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Hold Onto Me

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Lup stares at her new body through the green fluid in the regeneration tank, it's just about done now and then she gets to be whole again. She’ll get to feel again. She’ll be corporeal again.


The thought of feeling again overwhelms her. After ten plus years after not having a body and being isolated from everything, she guesses its fine for her to feel this way. 


“Lup?” arry asks and pulls her from her thoughts, “Are you ready?” 


“I-I think so,” she says nervously and floats over to Barry and rests her forehead against his. “I can’t wait to fucking kiss you and touch you,” Lup says barely above a whisper.


Barry nods, tears already prickling at his eyes. “Its done. You can go into it now.”


She floats back over to the tank and stars to phase through the glass. She sinks fully into it and- and she breathes again for the first time. 


The glass around her breaks and she tumbles to the ground. Lup coughs up the green fluid as she feels soft fabric wrap around her shoulders and the warm, familiar touch of her husband.


She opens her eyes and immediately closes them again. It’s too bright, even though the light in the cave is dim. 


“Here, have these,” Barry says and puts something on her face, she flinches a little at the contact of cold plastic. “They’re just sunglasses. It’s okay,” he whispers.


Lup tries to open her eyes for a second time and the sunglasses help. She looks down at herself and sees she has all the right parts she needs and then back up at Barry.


“Man, I forgot how good I look!” she says, her voice scratchy from misuse. She then grins at him, “I’m going to smooch your fucking brains out babe,” Lup then leans in to kiss him.


The kiss is sloppy, but it’s so satisfying. Barry pulls her closer, and it’s almost a little too much. So much to process all at once. Her husband’s soft lips against hers, his hands on her waist, the robe wrapped around her shoulders.


Once Lup pulls away, she lets out a sob. Maybe she did this too fast. Her senses are overwhelmed by it all. 


“Are you okay?” Barry asks and lets her go. He’s crying now too. 


She nods, “J-just got a little overwhelmed.”


“Okay, that’s fine.” he goes to put his hand on her back but hesitates. “Is it okay if I touch you?” 


The newly reformed elf shakes her head no, the thought and the feeling of being touched again, it’s overwhelming but she craves the feeling of his skin against hers. She misses it. She needs it. So Lup just holds out her hand, luckily Barry gets the message and takes it into his.


“Do you want to stand?” he asks.


The elf nods and watches her husband stand up. He takes her other hand, he flashes a comforting smile at her. 


“Put your legs underneath you,” Barry instructs.


She does as he says, “try to push up as I pull you. If you fall, I will catch you.” 


Lup pushes herself to her feet, but her legs are weak, unable to support her weight. So she’s only on her feet for a second before she falls into Barry’s arms. Why can’t she do anything? Why is she so useless? 


Barry lowers her back to the ground and notices the look of defeat on her face. “It's okay, maybe you need to get used to everything again. It might take a while but you will be able to stand and walk again. I promise.” he places a kiss on her forehead. 


“Okay,” she says in defeat. 


“Do you want to go back home? You can lie down on the bed, it’s soft and comfortable. So much better than the hard floor.”


She nods. “I- I don’t know if I want to see Taako right away, I know he’ll want to see me but… I don’t know if I can handle it right now." 


“Okay, that’s fine. It’s your decision on when you get to see everyone again.” 


Lup nods again and rests her head against his shoulder.


Barry takes out his stone of farspeech, “I will call Kravitz so we can get home fast and right to comfort.”


She says nothing and just stares at the floor.


“O-oh hey Taako. She’s fine yeah. No. sorry, I know. She doesn’t want to see anyone. I know. Yeah. later she will, can you tell Kravitz to get us? To our room yeah. Thank you. Oh and put a bunch of those soft blankets in there too.”


Lup scrunches up her nose and suddenly feels bad she doesn’t want to see her own brother right away. “Can you help me put the robe on right?” she asks.


Barry nods and helps her put her arms through the armholes and ties the sash of the robe around her waist so she’s not revealing anything when her brother’s boyfriend opens a portal to the cave.


A few moments later, there’s a tear in reality and Kravitz steps out. She cringes a little, maybe because its amplified inside the cave or Lup isn’t used to loud noises yet in this new body of hers. 


Kravitz has a small smile on his face, “Taako is a little upset that I get to see you before he does, but he understands why.”


Barry lifts her into his arms carefully and through the portal. Taako has supplied the two with all the softest things in their house all piled onto the bed. 


“Thank you,” Barry says with a smile and puts her down in the blankets.


Lup doesn’t even pay attention to the rest of the conversation as Barry sets her down on the bed. It’s soft and warm. A sharp contrast to the cold, hard floor of the cave. 


It’s not like the rough velvet interior of the umbrastaff or the material of the robe she is wearing which suddenly feels itchy against her skin.


“Are you okay?” Barry asks, she must’ve had an uncomfortable look on her face. “Do you need the robe off?”


She nods, “too scratchy,” she mutters.


“Okay, but you will have to wear clothes at some point, babe.” 


“Noo” She whines as Barry helps her out, “too itchy,” 


“Then we’ll find something comfortable for you to wear. I’m sure we have something.” He places a kiss on her forehead.


Now that she’s more comfortable, she practically buries herself into the mess of blankets. Effectively wrapping herself in one.


Barry chuckles, “are you comfortable now?”


She nods and yawns, a feeling of exhaustion washes over her. Getting a new body is tiring.


“If you need to sleep you can, I’ll be right here the whole time.” He takes the sunglasses off of her face and sets them onto the nightstand. “I will not leave you if you need me.”


Lup smiles softly, “thank you,” She whispers.


“No problem, I love you,” He says and runs a hand through her hair.


She hums and drifts off into what she hopes to be a dreamless sleep.


Chapter Text

But she dreams. Stuck in the endless velvety confines of the umbrella once again. 
She lets out a sob as crawls over to the nearest curtain and tries to tear it down, but to no avail. She can’t tear it down. 

But the thing is, she’s corporeal. Not a lich. How could she be trapped in here if she still had her body?

The velvet itches uncomfortably against her skin as she pulls and pulls at this curtain. It finally gives way, but it falls down on top of her. Lup does not get out of the way fast enough in time. 

She can’t breathe. The curtain is too heavy on top of her and combined with her crying, it doesn’t help. Lup gasps for every breath she takes. She can hear a distant voice calling for her, it sounds distant and far away. 

Lup opens her eyes with a gasp and sobs, she’s not trapped again. She's fine and in the arms of her husband. 

“Lup, it's okay. I’m here,” he whispers and rubs her back.

Maybe wrapping herself up in that blanket was a bad idea. 

She buries her face into the crook of Barry’s neck and sniffles, “What was it about if you don’t mind me asking?” he asks in a low voice

“‘Brella,” she says and squeezes her eyes shut. “Shouldn’t’ve wrapped m’self in the blanket”

“In hindsight, it wasn’t the best idea, yeah.” 

“Soft though,” Lup says and runs her hand down Barry’s leg, the jeans have an interesting texture to her now. 

“What about my jeans? How do they feel to you?” he asks

The elf hums, “Kinda rough.”

“Do they feel itchy to you at all?” 

“A little.” 

Her husband smiles and kisses the side of her head. “Good, maybe if we find something that feels good enough for you to wear, maybe you can wear it.” 

“Later,” she licks her dry lips, “’m thirsty.” 

“I’ll get you some water, ill be-” he cuts himself off on what he was about to say. But Lup knows. It rings in her head. Back soon.

He clears his throat after a second, “Be right back.” 

“Okay,” she whispers and flops back onto the bed.

She squeezes her eyes shut again, back soon. An empty promise.

Back soon. A note that leads to her death.

Back soon. A saying leading to her erasure.

Back soon. A regret. 

She regrets it so much, she wouldn’t be in this position if she didn’t leave. But before she can delve deeper into her thoughts, Barry returns with her glass of water. 

“Uh, your brother followed me throughout the house and bothered me all the way here and refuses to leave until I let him see you. He’s outside the door.” he presents her with a cup with a bendy straw.

“Let me see my sister, Barold!” Taako yells through the door.


She giggles and takes a sip through the straw, “let him see me, its fine.” Lup says softly and wraps the blanket around her shoulders. 

Barry smiles and kisses her softly and nods, he moves over to the door and opens it, revealing an anxious-looking Taako on the other side. 

Taako’s ears shoot straight up and he hesitates for a moment. At that moment he starts to cry, almost in disbelief and he runs into the room. He practically throws himself at her and wraps her in a tight hug and sobs into her shoulder.

Lup blinks back tears of her own and tries to ignore the rising panic in her chest from all this contact. She lets him hold on to her. Even though it might be a little too much its comforting. 

She presses her face into his shoulder and let's out a sob of her own, his shirt is soft and he smells like he was baking something. Which doesn’t surprise her, he’d probably been planning to make her favorites once she got her body back.. 

Taako pulls back from the hug and puts his hands on her shoulders, then to her face, where he smiles widely. “I’ve been… waiting for this day, it felt like it would never come.” he laughs tearily and sniffles, “you’re here and it doesn’t feel real at all.” 

“It doesn’t feel real to me either,” she whispers, “I forgot how hard it is to have a body, to live. I missed you so much and I waited so long for his.” she runs her hand down the sleeve of his shirt. She likes the feeling.

“Too long,” he agrees and presses his forehead against hers, “don’t leave me again.”

“I’m never going to leave you again. I promise.” 

“You better.” 

Lup grins, “you smell good,” she says after a moment of silence.

“I was making food for you, it’s done if you would like any,” he says sits back and takes hold of her hand.

“I can’t walk,” she mumbles

“What?” her twin asks surprise written in his voice. 

“I know how to walk, but I can’t. I can’t even stand either. It’s been so long.” 

Taako just stares at her with a deep frown on his face, “I can bring you the food. It’s no big deal.” but she knows from the tone of his voice. It is a big deal. “We can teach you to walk again,” he adds.

“I can carry her out, but she needs to put clothes on,” Barry said with a sniffle. He must’ve been crying again too. 

Lup scrunches up her nose in discomfort, “itchy,” she says. 

“I’m sure we can find something for you, sis.” Taako smiles softly and kisses her forehead. “I’ll go grab stuff for you,” he squeezes her hand and let’s go almost reluctantly.

 Taako returns moments later with his arms full of clothes, “some of these are clothes I got for Kravitz because that man doesn’t know what casual is.” He drops the clothes on the bed with a chuckle. “Tried to find baggier clothes too.” 

Lup scoots to the end of the bed and sifts through the clothing. she finds a soft dark purple shirt that’s at least a couple sizes too big for her and puts it to the side, she then finds a pair of Taako’s pajama pants.

She manages to put the clothes on herself with a bit of help from Barry. The clothing feels weird on her body, Lup isn’t sure if she likes that feeling, it's something she has to get used to again. 

“You good? Do you feel okay with them on?” Taako asks and gently puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Feels fine,” she runs her hand up and down the pajama pants, its soft. She likes that feeling. It’s a comfort. 

He nods and kisses her forehead again and allows Barry to lift her up into his arms. 

Once they reach the kitchen Barry sets her down in a chair at the table and she sees the food for the first time. Lup winces when her stomach suddenly hurts 

“You okay?” Barry asks 

“My stomach hurts?” She says quietly.

“You might be hungry,” Taako chuckles and makes her a plate and sets it down in front of her. 

“Oh,” Lup says and stares at the plate of food in front of her. It makes her stomach ache again.

She picks up the fork, albeit awkwardly, and it doesn’t really feel right. So she switches the hand she’s holding it in, but it’s still weird. 

But she’s hungry, so it doesn’t matter, right? She’ll get used to holding it again soon.

Lup practically stabs the fork into the piece of food and takes a bite. Her eyes widen and she starts to cry again for like the millionth time that day. 

Taako has made her one of the best dishes for her to eat for the first time. Their aunt’s turkey. 

“I’m assuming you love it?” he smiles, his eyes watery again too.

“It’s perfect.”