There are many unanswered questions in this world, such as “Is God real?”, “What happens after we die?” but Bakugou Katsuki had one question, and he’s still looking for an answer.
“What is love?”
It was hard for him to answer that because he’s never been actually in love. Or maybe he was, he just never realized.
Come to think of it, that’s actually a really tricky question. Everyone has their own definition of love. So what is Katsuki’s?
“What is love?” the question pops up in his head when the school year at U.A starts, he’s finally properly training to be the number one hero. There are many unfamiliar faces in his class, just a bunch of extras, he thinks. A weird Sonic-wanna-be guy, weird frog girl and a loud, red-haired dude that was slowly getting on his nerves. And of course, Deku.
Fucking Deku. Little shit thinks he’s sneaky, thought he’d get away with hiding his quirk this whole entire time. Who did he think Katsuki is? Not an idiot, that’s what Katsuki definitely wasn’t.
Ever since he entered U.A he promised himself he’ll surpass not only the number one hero himself but also Deku since the bastard just had the audacity to look down on him. Thinks he’s all mighty and cool now, fucking not.
“What is love?” he thinks when he’s in the changing room, getting ready for the final round of the Sports Festival. He feels all sore but of course, he’s not gonna give up. Mother raised no quitter.
Speaking of his mother, is she watching him? She’s not on the tribunes, obviously, who the fuck has time for that? But does she have the TV turned on? Is she cheering for her son? His dad probably forced her to. Sometimes he’s too good for her. But, there’s one undeniable fact – they love each other. Even though they’re the exact opposites, they’re still full of love for each other. Katsuki wonders what’s that like.
No. He shouldn’t bother himself. He has a freaking match to win. Fucking Halfie will have no chances against him.
Although he has to admit, Shitty Hair threw some good punches at him. He’s nowhere near Katsuki’s level, but he’s good. His quirk’s cool. He can harden his body, which would go in handy for Katsuki. He could throw explosions at him and Kirishima would get minor injuries. Maybe he’ll spar with him in the future.
“What is love?” the stupid question interrupts him during the break. Actually, it’s not the question that stops him. It’s the certain red-headed boy who came up to his seat, asking for help in studying. As if Kirishima couldn’t study by himself or with Yaoyorozu, who, if Katsuki remembered right, also offered to help him. But who is Katsuki to reject him? He’s not as annoying as Dunce Face or Deku, so there’s that.
Their meeting goes better than Bakugou expected. Obviously, Kirishima is a huge dumbass, there’s no doubt about that. But he’s also a quick learner, so he understood the math problem he used to struggle with in less than half an hour.
Bakugou, however… Since that day, he’s found himself struggling with a problem. Not math-related, of course. More like, heart-related. He’s often catching himself staring at the redhead in class and paying even closer attention to his face, his voice. It only took him a couple of months to realise how good-looking his classmate was.
“What is love?” Katsuki wonders when he’s all chained up in the villain’s hideout. Yeah, he was scared but he’d rather kill himself than admit that. He had to put on a tough act to convince himself that yes, he will be fine and yes, heroes will come to his rescue. Although, he can’t ignore the small voice in the back of his head that keeps wondering who’d miss him if something happened to him right now. Well, anything can happen. He can get killed or dragged into their League. He’s always been told his behaviour is not heroic, that he acts like a villain.
So, if he actually became one… Would anyone miss him? The people that claim they love him… would they miss him? Would…
Would Kirishima miss him?
The thought sits heavily on Katsuki’s chest until he sees All Might and he can finally let go of his worries. He hears the iconic ”I am here,” and suddenly, everything is fine. Katsuki feels like a small kid, feels ready to get on his knees and thank everyone for helping him out. But of course, he won’t do that. He’s going to be a hero! He can’t show how weak he actually is.
“What is love?” the world goes quiet and suddenly this question is the only thing that can be heard. All Might is fighting with someone who might be the League’s boss. All of the horrible thoughts pass by Katsuki’s mind, even those where he considers All Might dying an option. No, All Might can’t die. He won’t. He’ll be fine.
And then, as if by some miracle, he sees his classmates sprinting across the sky. He sees Deku, Iida and Yaoyorozu. He sees Todoroki and…
“Come!” he hears. He sees a hand reaching out for him and it takes him a second to realise that it’s Kirishima’s hand.
Katsuki needs to reach it.
And when he does, he feels relieved. He couldn’t be any more glad that Kirishima’s here. Katsuki’s heart flutters at the sight of their hands intertwined.
Thank God, he thinks.
“What is love?” is something Katsuki asks himself. Although, technically, it’s not Katsuki. Well, it is Katsuki, but in his dream.
Dream? More like a nightmare.
He sees himself, standing in front of his parents, his classmates, all of the pro-heroes he used to admire. But…
But All Might’s not there. And when he asks about his whereabouts, he sees Aizawa stepping out of the line. His always tired eyes are now glowing with the crimson-red colour.
”The All Might era we know is now over, thanks to you,” he says. Katsuki’s lungs burn and he wants to scream but he can’t. It feels like a rope is tightened around his throat and every time he tries to say something, it ends with a fail.
“If only you weren’t so weak,” this time, he hears his mother speaking. “I can’t believe I raised such a weakling,”
Katsuki shuts his eyes, wishing for the nightmare to end. And when it ends, he’s sitting on his bed, shaking, with uncontrollable tears streaming down his face.
Calm down, he thinks, calm the fuck down.
The door suddenly open themselves up and in them stands Kirishima. His hair down, in his iconic Crimson Riot pyjamas. When he locks eyes with Katsuki, he says nothing. He slowly sits down next to Katsuki, carefully as if the ash-blonde was made of glass that was about to shatter within any harsh movement. That’s how Katsuki felt, honestly.
“You screamed,” Kirishima whispers, his voice full of worry, “Is everything all right?” he asks, although the answer to him is very obvious. Katsuki will tell him to leave, assure him that he’s fine but Kirishima knows better and he knows that Katsuki needs someone to be there with him.
And, as annoying as it is, Katsuki just cannot stop crying. The nightmare was horrible, so vivid and felt so real to the point it hurts the boy when just thinking about it. None of the boys say anything, the only thing that could be heard in Katsuki’s room was his quiet sobbing.
And then, he feels a strong pair of arms wrap around his tiny, tiny body. His instinct tells him to throw Kirishima from the window. But when Katsuki notices how his body stops shaking, how an unfamiliar warmth spreads across his chest and how he wants Kirishima to stay like this with him for the rest of the night…
That’s when Katsuki thinks that this, this, in fact, might be love.