I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, I know you’re sick of hearing it, and I know that words will never truly make up for what I took away from you. But I need you to know one last time that I wish I could fix everything I put you through. Yet even with all of those hardships, you have grown into an incredible young woman.
I care for you a great deal, Claire, even though I know our relationship has had quite a few ups and downs. It’s no surprise that you are strong, you have fought battles and faced demons, both literal and figurative, that no one your age should have had to. It’s your vulnerability, letting people like Jody, Alex, Sam, and Dean into your heart and accepting their love for you that fills me with the utmost pride. I know that hasn’t been easy for you, that it could be easier to push people away, but you were brave enough to start bringing your walls down even though you have been hurt too many times before.
I have no right to speak for him, I know, but I do know that your father would’ve been so proud of you. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life, despite all of my mistakes.
I thank you for being my friend. Through you I have learned kindness and forgiveness even when I have deserved it the least. You have often felt like there’s something in you that is evil or cursed but I want you to know that that could not be farther than the truth. You have a good heart, Sam. No matter what mistakes you’ve made, your compassion and strength continues to astound me.
I truly apologize for any times I’ve brought you grief. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t regret what I once did to you, breaking the wall in your mind. I know you say that it is in the past but it will always be one of my deepest regrets.
Thank you for being like a brother to me and for letting me become a part of your family. I hope that after I’m gone you get a chance to finally rest and have a chance at happiness, you deserve that.
While I was in heaven, I observed the way humans created families and saw the intense, unique love that only a parent can feel for their child, but I always looked at it in an objective point of view, I never expected to understand, much less experience that type of love in my life. But then I met you, and I finally understood.
Being one of your fathers has been one of the greatest joys in my life and I am very thankful that I got the privilege to be a part of your life. Your mother knew that you were destined for good things, and I know that she would be incredibly proud of the man you have become, just as I am. You broke the mold, Jack. You shattered everyone’s expectations and no matter what, you always do your best to be kind-hearted. That isn’t an easy task, especially when you’re born into a world that is rooting against you and blaming you for your father’s misdeeds, but you did it.
You continue to try and make the right choices every day, and you make me so proud to call you my son. Never lose that bright light inside of you. I love you, Jack, and no matter where I end up after this all ends, I will miss you every day.
I have lived a long time, several thousands of years, I have met many beings; angels, humans, and monsters alike, and I have seen some of the most incredible events come to pass on Earth and in Heaven. But I don’t believe my life truly began until I placed a hand on you and raised you from Hell.
It was your strength, your pain, your selflessness, and your beauty that made me see the wonders in humanity. I began to feel because of you, and despite the fact that it was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced, I am so grateful. Since our first meeting, I have rebelled, fallen, suffered, died, and made terrible mistakes. But because of this, I have grown for the better. Through all of the struggles, I found a family. I found you.
Love is an extremely human emotion, and I know that there was a time I would’ve seen it as a sign of weakness. I would’ve scoffed at the idea of falling in love with a human, I would’ve been ashamed of myself if I knew my future. But now, I believe that loving you has been my greatest achievement in all of my life.
There are many things I wish I could’ve told you sooner. I wish I told you how nice it sounds when you accidentally use your real voice singing along to songs in the car, or how confused I was the first time my heart skipped a beat when I saw you genuinely smile because of something I said, or how your love and commitment for your family inspires me endlessly, or how many times I’ve wondered how it is that everyone doesn’t love you as I love you, how someone could know you and ever take that connection for granted.
I know you most likely don’t feel the same way, and that’s okay. Loving you has been a privilege. I am sorry I have to leave you now, you must believe me when I say it breaks my heart to do so. I hope by some miracle, we can see each other again someday.
After I’m gone I want you to remember this: I know taking care of your family is the most important thing to you, but please take care of yourself as well. You don’t realize how precious you are. Thank you for everything, Dean. Thank you for being the best part of my life.