Chapter 1: Empty fridge (prologue)
“Larry. I went out to get some coffee from walmart. Don't tell Neil its from walmart. Don't eat Sal’s cheetos. - Todd”
Larry’s heart sank at that last part. What the fuck was he going to have for breakfast? Larry knew those where Sal’s cheetos but he had been dreaming about them all goddamn night. It’s very frustrating to have your DREAMS CRUSHED by a single sentence. He was thinking of pretending he didn't see the note, but he hesitated. How crushed would Sal be? Sal loved cheetos… with a defeated sigh, Larry tore open the fridge to see if there was anything in there he could eat instead. Larry stared into the empty, horrible smelling abyss that was the fridge.
“SAL!” Larry yelled up the stairs.
There was a pause as Larry’s scream echoed through the house. There was a clattering from upstairs. “WHAT?” Sal’s voice screamed back.
“THERE’S NO FUCKING FOOD,” Larry replied closing the fridge door. After another pause, there was tapping from the stairs as a slipper clad Sal trotted down the stairs. His prosthetic was crooked and his sweater was on backwards.
“Seriously? I just went like what, two weeks ago?”
“Sal, you gotta go more than once every two weeks, there’s like six people in this house.” Muttered a voice from the stairs. It was Ash, and she was wearing Sal’s pink boxers and an a housecoat around her shoulders.
“What? There’s five.” Larry asked scratching his scalp.
“Gizmo,” Both Ash and Sal said in unison.
Larry was at first very confused, but then he remembered Gizmo was basically everyone in the house’s collective son.
“Oh,” Larry said, “Well, Bottom line, I need some food.”
Sal let out an exhausted sigh. “I can order food but it’s not gonna get here quick.”
“Nah, here-“ Ash ran to her Purse and pulled out something only Sal and Larry dreamed of owning.
“Credit card.” They both mumbled in awe as Ash slapped it on the counter.
“Run to the Whole Foods and find yourself something.”
“What about you guys?” Larry asked.
Sal couldn’t tear his eyes away from the gorgeous red card of wealth on the counter. “Mnn, nah man I already ate-” He muttered absent mindedly. It took Larry a moment but, by the look on Ash’s scarlet red face, it wasn't too hard to catch onto the innuendo.
Ash tugged him out of the room whining about how much of an asshole he was, while Sal chuckled at his own dirty joke.
Larry smiled at them. It sort of just then dawned on him, that he kinda forgot they were dating. Todd and Neil had always been so lovey dovey cuddly that Larry had never thought about it much, but when Ash and Sal started dating, nothing changed. They still treated each other like the best of friends, but now they sometimes have sex, Larry thought to himself. A wave of jealousy sort of speared him just then. Larry couldn't remember the last time he had a significant other, hell, he doesn't remember if he’s been on a date since he turned twenty.
Larry picked up the red card off the counter, seeing his warped reflection in the silver numbers. Credit card. Endless money. Endless possibilities.
Meanwhile, a young adult is having some trouble starting their car. That young adult, happens to be you. You’re headed to whole foods.
Chapter 2: Yogurt boy
Larry runs into you TWICE IN A ROW!!!!
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
“Hiiiiiii~ welcome to WholeFoods!” An over enthusiastic door woman greeted you with an enormous grin. She has even more enormous breasts.
You gave a wave back, and a half smile as a soft of acknowledgement of “please for the love of god don’t try to start a conversation with me”. The woman seemed to get the hint, and turned to the person behind you giving them the same greeting.
You basically stormed through the store as fast as you could. Giant block of Swiss cheese? Check. Whole grain bread? Check. Organic lettuce? Check. Last thing on your list was yogurt. You walked quickly over to the yogurt section, hoping to be in and out as quickly as possible.
As you lay your hands on a six pack of yogurt, a figure in the corner of your eye caught your attention. A tall man in his early 20s was running his fingers over blueberry yogurt containers. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks and his hair was long and greasy. For some reason, he peaked your interest.
He noticed you looking at him and he picked up a tub of Greek yogurt, pointing at the label. “Do you know what probiotics are?” He asked. “Are those like reverse antibiotics? They’re like…infections?”
Oh, so he’s a crackhead, You thought. The dude gave you a grin revealing a gap between his front teeth. Oh, so he’s a beautiful crackhead. Wow. I want to kiss this man, You thought.
“Uh, it means bacteria-” You started, and you watched as his beautiful face twisted into one of disgusted fear.
“Yo… the shit that makes you sick?” He slowly reached to put the yogurt back on the shelf.
You laughed, charmed by his jokes (either that or he really was that dumb). He had this charming way of talking, relaxed and laid back, a blissfully ignorant grin spread across his face. Talking to him felt... good. Natural. He fumbled with his hands, flipping a red credit card between his long elegant fingers. You thought about how it perfectly matched yours, the same company, only in blue.
It's about eight am, a couple days later. You’re at your job, at the awful StreetSmacker video store you work at. You hadn't really thought of the beautiful stranger at wholefoods a few days ago, but his number was in your phone, practically begging to be called. Eventually though, the whole thing slipped from your mind and you forgot about it.
Life didn’t wait for the lovely Larry whom you’d only caught his first name. The cashier raised an eyebrow at him when the name Ashley Campbell popped up on the register. The woman must have thought he’d stolen it, as she was rather old, and he looked like the mischievous youth of today. The kind that likes to skateboard indoors and steal the purses of unsuspecting women. It took him awhile to convince her his roommate was lending him her credit card to get them breakfast. After you bought your groceries and he had his donuts and peaches, he waved goodbye to you and walked to the housing residences not far away. You almost felt it was the last time you’d ever see him.
It was not. Just as you’re about to pick up a magazine from behind the counter to read, the electric entrance bell to the store chimed it’s ear bleeding electronic buzz. You heard a muffled voice from the front say “Jesus that scared me.” And a girl laughing. You couldn’t see their faces, but you watched as a pack of five college age kids shuffled over to the featured section.
“Mm. Chainsaw.” Muttered the one with red hair.
“That movie was some shit, Todd and you know it. They don’t even leave the room they’re in.”
Came a familiar voice. You leaned over as far as you could, and poking out from the top was Larry! The guy from wholefoods! You felt your heart leap in your chest.
“Aw come on, it wasn’t that bad…” the man with cornrows commented, “Howbout Mouth? It’s a classic.”
“Ick. Sharks.” Said the girl in purple.
“That’s the point Ash.” Said the short guy with bright blue hair. He was also wearing a mask, and you recognized it as a prosthetic face. You’d seen prosthetic ears, as your dad had one, and the front of the mask looked like part of the ear your father had. It was made out of the same silicon. The guy with blue hair must have a disability or disfigurement of some sort. Maybe poor bone structure. “Uh… Ash what’s your favorite horror movie?”
Ash… like Ashley? Like the name on Larry’s credit card?
“Mmm. Gotta say The Possession.”
Larry sucked in a deep breath. “That one freaks me the fuck out.” He said a wince on his face.
“I’ve never seen it.” The man with cornrows commented.
“Settled.” The man with blue hair said.
“No- fuck you- Sal, I don’t WANT TO.” Larry protested following the short little man to the counter. Just then, Larry made eye contact with you. His face changed from one of playful anguish to one of surprised delight.
“Oh! Hi!” He said, a huge smile cracking across his face.
this took way too long and im sorry its so boring!! Been busy with homestuck and Mob Psycho and I forgot SallyFace existed for a hot second. Next chapter wont be filler i promise