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The Best Pirate Battle Ever

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“Okay, these are not the nice kind of pirates,” Amy said, nearly being poked by the tip of a cutlass. “Oi! Keep the sharp pointy things to yourself.” She turned to the Doctor for a moment and then looked around in a frantic way before turning back to the Doctor. “Where is Sherlock?”

“I don’t know!” he said, fumbling with his hands as he, too, was forced to walk backward. “I have no idea, and this is not something I want to admit when I’m about to be pushed off a plank!”

“If I die and he’s a widower I swear, you won’t be safe in any corner of the universe!” Amy hissed as she realized the back of her knees had hit the side of the ship and her only option was to step on the plank.

It was then a humming sound was heard above them. An anchor came falling down from the sky, and after a moment Sherlock came sliding down, dressed in pirate finery. “Doctor, your aim is off when we’re not all in the console room,” he said, leaping onto the deck and beginning to fight the pirates with ease with his own cutlass. “At least wait until I’m done in the loo to leave the TARDIS. I opened the door and ran into an old friend above while you landed on the enemy ship below.”

“Showoff,” Amy muttered, though she was grinning, especially when Sherlock discarded the use of the cutlass for a moment and punched one of the pirates across the face, knocking him out in one blow. “My hero.”

“There will be no widowers tonight!” the Doctor said, grabbing the nearest thing to him. It was a mop, sitting in a bucket, and the Doctor haphazardly tossed the mop towards Amy and then picked up the bucket and splashed a pirate in the face before putting the bucket over his head. The pirate ran towards him and he stepped to the side, and the pirate went overboard.

Sherlock had done a good job of taking care of most of the pirates, but one was coming up on his blind side and Amy whacked the pirate in the side of the head with the wet part of the mop. The pirate turned, faced her, and she quickly grabbed the soggy end and whacked him over the head with the wooden part. There was a solid thunk and he collapsed to the deck.

Seeing they were outmatched and almost outnumbered, the rest of the pirates surrendered, tossing down their weapons. “Take your ship out of these waters,” Sherlock said. “Take it far away and leave Antigua alone. You’ve been warned.”

“By who?” one of the pirates asked.

“By Sherlock the Beardless,” the Doctor said. Sherlock gave him a look and Amy stifled a laugh. “What?”

“Not a very convincing-sounding name,” Amy said, leaning towards the Doctor.

“Just get your weapons, and when we leave, leave these waters, or I’ll drop back from the skies and kill you all.” The pirates were so spooked they simply ran to the galley without their weapons, and only then did Sherlock allow himself an eye roll. “Fine. Doctor, would you toss those overboard? I’m sure they have more but still. Fewer problems now.”

“Right, right,” the Doctor said, gingerly picking up the weapons and tossing them over his shoulder and into the water while Amy went up to her husband.

“It is true, you know. You are my hero,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Love the hat.”

“Mine to keep, according to Captain Avery. He’s wanting to renew our acquaintance, but he thought I could handle this myself.”

“Did he now?” Amy asked.

Sherlock looked serious for a moment. “He’s seen me fight.”

“Demon’s Run,” she said softly, and Sherlock nodded. “Right.” She hugged her husband tightly for a moment and he hugged her back. “Well, hero of mine, let’s go up and renew acquaintances. I want to see how young Toby is doing.”

“Not so young anymore,” a deep voice boomed from above.

“Oi! Is that you, Toby?” Amy asked.

“Aye,” Toby replied. "Grab hold of the anchor when you can. You’ll find your friend’s blue box is aboard our ship already.”

“So, more adventures with my pirate husband?” Amy asked as Sherlock wrapped an arm around the anchor chain.

“Whatever milady commands,” he murmured before taking the advantage to kiss her. She grinned against his lips and realized that while it had been off to a rough start, this might be one of their best adventures yet.