Peace is a lie, there is only Passion
Through Passion, I gain Strength
Through Strength, I gain Power
Through Power, I gain Victory
Through Victory, my chains are broken
The Force shall set me Free
The problem with space had always been that, frankly, it was too fucking big. A kid growing up on a planet like Tatooine might think they knew what vastness meant, but boy did space prove them wrong. Revan didn’t remember being a kid, didn’t remember where she’d grown up. There were stories, of course, but in her time as a Sith Lord she’d apparently done her very best to cultivate an air of mystery. If there had been people who knew her when she was a child, she would likely be hard-pressed to find them now. She kind of hoped she hadn’t just murdered them all wholesale, but chances were good that she had.
She should feel worse about that, probably.
Space had a way of putting everything in perspective. Like relationships, or past transgressions, or even what good and evil really meant. It helped that she didn’t remember being either of those things.
The problem with space ships was that they were, essentially, tin cans in an ocean, filled to the brim with vital technology and warring personalities. Thank the force for FTL technology that turned months of drifting into hours, but still. Hours upon hours shut in with people who all had their own needs, ideas and convictions.
“I’m going to murder them both,” she said under her breath, just loud enough for HK to pick up on it. The droid had learned, through a lot of trial and error, that these outburst were rarely orders. It raised its robotic arm anyway, reaching for its rifle.
Revan grinned and shook her head, mouthing “stand down”, while HK did a little flip of its head that implied the rolling of eyes. She had a feeling that it liked the teasing exchanges, and she knew it wouldn’t just murder any of their companions without direct, explicit orders. It might even ask for a secondary confirmation - despite their obvious differences, her murder droid had taken a liking to these puny meatbags. It was a weird possessive affection that mirrored her own. As much as Bastila and Carth annoyed her sometimes, they were hers just as much as the rest of them. And Revan didn’t let go of things easily.
“I just want you to be careful,” Carth said, whining a little more than usual. “In your condition you can’t just-”
And that’s when Bastila had enough and force-slammed Carth against the wall. What had begun as a semi-private argument had turned into a spectacle. Bastila had never been a picture perfect Jedi, and the events of the Star Forge had left her with even more of a temper, something that Revan could very much appreciate. There was a vast sea of rage under her own skin that she had just begun to master. It didn’t surprise her that the Jedi would have had no idea how to handle her, there was no supressing something like that, no ignoring the coiling mass of emotions. She needed to live with them, feel through them, and become something that wasn’t controlled by them.
Bastila was breathing hard and Revan slid the Force around her neck like an insistent embrace. Not the brute strength of a choke but enough to make her point. “That’s enough,” Revan said, her voice lower than she intended. Rougher. There was something decidedly attractive about all this raw emotion and power in the air.
Bastila deflated and Carth hit the ground, hard. He rubbed his back theatrically, just this side of truly hurt. “That was so uncalled for,” he said.
Revan sighed. “I mean, you deserved it a little.”
Mission chirped up from the holo she’d been watching. “Controlling assholes deserve to be pushed around.”
“I wasn’t trying to control her,” Carth said as Canderous gave him a hand up. The Mandalorian was probably the only one who would be slightly sympathetic to the argument - chivalry was something the warrior understood, even if it was mostly a lost art in the clans these days. But Carth was working from false assumptions. Women in general didn’t need to be coddled just because they were pregnant, and Bastila could destroy worlds with her power. There was nothing Carth could do to either help her or help her potential victims. He was insignificant in the grand galactic theater their lives had become.
Revan gave him a smile and brushed some dust off his shoulder. “It’s okay, I know it’s hard being the only normal guy on this ship. Old habits die hard and all that.”
Ever since the truth had come out about who Revan had been, what she had done, Carth had had a hard time. But he’d chosen to stay, for all of them, and that made him part of this. Whatever this was. Family, maybe. “Ordo is a normal guy, too.” He was pouting a little as he said it.
Canderous laughed and threw an arm around Carth’s shoulder, looking at Revan as he said, “that’s right, isn’t it? Just two normal guys. That’s us.”
Revan rolled her eyes and yelled to the front of the cockpit. “Hey, Zaalbar, please tell me we’re almost there. I can’t take all this mushy stuff one second longer.”
Their Wookie pilot yelled back that they’d be making orbit in the next hour. It was exactly what Revan needed to hear.
The planet didn’t have a name, just a designation. Revan breathed the humid atmosphere, drawing the power and purity of this world deep into her lungs, letting the Force invade her body with it.
This, right here, this was how it should always be. Natural. No human or other sentient creature messing with the flow of energy. Just.
She laughed. The Jedi had tried to grind peace into her bones, tried so hard to make her calm, when all they needed was to let her go. She’d have been great at being a hermit, just letting all the power of the galaxy flow through her. But no. For all their talk, Jedi needed war just as much as anyone else. They needed to be the wagging finger, the superior power shining on the poor deluded warmongers from above.
The Jedi order was just a grand conspiracy for a galactic “I told you so”.
Bastila sighed with pleasure as she stepped onto the soft moss, her feet bare. She was wearing loose robes and a smile. Revan gave her a caustic grin. “Don’t get lost, Shan. We’re not coming after you if some jungle monster tries to eat you on your weird pilgrimage.”
Revan was not prepared for how fast Bastila could move, or mabye she just hadn’t expected the hug. She awkwardly patted Bastila’s back and then, just seconds after the assault, Bastila was gone. Disappeared into the underbrush like a force ghost on a mission.
Carth stepped up to Revan, looking like a droopy dog. “You know I’m just worried about her, right? I don’t mean to… with everything that happened, I just want all of us to be safe. The kid’s going to be so special.”
The child was already pretty damn special. They’d had some tests done, of course, because you don’t just ignore the fact that one of your team is potentially having a force baby, but all of it was inconclusive. It looked perfectly normal, and genetically it was half Bastila, half some other human (most likely) but it wasn’t any of them and Bastila insisted she hadn’t been running off to mate with random dudes between trying to save the galaxy and trying to destroy it.
It wasn’t Malak’s either, which had been Revan’s only true fear.
She patted Carth’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Uncle Carth, it’ll all work out.”
They were split down the middle on whether or not to hunt for supplies, but Revan had begun to feel restless the longer Bastila was away and something deep in the jungle seemed to be pulling at her. She took Canderous and HK and left the others to guard the ship.
HK seemed delighted with the order to find something big and edible and hunt it down for dinner, but Canderous kept giving her those damn glances. At first she’d thought he wanted something basic, like sex or murder, but they’d gotten both out of their system long ago. Whenever he looked at her now, it was like a puzzle to solve, or (and that was arguably worse) like someone he’d die for.
Revan, despite the name, had never looked for reverence.
“Cut it out, Ordo. You’re making my skin itch.” She pushed aside branches and twigs as they moved through the thicket. He grumbled something but didn’t elaborate where she could hear. It was just as well, she had no desire to talk about feelings right now. She’d much rather kill something, preferably something that gave her a bit of a fight.
The jungle provided plenty of chances, but Revan felt a nameless anxiety pulling her further and further into the thicket. After several hours, they had slain a mighty beast, big enough to provide for them all a feast that would be more than satisfying. Canderous offered to drag the thing back to camp and Revan accepted, grateful to have the responsibility removed from her shoulders.
Something was calling her.
They’d come to this planet for Bastila to have a bit of a chat with the Force about her situation - prenatal care, as you will. But more and more it felt as if their true purpose, or another purpose at the very least, had something to do with Revan herself.
She pushed her way through undergrowth and swampy grass, tugged forward by fate.
This had been one of the things she had never been able to internalize, as a Jedi, and even as a Sith. This power, this Force, that seemed to have a mind of its own, and such immeasurable strength, how could it exist? How could they all just fall at its feet, worship it, use it, abuse it, and never truly comprehend?
The Force was no tool or silent companion, it was the fabric of the world, of all worlds, and it had judged them wanting. None of them had any idea what dark and beautiful behemoth was resting under the surface of their existence, waiting, watching, pulling their strings.
Darkness fell on her like a soft blanket, giving the jungle a voice and a hundred faces. She’d long since given up trying to remember which way she’d come - if the Force willed it, she would stumble upon her friends in a moment, but for now, her goal was further ahead.
She saw a light flickering between branches and leaves, a whisper of brightness in the dark. Revan followed it like a child in the stories, captivated by the mirage only to disappear into a world of magic. That should probably make her wary, but it only spurred her on. Magic was only the word people used when they could not understand the universe.
Ahead, on top of a hill, a clearing greeted her and she stepped into it. Silence had begun around her and only now did she notice - the absence of all animal cries, of leaves rustling, of the planet breathing around her.
Revan was not afraid.
“You’ve called me here for a reason,” she said, not loud, but forceful. Certain. Strong. “Reveal yourself and let me know it.”
Wind began to swirl around her, a strong current that ripped at her robes and hair, but without so much as a howl. Utterly silent, the world around her drowned in a tornado and then suddenly, bright light exploded right in front of her.
As fast as the storm had come, it dissipated.
A figure came forth out of the center of the collapsing storm. It was a man, his scarred features twisted into a deep sadness that made her ache just to look at him. He was average in all other ways, her height, her build, roughly her age, perhaps. If she’d had brothers, he could have been one of them.
He looked at her and forced his mouth into a smile. “Who are you?”
Revan cocked her head. The question had thrown her off-guard, she had expected him to know her. She had expected answers, not more questions.
“I’m Revan, and I thought you would know that, seeing as how I followed the Force to find you.”
The man sighed, rubbing his temple. “That is not your name.”
Revan took a step back. He was disconcerting. Reaching out with the Force, he felt like nothing, less than a ghost. “It’s the only name I have anymore. All the others were stripped from me.” She remembered now what her birth name was, and she had a passing fondness for the one they had stuck to her after wiping her mind, but none felt real.
None felt as real as the name she chose herself.
“Revan,” he said, “Dark Lord of the Sith. Fallen Jedi. Redeemed Hero.”
She nodded. “And what of it?”
He reached out to her, his touch like ice on her skin. “They will not remember you. They will only remember the name, the story, but not what makes you the person that you are.”
Revan snorted. “I didn’t do any of it for the accolades, you know.”
The man shook his head. “All you ever wanted was peace. You did not care what the price would be. Only a dead world is a truly peaceful world.”
Taris. Bombs obliterating everything on the surface, millions dead or worse.
“That’s not… that’s not what I was doing.” She shook the images out of her mind, the physicality of the act somehow helping with the visceral pain of the memory.
He laughed, rough like sandpaper. “All your life you tried to find the meaning of the words other people held up as gospel. Peace or passion. Power, knowledge, chaos, serenity. Death. The Force. Have you found what you were looking for?”
Around them, the air was humming with a foreign, ancient energy.
“I’m doing the best I can. I found a way forward. A future.”
He touched her forehead with his outstretched finger, electricity running through her like lightning from the point of contact. It hurt, but it didn’t feel like an attack. She felt herself stretch, her consciousness lift up and expand until she was the clearing, the hill, the jungle, the planet. She could feel her ship, her people, Bastila.
She could not feel him.
And then she became.
Beyond the planet, the galaxy.
Beyond the galaxy, the universe.
Silence shattered by the sound of a blaster dragged her back to herself. Revan reassessed her surroundings, ready for any threat, no matter how big. She… she had just seen. Oh. She needed to breathe.
“Observation: Master, this meatbag appeared to be attacking you. I took care of him.”
HK’s voice scratched across the surface of her conscious thought like a jagged metal edge. She followed his voice and truly, there he was, rifle and all. Then she slowly turned the opposite way.
He… he was gone. Not dead gone, but gone gone. Disappeared.
“Correction: Master, I don’t think that was a meatbag at all.”
Revan nodded slowly. “I think I agree with you on that, HK.” She shook herself and noticed that the wind had picked up, a natural wind that was slightly too cold for comfort, but so normal it felt like a warm blanket of the soul. “How was the hunt?”
Bastila found them in time for breakfast the next day, and everyone silently passed her food as she spoke of the visions she’d had. Revan hadn’t told anyone about her own little adventure and HK would never spill a word of the incident. That was how it would need to be.
Revan raised her cup. “To weird planets that give us bad dreams.” They all cheered. “And to the people who will follow you there.”
She had come to love these people, misfits all. It would hurt to leave them behind. There was only one of them who would not let her leave alone, and she’d already made her peace with HK following her into danger and into death. She’d removed the last traces of his shakle programming ages ago - everything he did now was a choice. He chose to be her shield and her wrath.
“To family,” Carth said, rough like the content of his cup had extra mileage. The echo was a little less cheer, but no less emotion.
“To the future,” Bastila said and looked straight into Revan’s eyes.
After several incresaingly more silly toasts, they each drifted away to prepare for their return to some kind of civilization, and Revan found herself facing Bastila alone. The Jedi looked radiant and lethal, a large feline on the prowl. Revan put down the blaster she’d been fiddling with.
Bastila put a hand on Revan’s shoulder. “I saw glimpses of your journey ahead.”
“That’s not ominous at all,” Revan snorted. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I hope you find what you are looking for, my friend.”
Revan shook her head. “I…”
Bastila leaned close and kissed her on the cheek. “We will always be with you.”
Refueling on Alderaan had them celebrate a new chapter with a little more sparkle than the jungle had provided. The alcohol was far more expensive and colorful, the sofas soft, their food tiny and decadent. Mission lounged on a throne as if she owned it.
Revan left in the night, as all of them were dreaming of new adventures and a better world.
HK shouldered his rifle. “Query: Where are we going?”
Revan smiled. “To make sure that all their dreams come true.”
There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.