Chapter 1: April 2012 - Prologue
Yuzu felt lost.
He had moved to a new city, a new skating rink, a new coach just to achieve his dreams of moving his skating forward to better levels. However, moving countries was very daunting to a 17-year-old who had a very little grasp on English and relied on his home comforts.
He was getting a tour of his club by his new coach, Brian Orser, and everything seemed so unfamiliar but he had this underlying feeling of positivity. He wanted to become the best figure skater in the world and he wanted to get all these new jumps and from watching Javier Fernandez, he knew that this change would help him achieve just that.
“So here’s the main rink, where you’ll be practicing for the majority of the time.” Brian leads him to a rink with no boards and flags hung up on the wall. “We’ll get a Japanese flag soon so you can feel at home here like everyone else.”
Yuzu loved that touch and he could tell that they were a familial coaching team who wanted their skaters to feel comfortable so that they could learn to be the best. He didn’t know if he could call this place home for a while yet but he knew that it was the best thing to do for his skating.
“Javi! Come introduce yourself!” Tracy Wilson, his other coach, called out to the man currently stroking around the rink.
Javier Fernandez, a skater on the rise, with a consistent and beautiful quadruple salchow. Yuzu moved to Canada because he wanted this jump and he wanted other quadruple jumps like he knew Javier had. He didn’t need to be friends with him, it was more like he wanted to rival him and expected them to be akin to the two rivals in an action adventure movie.
However, when the man with the kind brown eyes introduced himself with an enticing smile and an outstretched hand, Yuzu knew that Javier Fernandez would never be his rival.
“Hi Yuzuru, I’ve seen your skating and I really like it,” He spoke with slow English so Yuzu had a slight chance of being able to understand what he was saying. “I hope we can be friends whilst we train here!”
Yuzu took his hand and shook it with a small bow. When he looked back up, he saw a blinding smile which he couldn’t help but mirror with his own toothy one.
“Thank you. I hope we friends too.” He said slowly, taking care that his pronunciation was as clear as it could be with his lack of English vocabulary.
At that moment, a 17-year-old and a 20-year-old shared equally bright smiles and knew that the sparks they were feeling in their stomachs would mean they were in for an interesting journey.
Chapter 2: October 2015 - Chapter 1
the song for this chapter is 'the wandering hearts - burning bridges'. i chose this song because this is a new start for the two, they're burning the bridges to start a new depth of friendship and learning how important the other is to them.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It was good to be back, Javi thought.
He’d returned from his small holiday to Japan which wasn’t the best he’d ever been on but it was a well-needed break. He wanted to be back in Canada with a fresh head and a new outlook on the season. Part of this new start was his new lack of relationship.
He’d taken himself to Japan because he felt locked up and trapped in his relationship with Miki. Not through any fault of hers but Javi had felt like he wasn’t being true to himself and it wasn’t fair to her. They were both nearing the age that there was no point continuing a relationship if it wasn’t going to last forever. It was in no way a bad break up but Javi felt regretful that he couldn’t make it last. She was perfect, just not for him.
As he had walked to the rink, it was good to see the normal familiar faces. As he put his things in the locker room and headed out to the ice, he saw a very familiar face.
Yuzu had just returned from his first competition of the season, Autumn Classic. He seemed to be in a good mood because he’d won it and this started the season off well for him. Javi knew his previous season hadn’t gone so well and with him knowing Yuzu, he wasn’t going to let that happen for two in a row.
“Hey Yuzu! How do you feel after winning your first competition?” Javi exclaimed with genuine excitement because even though he and Yuzu weren’t the best of friends, they had a genuine mutual admiration for each other and did really care about the others competitions.
“Javi!” The smaller man said, with genuine excitement. “How have you been? How was Japan?”
Yuzu said all of this whilst moving his body to give Javi a brief hug. They didn’t do a lot of things that typical friends did, but they did hug. Javi moved his arms around his waist and gave him a tight squeeze as a greeting.
“It was OK, I broke up with Miki though.” He knew there was no harm in telling Yuzu this, as the younger didn’t have many people to gossip with even if he was the type.
“Oh no. That’s sad. I’m sorry.” Yuzu said with a genuine worry for his training mate as he didn’t want his break up to affect his Grand-Prix preparation.
“No it’s all good, we’re still friends and we definitely don’t hate each other,” Javi reassured him whilst they sat down to start tying their skates up.
“So Javi, world champion, what are your goals for the season?” Yuzu asked him.
This was a tradition of theirs. Whilst they weren’t rivals, and they didn’t hold each other's goals against them, they did like to have a discussion at the start of every season to see where they stood. Javi knew Yuzu wanted his world title back but he also thought it would be nice to win a second world championship.
“I wouldn’t hate winning a second world title, definitely keeping my European title, a successful Grand-Prix season? The usual.” Javi listed. They always told each other all their goals no matter how unrealistic they seemed. “What about you?”
“I want to be unbeaten all season.” Yuzu said so matter-of-factly.
If Javi didn’t know Yuzu as well as he did, he would have probably thought this very conceited. However, he had been training with him for around 3 years and knew that if anyone could achieve this seemingly unreasonable goal, it was Yuzuru Hanyu.
Therefore this conversation didn’t spark a competitive flame within Javi, but instead a flame that held many emotions but seemed to be mainly admiration. He had always admired Yuzu, especially during the Olympics in Sochi.
These Olympics were one of the hardest for Javi due to an unfortunate miscommunication during a press interview. This wasn’t the only reason he fell just short of the podium, but it is the one he attributed the most blame too. However, he watched Yuzu skate the best short program of his career and continue fighting through his free to win the gold medal.
This was the first time that Javi really felt this admiration for Yuzu. He’d always admired how he competed and his skating ability but this was the first time he’d really admired how Yuzu was as a person. He didn’t really think much of these new found warm feelings towards his friend at the time, but feeling that same admiration again over a year later, it felt even warmer.
He didn’t know what the warmth really meant or whether he was just projecting the feelings he missed with not having a relationship anymore. Javi was someone who always had to be loving someone and trying to see the best in the people he met. Therefore he didn’t think much of this new intensity of warmth he felt and brushed it off as his projection of romantic feelings to his usual admiration of Yuzu.
“Well Mr. Hanyu, let’s try and achieve these goals.”
They both stood up and followed through with their tradition of shaking hands and bowing to each other before stepping onto the ice to join the rest of the skaters to start their session,
- * - * - * - * - *
Unfortunately, only one Grand-Prix event into the season, Yuzu’s goal was already impossible.
He didn’t like placing second normally, but placing second to Patrick Chan just ignited more frustration for him. With an invalidated jump and a shaky landing, his short program was nothing short of a disaster and even though he slightly redeemed himself in the free skate he still placed second. Yuzu didn’t not like Patrick, he just hated finishing second to someone with more world titles than him.
Therefore during his last training session with Brian, before he had to leave with Javi for his first event, he was acting more like a child than the 20-year-old he was. This was more evident when Brian didn’t allow him to do the challenging jumps he wanted to do, the ones that were the reason for his loss and told him to focus on his stroking and cool down. So everyone with him on that session had to face a stony Yuzu, which was nobody’s favourite thing.
Javi had noticed all this and had recalled the conversation he had with Yuzu about their goals for the season and he can’t help but feel disappointed for his training mate that he already knew he wouldn’t achieve his. This was what caused him to reach out and ask Yuzu something he had never asked him.
“Hey, do you want to go for a coffee when this session’s over?” He asked, fully expecting the other to turn him down.
Yuzu had to admit that he was surprised Javi asked to see him outside of their training. Everyone thought that they didn’t classify themselves as friends because Yuzu always turned down Javi’s offers to hang out but this wasn’t true, Javi had never asked.
His initial thought was to decline the offer because he had a post-training routine that he enjoyed sticking to but on the other hand, he knew he was frustrated so doing something he didn’t normally do would distract him from everything figure skating related in his head. So without him even realising, he said yes.
The shock was evident on Javi’s face but he composed himself nonetheless.
“OK, so do you want to meet at the door and we’ll go walk to a café?” Javi still sounded a little surprised but quickly brought himself back together.
“Sure. See you in a bit.” Yuzu remarked and then disappeared to follow his post-session routine. Javi shook his head a little in disbelief but then continued to follow through with his own routine.
True to their plans, Yuzu and Javi met outside the club and started walking down a familiar street to an area of the city where they both knew of a couple of quaint cafés. They walked in silence, breathing the cold autumnal air, gazing at the beautiful sight of Toronto in October.
The two ended up at a place neither of them had visited before but were willing to give a try. So they sat down at a table tucked away in the back corner, two steaming coffees in front of them.
“I know you’re frustrated at not winning your first Grand-Prix,” Javi stated.
“Yes. Very frustrated.” Yuzu placed his coffee back on the table with a slight scowl. “I always want to win the first big competition because it shows I am ready for the season but I never do and it makes people think I am not good.”
“But you are good. You’re Yuzuru Hanyu.” Javi opposed. He knew that Yuzu was just beating himself up because he was a perfectionist.
“Yes, but I am scared that one day I will lose the first big competition, they lose everything else. Scared of starting a streak of loss.” Yuzu said. This being something he didn’t ever really talk about but it was easy with Javi, everything was always easy with Javi.
“But not everything is determined by one competition or one skate. You know that because you have a streak of not winning the first competition, but you win the final and the world title and the Olympic title.” Javi argued, knowing that Yuzu just needed some reassurance so he could go back to his fully competitive mindset.
“Yes, I suppose. But I have a fear that I will not win any more big titles, like Olympic.”
Now, this was a side of Yuzu, not many people saw. They always saw the side of him that was sure of himself and his abilities, not the scared child in him that just wanted to prove himself to the world. Although it was sad to hear these thoughts, Javi felt a sense of pride that he was special enough to Yuzu to share these thoughts with.
“Yuzu, you are the best skater in the world. Nobody can argue with that. When you skate perfectly you are unbeatable and as a competitor, that is amazing to see. You will win more titles, and I m excited for this years’ world championships to fight for my title again.” Javi said with such conviction that Yuzu couldn’t help but immediately relax and smile again. He could always count on Javi to make him feel better.
“Thank you, Javi.” He said with such a genuine smile, that Javi couldn’t help but feel that familiar warmth spreading all over his body. “So, have you packed for China yet?”
With the start of a new conversation, it brought on a waterfall of things that the pair had never discussed before. Then before they knew it, the café was closing up for the evening and they were forced to part ways.
They shared a small hug as a goodbye and Yuzu wished Javi the best luck for China before they walked opposite directions to their houses.
On the cold and dark walk back, Yuzu was lost in thoughts of the important role Javier Fernandez played in his skating life and that he would not be the Yuzuru Hanyu he is now without the kind, Spanish man who always knew how to cheer him up. Even if he didn’t realise he was doing it.
i've had this chapter written for a couple of days because whilst i have a lot of time on my hands i'm trying to write as much as i can so this story doesn't get forgotten about. i'm trying to write a chapter ahead of what i post so as i finished writing chapter 2, i'll post this one. this is more of an introduction but i promise it gets more dramatic and angsty as it goes on. i hope you enjoyed reading it x
Chapter 3: November 2015 - Chapter 2
the song for this chapter is 'if i fall' - 'the wandering hearts'. i think this song does a good job of showing that the boys are becoming much more important to each other and they need each other so that if one of them falls, the other can catch them. x.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Javi’s season started a lot better than Yuzu’s did. He had won both of the segments somewhat comfortably. He didn’t know whether it was the reputation he had gained since winning a world title or the confidence boost it had given him, but he was ready to take full advantage of it.
Since Shanghai he felt like China was a lucky place for him so with that superstition, he had no problem winning Cup of China. He knew this was a really good start and with less than two weeks in Toronto, before he had to leave for Russia, he was growing more and more confident with his training.
His skating wasn’t the only thing that was improving though, his friendship with Yuzu was also growing. They’d known each other years but this was the first time they’d regularly done things that normal friends would do. Thanks to Javi, Yuzu had explored more of Toronto and now actually knew more quirks about the city he lived in. Thanks to Yuzu, Javi had discovered his new favourite places to eat and drink, because Yuzu had introduced him to his favourite place to eat authentic Japanese food.
They ate there a few times a week so as a result of this they’d become friendly with the owners so it was where they went to sit and eat and talk for hours on end.
On this particular evening, they had ended up in a long discussion about ‘why Javi should start to watch anime?’. Javi didn’t have any very important reasons as to why he didn’t watch it but was arguing with Yuzu for the sole reason that seeing him talk about something he was passionate about was one of the most beautiful things to watch.
As enjoyable as these outings were, Javi had found himself in a bit of a predicament. The warmth he usually felt when talking to Yuzu had increased and felt more similar to butterflies flying around his stomach. The more time he spent with his friend, the more he realised the little quirks he had that made him so special.
The way he was secretly so passionate about animals and the environment, how he always made sure to show his mother how grateful he was in the form of buying her a bouquet of flowers, and the way that he always went out of his way to show the Japanese owners of the restaurant how appreciative he was of their genuine food.
These new sides of Yuzu were the reason Javi was starting to think that his breakup with Miki hadn’t been because he felt locked but more because he had underlying feelings for someone else. He had never even considered this before so it caused a bit of a crisis whenever he was without company.
Every night before he went to sleep, he lied in bed and thought about who he was. He wasn’t known to be anything but straight and he had only ever had girlfriends before so why was he attracted to Yuzu? It wasn’t even like he was attracted to any other men, only Yuzu. It had only ever been that one man.
As these new thoughts plagued his mind constantly and his only escape was spending time with the one person who could distract him. He couldn’t even train properly in the week leading up to his departure for Russia because he was paranoid that someone would notice his new found feelings and assumed he was a certain sexuality. He knew this was irrational but it was all he could think about.
Brian had noticed his distraction in training but didn’t bring it up until they were alone on the plane to Russia for his next competition.
“What’s been going on in your head recently? You’ve been distracted in training and I don’t want it to affect this competition.” Brian dropped into their conversation about jump layouts, so casually Javi was caught by surprise.
“Ah, nothing really. Just thinking about the season.” Javi immediately knew that Brian didn’t believe a word he’d said with the side eye he received.
“OK, you can’t tell anyone. Not even Tracy.” Javi said, receiving a nod of affirmation from his coach before he continued. “I don’t know if I’m straight or something else.”
“And this is a big deal because..?”
“I don’t want to have to ‘come out’, it’s so unnecessary. Also, I’m not even sure if I want to label anything, I’m just attracted to someone who's a man, it’s only one man and I know he doesn’t even feel the same way about me. I probably just miss being in a relationship.” Javi mused.
“Javi, you don’t have to put a label on anything. It’s a societal thing to have to label yourself, just take things as they come. Don’t let things that haven’t even happened ruin your training,” Brian told him, glad that this wasn’t a huge issue and that he could give proper advice that he would have loved to hear. “Is this ‘special someone’ someone I’d know?”
“No, no, no. I met them at a café recently. You definitely wouldn’t know them.”
The speed and panic of this statement caused Brian to narrow his eyes in disbelief. He thought Javi took him as some kind of fool if he didn’t realise he had noticed the change in how he and Yuzuru interacted. He’d noticed the secret looks, the inside jokes that must have been developed outside of the rink and how both of their smiles doubled in size whenever they saw the other. He would never question what Javi told him and if he said it wasn’t Yuzuru, he believed him.
Javi gave his coach a smile in gratitude when the conversation was laid to rest and they spent the rest of the flight with their similar and easy routine, sexuality crises in the back of both of their minds.
He was determined to not let these new revelations affect his competition. So Javi wasn’t proud of ignoring all of the texts he received from Yuzu, but it was necessary. However, just because he didn’t reply to them, it didn’t mean that he didn’t read every single one and smile at every little thought Yuzu had.
“There were lots of bee’s at TCC today. Made me happy.” Was one text he received, the morning of his free skate. He wouldn’t tell anyone, but knowing that Yuzu was happy was one of the reasons he skated well to win the competition.
Later on in the Russia trip, he learnt that Yuzu didn’t need him to reply to keep sending the texts, and he really appreciated it. That made his whole personality more endearing, he knew Javi wanted to focus on the competition at hand.
Therefore when he returned back to Toronto, his friendship with Yuzu was unchanged and their coffee trips remained. Unfortunately, they could only have the one before Yuzu was due to leave for his next competition but they both needed it.
“How do you feel about NHK?” Javi asked whilst stirring his coffee.
“Good, I think. More ready than Canada. Usually, win the second competition so I feel positive.” Yuzu replied, taking a sip of his own drink.
“That’s good. I think you’ll win, you’ve been looking good in the past two days of practice.” Javi told him, a genuine compliment. Just because they were supposed to be rivals, didn’t mean they couldn’t pay each other a genuine compliment when the other was skating well.
“Thank you, Javi. I hope to get into the final so we can go head to head again.”
“Will this be the year your streak is ruined though? I am the world champion!”
They both laughed. Javi’s world title used to be a negative thought for Yuzu but since they grew closer he realised how happy it made him that someone he appreciated so much also knew that feeling of being on top of the world.
The conversations continued with the same lighthearted ease that made them treasure these moments so much. Javi was excited for Yuzu to be back from NHK so all they could both do was train for the final and he could compete with the one person who always pushed him to be better.
So when they parted with their usual hug, both of them felt the sentiment and lingered longer than they ever had done before. Before they parted, Yuzu squeezed Javi’s shoulders and said quietly, “I can’t wait to be with you at the final.”
This brought on a smile that could rival the suns brightness on Javi’s face. When they let go of each other, a similar smile lit up Yuzu’s face.
Yuzu would keep that smile in his memory throughout the whole of his competition and if anyone asked why he seemed so happy, he gave them a vague answer because he wanted to keep the real reason to himself.
- * - * - * - *
Yuzu was in a state of disbelief.
322.40. A score that had seemed impossible. 216.07. Another score that he had never even begun to think about. Brian had told him to get ready before his score was revealed but nothing would prepare him for the numbers he saw.
Everyone had spent the rest of the competition telling him how amazing he was and that they knew he could be the one to break down those walls and start the revolution of the higher scores. Yuzu felt like he was a cloud floating through everything, aimlessly, so he could take all of it in.
As he laid in bed, the night before he was due to fly back to Toronto. There was only one person on his mind. Only one person who he wanted to talk to about all this.
So he picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts and pressed dial. He anxiously waited to see if they’d pick up the phone and immediately smiled when he saw that the video call was connecting.
“Hey Yuzu! Congratulations on the score!”
Yuzu immediately fell back to earth with the face of someone so important to him showing their pride so clearly.
“Thank you so much, Javi!” He replied, but then remembered the time difference. “Why are you awake at 8:30 in the morning? You are Javi right?”
This made the features showing on his small screen light up in a laugh. Yuzu immediately smiling along with him.
This was the night that Yuzu learned he didn’t need to be physically by Javi’s side to know that the other was always there for him. He didn’t need to see Javi’s smile in person to know that it resulted in him feeling lighter, more relaxed. He was starting to realise that he always needed Javi, he needed the one person that he could feel excited to talk to about meaningless things and feel the passion for their own endeavours.
He was starting to think that it wasn’t his friendship with Javi that was important to him, but it was Javi himself that was of utmost importance.
i know that this is seeming to go a bit slow at the moment but i need to establish their newfound closeness. i promise that the next chapter is more interesting and romantic. thank you for reading x
Chapter 4: December 2015, part 1 - Chapter 3
the song for this chapter is 'change for the good'. this is a pivotal moment for the two of them and is where the story starts to really get more interesting, so this song describes how there is hope that their situation will change for the good (it does). x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
They’d both done it, qualified for the Grand-Prix final. Both of them felt happy as they arrived in Barcelona with a few days to acclimatise before official practices started. Also, they and their entire coaching team were jet-lagged and that was causing there to be many disagreements that didn’t need to be had.
All these petty fights and digging comments resulted in Yuzu and Javi deciding to get out of their hotel rooms and taking advantage of being in an unfamiliar place. This wasn’t something either of them did regularly but with Javi at least being able to speak the same language, they thought it was worthwhile.
So they bought some metro passes and took the rackety trains to all the key tourist destinations in Barcelona. They gazed at the Sagrada Familia, they ambled around Parc Guell and they awed at the Gaudi architecture that was dotted around the city.
When the sun was setting, the pair found themselves in a quaint little bar next to the beach. Whilst Yuzu was slowly falling asleep on the chair that looked out over the view, Javi went to buy them some coffee.
“Two lattés please?”Javi asked the woman manning the bar. He was happy to be able to speak in his native tongue as everything just seemed easier when he could communicate in Spanish.
“Yes of course. You here with your partner?” The bartender conversed with him whilst she made their coffees.
Javi was initially taken aback by the comment that implied she thought he and Yuzu were a couple. However, he thought back to his lingering touch on Yuzu’s shoulder which lead to him slowly running his fingers through his black hair whilst he decided what coffee he wanted.
Javi wanted her assumptions to be right, he wanted them to be a couple, he knew this now. It had taken a while for him to realise fully, but he wanted to be with Yuzu. However, he knew that the other hadn’t shown any previous interest in liking guys so wasn’t going to think too much into anything. Their friendship was worth too much.
But, he could indulge in the idea without Yuzu knowing.
“Yes. We’re here to explore Barcelona for a few days. I’m showing him the sights.” He replied, a smile gracing his features.
“How lovely! He’s a very handsome boy, you are too. I wish you well.” She handed Javi their coffees. He paid her the price with some extra because she was the reason he could daydream for just one moment.
He placed Yuzu’s coffee in front of him, waking the other up from the doze he’d found himself falling into. He smiled in gratitude and took a sip, the warmth immediately making him feel better.
“Has today helped you with jet-lag?” Javi asked, sipping his own coffee.
“Yes. Definitely. I feel ready for competition now.” Yuzu replied. “Do you feel ready?”
“I think so. I’m scared though. This is Spain and I always want to do well in Spain to make people realise that figure skating is worth watching. I’m scared that after I retire there won’t be any Spanish figure skaters.” Javi told him with a sigh.
All Yuzu could do is admire him. He didn’t know what it was like to have to work so hard to have figure skating known in a country. In Japan, skating was like football. So many young children aspired to be a skater, a skater like him, like Shoma, like Daisuke, like Mao. But he wondered how many children even knew about Javi, never mind wanted to be like him.
The more time Yuzu was spending with Javi, the more he adored the lesser known quirks he had. Like how he had post notifications on for an Instagram account that just posted cat pictures, how he would bite his lips when he was concentrating and his overwhelming positivity towards everything in his life.
So whilst he was looking at the man in front of him, he felt nothing but admiration and adoration for him. He came to a conclusion that was very unlike him. He would be nothing but happy if Javi won this competition instead of him. Yes, his third consecutive final win would be incredibly important to him and if he kept the momentum of NHK. he wants to get really high scores again. But he would feel so much pride for the Spaniard if he won, more pride than he’s ever felt for another human again.
The rest of their evening was spent laughing over too many cups of coffee and getting lost in a beautiful city. Both of them felt free, freer than they’d ever felt before. For the first time since Yuzu had become a well-known figure skater, he felt anonymous and like was a normal boy with his normal friend but having an abnormally happy time.
They ended up having to get a taxi back to their hotel because it got too far into the night and they got too lost. The only thing that brought them back to reality was Brian ringing them to know their whereabouts.
Javi noticed Yuzu dozing off in the back of the taxi, so when his head started moving around and his neck was left in an uncomfortable position, he moved him so he was rested on his shoulder. He knew this wasn’t a good idea, he shouldn’t be indulging in this idea more than he already was but if he could only ever have this, he was going to take advantage of it.
He noticed the driver smiling at him through the rearview mirror. He smiled back whilst running his hands through Yuzu’s black hair. He was so grateful to have been born in a country where everyone was so accepting and just let people love, without any consequences.
“Your boyfriend tired?” The driver said fondly.
“Yes, he’s super jet-lagged so just getting in all the sleep he can,” Javi said, thankful Yuzu had never really tried whenever he attempted to teach him Spanish, so he knew the other wouldn’t understand a word.
“How cute, I hope he rests well when you get back to the hotel.”
They didn’t make much more small talk on the rest of the drive but Javi didn’t mind. He was too focused on Yuzu’s steady breathing and how having him on his shoulder just felt like home.
So when they arrived at the hotel, having to shake Yuzu awake was not easy but it was time Javi woke up from this daydream. He was undeniably adorable when he was half asleep and his confusion about how they’d found themselves back at the hotel made Javi’s heart ache.
“There you two are! This is so weird to not know where you are.” Brian exclaimed, he was worried that he’d lost two of the best figure skaters in the world but also endeared by the new steps the pair were making.
“We wanted to fight jet-lag but now I’m more tired.” Yuzu sleepily replied, shifting his weight to lean onto Javi.
Javi snaked an arm around his waist to ensure that he didn’t fall to the floor. Yuzu took this as an opportunity to try and fit himself in the crook of Javi’s neck so he could doze off again.
Brian looked on fondly, but then remembered the conversation he had with Javi on the plane to Russia. He wasn’t a fool, he knew that Javi was pining for Yuzu. He also knew that Javi was getting more and more attached with every instance of touch between the two, so if he didn’t know whether Yuzu felt the same way, he couldn’t let this keep happening.
“I think you should both go to bed. Yuzu, I need to talk about planned program content with you so I’ll come back to your hotel room to do that.”
This brought Yuzu out of his stupor and he stood up straight and wiped his eyes as if this would make him feel less tired. Brian wanted to talk about his jumps reminded Yuzu that he wasn’t here to be a tourist with Javi, but he was here to skate.
After Javi had gotten out of the lift at his floor, Brian and Yuzu got off at Yuzus. They sat and talked and finalised his jump layout for his programs in his room and then when Brian knew that Yuzu was too tired to think about anything to do with ice, he left him.
This left Yuzu to go through his usual night routine, he was half asleep but he knew he had to go through all these steps. But he wasn’t just tired, he was distracted by how right it felt to lie on Javi’s shoulder and feel his touch around his waist. It was grounding, he felt like he could fully let go whenever he was with Javi.
When he was laid in bed, he was wide awake.
This wasn’t Yuzu. It was so unlike him to spend a whole day seeing sights in the city he was competing in rather than taking more time to prepare for his skates. Usually, he’d be in his hotel room, working out or grilling Brian and Tracy for ways he can improve his programs.
He didn’t know why he was letting Javi distract him from competition all of a sudden. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy his day with Javi and he did secretly love exploring new cities, but this couldn’t keep happening during competitions. He knew it wasn’t Javi trying to psyche him out so he could win, but whether he was trying to do that or not, he was.
The last thoughts Yuzu had before he finally went to sleep were that figure skating was his priority, he was here to compete and he was here to win. But there were more thoughts as he drifted, thoughts that a Spanish man with a warm smile and beautiful eyes were taking over.
*- * - * - * - *
It turned out that this pre-competition explore may have contributed to the huge success both of them had at this competition.
Yuzu had skated better than he had ever skated before. He broke all 3 records that he set two weeks ago, with change. He had cried when he saw his combined score because it was overwhelming to see a number so big.
330.43. That was the number swimming around his head right now. He couldn’t process anything. Everyone kept asking him how he was feeling and congratulating him but he didn’t know how he felt.
Brian was well tuned to Yuzu’s emotions and could see he was getting overwhelmed by the attention so sent him to his hotel room to get some privacy.
In a similar situation was Javi. Despite the competition being in Spain, there wasn’t the same attention on him. He had taken himself to his room to ground himself.
The second man to score over 200 points in the free program. He had not only set a new personal best in his home country but he was starting to belong in the history books by only being 2 weeks behind Yuzu setting the same scores.
This event was so important to Javi and he was over the moon with his scores and how he skated but there was only one thing in the forefront of his mind.
They hadn’t had the chance to spend much time together after that day since the practices and competitions started. Javi had seen his scores and gasped in pride because he knew Yuzu could do it. Whilst he sat on the chair in his room, all he wanted to do was go and speak to Yuzu.
Are you in your hotel room? He sent a quick text, didn’t want to invite himself around unless he was welcomed. He still didn’t know where they stood in terms of unexpected visits.
Yes, can I see you? The text he received back said. Javi had never got out of his chair, found his room key under the mess of his belongings and ran to a hotel room quicker before.
He only needed one knock on the door before there was a smiling boy opening it. Neither of them knew what to say to each other so Javi just scooped Yuzu into the tightest hug. He hoped it would convey all the emotions he couldn’t say.
“I’m proud of you.” Yuzu said quietly, even if there was anyone else in the room they wouldn’t have heard. That’s how Javi knew that was only for him, his pride was only for him.
Javi pulled back to look into those dark brown eyes. He moved his hands to cup the cheeks of the other, his fingertips running circles in his hair.
“I’m so proud of you, I knew you could do it. You’re incredible.”
Upon hearing these words and seeing that smile which reached those kind brown eyes. Yuzu had had enough of thinking, he just wanted to feel. He wanted to feel this adoration he had for the other, that’s why he did it.
He moved his head up to shyly press his lips to Javi’s. He closed his eyes, didn’t want to see if Javi was showing any emotion in his. His hands tentatively gripped the other's waist.
Then, he felt Javi slightly smile and then move his lips against his. The hands in Yuzu’s hair moved his head so their kiss could be deepened. With this action, Yuzu fully circled his hands around Javi’s waist, pulling the two closer together.
It was like someone had set off a firework between the two. All the emotions from the competition and the lingering feelings had culminated in this. Both sets of hands were roaming all over bodies. One of Javi’s had moved to run up and down Yuzu’s back and the other was comforting on his waist. Yuzu had moved his to run through Javi’s curls.
Lost in the feelings, they stumbled so Javi could press Yuzu against the wall. When he gasped at the sudden contact with a hard surface, Javi took advantage and slipped his tongue into the others mouth. This deepened the kiss impossibly further and they moved impossibly closer.
All Yuzu could think about is Javi. Javi’s tongue working wonders in his mouth, Javi’s lips nipping at his, Javi’s hands roaming all over his back and Javi’s body pressing against his. He never wanted this to end, all he wanted to feel for the rest of his life was the feeling of Javi’s lips against his.
However, it was late and both of them had competed earlier in the day. So Javi knew that they couldn’t get too into this, regardless of how much he wanted to. He gradually slowed the kiss down and nibbled slightly on Yuzu’s lips before letting go.
Yuzu looked up at him with a small smile and Javi couldn’t help but press his lips against his forehead. Just because he could.
“We should probably go to sleep, it’s been a long day. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
With those three phrases and a barely-there peck on Yuzu’s cheek. Javi left the hotel room.
He left Yuzu in a daze, and more overwhelmed than he was before Javi even walked into the room.
There was only one thought in his head: what would they do now?
we're finally here, i've written it. this chapter is so long and i don't really want to cut it into two because 1. idk where i'd even split it and 2. they just get longer from here. this is the start of the actual plot because i've built up their friendship enough. thank you for reading x
Chapter 5: December 2015, part 2 - Chapter 4
the song for this chapter is 'devil' by the wandering hearts. there's some misunderstandings in this chapter so both of them are villanised by the other more than they deserve.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
There was no way Yuzu was sleeping that night.
He tried, he really tried but he just tossed and turned all night long. He couldn’t get his mind off his kiss with Javi. He didn’t know what had come over him, he had never considered that his feelings for Javi were anything but platonic.
Yuzu hadn’t really dated before, he had always had skating as a priority. He had a few flings in high school and slept with a few girls here and there since he became an adult but there was nothing serious. He didn’t have time.
He also had never considered that he was anything but straight. Sure, he had appreciated that men could be very attractive and always enjoyed admiring the muscles of pair skaters but he never found them pretty like he found women.
He didn’t know if he even wanted a relationship at that moment in time but what he did know is that Javi looked beautiful when he smiled and Yuzu just wanted to show him how beautiful he thought he was at that instance.
All these thoughts plagued him all throughout the night which resulted in an annoyingly sleepless night. He was barely asleep when a sudden ring from his phone jolts him up.
He sleepily fumbles on his bedside table to see who is ringing him. When his eyes focus and reveal a picture he took where Javi is mimicking a Pooh expression, he immediately softens.
“Hello,” He softly says on the phone.
“Good morning! How’d you sleep?” A bright Spanish accent greets him on the other end of the line.
“I slept good,” There was no need worrying Javi about his lack of sleep especially as he was the reason. “Why are you ringing me so early?”
“I was just wondering if you wanted to get some breakfast before we go to gala practice?” Javi enquired.
Yuzu knew that Javi would understand if he declined because Javi is kind. Part of him knew he should decline because he didn’t know how he felt towards the other and in no way did he want to lead him on. However the other voice in his mind was telling him that he already missed seeing Javi’s face light up when he said something mildly entertaining and in the end, that voice won.
“Of course. Give me half an hour to get ready. Will meet you in the lobby?” He replied, knowing it was stupid.
“Yes! I’ll see you then,” Javi replied and then ended the call.
All Yuzu could do was sit there on his bed with a small smile on his face. It was only breakfast with a friend, a friend he had kissed but a friend nonetheless and he wouldn’t let anything disastrous happen.
Exactly 28 minutes later, he waved at Javi who was stood a few metres away from him in the extravagant hotel lobby. Seeing his smile already made his morning much better, so Yuzu decided he had made the right decision.
They sat opposite each other, eating their usual pre-skate breakfasts. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement to not discuss the kiss they had shared the less than 12 hours ago.
“I’m excited for gala practice,” Yuzu mused as he sipped his tea. “It’s always fun when there’s juniors as well.”
“Oh yes, it’s nice seeing who the future competition will be,” Javi replied which caused a genuine loud laugh to erupt out of Yuzu.
“Why did your mind go to competition? I was just thinking because they are cute and small and find everything funny!” Yuzu giggled which caused Javi to laugh, probably at himself.
“That is true and more important than competition, I guess. But that Nathan Chen looks strong.” Javi thought, thinking about the junior mens event he watched.
“Yes, but he is not senior yet. So no worry,” Yuzu finalised.
“This is new for you, not constantly thinking about the competition,”
“Right now, I’ve just set incredible records and become the first man ever to win 3 Grand-Prix final titles, I think I can stop thinking about the competition for a day or two and just be happy with what I’ve achieved.”
Hearing Yuzu say this stunned Javi. The Yuzu he knew would always be thinking about how he could make himself better and score even higher than he already did. It seemed that after this event if Yuzuru Hanyu could allow himself to relax and be happy with his scores, everyone else should as well.
They spent the rest of their breakfast engaging in playful conversation and for the first time since Javi had felt this warmth towards Yuzu, he thought it was reciprocated. With their kiss last night and the breakfast that felt like nothing had changed, Javi couldn’t help but feel positive that this was the start of something new for the two of them.
This easygoing nature continued into gala rehearsals. However, if you asked any other skater there, it wasn’t easygoing, it was flirty. It was like Yuzu’s waist was metal and Javi’s hands were a magnet, that’s how inseparable they’d been. Everyone tried to ignore how they’d spent the whole time laughing at each others comments and smiling at each other like there was nothing else in the world that mattered.
It wasn’t like Yuzu thought anything was different though. He was just relieved that nothing had changed between he and Javi and maybe the kiss was just a result of the rush of emotions both of them felt after the competition. Right now all he wanted to do was be happy that he had won and be happy that someone so special to him was smiling.
After 45 minutes of messing around on the ice and 15 minutes of learning actual choreography, the practice was done. After they had finished the gala show, Javi and Yuzu had decided that they wanted to use their free evening to go explore more of Barcelona and visit a Japanese restaurant that Yuzu had found on the internet to test its credibility.
They got lost on picturesque streets, shopped at cheesy tourist stalls and laughed more than they’d ever laughed before. Javi was really starting to believe that this was the future for him, every time he saw Yuzu’s smile he seemed to fall deeper and deeper into a hole that was going to be a huge struggle for him to get out of. He was itching to grab Yuzu’s hand and intertwine their fingers but he didn’t have the confidence yet.
They found the Japanese restaurant Yuzu was so excited about and sat down to eat a long awaited dinner. Yuzu quickly noticed that everyone that worked there was conversing in Japanese and he was so desperate to speak his native language again. So when he and Javi had decided what they wanted, he took himself to the counter to order.
Hearing Japanese again and being able to talk to a stranger in his mother tongue made Yuzu feel normal again. Once the man realised that he was a native, they fell into easy conversation. Yuzu ordered his food and asked questions about their business but when a question directed to him came up, his blood ran cold.
“Is that your boyfriend over there? He’s very handsome!”
Yuzu was stunned. He didn’t realise that this was the perspective that everyone else had of him and Javi. He flashed back to the gala practice where every skater seemed to have their eyes on them and were whispering between themselves, to when Brian seemed suspicious of the two when they arrived back at the hotel, the taxi driver, the café owner. Everything made sense now in Yuzu’s head and he was terrified.
He knew that everyone around him would be accepting, but he wasn’t sure if he accepted it. He had kissed Javi because in that moment it felt right to do so but he didn’t know if he was ever going to get that moment again and he didn’t know if he wanted to have that again. He didn’t know what having romantic feelings for someone was like, never mind if they were a man and never mind if it was Javi.
All of these new revelations caused Yuzu to be lost in thought throughout the rest of their dinner. Javi could tell that something was off when he noticed he was doing all the talking and was getting non-committal noises from Yuzu. He was worried, what if the Japanese man had thought that the two were a couple and outwardly disapproved.
So when the two were starting their walk back to the hotel, Javi felt like Yuzu needed some reassurance so he reached between them and started to slowly hold his hand.
Yuzu immediately moved his hand away and stopped in the path. He felt like a jolt of electricity had run through his entire body, and not in the way he felt last night. Yuzu couldn’t do this, he wasn’t like this.
“No. No, no no. This is not happening Javi. Why do you think you can hold my hand?” Yuzu erupted, suddenly stopping in the middle of the street.
“I’m sorry, I thought this was where this was going?” Javi said, confused at the sudden retaliation.
“No?” Yuzu was bewildered, he didn’t know Javi had assumed that they were now seeing each other. “We aren’t dating, I’m not gay or whatever, I don’t want to date you.”
“Sorry what?” Javi started to raise his voice in anger. He was frustrated and hurt that Yuzu had been flirting with him and now was claiming that he didn’t even like him. “You kiss me last night, go out for breakfast with me this morning, flirt with me all the way through the gala practice and now we’re on another dinner date? From all that I can’t assume we’re more than friends?”
“No! Why are you assuming without asking me? Are you trying to take advantage of someone who doesn’t speak as good English as you?”
At this point, both of their voices were raised well above the normal level and they were starting to get some looks from strangers on the street, but they didn’t care.
“You’re being so stupid and selfish. For the first time in your life will you get out of your own little bubble and realise that other people have feelings and you can’t just lead them on?”
Javi knew he’d pushed it too far. Yuzu immediately looked stunned and that was soon followed with dismay. He looked hurt but then seemed to pull himself back together to let a serious expression take over all his features.
“If that’s how you feel, I guess we can’t even be friends anymore.”
With that comment, Yuzu walked away. He left Javi stood alone in a Spanish street, wishing he could turn back time.
*- * - * - * - *
Javi felt as if his his soul had been sucked out of him.
The past few days had been the most overwhelming he had ever had. Firstly there was the competition which had been incredible, then there was the kiss and now Yuzu had decided that he hated him.
All he could do when he got back to his hotel room in the early hours of the morning, was sit. He’d spent an unknown amount of hours wandering round the city with no purpose, just alone with his thoughts.
He couldn’t believe that he had got his hopes up that Yuzu would want him in the same way he was wanted by Javi. He should have known that the other man only focused on skating and was far too sheltered to consider having a life outside of that.
However, whilst he was finally getting ready to get a few hours of sleep, he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand with his name on the front.
Immediately he knew that this was Yuzu’s handwriting, they’d seen each other write out enough documents to recognise the messy albeit readable handwriting. He knew that the only person with access to his hotel room was Brian, so worked out that Yuzu must have bribed him with something to encourage him to pass the note on.
With a heavy heart and a deep breath, Javi opened the letter and began to read.
I am so sorry. I have so much guilt about what I said. I did not mean it. I just didn’t know what to do after I kissed you. I am sorry for kissing you. I had panic because you are too important to me as a friend and I didn’t want to lose you as a friend ever, but now I think I might have done. I hope you can forgive me. Good luck at Spanish Nationals, I will see you in January.
Maybe it was the familiar bluntness, or the genuine guilt that was expressed through those short sentences, or the small tear stain that could be seen on the bottom corner of the paper or maybe it was a mix of the overwhelming occurrences of the last day. Or maybe Javi didn’t even have a reason, but for the first time in a long while, he sat on his bed and cried.
... sorry x
edit: forgot to mention that i am now back at university and my real life has restarted again, this does mean that updates will be slower as i am significantly more busy and actually want to really kick semester 2's ass so my work has the utmost priority :(
Chapter 6: January 2016 - Chapter 5
the song for this chapter is ‘i wish i could’ because this whole chapter involves a hell of a lot of pining and it’s just frustrating on all ends! enjoy x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
After the period of nationals and festivities, Yuzu and Javi both returned to Canada with apprehension. They hadn’t seen each other since that fateful day in Barcelona and neither of them knew how they were going to act around the other.
As a result of this uncertainty, it created an incredibly awkward atmosphere at the rink. Both of them refused to look each other in the eyes and only conversed in awkward skating talk. Brian felt like he couldn’t talk to them both at the same time because they refused to stand anywhere near each other and Tracy remembered a time that she could call both of them into her office at the same time instead of having to have the same conversation on two occasions.
Neither Yuzu or Javi wanted things to be this way but neither of them knew how to make things less uncomfortable. Javi wanted to talk to Yuzu about his letter but every time he tried to muster up the courage to mention it, he decided against it. Yuzu was desperate to know how Javi was and how he was feeling about upcoming competitions but he didn’t know how to approach him or if they were even still friends.
Yuzu wasn’t only having a crisis regarding whether he’d lost one of his most precious friends but he didn’t know who he was anymore. He didn’t know who he was attracted too anymore whether it was solely men or women or both or whether it was only kindhearted Spanish men. He had never really considered dating anybody but he knew that it was something he could be missing out on and didn’t enjoy that feeling.
So one night instead of thinking about Javi, he installed a dating app. This was originally only supposed to be talking to people and working out who he was most attracted to but this innocent purpose soon was ruined.
It started with a cute Japanese girl who messaged him and they had humorous conversations in their native language about the differences in where they came from and where they lived. This turned into them meeting for dinner at a mutually loved restaurant which turned into her inviting Yuzu round to her flat which quickly leads onto a one night stand.
This wasn’t something that Yuzu did. He had slept with girls during the off season but only in Japan and there had only been a couple. He had never considered sleeping with anyone when in Canada because he only associated the country with skating.
The night was fun, the sex was good but both Yuzu and the girl knew that this wasn’t serious so he left in the morning with a skip in his step and a newer outlook on life.
This was the start of something new for Yuzu. It seemed that a few times a week he started talking to new people and by the time the week was up, he had found himself in their bed. He’d hooked up with men and women, all around the same age but different nationalities and different stories to tell.
He still hadn’t figured out who he was more attracted to but it didn’t matter because he was having fun and finally taking advantage of the multiculturalism in Toronto. Nobody knew who he was or what he did unless he told them and he enjoyed the concept of creating a new self for him.
After practice one day, he was going to meet someone new off the app in a quaint café not too far from the rink. When he was ordering a latte from the counter, he immediately noticed the cute smile of the boy behind the till.
“What’s your name? For the coffee cup,” The boy asked, brown eyes looking expectantly at Yuzu.
“Yuzuru,” Yuzu replied, his voice unusually high and quiet due to those eyes making him feel nervous. They reminded him of Javi’s but he didn’t allow himself to get lost in that fantasy.
“Oh, you’re Japanese. That’s a nice name, I kind of wish my first name was Japanese,” The boy smiled.
“What’s your name?”
“Jack. Jack Saito, my parents are Japanese but I’ve lived here my entire life. Wish I’d have grown up there,”
“It’s nice. I miss Japan a lot,” Yuzu mused.
They kept the small talk going as Jack made his drink and when the piping hot coffee was slid over to him, Yuzu was disappointed that their conversation had to end. Jack gave him a wink with the coffee before turning to serve the next customer.
There was just something about him that made Yuzu want to know more. So when he saw the set of numbers scribbled in black ink across the side of his cup, he immediately knew that he didn’t want to go on the date with the guy he was there to meet.
*- * - * - * - *
A week or so later and Yuzu was besotted.
He and Jack had seen each other almost every day since they met and Yuzu had realised a multitude of things. Firstly, he was definitely bisexual. Secondly, he really enjoyed sleeping with the same person rather than many different people. Then thirdly, there was a lot more to life than figure skating.
It seemed everyone else in his life had a problem with his newfound carefreeness. Yuzu was gradually getting later and later to practice, when he was there he was distant and unresponsive and always seemed to be glued to his phone.
However, Brian finally snapped when Yuzu didn’t turn up to training at all. Javi witnessed an already angry Brian nearly lose his temper at every skater on the rink when he finally received a text from Yuzu which just stated that he was sorry and he would explain later.
This lead to Brian and Tracy having a hushed chat in the corner with Javi definitely not listening in.
“I’m just worried that this boy is stopping Yuzuru on focusing on what he’s actually in the country for,” Tracy mused.
A boy, Javi thought. So was that whole rant about how he wasn’t gay a heat of the moment or was he bisexual or maybe he didn’t just like Javi?
“His Mom said that he hasn’t been home at all and keeps coming back with hickeys and is just really distant,” Brian added and both of the coaches shook their heads in disbelief.
Javi didn’t need to hear anymore. He knew that he had to try and get through to Yuzu before this got too far and he potentially did something stupid like starting to skip training more often or even consider leaving the sport. The Yuzuru Hanyu he knew would never do something as absurd as that but maybe even he didn’t know Yuzuru anymore.
So later that evening he didn’t even bother sending Yuzu a warning text that he was coming over but looked through their previous conversations to find Yuzu’s address and marched himself there straight after practice.
It only took three sharp knocks on the door before Yumi answered.
“Hello, could I talk to Yuzuru please?” Javi said in slow English.
She gave him a tight nod. “Please talk to him,” Her message was conveyed in that one short sentence. Everyone in Yuzu’s life was getting sick of his actions and maybe Javi was the only one that could talk some sense into him.
Minutes later a disgruntled Yuzu came to the door. Dressed in casual clothes with purple hickeys lining his neck that he didn’t even bother to try and cover up, they hadn’t even spoken yet and Javi was already frustrated.
Yuzu closed his front door behind him and the pair began to walk the streets with no direction. At first there was an awkward silence with neither of them wanting to talk to the other but Javi was running of pure frustration at this point so he snapped.
“Why are you being such a brat lately?”
Yuzu looked stunned by the question, his mouth opened to form an ‘O’ shape before his lips closed into a tight line.
“Sorry for being happy? Didn’t know that you didn’t want me happy with someone I like to be around? Are you sad you’re not him?”
“Absolutely not if this is how you are in a relationship. You’ve not turned up to training before, do you even remember what you’re in this country to do?”
“Oh so I can’t have a life outside of skating?”
“That’s not what I meant Yuzu, of course you can but you’re one of the best figure skaters in the world, please don’t give this talent up for some guy.”
Yuzu tried not to soften, he really did but looking at the sincerity in Javi’s eyes immediately made his bad mood lessen.
“But Javi, you ruined my concentration when we kissed, when I was hanging out with you I wasn’t thinking about skating either,”
Just when Javi thought he had finally gotten somewhere with him, he brought up them. This wasn’t the point of the conversation but if this was where it was going to go, he might as well confront him about everything that had happened recently.
“Why did you even kiss me, Yuzuru? Then why did you ignore me and then send me that letter? You’re being so confusing?” Javi was starting to get really angry and his tone and volume seemed to almost scare Yuzu.
“I’m sorry Javi, I don’t even know why I did any of that. I just think things are too complicated between us, we shouldn’t even be friends anymore,”
In any other situation, Javi would have fought, fought for their friendship and the possibility that they could be more. But, he was done, he was done fighting for someone that didn’t even want to know him.
“Fine. We aren’t friends anymore then. I won’t even try anymore. Good luck in the rest of the season, Yuzuru,” Javi dejectedly said, losing all the light in his eyes.
Yuzu wanted to fight, he really wanted to. But he had Jack and clearly, had some more things to work through. He wanted to call out for Javi as he walked away but he couldn’t bring himself to. So he walked home, tears brimming his eyes.
He greeted his Mom as he walked in but she sensed that he didn’t want to be around anyone so she let him go to his room with no attempt at conversation.
Yuzu hadn’t even realised he’d left his phone at home until it rang out with a text notification. He looked at it to see a text from Jack saying that he couldn’t see him anymore and that he was sorry. This was enough to tip Yuzu over the edge. He started to sob and couldn’t think of anything that would make the pain stop.
*- * - * - * - *
Javi channelled all his Yuzu related frustration towards his training.
They make any effort to converse at training anymore and didn’t say a word to each other anymore. Everyone had noticed the change in friendship but nobody dared to mention it.
So at Europeans, Javi won. He won with scores he’d never got near before and a ridiculous lead. Brian was happy that Javi was skating better than he’d ever skated but he wasn’t happy and everyone knew that.
When he returned to Toronto and a small party was held in celebration of his win, there was one figure noticeably absent. Yuzu had been avoiding all mention of Javi due to his guilt.
He felt so bad for throwing his friendship away with Javi for some guy that didn’t even care about him. All he wanted to do was throw himself into Javi’s arms and admit that he missed him. Of course he missed Jack and wanted to really understand why he had suddenly left him out of the blue but Javi was more important.
He had dropped out of Four Continents under the guise that he wanted to focus on the World Championships but really he just needed some more time to get his head back together. He was spending too long sitting and thinking about things he didn’t want to cross his mind to a point where it was getting unhealthy.
So instead of him sitting and moping and making everyone around him as miserable as he was, he needed to do something about this. Yuzu wasn’t the type of person to stay miserable if he knew he could sort it out.
He was aware that if he sorted out things with Javi then everything else would eventually find its place. Javi was so important to him that he knew that if he had him back by his side, everything else would be alright, it always was.
So after practice, Yuzu took himself on the walk to Javi’s flat. He practiced what he knew he needed to say on the way, as he had nothing to do but think about how he was going to fix the mess he had caused.
The closer he got to the apartment block, the more nervous he was. All the paranoid thoughts running through his head about whether Javi would even want to see him or if he had someone back with him or just hated Yuzu were causing him to want to turn back and forget the whole thing.
He tentatively rang the doorbell to Javi’s flat, anxious for him to pick up.
“Hi, who is this?” The familiar voice rang out through the grainy intercom. Yuzu immediately softened at hearing the Spanish accent.
“It’s Yuzu, I know you might not want to see me but I need to see you. Please,” He knew that he was nearing begging already and he hadn’t even seen Javi’s face yet.
Somehow his pleading worked and he was buzzed into the block. He claimed the familiar stairs and ended up knocking on the door of the man he needed to see.
Upon seeing the tired face that usually caused so much joy, Yuzu invited himself in and immediately began to talk.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I shouldn’t have kissed you, then got mad at you and the said that we weren’t friends and then everything. You’re so important to me, Javi, the most important person. Everything is wrong because we aren’t talking. I feel like I can’t skate my best when we are in a fight. Please forgive me?”
Immediately, Javi’s features softened and he gave Yuzu the most adorable little smile. For what felt like an eternity they just looked at each other, but before Yuzu could even think of what to say next. He felt lips on his.
The same soft lips that he didn’t realise he needed to feel again.He immediately relaxed and moulded his body to Javi’s. This felt right, this felt like what was supposed to happen.
Except for this time, it didn’t stop at just kissing.
i do apologise for the long wait that this took to be written. i basically only wrote it today because i was frustrated at my lack of time and i used every spare moment i had today to work on it. it’s basically only been written because my flatmates are being super loud so i can’t sleep so i decided to write instead (we love adulting). thank you for reading and please leave your thoughts in the comments i LOVE reading them x
Chapter 7: February 2016 - Chapter 6
the song for this chapter is 'heartbreak hotel' by the wandering hearts, the reason why will become very clear nearer the end of the chapter.
tw: domestic abuse
there is a very small mention of domestic abuse, it isn't a big part of the story and won't be mentioned again but if you don't want tor read the small part skip from 'His sheepish look instantly made Yuzu feel a little guilty so he unfolded his arms.' to 'His heart immediately softened when Jack took one of his hands and stroked it with his thumb.'
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Things had definitely changed for Yuzu and Javi. Not only were their coffee trips and meals out back in full force, but there was sex added to the mix too.
After the first night they slept together, neither of them could stop thinking about it so it wasn’t long before Yuzu ended up under Javi in the back of the elder’s car, trying not to moan too loud.
Yuzu knew that this was the best sex he’d ever had because everything just felt right with Javi. He didn’t know what they were or what they were going to be but he knew that this was what he wanted at that moment. He didn’t want to think about whether they were going to be more than just good friends who may or may not be sleeping with each other.
However, for Javi, he thought he’d finally got Yuzu to be his. They hadn’t really had a conversation about it but he had figured that it was this thing that they weren’t openly discussing but both of them knew it was going to happen. This morning he had made Yuzu breakfast in bed before they both had to leave for training and the smile he had gotten in return was ingrained in his mind and kept him positive all day.
Everyone had noticed this new positivity around Javi and even Yuzu. They were both brighter than usual, with more smiles and were sharing more secretive glances and hidden smiles. Every so often, they’d whisper to each other and part with red adorning their cheeks. Nobody had to know that Javi had whispered he’d wanted to try eating Yuzu out that evening and it left both of them a little hot and bothered.
Brian knew that something had shifted, the tension that was there previously had completely disappeared. He wasn’t complaining but he thought he should figure out the reason why so there could be damage control measures in place if it all went wrong. He walked up to Javi whilst he was on the bench catching his breath after a rigorous training session.
“So you’re quite a lot happier than you usually are?” Brian asked, trying not to quiz outright but subtly attempting to find out more information.
Javi immediately figured what Brian was trying to figure out. “Yeah, I am. Everything is sort of working out with the guy I told you about.”
This shocked Brian a little as he guessed that the mystery love was Yuzu. He didn’t know if this was actually a good concept that the two were involved in some way but they were happier than they had been over the past month and as a result of that, they were training better than ever. Brian knew that both of them wanted the world title again and he wanted both of them to be on their top form in order to win it.
“I mean you’re training better than ever so I can’t complain. Just be careful though, don’t let it become everything,” Brian had given his word of warning now. He wanted to let them be adults and if it was a mistake they’d both learn from it.
“Thanks, for the first time this season I actually feel really confident, especially about Worlds,” Javi mused.
“That’s good! I know you can get a second title, really it’s only Yuzuru in your way.”
“Yeah, we’ll just see how it ends up.”
And with that final statement, Javi left with a smile to go start his off-ice training.
At the same time, Yuzu was stroking around the rink with Tracy having a conversation about the same topic but with a completely different thought process.
“So I’ve noticed things with you and Javi are better than they were before?” She asks, and when Yuzu sees her mother-like smile, he can’t help but tell her nearly everything.
“Yes, we’re friends again. We go out for coffee again but spend more time together. But I am having an issue with my sexuality. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore?” With one question, Yuzu exploded. He knew he needed to talk to someone about all these issues so they didn’t start to affect his skating more than it already had.
“Honey, why are you having sexuality issues?”
“I can’t work out if I am attracted to men or women?”
“You do know you can be attracted to both? I know the different culture and views to sexuality in Japan are different and you might not know of the concept of being bisexual? It’s when you’re attracted to two genders, you don’t have to pick,”
Immediately, this made sense to Yuzu. He knew he didn’t have to choose and he could just be attracted to someone whether they were a man or a woman. He knew that this couldn’t be public information for some time because Japan wasn’t as accepting as Canada but at least he knew he was safe in his skating environment to be whoever he wanted to be.
“Thank you, Tracy,” He gave her a genuine smile.
“But do you have anything else to tell me in regards to Javi? I won’t tell anyone but I think someone here should know in case everything goes wrong again.”
Yuzu took a deep sigh. He wasn’t sure if he wanted someone he sees near to family knowing that he is sleeping with someone he knew he shouldn’t be but he also understood her point that someone needs to be able to do damage control.
“OK, don’t show a reaction or tell Brian please?”
She gave him a small nod and mimed zipping her lips shut. He looked over at the two men mentioned before telling all.
“Me and Javi are sleeping together. He takes me out for dinner and makes me breakfast in the morning. We aren’t in a relationship, I think we’re just best friends who like to have sex.”
His last sentence caused Tracy to grimace and Yuzu sheepishly smiled at the overshare of information.
“Does Javi also think that you’re friends with benefits?”
Yuzu had to stop and think about this. Because they had never had the conversation as to what they actually were and were more just acting on what they felt was right at the moment, he didn’t know what Javi perceived their relationship to be.
“I don’t know actually. Should I talk to him about it?”
“Absolutely. Communication is key when you’re sleeping with someone, you might end up hurting them without even knowing it,” Tracy told him, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“Yes, I will talk to him whilst we are having coffee tonight. Thank you,” The two shared a sweet smile before resuming their stroking practice.
Later on, when Yuzu and Javi had both finished their training for the day and were going to go for coffee, a familiar face waiting at the entrance of the club shocked Yuzu.
“Javi, that’s Jack!” He exclaimed whilst repeatedly hitting the arm of the other.
“The Jack that you were seeing but then broke up with you for no reason?” Javi whispered. This elicited a nod from Yuzu who had slowed down to a standstill with his mouth open in shock.
At this moment, Jack had realised that Yuzu had left the building and started to walk over to them. Yuzu’s facial expression had changed from shocked to stoic.
“Hey, I’m sorry for turning up out of the blue. Actually, I’m sorry for everything. Please, can I talk to you Yuzu, in private,” Whilst saying that last part he looked at Javi with no expression and received a similar expression in return from the Spaniard.
“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say,” This was a lie though. Yuzu definitely did want to know why Jack suddenly left him. He always felt like people should be given a second chance if they deserve it.
“C’mon Yuzu, please hear me out.”
Javi could tell that Jack was desperate, and he too believed that everyone should get a chance to explain themselves because their reason may be really significant. He didn’t think that this would change anything between him and Yuzu, they’d gone through too much to let that happen.
“Yuzu, we can go for coffee tomorrow. Hear him out,” He said before giving the other a reassuring smile and then leaving for the bus stop.
Once Yuzu knew that Javi wasn’t going to be mad at him talking to his ex - if Jack could even be considered his ex - he was a lot more open to hearing what he had to say.
He gave Jack a shoulder shrug and then followed him when he started to walk away. They ended up in the corner of the coffee shop where they had first met and where Jack worked.
“OK, I’m not here to make small talk. Why did you suddenly leave me?” Yuzu asked, his arms folded to give the impression that he didn’t care, but he really did.
“Firstly, I’m so sorry that I just ended things out of the blue. I know that was a shitty thing to do but my family and I have been going through a lot recently,” His sheepish look instantly made Yuzu feel a little guilty so he unfolded his arms.
“It’s really long and complicated but my Dad has been treating my Mom really badly for a long time and he hits her quite a lot. One night he started to hit me as well and although he didn’t really mean to do it, it really scared me and was so overwhelming. I knew I had to stop doing everything for a while to collect my thoughts together and work out how to sort my family out. So I haven’t really seen anyone for ages, I needed to sort myself out before I could be there for anyone else.”
This explanation made a lot of sense to Yuzu and he immediately felt guilty about his negative attitude towards Jack. He just had his best interests at heart and he could never make someone feel bad for putting their own interests first when necessary. His heart immediately softened when Jack took one of his hands and stroked it with his thumb.
“Please give me another chance Yuzu, I really like you. I’ve missed you so much and you make me so happy. You made me forget about everything. Please, can we restart what we had? Officially this time,” Jack’s smile was blinding as he didn’t see any reluctance on Yuzu’s face.
On one hand, Yuzu had Javi. Someone he could always rely on and had always admired and since they started to sleep together he had felt so blissful and like there was nothing that could go wrong. However, he didn’t know how Javi really felt for him, he was terrible at saying what he wanted. Also, if things went wrong with Javi and one of them ended up really hurting the other, it would go back to being awkward and neither of them could go through that again.
On the other, he had Jack. Sweet, handsome and kind Jack. The one that would always communicate his feelings and make him feel special. He knew that if things didn’t work with Jack, it wouldn’t feed into his skating or his life in general. It was a lot more uncomplicated and regardless of feelings, Yuzu was never into complications.
“Of course, I want to be with you. Officially.”
If anybody was watching them in the cafe, all they would see is two smitten boys sharing anecdotes and laughing to their heart's content.
*- * - * - * - *
After Yuzu had kissed Jack goodbye, he knew what he had to do.
The conversation he had with Tracy was at the forefront of his mind and he knew the right thing to do was to talk to Javi and tell him that they couldn’t be sleeping together because he had a boyfriend.
He didn’t want to turn up to Javi’s apartment unannounced so he sent a quick text to let him know he’d be arriving. He could have taken a cab but he chose to walk so that he could work out what he’d wanted to say.
After the relatively long walk through Toronto, Yuzu was ringing Javi to let him in. Once he was let into the apartment, he saw that Javi had tried to make him a traditional Japanese dinner. His heart ached because he didn’t want their friendship ruined, again.
“Hey, you’re earlier than I thought you’d be so it’s not actually ready yet,” Javi bustled around him but he couldn’t sit down and let Javi feed him and then tell him what he had to.
“Why did you make dinner?” Was the only question that he could think to ask at that moment.
“I thought it’d be a nice thing to do. Seeing your ex must’ve really stressed you out so some food would cheer you up!” Javi had half stopped moving around when he realised that Yuzu looked slightly uncomfortable and wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Javi, we need to stop sleeping together. Me and Jack made up, we’re together now.”
This made Javi completely stop in his tracks. He put the pan full of food he was carrying on the countertop and came to face Yuzu dead on.
“Sorry what?” He seemed speechless and hurt but Yuzu couldn’t figure out why.
“What did you think this was? We’re just friends who like to sleep together?”
This hit Javi like a kick to his heart. Everything had been a lie, they weren’t going to be together. Yuzu had just been using him for the sex and the companionship when his boyfriend had left him. He was a rebound, just a rebound that wasn’t important in the end.
He was too embarrassed to tell the other this though. He was too exhausted to fight for something that clearly was never going to happen. It was best for both of them that they had space.
“Oh, that’s OK. But I don’t think that we should see each other. I don’t think your boyfriend would be too happy to see you hanging out with me all the time. Also, to focus on Worlds we should probably train apart. Isn’t really a good idea to train with your biggest rival,” Javi said, he was really trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall.
This stunned Yuzu. The last thing he ever wanted was to lose Javi as a friend again but he didn’t realise that this would hurt him as much as it did. He wanted to fight, argue, beg but he couldn’t bring himself to because he knew that this was probably best for everyone. Everyone but him.
“Alright. I’ll tell Brian, he’ll expect it more from me. I hope your training goes well.”
Yuzu left the apartment. Desperately wanting Javi to run after him and tell him that they could be friends and that this wasn’t going to be the end, but this never happened.
All Javi was left with was the food he had made and the memory of something that he thought would make him so happy, but just left him. As soon as the door was shut behind him, he fell to the floor and sobbed until he didn’t feel anything but hurt.
ahhh im sorry! im also sorry that it took so long for this monster of a chapter to get written. the only reason it has been written really is because my uni learning platform was down so i had nothing to do but finish this because i couldn't get any of my academic work done! i can't promise the next chapter will be up quicker but i'll try my very hardest. this is chapter which really starts to begin the end of the work. next chapter will be worlds and remembering 2016 worlds, there will be drama.
thank youuu for reading x
Chapter 8: March 2016, part 1 - Chapter 7
the song for this chapter is 'biting through the wires', sums up a relationship between javi and yuzu that has changed permanently, and potentially not in the best way, enjoy the chapter! x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Awkward. That was the only way to describe the senior men’s training environment at the Cricket Club. But, this time it was worse than it had ever been.
Yuzu was training harder than he’d ever trained before. Everyone could see that all he wanted to do was win the world title, the one he lost last year. All his elements were getting practised over and over again with an alarming amount of accuracy.
However, the usual child-like happiness was gone. He’d spend his training time with a murderous look on his face and leave it with the same look. Everyone knew that he was spending every moment he had spare with his boyfriend. Nobody could stop him having a life but there was a collective worry for why he didn’t seem as happy as he should be.
Somewhat similarly, Javi was also showing a determined side at training. This had been the most serious he’d taken training since he started skating. This is how everyone around him knew that there was an issue. The normal, happy Javi would be taking skating seriously but always being jokey and friendly, but this Javi wasn’t talking more than he needed to and only smiled after the fourth perfect run through.
Nobody knew that the reason he was like this was because of Yuzu. Javi wasn’t doing anything besides training. He would go home and sit and think about everything and nothing. This was the most miserable anyone had ever known the Spaniard.
The coaching team were happy that both boys were taking training for competition with everything they had but having a tense environment rather than the happy one they were used to took its toll. They may be there to improve their skating but they hated seeing two people who were usually so bright, as dull as they were.
The only person who seemed at bliss was Jack. He was so grateful that someone he really liked had given him another chance. However, he couldn’t ignore that something was affecting Yuzu and he could take a guess at who was the reason behind it.
Yuzu had been completely honest with Jack about him and Javi. He had admitted that it had got complicated because they were really good friends but there was nothing between them. Yuzu was telling the truth, at the time he didn’t realise what had really happened.
Of course, Jack was jealous. He didn’t really try to think about it but anyone could see that there was something there. All the videos on the internet of how the two spoke about each other showed that there was a real connection there. Javi affected Yuzu not only with his skating but with his personality too. Also, Jack had eyes and he could see that Javi was someone that was undeniably attractive.
One night, after Yuzu had had a particularly bad training session, the two were cuddling on Jack’s sofa, a Netflix show playing as background noise.
“It was really hard to ignore how good Javi’s skating was looking today. I know we aren’t really talking but I’m scared he’s going to beat me at Worlds again,” Yuzu mumbled. “I really wish we were friends again, I want to be able to skate my best and have Javi be proud of me.”
Though this seemed like a comment that was formed out of admiration for a fellow athlete, Jack knew that there was something deeper. Over the past few weeks, it was growing harder and harder to be oblivious to the feelings that Yuzu had for Javi.
Though he wasn’t sure that it was romantic, he knew that admiration could only go so deep. He knew that subconsciously Yuzu wished that Jack was Javi. He loved Javi, but he didn’t know that it was love because he had never experienced the feelings of loving another person.
Jack was too jealous of this and made the slightly selfish decision to make sure that Yuzu and Javi couldn’t love each other. He knew that he was playing the movie villain but he had let Yuzu go once before and didn’t want to lose him again.
So, one day after he went to watch Yuzu’s training session, he and his boyfriend were talking in the locker room.
“That looked like such a good session, babe!” Jack exclaimed, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.
“Ew I’m sweaty, don’t kiss me. But did you think so? I think I looked too tense,” Yuzu mused as he started to put his things away.
“Nope, I don’t really know much about skating but you looked so good out there. Plus when you skate you look really hot as well so…”
This flirtatious statement brought out a giggle in Yuzu which immediately made Jack’s heart skip a beat.
“I think you are pretty much set to be World Champion again?” Jack question with an eyebrow arched. This statement got a slightly
“Yes, I have been skating so well that yes, nobody, even Javi, the reigning world champion can beat me,” Yuzu was terrible at being sarcastic in English so his tone sounded completely serious but the playful look in his eyes showed he was joking.
At this moment both of the people present in the locker room heard a bag and some loud steps from the corridor outside but they thought nothing of it.
“Seriously though, Javi’s practices don’t look as good as yours,” Jack tried to apply his lacking knowledge of the sport to make Yuzu feel better, but all he got in return was a stern look.
“No, I think it is getting to the point now that even if I skate clean, Javi could beat me. His quads are looking so good and his performance has got so much better. I think Javi could beat me again, I have to skate perfectly,”
Jack knew that all Yuzu was doing was being objective about the sport, and he didn’t have another way to make his boyfriend feel more confident.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll skate perfectly.”
This was Jack’s closing statement before Yuzu moved the conversation onto what his Mom was cooking for their dinner.
Unknown to the two in the locker room, the bang they had thought wad nothing would come back to haunt them.
*- * - * - * - *
Javi had been going to put his training things away when he heard Yuzu and Jack talking. He immediately recognised that the conversation was based around skating and the upcoming competition, so he stuck around.
However as soon as he heard a remark from Yuzu about how he sees himself as unbeatable, unavoidable anger crept up on him. He wasn’t aware that he and Yuzu not being friends would make him believe that he was untouchable.
He couldn’t hear anymore so he stormed down the corridor and slammed the door on the way out. He spent the rest of his day with a grey cloud over his head. Good sportsmanship was always so important to him because it’s a waste of time thinking about everyone else in a sport that’s so individual.
He gave off an untouchable vibe for the rest of the day and nobody around him understood why. This mood only worsened when he returned back to his flat and scrolled through his Twitter to notice an account that should not exist.
‘WE HATE JAVIER FERNANDEZ’ was the display name and the bio seemed to detail that he didn’t deserve anything he had won and shouldn’t be a top skater. He scrolled further down the profile and noticed a recurrent detail that shocked him to his core.
A lot of the tweets were Japanese so he didn’t understand them fully, but through using the slightly incorrect translation service he saw that a lot of tweets were surrounding him not being great at practice. It wasn’t necessarily true because his practices were generally decent but of course, there had been bad days.
Then he noticed that if a tweet was in English, it used the same little mistakes that he recognised Yuzu made all of the time. Some of the tenses were wrong and grammar errors were made consistently across what he knew Yuzu struggled with.
This combined with the tweets about his practices not being great left a really unsettling suspicion that Yuzu was becoming a terrible sport. Obviously, he doubted these beliefs because he knew Yuzu, he knew he was kind and forgiving and supportive of everything that he did.
However, he couldn’t get rid of the suspicion and he treated Yuzu even colder than he had ever before in the week before the World Championships. This created an even further gap for them but Javi couldn’t face it.
As soon as they got to Boston, he was fully focused on the competition and getting the best results he could. He was frustrated after the short program after not getting the skate he wanted. He had seen Yuzu’s score and nearly resigned himself to silver because there was no way that Yuzu was letting that title go now. He thought that maybe the Twitter account was right about him.
But, things didn’t go that way. Javi had the skate of his life in the free program and got a score so high it was scary. He didn’t know what Yuzu had scored or what he had to score to win but he went out there and threw everything he had out onto the ice.
So when he saw his score he was stunned. When he saw the 1 next to his total score he was even more stunned. He had done it. He had won a second world title, he didn’t know how Yuzu had skated or how anyone else had skated but all that mattered was he had done it.
He went through the rest of his day with a shocked impression on his face. This impression furthered once he watched Yuzu’s skate when he was alone in his hotel room. This wasn’t the Yuzu he knew, he was distracted and it showed.
He couldn’t help but worry about his fellow athlete. Even if they weren’t on the best terms, he never wished a bad skate on anybody. Part of him wanted to pick up the phone and ask the other if there was anything that he could do.
However, before he could even dwell about that action further there was a knock on his hotel room door. He assumed it was Brian or a Spanish representative but the day got even more shocking when he saw who was actually behind the door.
Yuzu, with tears running down his face.
ahhh i'm sorry that this took so long! between uni work and trying to have a social life, i've not had much time to sit and relax to write. i hope that the next chapter (which is the last one before the epilogue) won't take as long but i can't make any promises! thank you so much for reading and i hope everyone is excited for the rollercoaster that will be worlds next week! x
Chapter 9: March 2016, part 2 - Chapter 8
the song for this final chapter is 'fire and water'. a happy song for a happy ending ;) x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Javi was stunned.
He didn’t know how to react to a crying Yuzu at his hotel room door at nearly midnight. He just stood there with his mouth in an ‘O’ shape whilst Yuzu rambled at him.
“I’m so sorry. I dated such a bad person. I know about the Twitter account he created to hate on you, I didn’t know about it before. I also now know that you heard me say that I am unbeatable, I really don’t think I am. I’m so sorry, I’m so bad at sarcasm,” Whilst Yuzu was on this monologue, he was getting more and more out of breath as he went on. Javi was still too in shock to interrupt him though.
“I’ve been a very bad friend and person to you and I will always be sorry for that! You deserved to win the title here again because you skated so well in the long program, I nearly cried when I saw that score because you deserved it so much. I can’t even be angry because I know I wanted to win but you have worked so hard and no one else should have stood on top of the podium.”
Slowly, Javi was starting to process all of this and had at the very least taken a few steps backwards so Yuzu could enter his room and close the door behind him. However, he was still a bit behind in processing all the words that were flowing out of Yuzu’s mouth, until one particular phrase brought him crashing down to reality.
“It’s just I love you so much but I’ve been stupid and ruined everything with you.”
Javi immediately opened his mouth wider and stared right at Yuzu who had also just realised the magnitude of the statement he had just made and had widened his eyes in disbelief. For what felt like years, they just stared at each other.
Finally, those words caught up properly in Javi’s brain and once the dust settled he knew exactly what he needed to do.
He cradled Yuzu’s neck and wiped the remainder of the tears on his face before kissing him.
Yuzu didn’t need any time to start kissing him back. They’d both waited too long for this and had let too many people stand in their way. He finally felt like everything had settled and that this was where he was supposed to be.
Naturally, everything soon started to get more frantic. They were gripping at each other's clothes, hurriedly taking shirts and pants off whilst gasping into each other's skin.
After Javi had taken Yuzu’s shirt off and thrown it in the general direction of a chair, he looked the other in the eyes and replied to his earlier statement, “I love you too, I hope you know that.”
Yuzu visibly melted and immediately crashed his lips back to Javi’s as if he needed them to stay alive. Slowly, they moved themselves to Javi’s bedroom, losing more clothes along the way until they fell onto his bed.
As they were rediscovering each other’s bodies, everything had shifted to feel right. When Javi slowly slid into Yuzu, they shared a look so precious, a look that neither of them would ever forget.
As Yuzu cradled Javi’s cheeks as he slowly started to thrust in and out, he couldn’t stop the tears from brimming his eyes. He was finally here, with the man he loved and had stupidly let go more times than he was proud of. This time he wouldn’t let Javi go, under any circumstances.
As they gradually moved closer and closer to finishing, everything sped up. Javi was sure to remind Yuzu with every thrust that he was loved, appreciated and he would spend the rest of his life convincing him of that.
After, when they both laid down, naked and satiated, Yuzu turned to look at Javi. He took in the sight of his golden skin, glistening with sweat, the bridge of his nose, his lips, his chest. He was suddenly overcome with emotion again because he couldn’t ever imagine not being able to look at him like this again.
Sure, he had looked at him like this when they had been casually sleeping with each other but not with the knowledge that he was his. This was an entirely different feeling that he didn’t know if he could ever give up.
In the middle of his period of admiration, Javi turned on his side to look right back at him. Neither of them knew how long they stared at each other for but eventually, wordlessly, Javi pulled Yuzu into his chest and held him close.
They fell asleep like this, both sleeping peacefully because they knew they’d finally got their dream.
*- * - * - * - *
Javi woke up, slowly coming to terms with the body that was next to his. He looked at Yuzu as he slept, and couldn’t hold in the laughter. He had never realised before how ugly Yuzu was when he slept. His mouth was wide open, his left eye was half open and there was a little bit of drool next to him on the pillow.
His laughter caused Yuzu to wake up, albeit bleary-eyed. Once he came to and realised Javi wasn’t looking at him lovingly but instead trying not to laugh with all of his might, he shot him a disapproving look.
“Sorry, I’m really trying not to laugh but you look so ugly when you sleep!” He said, his morning voice octaves lower than his usual tone, Spanish accent coming in stronger.
Yuzu hadn’t woken up enough to think of a catty response in English so he settled for an annoyed glare. Javi didn’t really stop giggling but he did pull him closer, so the younger could nuzzle his face into his chest.
Yuzu felt his initial annoyance slip away as he wrapped his arms around Javi’s waist and tangled their legs together. He felt a hand slide into his hair and one up his back and he exhaled a long breath and felt calm.
Neither of them knew how long they just lied there, but the shrill sound of a phone alarm ringing out through the otherwise quiet room signalled that their peaceful time was over.
Javi reached out to check his phone and saw that it was the latest they could possibly get up before they would run very late to gala practice. He slowly started to untangle himself from Yuzu but this wasn’t as easy a task as he thought, because the other did not want to get out of bed.
“No, we stay in bed,” Yuzu murmured grumpily, pulling Javi back into their previous position.
“We have to get up though, we have gala practice today. If we are very late no one will be happy,” Javi responded whilst pressing a kiss against Yuzu’s forehead.
Yuzu replied by moving his head up and pressing his lips on Javi’s. They kissed slowly and languidly until Yuzu moved a hand up to Javi’s hair and pulled slightly which caused things to get a lot more passionate. Yuzu knew that this would distract Javi from getting out of bed as he knew those curls were a weak point. He then attempted to slowly straddle his lover.
Unfortunately, Javi realised what Yuzu’s plans were and slowly stopped their kisses to the displeasure of the other. “You know we have to get up, but you also know that if you get me horny enough to fuck you again that we won’t have to get out of bed right now. Sorry baby, but I’m one step ahead.”
Yuzu groaned loudly and rolled himself further into the covers. Javi looked at him with pure adoration in his eyes before kissing him on the cheek.
“I’ll go order us some breakfast and get ready, meet me when you want to get out of bed.”
Yuzu stuck up his thumb as a means of response whilst being lost in the duvet, so all Javi could see of him was that thumb.
He bustled around the room, getting ready for the day and rang reception to order room service for the two of them. He didn’t even consider asking Yuzu what he wanted, because he knew. He could also hear Yuzu padding around the room until he felt arms snaking around his waist and kisses pressed to his neck.
“And that will be all thank you, room 604 yes, thank you,” He finished hurriedly whilst Yuzu was nibbling and sucking at one particular point in his neck. He really didn’t want the poor girl at the other end of the phone call to hear him react to Yuzu’s ministrations.
“So, someone finally got out of bed?” Javi said whilst leaning back into Yuzu’s touch.
“Yes, I realised I have none of my clothes here. I didn’t really need to bring pyjamas did I?” Javi could tell he was smirking. “Anyway, I need to go back to my room to get dressed. Should I knock?”
“I’ll just give you a keycard, don’t leave me too long,” Javi whispered before turning round to face Yuzu. The younger just smiled and pecked Javi on the lips.
“You won’t even notice I’m gone,” He kissed the other one last time, this time with a lot more passion, probably so all Javi thought about for the next few minutes was him.
To give credit to Yuzu, Javi didn’t notice he was gone. He was left stunned for a small length of time, then started to clear things that had fallen on the floor whilst he and Yuzu were making their way to the bedroom the night before. It felt like no time at all before he heard the click of the door opening and feet making their way in.
Yuzu had changed from the shirt and sweatpants he had found on Javi’s floor to his usual black training gear with a jacket over the top. However, Javi noticed he had failed to return the clothes he had borrowed.
“Where are my clothes?” Javi wondered, sitting down to join Yuzu on a sofa whilst they waited for their food.
“I decided to keep them, they smelt like you,” Yuzu said with a shrug, before cheekily looking at Javi who was visibly gulping.
“Fair enough,” He choked out, the thought of Yuzu wearing his clothes turning him on more than he really cared to admit.
“Oh, you like that?” Yuzu said with his left eyebrow quirking up. He shuffled towards Javi, before sitting himself on the others lap, legs either side of the other's thighs.
All Javi could do was put his hands on Yuzu’s thighs whilst the other’s wrapped around his shoulders. Yuzu just smiled before leaning in and kissing him, again. Javi returned the kiss with as much as passion as it was given, hands moving behind Yuzu to grab his ass. This caused a small gasp to come out of Yuzu’s mouth, which allowed his tongue to caress the others. Yuzu’s fingers moved to his hair, and their hips started to move against each other, the volume of their groans increasing.
Before Yuzu could move his hands up Javi’s shirt rather than dragging them over the top of it, they heard a loud knocking on the door. Both of them groaned for a different reason.
Yuzu reluctantly left Javi with a peck on the lips before climbing off of his lap to answer the door. Only just remembering to pull down his jacket to hide his fairly obvious bulge.
After he received their breakfast, he joined Javi who was sat at the small table to lay the food out. His heart visibly melted when he saw that Javi had ordered his usual breakfast from this menu.
“Thank you for this breakfast Javi, I love you.”
At those 3 words, both of them stopped what they were doing. Both immediately realising that they hadn’t really talked about the change in their relationship, just acted upon it.
Javi put down his bread and finished his mouthful before saying, “So we should probably talk about what we are now, right?” Yuzu nodded hurriedly before swallowing his own food.
“I’ll go first,” Javi started, before receiving another nod. “I love you too. I want to be with you, probably permanently. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone as much as I have you and to be honest, I’m too young to be dating someone I don’t think I would be with for the rest of my life. If that’s too much for you, tell me now.”
“I’m in this for the long run too. I barely have time or thinking space for anything that isn’t skating and I wouldn’t date unless I knew this person was serious for me. I don’t want to say anything about forever, but I really want to have this work. I know it will be hard because we aren’t always in the same place at the same time and when we are it’s training. I don’t think it’s going to be easy to date one of your biggest competitors in your sport but I want to try. I promise I’ll try.”
“I promise I’ll try too. We’ll work things out when they come and try and be calm throughout everything. We just have to fight through things because I have a feeling we’re going to have to fight a lot. But you’re worth it Yuzuru Hanyu, I love you and it would take a lot to stop that.”
That heartfelt speech Yuzu received was enough to squash all the doubts in his mind that told him Javi wouldn’t fight when things got tough. He was overcome with emotion suddenly but didn’t want to cry, because he had done enough crying already when it came to this man.
“So I take it that I’m your boyfriend now?” He asked, hope gleaming in his eyes. But he had a sneaky feeling he already knew the answer.
“Of course you are, have you not taken anything from this?” Javi joked. This just caused Yuzu to burst out laughing.
“Shut up, I was just checking so I know what to tell people. I can’t be like ‘yes, me and Javi we are something that we did not discuss’,”
“Who are we going to tell though? Neither of us has ‘come out’ in any sort of way?” Javi asked, needing to know who he could gush to about how happy he was about all of this.
“Well Tracy knows about me, I think Brian has probably caught on and my Mom has seen me crying over boys too much to not know everything. I don’t want everyone and their cat to know but it can be an open secret in the figure skating world? I’m proud that you’re mine and I want people to know that,” Yuzu said with the utmost conviction. Of course, he was scared, that he would face discrimination and judgement from others, but he loved Javi and wanted people to know that.
“As long as our families and friends know it doesn’t matter to me. Plus I think there may be some bets riding on us and half the skating community already thinks we’re married or something so I don’t think it’ll be a huge surprise,” Javi laughed, recalling a conversation he had had with Alex a couple of years ago about a bet amongst the younger skaters regarding the topic of what relationship status he and Yuzu had.
From then, the conversation drifted off to meaningless topics shared over breakfast. They stayed together before Yuzu had to leave to his room to actually start getting ready for the gala practice.
At the gala practice, it was obvious something had shifted between them.
Yuzu had spent the entire practice clinging off Javi’s shoulders (more than he usually did) and laughing abnormally loud at some joke he had made. Whilst Javi left his hand lingering on the other's waist and started making more jokes in a clear effort to impress the other.
Everybody knew something had changed so Alex begrudgingly gave into all the younger ones asking him to clarify what had happened so they could finally solve this bet.
“So… is there something you two would want to tell us?” He sidled up to the couple whilst they were stood at the boards laughing about something stupid.
Instead of the shocked looks and excuses, he was expecting, instead, he received a confirmation.
“I mean I think everyone already knows. Plus, I’m fairly sure Evgenia is owed a lot of money right now,” Javi trailed off, his hand slipping over Yuzu’s shoulders.
“Damnit Javi, I was sure the two of you were just friends with benefits. Now Evgenia and her rose-tinted glasses, thinking it was just true love wins an embarrassingly large amount of money and a massage courtesy of Shoma being too broke to pay.”
That was where the conversation with Alex was left before he broke the news to everyone else. The couple couldn’t help but notice Evgenia’s cheers, which were suspiciously louder than the cheers she showed when she won her first world title.
“So, you two are finally together then?”
They couldn’t mistake the Canadian accent of their coach behind them. They turned to face Brian and Tracy, here to oversee their practice. Javi didn’t know whether to leave his arms around Yuzu or not but he left them there, they already knew what was happening, plus it was comfortable.
“Yes, sorry not to tell you first but we’ve been busy,” Yuzu said, before realising the connotations of his phrasing when Brian closed his eyes and shook his head.
“I really don’t know what you two do in your spare time. As long as it doesn’t affect your training like it has been doing over the past few months, I don’t care,” Brian said before walking off. He never really wanted to know much about their personal lives.
Tracy on the other hand, as a mother figure, was a lot more nosy. However, that curiosity was also with worry as she understood it was a risk.
“I know how you two feel for each other and I know you wouldn’t be in this if you didn’t think you could manage it. But it is a risk for you two to date, please tell me you’ve got a plan,” She pleaded.
Yuzu turned to look at Javi and found his boyfriend smiling right back at him. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy to follow, but the plan was to keep loving this man with all of his heart for the rest of his life. Whatever it takes.
ahhh this is it! i'm sorry i disappeared for so long, uni has been kicking my butt recently and i've sat down and wrote this before i have to crack down and write another essay! this is the last chapter of this, an epilogue will be coming in the next couple of days because it'll only be short so won't take me too long to do. i hope you enjoyed this story! it's taken me a long time to write, and will probably be the last thing i write until my first year ends but i'll have all summer to brainstorm more things! leave kudos if you enjoyed and leave a comment with your thoughts! thank you for reading x
Chapter 10: June 2022 - Epilogue
the song for this final part of the story is 'Til The Day I Die', once again by the Wandering Hearts. a happy song for a happy epilogue x
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Finally, they’d reached the day they had dreamt of, their wedding day.
Just like they knew when they had started their relationship, it had not been easy at all. When Javi retired, Yuzu struggled with the distance and learning that it wasn’t necessary for Javi to text him about every detail of his day. Javi struggled with Yuzu’s injuries and the effect that it had on his mental health.
Pyeongchang had been a milestone for both of them. Yuzu had been dealing with his ankle injury and had found it difficult to maintain his relationship and want to keep his injury details secret from a competitor for the gold. They’d had a few very nasty fights about it and found it difficult to be training mates and a couple at the same time.
Luckily, Brian came up with the solution of keeping their training completely separate and imposed a skating ban when they went home. This wasn't easy because they were used to offloading all their training problems onto each other so for the few months without talking about it, they didn’t quite know what to discuss.
Eventually, Pyeongchang was over. Yuzu had won gold and Javi had won bronze. It was the best two weeks of their entire lives.
Having that success and that knowledge that they had been on an Olympic podium together, carried them through the rest of their careers.
Javi retired in 2019 and did his part for the skating community in Spain and Yuzu retired after the 2022 Olympics, achieving the goal he had never really spoken of - winning 3 Olympic golds.
Javi proposed the night after Yuzu had won his third gold. They had sat and cried in the hotel room about their relationship and their careers and Javi had just proposed. This prompted more tears from Yuzu before he agreed with all of his heart.
In June of that year, they got together all of their friends and family in Madrid and got married in a small ceremony. It was in a park, surrounded by flowers with translators and cultural traditions of both Yuzu and Javi.
They held their reception in a marquee in a field near their apartment. It was the happiest night of both their lives because they had everyone that they loved, singing and dancing happily.
Their sisters and Brian had all given speeches. These ranged from emotional childhood stories to times that they’d made everyone want to rip their hair out.
Nearing the end of the night, the newly-weds were cuddling at their table swiping through photo’s that Yuzu’s Mom had taken during the ceremony.
“I really want to post this one on Instagram,” Javi mused whilst zooming in on a specific photo.
Yuzu took the phone out of his husband's hands and looked at it. It was the best photo anyone had ever taken of them. They were stood at the aisle, just pronounced husband and husband and they were kissing with smiles on their faces.
“You should post it,” Yuzu replied, shocking his husband to the core.
“What? You don’t want things to be public?” Javi said, worried that someone had slipped Yuzu something to drink.
“I don’t care. I’m not competing anymore, we’re married, it’s not anybody else’s business what I do. I want to show off that I am married to the best person in the world,” Yuzu looked at Javi in the eyes, showing that he was sincere.
“OK, should I post it now?” Javi said before he opened the Instagram app.
They sat in silence whilst Javi edited and wrote a caption for the photo. He pressed share and immediately closed the application, a part of him was very scared to read the public response.
Yuzu made an indignant noise because he hadn’t had time to fully process the caption as his English was basically fluent but he still got confused when he had spoken a large quantity of Japanese throughout the day. He was also picking up Spanish, but this was proving to be a very slow process.
In revenge, Yuzu took out his own phone from his suit jacket pocket. He felt himself being moved from his own chair into Javi’s lap whilst he downloaded the Instagram app and went through the motions of creating an account.
“Why is the username ‘YuzuruHanyu’ taken?” He muttered, before settling on his name with some underscores and dots.
Whilst Javi was nuzzling into his neck, he searched up Javi’s username and looked at his most recent post. He was immediately marvelled by the number of likes and comments it had already received. His heart melted when he read the caption.
‘Today I got married to the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I would do anything to make you feel safe and happy and you would do too. It’s been a wild ride with you Yuzu, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Today was my promise that I will love you forever.’
He turned to look at his husband in the eyes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. He then turned back to his phone to type a comment in reply to the post.
‘I promise to love you forever too’.
AAAND it's done! i hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as i've enjoyed writing it and using it as a distraction from all the academic work i have to write! i've got a couple of one shot idea's floating around my head that i'm going to write and a chaptered yuzusho au which i'm going to think more about when i finish my first year of uni! i hope you enjoy this happy lil ending. i did take some creative liberty and expressed my hope that yuzu will continue skating until 2022, but only because i want to try go see figure skating in beijing. but with the mess that is figure skating judging at the moment, i wouldn't blame him if he stepped back before then lol x
p.s. if you want to read something that could be linked to this, 'Manner Hands' on my profile could be linked if you squint hard enough.