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You're Not Alone (And You're Loved)

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Stiles hasn’t spoken since the possession.

 

He has the words- always on the tip of his tongue- but he rather stays quiet. Less chance of saying the wrong thing, giving the wrong look, or reminding the pack too much of him . Stiles already knows he walks the fine line of grace and punishment. He knows that he being kicked out of the pack was going to happen. That he should be grateful for when the pack needs him for research they don’t have time for. So he stays silent and learns to keep his head down.

 

He can scream though.

The first night he woke surrounded by the darkness of his room. Alone. Again.

 

He could feel the air painfully fill his lungs and his throat closing. He worries, his lungs going into overdrive to fight off the sudden panic, and he cries silently. Choked off sounds never making it past his too tight throat. It takes Stiles and hour and a half to finally breathe normally again.

 

It was also the last time he properly slept.

 

Stiles would like to think that the lies he told were for the best. But each time he looks in the mirror, his belief weakens. And when his dad looks at him solely. Untrusting. With pity- his belief evaporates. It’s then when his lies seem like bricks- small and solid- building on top of each other high and higher; until a wall was built between himself and the last of his living family.  

 

He met Peter Hale after the ninety eighth-time of screaming himself awake. Peter Hale- like him- had invisible scars that cover his mind. His sharp blue eyes always silently watching. And as Stiles later found out, his skin always carried the heat of his family's tragedy.

 

When he first met him at a pack meeting, sitting on Derek’s couch in the loft,  he thought of him as an arrogant bastard. Good looking but always having something sharp to say. But he also couldn't stop looking for him whenever he visited the loft. It was like his mind was moving and moving until his eyes lock onto Peter. And every time he notices that he was able to breath better and that he forgets the demons in his head.

 

It wasn't until weeks later at another meeting that he realized that Peter Hale wasn't such a bad person. Not at all.

 

The pack sat in the den watching a movie, everybody cuddling together. Scott with Isaac at his one side and Derek on his other on the couch. Erica and Boyd were cuddled up at their feet. Lydia and Jackson got the loveseat together. Peter went upstairs as soon as everyone arrived.

 

And Stiles… Stiles grabbed himself the recliner so nobody would have to sit close to him. To a monster who killed their friend and so many more people. Everybody was laughing and talking to each other. They obviously noticed something was off about Stiles and when he first refused to talk to them they were worried. They tried to get him to speak. Tried to get him to visit a supernatural psychiatrist. After a while, they stopped trying to make him talk thinking he only needed some time after being possessed and he would be his normal self in no time. But they never stopped looking at him from the side. Stiles just knew they looked at him that way and they hated him for what he did.

 

Not concentrating on the movie his thoughts spiraled and it got hard to breathe. He got up and hurried to the upstairs bathroom where he knew even they couldn't hear him over the loud movie.

 

He locked himself in the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He had deep bags under his eyes and his face looked thinner from not eating enough lately. He opened up the tap and tried to rub away his panic with cold water. His whole clothes were soaked and he was freezing but the panic was still there, bubbling up inside of him as he sleds down to the floor, his back against the door.

 

His knees pressed against his torso he grabbed the sides of his head pulling on his hair. Just like in his nightmares he hears them scream, the people he killed. The women, the men, the little children. Allison.

 

Allison. Poor lovely Allison. He killed her. When the nogitsune possessed him he could see and feel everything like normal. Just being trapped by a monster in his body. He tried fighting him but being just a mere human he could do nothing against him.

 

He had to watch himself killing Allison with his own hands. Stabbing her. Her eyes losing their shine and she sacked to the ground. The wet splash that sounded when she fell was still echoing in his ears. Growing louder and terrorizing him.

 

His breath got even shorter and black spots were dancing in front of his eyes. He was about to pass out from his panic attack and he knew it. It just made it worse. Just like his thoughts.

 

I killed her. I killed her. I killed her. She is dead because of me.

 

I killed her.

 

"-les"

 

I killed her.

 

"-iles, Stiles. Calm down" he heard a dark muffled voice from the other side of the door.

 

"I killed her." he cried out loud, voice rusty from not talking for so long. Tears streaming down his face. "I killed her and everybody hates me because of that. Even I hate myself. I have nightmares every night. I can't sleep. I always see their faces."

 

The person on the other side of the door didn't answer for a while until he said: "I had nightmares too. I still have nightmares. I see my family burning. I see the face of my sister. And I feel the flames burning my body. I was unable to move for 10 years. Laying in the hospital hearing everything that was going on around me. And when I woke up the only one left was my nephew who took me in and cared for me. I was broken. I still am broken. But I'm better. You just need someone to care for you."

 

Stiles stood up while the other person was talking and when he finished he slowly opened the door to see Peter standing there. Sleep ruffled hair and only wearing sweatpants and a shirt. His expression pained but also sad and his eyes closed.

 

"Hey there princess," he whispered when he opened them saw Stiles standing in the doorway. He lifted his hand to Stiles' face to wipe away some tears before pushing him inside the bathroom in front of the sink and closing the door. "Let's get you cleaned up." He got a towel and wiped away snot and tears from Stiles' face.

 

Stiles let himself get manhandled and slumps against the sink looking at his reflection in the mirror again. His eyes were puffy and his skin looked red. He looked at Peter throwing the towel on the floor and standing behind him staring over his head at Stiles reflection smiling. "All better now."

 

Stiles' fingers unclenched from where he grabbed the sink. He closes his eyes and leans back against Peters warm chest. He feels his heartbeat on his back. And suddenly he feels like he can breathe again.

 

As soon as Stiles back touched his chest Peter wraps his arms around Stiles' mid pulling him closer to him. He lets his chin fall on Stiles' head and presses a little kiss on his hair. Wherever their bodies meet it feels like fire. Like something warm from within that just feels right. The constant ache he feels in his bones since the fire seems to fade away and in Peter's head, it clicks.

 

He turned Stiles around in his arms pressing his forehead against his. "I'll take care of you"

 

"Peter" he croaked and pressed himself against him.

 

"Mate!" Peter growled and lifted him up. Stiles wrapped his legs around Peters hips and his arms around his neck. He was shaking. He hasn't felt this fine for a long time, since before the nogitsune. He pressed himself as close to Peter as it was possible.

 

“Shhh…” Peter kissed his hair again. “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.” He grabbed a fresh towel and grins while he’s throwing it over Stiles' head. Then he carried him to the guest room where he’s been staying. He lets Stiles down on his bed. “Arms up!” he says and then pulls Stiles red hoodie and shirt over his head as he does so. Stiles dried his hair with the towel while Peter grabs a used shirt and puts it on Stiles. It’s way too big for the boy and goes way over his tights but their smells immediately mix and just that makes Peter lose his mind. He pulled off Stiles’ wet pants and throws them to the side where they land with a wet splash.

 

Stiles tried to hide in the shirt. He pulls up the hem and smells it. The musky scent reminding him of the forest and first and foremost of Peter.

 

Peter kneeled down between Stiles' knees and took his hands. “Okay now?” Stiles nodded and wrapped his arms around Peters' head to hug him and press his face into his belly. Peter hugged his mid and just smelled him.

 

“You are my mate, Stiles,” he says into the hug. “My one and only” he kissed Stiles belly and slides his hand under Stiles shirt.

 

“It means I’m yours too. I would go to the ends of the earth for you.”

 

Stiles strokes his fingers through Peters' hair and bends down to kiss it. Peter just continues to kiss his belly and Stiles sighs. His lower parts reacting to the affection he gets.

 

“Peter” he sights again his voice still raspy. He moves under Peters' hand still feeling like he is not worth to be touched. How could Peter even stand to touch him? A person with that much blood on his hands. A killer. “Peter… no... “

 

“What, love?” he stops at what he is doing and looks up to Stiles, whose face looks troubled.

 

“I’m dirty Peter” It was just a whisper but Peter understood. “How can you… with someone like me… so much blood…” he starts to pull his hair again.

 

Looking up and looking into Stiles amber eyes“You’re not darlin’. You didn’t do it. The oni did.”

 

He stretched his arm to grab Stiles neck and pull him down so their faces were as close as they could get without kissing.

 

"I'm gonna kiss you now and you gonna forget about the stupid things you are thinking" Waiting for Stiles little nod he looks into his eyes. When Stiles -finally- nodded he kissed him.

 

First, slow loving kiss making Stiles moan and then it's getting more heated until Peter breaks it. He plants kisses to the corner of Stiles' mouth and then down his neck, sucking at his skin giving him a love bite. His hands are stroking Stiles sides and pulling up the shirt. As soon as its above Stiles nipples, Peter wraps his mouth around one of them and sucks. The other hand playing with the other.

 

Stiles moans Peters name and his body goes slack against Peter. Where ever he touches him he feels a tingle under his skin that makes him feel warm. His nipples feel like heaven when Peter's sucking at them and when he finally moves his kisses down his stomach it feels like butterflies are under his skin and stomach. His blush still read on his face everything feels just so intense. It was crazy to see Derek's -the Alphas- second a freaking werewolf kneeling in front of him.

It made hope bloom up inside of him. That Peter might be telling the truth.

 

Said one now arrived at Stiles erection wrapping a hand around it.

"All hard for me baby," he said moving his hand up and down. The little moans coming from Stiles making him more eager to please so he licks it from the base to the head before taking him in his mouth.

 

It was a long while since he last did this so after the first few inches he gagged and pulled off. He moves his hand again spreading his spit and Stiles precum over his little dick.

 

While doing that Stiles had already grabbed Peters hair. "Peter.... so good" he moaned. And as Peter took him in his mouth for the third or fourth time he was finally able to take him whole. Stiles was feeling so good and hips buckled up whenever Peters' mouth felt especially good. "Gonna cum." he moaned and Peter stayed on his dick and milking him.

 

Stiles couldn't hold it anymore and came with a small shout and drops back on the mattress breathing heavily.

 

Peter swallowed his mate's cum and grinned while he climbed on the bed and laid down beside him pulling him close.

 

"So pretty, baby boy'." he murmured before he kissed him lazily. Stiles returned the kiss and when they broke it he smiled at him and then yawned.

 

"Tired?" Peter asked and Stiles shook his head making him laugh. "Okay. What do you want to do now?"

 

Stiles looked to the door and asked with a small voice “Peter? You’re not … you... just...“

 

Peter pulls him closer. “Yes? I’m what?”

 

"You're not gonna leave me too, right? Because I... I don't think I could handle that " He thought of his friends. All the people downstairs and he thought of his dad. He was worried about him. All the work and late hours he did because of the unsolved murders in town that Stiles caused were not good for him. He was scared that his dad would find out what really happened and abandon him. He doesn't want to lie anymore. He was his last family and he couldn't lose him too. So he started to close himself off and away so his dad would be safe from the supernatural work and from him.

 

"I don't want any more people to die" he sobbed. "I don't want my dad to die"

 

Peter followed his glance to the door and heard everyone downstairs talking and worrying about Stiles.

 

"Stiles, Honey, they don't hate you. They are worried about you. And nobody is going to die. The Nogitsune is gone and we are all safe."

 

"But I... I... Allison."

 

"Want me to prove that they still love you? That they still are your pack?"

 

Stiles hesitated for a second but then nodded. Peter stood up and grabbed him like earlier and carried him through the door and downstairs.

 

With every step on the stairs, Stiles grabbed Peter harder and got more scared. He pressed his face in Peters' neck and felt his hands shaking.

 

Peter tried to calm him down. "Trust me, love." and he pressed him closer, kissing his head.

 

They entered the den and everybody's head turned towards them.

 

"Stiles!!" Scott jumped up "Are you okay? Buddy?"

Peter laid a finger on his lips and whispered to Stiles "Tell them what you want to tell them."

 

" 'm sorry" he whispered into Peter's shoulder. He already felt his throat closing up and just Peters hand on his back prevented him from having a panic attack.

 

He sobbed and tears started flowing out of his eyes. Everybody looked at him shocked because he finally talked.

 

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault that they're dead. My fault that Allison is dead. I killed her." His sobs got harder and his whole body shook.

 

Scotts look on his face was indescribable and suddenly he bolds towards them and wraps his arms around Stiles and inevitable also around Peter.

 

"Stiles. Buddy. It's not your fault." Scott always was an ugly crier and big tears streamed down his face. "We all miss her and it's not your fault."

 

Derek stood up and walked to them. "Stiles look at me," he said and Stiles peeled his face out of Peters' neck to look at Derek.

Derek flashed his eyes red and pressed his forehead against Stiles'. "You are pack. And in a pack, nobody is left behind. We all love you." Stiles closed his eyes his last tears leaving and he nodded.

 

The others also came closer and Stiles and Peter got embraced in a big hug. "Let's sit down and watch a different movie," Derek ordered. He pulled his uncle and Stiles next to him on the couch. He needed his betas close to him to calm them down and make them feel safe.

Stiles had the comfortable place on Peters lap and leaning back on his chest. Derek had his hand on Stiles' neck to keep himself grounded.

 

Scott plopped down on the other side of Peter and Stiles to keep his brother company.  

Erica and Boyd sat down in front of the couch again below Dereks and Peters legs leaning against them.

 

Peter pressed Stiles close to himself and his arms were around Stiles' mid. “I told you, princess, they love you. I do. And when everybody is gone I’m gonna eat you up nice and slow and then…” the rest he just whispered into his ear and Stiles shrieked out an embarrassed “PETER!” while being red as a tomato and slapping him on his fingers.

 

Peter just laughed and kissed him silly. He was over the moon that he found his mate even at his old age. After all, Stiles was just what he needed. Someone to take care of, to pamper and to love him. He wanted nothing more than to finally claim his boy and see a mating bite on his shoulder.

 

But all of that could wait. Stiles needed some time to get his head clear and to get things right with dad and with his friends.

 

When the movie ended Stiles was asleep in his lap. His neck having lots of love bites from where Peter planted them earlier. The others already went home and Derek was cleaning the rest of the loft.

 

Peter rubbed Stiles sides "Wake up, princess." he said as he kissed Stiles chin. Stiles stirred but was still kind of in a half sleep. "We gonna have to get you home so you can get some sleep."

 

"Don't wanna" Stiles murmured and fisted his hands in Peters shirt "wanna stay here"

 

Peter couldn't stop a little growl from coming out of his mouth. He stands up and puts Stiles on his feet. "Then let's get you cleaned up and you can stay here." Stiles nodded sleepy and Peter leads him to his bedroom. "Stay here. I'm going to fetch you a toothbrush" When Stiles nodded he left the room.

 

Not a minute later he found Stiles under his blankets on the bed. Peter could smell his and Stiles scent mixing it was perfect. The boy looked so peaceful that Peter did not dare to wake him up again. He just laid down behind him, slipping under the covers and pulling him in. It was incredible how well Stiles fit into his embrace like he was made for it.

 

Peter pressed his face in Stiles' neck and said "I love you, Stiles" before falling asleep himself.