"I don't need any stories about whipping and confining rooms. After all, I can get something like that whenever I feel like it."
Ayase felt his body stiffen in shock at Kanou-san's reply. What was the man saying!? That he could do something like it but wouldn't, or that he could and would do it? And if he wanted to do it, then why?
Hearing the other utter the dreadful words with such calm detachment was unbearable. It felt as if his world was shaken in its foundation. Kanou-san had always treated him gently. Well, apart from the first night… But never afterwards had he done anything to intentionally hurt Ayase in any way. There had been some scratches and light bruises, but those were just an inevitable side effect to the intensity of their love making.
Kanou-san always made sure to prepare him properly, taking his time to stretch Ayase with his fingers, making him hot and needy to the point where Ayase felt like begging for the man to finally enter him.
Yet even with the careful preparations, adjusting to the shape of Kanou-san filling his body always took Ayase to the stretch of his powers, making him sweat and pant with the strain of the powerful thrusts that kept rocking his small frame again and again until both of them reached completion.
Despite the careful stretching and copious amounts of lubrication, he was almost always a bit sore afterwards, lying limp and wasted on the bed, his raw throat and sweaty face proof of how wantonly he had moved and screamed just a few seconds ago. It was these moments of quiet afterglow that he grew to love the most. Because then he would be spoiled with butterfly kisses and caresses all over his body as Kanou-san checked if he was alright, whispering how much he liked Ayase, how beautiful he was when he came. Ayase would be held through the night, feeling loved and protected and cherished; the warm feeling in his belly lasting throughout the night till the morning, when, most of the time, they would repeat the whole process again.
The idea of having Kanou-san hit him on purpose or the man deciding to hurt Ayase just because he felt like it was truly scary. Ayase would have no way of defense. Not only was he still indebted to the man, but the thought of his small, weak body trying to compete with Kanou-san's muscular form was simply unthinkable. The bigger man could hurt him easily, perhaps not even wanting to. How could Ayase ever withstand Kanou-san's anger, should the man decide to hurt him on purpose!?
Ayase sat quietly through the rest of Gion's stories, not capable of truly comprehending the words, his body shivering in distress. All he had was his trust for the older man not to misuse the physical and situational power he held over him. Ayase's eyes were glued on Kanou-san as he listened to another of Gion's damned stories. The sharp features of the familiar face were drawn in contempt, eyes hard and narrow. He never looked at Ayase like that; he liked him! He gave him medicine, protected him from evil men, took care of him and kissed him so gently…
He wouldn't want to hurt Ayase, he couldn't!
Ayase stood in the bathroom inspecting his pale reflection in the mirror. If only he could be just a little more like Kanou-san! Bigger, more manly and powerful. But all he had were a pair of huge eyes, hidden behind the strands blond girlish hair and a tiny, weak body.
"Ayase don't make me wait for you again!" Kanou-san's words interrupted his depressing introspecion, making him jerk in fright. Ever since Gion had spoiled his carefree mood with the cruel stories, he had begun to fear the possibility of Kanou-san wanting to hurt him. It was ridiculous, he knew. But still, the possibility… Slowly, he shuffled to the door of the bathroom, gripping the white fluffy towel around his naked body. Would Kanou-san decide that today was when he wanted it a bit rough?
Ayase gave himself a mental shake. Thinking like that wasn't helpful! He had already decided on the only possible action to take – simply following Kanou-san's wishes to the letter and pleasing the man as well as he could. That should keep him safe. As far as he didn't displease the man, he should be ok.
"You have three seconds before I get you myself!" Oh no! Ayase rushed to open the door, slipping through the frame as quickly as possible. Why wouldn't his legs stop shaking?
"Well, what are you waiting for? Come here!"
"Sorry." Ayase bowed his head at the imperious pat on the cushions, and shuffled very reluctantly towards the huge bed.
Kanou-san already looked mad at him! Why couldn't he do anything right?
"Relax! If you keep tensing like that I'll only hurt you."
Ayase panted with exertion, his body almost bent in twice as Kanou-san's fingers kept stretching him to the point of pain.
"S-s-sorry!" He wheezed out into the pillow, moaning and twisting as the fingers thrust yet a bit deeper. His whole body was shaking by now, all his muscles cramped with the effort to stay in position. The expectation of Kanou-san's cock filling his body any time now was making him even more anxious. How would that feel if he couldn't even take his fingers - and those were nothing in comparison!
"Why are you so tense?" Kanou-san frowned, working his fingers relentlessly in and out. "Just give into it, you have done it before!"
"I-I know! I'm s-sorryyy!" The last word came out as an outright whine and tears began to leak out of the corner of Ayase's clenched eyes. Here he was, already breaking his promise! Why couldn't he make himself relax properly?
Another minute passed, the moans growing more and more pained with each thrust of the long fingers. Ayase' body was arched like a bow , the anxiety of being unable to comply with Kanou-san's wishes and the resulting tension locked him in a vicious circle of fear and strain.
"Ah! Ah! OWWW!" Ayase cried in frustration as Kanou-san turned his hand to a different angle, forcefully stretching him even more.
Suddenly the fingers were all out and he was flipped over and thrown back onto the pillows.
God no! Not yet!
But instead of the pain he was expecting, his chin was gripped by Kanou-san's hand and he was faced with a very intense, very black look.
Which wasn't much of an improvement.
"Tell me what's wrong!"
"No-nothing! Why would you t-think…?" Ayase felt like weeping with misery. He was already making Kanou-san angry! Why wasn't he braver, stronger?
"Ayase! Stop lying, I know something is wrong with you. You act as this was the first time we've had sex!"
The first time…Ayase cringed, remembering the first night with Kanou-san. He didn't like those memories, didn't like to think that Kanou-san would be capable of mistreating him in such a way ever again.
Yet, it had happened once...
Suddenly Kanou-san's large hands were around him hugging him close against the man's chest
"Ayase, calm down. You don't have to fear me. I can help you with whatever is bothering you, ok?"
"Nothing is bo-"
"Shh. I want the truth, Ayase. You can tell me anything." A finger pressed softly against Ayase's lips, the gesture so loving and caring; he decided to damn all his fears.
"It's, It's what you said yesterday…" He lifted his eyes, meeting Kanou-san's confused look.
"About the co-confining room…" Ayase trembled, finally confessing his foolish fears and insecurities, nervous in expectation of the reaction to his words. But all he got was another confused look.
"Confining room? What do you mean?"
With all the anxiety the words had caused Ayase, the thought that Kanou-san might have simply forgotten them was simply impossible to comprehend.
"I mean… You… What y-you said to Gion's story about the c-c-confiding room…That you could get such a th-thing whenever you f-felt like it!"
Ayase heard his voice tremble, pressing himself firmly against Kanou in search of comfort, at the same time hating himself for being so weak. Yet now that he had opened up to the other man, he was simply unable to bottle up his worries anymore.
"You didn't mean that, right? You said it just like that, to make Gion forget such a … stupid, b-bad idea! …Right?"
Ayase felt himself grow pale at the word.
He was still held in the huge hands, unable to move but the slightest bit to check Kanou-san's expression, but hearing the heart in the big, muscled chest beating quicker and quicker as the conversation progressed was sign enough.
Kanou-san was pissed off.
Damn it! He had been wrong! And now he had made the man seriously angry by his assumptions. Just what he had been trying so hard to avoid! Grasping for the last straw, Ayase opened his mouth, daring to whisper his final hope, even though he already knew it was in vain.
"Y-you mean than, you wanted to s-say you c-co-could have…it, but y-you wouldn't…wouldn't w-want it?"
"Wrong," The big hands pushed him back against the pillows, so that he was once again faced with the sinister, piercing look.
"What I meant, was that I can have such a thing whenever I feel like it." The hands squeezed his shoulders as Kanou-san paused in his speech for a terrifying moment.
Ayase shook in expectation of the final blow.
"And I think I want you like that right now."
"P-Please Kanou-san! Please d-don't!"
Ayase was kneeling on the bed, his hands bound to the headboard by an impromptu knotted cravat, his naked bottom lifted high in the chilly night air.
"Silence! You'll only make it worse for yourself!"
Kanou-san's tone was dangerously low, Ayase noted with desperation, as he trembled in the degrading position. Tears were beginning to leak out of his clenched eyes. Such shame! Why wasn't he able to submit to the man's wishes! Why couldn't he have at least kept his stupid little mouth shut! Even now, with the obvious threat hanging in the air, he couldn't stop the traitorous whimpers from escaping his lips.
"Ayase, stop the mewling! There is nothing you can change about this, so just deal with it! You are mine so I can do whatever I want with you."
Ayase felt like crying his heart out at the cruel words, but forced himself to bite down on the sobs, despite the gut-wrenching fear that kept twisting his stomach.
"I-I know! I'm s-sorry, I-I'm no g-good. I de-deserve this – just p-please don't hurt me too much! I am…s-scared-"
"Shush now. Just keep silent and bear this for me."
Kanou-san's voice boomed through dark room, accompanied by a loud whoosh that made Ayase shriek with terror. Please just let it be quick!
To his utter astonishment, when the blow landed it was but a little pat, not painful in the least.
He must want to make me really suffer for my weakness, making the ordeal last as much as possible, Ayase thought, bracing himself to take the real punishment to come. But the next whoosh turned out to be just as soft and gentle as the first one. And the next one, and the next one.
A few minutes passed, the light pats growing sparser, as Kanou-san began to knead Ayase's bottom after each stroke, letting his fingers slide down the crack making Ayase moan with pleasure despite his best effort to keep silent as ordered.
"I believe, I told you to stay quiet." Kanou-san chuckled after a particularly loud gasp. "Indeed, I think you are in serious need of some more punishment!"
Before Ayase knew it, his hands were untied, and he was thrown over the bigger man's knees, his bottom getting another set of those unbearably stimulating gentle taps and squeezes. He was outright moaning this time. What was far more embarrassing though, was that he was getting hard. With each pat and caress, he couldn't help but slide a bit forward over Kanou-san's thigh, pressing his cock in just the right position to rub it against the hard muscle, the pleasure of the friction making it nearly unbearable to not thrust again and again in a rhythm until he was panting and sweating with need.
He was meeting the swats now, arching his bottom into the falling hand, loving the gentle impacts, the way they reverberated straight to his cock, the way Kanou-san would occasionally slip one finger between his cheeks, teasing his opening with little quick, sharp movements.
"AAAh!" He screamed as he was unexpectedly turned onto his back, his cock held in Kanou-san's hands as the man slid his hand up and down, pushing his finger in at the same time.
"Hmm, what do we have here?" The man smirked at Ayase, letting him twist and moan in desperation for quite a while before lifting him onto the bed and letting his fall, back first, onto the heap of pillows before climbing on top of him.
"I believe there is other part of you that is practically begging for some special attention, wouldn't you agree?"
Ayase could only nod wildly in response as he felt Kanou-san slither down his body, taking his now achingly hard cock into his hands, licking at the top before sucking it all the way to the base into his hot, wet mouth.
"Yesssss!" Ayase felt himself thrusting up into Kanoiu's mouth, unable to stop the movement as desperate moans flowed out of his mouth in an unstoppable stream of needy gasps and cries.
Suddenly he found himself being flipped over, and, expecting to be filled by Kanou-san, he couldn't help but tense in expectation.
But it was just the long fingers again, entering him slowly, twisting in him, searching for the spot that always made hi-
"Right there I take it." Kanou-san's voice sounded half-amused, half-aroused as he worked Ayase with both of his hands, licking and sucking at his neck at the same time.
Ayase twisted and turned under the attention, his body tensing again, but in a good kind of tension as of all his nerves worked overload, making him pant with raw need.
Bucking his hips faster and faster into Kanou-san's hand, he could hear his own moans, so wanton and unbound, and god it felt so good!
"Just like that little one, come for me now, come!"
The fingers twisted in him suddenly, the hand pumped even faster, and Ayase did just as ordered, half crushed under the bigger man, arching against him so completely his whole body rose from the bed in a exploding release of tension. White light filled his entire body as he screamed his orgasm with the only possible word he was capable of uttering at that time.
"You didn't come." Ayase frowned, feeling Kanou-san's hard cock press against his bottom as they settled for sleep.
"Observant as ever." Kanou-san whispered against his ear.
Ayase mulled over the reply, desperately trying to understand what exactly was meant by that. Was he implying that Ayase should have noticed sooner? Was Kanou-san expecting him to go down and do something about it? Or did he perhaps want Ayase to roll down his pyjamas bottom and offer himself up that way?
Ayase worried his lower lip nervously, unable to decide what was expected from him.
Kanou-san heaved a frustrated sigh, hugging him more firmly against his body. "Stop the damned wriggling right now! I can practically hear the wheels in your head rolling. What's wrong again?"
Ayase felt his blood drain from his face; here he was screwing it all up again!
"Nothing! I'm fine, really! …It's just, that you… are still not... f-finished…" Ayase blushed at the last word, feeling the outline of the hard cock slide up his bottom as Kanou-san hefted himself up, leaning over his body.
And damn it, here was the angry face again!
"What's up with you this evening? Do you really think I am only capable of taking pleasure and not giving back?"
"NO! No, of course not!" Ayase hurried to answer. "You always make me feel great, Kanou-san!"
"Then why all the wriggling and frowning ?"
Ayase thought for a while, trying to phrase his worries as best he could.
"I – I… Just don't understand…You said, you would…and then you didn't – well, you did, but not like I expected…and I… I…"
Ayase felt incredibly stupid, unable to formulate the questions running wild through his head. He didn't know what to feel right now; confused and more than a little bit embarrassed from the direction their love making had taken this evening.
Why was Kanou-san acting so nice after Ayase made him mad with his inability? Was he going to get the real punishment in the morning? Was the man disgusted with his shameful reaction so much, that he didn't want to have Ayase anymore?
Out of the blue, Kanou-san's hand grabbed Ayase around his shoulders turning him over so that he was forced to look up to that dark look yet again.
"You cannot possibly still be troubled over the spanking, can you?"
The incredulous tone and choosing of words made Ayase cringe with humiliation. Spanking. How degrading.
"It's nothing." He mumbled, lowering his face to hide his blush.
"Ayase, stop the evasions! It is most definitely not 'nothing' if it makes you feel this bad. You almost started crying when I started. You really expected to be hurt by me, and you are still scared! No! Don't try to play it down! I don't want to hear your evasions. Just tell me why!"
Ayase could cry with desperation. Here it was. Kanou-san was finally getting disgusted with his weakness, his pathetic crying. Ayase truly was a failure!
"That wasn't rhetorical, Ayase! Why are you still afraid? Tell me!"
The tension and Kanou-san's sharp voice got too much to bear.
"I am sorry!" Ayase sobbed out, the flood of emotions finally overflowing as he poured out his desperation, pressing himself tight against the man's chest. "I am sorry I'm so w-weak, and small and g-g-girly! I know I failed you tonight. I couldn't r-relax, and then I actually got h-h-hard during the p-punishment! I am sorry I can't be what you w-wish for! Maybe I really d-deserve to be b-b-beate. Or you should just get r-r-rid of me!"
Ayase's voice trailed out, his body shaking with fear, his eyes clenched in anxious expectation. This was it. All the shame was out in the open. He didn't even want to imagine what dreadful punishment he had just brought onto himself. He fully deserved it anyway, so there was no help for it. Perhaps Kanou-san would just let him go, sell him at an auction to clean his hands of the disgrace he was.
"I have really screwed up big time, didn't I?" The words took Ayase by complete surprise, making him look up in confusion. Kanou-san's voice wasn't angry, but... sad?
"Shhh." The finger was pressing against his lips again. "Just listen to me now. I know I am no good with words, but sometimes it's not enough to just show things."
Ayase blinked for a few seconds, than nodded. It couldn't be helped. If Kanou-san wanted to tell him how disappointed he was before letting him go, he would simply have to take it.
"First of all, I am not going to punish or beat you. Not now, or ever."
Ayase felt like crying, it would go faster that he expected.
"For God's sake, stop that look right now! I am also not letting you go, don't you even dare to think of such nonsense! I can't believe you would really think me capable of letting you go! I hoped you already knew I l-liked you too much to ever do that! There is nothing you can do that will make me let go of you!"
"But I d-don't understand, I keep failing you!"
"No Ayase, it was me who failed you. I'd thought I was making you understand you didn't have to fear me, but I only succeeded in making you miserable."
Before Ayase could protest, Kanou-san interrupted him again.
"I did make you miserable. Don't try to deny that. I am truly sorry for deciding to pull the spanking game now. I tried to teach you that I could never enjoy hurting you, but that a little role playing could be enjoyable. Obviously I didn't manage to judge your reaction to the situation."
"Enjoyable?" Ayase felt his eyes grow in wonder.
"Enjoyable. Yes." Kanou-san drawled. "Or so I thought when I had you coming so sweetly all over my hand. What I didn't count on was you crying over it, thinking you failed me!"
"I know, I am w-weak." Ayase lowered his face.
"Crying isn't weakness! It's the inability to express your emotions that is weak!" Kanou-san lifted Ayase's chin with his fingers. "Look at me! This is what weakness looks like! Beating around the bush for the last ten minutes! Unable to say what I really want to say! …Which is…what I am trying to say little one is… that I… love you."
Love? Me? Ayase's mouth fell open, his eyes growing wide.
"All of you." Kanou-san kissed Ayase softly before whispering into his ear. "I love your kind character, your desperate efforts to please me even though I am always pressing too far, asking too much too soon. I love your beautiful eyes that show me exactly what you feel, your reaction to my touches, the inability to stay calm when I tease you. I love all of you Ayase, every trait of your character, every part of your body, no matter whether you think it's girlish or small or whatever nonsense!"
Ayase gasped with pleasant shock, feeling little butterflies beating their wings in his stomach. It couldn't be true! This was too good!
"I believe I made myself clear so far?"
"Y-yes!" Ayase breathed out, the stress and tension finally leaving his body as he let himself be hugged by the first person that had ever said those words he so longed to hear.
"Now, as to your first question." Kanou-san paused to lick at Ayase's ear, "I am still hard, because I was planning on making you see I could favour your pleasure over mine and that I would never make you sleep with me if you didn't truly want it. I was hoping that not reaching completion would show you just that. But obviously, that strategy didn't work out. Which makes me think, that just as some things need to be not only shown but also expressed, there are some matters, that are better understood with repeated practical examples."
Ayase let himself be held in the strong arms, exhausted, sweaty and bit sore, but happier than he could ever remember being.
Nothing had changed about him. He was still the same boy of few hours before. He still didn't possess the ideal proportions, enough courage and had no money at all, but all that didn't matter anymore, not as long as he had the one thing that counted -
Kanou-san hugging him tightly, whispering the words he had never in his wildest dreamed hoped to hear from the man he had been in love with for such a long time.