Soft knocks came upon Jimin’s door, startling him awake. He had fallen asleep at his desk, again . It became an everyday thing, another part of his routine.
“Jiminie, it’s me. I’m really tired and I don’t think I can take one more night of that damn uncomfortable couch, so, can I please-”
Jimin was already standing at the wide open door, welcoming his roommate in wordlessly. Hoseok walked past Jimin, offering a grateful smile before he flopped down on his bed, groaning in pleasure of how much he’d missed it.
Jimin sat down on Hoseok’s bed, “I’m sorry, hyung.” His voice was wrapped in sleep, making it grainy and quiet.
“For what?” Hoseok questioned.
“For…” Jimin gestured his arms and hands to the room, to the left towards the door and living room. “For everything I’ve been making you do. Kicking you out of the room, having you sleep on the couch, the other members worry about if we’re getting along, I’m just- I’m sorry, Hoseok. It won’t happen again. The room is back to being ours, I swear.”
Hoseok was surprised by the younger’s apology. “Jimin-ah… Don’t feel super sorry. I just- I miss my bed and the comfort of my room, you know? It made me a little stir crazy, I guess.” Hoseok was slowly slipping under the covers of his bed, sleep gnawing at his body and mind.
“I just… I want everyone to actually like the song. I’m scared they won’t.” Jimin mumbled, Hoseok barely able to hear him.
“Jiminie, people are going to love it. From the tiny bits I’ve heard when I couldn’t sleep, it sounds beautiful. You’re working hard on it, and it’s going to sound amazing. I promise you.”
After Hoseok’s sleepy pep talk, Jimin wandered off to another hyung’s room. Knocking on the door, he noticed through the crack at the bottom glowing with light that he was still awake.
“Namjoonie?” He whispered.
The door opened to reveal Namjoon still in the clothes he wore earlier that day. Jimin went out with him for a walk to help with his photos he’d post on Twitter after they got back. He had been wearing loose pants with an oversized t-shirt, half covered up by the matching jacket Namjoon was wearing. Now, he didn’t wear said jacket and had his glasses on, he just looked comfortable; in his element.
“Need help, Jiminie? Is Hoseok asleep?” Namjoon peered through their dorm to try and see if the light was on from Jimin’s room, but his eyes hit a wall before they hit Jimin’s door.
Jimin nodded. “Out like a light. He really wanted his bed back, and I really needed your help, so I caved.”
Namjoon nodded, letting Jimin into his room. Namjoon closed the door, confused when he turned around to see Jimin simply standing in the middle of the room. “What’s up, JImin?”
Jimin silently walked over to Namjoon and wrapped his arms around the tall man, basking in his expensive cologne that’s wearing off and the soft material of his Ryan shirt. Just because of these things, Jimin gripped him harder, more desperate; he hugged Namjoon like his life depended on it. Namjoon hugged back just as tight, unsure of why exactly Jimin was acting like this but simply pinned it on his naturally affectionate personality. Namjoon also didn’t mind the scent of his strawberry shampoo much, either.
Eventually, Jimin backed away, hands lingering on Namjoon’s arms while Namjoon’s own hands had fallen to his own sides, seemingly having no place to be.
“Hyung, do you…” Jimin trailed off, looking down, “Do you like me?” Jimin’s head sprung up when he went over the odd phrasing. “A-As a person, I mean. Do you like me as a person?”
Namjoon smiled, his dimples being proudly put on show, making Jimin bite back a small grin. When Jimin look up to meet Namjoon’s eyes, he was confused to see his eyes not lit up like the rest of his expression. “Of course I do, Jimin-ah! Why wouldn’t I?”
Jimin shook his head, leaning into Namjoon again for another hug. “I don’t know. I don’t like me, so how can others?”
Namjoon pulled away from the embrace quickly upon hearing Jimin speak into his neck. Namjoon gripped Jimin’s shoulders gently, “Woah, woah, woah. Why don’t you like you?”
Jimin shrugged and gave a big sigh, “Because… I-I can’t always sing as well as I should be able to, my voice is so high that it cracks at our concerts so I let down the fans by giving them a half-par performance. Sometimes I screw up the choreography because I’m distracted so we have to start again, which is just annoying to everybody. I crave attention and acceptance and praise and-”
“Jimin, shut up.” Namjoon brings him into another tight hug, processing Jimin’s feelings. “You’re wrong.”
Namjoon’s hand involuntarily rose to Jimin’s head, beginning to soothe him by running his fingers through his jet black hair. “You, Park Jimin, are perfect. Nothing less, and any part of you that denies it is blind. You sing beautifully, you dance so gracefully, and we all need acceptance, and love, and praise. Everyone does. I do. You do. Yoongi does, Taehyung does, all of us. It’s a human trait.” He pauses, “But why do you think so badly of yourself?”
“I don’t like failing. I don’t like rejection, or disappointing people. And I always do.” Jimin begins to heat up in the most uncomfortable way. He feels his ears redden and face tighten as his throat feels restricted as tears make their way through Jimin’s barricade. “Always.”
“Jimin, show me the progress you’ve made on the song.” Namjoon says to Jimin almost as a distraction. JImin pouts in response, but also runs to his room quickly to get the USB drive the file was saved on. When he comes back, Namjoon has his computer on and the software open and ready for Jimin’s track.
When Jimin inserted the drive and the data popped up, Namjoon scanned his eyes over the additions Jimin had made on the vocals. “Did you add the back up vocals?” Jimin nods in response, Namjoon’s eyes returning back to his screen. “Can I listen?” JImin was hesitant, but eventually his shoulders fell and he gave in, letting Namjoon preview his song.
When Namjoon finished listening about two minutes later, Jimin looked at his features nervously, trying to sift through them for any kind of emotion or response. “So? Is it okay?”
Namjoon looked at Jimin who was standing next to him. He stood up and embraced Jimin with a smile plastered over his face. “Jimin… That…”
Jimin began to worry that this was only to comfort him of a bad impact on it’s way, the anxiety climbing up to his head again after spreading throughout his whole body. His heart had also started beating faster, mostly because of his building anxiety, but there was still a part of him that was unable to identify the other reason.
“Don’t worry, Jimin.” Namjoon’s soft voice broke through his thoughts. “I’m proud of you. So, so proud.” Jimin thought Namjoon’s sentence was cut off at the end, but there wasn’t any continuation, so Jimin brushed it off. “Jimin, for your first, finished, self-produced track, that is absolutely amazing. Your voice is beautiful, it goes so well with the guitar. I wish I could sing like that.” Namjoon chuckled, and Jimin felt his stomach and mind go awry at the sound as it filled their comfortable silence.
“When do you plan to release it?” Namjoon pulled back and smiled.
“I don’t know if I will, hyung.” Jimin said.
“Please, Jimin, you should. ARMY will love it, the other members will love it, I promise.”
With a very sudden burst of confidence, Jimin began to sing a verse of his song, Namjoon letting them sway side to side as they rested their hands on each other’s waist and necks. They had to admit to themselves, even for them, this was a bit odd, but they both went along with the other flawlessly.
“Now promise me, oh oh, several times a day, oh oh, even if you feel it yourself, oh oh,”
“Don’t leave yourself, oh oh,” Namjoon quietly joined in, resulting in Jimin smiling widely as he continued singing with Namjoon.
“Oh oh oh oh, stop for a moment here,”
Jimin subtly reached for Namjoon’s hand, the other complying.
“Intertwine our pinkies,”
This time, Namjoon followed through with the lyrics as his pinkie held Jimin’s much smaller one.
“And promise me now, oh oh oh oh,”
When their voices faded out, the only thing left to focus on was how they had somehow gotten closer to each other. Their chests were now touching, their breathing mixing as they seemed to close their distance in an excruciatingly slow fashion. Namjoon began tilting his head and his eyes became hooded, Jimin knew what was about to happen, but…
“Namjoon.. What…” His voice was nearly inaudible, and it was silenced by Namjoon’s lips landing on his. Gently, slowly, their lips began to move against each other’s and they became more comfortable with it. Jimin’s plump lips were heaven to Namjoon’s slightly chapped ones, and Jimin couldn’t believe this was happening.
He didn’t not like it, he just… He didn’t know exactly why he didn’t. Jimin didn’t know why his heart felt like it was on an acid trip, and why his brain was encouraging this. He didn’t know, but he loved it. He loved this feeling. He loved the feeling of kissing Namjoon. So when Namjoon broke it off and leaned away, Jimin was embarrassed when they both noticed him chasing his lips.
Soon, though, they were both brought back down to Earth and both of them realized what this meant. For them. For their friendship. For their group. For their career. They just set a match in the forest and it was bound to catch on something.
“Jimin, I- we-”
“I need to go,” Jimin began to panic and pushed Namjoon away, “Now.”
“Jimin, fuck.” Namjoon watched as Jimin sped out of his room, feeling like pure shit. Why had he done that? Why couldn’t he control himself?
A few moments later, Namjoon heard the front door close loudly, enough to wake up any member who was a light sleeper. He wandered out of his room, fighting back his sudden urge to drop to the ground and sob as he waited to see if one of them was awake.
As if on cue, Seokjin and Yoongi came out of their rooms, groaning about how they were so rudely awoken.
“Namjoon, what was that noise?” Yoongi muttered, looking around for any kind of broken furniture.
“It was.. I-It was nothing. Jimin just bolted out because he um, he- he had said that he left something at the studio, so he was going to go get it.” Namjoon quickly sputtered out his excuse, wanting nothing more but to lock himself in his room rather than face his own friends.
Yoongi nodded, and Seokjin spoke up. “Joon, are you alright? You look like you’re about to cry.”
Namjoon tried laughing, and deemed it convincing enough to trick their tired selves. “It’s nothing, I just finished a book and it had a really sad ending, so.” He shrugged.
Seokjin seemed to have bought his lie, Yoongi too, since they soon went back into their rooms after saying goodnight again.
Namjoon laid in his bed for hours, dying to sleep away the headache that was haunting him since Jimin left. His limbs felt weak and his mind was numb. He estimated it had been about three and a half hours since Jimin ran out, and Namjoon worried more than he wished possible.
Finally at around 5:30 AM, Namjoon was in the middle of dozing off against his will when he heard the front door open and close. Namjoon sprung up and quickly left his room to see if Jimin was back. He snuck out and saw a figure with Jimin’s frame facing away from him, on his phone leaning sideways against the wall.
Namjoon fought against his mind, which was telling him to say something. Instead, he watched quietly and the figure sighed heavily and sniffled before going into Jimin and Hoseok’s shared room and closing the door.
Jimin and Namjoon weren’t the same for weeks after that night. It didn’t take long for everyone, including the fans and company to notice their awkward tension. After all, they hadn’t truly spoken in over a month. They spoke for interviews, award shows, on videos being uploaded by the company to YouTube, but nothing genuine, anywhere they spoke, it was scripted. So when the fans noticed that, the company started riding their asses.
The one thing Jimin and Namjoon didn’t expect at 7 AM on a Sunday morning was being pulled into their manager’s office and sat down next to each other to be yelled at.
“What happened between you two? What stupid disagreement caused this tension between you? The fans are starting to suspect you two had a falling out and are no longer friends at all. That better not be the case. I really hope you two aren’t letting something stupid ruin your image, maybe even your whole career.”
Namjoon mentally snorted. It wouldn’t be our tension that would ruin our careers.
“You two,” their manager pointed at them, “Need to fix whatever happened, and fast. Kiss and make up, for both your sakes.”
Jimin and Namjoon couldn’t lie about how their hearts absolutely dropped at the words of advice. If only he had known what happened.
“Yes, sir.” They said in unison.
They silently walked next to each other on the way back to their dorm, their tension as thick as ice.
“Don’t.” Jimin snapped.
Namjoon almost gasped at how Jimin responded. “He just said we-”
Jimin stopped walking and stopped Namjoon as well by putting a hand on his shoulder roughly. “I know what he said, Namjoon. I’m not deaf. But I’m also not going to.”
Namjoon’s mood was turning sour with Jimin’s, and when they got back to the dorm they ran into Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook on their way out, something about going to practice at the studio.
They figured Yoongi and Seokjin were still asleep since their lights were off, so it was basically just Namjoon and Jimin.
“How about we forget about what happened?” Jimin suggests out of the blue, turning to face Namjoon.
“No!” Namjoon responds a little too quick, causing Jimin to raise an eyebrow at him. “I don’t want to.”
Jimin scoffs, “Unbelievable.” And turns around from Namjoon to go into his room.
Later in the day, much later, actually, Yoongi and Seokjin say they’re going out shopping, which is basically code for ‘we’re going drinking’. Jungkook had come home an hour ago and passed out in his bed, not even telling Namjoon and Jimin when the other two would be home.
Namjoon is just scrolling through his phone, playing a game over text with his friend when he gets a notification that someone tweeted from the group’s conjoined account. Expecting it to be Hoseok and Taehyung, and curious as to what they could still be out doing at midnight, he opened the notification and went to Twitter. When the tweet loaded, it wasn’t what he had expected.
When Namjoon tapped the link, he saw another link to Soundcloud, it being a cover saying “Promise” on it. Namjoon brought it up in Soundcloud and pressed play, realizing it was Jimin’s song. He had finally found a name for it. After listening to the song in it’s entirety, Namjoon’s first idea was to go to Jimin and congratulate him, tell him how proud he is. Then it dawned on him that Jimin probably doesn’t want to see him.
Nevertheless, that didn’t stop Namjoon from trying. He got up from his bed and walked to the other side of the dorm to Jimin and Hoseok’s room. Namjoon stood outside for a few moments, assessing the different ways this can go before he finally raised his hand to knock on the door.
The knocks rang out in the empty dorm, Namjoon knew Jimin heard them and just hoped they hadn’t woken Jungkook up. To Namjoon’s surprise, the door did open, and not to the sight he had expected.
There Jimin stood, staring up at Namjoon’s shocked figure with empty eyes and a tearstained face. Jimin’s track “Promise” was playing softly on loop in the background.
“Namjoon.. I’m so sorry.” Jimin’s voice breaks, “I’m so, so sorry.”
“For- For what?” Namjoon tried to embrace Jimin but he backed away into his room, Namjoon following suit and shutting the door.
“Just- Okay, look, sit down,” Jimin pointed to a spot on his bed next to him, “Let me… Explain.”
“When we were on that variety show last month, where we were asked to describe our dream girlfriend, I realized that the things that I said… They were so different than what my answers had always been. Then I realized- Oh, God.” Jimin paused to take a breather, Namjoon figuring it’s best not to touch Jimin just yet.
“Go on, it’s okay, I’m right here.” Namjoon comforted with his voice.
Jimin nodded. “My description was that she had to be smart, a mix of goofy and serious, be willing to accept my flaws, be loving and accepting of everybody no matter who they are, be kind, be funny, have dimples, and all these other things but… What I realized is that-” Jimin paused and shook his hands while taking in a deep breath, looking Namjoon in the eyes. “I realized I had eventually described you, to a ‘T’.”
Namjoon was only partially surprised, even though this was news to him. Namjoon had been oblivious to the description until Jimin spoke it directly to him. Namjoon then took his chances with touching Jimin and made sure Jimin knew he was going to hug him. He flinched, but let it happen.
“You aren’t… Mad?” Jimin whispered.
Namjoon scoffed, “How could I be mad at the man I’m…” Namjoon’s voice got quiet, almost quieter than a whisper. If Namjoon was any farther from Jimin, he wouldn’t have heard him finish his sentence, “The man I’m in love with.”
Jimin’s world stopped as he heard those words roll off Namjoon’s tongue.
“You.. You’re in love… With me?” Jimin said in disbelief. He turned to face Namjoon, who was smiling shyly at him.
“Yeah, I guess it wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was.” Namjoon chuckled nervously and looked down.
“Namjoonie…” Jimin whispered, tilting his head upwards to look at him, “Look at me.”
Jimin saw the tears brimming Namjoon’s eyes and his lips quivering, making Jimin gasp. Jimin’s hands came up to hold Namjoon’s face as if it could shatter like glass at any given moment. That’s when they both seem to tune back into the background noise that has since been forgotten. Jimin sees it as his chance to try and cheer Namjoon up.
“I want you to be your light, baby, you should be your light. So you won’t be hurting anymore, so that you can smile more.”
Namjoon smiled weakly as he whispered the lyrics while Jimin sang them roughly, “I want you to be your night, baby, you could be your night. So the night can be more honest with you.”
They both looked deep into each other’s eyes as they quietly sang and eventually whispered the next lyrics.
“Now promise me, oh oh.”
“Even if several times a day, oh oh, you feel alone, oh oh.”
“Don’t throw yourself away, oh oh.”
“Oh oh oh oh, stop for a moment here.”
Their hands traveled towards each other, their pinkies hooking on one another, “Intertwine our pinkies.”
“Now promise me, oh oh oh oh…” Jimin and Namjoon’s last few notes faded away with the song a little big as they began to lean closer to each other, become comfortable with this kind of situation.
Their lips met for the second time in weeks, and they didn’t realize yet how much they had missed each other’s lips. Soft lips on chapped ones, bringing the other pair back to life with enticing motion. They kept the kiss slow and affectionate, not wanting to go anywhere other than here. When the two became breathless, they leaned away and stared at each other as they caught their breaths.
“I think I’m in love with you too, Namjoon. I think I have been for a long time, and I didn’t even know it.”