Dean couldn’t stop staring at the black book Billie had left behind. His hand trembled slightly as he turned it over and over, half hoping the answer would just come to him already.
There was a knock on the door.
Startled, he shoved the book between his mattress and box spring before settling on the bed, doing his best to look casual and comfortable. “Come in,” he rasped.
“I brought you some coffee. Decaf,” Cas announced. “I thought you might not want the caffeine this late, and we’re out of beer.”
Dean snorted. “I’ll take it for whatever reason. Thanks.” He took the mug from Cas and leaned back against the headboard. Cas walked back towards his door, but paused. “Cas, you good?”
“Just concerned about Jack tapping into his soul for power. I’m afraid he’ll get too used to that and do it again.” The angel turned and swept his eyes over Dean, a contemplative expression on his face. “Besides, shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“Hey, I’m fine. Got the big bad archangel all locked down with the keggers.” An echoing boom from somewhere in the back of his mind made him wince.
“You sure about that?” Cas asked, eyebrow raised in question.
“Yeah.” Dean set the mug on his nightstand and sighed. “I have to be sure. So I am.” He stared down at his hands.
The door shut and his mattress compressed as Cas sat on the end of his bed. “I’m not Sam. You don’t have to be strong for me.”
“I mean it. Talk to me. I’m--I’m here for you.” Cas reached out and set his hand on Dean’s knee.
Pursing his lips, Dean stared up at the ceiling for a moment. “What do you want me to say, Cas?”
“Are you alright?”
“No, of course I’m not alright! I’m the de facto cage for a goddamn murderous archangel and I don’t know if I can hold him, ok?” Dean bounced back out of the bed and started pacing the floor. “He’s in there banging and screaming and scratching and I don’t know how long I can hold him if I can hold him at all and I don’t--” he thought of Billie’s book again. “I don’t--I’m scared, Cas,” he whispered. “I’m fucking scared.”
“I know you are.” Cas stood too, reaching out and pulling Dean close. He wrapped him in a tight hug and Dean melted into it.
“I’m going to have to be on guard all the goddamn time. No alcohol, nothing that will distract me mentally and fuck, Cas--what about sleep? Fuck, how the hell do I sleep? I can’t--how the hell do I keep this going and I--”
Cas kissed him. He wrapped his hand around Dean’s neck and held him close, silencing Dean’s protests with a long, lengthy kiss. “It’s going to be ok,” he murmured when they seperated, pressing his forehead to Dean’s.
“It’s not going to be ok,” Dean whispered, voice choked as his vision blurred. “And Cas, ya gotta know right? That what he said was a lie? I don’t sit around and count your mistakes. You, Sam, Jack--you guys are everything to me. My whole goddamn world.”
“I know he was lying. Or misinterpreting what he was seeing. It doesn’t matter.”
Dean melted into Cas’s arms again. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know,” Cas told him, softly kissing his forehead. “But we’ll figure it out. Together.”