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Forgive me

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“I’ll fucking kill you.” Gerard heard. But he knew he didn’t mean it. He knew Frank was just saying it. He knew that those words were empty and meaningless. Frankie would never hurt him, right?

“I’ve already told you I’m sorry! I didn’t do it to hurt you…” Was all Gerard could say. He couldn’t exactly think about anything that would calm Frank down. He was damn sure that there was absolutely nothing he could possibly say that would make Frank any less angry.

                “Are you- “Frank started before groaning and rolling his eyes, he tightened his hands into a fist, so tight his inked knuckled turned white. Gerard was fucking scared. “You did coke, asshole. You know how much it affects me when you do any type of drug. I usually fucking hit you when you take a pill. What did you think I’d do to you when you snorted a fucking line of cocaine?”

                Gerard was shaking, completely fucking scared of what Frank would do to him. He couldn’t think of anything else to do. So, any stupid idea that came into his head sounded like a good one. Maybe that was why he reached his hand to touch Frank’s lower stomach. Frank looked at him curiously, raising an eyebrow. “What the fuck are you doing?!” Frank practically yelled, making Gerard shake a little harder in fear. He kept moving his hand down until he had reached Frank’s crotch, palming him from above his jeans.

                “Is this what your whore ass can think of to apologize? Is that how you think you’ll do anything right?” Frank asked, still using the same voice tone. Even though he was saying all this, he wasn’t moving away from him. In fact, he was getting hard under Gerard’s touch.

                Gerard wasn’t exactly hard. I mean, he was scared, not hard. Even though that was slowly changing. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, getting on his knees, his eyes locked with Frank’s.

                “What? You’re sorry what, bitch?” Frank groaned, now Gerard was the one who was getting aroused, and it was becoming obvious between his pants. Gerard unbuckled Frank’s belt, accidentally giving Frank an idea.

                “I’m sorry, daddy,” Gerard whispered. Frank grabbed him by the throat and his eyes fucking widened at that. That was when he realized how fucking pissed Frank really was. Frank pushed him back up by his throat, choking him a little. Under different circumstances, Gerard would be fucking loving this. Right now, he would be loving it if he wasn’t this fucking scared.

                Frank took his belt off, throwing it to the ground before roughly removing Gerard’s shirt. “You should be glad that I love you. I’ll be letting you use a fucking safe word, or else you’d be fucked. I’m so disappointed, Gerard.” And that broke Gerard’s heart even more.

                Disappointed. He had disappointed Frank. He didn’t have much time to reflect on it, though. Frank was already taking Gerard’s shoes off and taking Gerard’s tight jeans off. They didn’t need to set up a safe word: they already had one. It was ‘red’.

                “Hands and knees,” Frank said. Gerard nodded and did just as requested. “Ten,” Frank added. “Count,” he then picked the belt up and hit Gerard with it. Hard. Hard enough for his back to start bleeding a little. Gerard hissed and arched his back like a cat, starting to cry. Frank pushed his back down, so the arch was in another way. So his back was arched in a way that made his ass stick out. “I said count, didn’t I? Or did I dream about it?”

                Crying Gerard said, “One,”. Frank then hit him again, even harder. Gerard’s dick slowly stopped being hard. But he couldn’t use the safe word. He had to be strong and take it like a man. Especially because he deserved this. He deserved this and more. He had been a shitty person. A shitty and weak person. He deserved all the pain that Frank would make him feel. “Two.” He said. And it kept going. Frank kept hitting him, making Gerard scream and cry.

                When he was done with the ten, Gerard whispered a weak “Thank you for trying to put me in place, daddy.”

                Frank smiled. Gerard was bleeding and shaking and crying. Oh, Frank had done a good job. He started unzipping his own pants, grabbing a condom and lube from the nearby table. Frank pulled his jeans and underwear down, jerking off a little. He put the condom on because he didn’t trust Gerard. He didn’t know if he had been fucking any guys for drugs and honestly, he didn’t want to risk it. He mentally made a note to go check out if any of them had HIV. He then lubed himself up and, after lining up, he pushed into Gerard, who bit his lip at the sudden pain.

                Frank started fucking him mercilessly. Gerard was shaking and crying. He wanted Frank to stop. He fucking needed him to stop. He needed a break. He needed to breathe. Now that he thought about it, he was probably having a panic attack, either that or he was close to having one. Frank pulled his hair and Gerard, with a sad and weak voice, stuttered out “R- Red.”

                That was how Frank realized he was hurting Gerard badly. He pulled out and looked at Gerard, who was now gasping for air. Frank looked at his back, at his shaking body, at his weak arms who had failed him. He pulled his boxers and pants up, picking Gerard up and sitting down on the bed, putting Gerard on his lap.

                “Oh my God, baby,” Was all Frank could say, hugging him carefully. “Forgive me, please. I didn’t mean to- I’m sorry, oh fuck.” He rambled out, trying to think of something to say. “You didn’t deserve this oh shit… Are you okay? Of course, you’re not fucking okay.”

               "I'm sorry for not being able to take it like a man... I just was so bad to you and I'm so sorry that I disappointed you," Gerard whispered in between cries. He was just in so much pain, both physical and mentally. He just wished he hadn't hurt Frank to the point where Frank thought he had to do this.

               "No, my love... I'm just sad you did it and I had no reason to react the way I did... I just couldn't control myself..."

               "It's okay, Frankie. I deserved it. I really did." Gerard said, with a bite of his lips. Sometimes he just wished he could stop himself from doing certain stuff, such as the drug usage, but he really couldn't help it. It was stronger than him.

               "You didn't." Frank insisted, rubbing his naked, squishy thigh lovingly. Right now, Frank was hating himself really bad. He had broken his own perfect little angel... He had fucked everything up. All of that because of his fucking stupid pride. Oh God, he had hurt his beautiful baby.

               Gerard wasn't liking this conversation anymore. It was becoming too emotional and, even though he knew they needed to talk about this, he wasn't exactly looking forward to doing so. Once again, he wished he could just erase everything about it. "Can we just cuddle? I'm cold and sad."               

               Even though Frank really fucking wanted, hell, he needed to talk about this, he didn't say anything else on this matter. He didn't want to disrespect Gerard. So, he just got up with Gerard on his lap and went to his bedroom. 

               They both laid down there and, together, they cried because of their mistakes, wishing they could delete everything they had done wrong. But they couldn't. There was nothing they could do to change the past. It was done.

               Now, all that they could do was hope for each other's forgiveness.