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Not Enough Time

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Rei woke up to the heavy, burning weight of eyes staring at him. Sometimes it was amazing how such a sensation was better at waking him up than physical encouragement.

He blinked several times in the late afternoon sunlight that streamed through the window before turning his head one way, then finally another to find Haruka was the one staring at him, Rei’s bag in his hand.

“They’re going to start locking up the building soon,” was all he said, holding the bag out for Rei. Rei blushed a little at being caught snoozing in what was usually his calculus class, especially after Haru had made him promise recently not to stay up so late reading.

He got up, stretching the kinks out of his back from being slumped over his desk. “Locking up? What time is it?”

“Mm. Almost six.”

“Six!?” Rei stopped mid-stretch, alarmed. “My class ends at four fifty!”

“That’s why I said you shouldn’t stay up so late,” said Haru, like this was all his fault, which really it was, not that Rei wanted to admit it.

“I-I stay up the right amount! Anyway, it’s my classmates’ fault, why didn’t any of them wake me?”

Haru shrugged. “Does it matter? We’re going to miss our train if you don’t come now.”

“Ah, right. Sorry, Haruka-senpai.”

Rei hung his head, though was reassured by the faint smile Haru was giving him as he took his bag. Since he had been accepted to the same university as Haru and they had decided to live together to cut down on costs, they’d been looking out for each other. It was… closer than they had been in high school, and Rei found he was starting to like it a bit too much.

But there was no time for musing of that sort. Like Haru had said, they were going to be late for their train if they didn’t go now, and it would be another half hour until the next one. He’d already made Haru wait who knew how long at their usual meeting place before Haru had come searching for him.

He took a step after Haru and immediately stopped again, slamming his thighs together as a warning twinge ran through him. There wasanother problem, not really surprising since his last bathroom break had been sometime before lunch, but still inconvenient. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Haru, looking back at him, and Rei blushed and forced his thighs apart.

“Nothing. Let’s go.” 

They’d gotten about ten steps down the hall when Rei saw a sign for a restroom. Still blushing a little, because he wasn’t normally so open about such things, he spoke up. “Haruka-senpai, can you please wait a moment?”

Haru looked at him, looked at the restroom sign, and it all seemed to click together in his head. He nodded, settling back against the wall just past the door.

Rei nodded back in gratitude and pulled the handle, but the door wouldn’t budge. Frowning, he tried pulling it again, then pushing it, but the door stayed obstinately shut. Rei shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and gave it one more try, just in case.

“They’re locking up the building,” said Haru again, and Rei bit back a groan, his thighs pressing together again. A bit wobbly, he turned to face Haru, who was watching him closely. “Can you wait until the train station?”

“Yes. It’s not that bad.”

They exited the building and made their way toward the train station. It was only a ten minute walk, but those minutes moved by treacherously slowly. At least Haru didn’t talk much, because Rei didn’t feel like keeping up conversation. He tried to take quick steps, but had to slow down when he left Haru behind, even though Haru was making an effort to move faster than his normal leisurely stride.

Their train was already at the station when they arrived, and was due to leave soon. They had only just made it in time, and would have to get on the train immediately if they wanted to catch it. Rei cast a wistful eye toward the restrooms off to the side of the platform, and his bladder clenched in agony when he realized he would never have time to go before their train left.

“We can wait for the next one,” suggested Haru, catching his look. Rei felt embarrassment creep through him again. He wasn’t a child, he was a college freshman, and he could certainly hold it the half-hour or so it would take them to get back to their apartment from here. 

“I’m fine. Come on, we’ll miss our train.”

Haru followed him without further protest. They boarded just in time, barely getting in before the doors shut.

The train was crowded with commuters on their way home after work, so Haru and Rei had to stand. Rei was slightly dismayed that such was the case; he would have been more comfortable sitting. Instead, he had to stand and avoid being jostled by other passengers, pressing his thighs together and trying not to squirm too obviously.

“How was your day, Haruka-senpai?” he asked, more to distract himself than anything. Normally they didn’t really talk about stuff like that in public, and sometimes it was hard to get much out of Haru at all, but he really had to go, and he wanted something else to think about. He hoped no one noticed the way he moved his hips and sometimes rubbed the back of his foot up his calf.

“It was alright.” Haru was staring intensely at him. Rei was grateful that he was indulging him, but he wished Haru wouldn’t give him such a look. A strange heat started to spread up from his lower regions that had nothing to do with having to pee – although that was impossible to ignore. Rei stiffened, then hunched at his waist, trying to relieve pressure.

“D-did anything happen? How was… studio?”

He couldn’t remember if Haru had studio today, but he must have, given his answer. “It was fine. I’m going to be presenting at an art show next month.”

“Oh! That sounds-“ Rei sucked in a breath, gripping the bar he was holding on to so tightly his knuckles were white. “That sounds lovely.”

“Mm.” Haru didn’t look that interested, at least not in the art show. All his attention was on Rei. “I can take someone to opening night. Would you like to go?”

“Me?” Rei was so surprised by the request, he straightened, then winced when he lost control of his bladder for just a moment. A small leak slipped into his underwear, and he hunched again, sucking in a deep breath. He hoped Haru hadn’t noticed. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather take… Makoto-san?”

Haru shrugged, though he looked away for the first time since they got on the train and… was he blushing? Rei blinked, wondering if something was wrong with his glasses. “You like art.”

“I do.” He smiled, wishing he didn’t have to relieve himself so badly, so he could more fully appreciate this moment. It was almost like being asked out on a date, he thought… except that was a ludicrous idea, because they were just friends and roommates doing something they both enjoyed together. That was all. “I would love to go.”

“Good.” A pause, and Haru looked back at him, that same intense look. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Rei insisted, rocking on his feet. He wished he could hold himself, but it would be too obvious and way too embarrassing.

Almost as though he could read his mind, Haru leaned forward and said, bluntly, “You can hold yourself if you want.”

Rei felt his whole face burn. “Why would I need to do that?”

“You look uncomfortable,” said Haru with a shrug, and Rei almost scowled.

“I’m fine.”

Haru didn’t look particularly convinced. Or, well, he looked mostly like he always did, but Rei had become good at reading minute changes in Haruka’s expression.

“Really, Haruka-senpai, I don’t ne-hee-“ Oh, that had been a bad cramp. Rei was vaguely aware that he was being stared at now by passengers other than Haru as he crossed his legs and bent further at his waist.

He glanced up at Haru, who was still giving him that skeptical look, and he snapped, “I just need to cross my legs, that’s all.”

“It’s okay. Just do it,” said Haru.

Whether he meant that as “just hold yourself,” or “just go,” Rei’s bladder had seemed to settle on the latter. He gasped as his muscles loosened against his will and he started to leak, pee leaking through his underwear and running a wet trail down his pant leg.

“No, no, no,” he moaned to himself, finally letting go of the bar and shoving both hands in his crotch, doubling over and squeezing his crossed legs together tight. He was aware that Haru was still staring at him, that other people on the train were staring at him, and he steeled all his muscles, just managing to stop himself from flooding his pants. He would not wet himself on this train, he would not do it. Not in front of all these people, not in front of Haruka.

Unfortunately, letting go of the handrail on a train is not recommended, especially when it’s about to come to a stop andespecially when one is not in a very balanced position to begin with. The train screeched into their stop, and Rei gasped as he lost his footing, everything spinning as he fell toward the floor. He was vaguely aware of Haru calling his name and trying to catch him, but he wasn’t fast enough, and Rei landed hard on his elbows, while the rest of his body slammed flat into the floor, legs splayed out behind him.

There was no way he could hold it through that.

Rei went completely still as a hissing sound filled the air. People around him stepped away, and he could hear murmurs around him. He heard a little girl cry, “Mommy, look at that man!” and her mother’s exasperated reply of, “It’s not nice to point, honey.” Some teenagers nearby started laughing loudly as a puddle spread out from under him, one of them saying, “Clean up on aisle three!” which only amused his friends more. 

He peed for over a full minute, and was left shivering on the floor. Tears started to fill his eyes, and he choked on a sob. He couldn’t even enjoy the relief, he was too humiliated.

Haru knelt down next to him, and Rei kept his eyes locked on his shoes. He couldn’t look at his friend. Haru probably thought he was disgusting and stupid.

“Rei,” said Haru with uncustomary gentleness, “this is our stop. We need to get off.”

Still with his eyes locked on Haru’s shoes, Rei pushed himself slowly to his feet. It felt like everybody on the train, everybody in thestation was staring at him, pointing and laughing, even Haruka.

Wailing, Rei turned and ran out of the train, pushing past people in his way. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he tried to find somewhere to hide himself away for a few years.

He settled on a secluded spot right outside the platform, by a wall. It was shadowed in the afternoon light, and there were some bushes around that kept him somewhat out of sight. Once there, he squatted down against the wall, burying his face in his arms and sobbing, harsh sounds ripping up out of his throat.

He was like that when Haru found him.

“Rei,” said the older boy softly, squatting down next to him. He didn’t touch him, just watched him. “It’s alright.”

“Please don’t patronize me, senpai,” Rei snapped, voice hoarse from crying. “I should have listened to you and gone at the station. I was foolish and as a result, what I did was… was not beautiful!” He sniffed, shivered, and a fresh wave of tears overwhelmed him.

“I didn’t think so.”

Rei blinked furiously, still sobbing, but he looked up at Haru anyway. “Wh-what?”

“I mean, I thought it was beautiful,” said Haru simply. He was blushing again, just faintly, but he kept his eyes locked on Rei this time.

The admission was so shocking that Rei actually stopped crying so hard, staring at Haru. Then his face screwed up again and he ducked his head. “Y-you’re just- just saying that to make me feel better!”

“No. I’m saying it because I mean it.”

Hands cupped Rei’s face, forcing him to look back up. Haru gave him a small smile, then leaned forward and pressed his lips to Rei’s forehead.

Rei froze, eyes wide. He was still sniffling, tears trailing down is cheeks, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Haru. “I… I don’t understand.”

“Mm. I don’t really get it either.” Haru shrugged. “But it’s what I think.”

Rei felt that same heat from before creeping in. He blinked off the last of his tears, gulped, and then ventured quietly, “Do you like me, senpai?”

Like he had when he’d asked about the art show, Haru looked away, and didn’t speak. But he did answer the question.

“Then… is the art show really a date?”

Haru frowned, just a little. “It’s… embarrassing. But I want to be with you. And make you happy.”

Rei gave Haru a small, but bright, smile. He couldn’t quite believe this was happening. Not that he was thrilled it was happening in wet, steadily-getting-itchy pants, but he was thrilled it was happening. 

“Come on,” said Haru, straightening up. He held a hand out for Rei. “Let’s go home. So you can clean up.”

Rei took Haru’s hand and rose to his feet, wincing at the huge stain on his pants. Haru noticed his look, and shrugged off his coat, holding it out to Rei.

“Tie this around your waist.”

Rei stared at it, then sniffed again, crying for a different reason. He wiped off his face with his sleeve and looked more determinedly at Haru. “Thank you, Haruka-senpai.”

“Just… Haruka. If you want.”

“That would be improper,” said Rei, tying the coat securely around him. “You’re still my senpai.” And maybe something more now. Rei rethought it a little. “Ah, but… maybe just at home.”

Haru nodded, and took his hand again. “At our home.”

Several weeks later, Rei was sitting in his room, working on homework. His relationship with Haru had not progressed so far that they slept in the same room (most nights), but it had progressed. The art show that was supposed to be their first date had really been more like the sixth or seventh, and that was discounting many shared meals and time spent sitting close on the couch and, occasionally, certain nighttime activities in between.

Haru came to his door. He didn’t speak, but his gaze alone was enough to catch Rei’s attention. He looked up, eyes drawn to the canvas in Haru’s arms. It was turned away from him. 

“What’s that?”

“A new painting. I wanted you to see it.”

He made no move to actually show it, so Rei got up from his desk and came over to him, reaching out for the canvas. Haru gave it to him, before circling around a bit to stand at Rei’s side, where he could see it too. Rei held the canvas gingerly in his hands and turned it around to look at it… and then gape at it.


“Do you like it?” he asked, slipping his arms around Rei’s waist.

Rei looked over the painting. It was of him (this wasn’t the first), and he was bathed in moonlight. His eyes were wide and bright, sparkling, and he’d never thought his eyes looked as beautiful as in this painting. He was naked, and Haru had lovingly reproduced his muscles from memory, though maybe a little better than reality now that Rei had less time to workout, and he was leaned back slightly, his erect penis against his stomach.

And he was peeing all over himself.

And yet…

“It’s… it’s beautiful…”

“You said you didn’t understand why I like when we do this,” Haru explained, his face nuzzling into Rei’s back. “So I wanted to show you what you look like to me.”

Rei blushed, looking over the painting. He might not understand Haru’s obsession with watching him pee but, if this was how Haru saw him, he was alright with it. Besides, it made Haru happy, and that was all Rei ever wanted.

“I like it.”

They stood like that for a moment, Rei looking over the painting of himself while Haru kept nuzzling into his back, then he said, “You’re not actually going to show this to people, are you?”

“No.” Haru wrapped his arms up around Rei’s chest now, in a way that was almost possessive, and kissed his shoulderblade. “It’s just for you and me.”