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K/DA Chat Fuckery

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Akali: Hey

Akali: Why is Cassiopeia still hanging from our tree?

 

Kai’sa: Good.

 

Sivir: Good.

 

Ahri: We have a tree?

 

Evelynn: Yeah, Kai’sa flung me into it when we first moved in.

 

Ahri: Ooooh yeaaah

 

Kai’sa: That was funny.

 

Taliyah: You guys left Cassiopeia hanging from a tree for 24 hrs?

Taliyah: What the actual fuck???

 

Sona: Only just 24 hours?

 

Taliyah: Ok good point, they could have gone longer

 

Irelia: Oh great, endangering someone’s life. Fun.

 

Sivir: Endangering???????

Sivir: THIS SNAKE HOE STABBED ME IN THE BACK!!!!

 

Irelia: Yes, it’s perfect revenge to tie her up and hang her from a tree for 24 hours. Wow, you showed her.

 

Sivir: IT IS!

 

Irelia: I was using sarcasm.

 

Sivir: Oh

 

Akali: She’s screaming at me.

 

Evelynn: Oh, darling, get away from the windows.

 

Akali: Okie

 

Ahri: So what’s for breakfast?

 

Kai’sa: Waffles.

 

Ahri: Just waffles?

 

Sivir: I’m getting a side of ass for me.

 

Kai’sa: ;)

 

Ahri: I don’t want ass on mine, thanks.

 

Evelynn: I do.

 

Akali: You want Kai’sa’s ass?

Akali: Well, okay then babe

 

Evelynn:

Evelynn: I meant your ass, darling.

 

Akali: OOOOHHH okay okay my bad

Akali: sorry, sorry, I’ll put my kunai away

 

Kai’sa: WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT KUNAI???

 

Akali: Nothing. :)

 

Kai’sa: ...

 

Evelynn: I love it when you get jealous, darling~

 

Akali: :)))

 

Irelia: So you guys are just going to leave Cassiopeia hanging?

 

Kai’sa: Yes.

 

Sivir: Yeah.

 

Evelynn: Sure.

 

Akali: I guess.

 

Ahri: Yip.

 

Sona: I’m surprised she hasn’t broken out.

 

Sivir: She’s weak.

 

Akali: She just broke out.

 

Sivir: FUCK

 

Kai’sa: It was nice while it lasted.

 

Taliyah: It wasn’t going to last LONG.

 

Evelynn: 24 hrs is a long time

 

Sivir: Kai’sa and I are going to hide in the basement so if yah need us, we will be there.

 

Ahri: WE HAVE A BASEMENT?

 

Akali: SINCE WHEN??

 

Evelynn: I COULD HAVE HAD A SEX DUNGEON THIS WHOLE TIME??

 

Irelia: What?

 

Sona: Evelynn, there are children here.

 

Taliyah: I’m not a child. I’m old enough.

 

Sivir: You’re 18 baby girl.

 

Taliyah: 18 IS CONSIDERED AN ADULT!

 

Sona: And Evelynn is just a sex addict, no big deal.

 

Evelynn: I AM NOT A SEX ADDICT.

 

Kai’sa: That’s really hard to believe.

 

Akali: Evelynn just has a higher libido than most women, that’s all.

 

Sivir: Do you even know what libido means?

 

Akali: I DO, SIVIR LIVER!

Akali: IT MEANS I GET LAID MORE THAN YOU!

 

Kai’sa: You obviously haven’t observed our sex life, excuse you.

 

Sivir: HAH

 

Evelynn: You two are vanillas.

 

Kai’sa: We’re not!

Kai’sa: We get kinky.

 

Ahri: Hey, Cassiopeia is trying to break into our house.

 

Evelynn: “Oh, pizza girl. I have no money.”

 

Akali: “How will I pay for the pizza?”

 

Evelynn: “I guess I can give you something better.”

 

Kai’sa: Okay, that was one time we roleplayed like that

 

Sivir: We improved.

 

Evelynn: How so?

 

Kai’sa: Our dialogue isn’t bland.

 

Taliyah: They have a script, you know?

 

Sivir: TALIYAH

 

Kai’sa: REALLY, TALIYAH?

 

Sona: A script?

Sona: Are you two holding scripts as you foreplay?

 

Akali: That’s one way to kill the mood.

 

Kai’sa: CAN WE JUST MOVE ON?

 

Irelia: Do you two memorize your lines?

Irelia: Because that’s actually impressive.

 

Sivir: Yes, actually, we do.

Sivir: Thank you.

 

Akali: So you two don’t get laid often because you’re memorizing lines most of the time?

 

Evelynn: ^^

 

Kai’sa: Unlike you, Akali, we are fast learners.

 

Akali: RUDE

 

Ahri: Cassiopeia is about to break this fucking door down, guys!!!!

 

Kai’sa: It took you two months to learn your fucking solo in our song.

 

Akali: I’M A PERFECTIONIST

Akali: I NEED MY RAP GAME TO BE PERFECT.

 

Kai’sa: IT TOOK YOU A FUCKING WEEK TO REMEMBER “I’M A GODDESS WITH A BLADE”

 

Akali: BABE I FEEL ATTACKED!

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, at least Akali had a solo in the song.

 

Kai’sa: I AM A DANCER, NOT A SINGER!!!!!

 

Sivir: She sang the chorus!

 

Kai’sa: THANK YOU BABE!

 

Ahri: CASSIOPEIA IS COMING THROUGH!!!!

Ahri: OMG SHE IS TEARING OUR DOOR UP!!!

 

Sona: Sorry, Ahri, hold her back bc this is getting good.

 

Ahri: NYAAAAA!!

 

Evelynn: Kai’sa, anyone can sing the chorus. Even your dad.

 

Kai’sa: Not everyone can dance.

Kai’sa: Don’t think I didn’t see you trip over the twirl routine and twist your ankle during practice that one time.

 

Evelynn: You saw that???

Evelynn: Damn…

 

Kai’sa: I’ve never seen someone fail at a basic spin. 

Kai’sa: Even children can do it.

 

Evelynn: I was distracted.

 

Akali: By me?

 

Evelynn: Of course.

Evelynn: You’re always on my mind~

 

Akali: eeeee!

 

Sivir: Gaaaay

 

Akali: Mature, Sivir.

 

Kai'sa : I don't want to hear that from someone that demands dino chicken nuggets over actual chicken.

 

Evelynn: Dino chicken nuggets are good, excuse you.

 

Kai'sa: it's packaged and processed meat

 

Akali: Wow, thanks mom

Akali: Now let me eat what I want.

 

Evelynn: Eat my ass

 

Akali: That can be arranged.

 

Sivir: I remember when Akali was an oblivious ninja that climbed on top of a ferris wheel bc she forgot her phone was in her pocket.

 

Akali: I've changed. I've grown.

 

Evelynn: As my girlfriend.

 

Kai'sa: I wouldn't call that growth.

 

Evelynn : RUDE

 

Ahri: HALP HALP THE SNAKE IS ANGRY!

 

Sona: I will say that you four have changed a lot since you guys started dating each other.

 

Ahri: HELLOOOOO? HALP?!

 

Taliyah : Dude, I didn't even know Sivir was dating Kai'sa until I saw her shirt in one of Kai'sa's insta stories

 

Sivir: But now you know now, surprise.

 

Taliyah : You wouldn't tell me anything!

 

Sivir: I was protecting Kai'sa's privacy.

 

Kai'sa : You were protecting your own ass, babe.

 

Sivir: Baaaabe

 

Taliyah: OKAY BUT THE FACT THAT AZIR KNEW BEFORE ME WAS JUST CRUEL 

Taliyah : I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND

Taliyah : YOUR ONLY FRIEND

 

Sivir: I HAVE OTHER LIVING FRIENDS!!

Sivir: AMOMO!!

 

Taliyah : IT'S AMUMU YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK!

Taliyah: and he doesn't count. He's a spirit.

 

Kai'sa : A what?

 

Taliyah : A spirit.

 

Akali: A ghost?

 

Taliyah : Yeah, close enough.

 

Evelynn : Oh, okay.

 

Kai'sa : Is he still on this plane of the living?

 

Taliyah: He comes and goes but he's a sweet boi

 

Sivir: He doesn't give me shit like you, shortie

 

Taliyah: You literally have one living friend (me) and a ghost friend that likes writing fanfiction.

 

Sivir: FINE I ACCEPT THAT IF IT GETS YOU TO SHUT UP

 

Kai'sa : How does a ghost writes?

 

Taliyah: Idk, ghost and electronic stuff seem to go hand in hand but that's how we communicate with him.

 

Akali: Can we meet him?

 

Taliyah : Yeah, but he's painfully shy so it might be a while until he shows up

 

Akali: Cooool!

 

Irelia: YOU GUYS ARE REALLY JUST ACCEPTING THAT GHOSTS EXIST TOO EASILY!?!?

 

Sona: This chat has a succubus, a gumiho, a victim of the Void, an oni/hannya/ninja girl, and a mute who is beautiful and talented, aka me. What's new, Xan Irelia?

 

Irelia : STOP USING MY FULL NAME

 

Ahri: HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!

Ahri: iebdhsidbd

Ahri: ishdjdhdh

Ahri: hshsh

Ahri: lq

 

Ahri added Cassiopeia to group chat "K/DA".

 

Sivir: Really, Ahri?

 

Ahri: SHE TOOK MY PHOOOOOONE!!

 

Cassiopeia : WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HOES AT? I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU, STARTING WITH KAI'SA.

 

Kai'sa : Who, me?

 

Cassiopeia : SPECIFICALLY YOU, WHORE!

 

Kai’sa: This number is unavailable, please try again later.

 

Cassiopeia: YOU’RE DEAD!!

 

Evelynn: Hi. Don’t kill me, I’m busy.

 

Cassiopeia: I would never want to kill you, my Evelynn~

 

Akali: Back off.

 

Cassiopeia: I’LL KILL YOU NEXT AFTER I KILL KAI’SA!!

 

Sivir: Kai’sa is unavailable right now. Please leave a message.

 

Cassiopeia: YOU’RE DEAD LAST BITCH

 

Sona: So how is our policewoman this morning?

 

Cassiopeia: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES HANGED ME FROM YOUR FUCKING TREE FOR 24 FUCKING HOURS AS A PIÑATA WHILE I WAS COVERED IN FUCKING KETCHUP AND MUSTARD

 

Taliyah: Is that what you guys put in the water balloons?

 

Akali: Yep

 

Irelia: How?

 

Sivir: We pushed those damn condiment bottles.

 

Kai’sa: Sounds messy.

 

Evelynn: Sounds fun.

 

Cassiopeia: SOUNDS LIKE IM GOING TO SUE THE FUCK OUT OF K/DA!!!!

 

Akali: You know we didn’t invite you to our party, it was an accident

 

Kai’sa: It was Ahri’s mistake

 

Ahri: WHICH I VERY VERY MUCH REGREEEET!!!!!

 

Evelynn: Ahri, are you dead yet?

 

Ahri: NYO!!!

 

Evelynn: Cass, you suck.

 

Cassiopeia: Suck me off, please.

 

Evelynn: Darling, I feel violated.

 

Akali: Back off snake.

 

Sivir: It just occurred to me that we’re all in our respective beds, texting on this chat even though our significant others are right next to us, as a crazy snake is running around the house, hoping to kill us.

 

Ahri: KJLDSKJGKLSDL

 

Cassiopeia: I SEE YOU!!!!!

 

Ahri: DON’T FORGET ABOUT FOXY!!!

 

Evelynn: Forget her ^^

 

Ahri: RRRRUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDEEEEEE!!!!

 

Sona: It sounds like a perfect afterparty

 

Kai’sa: Are you still in our house, Sona?

 

Sona: Yeah, I’m watching Cassiopeia chase after Ahri

 

Ahri: SLDKFHJLKFJHSKDHL;S

Ahri: HAAAALPPPP MEEEEE

 

Sona: No, I’m good. 

 

Ahri: WAAAAAAAHHHH

 

Akali: I’m hungry

 

Kai’sa: If we sneak out of the house, we can go get breakfast

 

Evelynn: Yes, let’s tell the group chat, with Cassiopeia in it, what we are doing

 

Kai’sa: She’s not a smart snake

 

Sivir: She’s a dumbass

 

Akali: I’m down to sneak snok

 

Evelynn: Yeah me too

 

Kai’sa: Alright, meet you guys outside

 

Sona: I just walked out. Ahri and Cassiopeia didn’t even notice me.

 

Taliyah: Have fun!

 

Irelia: Hope your house doesn’t get burned down.

 

Kai’sa: We’ll make Ahri buy us a new one.

 

Evelynn: WITHOUT USING MY MONEY

 

XXX

 

Ahri: SJHGDLKHDFLKJGDHKGDSKFJ

Ahri: YOU GUYS LEFT MEEEE??

Ahri: RUUUUUUDEEEEEEE

 

Cassiopeia: WHERE ARE YOU????? 

Cassiopeia: I NEED A NEW FOX COAT!!!

 

Ahri: PWEASEEE NYOOOOOOOO

 

Cassiopeia: YOUR PELT IS MINE!!!!!!!

 

Ahri: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!

 

Cassiopeia: I’VE BEEN COVERED IN MUSTARD AND KETCHUP FOR 24 HRS, IM A LITTLE FUCKING CRANKY

 

Ahri: You are a very damaged and messed up person to be this triggered over some condiments on your body.

 

Cassiopeia: Have you seen my family? I’m practically sane.

 

Ahri: Fair enough. My apologies.

 

Cassiopeia: Apology accepted.

 

Ahri: :)

 

Cassiopeia: :)

 

Ahri: uwu?

 

Cassiopeia: I’m still going to kill you.


Ahri: Darn it.