She feels cold.
Despite the warmth of their home and the cup of tea in her hands, she feels cold.
Fen walks out of the kitchen carrying a tray of a simple breakfast. The aroma reaches her, stirring up a whole slew of emotions she didn’t want to feel. She shivers.
Fen sets the tray down rather urgently and moves to pull the blanket over her more.
“Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor, Melia?” he asks as he feels her forehead with the back of his hand.
“I’m fine my dear, really…” she manages to choke out.
Fen frowns, but ultimately chooses not to pry. He instead sits next to her and begins eating, motioning for her to do the same. Reluctantly, she obliges. It tastes great, as if it was made with love. Naturally she hates it, but she forces it down for appearence’s sake. Maybe just this once she’ll slip up enough Fen notices.
“Are you positive you aren’t sick Melia? It looks like you’re having trouble eating.”
Finally, the question she was waiting for. She begs internally for him to begin questioning her, all of it.
Instead, he pulls her closer, and the heartache becomes damn near unbearable.
“Don’t force yourself if you can’t. If you really don’t want to see a doctor, then at least rest. I’ll be here for you.”
She tries to speak, but something prevents her voice from escaping her lips.
“Some day, you’ll have to understand that. That I’ll always be here for you.” Fen plays with a strand of her hair, ignorant to what he’s doing to her. “One day, I’ll make sure you never have nightmares like last night again.”
“Don’t make a promise if you’re unsure you can keep it, Fen.” Melia manages to stutter out.
“I know I can Melia.”
He did fulfil his promise though, that is what hurts. No longer did memories of her past haunt her. Instead, nightmares of having to go through with her mission did.
Why can’t he see that?
“Fen, I- I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“Of course, anything you want.”
She struggles to find the right words. All the while, Fen is making it infinitely harder by simply loving her.
“I haven’t- haven’t been a hundred percent truthful towards you.” she says at last.
“And I can understand that. Boundaries are important in a relationship after all.”
For crying out loud, please stop it!
“N-no, I mean, I’m not- I…” she can’t do it. She isn’t strong enough. She wants to cry aloud, scream and shout until he understands, but she can’t.
“You’re strong, Melia. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. The strongest I’ve ever met, in fact. And I’m not exaggerating.”
You were wrong Fen. You are wrong. I’m weak.
The silence pains her.
Unbeknowngst to Melia, it pains him too.