Sivir: It does in bed.

 

Evelynn: Exactly.

 

Kai’sa: Who made you the fucking expert in top and bottom qualities??

 

Ahri: She’s a fucking succubus

Ahri: Her species literally relies on sex to live

 

Evelynn: My ancestors were a bunch of hoes.

 

Ahri: Hence why there are so few of them

 

Evelynn: Hey, fuck you.

Evelynn: Last time I checked, you’re the only fucking fox.

 

Ahri: Hey, last time I checked!

Ahri: You haven’t tapped that ninja pussy yet so fuck off!!!

 

Evelynn: I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!

 

Ahri: MURDER AKALI’S PUSSY YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!

 

Evelynn: I WILL ACTUALLY TAKE YOU BACK TO THE VET AND MAKE THEM PUT YOU INTO THE CONE OF SHAME!

 

Ahri: IF YOU CAN FIND ME!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!

 

Ahri: GO FUCK AKALI!!!

 

Kai’sa: You two literally can’t stop fighting for 2 seconds!!

 

Evelynn: You just realize this?

 

Ahri: When are we not fighting?

 

Kai’sa: Okay fair...

 

Sivir: I found Akali.

 

Evelynn: Wait…

Evelynn: What?

Evelynn: When did she leave my side…?

 

Ahri: LMFAO YOU CAN’T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF AKALI HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

 

Evelynn: Shut up.

 

Sivir: She said she lost her phone.

 

Evelynn: How?

Evelynn: I just saw her holding it like 5 minutes ago??

 

Kai’sa: You lost her in 5 minutes…?

Kai’sa: HOW?

 

Evelynn: Hey, worry about your future top.

Evelynn: This is my problem, not yours.

 

Kai’sa: FIRST OF ALL

Kai’sa: I AM NOT A BOTTOM

Kai’sa: Second!

Kai’sa: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LOSE AKALI AND HOW DID SHE LOSE HER PHONE IN 5 MINUTES???

 

Sivir: She said she saw something that grabbed her attention and in the process, somehow lost her phone.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Huh?

Kai’sa: That makes no sense….

 

Sivir: Beats me

Sivir: That’s what she told me

 

Kai’sa: Is she really this dumb?

 

Evelynn: Hey, fuck you

Evelynn: Don’t make fun of Akali.

Evelynn: Sivir isn’t all that great, you know.

 

Sivir: That’s fair.

 

Kai’sa: At least Sivir doesn’t get lost and lose her phone in 5 minutes

 

Sivir: Ooh, got ‘em

 

Ahri: But you lost her…

 

Sivir: Ooh got ‘em back

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Okay, fair.

 

Sivir: Akali ran off again.

 

Kai’sa: Already?

 

Sivir: She’s fast little girl

 

Evelynn: She’s a woman

 

Sivir: Not the way she runs

Sivir: She runs like a middle school naruto fan

 

Evelynn: ?!?!?!???

 

Ahri: We need to keep a leash on her.

 

Evelynn: Okay, give me your dog collar.

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU!

 

Evelynn: Fuck you!

 

Kai’sa: Shut the fuck up you two…

 

Sivir: You guys are fucking hilarious.

 

Kai’sa: I’m so sorry this is how our date is turning out…

 

Sivir: Honestly, I feel like I’m seeing a whole new side to you.

Sivir: And I really like it.

 

Kai’sa: Ah you’re so sweet~

 

Sivir: You’re just so darn cute~

 

Kai’sa: <3

 

Sivir: <3

 

Ahri: Are you two going to fuck or not?

 

Kai’sa: Shut up

 

Evelynn: Can we find Akali first?

 

Ahri: Akali can take care of herself.

 

Kai’sa: Um no she can’t…

 

Evelynn: She can!

Evelynn: Stop doubting her!

 

Sivir: I think I see her.

Sivir: Is she a ninja or something?

 

Ahri: Yeah, kinda. Why?

 

Sivir: That explains why she’s on top of the Ferris Wheel.

 

Kai’sa:

 

Ahri:

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: What?

 

Ahri: Aw, she wants to be tall

 

Evelynn: Hey, don’t make fun of her height.

 

Ahri: Hey, maybe have a better leash for your Sasuke wannabe

 

Evelynn: Hey, fuck you

 

Ahri: Fuck you

 

Evelynn: Fuck off

 

Ahri: Fuck off

 

Kai’sa: Shut up

 

Sivir: She dropped her phone

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: So...she found her phone on top of the Ferris Wheel?

 

Sivir: No, it was in her pocket the whole time

Sivir: But she dropped it as she took it out

 

Ahri: How stupid is she?

 

Evelynn: Says the dumbass fox that ate a fucking tide pod.

 

Ahri: At least I don’t forget where I place my phone and drop it when I’m on top of a ferris wheel.

 

Kai’sa: Hey, a new take

Kai’sa: Both of you are dumb af

 

Ahri: RUDE

Ahri: SHUT UP BOTTOM HOE

 

Kai’sa: I’M NOT A BOTTOM!!

 

Evelynn: Yeah, you are.

 

Kai’sa: What proof?

 

Evelynn: You radiate bottom energy.

 

Kai’sa: kjsdghskdjghlkhghdk

Kai’sa: WHAT???

 

Ahri: You’re a bottom slut

 

Kai’sa: What??

 

Sivir: How about this?

Sivir: Kai’sa, why don’t you come over to my place and we can find out if you’re a bottom or not?

 

Kai’sa: Fine.

Kai’sa: We are going to end this debate once and for all.

 

Ahri: You do know what that means, right?

 

Kai’sa: Sivir and I will have a healthy discussion and debate about this stupid topic.

 

Sivir: Yeah yeah sure we will.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Yeah, go do that.

 

Ahri: Have fun.

 

Kai’sa: We will!

 

Sivir: ;)

Sivir: I’ll wait for you outside.

 

Kai’sa: On my way!

 

Evelynn: Wait, can you guys bring Akali?

 

Kai’sa: Fine…

 

XXX

 

Evelynn added Akali to group chat “K/DA”

 

Ahri: SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, AKALI?

 

Akali: I thought I lost my phone.

 

Ahri: Yeah, but did you really forget it was in your pocket and climbed up a ferris wheel and dropped it from there??

 

Akali: Yeah hahahaha

Akali: oops!

Akali: At least Evelynn bought me a new phone

Akali: So what did I miss?

 

Evelynn: Nothing.

 

Ahri: You missed a lot.

 

Evelynn: Akali and I are going out to eat so bye

 

Ahri: Wait what

Ahri: I have to be alone at home?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Akali: You can come with us

 

Evelynn: Damn it

 

Ahri: YAY!

Ahri: Come fetch me!

 

Evelynn: No

Evelynn: Walk.

 

Ahri: Bitch

 

Evelynn: Little shit

 

Akali: You can take my bike

 

Ahri: THANK YOU AKALI

Ahri: but idk how to ride a bike

 

Evelynn: Sucks for you

 

Ahri: You’re such a bitch

 

Evelynn: You just realized this?

 

Ahri: Yeah, succuhoe

 

Akali: Don’t worry, Ahri

Akali: I’ll convince her to pick you up

Akali: :)

 

Ahri: Sleep with her.

 

Akali: ?

 

Evelynn: FINE

Evelynn: I’ll pick you up.

 

Ahri: YAY!

 

Akali: Idk what happened but yay!

 

Ahri: Yay!

Ahri: So anyhoo

Ahri: Want to make bets about Kai’sa and Sivir?

 

Akali: About what?

 

Ahri: Whether Kai’sa will admit she’s a bottom

 

Akali: What’s that again?

 

Ahri: omg…

Ahri: Do you think Kai’sa is an uke or not?

 

Akali: Yeah, she’s an uke.

 

Evelynn: What’s an uke?

 

Ahri: What’s wrong with your face?

 

Evelynn: Why are you like this?

 

Ahri: Why are you texting and driving?

 

Evelynn: Why do you not understand that my Tesla can drive itself?

 

Ahri: Why are you such a succuhoe?

 

Evelynn: What is with these questions?

 

Ahri: Does it bother you?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: Perfect

Ahri: :3

 

Evelynn: I fucking hate you.

 

Ahri: Tee hee~

Ahri: So bets on Kai’sa?

 

Evelynn: She’s a bottom

Evelynn: No questions asked.

 

Akali: Yeah she’s an uke

 

Ahri: But will she admit it?

 

Evelynn: let's hope Sivir does a good job then

 

Akali: Does she have to talk to her or….what?

Akali: Does Sivir have to convince Kai’sa that she’s an uke?

 

Ahri: Do you not know what sex is?

 

Akali: Yeah I do

Akali: But don’t you have to establish the uke and seme first?

 

Ahri: No

Ahri: Sivir is going to convince Kai’sa that she’s an uke by seducing her.

 

Akali: But how can they have sex if kai’sa doesn’t know she’s an uke?

 

Ahri: No

Ahri: omg

Ahri: That’s the point!

 

Akali: ???

 

Evelynn: Can someone tell me what the fuck is an uke???

 

Ahri: Ask Akali!

 

Evelynn: She’s too busy arguing with your dumbass!!!

 

Ahri: FUCKING LOOK UP ‘YAOI’ EVE!!

 

Evelynn: FINE

 

Akali: So

Akali: Sivir is going to tell Kai’sa that she’s an uke and then they’ll have sex??

 

Ahri: Well maybe idk

 

Akali: How will she convince her??

 

Ahri: By rubbing a titty idk???

Ahri: Sivir can’t just say “you’re a bottom” and they fuck

 

Akali: Well how else will Kai’sa know????

 

Ahri: sigh

Ahri: idk

Ahri: Sivir might just fucking ask Kai’sa to bend over and she’ll be like

Ahri: “yah sure, teach me the ways of being a bottom”

 

Akali: Yeah that makes sense

 

Ahri: NO IT DOESN’T

Ahri: I WAS JOKING

 

Akali: YOU’RE CONFUSING ME!!!

 

Evelynn: OHHHH

Evelynn: So the uke is the male bottom

Evelynn: The seme is the male top

Evelynn: I get it now.

 

Ahri: CAN YOU GET THROUGH WITH THIS CHILD?????

 

Akali: kjdagshkljsgdkfj

Akali: JUST BECAUSE I AM THE YOUNGEST DOESN’T MEAN I AM A CHILD!!!

 

Ahri: YOUR MINDSET IS LIKE A FUCKING CHILD!!!

 

Akali: YOUR MINDSET IS LIKE A DUMB FOX!!!

Akali: EVEN NARUTO ISN’T AS DUMB AS YOU!!

 

Evelynn: YAS GIRL YAS

Evelynn: YOU TELL HER!

 

Ahri: NARUTO AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!!!

 

Akali: NARUTO CAN SHIT ON YOU!!!

 

Ahri: jhdfslkjghdkgjl

Ahri: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CONVO!?!?!?

 

Evelynn: An intellectual conversation.

 

Ahri: I BEG TO DIFFER!!!!

 

Evelynn: You’re just incapable to explain Akali the fundamentals of how Sivir will convince Kai’sa that she’s a bottom by acts of seduction and direct intimacy.

 

Akali: OOOOOOOHHHH

Akali: I get it now.

Akali: Thanks Eve!

 

Ahri: jdgkljdfhglshfldkjghkldfglk

Ahri: WHAT?????

Ahri: YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT????

 

Akali: Everything makes more sense in English

 

Ahri: I WAS TEXTING IN PLAIN ENGLISH!!!!

 

Akali: Well

Akali: You’re doing something wrong

 

Ahri: you little shit

 

Evelynn: Stop texting and come out

Evelynn: We’re here to pick up your stank ass

 

Ahri: Fuck you

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: So…

Kai’sa: I’m a bottom.

 

Akali: Yeah we know

 

Kai’sa: Okay…

 

Ahri: So how was it?

 

Sivir: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: (;¬_¬)

 

Evelynn: Fuck on the first date, I see

Evelynn: Nice, Kai’sa

 

Kai’sa: Just shut up…

 

Ahri: So how did Sivir convince you?

 

Sivir: I just told her to close her eyes

Sivir: and said “Just let me lead”

Sivir: And she was like “Okay sure”

Sivir: Then we did it

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Well that was anti-climatic…

 

Evelynn: Sure is…

 

Kai’sa: What do you guys expect??

 

Akali: idk

Akali: Sivir jumping on you while you do the splits?

 

Sivir: Oh that’s an idea…

 

Kai’sa: (//ω//)

 

Evelynn: Oh no

Evelynn: You two are going to be that type of couple…

 

Kai’sa: I feel like we were made for each other…

 

Sivir: Physically and mentally

 

Ahri: OOOOKAY…..

 

Kai’sa: I mean it’s crazy

 

Sivir: We finish each others…

 

Kai’sa: Orgasms

 

Sivir: That’s what I was going to say….

 

Evelynn: Can you two shut the fuck up?

 

Kai’sa: No you set us up so now you enjoy our happiness

 

Evelynn: Oof

Evelynn: Fair enough

 

Ahri: You two just met each other yesterday...

 

Kai’sa: You kidnapped me

 

Ahri: Okay fair

 

Akali: I’m happy for you two!

 

Kai’sa: Aw thanks!

Kai’sa: At least someone is supportive

 

Evelynn: We are supportive

Evelynn: But it bothers me you have progressed this fast with Sivir…

 

Kai’sa: Bc you can’t seem to make progress with Akali?

 

Akali: Progress with what?

 

Evelynn: See?

 

Kai’sa: I’ll help

Kai’sa: Akali

 

Akali: Yes?

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn wants to fuck you and be your lover

 

Evelynn: Not in that order…

 

Ahri: Yes, in that order.

 

Evelynn: Just eat your fucking chicken nuggets...

Evelynn: Oh my god…

 

Ahri: kjldaglkadgkjf

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

 

Kai’sa: What happened??

 

Ahri: AKALI DROPPED HER PHONE IN HER MILKSHAKE RIGHT WHEN SHE WAS GOING TO CHECK HER TEXTS!!!!!!!

Ahri: AHAHAHAHAHAHKDLJGHJ

Ahri: I CAN’T HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Ahri: *texts photo*

 

Sivir: HOW??

Sivir: SO SHE DIDN’T SEE THE TEXT?

 

Ahri: NO HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

 

Kai’sa: At this point, Evelynn needs to just straight up and say it directly

 

Ahri: You think she hasn’t tried it??

 

Kai’sa: Is Akali really that dense?

 

Ahri: She’s such a child lmfao

 

Sivir: Poor girl

 

Ahri: This is fucking hilarious

 

Kai’sa: I feel so bad.

 

Evelynn: You better…

Evelynn: Why does the universe want to do this to me?

Evelynn: What did I do to deserve this?

 

Ahri: *cough*

Ahri: Missing male celebs

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Run.

 

Kai’sa: Wait no…

Kai’sa: Don’t fight again…

 

Ahri: TOO LATE!

 

Sivir: Oh boy…

 

XXX

 

Evelynn added Akali to group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali: I got a new phone!

Akali: So what did I miss?

 

Ahri: A lot.

Ahri: You ubering home?

 

Akali: Yee

 

Evelynn: Want me to come to pick you up?

 

Ahri: Yeah COME get her ;)

 

Evelynn: Just shut up, Ahri

 

Ahri: Niew

 

Evelynn: Fuck off

 

Ahri: Evelynn likes you, Akali.

 

Akali: And I like Evelynn too

Akali: I like all of you.

 

Sivir: Akali, Evelynn wants to be your uke.

 

Evelynn: ???!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!

Evelynn: WHAT????

Evelynn: I AM NOT A FUCKING BOTTOM!!!

 

Akali: Wait what

Akali: Really??

 

Kai’sa: Yeah.

Kai’sa: Be her seme

 

Evelynn: You guys are horrible winggirls…

 

Akali: So Evelynn wants to role play as an uke?

 

Kai’sa: Role play???

 

Akali: Well, uke and seme usually associate with gay cartoon men

Akali: So does she want to act like an uke or something?

 

Sivir: No, that’s not what we are saying at all.

Sivir: She wants to date you.

 

Akali: As an uke?

 

Kai’sa: No….

 

Akali: So she wants to date a seme???

Akali: Idk how she can do that since all seme are men and they won’t be interested in a woman

 

Sivir: Ah…

 

Ahri: How fucking stupid are you?

 

Akali: RUDE???

 

Evelynn: Just drop it…

Evelynn: You guys are just confusing Akali.

 

Ahri: No, she’s just dumb.

 

Akali: And you smell

 

Ahri: It’s my foxy lady musk

Ahri: I can’t help it

Ahri: All foxes have it

 

Akali: Ah so that’s why you made perfume

Akali: Smelly piece of shit

 

Ahri: HEY WANT TO FIGHT!?!????

 

Evelynn: DON’T YOU DARE!!!!

 

Akali: SQUARE UP BITCH!!

 

Ahri: ON MY FUCKING WAY YOU LITTLE SHIT!!

 

Evelynn: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT AHRI

Evelynn: FIRST YOU DIP FOR 5 YEARS AND NOW YOU WANT TO START FIGHTING THE MAKNAE???

 

Ahri: DROP IT ALREADY!!

 

Evelynn: FIVE YEARS!!!

 

Ahri: I WILL FIGHT YOU FIRST!!!!!

 

Kai’sa: I’m so glad I’m not home...

Chapter Text

Ahri: Guuuuuurraaaaallllssss!!!

Ahri: I can’t sleep!

Ahri: I’m so excited!

 

Evelynn: Well, I do want to sleep so shut the fuck up and stop texting.

 

Ahri: Buzzkill…

 

Evelynn: Annoying fucking fox

 

Ahri: Okay, Final Pam

 

Evelynn: Okay, fuck you!

Evelynn: I look nothing like that video game character!

 

Kai’sa: No, it’s a spitting image.

 

Evelynn: GO TO SLEEP!!!

 

Kai’sa: No

Kai’sa: Don’t tell me what to do.

 

Evelynn: God…

Evelynn: Look at what you did, Ahri

 

Ahri: Hey, I’m not the one that looks like Pam.

Ahri: That’s your fault.

 

Evelynn: I don’t look like Pam!!

 

Ahri: Akali sure thought so

 

Akali: OKAY HEY!

Akali: I just brought out the picture bc I thought Eve’s glasses looked similar to Pam’s.

Akali: You’re the one that was like

Akali: “Oh it’s eve! Wow!”

Akali: Don’t pin this on me you fucking twink fox.

 

Ahri: OKAY WOW RUDE

 

Evelynn: fuck you Ahri

 

Ahri: At least Kai’sa agrees with me

 

Kai’sa: I also agree with Eve that you look like someone that doesn’t wear deodorant.

 

Ahri: FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME I CAN’T HELP IT!

Ahri: FOXES HAVE A GLAND THAT GIVES OFF AN UNUSUAL SCENT

Ahri: I CAN’T HELP IT AND IT’S NOT EVEN THAT BAD!

 

Evelynn: You have a fucking gland but you don’t have ‘heats’?

Evelynn: fffffs

Evelynn: Fucking fake fox for fuck sake

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU I DON’T GET ‘HEATS’!!

 

Evelynn: Well it would explain the FIVE YEARS YOU WERE GONE!!!

 

Ahri: GET

Ahri: THE

Ahri: FUCK

Ahri: OVER

Ahri: IT!

 

Kai’sa: We are about to finally have our music video posted tomorrow and you two want to fight it out??

 

Ahri: It’s called bonding.

 

Evelynn: No, it’s called training.

 

Kai’sa: Toxic

Kai’sa: That’s what it is…

 

Sivir: It’s 2 am…

Sivir: You guys are still up??

 

Kai’sa: We just got back after finalizing the video

Kai’sa: We were suppose to be asleep like an hour ago…

 

Ahri: I too excited!!!

 

Evelynn: Shut up

 

Ahri: Fuuuuck youuu

 

Akali: Are we even going to be able to stay together as a team if you two keep fighting like this?

 

Kai’sa: Yes, Akali is asking the important questions.

 

Akali: Bc if we break up, who will make me spicy ramyun?

 

Kai’sa: Okay never mind

Kai’sa: And….it would still be me...

 

Evelynn: The team isn’t going to break up, Akali, I promise

Evelynn: Ahri and I just have a weird friendship that no one understands.

Evelynn: It would take a lot for Ahri and I to become mortal enemies.

 

Ahri: Yeah, I agree.

Ahri: And we’ve done pretty mean things to each other.

Ahri: Like one time I stole the bumper of one of her cars bc she accidentally cut my ear with her nails.

 

Evelynn: And one time i dislocated her tail when i pushed her off a cliff

 

Ahri: remember the time i mixed all your perfumes together and your room stunk so bad when I spilled it

 

Evelynn: That was such a mess

Evelynn: I had to get new carpeting and all that

Evelynn: Oh, remember when I broke your favorite highlight and bronzer?

 

Ahri: Omg that was such a mess

Ahri: I was devastated

Ahri: It was limited edition too

Ahri: Hahaha!

 

Akali: wow

Akali: How are you guys still friends?

 

Ahri: Eve tolerates me

 

Evelynn: I have no clue…

 

Ahri: Oh Eve!

Ahri: Remember when we were just trainees and I stole your lollipop?

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: what?

 

Ahri: You bought a lollipop and I stole it.

Ahri: You were convinced that the other girl stole it and you got her kicked out.

Ahri: Man that was mean.

Ahri: but she deserved it

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: THAT WAS YOU?!

 

Ahri: Yeah?

Ahri: Wait…

Ahri: Oh shit…

Ahri: Ah fuck…

 

Evelynn: YOU STOLE MY LOLLIPOP!!?!??!?!?

Evelynn: THE HEART SHAPED LOLLIPOP WITH RAINBOW SPRINKLES???

 

Ahri: Ah…

Ahri: Yeah…

Ahri: I did…

 

Evelynn: THAT WAS MY LOLLIPOP!!!

 

Ahri: It was literally just a basic lollipop…

 

Evelynn: YEAH BUT IT WAS MINE!

Evelynn: I BOUGHT THAT WITH MY OWN MONEY

Evelynn: I WORKED REALLY HARD FOR THAT LOLLIPOP!!

 

Ahri: Ah…

Ahri: I see…

 

Evelynn: I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT WAS YOU!!

 

Ahri: I sowwy…

 

Evelynn: YOU WON’T BE SORRY WHEN I SHOVE MY NAILS UP YOUR ASS!!!

 

Ahri: Giggity….

 

Evelynn: I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!!

 

Ahri: OVER A LOLLIPOP!???

 

Evelynn: OVER MY LOLLIPOP THAT I PAID FOR!!

 

Ahri: WE WERE FUCKING LIKE 10 YRS OLD!

Ahri: THAT HAPPENED WHEN WE WERE KIDS!

Ahri: IT WAS JUST A CHILDISH THING

 

Evelynn: YEAH ME BREAKING YOUR HAIRBRUSH WAS CHILDISH!!

 

Ahri: YOU BROKE MY HAIRBRUSH!!!????

Ahri: MY PINK AND BLUE HAIRBRUSH WITH THE PRINCESS ON THE BACK OF IT!???

 

Evelynn: YEAH THAT WAS ME!!

 

Ahri: I SPEND ALL THIS TIME THINKING THAT I THOUGHT I LOST IT AND IT WAS YOU WHO BROKE IT AND DIDN’T TELL ME!??

 

Evelynn: YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT YOU STOLE MY LOLLIPOP!!

 

Akali: Can I just interject before you two have a divorce?

Akali: You guys got a girl to get kicked out of the idol training?

 

Evelynn: She was a bitch anyways

 

Ahri: She said that I should marry a dog bc I don’t deserve to be loved by humans.

 

Evelynn: Yeah that was fucked up thing to say

 

Ahri: Sure was

Ahri: What a bitch she was

 

Evelynn: Fucking bitch

 

Ahri: Lol

 

Evelynn: Lol

Evelynn: Anyways

Evelynn: YOU BETTER BE FUCKING READY BITCH!!

Evelynn: TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT YOU DIE!!!

 

Ahri: YOU’RE ON, HOE!!!

 

Akali: Oh boy…

 

XXX

 

Akali: ….sooooo

 

Kai’sa: Don’t fucking talk about it.

 

Ahri: But like….we got to…

 

Evelynn: We have to.

Evelynn: Kai’sa, are you into food play?

 

Kai’sa: How about you shut up and go to sleep?

 

Ahri: How about talking to us about your food fetish?

 

Kai’sa: How about you two stop fighting and don’t cause Akali to barge into my room for help?

 

Evelynn: How about you be open about your fetishes?

 

Sivir: How about what Kai’sa and I do on facetime in the bedroom is just between us?

 

Ahri: How about...no?

 

Akali: You weren’t kidding when you said you love peaches.

 

Kai’sa: Shut up and leave me alone

Kai’sa: Go to sleep…

 

Akali: Are you into nyotaimori? But with peaches?

 

Kai’sa: CAN WE SLEEP?

 

Evelynn: No, I’m curious.

Evelynn: Do you like the feeling of peaches on your skin?

 

Ahri: Do you think it’s erotic?

 

Sivir: Are you two this shameless?

 

Ahri: Hey you’re the one who fucked Kai’sa on the first date.

 

Sivir: Okay, I’ll give you that.

 

Kai’sa: I WANT TO SLEEP!

 

Evelynn: I want my questions answered.

 

Kai’sa: YES I LIKE PUTTING SLICES OF PEACHES ON MY SKIN! OKAY?

 

Evelynn: But like

Evelynn: Why?

 

Kai’sa: WHY DO YOU CARE??

 

Evelynn: As a succubus, I’m genuinely interested in what turns people on.

 

Kai’sa: It doesn’t turn me on.

Kai’sa: I just like the feeling of cold peaches on my skin.

 

Sivir: It was me that suggested her to put slices on her nips

 

Ahri: Okay, so are you into food sex?

 

Sivir: We were just experimenting.

 

Akali: Can you guys not when we are all in the house?

 

Kai’sa: CAN YOU NOT HAVE BARGED INTO MY ROOM??

 

Akali: I thought Ahri and Eve were going to kill each other…

 

Kai’sa: Let them kill each other.

 

Ahri: RUDE!

 

Evelynn: Rude.

 

Ahri: I’m the leader!

 

Kai’sa: And I’m the one that cooks for you fucking kids.

Kai’sa: So go to sleep.

 

Ahri: Boo!

 

Evelynn: It’s all your fault, Ahri.

 

Ahri: I still can’t believe you broke my hairbrush.

Ahri: That was my favorite hairbrush.

Ahri: It didn’t hurt my ears.

 

Evelynn: You fucking stole my lollipop.

 

Ahri: It’s just a fucking piece of candy.

 

Evelynn: Well it was special to me.

 

Ahri: My hairbrush was special to me…

 

Evelynn: I paid for that lollipop.

 

Ahri: Get over it.

 

Evelynn: Oh?

Evelynn: Like how I should get over the FIVE YEARS YOU WERE GONE?

 

Ahri: DAMN BITCH WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME!!??

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS AHRI!

 

Ahri: GET OVER IT!!!

 

Evelynn: IT WAS 5 FUCKING DAMN YEARS!!!

 

Ahri: GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME!

 

Ahri: JUST SAY YOU MISSED ME AND GET OVER IT!!!

 

Evelynn: I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER YOU FOR ALL THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH THESE PAST FIVE YEARS!!

 

Ahri: KSDAFHJDGKDGJ

Ahri: BITCH LETS FIGHT!

 

Evelynn: YOU’RE ON!!

 

Kai’sa: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING MURDER BOTH OF YOU IF YOU TWO KEEP ON FIGHTING!

Kai’sa: ONE MORE FIGHT AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU TWO STARVE FOR DAYS!!

 

Evelynn: Okie.

 

Ahri: Sowwy…

 

Akali: Good niiight!

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: Hey are you still up?

 

Sivir: Only for you, baby~

 

Kai’sa: Eeee

Kai’sa: I’ve missed you these past few days~

 

Sivir: I missed you too~

Sivir: You must be working so hard~~~

 

Kai’sa: I aaammm

Kai’sa: Are you proud of me?

 

Sivir: So proud!

 

Kai’sa: Eeee

 

Sivir: You’re so cute!

 

Kai’sa: Do you mean that?

 

Sivir: Of course!

Sivir: And i think you’re very beautiful~

Sivir: Especially with those peaches on you~

 

Kai’sa: Eeeee

Kai’sa: So embarrassing!

Kai’sa: I can't believe I did that for you…

 

Sivir: I really like seeing that.

Sivir: I can’t stop thinking about you.

 

Kai’sa: You’re always on my mind, baby~

 

Sivir: I can’t imagine a time without you in my life~

 

Kai’sa: God you’re so cheesy!

 

Sivir: You like it.

 

Kai’sa: I do!

Kai’sa: Hey, baby?

 

Sivir: Yes?

 

Kai’sa: Promise you’ll still love me for who I am?

Kai’sa: Like I’m so proud of the video and the music we made

Kai’sa: If the music video gets big, my life could really change.

Kai’sa: But I want you to know that I won’t love you less or think I’m better than you.

Kai’sa: Ah sorry I think I’m just rambling

Kai’sa: Sorry does this sound stupid?

Kai’sa: We’ve been dating for a short period of time but it feels like I’ve known you all my life.

Kai’sa: And I’m just so in love with you

 

Sivir: That’s what I really love about you.

Sivir: I get to know the real Kai’sa.

Sivir: And I can say the same for me

Sivir: Cuz I mean it’s crazy

Sivir: I feel like I’ve known you my whole life too

 

Kai’sa: Ahhh

Kai’sa: I’m so glad we feel the same way!

 

Sivir: I love you, Kai’sa~

 

Kai’sa: I love you too!

 

Sivir: <3

 

Kai’sa: Maybe we can have a late lunch tomorrow?

 

Sivir: I would love that!

 

Kai’sa: Then we can see how well the video is doing!

 

Sivir: I’m so excited for you!

Sivir: I know you worked so hard for the music video!

 

Kai’sa: Am I such a hard working bean?

 

Sivir: You’re so amazing, Kai’sa~

 

Kai’sa: Really?

 

Sivir: So amazing~

 

Kai’sa: Eeeee~~

Kai’sa: Hey Sivir?

 

Sivir: Yes?

 

Kai’sa: You want to see some pictures I took in the dance studio?

Kai’sa: They kinda….scandalous….

 

Sivir: Please show me!

Sivir: Pwease?

Sivir: I worked so hard delivering pizzas!

Sivir: Please reward me!

 

Kai’sa: Hm…

Kai’sa: Did you work very hard?

 

Sivir: Very hard!

 

Kai’sa: Hmm~

Kai’sa: *texts photo*

Kai’sa: *texts photo*

 

Sivir: Oh my horus…

Sivir: Kai’sa you kill me

Sivir: I’m dead!

 

Kai’sa: NO! Don’t diiiieee!

 

Sivir: But you look so good in those pictures!

 

Kai’sa: Really? :)))

 

Sivir: Kai’sa you’re such a goddess

Sivir: Oh anubis…

Sivir: I can’t stop staring!

 

Kai’sa: You like them?

 

Sivir: I love them!!

 

Kai’sa: Eeeee

 

Evelynn: Damn, Kai’sa.

Evelynn: You’re ass looks so good when you do the splits.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: What the fuck?

 

Ahri: DAAAAAMN KAI’SA!!!

Ahri: LOOOK AT THAT ASSS!!

Ahri: EVEN THO YOU’RE JUST WEARING LEGGINGS

Ahri: YOU REALLY LEAVE NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION!

 

Kai’sa: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS IN MY PRIVATE MESSAGES???

 

Akali: Kai’sa

Akali: This is the group chat.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Can we start a new group chat?

 

Ahri: AND LEAVE THESE BEAUTIES??

Ahri: HELL NAAAH!

 

Evelynn: I see this is what you do when you’re in the dance studio all by yourself.

 

Kai’sa: Fuck off.

 

Ahri: SIVIR REALLY DOES HAVE THE BEST ‘PEACH’ IN THE WORLD!

 

Sivir: Thanks…

 

Kai’sa: Just stop…

 

Akali: Aww

Akali: Don’t worry, Kai’sa!

Akali: Texting in the wrong chat happens!

 

Kai’sa: But why does it have to be with you guys???

 

Ahri: AW COME ON!

Ahri: WE’RE CLOSE ENOUGH!

 

Evelynn: It could be worse.

Evelynn: You could have sent it to someone that would use those photos against you.

 

Ahri: Yeah, me.

Ahri: And saaaved!

 

Kai’sa: DON’T SAVE MY PHOTOS!!!!

 

Ahri: Too late!

 

Kai’sa: AHRI!!!

 

Evelynn: Yes, Kai’sa

Evelynn: Get mad at Ahri.

 

Kai’sa: YOU’RE JUST AS GUILTY!!!

 

Evelynn: If it makes you feel better

Evelynn: I’ll post Ahri’s nudes

 

Ahri: ksjdgndklgjlkdsfj

Ahri: THEN I’LL POST EVELYNN’S NUDES!!!

 

Sivir: Why do you two have nudes of each other?

 

Evelynn: in case Ahri actually backstabs me

 

Ahri: Ditto

 

Kai’sa: I really don’t understand you two’s friendship…

 

Ahri: Okay but my nudes look great

 

Evelynn: I can vouch

 

Ahri: Wow we agree on something

 

Evelynn: That’s a first.

 

Kai’sa: I don’t want to see your guys’ nudes…

 

Ahri:*texts photo*

Ahri:*texts photo*

Ahri:*texts photo*

Ahri:*texts photo*

Ahri:*texts photo*

Ahri: Too late.

 

Kai’sa: God damn it

 

Evelynn: Huh…

Evelynn: I don’t remember that last one…

 

Ahri: Oh, Twisted Fate gave that to me.

 

Evelynn: God damn it

Evelynn: Fucking little son of a bitch

 

Ahri: Okay but your eyes look great in it.

 

Evelynn: Aw thanks

 

Kai’sa: I want to burn my eyes.

 

Evelynn: Okay rude.

Evelynn: Here, let me help.

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: Here

 

Ahri: Oh come on! I look great!

 

Evelynn: Debatable.

 

Ahri: Rude!

 

Kai’sa: Why are you two like this?

 

Evelynn: You just realize this?

 

Sivir: Miss Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: Yes?

 

Sivir: How the fuck are you able to bend your back like that?

 

Ahri: She has bad back posture.

 

Evelynn: No I don’t

 

Ahri: Yeah, you do.

 

Evelynn: At least my belly button is an innie…

 

Ahri: LEAVE MY OUTIE BELLY BUTTON ALONE!!!

 

Evelynn: It’s weird looking.

 

Ahri: WELL EXCUSE ME THAT NOT EVERYONE CAN HAVE AN INNIE BELLY BUTTON!!!

 

Evelynn: Yeah

Evelynn: You’re one of the unfortunate ones.

Evelynn: sucks to be you

 

Ahri: Fuck you!

 

Kai’sa: I swear to god…

Kai’sa: Please don’t start fighting again

 

Ahri: We won’t fight

 

Kai’sa: Then why did I hear you walking past my door?

 

Ahri: You heard nothing…

 

Kai’sa: Ahri…

 

Ahri: YOU HEARD NOTHING!!

 

Evelynn: Come at me bitch!!

 

Ahri: OKAY!!!

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Sivir: I don’t know how you deal with this, Kai’sa…

 

Kai’sa: I don’t even know why I’m still in K/DA…

 

Evelynn: Rude…

 

Ahri: Eve where are you??

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Ahri: You’re not in your room….

Ahri: DID YOU SNEAK OUT??

 

Evelynn: Yeah, I did.

 

Kai’sa: Are you in Akali’s room?

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Maybe…

 

Ahri: Evelynn…

Ahri: Don’t you dare take advantage of Akali when she’s asleep…

 

Evelynn: I’m not!

Evelynn: I’m just spooning her.

 

Ahri: Uh huh…

Ahri: I’m coming over there.

 

Evelynn: DON’T YOU DARE!!

Evelynn: Akali is asleep!!

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

Kai’sa: Why can’t we have a normal night?

 

Ahri: Normal is not in my vocabulary.

 

Evelynn: YEAH I CAN TELL!

 

Ahri: IMMA COMING!!

 

Evelynn: GO AWAY!!!

 

Ahri: NYOOOO BITCH!!!

 

Sivir: Are you going to be okay, Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah…

Kai’sa: I’m just staying in my room.

 

Sivir: Okie

Sivir: I sorry the girls saw those photos…

 

Kai’sa: Welp

Kai’sa: I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.

 

Sivir: I still think you’re prettier than them.

 

Kai’sa: Awwwww you’re so sweet!

 

Akali: HEY AHRI!!!

Akali: WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!???

Akali: COME BACK HERE!!!

 

Ahri: NO I AM GOOD!

Ahri: JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP!

 

Evelynn: YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, AHRI!!

 

Ahri: I AM AWARE!

Ahri: I GOT AN ANGRY BORUTO LOOKING FOR ME!

 

Akali: PERFECT EXECUTION!

 

Kai’sa: PLEASE TELL ME THAT LOUD CRASH WASN’T SOME BROKEN WALL!!!!

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Would it make you feel better if I told you it wasn’t?

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Sivir: Are Ahri and Akali okay?

 

Evelynn: Akali is fine, thanks for asking.

 

Kai’sa: And Ahri?

 

Evelynn: Who cares?

 

Ahri: I CARE!

 

Akali: GET BACK OVER HERE AHRI!!

 

Ahri: NO!!!

 

Akali: JUST COME HERE!!!

 

Ahri: DON’T WANT TO!!

 

Evelynn: GET OVER HERE, AHRI!!

 

Ahri: NYO THANK YOU!

 

Akali: I AM TAKING OUT MY SHURIKENS!!

 

Ahri: PLEASE NO!

Ahri: I WILL THROW MY BIG BOOTY BALLS AT YOU!!

 

Evelynn: YOUR ENERGY BALLS ARE USELESS!!

 

Ahri: NO THEY ARE NOT!!

 

Akali: FIVE POINT STRIKE!!!

 

Ahri: SPIRIT RUSH!!!

 

Kai’sa: OH

Kai’sa: MY

Kai’sa: GOD!!!

Kai’sa: VOID SEEKER!!!

 

XXX

 

Sivir: So...are you guys alive?

 

Ahri: Surprisingly

Ahri: Yesh.

 

Akali: Kai’sa is scary…

 

Evelynn: But she has a nice ass

 

Ahri: Ditto

 

Kai’sa: Go the fuck to sleep.

 

Evelynn: Fine.

 

Ahri: Have fun cuddling Akali

 

Akali: Thanks, she keeps me warm

 

Ahri: I’m pretty sure she wants to do more than that…

 

Akali: ???

 

Evelynn: Go to sleep, Ahri

 

Ahri: fiiiiine

 

Akali: Okay but first

Akali: Why are Ahri and Evelynn’s nudes on the chat?

 

Evelynn : Good question, you Iike them?

 

Akali : Yeah they look cool

Akali: I’m all about body positivity

 

Ahri: THANK YOU

 

Akali: No your outie looks fucking weird

 

Ahri: OKAY FUCK YOU!!!

 

Kai’sa: GO TO SLEEP!

 

Akali: Sheesh okay…

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Ahri and Akali.

 

Ahri: Yo

 

Akali: Yesh?

 

Ahri: First of all, that was a really good attack on me.

 

Akali: Thaanks

Akali: Your attack was pretty good too.

 

Ahri: Thanks!

Ahri: Also…

Ahri: So you and Evelynn cuddling now? ;)

 

Akali: Yeah

Akali: She’s such a great friend.

Akali: She wanted to keep me warm.

 

Ahri: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Akali: ??

 

Ahri: You and Eve?

Ahri: Liiiiikeee doing more than cuddling??

 

Akali: What do you mean?

 

Ahri: I mean...Evelynn doesn’t cuddle with just friends…

 

Akali: She cuddles with best friends?

 

Ahri: Well no…

Ahri: i mean

Ahri: Evelynn and I don’t really cuddle in bed

 

Akali: Yeah bc she hates when your tail jabs her stomach

 

Ahri:

Ahri: okay yeah…

Ahri: What I’m trying to say is that friends that cuddle on the same bed usually insinuate something more between them...

 

Akali: ?

Akali: I’m confused

 

Ahri: like love?

 

Akali: love?

Akali: What about it?

 

Ahri: Romantic love.

 

Akali: Between you and Evelynn?

Akali: Oh I’m sorry

Akali: I’m not trying to steal Evelynn away from you!

 

Ahri:

Ahri: No…

Ahri: Nevermind…

Ahri: Good night, Akali.

 

Akali: Good night?

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Evelynn and Ahri.

 

Evelynn: Why did Akali tell me that she’s sorry that she’s taking me away from you?

 

Ahri: Eve, I can only try so hard.

Ahri: Why are your ideal types so fucking dumb?


Evelynn: Rude...

Chapter Text

Akali: GUYS

Akali: *texts a screenshot*

Akali: Our video is blowing up!

 

Kai’sa: Oh my goodness…

Kai’sa: We’re at 1 million already?

Kai’sa: It’s only been like an hour

 

Sivir: Wooo way to go girls!

 

Evelynn: Wow

Evelynn: I guess Ahri’s grand plan was a success

 

Akali: It sure is!

Akali: We should celebrate!

 

Evelynn: Sounds lovely~

 

Akali: Sivir, you can come too

 

Sivir: Sweet

Sivir: I’ll bring the pizza

 

Kai’sa: Are we going to drink?

 

Akali: That’s the plan!

 

Sivir: Are you even legal to drink?

 

Akali: I’M 21!

 

Evelynn: Yes, she’s legal.

 

Sivir: Hmm

Sivir: Sure, kid

 

Akali: You don’t believe me?

 

Sivir: You just don’t seem like someone that wants to drink, kid.

 

Akali: Don’t call me a kid.

 

Sivir: You’re a kid to me

 

Akali: I’m not a kid.

 

Sivir: Yeah you are.

 

Akali: No, I’m not.

 

Sivir: You don’t seem like someone that can act like an adult.

 

Akali: You don’t seem like someone that wants to bottom bc you have an ego problem but you don’t see me making a remark about it.

 

Evelynn: Oh damn!

 

Kai’sa: Okay let's stop

 

Sivir: I can bottom if I want to

 

Akali: Yeah but you ‘seem’ like you would rather top bc your pride is so fragile.

 

Sivir: What are you saying little shit?

 

Akali: I’m top shaming you.

 

Evelynn: Lmfao

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Evelynn: Shh

Evelynn: I want to see how this turns out.

 

Sivir: What’s wrong with being a top?

 

Akali: If there’s no problem with pounding holes all day, then there’s nothing wrong at all.

 

Sivir: Tops don’t ‘pound holes’ all day

Sivir: There’s a lot more to being a top than pounding holes.

 

Akali: Yeah

Akali: Being a prick douche with fingers

 

Sivir: Listen here, child!

 

Akali: I’M NOT A FUCKING CHILD!

 

Sivir: YOU SURE ACT LIKE ONE!

 

Kai’sa: Okay stop

Kai’sa: How did we even get this far?

 

Akali: SIVIR IS A FUCKING DOUCHE!

 

Sivir: YOU’RE THE ONE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING KID AND GETTING MAD!

 

Akali: I AM NOT A KID

Akali: I AM 21

 

Sivir: the fact that you need to repeat how old you are just proves that you act like a kid.

 

Akali: You’re just fucking Kai’sa pounder.

 

Evelynn: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: OKAY STOP

 

Sivir: At least I can tell when someone wants me

Sivir: Unlike you

 

Akali: Who wants me??

 

Evelynn: Me.

 

Akali: I thought you wanted to date a seme?

Akali: Actually I think Ahri has a crush on you.

 

Evelynn: Highly doubt that.

 

Kai’sa: dksjhjhakhgksajdieajdfjjiewjf

 

Sivir: You stupid ninja kid

 

Akali: I’m not a kid!!!

 

Sivir: Yeah you are

 

Akali: NO I AM NOT

 

Sivir: Read the next text carefully.

Sivir: C-H-I-L-D

 

Akali: I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THIS, KAI’SA POUNDER! I HAVE TRAINED UNDER THE AMAZING AND STUPID MASTER SHEN AND HE HAS TAUGHT ME THE WAYS OF BEING A NINJA! THROUGH HIS LESSONS, I CAN CLIMB WALLS AT AN ALARMING FAST PACE, SLICE SHIT UP LIKE IT’S PAPER, AND DISAPPEAR RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES! I CAN STRIKE ALL OF YOUR PRESSURE POINTS, LEAVING YOU USELESS YOU FUCKING TOP WHORE! I CAN CRAWL RIGHT INTO YOUR BEDROOM AT NIGHT AND SLIT YOUR THROAT IN YOUR SLEEP! ALL WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT! I HAVE TRAINED ON TOP OF MOUNTAINS, ENDURING THE HARSH WINDS AND FREEZING ICE! I HAVE SWAM ACROSS FRIGID WATERS IN NOTHING BUT MY UNDERWEAR! I HAVE PERFECTED MY BALANCE ACROSS POINTED AND JAGGED ROCKS, ALL WITHOUT A SINGLE CUT ON MY FEET! YOU KNOW CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON? BITCH, I FUCKING FLY ACROSS TREES! I CAN WHIP YOUR ASS WITH A FUCKING BUTTER KNIFE BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT FUCKING GOOD! I CAN PULL A FUCKING RASENGAN OUT OF MY ASS AND IT WOULD STILL BE ENOUGH TO THROW YOU OVER YOUR OWN ASS! I AM FAST AND SILENT AND YOU WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO REACT WHEN I FUCKING SLICE AND DICE! OH, AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY SHROUD! MY SHROUD IS THICK ENOUGH TO CONCEAL MYSELF AND I ADDED A POISON THAT MAKES ANYONE HALLUCINATE IF THEY BREATH IT! ONLY I CAN WITHSTAND THE SHROUD! MY SHROUD WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU WILL SEE WHEN I FUCKING JUMP YOU! SO FUCKING CALL ME A CHILD AGAIN SIVIR! CALL ME A FUCKING CHILD! YOU WON’T BECAUSE YOU’RE SCARED! I AM DEATH! I AM THE CRAZY NINJA OF JAPAN AND I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOU REGRET CALLING ME A CHILD! YOU HEAR ME SIVIR! FUCKING CALL ME A FUCKING CHILD YOU FUCKING COWARD KAI’SA POUNDER!

 

Sivir: Oof.

Sivir: U mad?

 

Evelynn: Yas, girl, yas!

 

Kai’sa: Oh god

Kai’sa: So much anger for such a short girl.

 

Akali:

Akali: I AM NOT SHORT! I AM AVERAGE HEIGHT! THERE ARE MANY GIRLS THAT ARE MY HEIGHT AND THERE ARE MANY GIRLS THAT ARE SHORTER THAN ME! JUST BECAUSE I AM ASIAN DOESN’T MEAN I AM SHORT! FUCK THAT STEREOTYPE! NOT ALL ASIANS ARE SHORT! LOOK AT AHRI! SHE’S AVERAGE HEIGHT AND NO ONE GIVES HER SHIT FOR IT! AND WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING SHORT??? NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A TALL SIVIR POUNDING BAG LIKE YOU, KAI’SA! SHORT PEOPLE ARE CLOSER TO YOUR CROTCH AND HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED A KARATE CHOP AT YOUR GROIN??? THAT SHIT HURTS! AND GUESS WHAT!? I HAVE MASTERED THAT TECHNIQUE! I CAN FUCKING CHOP ALL OF YOUR CROTCHES AND YOU ALL WON’T BE LAUGHING AT HOW SHORT I AM! I AM AVERAGE HEIGHT SO FUCK YOU!

 

Sivir: Big oof

 

Evelynn: I’m so turned on right now.

 

Kai’sa: Are you done, Akali?

 

Akali: NO I AM NOT! LET ME JUST SAY THIS! I MAY BE THE MAKNAE OF THIS GROUP BUT IF YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME, I WILL BE HANGING YOU GUYS BY YOUR TOES AND MAKE YOU GUYS REGRET CALLING ME SHORT AND A CHILD! MARK MY FUCKING WORDS, I WILL GET MY REVENGE AND SHOW YOU GUYS WHO IS THE REAL LEADER!

 

Evelynn: Yes, scream it louder.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Are you done now?

 

Akali: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: Okay good.

Kai’sa: I’m at the store and there’s two different types of spicy ramyun.

Kai’sa: There’s regular spicy ramyun but there’s extra spicy ramyun.

Kai’sa: Which one do you want?

 

Akali: THE EXTRA SPICY RAMYUN KAI’SA! PWEASE!!!

 

Kai’sa: Okay thanks

 

Akali: I WUV YOU KAI’SA! YOU’RE THE BEST!

 

Kai’sa: Love you too, Akali.

 

Sivir: Akali, want me to bring my switch?

 

Akali: YESH!!! YOU DAH BEST!

 

Sivir: Alright, cool.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: What the fuck just happened?

 

Akali: I forgive Kai’sa and Sivir.

 

Kai’sa: :)

 

Sivir: Ayyy

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Um okay…?

 

Kai’sa: Hey, I just realized.

Kai’sa: Where’s Ahri?

Kai’sa: She’s been silent this whole time.

 

Akali: Oh yeah

Akali: Yeah I just realized

Akali: Wouldn’t she be the most excited about our video?

 

Evelynn: Odd.

Evelynn: Come to think of it, did she even leave her room this morning?

 

Kai’sa: I don’t think so…

Kai’sa: I was the last one to leave and I don’t think I saw her leave her room.

Kai’sa: I hope she’s not sick.

 

Sivir: Maybe someone try calling her?

 

Akali: I can do it!

 

Evelynn: Oh wait

Evelynn: I think I just realize something…

 

Kai’sa: what?

 

Akali: She didn’t answer her phone.

 

Evelynn: Hm…

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn, what is it?

 

Evelynn: Is anyone coming home soon?

 

Kai’sa: Me. I’m already on my way.

 

Evelynn: Okay, pick up a dog leash before heading home.

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Evelynn: Just trust me.

 

Kai’sa: Um okay??

 

Akali: ….

Akali: Are we adopting a dog?

 

Evelynn: Hmm

Evelynn: Sure. :)

 

Akali: Oh shit awesome!

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: WHAT THE FUCK IS RUNNING AROUND THE FUCKING HOUSE??

 

Evelynn: Ah so I was right.

 

Kai’sa: EVE DID YOU FUCKING ADOPT SOME WEIRD LOOKING DOG???

 

Akali: DOG????!!!

Akali: OMG ON MY WAY!!

 

Sivir: Weird looking dog?

 

Kai’sa: *texts photo*

Kai’sa: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!

 

Evelynn: That’s Ahri.

 

Akali:

Akali: Oh…

Akali: Nevermind.

 

Sivir: Ahri is a dog now?

Sivir: I thought she was a fox.

 

Evelynn: She is.

Evelynn: Kai’sa just can’t tell the difference between a dog and a fox.

 

Kai’sa: Oh…

Kai’sa: My bad…

 

Ahri: YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCHHHHHH!!!!

 

Akali: What the fuck is that?

 

Evelynn: Hahahaha, there she goes.

 

Kai’sa: She’s pawing at her phone and screaming into it.

 

Ahri: SHHHHHEEEEAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!

 

Akali: LMFAO!!!

 

Sivir: Is she okay?

 

Evelynn: She’s fine.

Evelynn: She’s just using audio texting to get her message across.

Evelynn: Hilarious but she’s fine.

 

Kai’sa: Well, why is she a fox??

 

Evelynn: Because she’s a Nine-Tailed Fox.

 

Kai’sa: No duh…

Kai’sa: But why is she actually a fox??

 

Evelynn: So sometimes, very rarely but it has happened

Evelynn: She actually turns into a fox for a day and she can’t turn back to normal, no matter what, for a long time

Evelynn: Something to do with magic logic or something like that and she can’t do anything about it.

Evelynn: It happens in a blue moon

Evelynn: So she suffers like this and it pisses her off

 

Kai’sa: Oh

Kai’sa: Well, can she calm down?

 

Evelynn: Just play fetch with her and she’ll tire out.

 

Ahri: FREEEEEEEE SHAAAAAA VAAAAAAAC AAAAAA DOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

Akali: Free shavacado?

 

Sivir: LMFAO!!!

Sivir: Does she want avocados or something!!???

 

Ahri: AWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOOOOOOOOOFFFOOOOOOO

 

Akali: Awo mofo

 

Ahri: AAAAKKKKAAAAAAAAA UUUUUUUUUU AAAUTTTTT UUNNNNNNNNNIIIIII

 

Sivir: “Akali you not funny”

 

Akali: you understood that?

 

Sivir: I’m just guessing.

 

Ahri: AAAAAAAAKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA UUUUUU OOOOOOOOOORRRRRTTTTT!!!!!

 

Sivir: “Akali you short”

 

Akali: OKAY NOW YOU JUST MADE THAT UP!!

 

Sivir: LMFAO!!

 

Akali: FUCK YOU!!

 

Sivir: Lol

 

Kai’sa: Eve, how do you get Ahri off you???

 

Evelynn: Just push her off.

 

Kai’sa: She’s fucking huge!!!

 

Evelynn: Use your muscles, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Please help me!!!

Kai’sa: She’s sitting on me!

 

Evelynn: Welp

Evelynn: I have to go to a meeting so have fun!

 

Kai’sa: Halp

Kai’sa: Someone please help me

 

Sivir: I’m coming babe!

 

Akali: I’M COMING TOO!

 

Ahri: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: Finished my meeting so I’m on my way home, how are you guys?

 

Akali: Ahri doesn’t like baths.

 

Evelynn: Not surprising.

 

Akali: She also bites.

 

Evelynn: Did she bite you?

 

Akali: No, I’m good.

 

Evelynn: That’s good.

 

Akali: She bit Kai’sa and Sivir.

 

Evelynn: That’s fine.

 

Kai’sa: Fuck you.

 

Evelynn: How’s Ahri?

 

Kai’sa: She’s currently playing tug a war with Sivir.

 

Evelynn: Oh darn…

Evelynn: She didn’t tire out yet?

 

Kai’sa: She molested my mouth.

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Kai’sa: Her tongue was in my mouth.

 

Evelynn: She was giving you kisses.

 

Kai’sa: Her

Kai’sa: Tongue

Kai’sa: Was

Kai’sa: In

Kai’sa: My

Kai’sa: Mouth

 

Evelynn: Dogs

Evelynn: Do

Evelynn: That

Evelynn: To

Evelynn: Show

Evelynn: Affection

 

Kai’sa: Well

Kai’sa: how

Kai’sa: do

Kai’sa: you

Kai’sa: make

Kai’sa: her

Kai’sa: stop?

 

Evelynn: You have to just accept it because Ahri knows it annoys people.

 

Kai’sa: I don’t want to.

 

Evelynn: Too bad

 

Kai’sa: She’s doing it to Akali.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: I see.

Evelynn: I’m going to be a bit late but I’ll be home soon.

 

Kai’sa: No please come home soon

Kai’sa: Please handle her

 

Evelynn: Oh I will.

 

XXX

 

Ahri: YYYYYIIIP YIIIIPPPPYYY YIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

Ahri: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ahri: EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAACCCC

Ahri: AAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ahri: GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Ahri: EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

 

Kai’sa: I’m sorry Ahri but you need to just calm down.

 

Ahri: RRRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Evelynn: Shut up.

 

Ahri: RRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Evelynn: I’ll take you out of the cone of shame once you behave.

 

Ahri: RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

 

Akali: We can unlock the door and let you out if you be nice?

 

Ahri: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

Evelynn: Oh shut up you fucking stinky fox

 

Sivir: You actually understand her?

 

Evelynn: I’ve been stuck with her since we were kids.

Evelynn: So unfortunately yes

Evelynn: I do understand her.

 

Ahri: AAAWWWAAAAAWWWAAAAWWWWAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAOOOOO!!!

 

Akali: Bork bork bork

 

Ahri: MMMMMRRRRRRRR

 

Evelynn: She didn’t like that.

Evelynn: Do it again, Akali.

 

Akali: Yip yip bork bork borky boo

 

Ahri: RRRRRAAAAH RAAAAH RAAAH RAAAAH RAH!!!

 

Kai’sa: Quiet.

 

Ahri: GRRRRRRR

 

Akali: Holy fuck what was that??

 

Kai’sa: Was that some door being broken down???

 

Evelynn: Oh boy

Evelynn: Sivir, Kai’sa, whatever you two are doing in the room, you need to get ready to run.

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Guuuuyyysssss

Ahri: I’m back to normal!!!

Ahri: Let me out!

Ahri: Pweeeaaaaasseeee!

 

Kai’sa: No.

Kai’sa: Stay in your room.

 

Ahri: I sowwwyyyy

Ahri: I didn’t mean to barge into your room while you and Sivir were fucking

 

Kai’sa: You broke down a door and jumped at me

Kai’sa: It’s a miracle that you didn’t break my back.

 

Sivir: You broke my nose

 

Ahri: I sowwyyyyy

 

Akali: Lol so you’re back to normal Ahri?

 

Ahri: Yessshhhhhhh

 

Evelynn: Oh no

Evelynn: You’re normal

 

Ahri: Pwease take off the cone of shame off of me and let me out of the room?

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: Well fuck you, you fucking dumb fucking broad you piece of shit

 

Evelynn: Lol

 

Ahri: Let me put you in a cone of shame and see how you like it.

 

Evelynn: I’ve done it before.

Evelynn: It’s a great way to get into the mood in bed during certain kinks.

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Sivir:

 

Akali: Eve go bork bork

 

Ahri: LMFAOOOO

Ahri: YOU FUCKING SUCCUHOE!!

 

Evelynn: *shrugs*

Evelynn: What can I say?

Evelynn: I am a succubus.

Evelynn: I’ve done every naughty kink on the list at least once.

 

Akali: You suuuucccc u busss

 

Evelynn: Hahah, oh Akali

 

Ahri: Is Akali drunk?

 

Sivir: She sure is.

 

Ahri: Awwww you guys drank without meee????

 

Kai’sa: You were a real fox!!

 

Ahri: Dats truuuu

 

Kai’sa: You fucking had your tongue in my mouth.

 

Ahri: I was giving you kisses

 

Kai’sa: No, you were trying to make me choke on your fucking tongue.

 

Ahri: Sorry it’s a fox thing.

Ahri: Well

Ahri: I think wolves do it more but that’s just our way of greeting you

 

Kai’sa: It’s gross

 

Ahri: You’ve probably done grosser things with Sivir.

 

Sivir: I don’t deepthroat Kai’sa with my tongue.

 

Ahri: Well

Ahri: She can check off deepthroated by a tongue off of her list.

 

Kai’sa: yay….

 

Ahri: Now release me.

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: PLLLLEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEE???

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Kai’sa: Stay in your room for tonight.

 

Sivir: Please.

 

Ahri: Akali, release me.

 

Akali: After I get spicy ramyun

Akali: soon

 

Evelynn: I thought you were going to the bathroom…?

 

Akali: no im in a car

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Kai’sa: Please tell me you are in one of Eve’s car.

 

Akali: No it’s moving

 

Evelynn:

 

Kai’sa: …

 

Sivir: Yo...did you hop into some random car?

 

Akali: Nah i use Uber

Akali: I think?

 

Evelynn: Akali, I’m going to call you.

Evelynn: Please answer.

 

Akali: Okie dokie mami

 

Ahri: Release me and I’ll go find Akali.

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, go release Ahri.

 

Kai’sa: Really?

 

Evelynn: She has a good sense of smell and she’s fast.

Evelynn: She’ll find Akali.

 

Kai’sa: Alright.

 

Akali: Weee

 

XXX

 

Ahri: I AM LITERALLY DYING!!!

Ahri: GUESS WHERE I FOUND AKALI!!??????

 

Evelynn: Alive and safe???

 

Ahri: SHE FUCKING PASSED OUT ON THE ROUNDABOUT AT THE PLAYGROUND!!!

Ahri: *texts photo*

 

Evelynn: Oh thank god…

 

Kai’sa: At least she wasn’t in some stranger’s car…

 

Sivir: Hey Ahri

Sivir: Spin her.

 

Ahri: OKAY!

 

Evelynn: DON’T!!

 

Kai’sa: Sigh…

Kai’sa: I’ll start preparing the laundry…

 

Ahri: LOOK AT HER GO!

Ahri: *texts video*

 

Evelynn: STOP DOING THAT TO HER!!!

 

Ahri: NOOOOOPEEEE!!!

 

Evelynn: AHRI STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING UGLY FOX!

 

Ahri: I DID NOT LIKE BEING IN THE CONE OF SHAME!

 

Evelynn: I WILL FUCKING PUT YOU BACK INTO THE CONE OF SHAME AGAIN IF YOU DON’T STOP SPINNING AKALI!!

 

Ahri: TRY ME BITCH!!!

 

Evelynn: BITCH!

 

Kai’sa: Congrats to our video’s success….yay…

 

Sivir: Yay.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Akali and Kai’sa.

 

Akali: I’m awake.

 

Kai’sa: It’s 3 in the morning.

Kai’sa: Go back to sleep…

 

Akali: I want to talk to you.

 

Kai’sa: About what?

 

Akali: Do you think Eve likes girls?

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Please fucking let me sleep.

 

Akali: Well do you?

 

Kai’sa: Are you this fucking dense?

 

Akali: Give me a yes or a no.

 

Kai’sa: Yes.

 

Akali: Okay

Akali: So I’m not the only one.

 

Kai’sa: We all know.

 

Akali: Oh.

Akali: Hahaha!

 

Kai’sa: Hardy har har…

 

Akali: Hey Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Akali: I get this warm feeling whenever I’m near Eve.

Akali: Do you feel that too?

 

Kai’sa: Yes.

Kai’sa: It’s called anger for me.

 

Akali: Well it’s not anger for me.

Akali: It’s softer and kinda feels nice.

 

Kai’sa: That’s cute.

Kai’sa: Congrats.

Kai’sa: You are feeling something.

 

Akali: What’s that?

 

Kai’sa: Love.

 

Akali: No, it doesn’t feel like love.

 

Kai’sa: Then you’re a lost cause.

 

Akali: ???

 

Kai’sa: Talk to me in the morning.

 

Akali: But it’s bugging me!

Akali: I can’t wait till morning.

 

Kai’sa: Why??

 

Akali: Bc Evelynn is sleeping right next to me and idk if I should leave or just try to power through the night with these weird feelings.

 

Kai’sa: Just go to sleep.

Kai’sa: We can talk about this in the morning.

 

Akali: Okie okie sowwy

 

Kai’sa: It’s okay.

Kai’sa: Good night, Akali.

 

Akali: Night!

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: What was Akali saying about me?

 

Kai’sa: Let me fucking sleep…

 

Evelynn: I saw my name while she was texting you.

Evelynn: What did she say?

 

Kai’sa: Let me sleep for fuck sake…

 

Evelynn: Just tell me what Akali said!

 

Kai’sa: Ask her yourself!

 

Evelynn: She’s asleep.

 

Kai’sa: WELL NO SHIT!

 

Evelynn: What did she say to you??

 

Kai’sa: SHE SAID SHE FEELS WARM SO FUCKING STOP SNUGGLING HER AND LET HER FUCKING BREATH!!!

 

Evelynn: What????

 

Kai’sa: GOOD NIGHT!

 

Evelynn: WAKE YOUR ASS UP AND TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID!!!

 

Kai’sa: SHE SAID SHE FEELS WARM NOW FUCKING LET ME SLEEP!!!!

 

Evelynn: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

 

Kai’sa: I WILL FUCKING BLOCK YOUR NUMBER IF YOU KEEP BOTHERING ME!!

 

Evelynn: FINE!

 

Kai’sa: GOOD NIGHT!

 

Evelynn: GOOD NIGHT YOU PEACH HOE!

 

Kai’sa: FUCK YOU!

 

Chapter Text

Ahri: Guruuurururururuullllls

 

Evelynn: Shut the fuck up it’s 4am.

 

Kai’sa: Well a happy good morning to you too Eve

 

Evelynn: Fuck off

 

Ahri: It’s actually 10am…

 

Evelynn: Oh

Evelynn: Are you sure?

 

Akali: It’s 10am

 

Evelynn: Huh

Evelynn: So it seems.

 

Kai’sa: You just woke up?

 

Evelynn: Beauty sleep demands many hours.

 

Ahri: Go back to sleep then

Ahri: You need more hours.

 

Evelynn: Fuck you

 

Ahri: Teeee heeee

 

Evelynn: Are you guys still home?

 

Kai’sa: I’m cleaning up the house right now

 

Evelynn: Ew

 

Kai’sa: Someone has to clean around here

 

Evelynn: Thank you for your hard work

 

Ahri: You’re the best, Kai’sa!

 

Kai’sa: ...

 

Akali: Ahri and I went out for breakfast

 

Evelynn: Aw really?

Evelynn: You should’ve woken me up

Evelynn: I would have wanted to come.

 

Ahri: We did

Ahri: We woke you and you straight up said

Ahri: “I will gut you if you drag me away from my bed”

Ahri: And fell back asleep

 

Evelynn: Oh…

Evelynn: My bad

 

Akali: And then some weird horns came out of your head for a moment

 

Evelynn: Oh that’s my Demon Shade

Evelynn: Don’t worry about it

 

Kai’sa: You’re…

Kai’sa: What?

 

Evelynn: My Demon Shade

 

Kai’sa: I get that

Kai’sa: What is it??

 

Evelynn: It’s my ability

Evelynn: Sort of?

 

Ahri: It’s like Evelynn’s inner demon that comes out if she gets very angry

 

Evelynn: Yeah that sounds right

 

Ahri: She’s a bitch

 

Evelynn: okay rude

Evelynn: She’s not a bitch

Evelynn: She’s just a little salty

 

Kai’sa: She??

Kai’sa: Does she have a mind of her own?

 

Ahri: Eh

Ahri: Not exactly

Ahri: It’s more like an alternate personality that comes out

 

Akali: Is it like Sasuke’s curse mark deal?

 

Ahri: Yeah close enough

 

Akali: Hot

 

Evelynn: I can gladly show it to you, Akali

 

Akali: Sweet!

Akali: I want to see if you can do cool ninja tricks.

 

Evelynn: Yeah sure I can do that…

 

Ahri: Darn, so close

Ahri: She was on the right path but she fell off

 

Evelynn: Shut up

 

Akali: ???

 

Kai’sa: I’m still very confused…

 

Ahri: You gotta see it for yourself to understand

Ahri: Which might happen soon

Ahri: I have two news for you guys

Ahri: Well…

Ahri: One of them is more for Evelynn

 

Evelynn: Okay?

 

Kai’sa: Yes?

 

Ahri: We’re going to get an interview done by Poprox

 

Kai’sa: Oh that’s so cool!

 

Akali: Our first interview!

 

Evelynn: Ugh

Evelynn: I hate them

 

Ahri: Eve, you don’t even need to talk

Ahri: In fact I would prefer if you didn’t talk…

 

Evelynn: They just ask really dumb questions…

Evelynn: I hate it

 

Ahri: You literally don’t need to say anything unless they ask you a question

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri: Okay you’re right

Ahri: They’ll bombard you with questions

 

Evelynn: No shit you dumbass fox

 

Ahri: Shut up you little hoebag

 

Evelynn: Stank little piece of shit

 

Ahri: Ugly man o whore

 

Kai’sa: Really you two?

 

Evelynn: It’s how we express our love for each other.

 

Ahri: Ditto

 

Kai’sa: Its toxic

 

Ahri: Your face is toxic

 

Kai’sa: Mature…

 

Akali: How do interviews work??

Akali: I never really had a proper interview before

Akali: When I did do one, I blanked out and forgot what I said

Akali: I’m getting nervous for this interview…

 

Evelynn: You don’t need to worry about it

Evelynn: Ahri will most likely do the talking

 

Ahri: In Korean

 

Evelynn: Oh my god…

 

Ahri: You know I can only do interviews in Korean!

 

Evelynn: Which I don’t understand…

 

Ahri: I get nervouuusss

Ahri: I no good english well during interviews

 

Kai’sa: That was painful to read

 

Evelynn: ...

Evelynn: But I always have to translate for you

 

Ahri: I wuv u bff~~~~

 

Evelynn: I hate you

 

Ahri: Awww shuucks

 

Kai’sa: I don’t understand you two…

 

Akali: It’s simple

Akali: Ahri is Naruto and Evelynn is Sasuke

 

Ahri: Dear god no…

 

Evelynn: What’s a Sasuke?

Evelynn: Who is that again?

 

Akali: A hot emo man

 

Evelynn: Okay I’ll take it

 

Ahri: You’ll take anything at this point

 

Evelynn: Shut up Ahri

 

Kai’sa: So what’s the other news?

 

Ahri: Oh right…

Ahri: Eve, I don’t want you to get mad

 

Evelynn: Why would I be mad?

Evelynn: Then again, you always piss me off

 

Ahri: Just hear me out

Ahri: It’s a shooting

Ahri: They need someone that has great chemistry with him

Ahri: And very few women do

Ahri: But they think you can do it

 

Evelynn: If it’s doing a porno, I’ve moved on from those days

 

Kai’sa: WHAT???

 

Akali: Woah

Akali: Is there anything that Eve hasn’t done yet?

 

Ahri: Have a meaningful relationship

 

Evelynn: Okay fuck off

 

Ahri: looool

Ahri: You know I’m right

 

Evelynn: I also know you stink

 

Ahri: It’s my foxy lady musk

 

Evelynn: No, it’s just all the bullshit that comes out of your ass.

 

Ahri: My beautiful booty

 

Evelynn: Furry ass

 

Ahri: I don’t have a single hair on my ass

 

Evelynn: Fake ass fox…

 

Ahri: Ugly cross eyed bitch

 

Evelynn: 5 years

 

Ahri: Get over it

 

Evelynn: Five fucking years

 

Ahri: Get over it!

 

Evelynn: Five long fucking years of fucking hell

 

Ahri: You’ve been through worse

Ahri: Shut up

 

Kai’sa: Can you just tell Eve what your news is for her??

 

Ahri: Twisted Fate has a photoshoot and he wants you to be his tango dancer.

 

Evelynn: ...

Ẽ̷͎̳v̸̢̰͛̄ë̷̬l̸̯̘̒͝y̷̨͚̕͝n̷̲͂͛n̵̳̘̈́ :̵̠̔͝ ̸̣͑̄W̷̫͊H̶̟̹̿A̷̤̞͐̚T̴̪?̸̲͑̋

 

Kai’sa: What the fuck??

 

Akali: How did you do that?

 

Ë̵͚̻́v̸̯̈́e̸̹͚͗̾l̸̤͇͗y̶̧̬̿ǹ̸̨ǹ̶̆͜ :̷̖͓̀ ̷̤͈͗T̸̤̽͂Ḧ̴̻͕̕A̷̹̲T̶̰̻̿ ̶̯͇̈F̷̲͂͝U̶̻͑̽C̷̭͠K̶͎̰̏I̴̺̐N̵͜G̸̘̤̀ ̸̱͐Ȧ̴͇̀Ş̸̹̿S̶͚̃̂W̴̻̓̐I̸̦̋P̶̭͔̒E̸͊͜ ̶̻̤͠W̵̦̹͒̐A̸̧͋Ň̷͚̣Ṭ̴̦͊̈́S̵͔͊͠ ̸̛͚T̸͍̊̈O̶̢̝͂͠ ̸͕͠Ḩ̴̔̽A̸̤̓͝Ṿ̵̱͋Ē̷͎ ̸͎A̴̲͑ ̶̦͙̂P̴̢̒H̷̪̾Ö̴̧̞́̑Ţ̸̛̫͝O̶̥̝̍Š̵̼̑H̴̻̝̍̉Ö̴̤̩O̴̝̣̔͑T̸͎̀ ̵̡̭̄̑W̶͎̋͗I̵͍̒̔T̵̙͉̍H̴̘̚ ̷̖̖̊͑M̵̖͓̈́̄E̶̳̭͗?̵͓̥̇̂?̵̧̻̔?̵̪͉̍ ̴̾ͅ

̸̛͔Ĕ̶̳v̷̙̓e̵̹̊l̴̦͕͒̈́y̷̰̽n̷͍͌n̵͍̈́ :̵͉̪̾ ̶̧Ă̴̗͈̈́F̵̺̅Ţ̵̅E̵̯̽͘R̴̢̤͆͑ ̴̨̪̿F̶͓̄̅U̷̝͝͠C̵̭̠̊͌K̸͉̈I̶̟̞̅N̸͎̓̒G̷̲͙̈́ ̶̟͑̒D̵̦̦̾Ǘ̷̠͇̂M̷̱̪̂͠P̴̲̠̉͂I̶̙̗͋N̸̖͝G̷̻̱͆ ̸̞̍M̶̬̖̔Ȩ̴̦̓͝ ̵̱͔͐O̶̬̪͘͘F̸̻̂F̸̡̡̽̚ ̷̪͎̈̚O̶̟̱͆N̶͇̤͒̀ ̸͓̀̈́T̴̼̜͆H̴̹͌E̷̺͛ ̶̛̲S̵̙͉I̵͎̲̓͘D̴̬̕Ḛ̶̺̐ ̷͚͗O̸̯̾͊F̴͉̔̈ ̶͔͔̆T̵̢̝̚H̴͉̿̇ͅË̶̦́̈ͅ ̸̱̯͒̓Ŗ̷̼̑Ǒ̵̩̇Ȃ̸̗͕̑D̶̩͒̽?̶̦̠̈̇?̵̘͌

 

Ahri: Here is Demon Shade Evelynn, girls

 

Akali: I want to do that on my phone!

 

Kai’sa: Dear god we have other issues to deal with, Akali…

Kai’sa: Like the fact I heard some kind of explosion

 

Ahri: She might have broke down another wall

 

Kai’sa: Fuck…

 

E̴̫̺͇̠͎͖͊͋̇͛̿̈́͜v̴̢̺̲̭̹̟͓̑͋͜e̸̠̋͂̾͝ĺ̴̢̧̺̤̜̖̑̍̕͝y̵̡̡̲̺̘͓͛̋ͅn̷̡̳̘̳̘̯̟̮̈́͐̈̋́̈̐n̷̮͈̟̍͑ :̴̧̥̼̣̃͋̿̚͝ ̴͎̱̈́͐̿̕T̷̲̭̀͗H̷̯͔̹͑̏̂̐̑͋̅̕A̸͕̎̓͂̈́̋̓̑̏T̵̖̣̙̳̝̻̀̈́ ̷̥̮̟̞̤̅̏M̷̪͊̾̌͘A̸͈̗̪̼̺̹̎̆͊̃̕͝N̴̡͛ ̵̧̩̠͇͑I̶̗͙͖͈͈̮̅͜S̸̡̢͚̤̭͇̠̰͌̓͌̀̍ ̶̧̗̝̗̟̯͔͌͑͜T̶̫͓̖͓̼͕̀̐H̶͇̗͈̖̿̆̇̔Ḛ̵̗͐ ̷̼̝̪̓̾̂̂̌̊̎͘Ḅ̴̞̤͈͆͠Ả̵̙̥̼̟̠̒͂N̴̢̡̯̺̻͉̑̉̍E̸̲̣̻̲͊̅̒̈̚̕ ̸̨̩̅̑̽̀̕͠͝Ö̶̢͇́̃̑͒̕F̸̧͇͖̖͇̩̭͐̾̓̍͗̎ͅ ̸͉̟̳̟̘̀͋͋̈̿͝M̸̭̗͓͉̞͔̘͔̈̿͊Ŷ̶̡͍̤̠͈̬̄͌̎̀͘̚ ̶͓̜͖̞͈͚͙̩͆͌̓Ë̶̤͓̔͝X̵͇̺̭͎̐̏̅̎̍Ǐ̴̛̼͕̯̦Ṡ̵̨͆̿̚͘T̴̡̻̭͉̺̀̔E̶̗̯̾̾̉̕̕Ň̴̨̘̯̺̗͙̈̈̀C̸̞̬͛Ȇ̷̿͜!̴̛̘͍̫̄̈́͂͂!̷̛̘͎̜͈̱̓̃̂̓̄͘
̷̣̝̙̅̂̉̔͂͝E̸̬̲͐͑̃̐͝v̴͖̭͇̞̗̠̂̈́͛̾͒̎͠e̴̠̦͕̣̥͇͛̉ͅḷ̴͈̥͌̂̌͒̇̎̿͘ŷ̸̱̻̠̋̏̇ṇ̸̌̇̊̾̇̚͝͠ñ̷̨̰̰̰̫̭̭̉̅̑̎̉̎̂ :̶͚̤̲̭̺̭̳̓͛̚͜ ̶̧̬͇̫̱̓̅̓̅̍̚͝Ḧ̸̥̰͙̞̹̰̱́̒̇̚͜Ḛ̵͖̘͍͉͕̲̊̈́͝͝ ̴̯̊̓̑̄͆̌̚͝F̴̹̙̭̺̰̭̹͑̉Ų̷̑̋̐̍̾Ċ̸̛̲̫̬͔̫̻̬̬̃̂͝͝K̶̹̲̱̫̠̃̒͛̏Í̷͙̖͇͔̀̋N̵͔̼͇͋̇͑͆́̎͘͘G̵̨̨̳͙̲͙̝̓̊͐̾̇̕͘ͅ ̵̢̛̱̪̯͉͘Ţ̷̡̡͙͙͇͚̯̈̉́̓̏A̶̦͔̙̎̆͂͛͘K̸̮͙͙̕Ę̸̼͓̪͗͒S̵̱̘͎͈̗͕͙̻͋͐̑͘͝ ̷̡͚̦͓̰͚͚̺̈͋̓͌͑͛̚͠M̶̮̮͆̿̌Y̶̱͑̒̒͊̎͠ ̶̮͙͌̀̾̋̋̉̎V̶͉̪̝̎̀̆̈͠͠I̷̼̜͂̂̂͌̿̏R̵͓̤͔̰̅̾̉͆̽͝͠G̷͈̾̏̄̈̌͊̆͝Į̶̛̬̞̒̋̃̑͑́͗N̶̡̫̥̺̯̂̌͋̎̽̕͠Ȉ̶̭͍̖̝͕̬̞̎Ṭ̸̨̝̟̝͔̟͊ͅY̵̤̳̣͊̑͂ ̷̢̛̳̞͆̌̽́̈͆͠Ä̶̙͙́̏͆̉͠N̴̛̙̟̠̜͈̅̽̅̌̈́D̸̬͎̩̱̃́͌̈́̎͘̚ ̵̺͔̗̒͐̈̅͠͝T̵̨̮͈͔̪̱͊̒̋H̷͈̰̦̯̄I̷̛͚̥̤̮̤͇̟͛̉̇͂̈́͝N̷̢͈͓̹͗̆͒̀̽̍͜ͅK̴̫͇͙̓͑̏̎͘S̵̪̬̭̼̻͋͛̓͐̓ ̵̛̛̗̤̮̜̋̑̄H̸͙̗̙̗̠̻̦̺̉̊̂̊̾̐͝͝E̸̫̐͑̓͊͗̅̚͠ ̴̰̠̭̳̊̊̂͊̓͝I̷̞͙͉͈͖͑͌͝S̶̰̩̿͒͆͊̎ ̵̹̍̈́͋̑͒T̶͎̙̪͇̂͆̈́H̴̝̯̺̼͇̑͌̽͋̈́̔͌͝ͅĒ̸̱̹͇̦͔̳̜̌ ̶̡̳̫̪̲̬̝̑F̴̲̑̈͒̋̀͋͘͝Ư̶̻̳̫̯̺̦̦͂̈́̏̄̒̾̇C̷̗͔̘̖̰̅̑̓͊̒ͅK̶̭̔͋̎̓I̴̧̡̧̧̥̘̲͂̃̏̀̔N̷̞͕̥̖̠̫̪͈̈́̎̆̔͝G̷̟̤̖͔̟͈͈̹̽ ̴̧̰͈͍̒S̸̡̝̳̖͗͒Ḥ̷̲̃̂̉̕̕͝I̸̢͇͍̙̙̍̔̍̎̊̇̿͘͜ͅT̸͚͕͒!̸͍̱̦̘̙̜̗̟͂̆̐ ̸̡̨̙͚̑̋́F̴̖͚͓̂͗͘̚͠͝͝Ự̷̢̼̪̻̍Ĉ̴̘̮͕̝͕͇͎̓͊͐͝͝K̸͕̩̣͋͌̋ ̵̙͎͖̗T̴͇̯̀͠Ȟ̵̝̔̄͝ͅA̷̡̰͉̻͘T̵̡͈͖̬̭̅̂̇̽͘ ̴̧͉̮͙͌͗ͅM̴̛͖̍͑̈́̉̒̊͝A̷̰̤̫̠̪̮̠͔̎̄̀͐̊N̵̢͈͎̜͎͖͚̓̆͑͐͐Ẉ̴̺̲̭͔͕̠̱H̶͙͓̰͍̍̀Ơ̴͉̤̎́R̶̝̬͕̲̜͔̊̈́͑̍̓͛E̷̛̱̮̞͑͐̊̽̑̎!̵̲͛̐͋͘ ̵̧͍͈̾̅̅̏͐̎̉F̴͖͈͔̤͘Ử̵̱͙̾͒́͗ͅC̷̟̯̓̊͜K̵̢̳̽̂͂͐̉̿͜͠ ̵̛̛͔͌͗͒H̷̖͕͊̾̉͛͂ͅI̷͚̤̣͇͔̲̓͋͊̉̾M̸̡̢̩̹̩̜̭̙̌̑̂͂͝!̵̨̦̗̜͇̂̐́͒̅ ̶̨̆͝Ḯ̶͍̹͊͑̉̋̈ ̸͕͙̬̫̹͙̍̊͋̊̅̌̍ͅW̷̨̮̯͒̋͘Ỉ̵̤̭͐͗́̀̍̽̚Ļ̴͓͎͕̃̌̀̆L̵̤̖̲̱̒͆͜ ̵͓̭̖̖̤̱̮̊̿̋͜M̸͚͕̭̋Ṵ̸̦͕̮̻̫͇͔͛̀̅̉͒̓R̷̨̜͇̤̹̈̊̃̈́̈́̃D̸͈͙̳͖̘̐̂͊ͅͅẸ̶̋͛̈́̑̂͑͝R̷̠̻̒̓ ̸͈̟̣̈̃̈́̈́̏̿͜H̶͓̬̠͌͗Ï̸̛̠̠̪͒͆̔͂̚M̷̢͓̮̍̅ͅ ̷̧̧̧̲͉̤͇̄̄͜A̶͉̙͓͗̏̍̒̂̇͒͝ͅN̶͓͈̯͎̯̉̈́̊̌̈̾͝D̶̬̳̤̹̖̓͐̾̀̊̒̋̿ ̴̪̈̉̔͠F̴̫͉̦̼͖̭̻͂̽̾͐̐̍̚͘͜E̴̙͐̒̉̋̕Ë̶̫̫̣͉̫͉̠́̓͝͠͝ͅD̴̨̡̛͚̹͕̾͛̈́̈́ͅͅ ̵̡́͐H̷͔͕͊̓̓͝I̶͓̒̏M̴̢̢̡͎͚̲̃̃͛̅̈́ ̷̡̨̻̞̼̞̤̋̀͆̅͛̍͘̚͜Ḩ̶̙͍̳̥̩̲̾̈́̀̅̉͘̕I̴̛̮̜͋̽̐͒͒Š̵̘͈͕̪̝̹̥̀̓͐̕͝ ̶̜͖̒̍͒O̵̠͈̠͈̜̤̔̋͑̾̏̂͜W̶̹̼̰͒̄̔́̅Ņ̵̧̬̤̻͉̔̆̿̃̓̌͜ ̴̳̹͒͠D̶̨̼̲̼͔̙͉̼͑̈̅̀Ì̵̧͈̰̐̉̉͊̂C̴̨̲͇̈́́͑̑̊̈́Ķ̸̪͎̅̃́̚͜ͅ!̴̧̧̰̘͙͑̈́̇̓͛͘

 

Kai’sa: I can’t read that…

 

Ahri: She’s just spouting a bunch of nasty stuff.

 

Akali: I WANT TO DO THAT WITH MY PHONE!!

 

Kai’sa: Can’t you read the mood??

 

Akali: I STILL WANNA DO THAT TO MY PHONE!!

 

Ahri: Go Akali, go after your dreams!

 

E̴̻͖̟̅̀͗v̸̲͎̍̃e̴͠ͅl̷̢̬̫̽͗y̸̮̠͂̈́ṋ̶̝̫͐n̵͙̏ :̴̘̄͛ ̵̤̤͈̐T̵̲̥̗̋̈H̷̟̗̃A̸̬̓̔Ţ̵͔͝ ̸͙͓̮̍Ṃ̵͖͐͝A̴͙͕̅̏N̶͍͇͊ ̵̙̅I̵̭̰̔̓S̵̘̞̓̚͝ ̶̝̑͝T̵͇̞͓̓͒H̵̰̤̒̄͜E̵̟ ̷̣̣͉̈́Ḇ̸̩̬͊͗͝A̶̻͑̿̚N̸͓͂̌Ê̷̛̱͠ ̶̺̫͎̏͒̎Ȏ̸̦̣F̷̹̌͌ ̴̢̝̞̍Ṃ̷̎̐Y̷̡̛̱͖͛͘ ̷̟̮̒͐̐E̶̫͕̕Ẍ̶̬̦͋Ṩ̶̤I̸̦͎̥͌S̸͇̽͗T̷̬͈̑̏Ê̴͙N̴͎̒C̴̢̩̯̀͊E̷͍̓́ ̴̙͛͌̋

 

Ahri: So are you going to do the photoshoot or not?


̵͇̗̥̰̻̮͚̪͇̥̮̭͙̇̾̅̍̋̊̒̈́̔͊͜E̵̖̣̝̳̋͌v̵̡̢̠͕͈̮̼̻͍̩̠̼͉͔͎͖͓̱̗͔̻͍͇̼̮̫̱̍̒͌͐̾̇̽̐̐̀͑͛͆̈́̊̾̐̀͛̚͝͝͝͝ē̴̡̧̛̮͕͙̤͕̬̼͈͇͈͚̪͈͈̺͎͋̇̊̊̎͆͋͂͌͝͝l̷̨̡̤͉̙̟͚̥̦̹̥̫͍̺̥̱̦͈͚̹͍̀̕͝y̶̛̳͓͕̐͒̌̇̊͆̅̋͌̊͛͛͗͋̇̈́͌̐̐̀̕͠͠͝ṋ̴̨̨̣̥͙̜͚̝̲̺̞̳̦͉͕̒̿̈́̌̈̕͜͠͝͝ͅn̷̨̛̛̰͔̦̯̓̌̈͐͐̇͌̍̾̌̔͆̆͂͐́̂̔̒̄̀̑͆͋̽͛͋̈́͗̕͝͝͝ͅͅͅ :̸̧̥̳̲̪͕͚̦̻̤͇̩̱̺̼̗̂͌̏͋̾̊ͅ ̶̭̣̩̫̜̺̲͉̫̊̑̅̐̔̾̔̇͂̈̃͒̍̈́̋͜͜͝ͅN̷̡̛̛̤̪̺͎̙̪͚̭͙̭͓̯̝̬̞̺̜̺̞̺̫͇̲̼̝̟͇̻̽̑̌̑̎̎̾̑́̓́̈̄͑̔̄͂̿̉̐̉̈́͑̅͋͛̕͜͝͝͝͝O̷̢̡̡̳̪̫̝̫̞̘̩̭̼͖̰̠͖̳̲̺̩̪͓̺̭͇͔͈̹̥̻̍̑͂͑̽̑̅̾͐̑̈́̃̐͆̿͋̇̈́̓͌͒͒̃̓̎́͆̀͋͋͑̒̊͜͜͜͝Ö̷̢̧̨̫̖̖̟̼͕̻̹͙͉̬̜̖̘̺̜̼̘͇̮̳̳̙̤̺̭̰̪̬͉̰̪̼͕̈́͂͗͋̔̓̀̓O̶̢̡̖̝͔͚͍̦̫͎̥͈̮͍̤͙͈̱̫̬̦̦̜̭̙͇̗̻̤͓͔̩̿ͅ!̴̧̢̨̨̛̲͎͚͕͔͖͍̬͍͍̪͕̖̐̓́̋̋̃̏̈́́̂̉̉͌̍́͒̆́͆̈͐͑̋̈̈́̒̃́͘͘͝ͅͅ!̶̡̨̡̨̛͔̺̻̫͎̬̩̝̞̣͓̖̻͎̹̯͕̹̞̗̜̹̳͎͕͉̬̻̤̙̜̼̖̼̓͊̿̒̃̾̈́̃̓̂̽͂͑̑͐͌̆̎͌͂̈́̐̆̓̈̅̉̊̕͘͜ͅ!̵̢̛̰̦̤̻̪̯͓͓̙͔͇͇̳̹̪̺͎͇̣̰̝̱͕͔͉̠͔̟̭̭̥͈̠̯̻̯̼́͋̄̉̐̂́̐̅̾̎̍͋̇͌͑̏̉̑̆̏͐̇̽͌́̆̓̚̚̚͜͜͠͝͠͝ͅ

 

Kai’sa: JESUS WTF????

 

Akali: THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL!!!!

 

Ahri: Isn’t it??

 

Ȩ̸͇͂͜ṽ̵̖̎͌̄e̵͔̚ļ̸̻̗͂y̵͍̥̾ņ̷͈͍̫̆͊͘n̵̢̺̳̮̑̌͊ :̷̨̆̂ ̷̙̥̜̙̈́G̵͈̗̟̃L̵̦̼͂̊͝A̵͔̣̓̿̈́̄Ḋ̵̬̖̊̚͝ ̵̱͎̋̓̏̒Y̵̬̦̭̝̑̆̚͠O̵̹̭͆U̶̯̔̈́̕ ̷̱͈̃̕Ȃ̴̭͈͎̓͒͊R̵͈̫͈̿͛Ẽ̸̥͘ ̸͇̍G̷̭̠̫͍̉̎̈̂E̸͕̘̋T̸͙̞̏̑̌̊Ť̶̗̇͋́I̷͕̼̔̓N̵͎̱͇̍̚ͅG̴̜̥̭̯̈ ̵̣͕̝̬̃Ä̴̯́̇͝ Ķ̸̛̼̘̂̇͜Ị̸̬̄͌C̷̞̦̽K̵̢̘͍̉̕ ̵̝̩̥͈̈̇̊O̵̟̼̒̓̉̎U̷͕͒̓̕T̸̩͕͙̣̔ ̵̳̟͔̹͛̀̓Ö̶̹̳̖͑͜F̷̟͎̑̇̎ ̴̗̤̗͒̉T̵̨̩͌H̷̰̾̽͐Ī̸̻̞̼̠S̷̙̯̾́̅̚,̶̗̘͛̄̍ ̶̼̙͇̓̀A̶̖̚H̶͙̩̙͘͠ͅR̸̗̠̟͊͗̄Ĩ̵̖̬̓̓̕!̶̜͛͌̑̔!̵̧̄

 

Kai’sa: PLEASE TELL ME THAT WASN’T YOU SCREECHING EVE!!

 

Ahri: It’s prolly her.

Ahri: Lol

 

Ȅ̷̞̺͔̦̫͓̻̘͊̉v̵̡̨̘̱͚͚͖̖̫̰̹̪̫̔̎̌̍̉̎͂̌̇̌̌͐̐̈́͝͝͝ȩ̶̢̨̨̰̬̟̩̖͉̯͕̣̮̳̲͉͔̯̊̄̂̈̋̍͘l̵̛̬̈́̀͛̅̃̀̓̓̂̅̅͋̑̕͘͝y̷̖̮̲̞̥̣̱̗͑̍̃̈́͊̅͐̑̇̀̒͗̚̕͘͜n̸̢̲͕̦͎̪̫̩̝̗̦̬̫̥̱͇̆̉̉̂̈̀̒͆̈́̾̒̋̒̕ͅņ̷̡̧̧̹͓̩̝͕͔̜͎̲̖̟͇͆͐͊͒̍̔̐̒̋͊̊̈́̽̈́̕̕͠ͅ :̶̨̛͕͖͉͇̳͖͉̯͉̬̯̯̥͈̠͇͛͛͛̋̀͆͗͒͒̐̓͜ ̴̣̠͚̓̇̄I̷̢̢̧̥̝̭̮̰̥̘͔͉͑̏̈́̽̂̐̌͊͆̏̐̋̀̌ ̸̢̥͚̰͉̬̓̉͝ͅA̵̡̨̪̭͓͑̾̇̔̃͐͛͒͒̓M̶̺̙͚̹̪͇͍̚ ̸̨̡̧͓̮̠͈̰̱̘̺̗͖͈̞͂̿͑̽͌̂̅̆̈́͆͗͘ͅŅ̵̢̛̜̘̦̹͒͑̋̈́͛͊͘Ȍ̷̼͙̫̬̪̭̜̙͝ͅT̵̗͇̟͙̬́̊͌́̈́̽̿̎͘͝ ̶̨͚̟̟̼̟̘̝̟̭͖̱̙͉̻͖̦̇̂̓̊̑̏D̶̡̛̼̰̖̘̬̥̮̞͓͍͈̺̟̤̼̅̊̐͊̎́̂̀̑̎̑̍͛ͅO̷̢͍̐̎͐̆̄̐̆̄̈̊̏͊̕̚͝͝I̴̛̪̣͑̑̌͊̐̆̓͋̔̾͆̏̍̽N̵̡͉̰͉̗͙̖̂̆̂͒͒̒̍̒̇̔͆̕͠G̸̛̼͓͔̭͊̀͛́̓́̌̓̚̚ ̶̮̹̞̫̩̣̠̝͍̰̠̰̹͔̩̈͑͐̔̔̋̃̽̚͝͝ͅT̷̛͉̘̒̈́̓̉̽̒̀̄̉̈̏̚͘͝Ḧ̸̛͉̘̜̦́̏͋͛͒̅͊̊A̷̢̡̢͚̹̬͉̺̥̙̝̮̭̲̗̫͙̔̍̎̀͌̽̏̓͗͗͂T̴̡̛͕̤͔̠͚̤̱͈͓̬͂̃͋̓̌͂̉͊̐̆͐͌͒͜ͅ ̴̙̲̮̤͈͍͖̲͚̈́͛̄̇̐̒̄͌͋͠P̵̢͚̠̲̫̈́͂̅̈̽̈̆͋͛̈́̕̚͠H̷̺̲̱͔̩͔͙͛͜O̴̜̩̓̈́̃͜T̸̠͗̋͋̃̏͆͝O̶̺̭̾̃̍̎̎̔̈̏͊͑͐̃̅S̴̡̨̝͖̠̒͒̓̀͋͠Ḫ̷̩̗̰̻̲͉̘̼̯̰̾͑́̎̈́͋́͋̓Ȍ̷̖̫̗͕̳͖̦̈́́̀̈̈́͛̕͜O̶̧̡̤͓̦͈̳̲͈͚̦̓̉̏̃T̴̟͇̟̻̭̠͉͇̫͇̣̭̭̹̬̄͌͌̽͜!̴̧̛̩̫͖͚̠̪̍̑̎̎͑̇͌̐͊͊͝!̸̙̏̔͒̿̌̓͝!̵̧̧̨̲̝̘͉̣͇͇̤̤̫̬̙̘̼̊̎̃̂͠

 

Kai’sa: For fuck sake…

Kai’sa: Please stop I can’t read what you are typing…

 

Akali: Suuuugooooiiii neeee!!!

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Ȩ̵̨̪̾͑̍v̵̯̣̲͕͝e̸̱̐͛l̵̠̰͈̃y̴͔̋͊ͅn̸̼̈͒͝n̷̬̉͊̅ :̴̺̿ ̵̛͙͓͛͆͜I̴̡̹͉̮̒̌̍ ̷͈͕͇̃̚W̶̞̤̟̒͊̆̃I̶̬̅̈̓L̸̨̞̟̱͗͐͝L̷̢͓̪̪͗̿̿̒ ̴̡̛̭͖̋N̴͖̗͙̮͒͂̾͝O̴̗̻̜̒͊T̸̡̞͈̋͜͠ ̴̙̥̽̋̕͠ͅG̷͖̉͝͝E̷̖̾͋͆͠Ṯ̷̽͊ ̵̼̟̅̓N̵̙̲̙͒̓͝E̵̻̗̟͒̑͐̒A̸͙̪̅͒̇͑R̴̢̪̻̰̊̕͠ ̴̡̎T̵̢̻̣̎̓̆Ḩ̸̰̻͂͊̏Ȧ̸͊ͅT̷̥̉͐ ̸̗͙͂̑̂Ṃ̷̢͊͠A̴̢̍͝N̸͍͎͍͑̓,̷͓̖̪͋̅̎͋ ̸̲͖̍Â̸̲̬H̴̖̹͋R̶̪̪̄̍I̶̞̓̔̈́!̴̠̘̭̳̈́̅ ̸̨̛̝̐͒Y̴̨̛̼̭͂́Õ̶̮̹͛͛͜ͅƯ̵̛͇͋̃ ̶̞͒͊̾̏C̷̨̨͔̯͗̐̀̏Ą̶̳͌̏͝N̸͔̦͖̽’̶̹̑̏Ṱ̷͆̍̌̽ ̷̢̲̮̻͐̊̈M̶̠̗̞͕̾̋͐Ã̶̢̙̯̏̊̂͜K̵̬̱̅́ͅE̶̡͍͝ ̷͓̱̙̂͋M̸̖͙͓̭̐Ẽ̶̜̳͕̚ ̵̭̖̘̤̀̿̿́Y̶̜̿Ơ̶̧̒̐̿U̸͚̝̦̔͆̆͝ͅ ̴̡̪̑̋͊̕F̵̹U̶̡͚͒̊Ç̶͈̣̜͛Ķ̶͔͈̤͆̍̄̈İ̸͔̩̺̻̐̓̋Ǹ̵͇̲̪͂̀G̶̨͚͝͝ ̴̞̭̳̘̑̒B̷̡̙̳͔̕İ̵̡̬̜T̴̺͋C̵͚̆Ḧ̴̲̝̣̺́̏!̶͖͈͕͛͛͆̆

 

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: Look at how much money you’ll make if you do the photoshoot.

 

Ḛ̶̱̥̠̮̏́̔͂̉͑͠͝v̴̛̜̐̈́̃̑͒͗̐̇̂̋͐̔̔̓̐͂́̀͠ẽ̸̹̎̓̑̊̈̐̈́͆̿̀̍̇͒̎̋̈̋̂̔̈́̔̽̕͠͝l̴̢̨̨̡̳͎̜̻̞̲̦̪̰̟̣̭̬͓̮͊̄̿ẙ̴̨̡̙͖̰̼̗̭̣͍̝̠̗̍̂̓̌͒̕̚̚͜n̴̨̡̧̬̱̻̮̟͉̥̥̳̤̹͈̚͜ň̴̢̧̝̙̤͙̣͈͚̣̲̥͍͙̃͑̀̅́̋̏̔̔̀́̋̎͐̕̚͜͝͝ͅ :̴̛̛̞̝̘͎̰̲̦̫̟̯͌̓̈̃̔̑̂̀̀̾̉̂͛͂̇̂́̒̾̎̎̕͝ ̵͉̙͓̮̠̭͈̯̯̝̱̭̯̤̬͕̜͋͂̔͜͜.̵̙̰͕̝̜̜̹͉̖̗͇̭̘́̾͐͐̏̐̎̏͗̎͘ͅ.̶̧̢͎͔͇̦͉͕͓̦̠̼͔̞͇͎͔̙̪̖͚̥̹͆̄͊̋̅̈̿͗̆̅͛̐̆̆̏͒͐̕͜.̷̣̻͉̠͑

 

Kai’sa: For the love of god please stop texting like that.

 

Evelynn: Okay

Evelynn: I’ll do it.

 

Akali: WAIT GO BACK TO THE OTHER STYLE!

Akali: TEACH ME!!

 

E̷͎͑v̷̛̫e̷͍l̴̙̃ẏ̷̡n̴̝̔n̵̬̎ :̶̗̔ ̴͈͑I̷̭̓ ̶͉̚Ď̸̞O̴̟N̷͕̓’̵̩̽T̴̞͂ ̶̭͝K̸͙̈́N̸̫͑Ô̴͖W̵̦̕ ̶̻̔H̷̖͊Ò̶̰W̸͙͗ ̸̘͛I̸͚̍ ̶̤͝D̸̫̔O̴̖̚ ̶̥̂I̷̻̍T̷̖͝.̴͔͗ ̵̜̂Ť̵̫H̵̺́I̸̼͋S̵̼̆ ̸̼͠H̸̠̀Ã̴̙Ṡ̴͉ ̶͔́A̷̜̋L̷̻̓W̶̢̛A̵̺̅Y̶͚͊S̴͔͝ ̵̢̽H̵͚̆A̵̪͝P̴̰͘P̸͕͛E̴̥͆N̴͔̈́Ẽ̷̩D̴̙͒ ̵̺̎S̶͓̔I̷̙̕N̸͎͝C̷̤̀Ë̶̳́ ̶̢̛I̴̳͌ ̷̺̅F̸̳͗I̵̲̒R̸̥̋Ś̶̭T̸͖̋E̵̼͌D̵̻̾ ̴͉͝G̵͖̾Ȍ̶̫Ť̵̖ ̷͈̌M̸̭̔Y̴̺͆ ̷̽͜P̴̘̾Ḥ̷̏Ŏ̶̥Ǹ̵͙E̵̞̅.̵̳̃

 

Akali : It still looks so cool!

 

Ě̶̼v̶̰͋e̵̪̓l̸̻͗y̸̭̾n̷̪̔ñ̸̹:̶̩̽ ̵̣̔T̶̛͍H̸͎͝A̵͓̎N̴͖͂K̴̭͋ ̸͕̉Ỳ̸̭Ơ̸̯Ủ̸͕~̵̝̄

 

Ahri: Yeah yeah cool

Ahri: So you’re doing the photoshoot?

 

Evelynn: Only bc you didn’t pay me back for taking half of my fortune for this fucking house.

 

Ahri: Sweet

 

Kai’sa: Are you sure about this, Eve?

Kai’sa: Twisted Fate is your ex…

 

Akali: Well

Akali: All they have to do is dance and get their picture taken, right?

 

Kai’sa: It’s not that simple, Akali.

 

Akali: ??

 

Evelynn: When people break up, sometimes it leaves bad blood and it’s hard to cooperate with the other person.

Evelynn: But I’ll suck it up bc I need the money.

 

Kai’sa: You really don’t have to

 

Evelynn: I do

Evelynn: I want to give Twisted Fate a piece of my mind

 

Ahri: That’s the spirit!

 

Kai’sa: Oh no…

 

Akali: I don’t really get it but if you need money, I can just pay your stuff with my own money.

 

Evelynn: No, it’s your money. I wouldn’t want you to waste money on me.

 

Kai’sa: So you’re going to pay for the broken wall?

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Okay, I need some money from you, Akali

Evelynn: Just for the wall…

 

Ahri: Hurry up and marry each other.

 

Evelynn: Ahri….

 

Akali: Hahahaha! Lol!

 

XXX

 

Akali: I don’t like Eve near that man.

 

Ahri: Oh my god…

Ahri: Are you finally turning into an adult?

 

Kai’sa: What an interesting development.

 

Sivir: Yo is little ninja Luffy finally growing up?

 

Akali: Wow

Akali: I prefer to be compared to Zoro.

 

Sivir: Not with your pea brain.

 

Akali: RUDE

 

Ahri: Where have you been??

 

Sivir: Ummm

Sivir: Working??

 

Kai’sa: So responsible baby~

 

Sivir: I make money so I can spoil you~

 

Ahri: Okay shut up we get it

 

Kai’sa: Rude…

 

Sivir: So what did I miss?

 

Ahri: K/DA is going to be interviewed by Poprox later today but Akali and I are at a photoshoot where Evelynn is dressed as a tango dancer with her ex, Twisted Fate

Ahri: I’m kinda busy with a meeting right now at the studio so I told Akali to text me updates about the photoshoot

Ahri: and Akali just said she doesn’t like Twisted Fate near Evelynn.

 

Sivir: Oof

Sivir: This is more interesting than Boruto

 

Akali: BORUTO ISN’T THAT BAD!

 

Sivir: I highly disagree

 

Ahri: Hey!

Ahri: We’re moving away from the main point

Ahri: Akali, why do you say you don’t like Twisted Fate near Evelynn?

 

Akali: idk

 

Kai’sa: omg…

 

Akali: idk how to explain it

Akali: It just kinda ticks me off seeing Evelynn dancing with him

 

Ahri: Does it make you mad?

 

Kai’sa: Does it annoy you?

 

Sivir: Do you feel an urge to replace Twisted Fate with yourself?

 

Ahri: ooo good one Sivir

 

Akali: Hmmmmmmm

Akali: idk…

 

Ahri: This child…

 

Akali: Not a fucking child

 

Sivir: You’re a child.

 

Akali: Stop calling me a child

 

Kai’sa: We are literally spelling it out for you

 

Akali: About what??

 

Ahri: love!

 

Akali: Love who??

 

Sivir: C-h-i-l-d

 

Akali: STOP CALLING ME A CHILD!!!

 

Ahri: Fine

Ahri: You’re a dumbass.

 

¡ıɹɥ∀ 'noʎ ʞɔnℲ :ılɐʞ∀

 

Kai’sa: The fuck?

 

Sivir: Oof

Sivir: She snapped

 

Ahri: How did you do that?

 

¿ʍouʞ I plnoʍ ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ʍoH : ılɐʞ∀

 

Kai’sa: Well can you stop it?

 

¡llnʞsqɯnu ɓuıʞɔnɟ noʎ plnoɔ I 'ʇı doʇs oʇ ʍoɥ ʍǝuʞ I ɟI : ılɐʞ∀

 

Ahri: You a grumpy ninja

 

˙ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ sǝssıd ǝʇɐℲ pǝʇsıʍ⊥ ʎɥʍ ʇno ǝɹnɓıɟ ʇ,uɐɔ I uǝɥʍ dlǝɥ ʇ,usǝop ʇI : ılɐʞ∀

 

Kai’sa: You’re jealous

 

¿ǝʇɐℲ pǝʇsıʍ⊥ ɥʇıʍ ǝɔuɐp oʇ ʇuɐʍ I plnoʍ ʎɥM : ılɐʞ∀

¿ǝʌƎ ¿oɥʍ ɟO : ılɐʞ∀

 

Sivir: You’re making it really hard for us to not call you out on your naivety, child.

 

¡ᗡ∀ƎH ⅄W ˥OOƆ O⊥ ⋊˥∀M ∀ Ǝ⋊∀⊥ O⊥ ⅁NIO⅁ W,I S⅄∩⅁ ∩O⅄ ⋊Ɔ∩Ⅎ : ılɐʞ∀

¡ᗡ˥IHƆ ∀ ⊥ON W∀ I ¡∩O⅄ ⋊Ɔ∩Ⅎ : ılɐʞ∀

 

Ahri: We wuv uuuu~~~

 

ǝlqɯnɹɓ ǝlqɯnɹ⅁ : ılɐʞ∀

 

Kai’sa: Say it back.

 

ooʇ sʎnɓ noʎ ǝʌo˥ : ılɐʞ∀

 

Ahri: Thank you

Ahri: :3

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: What did you guys say to Akali?

Evelynn: I saw her stomp out with her mask on her face.

Evelynn: btw, how is her mask glowing by itself?

 

Kai’sa: What do you mean?

 

Evelynn: It’s glowing by itself

 

Ahri: ¿Que?

 

Sivir: You speak Spanish?

 

Ahri: *le spanish sigh*

Ahri: No.

 

Kai’sa: Please stop.

 

Ahri: No.

 

Evelynn: Hello??

Evelynn: Why did Akali stomp off with a glowing mask?

 

Kai’sa: That’s impossible

Kai’sa: Her mask only glows under special lights

 

Evelynn: Well her mask was glowing pretty bright neon colors

 

Ahri: And the photoshoot is taken under regular bright lights…

 

Kai’sa: Meaning?

 

Sivir: Did Akali eat neon paint or something?

 

Ahri: LMFAOOOOO

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god hahahaha!!

 

Evelynn: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Evelynn: She wouldn’t do that.

 

Ahri: You’re talking about the girl who ate a candle that looked like an apple.

 

Kai’sa: Now my candle apple has a bite mark in it.

 

Sivir: Okay but like…

Sivir: Those fruit candles look very realistic…

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: You wouldn’t have happened to have bitten the candle pear…

 

Sivir: Maybe

 

Ahri: LMFAOOOOO

 

Kai’sa: You’re so silly, Sivir~

 

Sivir: ~~~~<3

 

Evelynn: Can we get back to Akali?

 

Ahri: Well none of us knows why Akali’s mask is glowing by itself

 

Kai’sa: Are you sure you weren’t seeing things?

 

Evelynn: I stared at Twisted Fate’s ugly face for 3 hours

Evelynn: If I was seeing things, I would have saw his face on Akali’s head.

Evelynn: So no, I’m not seeing things.

 

Ahri: That’s a disturbing thought…

 

Evelynn: Thanks, it’s my worst nightmare

 

Kai’sa: Hmmmm

Kai’sa: I have a theory

 

Ahri: Nerd

 

Kai’sa: Shut up

 

Evelynn: Tell us.

 

Kai’sa: When you’re in Demon Shade mode, your texts went weird.

 

Evelynn: Correct.

 

Kai’sa: Akali’s texts suddenly turned upside down…

 

Sivir: That was a headache to read.

 

Kai’sa: And you said you saw Akali’s mask was glowing by itself

 

Evelynn: Yep.

 

Ahri: So???

 

Kai’sa: ...hmmmm

 

Ahri: hmmmmmm what?

 

Kai’sa: ..................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

Ahri: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm whaaaaaat?

 

Kai’sa: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa….

 

Kai’sa: Okay I have an idea but I just remembered Akali says she’s human

 

Ahri: Are you saying she’s not human?

 

Kai’sa: Well if Eve texts in that weird font when she’s in demon shade mode and Akali does it and her mask is glowing on it’s own

Kai’sa: How else would you explain it?

 

Ahri: True love

Ahri: It was meant to be

Ahri: Damn eve

Ahri: Now you two are copying each other.

 

Evelynn: Still doesn’t answer why she looked so mad when she stomped off

 

Ahri: Oh she’s jealous of you dancing with Twisted Fate

 

Evelynn: Really?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah

 

Evelynn: Jealous?

 

Sivir: Yep.

 

Evelynn: Is her mask a hannya now?

 

Ahri: A hannnyah what?

 

Evelynn: A H-A-N-N-Y-A you dumbass fox

Evelynn: Hannyas is a mask that represent oni or female demons that were once human women but were consumed by jealousy.

 

Sivir: So the fact that Akali was lowkey not liking watching you dance with Twisted Fate isn’t more important?

 

Evelynn: What?

Evelynn: oh

Evelynn: OH!

Evelynn: OOOHHHH!!

Evelynn: OH MY GOD REALLY?

 

Ahri: You stupid succhoe.

 

Evelynn: Give me a break

Evelynn: I was dealing with Twisted Fate for 3 hrs

 

Kai’sa: Is he really that bad?

 

Evelynn: Try talking to a cowboy wannabe that keeps asking if you want to play horsey with him.

 

Kai’sa: Oh…

 

Sivir: Ew

 

Ahri: You did play horsey with him one time

 

Evelynn: I’m not proud of it.

 

Kai’sa: I don’t need an image of Twisted Fate riding on your back, thank you.

 

Evelynn: Too bad

Evelynn: To make it worse, imagine us naked

Evelynn: Suffer with me.

 

Kai’sa: God fucking damn it

 

*oʇoɥd sʇxǝʇ* :ılɐʞ∀

¡SƎNIN∀Ɔ NMOᴚ⅁ᴚƎΛO ⅁NI⋊Ɔ∩Ⅎ ƎΛ∀H I :ılɐʞ∀

¡H⊥ƎƎ⊥ ⅄W :ılɐʞ∀

¡S⅄∩⅁ ⊥IHS ⅄˥OH :ılɐʞ∀

 

Sivir: Lmfao, even the photo is upside down

 

Ahri: Damn Eve…

Ahri: You’re right

Ahri: Her mask is a hannya

 

¿¿¿⊥∀HM ∀ :ılɐʞ∀

 

Evelynn: A hannya

Evelynn: A mask that represent a oni or female demon that is fueled by jealousy.

 

¡¡¡uɐɯnɥ ɯ,I ǝɹns ʎʇʇǝɹd ɯ,I :ılɐʞ∀

 

Ahri: Well it doesn’t look like you are.

 

Kai’sa: This is kinda big guys…

 

¡doʇs ʇı ǝʞɐɯ oʇ ʍoɥ ʞpI : ılɐʞ∀

¡pɹıǝʍ sı sıɥ⊥ : ılɐʞ∀

 

Sivir: Just confess your gay love for Evelynn and pick her up to run away with her towards the sunset.

 

¿¿¿H∩H : ılɐʞ∀

 

Ahri: You fucking idiot

 

¡¡¡xoɟ ʎʞuıʇS :ılɐʞ∀

 

Evelynn: You’re not helping Ahri…

Evelynn: Akali, where are you?

Evelynn: Let me come to you.

 

Ahri: Yeah cum help her

 

Evelynn: Will you shut the fuck up before I pull your tails off?

 

Ahri: niew

Ahri: :3

 

˙ǝɯ ɥʇıʍ uo ɓuıoɓ s,ʇɐɥʍ ɐǝpı ou ǝʌɐɥ I : ılɐʞ∀

˙ǝʌƎ 'ǝɯoɔ ǝsɐǝlԀ: ılɐʞ∀

 

Evelynn: Where are you?

 

˙ʞɔɐq ǝɥʇ uI : ılɐʞ∀

 

Evelynn: Okay, on my way

 

XXX

 

Ahri: CAAAAAN YOU FEEEEELLLL THE LOOOOOOOOOOVE TONIIIIIIIGHT!!!

Ahri: TOOOONIIIIIGHT!

Ahri: THE PEAAACE THE EVEEENINNNG BRIIIIIIINGS!

Ahri: THHHHE WOOOOORLD FOR OOOONCE IN PEEEEERRRFEEEECT HARMONYYYYY!!!

Ahri: WITH ALLLLL ITS LIIIIIIVING THIIIIIIIIIIIINGSSS!!!

Ahri: CAAAAAAAANNN YOU FEEEEEEEEL THE LOOOOOOOOVE TONNIIIIIIIIGHT???

Ahri: YOUUUU NEEEDN’T LOOOOOK TOOO FAR!!!

Ahri: STEEEALLLLING THROUGH THE NIGHT’S UNCERTAINTIES!!!!

Ahri: LOOOOOOVE IS WHEEEERE THEEEEY ARRRREEEE!!!

 

Evelynn: Will you shut the fuck up???

 

Ahri: Hi, I missed you

 

Evelynn: I don’t!!

 

Akali: Hi

 

Kai’sa: Oh thank god you’re texting normally…

 

Sivir: Sweet Ra…

 

Ahri: So how are you two?

 

Akali: ...

Akali: So…

Akali: Do we have a rule about dating with other team members?

 

Ahri: Nyope!

 

Akali: So...if Eve and I start dating...that won’t be a problem?

 

Kai’sa: It was a problem when you two weren’t dating.

 

Akali: Huh?

 

Ahri: We already knew you two liked each other.

 

Akali: Nani?

 

Sivir: Well

Sivir: It was obvious that Eve was crushing on you

Sivir: You were...kinda a mess…

 

Akali: wait wait…

Akali: You guys knew Eve had feelings for me??

 

Ahri: Yes

 

Kai’sa: Yeah

 

Sivir: Yep

 

Akali: You guys didn’t want to tell me????

 

Ahri: ...

 

Kai’sa: WE LITERALLY SPELLED IT OUT FOR YOU!!!

 

Sivir: HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU????

 

Ahri: ARE YOU REALLY THIS FUCKING DENSE YOU CHILD!!!!

 

Akali: ????!!!!!!

Akali: I feel so attacked.

 

Ahri: YOU BETTER FEEL ATTACKED!!!

 

Evelynn: Leave her alone, she’s going through a lot

Evelynn: She just learned that her emotions turned her mask into a hannya and now she inherited oni like powers

 

Sivir: Sounds fucking cool

 

Akali: It really is

Akali: I bet I can fucking fight you

 

Sivir: You’re on!

 

Kai’sa: Please no!!!

 

Ahri: So I guess everything is good?

 

Evelynn: Yes, it’s all good.

Evelynn: Akali and I are going out to eat so you guys have fun.

 

Kai’sa: Have fun you two~

 

Sivir: Don’t stay out too late ;)

 

Ahri: Hey, I’m happy for you two but…

Ahri: You’re my ride home

Ahri: Can you come back and pick me up?

 

Evelynn: GOD

Evelynn: DAMN

Evelynn: IT

Evelynn: AHRI!!!

Chapter Text

Kai’sa: Send nudes.

 

Ahri: Sure okay

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: *texts photo*

Ahri: *texts photo*

 

Evelynn: Okay, here’s mine.

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

Evelynn: *texts photo*

 

Akali: Wat?

Akali: Do I send nudes too?

 

Evelynn: Send them to me first.

 

Akali: Okie.

 

Ahri: Wow Eve

Ahri: Fucking cheap

 

Evelynn: Oh excuse me

Evelynn: **Please send the nudes to me if you are willing to.

 

Akali: Okie Dokie :)

 

Ahri: ...

 

Kai’sa: GOD DAMN IT!!! I SENT IT TO THE FUCKING GROUP CHAT!

 

Sivir: Do you still want my nudes?

 

Kai’sa: I guess…

Kai’sa: Though the mood is ruined…

 

Evelynn: So that’s what you’re doing, locked in your room…

 

Kai’sa: I’m stuck with you girls 24/7

Kai’sa: I want like 10 minutes of privacy.

 

Ahri: We give you privacy!

 

Kai’sa: You literally barged into my bathroom when I was showering yesterday!

 

Ahri: I had to use your toilet!

Ahri: Eve broke mine!

 

Kai’sa: THEN USE EVE’S BATHROOM!!!

 

Ahri: I don’t want to be staring at a 10-inch purple dildo while I’m pissing…

 

Akali: A what…?

 

Ahri: Ah, I see you haven’t been in her bathroom yet.

 

Evelynn: Go piss outside Ahri.

 

Ahri: HEY I LIKE TO BE CIVILIZED!

 

Evelynn: Didn’t stop you when we were kids.

 

Ahri: LOOK!

Ahri: I thought I could get away with a lot of things as a real fox!

 

Sivir: So you pissed in the bushes as a fox?

 

Ahri: I FEEL LIKE THIS CONVERSATION TOOK A WEIRD TURN!!

 

Akali: Says the one that posted nudes at Kai’sa’s request…

 

Kai’sa: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

 

Ahri: But we all agree that my body is better looking than Eve’s?

 

Sivir: Not with that weird outie belly button.

 

Kai’sa: It’s so weird looking...

 

Akali: Ditto

Akali: Plus Eve got bigger titties.

 

Evelynn: I sure do ;)

 

Ahri: WOW!!

Ahri: FUCK YOU GUYS!

Ahri: LEAVE MY OUTIE BELLY BUTTON OUT OF THIS!!

 

Evelynn: Get a new belly button.

 

Ahri: YEAH LET ME PULL IT OUT OF MY ASS!

 

Evelynn: You have a nice ass though

 

Kai’sa: I agree

 

Sivir: It’s a nice ass

 

Akali: Ditto

 

Ahri: Aw, thanks, guys.

 

Akali: Eve’s is bigger tho

 

Kai’sa: Agree

 

Sivir: Ditto

 

Ahri: HEY AT LEAST MY ASS DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING BITE MARK ON IT!!

Ahri: @Kai’sa!

 

Sivir: Oh...

 

Kai’sa: YOU SAW THAT???!!

 

Ahri: YEAH!! WHEN I HAD TO USE YOUR BATHROOM WHILE YOU WERE IN THE SHOWER!

 

Kai’sa: YOU WERE PEEPING ON ME IN THE SHOWER!!!!????

 

Ahri: Only a little.

 

Evelynn: God damn it Ahri…

 

Ahri: I’m sowwyyyy!

Ahri: It’s in my foxy nature to be curious.

 

Akali: Hentai.

 

Ahri: Rude

Ahri: Okay a little.

 

Sivir: Weirdo.

 

Ahri: Says the woman that bit Kai’sa’s butt

 

Sivir: ...okay true

 

Evelynn: Kinky

 

Kai’sa: Why are we like this?

 

Ahri: What do you mean?

 

Kai’sa: I feel like…

Kai’sa: Compared to other bands

Kai’sa: We’re so weird.

 

Ahri: Bokkie, I know very well

Ahri: There are other bands that are weirder than us

 

Evelynn: What other bands could possibly be weirder than us?

 

Sivir: That’s impossible to imagine.

Sivir: And I’m not even in this band

 

Ahri: Pentakill.

 

Evelynn: And you know this how?

 

Ahri: Um???

Ahri: Sona???

 

Evelynn: What about her?

 

Ahri: She’s in Pentakill…

 

Evelynn: What…?

Evelynn: She is??

 

Ahri: WOW

Ahri: Fake friend here!

 

Kai’sa: Sona???

Kai’sa: You mean Sona as in…

Kai’sa: DJ Sona?

 

Ahri: Oh yeah that’s her other gig

 

Akali: WOAH WOAH BACK UP!

Akali: SONA IS THAT REDHEAD IN PENTAKILL???!!!!!

 

Evelynn: I guess???

Evelynn: I didn’t recognize her at all.

 

Ahri: You guys seriously didn’t know??

 

Kai’sa: YOU TWO KNOW SONA??!!!

 

Ahri: Yeah, she was in idol training with Eve and I before she was scouted off

Ahri: Sweet girl

 

Evelynn: Very talented

 

Ahri: She seems to be doing very well career wise

 

Evelynn: Good for her

 

Akali: WHAT IS SHE LIKE!??

 

Kai’sa: IS SHE PRETTIER IN PERSON??!!

 

Akali: DOES SHE KNOW KAYLE!!???

Akali: OMG SHE HAS TO KNOW KAYLE!

 

Kai’sa: WHAT IS HER SKIN CARE REGIMEN?

 

Akali: IS SHE COOLER IN PERSON?

 

Sivir: DOES SHE SENDS NUDES TO FUCKING KARTHUS????? THAT UGLY SON OF A BITCH????

 

Ahri: …what?

 

Evelynn: ….no…

Evelynn: I hope.

 

Kai’sa: GOOD QUESTION BABE!

Kai’sa: WHAT MAKES PENTAKILL WEIRDER THAN US??!!

Kai’sa: ARE THEY WHORING OUT SONA?????!!!!

 

Akali: NOOOOO NOT SONA!!

Akali: NOT THE PRECIOUS BEAN!!

 

Kai’sa: NO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE!

 

Ahri:

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri: Why do they seem more excited about Sona more than meeting us, Eve?

 

Evelynn: Oh idk

Evelynn: Maybe bc you ran off to jerk off for 5 years and I pissed off every other artist in the industry…

Evelynn: And Sona has been skyrocketing in the industry for years.

 

Kai’sa: You two also kidnapped me

 

Akali: And the first thing you wanted from me, Ahri

Akali: was to pay the dinner bill.

 

Ahri: Ah…

Ahri: Makes sense.

 

Evelynn: Have you texted Sona that you came back to society before our music video release?

 

Ahri: Ah no

Ahri: But she and I texted before I came back so I didn’t really need to.

 

Evelynn: ...

Evelynn: Ex- fucking- cuse me???

 

Ahri: Ah fuck…

 

Evelynn: You texted Sona during the 5 years you were fucking yourself????!!!!

 

Ahri: Nyooooooo

 

Evelynn: Ahri…

 

Ahri: Only to remind me to eat and stuff

Ahri: And send me cat memes

Ahri: She came to visit me once or twice

 

Evelynn: OH SO YOU LET HER SEE YOU BUT WON’T TELL ME KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE????!!!!

 

Ahri: You can’t escape her.

Ahri: Idk even know how she found me in the first place

 

Evelynn: AND SHE DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME??

 

Ahri: She’s a true homie.

 

Evelynn: Wow…

 

Ahri: She wuvs you!

 

Evelynn: I’m really feeling the love…

 

Akali: Can we meet her??

Akali: I promise we won’t be weird to her!

 

Sivir: I might.

 

Kai’sa: Babe…

 

Sivir: Kidding!

 

Ahri: I mean sure but just know she doesn’t talk

 

Akali: Yeah I know.

 

Kai’sa: We know she’s a mute.

 

Sivir: She is?

 

Kai’sa: Yes babe, she is.

 

Evelynn: Yeah but she can still roast you.

 

Ahri: That is true

Ahri: But also, she doesn’t text normally like anyone else

 

Akali: So how do you talk to her?

 

Ahri: You’ll see.

 

Ahri added Sona Buvelle to group chat “K/DA”.

 

Ahri: Sona, this is K/DA Kai’sa and Akali

Ahri: Except Sivir, she’s Kai’sa’s bitch

 

Sivir: WOW!

Sivir: Okay but true...

 

Sona: ( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

 

Kai’sa: Hi Sona! I’m a huge fan!

 

Sona: ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

 

Kai’sa: Dawww

 

Akali: Hi! I’m Akali!

Akali: I love your music!

 

Sona: (´ε` )♡

 

Evelynn: Hey, Sona.

Evelynn: How are you?

 

Sona: (。´д`。)?

 

Evelynn: Yes, I’m eating well.

 

Sona: (´・(´・(´・(´・(´・(´・д・`) ・`)・`)・`)・`)・`)

 

Evelynn: Yeah, Ahri owes me a lot of money.

 

Sona: ( ≧Д≦) @Ahri

 

Ahri: Oh come on Sona!

Ahri: Her wallet was right there!

 

Sona: <(`^´)>!

 

Ahri: Yeah yeah, I’ll pay her back

 

Evelynn: Now would be very nice.

 

Ahri: Nyoh!

 

Sona:   ( ´-ω・)︻┻┳══━一

 

Ahri: OKAYY CHILL OMG!!!

 

Evelynn: LMFAO!!!!

 

Akali: DID SONA JUST FUCKING WHIPPED OUT A FUCKING GUN AT AHRI???

 

Sivir: LMFAOOOOO!!

 

Kai’sa: WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN SONA IN K/DA BUT WE GOT STUCK WITH EVELYNN??

 

Evelynn: RUDE!!!

 

Akali: NOOOO NOT MY EVE CHAN!

 

Evelynn: THANK YOU AKALI!

Evelynn: AT LEAST SOMEONE LIKES ME AROUND HERE!!

 

Akali: WITHOUT EVE, I MIGHT HAVE NEVER MET SONA!

 

Evelynn: COME HOME THIS INSTANT, AKALI!

Evelynn: WE NEED TO TALK!!

 

Akali: No, I’m busy on the streets.

 

Sona: (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

 

Ahri: I’M THE ONE WHO ADDED HER YOU UNGRATEFUL SHIT!!!

 

Sona: ―(T_T)→

 

Ahri: FUCKING CHILL SONA!!!

 

Sona: (〜 ̄▽ ̄)〜

 

Evelynn: You haven’t changed at all…

 

Sona: ╰(▔∀▔)╯

 

Kai’sa: Sona, can I ask you a question?

 

Sona: (◕‿◕✿) ?

 

Kai’sa: Ahri claims that Pentakill is weirder than us.

Kai’sa: Is this true?

 

Sona: (=`ω´=)

Sona: ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(; ̄▽ ̄)┘

Sona: (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳ ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: They make you throw tables?

 

Sivir: She farts when she runs away??

 

Akali: She’s an uwu in disguise?

 

Ahri: No, she’s saying that Karthus sends a lot of cat memes in the Pentakill group chat.

 

Evelynn: And it annoys the other team members.

 

Ahri: Sometimes it gets to the point that she wants to throw a table at him so you’re not too far off, Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: Have you ever thrown a table at Karthus?

 

Sona: Q(`⌒´Q)

 

Evelynn: She says no but she has beaten him in boxing matches.

 

Akali: She can box?

 

Sona: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 

Kai’sa: What does that mean?

 

Ahri: She’s being silly but yeah she can box.

 

Akali: Sugoiiiii

 

Evelynn: I can box too

 

Ahri: No you can’t succuhoe, keep it in your panties

 

Evelynn: Stop ruining my life, Ahri

 

Ahri: NYO!!!

 

Sona: ( ̄ε(# ̄)☆╰╮o( ̄▽ ̄///)

 

Ahri: OKAY OKAY DAMN!!

 

Evelynn: We weren’t fighting!

Evelynn: This is how we always were.

 

Sona: (っ˘▽˘)(˘▽˘)˘▽˘ς)

 

Ahri: That was when we were kids.

 

Evelynn: Now we’re adults and Ahri is 10 times more annoying.

 

Sona: /( .□.)\ ︵╰(°益°)╯︵ /(.□. /)

 

Sivir: OH I GOT THIS ONE!

Sivir: You kicked Eve and Ahri’s ass as a child?

 

Sona: d( ̄◇ ̄)b

 

Kai’sa: Yay, you got one right, babe!

 

Sivir: Sweet!

 

Sona: ( ・ω・)☞

Sona: ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ )?

 

Evelynn: She’s asking how long you two have been together.

 

Kai’sa: Oh, like a couple of months or so

 

Sivir: Yeah, sounds right.

 

Sona: ( • )( • )ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

 

Ahri: She’s asking if you two have fucked.

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, I actually understood that….

 

Sivir: lmfao

 

Evelynn: They’ve done it a lot, Sona.

 

Sona: ( ˘•灬•˘ )? (✿◡‿◡)?

 

Kai’sa: ??

 

Ahri: She’s asking if you two have introduced each other to your parents.

Ahri: Which I’m sure they did, Sona.

 

Sivir:

 

Kai’sa:

 

Akali: I don’t like the silence…

 

Kai’sa: I never told my dad that I’m dating Sivir…

 

Sivir: My parents are dead.

 

Evelynn: Oh.

Evelynn: I’m so sorry.

 

Sivir: It’s fine, it happened a while ago.

 

Sona: (づ◡﹏◡)づ

 

Sivir: Aw thanks Sona!

 

Ahri: So...Kassadin doesn’t know you’re dating Sivir?

 

Kai’sa: My mom knows…

Kai’sa: Tee hee

 

Ahri: ...so you’ve been hiding your relationship with Sivir from your dad this whole time??

Ahri: Is this why you never post pictures with Sivir??

 

Kai’sa: ...yes…

 

Sivir: Which I’m fine with

 

Sona: (=O*_*)=O Q(*_*Q)

 

Evelynn: Sona says that keeping this from your father might make you two fight more in the future, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: You’re probably right…

 

Sona: ( ^▽^)っ✂╰⋃╯

 

Ahri: SONA!!!

 

Evelynn: Goodness, Sona…

Evelynn: Even I haven’t done that…

 

Akali: Is that what I think it is?

 

Kai’sa: You want me to chop off my dad’s…????

 

Ahri: No, she’s warning that your dad might do that to Sivir if he finds out that you’re keeping your relationship a secret from him.

 

Sivir: jdsgfkjshdfkjdkgdshlgkf excuse me???

 

Evelynn: You’re fine, don’t worry.

 

Sona: ( ^▽^)っ✂╰’╯

 

Evelynn: Oh she fixed it

 

Sivir: THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

Sivir: I LIKE MY COOCH!!

Sivir: YOU’RE BEING TOO DRAMATIC SONA!!!

 

Sona: (¬_¬)

 

Ahri: Sona says Kayle and Karthus would do it for her.

 

Kai’sa: I highly doubt my dad will be that angry at Sivir when it’s me that has been hiding our relationship.

 

Akali: Why don’t you text him and find out?

 

Kai’sa: Alright fine.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kassadin and Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Hey dad?

 

Kassadin: Yes sweetie!!??

Kassadin: How are you??

Kassadin: Are they feeding you?

 

Kai’sa: Yes they are...

Kai’sa: I have a question.

 

Kassadin: Anything sweetie!

 

Kai’sa: Well

Kai’sa: It’s more of a hypothetical question.

 

Kassadin: Okay?

 

Kai’sa: Here’s a scenario.

Kai’sa: A daughter is dating another girl and only told her mother of the situation, hypothetically, and didn’t tell her father. If the daughter told her father the truth, how do you think the father would react?

Kai’sa: So put yourself in the father’s shoes and tell me how you would react.

 

Kassadin: I’m assuming this girl was keeping it from her father because he would disapprove of the girl?

 

Kai’sa: Yes.

 

Kassadin: Then I would think the daughter was being held hostage or forced against her will by her supposed girlfriend. I would fight the fucker who dares hurt my daughter.

 

Kai’sa: ...

Kai’sa: What?

 

Kassadin: Well obviously the daughter was worried the father would use violence against the fucker that held her hostage so she asked her mother to try to get less bloodshed from the situation.

 

Kai’sa: I said nothing about a hostage situation.

 

Kassadin: But that’s what I will assume.

Kassadin: That’s what you wanted me to do, right?

 

Kai’sa: ...what…

 

Kassadin: I’ll do anything to protect you, Kai’sa.

Kassadin: If you’re dating someone that’s forcing you to stay with them.

Kassadin: Papa will gladly fight them.

 

Kai’sa: Won’t you get angry at me for not telling you the truth about the relationship??

 

Kassadin: Why would I be mad at you? It’s the fucker that is holding you hostage in a relationship that I’m mad at.

 

Kai’sa: I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HOSTAGE SITUATION!!!

 

Kassadin: REGARDLESS! PAPA WILL MURDER ANYONE THAT HURTS YOU, KAI’SA!

Kassadin: EVEN IF YOU’RE DATING THEM, I AM DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Thanks, Dad…

 

Kassadin: You’re welcome sweetie. :)

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa: My dad is insane.

Kai’sa: He’s down to kill Sivir for dating me.

 

Sivir: THAT’S COMFORTING! THANKS!

 

Evelynn: He’s going to find out sooner or later.

 

Sivir: HOW ABOUT LATER?? MUUUCH LATER!!!

 

Sona: (¬ ¬ )

 

Ahri: Later means you’ll suffer a much worse fate, Sivir.

 

Sivir: GOD DAMN IT!!!

Sivir: WHY ARE FATHERS SO FUCKING OVERPROTECTIVE??

 

Akali: I’m lucky to have Master Shen.

Akali: All he did was cry when I said I was leaving the dojo and clung onto my leg until I had to shimmy myself away.

 

Evelynn: Oh thank fuck.

 

Sivir: WOW LUCKY FOR YOU EVELYNN!!!

 

Kai’sa: I’m sure my dad isn’t serious about wanting to kill you for taking me hostage.

 

Sivir: WHAT?? WHAT HOSTAGE?

Sivir: LSDGJLKSHGLKJDFLH

Sivir: EXCUSE ME??

 

Kai’sa: I honestly can’t explain how he came down to that.

 

Sivir: SO IM GOING TO DIE ONCE KASSADIN LEARNS IM DATING KAI’SA???

 

Ahri: Yep.

 

Evelynn: Yeah

 

Akali: Yosh

 

Kai’sa: Maybe?? :))))

 

Sona: ( ̄ω ̄)/

 

Sivir: THIS IS YOUR FAULT SONA!!!

 

Sona: ⊂( ̄▽ ̄)⊃

 

Sivir: I DON’T WANT YOUR HUGS!

Sivir: I WOULD RATHER LET CASSIOPEIA STAB ME IN THE BACK AGAIN THAN BE KILLED BY KASSADIN!

 

Akali: Who’s Cassiopeia?

 

Sivir: A bitch who stabbed me in the back.

 

Ahri: For real??

 

Kai’sa: She has the scar to prove it.

 

Evelynn: Oh then you’re fine, Sivir. You can kill Kassadin if he finds out that you’re dating Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: HEY NEW TAKE!

Kai’sa: I WOULD PREFER IF MY FATHER AND MY GIRLFRIEND NOT KILLING EACH OTHER!

 

Sona: (╬ ̄皿 ̄)=○#( ̄#)3 ̄)

 

Evelynn: Sona wants to see some blood.

 

Sivir: GO FIGHT KASSADIN YOURSELF!

 

Kai’sa: NO ONE IS FIGHTING MY DAD EVEN THOUGH HE SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD SELL THEIR SOUL TO THE DEVIL FOR ME!!!

 

Sivir: Oh my ra…

Sivir: I thought Azir was bad.

 

Ahri: Ex-fucking-cuse me?

 

Evelynn: Did you just say Azir?

 

Sivir: Yes?

 

Akali: ??

 

Sona: (⊙_⊙)

 

Kai’sa: Azir?

Kai’sa: As in Azir of Egypt, the direct descendant of the Shurima?

 

Evelynn: One of the richest and powerful men in the world??

 

Sivir: Yes?

 

Ahri: And….how do you know him?

 

Sivir: I’m kinda his distant relative or something

Sivir: Idk he kinda freaks me out and annoys me.

 

Ahri: YOU’RE HIS FUCKING HEIR???

 

Sivir: I don’t want to be his heir…

 

Evelynn: I’m sorry what??

Evelynn: Kai’sa is dating the only heir of the billionaire Azir???

 

Akali: I got like 20 bucks in my wallet if that makes a difference…

 

Sivir: I don’t even want to be associated with him!

Sivir: He found me after that bitch snake stabbed me and saved my life

Sivir: He’s annoying tho.

 

Kai’sa: So I take it that he doesn’t know we’re dating?

 

Sivir: If I told him, he’ll be like

Sivir: “OH MY SWEET PEA, BRING THE KAI’SA TO OUR FAMILY AND OUR EMPIRE WILL GROW!”

 

Evelynn: Sounds like a nice guy.

 

Sivir: HE’S ANNOYING!!!

 

Sona: [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

 

Ahri: Yeah, Kai’sa.

Ahri: Get that mulah bitch!

 

Kai’sa: I’m not using Sivir for money!

 

Sivir: I AM NOT DRAGGING THAT BIRD BRAIN TO MEET KAI’SA BC HE ALREADY RUINED MY LIFE WITH HIS CONSTANT FUCKING BIRD MEMES!!!

Sivir: HE’LL BE LIKE, “TWEET TWEET THIS SIVIR!” “TWEET TWEET THAT SIVIR”, “TWEET TWEET EVERYONE, SIVIR IS SINGLE AND NEEDS A MAMA BIRD TO MAKE A NEST WITH!”

 

Akali: LMFAO!!!

 

Ahri: So we don’t get to meet Azir?

 

Sivir: NOOO!

 

Ahri: Darn…

 

Kai’sa: I wish all we did was send each other memes instead of ruining each other’s life…

 

Sona: (-‸ლ)

 

Evelynn: Sona prefers us than Pentakill’s group chat.

 

Kai’sa: Lets switch.

 

Ahri: No, you’re not leaving K/DA.

 

Kai’sa: Please?

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Kai’sa: Please put me out of my misery.

 

Akali: Come on, Kai’sa.

Akali: K/DA is fun!

 

Kai’sa: I beg to differ.

 

Evelynn: Look, if you never want to tell your dad about Sivir, that’s your decision.

 

Sivir: He shall never know!

 

Ahri: But as you get more famous, it’ll be harder to hide your relationship with Sivir.

 

Sivir: We can find loopholes.

 

Kai’sa: We can.

Kai’sa: It’s not like we have no time.

Kai’sa: It’s not like he’s going to find out tonight.

 

Sona: _(:3 」∠)_

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Kassadin.

 

Kai’sa: Good night, baby~ I wuv you so much, Sivir~

 

Kassadin: Who the fuck is Sivir?

Kassadin: Kai’sa?

Kassadin:  Kai’sa??

Kassadin:  Kai’sa???

Kassadin: IS THIS THE WOMAN HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE???

Kassadin: DADDY WILL PROTECT YOU MY SWEET PEA!!

Kassadin: I WILL TAKE DOWN THIS SIVIR AND SAVE YOU FROM HER CLUTCHES!


Kai’sa: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!!??

Chapter Text

Akali : I’m bored

Akali : Is anybody around?

 

Kai’sa : I’m sorry

Kai’sa : Excuse me?

Kai’sa : Where the fuck have you been?

 

Akali : Chilling in my room.

 

Kai’sa : You’ve been home this entire time????

 

Akali : Yep

 

Kai’sa : While I have been spending the last four hours trying to get my dad to not kill Sivir??

 

Akali : Yep

 

Kai’sa: AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HELPING???

 

Akali: Yesh

 

Sivir : You fucking asshole.

 

Akali: I got sleepy and took a nap.

 

Sivir : I’VE BEEN RUNNING AROUND THIS FUCKING CITY TO AVOID BEING FUCKING MURDERED BY KASSADIN!!!

 

Akali : Yikes.

Akali : Sounds rough, buddy.

 

Sivir : I AM GOING TO KILL YOU NEXT AFTER KASSADIN KILLS ME AND I RISE FROM THE DEAD!

 

Akali : Would you be a zombie?

 

Sivir : WHO CARES!!!??

 

Akali : I do!

Akali: It’s a legitimate question!

 

Sivir : I HAVE A LEGITIMATE QUESTION!

Sivir : FUCK YOU!

 

Akali: That’s not a question.

 

Sivir: YOU GET THE POINT!

 

Akali : I don’t though.

 

Kai’sa : Just drop it…

Kai’sa: Enough fighting.

Kai’sa: I just calmed my dad down…

 

Sivir: So am I safe?

 

Kai’sa: I would sleep with a knife under your pillow for a few nights.

 

Sivir: I do that all the time.

 

Akali: That’s dangerous.

Akali : What if you forget the knife and accidentally cut yourself?

 

Sivir : Can’t be as bad as the time when that snake bitch stabbed me in the back.

 

Kai’sa :You really hate that woman, huh?

 

Sivir : I’m usually not about wearing furs, but I would wear snake leather to get back at that bitch.

 

Akali : Cold…

 

Sivir: Would you easily forgive someone who stabbed you in the back?

 

Akali: I would kill them.

 

Sivir: I wish I did that to that snake whore.

 

Kai’sa: Okay stop talking about killing and death.

 

Akali: We’re bonding.

 

Kai’sa: Can’t you two bond over something else?

 

Sivir: Sure

Sivir : Yo Akali

Sivir : You tap Eve’s ass yet?

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Akali: No not yet…

 

Kai’sa : Wait really???

Kai’sa : But you’ve been in her room many times??

 

Akali : Yeah, we watch movies or I teach her how to play video games.

 

Sivir : You haven’t tapped the succubus????

 

Akali: We are taking it slow…

 

Kai’sa : Honestly, ngl…

Kai’sa : I’m surprised you two haven’t done it yet

Kai’sa : But at the same time, it really shows Eve in a different light…

 

Evelynn : I am a gentlewoman and I respect Akali.

Evelynn : I am willing to wait for a long time for the moment where we can consummate our love at Akali’s permission.

 

Sivir: Wtf…

 

Akali: Eve-chaaaannn

 

Evelynn : Akali~~~

 

Kai’sa : Oh hey where the fuck have you been?

Kai’sa : Oh don’t mind me

Kai’sa : I’ve been spending the last fucking four hours getting my dad to not kill Sivir!

 

Evelynn : Cool story, sis

Evelynn : Glad it seem to have worked out.

 

Kai’sa :OAHIGIDFHKULSK;FSD;XGLSHK

 

Akali : I miss you, Eve.

 

Evelynn : I miss you too, Akali~

 

Kai’sa: Are you not at home??

 

Evelynn : Yes.

 

Kai’sa : So...did you go off to do something else while I was trying to prevent a murder scene?

 

Evelynn : Yes.

 

Kai’sa : Why did you not help me??

 

Evelynn : You never asked.

 

Kai’sa :...

Kai’sa : I’m going to fucking murder you.

 

Sivir : Fuck you’re so hot when you’re angry.

 

Kai’sa : Not the time, Sivir.

 

Sivir : Yes ma'am!

 

Evelynn : I mean...all you had to do was ask me to help you with your dad.

 

𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒 :𝕀 𝔸𝕄 𝕊𝕆 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔻𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕐𝕆𝕌!!!!

𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒 : 𝕀 𝕊𝕎𝔼𝔸ℝ 𝕋𝕆 𝔾𝕆𝔻

𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒 : 𝕂/𝔻𝔸 𝕀𝕊 𝔾𝕆𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕋𝕆 𝔹𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔻𝔼𝔸𝕋ℍ 𝕆𝔽 𝕄𝔼!!

 

Akali : Oh cool! You can do it too!

 

Sivir : Damn

Sivir : So hot

 

𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒 : ℍ𝕦𝕙...𝕀 𝕕𝕚𝕕𝕟'𝕥 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕕𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤…

 

Sivir : I learn new things about you~~

 

Kai’sa : Sivir~~

 

Sivir : Kai’sa~~~

 

Evelynn: Your mood swings are terrifying….

 

Kai’sa : Your sex life scares me.

 

Evelynn : True.

Evelynn : I’ve done some questionable acts in bed.

 

Sivir: What’s the one you regret the most?

 

Evelynn : Everything with Twisted Fate

 

Kai’sa : Figures…

 

Akali : Totally changing the topic but I just got a call from Ahri.

Akali: She asked us to get her released from the pound?

 

Kai’sa : Pound as in…

Kai’sa : The shelter??

 

Sivir: Where they keep stray animals??

 

Akali: Yeah.

 

Evelynn : Oh, so that’s where she ended up.

 

Kai’sa : What the fuck did you two do in the past four hours??

 

Sona : ヾ( ̄ー ̄(≧ω≦*)ゝヾ( ̄◇ ̄)ノ

 

Kai’sa : Ah…??

 

Evelynn : Oh there you are Sona.

Evelynn : I guess Ahri got picked up by animal control.

 

Sona :。(>ω<。)

 

Kai’sa : Care to explain what happened???

 

Evelynn: Sona, Ahri, and I went out to bond since we haven’t hung out in so long.

Evelynn: And Ahri turned into a fox and played fetch with us

Evelynn : Then somehow we lost her and now she’s in the pound.

 

Sivir : That escalated quickly…

 

Akali : Glad you seem to be having fun, Eve!

 

Evelynn : I would rather be home with you than be playing fetch with Ahri…

 

Sona :凸(>皿<)凸

 

Evelynn : Okay but you’re fine Sona.

Evelynn : You know I don’t mind hanging out with you.

 

Sona : ( ノ^ω^)ノ゚

 

Kai’sa : So...are we going to get Ahri or not?

 

Evelynn : Do we have too…?

 

Sona :~(>_<~)

 

Evelynn : Yeah yeah...I know

Evelynn : I guess I should go do the right thing…

 

Kai’sa : You guess??

 

Evelynn: When you have known that stinky fox your whole life, you’ll understand my hesitation.

 

Ahri : YOU KNOW I CAN SEE THE CHAT!!

 

Evelynn: That’s the point!

 

Ahri : GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

 

Kai’sa :How did you end up in the pound!!!??

 

Ahri: I was playing fetch with Sona and Eve!

Ahri : Then as usual, Eve had to fucking show off her ego

Ahri : And threw the ball so far that I got lost in the mountains

Ahri: And then I somehow I ended up being taken away by animal control

Ahri : And I’m stuck in the pound…

 

Sivir : …

Sivir : How does this escalate so fast?

 

Akali : Are they not going to let you out since you’re human now???

 

Ahri : This isn’t the first time this has happen…

Ahri : Long story short...they won’t let me out unless someone comes and get me...

 

Kai’sa : For fuck sake…

 

Evelynn : You should have been around the time Ahri was stuck in the pound for a month and missed a lot of her tour dates back when she was a teenage pop star idol.

 

Ahri :That really sucked…

 

Sona :೭੧(❛▿❛✿)੭೨

 

Ahri : No, Sona….

Ahri : I refuse to have a chip put into my body!!

 

Evelynn : It would be so much easier to find you.

 

Ahri : HEY LESS TALKING AND GET ME OUT OF THE POUND!!!

 

Kai’sa : Can we leave her in there?

 

Evelynn : You think I haven’t tried that?

 

Sivir : What’s the longest she’s been stuck in the pound?

 

Evelynn : Ooh….

Evelynn : A year?

Evelynn : Right, Ahri?

 

Sivir :Oh?

 

Ahri : Yep!

Ahri : The longest was when I was born as a kit until about one years old

Ahri : When they discovered I can turn into a human, I was released to a foster home.

 

Kai’sa :Oh my god…

Kai’sa : You were an orphan?

 

Ahri : Yep!

 

Kai’sa : I’m sorry.

 

Akali : I’m so sorry.

 

Ahri : Don’t be!

Ahri : I would have never been discovered if that talent agent didn’t happen to visit the foster home and see me.

 

Evelynn : Then that fucking talent scout had Riot recruit Ahri to the idol training to specifically ruin my life.

 

Ahri : We’ve been best fwiends ever sinceeee

 

Sona : (❁´ω`❁)

 

Evelynn : It has been hell ever since.

 

Ahri : Noooo you wuv meeeee

 

Evelynn : Debatable.

 

Ahri : I wuv you eeevvvveee

 

Evelynn : Fuck off.

 

Ahri : Nyo~~~

 

Akali : This is the weirdest therapy session…

 

Kai’sa : As someone that has had multiple therapy sessions, I agree.

 

Sivir : We all have some kind of fuck up in our lives.

Sivir : I was stabbed.

 

Ahri : I don’t know my parents.

 

Kai’sa : I was trapped in a cave for weeks and now have parasites that follow me around.

 

Akali : I had a really bad emo phase.

 

Sona : ಥ_ಥ

 

Evelynn : Can you guys lighten up?

 

Kai’sa : I’m happy to have been trapped in a cave for weeks and have parasites latch on to me??

 

Akali : My emo phase was the best years of my life.

 

Sivir : I’m happy that Cassiopeia got turned into a snake woman after betraying me.

 

Ahri : I’m happy to have met Eve!

 

Sona : (❁´▽`❁)*✲゚*

 

Evelynn : Hm…

Evelynn : Close enough…

 

Ahri : Can you guys let me out?

 

Evelynn : No.

 

Ahri : Pwease?

 

Kai’sa : Come on, Eve.

Kai’sa : You’re the only one out of all of us that can drive.

 

Evelynn : Go to the DMV and get your driver’s license, Kai’sa.

Evelynn : :)

 

Kai’sa : Yeah, after I try to put a restraining order on my dad so he doesn’t kill Sivir...

 

Evelynn : That’s the spirit!

 

Kai’sa : I was being sarcastic.

 

Sivir : But...can I have that restraining order?

 

Kai’sa : Just give me a few days and I can talk my dad out of killing you.

 

Ahri : How about letting me out first?

 

Sivir : My life is more important.

 

Ahri : I beg to differ.

 

Evelynn : Everyone’s lives are more important than yours, Ahri.

 

Ahri : And everyone’s lives are better off without them knowing you’ve had at least five dicks inside you at the same time but go off I guess.

 

Kai’sa : I really didn’t need to know that…

 

Akali : Oh my…

 

Sivir : Oh my ra….

 

Evelynn : That was a crazy night.

 

Sona : \|  ̄ヘ ̄|/

 

Evelynn : Don’t knock it until you try it.

 

Akali : You had five dicks inside you…???

 

Evelynn : Not in the same place.

 

Akali : Oh that makes more sense.

 

Sivir : Oh thank Anubis….

 

Kai’sa : Can we stop?

Kai’sa : I don’t want to know more about Evelynn’s past sex life….

 

Akali :I kinda do…

 

Ahri : Your heart isn’t ready for it, trust me.

 

Evelynn : Oh my god, Ahri…

Evelynn :I do one nipple piercing and you think I’m too extreme.

 

Ahri : UUUGHHHH THAT JUST MAKES MY TAILS CUUURRRLLL!!!

 

Akali : Kinky…

 

Kai’sa : oh no…

 

Sivir : She’s learning new things...

 

Evelynn : I don’t mind doing it again for you, Kali~

 

Akali : Eeee~~~~

 

Evelynn : Darling~~~

 

Kai’sa : Hey

Kai’sa : Remember when Akali was the innocent one of the group?

Kai’sa : What happened???

 

Akali : Love changed me.

 

Evelynn : For the better~

 

Ahri : For the worse.

 

Evelynn : Fuck off

 

Ahri : You fuck off!

 

Evelynn : I fuck you first!

 

Ahri : I fuck you second!

 

Sivir : What?

 

Evelynn : I don’t know what happened there.

 

Ahri : LMFAOO

 

Akali : Are you sure you two didn’t fuck each other??

Akali : Like I won’t judge if you two did.

 

Evelynn : I assure you that I would rather suck Twisted Fate’s dick again than sleep with Ahri.

 

Ahri : I would rather sleep on a bed of nails than share a bed with Evelynn.

 

Kai’sa : I really don’t understand you two’s relationship…

 

Sona : 乁| ・ 〰 ・ |ㄏ

 

Sivir : So I take it that even you don’t understand?

 

Sona : ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 

Ahri : We are just best friends!

 

Evelynn : Yeah sure.

 

Kai’sa : Oh come on, Eve

Kai’sa : You like Ahri a little bit?

 

Sivir : I don’t think you would be in K/DA if you actually hated Ahri.

 

Evelynn : I tolerate her.

 

Ahri : I wuv you!!

 

Evelynn : Ew.

 

Ahri : Fuck you.

 

Evelynn : Fuck you.

 

Ahri : Fuck me yourself, you little bitch.

Ahri : Aw shit!!

 

Evelynn : HAHA

 

Kai’sa : Lmfao

 

Evelynn : Okay but no joke

Evelynn : That line was often said to me by people that disliked me before I slept with them.

 

Sivir : Do you not have a limit?

Sivir : Or pple you would never have sex with?

 

Evelynn : Twisted Fate.

 

Akali : That seems clear enough.

 

Evelynn : I hate that man.

 

Ahri : You weren’t complaining when he was balls deep in you.

 

Sivir: Oh shit!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Okay, damn….

 

Sona: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

Evelynn : Shut the fuck up, Ahri.

 

Ahri : Niew!

 

Evelynn : Stay in the pound.

 

Ahri : Noooo let me out!

 

Evelynn : Stay in there forever.

 

Ahri : Bitch I’ll break out and fucking fight you.

 

Kai’sa: Then...break out….

 

Evelynn : You know damn well I can beat you.

 

Ahri : You know I broke your hips before, I can do it again.

 

Evelynn : I broke your ribs and I can do that again.

 

Akali : How are you two not dead??

 

Evelynn : I still wonder that…

 

Ahri : But like I can easily kill Eve if I tried.

 

Kai’sa : Please don’t…

 

Evelynn : Ahri, you can’t fucking kill me.

 

Ahri : I can try.

 

Sivir : How about no?

 

Evelynn : How about yes?

 

Kai’sa : How about we get Ahri out of the pound?

 

Evelynn : No.

 

Akali : How about we talk about that nipple piercing?

 

Evelynn : We can do my other nipple.

 

Ahri : Can one of you guys bail me out??

 

Akali : But...nipple piercing

Akali : That’s so hot.

 

Ahri : Dear god no…

 

Evelynn : Hater.

 

Ahri : Whoregasm

 

Evelynn : Mutt.

 

Ahri : Tentacle slut

 

Evelynn : Little shit

 

Kai’sa : My god you two are like bitching school girls that need to show off how popular you are…

 

Sivir : That is way too accurate…

 

Akali : Okay but like

Akali : Nipple piercing.

 

𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒 : 𝕎ℍ𝔸𝕋 𝕀𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔸ℕ𝔻 ℕ𝕀ℙℙ𝕃𝔼 ℙ𝕀𝔼ℝℂ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕊??!!!

 

Evelynn : Holy shit you can do it too

 

Ahri : Congrats!!

 

Akali: Nipple piercing is just so fucking cool.

Akali: Like I can’t explain it…

Akali: Seeing nipple piercings makes me feel weird and happy.

 

Sivir: Dude...I think you just found your first fetish…

 

Ahri: NOOOOOO

Ahri: WHAT HAPPEN TO OUR INNOCENT MAKNAE!!!???

 

Kai’sa: It’s all Evelynn’s fault.

 

Evelynn: Rude!!

 

Sona: ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_

 

Evelynn: Oh shut up Sona…

 

Akali: I so excited

 

Kai’sa: RIP Akali-before-Evelynn

Kai’sa: You shall be missed.

 

Sivir: I miss that ninja dork that dropped her phone on top of a ferris wheel.

 

Ahri: I miss when she was too dumb to realize Eve’s feelings.

 

Evelynn: You guys are so fucking supportive

Evelynn: wow you insensitive fucks.

 

Kai’sa: You ruined Akali.

 

Akali: You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.

 

Kai’sa: You use to be so pure.

 

Evelynn: This is coming from the girl that couldn’t look Sivir in the eye

Evelynn: Could barely talk to Sivir

Evelynn: And now she has bite marks on her ass

 

Kai’sa: Fuck you.

 

Ahri: While I’m glad we are letting out our emotions!

Ahri: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME OUT!???

 

Evelynn: Read the next text carefully.

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: klsjglkhdflkhlkfdhlksj

Ahri: BIIIIIITCH!!!

 

Kai’sa: Please Eve, you’re the only one that can drive.

 

Evelynn: Doesn’t Sivir ride a scooter??

 

Sivir: OH GEE I DID HUH???

Sivir: BUT HEY YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY??

Sivir: KAI’SA’S AMAZING AND SWEET FATHER BROKE IT SO I CAN’T USE IT!!!

 

Evelynn: That’s rough, sis

 

Sivir: Fuck you.

 

Kai’sa: I promise to buy you a new one.

 

Sivir: I don’t want you to buy me things.

Sivir: I just want your ass without fearing for my life.

 

Kai’sa: Babe….

 

Akali: You have very low standards…

 

Sivir: Hey fuck you

Sivir: Go back to your fetish awakening.

 

Akali: Maybe I will!!

 

Ahri: MAYBE SOMEONE TRIES TO GET ME OUT???

Ahri: @Sona???

 

Sona: ...

 

Ahri: OH COME ON!!!

Ahri: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO IGNORE ME SONA!!!

 

Sona: 」( ̄▽ ̄」)

 

Ahri: God damn it…

 

Evelynn: Sucks to be you.

 

Ahri: FAAAACK YOUOOOOOO

 

Sivir: You have a lot of anger and affection towards Eve…

 

Ahri: It’s called friendship.

 

Kai’sa: Yeah no…

 

Evelynn: She just has a lot of energy pent up.

Evelynn: Probably bc she hasn’t gotten laid in a while

 

Sivir: Then...she should go get laid…

 

Ahri: No. That’s not true at all!

Ahri: I’m a classy fox!

Ahri: I am elegant!

Ahri: I am a different Ahri from 5 years ago!

 

Kai’sa: What does that have to do with getting laid??

 

Akali: Maybe she’s bad at sex and doesn’t want to admit it?

 

Ahri: I’m actually great in bed, thank you very much.

 

Evelynn: I highly doubt that.

 

Ahri: Bitch you never slept with me so fuck off your judgemental ass.

 

Evelynn: Bitch I slept with pple that slept with you

Evelynn: They say I’m better

 

Ahri: WELL FUCKING EXCUSE ME THAT I AM NOT A FUCKING SUCCUBUS THAT FUCKING MAJORS IN SEXOLOGY!!!!!!!

 

Sivir: True.

Sivir: It’s like comparing yourself to a porn star.

 

Evelynn: Bitch I’m classier than porn stars.

 

Kai’sa: What is this conversation anymore….???

 

Akali: This is normal for us at this point.

 

Ahri: Look at how close we’ve gotten over the past few months~~

 

Kai’sa: I miss the days when we first met each other…

 

Evelynn: I don’t.

 

Sivir: It could be worse

Sivir: We could be all drunk and making even worse decisions.

 

Kai’sa: At this point, I need to get drunk…

 

Ahri: You know what?

Ahri: That reminds me of the best hook up I ever had.

Ahri: I went to this party and I got so drunk

Ahri: And I totally ate out this girl

Ahri: Don’t remember the girl but I remember it was the best time of my life.

Ahri: I don’t recommend having sex when drunk though.

 

Akali: You’re crazy…

 

Ahri: No, I’m Ahri.

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: Sometimes I really worry for you, Ahri.

 

Ahri: Thanks mom

 

Sivir: LMFAO

 

Evelynn: Hey, that reminds me too!

Evelynn: I remember going to a party

Evelynn: And I got really drunk.

Evelynn: But this girl ate me out but I don’t remember her bc i was so drunk

Evelynn: It was the best hookup ever

Evelynn: Life lesson for everyone, drunk sex is not a good hookup at all and I don’t recommend it.

 

Ahri: Damn bestie!

Ahri: We even had similar hookup stories lmfao!!

 

Evelynn: Lmfao

 

Akali:

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sivir:

 

Sona: ヽ(  ̄д ̄;)ノ

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Ahri: What?

 

Akali: Would you two remember which party it was?

 

Evelynn: It was the New Year’s Party at Jinx’s a few years back.

 

Ahri: The New Year’s Party at Jinx’s.

 

Evelynn: I didn’t know you know Jinx?

 

Ahri: I didn’t either?

Ahri: Dude, I wish I known!

Ahri: We could have gone to the party together.

 

Evelynn: Yeah, maybe you would have stopped me from getting too drunk.

 

Ahri: You know damn well I would make you do more shots until you passed out back then.

 

Evelynn: Hahaha, true.

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sona:

 

Sivir: Do you two not see it?

 

Akali: Even I get it…

 

Evelynn: Get what??

 

Ahri: Yeah what?

 

Kai’sa: Your stories kinda fit together…

 

Evelynn: What do you mean?

 

Sivir: You got eaten out by a girl

 

Kai’sa: Ahri ate a girl out.

 

Akali: You two went to the same party.

 

Sona: ԅ(‹o›Д‹o›ԅ)

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri:

 

Evelynn: Now that I think about it…

 

Ahri: Oh no…

 

Evelynn: Oh god

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Evelynn: WHAT THE FUCK AHRI!!!!?????

 

Ahri: DON’T WHAT THE FUCK ME, EVE!!!!

Ahri: I AM JUST AS TRAUMATIZED AS YOU!!!

 

Evelynn: YOU FUCKING ATE ME OUT!!!

 

Ahri: YOU FUCKING LET ME EAT YOU OUT!!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK THIS IS WORSE THAN TWISTED FATE!!

 

Ahri: OH COME ON!!!

Ahri: I CAN NOT BE BELOW TWISTED FATE!!!

 

Evelynn: AHRI WE FUCKING HOOKED UP!!

 

Ahri: YEAH I AM FUCKING AWARE NOW!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK

 

Ahri: Now all the jokes about us not having sex yet are all invalid.

 

Evelynn: I can not believe this…

 

Sivir: All of a sudden, Kassadin doesn’t seem so bad now…

 

Kai’sa: This is the weirdest conversation on this chat by far.

 

Akali: I feel like a new woman, tbh

 

Sivir: Oh my ra... you’re still on your fetish awakening….?

 

Kai’sa: Does it bother you that Ahri and Evelynn found out they did hook up?

 

Akali: She’s a succubus.

Akali: She has a nipple piercing.

Akali: And she wants me

Akali: Who cares if Eve hooked up with Ahri?

 

Ahri: I CARE!!!!

Ahri: THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BIRTH OF NEW INSIDE JOKES THAT I CAN USE AGAINST EVE!!

 

Evelynn: You...you still want me, Kali?

Evelynn: even when Ahri has tainted poor innocent me?

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sivir: ...

 

Sona: ...

 

Ahri: Hey!!

 

Akali: Yes, of course.

Akali: and your nipple piercing.

 

Sivir: Oh my god...you’re still on that…

 

Evelynn: I’m on my way home, kali~

 

Akali: I’ll be waiting!

 

Evelynn: Akali~~

 

Akali: Eve~~~

 

Ahri: IF ANYONE ASKS, I WANT TO STAY IN THE POUND FOR A FEW WEEKS!!!

 

Kai’sa: Stop being dramatic, Sivir and I are on our way on an Uber to bail you out.

 

Ahri: THANK YOU KAI’SA AND SIVIR!!!!

Ahri: I DIDN’T WANT TO ACTUALLY BE IN THE POUND FOR A FEW WEEKS!!!

Ahri: GET ME OUT SO I CAN START GIVING EVELYNN SHIT!!

 

Evelynn: FOR FUCK SAKE LET ME FUCKING HAVE 10 MINUTES AWAY FROM YOU!!!!

 

Ahri: WELL APPARENTLY WE CAN NEVER BE APART EVEN WHEN WE ARE DRUNK!!

 

Evelynn: Fuck me…

 

Ahri: I APPARENTLY I ALREADY DID!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!!!

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU TOO!!!!

 

Evelynn: I HATE YOU!

 

Ahri: THAT’S PROBABLY WHAT YOU WEREN'T THINKING WHEN WE DRUNKENLY HOOKED UP!!!

 

Evelynn: OH MY FUCKING GOD AHRI!!!

Evelynn: SHUT UP!!

 

Ahri: NYOOO BITCH!!!

 

Kai’sa: And just like that...it’s as if nothing changed…

 

Sona: d (^‿^✿)

 

Chapter Text

Ahri: Are you guys ready?

 

Kai’sa: I can not believe we did this.

 

Evelynn: I can’t believe we actually followed Ahri’s orders…

 

Akali: I’m not ready bc I don’t see the point of these prestige outfits.

 

Ahri: Kai’sa, you better believe it.

Ahri: Evelynn, I’m surprised you even listen to me after not talking to me for an entire week since we found out that we did hook up.

Ahri: Akali, it’s bc I want us to be as extra as possible.

 

Sivir: What’s up my dudettes?

 

Sona: ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_

 

Ahri: Ah, perfect! We have an audience.

 

Kai’sa: Oh god no

Kai’sa: Babe, let me just say that I didn’t design this outfit.

 

Sivir: ??

 

Sona: (゚⊿゚)

 

Ahri: Beuno diyas muchatos!

Ahri: I present the prestige outfits!

 

Akali: Excuse me??

 

Sivir: Was that Spanish??

 

Sona: ...

 

Evelynn: Ahri, please do not ever try to speak Spanish ever again.

Evelynn: I’m serious, you’re going to say the wrong thing.

 

Ahri: Sorry, autocorrect.

Ahri: My bad.

 

Kai’sa: It’s “Buenos días, muchachas.”

 

Ahri: Okay nerd.

 

Kai’sa: Rude.

 

Sivir: You’re a cute nerd~

 

Kai’sa: Awww

 

Akali: Can we just get this over with?

 

Sivir: Wait, explain what’s going on?

 

Akali: So Ahri had this ‘great’ idea to have new outfits called prestige skins

Akali: So we all went off to our own designer of choice and have them design a look for us.

Akali: So basically we are all here to share the final result

Akali: So here’s mine.

Akali:

 

Evelynn: I love it, next.

 

Ahri: Woah woah woah

Ahri: We agreed that we will ALL be blonde.

 

Akali: No.

 

Ahri: We’re suppose to have a theme here!

 

Akali: Nah, I’m good. I like my hair in that.

 

Evelynn: Well fuck

Evelynn: If Akali doesn’t want blonde hair then I want to change my hair color on mine.

Evelynn: I don’t want to be blonde.

 

Ahri: What’s wrong with being blonde???

 

Evelynn: It reminds me of you.

 

Ahri: Hardy har har…

 

Kai’sa: Her hair color is still a lighter shade than usual so it does still fit with the theme.

 

Sivir: Her gloves look stupid.

 

Akali: Hey fuck you.

 

Kai’sa: What’s wrong with gloves??

 

Sivir: I’m looking at Akali’s outfit and those gloves look ridiculous

 

Akali: leave my gloves alone

Akali: They’re the only part of the outfit that I like.

 

Sivir: Out of the entire outfit, the gloves are the only thing you like???

 

Akali: Yeah.

Akali: I hate the open shoulders on my jacket.

Akali: It makes a cold draft on my back.

 

Evelynn: I like your shoulders.

 

Akali: Thanks~

 

Sivir: YOU’RE WEARING A FUCKING BRA UNDERNEATH YOU IDIOT!!

Sivir: OF COURSE IT’S COLD!!!

 

Akali: I WORK VERY HARD FOR THIS TUMMY AND I WILL EXPOSE IT!!

 

Evelynn: I like your tummy.

 

Akali: <3

 

Ahri: Can you calm your horny butt for ten minutes Eve?

 

Evelynn: No, fuck you.

 

Ahri: You probably did when we were drunk.

 

Evelynn: Fuck….

 

Kai’sa: Well I think Akali’s prestige looks fine to me.

 

Akali: Thank you, Kai’sa.

Akali: Glad you like it bc I hate it.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Alrighty then.

 

Ahri: Why would you let your designer design this if you hate it??

 

Akali: BC THIS IDEA IS STUPID AND IDC!

Akali: WHY DO WE NEED A PRESTIGE OUTFIT??

 

Ahri: Bc we are a girl group and all girl groups have matching outfits.

 

Sona: 」( ̄▽ ̄」)

 

Evelynn: Who decided that?

 

Ahri: Idk

Ahri: The music gods?

 

Akali: Sounds stupid.

 

Kai’sa: I swear to god if this group turns into some girl version of One Direction, I’m leaving.

Kai’sa: I’m not wearing matching outfits with you guys.

 

Ahri: You guys are no fun at all.

 

Evelynn: You’re a horrible leader.

 

Ahri: I beg to differ

 

Sona: (〜 ̄▽ ̄)〜

 

Ahri: That’s right!

Ahri: I bought a house.

 

Evelynn: WITH MY MONEY!

 

Ahri: But the house is under my name.

 

Evelynn: WITH MY FUCKING MONEY!!

 

Kai’sa: OKAAAY!

Kai’sa: I’m just going to share mine before you two accidentally fuck again.

Kai’sa:

 

Sivir: I just nutted.

 

Kai’sa: Baby~~~~

 

Akali: Dude really…

Akali: Out of all the things to say

Akali: you have to be so vulgar?

 

Sivir: I’m an honest woman.

Sivir: I see a gorgeous ass and I’m done for.

 

Kai’sa: You’re so sweeet~~~

 

Sivir: You’re sweeter~

 

Kai’sa: You’re the sweetest~~

 

Sivir: No way~

 

Kai’sa: Yes wayy

 

Ahri: Shut up.

 

Sona: ((┌|o^▽^o|┘))♪

 

Kai’sa: Is my ass better than Evelynn’s?

 

Sivir: So much better.

 

Evelynn: Excuse me, I am right here.

Evelynn: I will gladly have an ass contest against Kai’sa.

 

Akali: Sounds great.

 

Kai’sa: Sounds horrible.

 

Ahri: Yeah yeah, we know about those bite marks on your ass.

 

Kai’sa: BESIDES that

Kai’sa: I have my pride.

 

Sona: ( -_・)?

 

Ahri: LMFAO SONA HAHAHAHAHHA

 

Evelynn: Oh great, now I see it too.

 

Akali: ??

 

Kai’sa: What?

Kai’sa: Is something wrong with my outfit?

 

Evelynn: Sona is wondering if you’re wearing granny panties under your leggings.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: ……

Kai’sa: SONA WHAT THE FUCK??

 

Akali: LMFAOOOOOOOO

Akali: IT DOES LOOK LIKE SHE’S WEARING GRANNY PANTIES UNDER HER LEGGINGS!

 

Kai’sa: THAT IS THE DESIGN OF THE LEGGINGS!!

Kai’sa: YOU GUYS KNOW I ONLY WEAR THONGS!

 

Ahri: Okay but it still looks like you’re wearing granny panties.

 

Kai’sa: kjshjhglksjdlfkjg

Kai’sa: IT DOES NOT!!

 

Sivir: LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE!

Sivir: YOU GUYS ARE JUST JEALOUS THAT HER ASS LOOKS BETTER THAN YOURS!

 

Akali: At least we don’t wear granny panties.

 

Kai’sa: I AM NOT WEARING GRANNY PANTIES!!

Kai’sa: PLUS THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GRANNY PANTIES!!!

 

Evelynn: So...you do wear them?

 

Kai’sa: NO!

Kai’sa: I AM JUST SAYING THAT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GRANNY PANTIES!!

 

Ahri: So we are just going to ignore that she’s only wearing one glove?

 

Sivir: Hey, it’s a look.

Sivir: It’s called fashion, look it up.

 

Akali: YOU GAVE ME SHIT FOR WEARING GLOVES!!!

 

Sivir: Because your glove looks stupid.

 

Akali: Your face looks stupid.

 

Sivir: That’s not what Kai’sa says.

 

Akali: You know that she only dates you because you remind her of Pharah from Overwatch.

 

Kai’sa: THAT IS NOT TRUE!

Kai’sa: I DATE SIVIR BC SHE’S A LOVELY WOMAN!

 

Sivir: Overwatch?

Sivir: That video game?

Sivir: Isn’t there a television series about it now?

 

Evelynn: Yeah and the actress that plays Pharah is pretty good looking.

 

Ahri: Kai’sa is totally fantasizing about her when you fuck her.

 

Kai’sa: I AM NOT!!!

Kai’sa: STOP PUTTING ME IN A BAD LIGHT!

 

Sivir: What the fuck does this Pharah has that I don’t??

 

Kai’sa: Nothing, babe. She’s just a fictional character.

 

Ahri: It’s that eye tattoo she has.

 

Evelynn: And her strong, handsome face.

 

Akali: She can fly.

Akali: You can’t.

 

Kai’sa: WILL YOU GUYS STOP IT!!!???

Kai’sa: FAREEHA AMARI IS JUST A GOOD LOOKING ACTRESS BUT I PREFER MY SIVIR!!!

 

Sivir: Fareeha Amari??

 

Ahri: The actress’s name.

 

Sona: ヾ(〃^∇^)ノ♪

 

Akali: Kai’sa got it bad.

 

Kai’sa: YOU GUYS REALLY REALLY SUCK!!!

 

Sivir: Hmm…

Sivir: This actress actually does have an eye tattoo…

Sivir: ...

Sivir: I’m going to go get a tattoo.

 

Evelynn: Have fun!

 

Ahri: Good luck!

 

Akali: Tell me if it hurts.

 

Kai’sa: SIVIR PLS DON’T!!

Kai’sa: SIVIR PLS THINK ABOUT THIS!!!

Kai’sa: YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU FOR YOU!!

 

Ahri: No, I want to see what kind of tattoo she’ll get.

 

Kai’sa: WILL YOU STOP IT!!!????

 

Sivir: If you want me to look like Fareeha, I shall do it for you.

 

Akali: You sound so dumb.

 

Sivir: Fuck off.

 

Kai’sa: Please don’t get a tattoo, please!!

Kai’sa: Look, let's talk about this when we see each other.

Kai’sa: But I love you for you.

Kai’sa: Yeah, I think Fareeha is pretty hot but I want Sivir.

 

Ahri: Ah so you admit you do like Fareeha?

 

Kai’sa: YOU’RE NOT HELPING!

 

Evelynn: You’re not helping yourself.

 

Kai’sa: WILL YOU TWO STAY OUT OF THIS??

 

Sivir: Okay but I’m down to dress up as this Pharah for you.

 

Kai’sa: Oh…?

Kai’sa: Then...yeah we can talk about that…

 

Akali: Gaaaaayyyy

 

Sivir: Shut up

Sivir: Go suck Evelynn’s nipple piercing

 

Akali: Been there, done that.

 

Evelynn: ;)

 

Ahri: Okaaaaaayyyy

Ahri: I’m going to share my prestige skin before we end up having some weird orgy.

Ahri: 

 

Kai’sa: Are you wearing a wig?

 

Ahri: Yeah, I always wanted short hair so I wore a wig to see what I’ll look like.

 

Akali: the hair coloring looks nice.

 

Ahri: Awww thanks!

 

Sivir: Looks pretty cool.

 

Sona: (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

 

Ahri: Aww thanks!

 

Evelynn: One thing though.

Evelynn: Piss tails.

 

Ahri:

Ahri: What?

Ahri: What the fuck did you say?

 

Sona: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

 

Kai’sa: Omg…

Kai’sa: Eve, really??

 

Akali: LMFAOOOOO

Akali: I SEE IT!!

 

Sivir: LKSJDGKHGDK

Sivir: It does look like she pissed on her own tails.

 

Ahri: EVE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCH!!! I WORK HARD TO DESIGN THIS OUTFIT WITH MY DESIGNER AND YOU FUCKING CALL MY TAIL ‘PISS TAILS’??????

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I FUCKING POURED MY BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS INTO THIS OUTFIT!!!! I FUCKING STUB MY TOES WALKING IN THOSE HEELS AND I FUCKING ALMOST LOST MY SHIT WHEN I COULDN’T GET THE HAIR COLOR I WANTED! I WORKED HARD, EVE! MY TAILS DO NOT LOOK LIKE PISS TAILS, YOU FUCKING SUCCUHOE!!!

Ahri: MY TAILS ARE GOLD! GOLD! G-O-L-D! GOLD!

 

Evelynn: No, they look like piss tails.

 

卂卄尺丨 : 丨 卂爪 Ꮆㄖ丨几Ꮆ ㄒㄖ 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ Ҝ丨ㄥㄥ ㄚㄖㄩ, 乇ᐯ乇! ㄚㄖㄩ 卄乇卂尺 爪乇! 丨 山丨ㄥㄥ 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ 爪ㄩ尺ᗪ乇尺 ㄚㄖㄩ!!

卂卄尺丨 : 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ 丂Ɋㄩ卂尺乇 ㄩ卩! 丨 山丨ㄥㄥ 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ ㄒ乇卂尺 ㄚㄖㄩ ㄒㄖ 丂卄尺乇ᗪ ㄚㄖㄩ ㄥ丨ㄒㄒㄥ乇 乃丨ㄒ匚卄!!!

 

Evelynn: lol

 

Akali: Goodness….

 

Sivir: Yay, now we know how Ahri types when she gets mad.

 

Kai’sa: I can’t read that.

 

Sona: ( う-´)づ︻╦̵̵̿╤── \(˚☐˚”)/

 

Kai’sa: I have no idea what that means.

 

Akali: Basically Ahri might go kill Eve.

 

卂卄尺丨 : 丨 卂爪 Ꮆㄖ丨几Ꮆ ㄒㄖ 乃尺ㄩㄒ卂ㄥㄥㄚ 爪ㄩ尺ᗪ乇尺 ㄒ卄卂ㄒ 卄ㄩ丂丂ㄚ 丂Ҝ卂几Ҝ!!

 

Ê̶̥̼͝v̴̪͠ḛ̷̛͇̊l̷̩͗͜͝y̶̭̏n̷͎̄̋ň̵̗̘ :̸̬̚ ̸̢̇H̵̖͇͑̓ö̵̙́̆w̶̬̒̍ͅ ̴̜a̴͚͊ḅ̸̍o̵̝̭̚ủ̶̬̦̎t̴̨̺̾͝ ̸̙̬͑̈ṋ̵̫̊ó̶̬̻?̵̹͆

 

Kai’sa: Oh my goodness.

Kai’sa: Can’t we have one day when you two aren’t fighting?

 

卂卄尺丨 : ㄒㄖᗪ卂ㄚ 山丨ㄥㄥ 乃乇 ㄒ卄乇 ᗪ卂ㄚ 乇ᐯ乇ㄥㄚ几几 ᗪ丨乇丂!!!

 

E̷̜͍̿͘v̷̹̅ȩ̵̛̺̄l̴̟̬̀ÿ̵̥̬͌n̶̺̎n̷̡̔:̸̛̠̘̈ ̴̟̀̀I̸̗̎ ̸̲̃͊c̷̛̟ǻ̶͉n̷̜̈́͝'̴̑͛ͅt̷̝̪̐͛ ̸̱̇̓w̴̜̉͊a̵͎͛ỉ̷̳̓ṯ̵̪͆̋!̸͉͕

 

Sivir: Oh boy…

 

Akali: Get her babe!

 

Kai’sa: Don’t encourage them…

 

Sona: o|๑⊙Д⊙๑|ツ

Sona:

 

Sivir: Oh wow

 

Akali: Oh.

 

Kai’sa: Did you edit her tail color?

 

Sona: (*´∇`)ノ

 

Ahri: Actually...that looks so much better.

 

Evelynn: I agree.

 

Ahri: Wow

Ahri: We agree on something?

 

Evelynn: Weird right?

 

Sona: (つ≧▽≦)つ⊂(・ヮ・⊂)

 

Evelynn: Sorry, I didn’t mean to call them piss tails.

 

Ahri: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wish for your death.

 

Sona: (/^.^(^.^*)>?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, we made up.

 

Ahri: Best fwiends~

 

Kai’sa: You two have the most toxic friendship ever…

 

Akali: It could be worse.

Akali: One of us could have been dead by now.

 

Sivir: True.

 

Kai’sa: Yay???

 

Ahri: Last, but not least, lets see Evelynn’s prestige skin!

 

Evelynn: Okay fine.

Evelynn:

 

Akali: ooooh

 

Kai’sa: Frills looks good on you.

 

Sivir: Nice.

 

Sona: o(^▽^)o

 

Ahri: What the fuck is with your hair?

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

Kai’sa: Here we go again…

 

Akali: wooo lets see some blood this time ladies!

 

Evelynn: What do you mean you skank fox?

Evelynn: My hair looks fine.

 

Ahri: You look like a middle school emo kid trying to be like

Ahri: “It’s not a phase mom!”

 

Evelynn: My hair does not look like that!!!

 

Ahri: Yeah it does.

 

Evelynn: No it doesn’t!!!

 

Ahri: Then what’s the deal with covering your eye with your hair???

 

Evelynn: I like that style!

 

Ahri: **emo style

 

Evelynn: IT IS NOT AN EMO STYLE YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!

 

Ahri: WELL AT LEAST GET RID OF IT!!

 

Evelynn: WELL NOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T LIKE IT, I’LL FUCKING KEEP IT LIKE THAT!!!

 

Ahri: CHANGE IT!

 

Evelynn: NO!

 

Ahri: IT LOOKS STUPID!

 

Evelynn: NO IT DOES NOT!

 

Ahri: I AM WILLING TO CHANGE MY TAIL COLORS!!

 

Evelynn: BC YOU FUCKING CHOSE PISS TO COLOR THOSE UGLY TAILS!!!

 

Ahri: GOLD! IT IS GOLD!!

 

Evelynn: I WEAR GOLD ALL THE TIME AND I KNOW THAT COLOR IS NOT FUCKING GOLD, AHRI!!

 

Ahri: GO WIPE THE CUM FROM YOUR EYES AND YOU’LL SEE THAT IT’S NOT PISS COLOR!!!

 

Evelynn: YOU GIVE ME SHIT FOR MY HAIR, HOW ABOUT WE TALK ABOUT YOUR TRUE ROOTS!?

Evelynn: YOU’RE NOT A NATURAL BLONDE!

Evelynn: YOU’RE A FUCKING BLACK HAIR VIXEN!

 

Ahri: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BITCH!!???

 

Akali: Wait what really?

 

Kai’sa: Akali, did you not look at Ahri’s picture??

 

Ahri: IT’S A WIG!!!!!

 

Sivir: Still...you don’t seem like a natural blonde tho.

 

Evelynn: SEE???

 

Ahri: MY NATURAL HAIR COLOR IS NONE OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS!!

 

Evelynn: THEN LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE!!

 

Ahri: I REFUSE TO HAVE AN EMO HAIRCUT IN OUR GROUP!!!

 

Evelynn: IT IS NOT EMO!!!!

Evelynn: IT IS JUST HOW I LIKE MY BANGS!!!

 

Sona: 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》

 

Ahri: Wait, Sona no

 

Evelynn: Pls don’t do it, Sona.

 

Sona:

Sona: 

 

Evelynn: Oh god no…

 

Ahri: SOOOOONNNNNNAAAAA!!!

 

Kai’sa: Ah, so Ahri is a true dark haired vixen.

 

Akali: Evelynn is literally the definition of goth.

 

Sivir: When was these taken??

 

Ahri: I CAN’T NOT BELIEVE YOU KEPT THEM, SONA!!!

 

Evelynn: Damn it, Sona…

 

Kai’sa: You two still look cute.

 

Evelynn: Thanks…

 

Ahri: Yay….

Ahri: Fuck.

Ahri: Well, since you guys saw…

Ahri: My picture was when taken right before my debut…

Ahri: It was for an audition for a part that I didn’t get.

 

Evelynn: Mine was taken before my debut too…

Evelynn: I...was in the goth crowd for a phase and modeled for a bit….

 

Akali: In other words…

Akali: Your true selves?

 

Ahri: Yesh…

 

Evelynn: I guess...yeah…

 

Kai’sa: Well, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Kai’sa: It’s a part of who you guys were.

 

Akali: I agree.

Akali: I like Eve no matter what and I think that picture was really beautiful.

Akali: I also have natural black hair.

 

Evelynn: Akali…

Evelynn: Thank you.

 

Kai’sa: Now will you two stop fighting and just be content with each other’s outfit.

 

Evelynn: Yeah, I’m fine with that.

 

Ahri: Me too.

 

Sona: :)

 

Sivir: You know, all this talk about old photos totally reminded me that I still have an old photo of me back when I lived in Egypt.

Sivir: Thought I might share.

Sivir: I use to dress up with my friends and mess around in the desert and my friends took pictures.

Sivir:

 

Kai’sa: Every single one of you, except Sivir, are canceled.

Kai’sa: Block me because this is the only thing I’m going to be talking about.

Kai’sa: I am literally dating a fucking goddess.

Kai’sa: Oh my void I am in love.

Kai’sa: You fuckers have nothing on Sivir.

Kai’sa: Prestige skin my ass. Fuck that.

Kai’sa: Sivir all the way.

 

Akali: ...

 

Evelynn:

 

Sona:

 

Ahri: WOW!

Chapter Text

In a private message between Sivir and Azir:

 

Azir: WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME THAT YOU’RE DATING KAI’SA OF K/DA!?

 

Sivir: Who?

Sivir: Never heard of her.

 

Azir: DON’T PLAY DUMB WITH ME!

Azir: I RECOGNIZE THAT HICKEY MARK ON HER NECK!

 

Sivir: I DIDN’T LEAVE ANY HICKEY MARK ON HER!

 

Azir: HAH, BUSTED!

 

Sivir: SHIT!

Sivir: Who’s Kai’sa again?

 

Azir: SIVIR! WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT YOU FOUND YOUR MAMA BIRD?!

 

Sivir: How the hell did you find out?

 

Azir: I saw a paparazzi photo of her.

Azir: She’s wearing that necklace that you once gave Cassiopeia when you two were dating.

 

Sivir: You remember that necklace??

Sivir: And fuck that bitch

Sivir: I didn’t date her.

Sivir: Also I don’t remember ever showing that necklace to you...

 

Azir: I know everything about you, Sivir.

 

Sivir: That’s creepy af old man…

 

Azir: REGARDLESS, YOU MUST INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR FUTURE QUEEN!

 

Sivir: No.

 

Azir: I AM MEETING KAI’SA OF K/DA.

 

Sivir: No, you’re not.

 

Azir: YES I AM!

 

Sivir: No, you’re not.

 

Azir: I WILL!

 

Sivir: Don’t.

 

Azir: I SHALL!

 

Sivir: You shall not.

 

Azir: YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

 

Sivir: YOU DON’T HAVE ANY WAY OF FINDING ME OR KAI’SA!!

 

Azir: You live on Tongil-ro 04509 in apartment complex C, apt number 7 in South Korea.

 

Sivir: WHY AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT??

 

Azir: I know everything.

Azir: And I will learn everything that I don’t know.

 

Sivir: Please stop.

 

Azir: I SHALL BOARD A PLANE RIGHT NOW AND ARRIVE IN SOUTH KOREA IN THE MORNING TO MEET THIS KAI’SA!

 

Sivir: Don’t.

 

Azir: YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

 

Sivir: I know and that fucking sucks.

 

Azir: I SHALL ARRIVE IN THE MORNING AND I SHALL MEET YOUR KAI’SA!

 

Sivir: Whoopie fucking doo…

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”

 

Sivir: Can you all disappear for like a week, please?

 

Ahri: DID YOU TELL THE PAPARAZZI THAT I HAVE LICE IN MY HAIR!?????

 

Sivir: No…

Sivir: What?

 

Evelynn: I’M SORRY EXCUSE ME????

 

Akali: Is that why my head has been feeling itchier than usual??

 

Evelynn: AHRI WHAT THE FUCK??

 

Sona: \(〇_o)/

 

Ahri: I didn’t type that.

 

Evelynn: AHRI YOU HAVE FUCKING LICE???

Evelynn: YOU WERE JUST IN MY CAR!?!?!

 

Ahri: No, I don’t have lice.

 

Sivir: Okay...but you just said it…

 

Ahri: No I didn’t

 

Akali: YO AHRI!!

Akali: TELL US THE TRUTH!

Akali: BC MY HEAD FEELS REALLY ITCHY!!

 

Ahri:...

Ahri: Okay, yeah I do

Ahri: I think...

 

Evelynn: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??

 

Ahri: I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL I GOT BACK FROM THE DOCTOR!!!

 

Evelynn: THAT WAS 2 DAYS AGO!!

Evelynn: I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED A SHOT!

 

Akali: SO WE HAVE FUCKING LICE NOW??

 

Sona:(っ- ‸ – ς)

 

Sivir: Oh goodness…

Sivir: Ahri, why did you respond to me that you had lice??

 

Ahri: I PANICKED!!

Ahri: FUCK

 

Evelynn: I HAVE TO FUCKING DETOX ALL MY CARS NOW!

 

Ahri: Oops.

 

Akali: Bruh, do we have put our hair in shower caps with special shampoo?

 

Evelynn: OH HELL NO!

Evelynn: AHRI IF YOU GAVE ME ONE LOUSE, I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!

 

Ahri: I sowwyyyy

 

Sona:~(>_<~)

 

Sivir: How the hell did you get lice?

 

Ahri: I DON’T KNOW!!! I HAVE NO CLUE!!

Ahri: ALL I KNOW WAS THAT MY HEAD HAS BEEN ITCHY FOR A WHILE!!!

 

Evelynn: I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU GOT IT WHEN YOU WENT OUT TO THE FOREST FOR THREE DAYS!!!

 

Ahri: Oh

Ahri: That makes sense.

 

Akali: Bruh

Akali: Fuck, Ahri.

Akali: I’m going to be combing my hair forever…

 

Evelynn: Fuck you, Ahri.

 

Ahri: OKAY WAIT!

Ahri: THE DOCTOR DOESN’T KNOW IF I HAVE LICE OR NOT!

Ahri: HE SAID HE’LL TELL ME ONCE THE REPORTS COME BACK!

 

Evelynn: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DOCTOR DOESN’T KNOW WHAT LICE ARE?

 

Ahri: Doctor Mundo

 

Evelynn: WHY WOULD YOU GO TO HIM???

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

 

Evelynn: Oh

Evelynn: My

Evelynn: God…

 

Sona:/(x~x)\

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: I’m gone for ten minutes and we have some kind of lice epidemic.

 

Ahri: It’s not official if I have lice or not.

 

Kai’sa: That’s not comforting…

 

Ahri: Sowwy

 

Sivir: Um…

Sivir: So can you guys disappear for a week or so?

 

Evelynn: WE MIGHT AS WELL IF AHRI SPREAD HER FUCKING BUGS ON US!!

 

Ahri: WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE LICE OR NOT!!!

 

Evelynn: THEN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND LET ME CHECK!!

 

Ahri: NO YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME!!!

 

Evelynn: EXACTLY!!!

 

Akali: YO I’M FREAKING OUT!

Akali: I DON’T WANT LICE!!!

 

Kai’sa: Calm down children, no killing the fox.

 

Sivir: So...can you guys disappear for a week?

 

Evelynn: SURE!

 

Ahri: NO SHE’S GOING TO TRY AND MURDER ME IF WE LAY LOW!!!

 

Akali: I’m willing to shave my head.

 

Evelynn: PLEASE NO!

 

Sona:✧*。ヾ(。>﹏<。)ノ゙✧*。

 

Kai’sa: For fuck sake

Kai’sa: Stop

Kai’sa: Since we don’t know for sure if she has lice, I’ll still go pick up some special shampoo

Kai’sa: Whoever is at home, put all of Ahri’s things in garbage bags.

Kai’sa: Anything that you think Ahri’s head has touched, put it in a garbage bag to separate it from everything else.

Kai’sa: Wash your hands and check your scalps for any sign of lice.

Kai’sa: Until this Doctor Mundo guy tells us if Ahri does have lice, we’ll just assume she does.

 

Akali: ON IT!

 

Evelynn: Thank god we have one reasonable person in K/DA…

 

Kai’sa: I try.

 

Ahri: I sowwy

 

Evelynn: Are you?

 

Ahri: YES I AM!

 

Sivir: Can you guys still disappear for like a week?

 

Kai’sa: Babe, what’s going on?

 

Sivir: Azir found out that we are dating and he’s going to be in South Korea in the morning.

 

Ahri:...

 

Kai’sa:...

 

Akali:...

 

Sona:...

 

Evelynn: Are you kidding me?

 

Sivir: No.

 

Ahri: Well fuck

Ahri: This is great timing…

Ahri: Does he want lice?

 

Evelynn: Ahri, I swear to god…

 

Sivir: I mean…

Sivir: You can give it to him.

 

Kai’sa: Babe…

 

Sivir: I really don’t want him to come…

 

Sona:( •́ ✖ •̀)

 

Ahri: Why?

Ahri: What’s the worst that could happen?

 

Sivir: He’ll force Kai’sa to marry me and take her away to Egypt.

 

Kai’sa: Oh thank god get me out

 

Sivir: Wait what?

 

Ahri: HOW ABOUT THE FUCK NOT?!

 

Evelynn: We need Kai’sa.

Evelynn: She’s the only thing that holds this group together.

 

Sona: ?

 

Ahri: You’re right Sona

Ahri: If Kai’sa leaves, then we’ll just come with her.

 

Kai’sa: No

Kai’sa: for fuck sake

Kai’sa: Let me escape K/DA hell

 

Ahri: WOW!

Ahri: RUDE!

 

Evelynn: Wow, we basically gave you a career.

 

Kai’sa: I was kidnapped and kept hostage.

 

Ahri: You weren’t complaining then.

 

Kai’sa: I had no idea I was going to be kept hostage forever.

 

Evelynn: Girl, we are not bad.

 

Kai’sa: You swirlied Ahri’s head in the toilet yesterday.

 

Evelynn: She asked me to.

 

Ahri: I asked her to.

 

Kai’sa: WHY?

 

Ahri: I was curious.

 

Evelynn: UGH I TOUCHED YOUR LICE COVERED HAIR!!!

 

Ahri: WE DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE LICE YET!!

 

Evelynn: I CAN’T BE TOO CAUTIOUS!

 

Kai’sa: SO THE FACT YOU SWIRLIED HER HEAD IN THE TOILET LIKE SOME HIGH SCHOOL BULLY DOESN’T FUCKING RAISE SOME MORALS IN THIS DAMN HOUSE???

 

Evelynn: I was THE high school bully.

 

Ahri: I was her sidekick.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: You two actually went to high school?

Kai’sa: Or school in general?

 

Evelynn: Um...yeah?

 

Ahri: This may come as a shock for you but children in Korea were required to go to school.

 

Sona: o(^∀^*)o

 

Ahri: Sona was there too.

 

Kai’sa: Okay yeah...

Kai’sa: I just have a hard time believing you two actually went to school…

Kai’sa: Like Sona, I would believe but you two?

 

Evelynn: We wore uniforms and everything

 

Ahri: We didn’t go to college if that makes it more believable.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, that helps.

 

Akali: YO DO I PUT AHRI’S UNDERWEAR IN THE BAG TOO??

 

Kai’sa: If you think her head touched it.

 

Ahri: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I PUT UNDERWEAR ON MY HEAD?

 

Evelynn: You’ve done it before.

 

Ahri: WHEN I WAS FUCKING 10!!!

 

Kai’sa: I mean

Kai’sa: If you let Eve swirlie your head in the toilet, then I’m sure you’ve put your panties on your head recently.

 

Ahri: WOW!

Ahri: THE FUCKING DISRESPECT!

Ahri: I AM YOUR LEADER!

 

Evelynn: I still don’t accept.

 

Ahri: Shut up!

 

Sivir: Kai’sa, are you serious that you want to marry me?

 

Kai’sa: Huh?

 

Sivir: I said that Azir might force you to marry me and you were like

Sivir: “Oh thank god”

 

Kai’sa: Oh

Kai’sa: Wait, is Azir serious?

Kai’sa: Would he do that?

 

Sivir: This is the man that almost made me marry my attempted murderer.

 

Kai’sa: Cassiopeia?

 

Sivir: Well…

Sivir: He didn’t know she did it until the evidence surfaced and pinned against her.

Sivir: And apparently the justice system is so bad that no one believed my word for it.

Sivir: But if my friend Taliyah didn’t come forward with the truth, Cassiopeia would have married me

 

Ahri: You have one crazy ex

 

Evelynn: Wait…

Evelynn: You dated Cassiopeia?

 

Sivir: Date is kinda a vague word…

Sivir: We were more like business partners and she’s the worst one of them all.

 

Akali: You totally tapped her ass.

Akali: Don’t lie, Kai’sa pounder

 

Sivir: Shut up, Akali.

 

Akali: Hey, I’m not the one who slept with my attempted murder.

 

Ahri: That’s funny bc you are dating an actual murderer.

 

Evelynn: Ahri, shut up.

 

Akali: But did Eve get caught?

Akali: No.

 

Ahri: I mean someone is still researching those missing male celebs.

 

Evelynn: hey

Evelynn: This isn’t about me.

Evelynn: This is about Sivir’s poor taste in women.

 

Kai’sa: HEY!

 

Evelynn: Obviously you’re an exception.

 

Sivir: But like…

Sivir: I wouldn’t mind marrying Kai’sa…

 

Kai’sa: Babe…

Kai’sa: Oh goodness, this is moving too fast

 

Ahri: As your leader, I say no marriage till you’re 45

 

Kai’sa: ...WHY 45??

 

Ahri: Well most people start to look old by 30 but I make sure you girls get the best beauty treatment so it’s 45 for you guys.

 

Evelynn: I will be young and beautiful forever.

 

Ahri: Lmfao

Ahri: Bitch we are going to grow old together.

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Akali: Well, I’m Japanese so make it 60 for me.

 

Ahri: Oh yeah I’m Korean

Ahri: We Asians never look like our ages.

Ahri: Have fun being married to an old hag when you’re 45, Akali.

 

Evelynn: I AM NOT GOING TO LOOK OLD AT 45!

 

Kai’sa: What is this conversation…?

 

Sivir: We have bigger problems!

Sivir: Like Azir is coming to see you guys!

 

Ahri: And I may or may not have lice to give to your rich dad.

 

Sivir: He’s not my dad.

 

Evelynn: You’re his heir, right?

 

Sivir: I don’t want to be his heir.

 

Akali: You don’t want to inherit a million dollars?

Akali: Kai’sa, dump her.

 

Kai’sa: I love Sivir for who she is, not for her money.

 

Evelynn: Poor decision, really.

 

Kai’sa: WELL WHAT IF AKALI WASN’T IN K/DA AND JUST A NORMAL CITIZEN???

Kai’sa: WOULD YOU BE DATING HER NOW??

 

Evelynn: Yeah, bc I can take care of myself and her.

Evelynn: Moneywise.

 

Ahri: Thank you for your service.

 

Evelynn: My life would be so much easier if Ahri wasn’t in it.

 

Ahri: Tee heeeee

 

Sivir: Akali has more money than you.

 

Evelynn: More for us then.

 

Akali: Aye!

 

Sivir: Well, you have a very different mindset than me.

Sivir: Regardless, Azir is coming to Korea in the morning and I prefer if you four didn’t meet him.

 

Kai’sa: He does sound like an intense man.

Kai’sa: But I am going to have to meet him anyways.

Kai’sa: So why don’t I just get it over with?

 

Sivir: I’m serious, he’s too intense to handle.

Sivir: I’m trying to save your sanity, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Lol what sanity?

Kai’sa: K/DA used it all up.

 

Ahri: WOW!

 

Evelynn: Overdramatic much?

 

Akali: Lmfao

 

Sona:凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

 

Sivir: Well, Azir is like K/DA except 4 times worse.

 

Ahri: WOW!

 

Akali: Okay rude

 

Evelynn: We are not that bad.

 

Kai’sa: Shall I bring up the other 25 fights you had with Ahri?

Kai’sa: Within the last 4 hours.

 

Evelynn: It’s how we express our love.

 

Ahri: And establish our dominance and territory.

 

Akali: Don’t foxes just pee on things to make their territory?

 

Ahri: Akali, shut the fuck up.

 

Evelynn: lol

Evelynn: That’s actually one thing she has never done.

 

Ahri: I am a classy fox.

 

Evelynn: Debatable.

 

Kai’sa: Thank god she doesn’t do that…

 

Sivir: Sooooo

Sivir: Can you guys hide from Azir?

 

Evelynn: But I really want to meet him.

 

Ahri: Me too

 

Akali: Idk

 

Sona:( ︶︿︶)

 

Kai’sa: I mean

Kai’sa: If it’s that big of a deal, I don’t need to meet him.

 

Evelynn: Hey, you don’t speak for the rest of us.

 

Kai’sa: Azir is my future father in law.

Kai’sa: Not yours

 

Ahri: Well, he’s not our future daddy but I mean

Ahri: He can be my sugar daddy and give me that dough

 

Akali:

 

Sona: ...

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: 3

Evelynn: 2

Evelynn: 1

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: You’re right Sivir.

Kai’sa: We don’t need to meet him.

Kai’sa: Give me his number.

Kai’sa: I’m going to set up a plan to keep him busy.

 

Sivir: Got it.

 

Ahri: wait what are you doing??

Ahri: Wait stop i was joking

Ahri: Kai’sa???

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa created the group chat.

Kai’sa added Kassadin and Azir to the group chat

 

Kai’sa: Dad, this is Azir.

Kai’sa: My future father-in-law.

Kai’sa: Enjoy.

 

Kassadin: WHAT!?

 

Azir: AH, IT IS THE FATHER OF MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!

 

Kassadin: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??

 

Azir: I AM SIVIR’S SAVIOR AND ADOPTED FATHER!

Azir: AND YOUR DAUGHTER WILL BECOME AN HONORARY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY!

 

Kassadin: OH

Kassadin:HELL

Kassadin: NO!

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: I have a feeling that my dad will keep Azir company for a while.

 

Sivir: Thank Ra…

 

Sona:(;¬_¬)

 

Ahri: darn it

Ahri: I really wanted to meet Azir.

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa doesn’t need a sugar mother in her life.

 

Ahri: I was joking!

 

Akali: Were you?

 

Ahri: Hey, I was not going to be his trophy wife or something.

Ahri: I was going to be his trophy fox.

 

Sivir: What’s the difference?

 

Ahri: I let him pet me as long as he pays me.

 

Evelynn: You have low standards.

 

Ahri: Well someone needs to pet me around here!

Ahri: A foxy is needy!

 

Akali: No one wants to touch your lice covered hair.

 

Sivir: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: HA!

 

Sona:( >д<)

 

Ahri: WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF IT IS LICE OR NOT!

Ahri: Ah wait

Ahri: Doctor Mundo is trying to call me.

Ahri: It might be the results

Ahri: Give me a second.

 

Evelynn: Can we just kick her out of the K/DA house for a month?

 

Kai’sa: Tempting.

 

Akali: I CALL DIBS ON HER SHOWER!

 

Sivir: Why her shower?

 

Kai’sa: It can fit an entire family in there.

 

Evelynn: It’s perfect for orgies.

 

Akali: ^^^

Akali: Two types of people in this world.

 

Sivir: lmfao

 

Sona:(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 

Akali: LMFAO SONA!!

 

Kai’sa: But if she really does have lice

Kai’sa: We need to clear out the entire house and clean it from head to toe

 

Evelynn: Have fun with that, Bokkie

 

Kai’sa: Okay, wow…

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Sivir: I would help.

 

Kai’sa: THANK YOU SIVIR!

 

Ahri: GUESS GOOD NEWS!

Ahri: IT’S NOT LICE!

 

Evelynn: Oh thank fuck…

 

Akali: Yay!

 

Kai’sa: Oh good.

 

Sivir: Phew

 

Sona: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 

Ahri: IT’S POISON IVY!

 

Evelynn: THAT’S NOT ANY BETTER!!!

Evelynn: THAT’S EVEN WORSE!!!

Evelynn: YOU TOUCHED ME!!!

Evelynn: MY SKIN IS GOING TO BREAK OUT!!

 

Akali: AHRI NO!!!!

Akali: OH GOD!!

Akali: I JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU WORE MY HAT YESTERDAY!!

 

Evelynn: AHRI!!!

 

Ahri: I really am sorry.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: At least it’s not bugs?

 

Evelynn: RASHES!!

Evelynn: THAT’S WORSE!

 

Kai’sa: Go take a shower right away and I’ll go pick up some special lotion.

Kai’sa: We’ll still need to clean the contaminated area properly.

 

Sivir: Man…

Sivir: The K/DA house has seen better days…

 

Evelynn: IT WAS BETTER WHEN AHRI DIDN’T COME BACK FROM HER STUPID 5 YEAR HIATUS!!!

 

Ahri: WILL YOU EVER GET OVER THAT?

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS, AHRI!

 

Ahri: GET OVER IT!!!

 

Evelynn: 5

Evelynn: FUCKING

Evelynn: YEARS!!!

 

Akali: Um...guys..

Akali: *texts photo*

Akali: I’m breaking out…

 

Evelynn: AHRI LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!!

 

Ahri: I AM SO SORRY!!

 

Kai’sa: Oh goodness…

 

Sivir: lol

 

Sona: Ew, that shit nasty.

 

Evelynn:...

 

Ahri:

 

Akali:

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sivir:

 

Sona: I mean

Sona:(ᗒᗩᗕ)՞

Chapter Text

Ahri: Day 287

Ahri: Sona hasn’t texted in the chat yet.

Ahri: Will we ever know if Sona can text words properly?

 

Evelynn: It has only been 2 weeks, Ahri

 

Ahri: Feels like 287 days

 

Evelynn: No, it felt like two weeks.

 

Ahri: Nah

Ahri: 287 days

 

Evelynn: Why 287 days??

 

Ahri: My foxy instincts say 287 days.

 

Evelynn: Your foxy instinct also told you to FUCKING TEXT AT 3 AM IN THE MORNING WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!

 

Ahri: I wanted to make sure everyone in this chat knows that it has been 287 days since Sona texted in the chat.

 

Evelynn: IT HAS ONLY BEEN 2 WEEKS!

 

Ahri: It felt like 287 days

 

Evelynn: Your time clock is wrong

 

Ahri: Time is an illusion.

Ahri: To you, it felt like 2 weeks

Ahri: To me, it has been 275 days.

 

Evelynn: What happened to 287?

 

Ahri: It’s starting to feel like 275.

 

Evelynn: Why did I even respond to this?

 

Kai’sa: You two knew her all of your lives and it didn’t occur to you two that it was odd that she couldn’t text words?

Kai’sa: Like yeah everyone knows she can’t talk but she can’t text properly??

 

Evelynn: I just assumed she likes to text like that.

 

Ahri: I never really questioned it.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Okay.

Kai’sa: Why are you two up?

Kai’sa: It’s 3 am…

 

Ahri: Sleep is for the weak.

 

Kai’sa: Sounds stupid but okay.

 

Evelynn: Well, I have to be up anyways.

Evelynn: Akali and I are doing that variety show.

 

Kai’sa: Oh yeah

Kai’sa: Should I get up and help you two pack?

 

Evelynn: I would say no but you’re going to get up anyways.

 

Kai’sa: True.

Kai’sa: I don’t trust you two to pack for yourselves.

Kai’sa: Knowing you two, you two might just walk out in nothing but your underwear.

 

Evelynn: That was one time.

Evelynn: We were really tired that morning.

 

Kai’sa: I don’t even know how you two even made it out the door…

 

Evelynn: We managed

 

Kai’sa: Sure…

 

Ahri: They’re going to be gone for the day.

Ahri: How hard is it to pack for a day?

 

Kai’sa: You need lots of things.

Kai’sa: They’re going to be on the Invincible Youth variety show and farm in some rural country in Korea.

Kai’sa: They need to pack some water bottles

Kai’sa: Sturdy shoes

Kai’sa: Extra clothes

Kai’sa: No snacks as they need to work for their food.

Kai’sa: first aid in case they hurt themselves.

Kai’sa: Plus they need something to eat when they’re on their way there.

 

Evelynn: and makeup

 

Kai’sa: You’re going to be farming…

Kai’sa: Your makeup will just slide off.

 

Evelynn: I’m not going on camera with no makeup on.

 

Kai’sa: SIGH

Kai’sa: FINE

 

Ahri: OH SHIT IS THE CAMERA CREW GOING TO COME HERE???

 

Evelynn: Yes.

Evelynn: Hence why I am up

 

Ahri: FUCK I GOT TO PUT ON MAKEUP!

Ahri: KAI’SA YOU NEED TO PUT ON MAKEUP TOO!

 

Kai’sa: They’re only going to be here for like ten minutes.

 

Ahri: YEAH BUT FILM CREWS ALWAYS LIKE GOING INTO IDOL’S ROOMS AND CATCHING THEM WITH NO MAKEUP!

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Is that...legal?

 

Ahri: IDK BUT I AM NOT TAKING CHANCES!

 

Kai’sa: Well idc

 

Ahri: BITCH AT LEAST COVER THOSE DARK CIRCLES!

 

Kai’sa: Leave my dark circles alone

Kai’sa: It’s my aesthetic.

 

Evelynn: Not a healthy aesthetic.

 

Kai’sa: Says the woman that survives the day with only one meal…

 

Evelynn: I literally don’t need to eat so much.

 

Ahri: She eats men and ass.

 

Evelynn: Ahri, shut up.

 

Kai’sa: *pussy

 

Ahri: Oh my bad

Ahri: Ninja pussy and ass

 

Evelynn: You two are so funny.

Evelynn: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Evelynn: *eye rolls*

 

Kai’sa: Seriously, we need thicker walls…

 

Evelynn: Oh shush

Evelynn: Don’t think everyone in this house doesn’t hear Sivir eating your ass when you two are locked up in your room, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Stop.

 

Ahri: Sivir’s getting that peach booty.

 

Sivir: ON MY WAY!

 

Ahri: wat

 

Evelynn: oh?

 

Kai’sa: For what, babe??

 

Sivir: Sorry, I thought I got a booty call.

 

Evelynn: You woke up bc you sensed we were talking about Kai’sa’s ass?

 

Sivir: Apparently…

 

Kai’sa: I’m dead hahahaha

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Sivir: *Blushie*

 

Evelynn: You two are adorable.

 

Kai’sa: Well, I should be thanking you.

 

Evelynn: You should.

 

Kai’sa: Hardy har har

Kai’sa: No.

 

Evelynn: Haha

Evelynn: Hey, can anyone wake Akali up?

 

Kai’sa: LAST PERSON TO SAY “NOD IT” HAS TO WAKE AKALI UP!

Kai’sa: Nod it!

 

Evelynn: Nod it.

 

Ahri: Nod it.

 

Sivir: lol wat?

 

Ahri: Sivir go wake Akali up

 

Sivir: I’m not even at your house.

 

Ahri: Then get up, ride your scooter, and wake her up.

 

Sivir: lol no.

Sivir: It’s 3am

 

Ahri: And you’re up now so go fetch her.

 

Sivir: No, you can’t tell me what to do.

 

Ahri: I can lock Kai’sa in the house forever and you shall never see her again.

 

Sivir: Sheesh….

Sivir: Overdramatic much?

 

Ahri: Just a little.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, girls.

Kai’sa: Let's be fair.

Kai’sa: Ahri, go wake up Akali.

 

Ahri: WHAT WHY?

 

Evelynn: You’re technically the last one who said nod it.

 

Ahri: SHE’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!

 

Evelynn: Akali is a lot to handle when you wake her up.

Evelynn: And I’m not done with my makeup yet

 

Ahri: NO FAIIIRRR

 

Evelynn: If the camera crew gets here and sees you helping wake Akali up, you’ll be viewed as a caring leader.

 

Ahri: OKIE I’LL GO WAKE HER UP!!

 

Kai’sa: That was easy.

 

Evelynn: She’s easy to convince.

 

Sivir: So why are you guys up at 3 am?

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn and Akali got invited to be candidates on Invincible Youth so they need to wake up early to arrive on set.

 

Sivir: Invincible Youth?

Sivir: That farming variety show?

 

Kai’sa: Yep.

 

Sivir: Evelynn and farming??

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, I still can’t believe that too.

 

Evelynn: You guys don’t give me enough credit.

Evelynn: I can get down and dirty.

 

Ahri: Only in bed, not in the dirt.

 

Evelynn: I can get my hands dirty and do some hard work.

 

Kai’sa: I’ve never seen you pick up a knife in the kitchen.

Kai’sa: I can not imagine you picking up a hoe.

 

Evelynn: I am the hoe.

 

Sivir: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god….

Kai’sa: I’m done.

 

Ahri: AKALI IS VERY VERY MAD SO BEWARE!!!

 

Evelynn: What did you do??

 

Ahri: Poured water on her.

 

Evelynn: WHY?

 

Ahri: I WAS TOLD TO WAKE HER UP!

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: SO YOU POURED WATER ON HER????

Kai’sa: YOU CAN’T DO ONE SIMPLE TASK, AHRI!

 

Ahri: NO ONE TOLD ME *HOW* TO WAKE HER!

Ahri: I WAS JUST TOLD TO WAKE HER UP!

 

Evelynn: Why are you like this, Ahri?

 

Ahri: Bc I’m cute.

 

Evelynn: Ugh

 

Akali: YO AHRI WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!???

 

Ahri: WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!!!

 

Evelynn: AHRI STOP RUNNING AWAY AND FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!

 

Ahri: NYO THANK YOU!!

 

Kai’sa: Sigh…

Kai’sa: I guess I’ll get out of bed…

 

Sivir: rip

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: I already hate all the other girls here.

 

Kai’sa: It only has been like 15 minutes

Kai’sa: You JUST got on the bus, Eve…

 

Evelynn: And I hate them already.

 

Ahri: Shocking.

Ahri: *Eye roll*

 

Akali: Idk I think we are all just shy.

 

Evelynn: Nah, that bitch in the ugly orange jumpsuit is glaring at me.

 

Ahri: Send a pic.

 

Evelynn: Okay

Evelynn: *texts photo*

 

Ahri: Eve, that’s the girl you said had a nasal voice in front of the other judges during that singing competition.

 

Evelynn: Oh

Evelynn: Well, I hate her.

 

Kai’sa: Eve…

 

Sivir: So you humiliate this girl and you’re surprised why she’s glaring at you???

 

Evelynn: I don’t keep track of everyone that I pissed off on a list.

 

Ahri: You should.

Ahri: It’ll be the only thing people will keep as a memento of you.

Ahri: “See this list?”

Ahri: “This is all the people that Evelynn of K/DA pissed off.”

Ahri: “It’s worth millions of dollars. Oh, these stains on the paper? We’re pretty sure she had Akali jerked her off as a huge ‘Fuck you’ to these people’s names.”

 

Akali:

Akali: All righty then...

 

Kai’sa: That is disgusting.

 

Evelynn: Okay....Ahri...going overboard much?

 

Ahri: But am I wrong?

 

Evelynn: I’m not answering that.

 

Ahri: I’ll take that as a yes.

 

Evelynn: At least I won’t be remembered for my stank.

 

Ahri: IT’S MY FOXY LADY MUSK YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK!

 

Evelynn: You have some “special gland” that makes you smell weird but you don’t get heats???

Evelynn: Fake ass bitch

 

Ahri: Succuhoe

 

Evelynn: Hussy little shit

 

Ahri: Dumb broad

 

Evelynn: stupid fox

 

Ahri: Ugly devil ass

 

Kai’sa: sigh

Kai’sa: Why are you two like this?

 

Evelynn: Friendship.

 

Ahri: Friendship.

 

Akali: I have never seen two friends tear each other down and build each other back up like this.

 

Ahri: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

 

Sivir: So Eve can break you apart and call you a bitch and you’ll be fine?

 

Ahri: **she has broken my tail once.

 

Evelynn: You broke my nose once.

 

Kai’sa: Please don’t kill each other.

 

Ahri: We can try.

 

Evelynn: Emphasis on trying.

 

Ahri: Yeah

Ahri: Trying not to break each other lmfao

 

Akali: I broke Evelynn’s cervix pretty well with my strap-on last night.

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sivir:

 

Ahri: LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

Evelynn: You did very well, darling~

 

Kai’sa: I…

Kai’sa: …I

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa:...

Kai’sa: Why don’t you two try and be friends with the other girls on the bus?

 

Akali: Okay, I’ll tell them what I did to Eve last night.

 

Kai’sa: NO!

Kai’sa: AKALI DON’T!!

 

Evelynn: Don’t stop her.

Evelynn: I want them to know I get more than any of them.

 

Kai’sa: I AM SERIOUS DON’T!!

 

Akali: Lol I was kidding Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: It really didn’t sound like you were kidding…

 

Akali: lololol I was

Akali: Don’t worry.

 

Kai’sa: Thank fuck.

 

Ahri: So what are you two doing?

 

Evelynn: Glaring down at all these dumb bitches in this stupid bus.

 

Kai’sa: Does it kill you to be nice?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god...

 

Akali: So what are you guys going to do today?

 

Ahri: I’m trying to get Kai’sa and me on a variety show too.

 

Kai’sa: No thanks I’m good.

 

Ahri: WHYYYYYY??

Ahri: IT WOULD BE FUN WITH MEEEEEE!!!

 

Evelynn: We’re already stuck in K/DA with you.

 

Ahri: ah shut up

 

Akali: It would be cool to do a variety show with all four of us.

 

Ahri: KSDFJGSLHGLDKJ

Ahri: OMG WE SHOULD GET ON ‘HELLO BABY’!!!

 

Sivir: That reality show where kpop idols take care of someone’s baby?

 

Evelynn: No on my part.

 

Akali: That would be interesting.

 

Evelynn: Nevermind, I’m interested too.

 

Kai’sa: I’m already taking care of children, I’m good.

 

Ahri: AW COME ON!!!

Ahri: WE CAN ALL LEARN HOW TO BE MOTHERS!!!

 

Kai’sa: You all need to learn how to be adults first.

 

Evelynn: Wow.

Evelynn: I am a functional adult.

 

Kai’sa: YOU are far from functional.

 

Evelynn: You just don’t like having fun with us.

 

Kai’sa: IT’S HARD TO HAVE FUN WHEN YOU THREE ARE SO FUCKING RECKLESS!!

Kai’sa: You, Eve, almost killed Ahri yesterday with your stupid donut car tricks while Akali videotaped it.

 

Akali: Yolo

 

Kai’sa: NO YOLO!

 

Ahri: YOLO!

 

Kai’sa: NOOO!

 

Evelynn: Y.o.l.o.

 

Kai’sa: N.o.

 

Ahri: BUT I AM STILL ALIVE!

 

Kai’sa: If you weren’t a gumiho, you would be dead by now.

 

Ahri: Eve wouldn’t actually kill me.

 

Evelynn: Yeah sure

 

Akali: The video got like 2 million hits.

 

Kai’sa: Whoopie fucking do

 

Ahri: SO LET’S TRY AND GET ON ‘HELLO BABY’!!!

 

Kai’sa: No.

Kai’sa: Let’s spare a baby’s life.

 

Ahri: I HAVE MOTHERLY INSTINCTS THAT NEEDS DEVELOPING!!!

Ahri: I NEED TO PRACTICE IN CASE I WOUND UP WITH A KID!

 

Kai’sa: In case???

 

Ahri: You never know.

Ahri: I could adopt a kid right now.

 

Kai’sa: Oh no please don’t….

 

Ahri: Or maybe I’ll have those mother nature urges.

 

Evelynn: omg you’re going into a heat?

 

Ahri: NO!

Ahri: I DON’T GET HEATS!

Ahri: I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A HEAT!!

 

Evelynn: Fucking fake.

 

Ahri: fuck you

 

Akali: realistically

Akali: Kai’sa would make a great mom

 

Ahri: Oh definitely

Ahri: WHICH WOULD BE GREAT ENTERTAINMENT FOR OUR FANS!!

Ahri: EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE MAMA KAI’SA IN ACTION!

 

Kai’sa: The series will literally be me yelling at you three to do something productive for the baby.

 

Evelynn: Look

Evelynn: I can offer my tit for the baby.

 

Kai’sa: That’s not how it works.

 

Evelynn: That’s how you're supposed to feed a baby, right?

 

Kai’sa: You have to be lactating to be able to breastfeed a baby.

Kai’sa: You can’t just drop a titty and that’s it.

 

Evelynn: ???

 

Akali:Lactating???

Akali: Like???

Akali: Is that like how we get cow milk??

 

Ahri: What’s lactating?

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Are you three serious?

 

Sivir: LMFAOOOOO!!!!

Sivir: YA’LL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TITTIES WORK?????!!!!

 

Evelynn: So...you don’t just give a baby a tit??

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: You know…

Kai’sa: I don’t even know if it’s worth trying to explain it…

 

Akali: But like...we can’t turn it off and on?

 

Kai’sa: No…

Kai’sa: Did you three not pay attention to sex ed class??

 

Evelynn: I was more interested in how to turn on the body than how it works.

 

Kai’sa: YOU’RE A FUCKING SUCCUBUS!!!!

Kai’sa: YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HOW TITTIES WORK!!!!

 

Evelynn: I just know that they are fun to suckle and grope.

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god….

 

Sivir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

Ahri: YO YO YO!!!

Ahri: DO ALMONDS HAVE TITTIES???

 

Kai’sa: What….

 

Akali: HOLY SHIT!!

Akali: ALMOND MILK!!!

Akali: HOW THEY GET MILK FROM ALMONDS IF THEY DON’T HAVE TITTIES!!!???

 

Sivir: STOP STOP MY STOMACH HURTS SO MUCH FROM LAUGHING!!!

 

Kai’sa: Almond milk is manufactured…

 

Ahri: WHAT ABOUT COCONUT MILK???

Ahri: OR RICE MILK!!!???

 

Kai’sa: Manufactured.

 

Evelynn: Interesting.

Evelynn: I’m learning so much.

 

Kai’sa: You said you’ve done every kink in the book.

Kai’sa: You never heard of erotic lactation??

 

Evelynn: That’s a thing?

 

Akali: Wow.

 

Ahri: Kai’sa is so smart.

 

Sivir: I AM WHEEEZING!!!!

 

Kai’sa: I’m so done with you three.

 

Akali: My mind is blown…

Akali: I can’t believe our titties can do that….

 

Kai’sa: Akali…

Kai’sa: I really worry for you.

 

Evelynn: Don’t worry, she has me.

 

Kai’sa: You’re not any better.

 

Ahri: SHE HAS ME!

 

Kai’sa: YOU’RE THE WORST!

 

Ahri: FUCK YOU!

 

Kai’sa: I GOT SIVIR TO DO THAT FOR ME!!

 

Ahri: LMFAOOOOO

 

Sivir: I CAN’T FUCKING BREATH!!!!!

Sivir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

Akali: tits are amazing.

 

Ahri: They sure are.

 

Evelynn: Better than balls.

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Promise me that you guys won’t have kids anytime soon…

 

Evelynn: Promise.

 

Akali: Okie.

 

Ahri: Sure.

 

Sivir: I LITERALLY CAN’T

Sivir: LMFAOOOOOO!!!!

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: On our way back.

 

Kai’sa: Coolio.

Kai’sa: How was your day?

 

Akali: IT WAS A LOT OF FUN!!

Akali: WE LEARNED HOW TO MILK COWS!!!

 

Kai’sa: Oh….

Kai’sa: How ironic.

 

Evelynn: To be fair.

Evelynn: We were the best at milking the cows bc all the other girls were too squeamish to try it.

 

Ahri: GUYS I GOT US ON A SEASON FOR HELLO BABY!!!

 

Evelynn: Sweet.

 

Akali: AH COOL WE GET TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY!!!

 

Sivir: LMFAOOOOOO!!!!

 

Kai’sa: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

Sona: ( . Y . )

 

Ahri: SONA!!!

 

Sona:

Chapter Text

Ahri: GOOOOD MORNING!!!

Ahri: MOOOOORNING!

Ahri: WAKEY WAKEY!!

Ahri: EGGS AND BAKEY!!

Ahri: @Kai’sa @Akali @Evelynn

Ahri: WAKKKKE UP!!

 

Kai’sa: WAKE ME UP INSIDE!!

Kai’sa: WAKE ME UP INSIDE!!

Kai’sa: SAY MY NAME AND SAVE ME FROM THE DARK!

 

Ahri: ok damn chill

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Evelynn: Ahri

Evelynn: It’s 1:30am

Evelynn: Why did you wake us up an hour and a half early?

 

Ahri: It actually feels like 3am

 

Evelynn: Not this again…

 

Ahri: UwU

 

Kai’sa: I would love to have at least 2 hours of sleep.

Kai’sa: Right now, I’m barely running on one

 

Ahri: nyo

 

Evelynn: Just ignore her and go back to sleep.

 

Ahri: Nooooo

Ahri: Don’t ignore meeee

 

Kai’sa: We were supposed to be in bed like an hour ago

 

Ahri: I still can’t get the image of Evelynn working a hoe out of my head.

 

Evelynn: Oh my god

Evelynn: Really?

Evelynn: I can get down and do some hard labor work

 

Ahri: I still find that so hard to believe.

 

Kai’sa: I will admit…

Kai’sa: Watching the first episode of Invincible Youth was just odd.

Kai’sa: Seeing Eve in farmer clothes was just weird.

 

Evelynn: You guys don’t give me enough credit

 

Ahri: bc you’re a hoe

 

Evelynn: I’m not denying that

Evelynn: Although that position is being jeopardized by Kai’sa

 

Kai’sa: Excuse me???

 

Ahri: You and Sivir have been pretty ‘busy’ these last few weeks.

 

Kai’sa: Can I not spend time with my girlfriend???

 

Evelynn: You can.

Evelynn: Just remember to lock the trailer, okay?

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Are you fucking kidding me?

 

Ahri: You’re lucky only K/DA are allowed to enter the trailer.

 

Evelynn: But damn Sivir knows how to eat booty

 

Sivir: ON MY WAY!

 

Ahri: Here we go again.

 

Evelynn: Did you wake up bc you sensed we were talking about Kai’sa’s ass again?

 

Sivir: Fuck…

Sivir: What is wrong with me?

 

Kai’sa: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Kai’sa: You guys were peeping on me and Sivir??

 

Evelynn: You’re the one that didn’t lock the trailer.

 

Ahri: And you’re the one that keeps ordering pizza to bring Sivir around.

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Evelynn: You’re being pretty obvious

Evelynn: Our managers thought you were trying to recreate some vintage porno

 

Kai’sa: Oh god….

Kai’sa: Stop…

 

Ahri: “Oh you brought pizza?”

Ahri: “I don’t have any money.”

 

Evelynn: “Can I just offer my ass to pay for the pizza?”

 

Sivir: Wait…

Sivir: You guys heard that…??

 

Kai’sa: SIVIR DON’T SAY THAT!

 

Sivir: oops…

Sivir: Sorry

 

Ahri: LMFAOOO

Ahri: HELL YEAH WE DID!

 

Evelynn: You two need to work on your dialogue some more.

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

Kai’sa: Kill me

 

Ahri: Aww don’t be embarrassed

Ahri: It’s not like we don’t know about your relationship with Sivir.

 

Kai’sa: Still…

Kai’sa: I’m mortified that you two caught us having sex

 

Evelynn: Akali saw it too

 

Kai’sa: That doesn’t make me feel better…

 

Ahri: Go walk in on Akali and Eve having sex and you’re even.

 

Evelynn: My doors are unlocked

Evelynn: I have no secrets

 

Kai’sa: I’m good.

Kai’sa: Thanks.

 

Evelynn: Or you two can join us

Evelynn: That would be fun.

 

Kai’sa: NO!

 

Sivir: Yeah, no, I’m good…

 

Evelynn: Suit yourself

 

Ahri: As someone who had drunk sex with Eve before

Ahri: She’s good in bed

 

Evelynn: Don’t remind me that we did hook up…

 

Ahri: Lol no

Ahri: I’m never letting it go.

 

Evelynn: Ugh

 

Kai’sa: Can we all go to sleep?

Kai’sa: Especially you, Eve

Kai’sa: You need to wake up at 3am.

 

Evelynn: Yeah you know

Evelynn: I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys about this.

Evelynn: So the director wants to kick me out of Invincible Youth.

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Ahri: AFTER MAKING TWO EPISODES???

 

Evelynn: Well I technically need to come in today so that makes it three episodes and they’ll publically say I am too busy and I’m leaving the show

Evelynn: All the bitches will fake cry and I’m out.

 

Kai’sa: What about Akali?

 

Evelynn: Oh, she’s coming with me.

Evelynn: I don’t trust those hoes near my Akali.

 

Ahri: What the fuck did you do to get kicked off??

 

Evelynn: Oh nothing

Evelynn: Just the fact that every girl hates me with a burning passion.

 

Kai’sa: I’m surprised someone hasn’t died…

 

Evelynn: I was close.

 

Sivir: Damn…

 

Ahri: Well…

Ahri: I guess you two can join ‘Hello Baby’ full time!

 

Evelynn: I guess we can.

 

Kai’sa: Don’t remind me…

Kai’sa: I fear for our baby’s sanity…

 

Ahri: I AM EXCITED!

 

Evelynn: Calm down, Foxy.

Evelynn: It’s a baby so don’t get too excited.

 

Ahri: I knooooow

 

Kai’sa: I think it’s a good idea that Ahri and I are starting the show off first.

Kai’sa: That way we don’t overwhelm the baby.

 

Evelynn: Good point

Evelynn: Just know I am still willing to offer a tit for the baby.

 

Kai’sa: Eve, giving a baby a tit isn’t helping anyone…

 

Evelynn: Well how the fuck do we feed a baby?

 

Kai’sa: We had this conversation already!!!

 

Evelynn: Yeah I know

Evelynn: Can’t the baby just suck the milk out?

 

Kai’sa: THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS!!

 

Evelynn: Well if the baby wants a tit, I’m available.

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Ahri: When I’m in fox form, I got like 6 tits lmfao

Ahri: So if yah need a spare, I got you lmfao

 

Kai’sa: AHRI I AM COMING TO YOUR ROOM TO STRANGLE YOUR FUCKING NECK!!!

 

Sivir: Choke me mommy

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Sivir: What?

 

Ahri: YOLO!!!

Ahri: I WAS KIDDING KAI’SA!!!

 

Evelynn: Do it, Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: Oh boy…

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAH I HEAR KAI’SA RUNNING LMFAO!!!!!

Ahri: YEEEET!!

 

XXX

 

Akali: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NOISE??

 

Evelynn: That’s just Kai’sa strangling Ahri.

 

Akali: Oh.

Akali: Okay.

Akali: Where are you?

 

Evelynn: Doing my makeup.

 

Akali: It’s like 1:45am…

 

Evelynn: Blame the dying fox.

 

Ahri: haoioiha

Ahri: haalpoooo

Ahri: kdfjglsdjlksjflkdhj

 

Akali: No.

 

Ahri: pqqqeease

Ahri: ?????

 

Sivir: LMFAO

Sivir: No.

 

Evelynn: LMFAO

Evelynn: I walked into Ahri’s room

Evelynn:*text photo*

 

Sivir: AWWWW WHAT THE FUCK??

Sivir: KAI’SA DOESN’T DO THAT FOR MEEEE!

 

Akali: Choke you with her thighs?

 

Sivir: YEAH!!

Sivir: @Ahri you little fucker!!

 

Ahri: jkasdgkshfgkjhldfkjhglkj

 

Evelynn: I literally can’t stop crying hahahaha!!

 

Akali: Kai’sa is very scary when she’s mad…

 

Sivir: AND APPARENTLY WILL CHOKE AHRI WITH HER THIGHS AND NOT ME!!!

 

Sona: ...

Sona: ٩(× ×)۶

 

Ahri: SOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNAAAAA!!!

 

Evelynn: Sona, don’t you dare disappear!

 

Sona: ╮(︶︿︶)╭

 

Ahri: Y U NO TALK WORDS TO US???

 

Akali: I’m curious as well.

 

Kai’sa: Me too.

 

Sivir: YOU ENJOYED CHOKING AHRI WITH YOUR THIGHS AND NOT ME???

 

Kai’sa: Babe, not now…

 

Sivir:  YES NOW!

 

Sona: (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

 

Evelynn: SONA DON’T FUCKING CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

 

Ahri: SPEAK TO US IN WORDS!

 

Kai’sa: Or I will choke the fox again.

 

Ahri: EVE SAVE ME!!

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: FACK YOU!

 

Akali: What is wrong with us?

 

Sona: ヽ(~_~(・_・ )ゝ

 

Evelynn: Don’t call us idiots…

 

Kai’sa: YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!

 

Ahri: Yeah, we are.

 

Akali: NOT ME!

Akali: I GRADUATED THE TOP OF MY DOJO!!

 

Kai’sa: BEATING ONE OTHER STUDENT DOESN’T MAKE YOU THE TOP OF THE DOJO, AKALI!!

 

Akali: WOW FUCK YOU!

Akali: YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK TO BEAT IRELIA’S ASS!??

Akali: YEARS!

 

Evelynn: You spanked a girl’s ass for years?

 

Ahri: KAJSLKGJLDFJGKSDJLK

 

Akali: Eve no…

Akali: I meant I couldn’t beat her in a fight for years.

 

Evelynn: oohhh

Evelynn: Okay, that makes sense.

 

Ahri:  You dumb succuhoe.

 

Evelynn: Fuck off.

 

Sivir: You beat Irelia off?

 

Akali: NO!

Akali: FOR FUCK SAKE!!

Akali: ARE YOU GUYS SLEEP DEPRIVED???

 

Sivir: A little bit.

 

Kai’sa: YEAH BC I ONLY GOT ONE HOUR OF SLEEP BC OF AHRI!!

 

Ahri: YOLO!!!

 

Sona: (」°ロ°)」

 

Evelynn: Oh don’t you dare leave, Sona!

 

Ahri: YOU STILL HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!

 

Sona: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

 

Evelynn: Sona!

 

Ahri: Noooo don’t leave!!!

 

Kai’sa: Smart decision, really.

 

Ahri: WOW KAI’SA!

 

Kai’sa: I ONLY GOT ONE HOUR OF SLEEP SO FUCKING SUE ME

Kai’sa: I’M TIRED!

 

Akali: Then go back to sleep.

 

Kai’sa: IKSJGDKJAKDFGLEFK

Kai’sa: I AM COMING OVER TO STRANGLE YOU TOO AKALI!!

 

Akali:  Oh no.

 

Ahri: Actually her thighs are really nice.

 

Sivir: lucky...

 

Evelynn: THE ONLY PERSON THAT WILL CHOKE AKALI WITH THEIR THIGHS IS ME!

Evelynn: SO FUCK OFF KAI’SA!

Evelynn: FIGHT ME!

 

Sivir: NOOOO CHOKE MEEE BABE!!

 

Kai’sa:  VOID SEEKER!

 

Evelynn: HATE SPIKE!!!

 

Ahri: yolo

 

XXX

 

Sivir: So…

Sivir: Is anyone alive?

Sivir: It’s been 6 hours…

 

Ahri: Yeah we’re alive.

Ahri: Eve and Akali already left to do their last show on Invincible Youth like 3 hrs ago

 

Kai’sa: I got an extra three hours of sleep

Kai’sa: Thank the void

 

Sivir: Oh good

Sivir: I was worried I would have to call the police or something.

 

Ahri: We’re not that bad.

 

Kai’sa: Debatable

 

Ahri: Anyhoo we’re waiting for the baby to arrive.

 

Sivir: Ah so you two are going to be taking care of a baby.

Sivir: Fun.

 

Kai’sa: Pray for me

 

Sivir: I will

 

Ahri: WOW!

 

Sivir: Well, have a good day~

 

Ahri: Thanks~

 

Sivir: I was talking to Kai’sa

 

Kai’sa: Thanks babe~

 

Ahri: RUDE!

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: AHRI I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL ACTUALLY MURDER YOU IF YOU DON’T FIND HIM!!

 

Ahri: I SWEAR IT WASN’T ENTIRELY MY FAULT!!!

Ahri: I’M LOOKING!!!

Ahri: I’M LOOKING!!!

 

Sivir: Oh no…

Sivir: What’s going on…?

 

Evelynn: Yes, do tell.

 

Kai’sa: You two are heading back already??

 

Akali: Yeah...it’s the end of the day.

 

Kai’sa: Oh no…

 

Ahri: Would you two, by any chance, have seen a baby on your way here?

 

Kai’sa: AHRIIIII!!!

 

Akali: lol wat

 

Evelynn: No, we don’t see any babies in rural Korea just lying around.

 

Sivir: Why do you ask?

 

Kai’sa: Nothing, everything is fine.

 

Ahri: We lost the baby.

 

Kai’sa: AHRI I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!

 

Ahri: BUT IT’S TRUE!!

Ahri: WE LOST A BABY!!!

 

Evelynn:

 

Akali:

 

Sivir:

 

Kai’sa: I swear it’s not as bad as it sounds.

 

Evelynn: No, that’s pretty bad.

 

Akali: You lost someone else’s baby?

 

Kai’sa: omg we did…

Kai’sa: oh god i am a horrible person

 

Ahri: You’re not, Kai’sa.

Ahri: We just misplaced him.

 

Kai’sa: THAT STILL SOUNDS FUCKING BAD!!!

 

Akali: How?

Akali: What?

Akali: ???

 

Kai’sa: I don’t know!

Kai’sa: We were filming at the park and I told Ahri to pick up the baby

Kai’sa: And when she came by with the stroller, the baby wasn’t there.

 

Evelynn: so it’s Ahri’s fault?

 

Ahri: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!

 

Akali: Are you guys still filming?

 

Kai’sa: We’re on break and no one knows that we lost the baby

Kai’sa: But they’re going to find out anyways…

 

Sivir: Oh babe…

 

Kai’sa: Sivir i am freaking out

 

Sivir: Just relax and don’t panic

 

Evelynn: Just take a deep breath

 

Akali: It’s probably best to just report it right away.

 

Evelynn: I agree.

Evelynn: This might be serious…

 

Ahri: You’re right.

 

Kai’sa: Oh fuck i feel so horrible…

 

Evelynn: Look, we’ll be home soon

Evelynn: Just tell the director and we will be there to support you.

 

Akali: If worse comes to worse, we’ll face it together.

 

Kai’sa: Okay. Okay.

Kai’sa: Thank you.

 

Ahri: Alright, we’ll tell them.

 

Sivir: It’ll be alright babe

 

Kai’sa: I sure hope so.

 

XXX

 

Ahri: HEY CAN YOU GUYS COME BACK FASTER BC I GOT AN ANGRY PEACH UP MY ASS!!

 

Evelynn: What happened?

 

Akali: Is everything alright??

 

Sivir: Did you find the baby?

 

Kai’sa: AHRI WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!???

Kai’sa: COME OUT OF HIDING!!

 

Ahri: IT’S AN HONEST MISTAKE KAI’SA I SWEAR!!

 

Kai’sa: AHRI I WILL STRANGLE YOU!!

 

Evelynn: Before you do, did you find the baby??

 

Kai’sa: THE BABY WAS RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT HIM!!!

Kai’sa: AHRI PICKED UP THE WRONG STROLLER!!

 

Ahri: I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW!!!

 

Akali: OH THANK GOD

Akali: At least you didn’t lose a baby.

 

Kai’sa: I ALMOST LOST MY SANITY BC OF AHRI!!!!

 

Ahri: I SWEAR IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!!

 

Evelynn: Bye Ahri

 

Sivir: rip

 

Akali: You will be missed.

 

Ahri: PLEASE SAVE MEEE!!!!

 

Kai’sa: NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU NOW!!!

Kai’sa: AND FOR THE RECORD

Kai’sa: I AM DONE WITH THESE TV SHOWS!!!

 

Evelynn: Same

 

Akali: Yeah, me too.

 

Sivir: I support you in whatever you do, babe!

 

Ahri: PLS I THINK KAI’SA IS ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME!!!

 

Kai’sa: YOU BET YOUR FOXY ASS I AM!!

 

Ahri: HALLLLPPPP!!

 

Akali: Press F to pay respects.

 

Sivir: F

 

Evelynn: F

 

Kai’sa: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

 

Sona: F

 

Evelynn: Sona…

 

Ahri: SONA TEXTED A LETTER!!!

 

Akali: SONA!

 

Sivir: Oh shit!!

 

Kai’sa: oh shit…

 

Sona:

 

Evelynn: Not again.

 

Akali: Aw she’s gone.

 

Sivir: Damn.

 

Ahri: Sona nooooo

 

Kai’sa: NOW WHERE WAS I???


Ahri: NNNNNYYYOOOOOOOO!!

Chapter Text

Ahri: This meeting suuuuuuck

Ahri: Everyone is so borrriiiiing

Ahri: I’m borreeed

Ahri: Bored out of my mind

Ahri: It’s just money talk and i really don’t care

Ahri: Super bored

Ahri: How long does a guy need to take in order to promote his stupid gummy bear vitamin?

Ahri: I’m going to tell him no anyways and he’s not getting it

Ahri: I’m bored

Ahri: Halp

Ahri: This guy won’t stop talking

Ahri: The meeting was suppose to be done like 20 mins ago but dis dude thinks he’s hot shit

Ahri: Speaking of hot shit

Ahri: I have such a craving for hot cheetos

Ahri: I want my tongue burning

Ahri: I’m also bored

Ahri: like he’s still talkin

Ahri: He’s trying to pull out contracts

Ahri: lmfao

Ahri: he gave me a pen so i can sign his stupid contract but damn bitch

Ahri: i ain’t taking your so call sleeping vitamins

Ahri: i am drug free

Ahri: my body is free of chemicals

Ahri: and he’s still talkin

Ahri: damn he is relentless

Ahri: i mean

Ahri: i know i more bootyful than eve but damn

Ahri: can i fucking leave?

Ahri: my life is woe

Ahri: i wish i was shopping

Ahri: That would be nice

Ahri: We all need new clothes

Ahri: no shade girls

Ahri: Especially eve

Ahri: i’m getting tired of your ugly ass

Ahri: wear something fucking bright for once

Ahri: I’m pretty sure you give kai’sa depression just by looking at you, bitch

Ahri: HE IS STILL TRYING TO MAKE ME SIGN HIS DAMN CONTRACT

Ahri: I JUST WANNNA LEEEAVVVEE

Ahri: I fucking told him no

Ahri: My agent told him no

Ahri: god told him no

Ahri: the universe told him no

Ahri: Yo do i need to drag amaterasu into this too or something??

Ahri: or great grand daddy fox god or something??

Ahri: uuugh

Ahri: okay i think he gets it

Ahri: i think

Ahri: he gave me a dirty look

Ahri: damn he salty

Ahri: lmfao

Ahri: he really salty af

Ahri: NO ONE WANTS YOUR GUMMY BEARS, BOO!!!

Ahri: it’s just sugar and toxic stuff

Ahri: i can smell the shit out of those ‘vitamins’

Ahri: lmfao

Ahri: sigh

Ahri: are you guys still busy?

Ahri: I’m bored again

Ahri: Imma shop online

Ahri: imma get you guy some new clothes

Ahri: yo stank asses needs it

Ahri: oh wait

Ahri: i found a site with personality quizzes

Ahri: omg lets do it

Ahri: Imma make more tabs so i can do one for each of you

Ahri: guys?

Ahri: GUUUYS??

Ahri: I know damn well that you girls are not that busy

Ahri: Where are you guys?

Ahri: guuuuuuuyyyyyysss??

Ahri: heeewwwwooooo

Ahri: Excuse me

Ahri: helloooo

Ahri: nya!

Ahri: Do a personality quiz with me!

Ahri: sigh

Ahri: @Evelynn

Ahri: @Akali

Ahri: @Kai’sa

Ahri: @Sivir

Ahri: @Sona ??

 

Kai’sa: Omfg ahri…

Kai’sa: Do you ever just take a break from your phone?

 

Ahri: no

Ahri: lolz

 

Evelynn: For fuck sake Ahri

Evelynn: This is why i mute the chat

 

Ahri: you guys muted the chat?!?!?!

 

Akali: yeee

 

Sivir: Yah

 

Kai’sa: Yes

 

Ahri: WOW

Ahri: You guys are no fun

 

Evelynn: You’re crazy

 

Ahri: not as crazy as you

 

Evelynn: True

 

Ahri: You guys should do personality quizzes with me

 

Kai’sa: Why

 

Ahri: bc i am bored

 

Akali: But we aren’t going to be home for a while

 

Ahri: then i post the question and the choices on the chat

Ahri: and you give me answers

 

Sivir: why

 

Ahri: it’ll be fun and im bored.

Ahri: Here’s a quiz

Ahri: ‘What is your Spirit Animal’ quiz.

Ahri: https://www.spiritanimal.info/spirit-animal-quiz/

 

Evelynn: I’m going to ignore you

 

Ahri: I’ll just keep tagging you

Ahri: i’m in the studio on my laptop

Ahri: i got four hours to kill

Ahri: i will tag until you answer

 

Evelynn: I hate that you’re persistent

 

Kai’sa: I don’t really mind

Kai’sa: i could use a break

Kai’sa: i’ve been dancing for 5 hrs

 

Ahri: okay robot that’s insane

 

Akali: it’s her passion

 

Sivir: it’s a great passion

 

Evelynn: I guess she has to keep that ass up somehow

 

Kai’sa: hardy har har

Kai’sa: sorry eve not everyone uses butt implants like u

 

Sivir: oooooooooooooo

 

Akali: hey for the record

Akali: they are real

 

Kai’sa: that’s what she wants you to think

 

Evelynn: they are real, u little shit

Evelynn: 100% real

 

Kai’sa: real like your jewelry?

 

Ahri: OH SNAP KAI’SA WENT THERE!!

 

Sivir: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

Evelynn: At least I paid for it

Evelynn: i don’t get daddy to pay for my hair extensions

 

Ahri: OOOOO RIGHT BACK!!!

 

Kai’sa: At least I have a Dad.

 

Ahri: ...

Ahri: ow

 

Sivir: ooooohhhh

 

Akali: ooooofff

 

Evelynn: low blow kai’sa

 

Kai’sa: Don’t come for my ass, Eve

 

Evelynn: I don’t need to cum for your ass

 

Kai’sa: oh right that’s what akali is for

Kai’sa: that explains why you’re so desperate for my ass bc akali can’t make you cum

 

Sivir : alksdgjlkdjgksjd;fkjg;zjoivmcgsehiou

Sivir: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!

 

Ahri: LMFAAOOOOOOO

 

Akali: Okay damn

Akali: That hurt but also hurt really good

 

Evelynn: Bitch who said about akali making me cum

Evelynn: I do all the hard work

Evelynn: and make her cum

Evelynn: and give akali that nice sex glow

Evelynn: i make her glow brighter than your streaky forehead

Evelynn: i guess sivir doesn’t know how to brighten her own queen

Evelynn: Can’t relate

 

Sivir: okay wow damn

 

Ahri: lmfao lmfao

Ahri: damn this is getting good!!

 

Akali: oh shit oh shit!!

 

Kai’sa: you’re right i don’t glow brighter than akali

Kai’sa: bc i am too busy admiring at Sivir’s six pack in bed

Kai’sa: and her abdominal v waist that curves so nice and sharp

Kai’sa: it could cut me eve

Kai’sa: the only thing akali could cut you with is her crooked eyeliner

 

Ahri: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ahri: KAI’SA DAMN

Ahri: KAI’SA

Ahri: AHHHHHHH MORE FIGHTING!!!

 

Sivir: Suck on that Akali

 

Akali: Shut up pharah replacement

 

Sivir: at least i accept that

 

Evelynn: Bigger isn’t always better, Kai’sa

Evelynn: Akali could beat down Sivir

Evelynn: she knows how to turn her enemies’ strength over

Evelynn: Sivir could barely balance on a scooter

Evelynn: Akali can easily tip her over

 

Sivir: i fell off my *MOTORCYCLE* one time

 

Akali: You drove over a fucking pebble and lost control

Akali: You went flying

 

Sivir: my hands slipped

 

Evelynn: oh look

Evelynn: Sivir gives more action to her scooter than you, Kai’sa

 

Ahri: jhbsgkjhzdflkgdzkgjfkdhlk

Ahri: POUR MORE TEA!!

 

Kai’sa: at least sivir can ride a motorcycle and take me on rides

Kai’sa: The best that Akali can do is putt putt along on a skateboard

 

Akali: I AM LEARNING!

 

Evelynn: I can drive my own woman, thank you very much.

 

Kai’sa: oh no did i offend your fragile ego?

 

Evelynn: No, I patched it up with your brittle pride

 

Ahri: I AM LIVING FOR THIS!!!

 

Sivir: Should we stop them?

 

Akali: Yeah this might get out of hands…

 

Kai’sa: Eve is about to catch these hands

 

Evelynn: I hope you’re ready to get your ass whupped

 

Ahri: okay stop stop

Ahri: no more fighting

Ahri: lets take a nice fun quiz and rekindle our friendship

 

Kai’sa: Or whatever is left of it

 

Evelynn: Yeah, whatever is left with your receding hairline

Evelynn: Watch out hunny

Evelynn: those hair buns are only pulling that hairline back

 

Sivir: ooooooooh noo….

 

Akali: i’m scared

 

Kai’sa: Keep pulling back your eyes when you put on eyeliner and those crows feet will start deepening

Kai’sa: caw caw bitch let me nest right into them

Kai’sa: No amount of botox will ever make those eye wrinkles fade

 

Ahri: OH SHIT OH SHIT!!

Ahri: KAI’SA HAS NO CHILL!!!

 

Sivir: kjsdfkahdkfgj

 

Akali: ilajfhlakshdklfhgldkshgkdjghadjhfgkskj

Akali: I think someone might die tonight.

 

Evelynn: Yeah

Evelynn: Kai’sa’s fucking career

 

Sivir: ...

 

Akali: ...

 

Kai’sa: oh you little fucking bitch

 

Ahri: OKAY OKAY

Ahri: Why don’t I just do the quiz???

 

Sivir: PLEASE DO, AHRI!

 

Akali: YEAH QUIZ!

Akali: it’ll be fun

Akali: Right babe??

 

Evelynn: Fine.

 

Sivir: You’ll do it too, right babe?

 

Kai’sa: Fine

 

Ahri: Okie okie

Ahri: First question of the “What is my Spirit animal?” quiz

Ahri: What is your favorite natural element?

Ahri: Air, Earth, Fire, Water, Wood, Space

 

Evelynn: Fire bc i am about to burn Kai’sa down

 

Kai’sa: Earth bc i will drag Evelynn to the fucking dirt.

 

Ahri: ...okay

 

Sivir: Oh boy

 

Akali: Oh my kami, pls protect us

 

Ahri: Question 2

Ahri: Do you feel at peace with yourself all the time?

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Evelynn: Very Inacc-fucking-rate

 

Kai’sa: Likewise.

 

Ahri: Question 3

Ahri: I tend to be more "down-to-earth" than "head-in-the-clouds."”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Evelynn: I shall put fairly accurate

 

Kai’sa: I disagree with your airhead but put the same for me

 

Evelynn: Wow so funny, Kai’sa

Evelynn: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Akali: haha…

 

Sivir: hehe…??

 

Ahri: Question 4

Ahri: “I find it easy to approach others.”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Evelynn: Oh I fucking demand

 

Akali: WITH KINDNESS

 

Kai’sa: I can hear your fake ass cheeks clapping whenever you stomp in my direction

 

Sivir: WHICH IS HELPFUL TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARRIVE!

 

Evelynn: oh good, glad i make my presence known

Evelynn: *eye rolls*

 

Ahri: Question 4

Ahri: I frequently do things without a specific schedule or plan.”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Kai’sa: We all know Evelynn barely gets her morning routine together.

Kai’sa: Or her life

 

Evelynn: I like to be spontaneous, you strict timekeeper

 

Kai’sa: Having a routine is nice so you’re not a complete mess all the time

 

Evelynn: Thanks, no one asked your opinion

 

Akali: Wow don’t we all love each other?

 

Sivir: We are like one big happy family!

 

Ahri: Okay…

Ahri: QUESTION 5

Ahri: The typical, ordinary way feels like a betrayal of myself.”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn can’t be a fucking normal person and clean up her shit.

 

Evelynn: Leave my shit alone and leave me be.

 

Kai’sa: Gladly, your shit stinks.

 

Evelynn: Fuck you.

 

Sivir: Hahahahahahaha so funny

 

Akali: so funny girls!!

 

Ahri: I’ll just answer for you two

Ahri: QUESTION 6

Ahri: I frequently come up with ideas or solutions out of nowhere.”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Kai’sa: Very accurate

 

Evelynn: Very accurate

Evelynn: I hope you solved how to fix your ending career.

 

Kai’sa: Oh, I got plans to tear yours apart.

 

Sivir: so we can bring ourselves back up!

 

Akali: bc best friends got each other’s back!!

 

Kai’sa: By stabbing

 

Evelynn: Oh you got that right.

 

Ahri: QUESTION 7

 

Sivir: READ THE MOOD AHRI!

 

Akali: THIS IS GETTING BAD.

 

Ahri: “The more useful I am to others, the happier I am.”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Evelynn: Oh Kai’sa is very fucking useful

Evelynn: She gives great fucking advice

Evelynn: If I want to end my career, I’ll listen to her

 

Kai’sa: If I need tips to whore myself out

Kai’sa: i’ll ask you

 

Evelynn: Oh perfect.

 

Akali: Sivir i am so sorry

 

Sivir: i am too, man

 

Ahri: QUESTION 8

Ahri: “I spend a lot of time observing before I act.”

Ahri: Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

Kai’sa: EVELYNN WOULD KNOW NOTHING ON THIS!!

 

Evelynn: BITCH I THINK BEFORE I ACT

 

Kai’sa: DID YOU THINK BEFORE EATING THOSE MISSING MEN??!!

Kai’sa: YOU SHE-DEVIL LITTLE GREMLIN!!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!!!

Evelynn: YOU DON’T KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE MEN!!!

Evelynn: THAT’S IN THE PAST AND I’VE MOVED ON!

 

Kai’sa: YEAH YOU MOVED ON BUT YOU LEFT YOUR CAREER!!

 

Evelynn: YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CAREER BEFORE AHRI AND I BASICALLY HANDED IT TO YOU ON A SILVER PLATTER!!

 

Kai’sa: I WAS DOING FINE BEFORE YOU TWO CAME!!

 

Evelynn: YEAH HIDING UNDER DADDY’S WINGS IS A GREAT CAREER!!

 

Kai’sa: FUCK YOU!!!!!!

 

Sivir: AKALI JUST KNOW YOU’RE MY HOMIE NO MATTER WHAT!

 

Akali: I KNOW MAN!

 

Ahri: QUESTION 9

 

Sivir: WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS STUPID QUIZ!!!???

 

Akali: CAN’T YOU SEE THEY’RE FIGHTING EVEN MORE??

 

Ahri: SHUT UP THIS IS TEA AND I AM SPILLING IT!!

Ahri: “How would you spend your free time?”

Ahri: Take a hike

Ahri: arts and craft

Ahri: video games and movies

Ahri: Hanging with friends

Ahri: reading a book

 

Kai’sa: EVE SURE LIKES TO CLOCK MY ASS!

 

Evelyn: KAI’SA SURE THINKS SHE GOT IT EASY!!!

 

Kai’sa: YOU’RE JUST A RICH SPOILED BRAT!!

 

Evelynn: AND YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES!!!!

 

Ahri: I’ll put hiking for Kai’sa and going out with friends for Eve

 

Sivir: HOW ABOUT MENDING THE BREAKING POINT???

 

Akali PWEASE DON’T FIGHT GIRLS!

 

Ahri: WOW!

Ahri: Kai’sa got a deer

Ahri: and Evelynn got a Tiger

 

Evelynn: I WILL TEAR YOU APART KAI’SA!!!

 

Kai’sa: BITCH TRY ME

Kai’sa: LETS SEE THOSE FAKE ASS CHEEKS CLAP!!!

 

Evelynn: SHUT UP

Evelynn:  I WILL RUIN YOUR JAWLINE WITH MY FIST!!

 

Kai’sa: BITCH DON’T BREAK A NAIL OR I WILL TEAR THEM OFF!!

 

Akali: HEY DON’T WE ALL LOVE EACH OTHER???

 

Sivir: YEAH AREN’T WE CLOSE FRIENDS??

 

Ahri: imma nap

 

Akali: NSKDGHLKDHGBKLSDHJ

Akali: AHRI?!?!?!?

 

Sivir: YOU CAN’T FUCKING BAIL, AHRI!!

 

Ahri: I sleepy

 

Evelynn: CATCH ME OUTSIDE, KAI’SA, HOW ABOUT THAT!!??

 

Kai’sa: GLADLY!!!

Kai’sa: I WILL FUCKING DRAG YOU ACROSS KOREA!!

 

Sivir: How about we drag on a nice couch?

 

Akali: Watch a nice movie?

 

Sivir: Cuddle with us?

 

Akali: and we’re all friends??

 

Kai’sa: 5 MINUTES EVE!

 

Evelynn: TURN ON YOUR FUCKING LOCATIONS KAI’HOE!!!

 

Kai’sa: FUCK YOU

Kai’sa: GIVE ME A SECOND!

 

Evelynn: TAKE YOUR DAMN TIME

 

Kai’sa: THANK YOU!

 

Evelynn: YOU’RE WELCOME!!

 

Ahri: THE GUMMY BEAR GUY IS BACK!!!

Ahri: HE STILL WANTS ME TO SIGN THAT FUCKING CONTRACT!!

 

Sivir: WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS!!!

 

Akali: LIKE EVE AND KAI’SA!!!??

 

Ahri: THEY’LL FIGHT IT OUT AND RECONCILE DON’T WORRY ABOUT THEM

Ahri: I GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS!!!

 

Sivir: NO YOU DON’T!!

 

Akali: HELP US STOP EVE AND KAI’SA!!

 

Ahri: HELP ME GET AWAY FROM GUMMY BEAR GUY!!

 

Sivir: JUST SAY NO!

 

Ahri: I DID AND HE’S STILL PERSISTENT!!

 

Kai’sa: TURNED MY LOCATIONS ON, BITCH!!

 

Evelynn: PERFECT THANKS

 

Kai’sa: NO PROBLEM

Kai’sa: NOW BE READY TO DIE!

 

Evelynn: GLADLY!

 

Sivir: PLEASE DON’T FIGHT YOU TWO!!

 

Akali: LETS BE FRIENDS!!!

 

Ahri: GUMMY BEAR GUY IS STILL IN THE BUILDINGGGG

Ahri: I REPEAT

Ahri: HE IS STILL IN THE BUILDING!!

 

Sivir: YOUR PROBLEM DOESN’T REALLY MATTER RIGHT NOW!!!

 

Ahri: IT DOES TO MEEEE

 

Akali: alsjflsjg

Akali: HOW COME WHEN THE PROBLEM IS WITH KAI’SA AND EVE, YOU’RE STILL SOMEHOW MAKING THE PROBLEM WORSE??

 

Ahri: IT’S MY TALENT

Ahri: NOW HELP ME PLWEASE!!    

 

Sivir: TAKE CARE OF IT YOURSELF

Sivir: WE GOT TO STOP OUR GIRLFRIENDS

 

Ahri: TRAITORS!!!!!

 

Akali: WE’RE BEING GOOD GIRLFRIENDS!!!

 

Ahri: I AM THE LEADER!

 

Sivir: A SHITTY ONE!

 

Ahri: RUUUUUDE!!!

 

XXX

 

Sona:

Sona: Ya’ll funny af, lmfao

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Hi

 

Sivir: Where have you been?

 

Ahri: Unconscious

 

Akali: Nani the fuck?

 

Ahri: It’s not morbid as it sounds

Ahri: I was running away from the gummy bear contractor

Ahri: And I ran right into a wall

Ahri: Knocked myself out

 

Akali: I fucking snorted lmfao

 

Sivir: How are you still alive at this point?

Sivir: With Eve wanting to kill you

Sivir: And you running recklessly in the studio

 

Ahri: I have no fucking clue

Ahri: But apparently when i was knocked out

Ahri: The gummy bear man signed the contract with my hand

Ahri: So now i have to promote the gummy bears on my insta

 

Sivir: Um…

Sivir: That sounds illegal…

 

Ahri: It probably is

Ahri: But my head hurts and i don’t want to deal with legal stuff

Ahri: I was thinking of dropping it on Eve’s lap and have her fight for me

Ahri: So how are kai’sa and eve?

 

Akali: Reconciled

Akali: asleep in our arms

Akali: while we all group cuddle on the couch

 

Ahri: So they didn’t fight?

 

Sivir: Oh they did

Sivir: Eve has a black eye and some minor burns

Sivir: Kai’sa has a busted lip and a twisted ankle

Sivir: But otherwise they are fine

 

Ahri: So what made them stop fighting?

 

Akali: They saw that they were wearing the same bra and stopped mid fight to fangirl over it

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Are you joking?

 

Sivir: Nope

Sivir: Kai’sa blasted at Evelynn with her parasites

Sivir: Burning a part of Eve’s shirt

Sivir: Saw the bra she was wearing

Sivir: Then gushed to Eve how she’s wearing the same bra

 

Akali: Then they made up.

 

Ahri:

Ahri: GREAT SO WE’RE ALL FRIENDS??

 

Sivir: Yeah

 

Ahri: PERFEEECCT!

Ahri: Now wake Eve up so she can come pick me up from the studio.

 

Akali: I really don’t want to wake her up…

 

Ahri: Wake the hoe up

 

Akali: No

 

Ahri: I don’t want to call a cab…

 

Sivir: Then don’t go running into walls next time

 

Ahri: ah screw you…

Ahri: I’ll just turn into a fox and run home

 

Akali: Have fun with that.

 

Ahri: thanks…

 

Kai’sa: Did any of you guys see what Sona texted?!

 

Sivir: Holy shit

 

Akali: How did we miss that?

 

Ahri: OH MY FOX!

 

Evelynn: @Sona

 

Sona: :)

Sona: ヾ(^∇^)

 

Ahri: GET BACK HERE!

Ahri: DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE!!

 

Evelynn: SONA!

 

Sona Buvelle has left group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali:

 

Sivir:

Sivir: damn

Sivir: what a powermove

 

Kai’sa:

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: That little hoe…

 

Ahri: SONA WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

Ahri: HOW FUCKING OVERDRAMATIC CAN SHE GET??????!!!!

Ahri: THAT BITCH IS GOING TO GET IT FROM ME!!!

Chapter Text

Ahri added Sona Buvelle to group chat "K/DA"

Ahri: I FOUND SONA!

 

Kai’sa: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN??????

 

Ahri: LOOKING FOR SONA!

 

Kai’sa: IT HAS BEEN THREE WEEKS!

 

Ahri: It has?

 

Akali: It sure has.

 

Ahri: Oh…

 

Evelynn: The best three weeks of my life.

Evelynn: I was ready to announce that you left K/DA.

 

Ahri: I CREATED K/DA!

Ahri: YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!!

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Evelynn: Yes I can.

 

Ahri: No you can’t.

 

Kai’sa: Will you two stop it?!

 

Evelynn: Fine.

 

Ahri: I got the last word

Ahri: So I win!

 

Evelynn: No you don’t.

 

Ahri: Yeah, I do.

 

Evelynn: No you don’t.

 

Ahri: Yeah, I do

 

Kai’sa: STOP

Kai’sa: My god, you two are like spoiled brats...

 

Evelynn: Fine

 

Ahri: Okie

 

Akali: So you found Sona?

 

Ahri: HELL YEAH I DID!

 

Kai’sa: And?

 

Ahri: We’re at Greenland!

 

Akali: Lol wat

 

Kai’sa: GREENLAND???

 

Evelynn: That’s random.

 

Ahri: That’s what I thought!

 

Kai’sa: Why are you in Greenland of all places???

 

Ahri: idk

Ahri: Ask Sona.

 

Sona:

 

Evelynn: Oh, so you were running away from Ahri?

 

Ahri: Wait what?

 

Akali: So you ran to Greenland?

 

Sona: :)

 

Kai’sa: This is so random…

 

Sona: (o.0)

 

Ahri: I was NOT trying to kill you, I was trying to catch you!

 

Evelynn: I would run away too if Ahri came after me.

 

Ahri: Ya’ll act like I’m going to eat you.

 

Akali: Real talk

Akali: Don’t gumihos eat human liver?

 

Ahri: That’s ancient history

Ahri: I have never eaten any part of a human.

 

Evelynn: Except the cum

 

Akali: LMFAOOOO

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Oh my void...

 

Ahri: Hey.

Ahri: Eve?

Ahri: Go fuck yourself.

 

Evelynn: Okay dick biter

 

Ahri: THAT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME, EVE!!!

Ahri: I HAD TO SNEEZE REAL BAD!!!

 

Akali: You sneezed and bit a guy’s junk off????

 

Kai’sa: Oh god…

 

Ahri: I DIDN’T BITE IT OFF

Ahri: I JUST SNEEZED AND MY TEETH DUG RIGHT IN!!

 

Kai’sa: OW?????

Kai’sa: OOWWW?????

 

Akali: Oof...poor guy

 

Ahri: POOR ME!!!

Ahri: I WAS TRAUMATIZED!!

Ahri: I WAS SCARED!

 

Kai’sa: Um?? What about the poor chap???

 

Ahri: WHAT ABOUT HIM??

 

Akali: Wow, that’s cold...

 

Evelynn: I still think that’s the funniest thing I have ever seen

 

Akali: You saw??

 

Evelynn: I was watching out for her from the shadows

Evelynn: Make sure things didn’t go sour

Evelynn: You know

Evelynn: Girl code.

 

Kai’sa: That guy’s night sure went sour

 

Evelynn: Oh definitely

Evelynn: I had to bribe him to never tell anyone about what happened between him and Ahri.

 

Kai’sa: Wow, what a good friend...

 

Ahri: She’s okay

 

Evelynn: Wow, thanks bitch

 

Ahri: You’re welcome, bitch

 

Akali: Yeah, I’m scared for any future partner you sleep with, Ahri

 

Kai’sa: I mean, she slept with Eve

Kai’sa: And Eve didn’t complaining about anything missing

 

Akali: LMFAOOO

Akali: True true

 

Evelynn: We were drunk

Evelynn: Don’t remind me.

 

Sivir: Yo, I just got on

Sivir: What the actual fuck???

Sivir: Ahri and Sona are in Greenland??

Sivir: And Ahri likes to bite dicks off??

 

Evelynn: Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

 

Ahri: I DIDN’T BITE ANYTHING OFF!!!!!!

Ahri: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!!

Ahri: I HAD TO SNEEZE!!!

 

Evelynn: ‘had to sneeze’

Evelynn: Right

 

Ahri: Oh my fucking god

Ahri: You guys are not going to drop this…huh?

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Akali: It’s funny af

 

Evelynn: It’s funnier in person

Evelynn: The poor guy cried so loudly

Evelynn: And Ahri just sat there with her mouth open like a fish

Evelynn: Man, I wish I took a picture

 

Ahri: It’s really not that funny…

 

Kai’sa: It kinda is tho

 

Akali: It’s fucking hilarious

 

Sivir: No wonder why you don’t want to date anymore.

Sivir: I wouldn’t trust my teeth if they are that dangerous

 

Ahri: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Ahri: That has nothing to do with the fact that I want to focus on my career than my love life.

 

Sivir: Come on, it has to have something to do with it.

 

Akali: Not even a smidge?

 

Ahri: NO.

 

Evelynn: I’m never going to stop bringing it up

 

Ahri: Then I guess I should bring up the time you totally let Twisted Fate play horsey with you.

 

Evelynn: Hey, weren’t you trying to capture Sona?

 

Ahri: don’t change the subject

 

Evelynn: Go bother Sona

 

Ahri: After you tell everyone in this chat about you and Twisted Fate’s adventures in bed.

 

Kai’sa: Nah, I’m good.

 

Akali: I’m curious tbh.

 

Sivir: I’m gay for only Kai’sa, so no thanks.

 

Kai’sa: Babe….

Kai’sa: Blushie

 

Sivir: Habibiti~~

 

Kai’sa: Hartlam~~

 

Sivir: My cutie patootie

 

Kai’sa: My little pancake~

 

Akali: Ew, stop being gay

 

Kai’sa: Just say you’re homophobic and go away

 

Akali: WOW

 

Evelynn: Damn that clapback

 

Sivir: Akali is just jealous

 

Akali: Of what?

Akali: You?

Akali: Bro, you a snowflake

 

Sivir: Bitch, I don’t see gains on those toothpicks

Sivir: Lay off me, bro

 

Akali: You ain’t shit and you ain’t fresh

 

Sivir: Fresher than Fresh Prince of Bel Air, excuse you

 

Akali: Nah, you’re out of pocket dude

 

Evelynn: What are you two fighting about?

 

Akali: Nothing babe

Akali: Just bro talk

 

Sivir: Oh, I was straight up insulting you.

 

Akali: Bro…

 

Ahri: AND ONE MORE THING, EVE!!!

 

Evelynn: Stop it.

 

Ahri: WHAT ABOUT THOSE MISSING MALE CELEBS!???

 

Evelynn: Oh my goodness

Evelynn: Drop it.

 

Kai’sa: Hey, where did Sona go?

 

Ahri: TELL THE TRUTH EVE!

 

Sivir: She probably took advantage of Ahri and Evelynn fighting to go run and hide

 

Evelynn: NO!

Evelynn: DROP IT!!

 

Akali: Mood.

 

Ahri: NYAH!!!

 

Sivir: Guess Ahri is stuck in Greenland.

 

Evelynn: Well…

Evelynn: Have fun in Greenland

Evelynn: Don’t come back

 

Ahri: Don’t want to come back to your hoe ass.

 

Evelynn: My ass is great, thanks

 

Kai’sa: Mine’s better.

 

Sivir: Ooo Kai’sa is dropping the ball

 

Akali: Eve’s is better

 

Sivir: Hey fuck you man

Sivir: You were an innocent little ninja before Evelynn

Sivir: And now you finally learn how to finger a girl, you think you have the authority to decide whose ass is better?

Sivir: Bro, lay off, this is my turf.

Sivir: Kai’sa’s ass is better

 

Evelynn: Jesus Christ...

 

Kai’sa: Sassy Sivir makes Momma Kai’sa very happy.

 

Ahri: Wow, I’m turned on

 

Kai’sa: Excuse you

 

Ahri: Sowwy

 

Akali: Bro

Akali: No.

 

Sivir: I’m not wrong.

 

Akali: No, you are.

 

Sivir: No, I’m not.

 

Akali: Yeah, you are.

 

Sivir: No, I’m not.

 

Akali: Yeah, you are.

 

Sivir: No, I’m not.

 

Akali: Yeah, you are.

 

Sivir: No, I’m not.

 

Kai’sa: Okay stop

Kai’sa: Both of our asses look great

 

Evelynn: Sure, whatever you say

 

Akali: Fine…

 

Sivir: Fine…

 

Evelynn: Don’t worry Akali, you and I know my ass is better than Kai’sa’s.

 

Kai’sa: WOW!

 

Evelynn: Shit, that was supposed to be private message...

 

Sivir: WOW

 

Akali: Don’t worry Eve, I agree, yours is much rounder

 

Kai’sa: THIS IS STILL THE GROUP CHAT!

 

Akali: I know.

 

Kai’sa: RUDE!

 

Ahri: BUT KAI’SA GOT THICK THIGHS!!

 

Sivir: That saves lives.

Sivir: But won’t choke me with them

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Evelynn: #chokesivirwithkaisathighs2019

 

Akali: #chokesivirwithkaisathighs2019

 

Ahri: #chokesivirwithkaisathighs2019

 

Kai’sa: Stop it

 

Akali: why won’t you choke Sivir with your thighs?

 

Evelynn: You choked Ahri

 

Ahri: It was amazing

 

Sivir: LUCKY

 

Kai’sa: It’s not like I don’t want to

 

Evelynn: So why won’t you?

 

Kai’sa: Bc

 

Akali: Bc why

 

Kai’sa: Just bc

 

Ahri: Give an answer, sister.

 

Kai’sa: Bc I’m self conscious about my stretch lines on my inner thighs.

 

Evelynn: Oh

Evelynn: That’s nothing to be ashamed of

 

Akali: I have stretch marks too

Akali: on the side of my tummy

 

Ahri: Girl, stretch marks are like tiger stripes

Ahri: They are beautiful and really cool.

 

Sivir: Babe, every flaw on your body is what makes you perfect. However, you know what I care about even more? Your soul. You have one of the warmest and softest souls I have ever met, and you accepted a nobody like me into your life.

Sivir: You accepted every scar, issue, and problem with me. You worked with me to become a much better woman. The least I can do is accept all of you as you. Every inch of you is perfect.

Sivir: If anyone shames you for it, I will personally come to defend you, but their opinion doesn’t matter. Yours does and if you love and accept your flaws, then who cares what anyone thinks, what I think.

Sivir: I love you, Kai’sa. I want you to be comfortable with me and I also want you to love yourself even more.

 

Kai’sa: Babe…

Kai’sa: Stop, I’m crying.

Kai’sa: I love you so so much.

 

Evelynn: This is sweet

 

Akali: Aww

 

Ahri: Cuties!

 

Sivir: I love you too~

 

Kai’sa: I love you more~

 

Sivir: I love you mostest~

 

Ahri: Damn, if only I had this much fucking support for my outie belly button

 

Sivir: Still the weirdest thing I have ever seen

 

Akali: It looks so fucking odd

 

Kai’sa: I think you need to get that checked out

 

Evelynn: Ahri, your belly button is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen.

 

Ahri: WOW

Ahri: Aren’t you guys so fucking supportive!?????

 

Kai’sa: You have a nice butt

 

Ahri: OH FUCK YEAH!!

 

Evelynn: Not as good as mine

 

Ahri: WELL FUCK YOU

 

Akali: No, that’s my job.

 

Ahri: Go fuck yourself

 

Sivir: She does when Evelynn is not around

 

Akali: I DO NOT

 

Evelynn: Aw, you don’t?

 

Akali: I mean...if you want me too..

 

Sivir: We don’t, loser

 

Akali: WOW

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Evelynn: Fuck off, Pharah 2.0

 

Sivir: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Ahri: Oh shiiiiiit

 

Kai’sa: I hate to ruin the moment but what happened to Sona?

 

Ahri: How should I know?

 

Evelynn: You went missing for three weeks and followed her all the way to Greenland???

 

Ahri: Oh yah

 

Akali: She’s prolly long gone

 

Sivir: Yeah, Hatsune Miku runaway is out.

 

Sona: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!

 

Ahri: wat

 

Evelynn: ???

 

Akali: Holy shit

 

Kai’sa: ….

 

Sivir: Hatsune Miku?

 

Sona: FUCK THAT FUCKALOID BITCH!

 

Evelynn: Goodness…

 

Ahri: Eve and I have never seen Sona mad before….

 

Akali: Well…

Akali: We’re about to see that happened…

 

Kai’sa: Oh no

 

Sona: SHE’S NOT EVEN A REAL PERSON!!!!! I AM A REAL PERSON BUT EVERYONE LOVES THAT BLUE HAIRED LITTLE ROBOT!!!!

 

Akali: She’s pretty popular in Japan.

 

Sona: WHICH DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME!!! HOW COME PEOPLE LIKE A FUCKING HOLOGRAM WHEN I AM LITERALLY A REAL PERSON MAKING REAL MUSIC!????

 

Sivir: Bc her music is good?

 

Sona: HER MUSIC?? HER FUCKING MUSIC??? HER MUSIC IS FUCKING SUCKS ASS!!

 

Akali: They are meme-able

 

Sona: AS THEY SHOULD BE BC THEY ARE TRASH!!!!

 

Evelynn: Her songs are pretty catchy

 

Sona: KAJGKLJDLKJFGHLKDJZGHKSDJGHKJDHFLKJ

Sona: EVELYNN I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!

 

Evelynn: I’m scared.

Evelynn: I’m actually really scared…

 

Ahri: Me too…

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sona: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING TEAR THAT HATSUNE MIKU’S CAREER APART AND SHOW THE WORLD WHAT REAL MUSIC IS LIKE!!! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I WILL RISE TO THE TOP OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY AND RULE IT WITH AN IRON FIST IN ORDER TO TAKE DOWN THAT FAKE ASS HOLOGRAM OF AN EXCUSE!!!

Sona: THEN I WILL TEAR THE COMPANY THAT CREATED HER! I WILL DESTROY EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT HAS AN AFFILIATION WITH HER! I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE THEIR LOVED ONES SUFFER, AND THEIR LOVED ONES SUFFER, AND THEN THEIR LOVED ONES SUFFER!

Sona: I WILL NOT REST UNTIL DJ SONA IS THE NEW HATSUNE MIKU, BC FUCK THAT TALENTLESS BITCH! I WORKED MY ASS OFF TO GET WHERE I AM AND I AM NOT LETTING SOME COMPUTER RUIN MY LOOK AND MY IMAGE WITH THEIR EAR SCREECHING MUSIC!

Sona: SONA OUT!

 

Evelynn:

 

Akali: ….

 

Ahri:

 

Sivir: I feel violated.

 

Kai’sa: So I guess this confirmed that Sona can text like a normal person and that she was prolly trolling Ahri and Evelynn for years with her emoji faces, when really she has been harboring a lot of hatred for a hologram that looks pretty similar to her?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Akali: Pretty much

 

Ahri: I’ll take it

 

Sivir: I still feel very disturbed.

 

Kai’sa: Welp, that ends that mystery

 

Ahri: So...now what?

Ahri: I’m still in Greenland.

 

Evelynn: Stay there.

 

Ahri: Come get me please.

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Kai’sa: Just buy a plane ticket home

 

Ahri: I don’t have anymore money

 

Akali: YOU don’t have anymore money?

 

Ahri: Airplane tickets are expensive bitch

 

Evelynn: I guess you’re stuck there with an angry Sona

 

Ahri: Wait! I have an idea.

Ahri: @Sona

Ahri: Hatsune Miku is doing a concert in Korea, want to help me crash it?

 

Sona: YES! ON MY WAY!

Sona: I WILL TEAR THAT HOLOGRAM APART AND DESTROY IT, THROWING THE REMAINS INTO THE DEEPEST PART OF THE OCEAN WHERE THE SUNLIGHT WILL NEVER REACH SO SHE CAN ROT WITH THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP!!!

 

Sivir: I’m so fucking scared of Sona.

Chapter Text

Akali: *texts link*

Akali: Yo, look what I just read.

 

Evelynn: My goodness…

 

Ahri: Wow.

 

Sona: Huh.

 

Evelynn: Oh, she speaks.

 

Sona: I sure do.

 

Ahri: It’s about time.

 

Sona: Not my fault that you two were dumb enough to think I can’t text words all these years.

Sona: How stupid do you have to be that you think that all I can only speak in kaomojis?

 

Ahri: Pretty dumb.

Ahri: Wait

Ahri: Oh this is about us...

 

Evelynn: I already don’t like this.

Evelynn: Go back when you only spoke in kaomojis.

 

Sona: No.

 

Kai’sa: I love this.

 

Ahri: I don’t.

 

Sivir: So ya’ll are going to ignore the article about the destruction of certain parts of Korea due to two raging men fighting over their daughters?

 

Kai’sa: I really don’t want to deal with this.

 

Akali: But it has been weeks and Azir and Kassadin have been fighting this whole time????

 

Evelynn: I guess we just forgot about them.

Evelynn: *shrugs*

 

Ahri: They aren’t OUR dads.

 

Evelynn: Valid point.

 

Kai’sa: I honestly don’t care.

 

Akali: I kinda do

Akali: I kinda don’t want Korea to turn into rubble bc of two fathers.

 

Sivir: I just want Azir to return to Egypt.

 

Sona: Then make them stop fighting.

 

Kai’sa: I need a nap.

 

Ahri: Mood.

 

Evelynn: So we’re just going to let them keep fighting?

 

Sona: Ideally, you shouldn’t.

 

Ahri: This is coming from the woman that destroyed a HM concert, leaving no survivors.

 

Sona: HM?

 

Sivir: Hatsune Miku

 

Sona: FUCK THAT HOE ASS BITCH!!

 

Ahri: Hey, Sivir?

 

Sivir: Yes?

 

Ahri: When I put ‘HM’

Ahri: I’m trying to abbreviate the fucking name so we DON’T trigger her.

 

Sivir: Oh

Sivir: Okay, I get it.

 

Evelynn: It’s okay, we’re still getting use to Sona texting.

 

Akali: I like it.

 

Ahri: I don’t.

 

Kai’sa: I do.

 

Evelynn: Darn, it’s split 50-50

Evelynn: Sivir, what’s your opinion?

 

Sivir: I kinda like it.

 

Evelynn: Fuck…

 

Ahri: Damn it

 

Sona: Suck it.

 

Akali: At least she can’t talk in person.

 

Sona: You damn lucky I don’t.

Sona: Bc I got a LOT of things to say to Ahri and Evelynn

Sona: I actually wrote a book, kinda like a diary

Sona: Want me to share the document?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, no, we’re good.

 

Ahri: Mucho bueno

 

Kai’sa: ^^stop that

 

Sona: It’s about 800k words

 

Akali: Wow….

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri:

 

Sona: 650k for Evelynn

Sona: 250k for Ahri

 

Ahri: TAKE THAT EVE!!!!

 

Evelynn: Oh shut up.

 

Sivir: Soooo

Sivir: How about helping me send Azir back to Egypt and staying as far away as he can from me?

 

Kai’sa: Oof

Kai’sa: Let them fight for a few more weeks.

 

Ahri: Hey, girl?

Ahri: I would love my home to NOT be reduced to rubble bc of your father.

 

Kai’sa: You say this as if this is not my home too.

 

Evelynn: Okay yeah but Ahri was born and raised in Korea.

Evelynn: We all had to get our citizenships.

Evelynn: We’re fakes.

 

Akali: I was born in Japan.

 

Kai’sa: Where were you born, Eve?

 

Evelynn: This ain’t about me, it’s about Ahri

 

Ahri: Wait, I’m curious too.

 

Evelynn: Damn it.

 

Sivir: You got to tell, sis.

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Sona: I’m curious as well.

Sona: All these years I’ve known you, I have no idea where you were born, who your parents were, and how you came to be.

 

Evelynn: I don’t like talking about my past.

 

Akali: What is your past??

 

Evelynn: nothing, darling

Evelynn: Go back to rapping on the streets.

 

Akali: But I’m curious too

 

Kai’sa: Speak the truth

 

Ahri: My theory is that a dark and stormy thunderstorm came around, the clouds were all black and it was releasing large lighting bolts and shit. Then all of a sudden, it popped out Evelynn like a pimple. And she came down all dramatic like the Terminator. She’s not even a baby, she’s an adult. Then she just bullshit her way to Korea and their idol school and bada bing bada boom here we are

 

Kai’sa: You put a lot of thought into that theory.

 

Ahri: I’ve known her for a long time.

 

Akali: Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised.

 

Sona: Interesting.

 

Sivir: Yeah, I buy it.

 

Evelynn: That is very far from the fucking truth, you idiot.

 

Ahri: Tell us the truth, you coward.

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: I bet she’s a rich girl that ran away from her family bc she’s THAT  bitch.

 

Evelynn: That’s a little closer to the truth.

Evelynn: Just a little.

 

Kai’sa: Holy shit, really???

 

Ahri: WHAT???

Ahri: WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY THEORY???

 

Evelynn: The clouds popped me out????

Evelynn: What am I?? A Greek Goddess????

 

Kai’sa: Actually, I’m curious.

Kai’sa: What is your ethnicity?

Kai’sa: Or nationality?

 

Evelynn: Why are you guys questioning me all of a sudden????

 

Akali: Bc you’re a dark mystery

Akali: And we want to know your history

Akali: So tell us so we can claim our victory

Akali: Damn I need to put that in a rap.

 

Kai’sa: Nice-su

 

Ahri: NICE-SU!

 

Sivir: Nice-su

 

Sona: ^^?????

 

Ahri: We do that whenever Akali makes some nice raps to encourage her

 

Evelynn: That was pretty fire, babe.

 

Kai’sa: ^^ So, you didn’t come from the clouds?

 

Evelynn: NO

 

Ahri: Darn

 

Sivir: ok hear me out

Sivir: Evelynn was born in America

Sivir: hear me out

Sivir: She was a popular child star

Sivir: hear me out

Sivir: She got into a scandal and had to leave the country

Sivir: hear me out

Sivir: then she got into the mafia for protection but ended up involved in some gang war

Sivir: hear me out

Sivir: She ran off to Korea to become an idol to pay off debts

Sivir: Hear me out

Sivir: ok that’s all I have

 

Akali: Stupid theory, next.

 

Sivir: WOW

 

Kai’sa: Idk, I kinda believe it

 

Sivir: THANK YOU

 

Evelynn: Okay no

Evelynn: I was not born in America.

 

Sivir: Damn it

 

Sona: You’re not going to tell us anything, huh, Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: This is the only thing you need to know.

Evelynn: I am a basic white girl that has huge, lavish cars, to represent my strong pussy game.

 

Ahri: **lack of pussy game

 

Evelynn: Go fuck yourself.

 

Ahri: Already do!!!

 

Akali: Okay…

 

Kai’sa: tmi

 

Ahri: It’s called self love

Ahri: Ya’ll should try it.

 

Sivir: that’s what Kai’sa is for.

 

Akali: That’s what Eve is for

 

Sivir: AYEEE

 

Akali: AYEEE

 

Evelynn: <3

 

Kai’sa: <3

 

Sona: Gross.

 

Ahri: HAHAHA!!!

 

Evelynn: Rude.

 

Kai’sa: Remind me to be careful washing your bed sheets, Ahri.

 

Ahri: I have no shame

Ahri: The only person that knows my body better than anyone is myself.

 

Evelynn: Can we change the topic?

Evelynn: I don’t want to talk about how Ahri masturbates.

 

Ahri: fucking coward

 

Akali: Ok, where the fuck did you come from Eve?

 

Evelynn: Oh my god…

 

Sivir: Give us something

Sivir: We just want to make sure you’re not the devil incarnate, ready to destroy the world as a Kpop idol.

 

Kai’sa: She is a succubus so that’s not far off, babe

 

Evelynn: Okay let me get this clear

Evelynn: Succubus are a type of demons, yes.

Evelynn: But pple thinking we are evil are wrong

Evelynn: Back in the old days

Evelynn: humans thought sex was sinful and all that

Evelynn: My species, that literally needs to rely on sex in order to reproduce and keep the succubus line alive, was seen as evil and sinful bc humans are such fucking snowflakes

Evelynn: So excuse us that we’re trying to fucking live and get laid at the same time

 

Akali: Wait I’m confused

Akali: all species need to reproduce

Akali: Why are you guys getting the most shit??

 

Evelynn: Excellent question, my darling love

Evelynn: Bc we don’t follow the ‘rules’ of religion, we mock them

Evelynn: Priests and nuns hated us bc we didn’t want to conform to their standards.

 

Ahri: This is interesting but this is not explaining your past at all

 

Kai’sa: I think she is trying to avoid the question.

 

Evelynn: FINE

Evelynn: I will tell you this

Evelynn: My mother is a succubus, my father is an incubus.

 

Akali: ???

 

Sona: ??

 

Sivir: Um?

Sivir: Is that it?

 

Evelynn: You guys need to brush up on your history…

Evelynn: fine let me explain

Evelynn: A succubus has sex with human men for their seed.

Evelynn: then the succubus passes the seed to the incubus

Evelynn: then the incubus goes have sex with a human woman

Evelynn: Now here I am

Evelynn: So when I say that my species literally relies on sex to live, we really mean it.

 

Ahri: My head hurts.

 

Evelynn: ...fuck off then Ahri

 

Sivir: So...you were the human woman??

Sivir: The incubus turned the human woman into a succubus??

 

Evelynn: NO

Evelynn: The human woman gave birth to me

 

Kai’sa: So you’re human?

 

Evelynn: NO

Evelynn: I am a succubus!!!

 

Ahri: I’m still confused

 

Evelynn: fuck off ahri

 

Akali: Oh, okay I think I get it.

Akali: Succubus can’t give birth bc Incubus don’t have seeds

Akali: So the succubus goes to a human men to collect their seed and give it to the incubus, who then goes to human women.

Akali: Then Evelynn came to be.

 

Evelynn: Thank you, darling.

 

Kai’sa: Oh I get it now

 

Ahri: ah, me too

 

Sivir: Ooooo

 

Sona: Oh, okay.

 

Evelynn: Akali literally just paraphrased what I said and you understood her and not me????

 

Ahri: Lol

 

Kai’sa: I guess??

 

Sivir: So, it took four people to create you???

 

Evelynn: Yeah, technically

 

Sona: And this is how you turned out? Yikes.

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU SONA!!!!

 

Ahri: So...about those missing male celebs…??

 

Evelynn: HEY REMEMBER THAT AZIR AND KASSADIN ARE STILL FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER AS WE SPEAK???

 

Kai’sa: And?

 

Sivir: And?

 

Evelynn: WHY DON’T WE STOP THEM INSTEAD OF DRILLING ME ON MY EXISTENCE???

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Sivir: This is more interesting

 

Akali: Oh yeah, they’re still fighting

 

Ahri: They’ll get tired, right?

 

Sona: I doubt it.

 

Evelynn: Well, lets do something about it

 

Ahri: No.

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Sivir: No.

 

Akali: Nah

 

Sona: Wow, you’re so productive all of a sudden.

 

Evelynn: I’m just going to add them to this chat.

 

Kai’sa: NO!!

 

Sivir: NO!!!

 

Evelynn: Too bad.

 

Kai’sa: WAIT EVE DON’T BE SO RASH!!!

Kai’sa: LETS TALK ABOUT THIS!!!!

 

Sivir: HOW DO YOU HAVE THEIR NUMBERS???

 

Evelynn: I have my sources.

Evelynn: Give me a second.

 

Kai’sa: CAN’T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?????

 

Sivir: HELLO!!???

 

Evelynn added Azir and Kassadin to group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa: FUCK

 

Sivir: Fuck no

 

Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”

 

Sivir left group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

Ahri added Sivir and Kai’sa to group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”

 

Sivir left group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali added Sivir and Kai’sa to group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”

 

Sivir left group chat “K/DA”

 

Sona added Sivir and Kai’sa to group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa: LET ME FUCKING LEAVE!!!!

 

Sivir: PLEASE!!!

 

Azir: OMG IT’S MY SWEET PEA AND HER MAMA BIRD!!!

 

Kassadin: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Eve whyyyyy

 

Evelynn: :)

 

Ahri: I’m making popcorn, anyone wants some??

 

Akali: ME!

Akali: I AM COMING HOME!

 

Sona: I’m coming over.

 

Kai’sa: DON’T FUCKING MAKE A SHOW OF THIS!!!!!!

 

Kassadin: YEAH, MY DAUGHTER’S KIDNAPPERS ARE NOT FOR ENTERTAINMENT!!!

 

Kai’sa: I AM NOT KIDNAPPED!!!!

 

Sivir: I AM INNOCENT!!!

 

Azir: I MISS YOU SIVIR!

 

Sivir: READ THE FUCKING MOOD!!!!

 

Kassadin: KAI’SA, THIS MAN MEANS TO TAKE YOU TO SOME FARAWAY PLACE AND HAVE ME NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!!

 

Azir: I SAID I WANTED KAI’SA AND SIVIR TO MARRY IN EGYPT! THAT’S ALL!!

Azir: IT WOULD BE ROMANTIC!!!

 

Sivir: CAN’T KAI’SA AND I WAIT UNTIL WE ARE READY FOR MARRIAGE???

 

Kassadin: YOU’RE NOT TAKING AWAY MY ONLY DAUGHTER!!!!

 

Sivir: I AM NOT TAKING AWAY ANYONE!!!

 

Azir: KAI’SA SHALL BE A PART OF MY EMPIRE!!

Azir: I MEAN FAMILY!

 

Sivir: READ THE MOOD, AZIR!!!!!

 

Kassadin: KAI’SA I WILL PROTECT YOU!

 

Kai’sa: I DON’T NEED PROTECTING!!!

Kai’sa: I AM AN ADULT!

 

Kassadin: YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY GIRL!!

 

Azir: AND SHE SHALL BE MY SWEET PEA’S BABY GIRL TOO!!

 

Kassadin: KAI’SA IS MY DAUGHTER!!!!

 

Azir: AND SHE SHALL BE MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!!!

 

Sivir: CAN YOU FUCKING READ THE MOOD???

 

Kai’sa: Okay can we stop yelling?

Kai’sa: We’re not getting anywhere with all of us yelling.

 

Azir: MY SWEET PEA’S BABY MAMA IS SO SMART!!

 

Kassadin: SHE’S NOT YOUR SWEET PEA’S BABY MAMA!!!

 

Sivir: Yes she is.

 

Kassadin: YOU!!!

 

Sivir: Me.

 

Azir: THAT’S MY SWEET PEA!!!

 

Sivir: You

Sivir: Shut up

 

Kai’sa: Can we stop capitalizing our texts?

 

Azir: I WOULD BUT I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING IN MY PHONE BC IT’S STUCK LIKE THIS

 

Kassadin: REALLY??

Kassadin: BC I THOUGHT YOU HAVE BEEN AGGRESSIVELY BEEN YELLING AT ME THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

 

Kai’sa: You’re not helping yourself, dad…

 

Azir: SIVIR HELP I CAN’T TURN THIS OFF!!

 

Sivir:

Sivir: You see that arrow that points upwards when you text?

 

Azir: YES?

 

Sivir: Is it blue?

 

Azir: YES?

 

Sivir: Tap it.

 

Azir: OKAY

Azir: did it work?

Azir: SIVIR, IT WORKED!

 

Sivir: DON’T TURN IT BACK ON!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Okay, now that we have that problem solved.

Kai’sa: Can you two stop fighting?

 

Kassadin: BUT BABY GIRL!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Dad.

Kai’sa: I am dating Sivir whether you like it or not.

Kai’sa: And who knows, in the far future

Kai’sa: Sivir and I may get married

Kai’sa: And you’re going to have to accept that, because I'm happiest with her.

 

Kassadin: Okay. :)

 

Kai’sa: jjhjfhfafkdghdkhglkdjh

 

Sivir: What?

 

Azir: YAY!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Wait, you’re serious?

 

Kassadin: Yes, of course.

 

Kai’sa: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THAT SHIT WHEN ALL I HAD TO DO WAS TO JUST TELL YOU HOW I FELT??!!!!

 

Sona: I guess, why didn’t you just be honest earlier?

 

Kai’sa: BC HE THOUGHT SIVIR KIDNAPPED ME!!!

 

Kassadin: SHE DID!??

 

Kai’sa: OH MY VOID!!!!

 

Sivir: NOOOO

 

Azir: WHATEVER GETS KAI’SA INTO OUR FAMILY!!!

 

Sivir: READ THE MOOD!!!!!!

 

Kassadin: KAI’SA I WILL PROTECT YOU!

 

Kai’sa: SHIT WE ARE BACK TO SQUARE ONE!!

 

Kai’sa removed Kassadin and Azir from group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali: That didn’t solve anything.

 

Kai’sa: I fucking tried.

 

Ahri: OW OW MY STOMACH HURTS SO MUCH FROM LAUGHING!!!

 

Kai’sa: Glad you got a kick out of it…

 

Sona: Man, I thought my mom was crazy.

 

Kai’sa: Whoopdee fucking doo

 

Sivir: What matters is that we are together~

 

Kai’sa: Of course baby~

 

Evelynn: Gay.


Kai’sa: Shut up, cloud pimple.

Chapter Text

Akali: AHRI I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CUT YOU!!

 

Ahri: What?

Ahri: What did I do?

Ahri: I literally just woke up.

 

Evelynn: Aw, you woke up?

Evelynn: Now my day is ruined.

 

Ahri: Hahah…

Ahri: So funny Eve

 

Akali: AHRI, WHY DID YOU TELL THE MEDIA THAT I AM A RAPPING NINJA????

 

Ahri: Bc you are???

 

Akali: I AM A NINJA RAPPER!!!!

 

Ahri: What’s the difference???

 

Akali: THERE’S A HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!

 

Kai’sa: Breakfast is ready, kids.

 

Ahri: I’m too sleepy for this.

Ahri: Night night

 

Akali: I AM A NINJA RAPPER, NOT A RAPPER NINJA!!!

 

Ahri: OKAY????

 

Evelynn: There’s a difference, Ahri.

 

Ahri: WELL FUCKING SUE ME THEN!!!

Ahri: WHY ARE YOU SO UPTIGHT ABOUT THIS??

 

Akali: BC PPLE THINK I RAP ABOUT NINJAS!!!

 

Ahri: AND???

Ahri: DON’T YOU???

 

Akali: I AM A NINJA RAPPER, AHRI!!

Akali: I AM A NINJA THAT RAPS, NOT A RAPPER THAT RAPS ABOUT NINJAS!!

 

Kai’sa: I made chocolate pancakes.

 

Ahri: I am genuinely confused and going back to sleep.

 

Evelynn: It’s almost noon

 

Ahri: Key word is ‘almost’

Ahri: I still got some morning to sleep on

 

Akali: AHRI, I AM A NINJA RAPPER!

Akali: NINJA

Akali: RAPPER

Akali: NOT THE OTHERWAY AROUND!!!

 

Ahri: Does this really matter????

 

Akali: YES!!!

Akali: HOW DO OTHER RAPPERS TAKE ME SERIOUSLY??

 

Evelynn: It does matter to Akali, Ahri. Say you’re sorry.

 

Ahri: You’re not even part of the problem.

 

Evelynn: Akali is my girlfriend and any problem she has, it is also mine to deal with.

 

Ahri: Wow, what a fucking supportive gf you are

Ahri: So brave of you

Ahri: *eye rolls*

 

Evelynn: Just say you’re sorry.

 

Ahri: No.

 

Akali: I AM A NINJA RAPPER!!!

 

Ahri: OKAY

 

Evelynn: Just say you’re sorry and she’ll get over it

 

Ahri: FIINE

Ahri: Only bc I can’t tell what we are fighting about.

Ahri: I’m sorry.

 

Akali: thank you

Akali: NOW THE OTHER THING I AM MAD ABOUT!!!

 

Ahri: GOOD NIGHT!!

 

Evelynn: Bitch, it is almost noon.

 

Ahri: NIGHT NIGHT

 

Akali: YOU ATE MY LAST CUP OF SPICY RAMYUN LAST WEEK, AHRI!!

 

Ahri: THAT WAS LAST WEEK, AKALI!!

 

Kai’sa: I made us all Kona Coffee too

 

Evelynn: You ate her last cup of spicy ramyun last week???

Evelynn: You fucking monster.

 

Ahri: OH MY GOD

 

Akali: I say we overthrow the leader.

 

Ahri: Excuse me??

Ahri: Am I in a nightmare???

Ahri: I’m going back to sleep.

 

Kai’sa: Nice hot coffee is waiting for you guys.

 

Akali: I AM CHARGING INTO YOUR ROOM!!

 

Ahri: ALL BC I ATE ONE CUP OF NOODLES?????

 

Evelynn: Yeah, sucks to be you.

 

Ahri: CAN’T WE HAVE A PEACEFUL AND QUIET MORNING JUST ONCE IN THIS DAMN HOUSEHOLD???!!!

 

Akali: WE CAN IF YOU DIDN’T EAT MY DAMN CUP OF NOODLES!!

 

Ahri: BITCH, FUCK YO NOODLES!!!

 

Akali: DON’T FUCK MY NOODLES!!!

 

Evelynn: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

Ahri: DON’T SCREW UP MY WORDS!!!

 

Kai’sa: Come down and have your damn chocolate pancakes and Kona coffee or I will cry so my tears will make them salty.

 

Akali: Ok Jesus….

 

Ahri: Kai’sa you good?

 

Evelynn: Do we need to have a talk again?

 

Kai’sa: Oh good, I got everyone’s attention.

Kai’sa: Come down for breakfast.

 

Ahri:

Ahri: What if I don’t want to?

 

Kai’sa: I will come up and drag your stank ass out of bed, you nasty stinky fox hussy.

 

Ahri: OKAY OKAY

Ahri: I’m coming down.

 

Akali: Coming Kai’sa!

 

Evelynn: We’re still going to have a talk.

 

Kai’sa: Fine.

 

XXX

 

Sivir: Yo babe

 

Kai’sa: Yes?

 

Sivir: Do you know if I left my laptop at your place?

 

Kai’sa: Hmm

Kai’sa: No idea

Kai’sa: Do you think you left it in my room?

 

Sivir: Yah most likely

 

Kai’sa: okay

Kai’sa: Eve, Ahri and I are out shopping but Akali stayed behind

Kai’sa: @Akali, can you check my room if Sivir’s laptop is in there?

 

Akali: Do I have to?

Akali: My bed is really comfy.

 

Evelynn: Warm it up for me~

 

Ahri: ^^ew

 

Evelynn: Fuck off Ahri

 

Kai’sa: Please Akali?

 

Akali: What’s in it for me?

 

Sivir: A hug from me.

 

Akali: Ew no

 

Sivir: WOW

 

Akali: LOL

 

Kai’sa: Does it kill you to be a nice person?

 

Akali: Yeah

 

Sivir: I just want to know where my laptop is.

 

Evelynn: 10 bucks that Kai’sa and Sivir’s sex tapes are on it.

 

Ahri: 15

 

Akali: Oh, now I’ll check

 

Sivir: OH NOW YOU WANT TO????

 

Akali: Blackmail ;)

 

Kai’sa: WOW

Kai’sa: And for the record, Sivir and I have never made a sex tape.

 

Akali: I’m about to find out.

 

Sivir: Be prepared to be disappointed.

 

Evelynn: Wow really you two?

 

Kai’sa: Why would I risk my career by making a sex tape???

 

Evelynn: Didn’t hurt me.

Evelynn: Pretty sure there’s one of my vids floating around on Pornhub.

 

Ahri: Yeah here

Ahri: *texts a link*

 

Evelynn: Oh

Evelynn: There it is

 

Sivir: You just had that on queue?

 

Ahri: Yeah

 

Kai’sa: Yeah that’s normal to have a link to my friend’s porn vid….

 

Ahri: We best friends.

 

Evelynn: Sure.

 

Sivir: Miss Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: Yes?

 

Sivir: Your back really shouldn’t bend like that.

 

Kai’sa: YOU’RE WATCHING IT???

 

Sivir: Yeah.

Sivir: Aren’t you too?

 

Kai’sa: ...

Kai’sa: Yeah.

 

Evelynn: lmfao

Evelynn: true otps for life right there

 

Kai’sa: Only bc I’m confused and concerned for your back.

 

Evelynn: That’s just how my body works.

 

Ahri: It’s not normal

 

Evelynn: I’m not really human to begin with

 

Ahri: Touché

 

Akali: YO YO I FOUND THE LAPTOP!!!

 

Sivir: Okay thanks I’ll come by later to pick it up

 

Akali: SIVIR READS SMUT FANFICTION ABOUT US!!

 

Sivir: I AM COMING NOW YOU FUCKING JERK!!!

 

Kai’sa: ...what?

 

Ahri: Ohh, any new ones??

 

Evelynn: Any new poly ones?

 

Kai’sa: WAIT WHAT???

 

Akali: She was reading this poly fic with Kai’sa in the center

 

Sivir: CAN YOU STOP!!!!???

 

Akali: Oh hey, I found one with me as the center.

 

Evelynn: Send it to me

 

Akali: Okay

 

Sivir: NO STOP TEXTING OFF OF MY LAPTOP!!!!

 

Kai’sa: ksjdflkahslgkjhslkdjghkaj

Kai’sa: I’m sorry but there’s fanfiction about us???

 

Ahri: Yeah?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Akali: Yah

 

Kai’sa: AND I DIDN’T KNOW THIS!!!

 

Sona: You don’t google yourself?

 

Kai’sa: NO?????

 

Sona: Then you’re missing out.

 

Ahri: Hey Sona what’s up

 

Sona: Just woke up

 

Evelynn: It’s 4pm

 

Sona: And I’m in a heavy metal band, that should explain my bad sleeping schedule

 

Evelynn: Fair enough.

 

Kai’sa: PEOPLE WRITE SMUT FICS ABOUT US?????

 

Ahri: Yeah.

Ahri: People know how to write.

Ahri: Do you know that people know how to write??

 

Kai’sa: NOT WHAT I MEANT!

 

Ahri: Well take your pick

Ahri: There’s fics about akali and i

Ahri: Eve/me

Ahri: you and Akali

Ahri: All four of us

 

Kai’sa: WHAT THE FUCK??

 

Evelynn: Why are you so surprised?

 

Kai’sa: THAT’S WEIRD!!!

 

Akali: Sivir didn’t think so.

 

Sivir: GET OFF MY LAPTOP!!!

 

Akali: Shouldn’t have made your password as ‘letmesmashthatpeachbooty6969’

 

Sivir: HOW THE HELL DID YOU FUCKING GUESS THAT???

 

Akali: idk

Akali: lucky guess?

 

Sivir: mslkxcjvlzkjglkjdfzkbjlzkdfjlkjd

 

Ahri: What else does Sivir read?

 

Akali: Fics about her and Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: PPLE KNOW WHO SIVIR IS????

 

Ahri: You did officially announce your relationship on insta last week…

 

Kai’sa: YEAH BUT LIKE????

Kai’sa: PPLE WROTE ABOUT HER AND I???

Kai’sa: LIKE????

Kai’sa: WHAT????

 

Evelynn: I think people are figuring out that she’s related to Azir too

Evelynn: and knowing Azir, he’s pretty open about her

 

Akali: Sivir, you have a friend name Taliyah?

Akali: You have other friends besides us??

 

Kai’sa: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT TALIYAH?????

 

Akali: It’s in a fic I’m skimming

 

Ahri: Who’s Taliyah?

 

Kai’sa: Sivir’s friend…

 

Sona: She has other friends??

 

Kai’sa: Yes she does and I don’t recall telling pple that Sivir has a friend named Taliyah

 

Evelynn: Maybe she wrote it?

 

Kai’sa: She wouldn’t.

 

Akali: Well, pple have their ways of finding out

Akali: Tee hee

 

Sivir: AKALI GET OFF MY LAPTOP!!!

 

Akali: I’m reading the fics you bookmarked.

Akali: It’s spicy ;)

 

Sivir: AKALI

 

Evelynn: What is it about?

 

Akali: It’s a Kai’sa/Sivir fic

 

Ahri: do they fuck?

 

Akali: Yeah

 

Kai’sa: STOP READING THEM!!!

 

Sona: Kai’sa, celebrities always have fanfiction written about them

Sona: It’s a part of the fame

 

Kai’sa: I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK HOW WEIRD THIS STILL IS!!!

 

Evelynn: Idk sometimes they’re really creative

 

Akali: There’s one poly fic where we’re all monster girls and kai’sa is the only human

 

Kai’sa: ????

 

Sivir: Can you just get off my laptop??

 

Evelynn: No, see what else she reads.

 

Akali: nothing too surprising

Akali: ooo she reads some nice fluffy ones.

Akali: Some angst ones

Akali: But her favorites seems to be any with Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: Just burn my laptop

 

Evelynn: Why?

Evelynn: You have decent tastes.

 

Ahri: Yo akali, send me links on what she’s reading

 

Akali: Okay

 

Sivir: Oh god stop

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: Send me a link too…

 

Akali: Okie

 

Sivir: I hate you, Akali.

 

Akali: Tee hee

 

Evelynn: At least Sivir likes the ones with Kai’sa in it.

 

Akali: *text a link*

Akali: *text a link*

Akali: *text a link*

Akali: *text a link*

Akali: Here’s a few

 

Sivir: Just send me to Azir.

 

Ahri: Aww, I think it’s cute that you read ones with Kai’sa.

 

Evelynn: It’s a fun bonding experience to read them.

 

Sona: You read smut fics with Akali?

 

Akali: Yah

 

Evelynn: ;)

 

Ahri: hahaha Kai’sa got a nosebleed

Ahri: *texts a photo*

 

Kai’sa: Ahri…..

 

Evelynn: I’ll go to the bathroom to get her paper towels.

 

Akali: LMFAOOOO

 

Sona: They’re good fics

 

Kai’sa: Just shut up

 

Sivir: I swear I was going to tell you babe…

 

Kai’sa: It’s okay babe.

Kai’sa: I guess I would be curious too

Kai’sa: I’m not mad, babe.

 

Sivir: I sowwy

 

Kai’sa: It’s okay, really.

Kai’sa: It’s not that bad tbh

 

Ahri: Can’t be bad as the time I found your old stripper vids.

 

Sivir: Wait what?

 

Akali: Oh?

 

Evelynn: HUH???

 

Sona: oooh

 

Kai’sa: AHRI I TOLD YOU TO KEEP THAT A SECRET!!!

 

Ahri: Oh

Ahri: Shit my bad hahah

 

Evelynn: Well now we need to know about these vids

 

Kai’sa: AHRI DON’T YOU DARE!!

 

Ahri: Kai’sa stripped in college

 

Akali: Kai’sa went to college?

 

Evelynn: Wow, one of us went to college???

 

Sona: That’s what you two are shocked about???

 

Kai’sa: ugh

Kai’sa: Only for like 2 and a half years

Kai’sa: I quit bc college it didn’t feel like the right step and so I can focus on becoming a pop star full time

 

Akali: wooooooowwwww

 

Evelynn: So about you stripping

Evelynn: I’m curious about that.

 

Kai’sa: JUST COME BACK AND GET ME PAPER TOWELS!

 

Evelynn: I ain’t coming back until you tell me

 

Kai’sa: College is expensive as fuck and I needed to make extra cash okay???

 

Akali: Does your dad know this?

 

Kai’sa: NO HE DOES NOT AND WE ARE NOT TELLING HIM!!!

 

Ahri: The vids are really good

Ahri: Kai’sa knows how to move her hips.

Ahri: Pole dance

Ahri: Lap dance

Ahri: Grinding

Ahri: Kai’sa has done them all.

 

Kai’sa: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, AHRI!

Kai’sa: DON’T RUN AWAY FROM ME!!!

 

Ahri: Teeeee heeeeeee!!!

 

Akali: Dude, where are the vids?

 

Ahri: On Kai’sa’s old laptop.

 

Kai’sa: DON’T YOU DARE AKALI!!

 

Akali: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YEEEEEET

 

Sona: Why were they recorded in the first place?

 

Evelynn: If a woman feels good when she’s dancing, she wants to see it herself.

 

Sona: Ah, makes sense.

 

Sivir: kjsdafkljhdksjfhlkdhslk

Sivir: I can’t take this, it’s too much

 

Kai’sa: I’m sorry that I kept this from you

 

Sivir: Make it up to me by showing me these moves in person.

 

Kai’sa: Wait what?

Kai’sa: You’re not grossed out??

 

Sivir: Why would I be grossed out that my girlfriend knows how to fucking pole dance?

Sivir: I’m ecstatic!

 

Kai’sa: babe~~~~~

 

Evelynn: What was your stripper name?

 

Kai’sa: ...

Kai’sa: Bunny Bun Buns.

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKK HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Akali: oof

 

Sivir: Aw cute babe

 

Sona: ew

 

Evelynn: Fucking get out

Evelynn: Really????

 

Kai’sa: yes…

Kai’sa: I didn’t pick it…

 

Evelynn: I’m sure the FUCK you did not, Kai’sa.

Evelynn: Fuck, that’s a horrible name.

 

Kai’sa: are you still coming by with paper towels…??

Kai’sa: my nose is still bleeding

 

Evelynn: yeah yea

 

Akali: Found the videos

 

Kai’sa: How the hell did you get into my laptop??

 

Akali: I guessed your password correctly

 

Kai’sa: ???

 

Akali: Don’t make it ‘Imsad24/7’

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god…

 

Sivir: Send me a vid, Akali

 

Akali: I got you bro

 

Sivir: Thanks bro

 

Kai’sa: Why can’t we have a normal day where something embarrassing about one of us isn’t revealed?

 

Evelynn: I will gladly tell you guys about the horsey thing I did with Twisted Fate.

 

Ahri: No pls, some of us are eating

 

Kai’sa: Where did you run off to??

 

Ahri: I got some froyo

 

Kai’sa: oh

Kai’sa: I want some

 

Ahri: Well come here and get some with me

 

Kai’sa: okie omw

 

Evelynn: Another day then

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Kassadin.

 

Kai’sa: Babe, I found another video of me~

Kai’sa: *texts a video*

 

Kassadin: ...sweetie, what is this?

 

Kai’sa:

Kai’sa: :)

 

Kai’sa blocked Kassadin.

Chapter Text

Ahri: Hey

Ahri: Hey

Ahri: Hey

Ahri: Hey

Ahri: Hey

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa

 

Akali: Kai’sa

 

Ahri: Kai’sa

 

Sona: Kai’sa

 

Sivir: What are you guys doing??

 

Ahri: Sivir, get Kai’sa to text in the chat

 

Sivir: Why? 

Sivir: She’s busy

 

Evelynn: She left like 10 mins ago

Evelynn: There is no way she’s at her dad’s already

 

Akali: Sivir Liver, get Kai’sa to text in the chat!

 

Sivir: STOP CALLING ME THAT

 

Akali: I’ll stop when you get Kai’sa to text in the chat

 

Sivir: FINE OMG

 

Sona: Sivir Liver?

 

Evelynn: We decided that’s her stripper name

 

Sivir: FUCK YOU!!!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: What do you guys want???

Bunny Bun Buns:....

Bunny Bun Buns: FUCK OFF!!! I DIDN’T CHOOSE THAT NAME!!!!

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

Evelynn: Hahaha!!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: WHEN DID YOU GUYS CHANGE MY NAME????

Bunny Bun Buns: HOW COME I CAN’T CHANGE IT BACK!!??

 

Sivir: You guys are mature…

 

Akali: It’s pretty damn funny.

 

Sona: It’s really funny.

 

Bunny Bun Buns: IT’S NOT!

Bunny Bun Buns: CHANGE IT BACK!

 

Akali: Nah.

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Fuck this, I’m not dealing with this shit.

 

Evelynn: Awwww

 

Ahri: You’re no fun.

 

Bunny Bun Buns: My dad is really mad at me for blocking him 

Bunny Bun Buns: and now I have to explain to him about those vids

Bunny Bun Buns: So excuse me that I’m not in the best mood

 

Sona: Have fun with that.

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Thanks…

 

Evelynn: Still funny tho

 

Akali: It is

 

Ahri: Hilarious

 

Sivir Liver: You guys, come on..

Sivir Liver:

Sivir Liver: REALLY AKALI??????

 

Akali: Yesh

Akali: uwu

 

Sivir Liver: EW

 

Evelynn: Rude

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Ahri: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLS WELCOME BUNNY BUN BUNS AND SIVIR LIVER TO THE STAGE!!!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: FUCK YOU!!!

 

Sivir Liver: YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING MATURE!!!!!

 

Evelynn: Bunny Bun Buns X Sivir Liver, what a ship

 

Bunny Bun Buns: FUCK OFF

 

Sivir Liver: How come I can’t change my name??

 

Akali: Bc I won’t let you.

 

Sona: ooooooo

 

Sivir Liver: ???

 

Akali: I changed your names with your laptops

 

Bunny Bun Buns: HOW??????

Bunny Bun Buns: STOP HACKING INTO MY LAPTOP!!!

Bunny Bun Buns: I EVEN CHANGED MY PASSWORD!!!

 

Akali: Don’t make it ‘Imsad24/7-123’

 

Ahri:You really did not make much effort to change your password…

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Omg….

 

Akali: Sivir Liver, don’t make your password as ‘iamaslutforpeaches6969’

 

Sivir Liver: HOW

Sivir Liver: DID

Sivir Liver:YOU

Sivir Liver: GUESS

Sivir Liver: THAT??

 

Akali: You’re easy to guess

 

Evelynn: So smart~

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Sona: Since when was Akali a tech savvy?

 

Akali: I’ve always been tech savvy, it’s just I haven’t shown my skill until now

 

Bunny Bun Buns: How did you change our names??!?!

 

Akali: Your phones are connected to your laptops so I basically have control of you phones too

 

Ahri: *you’re

 

Akali: Wow, aren’t you fucking smart

Akali: Nerd

 

Evelynn: She really isn’t

Evelynn: She still used the wrong ‘your’

Evelynn: Fucking idiot

 

Ahri: Yet I am still the leader

Ahri: SO HAH!

 

Evelynn: That’s just a title

Evelynn: We all know that Kai’sa is leader quality

 

Bunny Bun Buns:YEAH I AM GETTING THE MOST SHITTIEST TREATMENT!!!

 

Akali: Worth it

 

Ahri: I AM THE LEADER!!

 

Evelynn: Shut up

 

Ahri: You shut up

 

Evelynn: You shut up

 

Sona: Both of you shut up

 

Evelynn: Okay

 

Ahri: Okay.

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Can you change our names back??

 

Akali: No, this is funny hahah

 

Sivir Liver: It really isn’t…

 

Akali: Yes it is

 

Evelynn: It’s really funny

 

Ahri: hahahah

 

Bunny Bun Buns: You guys are really getting on my nerves today.

Bunny Bun Buns: It’s not even 10am yet…

 

Sona: Alright, come children let's stop fighting

 

Bunny Bun Buns: THANK YOU

 

Sona: Miss Bunny Bun Buns has to go shake her buns at Roger Rabbit

 

Akali: HAHAHAHAHAH

 

Evelynn: KDGHKDHKS

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: YOU’RE FUCKING HELPFUL!

 

Sivir Liver: Sigh…

 

Ahri: You two are such a perfect match

 

Bunny Bun Buns: JUST CHANGE MY NAME BACK

 

Akali: No

 

Bunny Bun Buns: COME OOOONNNN

 

Akali: Noo

 

Evelynn: Come on, Kai’sa

Evelynn: We’re just having a little fun

 

Ahri: FUNNIEST THING I’VE SEEN ALL DAY!!

 

Sona: It’s still 9am….

 

Sivir Liver:

Sivir Liver:Oh, I’ll show you fun.

 

Akali: oooo is that a challenge?

 

Sivir Liver: Maybe.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.

 

Sivir: Time to pull in the nerd.

 

Kai’sa: Their name is Taliyah….

 

Sivir: Still a nerd.

 

Kai’sa: Okay, babe

 

Sivir added Taliyah to the group.

 

Sivir: Tal, what’s good?

Sivir: Yo

Sivir: Hey

Sivir: Hello?

Sivir: I know you have no life

Sivir: answer me

 

Taliyah: Well well well…

Taliyah: Look who decided that we were friends again

 

Sivir: We are friends

 

Taliyah: Really?

Taliyah: Do friends ghost each other for months?

Taliyah: Do friends hide the fact that they are dating a pop star for months?????

Taliyah: Do friends found out about their friend’s girlfriends via instagram on that pop star’s account???

 

Kai’sa: You never told Taliyah that we were dating?

Kai’sa: But you told me you did...

 

Sivir: But I talked about Taliyah to you!

 

Kai’sa: Did...did you lie to me?

 

Sivir: I can explain babe

Sivir: But later

 

Taliyah:

Taliyah: Hi Kai’sa.

Taliyah: I am a big fan!

 

Kai’sa: It’s nice to finally meet you, Taliyah

 

Taliyah: Break up with Sivir since she’s a liar

 

Kai’sa: Don’t tempt me

 

Sivir: YO WHAT THE FUCK MAN???

 

Taliyah: You pulled a Usopp, loser

 

Sivir: IDK WHO USOPP IS, NERD

 

Taliyah: A LIAR!

 

Sivir: I didn’t lie

Sivir: I just avoided the truth

 

Kai’sa: That’s called lying.

 

Sivir: I am sorry

Sivir: I did lie

Sivir: I just 

Sivir: Taliyah has a big mouth

 

Taliyah: I DO NOT!

 

Sivir: YES YOU DO

Sivir: WHO WAS IT THAT TOLD CASSIOPEIA WHERE I WAS HIDING???

 

Taliyah: YOU CHOSE A REALLY BAD HIDING SPOT!!

 

Sivir: THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!

Sivir: YOU RATTED ME OUT!!

 

Taliyah: I DIDN’T!

Taliyah: EVEN CASSIOPEIA FIGURED IT OUT

Taliyah: I BARELY DID ANYTHING!!

Taliyah: BUT DUDE I CAME INTO COURT TO DEFEND YOU!

Taliyah: DOESN’T THAT COUNT FOR SOMETHING??

 

Sivir: BARELY

 

Kai’sa: Are you two done?

 

Sivir: No

 

Taliyah: Never.

 

Kai’sa: I can see why you two ghosted each other…

 

Taliyah: Sivir thinks she’s such a lone wolf but she needs to be babied like every second

 

Sivir: I DO NOT

 

Kai’sa: You do though

 

Sivir: baaaabe

 

Taliyah: See?

 

Sivir: Shut up.

 

Taliyah: Snake kisser

 

Sivir: TALIYAH I WILL PUNT YOUR NON BINARY ASS!!

 

Taliyah: IT’S TRUE!!

 

Kai’sa: Are you two done?

 

Taliyah: For you, I am.

 

Sivir: Woah, shortie

Sivir: Back off.

 

Taliyah: What do you mean, Ymir?

 

Sivir: Who the fuck is Ymir?

 

Taliyah: A jealous lesbian

 

Sivir: ?????

 

Kai’sa: Anyways, Taliyah, Sivir says you might be able to help us get revenge on my friends.

 

Sivir: I changed my mind about them.

 

Taliyah: SHUSH

Taliyah: It depends on what you need help with, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: How good are you with technology and hacking?

 

Taliyah: You came to the right person.

 

Sivir: I sure fucking hope so

 

Taliyah: Calm down, butthead

 

Sivir: Just do your tech stuff, nerd

 

Taliyah: Okay, Gaara

 

Sivir: Using names from those manga and animes aren’t insults.

 

Taliyah: Yeah they are.

Taliyah: You dumb Naruto

 

Sivir: SIGH

 

Kai’sa: You two remind me of Evelynn and Ahri

 

Sivir:WE ARE NOT!

 

Taliyah: Okay but I’m Ahri bc she’s prettier

 

Kai’sa:GAG!!!

Kai’sa: EVE WILL MURDER YOU IF SHE FINDS OUT YOU SAID THAT!!

 

Taliyah:Worth it

Taliyah: Eve ain’t got nothing on me

 

Sivir: Hmm, Akali could take you out

 

Kai’sa: Wow

 

Taliyah: Akali is a toothpick compared to my guns

 

Sivir: Dude, you have NOTHING on your skinny arms

Sivir: Want to see real guns?

Sivir: *texts photo*

Sivir: Check out these guns

 

Taliyah: Where?

 

Sivir: Right there, nerd

 

Taliyah: Those pebbles??

 

Sivir: BIGGER THAN YOURS!

 

Kai’sa: Are you two done yet??

 

Sivir: No

 

Taliyah: No

 

Kai’sa: Sigh…

 

Sivir: This is how we are

 

Taliyah: Unfortunely 

 

Sivir: RUDE

 

Taliyah: Wuss

 

Sivir: See, this is why I talk to Amumu bc he doesn’t call me names

 

Taliyah: YEAH I CAN TELL BC HE KNEW THAT YOU AND KAI’SA WERE DATING BEFORE ME!!

 

Sivir: BC HE DOESN’T HAVE A BIG MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!

 

Taliyah: YOU’RE JUST A REALLY BAD FRIEND!!!

 

Sivir: YOU’RE A LITTLE SHIT!!!

 

Taliyah: AT LEAST HE WRITES VERY GOOD FANFICTION!!!

 

Sivir: WAIT THE ONE WITH YOU IN IT WAS WRITTEN BY HIM???????

 

Taliyah: HE’S A TRUE HOMIE!!!

 

Kai’sa: Are you two done yet?

 

Sivir: NO

 

Taliyah:NO

 

Kai’sa: Oh 

Kai’sa:My

Kai’sa:Void

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Hey guys?

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: Yah?

 

El Humo de Hoe: Hm?

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: Yesh?

 

Hatsune Miku: ??

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties:

 

El Humo de Hoe:

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:

 

Hatsune Miku: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???????!!!!!!!

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: I AM NOT A DOG!!!!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Fox

Bunny Bun Buns: Dog

Bunny Bun Buns: Same thing

 

Hatsune Miku:I HATE THAT VOCALOID BITCH!!!!!!!!

 

El Humo de Hoe: What is this…?

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Your stripper names

 

Sivir Liver: Surprised?

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: MY TITTIES ARE AVERAGE!!!

 

Sivir Liver: The average for A cups

 

Bunny Bun Buns: lol...

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: FUCK YOU SIVIR LIVER!!!!

Itsy Bitsy Titties: CHANGE MY NAME BACK

 

Sivir Liver: If only I knew how ;)

 

El Humo de Hoe: Fair tradeoff tbh

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: I DON’T LIKE MINE!!!!

 

El Humo de Hoe: Too bad

El Humo de Hoe: I like mine.

El Humo de Hoe: Not really grammatically correct tbh

El Humo de Hoe: but I still like the interpretation of it

 

Bunny Bun Buns: You understand spanish?

 

El Humo de Hoe: I can understand Korean but I can’t understand spanish???

El Humo de Hoe: WOW

El Humo de Hoe: I am not just some dumb white girl

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: You’re still dumb af

 

El Humo de Hoe: Fuck you.

El Humo de Hoe: At least I’m not called a mutt

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: I’m not a mutt!!!!

 

Hatsune Miku: AT LEAST YOU AREN’T NAMED AFTER A HOLOGRAM THAT JUST WALKS AROUND AND SINGS WITH SUCH AN AUTO TUNED VOICE!!

 

El Humo de Hoe: Did you guys really have to use the H word for Sona???

 

Sivir Liver: Yes

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Yeah

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: MY TITS ARE AVERAGE!!!

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: No one, literally no one:

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: Akali: mY tItS aRe AvErAgE

 

El Humo de Hoe: They are beautiful tits btw

 

Bunny Bun Buns: No one, literally no one:

Bunny Bun Buns: Evelynn: aKaLi’S tItS aRe BeAuTiFuL

 

El Humo de Hoe: Fuck you, Kai’hoe

 

Sivir Liver: That’s my job

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: Ew gross

 

Hatsune Miku: FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: You want to fuck a hologram?

 

El Humo de Hoe: Go ahead girl

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: snkjdhgkdshkghksd

 

Sivir Liver: LMFAO

 

Bunny Bun Buns: HAHAHA

 

Hatsune Miku: NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Sure…

 

Hatsune Miku: HKDGLHSDJGHLKJDSHLKJDFHLKJGSHKFDHKLS

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: Yo, you guys might break Sona

 

El Humo de Hoe: I thought she broke when she finally started texting in chat?

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: I ship Sona x Hatsune Miku

 

Hatsune Miku: AKJSGHKHDFPGKDAFHGKLJAHSLKDJGHKAGKUHWGELIHGKLJEHGKJHDKJGHKJADHKJGHAJDHGJADJHAJLHHALJHFJHFLKASHLKFHSKLDGHLWAHSLGHASIHUFIAUSHVKJXCNDKLVHSKDFHAKLSHLKSJGHKLSHGKLJHSKLGHKDHGKHDALKEHLIUGHLIHJDHFKJSAHDK;FHEWUIHILWUEHNCFUWAHGVDGVFJHSBDHKJBFJSBJDFSVDHGFSJVFHASGVDHAFVHSDFVSHADVFJKSAHGFJASDHGFJSGFKJAGSJGHDFJASGDFHDJFGASJDHGFJASHGKDFJAGFKJHAGSKDJGFKJSAGFJKSDGFJHGSK

 

Bunny Bun Buns: My goodness

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: lmfaooooooo

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: Triggered!!

 

El Humo de Hoe: Sona is never going to come back to this chat.

 

Sivir Liver: I guess you can thank my friend, Taliyah, for doing this

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: You have other friends??

 

El Humo de Hoe: That’s hard to believe.

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: Sivir Liver has other Liver buds?

 

Sivir Liver: Hahaha...very funny

 

Hatsune Miku:FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!

 

Bunny Bun Buns: Yes we know you want to fuck Hatsune Miku, calm down

 

Hatsune Miku:okzsljgdahflkgkldshgksdjfhkgshdklhdkjghjdskh

 

Mutt Mutt Butt Butt: HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU GUYS!

 

El Humo de Hoe: Debatable.

 

Itsy Bitsy Titties: Man, imagine Kassadin seeing this chat hahaha

 

Bunny Bun Buns: OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Kassadin.

 

Kassadin: Sweetie?

Kassadin: Are you here yet?

Kassadin: Honey?

Kassadin: Look, I’m not mad about the vids anymore

Kassadin: Pls come home

Kassadin: We don’t even have to talk about them.

Kassadin: Sweetie?

Kassadin: Pls respond, I’m worried.

 

Kai’sa: :)

 

Kai’sa blocked Kassadin


Message Failed [Kassadin:YOU CAN’T KEEP BLOCKING ME, KAI’SA!!!]

Chapter Text

Ahri: Hey guys

Ahri: I was thinking

Ahri: We should all go on a vacation together 

Ahri: Just the four of us

Ahri: Okay Sivir and Sona are invited as well since I just realized that they are in this chat

Ahri: But we should all go on vacation together 

Ahri: Take a week break in Hawaii?

Ahri: Go on a cruise trip to the Carribean? 

Ahri: Although we would have to do a performance on the ship 

Ahri: but the trip would be free for us

Ahri: Or maybe car travel all over Europe?

Ahri: OOORRRR go to Australia?

Ahri: Or New Zealand 

Ahri: WE SHOULD GO TO DISNEYLAND!

Ahri: THAT WOULD BE FUN!

 

Evelynn: I’m banned from Disneyland

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Really?

Ahri: Really, Eve???

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: I need the story.

 

Evelynn: I was horny.

Evelynn: and men are snitches.

 

Kai’sa: I…

Kai’sa: Okay then…

 

Ahri: When were you banned from Disneyland???

 

Evelynn: Some time after you left for your stupid five year hiatus.

 

Ahri: Ah

Ahri: Okay

 

Akali: WAIT SO WE CAN’T GO TO DISNEYLAND THE FUCK???????

Akali: EVE HOW COULD YOU!!!!?????

 

Evelynn: I…

Evelynn: I’m sorry…

Evelynn: We can go to Seoul Land

Evelynn: That’s the only amusement park that I haven’t been banned at in all of Korea.

 

Kai’sa: ONLY???

 

Evelynn: I’ve been busy during Ahri’s five years hiatus.

 

Ahri: I guess?????

Ahri: My god Eve…

 

Akali: BUT I WAS TOTALLY PLANNING TO TAKE YOU TO TOKYO DISNEYLAND FOR OUR SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Akali: WHICH IS LIKE TOMORROW SO SURPRISE!????!!!??!?!

 

Evelynn: Oh

 

Ahri: Awk

 

Kai’sa: So that’s why you insisted on going to that interview in Japan with just you and Eve.

 

Ahri: And made us stay here in Korea...

 

Akali: YEAH!

 

Evelynn: Oh god

Evelynn: I feel really bad, baby.

Evelynn: I’m sorry…

Evelynn: But I am banned from all Disney attractions so…

Evelynn: I’m really sorry.

Evelynn: I’ll make it up to you??

 

Akali: DISNEYLAND IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH!!

Akali: AND NOW WE CAN’T GO????

Akali: I HAD EVERYTHING PERFECT!!

Akali: I EVEN WENT OUT TO BUY US MATCHING OUTFITS TOMORROW!!

Akali: AND THEN SURPRISE YOU WITH THEM WHEN I GET BACK TO THE HOTEL!!!

 

Evelynn: oh…

 

Ahri: Evie fucked up big time hahahaha

 

Kai’sa: You’re not helping, Ahri.

 

Evelynn: Darling, just come back to the hotel

Evelynn: We can talk this out

 

Akali: okay

Akali: :(

 

Evelynn: Oh baby, I’m sorry

 

Ahri: Damn, your risky past finally bit you in the ass

 

Evelynn: Shut up, Ahri

 

Kai’sa: Surely, Disneyland might make an exception?

Kai’sa: Thousands of people enter the place

Kai’sa: Maybe Eve can just walk by with no problem

 

Ahri: You’re talking to the biggest fucking diva on the planet.

Ahri: I’m pretty sure Disneyland has her picture blown up with the words ‘do not let her in’

 

Akali: THAT’S COMFORTING THANKS

 

Evelynn: I really am so sorry, Akali

Evelynn: Disneyland must mean a lot for you.

 

Akali: It’s basically my childhood.

Akali: My entire childhood has been the dojo or Disneyland

Akali: I practically grew up at Disneyland

Akali: I just thought it would be very special to me and you that we went on our six month anniversary 

 

Evelynn: Oh god I’m such a horrible person.

Evelynn: I feel so bad, baby.

 

Ahri: Yah you are

 

Kai’sa: Ahri…

 

Ahri: wat?

 

Evelynn: No she’s right.

Evelynn: I fucked up

Evelynn: My reckless past screwed up this moment

 

Akali: It’s not your fault, Eve

Akali: We’re all human

Akali: Well...sort of…

Akali: Still trying to deal with this hannya deal with my mask 

Akali: But we make mistakes

Akali: I’m sure whatever we do tomorrow is still very special to us.

 

Evelynn: It will be bc we ARE going to Disneyland.

 

Ahri: Wat?

 

Kai’sa: Huh??

 

Akali: WAIT REALLY????

 

Evelynn: Yes.

Evelynn: It has been a while since I’ve walked into Disneyland 

Evelynn: Maybe Kai’sa is right

Evelynn: They might not bat an eyelash at me and let me in.

Evelynn: Maybe they’ll make an exception

Evelynn: It doesn’t hurt to try

Evelynn: My baby planned this amazing trip and I’m not going to let it go to waste

 

Akali: AW YAY!!

 

Ahri: But what if you’re recognized?

 

Evelynn: I’ll wear a mask

 

Kai’sa: That makes you MORE suspicious.

 

Evelynn: Then I’ll wear a wig

 

Akali: The tickets have our names on it

Akali: And...we’re kinda famous so…

 

Evelynn: Then I’ll hope they won’t kick me out.

 

Ahri: But what if they do?

 

Kai’sa: And Akali has to enjoy Disneyland by herself?

 

Evelynn: You two are NOT helpful.

 

Ahri: Why don’t we go as a group?

 

Kai’sa: Wait what?

 

Akali: Huh?

 

Evelynn: Excuse me?

 

Ahri: Let's go together as a group.

Ahri: Kai’sa and I can arrive in Japan by tomorrow morning.

 

Kai’sa: Wait I’m going???

 

Ahri: You can bring Sivir idc

 

Kai’sa: Oh then okay

 

Evelynn: Wait stop

Evelynn: Why are you coming?

 

Ahri: Did you forget, Eve?

 

Evelynn: Forget what?

 

Ahri: I can manipulate memories and stuff

 

Evelynn: You can only eat memories, you dumb fox

 

Ahri: OKAY

Ahri: My point is that I can make the staff members forget your ban.

 

Evelynn: AND??

 

Ahri: Are you really this dumb?

 

Evelynn: Just tell me, Ahri.

 

Ahri: I can literally make it easy for you to walk right in, Eve.

Ahri: If they start remembering that you’re on the ban list, I’ll just eat those memories away.

 

Evelynn: You’re going to kiss them??

 

Kai’sa: Is that how it works??

 

Evelynn: Yeah, she has to make lip contact in order to ‘eat’ memories.

 

Akali: Ew

 

Ahri: RUDE

 

Kai’sa: Okay, I feel like we are going a very roundabout direction on how to handle this.

 

Evelynn: But it’s a good idea

 

Ahri: Thank you!

 

Kai’sa: You agree with Ahri???????

 

Evelynn: Strange, right?

 

Kai’sa: So...we’re doing this???

 

Ahri: Yesh

Ahri: I’m booking flights so @Sona @Sivir

Ahri: Want to go to Disneyland with us?

 

Sivir: What’s up?

 

Ahri: Tokyo Disney tomorrow?

 

Sivir: Sure.

 

Akali: Don’t you have work??

 

Sivir: Yep.

 

Kai’sa: So you’re skipping?

 

Sivir: Everytime the media sees us together now, it’s free promotion for the pizza shack.

Sivir: So everybody wins and I get to spend time with you.

 

Kai’sa: Baby~~~

 

Sivir: Baby~~~

 

Ahri: @Sona

 

Sona: Hmm?

 

Ahri: You want to go to Tokyo Disney tomorrow?

 

Sona: Can’t.

Sona: Pentakill are heading to a ski trip

 

Evelynn: Karthus can ski???

 

Sona: No but he can scream.

Sona: How else did you think he develop his vocals?

 

Evelynn: Ah. Okay.

 

Ahri: Alright, I guess it’s Sivir, Kai’sa and I on the flight.

 

Kai’sa: I have a bad feeling about this.

 

Akali: Hey, don’t spread that bad juju around, kai’sa.

Akali: Think positive 

 

Kai’sa: I have a great feeling that this might go bad.

 

Akali: ...close enough

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Are you fucking kidding me?

Ahri: Are you absolutely shitting me?

 

Kai’sa: Ahri, don’t.

 

Evelynn: What’s wrong?

Evelynn: Did you three miss your flights?

 

Ahri: Oh we got on our flights

Ahri: BUT KAI’SA AND SIVIR GOT TO STAY IN FIRST CLASS WHILE I GOT DOWNGRADED TO THE BACK OF THE FUCKING PLANE!!!

 

Evelynn: Hahaha!

 

Kai’sa: It’s only for two hours, Ahri

Kai’sa: You can survive

 

Ahri: I SPECIFICALLY HAD ALL THREE OF US IN FIRST CLASS!!!

Ahri: NOW I'M STUCK SITTING NEXT TO A KID THAT KEEPS POKING MY EARS AND TAILS

 

Sivir: Sounds rough buddy

 

Ahri: FUCK

 

Akali: So you guys are going to get here around 6am?

 

Kai’sa: That’s the plan

 

Ahri: I WANT TO SWITCH SEATS!

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Ahri: I AM ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK OF THE FUCKING PLANE!!!

Ahri: I HAVE NO LEG ROOM!

 

Sivir: It’s not our fault that your ticket got downgraded.

 

Ahri: NYAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

 

Kai’sa: It’s only for 2 hours.

 

Ahri: THAT’S LIKE 2 DAYS IN FOXY TIME

 

Evelynn: HOW LONG WAS FIVE YEARS THEN, AHRI?

 

Ahri: OH MY GOD

Ahri: DROP IT!

 

Evelynn: I’m never dropping it

 

Akali: She really won’t…

 

Kai’sa: Those two have issues, so don’t worry about them.

 

Evelynn: Rude

 

Ahri: Rude

 

Sivir: Yo they gave us fucking sake up here

 

Ahri: LUUUUUCKYYYYYY

Ahri: CAN I SWING BY FOR A SIP?

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Sivir: No.

 

Ahri: FACK

 

Evelynn: lmfao

 

Akali: OOOOO I LOVE SAKE

 

Ahri: I have never seen you drink sake before

 

Akali: bc all you fucking buy is soju at home

 

Ahri: That’s fucking real alcohol, bitch

 

Akali: Sake is meant for elegant drinkers, you slob

 

Ahri: Sake are for wimps

 

Kai’sa: You two must have never had vodka

Kai’sa: Come talk to me when you had an entire bottle in ten minutes

 

Akali: wtf

 

Ahri: Should we be concerned about you, Kai’sa?

Ahri: Specifically your health.

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Sivir: Maybe?

 

Sona: Her dad tried to fight off Azir and almost killed Sivir.

Sona: Why would Kai’sa not drink an entire bottle of vodka to deal with her dad’s bullshit?

 

Kai’sa: ^^^ THIS

 

Evelynn: Are you still blocking your dad?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah hahah

 

Sivir: Hey, whatever keeps me alive a bit longer

 

Akali: *calls Azir*

 

Sivir: PLEASE DON’T

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ahri: I miss that guy hahaha

 

Sivir: I don’t

 

Akali: Oh come on

Akali: Isn’t he like a father figure to you?

 

Sivir: No

 

Kai’sa: Yah

 

Sivir: baaabbe

 

Ahri: lmfao!!

 

Kai’sa: She gets care packages from him every month

 

Sivir: baaaaaaabe

Sivir: I’m sitting right next to youuuu

 

Kai’sa: tee hee

 

Akali: lmfao

Akali: Sivir’s coolness meter is dropping

 

Evelynn: Shall I mention the kind letters that your Master Shen mails you?

Evelynn: And the gifts you get from Ophelia?

 

Ahri: Ophelia?

 

Akali: It’s Irelia

 

Evelynn: Close enough

 

Akali: Well it’s not like I want Master Shen to keep mailing me…

 

Evelynn: You kept every single one of the letters he sent

 

Sivir: Akali’s coolness meter is dropping so fast

 

Akali: I’m still cooler than you

 

Evelynn: That’s true

 

Kai’sa: I beg to differ

 

Ahri: girls girls

Ahri: Your tops and bottoms are both valid, no fighting.

 

Akali: Who’s the bottom between Sivir and me?

 

Sivir: You.

 

Akali: I don’t bottom

 

Evelynn: Really babe?

Evelynn: i'm right next to you

Evelynn: We literally just had sex...

 

Akali: I don’t bottom...

 

Evelynn:

 

Akali: Okay only a little?

 

Evelynn:

 

Akali: ...meeps….

 

Sivir: W-H-I-P-P-E-D

 

Kai’sa: who cares about tops and bottoms

Kai’sa: as long as both ladies cum

 

Evelynn: kai’sa knows what’s up.

 

Akali: I guess?

 

Ahri: Kai’sa just doesn’t want to admit to being a proud bottom hoe.

 

Kai’sa: Shut the fuck up, Ahri.

 

Ahri: LMFAO

 

Akali: hahahahah

 

Sivir: damn Ahri

Sivir: im looking at the plane seating on the packet and you’re really back there

Sivir: You might as well live there

 

Ahri: I might as well

Ahri: You know how long it’ll take me to get out of this damn plane from the back?

Ahri: FOREVER!

 

Kai’sa: We’ll leave you if you don’t come out in ten minutes after us

 

Ahri: hardy har har

Ahri: wait

Ahri: Are you two serious?

 

Kai’sa: maybe

 

Ahri:

 

Akali: btw i didn’t buy matching outfits for any of you guys

 

Sivir: That’s fine

Sivir: We don’t want to look stupid with you

 

Akali: FUCK YOU

 

Sivir: LMFAO

 

Akali: I didn’t want to spend 50 bucks on mickey ears on you anyways 

 

Sivir: I would never wear those 

 

Evelynn: Unless Kai’sa asked you to

 

Sivir: Only if she asked me

 

Akali: I’ll make her buy you a princess dress to wear

 

Sivir: I’ll make a fabulous princess.

 

Akali: No one says fabulous anymore, loser

 

Sivir: F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S

 

Akali: L-O-S-E-R

 

Kai’sa: JESUS CHRIST AHRI, DID YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO MAKE A SCENE????

 

Ahri: I HAD TO MAKE SURE YOU TWO WEREN’T GOING TO ABANDON ME!!

 

Evelynn: What did Ahri do?

 

Kai’sa: She tried to sneak into first class but knocked over a cart full of drinks with her tail 

Kai’sa: Then she kept yelling for us

 

Sivir: LMFAO

 

Ahri: DON’T LEAVE MEEEEE

 

Kai’sa: I WAS JOKING

 

Ahri: YOU DIDN’T SEEM LIKE IT!

 

Kai’sa: I WAS JOKING 

Kai’sa: RELAX

 

Ahri: PROMISE???

 

Kai’sa: I promise, I’m sorry.

Kai’sa: just relax for the rest of the plane ride.

 

Ahri: Okie :3

 

Kai’sa: Eve, how did you deal with her all these years?

 

Evelynn: I have no fucking clue.

Evelynn: Sometimes i can’t tell if she’s my friend or just a really needy dog

 

Ahri: I need attention at least 16 hours a day or i cry

 

Kai’sa: you cry when we do give you attention

 

Ahri: I can never get enough attention :3

 

Sona: I’m surprised she hasn’t jumped in for a threesome with either Eve/Akali or Kai’sa/ Sivir yet.

 

Kai’sa: DON’T GIVE HER ANY IDEAS!

 

Sivir: PLEASE!!!

 

Evelynn: SONA NO!!!!

 

Akali: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT????

 

Ahri: :D!

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: Hey are we still meeting up for lunch, Eve?

 

Sivir: Also, Ahri, where did you run off to?

 

Ahri: I’m hanging out with fans.

 

Sona: Oh, so you guys made it inside of Disneyland?

 

Sivir: I guess we had nothing to worry about

Sivir: The staff didnt even blink at eve

 

Kai’sa: So eve had nothing to worry about

Kai’sa: Which is good

Kai’sa: I think they were too scared of her

 

Ahri: Oh i knew she would get in without a problem

 

Kai’sa: You knew and still made us come…??

 

Ahri: I wanted a vacation.

 

Kai’sa: ...i guess...thanks

 

Ahri: No probs

Ahri: Oh btw

Ahri: I just saw Eve and Akali being escorted out of Disneyland like ten minutes ago

 

Kai’sa:

 

Sivir:

 

Sona:

 

Ahri: :3

 

Kai’sa: Excuse me?

 

Evelynn: Worth it.

 

Sivir: WHAT DID YOU DO??????

 

Akali: We had sex on the Haunted Mansion ride.

Akali: and the staff figured it out when the ride was over and asked us to leave

Akali: Also the cameras prolly caught us lol

 

Kai’sa: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?????

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Sona:

 

Kai’sa: DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM YOUR FUCKING MISTAKES THE FIRST TIME, EVE???

 

Evelynn: No.

Evelynn: :)

 

Akali: Worth it.

 

Evelynn: ;)

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god….

 

Sivir: You two just fucking banged on that ride?????

 

Akali: Yes.

 

Sivir: It’s a 15min ride???

 

Akali: Yeah?

 

Sivir: You two got a full session in 15 mins????

Sivir: That’s fast!!

 

Akali: You mean you can’t make Kai’sa cum in 15mins?

Akali: Wow sad

 

Sivir:

Sivir: WE LIKE TAKING OUR TIME AND SAVORING THE MOMENT, OKAY??

 

Kai’sa: WE ALSO DON’T FUCKING HAVE SEX ON A DISNEY RIDE!!!!!!

Kai’sa: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!!!???

 

Evelynn: It was dark. It was scary. I got horny.

 

Kai’sa: THERE IS SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!

 

Evelynn: What?

Evelynn: Scary stuff makes me horny.

Evelynn: and knowing it was our six months, I wanted to make it special

Evelynn: Cuz im a lady

 

Akali: Worth it

 

Kai’sa: IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN THREE HOURS SINCE WE GOT HERE AND NOW YOU TWO ARE BEING KICKED OUT!!!!!

 

Ahri: *texts link*

Ahri: The paparazzi are fast

 

Kai’sa: Oh no…

 

Sivir: You guys seriously posed for the paparazzi???

 

Akali: Yes.

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: I mean…

Ahri: Is it really a vacation if Evelynn doesn’t get on tabloid news??

 

Evelynn: Exactly.

 

Kai’sa: SO YOU FUCKING HAD SEX ON A RIDE?????

Kai’sa: YOU TWO MIGHT REALLY GET BANNED FOR THIS PERMANENTLY!!!

 

Akali: Worth it.

 

Kai’sa: YOU LITERALLY HAD A BITCH FIT ABOUT HOW SPECIAL TOKYO DISNEY WAS FOR YOU!!!!

Kai’sa: AND HOW IT WAS A PART OF YOUR CHILDHOOD!!!!

 

Akali: and now I have great memories from my childhood and for my adulthood.

Akali: Which is all i wanted

Akali: :)

 

Sivir:

 

Sona:

 

Ahri: does anyone want churros?

 

Kai’sa: READ THE MOOD AHRI!!!

 

Evelynn: Oh shit i want a churro

 

Kai’sa: THEN MAYBE DON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO YOUR PUSSY FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!

 

Evelynn: Can I still get a churro?

 

Ahri: Yah, sure I’ll get you one

 

Akali: I want one too

 

Ahri: All right I’ll get you one

Ahri: Kai’sa, Sivir, you want one too?

 

Kai’sa: SCREW YOU GUYS

Kai’sa: FOR THE REST OF THIS TRIP, SIVIR AND I AREN’T ASSOCIATED WITH YOU GUYS

Kai’sa: WE ARE GOING ON OUR OWN UNTIL WE HAVE TO FLY BACK SO DON’T BOTHER CONTACTING US

Kai’sa: GOOD BYE!

 

Sivir: See yah, losers.

 

Ahri: So I’m guessing they don’t want churros?

 

Akali: No.

 

Evelynn: Guess not.

 

Sona: So now what are you guys going to do?

 

Akali: Tour around Japan and show Eve around

Akali: Want to come, Ahri?

 

Ahri: YESH

Ahri: I’m coming!

 

Evelynn: Bring churros

 

Ahri: Alright!

 

Sona: Have fun!

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: Hi, we’re leaving. Can we get a ride back to the hotel?

 

Evelynn: Already? 

Evelynn: It's only been an hour.

 

Kai’sa: Can you pick us up or not?

 

Evelynn: I mean yeah

 

Kai’sa: Like right now

 

Evelynn: Now?

 

Kai’sa: Now.

 

Ahri: Whyyyy??? 

Ahri: Why are you in a rush to get out?

 

Kai’sa: I don’t want to talk about it…

 

Sivir: She really doesn’t.

 

Akali: *texts link*

Akali: Look what Disney posted

Akali: Does it have to do with the fact that ‘it’s a small world’ ride suddenly shut down?

 

Kai’sa: No…

 

Sivir: Look, just come get us 

 

Akali: How come the Disney notice says the ride is closed due to ‘sudden malfunctions’?

 

Kai’sa: bc….the tech malfunctioned….

 

Evelynn: *texts link*

Evelynn: “K/DA Kai’sa accidentally blows up a portion of the ride ‘it’s a small world’”

 

Kai’sa:

 

Ahri: LMFAOOOOOOO

 

Sivir: It was an accident.

 

Evelynn: So I’m guessing you two weren’t having sex?

 

Kai’sa: Of course not.

Kai’sa: I just got spooked…

 

Akali: You got spooked?

Akali: on a kids ride?

 

Kai’sa: Yes i did

Kai’sa: okay?

 

Ahri: Was the ‘its a small world’ ride too scary for you, Kai’sa????

 

Kai’sa: No it wasn’t

 

Evelynn: So why is part of the ride blown up?

Evelynn: according to the article

 

Kai’sa: LOOK THE ‘ITS A SMALL WORLD’ RIDE JUST SPOOKED ME, OKAY?????

 

Sona: My my

Sona: You guys seem to be having fun

 

Ahri: KAI’SA GOT SCARED ON ‘ITS A SMALL WORLD’!!!

 

Kai’sa: NO I DIDN’T!!!!

 

Sivir: to be fair, its a small world is a creepy ride

 

Akali: So creepy that it scared kai’sa

 

Kai’sa: I wasn’t scared

Kai’sa: My parasites were scared

 

Ahri: Sure kai’sa

Ahri: Ish okay to admit you didn’t like ‘its a small world’

 

Kai’sa: JUST COME PICK US UP

 

Evelynn: Okay okay on our way

 

Ahri: Can you get us more churros?

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Ahri: :(

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Akali and Irelia:

 

Irelia: *text link*

Irelia: *text link*

Irelia: Akali, what the actual fuck are you and your friends doing?????

 

Akali: Hi, we’re in Japan. Want to meet my girlfriend and the rest of K/DA?

 

Irelia: No thanks, I’m good. Senpai, out.

 

Chapter Text

Akali added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali: SENPAI!

 

Irelia: Akali…

 

Kai’sa: Hello, Xan Irelia.

Kai’sa: It’s nice to meet you.

Kai’sa: Even if it’s over text.

Kai’sa: Akali has told us so much about you.

 

Ahri: Yo, so you’re the one that Akali jerked off for years?

 

Akali: I DID NOT!

Akali: YOU GUYS WERE SO SLEEP DEPRIVED THAT YOU KEPT MIXING UP MY WORDS!

 

Sivir: Are you sure about that?

 

Akali: YEAH!

 

Irelia: I...what?

 

Akali: Nothing, they’re just being stupid

 

Ahri: RUUUUDE!

 

Irelia: um...okay?

 

Evelynn: Pleasure to meet you, Ophelia.

 

Irelia: It’s Irelia…

 

Evelynn: Sorry

Evelynn: **Ikelia.

 

Irelia: Um...no…

 

Akali: Senpai, I want you to meet my girls!

 

Irelia: And I’ve met them.

Irelia: So hi.

 

Akali: But like in person!

Akali: I want to see you too.

Akali: It’s been so long!

 

Irelia: That is true...

 

Ahri: OOO ARE WE GOING TO MEET YOU???

 

Irelia: Akali…

 

Akali: Why are you avoiding me???

 

Irelia: You guys blew up an attraction at Disneyland…

 

Evelynn: That was all Kai’sa.

 

Ahri: She got scared on ‘It’s a Small World’

 

Kai’sa: I WASN’T SCARED!

Kai’sa: I WAS SPOOKED!

Kai’sa: THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.

 

Ahri: Spooked and scared practically means the same thing…

 

Kai’sa: Oh wow, you’re suddenly an English major now???

 

Ahri: JUST ADMIT YOU GOT SCARED!

 

Kai’sa: I DID NOT GET SCARED, I WAS SPOOKED!

 

Evelynn: Same thing.

 

Sivir: It’s not!

 

Akali: It is

 

Kai’sa: It’s not!

 

Irelia: How do you get out of a group chat?

 

Akali: Senpai!!! Don’t leave!!

 

Evelynn: Yeah, Kerfelia

Evelynn: Give us a chance

 

Irelia: It’s Irelia.

 

Evelynn: Sorry

Evelynn: Perelia.

 

Irelia:

 

Kai’sa: We won’t be back in Japan for a while, Irelia

Kai’sa: Surely it won’t be too much trouble to meet you

Kai’sa: Akali seems to really want to see you again

 

Irelia: And I want to see Akali too

 

Akali: YAY!

 

Irelia: But without the rest of you guys…

 

Sivir: Ouch

 

Kai’sa: Oh, well that’s fine

 

Ahri: wait noooo

 

Evelynn: Look, I’m going to be blunt Kophelia

 

Irelia: Irelia…

 

Evelynn: Do you not like us?

 

Irelia: You made Akali have sex with you on a Disney ride????

 

Evelynn: Akali was just as into it as I was

Evelynn: I didn’t make her do anything, we both wanted it.

Evelynn: Plus it was our 6 month and all

 

Irelia: That’s the other thing…

Irelia: What did you do to Akali that made her date you?

 

Ahri: YUM THIS TEA IS DELICIOUS!!!

 

Kai’sa: Wow, someone that finally ask the right questions.

 

Sivir: *munch popcorn*

 

Evelynn: What do you mean, Rephelio?

 

Irelia: IRELIA

 

Evelynn: Sorry, Werelia.

 

Irelia:

Irelia: Before Akali wanted to be a rapper, she was actually a studious student at the dojo.

Irelia: Master Shen found so much potential within Akali and took her in as his protege

Irelia: At one point, she was going to inherit the dojo if Master Shen retired.

Irelia: But then she woke up one day and decided she wanted to be a rapper.

Irelia: She took her things and left without so much as a goodbye to everyone else besides me and Shen

Irelia: Now she’s dating the rambunctious diva of the music world

Irelia: And having sex on a Disneyland ride

Irelia: So pardon my language

Irelia: BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU GUYS DO TO MY PRECIOUS KOUHAI??????

 

Evelynn: I love her.

 

Ahri: I prank her.

 

Kai’sa: I actually feed her but okay.

 

Sivir: I don’t do anything to Akali.

Sivir: Well...sometimes I throw pizza and make her fetch it.

Sivir: That way she gets her exercise and she’s fed.

 

Evelynn: wait what??

 

Ahri: AND I AM JUST HEARING THIS NOW????

Ahri: YOU DIDN’T THINK I WOULD WANT TO DO THIS TOO???

 

Kai’sa: Babe…

 

Sivir: :)

 

Irelia:

 

Akali: Aren’t they the best?

 

Sona: Define ‘best’

 

Irelia: Sona???

Irelia: As in DJ Sona??

 

Sona: Yes.

 

Irelia: I…

Irelia: You know these people?

 

Sona: Unfortunately

Sona: I grew up with Ahri and Evelynn

 

Irelia: And you talk?

 

Sona: I can text like any other person

Sona: I just can’t talk in person.

 

Ahri: And she’s also in Pentakill!

 

Irelia: Who?

 

Sona:

Sona: Pentakill.

Sona: You know…

Sona: The greatest band of all the music industry

 

Evelynn: I beg to differ

 

Ahri: Our music video has almost 300 million views!

 

Kai’sa: BOTH bands are talented and amazing

 

Sivir: Pentakill doesn’t have Kai’sa, so K/DA all the way

 

Kai’sa: Awww baby

Kai’sa: Yeah fuck Pentakill

 

Akali: DAMN KAI’SA, YOU FUCKING SWITCH!!

 

Sivir: I wish she was a switch.

 

Evelynn: I fucking snorted

 

Ahri: hahahahahah

Ahri: WHY WOULD A GIRL THAT’S SCARED OF ‘ITS A SMALL WORLD’ BE A FUCKING TOP????

 

Kai’sa: I WASN’T SCARED!!!!

 

Akali: Keep telling yourself that.

 

Kai’sa: FUCK YOU GUYS!!!

 

Irelia: I….

Irelia: Akali...you really hang out with these girls?

 

Akali: Yup!

 

Irelia: And if you don’t mind me asking but what do you see in Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: I’m right here…

 

Ahri: Wait, I’m curious too

 

Kai’sa: Come to think of it…

Kai’sa: You two never told us what happened between you two when Akali ran off bc she discovered her oni powers

 

Irelia: Wait what???

 

Sivir: Yeah

Sivir: How did you two talk about your feelings?

Sivir: You never told us

 

Evelynn: What do you mean?

 

Irelia: What’s this about Akali and oni powers???

 

Kai’sa: You two left the chat to talk about your feelings and then came back to say you’re dating.

Kai’sa: How did that go?

 

Akali: How what go?

 

Ahri: How did the confession go?

 

Sona: Who confessed their feelings first?

 

Akali: Evelynn.

 

Ahri: Of course she did.

 

Kai’sa: But HOW did it happen?

Kai’sa: What did she say??

 

Akali: Babe, why don’t you say it?

 

Irelia: Akali, what’s this deal about you and oni powers????

 

Evelynn: I don’t really want to.

 

Ahri: Aww why not??

 

Evelynn: Bc.

 

Sona: Bc what?

 

Evelynn: Just no.

 

Kai’sa: Well we have all day in Japan

 

Ahri: And you and Akali ditched me at the spa

Ahri: Kai’sa and Sivir are at the hotel

Ahri: So we have nothing better to do

 

Sivir: We can pester you all-day

Sivir: All-day

 

Evelynn:

 

Akali: Come on babe

Akali: It’s not bad or anything

 

Evelynn: It’s embarrassing

 

Ahri: Why???

 

Kai’sa: Tell us

 

Sivir: Now.

 

Sona: Please.

 

Irelia: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN ABOUT THESE ONI POWERS AND AKALI?????

 

Evelynn: FINE

 

Irelia: Finally

 

Evelynn: The confession went like this

 

Irelia: NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!

 

Evelynn: Akali and I were alone.

Evelynn: I was helping her calm down bc her oni powers were a bit out of control

Evelynn: I explained to Akali that her jealousy was due to her having feelings for me and I had to dance with Twisted Fate for a photoshoot.

Evelynn: So her jealousy was rooted there.

Evelynn: At first Akali didn’t really understand what I was saying.

Evelynn: So...I went on a monologue about my feelings for her.

Evelynn: I told her that she piqued my interested when I saw her video, five years ago.

Evelynn: Ever since I’ve wanted to know more about her so I would stalk her Instagram and liked every post she made

Evelynn: But I was too scared to talk to her.

Evelynn: Which is out of character for me

Evelynn: But...for the first time, I was falling for someone…

Evelynn: Even though, at the time, we didn’t even meet each other yet

Evelynn: I just...my heart knew it wanted her.

Evelynn: I fell in love with how beautiful she is.

Evelynn: I fell in love with her desire to be an artist without making it all about money, just for the pure enjoyment of making music.

Evelynn: I fell in love with someone that was friendly with me despite my reputation and didn’t judge me

Evelynn: All of these feelings scared me for such a long time but at that moment

Evelynn: I needed to let it out

Evelynn: So I told Akali the truth.

Evelynn: Raw and real

Evelynn: At that moment, Akali must have felt that realness in her heart because she finally understood her jealousy and returned my feelings.

Evelynn: And…

Evelynn: Here we are.

 

Kai’sa: Wow.

 

Sivir: Woah.

 

Ahri: Ngl, I was expecting a lame-ass ‘I like you’ confession but this made me tear up

Ahri: Damn it, Eve, you made me cry

 

Sona: Evelynn

Sona: I’ve known you for years and this is the first time I’ve seen you so real.

Sona: You’ve grown so much in these past five years.

Sona: I’m serious. You’ve had quite a ‘glow up’.

 

Evelynn: ...thank you

 

Akali: See Eve!

Akali: They understand.

 

Evelynn: I see…

 

Ahri: Akali, what about you??

 

Irelia: IS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT AKALI’S ONI POWERS OR ARE YOU GUYS IGNORING ME!!!????

 

Akali: I mean

Akali: Eve really summarized it 

Akali: I guess for me

Akali: I knew I felt something for Evelynn ever since we met but I really didn’t understand it.

Akali: However, hearing what Evelynn told me

Akali: Everything started to make sense

Akali: Like...I really understood why I felt more comfortable with her

Akali: And why she made me feel giddy 

Akali: Seeing her with Twisted Fate woke me up

Akali: I imagined her being with Twisted Fate and it made me feel like she shouldn’t be with him.

 

Sona: I mean...anyone can tell that…

 

Ahri: Yeah.

Ahri: There was a whole petition for Twisted Fate and Evelynn to break up when they were together.

Ahri: It turned into quite a mess.

 

Kai’sa: Wow…

 

Sivir: Fans are savage

 

Evelynn: Deeva fans are true fans.

 

Irelia: HELLO???

 

Akali: But if they didn’t do that, then we might not be together

 

Evelynn: Regardless, I think I would have fallen for you.

 

Akali: Really?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, I do.

Evelynn: I would have fallen for you, even if I thought I was the one with someone else.

Evelynn: I just feel it in my heart.

Evelynn: We were meant to meet.

 

Akali: <3

 

Evelynn: <3

 

Ahri: I mean I did all the work with getting Akali famous and adding her to the group so you’re welcome

 

Kai’sa: Shush, this is really sweet.

 

Sivir: :)

 

Sona: Now I want to hear you two’s confession^^

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Sivir: No.

 

Evelynn: Why not?

Evelynn: I poured my heart out.

 

Ahri: Yeah, you can stop that

 

Evelynn: Fuck off

 

Ahri: You fuck off

 

Kai’sa: And we’re back to normal

 

Sona: ^^ I still want to hear

 

Sivir: No

 

Irelia: SO IS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT AKALI’S ONI POWERS??

 

Akali: Come on, Kai’sa!

Akali: When did you know Sivir was ‘the one’?

 

Ahri: Tell us!

 

Evelynn: Come on.

 

Kai’sa: No

 

Sivir: No

 

Ahri: Why noooooot??

 

Kai’sa: No

 

Sivir: No

 

Sona: You can’t just run away from our questions.

 

Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”

 

Sivir left group chat “K/DA”

 

Evelynn: SIGH

 

Ahri: They can’t keep running away

 

Akali: I bet it was cheesy af

 

Irelia: Hello…

 

Evelynn: Oh

Evelynn: Kyrelia, you’re still here?

 

Akali: Hi senpai!

 

Ahri: Yo

 

Sona: Hello.

 

Irelia: I’VE BEEN HERE THIS WHOLE TIME!???

Irelia: AND IT’S I-R-E-L-I-A!!!

 

Evelynn: Sorry Torelia.

 

Irelia: <<< MY NAME IS RIGHT THERE!!

 

Evelynn: Sorry

Evelynn: I-K-E-L-I-A

 

Irelia: ljkalldhlksdkljfkhskjbhlksdhkgsdhklghs

Irelia: IRELIA!!!!!!

 

Evelynn: Sorry…

Evelynn: My phone keeps autocorrecting your name

 

Ahri: Let me try

Ahri: Irelia

Ahri: Works on mine

 

Sona: Irelia

Sona: It’s fine on mine

 

Akali: Irelia

Akali: Yep, good on me

 

Evelynn: Pophelia

Evelynn: Nope

 

Irelia: YOU’RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE!!!

 

Evelynn: I really am not.

 

Ahri: You sure???

 

Evelynn: I am!

 

Irelia: You are doing this on purpose…

 

Evelynn: I genuinely am not

Evelynn: Here, let me try again.

Evelynn: Brophelia

Evelynn: Waphelia

Evelynn: Derkaphelia

Evelynn: Hoephelia

Evelynn: kaphelia

Evelynn: Lowphelia

Evelynn: Yerphelia

Evelynn: Riphelia

 

Irelia left group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali: Bye senpai, call me so we can meet up!

 

Sona: She...can’t get your text now.

Sona: She’s out.

 

Akali: I’ll call her later

 

Evelynn: Fuck...

 

Ahri: Damn…

Ahri: We lost three people on this chat

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa can’t run away from her problems forever.

Evelynn: But I have an idea to get her crawling back.

Evelynn: Give me a second.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Evelynn.

 

Kai’sa: YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING DARE, EVE!!!!!

 

Evelynn: Come back to the chat willingly and I won’t @ your dad’s insta on my insta story filled with your booty pics

 

Kai’sa: WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME OUT FIRST ON INSTA FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE????

 

Evelynn: Bc I’m dramatic, duh.

 

Kai’sa: Omg you’re evil

 

Evelynn: This applies to Sivir too

 

Kai’sa: FINE

Kai’sa: Add us back…

 

Evelynn: Thank you :)

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Evelynn added Kai’sa and Sivir to group chat “K/DA”

 

Ahri: We missed you

 

Akali: eh sure

 

Sona: So...tell us about your first real ‘I love you’s?

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Sivir: No.

 

Akali: We’ll figure out how to get it out of you two…

 

Sivir: Never

 

Sona: Now don’t be as stubborn as a rock...


Kai’sa: Why did I suddenly get a bad feeling?

Chapter Text

Sivir added Taliyah to group chat “K/DA”

 

Taliyah: Well, hello there

Taliyah: It is I, the great Taliyah

Taliyah: And Sivir’s ONLY friend

 

Akali: Aye, what’s up my dude?

 

Taliyah: Aye, not much!

 

Kai’sa: AKALI WHAT THE FUCK?? 

Kai’sa: YOU TOOK MY PHONE??

Kai’sa: - Sivir

 

Ahri: LMFAO

Ahri: I was wondering why Sivir was ransacking the hotel room

Ahri: I can hear her running around

 

Evelynn: That was her?

Evelynn: I thought Kai’sa and Sivir were having some wild sex.

Evelynn: I was about to come in and take a peek.

 

Kai’sa: In your dreams, Eve.

Kai’sa: You wish you could join

 

Evelynn: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Ahri: Was that last text Kai’sa or Sivir?

 

Kai’sa: Sivir

Kai’sa: She forgot to sign it.

Kai’sa: In fact, she just left to go chase down Akali

 

Akali: She’ll never find me

Akali: I know Japan like it’s the back of my hand

 

Taliyah: So I was told to come to the chat to spill some tea about Kai’sa and Sivir?

Taliyah: Specifically something about their love life?

 

Akali: Yep!

 

Evelynn: Yes!

 

Ahri: ooo yes!!!

 

Kai’sa: YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!

 

Ahri: ^ Sivir or Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: ME

Kai’sa: TALIYAH, DON’T YOU DARE!!!

 

Taliyah: Sorry, Kai

Taliyah: Akali says she’ll buy me a new Nintendo Switch since Sivir broke mine.

Taliyah: And I really want to finish Breath of the Wild soooo

Taliyah: No hard feelings, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, YOUR SWITCH ISN’T BROKEN!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Ahri: Oh, she came back.

 

Kai’sa: AKALI IS CHEAP ANYWAYS!!

Kai’sa: SHE’LL GET YOU A KNOCKOFF!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Akali: HEY I WOULDN’T DO THAT TO MY LITTLE DUDE!

 

Kai’sa: THEY’RE NOT YOUR LITTLE DUDE, THEY’RE MY LITTLE DUDE!

Kai’sa: AND GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Akali: Lol no

 

Kai’sa: AAAAAAAKKKKKKAAAAAAALLLLLIIIIIIII

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: YOU BROKE MY SWITCH, SIVIR!

 

Kai’sa: IT’S NOT BROKEN!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: YOU BROKE THE HANDLES OFF!!

 

Kai’sa: THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO COME OFF!!!!!!

Kai’sa: IT’S LITERALLY SUPPOSE TO COME OFF SO YOU CAN USE THEM TO PLAY WITH ON THE SMALLER SCREEN!!!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: NO IT’S NOT!!

 

Kai’sa: YES IT IS!!!

Kai’sa: - Sivir

 

Akali: Yeah, she’s actually right.

Akali: Your Switch ain’t broken

 

Taliyah: Wait what??

 

Kai’sa: YOUR SWITCH ISN’T FUCKING BROKEN!!!

Kai’sa: YOU’RE TECH SAVVY AND YET YOU THINK YOUR SWITCH IS BROKEN WHEN IT’S NOT!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: Huh…

Taliyah: Well would you look at that

Taliyah: The handles popped right back in

Taliyah: I guess my switch isn’t broken.

 

Kai’sa: IT WAS NEVER BROKEN!!!!!! 

Kai’sa: THE HANDLES ARE SUPPOSE TO COME OFF!!

Kai’sa: IT’S EVEN ON THE BOX COVER!!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: Oops ;p

 

Kai’sa: sjkdglskdhkgljdhsfkjghlkdsjfghlkjsdfkljghdlkfjghlkdjghkdjhglkjdskl

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Ahri: I love that she’s still signing her name.

 

Akali: Don’t worry, Taliyah. I’ll buy you another Switch just to piss Sivir off

 

Taliyah: You the best bro

 

Akali: Aw, right back at you little dude

 

Evelynn: Aw, my girlfriend has such a generous heart!

 

Kai’sa: ASODHGODHFOIDHFKGHKDFJHGKJDHKFJGHLSDHGLKJSFKHD

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Ahri: Taliyah is the best thing to come to the chat.

 

Akali: Aw, what about Irelia?

 

Evelynn: I like yophelia

Evelynn: She’s a nice girl

 

Sona: Maybe spell her name right?

 

Taliyah: Oh my Gaara…

Taliyah: DJ Sona??

 

Sona: That’s me :)

 

Taliyah: Hi, I’m a huge fan.

Taliyah: I have every single one of your albums and I listen to the Pentakill album with you like every day.

Taliyah: I have all of your official posters and the extended version of all your albums

Taliyah: I even have your limited edition of your Funko Pop that was released for only one hour and I stayed up all night to be the first people to get it.

Taliyah: Have I said I’m a huge fan?

 

Sona: I like them.

Sona: Can they stay on the chat?

 

Evelynn: Sure

 

Ahri: Yah 

 

Akali: YEA!

 

Kai’sa: NO!

Kai’sa: -Kai’sa and Sivir

 

Ahri: Lol thanks for clarifying 

 

Kai’sa: TALIYAH IS NOT STAYING!!!!

Kai’sa: THEY'LL RUIN MY LIFE!!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: I’m just going to post the contents of your diary onto this chat, that’s all. 

Taliyah: So relax.

Taliyah: The girls want to know more about you and Kai’sa’s relationship, I’m just giving them what they wanted.

 

Evelynn: Sivir has a diary?

 

Akali: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Akali: OMG THIS IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT!!

 

Ahri: Awwwww, Sivir is such a sensitive girl~

 

Kai’sa: IT’S NOT A DIARY, TALIYAH!!!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Taliyah: You’re right.

Taliyah: It’s your love letter to her if something happens to you.

 

Kai’sa: TALIYAH!!!!!!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Evelynn: Aww

 

Akali: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

Ahri: DAWWWWW

 

Sona: Pls post

 

Kai’sa: NOOOOOO!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Ahri: I love that you’re still clarifying.

 

Taliyah: Give me a second

Taliyah: Sivir changed her password again

 

Akali: It’s ‘kaisaismywaifu6969’

 

Taliyah: Okay, thanks!

 

Kai’sa: HOW ARE YOU GUYS GUESSING MY PASSWORD?????

Kai’sa: -Sivir

 

Evelynn: Stop making it about Kai’sa.

 

Ahri: I can’t wait to read Sivir’s letter to Kai’sa.

 

Akali: Wait wait!

 

Akali added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”

 

Akali: Okay, I’m ready

 

Irelia: Why am I back in here?

 

Evelynn: Hello, Burelia.

 

Irelia: I-r-e-l-i-a

 

Evelynn: Sorry

Evelynn: Toepelia

 

Irelia: Nevermind…

 

Ahri: Oh perfect

Ahri: Now we have more of an audience for Sivir

 

Kai’sa: STOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!

Kai’sa: -Sivir

Kai’sa: Hi, I’m back.

Kai’sa: Sivir ran off to get her phone back.

 

Akali: She can have it back.

Akali: Taliyah will do the rest

 

Taliyah: Sorry it’s taking forever

Taliyah: Sivir takes a lot of shirtless selfies 

 

Kai’sa: ...Not that I’m asking but...maybe send those to me…

 

Taliyah: Sure.

 

Irelia: What is going on?

 

Akali: Taliyah is about to show us a letter Sivir wrote for Kai’sa.

 

Irelia: Why?

 

Evelynn: If I had to get real and emotional on this chat regarding my relationship with Akali, then Kai’sa and Sivir has to do the same.

 

Irelia: I...what??

 

Akali: Sivir is about to be exposed

Akali: She thinks she’s tough but she’s a big old messy softie

 

Ahri: I bet Kai’sa and Sivir cry together in bed

 

Kai’sa: I mean…

Kai’sa: When we were really emotional…

 

Evelynn: Aww

 

Sona: Literally every w|w couple ever

 

Ahri: Every w|w couple cry in bed together?

 

Sona: Yep.

 

Evelynn: That’s not true

 

Akali: Yeah, that’s true.

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Akali: I mean...not that I cried in bed with you bc I was really happy with you…

 

Evelynn:

 

Akali: …I mean...nothing?

 

Evelynn: Baby, I really fucking love you, you sweet little ninja.

Evelynn: God, you make my heart churn, you reckless little cutie

 

Ahri: ew

 

Evelynn: Fuck off.

 

Taliyah: Okay I found it but get this!

Taliyah: Sivir has two different letters

Taliyah: One that she got from a love letter generator website

Taliyah: And one that she wrote herself

 

Akali:OMG

 

Ahri: hahahahah she used a love letter generator?!

 

Sona: Haha, that’s funny.

 

Kai’sa: Oh stop!

Kai’sa: She must have been trying really hard to write me this letter.

 

Taliyah: Um yeah, I think Sivir realized how stupid this generator is bc this letter is so bad.

Taliyah: Here’s the website she used

Taliyah: https://www.letter-generator.org.uk/?i=dte6naq

 

Kai’sa: At least she’s trying

 

Sivir: I GOT MY PHONE BACK NOW DON;T FUCKING PLSUHDJTN EGJGFJKHDKLJHKLJDFALJ

 

Ahri: ¿Qué?

 

Akali: HAHAHAHA TOO LATE!

 

Taliyah: Here's the love letter generator version:

Taliyah: It’s titled ‘Kissing Like Two Beautiful Deers’

Taliyah: “Dear Kai’sa,

 

I have a small confession. Forgive this pouring of my heart.

 

I cherish Recording Studio, where we first met. The moment I clapped eyes on you, I knew you were going to be a sexy girl. Recently, I have begun to regard you as much more than just a sexy girl.

 

My feelings for you intensified when I saw you sleeping in the moonlight. I was further wowed by your tremendous dancing skills.

 

You have thighs like gorgeous turnips and the most hot butt I've ever seen. When I look at you, I just want to kiss those gorgeous turnip thighs and admire that hot butt.

 

You're so special with your sweet ways. The way you handle your king father shows great kindness and motherly.

 

I know that to you I'm just a peachy girl but I think we could be happy together, kissing like two beautiful deers.

 

Please, say you'll be mine Kai’sa!

 

All my love,

Sivir”

 

Evelynn: THIGHS LIKE GORGEOUS TURNIPS!!!!

Evelynn: I AM DEAD!!!

 

Akali: THE MOST HOT BUTT 

Akali: I CAN’T!!!

 

Ahri: SLEEPING IN THE MOONLIGHT????

Ahri: WHAT FUCKING MOONLIGHT????

Ahri: THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!

 

Sona: Goodness, a child could write a better letter than this love letter generator website.

 

Irelia: What...did I just read?

 

Kai’sa: You guys know this was generated by a website so stop bashing it.

 

Sivir: TALIYAH I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

 

Taliyah: You’re the one that tried to write a letter on a random generator.

 

Sivir: Someone end me…

 

Kai’sa: Baby, I think it’s sweet that you put this much effort to try and figure out what to write to me.

 

Sivir: Thank you…

 

Taliyah: Now here’s the other letter that Sivir wrote herself.

 

Sivir: TALIYAH I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!

 

Taliyah: “Dear Kai’sa, my muse and my star,

 

To be honest, I am not good at writing letters, nor putting my feelings on paper. However, these past few months of dating you have been the happiest time of my life. I never truly understood what love was until I met you, hiding in the corner of the studio. Yes, I recall that fateful delivery route as if it happened yesterday, walking in only to be told to wait in another room. I thought, ‘I already delivered to this studio. Why do I have to do this again?’. Then you walked in, the doors locked, and we were alone. I remember how terrified you were, like a timid deer trapped in a cage with a hungry wolf. Not that I was the wolf, I mean- I could be.

 

I could never forget your trembling pink lips, your lavender eyes that swelled up with tears, and how you curled into a ball to protect yourself. When I saw you, I felt a powerful urge to protect you. The moment I saw you, I wanted to save you- even if it was from myself. You were so lost in that corner, terrified of me. Yet, as I reached out to you, you opened up. Your eyes stared at me in curiosity, your lips stopped shivering, and you even let me have your phone. It was like watching a shy kitten finally approach you. I felt like I was worthy of your trust.

 

At that time, I knew that you and I were meant to be something, but at the time, I didn’t know what. Friends? Acquaintances? Lovers? Well, at least we know how we ended up. You have no idea how excited I was when you asked if our movie night was a date. It truly sent me to Heaven and back. 

 

My habibti, you make everyday an adventure, even if we spend the day leisuring in bed without ever leaving the confines of your room. I crave every touch gifted upon me, kiss every whisper you utter, and cherish every part of your body, mind, and soul. Not a day goes by when I thank the Heavens for bestowing you in my life. I would spend a thousand years as the floor you dance on to ensure you grow even brighter than the North Star. 

 

You are my princess, my dancer, and my pop star, Kai’sa. I love you so much. 

 

Yours truly,

 

Sivir”

 

Kai’sa: Baby, this was the most beautiful letter I have ever read.

 

Sivir: I’m glad you think that…

Sivir:  Now I’m going to crawl into bed and die

 

Kai’sa: Aw nooo, don’t die

Kai’sa: Baby, you’re such a sweetheart

Kai’sa: I love you so much.

 

Sivir: I love you too, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Who’s my hartlam?

 

Sivir: Meeeee

 

Kai’sa: My lovely skat~

 

Sivir: Habibti~~

 

Ahri: TURNIP THIGHS!!!!!

Ahri: I FUCKING CAN’T OVER THAT!!

 

Evelynn: Kai -‘Turnip Thighs’- sa

Evelynn: Our K/DA Dancer ‘Turnip Thighs’

 

Akali: Peaches are cancelled, Turnips we stan!!

 

Irelia: lol

 

Sona: You guys know that Sivir had to put a vegetable on that generator and she chose turnips.

 

Akali: I KNOW AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT EVEN FUNNIER!!!

 

Taliyah: IT’S EVEN FUNNIER WHEN YOU GUYS KNOW THAT SIVIR HATES TURNIPS!!!!

 

Akali: LMFAOOOO

 

Evelynn: Aww noo

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Sivir: I DIDN’T KNOW THAT THEY WERE GOING TO USE TURNIPS IN THAT CONTEXT!!!!

 

Kai’sa: YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING MEAN!!!

Kai’sa: SHE WROTE ONE OF THE BEST LETTERS I HAVE EVER READ AND YOU GUYS ARE GIVING HER SHIT FOR TURNIP THIGHS!!!!

Kai’sa: YOU GUYS WEREN’T LIKE THIS WHEN EVELYNN CONFESSED ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!

 

Evelynn: AKALI DOESN’T HAVE TURNIP THIGHS!!!!!

 

Akali: LMFAOOOO

 

Kai’sa: YOU GUYS REALLY SUCK!!!

Kai’sa: SHE WROTE A REALLY BEAUTIFUL LETTER AND YOU GUYS ARE FOCUSING ON THE GENERATED ONE!!!

 

Akali: TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

Ahri: TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

Evelynn: TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

Taliyah: TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

Sona: Turnip thighs!

 

Irelia: Turnip thighs is pretty funny.

 

Sivir: LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

Evelynn: Okay okay we can stop

Evelynn: I thought the letter you wrote was pretty romantic.

 

Akali: Turnip thighs lmfao

 

Ahri: Yeah, I agree with Evelynn 

Ahri: We knew Kai’sa’s perspective of when you two first met

Ahri: And now we know how Sivir saw it

 

Taliyah: She saw Kai’sa as a deer and she wanted to eat her bc she’s the ‘hungry wolf’?

 

Sivir: IT’S A FUCKING METAPHOR, TALIYAH!!!!

 

Taliyah: LMFAO

 

Akali: Man, Taliyah, don’t ever leave this chat.

 

Taliyah: Oh, I won’t.

 

Irelia: Can I leave?

 

Evelynn: Aw, don’t leave Vophelia.

 

Irelia: IRELIA

 

Evelynn: Sorry, my phone keeps autocorrecting Quephelia.

 

Irelia: SIGH

 

Ahri: Can I just be honest about something?

 

Evelynn: No

 

Ahri: Fack you

Ahri: Anyways, I just want to say that I’m really happy for my friends that have such loving girlfriends that care and cherish them.

Ahri: To be honest, I wouldn’t want any of you guys to have shitty partners and it makes me so happy to see you guys with loving girlfriends.

 

Evelynn: That...was sweet of you to say, Ahri.

Evelynn: Thank you.

 

Kai’sa: That means a lot, Ahri, thank you.

 

Sivir: Thanks, Ahri.

 

Sona: Well said, Ahri.

 

Taliyah: Aw, that’s cute!

 

Irelia: :)

 

Ahri: No problem, guys!

 

Akali: TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

Sivir: AKALI I AM BARGING INTO YOUR HOTEL ROOM AND I AM GOING TO CHOKE YOU!!!!

 

Evelynn: TuRnIp ThIgHs KaIsA

 

Kai’sa: EVELYNN!

 

Ahri: Turnips.

 

Sivir: THAT’S IT!

 

Kai’sa: WE ARE COMING TO MURDER YOU GUYS!!

 

Ahri: HAHAHAH YAAAA YEEET!

 

Akali: HAHAHAHAHA!

 

Evelynn: HAHA, CATCH US IF YOU CAN!

 

Irelia: What happened to the nice moment from earlier????

 

Sona: In this group, nice moments never last.

 

Taliyah: I like this chat!

 

Irelia: How do I get out of group chats? I can’t remember how I did it last time.

 

Sona: Oh. What a shame. 

Sona: :)

 

Irelia: Sona, please kick me out…

 

Sona: 

 

Irelia: ...what?

Chapter Text

Akali: Hey @Sivir

 

Sivir: What?

 

Akali: How does it feel to be in the back of the plane?

 

Sivir: Dude, go fuck yourself.

 

Evelynn: No, that’s my job

 

Akali: HA

 

Sivir: Yeah yeah yeah….

 

Kai’sa: We’re not Ahri

Kai’sa: We aren’t going to complain that we aren’t in First Class for the flight home.

 

Sona: You guys are finally returning?

Sona: It feels like you guys have been in Japan for weeks.

 

Irelia: Have a safe trip home.

 

Kai’sa: Thank you!

 

Evelynn: Thanks joephelia

 

Irelia: I was only talking to Akali.

 

Kai’sa: Alrighty then

 

Evelynn: Fair enough

 

Akali: Thanks senpai!

 

Kai’sa: We apologize for tearing the hotel apart and asking you to come help bail us out.

 

Irelia: Yeah, never do that again.

 

Evelynn: We didn’t know Ahri would pull the fire alarm

 

Sivir: It’s a good thing she did tho

Sivir: the place was a mess

 

Akali: You two were the ones that got butthurt about turnip thighs

 

Kai’sa: DROP THAT

 

Evelynn: Turnips

 

Sivir: Stop

 

Taliyah: Sivir Liver x Turnip Thighs

 

Sivir: FUCK OFF TALIYAH!!

 

Taliyah: LMFAO

 

Irelia: Can you guys not fight while on the plane?

 

Evelynn: We can't promise you that.

 

Irelia: Sigh

 

Ahri: It’s only a two hour flight

 

Akali: Oh look, she’s alive

 

Ahri: Hahaha, make fun of me bc i was sleepy through the entire airport routine

 

Evelynn: I had to fucking carrying you.

 

Ahri: I appreciate that, my bestie.

 

Kai’sa: At least we are all on the plane

 

Akali: Yeah, Eve and I are in first class

 

Sivir: Shut up

 

Akali: :p

 

Ahri: Hey, I’m in first class too!

 

Evelynn: Where?

 

Ahri: Ummm

Ahri: I’m near the right side

 

Evelynn: I don’t see you.

 

Akali: Are you sure you’re in first class?

 

Ahri: I am!

Ahri: I am literally in first class.

 

Kai’sa: You know

Kai’sa: I didn’t see you get on the plane with us.

 

Ahri: I got on pretty early before you guys

 

Evelynn: Well so did we

 

Ahri: I’m wearing a onesie and a hoodie

Ahri: You probably didn’t see me bc you were looking for my ears and tails

Ahri: Foxist, Eve.

 

Evelynn: How am I foxist?

 

Ahri: Bc you only looked for my ears and tails to find me, huh?

Ahri: I am more than just my ears and tails

 

Evelynn: It’s not foxist of me to look for the ONLY defining features of my GUMIHO leader.

Evelynn: If you haven’t noticed, you’re the only fucking gumiho around here that’s famous and annoying

 

Ahri: I have a gorgeous face

Ahri: Voted one of the most beautiful faces in Pop

 

Evelynn: Yeah, they must be blind

 

Ahri: foxist

 

Evelynn: Ahri, don’t do this to me.

 

Ahri: I AM JUST AS HUMAN AS AKALI, EVE!

 

Kai’sa: cough cough oni powers (?) cough cough

 

Irelia: You guys still haven’t talked to me about Akali and her oni powers

 

Akali: Dude, I haven’t been able to get in touch with my oni/ hannya, whatever powers since Eve’s confession 

Akali: I think I lost it.

 

Taliyah: Hannya is associated with jealousy?

 

Kai’sa: Ya

 

Akali: I guess the next time I’m jealous, I’ll let you guys know

 

Ahri: I am just as human as the next, Evie

 

Kai’sa: Oh. They’re still going...

 

Evelynn: Are you seriously giving me shit for this?

Evelynn: I’m not foxist

 

Ahri: YOU’RE FOXIST TOWARDS FOXIES!!

 

Evelynn: THEN YOU’RE RACIST TOWARDS SUCCUBI!

 

Kai’sa: Can you two have your fight on private message?

 

Ahri: WHAT THE FUCK IS A SUCCUBI?

 

Evelynn: IT’S THE PLURAL FORM OF SUCCUBUS!

 

Ahri: IT LOOKS STUPID!

 

Evelynn: YOU’RE STUPID!

 

Ahri: FOXIST!

 

Evelynn: I AM NOT FOXIST FOR FUCKING PICKING YOU OUT IN A CROWD BY YOUR EARS AND TAILS!!!

 

Ahri: I AM MORE THAN MY EARS AND TAILS! 

Ahri: YOU DON’T SEE ME PICKING YOU OUT BY YOUR FAT ASS AND YOUR FLOATING TOOTHPICKS!!

 

Evelynn: ???????

Evelynn: WHY ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT THIS??????

 

Ahri: bc I’m bored

Ahri: uwu

 

Evelynn: Ahri, I hate it when you do this.

 

Ahri: :3

 

Irelia: Do what?

 

Evelynn: Purposely pick fights with me bc she’s bored

 

Taliyah: How are you two still friends?

 

Sona: They feed off of each other.

Sona: They need each other to live.

 

Irelia: Akali, why do you hang with these type of people?

 

Akali: One is my girlfriend and the others are kinda there as extras

 

Kai’sa: EXTRAS?

 

Ahri: I AM NOT AN EXTRA!

 

Evelynn: Lmfao

 

Akali: I’m kidding!

Akali: One is my mom and the other is the pet

 

Ahri: Is Kai’sa the pet?

 

Kai’sa: Guess again.

 

Sivir: Kai’sa is my pet.

Sivir: ;)

 

Kai’sa: Only in the bedroom, baby~

 

Evelynn: I knew you two were in some weird kinks

 

Sivir: I was kidding, Eve

 

Kai’sa: She was.

 

Evelynn: Oh come on :(

Evelynn: I was going to offer a few of my muzzles for Kai’sa to try out if you two were into that

 

Kai’sa: What…?

 

Sivir: Um...no thanks…

 

Evelynn: Well if you two want to spice up your sex life, you know where to find me.

 

Kai’sa: Okay…

 

Ahri: LMFAOO

 

Sona: That backfired so badly.

 

Kai’sa: It really did.

 

Irelia: I’m sorry...am I missing something?

 

Taliyah: Pet play

 

Irelia: What is that?

 

Evelynn: Probably best that you don’t know.

 

Ahri: agreed

 

Akali: Yep

 

Kai’sa: It’s for your own good, Irelia

 

Irelia: ???

 

Ahri: hey where are you guys on the plane

 

Akali: 1st class

 

Ahri: yeah i know but I don’t see you guys

 

Evelynn: Where are you?

 

Ahri: Near the back of 1st class on the right hand side

 

Evelynn: I’m looking but I don’t see you.

 

Ahri: *text photo*

Ahri: I literally can’t find you guys.

 

Kai’sa: That’s not our plane…

 

Sivir: Wait shit…

 

Akali: Yo, we’re definitely not in the same first class.

 

Evelynn: Ahri…

 

Ahri: oh boy…

 

Kai’sa: AHRI ARE YOU ON AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PLANE THAN US????

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

 

Kai’sa: WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SAME PLANE!!

 

Ahri: I guess I got on the wrong one.

 

Kai’sa: HOW????

 

Evelynn: This is Ahri

Evelynn: She somehow just walked in and got on the wrong plane.

 

Sona: How did you guys lose Ahri in the first place?

 

Ahri: EVIE IS A FOXIST!!

Ahri: SHE FORGOT WHAT I LOOKED LIKE BC ALL SHE REMEMBERS OF ME ARE MY EARS AND TAILS!!

 

Evelynn: OH MY GOD SHUT UP

 

Kai’sa: WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS AT HAND!!!

 

Akali: Ahri can take care of herself.

 

Kai’sa: SHE GOT SEPARATED FROM US AND GOT ON THE WRONG PLANE!!!

 

Ahri: Tee hee

 

Kai’sa: DON’T TEE HEE ME!!!

 

Evelynn: Ahri, wherever you are heading, pls don’t come back

 

Ahri: That just makes me want to run back into your arms, baby

 

Evelynn: You are so fucking annoying

 

Ahri: I love annoyingly fucking you. ;3

 

Evelynn: Wha

 

Akali: Sorry, I think I’m having an aneurysm

 

Sivir: Wow, aneurysm. Big word, Akali.

 

Akali: You know what else is a big word?

Akali: suckmymotherfuckingdick

 

Taliyah: ooo got em

 

Sivir: hahaha...

 

Kai’sa: HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT OUR LEADER IS ON A DIFFERENT FLIGHT??

 

Ahri: I asked the person next to me

Ahri: she says the flight i am on is going to new york

 

Kai’sa: That’s a 10+ hrs flight…

 

Evelynn: Oh thank the heavens

Evelynn: Fucking bless the lord

 

Irelia: How do you guys...function?

 

Akali: Kai’sa is a great mom.

 

Sivir: She’s a stressed mom

Sivir: I just saw her drink like 15 shots of vodka in five minutes

 

Evelynn: yas kai’sa yaaas

Evelynn: We need to go out to the bar sometimes.

 

Kai’sa: NOT THE TIME

 

Sona: Look, all Ahri has to do is get onto another flight back to Korea once she lands in New York.

 

Ahri: YO YO CAN I FIND THE SUBWAY PIZZA RAT IN NEW YORK???

 

Akali: Yeah, the video took place in new york

 

Kai’sa: DON’T TELL HER THAT!!

 

Ahri: OMG I NEED TO FIND THAT RAT!!!

 

Evelynn: Go, be free my foxy friend

 

Kai’sa: STOP IT

Kai’sa: DID YOU GUYS FORGET THAT WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT EVENT TO ATTEND IN TWO DAYS WHEN WE GET BACK HOME?? 

Kai’sa: THE PARTY WHERE OTHER AFFILIATIONS COME TO MAKE BRAND DEALS WITH US??

Kai’sa: KINDA AN IMPORTANT PARTY????? 

 

Evelynn: She’ll be back by then

Evelynn: maybe

 

Irelia: Well, that depends if Ahri can get a non-stop flight back to Korea.

Irelia: The chances of that happening are very slim

Irelia: She might have to transfer onto different flights and that takes longer.

 

Akali: Ahri, if you find the pizza rat, take a picture

 

Ahri: WILL DO!

 

Irelia: Don’t ignore me….

 

Kai’sa: Sigh

Kai’sa: I might as well call in and say that Ahri might not make the event

 

Ahri: I can make it back

Ahri: I believe in my foxy powers

 

Evelynn: Nooo

Evelynn: Take your time in finding the pizza rat

 

Taliyah: Take a good video if you find it!

 

Ahri: Will do!

 

Kai’sa: SIGH

 

Irelia: I’m guessing this situation is futile to solve?

 

Sona: It is, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: Why did you use my full name?

 

Sona: No reason. :)

 

Irelia: ????

 

Akali: I mean, do we really need Ahri to be with us at the party?

 

Kai’sa: Oh, did you forget that she’s kinda the FUCKING LEADER OF OUR MISFIT OF A GROUP???

 

Evelynn: I’ll stand up to be the leader.

Evelynn: It is a sacrifice I am willing to make

 

Ahri: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO !!!

 

Irelia: Oh goodness…

 

Ahri: I AM THE LEADER, NOT EVIE!!!

 

Evelynn: Well you aren’t here to say otherwise.

 

Ahri: NYOOOOO

 

Kai’sa: For fuck sake…

Kai’sa: I would rather go tell my dad that I’m marrying Sivir right now and the wedding is tomorrow

Kai’sa: Than let Evelynn be the leader

 

Evelynn: Alright, Sivir

Evelynn: Kai’sa needs to go easy on the shots bc she’s getting sassy

 

Akali: She isn’t childish sassy yet

 

Evelynn: Let's hope it doesn’t get to that.

 

Irelia: Childish sassy?

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa turns into a 3 year old brat when she’s blackout drunk

 

Sivir: It’s cute

 

Akali: It’s scary

 

Ahri: it’s funny

 

Sona: It’s weird to see the mother figure start to suck Ahri’s tails like they’re lollipops.

 

Kai’sa: I’m not drunk and that was one time.

 

Ahri: Still weird tho

 

Evelynn: and yet you let her do it for four hours.

 

Ahri: At least I didn’t go dry hump akali against a car while eating a hot dog

 

Sona: Oh? Is that what happened when you two went outside that night?

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn was so drunk that she was convinced that her tongue turned into a dick and was trying to get Akali to give her a blowjob on her ‘tongue dick’

 

Akali: Best sloppy kisses I ever had

 

Evelynn: ;)

 

Irelia: Excuse me?

 

Taliyah: Sivir, what the hell?

Taliyah: Why didn’t you introduce me to your new friend group sooner?

Taliyah: K/DA sound so fricken awesome

 

Sivir: wait until you see Ahri blackout drunk

 

Akali: She turns into a literal fox

Akali: but stays in her human form

Akali: So just imagine a drunk ahri climbing up the fridge and hollering ‘scooby dooby dooo!’

Akali: while naked

Akali: barking and hissing at us to not get her down

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS A FUN NIGHT

 

Irelia:

 

Taliyah: What about you, Akali? 

Taliyah: How are you when you’re blackout drunk?

 

Evelynn: Oh, we don’t get her blackout drunk anymore.

Evelynn: Not since that night...

 

Kai’sa: Never again.

 

Ahri: Not since the night of the blood moon

 

Akali: I don’t remember that night.

 

Sona: Good.

 

Irelia: What the fuck happens to her when she’s blackout drunk????

Irelia: What night of the blood moon????

 

Evelynn: It’s prolly best to not tell you.

 

Irelia: Really??

 

Kai’sa: Really.

 

Sivir: Really.

 

Sona: Really.

 

Ahri: Really.

 

Akali: I would take their word, senpai.

 

Irelia: Fine…

 

Taliyah: Okay but I’m really curious…

Taliyah: so Akali can’t drink at all?

 

Sivir: Oh, she can drink.

Sivir: Just not too much

Sivir: She can get drunk, but NOT blackout drunk

 

Evelynn: I’ll just say this.

Evelynn: It was a beautiful night with a full moon. We thought we should just drink the night away. No special occasion. Just fun.

Evelynn: However, in the late hours of the night, after the worst of our drunkenness was over, we all could have sworn we saw a blood moon. Then a dark, glowing figure looming over us with a luscious grin.

Evelynn: That’s all you need to know.

 

Taliyah: That’s it???

 

Kai’sa: That’s it.

 

Sivir: Just leave it like that.

 

Akali: Yeah i don’t remember.

 

Sona: Good.

 

Ahri: Never again.

 

Evelynn: Never fucking again.

 

Taliyah: Alrighty then

 

Irelia: ???

 

Ahri: So I prolly should start figuring out how to get back home, huh?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, you prolly fucking should.

 

Irelia: ???? 

 

Ahri: But I still want to see the pizza rat

 

Evelynn: Why?

 

Ahri: So I can eat it

 

Akali: KSAJDGKLJADHFGLKSDHLKFJ

Akali: NOOOO!!!

 

Ahri: What??

 

Akali: DON’T EAT THE PIZZA RAT!!!

 

Ahri: WHY NOT??

 

Kai’sa: I’m so done with you, Ahri…

 

Ahri: LET ME LIIIIVE!!

 

Evelynn: Get on the correct fucking flight next time, bitch.

 

Ahri: Not my fault that you guys lost track of me

 

Kai’sa: We didn’t think you would somehow get on a different fucking plane.

 

Sivir: How did this happen??

Sivir: Wouldn’t the boarding ticket stop Ahri from boarding the wrong flight??

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

 

Evelynn: All I care is that the next few days will be Ahri free.

 

Ahri: Oh I’m coming back on the next flight back just to spite you.

 

Evelynn: fuck

 

Kai’sa: Do you need assistance on getting you the right ticket?

Kai’sa: Should I call when you’re arranging flights?

 

Ahri: I got this.

Ahri: If I can follow Sona all over the world, then I can get myself back to Korea.

 

Sona: We shall see about that.

 

Evelynn: We shall.

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Hey guys…

Ahri: I don’t know how...but…

Ahri: I ended up in South Africa…

 

Kai’sa: LE SIGH

 

Akali: HAHAHAHAHAH

 

Sona: *forehead slaps*

 

Irelia: ….

 

Taliyah: HAHAH IT’S BEEN TWO DAYS!!

 

Sivir: Figures.

 

Evelynn: Oh thank the lord

Evelynn: Don’t come back

 

Ahri: Oh I’m coming back bitch

Ahri: Right after I go check out the animals here

Ahri: imma go race a cheetah bye

 

Kai’sa: Have fun.

 

Akali: Take pictures!

 

Evelynn: Go fight a lion

 

Irelia: ?????

 

Sona: Don’t worry, Xan Irelia

Sona: Ahri will be fine.

 

Irelia: Why are you still using my full name?

 

Sona: No reason. :)

Chapter Text

In a private message between Sivir and an Unknown Number.

 

Unknown Number: Hello, Sivir.

Unknown Number: I see you ran off to some idol tramp while I was busy.

 

Sivir: Oh no

Sivir: no no no….

 

Unknown Number: Miss me?

 

Sivir: FUCK OFF!

 

Unknown Number: Like how you abandoned me?

 

Sivir: YOU USED ME AND STABBED IN THE BACK!!

Sivir: LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY!!

 

Unknown Number: It was an accident.

 

Sivir: YOU FELL AND A BLADE ACCIDENTALLY FELL INTO MY BACK???

 

Unknown Number: Maybe.

 

Sivir: oh my ra…

Sivir: Who gave you my number???

 

Unknown Number: Azir.

 

Sivir: OH MY RA

Sivir: What do you want???

 

Unknown Number: I just want to talk, that’s all.

Unknown Number: Can’t I check up on my old friend once in a while?

 

Sivir: YOU STABBED ME IN THE FUCKING BACK???????

Sivir: I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!!!

 

Unknown Number: But you’re alive and well and in a relationship with a fucking flat ass pop star so it’s all good.

 

Sivir: YOU STABBED ME!!!

 

Unknown Number: *accidentally 

 

Sivir: IDK YOU “ACCIDENTALLY” PUT A LOT OF FORCE INTO SHOVING A KNIFE IN MY BACK

 

Unknown Number: Oh good, you understand

Unknown Number: Now I need you to do something for me

 

Sivir: NO

 

Unknown Number: Oh come on

Unknown Number: I just need one favor

 

Sivir: N.O.

Sivir: NO

 

Unknown Number: Come on

 

Sivir: NO

Sivir: Do not text me ever again.

Sivir: Bye.

 

Unknown Number: I’ll get my way, Sivir.

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”

 

Ahri: HELLO!

Ahri: I AM BACK IN KOREA, MY GIRLS!

Ahri: COME GET ME!

 

Kai’sa: No.

 

Akali: No.

 

Evelynn: Fuck no.

 

Irelia: It’s been three months????

 

Sona: Only three months?

Sona: I thought she would be gone longer, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: Why are you still doing that?

 

Sona: :)

 

Irelia: Is anyone seeing this???

 

Taliyah: You didn’t miss much, Ahri

Taliyah: But perfect timing tho

Taliyah: Cassiopeia texted Sivir.

 

Kai’sa: EXCUSE ME???

 

Sivir: TALIYAH I SWEAR TO RA WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT IN THE CHAT????

Sivir: BABE I PROMISE IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK!!!

 

Kai’sa: WHY WOULD THAT SNAKE WOMAN THAT STABBED YOU IN THE BACK TEXT YOU???

 

Sivir: I don’t know?

Sivir: And Taliyah, how the hell did you know she texted me???

 

Taliyah: She texted me

 

Sivir: WHY???

 

Taliyah: To tell me to tell you that she really wants you to do her a favor and that she thinks Kai’sa’s butt isn’t all that great.

 

Evelynn: oooooo

 

Akali: oooo

 

Ahri: OOOOOO

 

Sona: oooooo

 

Irelia: ???

 

Kai’sa: WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE SAY?????

 

Sivir: TALIYAH WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HER????

 

Taliyah: She said she’ll buy me a new gaming laptop

 

Sivir: YOU ARE SO FUCKING EASY TO PLEASE!!!!

 

Taliyah: You broke my gaming laptop.

 

Sivir: STOP ACCUSING ME OF BREAKING YOUR STUFF!!!!

Sivir: HALF OF THE TIME, IT’S NOT EVEN MY FAULT!!

 

Taliya: *shrugs*

 

Kai’sa: SO IS ANYONE GOING TO JUST GET RID OF HER???

 

Sivir: I’m trying, babe.

 

Irelia: Is this Cassiopeia woman that bad?

 

Sivir: She’s a fucking traitorous snake, an annoying diva, and fucking likes money way too much.

 

Ahri: Why did you just describe Evelynn?

 

Evelynn: RUDE

 

Ahri: TROLOLOLOLOOO

 

Akali: But like, who exactly is she?

 

Evelynn: If memory serves me, this Cassiopeia woman is pretty high on the fashion industry.

Evelynn: She has quite a lot of power in Egypt.

 

Ahri: Wait

Ahri: THAT same Cassiopeia??

Ahri: WOAH WOAH BACK UP

Ahri: Cassiopeia that was born in the Du Couteau family???

 

Evelynn: Yeah

Evelynn: What other Cassiopeia did you think Sivir was talking about this whole time???

 

Ahri: HOLY FUCK, SIVIR YOU DATED A DU CONTEAU!???

Ahri: HOW AM I JUST REALIZING THIS???

 

Sivir: I DIDN’T DATE HER!!

 

Akali: Sure…

Akali: You totally didn’t date her…

 

Sivir: I DIDN’T!!!

 

Taliyah: But you did work for her.

 

Sivir: That, I will admit.

 

Irelia: Excuse me but who is Cassiopeia Du Couteau exactly?

 

Sona: A high elite member of upper class, born in the Du Couteau family that is known to use shady tactics to rise to the top. The family is pretty well established in the fashion and beauty industry.

Sona: A wealthy family that holds a powerful influence over the government through questionable tactics. 

Sona: Think of them as Kardashians if they were in Game of Thrones.

 

Akali: Is this the same family where the husband tried to poison his wife?

 

Sivir: Same family.

 

Ahri: They make Evelynn look tame.

 

Evelynn: Hahaha….

 

Kai’sa: Suddenly I feel bad at how my father treats Sivir.

 

Sivir: I would rather run from your father for hours than spend ten minutes with Cassiopeia.

Sivir: Besides, I think your father is warming up to me.

 

Kai’sa: Yeah…

 

Ahri: WOAH MY MIND IS BLOWN!

Ahri: I DIDN’T THINK SIVIR ASSOCIATED WITH THESE TYPE OF RICH PEOPLE!!

 

Evelynn: I mean, she’s related to Azir.

 

Sona: Exactly.

 

Ahri: AND SHE ENDED UP AS A PIZZA DELIVERER????

 

Sivir: I had to make ends meet.

 

Akali: Wait, did you run away from Egypt bc of Cassiopeia??

 

Sivir: I didn’t run away

Sivir: I wanted to start over.

 

Taliyah: Yeah, she just ran away from Cassiopeia and Azir

 

Sivir: NO I DIDN’T

 

Taliyah: Yeah, you did.

Taliyah: You literally told me just before you left Egypt:

Taliyah: “I am running away to Korea to start over.”

 

Sivir: You seriously need to stop ratting me out.

 

Kai’sa: Best decision of her life.

 

Sivir: THANK YOU BABE

 

Kai’sa: But in all seriousness

Kai’sa: What the actual fuck does Cassiopeia want?

 

Sivir: I have no idea.

 

Kai’sa: Taliyah?

 

Taliyah: Idk but she wants to join the group chat.

 

Sivir: FUCK NO!

Sivir: YOU TOLD HER ABOUT THE GROUP CHAT???

 

Taliyah: She promised she’ll buy me a new phone.

 

Sivir: WHY ARE YOU SO EASILY BOUGHT????

 

Akali: sure, go ahead tal

 

Ahri: Go ahead

 

Evelynn: Add her

 

Sona: Lets meet her

 

Kai’sa: COME ON YOU GUYS!!!!

 

Irelia: ????

 

Sivir: NO ADDING HER!!!

 

Taliyah: Siv, you know i wouldn’t do that 

 

Sivir: Thank god

 

Taliyah: But while she’s been bribing me, she’s also been threatening me so….

 

Sivir: Oh

Sivir: Well that makes sense why you’re complying to her so easily.

 

Kai’sa: Sigh

Kai’sa: Do we really need to add her?

 

Sona: Yeah

 

Ahri: Yesh

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Akali: Yeee

 

Irelia: ???

 

Kai’sa: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU GUYS!!!

 

Ahri: Daww

 

Evelynn: It’s not every day that you get to meet a Du Couteau.

 

Sivir: This woman tried to kill me!

 

Evelynn: Maybe stop dating women that can kill you.

 

Sivir: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!!

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAJHFIUHKJSGHKSHKHKJSDG

Ahri: MISSING MALE CELEBS!!!!

 

Evelynn: Shut up, Ahri

 

Akali: So you adding Cassiopeia or nah?

 

Sivir: NO

 

Taliyah: Pls?

Taliyah: She’s getting mad.

 

Sivir: STOP TELLING HER EVERYTHING WE SAY ABOUT HER!!!

 

Taliyah: oh yeah

Taliyah: I could do that

Taliyah: hahaha

 

Kai’sa: Omg

Kai’sa: You know what just add her

Kai’sa: Get this over with

Kai’sa: Lets see what she wants and then kick her out, then move on

 

Evelynn: You just want to talk shit to her.

 

Kai’sa: No, I won’t.

 

Ahri: Mama Kai’sa is getting feral.

 

Kai’sa: I just want to be the mature one and hear her out.

 

Akali: You’re totally going to talk her ear out.

 

Kai’sa: No I won’t. 

 

Sona: Jealous?

 

Kai’sa: Look, I am just going to hear what she wants from Sivir and then if I can help her, I will.

Kai’sa: Then she can go and we can all move on.

 

Irelia: Seems reasonable. Very mature, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: Thank you, Irelia.

 

Sivir: Babe, it’s not worth it.

 

Kai’sa: It’s worth it if it’s for you, baby.

 

Sivir: Ah...um...well…

 

Kai’sa: I’m doing this for you.

Kai’sa: I just want you to be rid of her and I will handle it bc I love you 

 

Sivir: Okay, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: I promise I will handle it maturely.

 

Sivir: Alright, babe.

 

Taliyah: I’m adding her.

 

Kai’sa: Go ahead.

 

Sivir: Oh boy…

 

Taliyah added Cassiopeia to group chat “K/DA”

 

Cassiopeia: Finally.

Cassiopeia: Hello, K/DA and friends.

 

Kai’sa: NOW LISTEN TO ME, YOU FUCKING WHINY ASS LITTLE BITCH! I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD WITH MY GIRLFRIEND BUT JUST KNOW THAT IF YOU DARE HURT HER AGAIN, I WILL FUCKING DRAG YOUR ASS INTO THE SAND AND BURY YOU BENEATH THE MOLTEN CORE OF THIS DAMN EARTH AND WATCH YOU BURN TO DEATH!! I WILL PERSONALLY PLUCK EVERY SCALE OFF YOUR TRAITOROUS ASS AND FUCKING FEED IT TO YOU AND WATCH YOU CRUNCH YOUR BETRAYAL AWAY!! MY SIVIR HAS A FUCKING SCAR ON HER BACK FROM YOUR LITERAL BACKSTABBING AND IT HAUNTS HER!! I HAVE KISSED THAT SCAR EVERY TIME I SEE IT TO EASE THE PAIN SHE WENT THROUGH AND I WILL NOT HAVE YOU COMING ONTO THIS CHAT TO REOPEN THAT SCAR! I DON’T FUCKING CARE IF YOU’RE A DU COUTOU OR WHATEVER!! I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IF THEY DARE RESIST ME! I AM KAI’SA OF K/DA AND I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOUR CAREER DOWN IF YOU DARE TOUCH A HAIR ON MY SIVIR! MARK MY WORDS, MY FATHER ISN’T A MAN YOU WANT AS AN ENEMY! I WILL HAVE TO CONVINCE HIM JOIN ME IN DESTROYING YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE AND I PROMISE HE WON’T STOP UNTIL YOU ARE GONE FROM THE FACE OF THIS EARTH! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I WILL CHASE YOU UNTIL THE ENDS OF THE VOID IF YOU DARE HURT MY SIVIR AGAIN!! AND DON’T THINK OF THREATENING ME! I WILL FIGHT AND TEAR MY WAY TO DESTROY YOU IF YOU COME EVEN A STEP TOO CLOSE TO SIVIR!  MARK MY DAMN WORDS, CASSIOPEIA!! I WILL FUCKING RUIN YOU IF YOU RUB ME THE WRONG WAY! UNDERSTAND??!

 

Cassiopeia: My my...

 

Irelia: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HANDLE THIS MATURELY?????

 

Sona: You thought wrong, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: STOP USING MY FULL NAME!!

 

Evelynn: Yasphelia, you still got a lot to learn about us.

 

Akali: Hahahah

 

Ahri: GO BITCH GO!!

 

Sivir: Babe, I love you and that was hot.

 

Taliyah: Ooof

 

Cassiopeia: Goodness, Sivir, you’re dating quite a woman.

 

Sivir: She’s an amazing woman, unlike you.

Sivir: She doesn’t stab me in the back.

 

Cassiopeia: You really need to drop it, Sivir.

 

Kai’sa: WHY DON’T YOU DROP DEAD?

 

Cassiopeia: Kai’so-so, relax. I don’t want Sivir.

Cassiopeia: In fact, I don’t need a favor from her anymore.

Cassiopeia: Because I am finally here.

Cassiopeia: Thanks to Taliyah.

 

Taliyah: Yay.

 

Kai’sa: If you don’t want something from Sivir, then what do you want?

 

Cassiopeia: I want something from someone who I have long admired and respected for so long.

 

Sivir: You respect other people???

 

Cassiopeia: Hahaha. I’m not heartless.

Cassiopeia: Even I am capable of admiring people that have obtained successes that I haven’t achieved.

Cassiopeia: Especially a unique woman that comes back after five years and makes a comeback into the music industry.

Cassiopeia: five long years and she never disappoints me

Cassiopeia: I have missed her since her teen idol days

 

Ahri: :3

Ahri: oh?

 

Sivir: That’s hard to believe you can admire others.

 

Kai’sa: It is.

 

Cassiopeia: Quiet, I am done talking to you two.

Cassiopeia: I want to talk to Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: huh?

 

Akali: What?

 

Sona: Oh?

 

Irelia: ??

 

Ahri: I am always grateful for fans like you.

Ahri: WAIT WHAT???

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn? That’s who you’re talking about???

 

Cassiopeia: Yes, Evelynn.

 

Ahri: YOU SAID A WOMAN THAT COMES BACK AFTER FIVE YEARS!!!

Ahri: AND A TEEN IDOL!!!

Ahri: ISN’T THAT ME???

 

Cassiopeia: No, I’m talking about Evelynn.

Cassiopeia: She was a teen idol with two hit singles and she practically disappeared for five years with almost low to no activity until five years later.

Cassiopeia: Then she makes a comeback with K/DA and it has been glorious watching her succeed.

 

Ahri: jsdgkjhkdjghkd WHAAAAAT?????

 

Sona: You know she’s technically not wrong...even though most people don’t call her a former teen idol, Evelynn started her career in her teen years like you.

 

Ahri: KJJADGHLAKHDLFGKJHSLKDJGLKJSHLSDKJL

 

Evelynn: Oh, ah

Evelynn: Hello

 

Cassiopeia: Hi, Evelynn. I’m a huge fan of yours. 

Cassiopeia: Can I have your autograph mailed to me?

 

Evelynn: Oh, yeah sure.

 

Sivir: THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED FROM ME???

 

Cassiopeia: Yes.

 

Kai’sa:

 

Cassiopeia: Relax Kai’coleslaw, I don’t want your woman. You can have her.

 

Kai’sa: ...much appreciated.

 

Cassiopeia: Of course Sivir would date the only K/DA member that didn’t have a solo in the hit song.

Cassiopeia: If you did, you would ruin the song and ruin Evelynn.

 

Kai’sa: ...

 

Ahri: oh shit

 

Akali:

 

Evelynn: oh no

 

Sona: ……….oh 

 

Taliyah: ….

 

Irelia: ….

 

Sivir: Babe, don’t let it get to you.

Sivir: Ignore her, she’s just trying to push your buttons.

 

Kai’sa: I won’t let her get to me.

 

Cassiopeia: Evelynn should have ran you over in the music video for bonus points.

 

𝕂𝕒𝕚’𝕤𝕒 : 𝕀 𝕎𝔸𝕊 ℍ𝕀ℝ𝔼𝔻 𝕀ℕ𝕋𝕆 𝕂/𝔻𝔸 𝔹𝔼ℂ𝔸𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕀 𝔸𝕄 𝔸 𝔻𝔸ℕℂ𝔼ℝ! 𝕄𝕐 𝔻𝔸ℕℂ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕀𝕊 𝔸 ℍ𝕌𝔾𝔼 ℂ𝕆ℕ𝕋ℝ𝕀𝔹𝕌𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ 𝕋𝕆 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕊𝕆ℕ𝔾, 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔹𝕀𝕋ℂℍ!!

 

Sona: She mad.

 

Ahri: Uh oh.

 

Irelia: What the????

 

Taliyah: Ooo the famous font change that Sivir told me about

 

Sivir: Babe, just relax! Cassiopeia is just picking at you!

 

Cassiopeia: Put your girlfriend on a leash, she’s going feral.

 

𝕂𝕒𝕚’𝕤𝕒 : 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂 𝕐𝕆𝕌!

 

Evelynn: Okay, I need to put a stop to this.

Evelynn: Cassiopeia, I am happy that you’re a big fan of mine but Kai’sa is one of the most important members of K/DA.

Evelynn: She’s a sister, a mother I never really had, and one of my closest friends that I trust more than myself.

Evelynn: Insult her one more time, and I will personally fuck up your life you fucking backstabbing bitch.

 

Kai’sa: Eve...

 

Ahri: Woooo go Eve!

 

Akali: Go babe!

 

Sona: Evelynn, you’ve really grown so much.

 

Irelia: ???

 

Cassiopeia: Fine, I’ll back off for you, Evelynn.

Cassiopeia: Not the Evelynn I remember though, you’ve gotten soft.

Cassiopeia: Perhaps you should go spend a month in Egypt with me and I’ll help harden you up. ;)

 

Evelynn: Whut?

 

Akali: Okay back off

 

Cassiopeia: Ah and you’re the little one that soften my Evelynn?

 

Akali: Actually she’s *my Evelynn

 

Ahri: (o.O)

 

Sona: This is so much more interesting.

Sona: Even Pentakill is watching this out.

 

Taliyah: Really???

 

Sona: Yep, they are all looking over my shoulders.

 

Kai’sa: Glad that our drama is entertainment for you guys…

 

Ahri: guys shush and watch this play out.

 

Evelynn: Look let's just stop.

Evelynn: let's all calm down.

 

Akali: I won’t calm down until Cassiopeia backs off.

 

Cassiopeia: I’ll back off right onto Evelynn’s lap. 

 

Akali: That’s my lap.

 

Cassiopeia: Your name isn’t on it.

 

Akali: Well I’ve sat there more than you will ever dream of.

 

Cassiopeia: With your tiny bum? 

Cassiopeia: How sad.

 

Akali: You know what’s sad?

Akali: Your family

 

Cassiopeia: You know what’s even sadder?

Cassiopeia: The fact that you wouldn’t even be with Evelynn if Ahri didn’t find you talented enough to help make you famous. Talk about poor dumb luck.

 

Akali:

 

Cassiopeia: You know it’s true.

 

Evelynn: Alright, bitch.

Evelynn: I was willing to let you get away with bullying Kai’sa

Evelynn: Barely tho

Evelynn: But no one and I mean no one

Evelynn: No one fucking insults my girlfriend

E̷̛͇v̵̳̫̖̂̀̔̑e̷̥̠̞͆͆͜l̵̥͍̞̺̜̏͐͝y̵̠̺̩̥̿̔̊̚n̶̡͔̦͊̋̔̎͜n̵͔̑ :̷͈̟̳̃͋̕ ̵̡̛̞̗̍̇̃W̵̘̬̿̚͠͠a̵̧̳͛̊̕͝͠t̷̛̪̠̅͐͑́c̷̢̦̬̹̎̅͆̾ḧ̴͚́̋̍ ̴̦̲̹͍̒͌̔͜y̷̨̗̭̟̣̔͛͆͠ǒ̶̧̫̈̈́̇̔ù̷͎̂̔̌̄r̶̟̓͆͛̔͆ ̷̜̳͔͕̟̐́f̵̟̮͌̊͜u̷̺̳͙͠c̸͇̯̳̲̩̊͋͂͂k̶̻̝͈̍i̷̥̝̮͆͌̇n̶̢̛͎͍̠̰̈͐͌͝g̴͍̣̣͂͝ ̶̺̂͝m̴͙̝̜̈́ǫ̵̳͇͇̈́̊̉̍̏ụ̶͇̯̆͆ͅͅt̴͎̲̜̫̆͌̈́̈́h̷͓̻̱͔̭̒̈́̂͠ ̴̗̠̔b̴͇̓̃͛͘͜͠e̵̖̰̬͙͛̈́ͅc̵̢̙̖̿̐͆͗͘å̴͕͖͙͖͋u̴̥̖̿s̸̱̣̦͒̎̋͘͝e̶̬̬͊̒͜ ̴͈͖͇͇̏̾ì̴̡͓͔̏̎͗͜f̷͔̼̍ ̷̛͕͚̩̽̈́̋y̶̧̯̖̩͗͒̄̕ǫ̷̧̼̅̏̚͜u̸͖̟͂̓ ̸̼͖̳̰͑s̸̭̲̅͊̎̎̕a̸͉̣̘͈͑̎̆̑̈́ͅy̸̡̗͗ ̷̨͓̘̞̬̃̋͂̕a̶̢͜͠ͅṇ̷̜̹̤̻̉̔̌ȯ̷̲̥͍̟͜t̷̬̆́̂͑h̵̢̉ẽ̸̘͙͂̇͒̕r̵̛̺͚̦̩͌̓͝ ̴̠̏w̷̢̧̓̏͐͒͘o̵̧̢͍̜̥͒̌r̴͉̻͓̭̋̽͜ḓ̴͎̃̊ ̸̨͕͈̬̄̌â̵̬͆̚̕g̴̰̗̙͔̾̚ã̴̟î̸̜͙͖͉̾̂͠n̷̼͖̜͒̈́̕͜s̵̮̲̯͕̅́̐ṫ̴̘͊̕ ̸̭̺̽̈́͑m̶̲̰͉̖͔̍͒͐̔y̴͇͒̌̄̿͘ ̴͔͔͈̩͖A̸̘̒̽͑k̸̢̧͉̭̄̉a̶͎̜̞̙̖̍̊̓̏l̷̫͕̒̂̔̏i̵̯̻͎̎̉̍́̅,̶̛̖̣̳̻̇̿ ̵̫̉I̵͙͕̰͛̂̎̔ ̴̹͂w̵̢͓̟̯͙̑̓ḯ̵͖̾̀̃l̷͕̈́͌̇l̵̥̩̠̔̊̄͝ ̷̳̗̱̰̉̑̄ḅ̷̩̈́r̵͎͇͙̭͋ü̷̩̈́̇̊̀t̸͉͎̹̼̿̾̚a̸͈̱̓l̵̛͎̀͂͑͠l̵̢͆͘y̶͈͍̱͎̔̕̚ ̶̧̟̈́́̽̿ͅd̸̙̰͎͊͠r̶̡̡̗̳͍̓͠ā̷̠̞̎͛͝͠g̷̳͉̈́͘ ̴̭̀̊y̵̢̳̹̻̮͗̌͘͝ǫ̴̖̌̚ǔ̶̧̺̲̝͍̕ŗ̵̠̙͊̌̇̈́ͅ ̷͕̫̈́͝f̷͉̰̘̉̑͑̋͘͜ä̵̟̖́k̷̖̮̻͕̲̒̒ë̴̳̳͙͍̺́ ̷̺̈́̚̚p̵͎͔̿̆̾͆́ͅļ̴͎̪͙̬̏a̶̜͂̈́͒̄s̷̼͈̮̟͇̓͂̎̾ţ̸͈͚͇͐̂͊̍̏ͅî̸̝̪̊͝c̷̙̖͌͐ ̵̯͎̲͑̊a̵̧̭̫͔͖̓̂͝s̵̖̤͊͆̋͆̐ş̷̪̫͎̔̐͗̓͠ͅ ̵̧̥͈̟̝͌̇͊ḭ̴̧̛͙͚̓̄͗͗n̴̩̏̿̓t̶̥̒̉̈́̔ȍ̵̺͙̎͝ ̶̖̰̻̽͑̐̕t̶̨͉͍͆̓h̴͕̔͂ẻ̶̜̰͙̫̳͐͐ ̴͎̗̘͎̓͂̔d̷̫͍̭͒̌̄͘͜ê̵̙̺͉̟̋͛̎̕p̶̻̎̐t̵̨̮͌͑̉͘͠h̵͚̟͗s̸͇̼͊ͅ ̴̮͓̫̘̙̽o̴̧͎̜͑̒̓f̴͈̪̜͂̌͝ ̶͍̼͆̅͑͠ͅḦ̷̰̜̝̠̭́e̴̯̬̳͔̼̔͊͒̀l̶̮̇̉̇̔̑l̴̨͎͇͍͓͋̈́ ̵̯̅̈̎͋a̵͉̘̞̙͉͋n̷̠͚̭̫̮̐d̴͍̞̘̓̒͌̈́̚ ̷̩̰̈́̀̋̅̈w̵̡̦͗̌a̴̹̠̝̹̾ṭ̶̺̪̽͒c̶̛̭̳̳̣̯̐͘h̶͎͙̰́͒̈́ ̶͍̠̂ͅy̷̰̙͊ó̴̦̹̦̳̣ų̶̑̈́̓ ̶͍̖̹̈̎r̴̝͙͊͘ǫ̶̫͚̩͗͜͝t̸̢̨̰̥̔̎̎ ̶̢͊̐̒̋̂f̷̻̔̋͗͝o̴͈̮̊r̷̼̦̃̈ ̷̳̗̳͊̉̓͝a̵̗̥̮̱̍̃̉n̷̠̼̻̦̒̽̀̈́ ̴͊̈̑̃ͅe̴̗͇̒̏͠t̸̢̜̣͈̙́̈̓ę̵̨̳̋̔ŕ̴͔̖̏ṋ̷̻̽ï̷̛̦̆͋ṫ̴̘̰͑̍̍̚ÿ̵̢̬́̂͂͠. 

 

˙ɥɔʇıq 'ɹǝɥ ʎɹ⊥ :ılɐʞ∀

 

Ahri: oooooooooo my god

 

Sona: Oh Goodness 

 

Sivir: GO EVE!

 

Kai’sa: GO AKALI!

 

Irelia: I’m so lost. What is happening and why are Akali’s texts upside down…??

 

Taliyah: really, irelia?????

 

Cassiopeia: Hahahaha, that’s the Evelynn I remember. There she is. All I had to do was pick at you to see it.

 

Ę̴̨̯̘͍͍̫̪̼̥̐͗v̴͙̿̿̿͂̍͘e̶̡̛͈̟̖̭̳͔̼͑̒̂̍͒͂̍̆l̶̢̯̜̉̕̚͘̚̚ȳ̸͍n̶̠̯̖̰̻̬̞̂̔͜n̷̠̏̏̅͌̚:̴͖͉̫̳̠̉͒͒̊̓̋̐͝ ̸̡̨̣̘̥̲͗̍͆̀̕.̷͓̄.̵̖̱̊̋̄.̵͎̆͒̑̇̌͑̏͘

 

˙˙˙:ılɐʞ∀

 

Cassiopeia: Your edge hasn’t lost its sharpness. That’s what I like about you.

Cassiopeia: Well, I’ll just head off this chat. I got more than what I wanted.

Cassiopeia: Perhaps we shall meet in person, Evelynn~

 

Evelynn: I hope not.

 

Cassiopeia: xoxoxo

 

Cassiopeia left group chat “K/DA”

 

Taliyah:

 

Irelia: I’m still lost…

 

Ahri: FUCK I HAVE GOOSEBUMP!!!!

 

Evelynn: I’m fucking pissed.

 

Sivir: You’re not the only one.

 

Kai’sa: At least she’s nice enough to kick herself out…

 

Sona: Kinda feels like she won though

 

Akali: What matters is that she’s gone…

 

Evelynn: She is, darling.

 

Ahri: Wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I am glad that Evelynn isn’t as much as a diva like her…

 

Kai’sa: Me too…

 

Evelynn: I have had my fair share of nasty divas and she’s the worst of them all…

 

Sivir: You guys have no idea…

 

Ahri: well she’s gone!

Ahri: Now can someone come pick me up from the airport?

 

Evelynn: no

 

Akali: no

 

Kai’sa: No

 

Sona: No

 

Sivir: No

 

Ahri: oh come on…

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Cassiopeia and Kai’sa.

 

Cassiopeia: Hey, Kai’slop?

 

Kai’sa: How do you have my number…..???

 

Cassiopeia: Just wanted to tell you that I was Sivir’s first kiss~

 

Kai’sa: Don’t fucking test me.

 

Cassiopeia: Also I’ll just drop this for you

Cassiopeia: *text photo*

 

Kai’sa: ….

 

Cassiopeia: Doesn’t she look nice with the sunset behind her?

Cassiopeia: Especially her unscarred back?

 

Kai’sa blocked Cassiopeia.

 

Message Failed [Cassiopeia: Oh ho ho, this won’t be the last you see of me ]

Message Failed [Cassiopeia:  Wait shit you blocked me?? ]

Message Failed [Cassiopeia: Wait noooo I’m not finished wah ]

Message Failed [Cassiopeia: Fuck...I didn’t think this through ]

Chapter Text

Ahri: EVERYONE I HAVE A SERIOUS EMERGENCY!!!

 

Kai’sa: What is it? 

Kai’sa: What’s wrong? 

Kai’sa: Do I need to come home right away?

 

Akali: Ahri, what’s wrong??

 

Evelynn: Did you die yet?

 

Taliyah: ^^that’s morbid…

 

Sivir: Oh, those two are worse than this

 

Taliyah: Interesting

 

Sona: Ahri, what’s the emergency?

Sona: Do I need to come over?

 

Ahri: I LOST MY EARRING!!!

 

Kai’sa: What?

 

Akali: Really, Ahri?

 

Evelynn: Oh darn, you’re not dead.

 

Taliyah: She really woke us up at 9am for this

 

Sivir: Tal, she woke us up at 3am many times

Sivir: This is nothing

 

Taliyah: Interesting.

 

Sona: Still…

Sona: She would make a huge deal on an earring

 

Ahri: YEAH BUT IT’S MY EARRING!!!!!!!

Ahri: ISH GOOOONE!!

Ahri: GOOOOOOOOONEEE

Ahri: WAAAAHHH

 

Akali: Buy another one?

 

Ahri: BUT DIS ONE IS SPECIAL

 

Evelynn: What’s so special about it?

 

Ahri: ISH MY FAVORITE EARRING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!

 

Kai’sa: Ahri, you can buy another earring similar to it

Kai’sa: Now if you don’t mind, we would like to continue our morning schedules without any incidents at the house

Kai’sa: So watch the house for us.

 

Ahri: BUT MY EARRING IS GOOOOOONE

 

Evelynn: If I buy you a new one, will you shut the fuck up?

 

Ahri: NYOOOOO

Ahri: YOU CAN’T BUY ME THIS EARRING, THIS IS SPECIAL

Ahri: EVIE THIS IS MY HEART SHAPED ONE

 

Evelynn: @everyone

Evelynn: This is actually serious

 

Kai’sa: Huh?

 

Taliyah: Evelynn siding with Ahri??

 

Sivir: I did not see this coming.

 

Sona: For Ahri to not accept Evelynn buying her things is very serious.

 

Akali: Well shit, do I have to postpone my meeting?

 

Evelynn: Yes, darling

 

Kai’sa: Wait, we’re really dropping everything for Ahri’s earring????

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Kai’sa: i

Kai’sa: kjdsgkjg

Kai’sa: I can’t ditch our publicity meeting???

Kai’sa: I’m suppose to represent K/DA when our team meets with some of our biggest sponsors

Kai’sa: We planned this meeting for weeks

 

Evelynn: girls, clear your plans bc this is obviously an emergency

 

Kai’sa: Alrighty then…

Kai’sa: Guess this really is an emergency 

 

Ahri: IT IIIISSSS!!

 

Akali: I woke up so early for my meeting thoooooo

 

Evelynn: I’m sorry darling but Ahri’s emergency must come first

 

Sivir: Over an earring??

 

Evelynn: Yes.

Evelynn: btw I expect you to help too

 

Sivir: Me??

 

Evelynn: Yes, you’re kai’sa gf and you are obligated to help us

 

Kai’sa: YOU DIDN’T HELP ME WITH MY DAD

 

Evelynn: Anyways, Sona, we need your help too

 

Taliyah: Wow, ignored, hahah

 

Sona: I don’t exactly have a choice, do I?

 

Ahri: MI EARRRING IS MISHING

 

Akali: YEAH WE KNOW AHRI

 

Taliyah: Where do you think you lost it last, Ahri?

 

Ahri: I don’t knooooooo

 

Kai’sa: Think.

 

Evelynn: We were busy yesterday

Evelynn: Do you think you might have lost it somewhere in our outings?

 

Ahri: MAYBE???

 

Akali: Kami...this is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

Sona: List out where you guys went yesterday

 

Kai’sa: Are we all seriously cancelling our ACTUALLY IMPORTANT meetings for this earring??

 

Ahri: YESH

 

Evelynn: Sivir included

 

Sivir: YEAH I GET IT

 

Taliyah: HA.HA.

 

Sivir: Shut up or i’ll beat your ass

 

Taliyah: Too bad I’m all the way in egypt

 

Sona: and Xan Irelia is all the way in japan

 

Irelia: STOP USING MY FULL NAME!!!

 

Akali: hi hi

 

Irelia: Hi...

 

Evelynn: oh i forgot mophelia was in this chat

 

Irelia: I was hoping you would forget…

 

Ahri: IRELIA I LOST MY EARRING!!!

 

Irelia: Sorry to hear that

 

Ahri: ISH MY FAVORITE ONE

 

Irelia: What a shame, hope you find it.

 

Evelynn: I’m going to list the places we went to yesterday

Evelynn: *studio

Evelynn: *riot company for a few meetings

Evelynn: *interview with PopRox

Evelynn: *shopping at the mall

 

Ahri: I really hope I didn’t lose it at the mall, we had a lot of fans there

 

Kai’sa: I still say just go buy a new earring

 

Ahri: BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, ISH SPECIALLLLL

 

Akali: What is so special about your heart ring earring, ahri?

 

Ahri: It was left with me when I was a kit

 

Kai’sa: Okay, now I feel like an asshole.

Kai’sa: I’m sorry.

 

Ahri: ISH OKIIIEEEE LETS JUST FIND IT PWEASE

 

Evelynn: I’m trying, now hold your tails and calm down.

 

Ahri: I’m holding my tails and I am calm.

 

Akali: So should we split up and go to these places to check if her earring is there?

 

Evelynn: That’s the idea.

Evelynn: I’ll check the studio

Evelynn: Akali go check riot company

 

Akali: Okie

 

Evelynn: Sona go check the PopRox we went to

 

Sona: Alright

Sona: Wait, didn’t you guys already have an interview with them?

 

Akali: We’re just that popular 

 

Sona: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, go check the mall

 

Kai’sa: Okay 

 

Evelynn: Sivir, go do what you do best and follow your gf around for moral support.

 

Taliyah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Sivir: Shut up, Tal

 

Kai’sa: I miss you~

 

Sivir: I miss you too~

 

Evelynn: You’re welcome.

 

XXX

 

Akali: It’s not at the studio.

 

Ahri: WAAAAH

 

Evelynn: Are you sure you searched everywhere?

 

Ahri: DID YOU SEARCH EVERY INCH???

 

Akali: Yeah I did

Akali: It’s not here.

 

Ahri: ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN’T JUST WALK IN, TOOK ONE GLANCE, AND WALKED OUT??????

 

Akali: Okay, fine I’ll search again

 

Ahri: AKALLLLIIIII

 

Akali: Siiiiigh I don’t wannna search

 

Evelynn: If you search thoroughly, I’ll do that thing you really like me to do~

 

Akali:

Akali: really?

 

Evelynn: Yes

 

Akali: cookies too?

 

Evelynn: Everything until the last tuck

 

Akali: Okie, I search

 

Ahri: wtf????

 

Akali: Mind your own business, I’m searching

 

Ahri: ??????

Ahri: I’m curious…

 

Evelynn: Don’t be.

 

Ahri: Wah??

 

Akali: Shhh

Akali: Just hold your tails and be patient while I search

 

Ahri: Okieeeee

 

XXX

 

Akali: Okay, the necklace isn’t here

 

Ahri: WAAAAAHHH

 

Evelynn: It’s not here at the studio either

Evelynn: @Sona @Kai’sa

Evelynn: Any news?

 

Sona: Nope, no one has found a heart shape earring

 

Ahri: Waaaahhhhh

 

Evelynn: @Kai’sa

 

Akali: Ahri, are you sure that you can’t replace or at least have your earring remade?

 

Ahri: It wouldn’t be the same

Ahri: That earring was left with me when I was found

Ahri: And I had it ever since

Ahri: I didn’t wear it during my teen idol years bc my ear wasn’t pierced

Ahri: But i decided to wear it full time when i comeback from my hiatus 

Ahri: It’s hard to explain but it means a lot

 

Evelynn: @Kai’sa

 

Akali: No i get

 

Irelia: May I suggest that it might have been stolen?

 

Ahri: kjdsjdfhksdhgkashgkadhgklj

Ahri: STOOOOLENNNNN NYOOOOOO!!!

 

Evelynn: Couldn’t you have eased into that one, myophelia?

 

Irelia: Sorry…

 

Taliyah: You can’t deny that isn’t a possibility

 

Evelynn: That is true.

Evelynn: There are some crazy fans

 

Ahri: WAH I DON’T WANT IT TO BE STOLEN WAAAAAHHH

 

Evelynn: @Kai’sa answer me

 

Akali: It’s probably not stolen, Ahri! Don’t worry!

 

Irelia: It could be stolen, though.

 

Akali: Senpai, you’re not helping….

 

Evelynn: We still can’t rule it out…

Evelynn: @Kai’sa do you have anything at all or are you sucking Sivir’s lips???

 

Kai’sa: No I am not sucking Sivir’s lips.

Kai’sa: I’m sucking her neck

 

Akali: Oh come on!

 

Evelynn: Really kai’sa???

 

Kai’sa: I’m sorry that I want to put a hickey on my gf’s neck?????

 

Evelynn: At a time like this????

Evelynn: Where are you???

Evelynn: Did you even go to the mall??

 

Kai’sa: Sivir and I went off on our own after we searched the mall

Kai’sa: we asked the front desk

Kai’sa: Put on an announcement 

Kai’sa: Sign some shirts for fans

Kai’sa: Took pics with fans

Kai’sa: But no one said they saw a heart shaped earring

Kai’sa: or picked it up

 

Akali: Couldn’t you have said that earlier?????

 

Kai’sa: Can I not have ten fucking minutes to have some quality time with my girlfriend?????

 

Ahri: YOU COULD HAVE FOUND MY EARRING IN TEN MINUTES!!!!!

 

Kai’sa: I didn’t find it!!!

Kai’sa: I even gathered fans at the mall to do a group search

 

Ahri: WHAT IF ONE OF THEM DID FIND IT AND THEY STOLE IT!!!

 

Kai’sa: I assure you they wouldn’t

 

Ahri: THEY COULD

 

Kai’sa: If they did, I would have caught them

 

Ahri: YOU’RE TOO BUSY SUCKING SIVIR OFF

 

Sivir: HEY

Sivir: I am the giver and Kai’sa is the receiver, let's be clear on that.

Sivir: I let her mark me tho

 

Taliyah: I don’t want, nor care about my friend’s sex life, thanks.

 

Akali: I don’t want to be scarred, thanks.

 

Sivir: Fuck you two

 

Irelia: Why do I check this chat?

 

Sona: Bc it’s always exciting to read, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: STOP CALLING ME BY MY FULL NAME

 

Ahri: HEY WHO CARES HOW KAI’SA AND SIVIR FRICK FRACK, MY EARRING IS STILL MISSING!!!

 

Akali: None of us found anything

Akali: Your earring could be anywhere

 

Ahri: WAAAAHHH

 

Evelynn: Sigh…

Evelynn: I say we all go home and figure out what to do.

 

Akali: Okie

 

Ahri: waaaahhhh

 

Sivir: Kai’sa says she’ll be home a bit later

 

Akali: You two want to make out

 

Sivir: No.

 

Taliyah: Liar

 

Ahri: Nasties

 

Sivir: Don’t nasty shame us.

 

Taliyah: Nasties

 

Sivir: Shut up

 

Evelynn: Embrace it.

 

Ahri: COME HOME AND COMFORT MEEEEE

 

XXX

 

Ahri: HI HI HI I MIGHT DIE TONIGHT!!!!! 

Ahri: HAAAAALPPPPP

Ahri: FOXY IN DANGER FOXY IN DANGER!!!

 

Kai’sa: Oh, so I guess I should not go home?

 

Ahri: KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA!!!! HAAAALPPPPPP

Ahri: AKALI AND EVELYNN MIGHT REALLY KILL MEEEEE

Ahri: FOXY IS IN DANGER

Ahri: I REPEAT

Ahri: FOXY IS IN DANGER

Ahri: NINJA AND THE SUCCUHOE ARE TRYING TO KILL MEEEE

 

Akali: WE SURE WILL 

Akali: NOW COME OUT!!!!!!!!!

 

Ahri: NYOOOO

 

Kai’sa: Do I even want to know what happened?

 

Evelynn: GUESS WHERE HER FUCKING EARRING IS???????

Evelynn: GUESS

 

Kai’sa: Where?

 

Evelynn: ON HER FUCKING EAR!!!!!!

 

Kai’sa: What??

 

Taliyah: I’m sorry what?

 

Sona: Hmm?

 

Irelia: So it’s not stolen?

 

Evelynn: IT WAS ON HER EAR!!!!!

 

Akali: THE WHOLE TIME!!!

 

Irelia: Cool.

 

Kai’sa: So she didn’t lose it?

 

Akali: NOOOO

 

Evelynn: SHE FUCKING FORGOT IT WAS ON HER FUCKING EAR!!!!!!

Evelynn: LIKE HOW????

 

Ahri: I SOWWY IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE!!!

 

Akali: HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOUR EARRING IS ON YOUR FUCKING EAR!!!!??????

Akali: WE CANCELLED OUR DAY FOR THIS DAMN EARRING!!!!

 

Ahri: I SOWWYYYYY IT WAS A FOXY MISTAKE!!!!!

 

Kai’sa: So I don’t need to come home?

 

Evelynn: YOU CAN COME HOME TO MAKE US SOME FOX STEW!!!!!

 

Ahri: NYOOOOOOOOO

 

Kai’sa: I’ll just tell Sivir to turn around.

Kai’sa: Going to spend the night at her place

Kai’sa: Bye~

 

Ahri: KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA SAAAVVVVEEE MEEEEE

 

Kai’sa: Have fun, love and kisses xoxoxo

 

Ahri: KAAAAAAIIIIIIIIISSSSSSAAAAAAAAA

 

XXX

 

Evelynn: Hello, K/DA has lost their foxy leader, Ahri. Please respect our privacy during this tragic time.

 

Sona: So sorry for your lost.

 

Taliyah: Sending thoughts and prayers.

 

Kai’sa: She shall be missed.

 

Sivir: Her legacy will live on.

 

Akali: I shall never forget her.

 

Ahri: I AM STILL ALIVE!!!!

 

Evelynn: Wow, it’s like she’s still here.

 

Ahri: BC I AM HERE!!

 

Akali: It’s like she’s right next to me

 

Ahri: I AM NEXT TO YOU

 

Kai’sa: K/DA won’t be the same without Ahri

 

Ahri: I AM RIGHT HERE

 

Evelynn: The remaining three of us shall continue Ahri’s dream of spreading music across the globe.

 

Sivir: Amen.

 

Sona: Amen

 

Taliyah: Amen.

 

Ahri: AKALI MAKES EVELYNN BABY HER WITH MILK AND COOKIES AND BEDTIME STORIES AND SHE DEMANDS TO BE TUCKED INTO BED WITH HER STUFF DRAGON, SIR NIN NIN

 

Sivir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

Akali: AHRI YOU BETTER RUN BEFORE I CHASE YOU DOWN!!!!!

 

Ahri: OH NOW I EXIST!!!

 

Evelynn: YOU WON’T BE FOR LONG

 

Ahri: COME AT ME

Ahri: I AM READY THIS TIME!

 

Kai’sa: I’m going to go back to bottoming so have fun you guys.

 

Taliyah: aksdfhklsdjfhjadshlkfjk

Taliyah: KAI’SA

 

Sivir: ;)

 

Sona: Hahaha, it’s always an exciting day with K/DA

Sona: Isn’t that right, Xan Irelia?

 

Irelia: I didn’t even text in the chat!

 

Taliyah: But you knew and responded to Sona anyways?

 

Irelia: ...

 

Irelia left group chat “K/DA”

 

Taliyah: LMFAO

 

Sona: She’s so easy to tease, haha

 

Akali added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”

 

Irelia: LET ME LEAVE

 

Akali: No

Chapter Text

Ahri: WHERE IS MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!

 

Evelynn: DO I REALLY CARE???

 

Ahri: I CARE!

 

Evelynn: I DON’T CARE!

 

Ahri: WELL FUCK YOU!!

 

Evelynn: FUCK YOU!!!

Evelynn: NOW STOP SCREECHING AT MY DOOR!!!

Evelynn: SOME PPLE NEED TO FUCKING SLEEP!!!

 

Ahri: IT’S NOON!!!!

 

Evelynn: AND???

 

Ahri: WAKE YOUR ASS UP AND FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!

 

Evelynn: GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!!!

 

Ahri: I WILL IF I CAN FIND MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH!!!!!

 

Akali: AHRI STOP SCREECHING OUTSIDE OF OUR DOOR!!!!!!!

 

Ahri: I WILL STOP SCREECHING IF ONE OF YOU LESBO COME OUT AND FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH!!

 

Akali: I WILL COME OUT TO SHOVE A FUCKING KUNAI UP YOUR ASS IF YOU STOP SCREECHING!!!!!

 

Ahri: AND I WILL SHOVE MY BIG BOOTY BALLS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU SHOVE A KUNAI UP MY ASS!!!!

 

Evelynn: STOP CALLING THEM THAT!!!

 

Ahri: BIG BOOTY BALLS!!!

Ahri: SUCK THEM EVE!!!

 

Evelynn: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

 

Kai’sa: I am gone for ONE hour and you all can’t fucking function????

 

Ahri: KAI’SA I LOST MY TOOTHBRUSH

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, I got that.

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa come back and deal with this mutt

 

Ahri: DON’T MUTT SHAME ME!

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, no…

 

Akali: Do you really have to be gone for a week?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah, I have a thing called family.

 

Evelynn: Yeah, no idea what that is.

 

Akali: Family is lame

 

Ahri: I was an orphan.

 

Kai’sa: SIGH

Kai’sa: Akali, what about your mom??

Kai’sa: You have a mom, right?

 

Akali: What about her?

 

Ahri: Damn savage.

 

Kai’sa: What about your dad?

 

Akali: What about him?

 

Kai’sa: Do you even care about your parents?

 

Akali: Did they care enough to actually raise me as their own daughter for ten minutes?

 

Kai’sa: Okay then...

 

Ahri: Hey, forget the toothbrush, I want to hear Akali’s family drama.

 

Akali: Not much to tell

Akali: My chichi and haha were always busy and off on business trips for most of my childhood so Shen practically raised me

 

Evelynn: I’m her new mommy

 

Akali: Fuck yea

 

Ahri: Wrong type of mom, but okay…

 

Kai’sa: I’m sorry but it just occurred to me that Akali has actual parents and she didn’t bother to even mention this until now????

 

Akali: My mother is Mayym Jhomen Tethi and my father is Tahno Jhomen Tethi. That’s all you need to know.

 

Ahri: That means your full name is Akali Jhomen Tethi?

 

Akali: Yeah.

 

Evelynn: Evelynn Jhomen Tethi sounds nice.

 

Akali: I like the sound of that.

 

Evelynn: <3

 

Akali: <3

 

Ahri: Hey, I just realized that I don’t know Evelynn’s last name.

 

Evelynn: Hey, we’re focusing on Akali’s family life, not mine.

 

Kai’sa: True

Kai’sa: But you two are so secretive about your family lives

Kai’sa: Meanwhile, Sivir and I have dads fighting each other for weeks.

 

Akali: Tbh Azir is not Sivir’s direct father

 

Kai’sa: But he practically saved her and she is his heir to his throne

Kai’sa: And he loves her like she was his own daughter

 

Sivir: Azir is a fucking pain in my ass.

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Kai’sa: babe…

 

Sivir: Azir is a pain in my fucking ass

 

Taliyah: I can confirm

Taliyah: Azir is a nice dad to Sivir but damn, is he waaaaay overprotective 

Taliyah: He tried to mama bird Sivir’s food while she was in the hospital after Cass’s attack.

 

Sivir: HE STILL TRIES TO DO THAT TO ME NOW!!!

 

Evelynn: That’s fucking gross.

 

Sivir: RIGHT????

 

Kai’sa: Does anyone here have normal families???

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Akali: No.

 

Sivir: No.

 

Ahri: Everyone in this chat is kinda like family to me.

 

Kai’sa: Aww

 

Akali: That’s sweet

 

Evelynn: Ew gross we ain’t fam, Ahri

 

Ahri: WOW

 

Sona: My mom and I are pretty normal.

 

Ahri: You have a mom????

 

Sona: ….

Sona: YES????

Sona: LESTARA BUVELLE????

Sona: THE WOMAN WHO ADOPTED ME???

 

Ahri: YOU’RE ADOPTED TOO!!!???

 

Evelynn: Holy fuck

 

Sona: YOU TWO MET HER!!!!

 

Ahri: We did?

 

Evelynn: I do not recall…

 

Sona: HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU THINK I GOT THE LAST NAME BUVELLE???????

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

 

Evelynn: idk

 

Sona: WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE KIDS AND YOU TWO SERIOUSLY DID NOT KNOW I WAS ADOPTED???

 

Sivir: To be fair, these two didn’t even think that you could text properly for years.

 

Sona: FAIR ENOUGH

 

Ahri: OH MY GOD SONA WAS AN ORPHAN LIKE MEEEEEE!!!

 

Sona: THAT WAS LITERALLY THE FIRST THING I TOLD YOU THE MOMENT WE MET!!!!!!!!

Sona: I THOUGHT WE COULD BOND ON THAT!!!!

 

Ahri: You didn’t talk tho

Ahri: You gave me a paper with a message on it

 

Sona: YOU GET THE IDEA!!!

 

Ahri: I couldn’t read when I was a foxy kit.

 

Sona: APPARENTLY!!

 

Evelynn: I can’t believe you kept this from us.

 

Sona: I DIDN’T!

Sona: I TOLD YOU GUYS!

 

Evelynn: But you’re mute?

 

Sona: JSADKKDGHLKJHLDKGJHKJDHSKJGHLKSDKGJ

 

Kai’sa: You guys broke Sona again.

 

Akali: This is hilarious 

 

Sivir: I feel like we’re learning a lot about each other.

 

Ahri: YES WE ARE

 

Taliyah: Hahaha, you guys are so hilarious

 

Ahri: What about you, Tal?

Ahri: Fam?

 

Taliyah: I have a great family.

Taliyah: Mom, dad

Taliyah: Grandparents

Taliyah: A tribe that raised me and my cousins altogether 

 

Sivir: I can agree, they took care of me before Azir kidnapped me

 

Taliyah: Okay, you’re being dramatic.

Taliyah: Azir did not kidnapped you

Taliyah: He just named you as his heir

 

Sivir: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES HE HAS TRIED TO FUCKING BABY BIRD FOOD INTO MY DAMN MOUTH????

Sivir: OUT OF ALL THE RICH AND FAMOUS BILLIONAIRES, I GET A FUCKING CLUELESS BIRD LIKE HIM!!!!!

 

Taliyah: You are so dramatic.

 

Kai’sa: Is she, tho?

Kai’sa: Azir can be a little intense 

 

Evelynn: And your dad was ready run Sivir over with his car while she was on her scooter.

 

Sivir: ***motorcycle

 

Akali: It’s not a fucking motorcycle, dumbass

 

Sivir: Fuck off Akali

 

Kai’sa: Okay, to be fair, I accept that my dad is aggressively overprotective 

Kai’sa: Plus Sivir has gotten a lot better at running away from him

 

Evelynn: She better be if she’s going to have to run down the aisle, marry you, and run off with you

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ahri: Kai’sa would have the shortest celebrity wedding!!!!

 

Akali: Do you take Kai’sa as your lawfully wedded wife?

Akali: Sivir says, “Yes” kisses kai’sa and yeets away with kai’sa in her arms.

 

Taliyah: SIVIR JUST GOES AHEAD AND THROWS KAI’SA OUT OF THE CHAPEL AND IS LIKE YEEEEEEETT THAT’S MY WIFE!!!!!

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Evelynn: OMG

 

Sivir: Ha. Ha. Ha. You guys are soooo funny.

Sivir: Fuck you guys

 

Kai’sa: My mom can hold my dad back, don’t worry about him going berserk

 

Sivir: He’ll be busy chasing Azir

 

Taliyah: Knowing Azir, he would want to be the flower bird

 

Sivir: DON’T PUT THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD!!!!

 

Taliyah: “ Caw caw, let me throw flower petals around”

 

Sivir: STOP

 

Kai’sa: That’s actually really funny to imagine

 

Sivir: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!

 

Akali: “Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Akali: Cassiopeia charges in like, “BITCH, STOP THE MARRIAGE, I WANT EVELYNN’S AUTOGRAPH!!”

 

Ahri: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Taliyah: IT’S FUNNY BC SHE WOULD DO THAT!!!

 

Sivir: YOU’RE NOT FUNNY AKALI!!!!

 

Evelynn: Okay, real talk, she keeps sliding in my DM

 

Akali: I’ll slide into your DMs

 

Evelynn: Slide into my pussy

 

Ahri: Ew, stop being gay

 

Akali: Hater

 

Kai’sa: What would Evelynn and Akali’s wedding look like?

Kai’sa: Would it just be us, Akali’s family and Evelynn’s 4 parents?

 

Evelynn: Lmfao fuck my parents

 

Sivir: Who would walk you down the aisle if not your parents?

 

Evelynn: I can walk my damn self down the aisle.

 

Ahri: I’ll walk her.

 

Evelynn: Hell no

 

Ahri: I’m walking you.

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Akali: Eve and I would have a more Japanese type wedding

 

Evelynn: Oh look, Akali wants me in her family~

 

Kai’sa: Poor Mayym and Tahno

 

Evelynn: RUDE

 

Ahri: Okay but you guys can’t get married until 45 tho

 

Kai’sa: You’re still on that?

 

Ahri: Yes, I spend big bucks on your beauty treatments

 

Akali: That’s all you ever spend your money on…

 

Ahri: That and bc when idols get married, they tend to leave the group and go off on their own

 

Kai’sa: Ahri, we won’t leave K/DA if we get married. We are K/DA forever.

 

Akali: We will stick together bc we are K/DA for lyfe

 

Ahri: Guuuuuuuuyyys~~~

 

Evelynn: I’ll leave when I’m married asap

Evelynn: And I’m taking Akali with me.

 

Akali: Nevermind then

 

Ahri: I DID NOT CREATE K/DA SO YOU CAN GET YOUR ASS EATEN, MARRIED, AND THEN FLAKE ON ME YOU SAGGY BAG OF TITS!!!!

 

Evelynn: I DID NOT ASK YOU TO LEAVE ME FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS!!!

 

Ahri: WILL YOU FUCKING GET OVER THAT???????

 

Evelynn: 5 YEARS!!

 

Ahri: OH MY GOD!!!!

 

Evelynn: FIVE FUCKING YEARS!!

 

Ahri: EVELYNN FUCKING PLAYED HORSEY WITH TWISTED FATE!!!!!! SHE HAD A SADDLE, BUTT PLUG, AND EVERYTHING!!!! I HAVE PHOTOS! I HAVE PROOF!!!!!!!

 

Evelynn: KSJDGKJSFHJKDFJLDKSJ

Evelynn: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THOSE PHOTOS!!!!!????

Evelynn: I FUCKING DELETED THEM ALL!!!

 

Akali: Can I get a copy?

 

Evelynn: AKALI!!!!

 

Ahri: ILL FUCKING POST IT TO THIS CHAT!!!

 

Kai’sa: Pls no

 

Sivir: No thanks

 

Taliyah: Spare us.

 

Sona: Don’t you think I’ve been broken enough?

 

Evelynn: YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING RUDE!!!! I LOOKED GREAT!!

 

Kai’sa: MAKE UP YOUR MIND?????

Kai’sa: DO YOU WANT US TO SEE THESE PHOTOS OR NOT???

 

Ahri: YOU WANT SOME HAIRY BALLS IN THIS CHAT???!!!!

 

Evelynn removed Ahri from group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa : Oh thank god

 

Akali: Finally

 

Sivir: We’re saved

 

Sona: Phew

 

Taliyah: that was scary

 

Evelynn: Why didn’t I do this ages ago?

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn.

 

Ahri: Add me back bitch

 

Evelynn: Don’t post those pics, bitch.

 

Ahri: Succuhoe

 

Evelynn: Skank fox

 

Ahri: Tentacle whore

 

Evelynn: Furry hussy

 

Ahri: Fart ass

 

Evelynn: hairy ass

 

Ahri: Dumb bimbo

 

Evelynn: smelly piece of shit

 

Ahri: ugly cross eyed hoe

 

Evelynn: We’re going to do this forever, aren’t we?

 

Ahri: We sure will.

 

Evelynn: Slut face

 

Ahri: Butt face

 

Evelynn: 6 nipple freak

 

Ahri: rash thighs

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa added Ahri to group chat “K/DA”

 

Ahri: HELLO I AM BACK, DID YA’LL MISS ME???

 

Akali: No.

 

Taliyah: Not really.

 

Sivir: Nah.

 

Sona: Nope

 

Kai’sa: A little.

 

Evelynn: Ew, Ahri is back

 

Ahri: Fuck off you horny tentacle monster 

 

Evelynn: I will continue this, hairy crusty pussy crack.

 

Ahri: We sure will, ringworm fuck

 

Kai’sa: How about we stop and call it even?

Kai’sa: No posting each other’s photos, just make up.

Kai’sa: Please?

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri:

 

Akali: I’ll ride you, Eve

 

Evelynn: DEAL

 

Ahri: What about me??

 

Taliyah: We offer you our condolences.

 

Ahri: For what??

 

Taliyah: For your dying leadership skills.

 

Ahri:

 

Sivir: oooooooo

 

Sona: lol

 

Kai’sa: ooooh

 

Akali: Daaaamn

 

Evelynn: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

Ahri: IS IT THAT HARD FOR ONE ‘OH WE LOVE YOU AHRI’ IN THIS DAMN CHAT????

 

Sona: Yes.

 

Ahri: FOXY NOT HAPPY AND I STILL CAN’T FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH!!

 

Kai’sa: Go into the cabinet in my bathroom, bottom drawer, and grab a new toothbrush 

 

Ahri: YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT EARLIER!

 

Kai’sa: I got distracted by Akali’s sudden revelation that she has actual parents.

 

Akali: yeee

 

Sivir: You know what’s a bigger revelation?

Sivir: Evelynn’s parents.

 

Ahri: I agree

 

Taliyah: Ditto

 

Sona: I will say that I remember when I was a child, I saw Evelynn with someone that may be her father but that’s the only time I’ve seen her with any parental figure.

 

Evelynn: Hey, bysggphelia hasn’t been on the chat for a while. What happened to her?

 

Ahri: Don’t play dumb, Eve, tell the truth

 

Evelynn: popphelia? You still in the chat?

 

Sona: You mean @XanIrelia

 

Irelia: Leave me alone. I’m ignoring this chat.

 

Kai’sa: Mood

 

Sivir: Yo Irelia, do you know Akali’s parents?

 

Irelia: My family are close friends with Akali’s family so yeah I know her parents.

 

Evelynn: ….do you have Akali’s kid pictures?

 

Irelia: Of course I do

 

Akali: Irelia if you post one pic of me from my childhood, I will personally fly back to Japan to fucking fight you to the death.

 

Irelia: Akali, we both know I can whip your fucking ass so shape up Mushu-knockoff.

 

Ahri: I FUCKING CHOOOOKED!!!

 

Taliyah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

Sona: Xan Irelia is feisty when she’s competitive!

 

Sivir: LMFAOOOOO

 

Kai’sa: Oh my god hahaha

 

Akali: I AM THE BETTER DAMN DRAGON THAN THAT RED LITTLE LIZARD IN MULAN!!!!!

Akali: YOU KNOW WHAT?

Akali: Your grandma’s cooking sucks ass

 

Irelia: DO NOT BRING MY NAINAI INTO THIS, AKALI!!!

Irelia: NAINAI COOKING IS FINE!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Nainai?

Kai’sa: Irelia, you’re Chinese?

 

Irelia: Mixed raced Chinese and Japanese to be more specific :)

Irelia: AKALI YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK!!!!! MY NAINAI’S COOKING IS FUCKING GOOD!

Irelia: JUST BECAUSE YOUR TASTE BUDS ARE RUINED BY SPICY RAMYUN, DOESN’T MEAN NAINAI’S COOKING IS BAD!!!

 

Akali: IT HAS NO FLAVOR!

 

Irelia: EVELYNN’S ASS PROBABLY HAS NO FLAVOR TOO BUT YOU’RE NOT COMPLAINING!!!!

 

Akali: IRELIA

 

Ahri: I AM FUCKING CRYYYYIIIING!!!

 

Taliyah: I CAN’T!!

 

Sivir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

 

Kai’sa: Now we know what triggers Irelia.

 

Evelynn: I regret bringing toephelia up.

 

Sona: So why don’t you answer this simple question?

Sona: What’s your mother’s name?

 

Evelynn: Which one?

 

Ahri: Both?

 

Evelynn: My succubus mother’s name is Victoria, I don’t know my human mother’s name.

 

Taliyah: Wait wait, I’m confused

Taliyah: You have two mothers?

 

Irelia: I am confused as well.

 

Akali: First of all, Irelia, your grandma is WACK at cooking

Akali: Second, Evelynn technically has four parents. A succubus must gain sperm from a human male, then the succubus gives it to the incubus, then the incubus gives it to the human woman, and Evelynn was born.

 

Taliyah: Oh my Gaara, that’s a lot to take in.

 

Irelia: Akali, first of all, YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG

Irelia: Second, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU DATING??????

 

Evelynn: A beautiful, talented, sexy, and gorgeous succubus.

 

Ahri: I must be blind bc I don’t see that.

 

Evelynn: Fuck off

 

Ahri: You fuck off

 

Kai’sa: Don’t start this again…

 

Sivir: Will we ever know about Evelynn’s background?

 

Evelynn: I would rather sleep with Twisted Fate than tell you guys about my “LiFe StOrY”

 

Kai’sa: If you’re worried about being judged, we promise we won’t.

Kai’sa: I mean, have you seen my dad??

 

Evelynn: Yeah and I would prefer him than mine

 

Taliyah: Yikes

 

Sivir: Surely your dad isn’t as bad as Kassadin

 

Evelynn: You have no idea who my dad is and if you met him, you wouldn’t complain about Azir so much.

 

Sivir: Alright then.

 

Ahri: You okay there Eve?

 

Evelynn: I’m fine, can we stop talking about family and dads and shit??

 

Akali: Let's drop it then.

Akali: Move on

Akali: Okie babe?

 

Evelynn: Thank you darling

 

Ahri: Aren’t you two next to each other?

 

Evelynn: And?

 

Ahri: nevermind then

 

Evelynn: Can I not text my fucking girlfriend now?

 

Ahri: I never said that

Ahri: Eve, you good?

 

Evelynn: I’m fucking fine.

 

Kai’sa: You know that you really don’t have to tell us anything about your family if you’re uncomfortable with the topic. You know you can tell us to stop, Eve.

 

Evelynn left group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa: Did I say something wrong?

 

Akali: No you didn’t

Akali: I don’t think

Akali: Idk what’s up with Eve bc she just teleported away

 

Ahri: I know we joke about her not telling us about her backstory, but I’ve always known her to be pretty sensitive about it sometimes.

Ahri: Some days she’s fine with talking about her backstory, some days she’s not.

 

Sona: I agree with Ahri, sometimes Eve is fine about family and then she’s not the next second

 

Kai’sa: I really wasn’t trying to push her or anything. I didn’t mean to set her off.

 

Sivir: Nor me

 

Ahri: It’s fine, Evelynn is very wishy washy on the topic and she can be unpredictable with her reactions.

Ahri: Give her a few hours and she’ll come back like nothing has ever happened.

 

Kai’sa: Okay.

Kai’sa: I really feel bad

 

Ahri: Don’t be, this is just Evelynn in a bad mood. She’ll be back in no time. :)

 

XXX

 

Akali: It's been three days since Evelynn left the chat and our bed...

Akali: And she hasn’t returned my texts and calls

 

Taliyah: No wonder why the chat was so quiet.

 

Sivir: I thought it was bc everyone was busy

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn’s still not back??

 

Ahri: Yeeeaaaahhh

 

Kai’sa: omg omg omg I must have really pissed her off

 

Ahri: You didn’t

Ahri: Look, Evie is prolly fuming in a temper tantrum and putting on a pouty face in her lambo, parked at a cliff where the sunsets are beautiful. Just so she can be more dramatic.

Ahri: I’ll go wrangle her back to K/DA :3

 

Kai’sa: Can you just say “I’ll go bring her back” like a normal person?


Ahri: Nyo tank euw.

Chapter Text

Unknown number: Hey

Unknown number: How ya doing, girlie?

 

Unknown number: Wrong number.

 

Unknown number: I know that’s you, Eve.

Unknown number: You know it’s me.

 

Unknown number renamed to Ahri.

 

Ahri: Hellloooo Evvviiiiiiiieeee

 

Unknown number: Wrong Number.

 

Ahri: Bitch, you know damn well that I will sniff you out of your hiding spot so talk to me like a real woman.

Ahri: Either I will face your temper tantrum face to face or we can text here and I can give you your space.

Ahri: I’m willing to respect your privacy but you’ve been gone for three days.

Ahri: Akali, your GIRLFRIEND is worried

Ahri: Kai’sa feels guilty because she thinks your disappearance is her fault

Ahri: And I’m about to smack you for acting so fucking childish when you’re supposed to be the oldest unnie

Ahri: Your choice, Evelynn. I’m not playing with you.

 

Unknown number: ….

 

Unknown number renamed to Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: You still have this number?

 

Ahri: It’s our emergency number, of course I still have it

 

Evelynn: Didn’t think you were serious about keeping an emergency number.

 

Ahri: Of course I was serious.

Ahri: If something happened to one of us, how do we contact each other in private?

 

Evelynn: Fair enough

 

Ahri: Exactly.

 

Evelynn: What do you want?

 

Ahri: What’s going on with you?

 

Evelynn: Nothing

 

Ahri: That’s bullshit and you know it.

 

Evelynn: I just needed space to be alone, okay?

 

Ahri: The great “Diva of the Music World” needs space?

Ahri: Even Twisted Fate would be shocked to hear that

 

Evelynn: Look, if you’re going to just pester me, then do yourself a favor and let me be.

Evelynn: I’ll come back when I’m good and ready.

 

Ahri: I’m not letting you come back and act like nothing happened, Eve. 

Ahri: Not after you stormed off like that

 

Evelynn: You ever heard of fucking privacy?

 

Ahri: If privacy is snapping at Sivir and Kai’sa and leaving Akali alone, then yeah I heard of it.

 

Evelynn: I didn’t mean to snap at them.

 

Ahri: Three days have past without so much of an apology or reassurance to Kai’sa and Sivir

Ahri: Not even texting back to Akali

 

Evelynn: I’m aware.

 

Ahri: are you?

 

Evelynn: I am.

 

Ahri: It doesn’t seem like you’re aware.

 

Evelynn: What do you want me to fucking do then, Ahri?

Evelynn: How do I please the great fucking Ahri?

Evelynn: Tell you the truth?

 

Ahri: Yeah. 

 

Evelynn: ...

 

Ahri: Evelynn, I’ve known you for almost my entire life, ever since we were kids in idol training.

Ahri: Not once did I ever try to bother you about your family history or past because I knew it was a sensitive topic.

Ahri: I respect that privacy.

Ahri: However, I am not leading a group where one of the members snaps at another member without any explanation or reasoning.

Ahri: From how I see it, Kai’sa and Sivir literally didn’t do anything wrong and they backed off when they saw it bothered you, yet you still snapped at us.

Ahri: I’m not allowing you to get away with that attitude without an explanation or something.

 

Evelynn: Okay.

 

Ahri: Okay?

Ahri: That’s all you’re going to say?

 

Evelynn: Yeah.

 

Ahri: Oh now you’re giving me the one-word treatment?

Ahri: Alright, let me just say this

Ahri: I will suspend you from the group until you get your act together.

 

Evelynn: Oh good, you’re using your leadership skills for something.

 

Ahri: Oh she speaks

 

Evelynn: I sure do.

 

Ahri: I’m not playing with you, Evelynn. I will suspend you if you keep up this attitude problem you have.

 

Evelynn: Go ahead, if you see me as a child throwing a tantrum, then go ahead and give me a time out

 

Ahri: I’m not using suspension as punishment, Evelynn, I’m using it because your attitude is affecting the rest of the group in a negative way.

Ahri: I am separating you from the group in order to prevent any more harm to the other members.

 

Evelynn: Harm? I’m not hurting anyone.

 

Ahri: Snapping at Sivir and Kai’sa without any explanation is harmful. Making Kai’sa feel guilty over something that isn’t her fault is harmful. Making her feel guilty over your attitude problem is toxic to her mental health.

Ahri: Ignoring Akali’s texts and calls because she’s worried is harmful to your relationship with her.

Ahri: It’s childish to leave her alone without a word.

Ahri: And you showing childish attitude to me when I’m trying to confront you is just plain immature.

Ahri: The worst part is that none of us knows why you’re acting like this. If you’re not going to talk to us, then don’t be so defensive about my course of action towards you.

 

Evelynn: You’re really fucking annoying and nosy.

 

Ahri: And you’re really fucking mature, aren’t you?

Ahri: I’m starting to wonder if the other idol groups kicked you out because of how fucking mature you are?

 

Evelynn: I left them, I wasn’t kicked out.

 

Ahri: Maybe K/DA will be the first idol group that you’re kicked out of.

 

Evelynn: FINE. GO AHEAD THEN, COWARD.

 

Ahri: I think the coward is actually you, Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: I’m not a fucking coward.

 

Ahri: If you’re not a coward, then where the fuck is your ass right now? Not at home.

Ahri: You’re still hiding away like some bitch ass wimp right now.

 

Evelynn: Fuck you, Ahri. Fuck off, you cunt.

 

Ahri: Then block this number.

Ahri: Ignore my texts.

Ahri: You could have done this the moment when I texted you.

Ahri: But you haven’t yet.

 

Evelynn: ...

 

Ahri: It may seem like I’m picking a fight with you, Evelynn, but I’m not.

Ahri: I’m not going to do those “How does that make you feel” therapy questions at you, bc I don’t do that. You don’t do that.

Ahri: But you’re stubborn, you’re defensive, and you’re so fucking childish sometimes.

Ahri: I put up with you for years bc we’re best friends. You’re like a sister to me.

Ahri: But now I’m not the only one that has to put up with your attitude.

Ahri: Kai’sa has to put up with you.

Ahri: Akali has to put up with you.

Ahri: Even Sona and Sivir

Ahri: And I guess the rest of the pple in the chat but they don’t know you like we do.

Ahri: If you need to scream at me in order to let your feelings go, then fine. Scream. Curse me out. Tell me that I’m a horrible leader.

Ahri: I’ll fucking take it because it doesn’t hurt me, Evelynn. No matter what you say to me, I know in your heart you don’t mean it.

Ahri: But I know you’re hurting from something.

Ahri: Even though you’ve grown in the past five years, you’re still hurting from some scar you’ve never told anyone.

Ahri: If you never want to reveal that scar for the rest of your life, fine. I’m not pushing you to do that, but you need to understand that we can’t read your silence. 

Ahri: But we do care for you, Evelynn. The last thing anyone wants to do is hurt you intentionally.

Ahri: You know that, right?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: At least apologize to Kai’sa and Sivir for getting mad at them and then leaving.

 

Evelynn: I’m wasn’t mad at them.

Evelynn: I was jealous.

 

Ahri: Jealous? Of what?

 

Evelynn: I was jealous that they could talk so freely about their fathers.

Evelynn: So openly...

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Is your father is still around, Evie?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: Do you talk to him?

 

Evelynn: I haven’t spoken to him in over 10 years.

 

Ahri: Did he abandon you?

 

Evelynn: I ran away from him.

 

Ahri: What about your mother, Victoria?

 

Evelynn: She passed away.

Evelynn: No

Evelynn: She was killed by a crazy stalker when I was a child.

 

Ahri: I’m so sorry, Eve.

Ahri: I really am.

 

Evelynn: My full name is Evelynn Von Daemon.

Evelynn: **was

Evelynn: My mother is Victoria Von Daemon.

Evelynn: My father is Edmund Von Daemon.

Evelynn: I was an only child, a miracle one for them.

 

Ahri: What about your human parents?

 

Evelynn: I don’t really know them, they weren’t really a part of my life.

Evelynn: It’s kinda like how some couple gets a surrogate. It’s probably the same concept.

Evelynn: The humans volunteered to help my parents conceive me. Nothing more or less. They were paid well for their services.

Evelynn: So I have no connection to them, only that they helped my parents.

 

Ahri: I see.

Ahri: You seem close to your mother. You told us her name quite easily.

 

Evelynn: My mother was a beautiful succubus. I’m always told I was a spitting image of her.

Evelynn: I’ve always known her to have many admirers, even when she was married, but she was loyal and dedicated to my father.

Evelynn: They were deeply in love. I remember seeing how much they adored each other.

Evelynn: Victoria was kind, sweet, and gentle. 

Evelynn: “She has the face of a cold-hearted beauty, but a heart of gold.” That’s what my father always said to me.

Evelynn: Funny thing is that she can’t sing or dance, that was her only flaws, at least to her.

Evelynn: She praised and raised me to sing and dance. She’s the reason why I wanted to pursue music.

Evelynn: She was my everything. My mother. My supporter. My life.

 

Ahri: She sounds like an amazing woman, Evie.

 

Evelynn: She was. She really was.

 

Ahri: She would be very proud of you if she saw you now.

 

Evelynn: I know she would. It was her dream to make me a successful idol. She said that seeing me on the stage made her the happiest.

 

Ahri: You do shine bright on stage.

 

Evelynn: Yeah.

 

Ahri: Did your father approve of you singing and dancing?

 

Evelynn: When my mother was alive, he did approve like any doting father.

Evelynn: But when her life ended, he changed.

Evelynn: My father loved my mother so dearly, her death ruined him.

Evelynn: He was never the same after her death.

 

Ahri: He didn’t...hurt you, did he?

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: No, he never laid his hands on me to hurt me.

Evelynn: But he did shelter me.

Evelynn: I didn’t run away like some spoiled rich brat that didn’t get what they wanted.

Evelynn: I ran away because I wanted to be free.

 

Ahri: Free from a sheltered life?

 

Evelynn: Free from his absolute control.

 

Ahri:

 

Evelynn: When my mother died, I was the only thing left of her.

Evelynn: Like an overprotective father, he sheltered me and made sure I was safe.

Evelynn: At first, I understood why he changed. He and I were the only family to each other.

Evelynn: But it grew worse, foxy, it felt like I was in a totalitarian rule

Evelynn: He made choices for me. 

Evelynn: He dictated what I wore, what I ate, how I acted.

 

Ahri: Did you have a choice?

 

Evelynn: No.

Evelynn: I knew I have no more power when he told me that I couldn’t pursue singing and dancing anymore.

Evelynn: All for my “safety”

 

Ahri:

 

Evelynn: It may sound like he was just overprotective, but if you lived in that damn house with me, it felt like I was being held hostage.

Evelynn: I felt like a doll that he was preserving, rather than a daughter. 

Evelynn: Through me, I think he was trying to replace Victoria with me.

Evelynn: I felt trapped, foxy. 

 

Ahri: I’m not denying what you are saying. I’m just speechless.

 

Evelynn: I still can’t believe that was a part of my life.

 

Ahri: So the man that Sona saw with you that one time in idol training, was that your father?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

Evelynn: That was a time when he found me after I ran away.

Evelynn: He was begging me to return home.

Evelynn: Said he was sorry and shit but I didn’t believe him

Evelynn: I looked at him and I didn’t see a father anymore, I saw my captor

Evelynn: The moment I was legally able to emancipate from him, I did.

 

Ahri:

 

Evelynn: But hearing Kai’sa and Sivir talk about their fathers, it just…

Evelynn: I still miss the father I once had.

 

Ahri: That’s understandable.

 

Evelynn: It’s been over 10 years and I wonder if he might have changed during that time.

Evelynn: I thought of possibly reconciling with him but…

Evelynn: I’m still angry at him.

 

Ahri: Then fuck him, you are your own person

Ahri:  You have friends, a thriving career, and a loving girlfriend 

 

Evelynn: Yeah…

Evelynn: Idk it’s stupid

Evelynn: That’s my fucking life story. I ran away from Daddy bc he got overprotective over me.

 

Ahri: He trapped you and caged you. He wouldn’t let you free.

Ahri: No one wants to be protected like that.

Ahri: Don’t sell yourself short, Eve.

 

Evelynn: …

 

Ahri: You ran away from an abuser, Eve.

 

Evelynn: He didn’t hit me or anything.

 

Ahri: But he took away your basic human rights.

Ahri: He took away your power of choice.

Ahri: He dictated your life so much that YOU ran away from him bc you were sick of it.

Ahri: He may not have physically harmed you but mentally, he did.

 

Evelynn:

 

Ahri: You may view your “life story” as embarrassing bc you feel like it’s a common trope between a rich daughter and her overprotective father.

Ahri: But it’s a part of your life, and it affected you in a negative light.

Ahri: No one is going to make fun of that.

 

Evelynn:...

 

Ahri: Does Akali know this?

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: So I’m the only one who knows this now?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: Thank you for sharing this part of your life with me, Evie.

Ahri: I know it may have been difficult but I think this is the first step of healing old scars.

 

Evelynn: I feel really empty.

 

Ahri: Bc you finally let it all go.

 

Evelynn: I hate the feeling, foxy.

 

Ahri: You can fill it up with Akali juice.

 

Evelynn: Shut the fuck up, Foxy.

 

Ahri: That’s the Evelynn I know. :)

 

Evelynn: Ha...

Evelynn: I still feel so drained.

 

Ahri: We can take it one step at a time, Evie. It’s normal to feel drained after letting out so much.

 

Evelynn: I guess… I still hate the feeling tho.

 

Ahri: Will you let me find you and we can go pig out on some ice cream and pizza for a bit?

Ahri: And talk about how to make it up to Akali and Kai’sa? And the rest of the gang?

 

Evelynn: Fine.

Evelynn: Text me your location and I’ll pick you up.

 

Ahri: Okie

 

Evelynn: And Ahri?

 

Ahri: Yesh?

 

Evelynn: Thank you for being the most stubborn leader and annoyingest friend I ever had.

 

Ahri: That’s me!

Ahri: Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?

 

Evelynn: You’re really gay for me?

 

Ahri: Not in a million years.

Ahri: But I remember the first day we met in idol training.

Ahri: And we made eye contact 

Ahri: Then I threw my apple at your face.

 

Evelynn: You busted my lip.

 

Ahri: That too.

Ahri: But I remember making eye contact with you and for a moment

Ahri: I saw something that we had in common

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Ahri: Loneliness

Ahri: For a second, I saw a part of me in you.

Ahri: And I felt we were similar in some way

 

Evelynn: Then you threw an apple at my face.

 

Ahri: I was fucking 10 or 11 or 12, cut me some slack.

 

Evelynn: Want to know a secret?

 

Ahri: Yesh.

 

Evelynn: I felt the same.

 

Ahri: omg cute

Ahri: drop akali and date me

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Ahri: Nya ;p

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Akali and Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: Darling?

 

Akali: hi hi hi

Akali: r u okay?

Akali: Is everything okay?

Akali: Um um um um

Akali: I’m sorry i should have done more

 

Evelynn: Darling.

 

Akali: Just know Kai’sa and Sivir weren’t trying to push you or anything

Akali: They don’t mean any harm

 

Evelynn: Darling.

 

Akali: And like im sorry for not realizing you were getting frustrated 

Akali: you were right next to me and I should have noticed sooner

Akali: so if there’s anyone to be mad at, it should be me

 

Evelynn: Darling.

 

Akali: If it’s a break you want, I’m totally fine with that

Akali: I don’t want to impede on your emotion

Akali: So if it’s space you need, I respect that

 

Evelynn: Akali.

 

Akali: I’m really really sorry if you felt i was a bad girlfriend

Akali: I promise i will be better at noticing your feelings and helping you through them

Akali: and and

 

Evelynn: Akali Jhomen Tethi.

 

Akali: Yes???

 

Evelynn: Relax, I’m not mad at you or Kai’sa or anyone else.

Evelynn: I want to talk to you about something.

Evelynn: Can I call you?

 

Akali: You can just text me that you want to break up with me, I understand.

 

Evelynn: Darling, stop jumping to conclusions and let me call you.

 

Akali: Okay okay sorry

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Will you answer my call?

 

Akali: Sorry i got nervous

 

Evelynn: I’m not breaking up with you, darling.

Evelynn: I need to tell you something about myself.

Evelynn: Okay?

 

Akali: Okay okay

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Darling, answer my call please.

 

Akali: That time I pressed the decline button accidentally….

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: Hey Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: omg omg i am so sorry if I hurt your feelings. I swear i am a good person.  I had no idea Sivir and i were bothering you. Just know that was not our intentions. I swear we weren’t trying to hurt your feelings on purpose. You know i love you like a sister and the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings with intent. You’re very precious to me and i hate the idea that i accidentally hurt you. 

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: And Sivir feels bad too. Just know she doesn’t mean anything.she may try to be a “bad girl” and all but Sivir is really caring. She didn’t mean anything and she’s sorry if she hurt your feelings or triggered you.just know that you don’t need to tell me anything if you’re not comfortable

 

Evelynn: Can you please accept my call?

 

Kai’sa: and and don’t think you need to be concern about us. The one more concern is akali. Omg she has been texting me nonstop since you left and she’s really worried about you. You know akali can be aloof and a bit naive but she really does care about you.

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa stop declining my calls…

 

Kai’sa: but also don’t be mad at akali for not noticing your frustrations. She feels really guilty about that. She’s a great girl and she just wants what is best for you. And know that your her first real relationship so she’s trying hard. She doesn’t want to mess it up between you two. So pls give her a second chance.

 

Evelynn: KAI’SA WILL YOU ANSWER MY PHONE CALL AND I WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING?

 

Kai’sa: Oh

Kai’sa: Right

Kai’sa: Of course.

 

Evelynn: Thank you.

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Sona and Evelynn.

 

Evelynn: Sona.

 

Sona: Ahri told me everything already.

Sona: Like just now.

Sona: She cried the whole time that she needed to tell me twice.

 

Evelynn: ….

Evelynn: That fucking snitch ass fox…

 

Sona: Hey, Evelynn?

Sona: You know there’s nothing to be ashamed of in your past and we, your friends, support you no matter what. You’re brave and it takes a lot of courage to be so open.

 

Evelynn: Ahri already did the mushy sentimental portion with me, I’m good Sona.

 

Sona: I love you, Evie. You’re my close friend~

 

Evelynn: Thank you, Sona.

 

Sona: Say it back.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: I love you too, Sona…

Evelynn: Okay I said it, you know i hate being mushy with anyone besides akali

 

Sona: I know, I just like teasing that out of you.

Sona: :)

 

Evelynn: You’re a gem, Sona.

 

Sona: I know *hair flip*

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Ahri added Evelynn to group chat “K/DA”.

 

Evelynn: Before anyone says anything, I just want you guys to know that I’m not mad at anyone and I’m sorry for my outburst.

 

Sivir: Dear Best Earthly Companion,

 

First let me say I respect you so very much.

 

I am sorry and I hope that you can forgive me.

 

I am sorry for causing you to feel bad-sad-mad.

 

Please know that I was just not thinking clearly.

 

I am feeling very guilty about what I did to you.

 

I really hope that you will just allow me make it up to you.

 

I promise to treat you with respect in front of others.

 

My final thoughts in closing are No Comments were Submitted..

 

Love, Your Super Lucky Mate

 

Ahri: Awk...

 

Taliyah: Sivir...did you use an apology generator…………..

 

Sivir: No…

 

Irelia: “No Comments were Submitted”?

 

Sivir: Oh shit I forgot to fill that section out.

 

Akali: So...you did use a generator…???

 

Sivir: No….

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn, Sivir means the best, she’s just not good at expressing her feelings.

 

Evelynn: It’s fine. I kinda thought it was sweet that she went to lengths to do that.

 

Akali: Okay, Sivir, back off.

 

Sivir: I I I?xzvjkxn

Sivir: I’m sorry, for both the letter and hurting your feelings Evelynn.

 

Taliyah: You could have said that in the beginning???

 

Sivir: Tal, shut up

 

Evelynn: Well, I accept. Thank you Sivir, but I’m sorry for making you and Kai’sa feel guilty about my outburst. 

Evelynn: I hope in the future I will explain myself more and not lead on miscommunication.

 

Sivir: I understand, thank you.

 

Taliyah: She literally had an apology that was 100x better than yours…

 

Sivir: Shut up…

 

Ahri: So now we have Evelynn back!

Ahri: Who is ready to kick Mr. Von Daemon’s butt!?

 

Kai’sa: Me.

 

Akali: Me.

 

Sona: I am.

 

Sivir: Huh??

 

Irelia: Pardon?

 

Taliyah: Ah….don’t know what’s going on but I support you guys in spirit.


Evelynn: AHRI REALLLYYYY????

Chapter Text

Kai'sa: Hey guys, I'm heading back home soon.

 

Akali: You were gone?

 

Kai'sa: …

Kai'sa: Yeah…

Kai'sa: I left for a week to spend time with my family…

 

Ahri: Oh yeah u have a dad

Ahri: u know who doesn't have a dad or a mom anymore?

Ahri: Evelynn

Ahri: Shame on you Kai'sa 

 

Evelynn: AHRI STOP GUILT TRIPPING EVERYONE

 

Kai'sa: Is that what she's been doing since I was gone?

 

Sivir: YES

 

Taliyah: Everyday since Evelynn explained her background 

 

Irelia: We are required to message Evelynn every morning and wish her a good morning and that's she's loved.

 

Ahri: As you should.

 

Sona: Ahri, I'm sure your concern is appreciated

 

Evelynn: IT WAS WHEN IT WASN'T ANNOYING

 

Sona: But I'm sure Evelynn understands that everyone is sympathetic and that's enough for her.

 

Evelynn: I DO

 

Irelia: @Evelynn, good morning and you're loved.

 

Evelynn: FOPHELIA YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS JUST BC AHRI TOLD YOU TO DO SO!

 

Irelia: I just don't want 69 texts from Ahri checking if I did it or not

 

Ahri: You pass, Irelia

 

Irelia: Thank god

 

Taliyah: Look eve is chill but I'm not doing this 

 

Evelynn: GOOD. DON’T DO IT, TALIYAH.

 

Akali: Why 69 texts?

 

Ahri: :))))

Ahri: Bc im that bitch

 

Akali: ??

 

Sivir: It’s 69

 

Akali: Yeah what about it?

 

Ahri: Do you not know what 69 means?

 

Akali: No?

 

Ahri: Evelynn, you’re a fucking failure of a girlfriend and a fucking succubus.

 

Sona: Well Ahri turned over a new leaf…

 

Evelynn: I prefer this Ahri, not the other Ahri

 

Akali: What’s the deal with 69???

 

Sivir: Imagine you and Evelynn but you’re upside down

 

Akali: ????

Akali: Why am I upside down?

 

Sivir: Bc you and Eve are giving each other head

 

Akali: I’m handstanding???

 

Sivir: No

Sivir: Okay, you and Evelynn are lying down and you’re on top of her

 

Akali: Okay

 

Sivir: you turn around

 

Akali: I flip on my back?

 

Sivir: No.

Sivir: Your head is facing her feet.

 

Akali: So no handstand?

 

Sivir: DROP THE FUCKING HANDSTAND

 

Akali: SO NO HANDSTAND???

 

Sivir: oh my god…

 

Ahri: akali, your head in between Evelynn’s legs, her head is in between yours

 

Akali: So...handstand?

 

Kai’sa: I’m so glad you haven’t changed that much since dating Evelynn, Akali.

 

Evelynn: Darling, we’ve done it.

Evelynn: It’s the “reversal jutsu”

 

Akali: ooooooooh that!

Akali: Why didn’t you guys just say that?

 

Ahri: ….what??

 

Kai’sa: Okay then.

 

Sivir: I’m fucking done.

 

Taliyah: Reversal Jutsu??

Taliyah: You mean Time Reversal Jutsu???

 

Sona: Your Naruto logic doesn’t really work with Akali.

 

Taliyah: WHAT??

 

Akali: So 69 is the same as the Reversal Jutsu?

 

Sivir: I guess???

 

Ahri: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TWO CALL IT REVERSAL JUTSU WHEN IT’S CALLED THE 69???

 

Evelynn: It’s easier for Akali to remember.

 

Ahri: IT’S FUCKING NUMBERS!!!

 

Akali: Numbers are confusing to me.

 

Irelia: Hey, Akali. Why was 10 scared of 7?

 

Akali: Why?

 

Irelia: Because 7 8 9.

 

Akali:

Akali: I don’t get it.

 

Ahri: seven EIGHT nine

 

Akali: And?

 

Kai’sa: It’s a play on words.

Kai’sa: Eight sounds like ‘ate’

Kai’sa: So it sounds like 7 ‘ate’ nine and that’s why 10 is scared of 7

 

Akali: They’re just numbers.

Akali: Not people.

Akali: So I don’t get the joke.

 

Sivir: No wonder why Akali has no sense of humor.

 

Akali: ???

 

Irelia: She’s good with her hands, not using her brain.

 

Evelynn: She’s very good with her hands.

Evelynn: Very skillful with her fingers~

 

Irelia: I regret my previous statement.

 

Sona: It’s okay, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: Oh no, you’re still calling me by my full name…

 

Sona: I love that it still annoys you.

 

Ahri: @Akali, If I have 5 bowls of spicy ramyun and I gave you two, how many do I have?

 

Akali: Why the fuck would you have five bowls of spicy ramyun and I only get two?

 

Ahri: I’m just trying to get you to use your brain.

 

Akali: But why would you have 5 bowls and not me??

 

Evelynn: Bc Ahri is a greedy fox

 

Akali: Fucking rude ass fox

 

Evelynn: Exactly.

 

Ahri: You’re not helping, Eve!!

 

Taliyah: @Akali there are 7 ninjas fighting against you and you got three buddies to help you, how many ninjas can you and your buddies take on and what’s leftover?

 

Akali: All of them, duh

Akali: No leftovers 

 

Taliyah: No, Akali. Let's say you can only take on one person.

 

Akali: Okay

 

Taliyah: Your buddies can only handle one person.

 

Akali: Okay.

 

Taliyah: So you and your three buddies face 7 other ninjas

 

Akali: Yes.

 

Taliyah: How many ninjas would NOT be dealt with?

 

Akali: Why would my buddies and I not take them all? We’re not weak.

 

Taliyah: no

Taliyah: Okay, what’s 7-3?

 

Akali: That’s not the problem, you said how many ninjas would be left and I said none bc I’m not a weak ass bitch.

 

Taliyah: ….

Taliyah: I give up

 

Sivir: That was a trainwreck, Tal.

 

Taliyah: Shut up, Sivir.

 

Evelynn: Did you guys ever think that maybe Akali thinks outside of the box?

Evelynn: Her way of thinking is technically reasonable.

 

Akali: THANK YOU EVE

 

Ahri: She’s never passing a math test.

 

Akali: um, I passed math, thank you very much.

 

Irelia: You only passed 1st-grade math

Irelia: You never passed beyond basic math.

Irelia: You failed algebra.

 

Akali: Algebra decided to throw letters in and throw me off.

Akali: Besides, you can’t fucking pass a basic dance class.

 

Irelia: I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO SOME DANCE TEACHER THAT DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DANCE

 

Akali: ALL YOU LITERALLY HAD TO DO WAS PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN AND LEFT FOOT OUT!!!!!

 

Ahri: do the hokey pokey

 

Kai’sa: and turn yourself around

 

Evelynn: That’s what’s it all about!

 

Sivir: *jazz hands*

 

Akali: SEE?? EVEN THEY GOT IT!

 

Irelia: DOING THE FUCKING HOKEY POKEY WAS NOT GOING TO FURTHER MY DANCING SKILLS!!!

 

Kai’sa: You dance?

 

Irelia: Yes, I dance.

Irelia: Specifically I practice a dance routine that was passed down in my family.

 

Sivir: Kai’sa pole dances so beat that, loser.

 

Taliyah: LMFAOOOO

 

Irelia:

 

Kai’sa: Yep, I pole dance in college 

 

Ahri: When Kai’sa gets back, she’s going to teach us some more moves which I think might help us be more flexible for our own dances.

 

Evelynn: It’s a good workout for my body. Keeps me in shape.

 

Irelia:

 

Akali: It makes my butt look pretty.

 

Sivir: Ahri and Evelynn: It’s beneficial for our bodies and for K/DA

Sivir: Akali: It makes my pooper pretty.

 

Sona: I fucking snorted omg

 

Taliyah: nsakldghakjdfghljdhlfkjgsj

 

Kai’sa: omg babe

Kai'sa: I choked!

 

Akali: Fuck off, Sivir.

Akali: You’re just jealous that my butt is looking better than your square ass.

 

Sivir: It’s not square

Sivir: It’s toned.

 

Ahri: Kinda weird looking tbh

 

Kai’sa: Sivir’s ass is fine, leave her alone.

 

Evelynn: You’re right, you’re the one that has to stare at that squareness in bed.

 

Kai’sa: Leave her alone, her butt is fine.

 

Irelia: How did the conversation get here????

 

Akali: Bc Sivir is jealous of my butt.

 

Sivir: I AM NOT

Sivir: Your ass is barely the size of my hand

Sivir: It’s tiny AF

 

Evelynn: At least it cups perfectly in my hands

Evelynn: Kai’sa needs to hoist your ass

 

Sivir: I feel attacked.

 

Kai’sa: I love your square butt.

 

Sivir: IT’S NOT SQUARE

 

Taliyah: YOUR GIRLFRIEND FUCKING AGREES THO!!!

 

Akali: HAHAHAHA!!!

 

Kai’sa: I love your booty, baby.

Kai’sa: I promise the moment I see you, I will kiss it.

 

Akali: That’s kind of you but Evelynn does that for me.

 

Evelynn: HAHA!!!

 

Kai’sa: I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!!!!

 

Sivir: AT LEAST I HAVE FUCKING ARMS, UNLIKE AKALI’S TOOTHPICKS!!!

 

Akali: Muscle isn’t everything. A true ninja uses their opponent’s strength against them.

 

Sivir: You can’t even give your girlfriend a piggyback ride.

Sivir: You tried and almost broke Evelynn’s nose.

 

Evelynn: It’s the effort that counts.

 

Akali: YEAH

 

Ahri: At least Akali doesn’t call Evelynn a vegetable.

Ahri: Turnip thighs Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: FUCK OFF.

 

Ahri:

Ahri: Looks like turnips to me.

 

Evelynn: It really does when you look at it.

 

Akali: someone photoshop turnips next to them

 

Taliyah: On it.

 

Kai'sa: OH FUCK YOU GUYS!

Kai'sa: SCREW YOU GUYS!

Kai'sa: MAYBE ILL LEAVE K/DA NEXT!

 

Taliyah: and run back to mommy and daddy?

 

Kai'sa: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Ahri: You know who else doesn't have a mom and dad?

Ahri: Evelynn.

Ahri: Shame on you two.

 

Evelynn: AHRI STOP GUILT TRIPPING EVERYONE

 

Ahri: OMG WE NEED TO CELEBRATE EVERY FATHER AND MOTHER'S DAY THAT EVELYNN MISSED!

 

Sona: Kai'sa needs to be the "mother"

 

Irelia: Who's the "Father"?

 

Taliyah: Sivir, duh.

Taliyah: She would make a horrible dad but she'll do.

 

Sivir: Rude

Sivir: I have great daddy skills.

 

Akali: If a great daddy is running away from your responsibilities, then yeah you're perfect, Sivir, since you like running away a lot.

 

Sivir: Akali, you're fucking dead when I see you again.

 

Taliyah: You did run away from Egypt to get away from being Cassiopeia's baby mama.

 

Sivir: Oh come on she stabbed me in the back!

 

Irelia: You ran away from Azir, the man who saved your life.

 

Sivir: Babe, I feel attacked. Help me.

 

Kai'sa: Leave Sivir alone, she had good reasons to run away.

 

Akali: She's a pussy.

 

Sivir: I am what I eat.

 

Akali: Oh come on!!!

 

Sivir: Hah!

 

Ahri: Okay but we're still having Sivir be the father figure and Kai'sa as the mother figure.

Ahri: You two can celebrate every mothers and fathers day together with Evie

 

Kai'sa: Evelynn doesn't even want to do it.

 

Evelynn: Actually...I kinda do.

 

Kai'sa:....

 

Sivir:....

 

Ahri: awwwww sweeeet

 

Kai'sa: Then first order of business 

Kai'sa: Akali needs to ask us for permission to marry Evelynn

 

Akali: OH COME ON!

 

Evelynn: But mother I love her.

 

Sivir: Papa doesn't approve of this!

Sivir: Papa won't let this ninja take you away.

 

Akali: Kai'sa okaa san, Sivir otou san, please let me have Eve chan.

 

Sivir: Eve chan?

Sivir: How dare you talk so informally about our daughter!

 

Kai'sa: Aww, you can just call me mom

 

Sivir: HABIBTI, DON'T FALL FOR THIS SMOOTH TALKING PLAYER

 

Evelynn: Father, I love her!

 

Akali: PLEASE LET ME HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER!

 

Irelia: What is going on here???

Irelia: I am so lost??

 

Sona: shhhhh they're really into it.

 

Ahri: I didn't think they really get into this.

 

Akali: SIVIR OTOU SAN! LET ME HAVE EVELYNN!

 

Sivir: YOU CAN'T SUPPORT MY DAUGHTER!

 

Akali: IT'S OKAY, EVELYNN CAN SUPPORT US!

 

Sivir: SO YOU'RE A FREELOADER??

 

Evelynn: Papa, I love this woman. If you want me to be happy, let me be with her.

 

Kai'sa: Mama approves.

 

Sivir: Papa doesn't 

 

Akali: THEN I'M CALLING AZIR!

Akali: HE FOLLOWS ME ON TWITTER SO HE'S ONLY A FUCKING DM AWAY

Akali: I'LL DO IT IF YOU WON'T LET ME HAVE EVE!

 

Sivir: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT AKALI THIS IS ALL JUST A FUCKING JOKE

 

Akali: It is?

 

Ahri: YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL???

Ahri: YOU GUYS WERE ROLEPLAYING!

 

Akali: we were?

Akali: Oh my bad

 

Sivir: MY BAD MY ASS! YOU REALLY WERE ABOUT TO CALL AZIR!

 

Akali: :p

 

Sivir: DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!

 

Kai'sa: At least Akali is serious about eve

 

Evelynn: I love her so fucking much.

Evelynn: Baby, I love you.

 

Akali: Aishiteruze!

 

Sivir: U fucking were serious about calling Azir….

 

Akali: It's funny watching you interact with him.

 

Kai'sa:  It's not when it's with my dad.

 

Ahri: You know who else doesn't have a dad anymore?

Ahri: Evelynn.

Ahri: Shame on you two.

 

Evelynn: AHRI STOP GUILT TRIPPING EVERYONE!

 

Ahri: :3

Ahri: I just feel bad when everyone talks about their parents and then there's you.

 

Evelynn: sigh

Evelynn: I'm not going to be triggered every time Kai'sa and Sivir talk about their dads.

 

Sivir: Azir ain't my daddy.

 

Evelynn: My point is…

Evelynn: I'm fine, Ahri.

Evelynn: If it starts to bother me, I'll tell you guys.

Evelynn: okay?

 

Ahri: Okiiiiieee

 

Kai'sa: Reasonable.

 

Sivir: Yeah.

 

Akali: yosh!

 

Sona: noted.

 

Irelia: Yes.

 

Taliyah: Yep

 

Ahri: But can we still do the K/DA family roleplay?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, that was fun. I love to roleplay.

 

Irelia: How about no?

 

Akali: You’re no fun.

 

Irelia: Sue me.

 

Sona: I think I will, Xan Irelia.


Irelia: ...

Chapter Text

Ahri: @Sona 

Ahri: @Sivir

Ahri: @Taliyah

Ahri: @Irelia

Ahri: Hello, extras. You guys are invited to the K/DA Halloween party.

 

Sona: Extra? Wow, is that what we are?

 

Taliyah : sup just woke up

 

Irelia: ?

 

Sivir: WHY AM I LUMPED WITH THE EXTRAS?

 

Ahri: You can be an honorary extra.

 

Sivir: ...woooow

 

Kai'sa: Excuse me, that's my girlfriend right there.

 

Sivir: Thaaaanks babe

 

Sona: Um hello?? I'm DJ Sona and Pentakill Sona??

 

Ahri: Hi DJ and Pentakill Sona.

Ahri: I'm Ahri.

 

Sona: ....

 

Irelia: Is there something important?

Irelia : Why am I tagged?

 

Taliyah : suuuup guys

 

Ahri: You guys are invited to the K/DA Halloween party tonight.

 

Irelia: Tonight?

 

Ahri: Did I stutter?

 

Irelia : I live all the way in Japan!

 

Taliyah : Yo I appreciate the offer but I'm all the way in Egypt

Taliyah : But one of yall should facetime me at the party and I'll tell embarrassing Sivir stories 

 

Sivir: Everyone block Taliyah's number

 

Ahri: Noted Tal

Ahri: See, Irelia, be like Tal here

 

Irelia: Excuse me that I was just saying that it's useless to invite me when I live all the way in Japan.

 

Ahri: Damn, ungrateful…

 

Kai'sa: Irelia is just being reasonable.

 

Ahri: She could at least let us facetime her at the party

 

Irelia: No thanks, I'm good.

 

Akali : Senpai, you're no fun.

 

Irelia: Deal with it.

 

Sona: You're no fun, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: ...

 

Taliyah: So who else did you guys invite to the party?

 

Ahri: Everyone on Evelynn's contacts on her phone.

 

Evelynn: IS THAT WHY YOU INVITED TWISTED FATE?

 

Ahri: Why is he still in your contacts?

 

Evelynn: HE'S ON MY BLOCKED LIST, AHRI!

Evelynn : THERE IS A REASON WHY THERE'S A BLOCKED LIST!!

 

Sivir: Oh wow is there??

 

Akali: It's a list of blocked phone numbers, so Evie would block her ex.

 

Sivir: Wow, no shit Akali

Sivir: I was being sarcastic.

 

Akali : I can't read sarcasm.

 

Sivir: You can't even read.

 

Akali: Yes I can, dumbass

 

Ahri: She can't even do basic math.

 

Akali: I CAN

 

Evelynn: Darling, I love you but I got a more important problem.

Evelynn : LIKE WHY IS TWISTED FATE INVITED TO THE PARTY?!

Evelynn: AHRI?

 

Ahri: *shrugs*

Ahri: Not my fault that his number is still in your phone

 

Evelynn : HE IS ON THE BLOCK LIST!

 

Ahri: You told me to invite everyone on your phone.

Ahri: I did my part for the party planning.

Ahri: Now Kai'sa does the rest

 

Kai'sa: Yeah thanks…

 

Evelynn : JUST BC I SAY INVITE EVERYONE ON MY PHONE DOES NOT MEAN ADD THOSE ON MY BLOCKED LIST!

 

Ahri: If it makes you feel better, I invited Kassadin and Azir

 

Kai'sa: WHAT?

 

Sivir: WHAT?

 

Taliyah : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

Sona: Big oof.

 

Akali : LMFAOOOO

 

Irelia : That's going to go down well.

 

Kai'sa: WHY WOULD YOU INVITE MY DAD??

 

Sona: Yeah, why only Kai'sa's dad?

Sona: Why not Kai'sa's mom?

 

Kai'sa: I DON'T WANT MY FUCKING PARENTS AT A PARTY FULL OF RAMBUNCTIOUS ADULTS!!

 

Ahri: I thought it would be funny

Ahri: I didn't think he would actually accept.

Ahri: It would be rude to take back my invitation 

 

Kai'sa: HWNDJSISHDIDBW

Kai'sa: AAAHHHRRRIIIII

 

Ahri: :3

 

Sivir: WHY AZIR DEAR FUCKING GOD NO 

 

Taliyah: but he's all the way in egypt?

 

Sivir: Oh yeah

Sivir: then im good

 

Ahri: He's already on a plane here

Ahri : He texted me that he'll be here soon.

 

Sivir : Yeah, I'm running away.

 

Kai'sa: Take me with you.

 

Taliyah: Wow, you two are perfect for each other.

 

Akali : nah sivir is being a pussy ass coward haha

 

Sivir : fuck you

Sivir : You go spend ONE day with Azir and tell me if I'm still being overdramatic 

 

Ahri : he misses youuuu

 

Sivir: ew

 

Kai'sa: my dad really accepted a party invitation from Ahri, a pop star idol??

Kai'sa : I don't understand him sometimes…

 

Evelynn :  AT LEAST YOUR EX WASN'T INVITED!!

 

Akali : Imma fight

 

Sivir : Yeah, do a sexy jutsu on him. That'll fix everything.

 

Taliyah : Hahahahahahahaha!

 

Akali: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Akali: Fuck you.

Akali : I actually know some dangerous jutsus that will render a man unconscious.

 

Sivir: Me too

Sivir : It's called Punching no Jutsu and Kicking Ass no Jutsu

 

Akali: ....    

 

Taliyah : Actually, I thought Sivir was good at Running Away Like A Bitch no Jutsu.

 

Akali: Hahahahahahahahah!

 

Sivir:...

 

Sona : Nerds.

 

Sivir : HEY

 

Akali : RUDE

 

Taliyah : :(

 

Sona: :)

 

Evelynn : HI EVERYONE I HAVE A MORE IMPORTANT PROBLEM!

Evelynn: AHRI IS A FUCKING DUMBASS BC SHE INVITED MY FUCKING EX!

 

Ahri: HEY

Ahri: I JUST DID I WAS TOLD

Ahri: DON'T BLAME MEEEEE

 

Irelia : I mean.

Irelia: It seems you don't have a lot of common sense if you went ahead to invite people from a BLOCKED list.

Irelia : Or any common decency.

 

Ahri :.....    

 

Akali: ....omg

 

Sivir: wow

 

Kai'sa : Oh my

 

Taliyah : woooah

 

Sona: Xan Irelia, did you just roast Ahri?

 

Irelia : Um.

Irelia: I think?

 

Evelynn : THANK YOU UOPEHLIA! SOMEONE WHO FINALLY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN!!

 

Irelia : At least get my name right…..for once….

 

Ahri: Hey, maybe Twisted Fate won't come?

 

Evelynn : YOU REALLY THINK HE WOULD DECLINE A PARTY?

Evelynn : THIS MAN IS THE LIFE AT PARTIES

Evelynn : AND YOU FUCKING INVITED HIM TO OUR PARTY!

Evelynn: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LOVEY DOVEY WITH MY GIRLFRIEND IN OUR COSTUMES WITH MY EX HOVERING OVER ME?

 

Kai'sa: You show him that you moved on and that his presence doesn't affect you.

Kai'sa: Who knows? Maybe he also doesn't really care and just came to party.

Kai'sa: We invited a lot of people so maybe he wont even get a chance to talk to you.

 

Evelynn : YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO

 

Ahri: Yeah we know he was balls deep in yah

 

Evelynn: IEVDJWBDIWHDIDHEH

 

Kai'sa: You're not helpful, Ahri

 

Ahri: :3

 

Akali: well if he makes a move on my evie, I'll fight

 

Evelynn : Darling, I love you~

 

Taliyah : Hey I checked Twitter just now and I saw Cassiopeia post that she's going to the K/DA party.

Taliyah : You guys invited her?

 

Ahri: ...

 

Akali :....

 

Kai'sa: ....

 

Evelynn :....

 

Sona: ooooooo

 

Irelia :Lol

 

Sivir: Hey Ahri

 

Ahri: Yesh?

 

Sivir: Do you want to die?

 

Ahri: Nyo~

 

Sivir: IT SURE LOOKS LIKE YOU WANT TO DIE BY MY FIST!!!

Sivir: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU INVITE CASSIOPEIA?!!

 

Ahri: She was in Evelynn's contacts.

 

Evelynn : ON THE BLOCKED LIST WITH TWISTED FATE YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!

Evelynn: YOU MIGHT AS WELL INVITE AKALI'S PARENTS AS WELL AND MASTER SHEN

 

Akali : Please no

 

Ahri: I sowwwyyyyyyy

 

Kai'sa: My mom just texted me that my dad found his Halloween costume and that he's going to be "drop dead gorgeous"

Kai'sa : So there's that

 

Sona: Your mom not coming?

 

Kai'sa: My mom has better common sense than my dad.

 

Irelia : She can't convince your dad not to come?

 

Kai'sa: You haven't actually met my dad, have you?

Kai'sa: My dad literally thought Sivir was taking me hostage when he found out we were dating.

 

Irelia: oh

Irelia: Fun...

 

Sivir: Oh yeah, those were the fun days….

 

Ahri: I like your dad.

 

Kai'sa: Hey back off he's married

 

Ahri: Not like thaaaaaat

 

Sivir: You were so ready to be my mom

 

Ahri: Hey, I wanted to be a trophy fox to Azir, not his girlfriend 

 

Evelynn : Slut.

 

Ahri: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Akali : This party is going to be interesting.

 

Taliyah : I bet Cassiopeia is going to try bother Evelynn.

 

Evelynn : Perfect, two pains in the ass.

 

Ahri: You've had worse up your ass.

 

Kai'sa : but we're calling the police on Cassiopeia? Right?

 

Sivir: Please!

 

Evelynn : She'll prolly bribe the police to not come

 

Kai'sa: Wow….

 

Ahri: it's okay, if we murder anyone, i can manipulate memories 

 

Akali : That's a lot of lips you're going to be kissing

 

Evelynn : Slut

 

Ahri: Luckily I'm a great kisser and i love kissing

 

Kai'sa: we can tell when you're drunk

 

Ahri: Foxy kisses~~~

 

Akali : ew

 

Ahri: rude

 

Sivir : so everyone that we don't want coming to the party is going to come anyways?

 

Ahri: YEP

 

Evelynn : It'll look really bad on us if we kick them out without a valid reason.

 

Kai'sa : wow we care about our image?

 

Akali: LMFAO

 

Sona: well Pentakill has to go to another party so I wont be there

Sona: But keep me updated about what happens 

 

Evelynn : Oh, we'll keep you updated.

 

Ahri: and watch the news too!

Ahri : Maybe our party will cause enough trouble!

 

Kai'sa: Can we try not to have a troubling party?

 

Akali: aw…

 

Kai’sa: That specifically means you, Akali

 

Akali : fine i wont use my forbidden scrolls….

 

Taliyah: What?! :D

 

Sivir: What…

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Twisted Fate and Evelynn.

 

Twisted Fate: Hello, Evelynn. Just saw your selfie on Insta. You're looking beautiful as always.

Twisted Fate: We haven't talked in forever, how are you?

Twisted Fate: We barely talked at our photoshoot. You wouldn’t answer any of my questions.

 

Evelynn : You fucking ghosted me after we broke up, you asshole.

Evelynn : I'm only unblocking you so I can give you a piece of my mind, you fucking slimy greasy slob.

 

Twisted Fate: Still harsh and blunt, that's what I loved about you, buttercup.

 

Evelynn : Don't fucking call me buttercup.

 

Twisted Fate : And feisty. Spicy, love it.

 

Evelynn : Ugh 

 

Twisted Fate : I'm coming to the party, miss me?

 

Evelynn : You were accidentally invited by Ahri.

 

Twisted Fate: I don't believe in accidents. I believe in happy coincidences.

 

Evelynn : Oh, like how you dumped me over text after we had sex that one night?

Evelynn : Ignored my texts for months and then mail me a fucking eight of spades card to my doorstep.

 

Twisted Fate : I also sent a rose.

 

Evelynn : I didn't get a fucking rose.

 

Twisted Fate: Oh, that's a bummer. It didn't send.

 

Evelynn: What do you want?

Evelynn: To antagonize me?

 

Twisted Fate: Antagonize you?

Twisted Fate: Surely you don’t think I’m coming to this party to bother you?

 

Evelynn:

 

Twisted Fate: Okay, okay fair enough that you would think that

Twisted Fate: But baby girl

Twisted Fate: The past is the past.

Twisted Fate: I admit that I wasn’t exactly the greatest boyfriend ever

 

Evelynn: You sucked ass.

 

Twisted Fate: I sucked your ass, darling~

 

Evelynn: Fuck you.

 

Twisted Fate: You’re still as blunt as ever~

 

Evelynn: And I moved on.

Evelynn: I’m happy with my GIRLFRIEND.

 

Twisted Fate: Oh I’m aware.

Twisted Fate: You two make a very good couple

 

Evelynn: Really? You mean that?

 

Twisted Fate: I do!

Twisted Fate: You seem really happy with her.

 

Evelynn: I am.

Evelynn: Happiest I’ve ever been.

 

Twisted Fate: It makes me happy to see you happy.

 

Evelynn: You’re not trying to suck up to me…?

 

Twisted Fate: I’m not.

Twisted Fate: Unless you want me to suck something off~

 

Evelynn: No.

 

Twisted Fate: Ah, worth a shot.

Twisted Fate: But I mean it. I really am happy you are in a great relationship with Akali.

Twisted Fate: And you are thriving in your career.

Twisted Fate: You are shining brighter than I have ever seen you.

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: Thank you. That’s really nice of you to say.

 

Twisted Fate: I know our breakup was not the cleanest. Our relationship wasn’t perfect.

Twisted Fate: We were a very chaotic couple.

 

Evelynn: We were young.

Evelynn: We were trying to break out of our teenagehood but we did it wrong.

Evelynn: We thought we were adults but we weren’t.

 

Twisted Fate: It was a rough patch in our lives. I admit that I am not proud of the man I was then. 

Twisted Fate: Heck, I shouldn’t call past me a man, I was still an immature boy.

 

Evelynn: Yeah you were immature as fuck.

 

Twisted Fate: Ouch.

Twisted Fate: You still got those thorns, baby rose.

 

Evelynn: I haven’t lost my edge, Tobias.

 

Twisted Fate: Ah, you used my real name.

Twisted Fate: You gotten soft now.

Twisted Fate: I knew you would warm right back up to me.

 

Evelynn: Don’t push it.

 

Twisted Fate: Hey, I don’t go after taken women. You know that about me.

 

Evelynn: Despite your reputation, you always did stay loyal to me when we were together.

 

Twisted Fate: How could I not when I had the most rambuntious, crazy, beautiful, and fucking uncontrollable succubus as my woman then?

 

Evelynn: You can stop the sweet talking. I prefer Akali’s sweet words.

 

Twisted Fate: Akali is a lucky woman to have you.

 

Evelynn: I’m lucky to have her.

 

Twisted Fate: Now that’s something I never seen or heard you say.

 

Evelynn: Love changed me.

 

Twisted Fate: And I’m happy for you, darling.

 

Evelynn: Thank you, Tobias.

Evelynn: But just know that Akali might try and kill you if she sees you at the party.

Evelynn: And I don’t plan to stop her.

 

Twisted Fate: So no threesome?

 

Evelynn: Blocked.

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Ahri: Update, the party is well.

 

Sona: That’s surprising.

 

Kai’sa: It literally just started so give it a minute.

 

Evelynn: It’s nice to start a party without drama.

 

Ahri: I see you and Twisted Fate are getting along.

 

Evelynn: We talked out our problems like mature adults.

 

Sona: I doubt it.

 

Kai’sa: I don’t believe it.

 

Ahri: Yeah right.

 

Evelynn: Okay, wow.

 

Akali: I’m watching him.

 

Kai’sa: It’s really hard to take you seriously when you’re wearing a plug costume.

 

Akali: Shut up, it was Eve’s idea.

 

Irelia: Wow, you listen to people?

 

Akali: I DO!

 

Evelynn: I thought it was a cute couples costume. Akali is the plug and I’m the socket.

 

Ahri: Meh, u two could have done better

 

Evelynn: I don’t want to hear that from someone wearing a fucking horse mask.

 

Ahri: It’s funny!

 

Kai’sa: Can you see out of that?

 

Ahri: Barely but yeah

 

Akali: Holy fuck, how did Sivir get an entire Raptora suit that looks exactly like Pharah’s???

 

Taliyah: Me.

Taliyah: I made it for her and shipped it to her.

 

Akali: Holy shit, it looks so cool.

 

Taliyah: Thaaaanks~~

 

Evelynn: You two really dressed up as Pharah and Mercy?

Evelynn: Damn Kai’sa, just say you like to imagine having sex with Pharah.

 

Kai’sa: Shut up and let me enjoy my damn Mercy costume.

 

Sivir: Hey if Azir asks, tell him I am not here.

 

Akali added Azir to group chat “K/DA”.

 

Sivir: Akali, I fucking hate you.

 

Azir: SIIIIIIIVIIRRR MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER!!!!

 

Sivir: Akali, I really fucking hate you.

 

Akali: I’m just a plug man

 

Evelynn: LMFAO

Evelynn: plug into me, baby.

 

Akali: ;)

 

Kai’sa: Sigh

Kai’sa: It was fun while it lasted.

 

Azir: KAI’SAAAAA, MY FUTURE DAUGHTER IN LAW!!!

 

Kai’sa: Hi, Azir.

 

Azir: CALLL ME PAPA!

 

Kai’sa: I’m good, thanks.

 

Sivir: Get off of caps locks.

 

Azir: HOW DO I DO THAT AGAIN???

 

Sivir: Nevermind.

 

Azir: WHERE ARE YOU? I WANT TO SEE YOU!

 

Sivir: I don’t want to see you.

 

Kai’sa: Oh come on. Lets just say hi.

 

Sivir: No…..

 

Azir: I SEE YOU!!!!

 

Sivir: AUGH

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Hey does anyone know who the vampire dude is?

 

Kai’sa: No?

 

Akali: Vampire dude?

 

Sivir: ??

 

Evelynn: Oh, I’ve seen him

Evelynn: Don’t know who he is tho

 

Ahri: Well he’s hot and I wanna flirt with him.

 

Kai’sa: In a horse mask?

 

Ahri: Hey, half of the people here don’t even recognize me bc of this mask

Ahri: So it’s going to be a test for him

Ahri: I’ll flirt with him and if he likes me for who i am, imma reveal the mask

 

Evelynn: Go get some vampire sausage, girl.

 

Kai’sa: Don’t ever say vampire and sausage in the same sentence again.

 

Evelynn: Bitch let me have fun

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kassadin and Kai’sa.

 

Kassadin: Sweetie i need help

 

Kai’sa: Dad where are you, I can’t find you

Kai’sa: Are you here?

 

Kassadin: Yeah, I’m here.

Kassadin: I’m being hounded by some girl in a horse mask and a tail.

 

Kai’sa: Wait what?

Kai’sa: Wait...are you the vampire???

 

Kassadin: I prefer Count Kassadin, my sweet pea.

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: AHRI GET THE FUCK WAY FROM MY DAD!!!!!!!

 

Ahri: oh shit…

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Kai’sa, I’m sowwyyyy

Ahri: I didn’t know that was your dad….

Ahri: I really sowwwyyyy

 

Kai’sa: You were all over him!!!

 

Ahri: I sowwyyyy

Ahri: I really am.

 

Evelynn: I’m sorry, I’m gone for 20 mins and Ahri tried to hump Kai’sa’s dad???

Evelynn: LMFAOOOOO

 

Kai’sa: UGHHHHH

 

Sivir: Eve….did you switch costumes with Akali????

 

Evelynn: No…

 

Kai’sa: I see you two

Kai’sa: You guys switched costumes!

Kai’sa: Akali was the plug, now she’s the socket.

Kai’sa: Really you two?

 

Akali: Yeah, I’m willing to be a switch. Unlike you, Kai’sa.

 

Kai’sa: kadhgsahgkjahglu

 

Ahri added Kassadin to group chat “K/DA”.

 

Ahri: Mr. Kassadin, sir, I’m really sorry that I tried to flirt with you. I didn’t know that was you.

 

Kai’sa: DONT ADD MY DAD INTO THE GROUP CHAT AGAIN!!!!!!!

 

Kassadin: It’s fine, Ahri, I prefer if you drop it.

Kassadin: I guess that means my costume is well done.

 

Ahri: And we know where Kai’sa got her good looks from

 

Kassadin: Well gosh golly thanks

 

Kai’sa: Stop you two

 

Azir: OOOOO WHAT ARE YOU, KASSADIN?

 

Kassadin: WHY IS HE HERE???

 

Kai’sa: OH COME ON!!!!

 

Azir: KASSADIN, SIR, LETS TALK ABOUT OUR DAUGHTERS’ WEDDING!!!!

 

Kassadin: NO I CAME HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH MY DAUGHTER

 

Sivir: Me too, sir.

 

Kassadin: YOU

 

Sivir: Party was fun while it lasted.

 

Kai’sa: Why is it always with us…??

 

Azir: KASSADIN YOU DIDN’T BRING YOUR WIFE? MY FUTURE IN LAW???

 

Kassadin: YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!!!!

 

Azir: I BET KAI’SA GOT HER LADY CHARMS FROM HER MOTHER!

 

Kassadin: DID YOU NOT SEE AHRI’S TEXT???

Kassadin: SHE SAID MY SWEET PEA’S GOOD LOOKS CAME FROM ME!!!!

 

Kai’sa: DAD, DON’T ROAST MOM WHEN SHE’S NOT HERE!!!

 

Ahri: I AM SCREAMING BC EVERYONE ELSE IS SCREAMING!!! AND I LIKE SCREAMING!!

 

Sivir: At least Azir is not bothering me.

 

Kai’sa: We all look ridiculous, sitting on the couch, yelling at each other over text when we’re all in the same damn room.

 

Ahri: Is this not what college parties are, Kai’sa?

 

Kai’sa: I was damn good student.

 

Kassadin: APPARENTLY NOT, YOU POLE DANCED!

 

Kai’sa: FATHER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

 

Azir: MY FUTURE DAUGHTER IN LAW CAN DANCE?? AW SIVIR, GOT A GOOD WOMAN!

 

Kai’sa: I WAS LITERALLY KIDNAPPED TO BE K/DA’S DANCER!!!!!!!!

 

Sivir: This reunion is going great.

 

Kassadin: KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY DAUGHTER, SLIVER!!!!

 

Sivir: Sorry, your daughter’s ass was so tempting to touch.

 

Kai’sa: Siiiiviiiiirrrr

 

Sivir: If I’m going to die, I will die by staying true to myself.

 

Azir: DONT WORRY MY DAUGHTER, I SHALL KEEP KASSADIN AWAY SO YOU CAN BE LOVEY DOVEY WITH YOUR MAMA BIRD

 

Kassadin: OH NO YOU DONT!!!!

 

Kai’sa: Sigh…

 

Sivir: There they go.

 

Ahri: Imma go dance with other pple have fun guys

 

Irelia: I can not keep up with this chat.

 

XXX

 

Sona: Hey, I left Pentakill to hang out with you guys.

Sona: I’m here

Sona: Any reason why I see Mercy and Pharah passed out on the couch and a tied up angry vampire and a bird man?

 

Evelynn: So Kai’sa and Sivir alive? Good.

 

Sona: I see the party is still going.

 

Ahri: Yeah, everyone kinda ignored those four.

 

Akali: It could be worse.

Akali: The police could have came.

 

Sona: Should I not mention the police woman right behind me?

 

Evelynn: What?

 

Ahri: What?

 

Akali: What?

 

Kai’sa: WHAT?

 

XXX

 

Ahri: Good morning, everyone!

Ahri: How is everyone this morning?

 

Akali: Fine.

 

Evelynn: Refreshed.

 

Kai’sa: Alive.

 

Sivir: Barely.

 

Irelia: At least I didn’t see your party on the news.

 

Taliyah: That's good.

 

Sona: Good, the media doesn’t need to know about Cassiopeia tied up like a piñata in the tree.

 

Taliyah: What?

 

Irelia: What?

 

Kassadin: What?

 

Azir: WHAT?

 

Kai’sa: Wait one minute

 

Kai’sa removed Kassadin and Azir from group chat “K/DA”.

 

Kai’sa: Okay continue 

 

Akali: What was the point of adding them in the first place?

 

Taliyah: Cassiopeia is tied up in a tree??

 

Kai’sa: Yeah.

 

Sivir: Yep yep

 

Irelia: ...why?

 

Evelynn: Akali had a lovely idea to play piñata with the police woman.

 

Akali: :)))

 

Sona: Don’t worry, we just threw water balloons at her.

 

Sivir: Yeah sure, water.

 

Evelynn: What did we throw at her….?

 

Akali: :)

 

Sivir: :)

 

Irelia: I am very confused about what happened at this party.

 

Kai’sa: What is important is that it was successful at the end of the night. :)

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kassadin and Kai’sa.

 

Kassadin: Can you guys let that poor girl down?

 

Kai’sa: Hahahahahahahahaha.

Kai’sa: No. Go home, dad.

 

Chapter Text

Akali: Hey

Akali: Why is Cassiopeia still hanging from our tree?

 

Kai’sa: Good.

 

Sivir: Good.

 

Ahri: We have a tree?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, Kai’sa flung me into it when we first moved in.

 

Ahri: Ooooh yeaaah

 

Kai’sa: That was funny.

 

Taliyah: You guys left Cassiopeia hanging from a tree for 24 hrs?

Taliyah: What the actual fuck???

 

Sona: Only just 24 hours?

 

Taliyah: Ok good point, they could have gone longer

 

Irelia: Oh great, endangering someone’s life. Fun.

 

Sivir: Endangering???????

Sivir: THIS SNAKE HOE STABBED ME IN THE BACK!!!!

 

Irelia: Yes, it’s perfect revenge to tie her up and hang her from a tree for 24 hours. Wow, you showed her.

 

Sivir: IT IS!

 

Irelia: I was using sarcasm.

 

Sivir: Oh

 

Akali: She’s screaming at me.

 

Evelynn: Oh, darling, get away from the windows.

 

Akali: Okie

 

Ahri: So what’s for breakfast?

 

Kai’sa: Waffles.

 

Ahri: Just waffles?

 

Sivir: I’m getting a side of ass for me.

 

Kai’sa: ;)

 

Ahri: I don’t want ass on mine, thanks.

 

Evelynn: I do.

 

Akali: You want Kai’sa’s ass?

Akali: Well, okay then babe

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: I meant your ass, darling.

 

Akali: OOOOHHH okay okay my bad

Akali: sorry, sorry, I’ll put my kunai away

 

Kai’sa: WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT KUNAI???

 

Akali: Nothing. :)

 

Kai’sa: ...

 

Evelynn: I love it when you get jealous, darling~

 

Akali: :)))

 

Irelia: So you guys are just going to leave Cassiopeia hanging?

 

Kai’sa: Yes.

 

Sivir: Yeah.

 

Evelynn: Sure.

 

Akali: I guess.

 

Ahri: Yip.

 

Sona: I’m surprised she hasn’t broken out.

 

Sivir: She’s weak.

 

Akali: She just broke out.

 

Sivir: FUCK

 

Kai’sa: It was nice while it lasted.

 

Taliyah: It wasn’t going to last LONG.

 

Evelynn: 24 hrs is a long time

 

Sivir: Kai’sa and I are going to hide in the basement so if yah need us, we will be there.

 

Ahri: WE HAVE A BASEMENT?

 

Akali: SINCE WHEN??

 

Evelynn: I COULD HAVE HAD A SEX DUNGEON THIS WHOLE TIME??

 

Irelia: What?

 

Sona: Evelynn, there are children here.

 

Taliyah: I’m not a child. I’m old enough.

 

Sivir: You’re 18 baby girl.

 

Taliyah: 18 IS CONSIDERED AN ADULT!

 

Sona: And Evelynn is just a sex addict, no big deal.

 

Evelynn: I AM NOT A SEX ADDICT.

 

Kai’sa: That’s really hard to believe.

 

Akali: Evelynn just has a higher libido than most women, that’s all.

 

Sivir: Do you even know what libido means?

 

Akali: I DO, SIVIR LIVER!

Akali: IT MEANS I GET LAID MORE THAN YOU!

 

Kai’sa: You obviously haven’t observed our sex life, excuse you.

 

Sivir: HAH

 

Evelynn: You two are vanillas.

 

Kai’sa: We’re not!

Kai’sa: We get kinky.

 

Ahri: Hey, Cassiopeia is trying to break into our house.

 

Evelynn: “Oh, pizza girl. I have no money.”

 

Akali: “How will I pay for the pizza?”

 

Evelynn: “I guess I can give you something better.”

 

Kai’sa: Okay, that was one time we roleplayed like that

 

Sivir: We improved.

 

Evelynn: How so?

 

Kai’sa: Our dialogue isn’t bland.

 

Taliyah: They have a script, you know?

 

Sivir: TALIYAH

 

Kai’sa: REALLY, TALIYAH?

 

Sona: A script?

Sona: Are you two holding scripts as you foreplay?

 

Akali: That’s one way to kill the mood.

 

Kai’sa: CAN WE JUST MOVE ON?

 

Irelia: Do you two memorize your lines?

Irelia: Because that’s actually impressive.

 

Sivir: Yes, actually, we do.

Sivir: Thank you.

 

Akali: So you two don’t get laid often because you’re memorizing lines most of the time?

 

Evelynn: ^^

 

Kai’sa: Unlike you, Akali, we are fast learners.

 

Akali: RUDE

 

Ahri: Cassiopeia is about to break this fucking door down, guys!!!!

 

Kai’sa: It took you two months to learn your fucking solo in our song.

 

Akali: I’M A PERFECTIONIST

Akali: I NEED MY RAP GAME TO BE PERFECT.

 

Kai’sa: IT TOOK YOU A FUCKING WEEK TO REMEMBER “I’M A GODDESS WITH A BLADE”

 

Akali: BABE I FEEL ATTACKED!

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, at least Akali had a solo in the song.

 

Kai’sa: I AM A DANCER, NOT A SINGER!!!!!

 

Sivir: She sang the chorus!

 

Kai’sa: THANK YOU BABE!

 

Ahri: CASSIOPEIA IS COMING THROUGH!!!!

Ahri: OMG SHE IS TEARING OUR DOOR UP!!!

 

Sona: Sorry, Ahri, hold her back bc this is getting good.

 

Ahri: NYAAAAA!!

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, anyone can sing the chorus. Even your dad.

 

Kai’sa: Not everyone can dance.

Kai’sa: Don’t think I didn’t see you trip over the twirl routine and twist your ankle during practice that one time.

 

Evelynn: You saw that???

Evelynn: Damn…

 

Kai’sa: I’ve never seen someone fail at a basic spin. 

Kai’sa: Even children can do it.

 

Evelynn: I was distracted.

 

Akali: By me?

 

Evelynn: Of course.

Evelynn: You’re always on my mind~

 

Akali: eeeee!

 

Sivir: Gaaaay

 

Akali: Mature, Sivir.

 

Kai'sa : I don't want to hear that from someone that demands dino chicken nuggets over actual chicken.

 

Evelynn: Dino chicken nuggets are good, excuse you.

 

Kai'sa: it's packaged and processed meat

 

Akali: Wow, thanks mom

Akali: Now let me eat what I want.

 

Evelynn: Eat my ass

 

Akali: That can be arranged.

 

Sivir: I remember when Akali was an oblivious ninja that climbed on top of a ferris wheel bc she forgot her phone was in her pocket.

 

Akali: I've changed. I've grown.

 

Evelynn: As my girlfriend.

 

Kai'sa: I wouldn't call that growth.

 

Evelynn : RUDE

 

Ahri: HALP HALP THE SNAKE IS ANGRY!

 

Sona: I will say that you four have changed a lot since you guys started dating each other.

 

Ahri: HELLOOOOO? HALP?!

 

Taliyah : Dude, I didn't even know Sivir was dating Kai'sa until I saw her shirt in one of Kai'sa's insta stories

 

Sivir: But now you know now, surprise.

 

Taliyah : You wouldn't tell me anything!

 

Sivir: I was protecting Kai'sa's privacy.

 

Kai'sa : You were protecting your own ass, babe.

 

Sivir: Baaaabe

 

Taliyah: OKAY BUT THE FACT THAT AZIR KNEW BEFORE ME WAS JUST CRUEL 

Taliyah : I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND

Taliyah : YOUR ONLY FRIEND

 

Sivir: I HAVE OTHER LIVING FRIENDS!!

Sivir: AMOMO!!

 

Taliyah : IT'S AMUMU YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK!

Taliyah: and he doesn't count. He's a spirit.

 

Kai'sa : A what?

 

Taliyah : A spirit.

 

Akali: A ghost?

 

Taliyah : Yeah, close enough.

 

Evelynn : Oh, okay.

 

Kai'sa : Is he still on this plane of the living?

 

Taliyah: He comes and goes but he's a sweet boi

 

Sivir: He doesn't give me shit like you, shortie

 

Taliyah: You literally have one living friend (me) and a ghost friend that likes writing fanfiction.

 

Sivir: FINE I ACCEPT THAT IF IT GETS YOU TO SHUT UP

 

Kai'sa : How does a ghost writes?

 

Taliyah: Idk, ghost and electronic stuff seem to go hand in hand but that's how we communicate with him.

 

Akali: Can we meet him?

 

Taliyah : Yeah, but he's painfully shy so it might be a while until he shows up

 

Akali: Cooool!

 

Irelia: YOU GUYS ARE REALLY JUST ACCEPTING THAT GHOSTS EXIST TOO EASILY!?!?

 

Sona: This chat has a succubus, a gumiho, a victim of the Void, an oni/hannya/ninja girl, and a mute who is beautiful and talented, aka me. What's new, Xan Irelia?

 

Irelia : STOP USING MY FULL NAME

 

Ahri: HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!

Ahri: iebdhsidbd

Ahri: ishdjdhdh

Ahri: hshsh

Ahri: lq

 

Ahri added Cassiopeia to group chat "K/DA".

 

Sivir: Really, Ahri?

 

Ahri: SHE TOOK MY PHOOOOOONE!!

 

Cassiopeia : WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HOES AT? I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU, STARTING WITH KAI'SA.

 

Kai'sa : Who, me?

 

Cassiopeia : SPECIFICALLY YOU, WHORE!

 

Kai’sa: This number is unavailable, please try again later.

 

Cassiopeia: YOU’RE DEAD!!

 

Evelynn: Hi. Don’t kill me, I’m busy.

 

Cassiopeia: I would never want to kill you, my Evelynn~

 

Akali: Back off.

 

Cassiopeia: I’LL KILL YOU NEXT AFTER I KILL KAI’SA!!

 

Sivir: Kai’sa is unavailable right now. Please leave a message.

 

Cassiopeia: YOU’RE DEAD LAST BITCH

 

Sona: So how is our policewoman this morning?

 

Cassiopeia: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES HANGED ME FROM YOUR FUCKING TREE FOR 24 FUCKING HOURS AS A PIÑATA WHILE I WAS COVERED IN FUCKING KETCHUP AND MUSTARD

 

Taliyah: Is that what you guys put in the water balloons?

 

Akali: Yep

 

Irelia: How?

 

Sivir: We pushed those damn condiment bottles.

 

Kai’sa: Sounds messy.

 

Evelynn: Sounds fun.

 

Cassiopeia: SOUNDS LIKE IM GOING TO SUE THE FUCK OUT OF K/DA!!!!

 

Akali: You know we didn’t invite you to our party, it was an accident

 

Kai’sa: It was Ahri’s mistake

 

Ahri: WHICH I VERY VERY MUCH REGREEEET!!!!!

 

Evelynn: Ahri, are you dead yet?

 

Ahri: NYO!!!

 

Evelynn: Cass, you suck.

 

Cassiopeia: Suck me off, please.

 

Evelynn: Darling, I feel violated.

 

Akali: Back off snake.

 

Sivir: It just occurred to me that we’re all in our respective beds, texting on this chat even though our significant others are right next to us, as a crazy snake is running around the house, hoping to kill us.

 

Ahri: KJLDSKJGKLSDL

 

Cassiopeia: I SEE YOU!!!!!

 

Ahri: DON’T FORGET ABOUT FOXY!!!

 

Evelynn: Forget her ^^

 

Ahri: RRRRUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDEEEEEE!!!!

 

Sona: It sounds like a perfect afterparty

 

Kai’sa: Are you still in our house, Sona?

 

Sona: Yeah, I’m watching Cassiopeia chase after Ahri

 

Ahri: SLDKFHJLKFJHSKDHL;S

Ahri: HAAAALPPPP MEEEEE

 

Sona: No, I’m good. 

 

Ahri: WAAAAAAAHHHH

 

Akali: I’m hungry

 

Kai’sa: If we sneak out of the house, we can go get breakfast

 

Evelynn: Yes, let’s tell the group chat, with Cassiopeia in it, what we are doing

 

Kai’sa: She’s not a smart snake

 

Sivir: She’s a dumbass

 

Akali: I’m down to sneak snok

 

Evelynn: Yeah me too

 

Kai’sa: Alright, meet you guys outside

 

Sona: I just walked out. Ahri and Cassiopeia didn’t even notice me.

 

Taliyah: Have fun!

 

Irelia: Hope your house doesn’t get burned down.

 

Kai’sa: We’ll make Ahri buy us a new one.

 

Evelynn: WITHOUT USING MY MONEY

 

XXX

 

Ahri: SJHGDLKHDFLKJGDHKGDSKFJ

Ahri: YOU GUYS LEFT MEEEE??

Ahri: RUUUUUUDEEEEEEE

 

Cassiopeia: WHERE ARE YOU????? 

Cassiopeia: I NEED A NEW FOX COAT!!!

 

Ahri: PWEASEEE NYOOOOOOOO

 

Cassiopeia: YOUR PELT IS MINE!!!!!!!

 

Ahri: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!

 

Cassiopeia: I’VE BEEN COVERED IN MUSTARD AND KETCHUP FOR 24 HRS, IM A LITTLE FUCKING CRANKY

 

Ahri: You are a very damaged and messed up person to be this triggered over some condiments on your body.

 

Cassiopeia: Have you seen my family? I’m practically sane.

 

Ahri: Fair enough. My apologies.

 

Cassiopeia: Apology accepted.

 

Ahri: :)

 

Cassiopeia: :)

 

Ahri: uwu?

 

Cassiopeia: I’m still going to kill you.


Ahri: Darn it.

Chapter Text

Kai'sa : I swear to the void 

Kai'sa : That better be a really large squirrel on the roof 

Kai'sa : that's making all that racket up there

Kai'sa : Bc if it's not, I will gut whoever is up there

Kai'sa: BC IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING FOR FUCK SAKE

 

Ahri: SQUIRREL?

 

Evelynn : Kai'sa, chill. We talked about your blood pressure.

 

Kai'sa : It's 2 in the fucking morning

Kai'sa: What is making all that thumping noise up there?

 

Evelynn: it could be a kidnapper ready to take one of us.

 

Kai'sa: well can they kidnap a little quieter??

 

Ahri: sure, go tell them

Ahri: "Hi Mr. Kidnapper, please be quiet while you kidnap me"

 

Kai'sa: haha ahri you're funny

 

Ahri: tee hee i try

 

Evelynn : Has anyone seen akali?

 

Ahri : nope

 

Kai'sa: She's not my girlfriend

 

Evelynn: She's your friend

 

Kai'sa: the word "friend" is quite a stretch at this moment

 

Ahri: damn Kai'sa is stone cold when she's tired

 

Evelynn: she's just grumpy bc she's been cleaning the house all day

 

Kai'sa: YOU'RE WELCOME

 

Ahri: You didn't have to clean the house all day

 

Kai'sa: You're right, I love living in a house where there are no clean dishes, no clean clothes, and dusty filth all over the place.

 

Evelynn : The house wasn't that dirty.

 

Kai'sa: I found a fucking cockroach today.

 

Ahri: ew

 

Kai'sa: yeah ew

 

Evelynn: was it in Ahri's room?

 

Kai'sa: yeah

 

Evelynn: ugh

 

Ahri: aww eeeewwww

 

Kai'sa: Clean your fucking room, ahri

 

Ahri: too much work

Ahri: i need to use all my energy to keep making myself look bootiful

 

Evelynn: guess you don't need that much energy then

 

Ahri: HHHEEEEYYYY

 

Kai'sa : okay there goes that thumping again

Kai'sa: will anyone go out and check what's out there or do i need to do it?

 

Evelynn: I have a more important problem.

Evelynn: I still can't find Akali and she's not answering my texts.

 

Kai'sa: again, not my girlfriend, not my problem

 

Evelynn: You're such a peach at 2 am in the morning, aren't yah?

 

Kai'sa: I'm great.

 

Ahri: wasn't akali the last one to wash up for the night?

 

Evelynn: she didn't return from the shower

 

Kai'sa: did she get lost from the bathroom to the bedroom?

 

Evelynn: i mean Ahri can get lost in this house sometimes 

Evelynn : like the time she walked in on you and sivir fucking

 

Ahri: it was one time

 

Kai'sa: you walked right into my room and fell right to sleep on our bed while we were having sex

 

Ahri: i was really sleepy ok?

 

Kai’sa: We were yelling at you

 

Ahri: I was reaaaallly sleepy

 

Evelynn: @Akali 

Evelynn: Darling, where are you?

 

Irelia: It’s 2 in the morning!

Irelia: Don’t you guys have your own group chat to talk in?

 

Kai’sa: It was THIS one until you extras started inviting yourselves in.

 

Sona: You’re welcome.

 

Taliyah: You guys practically asked me to join and stay.

 

Evelynn: Ignore Kai’sa, she’s cranky.

 

Taliyah: I can tell.

 

Ahri: You’re still up?

 

Taliyah: It’s actually morning right now.

 

Ahri: Ah, I forget you live in Egypt still

 

Evelynn: @Akali 

Evelynn: Darrrliiiing

 

Kai’sa: Maybe Akali is making all that thumping noise up there.

 

Ahri: For a ninja, she’s fucking loud.

 

Evelynn: @Akali

Evelynn: Darrrrliiiiiing

 

Irelia: Just get out of bed and go find her and stop texting in this chat.

 

Evelynn: Don’t tell me what to do.

 

Ahri: You can mute the chat, yah know.

 

Sona: And how will Xan Irelia get notifications from lovely me?

 

Irelia: How do you mute a chat?

 

Sona: No one tell her.

 

Irelia: Come on…

 

Taliyah: Yo, where’s Sivir? 

Taliyah: She hasn’t woken up and join the chat yet?

 

Kai’sa: She’s a heavy sleeper.

 

Ahri: I can help.

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

Ahri: KAI’SA BIG FAT BOOTY LOOTY TUSHY!!!!

 

Kai’sa: OKAY AHRI YOU CAN STOP

 

Sivir: I AM AWAKE!!!!

Sivir: BABE I AM COMING!

 

Sona: She’s really obsessed with Kai’sa’s butt that it’s a bit concerning.

 

Taliyah: Yeah, I’ve never seen Sivir like this until she started dating Kai’sa.

 

Ahri: I mean it’s an upgrade from being stabbed in the back.

 

Taliyah: True.

 

Sona: How did you lose Cassiopeia after the Halloween party?

 

Ahri: I ran and ran until I passed out.

Ahri: Then I woke up, saw she wasn’t around and went to go find a mouse or a small rabbit to eat.

 

Taliyah: That’s all?

 

Ahri: Yep.

 

Sona: I expected more.

 

Kai’sa: Cassioslut probably got tired of chasing you and left to go polish her botox face.

 

Cassiopeia: I AM STILL HERE, KAI’SLOP!

 

Ahri: jdkgshlkhgdjdfk

 

Sona: Fun.

 

Taliyah: Oh man haha

 

Irelia:

 

Sivir: OH HELL NO

 

Cassiopeia: AND I HAVE AKALI!

 

Ẹ̸̢̳̳̙̰̊̇̒v̵̢̧͓̣̲͙̇̂ḕ̷͖̹͔̺͌̄ͅl̷̛̤̙̱̮̓̅̌͋ỵ̴̦̟̜̩̈́̈́̓͘ͅn̴̻̈̈n̶̙̼̖̺͘͜:̴̧̨̛̼͖̩̀̏̕ ̶̛̬̓̈̌͠ W̸̡͉̣̥̝̾͑̓̓̂H̶̢̩̘͇ͅĄ̵̡̛͕̼̤͇͆̐́̐͝T̷͖͕̰̤̜͋̽͐̏

 

Kai’sa: Oh no….

 

Ahri: Bad move, snake.

 

Sivir: Really bad move, Cassiohoe.

 

E̶̙̝̗̗͌͑̐̃̔ͅv̵̢̹̭͎̘̓͑e̴̛̬̮̓̋͘ḻ̸̡̼̲̯ÿ̸̠͇́̑͊͝n̶̞͇̰̞̣̉̀͗n̸̘̰͙̅̄̀͑:̵̪̃̎͊͂ ̸̧͚͓̔͑̓́͜ G̸̹̥̑̊̀͝Ḯ̷̩̻̲̔̏́̆͘V̶͔̝͖̗̗̈́̎Ḛ̷̯̳̈́̾͂̏̓ ̶̥̫̾A̷͎̜̓̄̏̔̈́K̶̻͉̺͊̒͛͘A̷͉̼̣͗̊͋̌Ḷ̵̲͌͝I̴̢͖͐͗ ̶̡̬̖̙͌ͅB̸̬̗̄̎͆̋A̶͎̩͕̮͆̈́͊̓̕͘C̴̛̘̃̓͊̈Ḱ̴̛̺̹͉̔̏ ̴̨̨͇̬͎̏̅̂̅O̵̮͐̌̓̃̈́͗R̶͎̖̈͂͒̄͌͘ ̶̣̜͝Ỉ̷̫͒̂͆ ̶̛̪̝̔̽̇̕W̴̯͕̭͚͒̾̄̃̓I̷͉̮̊̌̐̅̐L̸̳̓̏̏L̵̞̼̄̃͆̈̿ ̴̨̛̻̍͋̓P̷̥̦̼̹̀̿͗̿͠L̶̟͑̐Ű̸̜͕͈͚̉͜ͅC̵͉̈͊̑̆͝K̶̭͇̘͒̋̊̈́̄ ̶̡̼̗̩͈̾̈́Ḛ̴̳͔̎̾̓͜V̸͕̻͖̎̽̿̓̿͘Ḛ̷̤̱̩̝̱̿̾̈́̽̆͆R̸̥̈́̓͐̅Y̷̡̖̜̠̏̓̏͗ ̸̡̛̻͓͍̖͙̆F̴̤̺͐͋̑̇Ủ̷̪̤͍̂͗̄͠͠ͅC̴͍̫͉̯̓K̷̥̓͘I̴̧̖̣̤͂N̴̼̼̮̒̒͜G̸̤͆̐ ̶̤̫̦̯̠̤́͐̄͠S̵̯̦̦̫̻̀͛̓͝C̷̠̗͈͚͚͂͐̃͐Ȁ̴͈̐͝L̶̢̠̖̯͕̯̐̾͛̓̕͝E̷̢͊ ̸͎͎͍̻͚̈͗͑͑̚F̴̨̡̱͇̼̎͊̾͝Ȓ̴̥̪͎̳̻͜O̸͇͕̕͝M̴̧͔͔̬̖̀̊͒͌̋ ̴̢̲͔̭̺͊͒͋̄̓͜Ÿ̷̙̫̖́̚ͅO̸̡͈͂U̷͚̤̼̮̽͊͐̚̕R̷͙̯̖̯͌̇ ̸͇̳͋̌̀̂̒͛S̸̝͛͗K̸̡̺̎̏͛̇ͅI̴͑͛̕͜N̶̜̍ ̸͉̐͌͆̇̏͌A̶͚͕̺̤̺̭͐̎̓̄N̵̛͈̘̗̑̎̄̈́Ḑ̵͍̪͚̘͋̑̃̕͝ ̷̛̬̥̯̗̺̞̈́̐̈́͗̍S̷̺̀͒͠H̵͈͐O̵̱͌̈́͑ͅV̶̡̂͘͠Ę̵̛̫̳̬̰̅̿͘͠ ̴̨̮̰̙͕̀̐̋İ̵̻̝̯̮̘̒͒͘Ṯ̷̙͚̳̄̄͛̑͘͜ ̶̖̝̹͒̃̓͝U̸̘͛̑P̷̙̭̱̈̈͜ ̸̦̋̇̎̒͊̈Ỳ̸͖̣̂̈O̶͇̲͉̥͜͝Ȗ̴̫̥̤̯̫͙̔̈͘͘R̴͉̪̟̜̠̅̐̔̐͝ ̷̳̣̜͙̄͋́A̴͚̳̋S̸̛͉̜͎̣̼̲͛S̵̨̋

 

Cassiopeia: Yes, mommy, fist me.

 

Taliyah: I just vomited a little in my mouth.

 

Sivir: I don’t need to see Cassiwhore’s mommy kink being exposed

 

Kai’sa: We don’t need Cassioshit in this chat.

Kai’sa: SOMEONE forgot to remove her out of the chat after the Halloween fiasco.

 

Ahri: Fucking @ me next time, Kai’hoe.

 

Irelia: Can I please leave this chat without someone adding me back in?

 

Sona: No, Xan Irelia~

 

Irelia: Fuck off.

 

E̸͓̳͆͋v̸̠̫̭̝͙͒͐͗͆e̷͇̽̓ľ̸͔̲̝̯̅̀͝͝ý̵͔̠̖͚n̷̢̻̝͊̃͆͝ṅ̷͕̙͇̩:̴̨̱̻̔ ̴̨̝̻̣̳͋ Į̴̣̦̟̝̱̅͒̎F̸̙͉̙̌̌̆̕ ̶̢̺̙̙̑Y̵̞̹͉̼̠̽̂͝O̷̢͔̘̞͂̐̈́̅͘Ǔ̵͍̎̈̅̈́͝ ̶͕̰͍͗͋̓̕͜͠Ę̴̧̛̣͉̮̲͐̆̇V̶̟̻͌͝Ḙ̷̜͆̇̔̃̽͝N̸̛̰̮͇̤̤̭̈́̈́̃̂̒ ̴͚̖̙̫̍̀̈́̆̒H̸̨̧̨̙̙͋̏̂̅A̵̯̺̹͙͈̳̓͊̾̐̾R̴̫̮̻̪̈́M̶̨͉̯̟͓͖͌ ̵̬̻̜͔̜͖̈̌͠Ą̵̧̲͖̙͆̂ ̸͖͒̿̃͌H̴̹̪͇̰̦̰̔̒̒͝À̴̺̖͓̠̟̫̎͂Ḭ̴͍̞͇̟͚̆̉͋R̵̦͚̝͔̂̾̈̉ ̸̜͓̤̥̱͑̐̈̆̈́͊Ǫ̸̡͓̱̭̠͑͋̌N̷̢̥̜̄̽̓̂̋͝ ̸̨̝̼͓͉̩͐̏͊M̶͕̗͗̔̿̉̍̚ͅŸ̷̻̱͎̖͌͆ ̶̨͖̀͜ͅW̵̨̗͕̏̍O̷̩̎̋̓̚M̷̮̾A̶̳̦̽̒͠͝Ń̸͙̥̫̬̆̿'̵̙̪̖͖̎̔S̶̡̡̩̳͌͛͂͒͝ ̷͙̽̋͆͜H̶̱̰̝̥́͗͒̚͜ͅĖ̵͔̝̞̏̃́̚A̸̪͈̟̞̘̻̓͐̈́D̵̨̛̺͎̓̌̍̅,̵̢̭̠͓͈̤̋͛̿̕ ̷͕̻̅͐Į̴͚̮͚̹̒ͅ ̶̯͔̓ͅͅW̴̳͚̳̰̿̋̎̐I̶̝̔̀͑͋̑L̷͚̟͓͋̎̍̂͘̚͜Ĺ̸͚̞̗͉̏̉ ̷̱̻͙̠͐̆̄̏̀̿F̷̢͙̺̝̅͐̍̈̚͝U̷͇̖͛͑͗́C̵̱̱̰͉̱͑̅̆Ḳ̴̢̯̰̼͊͋̽̚I̸̡̭̲̍͝N̶̞͌͠G̷̢̩̮̤̿̿̌ ̶̢̤̗̩̙̰̐̋͠G̷̰͍̥̮̖̹̔Ṳ̶̝̹̠̌̿̌̀T̶̡̩͎̖̄ͅ ̸̝͑̐̒Y̸͖͕̺̬̿̕Ơ̵͙̰̦̳̄̌̋͘U̷̞͒̂̐ ̸̣̖̎̂̓͊Ḷ̶̯͙͍̌̆̄̾̿I̸̡͙͚̲̲͒͑̚K̵̨̛͕̦͕̎̑͜͠Ḛ̵̗̞̺̖̞̑ ̵̗͛̋̄̇̚A̵̢̖̹̻͐ ̶̙̰̥̂͗̚P̸̡̙̠̍̈́͌Ǐ̵̤G̴̨̰̞̤̔̔ ̶̡̖̯̦̲̈́̓ͅA̷̛̟̠̜̩̜͇̐̆̀N̶͔̹͍̮̟̄Ḍ̴̡͊̇̇ ̵̛̤̮̮̄͊̈͜F̸̦͌̿E̴͖̻̪̲̲͈͋̾̉E̶̡̛̩̣̠̊̓̑͛̍Ḏ̴̖͚͚̰͕͌̈́̌ ̶̣͖̰̯͍̈̏͜Y̴̧̢̬̬͙̿̈́͒̚͝O̵̬̙̦̗̼̿U̸̡̖̪̫̘̦͛̿̈́͘ ̸̺̟͓T̵̥̖̺̆̈Ǫ̷͇̦̼͋̇̉͜ ̴͔̫͙̊̍͛̕A̶̢̜͋̎͆̌H̶̹͉͈͈̿͌͐̈̆͠R̸̢̭̻͙̗̱͑̍͗̉͂͝I̵̭͓͈̺͇̺̽̉

 

Ahri: Please don’t feed her to me.

Ahri: I don’t eat snakes.

 

Taliyah: I could go to class.

Taliyah: But I kinda want to just watch this go down.

 

Ahri: Class? Like school?

 

Taliyah: College.

 

Sivir: You actually go to college?

 

Taliyah: Yeah, I have dreams, Sivir.

Taliyah: Not everyone can run away and be babied by K/DA’s best member/dancer.

 

Sivir: I’m not babied...

 

Kai’sa: You’re my baby and always shall be my baby girl.

 

Sona: Cute.

 

Irelia: Cute.

 

Sona: Jinx! Now you owe me a kiss on the lips.

 

Irelia: EXCUSE ME?

 

Ahri: You guys said the same thing at the same time. So Jinx.

 

Kai’sa: It’s the rules.

 

Irelia: WHAT???

 

Sivir: Haha, you have to kiss Sona.

 

Taliyah: I thought you guys were talking about Jinx the Loose Cannon.

 

Sona: This specific phrase originates from her actually.

Sona: Whenever Jinx and another person says the same thing at the same time, she kisses the person on the lips.

Sona: It’s an adaptation of “Jinx, you owe me a soda”

 

Irelia: Yeah. no.

 

Sona: Pentakill will be in Japan next week.

Sona: So smoochy smoochy~

 

Irelia: I’m not kissing you over this stupid phrase.

 

Kai’sa: It’s the rules.

Kai’sa: If you don’t kiss, then Jinx will come blow up something precious to you.

 

Irelia: You guys are messing with me.

 

Ahri: Do you even know who Jinx is?

 

Irelia: Yes, I know about the artist that likes to blow things up with her dynamite

Irelia: It’s what she’s known for.

 

Taliyah: Legend has it that if two people don’t kiss after saying jinx, then Jinx will come and blow up their house or something.

Taliyah: It’s always on “accident” but is it?

 

Irelia: I can not believe this…

 

Sona: I would like Pentakill’s concert to not suffer an explosion from Jinx so you better be around when we come next week.

 

Irelia: This is a joke, right?

 

Cassiopeia: DON’T IGNORE ME! THIS IS MY MOMENT!

 

Ę̵̨̨̣̫̱̜̗͈̱̦̻͍͎͙̟͙̞̫͑̇̀͛̈͒̽̍͝v̶̯̤͇̼̰̺̫̿̋̾͆͒͛̇̐̊̆͠e̸̡̲̠̫̹̭̩̜̖̜̩̖̫͖̹̪͒̂̃̓̌͌͑̓̈́͠͠͝͝ͅĺ̸̡̘̣͈͕̤͙̙̖̤̫̿͌̅̿̾̆͘̕ͅẙ̵̡̨̖̫͓͓̜̯̹͈͕̱̺̝̟̻͐̾͗͒̎̃̈́͗̕͠ņ̷̨͇̜͎̰̳̺̝͔͖͔̖̯̺͈̓͘n̶͔͇̖̺̬̬̤̠̮͖͎̗̩̹̞͓̋̉͊̎̌͠ :̶͎̗͎̖̻̜̝̹̹͈̰̘̭͍͐͂̓̇̾̑̆̾͗̽̉̂͜͠ ̵̨̥͇̪͔̤̝̭̰̜̞͍̣̫͋͒̓̒̒̑̑͌̉̂W̶̢̧̛͔͕̜̤͚̦͚̪̱̱̺͕̳̫̳̺̐͝͠H̵̡̨̬͕͇̟̱̻̫͚̫̲͍͉̳̅̌̄͆̊̌̇̂̈́̾́̂̏͐̑̋̂̄Ȇ̸̡͖͗̎͋̃͂̔̿̌R̵͚͎̳̙͚̘̼͎̞̞̼͠Ȩ̴̺̤̂͆̎̔͑͒̍͋̋͑̕͘̚͜͝ ̷̡̡̹̝̥̦̘͇͚̝͜͠T̸̳̖̩̭̰̟͎̫͑̏̅̑͌̋̿̾̚ͅḦ̵̡͚̭̎̃͛̃̌̊͒̉̌͑̎̊̕̚̕͘E̴̢̨͇̟̼̮̙͔͉̰̮̓̇̃͊̉̓͌ ̸̡̛̬̅̑̉̐̀̉̈́́͗̐̿͑̚F̶͖̯̱̗͕̞̽̒͌̕U̷̩̼̞̼̟͍͍̩̎Ć̴̨̨̧̨͖̩̰̞͚̼̬̻̗̼͐͛̒̍̈̐͋̾̉̎̔̈́͘͜ͅͅĶ̷̱̦͖̮̩̿̑̀̑̃̿̋͑̎̈́̈͛̊͊̿ ̴̨̧̠̼̯̹̲̮̠̭̮̲̭̞̼͌͆̃̆͗̃̒͑͛̃͒̿͑̈́̕͜ͅÂ̷̡̢̞͉̩̪͚̤̱̅͛̊̈́̿̑̐̕͝R̸̢̅̄͛͐̑̔͑͂͋̈́̈́Ę̶̢̥̘̗͔͖̙͇̻̠̱̱̦̦̞̹̃̏̿́̈̉̾̓͒̅̓̄̍̄͘̕͝͝ ̵̛̛̛̙̂̉͋̄̂̒́̔̓̾ͅY̷̧̲̺̦̼̦̙̩̮̗̖͍̲͍̥̆͒͌̊̉̈̂̇̔̒͑͑̒͗̽͜͝͝͝O̷̡̯̙̣̜̓̿͐̈̿͗̚Û̸̟͓̿̐͌̒̋͆̈́̏͆̐̒͛̑̍?̷̣̫͖̙̘̄?̶̛͓̦̤͔͉̎̌̒͒̇̀͝͠͝?̸̮̻͕̗̳̓͊̈́̓͌̽̄̅͝͝?̸̢̡̰̟̲̝͖̯̻͕̻̥̭͕̳̳͊͊́͠

̶̛͇̫̞̲̭͚̟̣̹͔̾̿͂̿͜E̴̡̯̮͓͍̱̩̣̓̾̎̂́̏͗̾̀̅̌̎̚ͅv̶̛̙̌̅̌͛͆͂̏̓̍̚͘e̵̢͕͖̜̟̥̞̽̏́͊̆̆̓̓̃́͠͝ļ̷̝͕͎͔͕̥̗̱̪̦͚̑͑͑̑͒̈̐̏̅̅͊̈́́͠y̸̢͉̼͇͔̻̙͈̗̤̜̜̯̙̝̒̌̑̑͛͆̃̉͊̅̃̌̃̈̉̃̈̚ͅn̴̨̧͖͓̘̺̲̝͙͂͌̇ͅn̷͉͚̳͙̘̻̼̯͉̦͚̳͉͈̾̔͋́̋͋̋͘ͅͅ :̶̛̘̰̝͍̘̙͈͔̳̲̫͓̜̹̥̣̈̔̆̈́̈̉͐̔̈͆̀̓͜͝ͅ ̴̢̡̙͎̤̗̙̤̘̖̗̿̈́͊͑̂̆͗͊͂̕Ģ̷̻̫̞̳̟̫̼͍̠̪̤̲̤͌̈̏̔͛̋̽̒͛̈́̎̾͊͛͂̕͘I̷̢̢̝̣̟͍̜̯̲̭̻̜̠̱̤̹̠͚͊̆͗̉͂̑͛̈́͌̕̕̕V̷̪̭̗̬̾͂̚͘ͅͅE̷̫͉̦̲̳͇̗͙͒̽̃̄̓ ̶̥̬̽̊̍̄̓͋͛̔̓͑̋͝Ḿ̸̡̡̰̺̺̞͕̣͚̤̠̬̊̾̒͐̃̓̅̂͜͜͝͝Ę̴̛̻͎̞̻͙̯̙̙̜̥̺̤͎̟̼͔̫͍̌̑͒̔̾̑͐̃͝͠ ̵̼͉͎͇̘̠̗͈̔̒B̶̰͍͇̗̲̘̈́̐̃͜Ā̴͙̪͛̀̈̑̒̄̈́C̸̢̧̢̢̳̠͇̘͖̳̓̐̏͌̔̓̌͝͝ͅK̷͓̝̗̘̝̃̌͗̊̏͌͋̑̕͝ ̵̧̨̡̹̫̦̳̝̰̺̪̖̻͈͒̀̾̅́͆̈̃̕A̸̟̱̎̊̽̿̎̂̾͗̈͊͘K̸̢͖̘̬̥̹̜͙͇̬̈́̂̉̈́̏̎͗͌̓̈́͒̆̈́̔̌̈́͜͝͝A̶̡͕̝̜̲̤̺̫̮̘̱̣̺̞̻͕̠̫͍̓͂̓̓L̶̻͇̣͙̩̣͚̮͓̣̗͒̂͂̄͌͆͌̓͊͊́̌́̚͜͝I̶̗̦̲̠͉̟͒̌͑̐̕!̴̧͎̙͇̙̘̫͓̀͋́͝!̵̨̹͖͉̦̊̂̄̕!̶̨̼̭͕͉̯̯͕̲̓̄̈ͅͅ

 

Kai’sa: You’re going to die, snake, btw.

 

Ahri: Evelynn’s going to beat your ass, hahaha

 

Sivir: Bye.

 

Sona: Irelia, when do you want to meet up?

 

Irelia: I AM NOT DOING THIS JINX SUPERSTITION!!!!

 

Ahri: You gotta.

Ahri: Jinx is unpredicable.

 

Taliyah: Do you guys know her?

 

Ahri: Yeah.

Ahri: She always invited Eve and I to her party blasts.

 

Sona: She’s crazy, I love her.

 

Cassiopeia: HELLO? STOP IGNORING ME!

 

E̷̢͚̭̝͎͐v̵͈̥̠̱̙͂ḛ̴͉͕̻̫̓͆͂̆̿͠l̴͍͇̗̆̏y̶̛͓̪̪n̶̰̲͓̙͆̄͂͋̋̍͘ņ̵̦̹͚̰̻̅ :̴̳̯̤̣̳̰̥͆̀̍̓̇͗͘ ̴̪̙͙͈͉̔̋̈̈́̐̚ͅÏ̵̡̭̩̃̊ ̷͙͈̬̺̫̟̳͐̎͑͋̇A̷̬̪̞̞̯͋̑͆͛͊̚͝M̶̧̝̺͌̎̽ ̵̡̛͚̉̎̌̒̓̄Ç̸̻̳̜̲̎O̴̤͂͗̌̽M̴͈̺͚̤̳̗͉̐I̷̮͔̳͍͌͝͝N̵̞̅̓̈́͊̅͂͗G̷̨̞̿̔̒͝͝ ̵̻̱̲̲̏̃͐̿̍͝F̵̧͉̜̣͓̈́̈Ọ̸̅̾͂̚R̸̙͈̣͚̼͇̭̄̂̎́ ̵̯̦̦͍͕̕M̷̛͖̥͋͗́̕Y̵̡̦̐ ̷̰͕͍͊̂̐̽͝À̵̗̈́̕K̷̡̳̮̮̣̫̓̅̐̔̆A̶̡̖̓̄͌̐̐͝L̸̨̘͍͑̓̈́̔͑I̸̪͈̙͉̲͕͚͗

 

Taliyah: Irelia, do you know how many people want a kiss from Sona?

Taliyah: Millions so take this moment.

 

Sona: Yeah, be grateful. I don’t give out my lips for free.

 

Irelia: Good night.

 

Sivir: Coward.

 

Irelia: Go rescue Akali and go to sleep.

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn’s got it.

 

Cassiopeia: HELLO I AM HANGING AKALI OFF THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING???!!!

Cassiopeia: ON TOP OF THE ROOF!

Cassiopeia: DOES ANYONE CARE????

 

Ę̵͎̖̱̻͙̹̋͊̄͊͘̚v̷̫̜̱̦̓̃̅̌ȩ̵̬̖̣̝̰̔̑͗̏̾ľ̴̨̡̳̲y̶̥̒̍̎͠ň̷̹̮͊̔̒͘ń̵̝̻̙̺̯ :̷̪͕̪̯̗͋̿̎̕͝ ̵̬̙̩̲̏͗Ȉ̵̬̤̙͚̦̫̋͛͠ ̸̩̬͖͖̖̲̦̓̉̀̈͌͝W̷͇̱̩̙̻̘̔̿̿̇̀͠Ỉ̶̯̦̠̳̈́̍͑͐͗̚L̶̰̗̹̰̋͗L̶̪̥͙̂͒̃̕͠͝ ̶͉̫̠͓͕̊F̶͕̗̦̪͍͕̾̒̒̽Ù̸̗̿̌͋͑͐͘C̷̢̳͎̜̼̜͌͊͑̚͠K̸̨̧̳̙̀̄͘ ̵̧̭͖͎̣̐̚Y̶̬͓̲͌̑̈̂̓͑͠O̴͔͇̥̞̗̿̒̔̕̕ͅȔ̷͙̍̅̀ ̴̗̭̖̭̫̽̉̓̋͒͘͜Ư̵͎̆P̵͙͚̀̕!̸̳͎͖̤̅̅͜!̴̛͕̰̝̋̆̋!̷̮͓̺̤̤̩͊̌̆̊͆̚̚

 

Kai’sa: I’m going back to bed.

Kai’sa: Good night.

 

Sivir: Good night, babe!

 

Kai’sa: Night night, hartlam~

 

Ahri: nighty night!!

 

Taliyah: Alright, I’ll head to class. Night ya’ll!

 

Sona: @Irelia see you next week

 

Irelia: Fuck off.

 

XXX

 

Akali: So how is everyone?

 

Kai’sa: Long time no see, you just woke up?

 

Evelynn: Yes.

 

Ahri: It’s 3 in the afternoon.

 

Evelynn: I wanted to reaffirm my love for Akali after I saved her.

Evelynn: Then we fell asleep afterward

 

Akali: I got laid for hours.

 

Ahri: I assumed.

 

Sivir: So you’re alive?

 

Akali: Yeah, Eve came just in time.

 

Sivir: For a ninja, you got caught really easily.

 

Akali: I was caught off guard.

 

Ahri: Aren’t ninjas supposed to be good at sensing things?

 

Akali: Look i came out of the shower and then got attacked by a snake, cut me some slack

 

Sivir: I mean sure but being caught by Cassiopeia is kinda bad on your ninja record.

 

Akali: At least I didn’t get stabbed in the back.

 

Sivir: Oh fuck you

 

Ahri: So where’s the snake?

 

Evelynn: How should I know? 

 

Akali: Eve yeeted her and we don’t know where she went.

 

Kai’sa: Good.

Kai’sa: Ahri and I are planning to come home with pizza, what toppings do you want?

 

Akali: Anchovies.

 

Sivir: You’re fucking disgusting.

 

Akali: DON’T START WITH ME SIVIR!!!!!!

 

Sivir: IT’S GROSSSS!!!

 

Evelynn: It’s just fish.

 

Sivir: IT’S STILL GROSSS!!!!

 

Cassiopeia: IT IS I! I AM STILL ALIVE, BITCHES! 

Cassiopeia: AND IM GETTING THAT AUTOGRAPH!!!

 

Kai’sa removed Cassiopeia from group chat “K/DA”

 

Kai’sa: Anchovies is pretty gross.

 

Akali: YOU AND YOUR OLIVES, KAI’SA!!!!

 

Sivir: AT LEAST THAT’S NORMAL, AKALI!!!

 

Ahri: I WANT RATS ON MINE!!

 

Sivir: JUST EAT PEPPERONI PIZZA LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!!

 

Evelynn: Just order a damn anchovy pizza and you guys can eat your boring olives on the other pizza. 

Evelynn: Damn, we fight like this every time.

 

Kai’sa: FINE

 

Irelia: Back up…

Irelia: Cassiopeia did all THAT for a fucking autograph?

 

Sona: Hi, Xan Irelia.

 

Irelia: Nope.

 

Irelia left group chat “K/DA”

 

Sona added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”


Irelia: COME ON

Chapter Text

Ahri: hey, Akali, I just got Evelynn's present. Can I hide it in your closet?

 

Akali: Yeah

 

Ahri: Thanks girlie!

 

Kai'sa: What did you get Evelynn?

 

Ahri: Why are you in my private message?

 

Kai'sa: This is the group chat.

 

Evelynn: What did you get me, hoe?

 

Ahri: Oh come on!!

Ahri: Now I need to find a new hiding place

 

Evelynn: Unlike you, I have the patience to wait until Xmas

 

Ahri: I patiiient!

 

Evelynn: You ransacked my room yesterday, slut.

 

Ahri: Oooookaaaaaayyyy maybe I little impatient…

 

Kai'sa: You also ransacked my room.

 

Ahri: This ain't about you hoe, damn…

 

Akali: I made space for you to put Eve's present in my closet

 

Ahri: Eve saw the message, kali, I need to find a different spot

 

Akali: damn and I got up from bed to arrange my closet for you…

 

Kai'sa: it's 5pm

 

Akali: You stayed in bed all day one time, bokkie

Akali: I thought I was going to die.

 

Evelynn: That was a sad day

 

Ahri: it was dark times

 

Kai'sa: You guys can cook for yourselves for one day…

 

Akali: Yeaahhhh 

Akali: or you can cook for us?

 

Kai'sa: You guys will never survive one day out in the wild

 

Evelynn: We'll eat Ahri if we get stranded on an island 

 

Ahri: Yeaaaahh

Ahri: Wait

Ahri: Heeeeeyyyy!!

 

Akali: Ew

 

Ahri:RUUUUUDE!

Ahri: I WOULD TASTE GREAT

 

Sivir: Well hello everyone I see we are discussing cannibalism today

 

Taliyah: fun fun

 

Ahri: Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Taliyah: So does anyone want to know what Sivir got for Kai’sa for Xmas?

 

Sivir: TALIYAH I SWEAR TO RA I WILL FLY TO EGYPT TO SHUT YOU UP!

 

Taliyah: I was kidding!!! Hahahahaha!!

 

Sivir: You better be!!!

 

Kai’sa: Want a hint on what I got you, baby?

 

Sivir: Yes!

 

Kai’sa: I made it myself.

 

Ahri: food?

 

Kai’sa: I can do other things besides cooking….

 

Evelynn: Baking?

 

Kai’sa: Sigh….

 

Sivir: Well i am excited

 

Kai’sa: yay! Bc, i worked really hard on it~

 

Sivir: I would accept anything from you~

 

Taliyah: You got your gift for eve, akali?

 

Akali: Yeah ahahahahahahahahaha

 

Evelynn: I got your gift, darling~

 

Akali: I can’t wait!

 

Ahri: Kai’sa can i hide eve’s gift in your kitchen?

 

Kai’sa: Still the group chat, Ahri

 

Ahri: DAMN IT

 

Evelynn: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Kai’sa and Akali.

 

Akali: Hey what did you make sivir?

 

Kai’sa: Why do you want to know?

 

Akali: For inspiration…

 

Kai’sa: Well idk if you can get inspired by mine 

Kai’sa: But I knitted Sivir a beanie hat, gloves, and a little bunny keychain

 

Akali:...

Akali: Ok shit

 

Kai’sa: I take it you don’t have a gift for eve yet?

 

Akali: I do ahahahahah

 

Kai’sa: Mmm hmmm

 

Akali: Is it obvious?

 

Kai’sa: I’m surprised Evelynn didn’t catch on 

 

Akali: Kai’sa, it’s impossible to find a gift for a woman that already has everything.

 

Kai’sa: Evelynn would accept anything you give her as long as you put thought into it.

 

Akali: yeah but the one thing Evelynn wants more than anything is me and she already has me

Akali: And im not going to lay on her bed naked with bows all over me, i already did that

 

Kai’sa: Are you willing to learn how to knit?

 

Akali: no thanks grandma kai’sa

 

Kai’sa: ha. Ha. ha.

Kai’sa: Look, don’t put so much stress over it.

Kai’sa: evelynn will accept whatever you give her bc it’s from you

 

Akali: but idk what to giiive heeeerrrrr

 

Kai’sa: You’re an artist. You do graffiti right?

 

Akali: ye

 

Kai’sa: surely there is something you can do with graffiti?

 

Akali: painting a wall seems boring and unoriginal…

 

Kai’sa: You can paint other things besides a wall.

 

Akali: like myself?

 

Kai’sa: Well sure

 

Akali: That seems cliche

 

Kai’sa: What is something that Evelynn is proud of showing off?

 

Akali: Me?

 

Kai’sa:...besides you.

 

Akali: Her butt?

 

Kai’sa: Think more materialistic 

 

Akali: Her collection of sports/racing cars?

 

Kai’sa: YES

Kai’sa: What if you painted something special for Evelynn on one of her cars?

Kai'sa: An Akali style design 

Kai’sa: Surely she would love to drive a car that has your design on it

 

Akali: That is actually a good idea…

Akali: She has a neon blue Bugatti that she always says reminds her of me.

 

Kai’sa: ...since when did she have a Bugatti?

 

Akali: Have you seen her entire car collection?

 

Kai’sa: If I see it, I’ll cry bc it’ll make me feel poor next to her.

 

Akali: hahaha!

Akali: Thanks for the idea kai’sa

Akali: Hope sivir enjoys her grandma gifts

 

Kai’sa: IT’S NOT GRANDMA GIFTS! ITS’ GIFTS FROM THE HEART!!

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Akali and Ahri.

 

Akali: Yo foxy

 

Ahri: yo rogue

 

Akali: I need a suggestion

 

Ahri: And you came to me?

 

Akali: I only asked for a suggestion, not a request

 

Ahri: Fair enough

Ahri: Where have you been these past few days?

 

Akali: Well if I tell you, you’ll rat out to Eve

 

Ahri: Did you pass out at a ramen shop again?

 

Akali: Hah. ha. Ha…

Akali: NO

Akali: That was ONE time

 

Ahri: uh huuuh

Ahri: where have you been?

Ahri: It feels like I haven’t seen you in so long

 

Akali: If i tell you, then will you drop it and help me?

 

Ahri: Foxy honor!

 

Akali: I’ve been in the basement all this time

 

Ahri: We have a basement?

 

Akali: WE’VE ESTABLISHED WE HAVE A BASEMENT ALREADY

 

Ahri: foxy no remember

 

Akali: SIGH

Akali: Here’s the thing

Akali: I cast a genjutsu that hides my presence in the basement bc i’ve been working on eve’s present in there

Akali: I’m spray painting one of her cars.

 

Ahri: ooooooo you’re in trouble

Ahri: idk why i said that

Ahri: Wait

Ahri: how the fuck did you get a car from the garage into the basement without driving it and without any one of us knowing??????

 

Akali: I’m a ninja. I have my ways.

 

Ahri: tell meeeeee

 

Akali: no

 

Ahri: I’ll tell evviiiieeeee

 

Akali: UNNIIIIIIIIEEEEE WTF???

 

Ahri: going to fiind eeviiiiieeee

 

Akali: I USED A TELEPORTATION SCROLLLLLLL

 

Ahri: Okie :)

 

Akali: You’re evil

 

Ahri: I wasn’t going to actually tell Evie.

 

Akali: SURE

 

Ahri: okie okie i sowwy i really wasn’t going to tell evie

 

Akali: >:c

 

Ahri: Sowwy sowwy

Ahri: what kind of suggestion did you want from me?

 

Akali: well you see

Akali: While i was working on eve’s gift

Akali: it occurred to me that I’m basically taking what evelynn owns, painting it myself, and giving it back to her.

Akali: And it made me think that maybe i should do more 

Akali: Like kai’sa is making Sivir’s present, so there’s a lot of love put into it

Akali: And when I texted Sivir for design suggestions

Akali: She said she’s getting Kai’sa this entire set of leggings with their initials on it. And sivir designed it with Taliyah on some design-your-own-clothing website idk

Akali: and also sivir is giving Kai’sa a fucking handcrafted ring

 

Ahri: SIVIR GIVING KAI’SA A RING???

 

Akali: It’s not for marriage, Ahri

Akali: When she went back to Egypt for a bit, apparently she worked with Azir to commission a personal handcrafted ring designed by her to give to kai’sa

Akali: So as you can seeee

Akali: kai’sa and sivir put so much thought into their gifts for each other and im just throwing paint on a car for eve

Akali: See my problem?

 

Ahri: Yeah, you’re not giving eve a ring dumbass

 

Akali: i don’t have time to fucking build a ring or go to someone to make it

Akali: plus it’ll look like i copied sivir

 

Ahri: im sure evelynn will like what you’re doing with her car

 

Akali: but it’s not enough

Akali: like there has to be something more

Akali: something that will make a better impression on evelynn

 

Ahri: okay when you show her the car in its finished glory

Ahri: flash your titties and she’ll faint from blood loss

Ahri: that’ll make an impression

 

Akali: you are not helpful at all.

 

Ahri: okay okay

Ahri: I’ll be serious right now

Ahri: have you ever sung evelynn a song? 

Ahri: like just you singing to Evelynn?

 

Akali: A love song?

 

Ahri: A song that you wrote would show how much thought you put into it

 

Akali: A song that i wrote?

Akali: Does it have to be a ballad or something?

 

Ahri: It can be a rap bc that’s your talent

Ahri: And you perform it for Evelynn as you show off the newly designed car

Ahri: It would be a private one on one show

 

Akali: okay

Akali: wow you actually gave decent advice

 

Ahri: i try when im serious

 

Akali: i guess that’s why you’re the leader

 

Ahri: Yep!

Ahri: Also, do you know what eve got me?

 

Akali: bye got to go back to working on the car

 

Ahri: wait akali

Ahri: akaaaaliii

Ahri: gosh darn it

 

XXX

 

In a private message between Irelia and Akali.

 

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai

Akali: Senpai, you know that you have your locations on.

Akali: I know that you’re IN KOREA AND DIDN’T TELL ME THAT YOU WERE HERE FOR THREE DAYS

 

Irelia: Hi, Akali.

 

Akali: Why are you in Korea?

 

Irelia: A vacation.

 

Akali: Isn’t Sona suppose to be in Japan right now?

 

Irelia: I said I’m on vacation.

 

XXX

 

In group chat “K/DA”.

 

Akali: @Sona, Irelia is in Korea

 

Sona: WHAT? REALLY? I WAS LOOKING ALL OVER FOR HER IN JAPAN!

 

Irelia: AKALI I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GO BACK TO JAPAN RIGHT NOW AND GO TO YOUR PARENT’S HOME AND FUCK UP YOUR COLLECTION OF NARUTO CARDS AND BURN EVERY OTAKU SHIT YOU HAVE

 

Akali: Hey, don’t burn any of my Sasuke cards. Okay?

 

Ahri: IRELIA YOU HAVE TO KISS SONA TO UNDO THE JINX

 

Evelynn: Too late, something precious to them will blow up

 

Kai’sa: surely that jinx superstition isn’t that bad

 

Ahri: I WOULDN’T TEST THAT THEORY

Ahri: I KNOW JINX

 

Sivir: Did Irelia really leave Japan to avoid seeing Sona?

 

Irelia: VACATION. I LEFT FOR VACATION.

 

Taliyah: Irelia is a tsundere hahaha

 

Irelia: I AM NOT.

 

Sona: It’s only one smooch. I won’t use tongue.

 

Irelia: I’m not kissing you for a stupid superstition.

 

Taliyah: Yet you left on a superstition.

 

Sivir: So you do believe it a little, Irelia?

 

Irelia: I LEFT FOR A VACATION

 

Akali: THREE DAYS IN KOREA AND YOU DIDN’T BOTHER TO CONTACT ME?

 

Irelia: AKALI I REALLY DETEST YOU RIGHT NOW

 

Sona: Three days???

Sona: Wow you left when Pentakill got here three days ago?

Sona: You’re good.

 

Kai’sa: So now what?

 

Sona: We wait and see what blows up.

 

Irelia: Oh thank god, I’m safe…

 

Sona: You missed out on the time of your life.

 

Irelia: I’m good, thanks.

 

Evelynn: Irelia, you are so cute when you’re not honest, honey

Evelynn: Sweet shy baby girl haha ;)

Evelynn: If I was Sona, I would just tie you up so you can’t escape.

 

Irelia:

 

Kai’sa: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WTFFF???

 

Sivir: Accurate tho.

 

Taliyah: LMFAOOOO I DID NOT EXPECT THAT FROM IRELIA OF ALL PEOPLE

 

Sona: *munches popcorn*

 

Evelynn: OKAY WOW…

 

Irelia: You already slept with Ahri and Akali and already condemned them to K/DA hell. I'm not going next...

 

Evelynn: FIRST OF ALL

Evelynn: AHRI AND I WERE STUPIDLY DRUNK WHEN WE ACCIDENTALLY SLEPT TOGETHER

Evelynn: SECOND, I LOVE AKALI SO THAT’S VALID

Evelynn: THIRD, I WON’T SLEEP WITH A WOMAN THAT GETS SCARED OF ONE LITTLE KISS FROM A MULTI MILLIONAIRE MUTE ARTIST

 

Ahri: Evie you make hell a paradise for meeee~

Ahri: I’m honored~~

 

Evelynn: Ahri, shut the fuck up and fuck off

 

Ahri: That’s not what you were saying when I ate you out bitch

 

Evelynn: WHY IS MY PAST SEX LIFE BEING BROUGHT UP LIKE THIS???

 

Kai’sa: You’re just so easy to make fun of.

 

Evelynn: SHUT UP KAI’HOE, WHO HAD A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK WHEN YOU WERE LOCKED UP WITH SIVIR FOR A IMPROMPTU BLIND DATE

 

Kai’sa: AT LEAST I DIDN’T SLEEP WITH TWISTED FATE

 

Evelynn: OH FUCK OFF

 

Taliyah: this is hilarious

 

Akali: Irelia look what you did

 

Irelia: Distracts them from me.

 

Sona: btw your guys’ dojo blew up

 

Akali: WHAT??

 

Irelia: WHAT????

 

Sona: Also the pentakill trailer blew up too but at least we can get a new one. Only karthus was harm but who cares? He’ll be fine.

 

Irelia: WAIT THIS IS A JOKE RIGHT???

 

Sona: *texts photo*

Sona: Nope

 

Irelia: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU AT THE DOJO???

 

Sona: To find you, duh.

 

Irelia: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??

 

Ahri: We told you.

Ahri: If you don’t kiss the next time you see each other, Jinx will somehow blow something up

 

Evelynn: We warned you, Irelia.

 

Irelia: THIS IS A FUCKING CRUEL!!!!

 

Sona: *texts photo*

Sona: Jinx says hi and that she’s sorry. 

Sona: She says it was an accident

 

Irelia: kjskldjgdkjfgsdkjgkjh

 

Sona: She’ll pay for the damages

 

Irelia: she better!!!

 

Akali: That dojo needs an upgrade anyways

 

Kai’sa: Aren’t you worried about your Master Shen?

 

Akali: yeah yeah sure

Akali: So are we meeting up in a couple of hours to open presents?

 

Kai’sa: Yeah

 

Sivir: Alright

 

Ahri: Yesh yesh

 

Akali: Alright, none of you guys come home soon. I’m giving eve my present and i prefer not to have an audience

 

Evelynn: Oh im excited darling~

 

Ahri: WAIT I WANNA SEEEE

 

Kai’sa: Me too!

 

Sivir: nah im good

 

Akali: None of you guys are coming to see it!!!

 

Ahri: RUUUUUUDE

 

Kai’sa: oh come kali

 

Evelynn: Nope, this is apparently a private show

 

Akali: yeah!

 

Ahri: noooo faiiiir

 

Kai’sa: fiiiiine

Kai’sa: See you guys soon.

 

Ahri: okiiieee

 

Sivir: see yah

 

Taliyah: have a nice evening everyone!

 

Irelia: SONA I WILL SUE YOU!

 

Sona: I didn’t do anything. Jinx is the troublemaker. I just wanted one kiss.

 

Irelia: IT’S BC OF THIS STUPID JINX THAT THIS FUCKING HAPPENED!!!!

 

Sona: Ah so you do believe in it?

 

Irelia: I DON’T!!!!

 

Sona: I just met your family and they invited me and Pentakill to dinner so we are going to hang out with them. Bye!

 

Irelia: WHATTTT???

Irelia: WAIT NO

Irelia: SONA????

Irelia: ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Irelia: This group chat is a fucking nightmare.

 

XXX

 

Kai’sa: @Evelynn @Akali are you two going to come down to dinner??

 

Evelynn: I’m busy thanking Akali for the gift.

 

Ahri: Well, can you thank her quieter? I can hear you two loud and clear.

 

Taliyah: so all went well?

 

Sivir: it did

 

Taliyah: Ahri, what did you give eve?

 

Ahri: A Zenvo ST1

 

Taliyah: A what?

 

Sivir: It’s an expensive car

 

Taliyah: So the thing you were trying to hide from Evelynn was a fucking car?

 

Ahri: I was hiding the car keys for it

Ahri: The car is currently on its way

 

Taliyah: You bought Evelynn a car??

 

Ahri: She’s been wanting it for a while

 

Taliyah: Wow, that’s nice of you to do

 

Kai’sa: Trust me, we were shocked as well. 

Kai’sa: Evelynn even gave ahri a hug

 

Sivir: it was weird to see that

 

Ahri: she’s my best friend! Of course i care!

Ahri: she gave me what i wanted so much!

Ahri: A 22k gold leafed dog bone toy with studded diamonds

 

Taliyah:...okay?

 

Kai’sa: our reactions exactly, tal

 

Sivir: But Evelynn knows Ahri the most and what makes her happy so good for them...i guess?

 

Ahri: I happy~~~

 

Sona: Glad you guys are having fun. Irelia’s family is pretty nice. They love Kayle.

 

Irelia: I AM LITERALLY GETTING OFF THE PLANE AND GOING HOME TO KICK YOU GUYS OUT

 

Sona: Oh cool, you headed home! your family will love to see you

 

Irelia: skdjgdkjg

 

Sona: Jinx loves them too

 

Irelia: NOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Kai’sa: In case Evelynn and Akali refuse to come down, happy holidays you two.

 

Evelynn: Thanks kai’sa~

 

Sivir: Happy holiday, Tal.

 

Taliyah: <3

 

Ahri: I wuv my doggy bone

 

Akali: Love you guys.

 

Irelia: Sona why are you doing this to me?

 

Sona: ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Chapter Text

Ahri: Where is everybody??

 

Evelynn: Did you not hear us?

Evelynn: Or were you too busy ignoring us?

 

Ahri: I always ignore you in particular 

 

Evelynn: Ha. Ha. Ha. Fuck you

 

Akali: Eve and I are going to be at the massive public party in Busan and host one of the events.

 

Ahri: AND YOU DIDN'T INVITE MEEEEEE?

 

Akali: They said they were fine with just us.

 

Evelynn : HAH

 

Ahri: @Kai'sa are you hooooome?

 

Kai'sa: Yeah, I'm in my bedroom 

Kai'sa: But I'm busy so don't come in

 

Ahri: Are you bottoming?

 

Kai'sa: Yeah

 

Evelynn : Gazing lovingly into your lover's eyes?

 

Kai'sa:  I'm on my elbows and knees so I cant

 

Akali: Say something romantic 

 

Kai'sa: I did, I told sivir to fuck me clean for the new 2020 year

 

Evelynn : clean

Evelynn: cant relate hahah

 

Ahri: Kai'saaaaaa 

Ahri: will you and sivir be staying up tonight with meeeee?

 

Kai'sa: Sure.

 

Sona: Oh?

Sona: I was just about to ask if one or all of you girls would like to come to a jinx new year party with me

 

Ahri: I WANNA GOOOOOOO

Ahri: SORRY KAISA IM DITCHING YOU AND SIVIR 

 

Kai'sa : That's okay, Sivir and I can have the house to ourselves.

 

Sona : So just Ahri?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, Akali and I are hosting a public new year event 

 

Sona: Cool cool

Sona: @XanIrelia the invitation goes out to you too

 

Irelia: No thank you.

 

Sona: But you're in Korea right now

Sona: Your locations are still on, you know

 

Irelia: first, fuck locations system…

Irelia : Second, I'm here with my family

Irelia: Third, how do you turn them off?

 

Akali: YOU'RE IN KOREA AGAIN AND YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL ME???

 

Irelia: After what happened over xmas, I really need to stay away from all of you

 

Taliyah: HEYYYYYY

Taliyah: I'm not that bad

 

Irelia: just to be safe, away from ALL of you

 

Taliyah: fiiiine

Taliyah: I’m flying all the way from Egypt to visit for a week but whatevah

Taliyah