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The engagement

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I must admit that I was slightly surprised, when Toshiya said yes to Mari’s dinner invitation just like that, without any hesitation. He did ask if Eva was coming but I had to tell him that I had no idea. I of course warned Toshiya about Mari’s mom being present at the party but that didn’t seem to bother him at all. So, all of a sudden I had a date with Toshiya at his place before the dinner party.

      I wrecked my brain to figure out what to bring to the party but finally I decided to keep it simple. I bought a nice bouquet of flowers to Mari and signed one of our Unraveling albums for Mari’s mom. If and when she was the ardent Dir en grey fan that Mari claimed her to be, she would surely be delighted about my present. 

      I arrived at Toshiya’s doorstep about one hour before the dinner would start in the house next door. I wanted to make sure that Toshiya was ready in time because he had this tendency to be late from all kinds of occasions. I felt nervous, not about the party but about meeting Toshiya again after my unforgettable daydream. I was worried about how it would feel to talk to him and be close to him remembering how his lips caressed my dick and drove me to the brink of madness.

      The start of our date wasn’t very promising. When Toshiya opened the door, he was already dressed up and looked absolutely gorgeous in his blue tight fitting suit and white shirt.

“Err…Hi, you’re ready early this time…” I stammered losing the train of my thoughts. “And you have bought a new suit”, I stated the obvious feeling the blush spread on my cheeks. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Hi there. You look very handsome tonight” Toshiya grinned and scanned my habitus from head to toe with his dark eyes. I couldn’t figure out what he saw in me because there was nothing even remotely flashy in my dark grey suit and red shirt. When I didn’t say anything (my brain had just stopped working all together), Toshiya ushered me in and made me sit on his sofa.

“Would you like to have a beer or something?” he asked looking a bit worried.

“Yeah, sure, preferably non-alcoholic, if you have any…”

“That hangover of yours must have been a horrible experience if you still can’t drink anything containing alcohol”, Toshiya commented when he brought me a can of Heineken 0%. He brought one for himself too so he obviously wanted to stay sober as well.

“You don’t want to know all the gory details”, I sighed dying to tell Toshiya about my dream. Somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut and we enjoyed our beers in silence.

“Are you still planning to do modelling for Eva?” I asked just to break the awkward silence.

“Yes, I am. I bumped into her last Sunday, when I was returning home from a jog and we talked about it. I promised to help her with a fashion show just before Christmas.”

“Be careful with her… although you’re not into women…  ”, I warned Toshiya but got even more confused after that. Why did I have to take up his sexual orientation right know?

“Is something bothering you? You sound very distracted”, Toshiya finally asked and laid his large hand on my arm.

“Err… There’s something I should tell you but this is not the right time to do it”, I mumbled staring at Toshiya’s long fingers on my sleeve. His touch burned me even through the layers of clothing.

“Okay… Will you tell me about it after the dinner? I hope it’s nothing bad…”

“No, no, it’s nothing bad… at least for me… I don’t know about you.”

“You’re making me really curious. I will squeeze this secret out of you after the dinner for sure. But now I think we should go and meet our girlfriends”, Toshiya snickered and stood up to collect away our glasses and beer cans.

      The party we were invited to turned out to be an unofficial engagement celebration. At the end of the main course before the dessert Mari and Eva excused themselves for a while, leaving Carita, Mari’s mom to keep us company. When the women returned they were sporting new engagement rings in their fingers and announced that they would get married in June next year. If this had taken place a week ago, I would have felt offended and probably left the party but not anymore. I was genuinely happy for the dazzling couple and rushed up to give them both a warm hug.

     After the engagement announcement we of course toasted with champagne. I didn’t want to make a number of my drinking issues so I just gulped the contents of my glass down. The drink sizzled in my mouth and diffused straight into my brain making me feel light-headed. I didn’t like the feeling so after the dessert I decided to go and wash my face in order to sober up. The bathroom was unfortunately reserved and I had to stay and wait in the corridor.

      While I was standing there Toshiya and Eva came to the neighboring kitchen carrying dessert plates with them. I wasn’t planning to eavesdrop but I heard a word here and there. They were mostly talking about the fashion show but slowly the tone changed and long pauses started. During a particularly long silence I just had to peek into the kitchen to see what was going on. Eva had folded her arms around Toshiya and they were kissing…   

      I would never have thought that seeing Toshiya kiss a woman would hurt me so much. It was like someone had pushed a dagger into my gut and turned it in the wound. I leaned against the corridor wall and tried to breath deep to ease the pain. At that moment the bathroom door opened and Mari stepped out. Without thinking any further I grabbed her into my arms and kissed her.

“What did I do to earn that?” she asked slightly out of breath and caressed my cheek.

“I’m just happy that you are happy. I think a congratulation kiss was in order”, I replied already regretting my thoughtless act. I didn’t want to make the end of our short but intense relationship more difficult than it already was.

      Toshiya and Eva were already back in the living room when I returned with Mari. Toshiya gave me a wary look but didn’t say anything. I didn’t say anything either. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, something nasty would come out of it. Instead I started a discussion with Carita, Mari’s mother.

      She talked a bit slow but quite comprehensible Japanese and turned out to be a very lively and friendly person. She thanked me once more for the album I gave her and welcomed the band to visit her home close to Helsinki, when we would again be touring in Finland. She also reminded me about the wedding in June. We would probably meet there again. I wasn’t sure if we would get an invitation or that we wanted to travel so far because of a wedding. Of course I kept my reservations to myself as I didn’t want to hurt Carita’s feelings.

       When it was time to leave, I noticed that Eva gave Toshiya a particularly long parting hug. I couldn’t help feeling jealous although I knew that Toshiya couldn’t be serious about her.

“I saw you kissing Eva in the kitchen. What was that about?” I asked bluntly when we were walking back to Toshiya’s house.

“It was nothing. I just wanted to experience how it feels. I have never before wanted to kiss a woman”, Toshiya told me sounding sincere. 

“Well, how was it?” I asked feeling a clump of fear growing somewhere in my chest.

“To be honest, I would have rather kissed…you”, Toshiya grinned while he dug up the house keys from his pocket. “Will you stay the night?”

All my pain and anger vanished immediately, when Toshiya wanted me to spend the night with him.

“Yeah, if you want me to”, I replied and flashed my best smile at him.

“Of course I want to and besides, you have a secret to tell me.”