Akali: Why is Cassiopeia still hanging from our tree?
Ahri: We have a tree?
Evelynn: Yeah, Kai’sa flung me into it when we first moved in.
Ahri: Ooooh yeaaah
Kai’sa: That was funny.
Taliyah: You guys left Cassiopeia hanging from a tree for 24 hrs?
Taliyah: What the actual fuck???
Sona: Only just 24 hours?
Taliyah: Ok good point, they could have gone longer
Irelia: Oh great, endangering someone’s life. Fun.
Sivir: THIS SNAKE HOE STABBED ME IN THE BACK!!!!
Irelia: Yes, it’s perfect revenge to tie her up and hang her from a tree for 24 hours. Wow, you showed her.
Sivir: IT IS!
Irelia: I was using sarcasm.
Akali: She’s screaming at me.
Evelynn: Oh, darling, get away from the windows.
Ahri: So what’s for breakfast?
Ahri: Just waffles?
Sivir: I’m getting a side of ass for me.
Ahri: I don’t want ass on mine, thanks.
Evelynn: I do.
Akali: You want Kai’sa’s ass?
Akali: Well, okay then babe
Evelynn: I meant your ass, darling.
Akali: OOOOHHH okay okay my bad
Akali: sorry, sorry, I’ll put my kunai away
Kai’sa: WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT KUNAI???
Akali: Nothing. :)
Evelynn: I love it when you get jealous, darling~
Irelia: So you guys are just going to leave Cassiopeia hanging?
Akali: I guess.
Sona: I’m surprised she hasn’t broken out.
Sivir: She’s weak.
Akali: She just broke out.
Kai’sa: It was nice while it lasted.
Taliyah: It wasn’t going to last LONG.
Evelynn: 24 hrs is a long time
Sivir: Kai’sa and I are going to hide in the basement so if yah need us, we will be there.
Ahri: WE HAVE A BASEMENT?
Akali: SINCE WHEN??
Evelynn: I COULD HAVE HAD A SEX DUNGEON THIS WHOLE TIME??
Sona: Evelynn, there are children here.
Taliyah: I’m not a child. I’m old enough.
Sivir: You’re 18 baby girl.
Taliyah: 18 IS CONSIDERED AN ADULT!
Sona: And Evelynn is just a sex addict, no big deal.
Evelynn: I AM NOT A SEX ADDICT.
Kai’sa: That’s really hard to believe.
Akali: Evelynn just has a higher libido than most women, that’s all.
Sivir: Do you even know what libido means?
Akali: I DO, SIVIR LIVER!
Akali: IT MEANS I GET LAID MORE THAN YOU!
Kai’sa: You obviously haven’t observed our sex life, excuse you.
Evelynn: You two are vanillas.
Kai’sa: We’re not!
Kai’sa: We get kinky.
Ahri: Hey, Cassiopeia is trying to break into our house.
Evelynn: “Oh, pizza girl. I have no money.”
Akali: “How will I pay for the pizza?”
Evelynn: “I guess I can give you something better.”
Kai’sa: Okay, that was one time we roleplayed like that
Sivir: We improved.
Evelynn: How so?
Kai’sa: Our dialogue isn’t bland.
Taliyah: They have a script, you know?
Kai’sa: REALLY, TALIYAH?
Sona: A script?
Sona: Are you two holding scripts as you foreplay?
Akali: That’s one way to kill the mood.
Kai’sa: CAN WE JUST MOVE ON?
Irelia: Do you two memorize your lines?
Irelia: Because that’s actually impressive.
Sivir: Yes, actually, we do.
Sivir: Thank you.
Akali: So you two don’t get laid often because you’re memorizing lines most of the time?
Kai’sa: Unlike you, Akali, we are fast learners.
Ahri: Cassiopeia is about to break this fucking door down, guys!!!!
Kai’sa: It took you two months to learn your fucking solo in our song.
Akali: I’M A PERFECTIONIST
Akali: I NEED MY RAP GAME TO BE PERFECT.
Kai’sa: IT TOOK YOU A FUCKING WEEK TO REMEMBER “I’M A GODDESS WITH A BLADE”
Akali: BABE I FEEL ATTACKED!
Evelynn: Kai’sa, at least Akali had a solo in the song.
Kai’sa: I AM A DANCER, NOT A SINGER!!!!!
Sivir: She sang the chorus!
Kai’sa: THANK YOU BABE!
Ahri: CASSIOPEIA IS COMING THROUGH!!!!
Ahri: OMG SHE IS TEARING OUR DOOR UP!!!
Sona: Sorry, Ahri, hold her back bc this is getting good.
Evelynn: Kai’sa, anyone can sing the chorus. Even your dad.
Kai’sa: Not everyone can dance.
Kai’sa: Don’t think I didn’t see you trip over the twirl routine and twist your ankle during practice that one time.
Evelynn: You saw that???
Kai’sa: I’ve never seen someone fail at a basic spin.
Kai’sa: Even children can do it.
Evelynn: I was distracted.
Akali: By me?
Evelynn: Of course.
Evelynn: You’re always on my mind~
Akali: Mature, Sivir.
Kai'sa : I don't want to hear that from someone that demands dino chicken nuggets over actual chicken.
Evelynn: Dino chicken nuggets are good, excuse you.
Kai'sa: it's packaged and processed meat
Akali: Wow, thanks mom
Akali: Now let me eat what I want.
Evelynn: Eat my ass
Akali: That can be arranged.
Sivir: I remember when Akali was an oblivious ninja that climbed on top of a ferris wheel bc she forgot her phone was in her pocket.
Akali: I've changed. I've grown.
Evelynn: As my girlfriend.
Kai'sa: I wouldn't call that growth.
Evelynn : RUDE
Ahri: HALP HALP THE SNAKE IS ANGRY!
Sona: I will say that you four have changed a lot since you guys started dating each other.
Ahri: HELLOOOOO? HALP?!
Taliyah : Dude, I didn't even know Sivir was dating Kai'sa until I saw her shirt in one of Kai'sa's insta stories
Sivir: But now you know now, surprise.
Taliyah : You wouldn't tell me anything!
Sivir: I was protecting Kai'sa's privacy.
Kai'sa : You were protecting your own ass, babe.
Taliyah: OKAY BUT THE FACT THAT AZIR KNEW BEFORE ME WAS JUST CRUEL
Taliyah : I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND
Taliyah : YOUR ONLY FRIEND
Sivir: I HAVE OTHER LIVING FRIENDS!!
Taliyah : IT'S AMUMU YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK!
Taliyah: and he doesn't count. He's a spirit.
Kai'sa : A what?
Taliyah : A spirit.
Akali: A ghost?
Taliyah : Yeah, close enough.
Evelynn : Oh, okay.
Kai'sa : Is he still on this plane of the living?
Taliyah: He comes and goes but he's a sweet boi
Sivir: He doesn't give me shit like you, shortie
Taliyah: You literally have one living friend (me) and a ghost friend that likes writing fanfiction.
Sivir: FINE I ACCEPT THAT IF IT GETS YOU TO SHUT UP
Kai'sa : How does a ghost writes?
Taliyah: Idk, ghost and electronic stuff seem to go hand in hand but that's how we communicate with him.
Akali: Can we meet him?
Taliyah : Yeah, but he's painfully shy so it might be a while until he shows up
Irelia: YOU GUYS ARE REALLY JUST ACCEPTING THAT GHOSTS EXIST TOO EASILY!?!?
Sona: This chat has a succubus, a gumiho, a victim of the Void, an oni/hannya/ninja girl, and a mute who is beautiful and talented, aka me. What's new, Xan Irelia?
Irelia : STOP USING MY FULL NAME
Ahri added Cassiopeia to group chat "K/DA".
Sivir: Really, Ahri?
Ahri: SHE TOOK MY PHOOOOOONE!!
Cassiopeia : WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HOES AT? I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU, STARTING WITH KAI'SA.
Kai'sa : Who, me?
Cassiopeia : SPECIFICALLY YOU, WHORE!
Kai’sa: This number is unavailable, please try again later.
Cassiopeia: YOU’RE DEAD!!
Evelynn: Hi. Don’t kill me, I’m busy.
Cassiopeia: I would never want to kill you, my Evelynn~
Akali: Back off.
Cassiopeia: I’LL KILL YOU NEXT AFTER I KILL KAI’SA!!
Sivir: Kai’sa is unavailable right now. Please leave a message.
Cassiopeia: YOU’RE DEAD LAST BITCH
Sona: So how is our policewoman this morning?
Cassiopeia: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES HANGED ME FROM YOUR FUCKING TREE FOR 24 FUCKING HOURS AS A PIÑATA WHILE I WAS COVERED IN FUCKING KETCHUP AND MUSTARD
Taliyah: Is that what you guys put in the water balloons?
Sivir: We pushed those damn condiment bottles.
Kai’sa: Sounds messy.
Evelynn: Sounds fun.
Cassiopeia: SOUNDS LIKE IM GOING TO SUE THE FUCK OUT OF K/DA!!!!
Akali: You know we didn’t invite you to our party, it was an accident
Kai’sa: It was Ahri’s mistake
Ahri: WHICH I VERY VERY MUCH REGREEEET!!!!!
Evelynn: Ahri, are you dead yet?
Evelynn: Cass, you suck.
Cassiopeia: Suck me off, please.
Evelynn: Darling, I feel violated.
Akali: Back off snake.
Sivir: It just occurred to me that we’re all in our respective beds, texting on this chat even though our significant others are right next to us, as a crazy snake is running around the house, hoping to kill us.
Cassiopeia: I SEE YOU!!!!!
Ahri: DON’T FORGET ABOUT FOXY!!!
Evelynn: Forget her ^^
Sona: It sounds like a perfect afterparty
Kai’sa: Are you still in our house, Sona?
Sona: Yeah, I’m watching Cassiopeia chase after Ahri
Ahri: HAAAALPPPP MEEEEE
Sona: No, I’m good.
Akali: I’m hungry
Kai’sa: If we sneak out of the house, we can go get breakfast
Evelynn: Yes, let’s tell the group chat, with Cassiopeia in it, what we are doing
Kai’sa: She’s not a smart snake
Sivir: She’s a dumbass
Akali: I’m down to sneak snok
Evelynn: Yeah me too
Kai’sa: Alright, meet you guys outside
Sona: I just walked out. Ahri and Cassiopeia didn’t even notice me.
Taliyah: Have fun!
Irelia: Hope your house doesn’t get burned down.
Kai’sa: We’ll make Ahri buy us a new one.
Evelynn: WITHOUT USING MY MONEY
Ahri: YOU GUYS LEFT MEEEE??
Cassiopeia: WHERE ARE YOU?????
Cassiopeia: I NEED A NEW FOX COAT!!!
Ahri: PWEASEEE NYOOOOOOOO
Cassiopeia: YOUR PELT IS MINE!!!!!!!
Ahri: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!
Cassiopeia: I’VE BEEN COVERED IN MUSTARD AND KETCHUP FOR 24 HRS, IM A LITTLE FUCKING CRANKY
Ahri: You are a very damaged and messed up person to be this triggered over some condiments on your body.
Cassiopeia: Have you seen my family? I’m practically sane.
Ahri: Fair enough. My apologies.
Cassiopeia: Apology accepted.
Cassiopeia: I’m still going to kill you.
Ahri: Darn it.