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If You're From The Future And You Know It Clap Your Hands

Chapter Text

Unknown has created the chat, “Insert Reference Here.”


Unknown has added Shuri to the chat.


Unknown: Hello.


Shuri: who the fuck are you?


Shuri: how do you have my number???


Unknown: well shuri you see….


Unknown: im from the future


Shuri: wait what? u mean that,,,thanos is coming?


Unknown: yep. je be comin


Shuri: ok wait but who are u


Unknown: I am Iron Man


Shuri: no ur not


Unknown: shit ive been found out


Shuri: I change my mind, i don't wanna know who u are...less danger that way


Shuri: but can we change our names?


Unknown: ceartantly


Unknown has changed Unknow's name to istg.


istg has changed Shuri's name to kweenpurri.


istg: it is done


kweenpurri: i approve. do u kno if any1 else us back too?


istg: dont kno, but as soon as i do, ill add them


kweenpurri: cool coool


kweenpurri: god this is gonna be a nightmare


istg: i kno

Chapter Text

Tony has created the group chat, “The Abengers”


Tony has added Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos and Vision to the chat.


Underoos is now offline.


Tony: Welcome, everyone.


Natasha: tony what is this


Steve: I agree with Natasha. What is this?


Clint: ew why do you type like that


Steve: Because it's proper, Clint.


Tony: its a group chat


Tony: i realized that we didn't have one, so i made one


Bruce: Tony, this was a mistake.


Bucky: i personally love this development even though i don't know what it is


Sam: Wow, I'm in a group chat with the avengers. who have nEVER HAD A GROUP CHAT BEFORE FOR SOME REASON


Vision: Steve, Bucky, a group is like texting, but with multiple people. Also, so you are aware, I will not be participating much, if at all, in this endeavor. You can at me if you need me.


Vision is now offline.


Wanda: im gonna have to agree with vis. im just gonna forget about this as i do with most things


Wanda: but i wont leave! ill just go offline. @ me if u need me.


Wanda is now offline.


Tony: id like to say im going to add them back but i cant force them online and honestly they shouldn't be here for this shit show


Clint: steve steve tony said a bad language word


Steve: Clint, that was almost four years ago.


Steve: Still, Tony, watch your language.


Bucky: Stevie, don't be such a debbie downer.


Steve: But Buck, it’s bad language. And it's unprofessional.


Bucky: damn, i thought that would work


Sam: yezh, trust me, nothing works.


Natasha: why would we ever trust you?


Sam: ow, that hurt.


Bruce: Wait, who's Underoos?


Tony: oh yeah! hold on, let me text him.


Tony: now, be on you best behavior


Underoos is now online


Underoos: is this the chat u were talking about mr. stark?


Tony: yep. kid, meet the avengers. avengers, meet spiderman


Underoos: the avengers?




Underoos: ghjhdsdassfghklllljhgfdss hi!!!!! im spider-man! nice to meet u uuw


Natasha: hello fellow arachnid


Underoos: asdfgGhjoOklQgjj hi ms. black widow romanov mamam As dh jKhdd im spider-man!!!


Natasha: nice to meet u spiderman you may call me nat


Underoos: Dff hhkhhk JddGjK i gat to call blank widow bu a mickmame o

g FickIi gOf


Tony: hey, why cant i call u nat?


Natasha: u know why


Tony: fuck


Clint: hey squirt. nice tah meetcha


Underoos: ghjjfffGhjgsdfHfff jok fsd hi mr. hawkeye!!!! G gh jsjqj nice to meet u!!! uwu


Bucky: hello small child


Underoos: gdaaaxchjjgfDfgHhjfg hello mr. white wolf winter soldier bucky sir!!!


Bucky: jesus kid u dont need to be so formal call me bucky


Underoos: asfhGajko Cal l U BucKy dg blklg im not a kid >:{ and i was raised to be polite and respectful so i will be


Steve: Hi, I'm Steve. Nice to meet you, son.


Underoos: sdkllljgfSdFghksa hi mr. captin rogers!!!


Underoos: wow i might pass out aadghkll this is amazing


Bruce: Please don't pass out.


Underoos: MGOD ARE YOU


Bruce: The Hulk?






Underoos: FGKOUG GB KO PIDDGjf fh joF fh jok kD fh ik RD


Bruce: You've read all my papers?


Underoos: yea!!! there super cool uwu


Sam: that is. so pure. oh, im sam btw


Underoos: hi mr. falcon sir!!!


Sam: what, no keyboard smash for me?


Underoos: adhjlhfgj sorry mr. falcon it just ur not as famous as the others!!!


Sam: wow. okay


Underoos: sd gh hHdTjk. hajak.s.q8719 thata not wht i meny ur atill cOL MRN FALXON DONT BE SAD!!!


Sam: thats ...thank you...


Sam: ...uwu


Underoos: ☆ / ÙwÚ / ☆


Bruce: `\ Ù×Ú /`


Natasha. ×u×


Bucky:  ù×ú


Clint: ÚwÚ


Tony: …


Underoos: mr. stark plz


Tony: ...


Underoos: tony blease


Tony: ☆w☆


Tony: @Wanda


Wanda is now online.


Wana:  ︠uw ︠u @Vision


Vision is now online.


Vision: 𝓤𝔀𝓤


Thor: Is this some kind of summoning ritual?


Tony: oH HEY TJOR hOW aRE U???


Thor: I am quite well friend! Thank you for your concern!


Underoos: sdGjK gc f BACK KO Ong god ia th at T H O R DFGJjjakqgF hi akl1728n u...i zu


Thor: It is I! Greetings Underoos!


Underoos: SsHLLW29pm ,Zfi b.c.-_(du o as thi od6ex gaahh AAD GH BL OY RE WR 69J zero cy RV dg F up IRON cn


Tony: Thor, thats Spider-Man


Thor: Ah! Greetings Man of Spiders!


Underoos: ssf HSI OoURF hi!!!!!!


Bucky: stark does your child ever stop


Tony: first of all hes not my child, and second of all no he doesnt


Natasha: why was spidey introducing himself to us so pure


Clint: idk but it really was pure


Natasha: why did we all uwu


Clint: idk ùwú


Tony: yeah, hes adorable.


Underoos: zfhA fh jill ofz im crgi g??? t uhj ank Yoih UWU


Underoos: and mr. stark!!!


Tony: sorry not sorry. anyway, its late, so we should all like. sleep


Steve: I agree, however hypocritical his statement was.


Tony: i take offense to that


Natasha: you really shouldn't


Underoos: goodnight everyone!!!! uuw


Steve: Goodnight.


Natasha: night ×u×


Clint: night yall wuw


Bruce: Goodnight everyone.


Sam: night kid


Bucky: night childs


Tony: night kiddo


Underoos: uwu




[Insert Reference Here: istg, kweenpurri]


istg has added Peter to the chat.


istg: greetings small one


Peter: who the fuck are u and how the fuck do u have my number


kweenpurri: idk who they are, but their from the future too


Peter: wait what? u mean im not going crazy


istg: no, ur not. and shuri, i use he/him pronouns :)


kweenpurri: sweet anyways peter this a chat mystero made so we didn't go insane


Peter: thats really sweet of u whoever u are!!


isgt: ur welcome, and please, call me..Exasperation, or Exa for short :)


kweenpurri: cool


Peter: okay!!!


Peter: can i have a cool name too exa uwu


istg: sure!!


istg: first tho i gotta fix mine


Peter: okay!!!


istg has changed istg's name to Exa.


Exa has changed Peter's name to yeter-ban.


Exa: it is done


yeeter-ban: i love it! but what does it mean???


Exa: well ur peter so yeeter and ur also spiderman AND tony coughcoughurdadcoughcough has to ban u from doing things and yeeter-ban sounds like spider-man


kweenpurri: wai UR SPIDER-MAN


yeeter-ban: uhj yes??


yeeter-ban: who r u?


yeeter-ban: ube heard of me??


kweenpurri: um yeah!!


kweenpurri: wait how did u take down captain america


yeeter-ban: i shot him in ze legs bc hez shield is the size of a dinner plate and hez an idiot


kweenpurri: omg can i adopt u as my new brother


yeeter-ban: sure!!! uwu but im not sure i could do that to my aunt


kweenpurri: god ur so precious


yeeter-ban: hey >:[


yeeter-ban: wait if im spider-man….who r u???


kweenpurri: princess shuri of wakanda duh




yeeter-ban: .C JIJg ik ld fh hhkhhk K ds dG


kweenpurri: jesus calm down




yeeter-ban: FKFGhHjHdJJFwsKKG3TJbacafaj aaaaaaaajGdFIK


Exa: kid calm down


yeeter-ban: I AM CLQM GHIL


Exa: peter istg


yeeter-ban: okay okay im calm now


yeeter-ban: omfg im not CaLm At AlL


kweenpurri: yeeter blease


yeeter-ban: okay okay im good mow it hink


yeeter-ban:  wait hold on exs how did u kno im fro. the future???


Exa: i have my ways


kweenpurri: yea u just...dont question exa. he knows EVERYTHING


yeeter-ban: everything?


Exa: You and your Aunt “Larb” each other.


yeeter-ban: how the fuck do you know that.


kweenpurri: see? i told u. he knows everything. and i meant EVERYTHING


yeeter-ban: r u a psychic???


Exa: no but that would be cool


Exa: i mean i KNOW a psychic


Exa: fuck, im DATING a psychic


Exa: but alsa i am not one


yeeter-ban: wow ur life must be hectic like fuck man ur dating a psychic


Exa: it is, in fact this is probs the best its ever been


Exa: ive lived a long and mostly shitty life


Exa: i have tea on everyone tho so thats nice


kweenpurri: tea IS very nice


yeeter-ban: yea, knowing all the tea is great


yeeter-ban: so wait if u have tea on everyone…


Exa: there somthin u wanna kno bout?


yeeter-ban: yeah actually. why does mr. sark seem to hate mr. rogers?


Exa: oh hes jealous


yeeter-ban: of?


Exa: I can't tell you yet.


kweenpurri: why not???


Exa: well the plan is that u gotta be a level 2 tea AT LEAST to unlock the full story, but as u progress i can give u hints. and like getting up a leval is kinda hrd yknow?


yeeter-ban: okay cool but...what level are we?


Exa: zero


kweenpurri: wow i feel so disgraced.


Exa: anyway, shouldn't u 2 be in bed?


yeeter-ban: should we?


kweenpurri: yea, should we?


Exa: Peter you have a surprise pop quiz in Spanish tomorrow. Shuri, you have an unscheduled meeting you have to attend.


yeeter-ban: oh fuc welp of to zleep i go


kweenpurri: yep nigjt exa


Exa: night lmao




Peter has created the chat, “The Bean Team”


Peter has added Shuri, MJ, Ned, Loki and Exa to the chat.


Peter: whats up bitchs


MJ: peter did u just add me to another group chat


Peter: yea!! i thought id make a chat for all the people who i kno meme uwu


Ned: omg is that loki


Loki: no, im thor


Loki: yes it is me child


Ned: adfhooop omfg gh


Shuri: im pleased to have this chat yeeter


Peter: ty uwu


MJ: are u princess shuri of wakanda


Shuri: yes


Shuri: exa introduced me nd yeet rigjt before my brother and stark did


Loki: who is this exa u speak of


Exa: me


Ned: okay im clam now


Ned: whos exa?


Exa: I am The Tea.


MJ: are u?


Loki: i highly doubt that


Exa: Loki secretly loves Thor's hugs and Michelle has a celebrity crush on Pepper Potts.


Loki: mortal i will smite you


Exa: bold of u to assume im mortal


MJ: how the fuck do you know that


Shuri: he knows….everything


Loki: what


Ned: i will never get on ur bad side mygod


Peter: hey wait should i secretly add him to the avengers gc for tea




MJ: yes


Shuri: omfg yes do that


Loki: ur not mortal??


Exa: no but i mean like im not a GOD if thats what u meam


Ned: o.gdsy is this teally my life


Ned: and peter do thst


Ned: ahhfd wair exa ur not mortal??


Exa: nope


Peter: whaatcokay il question that layer let me add u


Exa: so wait am just gonna be there so u can just like….@ me so i can Tea peeps


Peter: yez itll be great


Exa: sweeet




[The Abengers: Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos and Vision] 


Underoos is online.


Underoos: hellow???


Underoos: sweet


Underoos has added Exa to the chat.


Exa: *distant cackling*


Exa is now offline.


Underoos: helllbooo?


Underoos: hello?


Underoos: hellllllooooooooo?


Underoos: gash i shouldn't be bothering them


Natasha is online.


Natasha: Hello Peter.


Underoos: w h a t


Natasha: dont worry, i wont tel


Natasha: u just talked to tony, he says its okay


Tony is online.


Tony: i can confirm


Underoos: okay but like...ur. ot gonna sel my info r u?


Tony: i have no idea


Natasha: i can make no promises


Und6: @Exa is nat trustworthy


Tony: whomest


Natasha: who is exa


Exa is now online.


Exa: She will hold it over you head but the only thing she'll really do with your identity is train you.


Exa: so yea, shes good


Underoos: okay whew


Underoos: but are u sure?


Exa: im very sure


Natasha: peter u tell me who this is u have 3 seconds before i snap half of them away


Exa: wow rude


Tony: Nat that was a Oddly Specific threat.


Tony: Nat that was an Oddly Familiar threat.


Underoos: wait really???


Exa: hold on sec


Exa is now offline.




[Insert Reference Here: Exa, kweenpurri, yeeter-ban]


Exa has added Tony and Nat to the chat.


Exa: welcome to the future!


kweenpurri: man, machine, a fusion!


Tony: wait shuri??


Nat: what is this


yeeter-ban: this is chat for those from the future


Tony: wair so all of us are


Exa: from the future, yeah


Nat: how come you all have different name


Exa has changed Nat’s name to Napple.


Exa has changed Tony's name to bsboyf.


Exa: u may now die in peace


Napple: why is my name napple


Exa: bc u alwaya steal my apples


Napple: oh do i?


Exa: shit i realize my mistake


bsboyf: This name is either really Offensive, or really Hopeful, or something else.


yeeter-ban: but inst that just what u are mr. stark


bsboyf: shit...u right


Napple: tony do i steal apples from someone a lot?


bsboyf: yeah actually you do. in fact i know who that is.


Exa: um i can explain?


Chapter Text

[The Abengers: Tony, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos, Vision and Exa]


Tony and Natasha are now online.


Clint: so yeah thats why i vowed to never buy instant noodles with someone i know again


Underoos: i feel like i have been enlightened today


Bucky: why is it that story made sense


Underoos: god has finally blessed this timeline


Underoos: oh hey mr. stark!!!


Tony: I have Learned Something today.


Clint: ooooh what did you learn.


Tony: I learned a secret of some who I Dislike and now I am Unsure on how to Handle them.


Clint: how big is this secret?


Natasha: very big


Clint: you know it too?


Natasha: yes and it has something to do with @/÷:÷


Underoos: :OOO


Clint: hdr um what


Bucky: who is that


Underoos: ms. nat did u just try to expose our good God of Tea Exa?!?


Natasha: yes but what i dont understand is why i cant just say @/÷:÷


Natasha: wait


Natasha: @


Natasha: /


Natasha: ÷


Natasha: :


Natasha: ÷


Natasha: @/÷:÷ what the fuck did you do


Tony: so i cant stop that


Clint: oooh um describe. them what do they do


Natasha: >/@ @/÷:÷, _(,[× “!]/!>, !?÷=>”!


Natasha: wtf…


Tony: why cant i fix it


Clint: what do mean you cant fix it


Tony: i mean the coding isn't there


Tony: theres nothing in the program thats stopping this


Underoos: wtf ur rite


Clint: wait hold up its probably person specific right?


Natasha: yes


Clint: then just describe our team


Clint: wait theres no coding???


Bucky: on the team theres tony “iron man” stark, bruce “the hulk” banner, thor, sam “the falcon” wilson, steve “captain america” rogers, wanda “scarlet witch” maximoff, vision, and me james “buck” “the winter soldier” barnes.


Bucky: way ahead of you and


Tony: what the fuck its rite there


Tony: @/÷:÷ “”!]/!>, !?÷=>”!” =[%÷=@


Tony: @@/÷:÷


Bucky: …..


Clint: so did the at just lik...not work


Natasha: tony i just tried to shout out who it was and it didn't work


Tony: omfg we need to sort this


Tony: i just tried to force them online and It Didn't Work


Clint: well this is some creepy ass shit id really not get involved in so like byeee


Clint is now offline.




[Insert Reference Here: Exa, kweenpurri, yeeter-ban, bsboyf and Napple.]


Napple is now online.


Napple: “exa” what the fuck did you do


kweenpurri: did our god do something??


bsboyf: yea we cant fucking say anything about who he is on the main chat


Exa: hnnnm hold on a second


bsboyf: whatdo u mean hold on a second


Exa: just like wait i might know who did this




[Timely Gay Shits: bagonos, waioletmaxaparr, mfoodywitchbitch, fmal, cattlady, saymyname, sassassassin, aviatorframing, CFVY, bamfsoftboi, mercy, genji, ghostbitch, KEVIN, and whysgwhosvvwise.]


bagonos: hey @mfoodywitchbitch did u do somtn to my nat and tony


mfoofywitchbitch: i can neither confirm nor deny


cattlady: i would like to confirm


mfoofywitchbitch: addie wtf i thot we were friends…


saymyname: exfuckingcuse me did u just call my mom a thot


CFVY: are u a cat turned human who can turn into a cat


saymyname: wow i feel so attacked rn


sassassassin: selin u bitch did u hurt my future murder wife


mfoofywitchbitch: no shes fine. no harm has cum to ur future murder wife.


sassassassin: did u just


mfoofywitchbitch: yes


fmal: could you all maybe shut up and let me tend to my customers


ghostbitch: u say that but all thats happening is charles beating som rando zombie guy to death w a fucking s p o o n  while evryone cheers him on


KEVIN: jeez coll way to betray me


KEVIN: hry mark can i get a #numberme


fmal: fine but ur literally right in front of me why not ask me yourself


KEVIN: shhhhh its okay


waioletmaxaparr: i lov how we drink alcohol made from our own blood


CFVY: yea that and how its becum a meme


sassassassin: chloe did u just


aviatorframing: wow my love ur moving up in the world


CFVY: couldnt have done it without u <3


ghostbitch: dawwa im gonna be sick


KEVIN: but colleen ur a will u be sick if u dont eat???


ghostbitch: fuq u thats how


bagonos: @mfoofywitchbitch blease


mfoofywitchbitch: oh ahit rite yea ur still here


genji: is he really tho?


CFVY: jonnah and co ur back!!!! did u guys lik my coffee???


mercy: yea!!! it was really helpful uwu dustin almost died


bamfsoftboi: i fail to see how thats relevant whatsoever but alas whatever


mfoofywitchbitch: its perfectly relevant what happened???


whysgwhosvvwise: he almost passed out from exhaustion due to being an idiot and pushing himself too hard.


bagonos: guys n gals n nonpals blease


genji: yea he was trying to do the hit without sleeping even tho me an ashy were sleeping as we set all the charges and distracted the queen and stuff???


mercy: its beyond my sorry our comprehension as to why hes such an idiot uwu


waioletmaxaparr: i find it hilarious how ironically asher uses uwu


bagonos: guys


aviatorframing: dude shut up no one loves u


waioletmaxaparr: hey >:/ i lov him


bagonos: lov u to babe but @mfoofywitchbitch blease tell me what u did


CFVY: Guys Tony and Natasha just walked in what do I do?


cattlady: give them cfvy duh


CFVY: rite ritr oh fuck shit dffjjgf sh fun


fmal: i fail to see how they shock her even though shes literally friends with “!]/!>, !?÷=>”!


fmal: wait what


mfoofywitchbitch: oh ye rite thats a thing that i did


CFVY: okay okay so i juat have coffe to tony fucking atark and he ofdeeed me a job agya8qibqhat so i do


bagonos: say fucking yes


CFVY: dfuiihhb. i said fuck yeah and he just grinned dafgqhwjjd


CFVY: ghdhhdiroroo natasha just fucking complimented mecas ti inb comm


sassassassin: do u think it was gayly bc id be down for that


aviatorframing: lada u bitch thats MY girl and babe take the fucbking job


CFVY: Aryukjxs ft. sdgiokas


fmal: chloe could u please gay panic quieter


cattlady: im watching som old movie w my my mom and whom tf names their child lorey


saymyname: well it an old movie rite??


cattlady: yeeh true. u can come over if i want btw


saymyname: sweat im cating to u


cattlady: sweat!


CFVY: saasff shit tonybjust gave me his q3anumbet SrgxAe ty iR ti i sn rhhej


mfoofywitchbitch: so did u just...get hired by tony stark to make him coffee


CFVY: gaaaahhhhhhh qqqaqa aaaaaaaaaaaa


bagonos: @mfoofywitchbitch what the FUCK did u DO?!??!


mfoofywitchbitch: okay okay jeez i cast a spell of hidden truth in u being exa


bagonos: thank you, finally someone acknowledges me.


waioletmaxaparr: i acknowledged you!!!


bagonos: ik ik an i ty for that babe <3


cattlady: i dislike this short banged blonde bitch girl




[Insert Reference Here: Exa, kweenpurri, yeeter-ban, bsboyf and Napple.]


Exa: okay i figured out the mystery


bsboyf: fucking finally


Napple: yes now please do tell


Exa: my witchy friend cast a spell


kweenpurri: u kno a witch??


yeeter-ban: is it bad that that doesnt really suprise me?


Exa: probably yea but whatever


Exa: yea so only my friends an i can say who i am


Exa: like u literally cant do anything


Exa: no typing no saying no writing no sighinging no nothinh


bsboyf: well at least i got something good out if this


kweenpurri: how could ANY of this be good??


yeeter-ban: yea mr .aark u seemed rlly mad


Napple: he hired some random 20 y/o girl named chloe from starbucks to make him coffee bc sh ed gave him something homemade and he fell in love


bsboyf: it was spur if the moment okay


Napple: you gave her your personal number


kweenpurri: that does seem very spur of the moment


Exa: oh yea thats my friend


bsboyf: it is?


Exa: yup


bsboyf: um oops?


Exa: nah shes cool


Exa: in fact if u could just...hire my friends thatd be gr8 m8


Napple: who are your friends?


Exa: oh well u hired chloe, up and coming alchemist but expert coffee maker


Exa: theres also my witchbith selin whom just. her food…


Exa: oh and chloes gf is pre good at PR


kweenpurri: u have a witch bitch???


yeeter-ban: is she the physic that ur dating??


Exa: oh fuck no im dating camber


Napple: are they trustworthy?


bsboyf: your dating someone?!??!


Exa: well i mean he had a stint as a villain but that was like 12ish years ago so were good now


kweenpurri: uve known him for 12 years?!?!


Exa: yea but wev only been dating for like...5 or 6years??


Exa: idk but ive only rlly known him for lik...8, 9 years?


Exa: idk man ive been doing this time travel shit for awhile


bsboyf: wait your gay


Exa: no im bi


Napple: i would never have thought


Exa: well now u can


bs: jesus chritst seeing u in person is gonna suck




[The Abengers: Tony, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos, Vision and Exa]


Sam: thats weird man


Clint: i kno right?


Tony: hey bird fuckers


Underoos: the correct terminology is “Featherys” mr. aark


Underoos: gasp


Underoos has changed Tony's name to mr.aark.


mr.aark: kid wtf


Underoos: mwuahshaha


mr.aark has changed Underoos’s name to betrayal.


betrayal: the betrayal!


mr.aark: omfg that us too funny


Sam: oof family drama am i right


Bucky: you are very right


Clint: yes fam dram but also ong betrayal: the betrayal!


Steve has changed betrayal’s name to spiderson


Steve has changed mr.aark's to irondad.


Steve has changed Sam's name to >birduncle.


Steve has changed Clint's name to <birduncle.


Steve had changed Bucky’s name to thatoneweirduncleyoudidntknowyouhadbutshoweduptothefamilyreunionanyways.


Steve: There. Now it really is family drama.


irondad: goddamn it steve i am not his dad!


spiderson: likewise i am not his son!


>birduncle: wow steve really feeling the love


<birduncle: oh my god buckys name im dying


thatoneweirduncleyouneverknewyouhadbutshowedupforthefamilyreunionanyways: my name is far far too long


Natasha: i agree steve you did this


Natasha: now fix it


Steve: That was very demanding but okay.


Steve has changed thatoneuncleyoudidntknowyouhadbutshoweduptothefamilyreunionanyways's name to cyrus.


Steve: I liked the first name but alas it was too long. This one is better anyways.


cyrus: okay but im bucky not cyrus


Steve: It's a joke.


Steve: Well, reference, really.


>birduncle: what is it a reference to?


Steve: Lego Ninjago.


Natasha: isnt that a kids show?


irondad: yea steve thats a fucking kids showed


<birduncle: as a dad i can confirm tat t is not just a kids show and how dare you insult our gay legos


cyrus: gay legos?


Steve: Yes they're very gay even if the writers are cowards and refuse to admit ut.


<birducle: i agree!


>birduncle: jeez steve you must be really invested


Steve: I am, but at least they're getting a new writer.


spiderson: wait are U gay mr. rogers


>birduncle: kid be more sublte why dont you?


cyrus: nah hes bi


Steve: No, I'm bisexual, not gay.


spiderson: really? so am i!


<birduncle: so steve does that mean your...on standbi?


irondad: clint tf


<birduncle: i had to try


irondad: leave


<birduncle: ugh fiiine.


Steve: Good-bi!


<birduncle: i get nO RESPECT


<birduncle is now offline.


Bruce: Why is it that I look at our group chat to see Steve making bi puns and Clint throwing a temper tantrum?


irondad: you dont wanna know.

Chapter Text

[The Abengers: irondad, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, <birduncle, >birduncle, cyrus, Wanda, spiderson, Vision and Exa]


Natasha: hi where can i get a name change


irondad: do you need one?


spiderson: everybody needs a name mr. aark!


Natasha: wtf happened to u guys


>birduncle: steve


Natasha: of course it was steve


spiderson: do u want me to change ur name ms. nat?


Natasha: hmmmm sure but make it good


spiderson: yay!!!


spiderson has changed Natasha's name to spidermomma.


spiderson: there u go!!! uwu now we match


<birduncle: nat are you crying?


spudermomma: no clint shut up


>birduncle: wouldnt be surprised if you were


spidermomma: i willl gut u


>birduncle: meep


Steve: I dig the new name, Natasha.


Bruce: steve no one says that anymore


irondad: yea steve


irondad: get with the times steve


Steve: But I don't belong in this time?


spidermomma: he has a point


spiderson: mr. captain rogers sir?


Steve: Yes?


spiderson: can i change ur name too?


Steve: Sure!


spiderson has changed Steve's name to Lobster.


spiderson: there u go uwu


Lobster: Why am I Lobster?


spiderson: well i read somewhere that u could freeze lobsters and when they thaw out there was a chance they could still be alive and ykno


Lobster: I wish I never knew this fact.


irondad: i wish i never knew YOU


<birduncle: wow get roasted


cyrus: ynko, Sometimes i know how You Feel stark


cyrus: but also Steve is my Friend and how Dare you. he is a Delight to be Around


Lobster: At least someone appreciates me.


spiderson: what a mood lmao


[Private Messages: PopTartMan >>> Spangles]


PopTartMan: you know i was joking right?


Spangles: do i?


PopTartMan: jesus steve..


PopTartMan: im sorry


Spangles: youre not


PopTartMan: …


PopTartMan: i know


Spangles: its so hard, tony


PopTartMan: i know


PopTartMan: it gets better, trust me


Spangles: does it?


PopTartMan: yea, eventually


PopTartMan: it might be years from now, but one day youll wake up and it won't hurt so bad


Spangles: it doesnt feel like it


Spangles: god, i thought it was getting better for a time, but now im not


Spangles: i really, truely was happy but all that happiness is just


Spangles: gone


Spangles: it was so fast and idk why and im just


Spangles: im just so tired


PopTartMan: i know the feeling, but it goes away eventually


Spangles: god i hope your right


Spangles: ive seen so much


Spangles: it hurts and i want to cope but i just


Spangles: cant


PopTartMan: god i know how you feel


PopTartMan: fuck, im the staple of unhealthy coping mechanisms


Spangles: i just wish i hadnt done any of those things


PopTartMan: steve


Spangles: fuck, i messed up so bad


Spangles: im so fucking sorry tony


Spangles: so sorry


PopTartMan: steve, steve


PopTartMan: its ok


Spangles: its not okay


Spangles: i hurt you and


Spangles: god im so sorry


Spangles: i dont want to burden you but


Spangles: it hurts so fucking much


PopTartMan: i know


Spangles: god tony


Spangles: i dont know if i can do this


PopTartMan: you know what


Spangles: …what?


Spangles: tony?


PopTartMan: you need to get your ass up to my floor. ill have an abundance of junk food and soda, tubs of icecream, and the most comfortable and the cozyest bed you can imagine, and imma cuddle the fuck outta you while we binge watch voltron


PopTartMan: if you want to, of course


Spangles: are you sure you can handle being around me?


PopTartMan: positive


PopTartMan: if thats what you want


Spangles: …


Spangles: that sound nice


Spangles: thank you, tony. so much


Spangles: god, you dont know how glad i am to hear this


PopTartMan: yea, whatever, just get over here


Tony has created the group chat, “Steve Rogers Protection Squad™”


Tony has added Sam, Bucky, Bruce, and Scott to the chat.


Tony: welcome


Bucky: why do we need this chat?


Bruce: I was about to ask that aswell.


Sam: oh dear god no please dont tell me this is for what i think it is


Scott: oh boy here go


Tony: well we need this chat because GOD does this man have issues


Bucky: god damn it


Bucky: i shouldve known this would happen


Sam: when you say he has bad are we talking?


Tony: im currently cuddling with him rn


Scott: good, but dont overdo it with the physical affection


Scott: too much contact will make him feel claustrophobic and trapped, so hell be a lot more snappish


Scott: you gotta start with small, but consistent touches, bc once he gets that attention, hell start to crave it, so then hell start to hesitantly initiate contact


Scott: dont say anything of it, just leave him to it


Scott: but most importantly, BE CONSISTENT


Scott: if your inconsistent itll hurt him more


Scott: you have now been enlightened


Tony: thank you scott, but one question


Scott: yea?


Tony: how the fuck do you type so fast?


Scott: lmao i drank coffee this morning


Sam: damn that was...actually kind good advice


Scott: yea well, i speak from experience


Scott: and like, damn. hugs are nice


Scott: cherish them while you can


Bucky: wow you know a Lot


Tony: oh yea, that reminds me


Bruce: what?


Tony: names


Bucky: in a protection chat?


Tony: yep


Sam: btw, who is scott?


Tony has changed Scott's name to couldbeaserialkiller.


couldbeaserialkiller: wow tony. just wow


Tony had changed Bucky's name to isaceralkiller.


isaceralkiller: this name simultaneously makes me feel Better and makes me Hate Myself


Sam: dont hate yourself? please?


Tony has changed Sam's name to birdtherapist.


Tony has changed Bruce's name to jollyrager.


birdtherapist has changed Tony's name to sadstarky.


sadstarky: this is biphobia


couldbeaserialkiller: nah, but it may be your worst timeline


jollyrager: Scott, just how do you type so fast?


couldbeaserialkiller: its simple, really, u just GOTTA GO FAST




isaceralkiller: are u Ok


couldbeaserialkiller: nah lmao i need a hug


sadstarky: omw


couldbeaserialkiller: wait no-


sadstarky: i must cuddle the ever loving shit out of u


couldbeaserialkiller: but i dont really have any1 to lov?


sadstarky: omw faster


couldbeaserialkiller: tony no-


sadstarky: in my suit now


couldbeaserialkiller: ugh, ok, fine


sadstarky: sweat se ya in tminus 5 mins


couldbeaserialkiller: wait what no


couldbeaserialkiller: i didnt ask for this stop


sadstarky: too late


couldbeaserialkiller: noooo


birdtherapist: i just have one question


jollyrager: What a coincidence, so do I.


isaceralkiller: who the Fuck is scott

Chapter Text

[The Bean Team: Peter, Shuri, MJ, Ned, Loki and Exa]


Ned: peter it is time 


Peter: time for what????


Shuri: are we getting rid of these forsaken names


Loki: that would be an acceptable outcome 


MJ: Yes, we are.


Ned: mr. exa sir would u like to do the honors 


Exa: oh fuck yeah


Exa has changed Shuri's name to africabytoto.


Exa has changed Peter's name to idontfeelsogooduwu.


Exa has changed Ned's name to softieinthechair.


Exa has changed MJ's name to momchelle.


Exa has changed Loki's name to snek.


Exa has changed Exa's name to clothinghanger.


idontfeelsogooduwu: i feel very attacked rn


clothinghanger: hehehehe 


softieinthechair: what is that a reference to


clothinghanger: things


momchelle: If you don't change my name back, I will kill you.


clothinghanger: please do ive been craving the sweet release of death for years


idontfeelsogooduwu: yikes™


momchelle: mood but Are You Okay


clothinghanger: haha no lmao


softieinthechair: oh no :( whats wrong??


clothinghanger: nothing really just felt like being dramatic lol


clothinghanger: its how i cope


snek: its an excellent way


idontfeelsogooduwu: look just bc its how you cope doesnt mean you had to ATTACK me in MY OWN HOME


clothinghanger: but do you feel so good uwu?


idontfeelsogooduwu: i will kill you


clothinghanger: again, please do


idontfeelsogooduwu: no u


clothinghanger: cant wait for tony to hear about this :)


idontfeelsogooduwu: no wAIT IM SORRY DONT TELL MR. AARK!!!


clothinghanger is now offline.


momchelle: oof


softieinthechair: f


snek: you foolish mortal smh


idontfeelsogooduwu: n,, n o


idontfeelsogooduwu: oh g o d hes calling me


momchelle: rip


softieinthechair: can we get and f in the chat


softieinthechair: f


momchelle: f


snek: f