(The night that you came home drunk)
Yoongi’s eyes flutter open as the mattress dips, the weight of another body sinking down onto the bed. He shuts them again at once, pretending to still be asleep. The other body moves closer to his, wriggling along the mattress with hardly any coordination until their bodies meet and emptiness gives way to warmth.
“Yoongi,” Hoseok whispers into the skin at the back of his ear, words slurred as they tumble from his warm lips. “You awake, sweetheart?”
For a brief moment, Yoongi says nothing. He remains completely still with his eyes clenched shut, enjoying the feeling of Hoseok’s body pressed flush against his own. It’s what he’s been waiting for all day, what he’s been craving long before arriving home and spending the evening alone. He doesn’t know when this feeling will end, when it will be taken from him again, so he’ll savor every second that it lasts.
He eventually answers, “I am now.”
Hoseok giggles quietly and kisses Yoongi’s ear. It tickles a little, and Yoongi ends up smiling. He keeps smiling despite the scent of booze that hangs in the air and the lingering loneliness in his heart. Right now, all that matters to him is that Hoseok is here, holding him, kissing him, loving him.
Yoongi shifts so that he’s lying on his back. Hoseok doesn’t waste a second, already shifting as well so that he’s lying half on top of Yoongi’s smaller frame, clinging to him. Sometimes they’re a lot like magnets, their natural attraction bringing them together in a way that works perfectly.
If only things could always be this perfect.
“I missed you,” Hoseok whispers with his mouth pressed to Yoongi’s jaw. It’s not so much kissing as it is dragging his lips across the smooth skin, but it feels good and Yoongi will never mind this, will always eagerly accept Hoseok’s touch.
Yoongi hums and asks, “Did you have fun clubbing with the guys?”
There’s a noticeable pause before Hoseok nods. He’s always like this when he’s inebriated, so it’s nothing that Yoongi isn’t used to. He’s also grown accustomed to the overall behavior that Hoseok exhibits before and after a full moon, to how the natural cycle of the moon always affects Hoseok’s mood. In the days leading up to it, he’ll grow anxious, restless, sometimes unable to focus on even the most mundane tasks. But in the days following the full moon, he’ll often become distant.
Yoongi has started to dislike the days that follow a full moon. Whereas he knows how to deal with and aid an anxious Hoseok, he’s never quite figured out how to do the same with the Hoseok that shuts him out and pretends that he’s fine.
“It was fun, yeah.” Hoseok nuzzles into the crook of Yoongi’s neck, while his fingers play with the raggedy ends of Yoongi’s old t-shirt. “But the atmosphere gets old after a while… like, there’s only so much that I can take of the same songs blasting into my eardrums.”
Yoongi snorts. “Isn’t that the point of nightclubs, though? To help you lose your hearing at a young age with a serving of sweaty people on the side?”
“No, shut up, the point of clubs is obviously the dancing,” Hoseok argues with him. But Yoongi can tell that he’s smiling along, can hear it in his tone. “That can get pretty old, too, when people start invading your personal space. Anyway, you never said that you missed me, too.”
Though he rolls his eyes, Yoongi complies. “I missed you, too, love.” He reaches for Hoseok’s hand and brings it up to his mouth, placing gentle kisses to the tips of his lover’s fingers. “Always missing you.”
He can tell that his words satisfy Hoseok for now, can see it in his glossy eyes and reddened face when Hoseok leans up to properly look at him. His own eyes flutter shut once more as Hoseok leans down again to kiss his lips. It’s a slow kiss that still takes Yoongi’s breath away, a kiss that he surrenders to with ease. It’s yet another sensation that he’s been craving all day, both at work and at home. He’ll always crave Hoseok’s kisses no matter where he is in the world.
“Yoongi,” Hoseok sighs in between pecking his boyfriend’s lips again and again, “I want you…”
His words, along with the flick of his tongue and the press of his warm body, send shivers up Yoongi’s spine. It’s no secret that he likes the attention, because he always has. But Yoongi knows that there’s a time for everything, and that their issues can’t be solved with drunken kisses and hands against skin.
He turns his head away from the kisses, ignoring Hoseok’s immediate whine. In an effort to soothe him, Yoongi pats his head and returns his pout with a smile.
“You’re drunk, Seok.”
“I’m not,” Hoseok insists, but then he backtracks. “Not entirely. Whatever. I always want you, drunk and sober.”
As if trying to prove those words, Hoseok leans back in to pepper fleeting kisses along Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi hums with pleasure at the feeling of those lips against his skin, imagining them against other places along his body as well. It’s been a while since the last time that they made love. Well, for their standards, anyway. A couple of weeks is a long time by their standards and it makes sense that both of them are beginning to feel deprived.
“You know,” Yoongi starts to say, his hands finding their way into Hoseok’s hair and gently tugging, “You’re really cute like this.”
Hoseok drags his tongue across the base of Yoongi’s throat. He murmurs, “Like what?”
“This,” Yoongi gasps, his breathing already uneven. One of those fangs lightly scrapes against his skin, and he tightens his grip in Hoseok’s hair. “When you’re desperate and needy. Makes me feel like the rarest commodity.”
Hoseok chuckles lowly. “Weird way to put it, but sure. You’re my commodity and nobody else can have you.”
Yoongi wants to say that he’d never want to be anyone else’s, anyway. He wants to say that he belongs only to Hoseok, just as much as Hoseok belongs to him in return. Yoongi also wants to say that he wishes Hoseok would remember this more often, remember that he isn’t alone no matter how many times he convinces himself that he is. That he’ll never be alone, because Yoongi will always be here for him, if Hoseok allows it.
As he thinks of these things, Yoongi doesn’t notice that he’s no longer being kissed, or that Hoseok has gone as quiet as still water. When he finally does take notice, his mouth curves downward into a childish pout.
“Hey. Don’t fall asleep on me.”
Yoongi repeatedly pokes him in the cheek, to which Hoseok responds with a loud, exaggerated snore. As annoying and stupid as it is, Yoongi has to try his best not to laugh.
“Seok-ah,” he continues to whine. “Get off.”
“But m’sleepy,” Hoseok whines in retaliation.
Knowing that it’s unproductive to argue with what’s essentially an overgrown puppy, Yoongi decides against doing so. Instead, he sighs and wiggles out from beneath Hoseok’s embrace, until he’s completely free and has the upper hand. Seeing just how small and exhausted Hoseok looks right now, curled up and squeezing a pillow to his chest in place of Yoongi, almost makes it difficult to disturb him.
Almost, but not quite. So, Yoongi tugs at the tight shirt that hugs the curves of Hoseok’s waist.
“C’mon, let’s get you out of these clothes.”
The initial attempt proves to be a useless one, when Hoseok rolls the other way and curls further into himself, mumbling sleepily, “Don’t wanna.”
It’s the epitome of cuteness, at the same time that it’s moderately frustrating. Yoongi doesn’t give up, of course, because he never does. Also, he knows for a fact that sober Hoseok will chew his ear off, if he discovers that Yoongi let him go to bed in dirty clothes that he wore to a nightclub, of all places.
Yoongi tugs at the shirt again, saying, “That’s too bad, ‘cause I’m gonna make you anyway.”
Persistence and the promise of cuddling is all that it takes to get his sleepy boyfriend to finally comply. The latter is a trick that Yoongi has been using for years now, the only one that always works in his favor. That’s why when Hoseok sits up and allows Yoongi to start undressing him, there’s a triumphant smile that remains plastered to his face as he gets the job done.
Hoseok’s skintight leather pants is another beast entirely, and Yoongi has to get down onto the floor to kneel in front of the bed before removing them. After a momentary struggle that nearly results in a head injury against the nearby nightstand, he successfully manages to get rid of those, too. Afterwards, he removes Hoseok’s socks one by one and tosses them to the side with the other pieces of clothing, the task completed at last. When he glances up, he finds Hoseok staring down at him, lidded eyes filled with sorrow.
“For what, darling?”
“For always being like this, I guess.” Hoseok averts his gaze, eyes glaring at the blank wall beside them. “For needing you to take care of me… for being fucked up.”
It’s the finale that Yoongi has been waiting for, the last stage that always arrives whenever Hoseok is under the influence of something: honesty. Hoseok is always most honest when he’s drunk or high or both, and it’s one of the only times that he allows himself to truly open up about the things that’ve been plaguing him. He allows it because he knows that he won’t remember all of it, so he won’t have to feel embarrassed later on. He won’t have to remember what it felt like to be vulnerable.
Yoongi sighs. “Aren’t we all pretty fucked up, though?” He rests his chin on Hoseok’s knee, eyes never leaving his face. “Don’t we all need to be taken care of sometimes? I know that I do.”
“Yeah, but…” Hoseok slowly shakes his head. “You know what I meant.”
“I don’t, actually.” Yoongi looks down as that familiar loneliness arises in his chest. “You’ve kind of been shutting me out again.”
A comforting hand is placed against his cheek. Yoongi naturally leans into that gentle warmth, that hand that has shown him nothing but kindness, pleasure, and love. He looks up again to meet the intense gaze that stares back at him, only to find that same love behind the eyes of his soulmate.
It’s always been there. He just has to pay attention sometimes.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Really, I am.” Hoseok uses his thumb to softly caress Yoongi’s cheek. He says with the utmost confidence, “I really fucking love you, you know that?”
“I know,” Yoongi mutters. He fights the urge to look away, the urge to hide behind defense mechanisms that he often utilized in the past. “I really fucking love you, too, even when you suck.”
Hoseok smiles at him, dimples and all. “I promise I’ll do everything that I can to suck less, then. Is that okay?”
Yoongi nods. “I just want you to be honest with me, that’s all…” Feeling shy all of a sudden and a little overwhelmed, he rests his cheek against Hoseok’s thigh. “I want you to rely on me and tell me when you’re hurting. I wanna be able to make you feel better, but I can’t do that when you keep it all inside.”
Hoseok places that same hand in Yoongi’s hair instead, his lithe fingers gliding through the strands and lightly scratching at Yoongi’s scalp beneath.
“Okay, I understand. Will you rely on me, too?”
“Always.” Yoongi nuzzles his bare leg. “You’re my everything.”
Above him, there’s the sound of a shaky breath being released. Yoongi knows why. Hoseok has always reacted this way upon hearing those exact words. It’s exactly why Yoongi makes sure to say them every once in a while, and he never wants Hoseok to forget them.
“My moon,” Hoseok whispers in awe. He tugs at the hair until Yoongi looks up at him again. “I want to kiss you.”
Because it’s the very thing that Yoongi wants just as much, he replies instantly, “Kiss me, then.”
Nodding, Hoseok takes him by the hand and tugs, determined to make their desires a reality. Yoongi lets himself be tugged to his feet, then onto the bed again, and finally in between his lover’s waiting arms. They kiss deeply but without rush, both of them far too tired for such intensity. It’s not needed, anyway. They’re satisfied with simply being able to hold each other, touch each other, and love each other.
They’re satisfied with the words that they whisper into each other’s skin, implanting promises for safekeeping.
Hoseok asks, “Will you always be with me?”
And Yoongi answers, “I’ll always be with you.”
“Will you always want me?”
“I’ll always want you.”
“Will you be mine for good?”
Yoongi starts to laugh, his heart and lungs filled with joy. The answer to that one should be the most obvious of all, but he speaks it into existence regardless.
“I’m yours forever, darling.”
(The night you told me about your shadow)
Yoongi hates getting home late on the nights when he knows that Hoseok is waiting for him.
It’s not like he can help it, either. Sometimes, photoshoots drag on a lot longer than what was originally planned. Sometimes, his clients just aren’t feeling great or photogenic that day, sometimes they’re in a bad mood or they’re too tired from their hectic schedules—especially the idols, who seem as if they sleep only twice a year. Sometimes (or, most of the time), it’s their managers who are being a pain in the ass and giving Yoongi a hard time for no reason other than that he exists.
But sometimes, it’s no one’s fault at all. Things just happen to take a bit longer that day, and all that Yoongi can do is deal with it. He deals with it by trying his hardest to take the best pictures that he can, and they usually turn out pretty nice, in his own professional opinion. And, by the time that he gets to leave to go home, the day’s events exit his mind completely. All that he can think about is his rumbling belly and the beautiful man awaiting his return.
The inside of their shared apartment is dark, almost pitch black when Yoongi opens the front door and enters their little home. Even though it’s getting late, it’s still too early for Hoseok to have gone to bed already. Besides, after living together over the past couple of years, Yoongi is well aware of the fact that Hoseok has the hardest time falling asleep alone. He always needs to have someone to cuddle, someone warm and perfectly proportioned to be the world’s greatest little spoon.
That would be Yoongi, of course.
Too exhausted from the day’s work to stand, Yoongi plops down to sit on the small step that separates the foyer from the rest of the apartment. His bag containing most of his camera equipment slides off his shoulder, relieving him from the ache of carrying it home.
“Seok-ah,” he calls out, purposely using a cutesy tone in the way that he knows Hoseok likes. Call it being whipped or whatever, Yoongi doesn’t care. He’s still smiling as he kicks off his heavy boots. “I’m home. Where are you?”
He doesn’t get a verbal response, but he does hear the sound of soft footsteps approaching from down the hall. After telling himself that he’ll definitely fix the placement of his shoes later on (he just doesn’t feel like it right now), Yoongi stands up again, his knees audibly cracking in the process. But before he can spin around to receive the kisses that he deserves, the world goes completely black.
“Welcome home, honey,” a familiar voice whispers into his left ear.
Utterly confused by whatever it is that Hoseok has up his sleeves, Yoongi’s response to the strange welcoming is delayed by mere seconds.
“Thanks?” he says, then, “Wanna tell me why you’re covering my eyes with your hands?”
Hoseok proceeds to giggle in a way that tells Yoongi, yeah, he’s definitely up to no good.
“It’s a surprise,” his boyfriend says in lieu of a real explanation. “You’re really gonna like it, I think. Well, I hope. Anyway, follow me and you’ll find out.”
“Okay? How am I supposed to follow you when—”
Hoseok handles the obvious issue by himself, his hands forcibly tugging Yoongi backwards by keeping a firm placement against his eyes. It certainly isn’t the most strategic way of leading Yoongi through the apartment while blindfolding him, and they do end up bumping into at least two objects on their poorly calculated journey. At least Hoseok apologizes in the form of kisses to the back of his head, Yoongi supposes. It doesn’t entirely make up for his throbbing toe, but it’s something.
By some miracle, they arrive at their location without any casualties. Another complaint about his injured toe is halfway out of Yoongi’s mouth when Hoseok finally releases him. Seeing the surprise easily shuts him up, and all that he does for the first several seconds is stare out at their decorated balcony.
“Surprise!” Hoseok cheers, a little too late. He steps forward onto the balcony and spreads his arms out on either side, his mouth curved into a noticeably bashful smile. “I thought it might be cool if we had a moonlight picnic date, or… something like that. What do you think?”
It’s a difficult question to answer when Yoongi is thinking so many things, too many things about the adorable setup. Most notable are the fairy lights that decorate the railing, each little light twinkling against the dark backdrop of the night sky. They’d already had other lights there before, cheap ones that they used during last year Halloween’s party. They were so cheap that they broke soon afterwards, and the two of them had been too lazy to take them down after that.
Too lazy until now, that is, since Hoseok seems to have bought a brand-new pair of much better lights that’ll hopefully last a lot longer. He’s also gone ahead and covered their lounge chair with an old blanket and a throw pillow for added comfort, and there’s a single lit candle in the middle of the small round table. Next to that is a medium sized pot covered with a lid; their dinner, Yoongi assumes.
He turns to Hoseok and says, “Okay, something is definitely up. What happened? Is it good? Bad?”
Hoseok blinks in rapid succession, his mouth down turning into a confused frown. It clicks a second after that, and then he’s shaking his head to dispel any suspicions that Yoongi may or may not have had about the sudden romantic dinner date.
“No, no—nothing happened, I promise! I just…” He pauses to let out a frustrated sigh, his eyes cast downwards like his mouth, and Yoongi suddenly feels guilty for having assumed the worst. “I just really wanted to do something special for my boyfriend, is all. Especially since he’s always doing things for me.”
Afraid of completely ruining the mood and the obvious hard work that Hoseok put into this, Yoongi closes the distance between them, his arms coming to wrap around the younger’s shoulders as he pulls him into a tight embrace. It fills him with relief and joy when Hoseok returns the hug, his arms coming up to close around Yoongi’s waist as he simultaneously buries his face in Yoongi’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, angel,” Yoongi murmurs soothingly. He presses multiple kisses into the side of Hoseok’s head and anywhere else that he can reach from this angle. “I shouldn’t have assumed. What I meant to say is that this is probably the best surprise I’ve ever received, so thank you. You really didn’t have to do all of this.”
Hoseok pulls back enough for their eyes to meet. He’s smiling so wide and beautifully that Yoongi can see the stars in his eyes. It’s sort of paradoxical, given that Hoseok is the biggest star of them all.
“I did it because I wanted to,” Hoseok tells him. The statement is followed up with a wet kiss to Yoongi’s cheek. “But to tell you the truth, there is a second reason that we’re doing this tonight, specifically.”
“Oh?” Yoongi tilts his head to the side, his curiosity rising. “And, what reason is that?”
Hoseok only shakes his head as that smile becomes sneaky in nature. Yoongi can guess what he’s going to reply with before he even says it.
“I’ll tell you in a bit, but first, we have to set the mood and all.”
Yoongi snorts at those words, wondering what can possibly be added to something that’s already so perfect, in his eyes. But Hoseok has other plans in mind, which he goes through with when he takes out his phone and, seconds later, a cheesy love song begins to play.
“That’s not all,” Hoseok mentions before Yoongi can interrupt. He sets the phone down onto the small table, then reaches over and lifts the lid of the pot. A delicious aroma immediately fills the air around them, the smell of spices and pork invading Yoongi’s nostrils and reawakening his empty belly. Hoseok explains, “I tried my hand at budae-jjigae, but um… it looked easier when the guy on the video made it. It still tastes good, in my opinion.”
Leave it to Hoseok to be as modest as possible about every little achievement of his. Yoongi has grown accustomed to these little quirks of his, so it doesn’t come as a surprise at all. In the meantime, he approaches the table and peers into the pot. It looks just as delicious as it smells, so Yoongi wordlessly reaches for the nearest set of chopsticks and picks out a single piece of the sliced hot dog, consuming it immediately afterwards. Hoseok watches him closely as he chews. Yoongi can practically feel his nervousness.
Upon swallowing the meat, Yoongi says, “I don’t know what you’re so nervous about, but it tastes perfect to me. We should make it together next time, and you can show me how to do it.”
Again, it doesn’t come as a surprise to him when he looks up to see that shine in Hoseok’s eyes, because he’s always been prone to getting emotional during moments such as this. Yoongi loves him, anyway. More than anything else in the entire world, he loves Hoseok the most and that will never change.
Hoseok says nothing else after that, but that’s alright, because Yoongi has a feeling that he knows exactly what would’ve been said. Instead of saying those words, Hoseok cups Yoongi’s face with both hands. Those watery eyes stare back at his and it feels like having his soul peered into, but Yoongi doesn’t mind that so much. If it’s Hoseok who’s looking, he doesn’t mind being seen.
Before any sort of kissing can take place, Yoongi ducks his head and successfully evades it. He almost bursts with laughter at the sight of Hoseok frowning at him with puckered lips.
“I’ll let you kiss me… after you tell me the other reason for this,” Yoongi offers as a bargain. He knows that he’ll get his way regardless, but it’s always fun to be a tease.
Hoseok reacts to said teasing with a playful roll of his eyes, but he nods just as quickly, giving in without a fight. Then, he takes Yoongi by the hand and leads him over to the bright railing, the index finger of his other hand pointing up towards the sky.
“It’s because of the moon,” Hoseok begins to explain. He sounds so excited all of a sudden, prompting Yoongi to listen to every word that he says. “It’s nearing the end of its cycle, but there’s still another phase after this. Anyway, this one is called a quarter moon. Since we’re at the end of a cycle, that makes it a last quarter moon. Some people think of it as representing certain things, like… shedding old thoughts and negative energy to make way for the new.”
Yoongi gazes up at the large, shining rock that seems so close to them, but that he knows must actually be far, far away. Too far for him to grasp with his minimal knowledge of all things space related. Still, the way that Hoseok speaks of it makes it sound much grander than it actually is. His words almost make the moon’s cycle sound magical.
“Where’d you learn all of that from?” asks Yoongi, out of pure curiosity.
Hoseok’s mouth curves into a half smirk. Because he’s cheesy and all of this is cheesy, he releases Yoongi’s hand in favor of standing close behind him instead, his arms coming to wrap around the elder from behind. He rests his chin on Yoongi’s shoulder, then. Yoongi gladly leans back into the warm embrace, a stark contrast to the cool breeze that flows through the balcony.
“I like to read about these things once in a while,” Hoseok answers casually. “But I learned a lot from Namjoon, too.”
Duh. Yoongi feels silly for not guessing beforehand, given how much he knows about their friend’s borderline moon obsession. But what else can he expect from a bunch of werewolves?
Werewolves. Right. Hoseok is a werewolf, just like Namjoon is a werewolf, and so is Seokjin, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. They’re all werewolves, so it makes total sense for there to be some sort of connection between them and the moon.
Sometimes, Yoongi completely forgets. The thought of his boyfriend being only half human gets shoved to some corner in the back of his mind, only resurfacing about once a month when that full moon comes back around to remind him. He forgets all about the reality that they live in, until Hoseok starts getting anxious again, until Hoseok begins resembling that other side of himself.
The part of himself that he never lets Yoongi see.
“This is the phase of the moon that represents me best.”
“Yeah?” Yoongi looks towards the sky again, his eyes drawn to the shining orb. “Why’s that?”
“If you look at it, you can see that it’s half and half. Light and dark. One side shines brightly for everyone to see, while the other half remains hidden in the shadows.” Hoseok’s arms tighten around him slightly, though it’s barely noticeable. He mutters as a closing thought, “Just like me.”
Something about that statement doesn’t sit right with Yoongi, even though he thinks that it’s meant to be a literal one. Werewolves just aren’t something that the general public is ready to accept, yet. He honestly doubts that they’ll ever be able to, but maybe he should have a bit of faith in his own kind. After all, it didn’t take a whole lot for Yoongi to accept their presence in this world, though much of that probably had to do with meeting Hoseok before learning about the secrets of his identity.
Still, Yoongi feels like he should say something to uplift the mood again. If only to make his lover feel happy.
“Well, I think that both halves are beautiful,” he says, because he truly means it. “Whether or not the other half is hidden, it doesn’t change that they’re part of the same thing. Both halves make a whole, y’know? Can’t have one without the other.”
Hoseok responds with a hum as he carefully considers those words. Eventually, he replies, “That’s an interesting way to look at it, I guess. Cheesy, but still interesting.”
Yoongi grins at his own accomplishment. Feeling especially confident, he twists around in Hoseok’s arms until they’re facing each other, and for a moment, he swears that he can see the reflection of the moon in Hoseok’s shining eyes.
Yoongi admits, “To be honest, I don’t see you as the moon at all.”
Hoseok’s brows rise high on his forehead. “No?”
“Nah. You’re much more similar to the sun, ‘cause you’re the light of my life and you make everyone around you shine bright.” Yoongi pauses only briefly, his own arms coming up to wrap around Hoseok’s neck. He adds truthfully, “Also, you’re hot as hell.”
The cheesiness pays off when Hoseok finally begins to laugh, and that sound alone sparks a fire in Yoongi’s heart. He realizes that Hoseok has always been his sun, his primary source of warmth and happiness. The biggest star in Yoongi’s personal solar system. It fits him more perfectly than anything else ever has.
“Thanks,” Hoseok says afterwards, pulling Yoongi closer to him, which had seemed impossible beforehand. “For saying all of that and for always making me happy… oh, and also for thinking that I’m hot.”
“You’re very welcome, sunshine.” A smile immediately spreads across Yoongi’s face. He likes the way that the word feels on his tongue, and he loves how it sounds to his ears even more. “You can kiss me, by the way. After that, I really wanna eat because I’m literally starving now, okay?”
Hoseok responds with a nod and another laugh. He’s almost too eager to follow orders, except not really, because Yoongi is just as eager to have those lips pressed against his own.
If it’s Hoseok that he’s kissing, he’ll always be eager.
(The night we made love before dawn)
Sex is a push and a pull, a stream of laughter as they fall into bed together, both unwilling to slow down for even a moment. It’s hands and lips and teeth and tongues. It’s pausing for only a second, an intense look shared between two souls and whispered words of desire. It’s a loving smile, a slow kiss, so many kisses, so little time.
But when they’re like this, they have all the time in the world. Because time is just an illusion, and they take what they have and turn it into what they want it to be. Like this, Yoongi wants nothing but Hoseok. Hoseok against him, Hoseok on top of him, Hoseok beside him, Hoseok inside him. He wants, he wants, he wants. Hoseok gives, and gives, and gives Yoongi everything that he has.
It’s not enough.
Yoongi can tell that he’s holding back. They’ve been dating for three years and living together for two. He knows exactly what Hoseok is capable of, inside and outside of the bedroom. He knows that sometimes, Hoseok gets scared, scared of his own self and his abilities, scared of all the spectacular things that he can do.
Most of all, he’s afraid of hurting Yoongi.
It’s times like this where Yoongi gets sort of pissed off. Just a little. He may be human, sure, but he isn’t fragile, and he doesn’t want to be treated as if he is. Not in their day-to-day life, and certainly not while Hoseok fucks him into the sheets.
But he’s holding back. Yoongi can see it in his facial expressions, feel it in the grip of his fingers along Yoongi’s waist, feel it even more in the rhythmic movement of his hips. Hoseok is concentrating too hard on holding himself back, and less on the act of making love and enjoying himself. And, what’s the point if he’s only partially enjoying it?
Having had enough of this, Yoongi grabs the hair at the back of Hoseok’s head and tugs, hard. His lover gasps into his opened mouth, hips stuttering for only a moment as he’s taken by surprise.
“Harder, baby,” Yoongi whispers against Hoseok’s plump lips. It’s both a command and a plea. He wants so desperately to feel it, to really feel it. With a subtle smirk, he reminds the other, “Ain’t made of glass, you know. I won’t break, so fuck me like you mean it.”
It’s not an unreasonable request. Still, Yoongi can only hope that he hasn’t gone too far. Above him, Hoseok doesn’t stop moving, but he stares down at Yoongi’s face as if studying every single freckle, every blemish, searching for answers to unknown inquiries. Then, the corners of his mouth curve into a familiar smile. It’s one of Yoongi’s favorites, the one that only shows itself when it’s just the two of them together like this. Only then does that beautiful, perfect smile come out to play.
“Yeah?” His hips snap forward suddenly, a sharp contrast to his soft-spoken tone and gentle words. “Is that what you want, sweetheart? To be fucked senseless?”
It’s not just what Yoongi wants, it’s what he needs. He gasps and clings tighter as Hoseok finally gives it to him, his thrusts no longer hesitant, no longer afraid of the worst possible outcome. His hip bones smack repeatedly against the skin of Yoongi’s ass and it’s perfect. Yoongi has always liked it rough, has always liked being handled like this whenever Hoseok is the one on top. It’s a totally different story when they switch places, but for now, in this moment, this is what he needs.
“Like that,” Yoongi moans, legs tightening around his lover’s waist. His blunt fingernails dig into the skin of Hoseok’s back, leaving crescent moons in their wake. “Feels so good, angel, keep going.”
Hoseok doesn’t hold anything back, hips rolling as a string of whines and curses leave his mouth. He lets go of Yoongi’s waist to grab his hands instead, pinning them to the mattress below. Their fingers interlock automatically, and this is something that always seems to happen when they make love. They always end up holding hands no matter the intensity, no matter their positions. It’s an old habit that’ll never die and Yoongi is glad for that.
All of it, every sensation, every kiss and moan of his name that rolls off Hoseok’s tongue, starts to overwhelm him in the best possible way. Yoongi fights to keep his eyes open, wanting to see the view that he’s been yearning for without realizing. And, then it happens. He sees it, the flecks of gold and yellow that appear in Hoseok’s glowing eyes. It’s like taking a peek into that other side of him, the part of Hoseok that he usually keeps hidden away deep within himself. But sometimes, no matter his efforts, it breaks free and shows itself as clear as day.
Look at me, those golden eyes seem to say.
I’m right here. I’m always here. Look at me.
The wolf behind his eyes stares back at Yoongi. It feels like the greatest privilege to be able to see this side of Hoseok, and that’s because it is.
“Yoongi-yah,” Hoseok moans from above, and it’s all of Hoseok, not one half controlling the other. His lips curl into a blissed-out grin, canines on full display. “My moon…”
“My sun and stars,” Yoongi answers with glee, his own smile lighting up his face even as his sweaty bangs stick to his forehead. It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that he’s close. He’s so, so close. Tossing his head back, he surrenders with, “I love you, I love you.”
But Hoseok is the one who comes first, burying his face against Yoongi’s sweaty neck to mask the sound of his cry. And, that’s okay, because Yoongi follows right behind, his body shaking with every wave of pleasure that crashes into him. He feels a little lightheaded, his bottom aches and his throat feels raw. It’s perfect. As is the weight of Hoseok’s warm body collapsed on top of him, and the subtle press of those fangs to his skin.
Hoseok doesn’t bite him. He never has.
He whispers into Yoongi’s neck, “I love you, too.”
Following the intensity of their moonlit dance is a calmness that gradually lulls them to sleep. Yoongi’s fingers idly twirl around Hoseok’s hair, and now he’s fighting to keep his eyes open for a different reason. Below him, Hoseok presses the occasional kiss into the skin of his belly where he’s resting his head. Yoongi’s not sure why, but Hoseok has always liked laying his head on Yoongi’s stomach, especially while Yoongi pets his hair. It’s awfully cute, that’s for sure, even though Yoongi knows what Hoseok is staring at now.
The colorful marks along his skin will heal in due time, and though Yoongi says this out loud, Hoseok only responds with a quiet hum. He continues tracing the skin with his fingertips, sometimes leaning forward to kiss one of the bruises that he’s left behind. Personally, Yoongi loves them. He finds the act quite sexy, being marked by the one that he loves and returning the favor, so that people will know they belong to each other and no one else. But for Hoseok, the marks are just another reason for him to always be cautious about what he does.
They’re reminders that he isn’t fully human, and that he has the potential to do real damage if he isn’t careful.
Yoongi attempts to distract him. “Three years, huh? It hardly even feels like it’s been that long.”
Hoseok reacts to that with another hum, his fingers dragging along Yoongi’s soft skin in search of more marks. Yoongi stares at the bracelet that encircles Hoseok’s thin wrist, the jewelry matching the one that Yoongi wears on his own arm. An anniversary gift.
Yoongi asks, “Do you remember our first time and how you lit all those candles for me?”
“Why wouldn’t I remember our first time?” Hoseok answers quietly. He looks up at Yoongi with a smile of recognition. His eyes are back to their normal shade, that beautiful brown that Yoongi loves so much. “The entire apartment smelled like passion fruit and stinky flowers for days.”
Yoongi chuckles as he recalls the memory. “I didn’t actually mind the smell all that much, but I can see why it’d bother you.”
He lifts his other hand and brings it to Hoseok’s nose, poking him with a single finger. It’s cute, watching the way that Hoseok wrinkles his nose and pretends to bite at the finger. Yoongi wishes that he wasn’t so far away, because he really wants to kiss him again.
“Next time, I’ll make sure to light only the unscented candles,” Hoseok mumbles.
His quiet words are followed by a big yawn. Yoongi mimics the action, his own exhaustion catching up to him as well. It might not have been the smartest idea to stay out all night in celebration, the two of them stumbling back home so late that they had to catch a cab. But it was worth it to spend every moment with the one that he loves most.
It’s worth seeing Hoseok’s smile all night long.
“It made me really happy that you put in all that effort, just to make it even more special.”
Hoseok kisses his stomach again, mumbling, “You deserve only the best.”
Sweet. Too sweet. Yoongi smiles down at him, heart beginning to overflow with too much love and adoration. His hand comes to a stop, pausing the soothing motions of petting Hoseok’s hair. He waits until Hoseok looks at him again before speaking.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispers.
Hoseok immediately looks away, and he begins to squirm, too flustered and embarrassed from the overload of affection.
“Stop it,” Hoseok whines, now hiding his face and his smile against Yoongi’s stomach. “You’re being way too cheesy, okay, I have my limits.”
“I mean it, though.” Yoongi continues to tease him, not caring that he’ll forever have the reputation of world’s sappiest boyfriend. “You’re the best, Seok.”
Hoseok counters that statement with, “I know you are, but what am I?”
He sticks out his tongue as well, the epitome of childishness. Yoongi refuses to stoop down to his level, only because it’s really late and the sun will rise in just an hour or two. So, he’ll allow Hoseok to win this round. Just this once.
“Alright, you big baby.” He tugs at his boyfriend’s earlobe, grinning when his hand is swatted away. “Let’s go to sleep now, m’tired.”
Hoseok readily agrees with that plan. They shift around in bed until they’ve settled into their usual positions: Hoseok clinging to Yoongi from behind, Yoongi curled up and holding Hoseok’s hand in his own. He’s nearly unconscious when Hoseok whispers into his ear.
“You’re the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, too.”
(The day you smiled with your whole heart)
A new moon symbolizes new beginnings. It’s a time for fresh starts and new projects, a time when one might take on certain challenges to strengthen their inner self or further their career. It’s a time for envisioning the future and manifesting one’s hopes and desires.
Or, so Hoseok says.
In Yoongi’s eyes, it’s just that time of the month when their little friend group will gather at Namjoon’s place to hang out for the day. It’s a day that they spend eating junk food, playing video games, teasing each other like a bunch of schoolchildren, and just being very chaotic in general. It’s also one of Yoongi’s favorite days of each month, because it’s not often that they’re free to gather like this. Adult life means living a busy life, all of them too focused on their families and responsibilities to hang out often. But when that new moon comes back around, they spend the day together as if none of that other stuff matters.
The pack is as lively as ever, after a heated game of Mario Party that nearly results in the calamity of their friendships. By the end of it, Jungkook nearly gets his head bitten off by both Seokjin and Jimin, who blame him for their tragic losses. At some point, Taehyung and Jimin pretend to break up during a petty argument over a gold star, only to immediately backtrack, both of them rambling off apologies to each other over the stupid joke. They eventually quit in favor of cuddling on the sofa and eating the rest of the snacks while everyone else is distracted.
When Yoongi gets kicked off for “cheating” during a friendly game of Wii Sports, he makes a dramatic show of leaving the scene and telling Hoseok to go on without him. To his horror, his boyfriend doesn’t even look at him, just laughs and immediately teams up with Seokjin instead.
The betrayal hurts worse than the sentence.
Outside the world of competitive gaming, Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung appear to be conspiring to order food for everyone, their heads hanging low over nearly a dozen takeout menus. Yoongi waddles over to the sofa, deciding to join them. He’s never been a picky eater, as everything tastes good to him. Even so, if he can convince them to include bibimbap in their massive order, then he truly has nothing to lose.
Or, so he thought.
“We’ve already decided on noodles,” Taehyung notifies him. His eyes never leave the colorful menu that he’s clutching tightly in both hands, as if someone might try to steal it from him.
“So?” Yoongi takes the menu that Jimin hands to him, quickly scanning the options and moving on to the next one. “Who says we can’t have both?”
Taehyung shrugs. “This place, apparently, ‘cause they don’t have bibimbap.”
Yoongi gives him a strange look. “Then, why even bother choosing a place that doesn’t have it?”
“They have really good steak,” Namjoon chimes in, and he’s practically drooling over the mental image, phone in hand and prepared to make the order. “Everybody likes steak, right?”
“I’m not really in the mood for steak,” Jimin admits, grinning wide even as Namjoon glares at him. “I think I want some type of fish, or maybe crab?”
“No,” Namjoon immediately interjects, “No one’s eating a crab in my vicinity, but I don’t mind the fish. Look! This place has steak and fish, so it’s pretty much a win/win.”
“Not really,” Yoongi argues further, “because it still doesn’t have bibimbap. Seokseok wants bibimbap and so do I.”
From his spot near the TV, Hoseok responds without even looking, “I’m fine with whatever you guys are having.”
Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung simultaneously giggle and snort, clearly amused by the second betrayal of the day. Yoongi frowns and looks away from their stupid faces, his pout redirected at the back of his boyfriend’s head.
He whines from across the room, “You’re supposed to be on my side, dammit.”
Hoseok giggles and asks, “Can’t I be on everyone’s side?”
“No, because the world doesn’t work that way.” Yoongi turns back around to face his opponents. Balling his hands into fists, he begins chanting, “Bibimbap! Bibimbap! Bibimbap!”
In an attempt to repair their damaged relationship, Hoseok joins in on the chant. He’s the only one who joins in, unfortunately, which still isn’t enough for Yoongi to have his way.
Afterwards, Namjoon mimics his strategy. “I think you mean: steak! Steak! Steak!”
Taehyung and Seokjin immediately join in on the chant, while Jimin quietly chants, “Fish!” underneath his breath. Still, it’s three against two, meaning that steak is the ultimate champion.
“Just! Hurry! And! Order!” Jungkook chants afterwards. He lies back against the floor, staring at them with big puppy eyes. “I’m starving, hyung.”
“Alright, alright. Steak it is, then,” Namjoon announces, a victorious smile spread across his face, dimples and all. When he takes in Yoongi’s pout of defeat, he rolls his eyes. “You know, you can literally just order whatever you want, right?”
“I know, I was just hoping to make you pay for it,” Yoongi admits with a sly grin.
It satisfies him when Namjoon shakes his head, amused laughter filling the air around them.
Their meals arrive sooner than anyone had anticipated, but they’d be stupid to complain about such good fortune. With the older guys crowding the sofa, the younger ones sit in a circle on the floor, deeming it the “old people couch” as they laugh around the food in their mouths. Hoseok easily takes the bait, when he slides down onto the floor to join them, all while threatening to deliver punches and steal their food. He does neither of those things, of course, and as always, they end up sharing their own meals with each other.
Yoongi has never been part of such a close-knit group of friends. Before he met Hoseok, he’d always had friends and colleagues, but never had their relationships been this strong, this unbending, this resilient. When all of them are together, it feels a lot like being with family. Yoongi can laugh more, smile more, and just be himself in general.
This is especially the case for Hoseok. Yoongi noticed it a long time ago, that Hoseok is most comfortable whenever he’s with his pack. He practically spends the entire time with a smile on his face, his cheeks pink and his eyes lit up with joy and contentment. Because this is where he belongs. This is where he can relax and be Jung Hoseok, the human and the werewolf. No one here will judge him. No one here will misunderstand him.
Yoongi hates that somewhere, deep down inside of his heart, he feels jealous.
All of them are friends, but the pack is a six-member affair. Hoseok, who takes care of the younger boys like a real sibling would. Jimin, who takes care of Taehyung and Jungkook. Taehyung, who takes care of Jimin. Namjoon, who takes care of everyone. Seokjin, who takes care of Namjoon.
And, then there’s Yoongi. He supposes that he also takes care of Hoseok in his own way, but it’s different for them. They’re a couple. Couples are supposed to take care of each other. He’s not a member of their pack, though. He isn’t a werewolf.
He’s just… Yoongi.
Without considering the type of answer that he may receive, Yoongi refocuses his attention on the man sat next to him, elbowing Namjoon in the ribcage. His friend pauses, a slice of his steak hanging in midair between his utensils and his mouth. Now that Yoongi has his attention, he speaks low enough so that Hoseok won’t overhear their conversation—a task that would normally be insanely difficult, given his werewolf hearing and all, but Yoongi takes advantage of this moment where Hoseok is distracted.
“What’s it like?”
Namjoon blinks at him. “What’s what like? The steak? It’s actually quite tender, you should’ve gotten it—”
“Not the steak,” Yoongi interrupts, sighing. “I meant… this. Doing human things even though you’re not entirely human. Knowing that the same goes for everyone else in the room. Well, except me.”
For the longest time, Namjoon says nothing. He allows his steak to drop back down onto his plate, his chopsticks as well. Yoongi appreciates that he’s actually giving the question some thought, even though it’d also be nice to get an immediate answer.
Finally, Namjoon responds with a shrug.
“I don’t know? That’s a hard one to answer, hyung.” He looks away from Yoongi to instead take in the scene around them: Hoseok teasing Taehyung about the sauce stain on his face, Seokjin taking a sizable bite of Jimin’s fish and then laughing when Jimin smacks his leg, while Jungkook sneakily drinks the rest of the coca cola. Namjoon starts to grin. “I guess whenever we’re together like this, I don’t feel any different at all. I just feel like me. Kim Namjoon. That’s why it’s better when we’re together, because… we don’t have to worry about being anyone else.”
Yoongi gets it. At the same time, he doesn’t get it at all.
“I’m… not sure I understand.” He sighs, then. “But I really want to understand, you know?”
He thinks that Namjoon takes it the wrong way, evident in the way that he stares at Yoongi with a look of mild panic in his eyes. He takes another quick glance around the room to make sure that no one’s eavesdropping, then he leans in to whisper near Yoongi’s ear.
“Hyung, you’re not thinking of becoming a werewolf, are you?”
The horribly incorrect assumption has Yoongi reeling back, his eyes wide in horror as he quickly shakes his head to dispel any suspicions.
“No, no, of course I’m not. I just want to understand, like…” He trails off as he tries to explain how he feels, but it’s harder than he’d imagined. Suddenly, an idea comes to him. Yoongi blurts out, “I want to be there for him during the full moon.”
Namjoon still looks like he’s in shock, but this time, he slowly nods his head. “Ah, okay, well…” He looks away from Yoongi, staring down at his plate as he scratches the back of his head. It doesn’t seem like he agrees, but he adds, “I’m not against the idea, but you’ll definitely wanna talk to Hoseok about that. Like, in-depth.”
“Yeah, okay.” Yoongi nods along, knowing that this must be the first step to making it a reality. “I’ll do that.”
The sound of Hoseok’s voice calling out to him surprises Yoongi. He looks down to meet his boyfriend’s eyes, brows raised in question.
Hoseok grins at him, and Yoongi knows exactly why. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?”
Truth is, Yoongi hadn’t heard a thing. Not just because he was distracted by his thoughts, his future plans that he’ll have to mention sooner or later. It’s just that Hoseok rarely calls him “hyung” these days. In fact, formal language is something that they mainly use in public or when they’re around their friends, for the sake of appearances and whatnot. It’s a totally different story in private, when no one’s around to hear the dozens of cheesy pet names that they have for each other.
Yoongi quickly recovers from the shock. “Oh, sorry. What is it?”
“Come down here and try some of this,” Hoseok offers. He twirls his chopsticks in the center of the heaping pile of noodles on his plate, forming a ball. “It’s really good.”
And, since when has Yoongi ever turned down food? Especially good food fed to him by the love of his life. With an obedient nod, he ditches the old people couch to join the others on the floor, grinning wide when Hoseok tugs his arm and forces Yoongi to sit in between his legs. Though, it’s not actually forcing when Yoongi has always been willing to sit in Hoseok’s lap. To make matters worse, he’s not even mildly embarrassed when Hoseok feeds him in front of everyone, then proceeds to kiss Yoongi’s puffed out cheeks as he chews.
“Gross. Get a room!” Jimin teases, pretending to throw a wadded up napkin at them for being cheesy in public.
On the other hand, Taehyung wolf-whistles and tells them that they’re too adorable for words. Jungkook, of course, pretends to gag.
Hoseok rolls eyes. “God, shut the fuck up. You guys are literally doing the same thing.”
He’s right, too, and neither of them denies it. Jimin clings to Taehyung even more while sticking out his tongue in retaliation, and Hoseok doesn’t hesitate in returning the childish gesture. As the lot of them begin to debate on who’s the most unbearable couple in the room, Yoongi tunes them out in favor of leaning back and enjoying his lover’s embrace.
As well as the rest of those noodles.
(The night that we fought)
“Yoongi-yah! Hurry up, or I’m starting without you.”
Yoongi shouts back that he’ll be right there, but he doesn’t move from his spot in front of the bathroom mirror. It’s pointless to keep hiding in here, just like it’s pointless to stare at his unchanging reflection. He knows this, but still, he doesn’t move. Part of it is nervousness, but the main reason for his stalling is that it’s too hard for him to find the right words.
Tonight is the night that he plans to ask about the full moon, but how can he, when he’s realized that that’s far from being the only thing he wants to ask? For starters, he wants to know why Hoseok has never transformed in front of him. They’ve been together for three years. Yoongi discovered Hoseok’s secret shortly before they began dating, though it happened by accident. Back then, Hoseok had a much harder time controlling his emotions. The day that Yoongi saw those golden glowing eyes and sharp fangs, was the day that would change his life forever.
But that was then, and this is now. He knows Hoseok’s secret, but not once has he ever witnessed Hoseok in his full form. Not once has Yoongi ever truly seen that side of him. He doesn’t understand the point of hiding it when Yoongi has always known. He doesn’t understand why Hoseok doesn’t bring it up, why he never brings up anything related to werewolves in general. If Yoongi had never met Namjoon and the others, he would honestly believe that Hoseok was the only one. Maybe not the only one in the world, but the only one in Seoul.
Come to think of it, Hoseok never tells him anything. In all fairness, Yoongi never asks. He wants to change that, though. He thinks that this will be an important step for them to take, and while they probably should’ve done it a whole lot sooner, right now is a much better time than never.
Yoongi turns off the light and exits the bathroom. As expected, Hoseok waits for him on the couch, the title screen of a nameless film playing on the television in front of him. He glances up from his phone when Yoongi enters the room, a pleased grin already overtaking his face. Hoseok locks his phone and drops it in his lap, then pats the cushion next to him.
“Come here,” he says, that grin widening. “I’ve been waiting for years, you know.”
Yoongi snorts at his exaggeration, but follows orders nonetheless. As soon as he sits down, Hoseok lies sideways and places his head in Yoongi’s lap, his thumb already pressing play on the remote in his hand.
“Which one is this?” asks Yoongi, eyes flickering up towards the screen.
A middle-aged Korean man appears in the shot, his face blank as he walks through the bleak office setting. Hoseok has the strangest taste in films, but Yoongi always lets him pick what they’ll watch together. He loves him too much to say no.
“It’s the one about the guy who leaves Seoul after losing his job,” Hoseok mutters, already deeply absorbed in the story. “I think I mentioned it to you the other day.”
Yoongi hums, recalling that conversation. “How sad is it? Should I get up and fetch the tissues?”
“Look, it’s not that sad,” Hoseok argues, clearly not appreciating the teasing. “Definitely not as sad as the last one that we watched, but it’s melancholic and that’s what makes it beautiful, so there.”
Yoongi suppresses his laugh for Hoseok’s sake. He’ll probably never understand his boyfriend’s love for melodramatic films that would depress the fuck out of any normal person, but perhaps he doesn’t need to understand. What he knows is that, oddly enough, these types of films make Hoseok happy. And, if that’s the case, then Yoongi will never complain about having to watch them.
Hoseok clears his throat. “Commence the petting.”
Of course, how can Yoongi possibly forget the most important part of watching movies together? A fond smile on his face, he places a hand in Hoseok’s hair.
“Your wish is my command,” he murmurs.
Yoongi really does try to pay attention to the film. He swears. While the plot of the story is rather predictable, it’s still kind of interesting, he’ll give it that. It’s about an apathetic businessman who lives to work and works to live, up until the point that he gets laid off from his standard office job. Unable to find work anywhere else in the city that he both loves and hates, he moves to the countryside, where he discovers the true meanings of life in the kind-hearted people that he meets.
So, while it’s fairly predictable, Yoongi can see why Hoseok likes it so much. The main character’s situation is sort of similar to Hoseok’s own life. He once told Yoongi that his life had very little meaning until he came to Seoul and met others like him. He hardly cared for anything or anyone, until Namjoon took him in and showed him what it meant to be part of a pack. It wasn’t long at all before the loneliness and apathy faded away, being replaced by happiness and love, so much love.
Yoongi wishes that Hoseok would open up to him like that more often.
“Hoseokie.” He glances down at the head in his lap, realizing that it’s been a while since Hoseok has even moved. “You’re not falling asleep on me, are you?”
Because he definitely is, Hoseok mumbles, “M’not.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes, unimpressed. “Yeah, right. You said that last time and slept through the entire thing.”
“Fine.” Sighing, Hoseok slowly sits upright. He positions himself so that he’s resting his head against Yoongi’s shoulder, eventually asking sarcastically, “Is this better for you, mister whines-a-lot?”
Yoongi grins despite the teasing. “Much better, thanks. Hold my hand.”
His request is met with the sound of soft giggling, but he doesn’t bother complaining when a warm hand soon slides into his own. He interlocks their fingers and gives the hand a gentle squeeze. It’s more than enough to keep him satisfied for now.
“Your wish is my command,” Hoseok says, mimicking Yoongi’s words from earlier and the tone he had used.
Yoongi just laughs and tells him to shut up, he’s trying to watch the movie, thanks. Hoseok snorts at that, fully aware that neither of them are giving the film as much attention as they should be. To be fair, movie nights are less about consuming fictional stories and more about spending time in each other’s presence.
Also, cuddling. Lots and lots of cuddling.
That last detail is probably why Hoseok tends to fall asleep halfway through the film. It’s not like he can help it, either; he can never stay awake when he’s too comfortable.
“You’re still awake, right?” Yoongi asks several minutes later.
“Mhmm,” Hoseok hums after a short delay. He’s not all that convincing. “A hundred percent.”
“Alright. I’ll take that as being sixty percent.”
“Aw, come on,” his adorable boyfriend whines, “I’m at least sixty-five.”
Yoongi chuckles, says, “Sixty-three, then.”
“That’s more like it,” Hoseok agrees, nuzzling into him further.
At this point, Yoongi doesn’t have the slightest clue on how he’s supposed to bring the topic to the surface. Especially now, with Hoseok practically falling asleep against him. He seems so satisfied like this, so at peace. How can Yoongi possibly disturb that with his own curiosity?
By asking the question anyway, of course.
“Hey,” he murmurs, nudging Hoseok’s side to rouse him.
Hoseok releases a tired sigh. “I’m still awake, Yoongi, I promise.”
“Is there a reason that you’ve never shown me your other form?”
Silence. It’s completely silent, aside from the film that plays quietly from the television. Yoongi doesn’t breathe while waiting for an answer, and he wonders if Hoseok is doing the same.
Then: “What are you talking about?”
He has to know exactly what Yoongi is talking about, he’s just pretending not to. That’s fine, Yoongi expects some resistance, wariness. He’ll just have to be more direct.
“You know… the werewolf thing.” Yoongi pauses to clear his throat, his eyes glued to the TV across from them. “I’m not talking about when your eyes glow yellow or how your fangs appear for a few seconds when you get riled up. I mean the one that you become during the full moon. The other you.”
Hoseok’s body tenses up. Yoongi can feel it against him. Suddenly, Hoseok is pulling away and taking all of that warmth with him, leaving Yoongi cold and uncertain. He reaches for the remote and pauses the film. Nothing is said for several seconds, and Hoseok keeps his eyes cast down to the floor.
He cautiously asks, “Where is this coming from?”
Truthfully? It’s coming from years of pent up curiosity, years of not asking questions and merely accepting things as they were. Yoongi used to say that he didn’t need to ask, that Hoseok would eventually tell him someday. Of course, that day never came. He grew complacent about ever finding out, because he knew that asking would disturb the peace. They’ve worked so hard to build this life together. They’ve worked hard to be okay.
“I just want to know more about it… about you. That’s all.” Yoongi turns to face his boyfriend, who doesn’t look back at him. Not at first. “I think it would help if we spent a full moon together.”
The immediate and firm rejection is not what Yoongi anticipates, and it takes him by surprise. It looks like it’s the same for Hoseok, whose eyes widen the slightest bit, his mouth agape. He finally looks up to meet Yoongi’s eyes, his own filled with unmistakable fear.
Yoongi mutters, “No?”
“No, I—we can’t do that. We shouldn’t.”
Now, he’s beginning to sound panicked. The distance that he puts between them becomes more noticeable by the second. His arms are stiff, and his hands clench his knees, anxious. Yoongi knew that there would be some resistance, but he hadn’t expected this.
“Why not?” he asks, trying to progress the conversation before Hoseok completely shuts him out. “We’ve spent other phases of the moon together, haven’t we? Aside from the obvious, how is this one any different?”
“It’s not the same,” Hoseok argues. His voice shakes in his throat and he looks like he wants to run. Instead, he huffs out a humorless laugh and adds, “This isn’t some type of game, Yoongi. That other side of myself, that… thing that I become is nothing to play around with.”
“Who said anything about playing around?” Yoongi questions. He doesn’t get an answer. He doesn’t get anything, except the awkward silence that thickens that passes between them. Yoongi sighs, frustrated, and loses his patience. “See, this is why I’ve never asked you about it before. I just knew that you’d get all pissy and start shutting me out again, without even bothering to explain yourself.”
“What?” Hoseok looks at him as if he’s insane. After that, he shakes his head and says, “Listen, I’m only trying to protect you—”
“From what? Yourself?” Yoongi interrupts. He snorts at the thought. “It’s a bit cliché, don’t you think? I don’t know what you’ve been telling yourself all these years, but you’re not some type of monster, Hoseok. I don’t need you to protect me from anything.”
The silence lasts twice as long this time. Again, Yoongi doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move a muscle. He doesn’t regret what he’s said, but he thinks he should have said it differently. Still, it’s not his fault that he’s frustrated right now. Hoseok is making this a lot harder than it needs to be. Yoongi hasn’t done anything wrong. He hasn’t.
Hoseok breaks the silence when he mumbles beneath his breath, “You don’t know that.”
Yoongi sighs. “I do—”
“No, you fucking don’t,” Hoseok cuts him off, and the sudden increase in volume nearly makes Yoongi jump. When their eyes meet, Yoongi stares into glowing yellow. “You don't know shit and it’s going to stay that way, because I won’t be here when the full moon arrives. End of story.”
Hoseok rises from the couch suddenly, his body stiff and his hands balled up into angry fists. It’s difficult for Yoongi to find the words when he doesn’t know how to react to the unprecedented outburst.
Hoseok immediately shuts him down again. “We’re not talking about this anymore. I’m done.”
Yoongi blinks, just once, and Hoseok is far away from him, heading towards the front door. His body follows without him telling it to. He starts to panic.
“Wait.” Yoongi nearly slips in his haste, his socks gliding across the wooden floor beneath their feet. He’s barely moved and yet he’s out of breath. “Where are you going?”
“For a walk,” Hoseok answers without looking back. He grabs the first coat that his fingers brush against, his feet sliding into a pair of sandals. It’s cold outside tonight. His toes will be freezing. “This place is suffocating me… I’ll come back when I can breathe again.”
He doesn’t say anything else. Yoongi guesses that it translates to him needing to calm down, and that he doesn’t know what’ll happen if he stays. That he doesn’t want to find out.
Hoseok leaves through that door and Yoongi doesn’t stop him, ignores the voice in his mind that screams, don’t let him go, make him stay, please, don’t leave me like this. Yoongi doesn’t ignore the voice that tells him it’s his own fault. He shouldn’t have pushed, and now he’s been left there, his hands and his legs shaking. His heart threatening to stop.
“Fuck,” he curses as his vision blurs. “Fuck.”
(The night that we made up)
Trying to work when he’s distracted is damn near impossible. Halfway into the photoshoot, Yoongi realizes that his heart just isn’t in it, and neither is his head. He claims that he has a headache and that he needs a quick break, an apology spewing from his lips as he passes Taehyung’s manager on his way to the dressing room.
Last week’s argument hasn’t left his mind since it happened. Even though Hoseok returned home that same night, even though they apologized and fell asleep in each other’s arms as always, things still aren’t okay between them. They never actually sat and talked about what went down, nor the things that they said, preferring to simply act as if the fight had never happened.
But this is not what Yoongi wants. He doesn’t want to live this lie and pretend that everything is fine when the truth is that nothing is. It’s his fault, after all. He shouldn’t have pushed.
The thing about Hoseok is that he rarely ever gets angry. After all these years, Yoongi still doesn’t know if it’s because few things actually bother him enough to earn a reaction, or if Hoseok merely chooses to hold it all in. Either way, the fact that he caused Hoseok to get genuinely angry makes him feel like shit. All that he ever wants to do is make Hoseok happy, yet he’s somehow managed to do the exact opposite.
A knock at the door makes Yoongi jump. He hastily wipes his eyes with the back of his hands, while mentally preparing to be yelled at. What kind of photographer leaves his model in the middle of a shoot? It doesn’t matter that Taehyung is his friend or that they’ve worked together numerous times in the past. Business is still business, and Yoongi knows from experience that Taehyung’s manager is all about staying as professional as possible.
To his surprise, the head that peeks into the room isn’t the stuffy manager at all. It’s Taehyung himself, wearing the frilly outfit and silly hat that the stylists dressed him up in. Fashion is so weird, but only someone like Kim Taehyung could pull off such a look, and he does. His eyes scan the room until they find their target, spotting Yoongi who’s sat on the floor with his back against the wall. Taehyung grins at the sight of him, though it has to be obvious that Yoongi had cried a little.
“Hyung, there you are. Sorry if this is annoying, but I wanted to ask if we could get done a little early today?” He brings his hands together in a begging gesture. “I kind of promised to take Jimin out for dinner later, and he’d kill me if I canceled that.”
Despite his mood, Yoongi can’t help smiling at that. He replies, “Yeah, sure, it’s no problem. I wouldn’t want you to end up dead.”
Rather than leaving, Taehyung proceeds to enter the room, closing the door behind him. Yoongi watches in confusion as the younger scurries over and sits on the floor next to him, and Yoongi almost winces, imagining the stylists’ faces if they saw him wrinkling his clothes like this.
Meanwhile, Taehyung seems completely unbothered by the possibility of dirtying himself. He gives Yoongi his full attention, asking, “What’s up with you today? Did something happen?”
It’s embarrassing that Yoongi almost feels like crying again, but he tells himself to knock it off. He also doesn’t bother keeping it a secret, since it needs to be talked about eventually.
“I guess you can say that,” he mumbles, finding it difficult to say the words, to admit that things aren’t as they seem right now. “Yeah, something happened between Hoseok and I. He told you about it, didn’t he?”
Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “I haven’t heard anything, no.”
That confession shocks Yoongi, if he’s being honest. He assumes that Hoseok would talk to the others about their little argument, because he talks to them about everything. They’re his pack, his best friends, his family. They understand him in a way that Yoongi can’t. Surely, Hoseok would tell them about how his stupid human boyfriend just doesn’t get it.
Well, apparently not.
“Oh… well, we had a fight, he walked out, came back, and we made up. Now everything is okay again.” Yoongi heaves a tired sigh. “Except, not really, because we haven’t actually talked about it? Thing is, I don’t even know where to begin. I didn’t expect him to get so angry over me wanting to see it… you know, his other form.”
Next to him, Taehyung huffs out a laugh all of a sudden. Then, “That sounds just like hyung. He’s always been so picky about that kind of thing. But hey, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it’s good that he walked out when he was upset.”
“Good?” Yoongi shakes his head, confused. “How can that possibly be a good thing?”
“Well, it shows self-control? I mean, us werewolves can get pretty brash sometimes.” Taehyung tugs at the collar of his frilly shirt as he speaks, which from the look on his face must mean that’s it’s fairly uncomfortable. “I knew this guy back in Daegu, and like, he was normally really nice and calm? But man, I heard that he got in a fight with his neighbor once. Smashed up the guy’s car really bad, like, with his bare hands. Broke all the windows and ripped off a few of the doors, and it wasn’t even a full moon. He was just really mad and throwing a tantrum. Crazy, right?”
“Crazy” doesn’t even sum up half of that. Yoongi nods anyway, distantly hoping that he’ll never have the misfortune of meeting that particular werewolf.
Out of curiosity, he asks, “What about you? You ever done anything crazy like that while in ‘wolf mode’ or whatever?”
“No, no. Never,” Taehyung quickly answers. “I’ve never let myself get to that point, because contrary to popular belief, we actually can control ourselves. Like, we’re not helpless? It just takes more effort than it does for normal humans. That’s also why it’s good to have a hobby! I like painting and making art, it really calms me. Jimin likes to dance, Jungkook plays games and sings when he thinks no one can hear him. Namjoon meditates often, and Seokjin likes to go shopping. We all have something to keep us grounded, y’know?”
In a way, all of that makes a lot of sense. It also explains why Hoseok always has to keep busy, because if he’s busy doing one thing or another, then there won’t be any time left for that other side to get bored and try to take over. Yoongi is starting to admire his resilience.
“Anyway, that’s beside the point.” Taehyung grins at him again while placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “The point that I’m trying to make is that you shouldn’t feel bad. I’m sure Hoseok-hyung did what he did so that he wouldn’t risk saying or doing something that he’d later regret. Sure, there are better ways of dealing with things than just walking away, but it’s probably all that he could think of at the time. He still loves you a lot, hyung. You’re practically all that he talks about.”
Yoongi feels his cheeks heat up. He looks away and pretends to cough, an attempt to hide the shy smile that tries sneaking onto his face without permission.
He mumbles, “If you’re saying that just to make me feel better… congrats, it’s working.”
“Good, ‘cause I am saying that to make you feel better, but it’s also true.” Taehyung huffs out a quiet laugh, his eyes staring up at the ceiling above their heads. “He literally never shuts up about you. It’s always ‘Yoongi-hyung this’ and ‘Yoongi-hyung that’ whenever we hang out. He’s kind of like a little kid with a crush, it’s cute.”
“That’s enough for now,” Yoongi interrupts before his heart explodes. He ignores Taehyung’s amused laugh and stands up from the floor. “We have a photoshoot to finish, don’t we?”
And finish it they do, without any further mishaps.
That night, just before heading home, Yoongi picks up an order of Korean fried chicken from Hoseok’s favorite restaurant. He hopes that it’ll ease some of the tension during the serious conversation that they need to have. More than that, he hopes that Hoseok won’t get angry again and storm off before they can reach a compromise.
The inside of their shared apartment is dark, almost pitch black when Yoongi opens the front door and enters their little home. He knows that it’s too early for Hoseok to be asleep already, and he can hear the faint sound of the television playing in the other room. Yoongi wastes no time, hurriedly kicking off his shoes and setting his bag to the side. He follows the light source that leads him into the living room, the bright TV screen nearly blinding him in the otherwise darkness.
Hoseok lies on the couch, unmoving. As Yoongi takes another step closer, he suddenly bolts upright, alert. He must have been dozing off.
“It’s just me,” Yoongi reassures him, then he lifts the bag of food that he carries in his hand. “I brought dinner, too. You hungry?”
There’s a pause where Hoseok takes the time to stretch his limbs, yawning as he nods at the question. Rather than joining Hoseok on the couch, Yoongi heads over to the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony. He can practically hear the confusion in Hoseok’s tone when he calls out to him from behind.
“Yoongi? What are you doing?” he asks. “I thought we were going to eat.”
“We are.” Yoongi steps out onto the balcony, the cool breeze instantly turning his nose pink. He spins around to smile at his confused boyfriend, who now stands in the doorway, frowning. “I just figured that you’d want to have another moonlight date. Tonight is the first quarter moon, right?”
Yoongi watches the gradual transition on Hoseok’s face, how he goes from confused, to shocked, to pleasantly surprised, and finally, awed.
He mutters, “You remembered?”
“Of course.” Yoongi sets the food down onto the small table, then walks over to turn on the fairy lights that illuminate the balcony perfectly. “It was only a few weeks ago, wasn’t it? I admit, I have no idea what a first quarter moon is meant to symbolize, but hopefully it means something good.”
Hoseok giggles softly. He takes a step forward, joining Yoongi on the balcony and hugging his arms to his chest to ward off the cold. Yoongi makes a mental reminder to retrieve a couple of blankets before they sit down to eat.
“It symbolizes strength,” Hoseok begins to explain. His eyes flicker from Yoongi’s face to the bright orb above them. “It’s also about being determined, concentrating, and committing to action.”
Somehow, it sums up the night perfectly. Yoongi is very determined to make peace. He’s been concentrating on what to say all evening. He’s committed to talking out their issues, just as he’s committed to loving Hoseok for the rest of his life.
Most of all, he can be strong because of Hoseok.
“You really are a genius,” says Yoongi, still with that smile on his face.
Hoseok visibly blushes. “Not really… I just remember reading that somewhere.”
“Still a genius,” he teases, smiling wider when Hoseok starts to smile, too. “Let’s finish setting up so that we can eat, yeah?”
They go about the task in relative silence. Yoongi chooses a relaxing playlist for the chill vibe, while Hoseok drapes an old blanket and a throw pillow over their single lounge chair. Once everything is set up to their liking, they squeeze into the chair together to begin eating. Seeing Hoseok spend the entire meal with a smile on his face feels like a gift from God. Yoongi widens his mouth every time that Hoseok tells him to, allowing himself to be fed. He does the same for Hoseok, who eagerly accepts each bite and hums in delight at the taste. He’s always had an act for adding sound effects to everything, and Yoongi absolutely adores it.
If only things could stay this peaceful forever.
When the chicken is all gone, the beer follows soon afterwards. There isn’t anything else to keep them distracted from the inevitable. Not even the soft kisses that Hoseok presses to Yoongi’s neck, the brush of his soft lips leaving goosebumps behind them. Yoongi swallows nervously and tries to come up with the words to say what needs to be said.
He’s surprised when Hoseok beats him to it.
“About the other night,” he quietly begins. He pauses to take one of Yoongi’s hands into his own, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing each knuckle. Then, he looks into Yoongi’s eyes and says, “I’m sorry.”
Yoongi’s other hand finds its way to Hoseok’s cheek, where he lovingly caresses the skin soft while gazing back into those beautiful brown irises.
“We’ve already apologized to each other,” Yoongi mumbles. He leans forward to rest his forehead against Hoseok’s, soaking in his warmth, his love. “I forgave you.”
“I know… but it wasn’t enough, was it?”
He’s right to say that. Yoongi slowly shakes his head, agreeing with those words. As much as he’s been wanting to finally sit and talk about this, he realizes that he’s afraid. Like, really afraid. If he could have just a few more minutes of bliss, he’d want it to last a lifetime.
“I’m still so sorry, Yoongi.” Hoseok exhales a shaky breath and squeezes his eyes shut. “For losing my temper, for walking out on you like that. For everything, honestly. I know that I shouldn’t have done it, b-but I was just so… so scared, fuck, I was scared because of how mad I’d gotten and how it felt like I was losing control. I had to leave or else I would’ve said or done something to hurt you and I… I’d rather fucking die than ever hurt you.”
“You wouldn’t have hurt me,” Yoongi insists, his own voice shaking in his throat even as he tries to stay calm for Hoseok’s sake. With that same hand, he wipes away the stray tear that cascades down Hoseok’s puffy cheek. “I know you, Hoseok. You wouldn’t have done that…”
“Yes, you know me, but that’s all that you know.” When he opens his eyes again, they’re no longer the beautiful brown that Yoongi knows and loves. They’re a vibrant mix of gold and yellow, and they’re glowing. Hoseok whispers, “You don’t know him, that thing that lives inside of me.”
It’s true. Oh, how it’s true. Yoongi has never seen that side of Hoseok, he’s never formally met the beast that lives within. He’s caught the occasional glimpse of it, those times that Hoseok accidentally (or purposely) let it show. He has peeked into the golden windows that the wolf hides behind, and he’s felt it calling out to him.
Look at me, it always says, almost loud enough to be heard from the outside.
I’m right here. I’m always here. Look at me.
Yoongi takes a good look. He stares into those glowing eyes and he’s not afraid of what he sees. He knows deep in his heart that he’ll love the wolf just as much as he loves the human. He knows that he already does.
“I know that it probably makes no sense to you, but I don’t see that side as being me.” Hoseok presses a firm hand to his chest. “This is Jung Hoseok. The man that I am right now, this is who I see myself as. That… thing, that monster is not who I am. It’s a part of me, but it’s not me.”
“Is there a reason that you hate him so much?” Yoongi quietly asks, so quiet that he barely hears himself speak. “Is there a reason you won’t accept that part of you?”
The innocent questions seem difficult for Hoseok to provide answers to. His mouth forms into a straight line, his brows knit together in frustration. He looks down at himself and apparently doesn’t like what he sees, because he ends up mumbling:
“It scares me.”
“Baby,” Yoongi coos. He has both hands on Hoseok’s cheeks now, forcing the other to look at him. “I love you more than anything and anyone. You know that, right?” At Hoseok’s nod, he continues, “I know that I can’t relate to how you feel. I can’t relate to any of this and I’m so sorry, but I’d like to be able to. I want to understand you better, I want to know what I can do to help ease every bit of pain and stress that you have… I wanna be able to help you love yourself the same way that I love you.”
It feels like a miracle when Hoseok smiles slightly. He answers without hesitating, “Just being here with me and loving me is more than enough.”
“Maybe.” Yoongi cracks a smile of his own. “But I still feel like I can do so much more… if you’d let me. It’s like I said before, it’s hard for me to help you when you keep everything inside.”
Again, Hoseok nods. “You’re right. You’ve always been right.” He turns his head to the side, pressing a soft kiss into the skin of Yoongi’s wrist, just above the matching bracelet. “Probably because you understand me better than anyone else ever has.”
It shocks Yoongi to hear that claim. If Hoseok’s arm wasn’t secure around his waist, he might’ve reeled back and fallen from the lounge chair. That certainly wouldn’t have been pretty.
“Really?” he asks in disbelief, yet Hoseok confirms it with a nod. “What about your pack?”
“Well, yeah. They understand me, too.” He’s grinning as he brings his other hand up to tug at the bracelet, saying, “But you’re my soulmate, you know? My honey, my moon… my Yoongi.”
It’s at this point that Yoongi begins to malfunction. He releases Hoseok’s face in favor of hiding his own face against his lover’s shoulder, feeling his entire body as it goes red-hot. It’s ironic; he’s always teasing Hoseok about how flustered he gets when receiving affection, yet Yoongi currently feels like imploding.
He shyly asks, “Would it be greedy if I asked you to say that more often?”
Hoseok cackles. “Which part?”
“Any of it. All of it. I just want to hear you say it…”
“Okay, then.” He pulls Yoongi even closer to him, holding him tight with the silent promise of never letting go. “I love you so much, my moon, my sweetheart, my love.”
It’s more than enough, for now.
(The night that you made a decision)
A few nights later, they end up at Namjoon’s place again.
Hoseok claims that there’s something he’d like to discuss, something werewolf related that Namjoon will probably have the answer to. Yoongi doesn’t ask any questions. After the emotional conversation that they’d had during the first quarter moon, he trusts that Hoseok will relay the details to him afterwards. In the meantime, Yoongi pushes all of the night’s plans to the side and prepares to follow, because he’ll follow Hoseok anywhere.
They’re not the first ones to arrive. Seokjin is the one who greets them at the door, and his loose clothing looks more like pajamas than outside wear. Again, Yoongi doesn’t ask any questions. He’s always had a hunch that something may be going on between his two friends, though neither of them have ever mentioned anything. But maybe it really is nothing at all. Maybe it’s something temporary. Maybe it’s something permanent.
Either way, that’s not what they’re here to find out. Yoongi watches as Hoseok disappears down the hallway, following close behind as Namjoon leads them to his bedroom. It’ll take a few minutes, Hoseok says, and Yoongi doesn’t ask any questions. He trusts him. He really, truly trusts him.
Yoongi turns back around in the barstool that he’s sitting in, finding a glass of red wine placed on the counter in front of him. His eyes dart up to stare at Seokjin, who stands on the other side with his own glass, a knowing grin spread across his face.
“Thanks,” Yoongi mumbles, taking the glass and downing a quarter of the liquid. It’s better than he expects.
“So, Namjoon told me about the full moon thing,” Seokjin starts, and honestly, Yoongi shouldn’t even be surprised that the wine comes with a side order of gossip. “Did you ask already? How did it go?”
He’s leaning against the counter as he eagerly awaits an answer, his hand slowly swirling the glass of wine. He looks so invested in this, as if it were a TV show that recently aired a new season, or something.
Yoongi snorts and decides to be honest. “Poorly. It’s fine, though, we worked it out in the end. Well, we worked out our relationship, but I didn’t really get a clear answer on being able to join him during the full moon…”
Across the counter, Seokjin reacts dramatically, a disappointed groan rumbling in his throat. He recovers rather quickly, despite the previous reaction.
“Yoongi-yah, you have to bring it up again. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t assert your rights.” Before Yoongi can ask what the hell that’s supposed to mean, Seokjin continues. “I really want you to be there, too. You’ve never seen any of us in our other forms, right? Then, prepare to have your mind blown. And, just so you know, I happen to be the biggest out of everyone. Amazing, right?”
Yoongi takes those words with a grain of salt. He replies, “Let me ask you something, hyung. You’re the oldest, but Namjoon is, like… the leader or alpha or something, right? How come?”
For a split second, Seokjin simply stares back at him. Then, he reacts by erupting into a fit of giggles that causes the tips of Yoongi’s ears to turn pink out of embarrassment.
“Don’t laugh at me,” he whines, but he ends up smiling about it, too. “I know that I’m ignorant, okay, I get that. I really am trying to be politically correct, but I won’t know unless you tell me.”
“I know, I know, but your ignorance is literally so damn cute,” Seokjin teases. When he’s calm enough, he attempts to explain in a way that Yoongi will understand. “Well, you’re not wrong. Namjoon is the… alpha, hah, if you want to call it that. But not in the way that you’re thinking? Like, he didn’t have to fight his way to the top and he’s certainly not the strongest, because that’s not actually how packs function.”
Yoongi nods along. “Interesting… how do they work, then?”
“It’s simple, really.” Seokjin pauses for a moment to sip from his glass. “It’s more about… respect? And, caretaking? I’m the oldest, yeah, but Joon is the one who brought all of us together. Without him, we wouldn’t be a pack.” His expression turns fond, suddenly, as if he’s recalling a certain memory. “He may be younger than me, but I’ve learned a lot from him over time. Like, what it means to be a member of a pack, but I’ve also learned things about myself, too.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees, recalling a few fond memories of his own. “I know what you mean.”
“I think that he was born to be a leader,” Seokjin adds as an afterthought. “He takes care of us, so we take care of him, too. Because without him, well, I just don’t know where any of us would be.”
It’s both sweet and admirable that they’re always so eager to take care of one another. Being a bunch of supernatural creatures, who else do they have to rely on if not each other? It makes sense that they’re so close, and they’ve always been inseparable.
Hearing these things really makes Yoongi wish that he could be part of them.
“Say, I don’t think I’ve ever asked this,” he begins as a thought comes to the forefront of his mind, “but when did you get turned?”
For some reason, Seokjin starts to laugh again, chuckling lowly as he shakes his head. Yoongi wants to ask if he’s said something ignorant for the second time, but then he notices that familiar glow, flecks of gold and yellow that he’s only ever witnessed on one other person before.
“I was never turned into a werewolf,” Seokjin casually reveals to him. “I come from a family of werewolves, so I was born as one.”
If anything, this revelation gives Yoongi a thousand more questions to ask. He’s never known that such a thing was possible, and now he wants to know everything. But before he can ask anything at all, footsteps approach from the hallway nearby. Like a magnet, Yoongi immediately turns his head in the direction of his soulmate, who meets his gaze just as quickly.
Seeing those beautiful brown irises has never filled him with so much comfort.
Namjoon speaks first. “Alright, it’s been decided. You can join us during the full moon.”
Yoongi’s back hits the wall with a soft thud. He’s only just managed to kick his shoes off when Hoseok jumps him, hands and lips and tongue and teeth, as if he’s been containing himself from the second that they left Namjoon’s apartment. Now that they’re home again, he no longer holds back. He lets Yoongi know just how desperate he is, and how much he craves to be touched.
“Seok,” Yoongi gasps, his hands tugging at Hoseok’s hair, Hoseok’s sweater, anywhere that he can reach while Hoseok mouths at his neck and grinds into him. “Baby.”
“My moon,” Hoseok whispers into Yoongi’s skin, and his voice sounds just as desperate as his movements are. He trails kisses northward, taking Yoongi’s earlobe in between his teeth. “I need you, sweetheart… need you so bad that it kills me.”
“You have me,” Yoongi answers back. He means it with every fiber of his being. “I’m yours forever, darling. Don’t you know?”
Though Hoseok pulls back, he remains close, their chests still joined as if they share a single heart. He stares into Yoongi’s eyes, smiling with his own.
Sex is a push and a pull, a stream of laughter as they fall into bed together, both of them unwilling to slow down for even a moment. It’s hands and lips and teeth and tongues. It’s pausing for only a second, an intense look shared between two souls and whispered words of desire. It’s a loving smile, a slow kiss, so many kisses, so little time.
But when they’re like this, they have all the time in the world. Because time is just an illusion, and they take what they have and turn it into what they want it to be. Like this, Hoseok wants nothing but Yoongi. Yoongi against him, Yoongi beneath him, Yoongi beside him, Yoongi inside him. He wants, he wants, he wants. Yoongi gives, and gives, and gives Hoseok everything that he has.
This is Yoongi’s most favorite view: naked, sweaty Hoseok bouncing up and down on his cock, his silky black hair bouncing along with him, the muscles of his thighs clenching. The muscles in his ass clench even harder, trapping Yoongi’s hardened length and working him over until his eyes are rolling back into his skull. At the same time, he tries so hard to watch. He doesn’t want to miss a second of this gorgeous view, his lids straining to remain open so that he can burn the image into his memory.
Because Hoseok isn’t just a werewolf, he’s a goddamn hurricane. He’s the storm that takes Yoongi on the wildest rides that he can ever imagine, but at the same time, he’s the lifeboat that keeps Yoongi from sinking and getting swept away by the current. He’s a paradox of himself and he’s perfect. He’s so fucking perfect. Yoongi couldn’t have wished for anyone better.
“My sun and stars,” Yoongi moans, loud and without shame. He tightens his grip on Hoseok’s perfect hips, his own hips meeting every downward thrust. “You’re so—fucking beautiful, love you so much…”
Above him, Hoseok responds with something incoherent, the words getting lost among the string of whines and curses that fall from his lips. But that’s fine, Yoongi knows exactly what he’s trying to say. It’s more obvious than anything.
My moon. My sweetheart. My honey.
I love you, too.
Desperately wanting to kiss and be kissed, Yoongi uses a hand to push himself up. Hoseok gasps at the slightest change in position, but he adjusts without pause, throwing his arms around Yoongi’s neck and clinging to him as Yoongi brings their mouths together. He loves the way that Hoseok greedily licks into his mouth to taste him, all of him. Even more than that, Yoongi loves the feeling of their chests being joined together once more, their hearts pounding to a similar rhythm. He distantly thinks that if he died like this, he wouldn’t even care.
“Yoongi,” Hoseok practically sobs. He’s got his face hidden against Yoongi’s shoulder, the drool from his mouth leaking onto Yoongi’s heated skin. He’s barely holding it together. “M’close…”
“Look at me,” Yoongi pleads, because if it’s going to happen soon, then he wants to see it. He wants to be the only one to witness what Hoseok looks like during an orgasm, what Hoseok looks like when he lets it consume his very being. “Come on, angel… let me see you.”
It takes a bit of coaxing, but Hoseok eventually leans back enough to face him. Yoongi absorbs every last detail: those reddened cheeks, his dewy skin, the flash of gold and yellow that overtakes his eyes for only a split second, before being suppressed by beautiful brown. This, this right here, is all that Yoongi can ask for. He wants, needs nothing else, no one else.
He reaches down to wrap a hand around Hoseok’s cock, enjoying the sound that leaves his lover’s mouth from the sensation. He wants them to finish at the same time. He wants to come inside of Hoseok while Hoseok comes over his fist and belly. Yoongi wants to watch it happen. He’s never wanted anything more.
“Fuck, right there,” Hoseok gasps with his eyes squeezed shut, now bouncing in Yoongi’s lap without any coordination whatsoever. “I… I…”
“Come with me,” Yoongi begs and begs until he gets exactly what he wants.
He’s not sure if he blacks out for a moment or if time simply skips ahead, but one moment he’s clinging to Hoseok so tightly that it feels like their bodies merge into one, and the next moment, he’s lying back against the mattress. There are kisses being placed against his neck, against his chest and stomach. Sweet words are whispered into his skin and Yoongi feels like he’s floating. He takes all of this as being mere side effects of making love to a hurricane.
They don’t bother properly cleaning up afterwards, neither them wanting to leave the heaven that is their bed and each other’s arms. Hoseok licks the cum from Yoongi’s skin, and Yoongi smoothes the hair back out of Hoseok’s eyes and forehead, wanting to see his beautiful face in the aftermath. He looks exhausted, and they both are. But he also seems quite satisfied, so Yoongi will consider it a job well done.
“I want you to remember me like this,” Hoseok says in a quiet murmur, breaking the peaceful silence they had succumbed to.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yoongi asks, grinning lazily as he drags his fingers through his lover’s damp hair. “You leaving me soon or what?”
Hoseok shakes his head and looks down. “No, but I want you to remember me like this, as Jung Hoseok, your boyfriend. I want you to remember me as I am now, before you meet… the other me and start to see me differently.”
Oh. In his blissful state, Yoongi almost forgets how they had ended up here. It began with Namjoon making a certain announcement, saying that they would allow Yoongi to spend the next full moon with them. Apparently, this is what Hoseok had needed to discuss with him tonight. He had wanted to get a second opinion first, from the wisest member of their pack, the one that he looks up to as both friend and brother. It turns out that Hoseok has been secretly confiding in Namjoon for quite some time now, searching for advice on how to control that other side of him. Looking for various ways to help tame the beast within.
He’d done it all for Yoongi’s sake.
A conclusion was met: Hoseok is more than ready to take this next step. And, despite still being afraid of the worst possible outcomes, he’d said that he felt more comfortable knowing that the others would be there with him. He felt comfortable knowing that Yoongi would be safe.
“Isn’t that inevitable?” Yoongi asks. He waits until Hoseok looks at him again, wanting Hoseok to know that his next words come straight from the heart. “If I see you differently, it’ll be because I’ve finally gotten to know and understand that side of you. But it doesn’t mean that I’ll treat you any differently than I do now, and it certainly doesn’t mean that I’ll love you any less.”
Hoseok stares at him for a long moment, thinking. When those beautiful browns become glossy, it doesn’t surprise Yoongi at all, because he knows Hoseok. He knows his boy like the back of his hand.
“I promise.” Yoongi smiles softly. “My sunshine.”
(The night that I met your other half)
Yoongi has always been curious about what goes on during a full moon. Hoseok vaguely explained it to him once a long, long time ago. He’d said that the pack meets up every month at Namjoon’s place. Once everyone is accounted for, they leave the city together just before sunset. See, a full moon typically rises just after the sun sets for the day. When it does, they’ll be at their most powerful. This is when their human sides take a back seat to the beasts within, with or without their permission.
There’s a certain forest just outside of Seoul that they retreat to every month, Seokjin excitedly explains to him. It’s one of the only areas close enough to the city that is packed densely with trees, which works perfectly for keeping them mostly hidden throughout the night’s adventure. Hoseok snorts at the elder’s choice of words, saying that he definitely wouldn’t call it an adventure, so much as a mandatory escape from their daily lives. Jimin adds that it’s his favorite type of escape, because all of them get to be together when it happens. The rest of the pack silently agrees.
For the first time, Yoongi doesn’t feel like an outsider anymore. Sure, he still can’t relate to how they feel and he can’t exactly sense the moon’s energy working its magic on him, but just being able to accompany them on this journey is enough. He’s starting to feel like a member of the pack, as each of them take turns explaining things to him, their energy and excitement contagious.
Hoseok is the only one who stays quiet, for the most part. Yoongi knows that it’s the anxiety that always clings to him during this time, but it must be worse with Yoongi tagging along beside them. He knows that Hoseok still doesn’t trust himself, and he’s well aware that Hoseok fears being looked at as a monster. For these reasons, Yoongi simply reminds him time and time again.
It’s okay. I’m here for you. I love you.
As the full moon slowly rises, the atmosphere around them changes. Seokjin parks his truck along a dirt road that leads deep into the forest, the rest of the pack eager to abandon the vehicle and stretch their legs while they wait for the time to come. At the moment, Yoongi sits on the bed of the truck, its tailgate left open for him specifically. He takes notice of each pack member’s demeanor and how differently they react to the approaching full moon.
Jungkook and Seokjin are the definition of excitement, neither of them able to keep still for longer than a few seconds, preferring to play around with each other and make a lot of noise. On the other hand, Namjoon is eerily calm and silent from where he stands several meters away from the group. His eyes are closed and his face pointed towards the sky, as if welcoming the moon’s energy as it flows into him. Taehyung and Jimin seem to be in their own little world, the couple standing off to the side with their arms around one another, whispering into each other’s ears. It almost looks like some sort of intimate ritual of theirs. Yoongi averts his gaze.
Last but never least, Hoseok stands in between his legs. Yoongi can feel his whole body shaking, either from nervousness, the late winter chill, or the gradual awakening of the beast that’s been hibernating for the past month. Perhaps it’s a mixture of all three that causes his lover to tremble. Yoongi just knows that he tries his best to provide comfort and reassurance.
“Been years since the first time, and I’m… still not used to this part,” Hoseok mutters, followed by a quiet, pained laugh. He’s got his forehead resting on Yoongi’s shoulder, his hands at Yoongi’s waist, fingers clenching and unclenching. “It hurts.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” Yoongi coos. He runs his fingers through Hoseok’s hair in the way that he likes. “Do you think it’d help a little if I kissed you?”
Hoseok laughs a bit louder this time, but he doesn’t reject the idea. Instead, he lifts his head and faces Yoongi for the first time in several minutes. His eyes are glowing yellow and gold, his fangs peeking out just the slightest bit. He’s slowly transforming into that other person, the one that he’s been hiding from Yoongi for years. There’s no more hiding this time. He lets Yoongi see it all.
“Cheesy,” Hoseok gently teases, but then he leans forward and kisses Yoongi anyway, sweet and slow. It feels a lot like the first time, and the memory of that kiss that started it all makes Yoongi’s heart flutter in his chest.
A sharp whistle flows through the air, getting their attention as they break the kiss. It gets all of their attention, each pair of glowing eyes fixed on a single point of interest. It’s Namjoon, who has rejoined the group after his silent meditation. Yoongi gasps at the sight of him, because unlike the others, his eyes aren’t bright yellow with flecks of gold in them.
They’re red. Blood red.
The mark of a true alpha, Yoongi assumes.
“It’s time,” Namjoon announces for all to hear. But all eyes and ears are already on him, each wolf waiting at his beck and call, ready to follow wherever he leads them. “Get ready.”
The others immediately begin to cheer, overcome by pure excitement once more. Meanwhile, Hoseok turns his head back around to face Yoongi, those gold and yellow eyes wide with fear. He tightens his hold on Yoongi’s waist. He doesn’t move.
“I’ll be fine,” Yoongi interrupts. He puts on his bravest smile in hopes that it’ll be contagious. “I’m not going anywhere. We promised, remember?”
Hoseok visibly swallows down the nervousness. He blinks several times and nods twice as many. When he feels brave enough, he lets go. Yoongi fights the urge to reach for him again, telling himself that this needs to happen. He’ll be fine, Hoseok will be fine, everything will be fine.
The moon’s magic is a frightening thing to behold. Yoongi watches closely as it finally happens, his small eyes wide with wonder. Each man removes his clothing shortly beforehand, none embarrassed to be seen bare or only covered by thin underwear. All except Jungkook, who purposely wears an old shirt just to show off as his body begins to change form, morphing into a whole new creature between human and wolf. The shirt is helplessly ripped into shreds as a result of his new form, a beast with glowing yellow eyes and sharp teeth, dark fur covering him from head to toe. Jungkook stands on his hind legs and howls at the full moon.
The others immediately follow in his footsteps, transforming one by one, while Yoongi’s ears are filled with the sound of growls and howling. Seokjin hadn’t completely lied, the other night; of all the betas, he’s clearly the largest one, with broad shoulders covered in pure muscle and a longer body. However, when Namjoon transforms right after him, it’s obvious that he’s even bigger than the eldest of the pack. Likely another perk of being the leader. His glowing red eyes are enchanting, his fangs longer than Yoongi’s fingers. He looks like something out of a child’s imagination, the stuff of nightmares and horror stories told by various cultures across the globe.
He’s magnificent in a way that’s impossible to describe.
Hoseok is the last one to transform. It’s almost as if he’s been trying desperately to hold back, until his body and the power of the moon force him to surrender. He collapses to his knees as that other side consumes him and begins to take over, his breathing ragged and his hands clenched in his hair. A guttural scream resonates in the back of his throat as his body morphs into something otherworldly, replacing the man that was there mere seconds ago. All that remains is the beast, sharp teeth and monstrous, deep wolf-like growls replacing a human voice.
It’s simultaneously the most frightening and beautiful sight that Yoongi has ever seen.
All is silent as Hoseok turns around to face him. Yoongi doesn’t breathe. He stares back into gold and yellow, yellow and gold. As always, those glowing eyes call out to him, speaking directly into his heart.
Look at me.
I’m right here. I’m always here. Look at me.
“I see you,” says Yoongi, hardly above a whisper. The werewolf startles at the sound of his voice, and directs a growl at him. Yoongi doesn’t fear him. “It’s okay, Hoseok. It’s just me. Yoongi.”
He slowly pushes himself away from the truck. Hoseok takes one step back, wary. Yoongi doesn’t stop, and he makes sure that each footstep is slow and careful as if he’s walking on eggshells. He keeps his eyes on Hoseok’s eyes. He doesn’t back down and he doesn’t cower away. Once they’re close enough to make contact, he halts and carefully reaches out with his left hand, his heart beating wildly in his chest. It stops beating completely when his fingers brush against the soft warmth of Hoseok’s thick coat, the fur easily gliding between Yoongi’s cold fingers.
Yoongi smiles with tears in his eyes. “It’s like I said before… I’m not going anywhere.”
Something changes in the glowing eyes before him. All of a sudden, Hoseok leans forward and begins sniffing at Yoongi’s neck, followed by his tongue darting out to lick across the skin. Yoongi laughs and complains that it tickles, which only seems to inspire Hoseok to do it some more. He eventually settles on simply nuzzling Yoongi, who hugs him around the neck and presses kisses to his fur.
“I love you,” Yoongi whispers. “I’ll always love you.”
Hoseok responds to those words with a whine that starts in the back of his throat. But it’s alright, because Yoongi knows him. He knows exactly what that sound is supposed to mean.
My moon. My sweetheart. My honey.
I love you, too.
Yoongi wakes up the next morning feeling exhausted.
Trying to keep up with six werewolves throughout the night really takes a toll on his body, but it had been the most fun that he’s ever had. In the few hours that they spend together, he comes to learn that they aren’t monsters or beasts at all. They’re almost like a bunch of overgrown puppies with sharp teeth and claws and the ability to kill, but they simply prefer not to kill at all.
Well, scratch that. Yoongi does witness Hoseok take out an unsuspecting deer, leaving him covered in the animal’s blood. It was definitely gross. But also sweet, because it turns out to have been an offer for Yoongi (an offer that he obviously doesn’t take or need, but it’s the thought that counts).
It doesn’t change the fact that by the end of the night, Yoongi is more in love with him than ever before. He didn’t think that such a thing was possible. Still, being able to see that side of Hoseok, all of Hoseok, serves as a reminder that Yoongi truly is the luckiest man in the world.
He’s in love with a werewolf. He’s also in love with a beautiful, intelligent, talented hurricane of a man.
Yoongi rolls over and kisses that man on the mouth. Hoseok responds with a quiet hum and the twitch of his lips, while his brows knit together in slight irritation at being disturbed. He hasn’t had enough sleep, after all. It’s ironic, because Hoseok is normally the first to awaken each morning. He’s usually the one to roll over and tease Yoongi with kisses and nuzzles until he gets what he wants, a kiss good morning and a possible blowjob.
The morning after a full moon causes their roles to switch. After morphing back into their usual selves, they all piled into the truck and headed back to Namjoon’s, where they took turns showering and cleaning the blood and dirt from their skin. Once presentable, they all went on their merry way. Hoseok and Yoongi don’t fall into bed until around dawn, so it makes sense for Hoseok to be sleepy and cranky right now.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop Yoongi from kissing him again and again, smiling to himself when Hoseok whines with his eyes closed and rolls on top of Yoongi to squish him.
“Stop complaining, I’m giving you affection,” Yoongi teases, and then he blows a puff of air into Hoseok’s ear.
Hoseok whines anyway, grumbling, “Leave me alone, or I’m gonna bite.”
“Oh? Maybe I wouldn’t mind that.”
“Stop, s’too early to be kinky.”
Given what he knows about his naughty boyfriend, that makes Yoongi laugh. He decides to stop being such a tease, though. Out of love, but also because he’s still tired, too. It won’t hurt to get a couple more hours of sleep, so he makes it the new agenda.
“Hey,” Yoongi murmurs as he shuts his eyes once more.
Hoseok sighs. “What now?”
Yoongi clears his throat before literally howling like a wolf, “I love you—!”
Even after Hoseok bites him, he decides that the terrible joke is worth it.