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There's lovers to be had.

Chapter Text


a private conversation between two people.
"it so happened that their tête-à-tête was in earshot"
involving or happening between two people in private.
"a tête-à-tête meal"


I'm not going to pretend I am a good person, I know what I've done is perfectly wrong, it doesn't mean I started out maliciously though. It was pretty innocent actually, I was really surprised when Lacy brought it up, well I guess a threesome isn't exactly innocent but I wasn't the one who started it.

Lacy. Alex's gal of three years. Is surprisingly loud and boisterous when comfortable, namely when drunk but also if she's just come back from the spa. I presume her and Al are more relaxed but I don't really know Lacy despite being Al's bezzie mate and so usually when we hang out, it feels like you've put on a shirt a size to small. Doable but not enjoyable.

I'd love to get on with her better, but touring and that kind of puts a restriction on bonding and actually knowing people.

So one day when we're all collapsed on Alex's denim blue sofa in Sheffield, wine drunk and sipping on Bailey's at 3am. A rerun of Strictly Come Dancing playing in the background as we murmur conversation. I am a little more than shocked when Lacy just suddenly starts talking about threesomes, sex, and porn. Something about how she got bored one night. And I mean as someone who has walked round’ the block with celebrities from time to time, I know all about the naughty and nice. I just wasn’t expecting her to go on about it, I mean sure in front of Al but not me. Especially because she always seems so nervous around me, when I first met her I thought maybe she was one of those girls who let the fans convince them of me and Al being gay.

I look at Al and raise a brow, both of us giggling at her drunkenness, little sweet Lacy talking her gob off about how she once watched some very dirty porn. Snickering knowing I'd watched way worse than whatever she was on about, I’d probably seen anything she’d watched on her phone live and much worse, or better depending on how you see it. “See what I'm dealing with Kane, she looks sweet, but she's a reyt old dirty fucker” Alex croons in the darkness of his living room. Probably letting his hand wander to her thigh.

Lacy's face scrunches inwards, a laugh bubbling over her lips as she spills a spot of her Bailey's, “Ally babe, I'm not a dirty fucker, if anything you are, saying all tha--”

And that's when Alex's hand landed perfectly over Lacy's mouth, “Shush you, think you've 'ad too much to drink, dunno what you're talking about, she's barmy Kane. Absolutely bloody barmy!” Alex practically screams as he jumps to his feet, drunkenly stumbling and pointing back at Lacy while giggling.

The paintings on the wall seem to drip as I begin to imagine what on earth Alex had been saying. Probably shouldn’t let your mind wander there Kane, that's their business.

Well curiosity did kill the cat.

But satisfaction brought it back.

Al still stood on the plush cream caret in his living room tells us his going to the little boys room, the slick of the sofa suddenly becomes a little tighter v v v as Al pots off to the bathroom in his robe that is loosely tied at his hips. He pats out of the kitchen and then Lacy's eyes are bright and wide and focused on me. I can see the white of her eyeball staring at me as her mind ticks on what to say.

“So Miles….. Would'ya have a threesome?” Lacy's new found confidence was still kicking me in the teeth, but nonetheless I reply.

“What in general? Cos hate to break it to ya, but been there, done that”

“No not in general, I mean don't take this offensively but your Miles Kane, of course you've had a threesome, no. With Al. With me.”

I turn, no longer looking at her, I can suddenly feel every centimeter of her that is touching me, I can feel the blood around my bones and organs speed up in its race, as I think about what on earth to say. I suddenly feel like the girls in clubs on West Street that boys prey on like animals. Locked in and unnerved.

“Are you thinking about it, I am.”

“Thi- Yo- You Can’t.” I get out, red covering my skin like a disease that has spread far too quickly for my liking. I rarely feel embarrassed, I can feel her joy, the radiance coming from her skin as she giggles at a confound Miles Kane.

“Don’t worry, he’s the one that brought it up, I’m not doing anything he wouldn’t want.”

I'm gobsmacked, pretty sure god just shat on my grave, I can feel a tonne on my chest. I sit there, a blank look on my face, why on earth would she, he, be saying this. My eyes blink down to my hands, a slight shake has taken over, maybe that’s just because I’m too drunk to steady myself. Or maybe it’s the nerve, the unearthed rush of anxiety that suddenly clenched it’s tight unbearing fist around my throat. I drink the last of my baileys, dropping it back without thinking, just needing something soothing for the torturous way my throat has suddenly dried up.

I cough, clearing my throat, “what?” I ask, I don’t even know what I was thinking, I mean would I? I don’t think so, I mean sure me and Al are close, and there's no denying he’s hot, and Lacy is too, I mean Lacy is beautiful, they're both stunning but I don’t think I could, It’d be weird and I can’t really imagine it.

Al walks back in before I can answer, and I am so unbelievably grateful although he may of been the one who put me in this position in the first place. Both mine and Lacy’s head shoots to him as he walks in with another full cup of Baileys.

“Alreyt?” He asks into the dark room.

From the corner of my eye, I see Lacy wink at him, the darkness not being enough of a cover for me not see. Was this their plan? Corner me, drunk and vulnerable. Were they joking? Or was this a serious endeavour. Did they want to do it tonight or sometime in the future? Questions bounced across my skull, sinking into my brain as Lacy says “Alright?” This time only directed towards me.

“Alreyt?” I say back but I sound hesitant, unsure compared to their confidence.

And then I leave, I’d sat around for a while, pretending I hadn’t just had a heart stopping conversation. Pretended to relax, pretended that my heart wasn’t banging on my ribs like church bells at the stroke of midday.

I settle in bed, my head twisting like a tree, practically knocking the air from my own lungs, and as I close my eyes to finally pass out after a long night, all I can see is them.

Alex and Lacy.

And I let my mind wander.

Chapter Text



A group of three people, a triad.
“A ternion walked by”


“Oi, do you wanna come round and smoke a joint with me and Lace?” Al calls through the phone, I’d just landed back in LA, only a couple of weeks after being in Al’s Sheffield apartment. “Yea sure, but we have to go in tha’ pool of yours”

“Deal” I can imagine him winking to Lacy as he hangs up the phone.

I scratch my chin, and wave off the aura of worry that begins to cloud my vision. Suddenly regretting the fact I’d asked to go swimming because now I’ll be staring at Alex and Lacy whilst they’re barely clothed. Whilst high. Slightly worrying.

She better not pull anything this time. I’d barely been able to get that conversation off my mind. Between all the gigs for my UK tour and the banging of the crews sex lives in the thin walls of the bus, I’d been stuck with a constant loop of a montage of not only Lacy but Alex too. Mostly images of them together, like when Al is actually comfortable in a situation and he doesn’t mind leaning right into her, whispering in her ear, or when she’s just come back from getting her nails or her eyelashes done, and she’s more pliable, her laugh higher, more relaxed and unwinded. Or at the BBQ’s we’ve had at friends when they’ve both drank too much and they sit on the couch looking dopely at each other, maybe Alex has his hand on her thigh.

And it’s weird to think that one of those times he could of been whispering to her, things about me, about us. The way we are, how we lean too close, and are lips touch when we sing but we never say anything about it. About all the things I’d never even started thinking about till now. I mean sure people have occasionally asked us if we are fucking. But before it was joke, a laugh, not its contrary.

I pull into the large driveway of Alex’s apartment. Letting my hands fall to the keys in the machine, I stall. Pausing momentarily in order to collect the shards of my brain, splattered over the front of the car, as if I’d just been in a car crash.

Probably could of been, I hadn’t been driving very carefully, too preoccupied. My mind wandering.
I collect myself, shades over my eyes, as I pull my skin and bones out of the vehicle. Dry and calloused hands brushing the door handle as I slam it, and hear a squeal coming from Lacy’s mouth as she hears my car from the backyard. Alex is lean and wrapped in swimming trunks with a small geometric pattern on them, towel hanging over his shoulders as he sips a drink from a long swirly pink straw. One which probably had been brought for one of the parties Lacey sometimes convinces Al to have.

He’s leaning against the gate which is usually left locked, Lacy suddenly appears, slim arms wrapping around his waist with a soft curl, as Al calls “Alreyt Kane, get over here and get them trouser off!” Wiggling his eyebrows as Lacey giggles.

“Only if you give me a kiss Ally baby” I chuckle, nervousness pouring into me like a failing damm. I walk up the large driveway which has the drying leaves of all the browning plants which are dying in the summer heat.

Alex swerves into me as soon as I’m close enough, a slobbery kiss pressed nearer to my mouth than my reddening cheek. “Course Mi” he says dropping a wink and sluggish sigh in content, I can see the alcohol weaving its way into his bloodstream already.

“Let’s get this show on the road then lads.” I peer at Lacy, widening my eyes in exaggerating, lifting my arms and walking into Al’s backyard. The pool sits serenely, the blue escapading water cooling the fiery air.

“Pick your poison” Lacy shouts to me from the bar that lies lavishly on the decking. “Whiskey and coke please la! ” I reply with a small shout back at her. I’m standing just before the pool, toes wiggling off of the light brown and darkened decking.

Alex’s arms are suddenly wrapping around my waist, fingers tickling my belt buckle. “Wouldn’t want you to fall in Kane,” I can hear the way he licks his lips and the way his breath gets caught in his throat as he speaks out after swallowing. My head tilts to the side, our noses colliding.

I don’t know about you, but have you ever been plugged directly into a power source, whilst simultaneously being kicked in the balls? Well imagine that but not the actual pain of it, cos that would bloody fucking hurt. But imagine the rigid amount of feeling that would suddenly electrify you, the pulsating body of intense energy that suddenly just consumes you. As if your soul actually just became a real person and you are directly two people at once. Double what you have ever been with just a sprinkle of shock.

That’s how I felt.

I mean if you were in the position could you tell me it wasn’t natural instinct to lick my lips and just lean a little bit more.

But my movements are halted by Alex again wetly saying against my cheek, “ I kissed ya, held up my end of the bargain, you better take them trousers off”

Before pulling the belt apart, far too easily and stepping back with another bloody wink, turning to Lacy and taking my drink from her.

I stare at him, waiting for his gaze, I shake my head at him and scoff. Oh it was fucking on. I begin to undress pushing off my jeans and pulling my socks off of my battered feet. Taking a step forward I grab my drink from Alex’s palm. “I don’t have any trunks with me”

“I’ll run up and get you some” He tells me with a small smirk as I take a sip of my drink. He runs off, leaving water footprints along the decking as he pulls the backdoor open. “How’ve you been Lace?”

“Oh you know, I’ve been around. How about you Kane? How was the flight, the tour... the girls?” She asks, humour beginning to curl at the centre of her mouth, tongue parting her lips with cheek.

I take another sip, letting it roll like a die over my tongue. I pop it down next to my feet, noting a scab on my ankle that I hadn’t noticed before now. I stand up again, pulling my shirt over my head, leaving me in my Fred Perry boxers and a chain. Standard Kane uniform. “You know me, I had my fun” I tell her cheekily, happy that I can see her eyes wander.

“Hoping I’ll catch a tan, England's been unfair with the weather” I add conversationally. “It always is. Mmm, a bronzed Miles Kane, can’t get much better than that.” She says with a click of her tongue, before her eyes avert to the backdoor again, as Al walks out, arms by his sides as a pair of black shorts hang from his hands.

“Here” Alex shoves the trunks into my hands, then looks at me expectantly, not knowing what I’ll do next. It takes me a couple seconds to figure out what was happening. On tour we change infront of each other. No such thing as privacy on a tour bus. His smirk is maddening as he challenges me to change right there in front of them.

I can hear the hum of a vinyl playing from his living room. Lacy suddenly coughs, “I’m just gonna go swap the record to something happier, I’ll leave you two boys, be good’’ She says in a sing song voice. My eyes lower and follow her movements until I hear the door.

I’m stood less than half a meter away from Al. I look back at his eyes, meeting the challenge, before I resume changing. Boxers fall to the floor and my feet lift up to put on Al’s trunks. I’m too scared to raise my eyes, knowing he’s looking. And it’s not like we haven’t seen each others dicks. The amount of times I’ve walked in on him having phone sex is a little alarming but I know he’s looking with intent, that makes it entirely different.

When I pull up the trunks, I raise my head and my meet Alex’s eyes. Lids begging to droop with a hot sweat along his forehead, an arrogant look crossing his features. He knows what he wants. From behind us I hear a window open and Lacy shout “Nice arse Kane!”

Both mine and Al’s heads snap to the short girl in the window, cream cover removed and now stood in a bikini with a drink and long swirly straw in hand.

Chapter Text

1. an award or privilege granted as a special honour or as an acknowledgement of merit.

The next time I see them together is when I crawl into the back of the taxi that is taking us all to an award show. Al doesn’t often attend but Lacy had apparently begged and Al had asked if I’d come with him too since all the Monkeys were busy and he “couldn’t be bloody arsed for pretentious people who think either too highly of him or think he’s a twat”. I do point out to him that people only think he’s a dickhead because he decided mist a breakdown over Alexa that acting like an arrogant cunt would make him feel better. To which he told me “we don’t speak about tha’ ya bastard”.
Lacy is seemingly already tipsy as she sips on a flute of champagne in a parallel coloured dress. The shimmery toned dress is gorgeous on her, the chiffon fabric flirting out at her waist and the bodice cupping her tightly showing off an obscene amount of cleavage, but she obviously has a faux fur (she began talking my ear off about faux fur and animal cruelty later that evening) off the shoulder cover to wrap around her and hide her skin from prying eyes.
It doesn’t stop her from leaning low down in the taxi and at other points in the night, pushing her breasts out and locking eyes with me.
Alex is wearing a bolo tie and a form fitting mustard suit. He looks extravagant even though I know he hasn’t tried at all. Lacy had forced him to wash his hair for the event though, the strands sometimes getting unwashed as he was distracted by writing, the length making it look lanky with oil, still hot though. He's sitting straight looking at his notebook, he must of been writing something before I entered the car.

“How you two doin’?” I ask, as I begin to settle into the seat, doing up my belt and straightening my suit.
“You know us Mi, we love award shows!” Lacy says sarcastically, a small peeved emotion crossing her face as I realise Alex must have been bitching before I got in the car. That’s probably why he was looking in his notebook, trying to be a dickhead by not paying her attention.
I roll my eyes at Alex whose head is still bent down and his eyes darting across the pages, and he’s scribbling something out in his book. Lacy makes a small smile which turns into a grin as I say “Don’t worry love, I’ll dance with you while Al broods.”
Which makes All neck snap up and a smile inches onto his face. He wraps an arm around Lacy and pulls her close, whispering a sorry into her ear with ease. “Oi, Miles stop trying to steal my girl”
I only reply by raising my eyebrows and crossing my legs.
Alex was invited as a guest by the event because Arctic Monkeys were up for an award, however I was not, If this had happened and Lacy wasn’t here I would of gone on to the red carpet with Alex. It isn’t exactly a joy as every chance he gets he sighs and acts annoyed whilst smiling at the photographers and journalists, I know he hates it but it doesn't really make it enjoyable. I much prefer it when we get inside and he boyishly laughs as we make rude jokes about all the the annoying people on the carpet.
I was not invited to the carpet as I wasn’t up for an award. And since Lacy was his date, I’d have to meet them back in the main hall. I left the car with a wave and a wink as it drove off to the distance where I could see a mass of people waiting.
I bumped into a few people, and started chatting to Lana Del Rey since I hadn’t seen her since the recording of Coup de Grace. About 45 minutes later hands place themselves onto my shoulders and a mouth speaks “There you are Kane, I was beginning to miss you”.
I let my eyes close for a split second before “You always miss me Al, remember when you called me back in 2014 all wheezing my name an tha’”
Alex’s hands stop for a second, a breath catching in his throat and a chuckle rising. “Hmm I’d forgotten about that”
“Why was Al causing you wheezing Mi?” Lacy asks, holding yet another flute of champagne. I think back and then look at Al, “I actually don’t remember, think you were upset but wouldn’t say”. Alex is looking at Lacy with a meaningful look, eyebrow slightly arched. And Lacy is giving a knowing look back, a giggle trying to escape. I look between them, question in my eyes before Al turns to look at me and winks.
Someone announces the show will start in a of couple minutes over the P.A. I decided to drop whatever had just happened just now. With what was happening lately, I’m not sure I wanted to know, and if I did it’d probably keep my distracted all evening.
Annoyingly Al and Lacy had specific seats and I did not however Al insisted that I come with them and that “they’ll just ask for an extra seat or something.” I agree reluctantly not wanting to faff so close to the beginning of the show. We get to their seats and Alex begins to put all their stuff down, and takes off his suit jacket. I stand to the side of them as they fiddle, looking around for a waiter. It seems like all of the waiters had left to go back to the kitchen or bar just in time for the show, because the lights suddenly dim, and I realise me and Lacy are the only one’s standing within my immediate radius.
“Sit in Lacys seat Mi, she’ll seat on a lap” I don’t question Al as I feel quite uncomfortable knowing I am in peoples eye lines who are trying to watch the show. I sit down and Lacy is immediately in my lap, one of her arms wrapped around my neck. She smiles a flirty smile down at me. I shut my eyes and shake my head in disbelief. Before looking back at Alex who is clearly smirking, however he is staring in front and refusing to look at me.
I brace myself and lift my arm to wrap around Lacy’s waist and pull her tighter. Letting my fingers push into her skin as she becomes comfortable and leans into me, giving me a sweet smile.

Suddenly I feel a grip on my leg beneath the table. My eyes flip to Alex however he’s still looking ahead. His fingers curl into the top of my thigh quite hard but I know it’s just to make sure I know it isn’t on accident. Alex eventually turns his head to look at me. Cheeks a Sangria red, and his eyes low. A meaningful look sent my way before his eyes return to the lights on the stage.