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If You're From The Future And You Know It Clap Your Hands

Chapter Text

Unknown has created the chat, “Insert Reference Here.”

 

Unknown has added Shuri to the chat.

 

Unknown: Hello.

 

Shuri: who the fuck are you?

 

Shuri: how do you have my number???

 

Unknown: well shuri you see….

 

Unknown: im from the future

 

Shuri: wait what? u mean that,,,thanos is coming?

 

Unknown: yep. je be comin

 

Shuri: ok wait but who are u

 

Unknown: I am Iron Man

 

Shuri: no ur not

 

Unknown: shit ive been found out

 

Shuri: I change my mind, i don't wanna know who u are...less danger that way

 

Shuri: but can we change our names?

 

Unknown: ceartantly

 

Unknown has changed Unknow's name to istg.

 

istg has changed Shuri's name to kweenpurri.

 

istg: it is done

 

kweenpurri: i approve. do u kno if any1 else us back too?

 

istg: dont kno, but as soon as i do, ill add them

 

kweenpurri: cool coool

 

kweenpurri: god this is gonna be a nightmare

 

istg: i kno







Chapter Text

Tony has created the group chat, “The Abengers”

 

Tony has added Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos and Vision to the chat.

 

Underoos is now offline.

 

Tony: Welcome, everyone.

 

Natasha: tony what is this

 

Steve: I agree with Natasha. What is this?

 

Clint: ew why do you type like that

 

Steve: Because it's proper, Clint.

 

Tony: its a group chat

 

Tony: i realized that we didn't have one, so i made one

 

Bruce: Tony, this was a mistake.

 

Bucky: i personally love this development even though i don't know what it is

 

Sam: Wow, I'm in a group chat with the avengers. who have nEVER HAD A GROUP CHAT BEFORE FOR SOME REASON

 

Vision: Steve, Bucky, a group is like texting, but with multiple people. Also, so you are aware, I will not be participating much, if at all, in this endeavor. You can at me if you need me.

 

Vision is now offline.

 

Wanda: im gonna have to agree with vis. im just gonna forget about this as i do with most things

 

Wanda: but i wont leave! ill just go offline. @ me if u need me.

 

Wanda is now offline.

 

Tony: id like to say im going to add them back but i cant force them online and honestly they shouldn't be here for this shit show

 

Clint: steve steve tony said a bad language word

 

Steve: Clint, that was almost four years ago.

 

Steve: Still, Tony, watch your language.

 

Bucky: Stevie, don't be such a debbie downer.

 

Steve: But Buck, it’s bad language. And it's unprofessional.

 

Bucky: damn, i thought that would work

 

Sam: yezh, trust me, nothing works.

 

Natasha: why would we ever trust you?

 

Sam: ow, that hurt.

 

Bruce: Wait, who's Underoos?

 

Tony: oh yeah! hold on, let me text him.

 

Tony: now, be on you best behavior

 

Underoos is now online

 

Underoos: is this the chat u were talking about mr. stark?

 

Tony: yep. kid, meet the avengers. avengers, meet spiderman

 

Underoos: the avengers?

 

Underoos: OH SHIT FDDFJKPLLFDSA THE AVENGERS

 

Underoos: ghjhdsdassfghklllljhgfdss hi!!!!! im spider-man! nice to meet u uuw

 

Natasha: hello fellow arachnid

 

Underoos: asdfgGhjoOklQgjj hi ms. black widow romanov mamam As dh jKhdd im spider-man!!!

 

Natasha: nice to meet u spiderman you may call me nat

 

Underoos: Dff hhkhhk JddGjK i gat to call blank widow bu a mickmame o

g FickIi gOf

 

Tony: hey, why cant i call u nat?

 

Natasha: u know why

 

Tony: fuck

 

Clint: hey squirt. nice tah meetcha

 

Underoos: ghjjfffGhjgsdfHfff jok fsd hi mr. hawkeye!!!! G gh jsjqj nice to meet u!!! uwu

 

Bucky: hello small child

 

Underoos: gdaaaxchjjgfDfgHhjfg hello mr. white wolf winter soldier bucky sir!!!

 

Bucky: jesus kid u dont need to be so formal call me bucky

 

Underoos: asfhGajko Cal l U BucKy dg blklg im not a kid >:{ and i was raised to be polite and respectful so i will be

 

Steve: Hi, I'm Steve. Nice to meet you, son.

 

Underoos: sdkllljgfSdFghksa hi mr. captin rogers!!!

 

Underoos: wow i might pass out aadghkll this is amazing

 

Bruce: Please don't pass out.

 

Underoos: MGOD ARE YOU

 

Bruce: The Hulk?

 

Underoos: THE MOST REKNOWEF SCIENTIST OF LIKE EVET?!??!??!

 

Underoos: OMGY I READ ALL UT PAPERS IM GONNA REALLY PASS OUT OH MY GOD

 

Underoos: FGKOUG GB KO PIDDGjf fh joF fh jok kD fh ik RD

 

Bruce: You've read all my papers?

 

Underoos: yea!!! there super cool uwu

 

Sam: that is. so pure. oh, im sam btw

 

Underoos: hi mr. falcon sir!!!

 

Sam: what, no keyboard smash for me?

 

Underoos: adhjlhfgj sorry mr. falcon it just ur not as famous as the others!!!

 

Sam: wow. okay

 

Underoos: sd gh hHdTjk. hajak.s.q8719 thata not wht i meny ur atill cOL MRN FALXON DONT BE SAD!!!

 

Sam: thats ...thank you...

 

Sam: ...uwu

 

Underoos: ☆ / ÙwÚ / ☆

 

Bruce: `\ Ù×Ú /`

 

Natasha. ×u×

 

Bucky:  ù×ú

 

Clint: ÚwÚ

 

Tony: …

 

Underoos: mr. stark plz

 

Tony: ...

 

Underoos: tony blease

 

Tony: ☆w☆

 

Tony: @Wanda

 

Wanda is now online.

 

Wana:  ︠uw ︠u @Vision

 

Vision is now online.

 

Vision: 𝓤𝔀𝓤

 

Thor: Is this some kind of summoning ritual?

 

Tony: oH HEY TJOR hOW aRE U???

 

Thor: I am quite well friend! Thank you for your concern!

 

Underoos: sdGjK gc f BACK KO Ong god ia th at T H O R DFGJjjakqgF hi akl1728n u...i zu

 

Thor: It is I! Greetings Underoos!

 

Underoos: SsHLLW29pm ,Zfi b.c.-_(du o as thi od6ex gaahh AAD GH BL OY RE WR 69J zero cy RV dg F up IRON cn

 

Tony: Thor, thats Spider-Man

 

Thor: Ah! Greetings Man of Spiders!

 

Underoos: ssf HSI OoURF hi!!!!!!

 

Bucky: stark does your child ever stop

 

Tony: first of all hes not my child, and second of all no he doesnt

 

Natasha: why was spidey introducing himself to us so pure

 

Clint: idk but it really was pure

 

Natasha: why did we all uwu

 

Clint: idk ùwú

 

Tony: yeah, hes adorable.

 

Underoos: zfhA fh jill ofz im crgi g??? t uhj ank Yoih UWU

 

Underoos: and mr. stark!!!

 

Tony: sorry not sorry. anyway, its late, so we should all like. sleep

 

Steve: I agree, however hypocritical his statement was.

 

Tony: i take offense to that

 

Natasha: you really shouldn't

 

Underoos: goodnight everyone!!!! uuw

 

Steve: Goodnight.

 

Natasha: night ×u×

 

Clint: night yall wuw

 

Bruce: Goodnight everyone.

 

Sam: night kid

 

Bucky: night childs

 

Tony: night kiddo

 

Underoos: uwu

 


 

 

[Insert Reference Here: istg, kweenpurri]

 

istg has added Peter to the chat.

 

istg: greetings small one

 

Peter: who the fuck are u and how the fuck do u have my number

 

kweenpurri: idk who they are, but their from the future too

 

Peter: wait what? u mean im not going crazy

 

istg: no, ur not. and shuri, i use he/him pronouns :)

 

kweenpurri: sweet anyways peter this a chat mystero made so we didn't go insane

 

Peter: thats really sweet of u whoever u are!!

 

isgt: ur welcome, and please, call me..Exasperation, or Exa for short :)

 

kweenpurri: cool

 

Peter: okay!!!

 

Peter: can i have a cool name too exa uwu

 

istg: sure!!

 

istg: first tho i gotta fix mine

 

Peter: okay!!!

 

istg has changed istg's name to Exa.

 

Exa has changed Peter's name to yeter-ban.

 

Exa: it is done

 

yeeter-ban: i love it! but what does it mean???

 

Exa: well ur peter so yeeter and ur also spiderman AND tony coughcoughurdadcoughcough has to ban u from doing things and yeeter-ban sounds like spider-man

 

kweenpurri: wai UR SPIDER-MAN

 

yeeter-ban: uhj yes??

 

yeeter-ban: who r u?

 

yeeter-ban: ube heard of me??

 

kweenpurri: um yeah!!

 

kweenpurri: wait how did u take down captain america

 

yeeter-ban: i shot him in ze legs bc hez shield is the size of a dinner plate and hez an idiot

 

kweenpurri: omg can i adopt u as my new brother

 

yeeter-ban: sure!!! uwu but im not sure i could do that to my aunt

 

kweenpurri: god ur so precious

 

yeeter-ban: hey >:[

 

yeeter-ban: wait if im spider-man….who r u???

 

kweenpurri: princess shuri of wakanda duh

 

yeeter-ban: IK IN A GROUP VJST WITH TJE PRINCESS OF FUCKING WAKANDA?????

 

yeeter-ban: .C JIJg ik ld fh hhkhhk K ds dG

 

kweenpurri: jesus calm down

 

yeeter-ban: DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN UR FU KING ROLAYTY OMGF

 

yeeter-ban: FKFGhHjHdJJFwsKKG3TJbacafaj aaaaaaaajGdFIK

 

Exa: kid calm down

 

yeeter-ban: I AM CLQM GHIL

 

Exa: peter istg

 

yeeter-ban: okay okay im calm now

 

yeeter-ban: omfg im not CaLm At AlL

 

kweenpurri: yeeter blease

 

yeeter-ban: okay okay im good mow it hink

 

yeeter-ban:  wait hold on exs how did u kno im fro. the future???

 

Exa: i have my ways

 

kweenpurri: yea u just...dont question exa. he knows EVERYTHING

 

yeeter-ban: everything?

 

Exa: You and your Aunt “Larb” each other.

 

yeeter-ban: how the fuck do you know that.

 

kweenpurri: see? i told u. he knows everything. and i meant EVERYTHING

 

yeeter-ban: r u a psychic???

 

Exa: no but that would be cool

 

Exa: i mean i KNOW a psychic

 

Exa: fuck, im DATING a psychic

 

Exa: but alsa i am not one

 

yeeter-ban: wow ur life must be hectic like fuck man ur dating a psychic

 

Exa: it is, in fact this is probs the best its ever been

 

Exa: ive lived a long and mostly shitty life

 

Exa: i have tea on everyone tho so thats nice

 

kweenpurri: tea IS very nice

 

yeeter-ban: yea, knowing all the tea is great

 

yeeter-ban: so wait if u have tea on everyone…

 

Exa: there somthin u wanna kno bout?

 

yeeter-ban: yeah actually. why does mr. sark seem to hate mr. rogers?

 

Exa: oh hes jealous

 

yeeter-ban: of?

 

Exa: I can't tell you yet.

 

kweenpurri: why not???

 

Exa: well the plan is that u gotta be a level 2 tea AT LEAST to unlock the full story, but as u progress i can give u hints. and like getting up a leval is kinda hrd yknow?

 

yeeter-ban: okay cool but...what level are we?

 

Exa: zero

 

kweenpurri: wow i feel so disgraced.

 

Exa: anyway, shouldn't u 2 be in bed?

 

yeeter-ban: should we?

 

kweenpurri: yea, should we?

 

Exa: Peter you have a surprise pop quiz in Spanish tomorrow. Shuri, you have an unscheduled meeting you have to attend.

 

yeeter-ban: oh fuc welp of to zleep i go

 

kweenpurri: yep nigjt exa

 

Exa: night lmao

 


 

 

Peter has created the chat, “The Bean Team”

 

Peter has added Shuri, MJ, Ned, Loki and Exa to the chat.

 

Peter: whats up bitchs

 

MJ: peter did u just add me to another group chat

 

Peter: yea!! i thought id make a chat for all the people who i kno meme uwu

 

Ned: omg is that loki

 

Loki: no, im thor

 

Loki: yes it is me child

 

Ned: adfhooop omfg gh

 

Shuri: im pleased to have this chat yeeter

 

Peter: ty uwu

 

MJ: are u princess shuri of wakanda

 

Shuri: yes

 

Shuri: exa introduced me nd yeet rigjt before my brother and stark did

 

Loki: who is this exa u speak of

 

Exa: me

 

Ned: okay im clam now

 

Ned: whos exa?

 

Exa: I am The Tea.

 

MJ: are u?

 

Loki: i highly doubt that

 

Exa: Loki secretly loves Thor's hugs and Michelle has a celebrity crush on Pepper Potts.

 

Loki: mortal i will smite you

 

Exa: bold of u to assume im mortal

 

MJ: how the fuck do you know that

 

Shuri: he knows….everything

 

Loki: what

 

Ned: i will never get on ur bad side mygod

 

Peter: hey wait should i secretly add him to the avengers gc for tea

 

Ned: THE AVENGERS HAVE A GC??

 

MJ: yes

 

Shuri: omfg yes do that

 

Loki: ur not mortal??

 

Exa: no but i mean like im not a GOD if thats what u meam

 

Ned: o.gdsy is this teally my life

 

Ned: and peter do thst

 

Ned: ahhfd wair exa ur not mortal??

 

Exa: nope

 

Peter: whaatcokay il question that layer let me add u

 

Exa: so wait am just gonna be there so u can just like….@ me so i can Tea peeps

 

Peter: yez itll be great

 

Exa: sweeet

 


 

 

[The Abengers: Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos and Vision] 

 

Underoos is online.

 

Underoos: hellow???

 

Underoos: sweet

 

Underoos has added Exa to the chat.

 

Exa: *distant cackling*

 

Exa is now offline.

 

Underoos: helllbooo?

 

Underoos: hello?

 

Underoos: hellllllooooooooo?

 

Underoos: gash i shouldn't be bothering them

 

Natasha is online.

 

Natasha: Hello Peter.

 

Underoos: w h a t

 

Natasha: dont worry, i wont tel

 

Natasha: u just talked to tony, he says its okay

 

Tony is online.

 

Tony: i can confirm

 

Underoos: okay but like...ur. ot gonna sel my info r u?

 

Tony: i have no idea

 

Natasha: i can make no promises

 

Und6: @Exa is nat trustworthy

 

Tony: whomest

 

Natasha: who is exa

 

Exa is now online.

 

Exa: She will hold it over you head but the only thing she'll really do with your identity is train you.

 

Exa: so yea, shes good

 

Underoos: okay whew

 

Underoos: but are u sure?

 

Exa: im very sure

 

Natasha: peter u tell me who this is u have 3 seconds before i snap half of them away

 

Exa: wow rude

 

Tony: Nat that was a Oddly Specific threat.

 

Tony: Nat that was an Oddly Familiar threat.

 

Underoos: wait really???

 

Exa: hold on sec

 

Exa is now offline.

 


 

 

[Insert Reference Here: Exa, kweenpurri, yeeter-ban]

 

Exa has added Tony and Nat to the chat.

 

Exa: welcome to the future!

 

kweenpurri: man, machine, a fusion!

 

Tony: wait shuri??

 

Nat: what is this

 

yeeter-ban: this is chat for those from the future

 

Tony: wair so all of us are

 

Exa: from the future, yeah

 

Nat: how come you all have different name

 

Exa has changed Nat’s name to Napple.

 

Exa has changed Tony's name to bsboyf.

 

Exa: u may now die in peace

 

Napple: why is my name napple

 

Exa: bc u alwaya steal my apples

 

Napple: oh do i?

 

Exa: shit i realize my mistake

 

bsboyf: This name is either really Offensive, or really Hopeful, or something else.

 

yeeter-ban: but inst that just what u are mr. stark

 

bsboyf: shit...u right

 

Napple: tony do i steal apples from someone a lot?

 

bsboyf: yeah actually you do. in fact i know who that is.

 

Exa: um i can explain?































uwu

Chapter Text

[The Abengers: Tony, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos, Vision and Exa]

 

Tony and Natasha are now online.

 

Clint: so yeah thats why i vowed to never buy instant noodles with someone i know again

 

Underoos: i feel like i have been enlightened today

 

Bucky: why is it that story made sense

 

Underoos: god has finally blessed this timeline

 

Underoos: oh hey mr. stark!!!

 

Tony: I have Learned Something today.

 

Clint: ooooh what did you learn.

 

Tony: I learned a secret of some who I Dislike and now I am Unsure on how to Handle them.

 

Clint: how big is this secret?

 

Natasha: very big

 

Clint: you know it too?

 

Natasha: yes and it has something to do with @/÷:÷

 

Underoos: :OOO

 

Clint: hdr um what

 

Bucky: who is that

 

Underoos: ms. nat did u just try to expose our good God of Tea Exa?!?

 

Natasha: yes but what i dont understand is why i cant just say @/÷:÷

 

Natasha: wait

 

Natasha: @

 

Natasha: /

 

Natasha: ÷

 

Natasha: :

 

Natasha: ÷

 

Natasha: @/÷:÷ what the fuck did you do

 

Tony: so i cant stop that

 

Clint: oooh um describe. them what do they do

 

Natasha: >/@ @/÷:÷, _(,[× “!]/!>, !?÷=>”!

 

Natasha: wtf…

 

Tony: why cant i fix it

 

Clint: what do mean you cant fix it

 

Tony: i mean the coding isn't there

 

Tony: theres nothing in the program thats stopping this

 

Underoos: wtf ur rite

 

Clint: wait hold up its probably person specific right?

 

Natasha: yes

 

Clint: then just describe our team

 

Clint: wait theres no coding???

 

Bucky: on the team theres tony “iron man” stark, bruce “the hulk” banner, thor, sam “the falcon” wilson, steve “captain america” rogers, wanda “scarlet witch” maximoff, vision, and me james “buck” “the winter soldier” barnes.

 

Bucky: way ahead of you and

 

Tony: what the fuck its rite there

 

Tony: @/÷:÷ “”!]/!>, !?÷=>”!” =[%÷=@

 

Tony: @@/÷:÷

 

Bucky: …..

 

Clint: so did the at just lik...not work

 

Natasha: tony i just tried to shout out who it was and it didn't work

 

Tony: omfg we need to sort this

 

Tony: i just tried to force them online and It Didn't Work

 

Clint: well this is some creepy ass shit id really not get involved in so like byeee

 

Clint is now offline.

 


 

 

[Insert Reference Here: Exa, kweenpurri, yeeter-ban, bsboyf and Napple.]

 

Napple is now online.

 

Napple: “exa” what the fuck did you do

 

kweenpurri: did our god do something??

 

bsboyf: yea we cant fucking say anything about who he is on the main chat

 

Exa: hnnnm hold on a second

 

bsboyf: whatdo u mean hold on a second

 

Exa: just like wait i might know who did this

 


 

 

[Timely Gay Shits: bagonos, waioletmaxaparr, mfoodywitchbitch, fmal, cattlady, saymyname, sassassassin, aviatorframing, CFVY, bamfsoftboi, mercy, genji, ghostbitch, KEVIN, and whysgwhosvvwise.]

 

bagonos: hey @mfoodywitchbitch did u do somtn to my nat and tony

 

mfoofywitchbitch: i can neither confirm nor deny

 

cattlady: i would like to confirm

 

mfoofywitchbitch: addie wtf i thot we were friends…

 

saymyname: exfuckingcuse me did u just call my mom a thot

 

CFVY: are u a cat turned human who can turn into a cat

 

saymyname: wow i feel so attacked rn

 

sassassassin: selin u bitch did u hurt my future murder wife

 

mfoofywitchbitch: no shes fine. no harm has cum to ur future murder wife.

 

sassassassin: did u just

 

mfoofywitchbitch: yes

 

fmal: could you all maybe shut up and let me tend to my customers

 

ghostbitch: u say that but all thats happening is charles beating som rando zombie guy to death w a fucking s p o o n  while evryone cheers him on

 

KEVIN: jeez coll way to betray me

 

KEVIN: hry mark can i get a #numberme

 

fmal: fine but ur literally right in front of me why not ask me yourself

 

KEVIN: shhhhh its okay

 

waioletmaxaparr: i lov how we drink alcohol made from our own blood

 

CFVY: yea that and how its becum a meme

 

sassassassin: chloe did u just

 

aviatorframing: wow my love ur moving up in the world

 

CFVY: couldnt have done it without u <3

 

ghostbitch: dawwa im gonna be sick

 

KEVIN: but colleen ur a ghost...how will u be sick if u dont eat???

 

ghostbitch: fuq u thats how

 

bagonos: @mfoofywitchbitch blease

 

mfoofywitchbitch: oh ahit rite yea ur still here

 

genji: is he really tho?

 

CFVY: jonnah and co ur back!!!! did u guys lik my coffee???

 

mercy: yea!!! it was really helpful uwu dustin almost died

 

bamfsoftboi: i fail to see how thats relevant whatsoever but alas whatever

 

mfoofywitchbitch: its perfectly relevant what happened???

 

whysgwhosvvwise: he almost passed out from exhaustion due to being an idiot and pushing himself too hard.

 

bagonos: guys n gals n nonpals blease

 

genji: yea he was trying to do the hit without sleeping even tho me an ashy were sleeping as we set all the charges and distracted the queen and stuff???

 

mercy: its beyond my sorry our comprehension as to why hes such an idiot uwu

 

waioletmaxaparr: i find it hilarious how ironically asher uses uwu

 

bagonos: guys

 

aviatorframing: dude shut up no one loves u

 

waioletmaxaparr: hey >:/ i lov him

 

bagonos: lov u to babe but @mfoofywitchbitch blease tell me what u did

 

CFVY: Guys Tony and Natasha just walked in what do I do?

 

cattlady: give them cfvy duh

 

CFVY: rite ritr oh fuck shit dffjjgf sh fun

 

fmal: i fail to see how they shock her even though shes literally friends with “!]/!>, !?÷=>”!

 

fmal: wait what

 

mfoofywitchbitch: oh ye rite thats a thing that i did

 

CFVY: okay okay so i juat have coffe to tony fucking atark and he ofdeeed me a job agya8qibqhat so i do

 

bagonos: say fucking yes

 

CFVY: dfuiihhb. i said fuck yeah and he just grinned dafgqhwjjd

 

CFVY: ghdhhdiroroo natasha just fucking complimented mecas ti inb comm

 

sassassassin: do u think it was gayly bc id be down for that

 

aviatorframing: lada u bitch thats MY girl and babe take the fucbking job

 

CFVY: Aryukjxs ft. sdgiokas

 

fmal: chloe could u please gay panic quieter

 

cattlady: im watching som old movie w my my mom and whom tf names their child lorey

 

saymyname: well it an old movie rite??

 

cattlady: yeeh true. u can come over if i want btw

 

saymyname: sweat im cating to u

 

cattlady: sweat!

 

CFVY: saasff shit tonybjust gave me his q3anumbet SrgxAe ty iR ti i sn rhhej

 

mfoofywitchbitch: so did u just...get hired by tony stark to make him coffee

 

CFVY: gaaaahhhhhhh qqqaqa aaaaaaaaaaaa

 

bagonos: @mfoofywitchbitch what the FUCK did u DO?!??!

 

mfoofywitchbitch: okay okay jeez i cast a spell of hidden truth in u being exa

 

bagonos: thank you, finally someone acknowledges me.

 

waioletmaxaparr: i acknowledged you!!!

 

bagonos: ik ik an i ty for that babe <3

 

cattlady: i dislike this short banged blonde bitch girl

 


 

 

[Insert Reference Here: Exa, kweenpurri, yeeter-ban, bsboyf and Napple.]

 

Exa: okay i figured out the mystery

 

bsboyf: fucking finally

 

Napple: yes now please do tell

 

Exa: my witchy friend cast a spell

 

kweenpurri: u kno a witch??

 

yeeter-ban: is it bad that that doesnt really suprise me?

 

Exa: probably yea but whatever

 

Exa: yea so only my friends an i can say who i am

 

Exa: like u literally cant do anything

 

Exa: no typing no saying no writing no sighinging no nothinh

 

bsboyf: well at least i got something good out if this

 

kweenpurri: how could ANY of this be good??

 

yeeter-ban: yea mr .aark u seemed rlly mad

 

Napple: he hired some random 20 y/o girl named chloe from starbucks to make him coffee bc sh ed gave him something homemade and he fell in love

 

bsboyf: it was spur if the moment okay

 

Napple: you gave her your personal number

 

kweenpurri: that does seem very spur of the moment

 

Exa: oh yea thats my friend

 

bsboyf: it is?

 

Exa: yup

 

bsboyf: um oops?

 

Exa: nah shes cool

 

Exa: in fact if u could just...hire my friends thatd be gr8 m8

 

Napple: who are your friends?

 

Exa: oh well u hired chloe, up and coming alchemist but expert coffee maker

 

Exa: theres also my witchbith selin whom just. her food…

 

Exa: oh and chloes gf is pre good at PR

 

kweenpurri: u have a witch bitch???

 

yeeter-ban: is she the physic that ur dating??

 

Exa: oh fuck no im dating camber

 

Napple: are they trustworthy?

 

bsboyf: your dating someone?!??!

 

Exa: well i mean he had a stint as a villain but that was like 12ish years ago so were good now

 

kweenpurri: uve known him for 12 years?!?!

 

Exa: yea but wev only been dating for like...5 or 6years??

 

Exa: idk but ive only rlly known him for lik...8, 9 years?

 

Exa: idk man ive been doing this time travel shit for awhile

 

bsboyf: wait your gay

 

Exa: no im bi

 

Napple: i would never have thought

 

Exa: well now u can

 

bs: jesus chritst seeing u in person is gonna suck

 


 

 

[The Abengers: Tony, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Underoos, Vision and Exa]

 

Sam: thats weird man

 

Clint: i kno right?

 

Tony: hey bird fuckers

 

Underoos: the correct terminology is “Featherys” mr. aark

 

Underoos: gasp

 

Underoos has changed Tony's name to mr.aark.

 

mr.aark: kid wtf

 

Underoos: mwuahshaha

 

mr.aark has changed Underoos’s name to betrayal.

 

betrayal: the betrayal!

 

mr.aark: omfg that us too funny

 

Sam: oof family drama am i right

 

Bucky: you are very right

 

Clint: yes fam dram but also ong betrayal: the betrayal!

 

Steve has changed betrayal’s name to spiderson

 

Steve has changed mr.aark's to irondad.

 

Steve has changed Sam's name to >birduncle.

 

Steve has changed Clint's name to <birduncle.

 

Steve had changed Bucky’s name to thatoneweirduncleyoudidntknowyouhadbutshoweduptothefamilyreunionanyways.

 

Steve: There. Now it really is family drama.

 

irondad: goddamn it steve i am not his dad!

 

spiderson: likewise i am not his son!

 

>birduncle: wow steve really feeling the love

 

<birduncle: oh my god buckys name im dying

 

thatoneweirduncleyouneverknewyouhadbutshowedupforthefamilyreunionanyways: my name is far far too long

 

Natasha: i agree steve you did this

 

Natasha: now fix it

 

Steve: That was very demanding but okay.

 

Steve has changed thatoneuncleyoudidntknowyouhadbutshoweduptothefamilyreunionanyways's name to cyrus.

 

Steve: I liked the first name but alas it was too long. This one is better anyways.

 

cyrus: okay but im bucky not cyrus

 

Steve: It's a joke.

 

Steve: Well, reference, really.

 

>birduncle: what is it a reference to?

 

Steve: Lego Ninjago.

 

Natasha: isnt that a kids show?

 

irondad: yea steve thats a fucking kids showed

 

<birduncle: as a dad i can confirm tat t is not just a kids show and how dare you insult our gay legos

 

cyrus: gay legos?

 

Steve: Yes they're very gay even if the writers are cowards and refuse to admit ut.

 

<birducle: i agree!

 

>birduncle: jeez steve you must be really invested

 

Steve: I am, but at least they're getting a new writer.

 

spiderson: wait are U gay mr. rogers

 

>birduncle: kid be more sublte why dont you?

 

cyrus: nah hes bi

 

Steve: No, I'm bisexual, not gay.

 

spiderson: really? so am i!

 

<birduncle: so steve does that mean your...on standbi?

 

irondad: clint tf

 

<birduncle: i had to try

 

irondad: leave

 

<birduncle: ugh fiiine.

 

Steve: Good-bi!

 

<birduncle: i get nO RESPECT

 

<birduncle is now offline.

 

Bruce: Why is it that I look at our group chat to see Steve making bi puns and Clint throwing a temper tantrum?

 

irondad: you dont wanna know.


Chapter Text

[The Abengers: irondad, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, <birduncle, >birduncle, cyrus, Wanda, spiderson, Vision and Exa]

 

Natasha: hi where can i get a name change

 

irondad: do you need one?

 

spiderson: everybody needs a name mr. aark!

 

Natasha: wtf happened to u guys

 

>birduncle: steve

 

Natasha: of course it was steve

 

spiderson: do u want me to change ur name ms. nat?

 

Natasha: hmmmm sure but make it good

 

spiderson: yay!!!

 

spiderson has changed Natasha's name to spidermomma.

 

spiderson: there u go!!! uwu now we match

 

<birduncle: nat are you crying?

 

spudermomma: no clint shut up

 

>birduncle: wouldnt be surprised if you were

 

spidermomma: i willl gut u

 

>birduncle: meep

 

Steve: I dig the new name, Natasha.

 

Bruce: steve no one says that anymore

 

irondad: yea steve

 

irondad: get with the times steve

 

Steve: But I don't belong in this time?

 

spidermomma: he has a point

 

spiderson: mr. captain rogers sir?

 

Steve: Yes?

 

spiderson: can i change ur name too?

 

Steve: Sure!

 

spiderson has changed Steve's name to Lobster.

 

spiderson: there u go uwu

 

Lobster: Why am I Lobster?

 

spiderson: well i read somewhere that u could freeze lobsters and when they thaw out there was a chance they could still be alive and ykno

 

Lobster: I wish I never knew this fact.

 

irondad: i wish i never knew YOU

 

<birduncle: wow get roasted

 

cyrus: ynko, Sometimes i know how You Feel stark

 

cyrus: but also Steve is my Friend and how Dare you. he is a Delight to be Around

 

Lobster: At least someone appreciates me.

 

spiderson: what a mood lmao


linebreak


[Private Messages: PopTartMan >>> Spangles]

 

PopTartMan: you know i was joking right?

 

Spangles: do i?

 

PopTartMan: jesus steve..

 

PopTartMan: im sorry

 

Spangles: youre not

 

PopTartMan: …

 

PopTartMan: i know

 

Spangles: its so hard, tony

 

PopTartMan: i know

 

PopTartMan: it gets better, trust me

 

Spangles: does it?

 

PopTartMan: yea, eventually

 

PopTartMan: it might be years from now, but one day youll wake up and it won't hurt so bad

 

Spangles: it doesnt feel like it

 

Spangles: god, i thought it was getting better for a time, but now im not

 

Spangles: i really, truely was happy but all that happiness is just

 

Spangles: gone

 

Spangles: it was so fast and idk why and im just

 

Spangles: im just so tired

 

PopTartMan: i know the feeling, but it goes away eventually

 

Spangles: god i hope your right

 

Spangles: ive seen so much

 

Spangles: it hurts and i want to cope but i just

 

Spangles: cant

 

PopTartMan: god i know how you feel

 

PopTartMan: fuck, im the staple of unhealthy coping mechanisms

 

Spangles: i just wish i hadnt done any of those things

 

PopTartMan: steve

 

Spangles: fuck, i messed up so bad

 

Spangles: im so fucking sorry tony

 

Spangles: so sorry

 

PopTartMan: steve, steve

 

PopTartMan: its ok

 

Spangles: its not okay

 

Spangles: i hurt you and

 

Spangles: god im so sorry

 

Spangles: i dont want to burden you but

 

Spangles: it hurts so fucking much

 

PopTartMan: i know

 

Spangles: god tony

 

Spangles: i dont know if i can do this

 

PopTartMan: you know what

 

Spangles: …what?

 

Spangles: tony?

 

PopTartMan: you need to get your ass up to my floor. ill have an abundance of junk food and soda, tubs of icecream, and the most comfortable and the cozyest bed you can imagine, and imma cuddle the fuck outta you while we binge watch voltron

 

PopTartMan: if you want to, of course

 

Spangles: are you sure you can handle being around me?

 

PopTartMan: positive

 

PopTartMan: if thats what you want

 

Spangles: …

 

Spangles: that sound nice

 

Spangles: thank you, tony. so much

 

Spangles: god, you dont know how glad i am to hear this

 

PopTartMan: yea, whatever, just get over here



 


Tony has created the group chat, “Steve Rogers Protection Squad™”

 

Tony has added Sam, Bucky, Bruce, and Scott to the chat.

 

Tony: welcome

 

Bucky: why do we need this chat?

 

Bruce: I was about to ask that aswell.

 

Sam: oh dear god no please dont tell me this is for what i think it is

 

Scott: oh boy here go

 

Tony: well we need this chat because GOD does this man have issues

 

Bucky: god damn it

 

Bucky: i shouldve known this would happen

 

Sam: when you say he has issues...how bad are we talking?

 

Tony: im currently cuddling with him rn

 

Scott: good, but dont overdo it with the physical affection

 

Scott: too much contact will make him feel claustrophobic and trapped, so hell be a lot more snappish

 

Scott: you gotta start with small, but consistent touches, bc once he gets that attention, hell start to crave it, so then hell start to hesitantly initiate contact

 

Scott: dont say anything of it, just leave him to it

 

Scott: but most importantly, BE CONSISTENT

 

Scott: if your inconsistent itll hurt him more

 

Scott: you have now been enlightened

 

Tony: thank you scott, but one question

 

Scott: yea?

 

Tony: how the fuck do you type so fast?

 

Scott: lmao i drank coffee this morning

 

Sam: damn that was...actually kind good advice

 

Scott: yea well, i speak from experience

 

Scott: and like, damn. hugs are nice

 

Scott: cherish them while you can

 

Bucky: wow you know a Lot

 

Tony: oh yea, that reminds me

 

Bruce: what?

 

Tony: names

 

Bucky: in a protection chat?

 

Tony: yep

 

Sam: btw, who is scott?

 

Tony has changed Scott's name to couldbeaserialkiller.

 

couldbeaserialkiller: wow tony. just wow

 

Tony had changed Bucky's name to isaceralkiller.

 

isaceralkiller: this name simultaneously makes me feel Better and makes me Hate Myself

 

Sam: dont hate yourself? please?

 

Tony has changed Sam's name to birdtherapist.

 

Tony has changed Bruce's name to jollyrager.

 

birdtherapist has changed Tony's name to sadstarky.

 

sadstarky: this is biphobia

 

couldbeaserialkiller: nah, but it may be your worst timeline

 

jollyrager: Scott, just how do you type so fast?

 

couldbeaserialkiller: its simple, really, u just GOTTA GO FAST

 

couldbeaserialkiller: GOTTA FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER F A S T E R

 

isaceralkiller: are u Ok

 

couldbeaserialkiller: nah lmao i need a hug

 

sadstarky: omw

 

couldbeaserialkiller: wait no-

 

sadstarky: i must cuddle the ever loving shit out of u

 

couldbeaserialkiller: but i dont really have any1 to lov?

 

sadstarky: omw faster

 

couldbeaserialkiller: tony no-

 

sadstarky: in my suit now

 

couldbeaserialkiller: ugh, ok, fine

 

sadstarky: sweat se ya in tminus 5 mins

 

couldbeaserialkiller: wait what no

 

couldbeaserialkiller: i didnt ask for this stop

 

sadstarky: too late

 

couldbeaserialkiller: noooo

 

birdtherapist: i just have one question

 

jollyrager: What a coincidence, so do I.

 

isaceralkiller: who the Fuck is scott






Chapter Text

[The Bean Team: Peter, Shuri, MJ, Ned, Loki and Exa]

 

Ned: peter it is time 

 

Peter: time for what????

 

Shuri: are we getting rid of these forsaken names

 

Loki: that would be an acceptable outcome 

 

MJ: Yes, we are.

 

Ned: mr. exa sir would u like to do the honors 

 

Exa: oh fuck yeah

 

Exa has changed Shuri's name to africabytoto.

 

Exa has changed Peter's name to idontfeelsogooduwu.

 

Exa has changed Ned's name to softieinthechair.

 

Exa has changed MJ's name to momchelle.

 

Exa has changed Loki's name to snek.

 

Exa has changed Exa's name to clothinghanger.

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: i feel very attacked rn

 

clothinghanger: hehehehe 

 

softieinthechair: what is that a reference to

 

clothinghanger: things

 

momchelle: If you don't change my name back, I will kill you.

 

clothinghanger: please do ive been craving the sweet release of death for years

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: yikes™

 

momchelle: mood but Are You Okay

 

clothinghanger: haha no lmao

 

softieinthechair: oh no :( whats wrong??

 

clothinghanger: nothing really just felt like being dramatic lol

 

clothinghanger: its how i cope

 

snek: its an excellent way

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: look just bc its how you cope doesnt mean you had to ATTACK me in MY OWN HOME

 

clothinghanger: but do you feel so good uwu?

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: i will kill you

 

clothinghanger: again, please do

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: no u

 

clothinghanger: cant wait for tony to hear about this :)

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: no wAIT IM SORRY DONT TELL MR. AARK!!!

 

clothinghanger is now offline.

 

momchelle: oof

 

softieinthechair: f

 

snek: you foolish mortal smh

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: n,, n o

 

idontfeelsogooduwu: oh g o d hes calling me

 

momchelle: rip

 

softieinthechair: can we get and f in the chat

 

softieinthechair: f

 

momchelle: f

 

snek: f