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Ghosts Who Solicit

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Restlessness couldn’t even begin to describe what you felt. Alone in this huge house, it got to be too quiet sometimes. You moved here for space from the rest of the world… what you needed was someone not part of that demographic. 

Shit, what was that supposed to mean, anyway?

You sigh, sticking your dinner in the fridge and pouring a glass of wine. To be quite honest, you were horny as fuck, having not seen anyone for a while. Doing it yourself was all fine and good, but sometimes, you just didn’t have enough hands. 

You walk past a big old mirror, looking at yourself in it. 

“Another night watching horror movies with wine,” you toast yourself, and drink. As you’re about to just give up and turn on the TV, a piece of paper appears beside you, glowing. You frown, and pick it up. It was an advertisement of sorts… with a pale kind of guy in a cowboy hat on the front. 

Beetlejuice. That’s me. Just day my name three times, folks, and I’ll be there in a flash. Call me anytime for a free consultation, and I’ll deal with any problem you got.“ 

Beetlejuice? An exterminator… or, what was he calling it here? A bio exorcist?? As you start to look closer, you see the words miraculously flip around and change in front of your eyes. 

Beetlejuice. That’s me. Just scream my name three times, babes, and I’ll be there in a flash. Call me anytime, for anything– and I mean ANYTHING. Male, female, both, neither, any kinda human or monster, I’ll show you a good time!“ 

You frown. This ghostly pamphlet 100% held a different meaning now. 

His face is strangely attractive to you… you try to put him out of your mind as you go back to watching The Shining, which was starting on TCM. 

As the yellow car weaves its way up the road on the screen though, you’re unable to forget that little glowing note… it’s haunting you. You think of that guy’s face again, that inviting smirk he had. What was his name? He said to say it three times. You squirm in your seat. He really was attractive… and what was written on that note, well… 

No. You’re not calling some ghost just because you’re horny! 

But how do you know he’s even a ghost?! He could just be a… 

No, he’s a ghost. 

Still. You’re conflicted. Toiling over the decision for a few minutes, you come to a conclusion. It had to have appeared to you for a reason, right? Maybe some something out there was being nice, and wanted you to get off tonight. Setting your wine glass down, you lick your lips, and nod. 

"I can’t believe I’m doing this. Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice… oh, what the hell. Beetlejuice!" 

You see him appear. He dusts off his suit, and he’s got a rose between his teeth. 

"You called?” You yelp in surprise, nearly falling over. He grins, slicking back his green hair. “Yup. I’ve got that effect on people." 

You swallow, getting up. "It actually worked! M-maybe this wasn’t such a good idea." 

"Hey, hey no, siddown, lemme make ya comfortable.” He flashes a winning grin. “I’m the ghost with the most babe.” He flashes his chest with a wink, and you sit back. 

“So… what are you? Like some other worldly prostitute?" 

"Are you calling me a ho?”

“I called you a prostitute.”

He sniffs. “You don’t make it sound too hot, but sure, yeah, guy’s gotta eat." 

"You don’t make enough money with your… bio exorcism, or whatever?" 

"It’s a tough time of year,” he complains, “Cut me a break." 

"Hey, I’m not judging.” You hold your hands up, staring at him curiously. He crosses his arms. 

“I like my night job. My sex drive is a billion times what you humans have got. Living men are PATHETIC!" 

"Wow.” Your shirt falls a little lower down your shoulder. He tilts his head, smirking. 

“Huh, I really hit the jackpot with you.” He spins his head around, then catches it. “Hey, I enjoy sex, alright, I love it… but with you, I might actually find my job fulfilling." He keeps shamelessly checking you out, lifting up your skirt. You grab at it.

"Woah woah, slow down,” you protest weakly, “Sex?" 

"That’s whatcha called me for, isn’t it?” he deadpans, holding his arms open. Your cheeks heat up. 

“Well… yeah, I mean, in a manner of speaking…”

He scratches his head, then holds up his hands. “I see, I see. I gotta woo ya. Alright, baby, can I, uh, take you to a bar, buy you a drink, get ya loaded and then get lucky?”

You shake your head. “Hey, okay… you don’t have to go through all the trouble.” You smirk slightly, and he rubs his hands together, making a grabby motion. 

“Then c'mere, sugar.” He grabs your arm, yanks you in, and dips you, pressing his lips to yours roughly. He pulls inches away, and gazes down at your lips in lust. “Oh, yeah… you’re definitely a gem.” The kissing is nothing like you expected– his mouth seemed so gross at first glance, but the kiss is wonderful, tasting like faint mint and a hint of candy corn. “Like my mouthwash?” he grins, “It’s called Happy Halloween, I’m kinda digging it." 

"Mmm,” you moan, unable to deny he’s got the power of charm, and he wiggles his eyebrows, snapping his fingers. A second later, you’re both in your bedroom.

“How did you-?!”

“Shhh, don’t question it, just lay back and enjoy the ride." 

You crawl back on the bed, and he gets between your legs, ripping open your clothes for easy access to your breasts. "Wowzers, mommy!” he licks his lips, and you blush again. He blinks at you, noticing how bashful you are, and pauses, sitting back on his heels.

“Okay look, uh…” he looks down, “I wanna make sure you enjoy this. I really do. So… if you want me to do anything… anything at all, tell me. Tell me how you like it, where ya like it, how fast, how deep, you get the pretty picture. I wanna make you see stars, babes. Comprende?”

You nod.

“Good. Lose yourself in the feeling, cause soon you’re gonna be screaming my name.” He tugs your panties down, and slips three fingers into you, making your hips arch up off the bed.

“Yeaaah, I’m really gettin’ there, huh?!”

“A… A little… to the left,” you moan, and he grins.

“Now we’re talking.”

He does as you say, and the waves of pleasure make you wetter. You sit up and clutch at his back as he fucks you with his fingers, and he brings his lips to yours again, messily making out with you.

“Yeah… yeah, that’s what I’m talking about…” he’s mumbling, “You’re getting me all riled up, baby… oh, yeah…”

You gain more confidence the longer he fingers you, and finally, you take control, straddling him on the bed.

“Fuck me,” you moan, flipping your hair back, and he grabs your hips, growling and snapping his teeth.

“I’m a wild animal, baby, I’m a beast– you’ve gotta tame me!”

You lean down, ghosting your lips over his, and move down his chest with tiny kisses, getting to his belt loop, and slowly undoing him. His head falls back into the pillow as he groans your name, fisting his hands in the sheets.

“Beg for it?” you smirk. He whistles.

“Boy, you sure flipped on me.”

You lick a stripe over his clothed crotch. “Beg.”

“Please, ya gotta give it to me, I can’t NOT have you!”

You unbuckle his belt, and slowly slide it down to reveal his cock. It’s huge, and you get even wetter just imagining it inside you. Instead of sucking him off, you crawl back up, straddle him again, and position over top of him.

“You don’t have some kind of nether realm, ectoplasmic disease from all the ghouls and monsters you’ve fucked right?”

“Can I be honest with you?” he asks with fake innocence, taking your hand and rubbing your knuckles, “You’re my first.”

You roll your eyes, snatching your hand back, and he sticks his tongue out, wiggling it playfully at you.

“Okay okay, but no, I’m a ghost, I can’t get that shit,” he mutters, and you almost think he looks dismayed by this fact. You sink down over his cock, letting it stretch you perfectly, and marvel at how it feels. Just as you’re adjusting, Beetlejuice bounces, pushing in even deeper and laughing maniacally. You gasp, and start to ride him hard. He fucks you rough from underneath, his fingers clutching you so tight you’re sure you’ve got bruises.

“Cmon… cmon, oh yeah, fuck yeah,” BJ shouts, and as he goes even harder, you feel your orgasm approach.

“Beetlejuice, oh!” you whine loudly as you come. He comes too a few seconds later from hearing your slutty moaning of his name. You snuggle into the side of him. He runs a hand through his messy green hair, exhaling.

“That was the best sex I ever had. On or off the job.”

You smile, blushing again. Your toes curl, and you twirl a finger through his hair. “Ditto. I’m glad I decided to call you.”

He gets up, tugs up his pants, and shakes himself out, cracking his neck each way, and spinning it once.

“Call me again, dollface…” he winks, and his voice drops a few registers, “Anytime.”

Then, in a puff of purple, the dreamy, pasty, foul mouthed ghost with the most is gone.