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It's a Beard Thing

Chapter Text

*I can’t sit still*

A few minutes of agony passed before her phone chimed with a reply.



*That doesn’t help.*

*Had a dream about something last night. Been on my mind all morning*

*Anything I can do?*

Kurt had clearly caught on and decided to flirt back. It could only be one of a handful of things that got Diane antsy.


*Tell me*

*In a meeting. Can’t.*

*Want me to guess?*

Diane considered this response and wasn’t sure how to respond. On the one hand, she really did want to keep going but on the other, she was at work and obviously hadn’t thought this through before texting him.



She squirmed at the thought of him making that noise.

*Is it the holidays?*

Diane scoffed. *Very funny*

*I try*
*What we did after dinner?*


*My lips*

*GOD so close. Keep going*

*My lips on you?*

*Your beard. I had a dream about your beard and how good it feels between my thighs and when we kiss and oh god. You busy?*

Kurt sat looking at his phone, knowing not responding right away would just torture her.

*Not really. Why?*

Diane pushed back from the table, a few associates glancing over in her direction. “Restroom. Be right back,” she whispered to the young lady sitting next to her, who nodded in understanding.

Moments later, Diane had locked herself in her bathroom and dialed Kurt.

“Hey. What are you doing?”

“I think the better question is, what are you doing?”

“I’m in the bathroom. I’m wet.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. Talk to me,” she hissed.

“About what?” He asked, still drawing out the torture of not immediately giving her what she craved.

“About your day. What do you think?”

“Well, this morning started off well. I went out to the lab first thing…”

“God dammit Kurt!”

He laughed. “Sorry baby. So you dreamt about my beard, huh?”

“Mmhmm.” Diane’s fingers began to worry her clit. She shivered under her touch.

“And how good my tongue feels between your lips?”

“Yes!” Her fingers moved faster, her wetness increasing.

“Thinking about how badly you want to ride my face?”

She almost dropped the phone. How in the hell had he known that?

“I know you, Diane,” he replied without being prompted. “I know you’re my kinky girl. Are you wet for me?”

“Oh god.”

“Perfect. Ride my face. Let my beard scratch your thighs. Feels good doesn’t it?”

She whimpered as she felt a climax nearing.

“My tongue deep in you, my teeth begging to tug on your lips. You reach down and pull my hair.”

“Oh shit,” she bucked forward, her hips slamming forward against her hand.

“I know you like that. I love it when you tug my hair when I make you cum. You’re close aren’t you.”

Diane whimpered again, this time with a sob.

“Do you have any idea how hard I am right now? I dig my fingers into your ass as you ride my face, hum against your clit.”

“K…” she started as her orgasm crashed into her.

“That’s right. Cum for me. God I love this! I wish I was on my knees in front of you, sucking you dry.”

She almost dropped the phone as her thighs tensed and her fingers tightened against her phone.

“Kurt,” she panted. “I…”

He chuckled. “You what?”

“I just masturbated… in my office.”

“Did you at least close the door first?”

She smiled. “Smart ass. I can’t belie… believe I just did that.”

“Me too. What time will you be home?”

“I’m not sure. Why?”

“I have this idea.”

“Yeah?” Diane turned to look at herself in the mirror to begin straightening herself.

“Yeah. Come home and ride my face.”

Her eyes widened. The words were caught in her throat.

“Unless you don’t want to,” he replied as he started to become somewhat uneasy in her silence.

“No! I mean, yes, I want to! Oh my god.”

“Good. Go back to work. Let me know when to expect you.”


He laughed. “That was fast.”

“Work will still be here tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you.”

She smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Diane returned to her meeting, trying to conceal the grin on her face. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she sat down. The associate next to her smiled, unsure of why she’d been gone so long.

“You okay?” She leaned over to ask.

“Hmm?” Diane replied, her mind still a bit fuzzy. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.” She smiled as she began paying attention to the meeting before them, which, she realized, was almost over.

Several minutes later, the meeting wrapped up and everyone went their separate ways.

Diane’s day went quickly. By the time she looked at the clock it was already 530.

Her mind went to the escapade earlier in the day and she grinned, remembering when she said she’d be home. Diane packed up her things then turned out her light. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said as she breezed past her assistant’s desk.

Traffic was actually on her side that night and she got home in only 20 minutes.

“Kurt?” She called out as she entered their home.

“In the living area.”

Diane set down her valise and took off her jacket and kicking off her shoes. She walked into their living room and from behind, placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Hi handsome.”

“Hey.” He turned his head to return her kiss.

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, clasping her hands on his chest. Diane took in a deep breath, inhaling his scent, then closed her eyes as she exhaled happily.

Kurt placed his hand on hers. “I think we should trade places.”


“Our conversation from earlier. I meant it.”

She blushed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, a devilish glint in his eye.

Kurt rose then took her hand to guide her to his side of the couch. He placed a kiss on it before she moved it to his cheek, her thumb rubbing the small patch of skin, just above his beard. Diane took his place as Kurt got to his knees in front of her.

“Do you want…” she started, gesturing towards her slacks.

“Leave them on.”

“Okay.” She smiled and looked down at him, waiting for whatever was to come next.

He spread her thighs and ran his hands up slowly before massaging his way back down. Kurt leaned forward and kissed her thigh then began working his way up towards where they both really wanted him to be.

With one expertly placed kiss over her clit, Kurt sent a jolt through Diane’s body.


He grinned and repeated the move as he pushed into her harder and deeper, getting her wetter, which only served to make him work her harder.

Her body melted into the couch as Kurt opened his mouth and bit down, gently, taking a mouthful of her pants between his teeth with him as he pulled back.

Diane placed her hand in his hair and tugged, trying to pull him in closer. “God. More. Please?” She panted.

Kurt’s hands moved up her hips to begin tugging on her grey slacks.

She giggled. “Wait. Let me… Kurt!”

He dove in deeper as he tugged harder.

“Kurt. Stop. You’ll tear them!”

Kurt growled into her, frustrated before he pulled back. As he sat on his knees to watch, he started chuckling.

“What?” Diane asked as she unbuttoned and unzipped her pants then tugged them down with her panties.

“Wet spot.”


“There’s a wet spot,” he laughed, pointing.

“That’s not from…?”

“No way to tell,” he interrupted. “You wanna analyze this or do something about it?”

“Oh. Yeah.” She pulled off her pants and kicked them to the side, grinning.

“Good answer,” he mumbled into her thigh. Kurt licked and sucked and bit down then licked some more before nibbling his way closer to her center as his beard softly scratched her tender flesh.

He ran his tongue up one of her lips, flicked her clit a few times, then ran it back down the other.

She sighed before whimpering a pitiful, “please?” Her back arched slightly as her eyes fluttered closed.

Kurt nibbled her other thigh and began sucking as his hand began toying with her wet lips. After several moments of toying with her, he plunged a single finger into her hot wetness.

She gasped as he finally gave her the touch she’d been craving.

His finger crooked within her as he released her flesh from his mouth and made his way back to her pussy. “Tell me what you want.”


He kissed below her bellybutton and began licking his way down.

“You know what I want,” she panted.

“Tell me,” he mouthed against her tummy.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Say it or it won’t happen,” he mumbled, his chin dragging his stubble over her lower stomach.

Her eyes opened to look down at him as she ran her fingers though his hair and tried to push him down where she needed him. “Please Kurt.”

He withdrew his finger from her and licked it. “Mm.” Kurt looked up at her. “Tell me,” his voice low and dangerous.

“Eat me. Please?”

He smiled. Kurt lowered his mouth over her clit and began sucking. Their eyes locked for a brief moment before Diane’s closed tightly.

“Oh shit,” she groaned, her fingers relaxing in his hair.

He let it go only to return with a rapid, wet pressure, flicking up and down as fast as he could, pressing deep into her.

Diane’s legs wrapped around his shoulders as her hips pushed forward. His beard left the softest scratches on the insides of her thighs, which only excited her more.

“God! Kurt!”

His skilled tongue kept at her, changing directions to begin circling her swollen clit, as he slid two fingers back into her, fucking her slowly.

Diane’s hips began rocking against his face, as though they had a mind of their own.

Kurt turned his hand upside down to begin crooking his fingers against her as he moved his face side to side, reminding her again of her dream and how much she loved his facial hair.

“I…Ple… Kurt…”

He kept at it, knowing she was close to falling apart. Kurt’s other hand wrapped around her hip to hold her to him. His tongue moved fast as he pushed it deeper into her.

She panted. Her fingers curled in his hair as she rode his face harder, inches from losing control.

Kurt looked up at his wife, floored at how incredible she looked as she was on the brink of orgasm. It only pushed him to keep at it, knowing she was about to cum. For him. Because of him. Doing this to her was the biggest ego boost and the fact that she’d been dreaming about him doing this put an extra spring in his step all day.

Diane placed her hand on his, residing on her hip, and without thinking, they interlaced fingers. Her nails dug into the back of his hand as the intensity of what he was going for her began to overwhelm her.

“Cum for me, baby,” he thought to himself. He couldn’t have cared less that his jaw could be sore in the morning. He’d do this for hours if she’d let him.

“Shit!” She yelled as she finally came. Her hips bucked against his face, her back arched, her breathing caught in her throat. Kurt was relentless against her, willing every last drop from her as her body convulsed.

Diane growled as the last major wave of her orgasm rippled through her body. Her hips collapsed on the couch as she struggled to catch her breath.

Finally, he released her from his mouth then placed gentle kisses along her pelvis, her hip bones, their hands.

“Holy fuck, Kurt.”

He grinned. “Another?” Kurt teased as he began kissing and licking below her bellybutton once more.

“An… Are you trying to kill me?”

He chuckled.

Kurt kissed her thighs before climbing up on the couch next to her, nuzzling his wife’s neck, kissing gently.

“Wow.” Diane still struggled to catch her breath.

He grinned, his hand roaming over her body, tenderly.

“How am I supposed to function after that?”

“You’re more than welcome,” he replied between nibbles.

“I mean it. You are so fucking good at that.”

“So are you.”

She smiled before sighing contentedly. “My body is jelly right now. I can’t…”

He chuckled as he pulled her in for a kiss. “Good.” He kissed her temple. “I’ve been thinking about that all day.”

Diane placed her hand on his thigh and squeezed as she looked over at him with a stupid smile on her face. “You’re the best.”

She caught her breath moments later and looked at him once more.

Kurt’s eyes were closed as his mind and body were still buzzing from what they’d just done. So all he caught was, “…later?”


Diane giggled. “How’d I get so lucky to get a man who gets that happy from doing that?” She placed a kiss on his cheek before repeating herself, “I said, ‘can we do that again, but with me doing more riding, later?’”

“Hell yeah.”