Chapter 1: Drunken Words, Sober Decisions
“You should’ve seen her. She was drooling all over my dick.”
“She ended up crying. I felt really bad so I stopped, but it was pretty hot.”
“But after I pulled her up she begged me to let her keep going.”
“She even let me put my hand on her head and push her down. I didn’t know it was this good to be a dom.”
Kim Seokjin looks up from his laptop, an annoyed glint in his eyes. Jeongguk doesn’t notice, too busy using his front-facing camera on his phone to inspect his hickeys.
“Listen, I’m really happy that you’ve discovered your sexuality and all that, but I’m trying to work on stuff here.” He glances at Jeongguk’s open textbook and has to fight the rush of unjust hatred towards the freshman. He remembers the good old days when he didn’t really understand what a thesis was either.
Jeongguk turns around and flashes his friend an apologetic look, cheeks turning pink.
Seokjin sighs, stomach twisting with guilt, but he really doesn’t want to hear about Jeongguk’s sexual escapades at ten in the morning. Not without alcohol anyway, but, it’s ten in the morning and they’re in a public library. Despite this, Seokjin is just about on the verge of caving - Jeongguk looks like a wounded animal right now with big round eyes shining with hurt, bottom lip just barely jutted out – when he spots Taehyung walking toward their table with Jimin attached to him.
“Taehyung! Jimin!” He tries not to sound too relieved as he waves them over. “There you go, Jeongguk, tell them.”
Jeongguk’s eyes light up as he turns to face the new arrivals. He jumps up from his seat and looks a lot like a puppy whose owners have just come home.
“Tell us what?” Seokjin stands up and collects his laptop and papers. Jimin watches him leave with furrowed brows as he unlatches his arms and legs from around Taehyung. “Did you talk his ear off again, Jeongguk? You know how stressed he and Yoongi-hyung are right now. Last night I sent Yoongi a DM on Twitter and he blocked me. He blocked me! Told me I was too distracting. Can you believe that?”
“Hyung,” Jeongguk bounces on his heels excitedly, “I had sex last night.”
Taehyung snorts as he collapses onto the nearby musty sofa, legs spread wide and arms behind his head, emulating the dictionary definition of man-spreading.
Jeongguk mirrors Taehyung, though he takes up comparatively less space than him as he curls into the corner of the couch. Jimin sits down next to Jeongguk, resting his head on his shoulder. A nearby library monitor is watching the three of them with disapproval thick in her eyes, but she doesn’t make any moves to come over. She can’t really scold college boys for their laziness, as much as she’d like to.
Jimin looks at Jeongguk through the corner of his eye. “What’s this, the third time you’ve banged someone?”
Jeongguk flicks his forearm. “I’ve had sex plenty.”
“Didn’t you lose your virginity like a month ago?”
“Hyung,” Jeongguk whines, pushes at Jimin’s shoulders but the other has found a new person to leech on after separating from Taehyung and there’s no detaching him at this point. He giggles into Jeongguk’s side.
“Tell us all about it then. Minus the gross details.”
“Is making her drool on my dick a gross detail?”
Jimin pinches his lips like he has smelt something bad. “Guk!”
Taehyung looks thoroughly amused from where he’s sprawled on the couch. “Wow, I can’t believe he said that without blushing.”
Well, he’s blushing now as he laughs, too much attention on him and some of his bravado falling away as he seeks his hyungs’ approval. Jimin pats him on the shoulder and tells him he’s the man, so he perks up a bit.
“It feels so good though.”
“Gross, I don’t need to know that.”
“No, I mean-” He shoves Jimin again, neck tinged with blotches of red. “I don’t mean like that. I meant to finally be doing it. Figuring out who I am and stuff. Ugh.” He buries his face into Jimin’s chest and feels how the other shakes with laughter.
“Ah, there’s our shy little bunny.” Jimin strokes his hair back, revealing his rosy skin. “It’s okay, we aren’t making fun of you.”
“I am.” Taehyung’s voice is thick with amusement. “I can’t believe you’ve been having sex for a month and you already think you’re a dom.”
Jeongguk pulls his head up to glare at Taehyung. “I am a dom.”
Another snort. “Yeah, okay.”
“You don’t even understand what it means to be a dom.”
“Oh? And you do?”
His milky chocolate eyes shift and darken as he answers, “I do.”
Jimin is looking between the two of them with a slowly dissipating smirk.
“What does it mean then, Mr. Grey?”
Taehyung’s head tilts to the side ever so slightly. “What?”
“Mr. Grey. You know, like Christian Grey. 50 Shades of Grey?”
Taehyung laughs so hard he almost falls off of the couch.
“You think that’s what BDSM is really like? That’s so cute, Gukkie, no wonder you think you’re a dom.” His voice is light with a teasing lilt, his eyes heavy with condescension. “So cute.”
Jeongguk looks away just as Jimin pulls himself away from the youngest member and stands up off of the couch.
“I’m going to go… somewhere else.”
Taehyung leans forward to cast his eye over Jeongguk, whose own gaze is nervously flitting from Taehyung’s hands to Jimin’s disappearing back as he wanders over in the direction Seokjin had last been seen.
“BDSM is a lot more than whips and blindfolds, you know.” Jeongguk squirms. He hasn’t known Taehyung for very long and they’ve never talked about something like this so seriously before.
“This conversation is getting weird.”
“The fact that you can’t have this conversation is proof you’re a sub.”
“I’ve been a top almost every time. The first guy I slept with asked me to choke him and said I was really good at it. I tried bottoming and it wasn’t fun. So there.”
“Oh, sweet little Gukkie.” Taehyung shakes his head, still smirking away. “Being a dom and being a top are two different things. Haven’t you heard of a power bottom?”
“Of- of course I have.”
“You are not one of them, believe me, and you have none of the qualities of a dom.”
“I’m strong. I like to take charge.” Jeongguk’s voice gets smaller and smaller as he stares down at the patterned carpet. Taehyung watches him for a moment longer before his shoulders relax and he smiles a lazy smile.
“Okay then, I believe you.” Jeongguk blinks, looks confused at the abrupt closing of the matter. The older student pushes himself off of the couch, walks over and ruffles Jeongguk’s hair affectionately. Jeongguk flails his arms to ward him off. “Come on. I’m pretty sure Jimin went to annoy Seokjin some more and I’m worried for his health.”
“Whose health, exactly?”
Jeongguk forgets about the conversation with Taehyung pretty quickly, resuming his newfound love for sex as he continues to rendezvous with his current hook-up. Sohyun is her name and she's gorgeous: long legs, sharp brows, piercing eyes, the whole package. She wears a light amount of makeup that perfectly accentuates her features, knows how to dress for her figure and always manages to have her long hair so smooth, not one flyaway in sight. As far as personality goes, she does alright. She’s kind of mean, but Jeongguk is new to all of this and sort of desperate, not that he’d admit that to himself, so he ignores the way she rolls her eyes at his supposed dirty talk and scoffs when he asks her, “Was that good for you too?” She keeps coming back, so he convinces himself that maybe she’s just self-conscious and that’s her way of coping with it. He wants to tell her that he gets it, that he’s really self-conscious as well, but he gets too embarrassed to broach the topic.
Right now, he’s going down on Sohyun and feeling not so confident with the deafening silence in the room, save for the slurping of his tongue against her flesh. He’s trying to do well, he really is, but when he glances up at Sohyun and it looks like she has fallen asleep he can't help but cringe to himself. He pulls away, tries desperately to fight the overwhelming feeling of inferiority. Maybe it’s not because he’s bad at giving oral, maybe she’s just tired. She is a senior, after all, and he knows how stressed Yoongi and Seokjin are right now.
“Hey, are you-”
“I think I’m going to go, Jeongguk.”
He tightens his hold on her thighs. “What? Why?”
“Cause I’m clearly not going to come tonight and I’ve got better things to do.” She takes one look at him and sneers. “What, are you going to cry? Get better at sex instead of feeling sorry for yourself. This is why I hate hooking up with men.”
He bows his head, mostly because his eyes are stinging and he doesn’t want her to see that he actually might cry. “I’m sorry, I’ll do better. Let me practice, tell me what I’m doing wrong.” She peels his fingers off of her skin and sits back on his bed.
“Maybe don’t claim you’re going to leave a woman shaking if you don’t even know what the clitoris is.”
“I- I know- I know what the- the- that is.”
She scoffs, wipes a hand down her face.
“You’re just a kid. I think I’m done with you.” And ouch, it hurts to be talked about in such an objectifying manner and Jeongguk thinks that he understands the female sex a lot better now. Out of nowhere, Sohyun sighs and pats his shoulder. “You’re real hot, Jeongguk, and you’ve got a great dick, but you’re way too cocky for a guy who clearly has zero experience. Call me when you’ve learnt some things.” With that, she hops off of the bed, promptly dons her underwear, grabs her clothes and leaves the room.
Jeongguk startles, looks up at his roommate who has apparently materialised from nothing and is currently sitting across from Jeongguk at their little dining room table, a juice box in one hand and his head propped on top of the other.
“Hyung, you scared me.”
“I’ve been sitting in front of you for like five minutes now. I said hi about three times. Tell me about your romp with Sohyun.” Taehyung slurps at his juicebox and watches with a quirked brow as Jeongguk looks away. “Don’t tell me you’re not going to brag about your hook-ups anymore. That was my daily entertainment.”
“It- it was good.”
“Give me more details, Mr. Grey.”
“She- she cried.”
By ‘She’ I mean ‘I’, but whatever.
Jeongguk swallows, pushes his rice around in his bowl. “She begged me to let her come, but I refused.” Because I didn’t know how. “I edged her all night until she was crying then I fu-fucked her until we both came.”
“Wow, Guk. That’s savage.” Jeongguk blushes, lifts his hand to accept Taehyung’s fist bump.
“Yeah, it was g-good.”
“Hm. You know, I didn’t hear any of that.”
Jeongguk glances up at him with wide eyes, then back down at his rice. He speaks slowly, asks, “You were home?”
He listens to the unpleasant sound of Taehyung sucking at his juicebox as it nears empty. “Yup.”
“What about the party?”
Taehyung pulls the straw from the box, puts it between his teeth and starts chewing on the plastic.
“Party was lame. All of the seniors are too busy weeping into their textbooks to come along and everyone else was stoned. Parties aren’t as fun when you’re not stoned as well. Came home early. So, how come you were crying in the bathroom?”
“I wasn’t.” Jeongguk stands up and takes his bowl of rice to the sink even though he’s not finished. “Why didn’t you just get stoned as well then?”
“Didn’t feel like it. Stop changing the subject.” Jeongguk starts washing his dishes, sees his reflection in a pot lid and hopes Taehyung didn’t notice how red his face has gotten. “I heard you sobbing in there. I also bumped into Sohyun on the way out of the dorm. She said something about never hooking up with freshman boys again. Or maybe it was just men in general, I don't really remember.”
Jeongguk scrapes the rice out of his bowl, watches it forlornly as it disappears into the bin and thinks about how hungry he still is.
“So, have you been lying about all of your hook ups? Or just the ones with Sohyun.”
“I- I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Guk, I’m not making fun of you.” Jeongguk hears his chair scrape back, focusses on scrubbing his bowl even though he’s already been doing so for the past minute and the dish is undoubtedly spotless. “I’m just curious as to why you were lying to us.”
For a minute longer Jeongguk focusses on scrubbing the wax coating on the bowl. Taehyung doesn’t push him, waiting in silence until Jeongguk says, “You and the rest of the hyungs always talk about how well you fucked someone, or how loud you made them scream, or whatever. I can’t walk anywhere on campus without overhearing someone talking about how good you dicked them down or how they wish Jimin-hyung would call them back or how Yoongi’s tongue is just magical- I just want people to talk about me like that. Why am I so bad at sex?”
A hand closes on his wrist, gently pulls the scrubbing brush out of his hand, and takes the bowl away from him. Jeongguk bites his bottom lip when he feels it threatening to tremble.
“Jeongguk, you’re still just a kid. You’re going-”
“I’m not a kid, I’m 22.” Jeongguk turns away, looks out of the window at the dreary weather. “I should know this stuff.”
“You’ll figure it out. No one is good at sex to begin with. It’s not a big deal. If you just stop claiming to be amazing no will expect anything of you and then you can enter a healthy sexual relationship where you learn and explore together.”
“People do expect stuff, though. You should know that.”
“What do you mean?” Taehyung’s voice sounds close behind him and Jeongguk hasn’t known him very long, but he just knows that he’s quirking his head to the side in confusion, that cute furrow in his brows as he tries to figure out something that’s troubling him.
“Being a dom. People expect you to take charge. They ask you to do weird stuff even though I’ve never done any of that stuff before.”
There’s a short silence. Jeongguk glares at the weather like it’s the cause of his problems.
“Like what, exactly? Give me an example. Tell me about a sexual encounter where that happened to you, an honest one.” Jeongguk cringes but nods.
“I- the first time I topped a guy. He- he said weird things and I didn’t really know what to do so I just- I did them.”
“Like what? What did he say, exactly?”
“Well, I pushed him onto the bed and he got all excited by that and said, ‘Choke me, daddy.’”
Taehyung laughs loudly. Jeongguk turns around and frowns at him. He’s covering his mouth with a guilty expression.
“Sorry- just the idea of someone calling you daddy. Oh god, that’s good.”
Jeongguk scowls, his mumbling voice saying, “I can be a daddy.”
“Sure, Gukkie.” Taehyung pats his head. “So what did you do when he said that?”
“I- I don’t know, it was weird and embarrassing but he was looking at me like he really wanted me to do it, so I did it. I sort of, you know, just squeezed his throat a bit while I fucked him. Anyway, I thought it was weird and uncomfortable but he came without me touching his dick, so.”
“Yeah, and how did that make you feel?”
Jeongguk wants to mock Taehyung for sounding like a counsellor straight off of a movie set, but instead he tries to take him seriously, thinking back to that night. “I guess I felt embarrassed and worried above anything else. I was worried that I’d do it wrong or that he wouldn’t like it.” Taehyung is giving him a far too knowing look and he doesn’t enjoy it, so he says, “But I wasn’t scared or anything. I was just new to dominance and stuff.”
Technically he’s new to everything right now, but neither of them need to say that out loud. The encounter he's referring to only happened about three weeks ago after all.
“Jeongguk,” and Taehyung’s voice is oddly serious now, so Jeongguk listens attentively, “you’re not a dominant person. You’re just not.”
“This conversation again?” Jeongguk rolls his eyes. He exasperatedly says, “Who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t like?”
“I’m not doing that. I’m not telling you what you like, I’m telling you what you are like. First of all, you freak out when someone asks you to do something weird, but you do it anyway. No wonder you’re bad at sex, you keep doing things you’re not even into.” Taehyung’s gaze is unwavering, his hands in his pockets as he leans against the kitchen bench. He looks bigger than he is. “Doms don’t give, they take.”
“How would you know? You don’t act like a dom.” Jeongguk presses his lips into a pout and then decides that that’s childish and dons a straight face instead. “You’re nothing like a dom.”
“You can’t tell who is a dom and who isn't just from their personality. Your personality has nothing to do with what you’re like in the bedroom.”
Jeongguk resists the urge to pull his hair out, pointing at Taehyung and snapping, “But you just told me you think I’m not one because of my personality!”
“Not because of your personality, Guk. Because of how you act. It’s a little different.”
“Who made you an expert, huh?”
“I’ve been having sex for a lot longer than you have. I know what I’m into, unlike you.”
“I know what I’m into,” Jeongguk murmurs, crossing his arms. “You’re not even that much older than me.”
“You have no idea what you’re into, believe me. I could show you, if you want.”
Jeongguk’s gaze, which has been flitting around the room with no certain target, immediately whips up to meet Taehyung’s. “You what?”
“You’re still young, Jeongguk.” Taehyung pushes off the bench, takes a step forward. “You’ve only been sexually active for a month. You’ve got lots of time to figure out who you are. But I could do you a favour and fast forward that process.”
“I don’t- Tae, wait.” Jeongguk steps back, flinches when his back meets the kitchen table. “We’re roommates, friends. This is wrong.”
“I could make you scream, Jeongguk.” Taehyung’s shoes knock against Jeongguk’s as he pushes him backward so that he’s pressed against the varnished wood, puts his hands on either side of him and cages him in. “I could awaken parts of you that you didn’t even know existed.”
“H-hyung.” Jeongguk turns his head away, closes his eyes tightly. He hears Taehyung’s condescending chuckle and then all of his warmth is gone and Jeongguk gasps as he’s thrown off balance, stumbling.
“Precious Guk. You’re so cute.” Taehyung’s voice is bright as he ruffles the younger’s hair. The contrast in his attitude is so marked that Jeongguk feels dizzy as he props himself back up. “You failed the test, by the way.”
“What? Test?” Jeongguk fixes his clothes even though they look fine.
“If you really want to be a dom, you need to learn a few things. First of all, never allow yourself to be cornered. Don’t just sit there and let someone trap you. Never bare your neck. It’s all basic survival skills, c’mon Guk.”
“I- this- you’re so weird. Why would you do that?” Jeongguk shoves Taehyung, watches him cackling as he stumbles back. “I thought you were coming onto me.”
“No, just teaching you a lesson. You keep claiming to be a dom, Jeongguk, start acting like one.”
“I am!” He insists. “I’m just new to this, okay? I freeze up in embarrassing situations.”
Taehyung nods, eyes dancing. “Of course.”
“I am.” Jeongguk stomps his foot, pouts his lips and this time around he doesn’t care if it’s childish.
“Just stop lying to us, yeah, bud?” Taehyung’s tone becomes serious again. “I know we’ve only been roommates for, like, six months now, but we’re friends, right? There’s no need to pretend like you’re having this amazing sex. The walls are thin, I can hear it all anyway. I heard that girl you supposedly forced to deepthroat you telling you off for getting overexcited, you know.” Jeongguk flushes, shoves him again. Taehyung laughs, waving him away. He speaks warmly, “But you know your friends are the last people on earth who would judge you. You can be honest with us, Guk. There’s nothing embarrassing about learning how to have sex.”
“Easy for you to say, Mr. Campus Slut.”
“Wow. After everything I’ve done for you.”
“What have you ever done for me, hyung?”
“Hey, I deleted all of your porn history that one time when you were about to give that presentation. I saved your life.”
Jeongguk is finally smiling as he says, “My hero. How can I ever repay you?”
Taehyung’s smile is gentle, but his eyes are twinkling when he says, “Oh, I can think of a few ways, but we’ll worry about that later. Come on, let’s go get some food. You hardly touched your rice and I know you’re starving.”
College parties are disgusting and just barely tolerable so long as the haze of alcohol has dulled your sense of smell. Everybody knows this. Be it because of the sweaty, desperate bodies grinding shamelessly upon one another, the shitty EDM beats that rattle the walls and annoy any neighbours within a mile-radius, or the musty yellow-toned smoke that filters over everything and looks flattering on no one when the haze of poor-quality weed colours the air, it doesn’t matter. No sober human enjoys these shindigs and that’s why Jeongguk and Taehyung did three shots in the dorm before they left.
A guy Jeongguk has never seen before hugs him at the door with an exaggeratedly long, “What’s up, man?” He watches Taehyung grimace next to him when the guy breathes right in his face and says, “Welcome to the party, dudes!”
Perhaps they should’ve done a few more shots.
By the time Jeongguk has gotten enough alcohol into his system to pretend to enjoy himself, he realises that he’s alone, Taehyung having left his side to find Jimin a long time ago. He feels a sweat breaking out on his skin as he frantically looks around for someone he knows. He’s not known as the most social of the butterflies and without one of his friends nearby his ability to confidently mingle decreases by about 75 percent. As he stands up from the snacks table (which only has a few leftover potato chips and a lot of red solo cups filled with lukewarm beer scattered over it) someone shoves into his hand a drink that is so brightly coloured that it’s almost glowing. The alcohol increases his confidence by about 25 percent alone.
He finds Hoseok eventually and feels his shoulders immediately relax. His hyung shouts his name when he sees him and slings an arm around his shoulders, grinning and laughing and singing something into his ear. Jeongguk is drunk enough that it's entertaining, so he giggles and dances with his friend.
“You going to hook up with someone tonight, player?” Jimin’s slurring voice is whispering in Jeongguk’s other ear and Jeongguk isn’t drunk enough to be unable to tell that the older student is completely trashed. “Dick or vag, Guk? What are you feeling?”
“Uh… dick? I don’t know, I’m not fussed.”
Jeongguk screws his nose up when Jimin sighs right in his face, his warm breath reeking of alcohol and stale crisps. “It must be nice to be bi. You’ve got so many options.”
“It’s still only two, but sure.”
“Looks like the universe is deciding for you, Jeonggukkie.” Hoseok sings his name and points off behind his shoulder. Jeongguk gut clenches when he sees Sohyun standing in a group of girls not a few metres away from them. “Isn’t that the girl you had choking on your dick?”
“No, no, that’s the one he edged all night. God, Hoseok, get it straight. Sohyun is the edging girl, uh, the other chick, dick-choking. I forgot her name. Guk, what’s the dick-choking girl’s name?”
They’re talking way too loudly and Jeongguk prays that this shitty music is louder, but Jeongguk should know by now that his friends are the loudest people on earth. Sohyun hears her name and glances over just as Jeongguk looks up at her. She looks him up and down with a smirk before she leans over to her friends.
“See that guy over there?” Her voice is deliberately loud, if the malicious look in her eyes says anything. Jeongguk can’t wrench his gaze away from hers.
“Oh, he’s hot! Do you reckon he’ll- he’ll sleep with me?” Her friend is stumbling over her heels as she unabashedly checks Jeongguk out.
“I wouldn’t bother. He’s pretty much a virgin. Has no clue what he’s doing.” Sohyun leans back against the wall, breaking eye contact with Jeongguk to sip her drink.
“Oh my god, you slept with him?”
“Jeonggukkie-ah, what is she saying?” Jeongguk finally manages to look away to see Jimin and Hoseok watching the strange exchange going on. Jeongguk’s breath becomes shallow, the air too thick all of a sudden.
So he hadn’t really gotten a chance to be honest with his friends yet, despite Taehyung’s imploration. What exactly, was he supposed to say? ‘Hey guys, by the way, I’m apparently really bad in bed and I made up all of those stories because what really happened with dick-choking girl is that I came too quickly and then cried when she laughed at me.’
But now he’s sort of wishing he had have done that, because it seems a lot better than this. A lot better than hearing one of his “conquests” lamenting over how bad he is in bed to all of her friends and any other students who happen to be listening. Jeongguk is going to be known as that virgin boy who couldn’t make a girl come and he can just see the rest of his university life being miserable as people all over the campus laugh when he passes by them.
“I- I need to leave.” He puts his drink down on a nearby coffee table and takes quick breaths as he turns around. He can still hear Sohyun speaking, starting from the beginning, talking about how he’d bragged about his abilities on Tinder and Jeongguk is on the verge of breaking into a run when hands clamp down on his shoulders.
“Guk? What’s going on? Are you going to be sick?” Taehyung is leaning down and looking into his eyes. Jeongguk blinks rapidly to try to make them look less watery, but he’s drunk and has a lot less control over his emotions than usual, so instead he wriggles out of Taehyung’s grip and sprints for the front door.
His phone buzzes quite a few times as he stumbles home. It’s probably just Taehyung wanting to know if he’s safe, but his paranoid mind tells him that it’s undoubtedly a bunch of random people messaging him on Facebook, making fun of his lack of sexual abilities, the news likely having spread over the campus in a matter of minutes even though there are only a handful of people who actually care to know who he is. The cold air is sobering enough that Jeongguk thinks that that couldn’t possibly be the case, but he still refuses to look at his phone, anyway.
When he arrives at his dorm he throws himself on his bed and tells himself that crying into his pillows is not an okay pastime for a 22-year-old guy. He has just wiped away the third tear that stubbornly escapes his eyes when there’s a knock at his door.
“Gukkie? Are you okay?” Jimin appears next to him. He’s trying to be considerate, but his voice is still loud and warbling. “It’s okay Guk, Taehyung shut her up. You don’t need to worry.”
“What?” Jeongguk sits up on his bed and shakes his head when the world tilts a little. “What did Taehyung do?”
“Oh, you should’ve seen it, Guk. It was so hot. It kind of turned me on. Do you think Tae would fuck me if I asked nicely?”
“Jimin, what did he do?”
“He shoved her up against a wall and got up in her face. It was so daddy, I couldn’t believe it. Have you ever seen Taehyung do anything but smile? But he looked so angry all of a sudden. I dunno what he said, man, but Sohyun was pretty quiet afterwards. God, I think everyone wants to bang him now.”
“Everyone wanted to bang me anyway.” Taehyung is standing at the door with a smirk on his face. Jeongguk quickly looks away from him, frowning. “Come on, Jiminie, let’s get you home, huh?”
“Will you fuck me when we get there?” Jimin leans up against Taehyung, who laughs as he starts dragging him towards the door.
“Thank god you live next door. I’ll be back soon, Guk, don’t fall asleep on me.”
Jeongguk watches as the two go stumbling out of the room and then listens to the front door shut as Jimin’s whining fades into the distance.
He really doesn’t want to sit through whatever Taehyung is planning to lecture him with, so he lies back on his bed and wills sleep to come. Just before it does, though, there’s a loud knocking at the front door and he groans.
Maybe if he was sober he’d do what he normally does and just ignore it until it goes away, but his drunken mind thinks it must be the pizza he ordered, even though there is no way he actually was brave enough to do that, drunk or not. He usually gets Taehyung to make the phone call for him, after all.
Despite his inebriated state, his reflexes are still in working condition when they're put to the test, his hands shooting out at lightning speed, ready to catch a staggering Sohyun when he opens the door. His wide eyes grow wider when he realises who it is. She giggles as she topples over, falling back onto her ass and giving Jeongguk, who is way too shocked to care, a great view of her panties.
“Hi, I- oh, it’s you.” She pouts when she sees Jeongguk gawking down at her. “Is Taehyung here?”
“Dammit.” She attempts to pull herself up, but her dress is tight and restricts her movement. She rolls onto her side and starts slowly pushing herself up on the wall. “I wanted him to- can you tell him I dropped by?”
Jeongguk wants to tell her to fuck off, but he only squeaks and nods as she giggles.
“Oh, thanks, Jeongguk-ssi. I didn’t think you’d say y-yes.” She hiccups in-between words. “He was so mean Jeongguk, look.” She lifts her head back to reveal her neck. It’s reddened ever so slightly, a vague handprint shape that wraps around her pale skin. “It was so hot. God, I want him to fuck me. I can’t believe I was wasting my time with y-you when there was a total babe right next door.”
“Sohyun.” Taehyung’s voice makes them both jump. His prominent eyebrows are furrowed and Jeongguk is reminded of when Taehyung had teased him in the kitchen. Taehyung looks like a different person when he’s angry, goofy smile gone, twinkling eyes dark. “Here.”
He holds his hand out. Sohyun doesn’t hesitate to take it, giggling when she stumbles into his side and puts her weight on him. Jeongguk would be worried, but Taehyung is grimacing and leaning away from her.
“Fuck me, Taehyung-ssi. Please.” Taehyung flinches and immediately moves the inebriated college student so that she’s at arm’s length.
“Why is everyone asking me to do that all of a sudden?” He looks over at Jeongguk, eyes softening. “Hey Gukkie, I have to deal with this. I’ll be right back, okay? I’ve got to call her a taxi really quick.”
Jeongguk nods slowly, watching Taehyung pull the girl away and attempt to escort her down the hall while keeping her as far from him as possible.
By the time Taehyung has returned, slumping against the door in exhaustion, Jeongguk has made up his mind.
“I want you to teach me how to dom.”
Taehyung stares at him. “No.”
“Please, Taehyung.” Jeongguk looks down at his shoes, kicks them against the floor. “I want to be like you.”
Taehyung stares at him for a moment before laughing and rubbing his hands tiredly over his face. “I push one girl against a wall and suddenly everyone wants to have sex with me.”
“I don’t want to have sex with you.” Jeongguk glances up at a sceptical Taehyung, then back down to the floor. “I want to have sex with other people and actually make them feel good. Please, hyung, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“This is a dumb conversation.” Taehyung pushes himself off of the door and strides over to Jeongguk. “You’re literally swaying on the spot, Jeongguk. Come on.”
“I- you’re going to do it?” Jeongguk stumbles after Taehyung as he pulls him by the hand towards his room.
“No. I’m going to put you to bed. You’re drunk, Guk. You’re going to wake up in the morning either not being able to remember this or wishing that you couldn’t.”
“I won’t, I…” he trails off, staring at Taehyung’s large hand that’s wrapped around his. He looks up to meet his pretty chocolate irises and announces, resolutely, “I’m going to be sick.”
Taehyung laughs and pushes him towards the bathroom. “I’ll hold your hair back, baby, don’t worry.”
Eleven hours, two Panadol and one trash can full of vomit later, Jeongguk walks up to Taehyung, sitting in front of the television while he drinks a juicebox.
Taehyung doesn’t turn to look at him, but the sound of sucking stops abruptly.
“You’re going to have to elaborate, Jeongguk.”
“You know… what I said last night.”
“You remember that?”
“I wasn’t that drunk.”
“You were pretty drunk, Guk.”
“Teach me how to dom properly. Show me how you do it.” Jeongguk watches his profile remain unchanged and shifts on the spot, fiddling with the hem of his stained pyjama shirt. “I don’t get how you can just switch from so nice and soft into a daddy, according to Jimin. I want to be able to do that. Teach me, hyung.”
Taehyung finally looks his way. “Are you sure you don’t want to have sex with me?”
Jeongguk clenches his jaw. “I’m sure.”
“Then how am I supposed to teach you? It’s sort of hands-on thing.”
“I don’t want- I don’t want to see what you do in bed.” Jeongguk shakes his head. “I want to be able to shove a girl up against a wall and make her want me, not laugh at me. I want to be able to choke a guy without feeling embarrassed. I don’t want to be soft and weak, I want to be dominant.”
Taehyung watches him dip his head with a troubled expression. “Jeongguk, there’s nothing wrong with being a submissive person. It’s not weak, it’s just part of who you are.”
“Stop saying that,” Jeongguk snaps. “You don’t know me.” Taehyung raises an eyebrow and Jeongguk shrinks back down, realising just how defensive he sounds. “Sorry, hyung. I just… please?”
Taehyung stares at him for a long time, his mind clearly hard at work. Jeongguk squirms, cheeks colouring. After a time, the older student sighs.
“Fine. I guess I’ll try to teach you some things. But you’re going to have to be a good boy and listen to me, okay?”
Jeongguk quickly nods, excited. “Okay.” Taehyung laughs through his nose, shaking his head.
“Oh, this is going to be fun.”
Chapter 2: Lessons Learned
WARNING: The last scene in this chapter contains the aforementioned ATTEMPTED RAPE scene. It is a short scene (Under 1000 words). If you believe you may be triggered by such a scene, please do not read.
Jeongguk proposes that they go out and get brunch together. Taehyung tells him it’d be better if they ordered in. Since Jeongguk is supposed to be his student he doesn’t argue, just sits back and watches as Taehyung picks up his phone.
Twenty minutes later they sit at the kitchen table eating some pizza (“They wouldn’t have a breakfast pizza if it wasn’t healthy to eat it in the morning, right?”), wiping their greasy hands on their pants because they’re college boys and they’re disgusting.
“So?” Jeongguk jumps onto the couch, ignoring how it creaks and groans under his weight. “I’m ready.”
“I don’t really know where to begin,” Taehyung admits as he stands up, tossing the empty cardboard box on the bench. “This isn’t exactly the most straightforward of subjects to tutor someone in.”
“Start at the start,” the younger boy says confidently, as though anything about this situation is normal. “How did you figure out that you were a dom?”
Taehyung dons a wistful smile. “Ah, that’s easy. When I was seventeen, I-”
“Seventeen?” Jeongguk’s mouth drops open. “You’re lying.”
Taehyung laughs at his expression as he strolls over to stand in front of him. “Guk, I’ve been having sex for like six years now.”
“I- I didn’t realise.” He feels a newfound respect for his hyung as he gapes up at him. “Wow.”
“Cutie. You’re so innocent,” Taehyung coos, paying no mind to Jeongguk’s immediate grimace. “Anyway, when I was seventeen I slept with this older guy.”
“I don’t know. He was almost thirty, I think.”
“What?” Jeongguk stiffens. “That’s illegal.”
“I know.” Taehyung purses his lips together. “It wasn’t his fault. I told him I was 20.”
“And he believed you?”
“Okay, so maybe the dude was a creep. I only slept with him twice. Anyway,” Taehyung claps his hands together, “he wanted me to fuck him, which I thought was strange but I wasn’t complaining about it. Halfway through it he asked me to spank him.”
Jeongguk watches intently as Taehyung gets a faraway look on his face, his voice becoming lighter. “I felt weird about it, but I did it. I got such a rush from it that I came immediately.”
Jeongguk cringes at the images in his mind, but fights the awkwardness and says, “What was so good about it?”
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung sits down beside him, “being a dom is about being in control. You call the shots, you create the scene and you hold a huge position of responsibility. You remember I told you that doms don’t give?” Jeongguk nods, thumbnail bitten between his teeth. “That’s because it’s not their job to give, it’s the sub’s. The sub is putting themselves in your hands. They’re giving themselves to you and it’s so important that when you take that part of them, you know what to do with it.
“When I hit that guy, I felt this huge rush not because of the spanking itself, but because he was giving himself to me. I could inflict any amount of pain on him, could suddenly get him to do anything I wanted to. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely into the spanking part. But it wasn’t the spanking that pushed me over the edge. It was the idea that I was responsible for this person, that he trusted me even though he didn’t know me, even though he was older than me." He sends Jeongguk a serious look, hands gesturing in front of him as he speaks. "Every sub is different, every person is different. You can't tie one person up and then expect the next person you're with to enjoy it as well. Being a dom means looking after someone, figuring out what they need even when they don’t know exactly what that is.”
“Wow.” Jeongguk breathes out, thumb slowly falling from his mouth, nail almost bitten down to the quick. “That’s hot.”
“Yeah,” Taehyung nods. “It is. This is why it’s important for you to learn these things before you start trying to dominate anyone. You could really hurt them if you don’t know what you’re doing. I’m not just talking about physical pain, either. You could fuck them up in the head if you’re not careful.” He reaches over and taps Jeongguk on the temple as an example. Jeongguk ducks his head away, brushing him off.
“That’s kind of scary.”
“Hm, it can be. But it’s easily avoidable. All you need to do is pay attention, learn how to read body language.” Taehyung turns around so that he’s kneeling on the couch cushion, facing Jeongguk. “Let me show you.”
Jeongguk scrambles back, nearly falling over the edge, when Taehyung’s hand suddenly wraps around his ankle. “Whoa, wait. I thought we weren’t going to-”
“I’m not going to have sex with you, Guk.” Taehyung chuckles as he continues moving forwards. “I’m just showing you some examples. Relax, I won’t take it too far. Don’t you trust me?”
Jeongguk watches him hover above him. His eyes hold a somewhat threatening glint, but his lips are curled into a soft smile, peeks of white teeth shining through the gaps.
“I trust you, hyung.”
“Good boy.” Taehyung takes his hands into his. “Now, pay attention, Guk, because I’m already doing it.”
“Doing what?” Jeongguk tilts his head back to look him in the eyes.
“Establishing myself as the one in power. Dominating you.” Jeongguk wonders if he can see the goosebumps breaking out on his arms. “What am I doing that gives me an advantage over you?”
“Uh… you’re up higher than me?” His voice ends in questioning lilt.
“Great job, Guk.” Taehyung pats his head gently and Jeongguk smiles, rolling his eyes at the condescension. “What else?”
“I uh…” He trails his eyes over Taehyung, watches as he points a finger down at the arm that sits on the top of the couch, hovering over his left shoulder. “You’re doing that thing with your arms. Caging me in.”
“Good boy,” he coos. Jeongguk squirms, his muscles starting to protest at his awkward posture. He’s pressed into the corner of the couch craning his head backward. If he spends much longer in this position, he’s going to end up straining his neck muscles. “Anything else?”
“I- I don't know.” Jeongguk looks away,
“I’m doing lots of things, Jeongguk. You picked out the two obvious ones. But there are little things too.” He leans forward ever so slightly. “I’m making eye contact,” he taps underneath Jeongguk’s chin and makes him look back at him. “This way I can watch your reactions, see what you’re responding too. It makes you nervous, doesn’t it?” Jeongguk chooses not to answer, swallowing heavily instead. Taehyung smirks, continuing with, “I’ve got one hand near your side,” he lifts the one that’s down by his hips, “but the other one is up by your neck.” The arm that’s pressed to the top of the couch moves, a hand gently touching Jeongguk’s shoulder and trailing up to the collar of his t-shirt.
Jeongguk would laugh at Taehyung, at how seriously he’s taking this, at how ridiculous he sounds, but it’s sort of not funny at all and instead he bites his tongue as Taehyung continues.
“I’ve got my knee in-between your legs.” He knocks it against one of Jeongguk’s ankles. “I’m invading your personal space, claiming it as mine. If I want to, I can do anything. I could spread your legs apart,” Jeongguk gasps when he does just that, knee pressing to one of his calves and pushing the leg off of the couch. He continues speaking before Jeongguk can move it back, “or I could press it forward, like this.”
Jeongguk watches in horror as he starts pushing his knee forward, further spreading Jeongguk’s thighs until he’s just centimetres away from his crotch. Jeongguk stares at the limb, frozen, and then-
Then it's gone and Jeongguk inhales sharply as the cold air rushes in to embrace him. Taehyung is back sitting in his corner of the couch like nothing ever happened.
“See what I mean?” Taehyung’s voice is nonchalant, infuriatingly so seeing how Jeongguk is practically panting on the other end of the sofa. “I watched your expression the whole time, so that as soon as you got uncomfortable I knew to stop. That’s what being a dom is about, Guk. You have to read the other person constantly so that you can look after them. Now, you try.”
“What?” Jeongguk is still too busy trying to regain his stolen breath. It takes him a moment to figure out what Taehyung means.
“You want to be a dom? You need to learn how to read people.”
“I can read you just fine from over here.” Jeongguk appraises him, straight-faced when he says, “You’re a cocky, arrogant dickhead.”
“So mean.” Taehyung pouts and Jeongguk wonders how he looks so soft and playful all of a sudden when a mere sixty seconds ago he looked like he was out for Jeongguk’s neck. “Come on, you baby. I’m not going to make fun of you so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I’m not embarrassed.” Jeongguk frowns. When Taehyung only flashes him an unconvinced quirk of the brow, he narrows his eyes. Taehyung knows by now how competitive he is.
He mimics Taehyung’s earlier actions, moving forward onto his knees and edging towards Taehyung’s corner of their old, grey, dusty couch. The closer he gets, though, the more his confidence wanes until he’s pausing in front of him.
Taehyung watches him and then chuckles. “Already giving up? Being a dom is also about taking control, Guk. Your sub won’t always be easy on you. There are some real brats out there who will fight you. Aren’t you going to put me in my place?” When Jeongguk just stares at him, Taehyung smiles softly. “You want to be on higher ground than me, Guk.”
Higher ground. Right. Jeongguk lifts himself so that he’s up above Taehyung, looking down at him. It makes Taehyung tilt his head back to keep eye contact with him and suddenly, “Oh.”
“Ah, you’re learning." Taehyung giggles, thoroughly amused as a lightbulb turns on above Jeongguk's head. "What next then?”
Jeongguk thinks back over what Taehyung had done to him. He puts a hand on either side of him, one up on the arm of the couch and the other down by his side. It’s a mirror of how they were before, only-
“Guk, how are you going to know if I’m enjoying myself if you won’t look at me?”
Oh, Jeongguk is pretty sure that Taehyung is enjoying this, the bastard. That’s why he can’t bring himself to look up. He just knows that Taehyung will be smirking at him, on the verge of laughter.
“Guk,” Taehyung’s fingers appear under his chin again, softly coaxing him to look up, “you have to trust me, baby.”
Jeongguk’s eyes enlarge as he looks at Taehyung, surprised to find his expression serious. Something about it irritates Jeongguk far more than any challenging look could possibly hope to do and he huffs, indignance driving him to push Taehyung down by the shoulders. The older man is clearly taken off-guard because he slips back, spine pressed down onto the arm of the couch in what looks like an uncomfortable position.
“Whoa,” Taehyung breathes out just as Jeongguk pushes his thigh up in-between Taehyung’s legs, just like he’d done to him. The older man freezes, staring up at Jeongguk with astonishment.
He stops moving, unsure of what is supposed to happen next. Taehyung looks too surprised to actually say anything, so Jeongguk pulls away to give him space, feeling awkward when he sits back down in his corner. He draws his knees up, wrapping his arms around them.
“Did I do okay?”
Taehyung watches him before he finally seems to unfreeze, pushing himself up to sit. “You did great, Guk. You were totally dominant.”
Jeongguk buries his face in his knees.
“Don’t mock me.”
Something slides up his leg and presses onto his kneecap before stroking over his hair. Jeongguk peeks up to see Taehyung pushing his fringe back. “I’m not mocking you. You did really well, Gukkie.”
Jeongguk lets his legs go and sits up straighter, grinning. “See, I told you I could dom.”
Taehyung chuckles at his eager expression. “Maybe you can.” There is a strange look in his eyes as he strokes Jeongguk’s hair off of his brows. “You know, if you part your fringe like this you look at lot less like a baby.”
Jeongguk reaches up to push his hands away, shaking his fringe back down over his eyebrows with his bottom lip jutting out. “It’s too much effort to style it all the time. Doesn’t it look okay like this?”
Taehyung looks him over before smiling softly. “It looks perfect like that. Now,” he claps his large hands together, making Jeongguk jump, “I want you to go out and apply what you’ve learnt. Report back to me when you’ve done it and we’ll move on to the second lesson.”
“Okay, sir,” Jeongguk says with a roll of his eyes. Taehyung blanches, so Jeongguk continues, “You’re acting like a professor. I don’t care how long you’ve been doing it for, you’re not a sex expert.”
Taehyung stares at him before shaking his head. “Right.” He takes a deep breath. “Right, anyway. Let’s go get some more food.”
Jeongguk watches him get up off the couch, limbs stiff and awkward. To himself, he chuckles, murmuring, “You’re so weird, hyung.”
It takes a few nights for Jeongguk to work up the courage to hook up with someone. He’s still scarred after the whole Sohyun experience, after all, and not feeling too confident about his sex skills in general.
However, after a few deep breaths (and a few shots) he’s able to semi-confidently approach a cute boy he sees making eyes at him at a party. He deliberately chooses a guy: they’re a lot less complicated than girls and Jeongguk is far more familiar with their genitalia. The guy he chooses doesn’t say a word to him when Jeongguk appears next to him, clearly only interested in him for his dick as he wraps his hand around his wrist and starts pulling him away from the haze of the dance floor (which is a vomit-green coloured rug in the middle of this rich college kid’s lounge room). Jeongguk can’t be too upset at his so blatantly being used for a one night stand; he only wants this dude so that he can test out his new knowledge, after all.
They end up upstairs in some poor soul's bedroom. Jeongguk pushes the guy back while he’s kissing him, confident for the moment. He has been told he’s a good kisser and he believes it, so at least he has that under his belt.
When he pushes the boy onto the bed, standing above him, the other moans aloud and it goes right to Jeongguk’s dick.
Okay. Okay, what do I do first?
He replays the scene from the couch, see the image of Taehyung moving towards him with all the confidence in the world as he hovers above him.
Higher ground, Guk. Come on, you’ve got this.
He moves forward, still standing above the guy who leans back on his hands to look up at him, mouth open and panting.
Eye contact. Eye contact was next.
He feels sort of uncomfortable when they lock eyes. The dude is staring back and…
Does he look bored? Is that what that look in his eyes is? Am I not doing this right? Oh god, he looks creeped out, why am I just staring at him and not saying anything? Do something. What the fuck did Taehyung do after that? Didn’t he put his arms on either side of me? But we were on a couch. There’s nothing for me to hold onto here. Fuck. Fuck, improvise Jeongguk.
Swallowing his nerves, Jeongguk pushes the guy down by the shoulders. The other looks surprised - completely unaware of the turmoil inside of his bedfellow's mind - reminding Jeongguk of how taken aback Taehyung had been by his strength. He calms down a little as he kneels atop the boy, arms on either side of his head, caging him in. The other man is breathing heavily, eyes half-lidded. It gives Jeongguk a surge of pride and he wishes Taehyung were here, wishes he could see how Jeongguk is dominating this dude and doing a good job of it, too.
He shoves his thigh forward, pushing it roughly in-between the man's legs. He doesn’t hesitate like he did with Taehyung: he moves forward until his thigh is pressed against the guy’s cock. He throws his head back and moans, the sound reassuring, like the ding of a 'correct answer' bell to Jeongguk’s ears. Now he just needs to…
Shit. What did Taehyung do next?
Jeongguk stares down at his companion but he doesn’t notice the way his brow is furrowing until he opens his mouth, bringing Jeongguk’s mind to the present when he murmurs, “Why did you stop?”
Jeongguk blinks a few times when he realises that he indeed has frozen, thigh up against this dude’s dick, trying to figure out what he should do next.
Taehyung hadn’t taught him anything else. Everything he’d shown him had worked wonders so far and if nothing else, Jeongguk was convinced that his roommate was indeed a very dominant person behind that gentle smile. But now...
“Sorry,” he mutters, looking away. “Uh, I got distracted.”
“Well, keep going dude. It was just getting good.” The guy bucks his hips, cock dragging against Jeongguk’s thigh.
“Oh, right.” Jeongguk stares down at his chest, before pulling away, leaving him looking dazed. “Do you want me to…?”
The guy sits up on the bed, watching as Jeongguk kneels down in front of him.
“Oh,” he breathes out. “Oh, yeah, man. Go for it.”
Jeongguk has sucked a couple of dicks now and he can’t say he’s the biggest fan, mostly because he’s not very good at it and he knows it. He can’t take much without gagging and the last time he’d tried it had been a total disaster. He’d ended up almost biting a cock in half when the owner of said cock grabbed his head and caught him off guard. He can’t be that bad at dick-sucking though, because he’s still getting the guy he’s with right now to moan and groan. He’s only got a couple of inches in his mouth, too afraid that he’ll gag and make an embarrassing noise if he tries for more, but it’s enough to get the guy going apparently.
The man above him pants, murmuring, "Yeah, fuck, just like that." Jeongguk bobs his head slowly, feels a hand trail through his hair. The fingers grab some of his locks and give a rough tug that causes something in his brain to short-circuit for a second. He moans around the head of the cock in his mouth and the dude hums.
“What the hell happened?” He muses, voice far too stable and confident. This isn’t what Jeongguk had originally had planned. He was supposed to have the dude whimpering underneath him, calling him daddy or whatever other names he saw fit. Instead he seems almost amused as he guides Jeongguk's head with the grip in his hair. “A moment ago, you were giving off some real big dick energy and now you’re acting like a total sub. Are you a sub?”
His lips slide off of the dick with a pop and he glares up at the guy. “I’m not a sub.”
“Sure looks like it from here.” The man smirks and then slaps his dick against Jeongguk’s cheek.
Jeongguk’s eyes go wide, his mouth open in a little ‘o’ shape. The guy laughs at his expression, tugging insistently at his hair. Jeongguk’s eyes flutter shut. “You’re definitely a sub,” he says, slapping his cock up against Jeongguk’s skin again.
He has never felt so degraded in his life, so humiliated. He hastily pushes himself back, almost stumbling backward when his heavy head weighs him down. He is glad he’s still clothed because it makes it that much easier for him to get the hell out of there and fast.
“Wait, where are you going?” The sounds of the party downstairs drift through the door as Jeongguk opens it. He glances behind him to see the guy sitting back, cock hanging out, mouth agape. “What the fuck, dude?”
“Sorry!” Jeongguk shrieks, darting out of the door and leaving the confused guy sitting on the bed, his dick rapidly softening.
Taehyung is trying to cook again. This is apparent from the smoke wafting through the room when Jeongguk hobbles out of his bedroom in the early morning. The acrid haze is thick in the air and it’s really a miracle that the smoke alarms haven’t been set off yet. Jeongguk holds off on a fond smile as he walks around and opens as many windows as possible.
“Ah, good morning, Jeonggukkie! Sorry about the smoke.”
If there is one thing that Jeongguk has learnt over the last few months, it's that Taehyung is special.
He’d thought him strange when they’d been introduced, the way he smiled too wide, seemed to be too friendly too soon. Hanging over Jeongguk's shoulders, poking his sides like he'd known him for months, speaking about personal matters like they were mundane affairs. Jeongguk was correct, Taehyung was strange, is strange. But he is much more than strange. Taehyung is different. He’s got a happy-go-lucky, reckless aura that screams frat boy, but a few late-night conversations with the guy quickly had Jeongguk realising that he’s sensitive, emotional and full of contradictions. He doesn’t care what people think of him and yet he’s devastated any time someone dislikes him. He’s loud and boisterous and yet he sometimes gets so quiet and introspective that Jeongguk forgets that he’s still in the room. He’s soft and good-natured and yet has a reputation for being the most nasty dom on campus.
Honestly, Jeongguk can’t figure him out, but all he knows for sure is that Kim Taehyung is special and Jeongguk is lucky to have him as a roommate. He can’t let him know just how fond he is of him after only a few months together, so he fakes a sigh, wandering over to the stovetop to inspect whatever monstrosity it is that Taehyung is going to try to convince him is an edible meal.
“Look, Guk. I made omelettes.” Taehyung lifts the pan of dark slop. Jeongguk rears back as oil splatters over the edge and onto the floor.
“Tae...” Jeongguk stares, lips twitching. “That’s not an omelette, that’s alien space matter. How did you even manage that?”
Taehyung’s mouth curls downwards. His eyes shine like those of a kicked puppy. “I wanted to make you breakfast.”
Jeongguk’s cold heart melts and he smiles, a lazy lifting of the corner of his lips. “Hyung, that’s really sweet, but you can’t cook. We learnt that after the pancake incident, remember?”
Taehyung stares at the pan for a little longer before he puts it down with a resigned, “I know. I just wanted to cheer you up somehow.”
Jeongguk glances at him, then at the alien sludge. “I don’t need cheering up. What are you talking about?”
Taehyung puts the pan in the sink and starts filling it with water, the sludge becoming more like slime as the water mingles with it.
“You know how thin the walls are here. I heard you sniffling.”
“I have rhinitis, Tae.”
“I know. I also read your posts on Twitter.” Jeongguk grimaces. He had ranted a bit on Twitter last night, he recalls. He’s only got like 7 followers on there anyway, so he likes to use it as an outlet from time to time and last night he was so upset that he hadn’t really considered the fact that Taehyung is one of those seven. “So, why were you all upset and cursing the universe? Also, what did you mean when you said that you need to wash your cheek in acid?”
Jeongguk waves a hand in the air. “It doesn’t matter. I was being dumb. Can we have another lesson?”
Taehyung’s hand slips into the slimy sludge as he scrubs at the pan. He looks at his fingers in disgust and says, “Maybe I shouldn’t cook anymore.”
He turns off the running tap after he’s rinsed his hand off, using a tea towel to pat it dry as he looks at his younger roommate.
“I’ll need to hear that report first. Did you do what I said?”
“Yes.” Jeongguk nods. “I did.”
“Good boy. How did it go?”
“It was fine, Tae.”
“That’s not enough detail. I’m not teaching you anything new until I’m satisfied that you learned your lesson.”
Jeongguk turns around and busies his hands, picking up the student newsletter that got tossed onto the bench alongside some random bills and old party fliers. He holds it up and makes like he’s reading it for a moment, before he says, “It was great. I did everything you said to do.”
“Uh huh. Tell me about it.”
“I- I did exactly what you did. I pushed the guy onto the bed and invaded his personal space and watched his eyes and all that stuff. It was fine, he liked it.”
“And then?” Taehyung prompts when it becomes clear that Jeongguk isn’t going to give him anything more.
“Uh, then I sucked his dick. Then... Then, I fucked him.”
“Nice. Was it good?”
Jeongguk stares at the picture of some random student showing off his potted plant collection and wonders if anyone actually reads this newsletter.
“Gukkie.” Taehyung’s voice sounds a lot closer now. “Answer the question.”
“It was good. Really good. He came. Twice.”
“You’re a really bad liar, Jeongguk.” He can feel Taehyung’s breath on the back of his neck. He stares at the paper in his hand, watches it shaking. “I don’t like it when you lie to me.”
The newsletter falls to the floor in a mess of papers held together by one measly staple as Jeongguk is shoved against the bench, Taehyung pressing up against him. He grabs Jeongguk by the chin, turning his head over his shoulder. His gaze joins the fluttering papers on the floor.
“Look at me.” Taehyung’s finger taps his throat a few times, only pausing when Jeongguk does as he’s told. Taehyung's eyes pierce into his own as he murmurs, “Tell me what really happened, Guk."
“T-Tae,” Jeongguk whimpers and then bites his tongue, furious at himself for making such an embarrassing noise, “What are you doing?”
“Don’t you want your second lesson?” Taehyung lips move against his ear, making him shiver. “This is it.”
“I- I don’t-”
“Tell me what happened. The truth.”
“I did tell the truth.” The grip on his chin tightens. The room feels hotter than before. “I just didn’t fuck the guy, but everything else was true. He did enjoy it.”
“Why didn’t you sleep with him?” Taehyung’s hand trails down until it’s resting against his throat, pressing lightly over his windpipe. Almost like a threat. “What happened, Gukkie?"
“I didn’t know- didn’t know what to do next. I freaked out. I was sucking his dick but he started being mean to me.” He’s aware that his voice is taking on a whining edge, but he doesn’t care. That guy was an asshole. Jeongguk is not a sub.
“How did that make you feel, Guk?”
There’s that question again. Jeongguk’s hands curl around the edge of the bench, wanting to push Taehyung away, away from his sweaty skin. “I don’t know: upset? Sad? Embarrassed? It was awful.”
“Hm, but I heard you jerking off, Gukkie.” He opens his mouth, ready to protest immediately, but Taehyung’s hot breath behind his ear makes him clasp it shut. “Last night when you got back. I heard all the little moans you tried not to let out. It sounds to me like you were pretty turned on by whatever happened.”
There’s a pressure at the back of his head and then the marble bench is rushing up to meet him. Jeongguk quickly turns his head to the side so he doesn’t break his nose as Taehyung pushes him down so he’s bent over the bench.
“Hyung.” His voice wobbles. “Don’t- I think you should stop. I don’t want to- we shouldn’t…”
“Relax.” Taehyung’s voice is far too steady, too nonchalant. “You’d know if I was actually trying to sleep with you, Guk. I’m just showing you where you went wrong.”
“How is this at all relevant?” Jeongguk bites out, annoyed by this weird situation as he glares up at Taehyung, standing behind him, one hand resting lightly between his shoulder blades, not pushing him down but still acting as a warning. A warning not to move.
“Because, Guk, you didn’t know what to do next. I’m showing you, so listen carefully.” Taehyung tone remains calm and collected, even as his thighs press against the back of Jeongguk’s. “You need to learn about asserting dominance. Right now, I’ve got you pinned and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“That’s not-” He’s cut off by an ‘oof’ as his chest is crushed against the bench. He had only lifted up a little, just to show that he could, but Taehyung had immediately pushed him back down and now the room is sweltering and Jeongguk is hot, too hot.
“You’re not going anywhere, little one.” Taehyung’s voice has changed, turned sort of smarmy and it rubs Jeongguk the wrong way. “You see, I taught you about reading people but you were so busy trying to do it that you never actually established yourself as the dominant partner. You need to show him with your actions. The guy probably figured you were a sub, especially once you got on your knees for him.
“Doms and subs communicate with body language above all else. You can say so much more with your body than you can with words. For example,” Taehyung runs his hand down Jeongguk’s spine over the arch in it, “I can tell how turned on you are right now just from looking at your back.” He runs his finger tip over each knob of bone. Jeongguk is holding his breath, but it hitches each time his roommate’s finger falls into the divot between the discs. “The way you’re curving your spine like you’re enjoying this." Taehyung's voice is impossibly low as he reaches the hem of his pants. "Do you realise that you’re pushing back against me, Jeongguk?”
Jeongguk gasps, finally finding the strength - or the motivation - to wrestle out of Taehyung’s grip. The older man lets him go without a fight as Jeongguk puts space between them.
“This is getting out hand,” he says, voice tight. “It’s too weird.”
Taehyung’s face is straight, too calm, like they’re talking about the weather. “It’s only weird if you make it weird, Guk.”
“No, this is weird.” Jeongguk gestures from himself to Taehyung frantically. “We’re friends. We can’t be doing things like this. Can’t you just teach me without touching me?”
“Why?” Taehyung tilts his head to the side. “What’s wrong with it if we’re just friends?” He practically spits the word, brow twitching. Otherwise his face remains expressionless and Jeongguk frowns. “What’s the big deal? Are you scared because you were enjoying it? Is that why you jerked yourself off last night: because you enjoyed it when that guy humiliated you?”
Jeongguk doesn’t want to hear anymore. He swallows thickly before pushing past Taehyung, heading straight for his bedroom.
He’s just about to close the door, when he hears Taehyung’s deep voice, quiet and serious.
“How much longer are you going to resist for?”
Jeongguk doesn’t understand what he means, isn’t even sure that he’s talking to him, so he quietly closes his door and collapses onto his bed. He’s not angry, exactly, but there is definitely a feeling there, right there in the pit of his stomach. It started the moment that guy slapped him across the face with his cock, sitting heavy and awkward in his gut. Then now when Taehyung pushed him against the bench, pressed his hand against his throat, it flared up. It was intensely uncomfortable, or rather, uncomfortably intense. He thinks that maybe it’s shame, or something similar. He knows that, whatever it is, it isn’t Taehyung’s fault that Jeongguk is experiencing it, not really, but it’s a lot easier to blame it on him than it is to acknowledge that something inside of him has been knocked slightly off kilter.
Taehyung gives him space for a few hours, which Jeongguk is grateful for. He hears him shuffling around the dorm, singing to himself like nothing is wrong. Maybe he’s right and nothing is wrong and Jeongguk is just being overdramatic. Still, he feels sort of bitter that he’s in here moping while Taehyung is apparently unaffected.
He waits until he hears Taehyung leave for his afternoon class before he exits his room again. He decides to get out of this boxy dorm, away from the four musty-coloured walls that seem to be closing in on him. He texts his hyungs, one-by-one. Yoongi doesn’t want to know him and Seokjin is still studying for his last assessments. Thankfully the third time is a charm and he manages to get invited to a party with Hoseok. He promises that it’s going to be a small gathering of friends, but when he arrives at the dorm block not far from his own he can hear the music and mingling before he even gets to the right floor.
He doesn’t feel like getting drunk, not this time around. He does take one of whatever drink it is that’s being passed around when he enters the dorm, mostly because he hasn’t seen Hoseok yet and he’s going to need the alcohol in his system if he’s going to be interacting with other human beings.
After he’s found his hyung and they’ve spent a good amount of time dancing together, Jeongguk is growing bored. He forgot how little fun parties were when he’s (mostly) sober. He’s just thinking of leaving when a tugging at his shirt sleeve has him spinning around.
There’s a girl standing there, looking up at him through batted eyelids. She’s hot, Jeongguk immediately notes, with plenty of cleavage on display, a pretty face, and nice legs.
“Um, are you Jeongguk?”
He tilts his head in acknowledgement, trying to conceal the way his brows want to shoot up. He doesn’t often get approached by girls.
“Oh!” She looks surprised, but pleased, like she has been searching for him all night. “Oh, great, I- I, well, I’m Sohyun’s friend.”
Jeongguk blanches, immediately understanding what the uneasy feeling in his stomach was for. He recognises her as the very drunk girl from the party that started this whole ordeal with Taehyung.
Jeongguk half-expects her to make fun of him, half-expects her to ask him for Taehyung’s number, or something. She does neither, instead leaning close so that her breasts are pressed up against his chest. He swallows down his saliva and holds his breath, hoping she can't feel the way his heart rate kicks up a notch.
“Let me get you a drink, yeah?”
He isn’t sure that he feels like it, but he’s getting nervous with all of the attention and he’ll need a good buzz going if he’s going to be trying to sleep with a girl again. He accepts the drink she hands him, sculling it as she smiles at him, pink lips pulled into a wide grin.
He puts down the empty cup. She leans back in.
“I was wondering if you’d like to fuck me.”
Jeongguk chokes on nothing, face flushing. He’s not used to such direct communication, not from girls. Most of them only say that when they’re drunk, but this girl seems genuinely interested in him. She smiles when he coughs and splutters, hearing the silent question: why the fuck does she want to sleep with him? “Sohyun tells me that you’re bad in bed,” she states matter-of-factly. Jeongguk is ready to walk away, but she continues, “I have this fantasy of teaching a virgin how to fuck. You’re super hot and I’m sort of desperate. Can I teach you?”
Jeongguk’s mouth drops open. He immediately thinks of Taehyung, wonders if his other teacher would be okay with this. Then he quickly nods and says, “Okay,” because why the fuck does he care what Taehyung thinks. It’s none of his business who Jeongguk fucks.
Still, he feels almost guilty when the girl leads him to a bedroom. He’s getting flashbacks to the last party he was at and he really wants to get rid of the heavy feeling in his gut, not make it worse, so he decides not to repeat the same mistakes. He’s going to dominate this girl and prove once and for all that he isn’t a sub.
“What’s your name?”
“You can call me Yujin.” She shakes his hand, smiling, and Jeongguk decides that he likes her. He knows everything he needs to know about her at this point, so he wastes no time in kissing her, happy when she sighs and moves her lips against his. Their tongues wrestle against one another for a moment before Jeongguk wins the battle, pressing forward into her mouth and making her hum in contentment. He’s good at this. He can kiss well, he knows it. It’s the confidence boost he needs and he starts shoving her backwards towards the mattress.
He’s just about to push her back onto the bed, ready to cage her in, get into her personal space and make eye contact, because that’s how Taehyung does it and everyone loves him, when he feels hands on the collar of his shirt. Fingers snake around the fabric until it’s pulled taut and then Jeongguk is spinning. His back hits the bed and he yelps as he’s pushed back onto it, looking up to see Yujin stand over him with her hands on her hips.
His head feels fuzzy. His cock twitches in his jeans.
“You’re so cute.” She trails her fingers up his thigh. “You’re like a little kid, with those big eyes and your adorable pouty lips. You look so innocent; no wonder Taehyung-ssi likes you.”
“Wha- what?” He flinches away even as she kneels over him, straddling him. He isn’t really sure what’s happening. He would say that he’s lost control of the situation but he never had a chance to be in control in the first place.
“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you’re that innocent. Taehyung definitely wants to ruin you. You should let him, trust me. He fucked me so good last year. That’s why I’m like this.” She grabs his cock through his jeans, squeezing so hard that it hurts. She has a malicious smile on her face as she watches him wince. That feeling is still strong in his stomach, but there’s something else rising up, something warm, too warm as it spreads through his limbs. He isn’t sure if that’s fear that is churning in his gut or just vomit. Yujin moves her hand, making Jeongguk’s jeans rub against him in the most uncomfortable way and Jeongguk whimpers while she speaks. “I was like you: so naïve. But then I slept with Taehyung-ssi. He took my innocence, you know. I can’t get it back now. It belongs to him. But I understand why he did it.” She digs her nails down on his cock. Through the denim it doesn’t do much, but the intent is there and Jeongguk squeaks. “I was so lost when he dumped me. So lost and confused. Angry, too. I found the first boy who looked even half as nice as he did and I ravished him.” She presses her other hand hard into the spot just below his sternum, making him wheeze as his breath is forced out of his lungs. “That day changed me. The rush I get from ruining boys like you... God, it’s like being high. Better.”
Jeongguk is afraid. He isn’t enjoying this, even if his cock is. He squirms underneath her, pushing at her thighs, but his hands feel heavy, fuzzy, like they're coated in bubblewrap. He lets them fall back to his sides.
“Stop, please.” He tries to keep his voice even, tries not to hurt her feelings. “I want to stop.”
“You’re pathetic.” She tips her head back and laughs. “You’re going to pretend you don’t want this, but you’re so hard, Jeongguk-ssi.”
Jeongguk’s head falls back onto the mattress of the bed, too heavy to hold up anymore. He’s crying, he realises when he turns his head to the side, tears pressing into the cool sheets. It feels nice against his burning skin. He can feel her touching his cock, feeling cold air on his skin as she removes his jeans and knows that she’s raping him but his vision is blurry and his head feels so heavy. He could quite easily close his eyes and pretend this isn’t happening, just fall asleep and skip this experience.
Yujin is just pressing her lips to the head of his dick when the door flies open.
“Jeonggukkie?” Hoseok stops short, happy grin falling from his face only to be replaced with an unabashed smirk. A brazenness that only comes from being drunk allows him to say, “Oh! You’re getting some action, Gukkie! Good for you!”
Jeongguk lifts his head for a moment, but it falls back down.
“Hyung.” His voice sounds far away, like it isn’t his. “Help.”
“Ah, I’m good, Guk, I don’t swing that way.” He takes a step back, like he’s about to leave.
“Hoseok…” Jeongguk swallows heavily, going to the greatest effort to lift his heavy tongue and get it to form the right words. “Make her… stop… please.”
Hoseok seems to finally notice the tears streaking down his face as well as Yujin’s panicked expression. His drunken stupor fades a bit, his voice sounding a lot more sober when he says, “What’s going on? Are you okay? Can you put his dick away for a second, lady? Geez.”
Yujin stares at Hoseok, seeming too shocked to defend herself, but her grip tightens, making Jeongguk flinch and whimper. Hoseok frowns, coming forward.
“Hey, he said to stop.” He wraps a hand around her wrist. “Hey, bitch, let go of him.”
The world is spinning and warping and Jeongguk breathes shakily through his nose as there’s some yelling and some banging and then voices whispering in his ear, just before he succumbs to the darkness that slowly encases the edges of his vision.
Chapter 3: Time to Breathe Again
This chapter involves brief descriptions of the mental aftermath of an attempted rape. Please don’t read if you think that might distress you.
When he comes to, it’s to a cliched whiteness all around him. If he were any more out of it he might think he’d died and gone to heaven, but he knows there’s no chance of that considering how much of a sinner he is. The rational part of him knows that he’s in a hospital, if the stereotypical smell of clinical-grade hand sanitiser and the rhythmic beating of a heart monitor are any indication.
He learns that hospitals are the kind of place where you’ll realise either just how lonely you are or how loved. Thankfully for him, it’s the latter. After he sees a doctor who explains that he can leave as soon as the IV fluids have run their course, his crying parents hover over him, kissing him and apologising to him, although for what Jeongguk has no idea. He sobs when he clings onto his mother, mostly because he misses her and seeing her upset has brought out his most childish self.
Next, it’s a couple of policemen who ask him so many questions that his head aches trying to remember what happened. They inform him that several days prior his drink was spiked and that he was sexually assaulted. The words make him flinch and curl inwards. He almost doesn't believe it. He does have hazy memories, of Yujin, of the party. But sexual assault? He's not entirely convinced that it is true, not until they tell him that it was witnessed by his friend.
They ask for the person's name; she had fled the scene on the day of the assault. When he tells them a woman’s name he swears he sees them looking at him with distaste, with confusion: how could he let a woman overpower him? How could he be so weak when he had all of these muscles, when he is a 22-year-old college boy? Surely that’s what they’re thinking, Jeongguk is certain of it.
Once they leave it’s Jimin who comes next, then Hoseok. Yoongi and Namjoon come together and leave together. Seokjin comes alone and sings to him, apologising for being so busy studying lately. In fact, they all apologise, saying that they’re sorry for not being there on that night or having been so busy recently. Jeongguk hates it. This isn’t their fault. It’s his. It’s not their fault that he’s so weak.
The last to come and see him is Taehyung. Jeongguk had been doing a good job of keeping his emotions at bay ever since his mother left. He had bitterly wrestled with the sting of tears, refusing to show himself to be weak any longer. As each of his friend's apologised, he got steadily better at donning a nonchalant grin, at shaking his head and telling them he was fine. However, the moment Taehyung walks through the door with his soft hair and his soft eyes, his soft smile and his softly whispered, “Hi Gukkie,” something breaks.
Taehyung sits on his bedside, stroking his arms and letting him bury his face in his shoulder while he shakes and cries. He shushes him, whispering things into his hair and gently kissing his forehead. It helps, but it’s not enough to stop him crying and they spend a good amount of time perched on the bedside, emotions flowing between them.
“Come on, kiddo. Let’s go home.”
The first thing that Jeongguk does after he’s discharged is head straight to his bed, where he sleeps for some fourteen hours. When he wakes up it’s dark outside, so he rolls over and falls back asleep. It’s nice not to think, he thinks.
When he wakes up again, he knows that he can’t avoid reality any longer, not once the sun is up for the second time and the call of university lectures is nagging at his mind. He stumbles out of his room to a broad back and the smell of pancakes.
“Guk! Look!” Taehyung is bouncing on his heels at the stovetop. He’s gesturing Jeongguk over with glee, excited for him to see his work. The normalcy of the situation unsettles Jeongguk. He was expecting Taehyung to be treading on eggshells around him, treating him like he’s fragile and precious. Seeing him standing in front of the stove, nearly covered from head to toe in flour and with his hair sticking up in odd directions, both comforts and discomforts Jeongguk. “Look over here. I made real pancakes!”
He’s giggling while Jeongguk arrives by his side. Indeed, the pan has three, round cakes of white. They definitely look like pancakes and they definitely smell like pancakes. It’s not a living, breathing pile of questionable-smelling sludge, so it’s a definite improvement.
“Where are the rest of them?” Jeongguk winces at how raw his voice sounds. Taehyung looks at the pan then at Jeongguk.
“It said that the recipe serves 20, but there’s only the two of us so I divided the ingredients by ten. It was so hard.”
He gestures to the bench, over at the tiny mixing bowl he’d used. There’s a chopping board with a knife on it and an egg yolk that has broken and spilled all over the board and the bench.
“Tae, did you try to chop an egg in half?”
“I didn’t really get it. How are you supposed to half an egg? Am I supposed to cook it first? Ah, it doesn’t matter, these turned out just fine. We get one and a half each. We’ll be fine, we’ll just have toast with them, yeah?” He gives Jeongguk a hopeful smile, eyes twinkling. Jeongguk takes one look at him before he bursts into tears.
“Hyung.” He wipes at his eyes, already hating himself for doing this. There’s a clatter and then powdery hands are pulling at his chin, holding his head and wiping his tears.
“Ah, Guk, it’s okay, baby. Come here.”
They press together on the couch. Taehyung wraps his arms around his shoulders and pats his back until he has calmed down.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Taehyung watches him curl up into a ball, his chin on his knees as he sniffles.
“No,” he answers bitterly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Taehyung stares at him before hesitantly saying, “I have a feeling you’re overthinking things. It’s probably a good idea to talk about it just a little.”
“What do you want me to say? You’re just going to tell me that I’m being stupid.” Jeongguk bites into his knee, watches the teeth marks redden then begin to fade on his skin. “Because I am. I’m so stupid. I’m so weak. I couldn’t even defend myself against a girl who was half of my size.”
“Jeongguk, you were drugged. You couldn’t have defended yourself if you wanted to.”
“But that’s the thing.” Jeongguk hops up from the couch, knees knocking from the effort of staying still. He opts for pacing the room instead. “I did want it. My dick was rock hard, so I must have, right?" His voice grows higher in pitch as he becomes more frantic. "I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I must be sick in the head. I wanted her to stop so badly but I wanted her to keep going. God, I’m fucked up.”
“And I have this horrible feeling in my stomach that won’t go away, it won’t leave me alone. Like a reminder that I’m sick, that there’s something wrong with me. Why can’t I just be normal? What is wrong with me?”
“Jah, Jeongguk.” Taehyung puts his hands down on his shoulders, steadying him. He hadn’t even noticed the older man getting up. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Everything you’re talking about is totally normal.” Jeongguk snorts, but Taehyung barrels onward before he can say anything further. “You’re a victim of an assault, Jeongguk. That bitch messed with your head and now you have to deal with it, even though you did nothing to deserve it.”
“Yes, I did.” Jeongguk lowers his head, voice feeling thick in his throat as he labours to get the words out. “I liked what she was doing and she knew it. She kept going because I was a pervert and I was enjoying it. I liked it when she hurt me, it felt good. Maybe I am a sub, maybe that’s what’s wrong. I’m so sick that I- That… Tae.” Jeongguk looks up into Taehyung’s eyes, ignores how sad he looks and says, “Do it. Do it, please.”
“Do what, exactly?” Taehyung asks slowly, voice cautious.
“Dominate me. Ruin me. That’s what you want right? That’s what she said. That I’m innocent. Is that why you like me?” Jeongguk looks down to the floor, clenching his hands into fists. “Do it, hurt me. I- I want you to hurt me.”
Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut as he waits. Nothing happens and the room falls silent, so he opens one eye to see Taehyung staring at him, shock and sorrow shining in his irises. Then his shoulders set and his lips pull into a thin line and he reaches out and wraps his hand around Jeongguk’s wrist.
Jeongguk gasps as he stumbles after Taehyung into his own bedroom. His gut quakes and trembles. He wasn’t really expecting Taehyung to do anything and he feels that fear rising up again, thick and choking as it rises in his throat.
“Sit down on the bed.”
Jeongguk does what he’s told, hands shaking. He presses them into his sides to hide it.
“Spread your legs.” Taehyung kneels down in front of him as he does. Jeongguk keeps his eyes wide, scared he’ll see Yujin sitting in front of him if he closes them, or that he’ll re-open them to see that guy from the other party smirking at him.
Taehyung grabs one of his feet, sliding a shoe onto it until it’s comfortably snug. He does the same with the other and then says, “Stand up.”
Jeongguk does so, watching in confusion as Taehyung walks around his room, grabs some things and then guides him back out. Even as Taehyung disappears into his own bedroom, Jeongguk still doesn’t figure out what’s happening until the older student re-appears in a brand new outfit, a beanie over his head.
“What? Where are we going?” Jeongguk stumbles after him, unsure of what’s happening exactly but still following behind him as he leaves their dorm, locking the door after them.
He grabs his phone out of his pocket, typing something in on the screen as he says, “I’m taking you to see the counsellor on-campus, Guk."
Jeongguk blanches, nearly tripping over his own feet.
“Huh? I don’t need a psychologist.”
“Yes, you do. You just experienced a traumatic event and you’re full of emotions and feelings that aren’t your own. Someone else put them there. You don’t deserve to think those things about yourself, Jeongguk. I can’t let you spiral like this. It could get out of control if you don’t nip it in the bud right now.”
The whole time, Taehyung doesn’t slow his walking and Jeongguk trots to keep up. He’s incredibly confused, but Taehyung sounds so sure of himself, his voice so authoritative, that he doesn’t feel like fighting back.
By some stroke of miraculous luck, the counsellor is on-site and available for an appointment with Jeongguk later in the day. He's disappointed; With the amount of seniors who probably want to kill themselves right now, he’d sort of hoped that there was no way she’d have the time to see him. Halfway through waiting, Jeongguk’s phone rings and he’s informed that, “the perpetrator has been apprehended and is currently under bail with a restraining order until she can face court.” Jeongguk only realises he’s been tense all day when his shoulders suddenly relax at that and he thinks, “Maybe I should talk to this chick.”
So, he does. Taehyung leaves him with the counsellor and she says she only has forty-five minutes spare due to his last-minute appointment. He was planning to say as little as possible, but when she leans forward, glasses sliding down her nose and laugh lines creasing on her face, and says, “What’s been troubling you, Jeongguk-ssi?” he breaks. It’s almost like an out-of-body experience, the next forty-five minutes. He can hear himself saying things he hasn’t wanted to admit to anyone, he can hear himself tell her how ashamed he is of himself for letting himself be assaulted, how embarrassed he is that his friends all see him as something so vulnerable and fragile, how confused he is that his body seemed to enjoy the assault even though he was terrified.
She makes him come back for a second appointment.
The next weeks of Jeongguk’s life are a complete mess of police interviews and phone calls, good news and bad news, appointments and apologies as he asks for extensions on his assessments.
The day he finds out that Yujin was charged with indecent assault, he was a strange mixture of relieved and enraged. She only receives two years jail time due to the fact that she didn’t actually rape Jeongguk and she claims she wasn’t planning to. No one can prove that she was the one who drugged him either so they can’t yet jail her for that. Jeongguk is relieved to hear that she can’t come and find him (and how pathetic does that make him feel, but his counsellor tells him that that’s completely normal for all victims no matter how tough they are) but devastated to know that this isn’t finished yet, that the case can’t be closed until it has been fully investigated and, honestly, Jeongguk just wants everything to be over, wants his life to go back to normal.
His appointments with the counsellor do become less frequent over time, but he decides to come and see her every few weeks. Talking to her has taken a huge weight off of his chest, one that he didn’t even realise had been there but it was, sitting ever-present inside of him, crushing his lungs and making him lethargic. She doesn’t judge him once, even when he starts telling her the reason he was out having sex in the first place, even when he starts talking about weird things like doms and subs and kinks and she just nods and tells him it’s very normal to be experimenting at his age. He’s surprised when she actually advances the conversation, rather than shutting him down, but he supposes that is her job.
“Do you think that the reason that thinking about Yujin’s assault makes you feel so sick inside is because you felt like you needed to submit to her?”
Jeongguk gulps down a plastic cup of water before he answers. “It isn’t that I felt like I needed to submit. It’s that I did. People are saying it was because I was drugged but I didn’t know that and I still did it anyway. All I remember is that she started… doing things and saying things and I just let her and I can’t believe that I did that. I’m not even a sub, I don’t want to be a sub. Why does everyone keep saying that I am?”
The counsellor watches him over the top of her glasses, a curious expression on her face. Jeongguk would be embarrassed with the way he’s talking about such private matters, but he already went through all of that when he’d first described what he remembered about the assault. He’s not capable of being embarrassed around this lady anymore and, boy, is he glad that patient confidentiality is a thing.
“Jeongguk, you shouldn’t be so concerned with labels. A young adult male such as yourself should be engaging in safe sex in a healthy manner. If you enjoy something and it doesn’t hurt anyone, there’s no shame in the matter. You don’t need to label yourself as any one thing just because you enjoyed a sexual act. Sex and sexuality are fluid, Jeongguk. They change, and sometimes they change so rapidly that you can enjoy something one moment and decide you don’t enjoy it the next.
“If I may, I’d like to give you a small piece of advice.” At his quick nod and enraptured eyes, she smiles and says, “It’s fine that you’re wanting to engage in such concepts as domination and submission during sex and these can all be very exciting and illuminating to… uh, dabble in. But you should stop trying to do so with strangers. Those sorts of things are all about trust. You have no way of knowing what someone’s intentions are if you just met them, as you well know by now. You could hurt them if you don’t know what they like, and vice versa. You should refrain from indulging in such sensitive matters with anyone that you don’t trust. Please, Jeongguk, for your own safety. It doesn’t matter which side of the spectrum that you’re on – and it is a spectrum, Jeongguk – you could get hurt either way.”
Jeongguk nods and promises her that he’ll do as she says. She shakes her head, endeared by his blatant trust in her, but doesn’t bother telling him that he should promise himself, not her.
Talking to the counsellor helps Jeongguk, yes, but it’s his friends that truly heal him.
Yoongi and Seokjin seem to feel really guilty with how much they’d been rejecting Jeongguk’s invitations to hang out. He assures them that he hadn’t really been all that upset and that he’d understood their absence, but they still seem troubled and so they start knocking on the door every few nights, coming over to check on Jeongguk. He sort of hates it at first, feeling like a glass doll that people only care about because he’s delicate, but when they stop coming over to check on him and start coming over to play video games with him or drink the night away with him, he finds himself appreciating it more and more.
Jimin and Namjoon also make appearances, except their approaches are different. They like to come over on their own, knocking on his door and letting themselves into his room. Jimin likes to cuddle him while they talk and Namjoon likes to sit cross-legged on the bed across from him, reaching out to touch his shoulder as he asks Jeongguk how he’s feeling. He can’t say he loves what they’re trying to do to begin with either. He has got the counsellor, he doesn’t need his friends trying to fix him as well. But he finds himself starting to tell them more as time goes on, starting to confess things to them that he hasn’t told anyone but the counsellor at this point. It helps to have some different, non-professional perspectives on the matter. He doesn’t necessarily agree with all of their opinions, but it’s nice when the advice seems to line up across all three parties. Things like, ‘It wasn’t your fault,’ ‘you shouldn’t feel ashamed of your body’s reaction,’ and, ‘stop worrying about labels,’ are all repeated to him by each person and eventually he starts to believe them.
Hoseok is the most difficult to deal with. When he initially comes around he won’t look Jeongguk in the eyes. Jeongguk gets upset because he thinks it might be because Hoseok saw him naked and vulnerable and now he thinks that he’s weak. But when his friend bursts into tears and starts apologising profusely, Jeongguk realises that it runs a little deeper than that. He ends up being the one to hold Hoseok – honestly, it’s a nice change of pace – as he assures him that it isn’t Hoseok’s fault and there’s no way he could’ve known what was going on behind closed doors. It’s only once his friend has calmed down that he hugs Jeongguk and tells him he’s glad to have such a strong friend.
Then there’s Taehyung. Beautiful Taehyung who doesn’t change at all. He doesn’t look at Jeongguk like he’s fragile and he doesn’t come into his room to check on him. He gives him space, like normal, he watches TV with him in the evening, like normal, and he laughs at and teases Jeongguk, just like normal. Jeongguk thinks he might have gone crazy if Taehyung had treated him differently as well.
The only real change is that he wakes up to a different smell each morning as Taehyung insists on making them breakfast. He claims that it’s for no other reason than that he wants to get better at cooking and that he likes to see Jeongguk’s smile whenever he walks out of his bedroom to assess the damages.
“So, what is it this morning?” Jeongguk stretches his arms out high, muscles popping in his back, as he walks over to the kitchenette. Taehyung isn't covered head to toe in flour, so it can’t be pancakes, and his hair isn’t sticking up in several directions, so it can’t involve eggs (He somehow manages to get egg yolk on his fingers and then runs them through his hair without thinking. Taehyung insists that his hair has been softer lately because of it.) “Burnt rice? Rock hard scones? Raw crumpets?”
“I forget that our toaster is broken one time and you hold it over me for the rest of my life.” When Taehyung turns to face Jeongguk there are white globs dripping down the front of his shirt.
“What’s this?” Jeongguk pokes at the substance and looks at his finger with his nose wrinkled. “Do I want to know?”
“It’s porridge!” Taehyung sounds so excited to show Jeongguk when he lifts the pot from the flames. “I made it from scratch with real oats. Smell. It smells good, right?"
Jeongguk will admit that it does actually smell like the food that it’s supposed to be. “It doesn’t look like it’s about to sprout legs and crawl on the ceiling, so I guess there’s that.”
Taehyung digs two fingers into his side and twists them. Jeongguk giggles as he ducks away.
“Cheeky. You never show appreciation for my cooking. I’m getting better and you know it.”
Jeongguk appears at Taehyung’s other side, a hand on the back of his neck as he plays with his hair. “Taehyung-ah, you’re doing great.” Taehyung looks genuinely ecstatic at the compliment and Jeongguk smiles. “Tae, are you ever going to teach me any more lessons?”
The wooden spoon stills in the saucepan. Taehyung turns to him.
“Are you sure that you want to talk about this?”
“Taehyung,” Jeongguk presses his hand into the other’s forearm, squeezes it lightly, “I really appreciate what you’re doing, I do. I love all of the hyungs and they’ve all helped me a lot, but they’ve all been acting differently and I can’t stand it. I want things to go back to normal, like you've been making it. But I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen and neither can you. It did happen and now it’s over, at least for the next few years. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m doing just fine.”
Taehyung stares at him for a while before he turns back to his saucepan.
“Go sit at the table. Let me finish making this first. When we’ve eaten we can talk all you like.”
Jeongguk does as he’s told, pulling out a chair and waiting patiently for his food. He watches as Taehyung panics over the stovetop, narrating his actions aloud and trying to coordinate everything. He watches as he spoons the mixture into two bowls and puts some cut-up fruit on top (Jeongguk notices the band-aids all over Taehyung’s fingers but decides not to say anything).
He slides a bowl in front of Jeongguk and sits opposite him, watching with wide eyes as Jeongguk raises a spoonful to his mouth.
“It’s good, Tae.”
“Really?” Taehyung bounces in his seat and then quickly tastes a spoonful of his own. “Oh my god. It’s good.”
“You’ve gotten better.” Jeongguk smiles up at him while he shovels down another mouthful of the breakfast. Something about that makes Taehyung grow shy, his eyes cast downward as his cheeks colour.
“I haven’t really. It’s not that hard to make porridge.”
“Tae. You’re really good-”
“So, you wanted to talk about more lessons?”
Jeongguk blanches. Taehyung isn’t normally the one bringing this up and it jars him for a moment.
“I uh, yeah. I did.” He focusses on his porridge, blowing steam off of his spoon. “I just… was wondering if you wanted to continue.”
“Do you want me to continue?” Taehyung watches him carefully.
“I’m not sure that I feel comfortable with this anymore.” Taehyung eats some of his own food, ignoring the way Jeongguk pouts. “You went through a traumatic experience, Jeongguk. You might think you’re okay, but-"
“Oh my god, please don’t do this to me.” Jeongguk puts his spoon down and glares at him. “I am okay. I’m not perfect, but I’m okay. I wouldn’t ask for you to do it if I wasn’t.”
“You asked me to ruin you, if I recall correctly.” Taehyung tilts his head back, squinting at Jeongguk whose face immediately blooms red. “But you were clearly not okay at the time and, boy, can you imagine if I’d actually done it? I could’ve really hurt you. This isn’t just fun and games anymore.”
“That’s different. I didn’t want that, I was just saying it because that’s what Yujin said.”
Taehyung has a spoon halfway up to his mouth when he freezes. “What?”
“Yujin said…” Jeongguk looks away, over toward the kitchen where the dishes are piled all over the sink and benches. “She said that you like me because I’m so innocent. She said that you want to ruin me.”
He can see Taehyung frowning out of the corner of his eye as he lowers his spoon back down. “I like you for a lot of reasons Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk whips his head back around, startled by his sincere tone. “You… you what?”
“I like you, Jeongguk.” Taehyung smiles, teeth showing, eyes crinkling. Jeongguk feels his heart start to kick up. “Did you not realise that?”
“Like me as in…”
“As in more than a roommate and a lot more than a friend.”
Jeongguk collapses back into his seat, muscles slackening as he says, “Oh.”
Taehyung laughs to himself as he takes the opportunity to consume more of his porridge. Through a mouthful of oats he says, “You don’t need to worry about it. I won’t make things weird.”
“But I- I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have made you do all of that stuff if I’d known that.”
“You didn’t make me do anything, Guk. I did it because I wanted to help you.”
“But I’ve been using you.” Jeongguk bites his lip in-between his teeth. “I did that stuff with you and then went to try to sleep with other people.”
Taehyung shakes his head. “You didn’t do any stuff with me, Jeongguk. If you really think what we’ve done was anything serious then you’re even more innocent than I thought.”
“I’m not innocent,” Jeongguk grumbles. Taehyung giggles and says,
“Sure you’re not, buddy. But, really, Jeongguk-ah, you don’t need to worry about any of that. I’m a big boy and it’s only a crush.”
Jeongguk swallows thickly and nods. “I won’t- I’m sorry that I asked you to do those things.” He bows his head. “I won’t make you do anything else.”
Taehyung watches him get up and take his bowl over to the sink. Jeongguk focusses on clearing a space, moving Taehyung's dirty dishes aside so that he can at least pretend to wash the bowl, when two hands appear on either side of him.
“That’s the thing, Jeongguk.” Taehyung’s voice is low and whispered in his ear. Jeongguk spins around to see Taehyung leaning over him, pushing him back against the bench. He can feel the longer part of his t-shirt dipping into the murky sink water as he bends backwards. “I do want to ruin you.”
“Tae,” he breathes out, squeezing his eyes shut when a thumb strokes over his bottom lip. “I…”
“I want to see you wrecked beneath me.” Taehyung pushes his thumb forward, into his mouth. It’s open by default, what with Jeongguk’s shocked state, so it slips in onto his tongue with no trouble. Jeongguk’s eyes fly open, but he is too shocked to do anything but stare back into Taehyung’s smouldering eyes. “But you’re not a sub and that’s not what you want from me,” the finger disappears, “so I won’t act on my desires. But you should know that I have them.” The weight of Taehyung’s chest against his own disappears too. “I don’t want there to be any more lies between us. That’s why I’m telling you these things. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, okay, Guk-ah?”
Jeongguk feels like he’s just suffered from whiplash with the abrupt change in mood. As Taehyung walks away, he snaps.
“Why do you do that?” His grip on the bench tightens as he clings to the spot. “Why do you keep doing that and then just stopping? What are you trying to prove? It’s not fair.”
Taehyung has paused halfway across the room, looking startled by Jeongguk’s biting tone. “I’m not trying to prove anything, Jeongguk.” But his tone is different now, not as kind as before. “It’s not like you’d get turned on when I do those things, right? Because you’re not a sub, and all.”
Jeongguk scowls. He’s had enough. Taehyung can’t keep doing this to him, can’t keep giving him that omniscient grin, like he just knows that Jeongguk is fooling himself. He knows what he likes, he does. The counsellor tells him that no one can decide what is good for him but himself.
He stomps up to Taehyung who watches with an impassive face. He gets right up close to him, fuelled by anger so that he’s able to look him in the eyes without shying away for once.
“I’m not a sub and I’m going to prove it to you.”
“Oh yeah?” Taehyung manages to look down his nose at him despite the fact that Jeongguk is slightly taller than him. “How are you going to do that?”
Jeongguk shoves him hard so that he stumbles back into the wall. He splays his palms out against it to steady himself and Jeongguk quickly uses the opportunity to cage him with his arms on either side of his head, just like Taehyung had showed him.
“I’m going to fuck you,” he says lowly. Taehyung smirks at him, looking entirely unaffected, but Jeongguk refuses to let him get to him.
“Not if I fuck you first,” he says while laughing. He reaches up to ruffle Jeongguk’s hair. “You’re just so cute, Jeongguk. Pretending to be all big and strong, like this? I’ll let you play for now. So, go ahead and just try.”
Jeongguk can’t believe the narcissism of his friend, can’t believe the soft, cuddly guy who walks around in pyjamas with big hearts on them is acting like such an asshole. It’s the only reason he’s able to push onward, the embarrassment that would usually be threatening him overtaken by the will to see Taehyung admit defeat.
There is a fleeting moment where, as Jeongguk lunges forward, their eyes meet. For that moment, time slows down and Jeongguk sees how apprehensive Taehyung looks and wonders just what the fuck he’s doing. Not only is Taehyung a good friend of his, but he just admitted that he has a crush on Jeongguk. Now here he is about to… do what, exactly? Are they really going to have sex? Does Jeongguk want that?
Yes. Yes, he does.
Taehyung wants it to, Jeongguk knows, and it is evident in the way his eyes flicker shut as Jeongguk leans forward.
He connects his lips with his neck and he knows Taehyung is surprised because he makes a tiny noise that would be cute in any other context. Jeongguk doesn’t want to kiss him, not in this context. It just doesn’t feel right to waste a kiss with Kim Taehyung on such a competitive, heated moment. If they’re going to kiss, he’d rather it be more serious. Instead, he presses would-be kisses into the warm skin of his neck and over the shifting expanse of his throat. Taehyung’s breathing becomes heavy and shaky, especially when Jeongguk uses his teeth to worry the skin at the crook of his neck.
Taehyung hums as Jeongguk sucks a mark right above his collarbone, says, “You’re good at this, Gukkie.” It makes Jeongguk swell with pride, a surge of confidence spreading through him.
While he lathers his tongue in the dip of Taehyung’s clavicle, his fingers travel down his front and stray underneath the hem of his t-shirt. He’s just about to pull it off when he feels stickiness and he realises that his shirt is still covered in porridge, some now transferred onto his own.
“What are you laughing about?” Taehyung peers down at him, lips curved into a smirk. Jeongguk holds up his messy fingers and wiggles them. “Oh, I totally forgot about that.”
“That’s okay. You’re going to get a lot messier in a minute,” Jeongguk breathes out and Taehyung chuckles even as his shirt is pulled over his head. Jeongguk immediately resumes his work on Taehyung’s skin, making his way down over his pectorals. Taehyung makes a contented noise but is otherwise silent. Jeongguk isn’t entirely satisfied with that.
He peeks up as he takes a nipple into his mouth, flickering his tongue over the bud, teeth nibbling at the sensitive skin. Taehyung lets a shaky breath escape and closes his eyes for a moment. It is a much better reaction, so Jeongguk doubles down. He raises his hands to the other nipple, pinching and rolling it and revelling in the sharp intake of air that he can hear Taehyung taking above him. He's doing it, he thinks. He's really doing this.
The whole time, Taehyung’s hands have never strayed from where they’re splayed against the wall. Jeongguk wraps his fingers around Taehyung’s wrists, pulling them up and holding his hands up against his own chest.
“Aren’t you going to touch me?” He whispers against Taehyung’s chest, letting go of his hands. Taehyung slides them up, over the younger’s shoulders and down his biceps. His fingers are soft and lilting, musical like his voice, brushing over the exposed skin of Jeongguk’s inner elbow. Then they’re gone, large hands falling back down to his sides.
Jeongguk falters, pulling away to see Taehyung’s bored expression.
“No. I’m not going to touch you. I don’t feel like it.”
Jeongguk’s jaw drops open. He stammers, “What? Why not?”
“I just don’t.” Taehyung shrugs. “What are you going to do about it?”
At the dark shifting of his eyes, Jeongguk catches on. Taehyung is testing him. He feels that weight in his stomach again, a burning, relentless heat that crashes like waves against his skin as it spreads through his body, making his eyelids heavy.
He looks down at Taehyung’s hands, swallows and says, “Please? Please touch me.”
Taehyung smirks as he lifts his hands and rests them back on Jeongguk’s shoulders, but when Jeongguk sighs, relaxing, his grip tightens. In a now-familiar manoeuvre, he spins the two of them around and immediately steps right up into Jeongguk’s space. His head knocks back into the wall as he yelps in surprise.
Taehyung pushes his thigh up in-between Jeongguk’s legs, forcing them apart until it presses against his crotch. Jeongguk can feel his own cock stirring awake. Taehyung grabs his wrists and lifts them above his head, pinning his arms against the wall. Jeongguk should probably fight back, but the thigh shifting against his cock feels good and it’s been a while since he slept with someone he actually likes.
He does like Taehyung, after all. Maybe not the way Taehyung seems to like him, but he’s undeniably attracted to the man. Who wouldn’t be? With his sharp brows and his angled jawline, he’s definitely one of the most beautiful individuals that Jeongguk has ever met. Not to mention the fact that he’s overflowing with sex appeal and oozing with self-confidence. Jeongguk would definitely sleep with him, he decides, which is good because Taehyung is rubbing his leg against Jeongguk’s cock in a manner that can’t be defended as an innocent lesson in seduction any longer.
“You’re forgetting one very important detail, Jeongguk-ah.” Taehyung speaks low, lips moving against his ear. “Whether you’re a dom or not doesn’t matter. But I am a dom, don’t you remember? I’m not a nice one, either.” Jeongguk opens his eyes, looks up to see Taehyung smiling at him as he pulls his thigh back ever-so-slightly. “You want to get yourself off, baby?”
Jeongguk blinks, wonders what the fuck is happening right now as he stares up into Taehyung’s eyes. That swirling heat in his belly has spread to his fingertips. He feels warm all over, limbs heavy, eyes wanting to close again.
“I can’t hear you.”
Jeongguk stares down, down at the bulge in his own pants and at Taehyung’s thick thigh that is now poised teasingly close to said bulge.
“Yes, what?” Taehyung’s voice is deep and quiet and of a completely different cadence to his usual melodic lilt. It sends shivers racing along Jeongguk’s spine.
“Yes, I want to get off.” His cheeks are warm, his hands clenched into fists where they’re held above his head, biceps flexing.
“Okay.” Taehyung pushes his thigh back into place, but keeps it frustratingly still. “Do it then.”
Jeongguk glances down at his thigh, pressed against his clothed cock but not providing any friction. He glances up at Taehyung, at the fiery look in his eyes, at the upturned corner of his mouth. He squeezes his eyes shut, knows that there is a flush spreading over his neck as he slowly grinds against Taehyung’s thigh.
His eyes fly open, mouth already agape so nothing stops a gasp from escaping him. Taehyung has said the same phrase to him several times now. Jeongguk had noticed, but hadn’t thought much of it until now, now when it seems to be some sort of promise rather than just a simple praise. Almost like a vow that Jeongguk will receive some sort of recompense for being good, for doing what Taehyung tells him to do.
Jeongguk can do that. He can be good. Especially if it means Taehyung will get him off. The thought makes him tilt his head back as he groans in the back of his throat. He can think about the implications of that later, he decides. Right now, he needs to come and the friction he’s getting as he shifts his hips back and forth is heavenly. After all of his failed sexual encounters he will admit that it’s nice to know that this one is going well. Maybe he’ll admit it’s because Taehyung is in complete control of the situation, not that Jeongguk likes that. He doesn’t. He doesn’t.
All the while that his hips move, Taehyung watches him intently. Jeongguk can’t bring himself to meet his eyes, keeping his own shut as much as he can and looking down between them whenever they’re open. Taehyung mustn’t like that, because he slides Jeongguk’s wrists together and wraps one big hand around them both, keeping them pinned. The other grabs him by the chin, tilting his head back.
“Look at me, baby.” Jeongguk gasps as he does what he’s told. “That’s it. Do you like that? Like getting off against my thigh?”
Jeongguk nods quickly, a choked moan escaping him.
“Words, Guk. Use your words.”
“Yes,” he hisses, hips speeding up, loving the feeling of his confined cock dragging along Taehyung's thick thigh. “Yes, I like it.”
“You like what, Gukkie?”
“I like- ah, like getting off on your thigh.”
“Good boy.” The words send that heat into a frenzy, making his head feel strangely heavy. “Are you going to come soon?”
The answer is an embarrassing yes. Perhaps Jeongguk is a little too wound up from all the sexual tension that has been building between them. Perhaps he’s overexcited because Taehyung has him pinned and is speaking in that low, arrogant tone. Whatever it is, it has him on the edge, teetering, about to fall.
Taehyung watches his bucking hips, his furrowed brow and his bottom lip trembling underneath his teeth. He watches it all and then with a hum he pulls away, letting Jeongguk’s hands go. The younger stumbles back, collapsing against the wall, cock hard against the front of his pants as he gasps for breath.
“Well, this has been fun.” Taehyung plucks his shirt off of the ground and brushes off the front of it. Jeongguk is so lost that he can’t form any words, mouth hanging open instead. “I’ve got a class to get ready for. You know that bitch in the social studies unit hates it when we show up wearing pyjamas.”
“What?” If Taehyung’s own pants weren’t tented as well, Jeongguk would think he had zero interest in him. As it is, he seems barely invested in Jeongguk as he steps back, shoulders turning towards his door. “You didn’t think that was real, did you Guk?” It’s like a slap to the face and with the way his head is weighing down, Jeongguk thinks he might fall over. Taehyung laughs darkly at his expression, features harsh. “Oh, silly boy.” He reaches over to pinch Jeongguk’s pink cheeks. “I wouldn’t do something like that with you. Only my sub gets to come because of me.” Taehyung walks over to his bedroom door. Hand on the doorknob, he turns back and says, “I would offer for you to be mine, but that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it? You’re a dom, after all.”
The way he sings the word ‘dom’ makes Jeongguk flinch. He struggles to catch up, but he thinks he gets it, especially when Taehyung’s eyes glint with a sadistic shine.
“See you later, Jeonggukkie.”
With that he disappears into his room, leaving a shell-shocked Jeongguk still leaning back against the wall. He can hear Taehyung whistling to himself in his room as he gets ready for his class.
In his mind the whistle is a high-pitched tone, a screeching sound that leaves him thinking, ‘What the fuck just happened?’
Chapter 4: Raising the White Flag
It doesn’t take long for Jeongguk to crack. While Taehyung is at his class he thinks. He thinks a lot. He thinks about the past few months, thinks about how everything he has learnt seems to have culminated in this one moment.
It has all become too much.
The weight in his head. The heat in his stomach, The tingling of his wrists from where Taehyung had held onto them tightly. The bruise on the back of his head from where he’d thumped it against the wall. The ache in his belly after getting to the edge only to fall back down the other side. It all adds together and sits heavy in his chest and it is too much, it is just too much.
It isn't a matter of submitting. He doesn't see it that way. He refuses to believe that he was so wrong about his own self. He knows what he likes, he knows what turns him on. It isn't about that. It's about admitting defeat. He can't beat Taehyung, not at the game he has been playing so well for years now. The way Jeongguk sees it he doesn't have any other choice. He is not doing this out of will, but out of necessity. Sure, he could go back to pretending, pretending that Taehyung hasn't gotten to him, hasn't created an itch at his core that only Taehyung can scratch. He can go back to the way things were before and wait for the next time Taehyung snaps at him, the next time Taehyung bends him over a table or pushes him up against a wall and the heat begins all over he again. He could do that, but it would be foolish.
Jeongguk has lost, he knows that, he's just not sure what it is that he is losing.
When Taehyung walks back into the dorm, music in the form of the hum of his lips and backpack weighed heavy with textbooks so that it’s hanging down by his hips, Jeongguk is waiting for him.
On his knees.
Taehyung falters at the door, hum dying in the back of his throat.
“Please…” Jeongguk swallows when his voice comes out scratchy. He gazes down at the tiled floor, hopes that Taehyung can’t see the way his fingers tremble just before he presses them against his thighs. “Please dominate me.”
Above him, Taehyung’s eyes widen. He opens his mouth to speak but Jeongguk starts talking again.
“Please, I just- I just want to see- I don’t- I’m not- I just want you to show me, to- to make me see…” He swallows even though his throat is dry. “Please, Taehyung.”
Jeongguk bows his head. The silence that permeates the room makes him dizzy with regret. What on earth is he doing? How is he ever going to live this down? How is he ever going to be able to look his roommate in the eyes again? His only hope is that Taehyung will think he’s joking. Then Jeongguk can laugh and say, “Gotcha,” and forget about this, forget about everything. Maybe sex isn’t for him. Maybe he’ll move to Burma and become a monk, achieve enlightenment and forget everything about Taehyung and his long fingers and his cocky grin and his dark, domineering eyes and how every time he sees them it makes Jeongguk’s head heavy and his belly warm.
He feels fingers underneath his chin, his head tilting back and his eyes flying open to see Taehyung standing before him, face oddly serious.
“I’m actually sort of impressed, Jeongguk-ah. You lasted a lot longer than I thought you were going to.”
Jeongguk’s mouth falls open in Taehyung’s hold and he stutters out, “You- you planned this?”
“A little bit.” Taehyung smiles, soft and gentle as he strokes his thumb along Jeongguk’s jaw. “I wasn’t exactly sure how it was going to go, but I knew how it was going to end.” He leans down, face coming close as he whispers, “With you on your knees in front of me, just like this.”
Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut and gulps. It should make him angry, it really should, but the shockwaves that spread over his skin and raise goosebumps on his arms leave him exhilarated instead. Fuck, but he's ready. Ready to understand exactly who Taehyung is.
“Before we do anything Jeongguk, there are a few things.” Taehyung’s voice is uncharacteristically business-like and it immediately throws a metaphorical bucket of cold water over Jeongguk’s head. He opens his eyes, blinking a few times to clear the light spots from his vision. “First of all, I do like you Jeongguk. I wasn’t lying when I said that.” Taehyung looks off to the side and hums, lips pulling up into a shy smile and for a moment his cheeks colour. Jeongguk watches, enraptured at the duality he displays as he chuckles and says, “I like you a lot. As a person and not just as someone to have sex with. Please don’t forget that, okay? No matter what we do.
“Second of all: we need a safeword. Something you can say when you're uncomfortable and everything will stop. Is the colour system okay with you?” Jeongguk stares, eyes glazed over. Taehyung giggles a bit as he trails his fingertips over his cheeks. “Basically, if I ask you for your colour and everything is okay, you say green. If it’s okay but it’s getting a bit much, you say yellow. If it’s too much and you want me to stop, you say red. Whenever you say red, I’ll stop immediately. Got it?”
“What’s your colour right now, Guk-ah?”
Even he himself is surprised when his voice comes out clearly to say, “Green.”
“Good boy.” Jeongguk shivers visibly and Taehyung laughs again. “You like it when I call you that, don’t you baby? Hm?” When Jeongguk hesitantly nods, Taehyung tilts his head further back, his throat shifting as he swallows. “Tell me, baby."
“I like it,” Jeongguk whispers.
“You like what, Jeongguk?”
“I-” He pauses to take a breath and, in that moment, is reminded that he has lost. He lost and Taehyung has won. “I like it when you call me…” he closes his eyes tightly, rushes the rest of the words out, “a good boy.”
“Such a shy baby,” Taehyung coos. “But I don’t think you have been a good boy, have you, baby?”
Jeongguk has been listening to Taehyung’s deep voice for months now, in several different contexts. He has heard him singing in the shower, yelling at his video games, moaning with his hook-ups through the thin walls… But there’s something different now, a timbre to his voice that Jeongguk can’t say he’s familiar with and it makes him wonder exactly how much there is to discover about him, how deep the mysteries run.
“I… I have.” Jeongguk’s breath catches in his throat when Taehyung pushes his head back further, struggling to meet his eyes as he towers over him. “I have been good.”
“You think so? I don’t think so.” Taehyung rubs his thumb over Jeongguk’s bottom lip, smiles when his mouth parts open. “You’ve been giving me so much trouble, constantly insisting that you’re a dom and acting like a brat. You’ve been bad.”
“When have I been bad?” Jeongguk bristles under the accusation, hackles rising. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I-”
Taehyung pushes his thumb forward into his mouth, pressing down on his tongue and cutting him off. Jeongguk reels back, but Taehyung is holding him by the chin, his grip tightening when he holds him in place.
“You’re being bad right now, baby. Answering back and not keeping quiet.” The thumb on his tongue is replaced by two fingers, Jeongguk stunned into being still as they slide over his slick tongue. “Suck.”
He glances down at the hand that’s disappearing into his mouth, frowning. This is weird. This isn’t really what he thought was going to happen when he’d knelt down by the door. He’d sort of been hoping that Taehyung might bend him over the kitchen table and fuck him, or something. Not stick his fingers in his mouth and talk about how bad he apparently is when he has done literally nothing wrong.
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung’s voice is firmer now, his brows angled downward. Maybe it's the angle, but he looks mean. Features harsh and unforgiving, so unlike himself. He pushes his fingers further, making Jeongguk gag. Still his friend doesn’t relent, pressed down against the back of his tongue. “Suck, or I’ll keep going until you’re choking.” The threat makes Jeongguk’s spine straighten and he’s still not sure that he’s enjoying this but he figures it won’t hurt to do as he’s told. Slowly, almost comically so, he closes his mouth, lips wrapping around Taehyung’s long fingers. He uncertainly starts to suckle on the digits. The satisfied smile Taehyung displays is no different than the lazy one he frequently sends him over the top of his phone when they’re convening at the breakfast table and yet it’s rather evil-looking while paired with the look in his eyes. The fiery heat, his bloodthirsty gaze as he murmurs, “There we go. You have a lot to learn, Guk-ah. I’m not usually very patient, but I’ll go easy on you today. It won’t be like this for long though. You’ll learn that only good boys get treated well.”
Jeongguk hears the words, understands that they're directed at him, but they blend into a white noise that starts to fill his ears like cotton. He is far too focused on the slightly salty taste of Taehyung’s skin as it slides against his tongue, the sensation of being overpowered as the fingers slowly thrust in and out of his mouth. He’s got his eyes closed again, tongue curling automatically as he breathes through his nose. It feels good, Jeongguk’s hazy mind is telling him. He sort of likes having something in his mouth like this, sort of likes that he has something to suck on, to nibble on gently as Taehyung pulls them back like he might pull away, only to press them forward again.
“You’re so hard, baby.” Taehyung’s dark laughter above him makes Jeongguk open his eyes again. Jeongguk realises with a shocking start that he indeed is hard, rock hard and straining against the front of his sweatpants. He isn't sure why, especially because there is nothing especially sexual about fingers in his mouth, aside from the connotation. “You like having your mouth filled?” His answer is instantaneous, a quick nod. “I can’t hear you, baby.”
Jeongguk reluctantly pulls his head back to answer him, but Taehyung follows him with his fingers. Jeongguk chokes a bit, coughing around the digits as they threaten his gag reflex again. He opens his mouth around them, frowning, saliva immediately spilling out over his chin. Still, Taehyung is watching him with a brow raised expectantly. “I’m waiting,” he says with an amused tone, like he enjoys watching Jeongguk’s brain struggling to catch up. “Answer me.”
He swallows around the fingers, opening his mouth as best he can around the digits to say, “I like having my mouth filled,” except it doesn’t at all sound like that as he pauses to gag and gurgle around the liquid pooling in his mouth. The sounds he makes are disgusting, mortification making his cheeks flush.
Taehyung finally removes his fingers, wiping them over Jeongguk’s cheek. Something about the action makes him blush, ashamed as Taehyung does what he likes and he just lets him, because... why, exactly?
“Well then, you’ll like having my cock in your mouth, won’t you?” Taehyung turns around, walking over to the couch. Jeongguk stares, panting, as the older man sits back, legs spread wide. He pats his thighs and says, “Well?”
Jeongguk starts to stand, but Taehyung quickly stops him. “Uh uh,” he waggles his finger at him like he’s a dog. “You can crawl, can’t you?”
Jeongguk stares and waits, waits for Tae to laugh and tell him he's just messing with him. When his gaze remains unwavering, expectant, Jeongguk falters, stomach clenching uncomfortably. This isn’t fun. This isn’t what Jeongguk thought was going to happen. It’s nothing but embarrassing as he crawls over, his knees scuffing on the dirty, tiled floor and the rational part of his mind, which seems awfully far away right now, thinks they need to clean their dorm more often.
He kneels in front of Taehyung’s spread legs. Despite his growing shame and the uncomfortable heat in his belly, he’s awfully excited to suck Tae’s dick. That’s a normal sexual act. He can do that without feeling humiliated, without feeling the strange heaviness, the weight pressing down on him.
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung’s voice cuts through his thoughts. He realises with a start that he’d been staring at Taehyung’s crotch, completely zoned out. “Colour?”
It takes him another moment to work out what Taehyung is talking about and yet another to answer, “Green.”
It’s true, after all. He’s ashamed and uncomfortable and certain that he’ll never be able to look Taehyung in the eyes after tonight, but he doesn’t want to stop. Not yet. Something inside of him needs to see this through, needs to see where Tae will take the two of them.
He reaches forwards, desperately headed straight for the button of Taehyung’s jeans, when the elder slaps his hands away and says, “You like using your mouth, don’t you? Put your hands behind your back and suck me off.”
Taehyung watches, his own hands stretched behind his head, the picture of arrogance, as Jeongguk returns his gaze down to his crotch, wondering how he’s going to get his pants off with just his mouth. “Hurry up,” he growls, voice harsher and it makes Jeongguk yelp as he springs forward. His face is hot as he tries to use his nose to pull the fabric away from Taehyung’s fly, teeth latching onto it. He blinks rapidly as he works at the zipper, pulling it open. He feels like crying, absolutely humiliated as he starts struggling with the button at the top of Tae’s jeans, cringing at the clinking sounds as the copper teeth of the zip collide with his own.
“Do I have to do everything?” Taehyung says exasperatedly as he pushes Jeongguk away and undoes the button himself. He pulls his underwear off as well, far enough down that his cock springs free, hard and standing tall against his belly. At least he’s enjoying this, Jeongguk thinks, but he can’t deny that his own cock is just as erect. He can feel in the front of his briefs, the sticky, uncomfortable sensation of pre-come leaking into his underwear. What does that say about him? Is he really a sub? Is there some sick part of him that is enjoying this?
He leans forward again, mouth open, but Taehyung’s hand on his forehead stops him.
“Kiss it,” he instructs. Jeongguk hesitates once more, thoroughly debased. Behind his back his hands clench so firmly together that his knuckles turn white. Again, Taehyung doesn't seem to be joking, so Jeongguk does as he's told. He leans close, lips brushing against the moist tip of Taehyung's cock, thick and heavy as it rests against his mouth. He kisses the helmet, lips puckered obscenely over the leaking slit. He's sick, he feels sick, he's going to be sick, but- “Good boy,” Taehyung says and the words immediately send that swampy feeling spreading all over Jeongguk’s body. He moans aloud, opening his mouth and wrapping his lips around the tip of Taehyung’s cock. This is better, this is enjoyable. He’s happy to finally have something in his mouth again, he thinks. Taehyung barely reacts, only the slightest hitching of his breath indicating that Jeongguk is doing well, but that’s okay. Jeongguk is just happy that they’re finally doing something that he understands.
As he moves his head down, taking more of the heavy cock into his mouth, Taehyung’s words tell a different story.
“Jah, is that really all you can take?” He watches Jeongguk struggle as about half of his length fills his mouth, making his jaw ache as his chapped lips crack, spread wide around his length. “Come on. Can’t you do any better?” Taehyung puts a hand on the back of the younger’s head, fingers digging into his brown locks and pressing down. Jeongguk gags as the head hits the back of his throat, a gurgling noise as he tries to tell Taehyung to stop. Taehyung watches, face impassive when Jeongguk glances up at him with pleading eyes. “You’re not very good at this, are you?”
The tears that have been building for quite some time spill over Jeongguk’s rounded cheeks. He sniffles even as Taehyung sneers at him. “You’re crying now? Can’t you handle a cock in your mouth? How am I supposed to enjoy this when you’re so bad at it?”
Jeongguk cries as Taehyung shallowly thrusts into his mouth. He’s not gagging any longer, throat almost numb at this point. Taehyung must feel sort of sorry for him because he says, “Ah, but you’ve been keeping your hands behind your back. Good boy, Jeonggukkie.” The rush that Jeongguk gets makes more tears fall down his face, ashamed. He hates this, hates how demeaning Taehyung’s actions are, how small and insignificant he feels. Still, it all seems sort of worth it when Taehyung says those two magic words.
He can’t be doing that badly because Taehyung is starting to make these little groaning noises that set Jeongguk’s skin alight. He wants to do a good job, wants to make this good for Tae. He tries to suck harder, but he ends up taking too much and grazing his teeth along the shaft as he rapidly pulls back to breathe. Taehyung hisses as Jeongguk pulls away, babbling, “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”
Taehyung stares at his wide eyes, at the glistening tear tracks on his blotchy cheeks. He reaches forwards and strokes his thumb over his swollen lips. The gesture is gentle and sweet, but his voice is firm and harsh when he says, “I’m going to have to teach you. You can’t even suck a cock right. How useless.”
Jeongguk sniffles while his cheeks burn. He could use the safeword, he thinks. He could say ‘red’ and Taehyung will stop, right? He is one second away from doing it, from stopping this all, but Taehyung speaks before he can. His eyes are soft when he says, “Open your mouth and hold your tongue out,” so Jeongguk does as he’s told. Taehyung sits the head of his cock against the flat of Jeongguk’s tongue and starts thrusting over the top of it. He moans, says, “God, you look so good like this, Guk. All desperate and crying. Fuck.” Taehyung growls as his words trail off. “I’m going to come all over your face now. You’re not going to wipe it off until I tell you to, are you?” Jeongguk quickly shakes his head, the movement making Taehyung moan as his tongue unintentionally dances over his frenulum. He sounds beautiful and Jeongguk cracks like a flooding dam, not caring anymore. He lets go of his hands, presses the heel of his right one into his crotch, rutting against it. It feels so good, especially when Taehyung says those words, “Good boy.”
Taehyung judders, hips stilted in their thrusts. He pulls back so that the tip is pressed just under Jeongguk’s lips and then he comes, white shooting over Jeongguk’s open mouth, onto his lips and over his cheeks. Taehyung throws his head back, lips parted, breath falling heavy from his mouth as he lets out these loud, airy groans. He looks beautiful. Even Jeongguk’s foggy mind can acknowledge that fact.
He collapses back into the couch, chest heaving, eyes closed. Jeongguk watches him, stares at his neck that is sparkling with a sheen of sweat. He jerks forward into his hand, whimpering. He closes his eyes, already rapidly approaching the edge for the second time today. He hadn’t touched himself after Taehyung left, not in the mood despite how hard he’d been for pretty much the entire rest of the day. He’s ready to come now, he thinks. It's a release that he feels like he's been building to for a lot longer than today and he just knows that it's going to be glorious. Just as he’s about to explode, hips jerking unsteadily, a hand wraps around his wrist and pulls it away from his crotch, his thrust meeting nothing but air and he gasps.
“You’re touching yourself? Didn’t I say to keep your hands behind your back?”
“I…” Shaky, still on the edge, so ready to fall and so terrified that Taehyung won't let him, fresh tears build and overflow.
Taehyung tuts. “You can’t do anything right, can you? You’ve been bad, Guk.”
“No! No, I promise, I’ve been good. Please, Taehyung, let me come.”
There’s no standing to reason anymore, no room in Jeongguk’s brain for any logic or rationality. If there were he might ask himself why he thinks he needs Taehyung’s permission to experience pleasure or he might demand an answer as to why he so badly wants to be good for the older man’s sake. All he knows is that there is an uncomfortable pain that lashes through his chest when Taehyung seems disappointed in him. He wants to be good. He really, really wants to be good for Tae, for the man that has always been nothing but good to him. Taehyung has always looked out for him, has always been nice and kind. Even now when he isn't, when he is mean and harsh, it must be for a good reason. Taehyung is good to him, Taehyung knows what is best for him.
So he pleads. He bows his head and begs Taehyung to let him come, but he only looks bored.
“I can’t be bothered.” He stretches, leaning backward on the couch like he’s ready to sleep. “If you really want to get off you can finish what you started today.” He gestures to his thigh, spread out and waiting.
Jeongguk takes an embarrassingly short amount of time to straddle Taehyung’s thigh and start thrusting his cock against it. His whole face is hot and he can’t look the other in the eyes. He should be ashamed, but he’s desperate to come before Taehyung can stop him again, so he tries to focus on the pleasure that comes with the friction of his jagged thrusts. Still, mortified tears trail down his cheeks.
“Look at you.” Taehyung has his hands behind his head, looking entirely unmoved by the situation. “You’re covered in my cum like a whore, humping my leg like a horny dog and you’re getting off from it. You’re going to come in your pants like a child, aren’t you?”
“Ah- T-Tae,” Jeongguk whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s so, so close. So close.
“Look at me.” Taehyung’s voice is soft and it startles Jeongguk enough to look straight into his eyes and he sees it. The chocolate depths are swirling with lust, hot and unmistakeable, and Jeongguk throws his head back and comes, hips freezing, a low moan escaping his lips when Taehyung coos, “That’s it, baby. Good boy.”
Jeongguk collapses, falling to the side of Taehyung on the couch, thoroughly spent. He’s sweating, hair matted against his forehead, cum drying on his face. His lips are red and swollen and his skin is pale and blotchy. His nose is running and his clothes are dishevelled, underwear filled with his own mess. He doesn’t need to see himself to know that he looks disgusting right now. Taehyung makes a funny noise as he leans over him, patting his hair and saying, “Good boy. You did so well.”
Jeongguk can’t answer, can’t really fathom what’s going on anyway as Taehyung stands up, wobbling a bit. Jeongguk watches through misty eyes as the older man disappears. His head is aching now that the fog is dissipating and he feels like crying, except this time he really feels like crying. He’s empty inside all of a sudden, nothing but shame and regret filling his insides and spreading like mould over his organs, making it hard to breathe.
Something brushes over his forehead, something soft and wet. It’s pleasantly hot and Jeongguk mewls as he presses into the touch.
“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice sounds so far away. “Open your eyes for me, Guk-ah.”
It’s a task, but he does what he’s told. When his vision returns to its regular clarity, Taehyung’s face is right there. He looks so soft and beautiful, like a completely different person while he smiles. The light in the room falls perfectly across his face, soft tones that paint his skin pink and make his hair look like it's glowing. He's an angel and Jeongguk is nothing, nothing compared to him.
“You’ve done so well, Jeongguk.” Taehyung smooths the washcloth over his face and down his neck. “You did such a good job, baby.”
It feels good to hear, but he’s pretty sure Taehyung is lying, trying to make him feel better. He says as much when he finally manages to speak around his dry, stiff tongue. “I didn’t. I was bad.”
“No, Jeongguk.” Taehyung puts the washcloth down somewhere beyond his vision, wipes his hair off of his forehead and caresses his face. It’s such a stark comparison to what he was doing and saying earlier that Jeongguk can’t even imagine that this is the same person. Surely that Taehyung went off and swapped with this one, this lovely one who is looking at Jeongguk like he’s worth something. “No, you were good. I was too hard on you. I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have been so mean during your first time subbing.”
“It was…” Jeongguk trails off, presses his face down into the couch. He can’t believe he’s about to admit this, but, “I liked it. A lot.”
Taehyung chuckles above him. “I know you did, baby. That doesn’t make it okay. I got carried away. I should've explained some things to you first. I didn’t realise that you’d slip into your own headspace so quickly.” At the sight of Jeongguk’s profile scrunching up, he says, “Don’t worry about it right now. The point is that I was being mean on purpose. You weren’t bad, you were perfect.”
It’s not true, but Jeongguk likes the sound of it anyway, especially coming from Taehyung who is the closest thing to perfect that the younger boy has ever encountered before.
“Was I really-” He pauses to cough, throat still sore. Taehyung pats his hair, eyebrows drawn together as he listens to him wheeze. “Was I really bad at, you know… sucking you off?”
He smiles fondly. “I’m not going to lie and say you were amazing, Guk. But you’re only new to all of this. I wasn’t being serious when I said those things. It was all part of the act, if you will. You did a great job. Really. I came, didn’t I?”
Jeongguk nods, attempts to swallow again but only ends up launching himself into another coughing fit. Taehyung disappears once more, returning with a glass of water. “Okay, big boy. Hop up now.”
He helps Jeongguk up and hands him the glass. Jeongguk takes big, relieved gulps. When he’s finished, he releases a clichéd, “Ah!” and smacks his lips.
“Alright, baby, let’s get you out of these clothes and into bed.”
Jeongguk puts the glass down next to the couch. It will certainly be knocked over when one of the two of them forgets that it’s there later on, but he’s too tired to walk over to the sink right now. “I like it when you call me that,” he whispers.
“What? Baby?” Taehyung smirks at his hesitant nod. “Good, because I like saying it. Now come on, baby, bed.”
Jeongguk looks out of the window, nose scrunched. “It’s still light out.”
“And you’re exhausted. Seriously, you look like you’re about to pass out. Here,” he holds his hand out, “I know you haven’t been sleeping properly lately.”
Jeongguk frowns, even as he takes his hand. He hadn’t thought he’d been too obvious about his recent insomnia. Taehyung has always been observant though, surprising for someone who seems to flit from place to place, interest to interest, with no final destination in mind. He is so flighty and unfocused and yet he takes notice of other people. He seems to know what his friends need more than he knows his own needs.
Jeongguk lets Taehyung help him into bed even though it makes his gut twist in shame. He’s glad he doesn’t kiss him on the forehead or do something equally as demeaning. Instead he says a soft, “Sleep now, Guk.”
Jeongguk’s eyelids are already closed as he quietly closes the door.
For the first time since he started university, Jeongguk is grateful for his early morning class. He gets up even earlier than necessary, quickly grabs a bowl of leftover rice and eats it on a bench outside the dorm despite the fact that it’s near freezing outside.
When his class finishes he decides to go for a walk, even though it’s his gym night tonight and Jimin will kill him if he finds out that he’s exercising more instead of less because, “Seriously, you’re going to hulk out of those clothes one day, muscle man, and your mom isn’t here to sew them for you, is she?”
By the time he’s nearly died from hypothermia and his fingers are on the verge of being frostbitten, he decides he should head back to the warmth of his own dorm (and buy gloves and a scarf.) If he’s lucky, Taehyung will be out already by the time he gets back, though he’s fairly certain Tae doesn’t have any classes until late.
It’s not that he’s avoiding him, per se. More that he really, really, really, really, really, really doesn’t want to see him and is going out of his way to make sure that that doesn’t happen.
He opens the front door as quietly as he can, proud that his footsteps are near silent despite the fact that he’s wearing clunky timberlands.
“What are you sneaking about for?”
He tries his best not to jump a foot in the air when a deep voice sounds out from next to him. He doesn’t do a great job and he whirls mid-jump to see Taehyung leaning against the wall, chewing on the straw of a juicebox.
“I’m not sneaking.”
“Right. What were you out so late for? Didn’t your class end like two hours ago?
Jeongguk shucks his coat off, watching where it falls when he tosses it to the ground by the front door. “What’s it matter to you?” He mutters, tone petulant. “I felt like going for a walk.”
“It’s almost snowing out there.” Taehyung glances out of the window, plucking the straw out of his mouth and tossing it onto the coffee table nearby, then over to Jeongguk’s reddened nose and blue lips. “Did you really almost freeze yourself to death just to avoid me?"
“I’m not-” He growls when Taehyung starts giggling. “I’m not avoiding you. I just felt like going for a walk.”
“Why won’t you look me in the eyes, then?”
Jeongguk’s gaze travels over to the window. It really is about to snow out there.
Taehyung appears in front of him, fingers underneath his chin, tilting his head back and forcing their eyes to meet. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, Gukkie.”
“Yes, I do.” Jeongguk reaches up and pushes Taehyung’s hand away none too gently. “It was embarrassing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, that’s too bad. We need to talk about it if you want this to be a healthy relationship.”
“Relationship?” Jeongguk repeats with a splutter, waving his hands in the air. “What relationship? You fucking me isn’t a relationship. It’s weird.”
Taehyung puts a hand on either side of him, caging him against the wall. Jeongguk breath freezes in his throat as he comes up close, impossibly close, too close. “Oh, darling,” his breath fans over Jeongguk’s neck, sweet like apple juice. “That wasn’t fucking. You’ll know when I fuck you. You won’t be going on any walks.”
Jeongguk ignores the flair of arousal that shoots down his spine and straight to his crotch, pushing past Taehyung and saying, “Wow, never heard a line like that before. What is this, a cheesy porno?" He makes sure his voice is extra sarcastic, extra biting. "And who said we’re doing anything again? I don’t want to do that again, it was horrible.”
“You told me you liked it yesterday.” He can hear Taehyung sighing from behind him. “Look, Jeongguk, let’s not fight. Come sit on the couch and we’ll talk.”
And really, Jeongguk doesn’t want to talk about this, but Taehyung looks sort of sad so he relents. That doesn’t mean he’ll make things easy on Tae, though, so he sits on the couch with a huff, crossing his arms. Taehyung sits opposite him, face straight.
“Jeongguk, I really do need to apologise for last night. I shouldn’t have taken things so far, so quickly. I should’ve known it would be too much for you to handle.”
"What are you talking about?” Jeongguk squints at him. “It wasn’t too much for me to handle. I can handle plenty, thank you."
Taehyung’s lips quirk up at the sides. “Of course you can. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that that was a bit intense for your first foray into BDSM.”
A pause. Then,“BDSM?”
Taehyung casts him a look so incredulous it makes Jeongguk avert his eyes in embarrassment. “Don’t tell me you don’t know what that is. C’mon, you’re not that innocent.”
“I’m not- I know what it is!” Jeongguk kicks his leg out at Taehyung’s shin. Taehyung grabs his foot before it can make contact. “I just thought- we didn’t do that… did we? Isn’t BDSM, like, ropes and shit?”
“It’s a lot more than just ropes and shit.”
“I know that.” Jeongguk kicks his foot again, this time to make Taehyung let it go.
“Look, that’s not what this is about. The point is that I’m sorry and I don’t want your first impression of BDSM to be a negative one. Let me show you the other side.”
Jeongguk is going to say no, but he’s curious so he humours him for a moment. “Other side?”
“You’ve obviously got some kind of humiliation kink,” Jeongguk’s mouth drops open and he immediately wants to deny it, but Taehyung raises a hand, continuing, “so I was really mean to you. I didn’t touch you at all. But you were really good and you deserve to feel good. Let me make you feel good, Guk.”
His eyes are wide and imploring. Jeongguk has to look away.
“I don’t know… Is this really a good idea? Maybe we should just stop while we’re ahead. We’re roommates.”
“I know,” he says softly, ducking his head down. “I know that.” There’s a thick, heavy silence and Jeongguk shifts on the couch.
“You’re right.” Taehyung stands up abruptly. The couch springs squeak as Jeongguk’s remaining weight almost makes the rickety couch seesaw. “We shouldn’t do this it’s- it’s too ridiculous. We’re just roommates.”
He starts walking away, his head shaking back and forth. Jeongguk jumps up and grabs his hand.
“Tae, we aren’t just roommates.” Taehyung turns back, eyebrows raised. “We’re friends, too. Aren’t we?”
His face softens. “Of course we are,” he answers with a slow, easy smile.
“Do it then.”
“Show me the other side.”
Taehyung shakes his head immediately. “We shouldn’t. You just said-”
“Tae!” Jeongguk shouts. Taehyung’s eyes widen, finally taking in Jeongguk’s clenched fists and tense shoulders. “Just do it!”
Taehyung hesitates. This is a bad idea, his eyes say, but Jeongguk stares him down until he says, “Go sit on your bed. Wait for me.”
Jeongguk nods. He practically runs to his bed, not missing Taehyung’s deep chuckle as he does so. His heart is racing away, so fast that its almost concerning. In the silence of his own room he swears the sound of its beating is audible. He presses a hand to his chest, willing it to calm down. Taehyung walks in and he quickly drops his hand, eyes honing in on the shiny metal dangling from his left hand.
“Hey, there’s a reason they’re so popular.” Taehyung comes to stand in front of Jeongguk. “After yesterday, I know you’re bad at keeping your hands still. This way,” he reaches down to Jeongguk’s wrists, “you can’t disturb me while I work.”
“Why do you have to make everything sound so dramatic?” He groans when Taehyung grins.
“I mean, I am in the drama club. Can you blame me? Now,” he grabs Jeongguk by the jaw and tilts his head back, apparently his favourite thing to do, “stop talking or I’ll gag that pretty little mouth of yours.”
Jeongguk’s breath catches in his throat, not so much because of what Taehyung says, but rather how he says it. His already deep voice lowers several tones and his words hold a promise; there are no empty threats coming from him.
“Take your shirt off and sit back against the headboard.”
Jeongguk can see where this is going as Taehyung kneels over him, raising his arms up to the headboard and wrapping the chain of the cuffs around it. The cuffs themselves are made of wide leather that he buckles closed around one of Jeongguk’s wrists. Jeongguk watches his face while he tightens the cuff and can’t help but smile as he watches him subconsciously stick his tongue out past his lips. When Taehyung glances down at him he quickly rearranges his face into something more stoic.
“Do you trust me, Jeongguk?” Taehyung asks, hand hovering over the other cuff.
“Yes,” he answers with zero hesitation because he does, he trusts Taehyung. Maybe they haven’t known each other as long as he’s known some of his other hyungs, but he just knows him, just knows that he would never hurt him.
He thinks about the campus counsellor, how she advised him to explore his sexuality with someone he trusts. He hadn’t really thought about it until now, but that’s technically what he and Taehyung are doing. There are no commitments here, no implications. Taehyung never told Jeongguk that he has to be something he’s not or feel a certain way. He’s only helping him to discover what he likes in bed. There’s nothing wrong with that.
There must have been something weighing him down, because this realisation seems to make it easier to breathe. He wants this. He wants Taehyung to tie him down, ravish him, make him his. He’s okay with this because it’s just exploration and there are no strings attached, figuratively speaking. He’s not obligated to like this and it doesn’t say anything about his personality if he does. It doesn't mean he's a sub or that he likes it when Taehyung takes control. It doesn't mean anything. It's just sex, just two guys making themselves and each other feel good.
With this final thought, he relaxes, muscles slackening just as Taehyung finishes tightening the cuff. The older seems to notice his changed state, a quirk of a brow indicating his confusion but not bothering to ask. Instead he trails his hands down Jeongguk’s chest and gives him a broad grin.
“You’ve been such a good boy,” he murmurs. “I feel like rewarding you today. Would you like that?”
Jeongguk nods quickly. Taehyung’s hand flattens over his abs, pressing down firmly. “Can’t hear you.”
Jeongguk almost rolls his eyes at Tae and his fascination for making Jeongguk say things out loud. “I would like that.”
Taehyung frowns. “Don’t get cocky, brat.” He reaches up, flicks a nipple with his nail and smirks when Jeongguk shivers, hands clenching into fists. “I could easily turn this into a punishment, so you’d better watch your mouth.”
“S-sorry.” Jeongguk closes his eyes as Taehyung starts twirling his fingers around his nipples, moaning when he pinches them.
"Baby is sensitive, is he?" Taehyung voice drops another octave. "How would you like it if I got you to the edge just from playing with your cute little nipples?" He leans down and breathes over the hardened buds. "So small and pink. Adorable."
"Tae- fuck..." Jeongguk bucks his hips, but finds himself without much room to move as Taehyung straddles his thighs.
"Has baby played with his nipples before?" Taehyung leans back, settling properly on his muscular thighs, fingers pinching and pulling at his nipples with a practised finesse.
"Answer me, pretty."
"Tae, I don't- ah!" His spine arcs when Taehyung pinches both nipples hard. "I don't know!"
"You don't know? How can you not know?" He starts flickering the tips of his fingers over each point, constant stimulation that has Jeongguk writhing. "I think you're avoiding the question. Do you play with your own nipples?"
"I- I don't," Jeongguk sibilates, tongue bitten between his teeth to keep himself from moaning. "I don't... do that kind of stuff."
"Such a chaste little boy." Taehyung leans down as he traces his nails right over the peaks, scratching just lightly enough that the threat of pain sends Jeongguk's mind into a frenzy. "I can't wait to corrupt you." With his lips hovering right over one of the buds, he murmurs, "It's going to be so much fun."
Afterwards, when Taehyung is pulling the cuffs off Jeongguk’s wrists, he asks, “So, did you like that?”
Jeongguk sits up, rubbing his wrists and stretching his jaw, stiff after Taehyung had given him a practical demonstration on how to suck cock and then, after Jeongguk came, tested his newfound-knowledge on Taehyung himself. “I did,” he answers and he isn’t embarrassed to admit it. “Tae,” he grabs the other by the arm, “thank you.”
“What?” Taehyung’s eyes widen. “What for?”
“For- for showing me all of this stuff. For being patient and nice.”
“What are you- Aish, what are you trying to do?” Taehyung looks away, cheeks red. “Don’t embarrass me like this.”
“You just blew me until I cried. If anyone should be embarrassed here, it should be me.”
Taehyung cocks his head to the side. “But you’re not embarrassed, are you?” Jeongguk shakes his head. “What changed?”
“I realised that I trust you with my life, Tae.” Taehyung looks away as Jeongguk speaks sincerely to him. “I know that you won’t judge me for what I do and don’t like. There is no reason for me to embarrassed. It’s just sex between two adults. No commitments, no promises for more. We can just enjoy ourselves.”
Taehyung bites his lip, eyes sliding over to meet his. He stares into them for a moment before he nods.
“Right. Yes, you’re right.” He breathes in deeply, exhales slowly and then smiles. “I’m glad you’re more comfortable.”
“I want to keep going, Tae.”
His brows raise. “What, right now?”
“No!” Jeongguk’s hands fly up, shaking them back and forth quickly. “No, no, I’m wrecked right now.” He flops back on the bed to demonstrate his exhaustion. “I meant I want to keep doing this with you. Exploring. If you want to.”
Taehyung smirks. “Are you admitting that you’re a sub?”
“I’ll admit that I had no clue what I was talking about a couple of months ago.” Jeongguk bites his lip, laughing at how clueless he had been. “I had no idea that it could be… I don’t know, like this.” He gestures between the two of them. “I just want to keep learning.”
“Well then, I’ll be your guide.” Taehyung grins, poking his thumb into his own chest, saying, “I’ll be the best teacher you’ve ever had.”
“Thank you, oh wise and noble master.” Jeongguk mock bows his head.
“Master. I like the sound of that.”
“Shut up.” Jeongguk kicks at his leg. “Come on, let’s go eat something. Sex makes me so hungry. Is that normal?”
“When it's good sex, yes.”
“Eh, I’ll give you a six out of ten.”
“Watch your mouth, brat,” Taehyung watches Jeongguk’s eyes sparkling as he hops up off the bed, “or I’ll tie you back up.”
“You’ll have to catch me first,” Jeongguk sings, darting out of the door, Taehyung hot on his heels.
Chapter 5: A Minor Hiccup
TRIGGER WARNING - DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT IT SPOILED
Please note that there is a scene in this chapter where a character is triggered and reminded of a traumatic event involving sexual assault, experiencing something akin to a panic attack. If you believe this may affect you negatively, please consider not reading this for your own safety.
Three weeks pass by in a blur of hot sex, an assortment of handcuffs and blindfolds, whimpers and moans. Taehyung has been going easy on Jeongguk. He knows this because the older man says it before they start each time.
“You’ve been good, so I’ll go easy on you this time.”
Jeongguk is starting to wonder what he has to do to get Taehyung to go harder on him. He hasn’t really delved into anything like their first night together, no humiliation for Jeongguk or arrogance in Taehyung’s tone. He seems to be focussing on giving the younger pleasure, which is nice and he is definitely not complaining, but Jeongguk wants more.
He understands what Taehyung is doing, that he feels guilty for the way he dumped Jeongguk in the deep end without explaining anything to him. Jeongguk doesn't really mind so much himself, but he thinks he knows Tae well enough to know that he has been beating himself up about it, trying to be more gentle with Jeongguk. He has kept things so light now, no insults, no name-calling, no degrading. Jeongguk notices that he goes to great efforts to explain everything now, telling Jeongguk what he's going to do before he does it. He calls it a scene, which Jeongguk laughs at at first.
"What, are we shooting a movie?" He jokes as Taehyung pulls a blindfold over his forehead. Taehyung pauses, an impossibly fond smile on his face as he leans down to look into his eyes.
"Not that kind of scene, Guk." Taehyung pulls the elastic of the blindfold, lets it snap back against his temple. "When you engage in BDSM it's called a scene. For instance, during this scene I'm going to remove your senses so that you have nothing to focus on but my touch. I'm going to keep you tied to this bed for the next few hours, edging you. You'll be gagged so if you want to safe word, hold your pinky out for me to see."
Jeongguk's teasing smile had disappeared a few seconds into the explanation. He gulps. "I- okay, I get it."
It's great. It's exciting and new and so, so fucking intense and Jeongguk is loving every moment but...
He wants that experience again and he isn't even sure why.
On that night, their first night together, he had felt horrible, helpless and humiliated. Taehyung has apologised profusely for how things went down, and yet for Jeongguk... it was the best orgasm he has ever had in his life. He doesn't understand why. Even after the explosive release he had after Taehyung spent a whole day edging him, even after he gave Jeongguk the best blowjob he has had so far (and he hasn't had many blowjobs but he still recognises that Taehyung is a fucking good blowjob-giver). Even after all of the good sex they've been having, it still hasn't compared to how he felt when he'd ground himself to completion on Taehyung's thigh, the other goading him along the entire time.
There is no rational explanation for it. Why would he want to feel horrible again? He doesn't have an answer, just knows that the sensations he felt when Taehyung was ordering him around, demeaning him, making him feel small... Jeongguk thinks that must be what it's like to be high on cocaine. Heavy-headed and wanting more even though it's dangerous, even though it might not be good for him.
And therein lies Jeongguk's problem. He wants more, he has acknowledged that he wants more, but Taehyung won't give it to him because he wants to go "easy" on him.
Jeongguk can't wait anymore and one afternoon he walks in from his class and decides that he won't wait anymore.
Taehyung is cooking again. There’s no smoke to tell Jeongguk this as he enters the dorm, but the smell of burning is still ever-present. After he has dumped his bag and jacket by the door, he wanders towards the kitchenette where he can see Taehyung’s back muscles shifting under his shirt while he vigorously stirs whatever something it is that he’s trying to create.
Jeongguk stands still. He stares at him, admiring his form. He already knew Taehyung was attractive, of course, but now that they’ve developed this sexual relationship he can’t help but see him in a different light. From across the room, he can see his broad shoulders moving back and forth, his biceps flexing through the back of his shirt. He’s not as muscled as Jeongguk himself is, but he’s got a stockiness to him that makes Jeongguk want to melt into the tiled floor. He himself is large and muscled, but his lean form against Taehyung's looks small. He likes that, for some reason, thinks that he should be small for Taehyung. Taehyung, whose golden skin glistens, peaking out where the collar of his shirt ends. Taehyung, whose long, graceful fingers reach behind him to ruffle through tufts of thick, blond hair. Jeongguk’s own fingers twitch. He wants to run them through the amber locks, pull on them, pat them, touch them always. He wants to make Taehyung happy and he wants to learn how to do that. He wants to be a partner that Taehyung can have fun with, not hold himself back from.
“Enjoying the show?”
Startling, Jeongguk blinks, realising that he’d been zoning out and that Taehyung is facing him with a knowing expression. He bites back his embarrassment at being caught and says, “Yeah, I didn't know you were auditioning for Kitchen Nightmares.”
“Okay, asshole.” Taehyung quickly turns back to his smoking pan. “I’d like to see you do better.”
“Oi,” donning a bad British accent and a poorly contained grin, Jeongguk teases, “this is the worst cooking I’ve ever seen in my life.” He walks up to the pan, ignoring Taehyung’s giggles to say, “Wot is this? Wot is this? It looks li’ a fucking dog’s dinner! Get this shit outta here.”
“That was the worst Gordon Ramsey I’ve ever head.”
“I’d like to see you do better,” Jeongguk echoes Taehyung earlier words. “So, what are you attempting to cook?”
“I’m cooking a quiche!” He stirs the liquid in the pan. It’s creamy and bubbling, swirls of burnt oil simmering around the surface. “I think I got it right this time around.”
“Hyung, you’re supposed to cook the mixture in the oven. Not a frying pan. This is just scrambled eggs.”
“Shut up, okay? I’m trying here. We’ll just eat it my way and- what are you doing?” Taehyung stiffens. While Taehyung's voice grew defensive, Jeongguk had moved behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and putting his chin on his shoulder.
“I’m listening. Keep talking.”
“No, like,” he taps Jeongguk’s hands, interwoven with one another around his stomach, “what is this?”
“You’re a terrible cook, you know that, right?”
From next to him, Jeongguk sees his brows furrow as his stirring slows.
“Really bad.” Jeongguk leans forward until he’s whispering into the nape of his neck, lips brushing against his skin. “You can’t even cook a quiche.”
“Why are you being so mean?” Taehyung tries to turn his head to face him, but Jeongguk moves with him, keeping his lips attached to his skin. “What are you trying to do? Jeongguk- Hey," Taehyung laughs when he bites down on his shoulder where it's exposed under the shirt, "why are you being weird?”
“Hyung,” he rasps, seeing the goosebumps on Taehyung's neck and noting the way his ears are burning red, “let’s go do something else."
Taehyung hesitates. Jeongguk hears it in his hitching breath, feels it in his stuttering chest. But he says, “I can’t leave, Guk. My eggs will burn.”
This isn’t working. He will have to try a different approach.
“I’m so horny,” he breathes into the crook of his neck, tongue spreading across the flesh. The older freezes in his hold. “But you’re busy cooking, so.”
“I’m-” Taehyung gasps when his hands slide over his stomach just before they disappear entirely. “What…”
“I guess I’ll just have to go find someone else to fuck.” Jeongguk turns and walks away, ignoring the heat of Taehyung’s eyes on his back. “It probably won’t be hard to find someone who’s better than you anyway.” There’s only silence behind him as he makes his way to the front door. He makes a show of bending over and grabbing his jacket. “Someone who isn’t afraid to actually do something, who isn’t afraid to go all the way. I wonder who’s going to be the lucky guy who gets to- ah!”
Jeongguk turns his head at the last moment, narrowly escaping a broken nose as he’s pushed up against the door roughly. Taehyung presses up against him and Jeongguk immediately moans when he feels his half-hard cock pressing against his ass through their clothing.
“I know what you’re doing, you little brat,” Taehyung snarls into his ear, fingers threading through his hair. “You want to be punished?”
“N-no!” Jeongguk gasps when Taehyung yanks his head back, pulling his hair painfully. He lets out a strangled groan, clenching his teeth. It hurts. It hurts and that sends a lashing of pleasure through his veins that has him craving for more.
“I think you do. I think you want me to spank you.”
“Tell me,” he growls, hand tightening in his hair.
“Shit. Yes-s-s,” he hisses. “I want you to-”
“You deserve to.”
“I deserve to be punished." He corrects, voice high-pitched and he'd be embarrassed by the whining tone he automatically dons if he wasn't so satisfied that his plan worked. "I deserve to be spanked.”
“Beg me.” Taehyung bites down on his ear, teeth trailing over his earrings and making him yelp.
“Please,” he breathes out. “Please, Taehyung, please... I- I’ve been bad.”
“Fuck. Come here.” Taehyung grabs his wrist, pulling him away from the wall in a frenzy. Jeongguk stumbles as he’s yanked towards the couch. “Get your ass over the arm."
Jeongguk goes to do as he’s told, but Taehyung evidently isn’t feeling very patient because he steps forward and pushes him down, Jeongguk letting out an, “Oof,” as the arm of the couch presses into his stomach.
Taehyung wastes no time, pulling his jeans off until they’re bunch around his ankles, underwear too. His cock is hard and pressing against the couch, but Taehyung quickly rectifies this, pulling him back so that now it’s dangling in the air.
“Jeongguk," Taehyung presses his hand on his lower back, takes a deep breath, speaks more clearly, "I know you hate this but I need to explain what I'm about to do."
Jeongguk whines in the back of his throat. "I already know. Just hit me, god. Don't ruin the fucking mood."
"Shut up!" Taehyung hisses, gripping one of his cheeks hard with his large hand, hard enough that it pinches and pulls the skin. Jeongguk breathes in quickly, clenching when he feels the cold air against his hole as his cheeks are spread apart. "You'll listen while I explain it. This is a punishment,” Taehyung states, voice low. “You aren’t getting any pleasure out of this. I'm not going to be nice to you. You can sit there, dripping onto the floor, like the little bitch you are.”
“No talking!” Taehyung’s palm slaps down on his asscheek, making Jeongguk flinch forwards, crying out. The hand on the small of his back presses more firmly into his skin. “No moving either. I’m starting you with ten. Make a noise and I’ll add five. Got it?”
Jeongguk nods quickly, breath coming rapidly, the air around him feeling too thin. He can’t see, head down against the couch, so it shocks him when Taehyung’s hand whacks against his other cheek and he squeaks.
“That’s fifteen already, Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung taps his thigh. The touch is light but it makes him wince, expecting another hit any moment now. “You’d better keep quiet for the rest.”
Whack! Another slap, this time right over both cheeks, makes him jerk slightly but he holds in his pained moan, biting his tongue. Again, Taehyung’s large palm smacks down on him and Jeongguk would worry that he might cut into his own tongue if his head was clear. It isn't though, is the thing. He can't focus anymore, can't think about anything but what Taehyung told him to do. Have to keep still, have to keep quiet. Taehyung said so...
Four spanks turn into ten soon enough. The skin of his ass is warm and tingling, no doubt reddened underneath Taehyung’s palm. He really hasn’t held himself back this time, which is exactly what Jeongguk wanted and indeed his cock is dripping with pre-come. He’s enjoying this and Taehyung is too by the sounds of it, a panting breath escaping his mouth with each slap. Afterwards, deep into the night when Jeongguk jerks himself off thinking about this, he'll remember Taehyung’s story about spanking, remember that this is one of his favourite kinks. It'll send a shiver along his spine, knowing how turned on Taehyung probably was. Even now he can hear Taehyung panting, can see when he turns his head the way his mouth is slack, lips parted as he delivers another blow. He subconsciously presses his ass back to meet the next slap.
“You freak,” Taehyung growls. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? You’re nothing but a little slut.”
The last three hits are delivered in quick succession, Taehyung’s hand immediately coming down to smooth over the skin gently.
"You did well, baby,” his voice soft all of a sudden. The quick transition leaves Jeongguk's head spinning, clutching onto the couch as he tries to keep up. “You can speak.”
He doesn’t hesitate, voice cracking as he whimpers, “Tae, Tae, please fuck me.”
Taehyung has refused to fuck him so far, never going all of the way in any of their sessions and never telling Jeongguk why he rejects his offer each time. He’s tired of waiting, desperate to take this final step. It’s true that he hadn’t been looking forward to it all that much to begin with, only having one experience with bottoming that ended with him in pain and the other guy leaving him high and dry, but he wants Taehyung more than he has ever wanted anyone before, in ways he has no one else. He trusts him.
“Get on your back on the couch.” Taehyung watches him scramble into position, cock flopping hard against his abs, pre-cum drooling out of the slit at the top. Taehyung’s face is impassive as he reaches down below the couch. (Jeongguk had mocked him for keeping a box of condoms and some lube stashed there. He isn’t laughing now.)
He trails his finger down, down, over Jeongguk’s heaving chest, over his sweat-soaked abdominals, over his shaking thighs. He wraps his large hand around his length and says, “You don’t deserve my cock.”
Jeongguk gasps, head dipping back again the fabric as Taehyung begins stroking his hardness. “I do- Tae, please, I want you.”
“You don’t deserve to have me fuck you.” His hand disappears and he’s moving, straddling Jeongguk, knees coming to rest on either side of his hips. Jeongguk opens his eyes to see that Taehyung is naked, realises through the fog that he had pulled Jeongguk’s pants the rest of the way off of him too. “You won’t be any good at it anyway. I would have to do all of the work.”
Jeongguk watches, dazed, as Taehyung reaches behind with shiny, lube-covered fingers.
“I’m going to fuck myself on your tiny cock.” Taehyung uses his other hand to slap Jeongguk’s member, making him cry out. “It’s so small though, I doubt it’ll feel good.”
Taehyung has explained this feeling to him by now, this weird heaviness in his head. He tells him it’s called subspace and that it’s both a good and bad thing. Jeongguk can’t say he understands it entirely, but all he knows is that he feels like Taehyung could tell him he’s a purple flying unicorn and Jeongguk would believe him. Taehyung wouldn’t lie to him after all. Taehyung always know what Jeongguk wants, always makes him feel good, even when it feels bad. Or at least, that is what his mind tells him when he is in this state. Jeongguk trusts Taehyung and apparently that’s not a good thing.
In lieu of this, and despite the fact that he’s confident his penis is above the average size for a Korean male, Jeongguk believes Taehyung when he mocks him, feels truly embarrassed in that moment.
“No, I promise it’ll feel good, hyung,” he squeaks out, moaning as he watches Taehyung’s hand disappearing behind his back, moving as he undoubtedly pumps his fingers in and out of himself.
“Your tiny cock? Making me feel good. Look at it." With his other hand Taehyung curls his fingers around Jeongguk's shaft, tugging a few times, making him writhe. "Look at how small it is in my hand." Jeongguk looks down and indeed, in Taehyung's large hand he looks small. "But you should be happy. I’m going to ride you anyway.” Taehyung removes his fingers, grabbing for a condom now. His slick digits slide over the packaging a few times before he manages to rip it open.
Jeongguk hisses when he rolls it over his cock, sighing when he pumps it, spreading lube over the top. Then he watches, enamoured, as Taehyung sits up and lines himself up before sitting down in one swift motion.
They both cry out, Jeongguk’s hands itch to grasp Taehyung’s waist, but he doesn't. Taehyung didn't tell him he could touch him yet.
The older man pants, winded, overwhelmed. “Fuck. Fuck,” he rolls his hips a bit, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, voice strained when he says, “who knew your tiny cock could actually feel alright? Feels good, Guk.”
“Hyung,” Jeongguk grinds out through gritted teeth, trying to keep still. “Please.”
Taehyung presses his hands to Jeongguk’s pecs, lifting himself up slowly and moaning when he sinks back down. Jeongguk can’t contain his own moans, eyes wide open as he watches Taehyung fuck himself on his cock.
“Look at you,” Taehyung pants out, swivelling his hips. “You look so pitiful right now, just sitting there, not doing anything." He smirks down at him, eyes glazing over. "You don't know how to pleasure me, I have to do it all myself. You’re not even fucking me, you’re just letting me use you like a toy.” He sets a fast pace, bouncing on Jeongguk's cock and the younger man can feel his heat tightening around him as he moans through his words. “You’re my toy, Guk. Nothing but a toy.”
Jeongguk whimpers, the words going straight to his head and it feels good. It shouldn't feel good, why does it feel good?
Taehyung watches him throw his head back through half-lidded eyes. He chuckles.
"You're getting off on this. You like being a toy." He pauses and then, “You’re pathetic.”
Like a lightning strike to his spine, like the flash of light and the roll of thunder that precedes a storm, that opens the heavens with a sharp crack and allows the rain to pour through, Jeongguk jolts on the couch. His heart quickens and when he opens his eyes, Taehyung is gone. He's gone and it's someone else hovering above. It’s Yujin, he knows immediately, face twisted in a malicious grin, leaning over him, coming too close, too close, too close. She's touching him and he can’t lift his head anymore and she won’t stop- she won’t stop, please stop.
“Red!” Jeongguk shouts, voice strained and scratchy as he pushes at Taehyung's chest desperately. “Red, red, red, please stop! Please.”
Taehyung is off of him in seconds, kneeling down beside him and hovering his hands over him but not making contact. Jeongguk sits up, gasping for air that he can’t find.
“Jeongguk? What’s wrong? Breathe, Guk, it’s okay.”
“You- You said-”
“Jeongguk, breathe, please.” Taehyung’s brows are furrowed, eyes glistening. He pats Jeongguk's back and he’s crying and Jeongguk is crying as he makes horrific choking noises. His mind is still a mess, something akin to whiplash making his head ache. But it is Taehyung's regular voice whispering in his ear, guiding his breaths, his gentle hand rising and falling with Jeongguk's chest. Finally his lungs open and his tears stop. As quick as it came, the fear is gone. Now Jeongguk is left with shame as he stares at his hands, heart rate slowing back down to its regular rhythm.
When Taehyung is convinced that he’s not going to asphyxiate, he disappears, returning with a glass of water that he hands to Jeongguk and a large blanket that he drapes over his shoulders. He pulls his own pants back on before he sits next to Jeongguk, hands by his sides.
“What happened?” Taehyung peers at him while he finishes the glass of water. “Jeongguk?”
“I’m sorry!” Jeongguk exclaims after he has swallowed his last gulp. “I’m sorry, I just- you called me pathetic and that’s what Yujin called me and I saw her, I didn’t mean to, I just-”
“Shush, Jeongguk.” Taehyung puts a hand on his shoulder, patting it gently. “Shush, now. I understand.” Jeongguk looks over at Taehyung, at the tear tracks on his face.
"I'm okay." He assures. "I swear, I'm alright, Tae. I wasn't- it's not your fault. It just triggered me, I guess." Jeongguk laughs drily, palm wiping down over his sweaty face. He used to laugh, used to make jokes about being "hashtag triggered" on his Twitter account. He gets it now and he realises with chagrin that he truly was the fuckboy Yoongi always told him he was.
“God, I'm still so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Taehyung's hands fly up to cover his face as he sobs into his hands. "Fuck," he blubbers out, voice now muffled, "I keep messing up."
“Please Tae, don’t cry.” Jeongguk reaches up and presses the palm of his hand to the elder’s cheek. Seeing Taehyung like this makes him guilty. “I promise I’m okay, it just reminded me, that’s all. It’s not your fault.”
“Yes it is, I shouldn’t have said-”
“How could you have possibly known that? It’s not your fault, Tae.”
"It is, though." Taehyung pushes his hand away, gentle enough that Jeongguk isn't hurt. He looks down at his knees and says, "I did it again. I didn't explain what I was going to do. I should've told you that I was going to be mean like that, that I was going to say those things. But you were so into it and it got me so hot- I- I just lost my mind." He shakes his head, jaw clenched. "I don't know why people think I'm so good at this. I'm not, I'm awful."
"Tae," Jeongguk moves off of the couch, kneeling down in front of the elder and cupping his face in his own large palms. The blanket slips off of him in the process, but he doesn't care, barely notices his nudity as he firmly says, "This is not your fault. This isn't anyone's fault. Except for her. She did this, not you." He strokes his thumb over Taehyung's defined jaw, over his smooth golden skin. Taehyung's widened eyes are latched onto his, not moving a millimetre even as he sniffles. "Everything was going great and you were doing fine. Seriously, I don't know where this is coming from. You're a good dom."
"Shush." Jeongguk presses his thumbs over his lips, making Taehyung freeze. "Just stop. This sucks and everything got messed up, but it's nothing to be so upset over. Just a minor hiccup."
Taehyung doesn’t seem convinced, eyes so full of guilt that it spills over in fresh tears. Jeongguk rolls his eyes, standing up. He’s still naked, covered in lube and sweat, but he doesn’t hesitate to bend down and scoop Taehyung up into his arms.
“Whoa!” Taehyung grasps onto his neck to hold himself up. “Je- argh, what are you doing?”
“I’m taking you to bed,” Jeongguk answers calmly as he walks to Taehyung’s room.
“Huh?" Taehyung clings onto him like a baby koala, sounding more confused than ever as he glances over at their wall clock. "But it’s not even six. I'm not tired yet.”
“I don’t care, hyung. You’re going to go to sleep.”
“But- But I haven’t given you aftercare!” Taehyung wriggles in his hold, but Jeongguk doesn’t relent. “I need to make sure you’re okay! Isn’t your ass sore?”
Jeongguk looks down at him, smiling. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about me; I’m worried about you. You say you’re not tired but you look exhausted, hyung.”
Taehyung huffs as he gives up on his writhing, Jeongguk kicking his bedroom door open and turning sideways to manoeuvre them into the room. “I’m fine. You’re the one who just went through- Ah!”
Jeongguk drops Taehyung onto his bed, watching him bounce with a tense expression. “If you say ‘a traumatic event’, I’m going to slap you, Taehyung. I’m not damaged goods. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung sits up, crossing his legs and giving Jeongguk a serious look, “you almost had a panic attack just now. You could have PTSD or something, I don’t know. That's totally normal! You were almost raped, Jeongguk!”
“I know that!” Jeongguk shouts, making Taehyung reel back in surprise. Jeongguk stares at him for a moment before he relaxes, breathing out a shaky breath. He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and mutters, “I know that, Tae." He turns, facing away and trying to stop his fists from clenching. “I’m obviously more fucked up than I realised, but that’s why I’m seeing a counsellor. It’s not your job to psychoanalyse me, okay?” He turns back to Tae, hands on his hips. “You’re one of my best friends. Be here for me, but god, please don’t treat me like I’m made of glass. I can’t stand it.”
Taehyung blinks, eyes wide as Jeongguk pants after his speech. “I- okay. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Jeongguk sits down on the bed. “Everything’s alright, Tae."
"I... guess. I'm still sorry. Even if it wasn't the reason for what just happened, I'm sorry that I didn't explain the scene properly."
"It's fine. I didn't even notice. Just do it properly next time. Now get under the blankets.”
Trying to lighten the mood, Taehyung smirks and says, “Who is this ordering me around? Suddenly, you sound more like a dom.”
“Shut up," Jeongguk tries to growl, but a stupid smile makes it difficult.
“Please, order me around some more, daddy.”
Jeongguk rolls his eyes, watching as Taehyung gets under the sheets. Playing along, he deepens his voice to a mockingly low tone and says, “Good boy."
“Oh daddy, don’t say that! It makes me feel all funny inside!” Taehyung mocks him right back and Jeongguk scowls at him.
“Ass.” He lifts a leg to kick his side lightly. “At least I don’t actually call you daddy.”
“You can if you want.” Taehyung shrugs.
“No, thanks.” Jeongguk reaches over to pat his head, hand lingering on his silky hair for just one moment, then stands up. “Sleep, Tae. I’ll go make us a real quiche. I’ll wake you up when it’s ready.”
“Good boy,” Taehyung jeers.
Jeongguk slams his bedroom door shut, trying not to smile as he walks away from the sound of his roommate’s giggling.
The first thing Jeongguk notices when he wakes up the next morning is that there is no smoke in the dorm. He’s so used to being roused by the bitter haze of burning waffles or the sound of the fire alarm going off because of overcooked porridge (“Hyung, you have to keep stirring it. You can’t walk away to have a shower while you’re cooking!”) that when he sniffs the air and senses only the smell of musty dorm furniture mingled with the scent of barely hygienic, college-aged males, he is a little confused.
Taehyung had insisted on cooking breakfast for them every morning in these past couple of months. He has been getting better too, just ever-so-slightly. Jeongguk only counted two eggshell fragments in the omelettes the other day, a drastic improvement. This must be one of those days when Taehyung feels like making cut-up fruit, or something similar. That’s all Jeongguk can think to himself as he hops out from his bed, rubbing his eyes. His toes curl as his feet meet the cold floor - because he isn't an animal like Taehyung who sleeps with his socks on. He opens his door and peers into the dorm.
Taehyung isn’t here at all, he realises quickly. There’s an empty box of cereal on the bench and a bowl in the sink, so he can only deduce that his hyung wolfed down a quick breakfast and left early. Jeongguk glances over to the calendar on the wall with knit brows. It’s a Wednesday. Taehyung doesn’t usually have any morning classes on a Wednesday so it’s very odd for him to be out early.
Jeongguk frowns, realising he’ll have to make his own breakfast for the first time in weeks. He should be grateful because at least he’ll know there’s no risk of food poisoning or choking on a teaspoon that accidentally slipped in during the cooking process – honestly, don’t ask – but he can’t help but pout as he breaks some eggs into a bowl. He has been having fun judging Taehyung’s terrible cooking skills. He sort of liked seeing the proud smile on Tae's face whenever Jeongguk told him it didn’t taste like it was radioactive.
Jeongguk forces himself to stop worrying and to move on with his day. He’s probably just reading into things too much. Tae is undoubtedly hanging out with Jimin or something.
Soon it’s time for him to see his counsellor again, so he leaves the dorm at 1:30pm, not having heard a word from Taehyung over any social media. He has a good session, making sure to tell her about the events of the previous night. She reassures him that it’s completely normal to have flashbacks and for certain words and actions to trigger him. Worryingly, she tells him that this may never go away, but it makes sense. Jeongguk doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to hear the word ‘pathetic’ without seeing Yujin’s straight teeth grinning at him.
When he gets back to the dorm, it’s nearing five o’clock. He immediately notes upon entrance that Taehyung’s shoes are missing and after calling aloud and receiving no answer he figures that the other is still out. He scrolls through his social media but Taehyung hasn’t updated any of his platforms. He is getting sort of worried so he texts Jimin. Two minutes after he sends it, his phone buzzes and with relief Jeongguk reads Taehyung's contact name (just a simple 'Tae' unlike Taehyung's contact for Jeongguk: 'Gukkie-boy <3 <3 <3'). He apologises with a bunch of emojis and says that Jimin asked him to catch up since they haven't been hanging out lately. He tells Jeongguk not to wait up for him, that he might stay the night with Jimin.
He’s content now that he knows that Taehyung is safe and well, but he can’t escape the niggling feeling that something is wrong. The dorm is eerily silent without him and if Jeongguk was a wimp like Taehyung he might have been scared by himself. Despite the fact that he is certain he's overthinking, Jeongguk can't get himself to stop worrying about the situation. Not the next day when Taehyung doesn’t show up, not the day after that when he comes home but stays in his room with the door shut the whole time, and not the day after that when Jeongguk goes to his dance club and comes back to see signs of life (dishes in the sink, bags tossed by the door) but no sign of the man himself.
By Sunday he’s feeling a little put out and he's certain that Taehyung is avoiding him. So, he forms a plan. He waits on the couch, like a hunter patiently awaiting his prey to wander into a trap. It’s nearing midnight when Taehyung finally comes home. He opens the door so quietly that Jeongguk may not have noticed had he not been staring at said door with a frown on his face. He lights up when he sees his hyung.
“Tae!” The older man jumps, whirling around and stumbling back against the wall, hand clutched to his chest when he realises that it’s just Jeongguk. “Where on earth have you been?”
“Jah, are you trying to kill me? What are you doing up so late?” Taehyung says, shucking his coat off at the door. “It’s nearly midnight.”
“Can’t I ask you the same question? Where have you been these past few days? I hardly see you around.”
“Ah, sorry. I’ve been busy catching up with Jimin and the rest of the drama club. You know it’s scout season right now. There are lots of phone calls going around. Hobi-hyung told me that there’s someone who’s interested in me. Someone from America. America, can you believe it!” Taehyung makes his way over to the kitchen, resting his phone on the counter. “I’m not going to say yes, obviously. I really don't want to move countries. But still, it's really flattering.”
“Well, that’s great, Tae. Congratulations.” Jeongguk sits up on the couch, watching Taehyung hunch over the counter as he taps away at his phone.
“Thanks,” he answers absentmindedly, already focussed on the device.
"Who are you texting?"
"From the club."
There's no response. Jeongguk looks at the clock, a well-timed yawn sounding out as he glimpses the two hands meeting at the top. He is exhausted now that he thinks about it. Spending all day staring at a door while trying not to blink will do that to a person. He says, “Well, I’m going to bed.” The sound of the keyboard clicks on Tae's phone are the only response. “Goodnight.”
“Huh. Oh yeah, goodnight, Guk.”
Jeongguk lours at his back.
As he curls up in his sheets, he thinks about how silly he is being. It had all added up. Taehyung really is busy right now. He has a good reason for being out more often.
So why does it feel like he was lying?
As it turns out, Taehyung wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either.
Jeongguk gives him a few days reprieve, even when he’s still barely present in the dorm. He’s busy, that’s what he’d said. He has no obligation to hover around Jeongguk and Jeongguk has no right to feel neglected.
Still, he finds himself missing Taehyung’s large hands on his body, his deep voice in his ear. Not just that either. He misses hearing his singing voice in the shower, misses his squeaking giggles as he watches compilations of kids being cute on YouTube, misses the cute little dance he sometimes does when he’s washing dishes, hopping from foot to foot to keep himself entertained. Hell, he misses Taehyung’s cooking.
(And, fuck, he never thought he’d ever admit something like that.)
After ten days, Jeongguk is done with being meek and he’s done with watching Taehyung escape out of the doorway just as Jeongguk leaves his bedroom in the morning. So, he deals with it in the only way he knows how: indirectly and by being a brat.
He sees his opportunity during one of the rare moments that Taehyung is actually at the dorm. He’s on the phone, his voice deep and serious, and Jeongguk gathers from the context that he’s talking to that American scout. It’s probably a time that Jeongguk should not bother him, but he’s tired of being avoided and Taehyung had told him that he wasn’t going to take the offer anyway.
He walks over to the couch where Taehyung is sitting back, legs spread and taking up as much room as possible, and really, it’s like he’s asking for it at this point. His eyes flicker up to Jeongguk standing before him and he waves his hands in a 'hello' gesture before pointing to his phone as though Jeongguk hadn’t realised he was pre-occupied.
Oh, he realised.
Taehyung isn’t great at focussing on two things at once so it takes him a moment to acknowledge Jeongguk dropping to his knees before him. When he does he snaps to attention, gawking at Jeongguk as he slides his hands along his inner thighs. Taehyung hisses quietly, shoving Jeongguk’s hands away with his free one. The younger quickly replaces the touch, leaning in with his head to nuzzle his cheek against the ever-present bulge in Taehyung’s sweatpants.
“Guk,” Taehyung covers the receiver and holds his phone at arms-length, “what the fuck are you doing? I’m on the phone- Oh! No, sir,” his voice suddenly raises an octave, brightly and cheerfully saying, “I’m still here, please continue.”
Jeongguk presses his face up against Taehyung’s soft cock, easily distinguishable through the loose fabric. Taehyung is pushing his head and trying to close his legs, but Jeongguk holds his thighs down, calling on his strength advantage to aid him on his quest. The older man makes a strangled noise when Jeongguk starts tonguing at his member through the fabric. He feels it twitch to life beneath his touch, the now-wet clothing shifting as Taehyung’s cock starts to harden.
Once again, Taehyung pushes at his head, holding the phone away and whispering, “I’m talking to a fucking scout, you moron, quit it.” He pulls the phone back to his ear, brows furrowed angrily and he looks so hot when he’s mad that Jeongguk only moans as he reaches up and pulls the fabric down, grasping at the hardening flesh and lifting the tip to his mouth. He stares up at his roommate, smirking when he sees him looking up at the ceiling. He presses a soft kiss to the warm tip before he starts applying kitten licks to the head and dipping the pointed end of his tongue into the slit, tasting the saltiness and giving an exaggerated moan.
“That- oh don't worry, it's the television. Yes, sir- I- that sounds amazing and I’m so grateful for the- ah- opportunity. Really, thank you-” he pauses to take a breath in, “thank you so, so much.” Jeongguk watches him tilt his head further back, watches his throat bobbing. “I have to reject your offer unfortunately. You see sir, I- oh, I can’t afford to live in America you see.”
The other man says something and Taehyung takes the opportunity to look down. It’s a big mistake, for he’s just in time to see Jeongguk’s big, innocent eyes blinking back up at him as his lips sink down around his shaft, taking more of him into his mouth. He groans in the back of his throat, hand coming to rest in Jeongguk’s hair.
“Oh, I’m fine, sir. I was just surprised- yes, I uh, knew it was a scholarship. Ah, it just, ah- it doesn't suit me at the moment. I'm sure. I’m really sorry, but I can’t- I hope you- understand. Thank you for your time.”
Jeongguk watches with wide eyes as Taehyung instantly ends the call, cutting off the other's response, before he’s throwing the device to the other couch cushion and the hand in Jeongguk’s hair tightens.
“You bitch,” he growls out, his voice now in a familiar tone that immediately sets Jeongguk’s skin alight. “Fuck, what were you thinking? Are you really this much of a slut? You can’t even keep a cock out of your mouth for two seconds?” He presses his head down, making Jeongguk gag now as Taehyung takes over, fucking up into his mouth.
Jeongguk’s not all that great at this yet, though he has been getting plenty of practice. Still, he can’t help the way his eyes water as he tries not to retch at the tip of Tae’s cock pressing against the back of his throat. Thankfully he has already got the older student good and riled up, because it only takes a few short thrusts before he's on the edge. Jeongguk looks up once again just as Taehyung looks down and Taehyung groans and he’s coming onto Jeongguk’s tongue, moaning loudly as he does.
Jeongguk pulls off of him, tucking him back into his sweatpants and wiping his mouth as he stands back up. It takes Taehyung a few moments to recuperate so he gets up and grabs a glass of water from the tap to rinse his mouth out. When he comes back, Taehyung is leaning back on the couch, forearm thrown over his closed eyes. He flinches when Jeongguk clears his throat, immediately hopping up.
“Well, that was-"
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Taehyung snaps and now he doesn’t sound hot and domineering but just plain angry, like Jeongguk has really done something wrong. The younger cowers back as he continues on, eyes fiery. “Seriously, what the fuck, Jeongguk? Do you know how fucking important that phonecall was? And you just messed around during it? That guy probably thinks I’m a fucking pervert now!”
“Who cares?” Jeongguk frowns at him, arms crossed. He immediately feels guilty, but his indignance is stronger. “You said you weren’t planning to take the offer. What does it matter what happens now?”
“He’s still a reference! You might’ve just ruined that for me, so thanks a-fucking-lot.”
Jeongguk gapes at him. In all the days he has spent with Taehyung, he’s never seen him genuinely angry before. He can’t even recall a time he has looked annoyed, a big grin and an “ah, whatever” attitude usually his permanent get-up. He’s angry now though, face twisted into a scowl, lips downturned, eyes blazing. It’s intimidating as hell and Jeongguk is pretty sure he could take Taehyung in a fight, but the notion of fighting someone who is usually so… soft… He can’t stomach the idea.
“I… I’m sorry. I just thought-”
“No, Jeongguk, you didn’t think. I don’t think you ever think, do you?” Taehyung throws his hands in the air. “Just grow up, would you? This is the adult world. You can’t keep acting like a high school kid. People are trying to get jobs here. Just because you’re a freshman with zero fucks to give, doesn’t mean the rest of us are, okay?”
Jeongguk feels his face go blank, his mind shut down. He nods slowly while the older student seethes across the room from him. He doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything when Taehyung swivels on his heel and storms into his room, slamming the door.
Well, that didn’t go how he planned.
Jeongguk collapses onto the couch, head tilted back as he stares at the ceiling. He stares at the ceiling, counting the mould spots on the paint. He gets to three before they all blur together.
He had planned to tease Taehyung until he snapped, yes, but not like that. He thought he would become aggressive, yes, but he thought it would be more in a ‘I’m going to bend you over this table and spank you until you cry’ way, not a ‘I’m going to yell at you until you cry’ way. He just wanted some attention, damn it. He hates this situation, hates how needy he has apparently become. Here he is, a grown adult, desperate for someone to want him, to show that they need him. Except it’s not just someone, it's just Taehyung. He didn't realise how nice it was to have Taehyung wanting him until he didn't anymore.
He’s pretty convinced that Taehyung is never going to speak to him again at this point, except he can hear a door clicking open behind him and he sinks further into the couch like that will hide him, but Taehyung has already padded over to stand behind him.
“Jeongguk?” His voice is soft and tentative.
Jeongguk makes a noise of acknowledgment except it comes out more like a sob and Taehyung is in front of him in a flash, grabbing his hands before they can cover his face.
“Hey, hey! Don’t cry. Shit.” He wipes his thumbs under Jeongguk’s eyes, pulling him to sit up so that he can wrap an arm around him, sitting beside him. “Listen, ignore everything I just said. I was being an idiot. I don’t give a fuck about that call, really. I don’t think the guy noticed anything anyway. I’m a pretty good actor! So, don’t worry about that, okay?” When he doesn’t respond, he presses, “Jeongguk?”
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Jeongguk’s voice comes out like a growl, angry at himself for breaking down like this. Taehyung must think it’s directed at him though, because he flinches, arm slipping off of his back. “What did I do wrong? Let me fix it, please.”
“Jeongguk, I haven’t-”
“Oh, come on,” and maybe he is a little angry at Taehyung, because he stands up and turns to glare at him, only just now noticing Taehyung's red-rimmed eyes, “you might be a good actor but you’re a shitty liar. You’re never here anymore. I don’t remember the last time you cooked us breakfast and I actually fucking miss waking up to smoke and wondering what stupid thing you’ve done now. What the fuck did I do, Tae? I just want you to come back.”
Taehyung blinks up at him, mouth open, before he laughs drily and rubs a hand down his face.
“I’ve been a dickhead, haven’t I?"
“Yeah, you have." Jeongguk crosses his arms. "Why?”
“Probably. Can you just tell me? Instead of avoiding me?” Taehyung looks down at his twiddling fingers. “Come on, Tae! We’re…” he trails off because he was about to say ‘friends’ but at this point he’s not sure the label is appropriate. It feels like they might be something more, the question being, what? He settles for, “I don’t know what the fuck we are, okay, but we’re something and I hate how you won’t even look at me anymore.”
“It’s just… you’re going to be mad at me. But when- what happened last time…” he trails off, deep voice growing quiet and meek, his usual confidence absent.
“You’re upset about that?” Jeongguk tilts his head, eyes wide. “Seriously?”
Taehyung’s cheeks are turning red and he shakes his head, saying, “I have this weird reputation on this campus that I don't even know how I got. I slept with a few people and all of a sudden I'm the meanest dom on the block." He sighs, shaking his head. "I'm just a kid. I'm still figuring all of this out. I just know that I like sex and I like it rough, but that's all. I'm not some amazing sex god like people think I am and it shows because I can't even look after you, Jeongguk. You, the person I care about the most at this fucking university." He makes a desperate little noise, like he's in pain, bows his head and says, "I just don’t want to hurt you, Jeongguk. I hated that, hated seeing you upset like that. I said one word. What if I’d said something worse? Or what if I slip up and say it again? What if we’re doing something, acting out a scene and I remind you of what happened to you. It's totally plausible. I can't control myself when I get into that mindset. I just say shit and don't even think about how it might affect you until it's too late. I just... I don’t want to upset you anymore than I already have.”
Jeongguk watches him, watches him staring down at the floor.
“But Tae," he starts, choosing his words carefully, "I’m upset now.” Jeongguk takes a leaf out of Taehyung's book, placing his fingers under his chin, tilting his head back. He hears how Taehyung’s breath catches in his throat, seeing the way his eyes open wide. “You avoiding me upsets me a lot more than that stupid little word did. That moment made me panic and it made me scared, sure. But right now I just feel like pure shit. I feel like you don't care about me, I feel like I'm all alone in this dorm when you're not here with me. Yes, that word made me remember something horrible that happened, but that’s all that that day is to me now. A bad memory. But,” he falters for just a moment and Taehyung leans forward into his fingers, listening keenly when he continues, “you’re special to me, Tae, and I hate not talking to you or spending time with you. It's not just the sex that I miss, but everything. Please, don’t avoid me anymore.”
He removes his hand and Taehyung collapses back onto the couch. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Jeongguk, tired of all of this nothing, climbs into his lap and even in his confusion, Taehyung automatically puts his hands to his waist.
“Why were you crying?” Jeongguk asks softly, thumbing underneath his swollen eyes.
“I- I just can’t believe that I spoke to you like that just now." Taehyung's cheeks burn red. "I didn’t mean to get so angry, I was just projecting. I’m sorry, Guk.”
Jeongguk silences him with a kiss.
It’s an impulsive decision, not planned out in the slightest. Even he questions what he’s doing as he leans down and presses his lips to Taehyung’s. They just looked so inviting, pursed together as Taehyung apologised, wet when he swiped his tongue out over them. Jeongguk couldn’t resist.
Taehyung makes a strangled noise, but in seconds he’s kissing back fervently, passionately, lips sliding hungrily over Jeongguk’s like it’s all he has ever wanted to do and Jeongguk can barely keep up, can just barely contain the moan and the back of his throat as his head grows swampy. It becomes too intense, too quickly, so he pulls away, breathing heavily.
“Have we… Have we done that before?”
“No,” Taehyung admits, licking his lips.
“Oh.” Jeongguk scratches the back of his head. “Well, it doesn’t have to mean anything, right?”
Taehyung grimaces. Jeongguk wants to apologise immediately, but the older man forces a smile onto his face. “Of course not, Gukkie.”
“It’s okay, Jeongguk.” Taehyung’s hands tighten around his waist. “I’m a big boy, remember?”
Jeongguk stares into his eyes, vision flicking from one to the other with how close there are. He breathes out, “Can we continue what we were doing the other day?”
Taehyung stares at him for a long moment, then murmurs, “Can you do me a favour? Just a one time thing, I promise.”
“Can we do it normally? No name-calling, no spanking.” He sounds weak, voice quiet. “Just sex… just the once?”
“This isn’t because of what happened, is it?” Jeongguk bristles, pinching his brows. “You don’t need to go easy on me. I’m not a baby, I can-”
“No, Jeongguk. It isn’t because of that. I promise.”
Taehyung looks him in the eyes when he speaks, gaze unwavering and saying much more than their mouths ever could. Jeongguk nods.
It’s different and not just because it’s not as kinky. It seems more passionate, more desperate as Taehyung straddles Jeongguk like he had the other day. It seems more raw, more intense as Taehyung lifts himself onto his cock, sliding down to the hilt and panting for breath as he lies down. It seems more emotional, more spiritual when Taehyung captures Jeongguk’s lips for his own, swallowing his cries with his tongue.
It’s the most vulnerable Jeongguk has ever felt, even more vulnerable than when he’d crawled on his knees for Taehyung, than when he’d been tied to the bed and kept helpless for hours.
It’s the best sex they’ve ever had and it leaves Jeongguk more confused than ever before.
Chapter 6: The First Step To Recovery
Jeongguk has never known addiction. His mother used to tell him he was addicted to “those ex-boxing games, or whatever they’re called” when he would spend hours after school, sometimes even before school, staring at the pixelated animations on his console screen. He knew she was only being over-dramatic, told her so himself. He’s not the type to become addicted so easily, to crave something.
Taehyung’s kisses are addictive. Or rather, kissing Taehyung. Jeongguk likes to think he has enough self-control to pull himself out before he is in too deep, but this time- this time it's already too late. He is addicted. It’s the only way to describe the need, the urge to stand up from the couch when Taehyung walks into the dorm after a class, the driving hunger inside of him that forces him to walk over, grab him by the cheeks and press his lips against his own.
The first time he does it must have been completely out of left field, even though he himself has been thinking about doing it all day, because Taehyung doesn’t respond, only stands frozen in the doorway with an expression that screams, ‘Am I dreaming?’ mixed with, ‘What the actual fuck just happened?’ Jeongguk, wrought with embarrassment, had just laughed at his expression and then walked away, all the while telling himself that he would never, ever do that again.
But then come the withdrawals, the insatiable itch that makes him do the exact seem thing at the same time on the day after that. Taehyung is just as surprised, but not as unresponsive, dropping his things on the floor so that he can pull Jeongguk in close to him. He kisses him so deeply that Jeongguk bends at the waist, Taehyung following him in what feels like a kiss straight out of Nicholas Sparks' wildest fantasies, but probably looks like a writhing, moaning mess of limbs and tongues. Something about the interaction makes Jeongguk feel like he’s high, makes his head light where it normally gets heavy, makes his skin tingle wherever Taehyung's palms linger, makes his fingers twitchy if they aren’t threaded through the other's flaxen locks. Jeongguk had dropped to his knees and blown him right there at the door, still ajar where he had walked through it, unable to hold himself back.
It is not many days after that one, that he decides he may have a problem. An addiction, a weakness, a dependency. A problem. It’s not a problem he is rushing to address though, no consequences having arisen just yet, or so he thinks.
Another morning, another day of rousing to a questionable aroma. Jeongguk wakes up smiling and has to fight to keep his face straight as he walks out of his room.
“What is it this time?” He speaks through a yawn as he wanders over, rubbing his eyes.
“Pikelets. You know, mini pancakes. I don’t know how they’re any different from regular pancakes. But look,” Taehyung turns around, holding up a bowl, “I made whipped cream. A lot of it.”
“That’s…” Jeongguk can’t get his words out, laughter winning him over as he takes in Taehyung’s appearance. “How- how do you manage- oh my god!”
Taehyung looks down at his clothes – he’s covered in flecks of whipped cream and Jeongguk can just picture him with the mixer, shrieking as cream flies all over the place – with a carefree grin. “Cooking is art, Jeonggukkie. Sometimes you get a little bit messy in the process, but the results are worth it.” He pulls at his shirt, a puff of flour dusting the air as it detaches from the material.
“You- you’re amazing.” Jeongguk closes the distance between them, watching Taehyung’s soft smile slipping off of his face as he leans in to kiss his cheek in a move that he tells himself is teasing and not awfully domestic. “Seriously,” he says as he wraps his arms around him, “I don’t know anyone like you.”
Taehyung gives him a funny look. Jeongguk blinks owlishly back at him.
Taehyung turns the fry pan off and Jeongguk knows exactly what that means.
“You know,” Taehyung’s voice has deepened and it sends an anticipatory shiver racing over Jeongguk’s skin, “I made extra whipped cream for a reason.”
“Food sex? Really?” Jeongguk laughs, but his voice is airy and he knows it. “How clichéd can you get?”
“Get onto the couch, brat.”
“This is going to be so messy, Tae,” Jeongguk pouts, not moving. “Do you know how bad whipped cream smells after three weeks of being trapped down a couch cushion? Can we please not?"
“You’ve gotten bold,” Taehyung observes. He grabs Jeongguk by the jaw, grip tight. “I don’t like it. Do I need to whip you into shape? Show you your place?"
Jeongguk grins, cheeks smushing in Taehyung's grip. He wrenches his head away, dancing back out of his hold. “Maybe you do.”
“Brat,” Taehyung smirks. “I always knew you were one. You’ve got that look in your eyes.”
“Gross. Why do you have to talk like we're on the set of a bad porno?” Jeongguk giggles as Taehyung stalks towards him. He looks ridiculous, arrogant smirk well and truly present, but decorated with smudges of pancake batter with flour in his hair. Still, though, Jeongguk backs away as he comes towards him. He knows by now that Taehyung doesn’t give empty threats and because of this his insides are twisting in eagerness.
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung growls out, putting the bowl of whipped cream down by the couch, “sit down. Now.”
Jeongguk smirks as he does so, crossing his legs, arms behind his head, cocky aura well in effect. Taehyung runs his tongue along his teeth, huffing out a laughing breath before he turns and disappears.
Jeongguk pouts. “Where are you going?”
“Shush, baby,” Taehyung calls as he disappears into his room. Jeongguk shifts, restless. He turns around and leans over the back of the couch, peering into Taehyung's darkened bedroom and watching him moving around beyond the door before he eventually comes back through it.
“What’s that?” Jeongguk asks, voice strained because he knows exactly what that is as Taehyung strides back into the lounge, swinging a riding crop slowly through the air.
“Well, you said I need to whip you into shape, didn’t you?” Jeongguk’s throat constricts as he watches Taehyung’s fingers trailing over the black leather, running from the thick handle all the way to the tip, eyes on Jeongguk the entire time.
“I- I didn’t mean it…”
“Oh, but of course you did, Gukkie.” Taehyung’s voice is thick with sardonicism, eyes narrowing as he continues, “You know better than I do what you need, don’t you? Hold onto the top of the couch and bend over.”
Jeongguk drops his head, already feeling overwhelmed when nothing has happened. He regrets his teasing now and yet he doesn’t because he knows that Taehyung will look after him, that he’ll only do what he knows Jeongguk will enjoy. He knows Taehyung and so he shudders as he moves to do as he’s told.
“Good boy.” Taehyung's hand trails down over his ass, smoothing it over his sweatpants and squeezing. Jeongguk holds still. He’s learning, learning what Taehyung likes.
“Am I going to be punished?” He looks over his shoulders, fluttering his eyelashes. He tries to hide his smirk at Taehyung’s strained expression. He wiggles his ass, emboldened once again. Taehyung clicks his tongue.
“You’re really testing my patience, baby.” He reaches up to the hem of Jeongguk’s sweats, yanking them down to his knees. “You’re going to regret this in a moment.”
“Yeah?” Jeongguk breathes out as his underwear is removed as well, bare skin tingling where Taehyung traces his fingers over it.
“Yeah." Taehyung pats his ass lightly, almost like a dog. "You know I'm going to say some things, but it's all part of the act, right? I'm going to hit you with this. You'll use your colours if it hurts too much, won't you, baby?”
"God, Tae," Jeongguk presses his ass back into his waiting palm, "just get onto it."
The whip comes down, hard and without mercy. Jeongguk cries out, so loud he doesn’t hear the thwack as the crop hits his skin, doesn’t hear Taehyung’s hiss as he watches a red line forming immediately over the younger boy’s pert bottom.
“Fuck,” Jeongguk mutters, the stinging burn across his skin making him bite his lip.
“Does it hurt, baby?” Taehyung presses the crop to his skin, tracing it across his ass, teasing him. Jeongguk holds his breath, stubborn pride making him want to hold back, not give Taehyung everything just yet. This time Jeongguk is expecting the crack of the whip and he hears it ring out through the dorm, the wallop of leather against flesh. He jolts forward, yelp escaping his lips. “I can’t hear you, Guk.”
“Yes,” Jeongguk whines. “It fucking hurts, Tae, what do you expect?”
“Cheeky boy,” Taehyung chuckles and Jeongguk looks back in time to see the whip raised back over his shoulder before it comes down over his cheeks, harder than both of the previous strikes and Jeongguk knows that Tae isn’t going easy on him anymore. “I wonder how many,” he lifts the crop again, smacks it down on his other cheek, “hits it will take,” again in the same spot, Jeongguk whimpering, muscles flexing, “until you give up your little act.”
Obstinacy helps Jeongguk to look back, wiggle his ass and say with a voice that is just barely steady, “At least a few more.”
Taehyung, eyes alight, grabs Jeongguk by the hair and yanks him back until he’s pulled up against Taehyung’s body. He cries out at the tugging pain of his scalp. It, coupled with the lingering sting of his ass, makes him wonder if he has perhaps bitten off more than he can chew.
“I see that you’ve grown confident in your role, Gukkie. I have to say, I’m rather proud.” Taehyung's fist tightens in his raven locks, jostling his head back against Taehyung's shoulder, lips moving against his ear as he rasps, “But I’ve been going easy on you, baby. I think you’re ready for more.”
Jeongguk wants to moan, wants to say, “Fucking finally,” but he doesn’t get the chance. Taehyung shoves him away from him, brings the crop down on his ass a few more times for good measure and then leaves him writhing at the pain.
Jeongguk observes through half-lidded eyes when Taehyung walks back with the bondage cuffs, two sets this time.
“You know, this was going to be such a nice time.” Taehyung sets the crop down on the table by the forgotten bowl of whipped cream, the stiff peaks now melting as they come to room temperature. “I was going to lick this off of you, put it all over you so that I could make you feel so good.” Jeongguk holds his breath as Taehyung kneels down in front of him, grabs his ankles and violently hauls his legs apart. “Was gonna rub it all over your cock and then suck it off,” he murmurs as he pulls Jeongguk’s pants and underwear all the way off, wraps the cuff around one of his ankles and then attaches it to the bottom leg of the couch. “Was gonna eat you out too.” His voice almost takes on a forlorn tone as he finishes strapping the other leg down, looking up into Jeongguk’s eyes and saying, “I was looking forward to having your little hole clenching around my tongue, you know.”
Jeongguk moans, hips bucking as Taehyung tightens everything down, legs spread and arms soon to be immobilised as Taehyung takes his shirt off and then pulls his hands behind his back.
“Tae… Please.” But Jeongguk doesn’t even know what he’s asking for at this point, doesn’t know if he wants Taehyung to do what he just said or punish him like he’s obviously about to. He wants both, wants everything that Taehyung is willing to give him, wants Taehyung.
“No.” The aforementioned man picks up the crop again, standing over him. “You can beg all you like, but the answer is no. I need you to learn that I won’t be tolerating your brattiness anymore.”
“No more talking.” Taehyung hisses, holding the tip of the crop up to his lips, effectively shutting him up. He glares at Jeongguk for a moment and then says, “Colour?” Jeongguk stares at him, breath coming out in heavy gasps as Taehyung lowers the crop. He smiles softly, whispers, "God you're so perfect," leaning down and surprising Jeongguk with a kiss. It only serves to further cloud his judgment, make him forget that he shouldn't be wanting Taehyung, his friend. Against his lips, Tae whispers, “Jeonggukkie, what’s your colour?”
“I- Uh… Green. It’s green.”
The whip smites his chest, right on his left nipple with shocking precision. Jeongguk can only arch his back, crying out in pain as a line forms over the sensitive skin. Taehyung’s smile is gone in an instant, soft tone now absent as he narrows his eyes.
“You’re so loud, baby.” There’s another resounding whack as the leather hits his other nipple, Jeongguk hissing and pulling at his restraints. “Do you want everyone to know what’s going on in here?” Again, whack, the other nipple again, the bud still growing red from the last strike. “I bet you do, don’t you? Bet you’d get off if you knew people could hear you crying.” Whack, his left nipple once more, now almost numb from the heat. “Bet you’d love them hearing how much of a slut you are.” Taehyung’s growling voice goes straight to his cock, sitting hard and leaking against his stomach. Jeongguk snivels, abs tensing as the leather slowly trails down over them, towards his cock. His head might be swampy, his brain might be hazy, but he still realises what’s about to happen with stunning clarity.
“No, no, Tae!” He writhes as best as he can with the cuffs holding him down, hips bucking, cock flopping against his skin as he struggles to get away from the teasing touch of the leather. “Please.”
“Please? You want me to hit you here?” Taehyung smiles down at him, eyes glinting. “Gosh, you are a masochist, Gukkie.”
“No.” Jeongguk elongates the vowel, groaning in desperation. “Please, no, Tae.”
“Aw, but I thought you wanted me to punish you.” Taehyung fakes a pout, words laden with sarcasm. “That’s why you were acting up, wasn’t it? You want me to help you learn your lesson?” He traces the tip of the crop up and down his cock, over the sensitive head, slick with pre-come. Over the shaft, which twitches at the feather-light touch and then down, down over his balls.
“I have learnt it, I promise!” Jeongguk’s voice must raise two octaves as Taehyung taps the leather lightly against the sensitive flesh. “I promise, I’ll be good, I won’t answer back. I swear, Tae, please!”
“Hm, but how can I trust you? You haven’t proved you’ve learnt anything to me. I need you to prove it.”
“I- I can prove it. I’ll do anything, please!”
“Hm,” Taehyung pulls the whip back, looks at the ceiling as though he’s thinking twice. Jeongguk’s stomach untenses but, “too late!”
“Fuck!” Tears immediately spring to his eyes as the whip comes down over his balls. The strike doesn’t make nearly as much noise as any of the previous hits, Taehyung probably not exerting nearly as much force, and yet it hurts more than all of them combined. Jeongguk writhes, desperate for this to end now. The pain is too much, not worth the satisfaction of annoying Taehyung with his whining. “Please!”
Again, the crop comes down, once more leaving him writhing and Jeongguk sobs, eyes squeezed shut as tremors spread through his body.
“Look at how hard your little cock is.” Taehyung uses the end of the whip to lift his erection, watching it ooze pre-come onto his abdomen. “Could you imagine if everyone saw you like this? How submissive the big and strong playboy Jeongguk really is.”
Jeongguk can’t even get his mouth to form Taehyung’s name anymore, can only emit pitiable whines as he cries. Another whack comes, this time over the shaft itself. Pain spreads to his limbs like ripples in a still pond, ebbing and flowing and making him dizzy. Taehyung reaches down, large hand holding Jeongguk's throbbing erection up as he flicks the black tongue firmly over the head then uses the thinnest part of the whip to rub roughly along his slit, making his head snap back sharply. He misses the way Taehyung licks the crop, eyes clenched so tightly shut that he starts to see flashes of colour behind his lids.
“You want me to stop, Guk?” Taehyung trails the tip down his quivering thigh.
“Please,” he pants out. “It- it hurts."
“Fine,” Taehyung nods and puts the crop down, “but you’re getting me off for all the trouble you gave me.”
Jeongguk only nods and opens his mouth as Taehyung pulls his head forward, unzipping his pants. His hard cock comes into view and the lust Jeongguk feels has his head swimming, the edges of his vision blurring. He leans forward, tongue snaking out to lick the slit, but Taehyung’s other hand holds him by the forehead, stopping him.
“Uh uh, you think I’m going to let you have any fun after all of that?” He threads his hands through his hair and yanks his head back, similar to how he was holding himself earlier. The pain is nothing compared to the stinging Jeongguk feels all over his skin, only gritting his teeth as a response. “Open your mouth and breathe through your nose. Gonna fuck your throat, little Guk.”
Jeongguk would be embarrassed by the gurgling noise he makes as he obeys, but he’s too far gone at this point, can focus on nothing but Taehyung’s cock as it comes closer, slides over his tongue and fills his mouth. He hears the groan of pleasure that Tae lets out and it makes him happy, makes him think that all of the pain was worth it if it means that Taehyung is content.
His hair gripped tightly, head held in place, Taehyung works up to a quick rhythm, hips pressing forward in shallow thrusts that warm up Jeongguk's throat. He has been practicing his blowjobs plenty, but he still can’t help his sensitive gag reflex and he retches as the head of Tae’s cock hits his uvula. Tae doesn’t give in, ignoring his heaving as he begins thrusting in earnest.
It doesn’t take Taehyung long to come, thankfully, pulling back after just a minute of thrusting and jerking his cock off onto Jeongguk’s face and chest. Jeongguk slumps back under the hold of his restraints, chest rising and falling as he fights to recover his breath.
He hears shuffling and clicking and then his limbs are free and Taehyung is pulling him up.
“You did so well, baby. So good.” He wipes some of the cum off of his mouth and then kisses him. It brings some of Jeongguk’s energy back, has him perking up enough to follow Taehyung’s lips as he goes to pull back, bringing his hand up to hold his head in place as he traces his tongue out over Taehyung’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. Taehyung chuckles as he regretfully pulls away. “I know you learnt your lesson, didn’t you, baby?” He can only nod, pouting as he eyes up Taehyung’s mouth, not understanding why it's no longer on his own. “You want to come, pretty boy? How would you like it?”
“Don’t care,” Jeongguk scratches out, not bothering to clear his throat. “Please, just kiss me.”
Taehyung smiles so widely that Jeongguk feels it light up his very soul and he reaches up to pull him down the rest of the way, leaning forward to connect their lips again. Taehyung’s tongue slides over his just as Jeongguk feels his hand brushing over his chest, collecting some of the cum sliding over his skin before wrapping his fingers around Jeongguk’s cock.
He moans into their kiss, brain exploding with the combination of the pleasure and pain. The pleasure of the lovely slide of skin over the tip of his length, the pain as the sensitive, bruising skin is pulled and tugged at. That combined with the light show he sees as Taehyung’s lips press into his are enough to have him coming in seconds, whining into the elder’s mouth, biting down on his lip because he needs some sort of outlet as he shakes apart.
He has to let his head fall back after his orgasm passes, too tired to carry on as much as he would love to be able to continue. Taehyung is gone in moments but Jeongguk knows he’ll come back. He’ll always come back and take care of him.
“You did amazing. So good.” The gentle stroking of a washcloth over him punctuates Taehyung's soft voice. “I’m so proud of you, Guk.”
“I did- I did well?”
There is the clicking of a cap and then Taehyung is rubbing something cool and soothing into his skin, all over his body, over each of the red marks. He instructs Jeongguk to turn over and then answers, “Yes, Guk, so well,” as he rubs the ointment over his ass.
“I wasn’t bad?”
Taehyung chuckles as he nudges Jeongguk to roll back over on the couch, pressing kisses to his shoulders, pecking along the skin. “You were a little bad.” Jeongguk pouts, sad at the thought, but Taehyung only smiles as he reaches up to stroke his hair. “I’m just joking, babe. You were perfect.”
Like that they sit, Taehyung moving next to Jeongguk and holding him tightly as he comes down from his headspace. Jeongguk feels exhausted, like he has just woken up to an intense hangover, but like a mindreader Taehyung is massaging his temples, kissing the back of his hair.
“Tae,” Jeongguk grabs his hand, squeezing it, “thank you.”
Taehyung giggles as he squeezes back. “What’s this? A dom like you thanking me for whipping you?”
“Shut up,” Jeongguk says in retaliation, voice starting to regain its usual cadence. He pauses and then, “Maybe I was wrong about that.”
“Wrong about what, Gukkie?”
“Shut up,” he growls again, lazily punching at Taehyung’s arm. “You know what I mean.”
“I want to hear you say it.” Taehyung smiles but there isn’t any malice or teasing in his expression, so Jeongguk sighs and says,
“I was wrong. About being a dom. I don’t think… I guess I’m not one."
He expects some mocking or some laughter or at least a teasing grin, but instead Taehyung's eyes show a sorrowful shine, a small frown making his brows turn inward. “You know," he starts, voice quiet, "you really don’t have to worry about labels. I was never trying to force you to see yourself as a sub or force you to be a submissive person.” Taehyung cups his face, rubs his thumbs over his cheek and smiles at Jeongguk's big, unblinking eyes. “You can be anything you want to be. You can still be a dom. You just need to be with the right person.”
Jeongguk feels like he has just been punched in the face, spluttering, dizzy, confused as he pushes Taehyung away from his face. “What- I- Then why were you always going on about how I was a sub? That I was wrong?”
“I guess I was being a little bit selfish,” Taehyung hums reflectively. “I just knew that you would make a great sub. You’ve got the personality of one. I suppose I secretly hoped that I was right.” He looks off to the side, frowns to himself. "I just knew you were new to all of this stuff and that you probably had the wrong idea about how domming and subbing work. I didn't mean for it to become like this, but I'm not complaining."
Jeongguk smiles, shrugging. “You were right, though. I really like this.” He gestures between the two of them. “I like this feeling, like having someone to look after me. Feels nice.”
Taehyung tilts his head to the side. “Then…” he takes a deep breath, “why don’t you become my sub? Officially?”
“Huh?” Jeongguk mimics his head tilt, confusion colouring his features. “What do you mean? You mean like…”
“Like a permanent dom/sub relationship.” Taehyung’s eyes have taken on a serious gleam, maybe even a little bit of hope shining in the back. But Jeongguk shakes his head.
“But this isn’t a serious thing, right? Why would we…” He watches Taehyung’s face fall and panics. “I mean- We aren’t- Tae, I don’t…”
“It’s not like I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.” Taehyung says defensively, sitting back, lips pinched together. “It’s not about that.”
Jeongguk blushes, stomach flipping. “No, no, I know that, I just- I thought you were just teaching me. Like, so I could apply what I learnt. Get better at sex, remember?”
“Yeah, that was like once.” Taehyung scoffs as he remembers. “It didn’t even go very well, in case you don’t recall.”
Jeongguk scowls. “I remember just fine. It’s what led to me being assaulted.” Taehyung flinches back, but his quickly rearranges his features to a more calm expression. Jeongguk still notices and he quickly says, "I'm not- I wasn't implying that it was your fault. Oh my god, Tae, that came out wrong."
“Relax, I know what you meant." But Taehyung’s tone is sour. "Yeah, it did lead to that, Jeongguk. And yet here we are. I don’t see you going out and applying what you’ve learnt any longer. Do you really still think of this as lessons? Seriously? Or is it something else?”
Jeongguk squints at him. “What are you implying?”
“I’m just saying, Jeongguk. Think about it. This was like a weird friends-with-benefits thing at first, but now…"
“Tae, don’t get the wrong idea.” Jeongguk swallows, trying to pick the right words, not wanting to hurt his friend. “I don’t have feelings for you.”
Taehyung stares at him for a moment. “You sure about that, chief?”
“Course.” Jeongguk’s hackles start to rise. “I’m pretty sure I know what I feel.”
“You thought you were a dom for a solid six months, buddy. No offense, but you aren’t the smartest cookie I’ve ever met.”
Jeongguk growls as he pushes forward off of the couch, suddenly realising his own nakedness with a flash of hot embarrassment that has him shoving past Taehyung to look for his clothes.
“I don’t care. I know what I want, Taehyung. Don’t let your crush on me make you think there is something there that isn’t. You’re my roommate, my friend. Nothing more.” He pulls his sweats on in quick, jerky movements, not seeing Taehyung’s wounded expression. “I haven’t been applying what I’ve learnt because I haven’t had a chance to. The reality is that I will go out with someone else one day. When that happens I need to know you'll be prepared. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Taehyung stares at him as he pulls his top on over his head. He sighs, looking away. Jeongguk watches, concerned, as he turns back with a wide grin suddenly adorning his features.
“Course, Guk. I know you’re a big boy and you’re still learning all of this stuff. Don’t worry,” he comes to stand in front of him, putting his hands on his shoulders, “I wasn’t being serious. I just thought you might like a dom and sub agreement, that’s all. But if you’re going out to find other people, then that’s good for you. I’m proud of you.”
Jeongguk stares at him, suspicion heavy in his frown. “Are you sure that you’re okay with this?”
“Of course I am!” Taehyung grins and there doesn’t seem to be anything fake about the gesture, so Jeongguk relaxes.
“Good. Good, that’s good. Shit, I was worried for a second there.”
“No need, Guk. I don’t even really have a crush on you anymore, to be honest.”
Jeongguk sees Taehyung shrug and immediately pouts. “Why not?”
Taehyung laughs, shoving him lightly. “Greedy, much? I don’t know, it sort of faded. I guess once you have sex with someone the magic dies a little. That’s good though, it makes things easier.”
“Oh, I- Okay.” Jeongguk nods as Taehyung starts to walk away. “That’s uh- good.”
“Mmhmm. Anyway, I’ve got to finish this breakfast.” He peers into his pan and sighs. “I really need to learn to control myself. How many times have I had to ruin perfectly good food just so I can mess around with you? Too many times, I tell you!”
“Tae…” Jeongguk ignores his opportunity to make fun of Taehyung’s cooking, ignores the opportunity to change the subject. Taehyung hears his voice wavering and turns around immediately.
“What? Are you okay? Is it the welts? Do you need more ointment?"
“No, no.” Jeongguk waves his hands in the air, making Taehyung falter as he had immediately made a move to check on him. “No, I’m fine. I just- are we still going to… you know?”
“Still going to mess around?” Jeongguk looks down at his fingers, pressing them together, cheeks heating up. “I- I know I just said… but it’s not like I’m looking for a relationship so it’d be okay if we still, you know, did stuff, right? We can still, I mean, you can still… if you want to.”
Taehyung laughs as he comes back to stand in front of him.
“Such a cute little boy. Just say you want to fuck still, Guk. It’s a lot quicker.”
“Sh-Shut up.” Jeongguk grasps at Taehyung’s shirt, pulling him close and pressing his face to his chest. Taehyung coos and pats his head.
“Cutie. Now stop being so adorable. I really want to cook these pikelets. They’re the ones, Guk, I can feel it.”
“Okay, but just…” Jeongguk pulls Taehyung down by the shirt, leans across to connect their lips.
Taehyung turns his head to the side at the last moment, Jeongguk's lips pressing into his cheek.
Wide-eyed, hurt, he reels back and stutters out, "You- what?"
“Ah, Guk,” Taehyung turns back with a sheepish expression. “We probably shouldn’t.”
“Wha- why?” Jeongguk pouts. “We did it before!”
“I know, but kissing is a little more serious, don’t you think? Now that we know what we both want, it’s probably better if we refrained from that. Let’s keep this casual, hey?” He pats his head again, ignoring how Jeongguk flinches under the seemingly cold gesture. He grins and says, “Kissing is intimate. You wouldn’t want to fall in love with me, now would you?”
Something about his tone, his mocking, arrogant smirk, has Jeongguk bristling and he stomps his foot, snapping, “That’s impossible.”
“Course.” Taehyung then grabs him by the shoulders and spins him around. “Now seriously, fuck off. I wanna cook these pikelets and I can’t have you distracting me. Go shower, little boy.” He smacks Jeongguk’s ass as he pushes him away, laughing as Jeongguk hisses and clutches at the sensitive skin.
“Asshole,” he mutters as heads to the bathroom.
Once he’s under the warm water, his skin crying out as the raw flesh protests the heat, he sighs. He is relieved of course, relieved that he and Taehyung have finally spoken about the thing that has been troubling Jeongguk since day one of this whole fiasco: what are they? He has his answer now. They’re friends, nothing more. There isn’t any need to complicate the matter further.
Still, as Jeongguk looks at himself in the mirror, at the welts and bruises on his skin, he wonders what it means when he can’t picture anyone else leaving their mark on him but Tae.
It’s at a party, of course, when it becomes evident to Jeongguk that he has messed up. Really, he knew it the moment Taehyung turned back to him with that grin. He isn't as oblivious as Taehyung seems to think he is. He realises that he has hurt Taehyung and it only makes him hate himself because he never should have done this, never should have gotten involved with Taehyung when he knew there were unrequited feelings at play. He's a bad friend, he realises with a pang in his heart. A bad friend and an even worse person because he still continues messing around with him even though he is sure Taehyung was lying about not liking him anymore.
Jeongguk is pouting into his cup as he thinks about this. It's lemonade in the cup, but he wishes it were something stronger. He's at the first party he has attended since his assault and despite his desire to forget his current problems, he just can't stomach the idea of drinking tonight. Looking at the red solo cups has his heart racing, terrified that if he drinks something he’ll end up in a similar situation. It’s fine, being sober is okay. It makes the bass more headache-inducing than it is stimulating and means that Jeongguk has to breathe in the sickly-sweet stench of liquor on other people’s breaths, but that’s okay.
Taehyung left him almost the moment they walked in the door. He has been doing that a lot lately: disappearing. It's not like before when he avoided Jeongguk outright, but is rather a cold detachedness that makes Jeongguk want to bash his skull against the nearest wall because it is all his fault that he feels like this. He should never have slept with Taehyung in the first place, yes, but more importantly, he should never have kissed him. He did though, he has had his taste and now he wants nothing more than to do it again, terrified that he'll forget the feeling if he goes too long without it. Just as he has never known what it is like to be addicted to anything, so he is unaware of what it feels like to crave something when you’re trying to quit. He thinks he gets it though, thinks he understands when he sees Taehyung across the hazy room and can’t help but stare at his full lips, stretched into a smile. Can’t help but want to cross the room and touch those lips again in whatever way he can. He misses kissing him. He’ll admit that much. That doesn’t mean anything though, he tells himself.
And it doesn’t mean anything when he sees Taehyung talking to a cute guy and Jeongguk becomes nauseous despite not having had anything to drink. It doesn’t mean anything when he watches Taehyung tug the boy off of the dancefloor and rage makes him stomp his foot in a petulant move that he can't pass off as a dance move. It certainly doesn’t mean anything later, when he overhears a conversation that makes his heart ache.
“Oh my god, you would not believe who I just slept with.”
Jeongguk, who is leaning up against a wall and bored out of his mind, would ignore the slurred words, allowing them to blend in with every other drunken conversation around him, but when he glances over and sees the same boy who had gone off with Taehyung he can’t help but listen in.
“Who?” Asks his familiar, sounding just barely interested.
“What? Taehyung? The hot dom that literally everyone wants to bang, Taehyung?” The guy nods quickly. “No fucking way. Dude! You're lying! I’ve heard he’s been out of action lately. You’ve got to be lying."
“Not lying. Look.” The guy tilts his head back. Jeongguk finds himself craning to see, but the dimly lit flat leaves him squinting at nothing.
“Shit. He strangled you? Holy fuck..." The other guy takes a sip of his drink, says, "What is he, an animal?”
“It was so hot. Dude, they weren’t lying about him. He- shit!”
Jeongguk watches in disbelief as the man himself appears behind the boy, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
“What’s this about me being an animal?”
“I- I-” The boy squeaks. His friend is sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
“Cat got your tongue?” Taehyung smirks. Even from over here, it irritates Jeongguk. Makes him twitchy, makes his fingers itch, makes him want to go over there, grab him by the hand and kiss him in front of that guy so that he knows that…
“Well, this was fun.” Taehyung takes his arm off of the boy, kisses his cheek and then laughs at his expression. “Thanks for being so obedient, baby. Au revoir.” With that, Taehyung leaves the stunned boy behind with his equally as shocked friend and starts walking away from them.
Walking straight towards Jeongguk.
Jeongguk quickly looks down, heart racing, frantic as he searches for something to do, something that makes it seems like he wasn’t just watching that whole exchange from just across the room.
“Hey Guk.” Taehyung watches Jeongguk stand up from the wall like a guard standing to attention. He has a small, amused smile on his face that he removes to ask, “Enjoying the party?”
“Nope,” Jeongguk answers honestly. “This shit sucks without alcohol.”
“I couldn’t help but notice you eavesdropping on me and those guys back there.” Taehyung gestures over his shoulder.
“What? What guys? I don’t see any guys.” Jeongguk tries for a forced laugh. “Anyway, I think I’m going to go-”
“Are you jealous, Guk?” Taehyung steps towards him. Jeongguk steps back and immediately collides with the wall. Taehyung is an opportunist and so he moves closer, invading Jeongguk’s personal space, staring into his eyes as he puts one hand up next to his head. All of the steps that are required to dominate someone, Jeongguk remembers being taught. That feels like such a long time ago now.
“Jealous of what? The only thing I’m jealous of right now is everyone here who is drunk right now. Seriously, this party sucks.”
"Really? Not jealous at all?" Taehyung tilts his head towards him, breathes over his ear, "Even though I just fucked that guy?"
Jeongguk swallows. "Not even a little bit."
“Mm, that’s good. Because you have nothing to be jealous of, right?
Jeongguk can’t meet his eyes, looking down at the drink in his hand instead. “Right.”
“Is everything okay though? You look a little tense.”
“I’m fine,” Jeongguk snaps, overly defensive and he knows it. “In fact, I was just about to go hit on someone, so if you’ll excuse me.”
“Oh?” Taehyung smirks. “Who has little Jeongguk got his eye on?”
“That guy.” Jeongguk points at the first dude he sees. He’s young and good-looking enough that Jeongguk is happy to pretend that he even knew he existed ten seconds ago.
Taehyung's eyes twinkle as he follows Jeongguk's finger. “I know him,” he utters. “That’s Bogum-hyung. You’re in luck, he's a nice guy.” He pauses, licks his lips, then says, "He's a dom, too."
“How do you know that?”
“We tried to have sex once,” Taehyung admits, chuckling to himself. “Didn’t work out when we started arguing over who would sub.”
“I’m going to go and ask him on a date.”
Taehyung bursts into rather uproarious laughter that has Jeongguk seething. “I’m sorry,” he gasps, covering his mouth as his adorable squeaking laughter makes his shoulders shake. It's an effort for Jeongguk to continue frowning. “I just- you? Asking someone on a date? That’s something I never would’ve pictured happening. You’re so…”
“Fuck you.” Jeongguk puts his hand on Taehyung’s chest, pushes him aside and says, “Watch me.”
He strides towards Bogum, stubbornness helping him ignore the sudden fluctuation of nerves.
Maybe Taehyung will get jealous? Push the guy aside, shove Jeongguk against the nearest wall and- No, no, Jeongguk doesn’t want that. Should probably stop picturing it right now lest he end up with an unfortunate boner.
“Hey,” he taps the guy’s shoulder, watching him turn around. He’s tall, looking down at Jeongguk with a raised eyebrow.
“Hello,” he gives him a small smile. He’s even more attractive up close. Jeongguk looks over his shoulder to see that Taehyung is still watching, drink raising in a mock salute that makes Jeongguk swiftly turn back around, already batting his eyelids before he fully faces Bogum. He might've been more nervous if he cared about this dude. He doesn't though, so his voice doesn't waver when he introduces himself.
“My name is Jeongguk. I’m Kim Taehyung’s roommate.”
“Ah.” The older man reaches down to shake Jeongguk’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Jeongguk-ssi.”
“Listen. I need a favour. This might seem really weird so I’m sorry, but, can you help me make someone jealous?” He leans in super close, making sure to whisper the last part. Bogum blinks a few times before an amused smirk crosses his face.
“No one!” He quickly grabs the elder’s arm as he starts to trail his eyes around the room, searching for the man in question. “Don’t worry, I just- Can we go on a date? I know this is super strange. But just the once? Just something small.”
“Only if you tell me who you’re trying to woo,” the man wagers. Jeongguk hesitates.
“Fine,” he relents, “but you have to promise not to look at them. It’s Taehyung.”
“Oh.” Bogum’s eyes light up. He immediately starts to look over towards Tae.
“Don’t look!” Jeongguk shrieks, reaches forward to grab him by the shoulders, holding him tight and keeping him still.
“Sorry!” He grins, shrugging Jeongguk’s hold off. “I know Tae pretty well. Didn’t know he had a thing with his roommate though. I guess I can help you, if it’s for Tae’s good. Here, let me give you my number.”
A few moments later Jeongguk is striding back to Taehyung with a proud grin.
“Well, well. Looks like the little baby boy was successful.”
“Can you not call me that in public?” Jeongguk cringes as he comes to a stop in front of Tae.
“Why? You worried you’re going to get turned on?”
“Shut up.” Jeongguk holds up his phone by way of changing the topic. “Look. Bogum’s number.”
“You know you could’ve just asked me for that. I’m a good sugar daddy. I’ll give my baby whatever he wants.”
Jeongguk hisses, reaching up with a lightning fast palm to cover his mouth. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t say shit like that when I’m literally showing you my date’s number.”
“Can’t help myself.” Taehyung grins. “You’re just so cute, Jeongguk.”
For some reason, that’s the comment that gets Jeongguk blushing and he shakes his head.
“Whatever. The point is that I’ve got a date now.”
“That’s good, Jeongguk. You did well.”
Jeongguk closes his eyes slowly, Taehyung’s soft voice washing over him. The last time he’d said that he had been untying the ropes constricting around Jeongguk’s body, rubbing his hands all over his skin and making sure that he was okay after he had sucked him off, giving him orgasm after orgasm until he had cried from the overstimulation.
“Um. Th-Thank you.”
“Well, I guess I’ll make my way through the rest of the party. I’m looking forward to your date.”
Jeongguk sighs and slumps back against the wall as soon as Taehyung is gone.
“That makes one of us," he mutters as he wonders exactly how long he has liked Taehyung as more than a friend.
Chapter 7: Over the Edge
Well, here we are at the final chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos and just read my story. I'm really happy at the response this is receiving. I'm glad people enjoyed. I'm kind of sad to be posting the finale ;( Please leave me your thoughts! It's a nice long chapter just for you <3
Thanks again to Taekookbestunit for the prompt. I had fun writing this :) I hope it lived up to your expectations.
Much love <3 Enjoy!
Sitting on the couch, one hand propping his chin up, the other just barely grasping onto an empty beer bottle, Jeongguk sighs heavily for the third time in five minutes. He stares at the wall clock, watches the second hand taunting him as it pushes him forward through time, closer and closer to his 'date'. He doesn't mind drinking in the dorm. He had been hesitant to do so at the party, but here he knows he's safe. No one ever comes in here other than Taehyung and he knows that Taehyung would never hurt him.
He chuckles to himself, a dry, sardonic laugh as he drops the beer bottle onto the floor and watches it clatter and roll away. His hand now free, he rubs it over his eyes, groaning to himself.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" He asks into the empty dorm.
He thinks back to high school, when he only had Jimin and Yoongi. He remembers how they used to tease him when he had his first crush, tell him how oblivious he was, that he clearly liked Namjoon and Namjoon clearly liked him back. He used to hate it, almost hated them for a while. He was 17 at the time - a fully grown man in his own eyes. He wasn't blind, he knew how he felt.
He had been wrong and they'd called him an idiot.
It seems to him that not much has changed even five years later.
How could he not notice his own feelings? How could he not notice how special Taehyung is to him? When had the line blurred? At what point did Jeongguk stop thinking of Taehyung as only his roommate? Was it when Taehyung pushed him up against a wall for the first time? Was it when Taehyung made him come for the first time?
Or, perhaps it was when he woke up to Taehyung making him breakfast for the first time. Or maybe it was when his huge smile had lit up the room when Jeongguk had told him he had made a good meal for the first time. Maybe it was when they kissed for the first time. Maybe there was no exact time. Maybe, just maybe, it was a mixture of all of those moments that gradually had him falling over the edge. It doesn't matter. He may never know when it was that he felt a little more for his friend. All he knows is that it took seeing Taehyung with his arms around another for him to realise how deeply and truly fucked he is.
Another glance at the clock, another sigh. He doesn't even know what it is that he is doing. Perhaps, in his twisted attempt at making Taehyung jealous, he is conducting an experiment. A test, if you will, to see if Taehyung really has moved on from his crush like he claims to have done. Jeongguk wasn't convinced at first, knowing how sensitive Taehyung can be, knowing how he would pretend to have moved on for Jeongguk's sake. But after seeing Taehyung at that party, after seeing him with his arms around that guy, Jeongguk's insecurity won him over. Maybe Taehyung has moved on.
It doesn't help that he seems to be completely indifferent to Jeongguk at the moment. The last few days he has been distant, uninvested, like he doesn't truly care one way or another whether or not he and Jeongguk have sex. It had led to a humiliating moment the previous day, when Jeongguk was feeling cheeky, devious. He had woken up earlier than Taehyung for once, so he stripped down to nothing and waited on the couch for his roommate to wake up.
He was lazily stroking his cock, only a small blush touching his cheeks, when Taehyung had stumbled out of his room.
“Morning,” Jeongguk murmured, squeezing the head of his cock, watching as pre-come oozed out of the slit the moment Taehyung had walked out. Oh, the things Tae did to him without even realising.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” Using his free hand, he drags his fingers across his helmet, collecting the sticky fluid gathering there and making direct eye contact with Taehyung as he pushed his fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them and collecting the substance with a moan.
Taehyung had only given him an amused look, much to Jeongguk’s confusion, and with a glance at the clock on the wall, answered, “It looks like you’re going to be very late for your class.”
Jeongguk, gaze joining Taehyung’s as it slides over to the clock, had leapt off the couch with a loud, “Fuck!” before running to his room, hard cock rapidly softening as he panicked, Taehyung’s laughter following him.
He had refused to come out of his room once he got home, not wanting to face him after that.
Now, he is still doing his best not to see him. Thankfully, it’s Taehyung’s turn to take a morning class and so Jeongguk was safely able to enter the living room without worrying about being teased or having to come up with some awkward small talk. That's how he had ended up sitting on the couch staring at the clock as time ticked onward, drinking a beer and pretending like the silence of the dorm wasn't driving him crazy.
By four, he thinks he should probably get up and start acting like a functioning human being and not a college boy that gives his mother anxiety attacks every time she calls to see if he has finally figured out what he wants to do with his life.
He had pouted deeply when he had found no food left behind for him that morning, but there had been a note. He picks it up and re-reads it while he rifles around in their fridge for something to eat that isn’t weeks out of date. He settles for a banana that is mostly bruise-free as he casts his eyes over Taehyung’s handwriting once again.
I’ll be home at 4:30. I expect you to be on my bed, wearing only what I’ve left there for you.
Jeongguk, his stomach jolting with excitement when he glances once more at the clock, immediately wolfs down his banana before he runs to the bathroom to clean his teeth. It’s five past four and he knows what this means. They’re finally going to do something, finally going to have some form of sex. They haven’t since the party, there always being some thing that gets in the way and Jeongguk misses it, misses Taehyung’s cockiness, the way he seems to know exactly what Jeongguk wants before he even realises it himself.
He bursts into Taehyung’s room and sees-
“What the fuck?” He murmurs to himself as he creeps up to the bed. No one is around, but Jeongguk blushes anyway as he stares down at the white lacy lingerie spread over the bed covers. Surely Taehyung isn’t expecting him to fit into these. But that is what the note has said and Jeongguk thinks about that boy, the boy from the party.
Thanks for being so obedient, baby.
Jeongguk scowls and grabs the material. Fuck that guy. Fuck Taehyung. He can be obedient. He will be the most obedient baby that Taehyung has ever had. He’ll make him regret ever being with anyone but him.
He pulls his clothes off, tossing them aside and staring down at the soft fabric. This isn’t really his thing, doesn’t really do anything for him, but he knows that Taehyung has a humiliation kink of some kind, doesn’t really want to admit the fact that he obviously has one too as he picks up the soft material.
He’s not the most knowledgeable of guys when it comes to lingerie terms. He thinks the top is called a camisole, a long, sheer, flowy section of material falling from the bust and ending in some frills around the hem. It’s got a flower pattern sewn into it, making patches of the material more see-through than others. The bust itself is a thicker material, but still soft and lacy. It has two thin straps to hold it up, as well as few looser straps that fall around the shoulder area and serve no purpose other than looking pretty, Jeongguk supposes.
He slips it over his head, surprised when it fits rather perfectly. He’s a little creeped out; did Taehyung take his measurements while he was sleeping or something? He can’t tell if it’s a larger women’s size or not, but judging by the lack of a bust he would guess that it’s designed for men to wear. Where the fuck Taehyung got it, is another question that pops into Jeongguk’s head, but he pushes it aside.
The panties are very similar, small, sheer material that looks like it’ll barely keep his cock contained once it’s hard – assuming it will get hard, because Jeongguk isn’t into- oh, who the fuck is he kidding? He’s hard right now, already turned on and maybe he is more into lingerie than he thought.
He pulls the material on and again, it seems to fit perfectly, even as he tucks his aching erection under the fabric. He walks over to Taehyung’s mirror and has to press his lips together to hold back a moan.
His nipples are clearly visible through the white lace, hardened peaks poking through the soft fabric. His abs are teasingly shown through the translucent camisole and he can easily make out the outline of his cock, heavy and straining against the flimsy panties. It’s just obscene. Obscene and yet, he feels awfully pretty. He can’t say he has ever felt pretty before, but he feels pretty now. The white makes his dark hair pop, makes his round eyes stand out as he gazes back at himself, his cock visibly twitching inside the panties.
Is this narcissism? He thinks it might be. He looks good and he decides right then and there that he's going to bring Taehyung to his knees, make him regret ever buying this for him.
He grabs his phone from the pocket of his discarded jeans and gasps when he realises that it is 4:31. Tae will be back any moment now and the thrill that rushes through him has him leaking, pooling pre-come pumping from his slit and leaving a wet spot on the front of the panties. He quickly hops onto Taehyung’s bed and, in a moment of shyness, slides under the covers.
He looks good, he knows he does, knows that Taehyung would never hurt him. He feels nervous anyway, especially when he hears the front door opening.
He holds his breath as he listens to Taehyung’s footsteps, hears him kicking his shoes off and then the soft pad of his socks as he moves through the lounge. Jeongguk squirms under the sheets as he hears the kitchen tap running and the clinking of dishes. The sound of the fridge opening, the humming of a tune as their whiny kettle starts to boil.
He’s teasing him, Jeongguk realises. He’s making him wait.
Fuck Kim Taehyung, he thinks as he clenches at the sheets. Fuck that stupid fucking bastard in his stupid fucking-
“Hey Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung pokes his head in the door, brown eyes tender, smile stretching his lips when he sees him in his bed and Jeongguk melts into the sheets.
“Hi,” he murmurs back, flicking his tongue out to wet his own chapped lips.
“What are you doing in my bed, hm?” Taehyung wanders over, sits down next to Jeongguk and pokes at his thigh through the covers.
“You know why,” Jeongguk hisses, but then he thinks about that boy, thinks about how obedient he was and he swallows his embarrassment, closing his eyes and saying, “Please don’t tease me.”
Taehyung runs his hand along his thigh, down to his knee, squeezing through the comforter. “I believe I asked you to be waiting on my bed, Guk, not in it.”
Jeongguk rolls away, facing the other wall, face burning with shame.
“You’re going to make fun of me.”
Taehyung tuts, leaning over him. “Of course I won’t, sweetie. Come out.”
Jeongguk looks up at him, at his steady gaze, and wishes he would close the distance between them.
Taehyung smiles, reaching down to run his fingers over Jeongguk's fluffy, dark hair. “I promise, baby.”
So Jeongguk sits up, eyes downcast as he pulls the sheets off of him and sits atop them. He hears Taehyung’s hitching breath and chances a look at him.
His eyes, light and gentle before, are now dark and swirling with barely contained want, his thick bottom lip bitten between his teeth, his fingers digging into the mattress. Jeongguk is immediately pleased. Happy that he does have an affect on Taehyung, he does make him as lustful and needy as Taehyung does him.
“Wow,” Taehyung breathes out. “You look beautiful.”
“Really?” Jeongguk asks, breathless himself.
“Yeah. Fuck.” Taehyung reaches out, tugs at his wrist. “Come here, baby.”
Jeongguk crawls over until he’s straddling the older man, legs either side of his thighs as he settles on top of them. Taehyung wraps his hands around his waist, over the diaphanous material, and hisses.
“Fuck. Your tiny waist… fuck.”
“Tae,” Jeongguk whines, grinding down on his crotch. He can feel Taehyung’s cock even through his jeans, hard right there against his ass and he has never wanted something so badly before. “Tae, please.”
Fuck me. He’s desperate for it at this point. Taehyung has never even touched his ass, unless it’s to spank him. Jeongguk doesn’t care what it makes him at this point, a bottom, a sub, it doesn’t matter. He just wants Taehyung inside of him, wants him to make Jeongguk feel good like he knows only Taehyung can.
He’s just about to swallow his pride and beg for it when Taehyung playfully smacks his ass. “Get onto your hands and knees on the bed.”
Jeongguk, obedient Jeongguk, instantly does as he’s told and Taehyung gives him an appreciative hum. As he crawls forward, feeling the way the lace tightens on his frame, the way the camisole drapes around his skin, he feels warmth all over his body, a neediness that makes his head swim.
“God,” Taehyung growls as his hands run up along the back of his thighs and over his cheeks, squeezing them and making Jeongguk whimper in the back of his throat. “You’re so fucking sexy, Guk, you have no idea.”
Jeongguk pushes his ass back into Taehyung’s hold, shivering at the sound of his resonant groan as he runs his fingers under the elastic hem. The cool air of the room greets Jeongguk’s flushed skin as Taehyung peels the panties down and Jeongguk keens. This is the first time Tae has looked at him like this, looked at his most private area and he feels a shock of excitement as opposed to embarrassment. His lust for Taehyung is so much stronger than the awkwardness he feels.
“Look at you,” Taehyung murmurs, voice hoarse and husky. “You have such a cute little hole.” He dances his fingers down along the crack of his ass, feather light touches that make Jeongguk flinch, ticklish. “Tell me, Jeongguk-ah," he rasps his name in such a way that it makes Jeongguk shiver, "how many cocks have you had?”
“Just- just one.” Jeongguk lets his head drop, heavy between his shoulders as his arms shake.
“Fuck,” Taehyung groans again and Jeongguk looks back in time to see him looking up at the ceiling. “Fuck, you’re going to be so tight.”
Jeongguk moans, happy. That means Taehyung wants to fuck him, right? Fucking finally, Jeongguk thinks as he wiggles his ass back.
“Tae- god, Tae, just touch me, please.”
“Pretty baby,” Taehyung murmurs, rubbing his thumb along Jeongguk’s perineum, making him gasps and clench his hole. “Be patient, baby.”
“O-okay,” Jeongguk grinds out.
“Such a good boy today,” Taehyung observes. “You’re not going to fight me?” When Jeongguk only whimpers in response, Taehyung growls, almost beast-like as he puts his hand in-between the younger’s shoulder blades, pushing gently. “Get down. Keep your ass in the air.”
Jeongguk falls to the bed, head to the side as he presses against the sheets, ass up in Taehyung’s hold.
“Give me your hands,” Taehyung says, grabbing Jeongguk’s wrists where they’ve flopped by his sides. He pulls them back, back towards his ass, ordering him to, “Spread yourself apart for me.”
Jeongguk squirms as he does so, embarrassment now catching up with him as he pulls his cheeks apart, fully exposing himself to Taehyung. The older man doesn’t hide his arousal, pressing his firm bulge against the back of Jeongguk’s thighs.
“So pretty. Keep your cheeks apart for me, okay? Don’t you dare let go, or I’ll stop.”
Jeongguk nods against the bedspread, not that Taehyung can see that as he leans in and presses his tongue square against Jeongguk’s hole. The younger boy cries out immediately, flinching away from the touch.
“Hey,” Taehyung slaps his hand down on one of his cheeks and murmurs, “keep still. Don’t you want me to make you feel good?”
“Mmf- fuck, Tae. Want it.” Jeongguk pants into the comforter as he feels Taehyung kissing the cleft of his ass.
“Tell me, baby.” His lips move against his skin as he speaks. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
“Ug- Tae- Want you.” Jeongguk presses his ass back into his hands. “Want your tongue- ah, inside me. Please.” Taehyung responds immediately, tongue flickering up against his tight pucker and sliding over the sensitive skin. It may be clichéd, but Jeongguk swears he can feel Taehyung’s passion, feel his desire for Jeongguk flowing through him as he laps at his hole, slowly working the tight bud open enough for him to flicker the tip of his tongue into. “God, Tae. Ah- Ah, Hyung, feels- feels so... nn-g.”
Jeongguk turns his head, nearly suffocates himself in the sheets as he whines into them. He feels another slap on his ass, but Taehyung doesn’t pull his tongue away. He knows Jeongguk gets what he’s trying to say. Jeongguk can hear his voice in his mind, Don’t hide your moans from me, baby. He turns again, his head on the other side now as he presses back into the touch, his cock throbbing where it is resting against the panties bunched around his legs.
Taehyung moans into his hole as he presses his tongue forward, the inner ring of muscle giving way and allowing him entry. Jeongguk moans too, the vibrations of Taehyung’s voice against his skin rattling him to the core. The tongue inside of him starts thrusting, fucking him open and Jeongguk is in heaven, unable to hinder the continuous sounds that escape his mouth.
He arches his back when he feels a finger prodding against his ring, pressing his hole open and sliding inside. He must have grabbed some lube at some point because the digit easily slithers against his warm walls and makes him thrust back, desperate for more because Taehyung is finally going to fuck him.
Taehyung pulls away, his tongue leaving Jeongguk’s hole wet as he kneels up over him, pressing another finger against the relaxed muscles. “You’re doing so well, Guk,” he murmurs and Jeongguk can see the saliva wet against his chin.
“Fuck, Tae. Feels so good.”
“Such a good boy,” Taehyung says as he quirks his fingers and Jeongguk sobs, thrusting into nothing. “You take my fingers so well, baby.”
“Taehyung, want your cock.” Jeongguk meets his eyes, watches how they spark at his words. “Please, fuck me.”
“You want me to fuck you, baby?” Taehyung spreads his fingers apart, further loosening his hole. “Want my cock inside of you?”
“Yes, Tae, yes, yes.” Jeongguk thrashes in his hold, eyes closing as the fingers crook again, pressing against his prostate and making pre-come gush out of his cock. “Please, Tae, fuck me.”
“It’s too bad,” Taehyung says and his voice has become cold, like a bucket of icy water thrown over his head. It makes Jeongguk’s eyes, that had glazed over but are now wide and panicking, snap over to meet Taehyung’s hardening gaze. “Because I only fuck my sub. You don’t get that privilege.”
Jeongguk whines as the fingers still continue their ministration, tears springing to his eyes and he doesn’t even bother to hold them back. Taehyung already knows he is a cry baby at this point anyway. “Please, Tae! Fuck, please!”
“Sorry, Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung doesn’t sound very sorry as he slides his fingers back out of his hole. Jeongguk writhes on the sheets, two seconds away from throwing a tantrum. Fuck, he was so close to having Tae’s cock inside of him and he doesn’t understand what went wrong. He hears the clicking of a cap and then feels something press against his quivering hole. “You’ll just have to make do with this.”
“What- fuck!” He tightens his hold on the sheets as he looks behind him, but he can’t see what it is that Taehyung is pushing inside of him. It must be a toy of some sort, the plastic just barely warm enough to be comfortable as it easily slides in to the hilt, filling Jeongguk and making him moan happily. It’s not Tae’s cock, but it still feels fucking amazing to be full.
“You like that, baby?” Taehyung presses the base of the toy and then brings a hand down over his ass, spanking his cheeks and making Jeongguk thrust forward as the toy jolts against his prostate. “You like being filled?”
Taehyung slaps his ass one more time, watching the flesh jiggle. He then steps back, pulling Jeongguk’s underwear back up over him, covering his heavy cock back up.
“Sit up,” he orders. Jeongguk is so lost and confused as he does, moaning as the toy shifts inside of him when he sits down. “Take my hand.”
Taehyung pulls him up, seemingly ready for Jeongguk’s unsteady gait as he falls against Taehyung, whimpering as the pleasure hits him harder.
“Fuck, Tae. What are you doing?”
“Come with me.”
Jeongguk hobbles with him, nearly collapsing only a few feet forward and ending up being half-carried to his room. He watches in confusion, legs shaking as Taehyung pulls a button-down shirt out of his wardrobe and a pair of nice jeans.
“Put these on.” He says, no give in his voice, so Jeongguk does.
He fumbles with the buttons of the shirt, Taehyung giving an exaggerated sigh before coming over to button the shirt for him.
“What’s happening, Tae?”
Taehyung smiles mischievously, eyes twinkling as he straightens Jeongguk's collar. “We’re going on a date, Jeonggukkie.”
“Wha- a date?” Jeongguk’s eyes widen, his mouth dropping open. “You mean- us two?”
“Of course, silly. You and me.” He takes a step back. “And Bogum and Alec.”
Jeongguk nearly falls over for more reason than one. “What? Bogum?” He looks at the clock and realises with panic that he’d totally forgotten about his date with Bogum today. Ever since the moment he'd seen that lingerie on the bed, Taehyung had been the only person in his mind, the only person in the whole world.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Taehyung says, almost singing the words. “I invited Alec along. I asked Bogum if he was cool with a double-date. He said it was fine. Ready to go?”
“What? I- I- Who’s Alex?”
“Alec,” Taehyung corrects. “You know, from the party? The real cute, obedient sub.”
Suddenly Jeongguk gets it.
Taehyung was only teasing him. He knew about this beforehand, knew that Jeongguk had his date. He’s playing with him, keeping him wrapped around his finger, working him up only to let him fall over the edge, alone. It nearly brings him to tears as he remembers what Taehyung just told him. I only fuck my sub. And yet, he fucked Alec the other day at the party.
Jeongguk is two seconds away from bursting into tears, willing to acknowledge that he is heartbroken because there is no other word for this feeling, the aching pain in his chest as he realises that Taehyung doesn’t want him, doesn’t like him how Jeongguk is now realising he likes Tae. He’s just a toy to him, just someone on the side he can fuck with.
It is this realisation that makes him swallow his tears, makes him look up at Tae with a fiery gaze and say, “That’s great. Let’s go then.”
Taehyung smirks, eyes knowledgeable like he understands exactly what Jeongguk is doing. Fuck Taehyung, Jeongguk thinks. Fuck him if he thinks he can use Jeongguk like this. He’ll go on this double date and he’ll rub it in his face, toy in his ass be damned. He’s not going to give Tae the satisfaction of knowing he has gotten to him, of seeing him experiencing pleasure because of him.
He stomps past Taehyung, ignoring the spike of heat he feels when the toy rubs him in just the right spot as he walks. It still makes him falter, just a little, but he ignores Taehyung’s laughter behind him, wrenching their door open and with a straight face, saying, “Well, are you coming or not?”
“No,” Taehyung slaps Jeongguk on the ass as he walks past him, easily catching the way he closes his eyes and bites his lip, “but I have a feeling you will be.”
With one more giggle he walks out of the dorm, Jeongguk following behind him with a whispered, “Fucking asshole.”
Taehyung insists that they can walk to the diner they’re due to meet at. “One of the many benefits of having a campus in the city centre is that everything is within walking distance,” he says as they stroll, nonchalance in his stride. Beside him Jeongguk keeps his expression flat, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. The whole way there, Taehyung makes conversation with him, talking about the weather, asking about his dance club, like he doesn’t know about the sex toy in his ass that he put there.
Jeongguk is ready to give in when they arrive. Three blocks of walking and he’s already completely strung out, though he’s pretty sure he’s doing a good job of hiding that fact. Indeed, when Taehyung looks over and asks why he’s so quiet (like the bastard he is), Jeongguk gives him a grin so wide it could rival Taehyung’s own, telling him that he’s perfectly fine. Taehyung only smiles, eyes crinkling shut as he chimes, "That's good, Guk!"
Bogum is waiting for them outside and Jeongguk is overcome with shyness as he realises that he’s technically on a date, fake as it is. He has never been on a date before, not even sure how he is supposed to act, never mind that he is currently being sexually tormented by his friend and roommate.
Alec arrives a few minutes later, thankfully. Jeongguk can feel himself breaking out into a sweat as the pressure on his prostate starts to become too much, as each time he shifts he feels the panties constricting his leaking cock.
They shuffle into the diner. It is a retro, American-style outlet, with greasy food and even greasier looking aesthetics. Taehyung says their burgers are amazing, so the rest of them tentatively seat themselves in a red-leather booth, the seats artfully torn apart, or something like that. Jeongguk is pretty sure that he sees a bug of some sort crawling into one of the holes in the seat right before Taehyung slides into it, so there’s that.
Jeongguk slides into the seat opposite him. The booth is curved, so he can turn to face Bogum who sits down on the outside of the booth on his right side. Alec takes the seat next to Taehyung, a blush on his cheeks as Tae gives him a blinding grin and Jeongguk isn’t sure which of them he hates more.
Jeongguk himself sits down slowly, eyes squeezing shut of their own volition when he puts weight back down on the toy, making it move and grind against his walls. He can feel Taehyung’s eyes on him the whole time, no doubt a smirk on his stupid face, so Jeongguk turns so that he is looking towards Bogum. He breathes through his nose and wonders if anyone noticed the bulge in his jeans. He had been pulling the front of his shirt down over it, but it was still rather apparent and Jeongguk is just glad that it's hidden underneath the ratty tablecloth now.
It’s rather quiet as they order their meals. A woman in her forties, dressed in a horribly tight, retro waitress uniform, looking like she wants one of them to pull a gun on her and end her misery, asks them if they want milkshakes with their burgers and then walks away.
“This place is…”
“I swear, hyung, their burgers are great.”
“If you say so!” Bogum flashes Taehyung a quick smile before leaning forward on the table and turning to Jeongguk.
“So, Jeon Jeongguk, right? I’m sorry, I can’t say I know all that much about you.”
“I’m a freshman, so.” Jeongguk shrugs, reaching forward to drink his glass of water so that he has something to do with his hands. Now that he is seated and still, the pressure in his ass is somewhat ignorable. It is nice to be stretched, nice to be filled, but the sensation is constant enough that Jeongguk can tune it out. He almost wants to give Taehyung a cocky smirk right back, show him that he isn’t a sucker for his games, but he thinks better of it, especially when he hears Taehyung leaning over and making conversation with his own date.
Bogum continues trying to get to know him, so Jeongguk does his best to ignore the other two.
“What do you study, Jeongguk?”
“Bachelor of Arts degree,” he answers.
Bogum gives him a friendly, yet knowing smile. “In other words, you don’t know what you want to do just yet?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Don’t worry, Jeongguk-ssi. You’ll figure it out. It just takes time.”
“Do you know what you want to do, Bogum-ssi?”
“You can call me hyung,” he grants. “I want to be an actor.”
“Like Tae-hyung.” Jeongguk smiles, eyes sliding over to Taehyung who tilts his head over at the mention of his name. He raises a questioning brow before returning to his animated conversation with Alec.
“That’s how I met him,” Bogum responds, but Jeongguk can’t tear his eyes away from the other two now that he has paid them attention. He notices how they seem to be getting along really well and Jeongguk remembers that this guy must have agreed to be Taehyung’s sub, agreed to belong to him in that way. That Taehyung must like him enough that one night together was enough to ask him the question that it took months for him to ask Jeongguk. That Jeongguk turned down because they’re just friends. Or, perhaps Alec was Taehyung’s sub the whole time. Maybe Taehyung has a lot of subs, maybe he has been fucking people the whole time he was messing around with Jeongguk. “We’re in the drama club together.”
“Oh,” Jeongguk shakes his head, rips his gaze away from Taehyung and back to Bogum. “That’s cool. How did you get into that sort of stuff?”
As soon as Bogum starts speaking he looks back to Tae, watches how his eyes light up, how his lips curve in an easy smile. Alec is talking, Tae nodding along with his soft voice, encouraging him to keep speaking. Is that how he looks when he’s looking at Jeongguk? Does he normally look that happy, that engaged? Or is it just Alec?
“You know,” Taehyung rests his head in his hand, leaning towards Alec in a flirtatious manner, “I’ve been thinking about the night at the party.”
Alec’s face turns red, redder than Jeongguk’s ever gets. He’s annoyingly cute, Jeongguk thinks. He can see why Tae likes him. He’s short, unlike Jeongguk. Taehyung probably likes his sub to be smaller than him, not all muscled like Jeongguk is. Someone he can pick up, not someone who can pick him up.
“I- have you?” The other boy squeaks. Jeongguk looks down into his water glass as he takes another sip.
“Mm.” Taehyung hums, voice low. “Can’t stop thinking about your little moans. How good you felt wrapped around my cock.”
Jeongguk nearly chokes on his water as he hears that voice, that deep, wanton tone that Jeongguk had foolishly thought was especially for him. Oh, how wrong he was.
“Taehyung,” the other boy hisses, still blushing. “Geez,” he laughs, shaking his head. “You really are an animal.”
“Jeongguk,” Bogum’s voice calls to him. Jeongguk whips his head around, the tips of his ears reddening as he realises that he has been completely ignoring his so-called date.
“Shit,” he mutters. “Sorry, Bogum-hyung, I zoned out."
“Indeed,” the other man agrees, not bothering to disguise his blatant amusement. He leans towards Jeongguk, gestures for him to move closer as well. He whispers in his ear, “I don’t think you’re doing a very good job of making Taehyung jealous by staring at him, you know.”
Jeongguk pulls back with a blush. “I- uh... What do we do?”
“I said I was an actor right. Watch.” He grins, pulls back and raises his voice to regular volume. “You know, I was surprised when you came over to me at that party. I had been checking you out before then.”
Jeongguk blinks. "I- uh- really?”
“Really.” Bogum nods. “You were just so cute. How could I not spot you from across the room?”
Jeongguk chances a glance over to Taehyung, is pleasantly surprised to see him watching the two of them as he quickly looks back to Bogum.
“I- that’s why I came over. I mean, because you’re cute too. Or, hot, or you know. Yeah.”
Jeongguk is evidently not an actor.
Bogum laughs, eyes twinkling. “You’re adorable. I definitely want to see you after this if you’d like, Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk opens his mouth to respond, but before he can he wrenches forward, shock lashing through his spine and making him grab the table for support as the toy inside of him springs to life, vibrating strongly inside of him.
“Are you okay, Jeongguk?” Bogum frowns, act gone as he watches the younger’s face turn pink.
“Yeah, Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung’s deep voice is close, close to his ear and Jeongguk has to shut his eyes and take deep breaths. “You’re looking a little flushed.”
“I- I’m fine,” he bites out, not looking at Taehyung, instead glancing up at Bogum who looks genuinely worried. “I’m fine, I just got a- cramp. In my leg.” He pats his right leg.
“Don’t you hate it when that happens?” Taehyung is grinning across the table from him, Jeongguk can hear it in his voice. The vibrations grow stronger and Jeongguk bites down hard on his lip as the toy nudges against his prostate. His cock had grown soft after so long with no new stimulation, but it is rapidly hardening again, the material of the panties soaking at the front as it steadily pumps pre-come into the same stained spot as before.
Just then their food arrives. Jeongguk, who has taken to staring at the tabletop, jumps when a burger slides in front of him. The thing is massive and dripping with grease and how the fuck is Jeongguk supposed to eat while his prostate is being abused like this?
He focusses on his breathing as the others dig into their food, on taking in oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide, on trying not to get too aroused. He could come like this if he lets himself, he thinks. The sensation is maddening, too much but not enough. If he just… presses back…
“Jeonggukkie?” He looks up, lips parted, to see Taehyung’s staring back at him with an innocent expression. “Are you not going to eat?"
Jeongguk can’t speak. He’s getting close, staring at Taehyung’s lips as he wraps them around a straw, swears he sees his tongue flicker out for a second to press against the tip. He watches with a smile as Jeongguk slowly starts rocking back and forth in his seat, movements small but enough to get the sensation more directly on his prostate, enough to start pushing him towards the edge.
“Are you okay, Jeongguk?” Alec is leaning over the table, looking worried. “You’re look like you’re about to be sick.”
If Jeongguk opens his mouth, he’ll undoubtedly moan. Especially when he feels something bearing down in between his legs, spreading them and firmly pushing onto his cock. He whimpers in the back of his throat, head dipping as Taehyung presses the sole of his shoe onto his erection.
“Ah, Jeongguk is probably just nervous that he’s on his first date.” Taehyung speaks, drawing Bogum’s and Alec’s eyes to him. “He’ll be okay, just let him calm down.”
The voices beside him blur into nothing, the world around him disappearing. He’s going to come, Jeongguk realises, is about to come as Taehyung rubs his foot rapidly over his cock, is coming-
He tilts his head forward, jaw slack as he bites down so hard on his lip he is sure that he can taste blood. His cock pulses where it is pressed against his skin, his hands flying down to grab at Taehyung’s shoe, still his movements lest he start screaming in the middle of this diner. He’s ruining the panties, coating them in his cum, which is a shame because he really liked them.
His orgasms ceases, Taehyung’s shoe disappears, but the vibrations do not. In fact, they get stronger, louder, and Jeongguk realises with a jolt that they are audible, the toy buzzing noisily inside of him. He looks up, cheeks hot, just in time to see Taehyung slide over him.
“Baby boy,” he murmurs, hand wandering down to the button of his jeans. “You feel good, baby?”
“Tae,” he gasps, batting his hand away, “Stop, we’re-”
“We’re alone, baby,” he says, tilting Jeongguk’s head up and indeed he sees that the other two have disappeared. When did that happen? What the fuck is going on?
“Tae, please.” He grinds back onto the toy, gasping, moaning quietly. There are still people around, though there is no one nearby which is good because Taehyung is unzipping his jeans and pulling his wet cock out from his panties. “What are you- oh, fuck, Tae.”
“You going to be a good boy and come for me again, Guk?” Taehyung spreads his cum over his cock, stroking it firmly. “Going to come right here in public like a little slut?”
Jeongguk turns his head, buries it into the crook of Taehyung’s neck as he whines, rocking his hips again.
“Gonna- gonna... Tae.”
“I know, pretty.” Taehyung’s voice above him makes his insides flutter. “You're doing so well. You looked so hot I had to send the guys away. No one else deserves to see you like this. No one but me. You’re such a good boy.”
“Taehyung,” he moans into his skin, Taehyung’s grip on his cock tightening as he twists his hand around the head.
“Come for me, Gukkie,” he whispers. He presses a kiss to his forehead and Jeongguk explodes, eyes squeezed shut and electric patterns playing in front of his eyelids as his hips shudder and jerk, sensitive cock thrusting into Taehyung’s hand as the vibrations prolong his second orgasm, making him shake all over. In Taehyung's palm his cock spurts white fluid, though it is admittedly not much so soon after his first orgasm. His eyes are still closed so he misses it when Taehyung raises his hand to his mouth and licks it clean.
The pleasure passes, like everything does, and this time the vibrator is turned off and Jeongguk is left to catch his breath. Taehyung pulls away from him after redoing his pants for him, moves a foot or so away and allows Jeongguk to process everything.
His heart beat slows down. His breathing evens out.
He stands up and hurriedly sidles out of the booth before making a beeline for the door.
“Jeongguk?” Taehyung stands up too. “Jeongguk, wait! Shit!”
Jeongguk starts running, running as best he can with a fucking sex toy in his ass. He hears Taehyung’s footsteps behind him, hears the waitress yelling about him needing to pay as Jeongguk bursts through the entry and out onto the street.
He runs a couple of blocks before the sensation becomes too uncomfortable and he slows to an awkward hobble, ignoring everyone around him. He must look a mess, a distraught college boy, limping with a flushed face and watery eyes. He doesn’t slow down until he gets to the dorm block, until he gets to his home and is inside, slumping against the door.
It isn’t long before Taehyung bursts into the room too, looking mighty relieved to see Jeongguk.
“Geez, what were you thinking running off like that?”
“Fuck you.” Jeongguk spits out, angrily ripping his shirt off, buttons popping open. He doesn’t even care, doesn’t even give a fuck if that was the best shirt he owned. He wants it off, wants it all off, wants to forget anything ever happened.
“Jeongguk, what are you doing?” Taehyung puts his hands up, palms out like he’s a rabid animal he’s trying to tame.
“Fuck off.” Jeongguk shucks his pants off, now only in the lingerie, ignoring Tae’s wide-eyed stare. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that? In public, in front of our dates? What the fuck- is wrong with you?” He yanks the camisole off next, hears it tearing as he is less than delicate while pulling it over his head.
“Jeongguk,” Taehyung puts his hands down on his bare shoulders. “Calm down, baby.”
“Don’t call me that.” Jeongguk snaps, pushing Taehyung’s hands off of him. “And stop touching me, and just stop, okay? Why don’t you go chase after Alex or whatever the fuck his name is.”
“Oh, you mean Bogum’s boyfriend?”
Jeongguk blanches, says, “What?” Taehyung sighs and gestures to the couch.
“I have some things to explain. Sit down with me?”
Jeongguk purses his lips, not moving. Taehyung chuckles.
“You’re such a handful.”
“Oof, so feisty, Guk. You’re not going to be obedient like Alec?”
It’s meant to annoy him and it does, does more than that as it sends a pang to his chest. He looks away, frowning. Taehyung sighs and comes over to him. “Come on baby, let’s get you dressed and cleaned up, yeah?”
“Stop calling me that,” Jeongguk hisses. “I’m fine like this.”
“You want to keep the vibrator in then?” Taehyung tilts his head to the side. Jeongguk just glares at him as a response, stubbornness moving him to the couch and he sits despite the fact that he’s wearing nothing but soiled panties. Taehyung looks extremely amused as he joins him.
“So, what the fuck do you want then?” Jeongguk’s voice is tight and aggressive, arms crossed over his chest protectively. Suddenly, Taehyung doesn’t seem so amused as he sighs.
“You’re going to hate me.”
“Jokes on you, I already do.”
“Listen, Jeongguk.” Taehyung fixes him with a sincere gaze that his him shutting his mouth, petulance disappearing as his gut swirls uneasily. “I wasn’t joking before. Alec is Bogum’s boyfriend.” When Jeongguk only blinks in response, he elaborates. “I know them both from the drama club. They’re both great actors, in case you didn’t notice. I asked Alec for a little favour, asked him to help me make you jealous.”
"You what?” Jeongguk gapes at him.
“Alec isn’t a sub, Jeongguk. He’s asexual, in fact." He purses his lips, cheeks starting to turn pink and Jeongguk is so very lost. "When you rejected me the other day... It hurt, Jeongguk. It really hurt." Jeongguk winces, especially when Taehyung presses his hand up to his chest like his heart is aching. "It hurt, but what hurt more was that I knew you were just denying your feelings. I knew."
Jeongguk opens his mouth, closes it again, looks away. It's not like he can lie about it now, so instead he says nothing.
"I was feeling bitter, so I decided to tease you a little bit. I asked Alec to test his acting skills with me at that party. I know," he says when he glimpses Jeongguk's twisted expression, "it was wrong. I’m sorry. I was sort of not thinking straight. I didn’t expect that you were going to go and ask out Bogum though. But I thought it would be funny to see you struggling to convince me you actually like him, so I just went along with it.”
Jeongguk swallows, nauseous as he goes over everything. “So you just manipulated me then?”
Taehyung looks down at his knees, huffing. “I guess I did. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“So the whole time in the diner they knew… about… you know?”
Taehyung looks up then, rapidly shaking his head. “If you mean the vibrator, then no. That was my little secret. But they both knew that I was into you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they figured it out.”
“How could you humiliate me like that?” Jeongguk looks away, not wanting Taehyung to see him cry once again. He’s had enough of crying, of looking weak all of the time.
“Jeongguk, I’m sorry.” Taehyung sounds choked up as he says it. “Like I said, I wasn’t thinking straight. In my mind things were going to go a little differently.”
“Like how? How could that possibly have gone any other way? You humiliated me in front of my date!”
“Yeah, in front of your fake date!” Taehyung says defensively. “Come on, Guk, I know you only asked him out to make me jealous too.”
“I did not,” Jeongguk scowls.
“I mean, Bogum told me that that's what you said, but whatever.” Taehyung waves his hand in the air, a nerve in his jaw ticking. “I don’t want to fight with you, Jeongguk, I want to fix things for us.”
“What us? There is no us!” Jeongguk growls, but tears are freely falling down his face as he tilts his head forward. “You’re just the hot dom who gets anyone you want and I’m the guy you get to fuck around with on the side. Don’t you call that an ‘us’ because it isn’t anything.”
Large hands wrap around his hips, pulling him over, struggling, into Taehyung's lap. Jeongguk watches with wide eyes as Taehyung determinedly pulls him down by the back of the head and connects their lips in a fierce kiss that shocks Jeongguk into stilling.
“T-Tae?” He asks against his lips, shaking, not wanting to continue in case he takes this the wrong way.
“Jeongguk, you are the most oblivious person I’ve ever known. Don’t you see how crazy I am about you? My eyes are always on you,” Taehyung murmurs against his lips, kissing them in-between sentences. Jeongguk trembles, pushing at his shoulders until there is breathing distance between them.
“But- you slept with Alec.”
“Didn’t I just say that he’s Bogum’s boyfriend?” Taehyung quirks his lips. “I didn’t sleep with anybody that night, Guk.”
“Really?” He whispers, hopes rising despite his pessimistic struggle to keep them down.
“Jeongguk, I haven’t slept with anyone since about a month after you moved in to this dorm,” Taehyung confesses, eyes boring into his. “How could I? I’m living with the perfect man. I don’t want anybody else.”
“Sh-shut up.” Jeongguk pushes him lightly back into the couch, face warm. “You don’t mean that.”
“See what I mean?” Taehyung smiles softly as he thumbs at Jeongguk’s lips. “So oblivious. I’m in love with you, Guk. I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out.”
Jeongguk shakes, head falling down to Taehyung’s chest as he sobs. Taehyung coos above him, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him. “Don’t cry, baby. It’s okay.”
“So you- you really like me?” Jeongguk asks through his tears, nose running, eyes red. Taehyung smiles, looks at him like he put the sun and stars in place and says,
“I do. I really like you.”
“I- I really like you too,” Jeongguk says, wiping his nose with the back of his arm, laughing.
Taehyung smiles, but it’s weak. His own eyes are glossy and Jeongguk frowns, reaching up and wiping his cheek when a tear spills over the brim.
“What’s wrong, Tae?”
“I just- I’ve been dreaming you’d say that to me for a long, long time.”
Jeongguk frowns instantly. He stares into Taehyung's eyes for a moment, seeing months of hurt there and he is struck with such guilt that it makes more tears overflow from his own eyes. "Tae," he clutches at the front of his shirt, "Tae, I'm so sorry."
"Because I messed up, Tae. I should never have done all of this shit with you when I knew you liked me." He sniffles and wipes at his eyes. "God, I'm such a shitty friend. I hurt you."
"Ah, Gukkie-ah." Taehyung pulls him back close again, hugging him to his chest. "It's okay. I knew you liked me back, even if you didn't know it. You're so obvious."
"Sh-shut up. Arrogant asshole."
"You know it's true." Taehyung shrugs. "It just sucked waiting for you."
"Sorry," Jeongguk mumbles.
"It's okay. We both fucked up, but we're here now, together. I'm so happy."
"I," Jeongguk sits back with blooming cheeks, "I'm happy too."
“You’re so cute, Jeongguk.” Taehyung's fingers trail up and down his bare back, leaving pleasant tingles in their wake. Jeongguk sighs as he thinks everything over.
“Tae… Can I…” He trails off, biting his lip.
Taehyung gently strokes the skin of the nape of his neck with his thumb. “What is it, pretty?”
“I- Can I be your- or, will you be my Dom?” He looks down, gulping. “Please?”
Taehyung chuckles, immediately putting his fingers underneath his chin and tilting his head back up. “On one condition.”
“Anything,” Jeongguk breathes, terrified by how much he means it.
“You’ll be my boyfriend too.” Taehyung watches with anticipation for Jeongguk’s reaction. The younger boy can only smile, wide and happy as he nods quickly. Taehyung closes his eyes for a moment, whispers, “Thank fuck.”
Jeongguk giggles, leaning forward and capturing Taehyung’s lips with his own. He can’t believe that this is the way things worked out, that after all this drama he’s here on their couch making out with Taehyung, his boyfriend. Not Taehyung his roommate, or his friend, or even his dom. His boyfriend.
Taehyung rolls them over suddenly, pressing into the couch. It makes the vibrator shift inside of Jeongguk and he grunts.
“Okay, now I want to get this thing out of me.”
“You could’ve had it out like ten minutes ago if you weren’t so stubborn,” Taehyung scolds him. “Carry me to the bedroom.”
Jeongguk blanches as Taehyung goes limp in his lap. “Wha- seriously?”
“I’m waiting,” Taehyung teases.
“But… shouldn’t you- don't you want me to be lighter?”
“What?” Taehyung leans back up, facing him with a frown. “What the hell does that mean?”
Jeongguk squirms, uncomfortable. He can’t believe he’s bringing this up, should just keep his mouth shut and pretend like nothing is wrong, but he has spent a lot of his life doing that and it has only led to trouble. So, he says, “You know… shouldn’t a sub be the small one? Don’t you want someone… better?”
Taehyung makes a little noise in the back of his throat as he strokes Jeongguk's hair back. “Idiot." He says the word so fondly that it sounds like a compliment. "First of all, a sub could be the biggest, burliest man in the world. And a dom could be a skinny little twig. That's not what it's about. Beside, didn’t you hear me? I only have eyes for you. I couldn’t care less how big or small you are. Anyway, I like it when you carry me. Your muscles turn me on.”
“Really?” Jeongguk smiles at Taehyung’s mischievous expression.
“Oh yeah. The way you ripped your shirt off before? I got an instant boner. Feel.”
“Taehyung!” Jeongguk whines, wrestling his hand away as Tae tries to guide it to his crotch, giggling. “You’re so weird, hyung.”
“Only for you, baby. Now carry me to the bedroom, hurry up.”
Jeongguk scoots forward on the couch until he gets a decent grip on Taehyung and then stands, hoisting him up. Taehyung makes an elated noise that makes Jeongguk’s heart swell.
“Uh, which bedroom?”
“Mine,” Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to answer, legs tied around Jeongguk’s waist. “I don’t plan for us to be coming out for a while and I have all of the fun stuff in there.”
Jeongguk ignores the spike of heat in his belly and instead focusses on the first part of Tae’s sentence. “And how long is a while?”
“Who knows? Could be days. Do you think we could survive on a cum-only diet?"
“Gross,” Jeongguk mutters, unceremoniously dropping Taehyung on his bed. “You’re disgusting.”
Taehyung bounces as he settles on the bed and says, “Hey, it’s protein, right?”
“Don’t get nasty with me, brat." Taehyung's tone dips. "This is a cute, lovey-dovey moment, but now that you’re officially my sub I won’t hold back anymore.” Jeongguk swallows, uneasy. He had thought perhaps that Taehyung had already stopped holding back, but apparently not. “Now, my pretty boy, lie down on your stomach.”
Jeongguk does as he’s told.
“Mm, I’m so happy that this ass belongs to me now,” Taehyung murmurs as he clasps Jeongguk’s cheeks in his large hands, pulling them apart and letting them go, watching them jiggling and listening to Jeongguk’s breath hitch. He likes the sound of that, likes the idea of belonging to Tae. No one else. Only him.
Taehyung peels the panties off and tosses them aside. Jeongguk watches them fall with a forlorn look that Taehyung laughs at. "Don't worry, Gukkie. I'll buy you more."
Jeongguk blushes. "Where'd you even get all of this shit anyway?"
"A sex shop. Where else?"
"You mean you actually... walked into one? And bought stuff?"
Taehyung laughs as he grabs the vibrator by its base, gently twisting it. "Course. We're not all cripplingly shy like you are." He starts to pull the toy out, sighing when Jeongguk flinches. “Fuck, you’re hot. You did so well today, baby. Can’t believe how quiet you managed to be.”
“T-Tae, please.” Jeongguk whines, wiggling his ass. “Take it out. It’s too much."
“Too much, Gukkie?” Taehyung pulls the vibrator out until it’s just up to the tip before pushing it back in, ignoring Jeongguk’s strangled groan. “How are you going to take my cock if this is too much for you?”
Jeongguk snorts. “You’re not that big, hyung.”
“Oh Guk, I know.” Taehyung smirks behind him, Jeongguk can hear it in his voice. “But neither is this thing.”
Jeongguk realises that he never actually saw the vibrator and he hisses when Taehyung pulls it out of him completely, his hole clenching as the cool air hits it for the first time in hours. He twists over his shoulder to look and-
“Fuck,” he mutters, Tae holding the vibrator up for him to see. It’s not very big at all, not even as wide as Taehyung’s two fingers were, only the bulge at the top reaching that width. “But it felt so big.”
“It doesn’t surprise me.” Taehyung drops the vibrator on the bed. He uses one hand to spread Jeongguk's cheeks apart and slaps his fingers down over Jeongguk’s hole a few times, making him flinch and moan. “You’re basically a virgin, Guk.” Jeongguk supposes that he’s right, but he still pouts anyway.
“‘M not a virgin.”
“Either way, I’m going to stretch you out some more. I want you to enjoy this.”
Jeongguk wants to tell him that he’d enjoy anything if it’s with him, but instead chooses to preserve his pride and keep silent as Taehyung slowly pushes two lubed-up fingers into him. They slide in rather easily after his hole has been filled all day and Taehyung wastes no time, immediately pumping the digits in and out, stretching them and further loosening the muscle.
Jeongguk wiggles and writhes on the bed, so much so that Taehyung slaps his ass and tells him to keep still.
“Fuck- can’t Tae. It feels too good.”
“What? You want me to tie you up?”
Taehyung chuckles and stands up, fingers leaving him empty again and he whines. “Patience, princess.”
Jeongguk watches, grimacing as the lube in his ass grows cold, while Taehyung rifles around in his cupboard where he keeps his ‘supplies’. He pulls out a length of rope and Jeongguk wonders what he’s planning.
“Guk-ah, have you ever heard of Shibari?”
Jeongguk shakes his head, breath hitching just at the way Taehyung says his nickname, his deep voice thrumming against his mind and soul, making him desperate.
“It’s a Japanese rope-tying method. It’s really erotic for both the person doing the tying and the person tied up. It takes a long time though, sometimes hours.” He wanders over to Jeongguk, gesturing for him to kneel. He grabs him by the jaw, pulling him forward. “I don’t know about you, Jeongguk, but I can’t wait for you much longer. I have to have you.”
“I- me too.” Jeongguk breaths, mouth open in Tae’s hold. “I want your cock, hyung.”
Taehyung closes his eyes, breathes out through his nose. “I know you do. That’s why I’m only going to do a simple tie. But one day I want to do a full session with you. How does that sound?”
As he speaks, he guides Jeongguk around, bringing his back to him and pulling his arms behind him. Jeongguk shudders as he feels the ropes twisting around him in seemingly random movements.
“How do you- How do you know all of this?”
Taehyung chuckles at his innocence. “As we’ve established, I’ve been doing all of this for a while now, Guk. I’m a pretty fucked up guy, when you think about it.” At Jeongguk’s silence, Taehyung pauses in his tying and leans forward, pulling Jeongguk’s head gently so that they’re face to face. “I can’t help who I’ve been with. But from now on, I only want you, you got that? No one else.”
Jeongguk nods, eyes fluttering shut when Taehyung kisses him. It’s euphoric, kissing Taehyung, and Jeongguk doesn’t care if he’s addicted. He’s happy to be hooked on Taehyung.
Time passes. Jeongguk can see why Taehyung says that this can take hours. He can feel the knots and ties as Taehyung works, pressing against his skin at particular spots. Jeongguk would think he'd lose his excitement in this time, but instead he feels his head growing heavier and heavier as the ropes start to tighten. It's intense, the way his hands pull behind his back and the ropes press into his skin, never too hard or in an uncomfortable way. It's somehow peaceful, he thinks, sitting there while Taehyung's hands travel over his body. After what feels like an hour, but was probably only ten minutes, Taehyung pulls the ends of his rope tight and suddenly all of the loose wrappings pull together and the rope forces Jeongguk’s arms so that they’re locked behind his back. The feeling, the constriction, the vulnerability, it’s extreme and he feels his head swimming, but Taehyung isn’t done yet. He grabs more rope, does more tying and threading, this time around Jeongguk’s hips. The ropes wrap around his thighs, just under his cheeks, framing them. Taehyung takes the time to tie a knot that sits right over his balls, teasing and pressing against them if he’s at the right angle. He then continues upward, weaving a pattern on the side of his hips so that there are three parallel lines of rope holding his cock up against his belly.
Again, Taehyung pulls the ropes tight and the feeling as everything constricts makes Jeongguk’s vision dance, spots of light flickering across the room as his cock aches where it is held tight against his skin. It isn’t so tight that it hurts, but tight enough that he almost comes as the rope rubs against his frenulum.
Taehyung stands back, admiring his handiwork. Jeongguk trembles, kneeling on the bed. Taehyung gently trails his fingers up along his spine, noting how turned on he is, clearly getting some sort of high from it himself because he pushes Jeongguk none-too-gently, watching with dark eyes as he loses his balance and topples onto the bed. His hands tied behind him, he falls onto his chest, his head tossed to the side.
“Fuck, Tae.” He whispers, cock dripping onto the sheets. “Fuck, I’m... Tae-”
“Sh, baby.” Taehyung wraps his fingers around the rope between Jeongguk’s hand and pulls, effectively lifting Jeongguk’s upper body off of the bed for a moment before letting him fall back down. “Fuck,” he bites out. “How’s that baby? Going to hold still for me now?”
“Un- Tae.” Jeongguk isn’t sure that he has ever felt this way before, so turned on, almost high with lust. “Please, fuck me.”
“We’re getting there, pretty.” Taehyung sounds distant as he rubs his hands over Jeongguk’s ass again. He grabs his lube bottle off of the bed, dispensing plenty onto his fingers and warming it up. While he does, he flicks the rope that is wrapped around Jeongguk’s cock, the whole thing almost vibrating and Jeongguk flinches, whining in the back of his throat. His mewls are cut off as soon as Taehyung’s fingers enter him again, the feeling of being full now coupled with the restriction of the ropes and it is all Jeongguk can do not to fall apart right then and there.
Taehyung must be losing his own patience because he quickly inserts a third finger into Jeongguk. The burning stretch as his hole is forced open makes Jeongguk hiss, but he doesn’t ask Taehyung to slow down. If anything he wants him to speed up, desperate for him to fuck him after all of this time.
“You’ve been such a good boy for me, Jeonggukkie. You’ve always given me everything I asked for.” Taehyung spreads his fingers, relaxing the muscles inside of him, getting them ready. “I’m going to pay you back, baby. I’m going to make you feel so good tonight.”
Jeongguk is quaking, legs unsteady where they’re holding him up. “Please, hyung. Please.”
Taehyung growls, ripping his fingers away and cursing as he quickly goes to his nightstand, clattering and banging as he retrieves a small packet. Jeongguk watches, eyes dilated.
“Hyung,” he calls, Taehyung faltering at his tone.
“What is it, Guk?”
“Hyung, don’t.” He glances at the condom. “Pl-please. I want- oh god, I want to feel all of you. I- If you haven’t been with anyone else… I got tested after… you know. I just- want you in me. Please. Please, I need to feel you inside of me, all of you. Want you to cum in me, hyung."
He slurs his words, a testament to how gone he is at this point. He might as well be drunk, his tongue heavy in his mouth, his vision swaying even though he's still. He would never speak like that in his normal state of mind, so whiny and desperate, and it’s something Taehyung will tease him about later, but that’s only because Jeongguk doesn’t notice the way Tae's knees almost give out from underneath him at his words.
Taehyung tosses the packaging aside and discards his clothing in a matter of seconds.
“Jeongguk…” he runs his hands over his skin, his tone nervous, “don’t you wish that our first time was more… normal?”
Jeongguk’s mind is swampy, his head in a fog. He’s fully up in subspace and Taehyung should know better than to ask him a serious question at this stage of the night. Still, Jeongguk knows that he can't wait anymore.
“For fucks sake…” he groans. The rope on his cock has been driving him mad for so long now and he’s all worked up and just… Taehyung could be asking to fuck him in a tiny closet of someone else's house at a shitty party and Jeongguk would bend over for him right then and there. “Just fuck me, Tae, it’s all I need. Please. We can do it normally- ah, any time. Fuck. I’m going to come in a second and I want you inside of me when I do. Please.”
Taehyung doesn’t need any more convincing, snarling as he presses the tip of his cock up against Jeongguk’s hole. He squeezes some lube over his cock, not even bothering to warm it up and hissing as it spreads over his skin and then he’s pushing forward, entering Jeongguk for the first time.
Jeongguk comes as soon as he starts sliding in, moaning loudly, arching his back as best he can with his arms tied. His cock spurts thick, white fluid all over Taehyung’s sheets and he has already come twice today, yes, but it’s like his body knows that this is for real this time, this is Tae’s cock he’s coming on and it needs to be done right.
“Fuck, Guk,” Taehyung chokes out. “Fuck, that’s so- god.” He finishes pushing in to the hilt, panting as he waits, Jeongguk’s ass clenching around him rhythmically as he rides out his orgasm.
“Ta-ae-hyung. Oh my fucking god, Tae.” Jeongguk is practically seizing on the bed, the ropes constricting his cock enough to keep it hard against his stomach. “Oh my god, Tae.”
“You good, baby?” Taehyung trembles, clutching so hard onto Jeongguk’s hips that he will undoubtedly leave bruises there. “Can I move?”
“Please,” Jeongguk gasps, and that’s all Taehyung needs. He slowly pulls back till just the tip of his length is engulfed, marvelling at the way Jeongguk’s ass seems to clench down on him, seems to pull him back in and he quickly obliges, thrusting forward slowly. Jeongguk writhes again and Taehyung is murmuring comforting words, not fucking him rabidly despite Jeongguk’s wishes that he would. They have plenty of time for normal sex later. Jeongguk wants Taehyung, all of him.
Taehyung must sense this because he quickly gives up on his gentleness, working up a steady pace that has them both moaning in unison. His cock is everything that Jeongguk thought it might be, is giving him the exact sort of mind-blowing pleasure that makes him wonder how he ever though of himself as an exclusive top. Why would he ever stop himself from feeling this beautiful sensation, from feeling Taehyung filling him full.
“Fuck, Gukkie. Your ass is so perfect. So fucking tight.” Taehyung gasps, hips shuddering every few thrusts. “I’m not going to last, Guk, you feel so fucking good.”
“Tae- Tae, you, you’re fucking me so well,” Jeongguk moans out. “So good, I'll come again if you keep going.”
“Yeah, baby?” Taehyung asks breathily, thrusts starting to speed up. "I don't think I can last that long." He pauses for a moment, cock pressed all the way into Jeongguk and the younger boy takes the moment to breathe, to appreciate how nice it feels to split open, to have Taehyung inside of him. Tae shuffles forward, the angle changing when he thrusts again and it's too much.
“Ugh- oh, Ta-a-e.” Jeongguk’s moans his name, his voice catching with each slamming thrust against his thighs. The knot against his balls and the rope rubbing just under the head of his cock have him on the edge again, Taehyung’s cock sliding across his prostate and making fireworks explodes in his head and Jeongguk knows this is it. He’s only 22 but he knows he is never going to find another person like Taehyung, no one will ever be able to make him feel so good, so physically, mentally, and spiritually satisfied.
“Fuck, Guk, I’m going to come,” Taehyung pants out, thrusts stuttering. “Gonna come.”
Jeongguk can’t form the words he wants to at this point, can only groan as he pushes back onto Taehyung’s cock. Taehyung pauses his thrusting and Jeongguk sees the way his head drops, hears how he groans, feels his cock pulsing in his ass before his thrusts continue, fucking into his own cum as he grunts.
Jeongguk whines when he pulls out. He is exhausted, he’s spent, and yet he doesn’t want Taehyung to stop, doesn’t want to feel empty again. Still, he’s glad when Taehyung turns him over, helping him as he moves his heavy limbs up so that he’s sitting up against the bed head, arms still helplessly held behind his back. Taehyung leans over him and kisses him, deep and loving and Jeongguk feels it. They kiss until their lips come to a natural stop, tongues intertwined lazily until Taehyung pulls away.
“Stay there, pretty boy."
“More?” Jeongguk groans out. “I can’t take any more.”
“Didn’t I say I’d reward you tonight, baby?” Taehyung grins as he wonders back to his supply cupboard. Jeongguk gulps when he walks over holding a weird cylinder with a white bulb at the end.
“What- what is that?” He stutters as he sees Taehyung plug it into the wall. What sex toy needs a power outlet, really?
“You don’t know what this is? Don’t you watch porn?” Taehyung laughs to himself, leaning down to kiss a confused Jeongguk again. “You really are so innocent, Gukkie.”
Jeongguk doesn’t even have the energy to protest that, jutting his bottom lip out instead.
“You should stop pouting like that, Guk.” Taehyung gets up on the bed, kneeling beside him. “I’ve never told you this before, but every time you do that it makes me want to wreck you.”
Jeongguk tilts his head to the side, shudders as Taehyung kisses down his neck. “Tae…”
“This is a Hitachi magic wand.” Taehyung pats the large device in his hand. “I think it was originally sold as a back massager. Surely you’ve seen videos of girls using it before?”
Jeongguk gapes at it. “Do they… you’re not going to put that… inside, are you?”
Taehyung giggles, eyes squinted. “No, I’m not going to fuck you with it, Guk.”
Jeongguk pouts, but then thinks better of it and turns his head away. Taehyung kisses his cheek and then flicks a switch. The device starts buzzing and Jeongguk turns back in time to see Taehyung press the bulbous end to the head of his cock.
“Oh fuck!” Jeongguk flinches away, the vibrations way too strong, especially in his already overstimulated state. “No,” he groans as Taehyung follows him down, keeping the wand firmly pressed to his cock. “No, Tae.”
“No?” Taehyung’s voice is back to its usually domineering edge, cocky and arrogant. “Doesn’t it feel good? Be honest, Gukkie.”
“It’s- it’s- good, it’s too much.”
“But you said it’s good, right? Then why would I stop? I want to make you feel good, Jeongguk.”
“Taehyung…” He writhes in place, flinching away but he has nowhere to go. He’s pressed against the bedhead, hands behinds his back, cock tied in place. He kicks his legs, but Taehyung moves up and sits atop his thighs, keeping them pinned. Now when he presses the vibrator down he truly can’t escape and it’s so intense that Jeongguk is almost screaming for him to stop.
“Oh, so loud, baby? It must feel good, hm?”
Tears brim in his eyes and spill over his cheeks, Jeongguk sobbing moans out. It is good, it is, but, but it’s so good that it’s too good, is starting to overwhelm him and Taehyung is relentless, mouth twisted in a sadistic grin as he watches Jeongguk suffering.
“Going to come?” He asks.
Jeongguk doesn’t even get a chance to answer him. He blacks out, hearing his own screaming cries.
When he comes to, it’s to Taehyung flipping him over and untying the ropes, the wand still plugged in, sitting beside them.
“I’m hard again, Guk. You were so sexy just now, how could I not be?”
“Tae, I can’t take anymore.” He sounds wrecked, is wrecked. Maybe he should’ve asked Taehyung to do things normally tonight, he thinks, but he knows that he wouldn’t trade this, knows that Taehyung will only do things that make him feel good.
“Just one more thing, baby. I know you can do it. I know you can make me come. You want to make me come, right?”
Jeongguk can only moan in response, tears still streaming down his face as Taehyung finally gets the ropes around his arms undone and they fall loose. He feels blood rushing into the spots that were constricted, the odd tingling sensation almost orgasmic in and of itself.
He feels Taehyung’s cock against his hole again, the tip entering him but no more. Jeongguk waits, and waits, and then turns his head to see Taehyung watching him.
“Why-” he rasps, voice almost unrecognisable, “why did you stop?”
“You want to make me come, don’t you? Why should I do the work? Hurry up and make me feel good."
Jeongguk sobs into the sheets as he clutches at them, arms heavy, head heavy, but still he presses back, moaning as Taehyung’s hard cock fills him again.
“You know what’s the funny part?" Taehyung's hands rest on his ass, helping to pull him back and forth but not thrusting, standing still. "Since I’ve already come once I’m probably going to last a lot longer. That’s good, right?” Jeongguk whimpers as he presses back and pulls away, back and forth, Taehyung’s cock still stretching him as his ass gets used to the size. “Fuck,” Taehyung mutters. “Fuck your ass looks good, sucking my cock in. It’s like you were made to take my cock, Jeongguk.”
Taehyung, at his leisure seeing how Jeongguk is doing the work, albeit slowly as he presses back, pulls forward, presses back, pulls forward, reaches over and grabs the wand. Jeongguk thrashes immediately. He’d been wondering why Taehyung hadn’t untied his cock and now he knows. He’s going to torment him further. Indeed, he switches the wand on and bends down, reaching around and pressing it up against the head of his cock again.
“I didn’t ask you to stop, did I?” He growls, slapping Jeongguk’s ass.
“Tae- Tae, it’s too much.” He sobs into the sheets, clenching down on Taehyung’s cock. The wand is pulled away for a moment,
“Remember your colours, Gukkie.” Tae's voice is soft, back to its normal cadence and it jolts Jeongguk to consciousness ever so slightly.
It hadn’t even crossed his mind to seriously ask for Taehyung to stop, let alone use a safeword. It’s not necessary, he thinks. Taehyung won’t hurt him. He’s sure testing his limits, but Jeongguk is happy as he is, happy if Taehyung is happy.
“Don’t- Ah, Tae-”
When Taehyung figures that Jeongguk isn’t going to safeword out, he growls, grabbing him by the hips with one hand and thrusting into him savagely and pressing the wand back to his cock. “God Guk, you’re so perfect.”
Jeongguk doesn’t come again, the sensations too overwhelming and his cock all out of cum to give. Instead, it’s almost like he’s in a perpetual state of orgasm, constant shockwaves of pleasure racking his body, no give, no time for him to rest. He endures it, moaning until his voice dies, shaking and waiting until finally Taehyung snarls, dropping the vibrator and coming into his ass, again filling him with his seed.
He pulls out, Jeongguk collapses onto the bed. He flinches when Taehyung pulls his cheeks apart, stares at his reddened hole as come oozes out and he hears Taehyung make a noise that sounds a lot like a whimper before he starts untying the ropes around his hips. Jeongguk would be horrified if he had half a functioning brain, but instead he just watches with half-lidded eyes as Taehyung scoops some of the cum off of his abs and puts his soiled fingers in his mouth.
"Ah, baby boy," Taehyung pulls him over the middle of the bed, cuddling up to him. Jeongguk is limp, unable to press back into Taehyung's hold just yet as much as he wants to. "You did so well. So beautiful. You're a good boy, Gukkie." Jeongguk just hums, chest heaving as he recovers. All the while Tae strokes his skin and murmurs into his ear. "You know I didn't mean it when I was mean to you, my little Guk? You're so special to me. I would never ever mean those things."
Eventually Jeongguk's head does clear and he turns over, wrapping an arm around Tae's waist.
"Ugh, everything hurts."
“Fuck, Jeongguk," Taehyung breathes out. "Fuck, that was- God, was I too… I feel like I was too intense. It was your first time- or you know, your first time in a while and I shouldn’t have been so full on.” Taehyung hovers over him, fingers stretched out like he wants to touch his face, but hesitating.
Jeongguk reaches up, limbs protesting but he fights through the lethargy to grab Taehyung’s hand and bring his fingers to his lips, kissing each one.
“It was perfect, Tae. Don’t worry so much.”
Taehyung swallows, fingers shaking as he gently cups Jeongguk’s face. “Are you sure? I didn’t go too hard?”
“You went way too hard.” Jeongguk rasps, throat dry, laughing as he speaks. “It was still perfect.”
“Okay. Okay, good.” Taehyung sits up. “I just really love you and I don’t want to hurt you, Jeongguk.”
Jeongguk’s weak heart flutters and he closes his eyes. Taehyung brushes his fingertips over his eyelids, humming. “You’re beautiful. Don’t fall asleep on me. Okay, baby? We need to clean up.”
“No, Tae.” Jeongguk sleepily grabs his wrist, keeping him from leaving. “Clean up tomorrow. Wanna sleep.”
“Jeongguk, you’ll regret it when you wake up, trust me.”
“Don’t care.” Jeongguk tugs insistently at his limb until he relents, falling down beside him. “Just cuddle now. Besides, it’s an excuse for shower sex, right?”
Taehyung laughs, stroking his hair. “You’re so perfect. What’d I do to deserve you?”
“Are you kidding?” Jeongguk opens one eye, closing it almost immediately. “You’re like a god, Tae. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”
Taehyung makes a funny noise and again Jeongguk opens his eyes to see him blushing. He chuckles, lazily brushing his hands over Taehyung’s cheeks. “Cute, Tae.”
“Shush, you." When Jeongguk's hand falls back to the sheets, he laughs. "C’mon, kiddo. At least get under the sheets with me.”
“Fine,” he mumbles as Taehyung lifts his comforter up, forcing himself to move underneath it.
“It’s going to smell so bad in here by tomorrow.”
“You hate it when I have bad breath. Imagine how bad it’ll be tomorrow.”
Taehyung leans over and kisses him until he falls asleep.
Jeongguk wakes up to the smell of burning.
He sits up, joints aching, body bruised.
Smile on his face.
He limps out to the lounge, chucking on one of Taehyung’s larger shirts, the fabric settling at the top of his thighs, and wrinkling his nose when he feels dried cum around his ass. Taehyung was right, it’s gross, and he does sort of regret not taking a shower when it was offered.
He is confused when he doesn’t find Taehyung standing in the kitchen. He is even more confused when he fails to see any evidence of his cooking, benches practically spotless.
The front door swings open. Taehyung walks in, whistling, abruptly stopping when he sees Jeongguk standing there.
“Fuck.” He sighs, head drooping. “I wanted to- damn it. Why aren’t you sleeping in as late anymore?”
Jeongguk cocks his head to the side. “I guess my body knows that the smell of smoke means that you’re up.” He hobbles over to Taehyung, looking into his bags. “You went shopping?”
“Yeah..." With a resigned sigh he admits, "I was going to pretend like I made these.” He holds up a plastic container of store-bought pancakes.
“You really think I was going to buy that?” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow as he drops them back into the bag.
“No. But you would’ve laughed. I like seeing you smile.”
Jeongguk scowls, turning away. “Don’t say that shit.”
Taehyung drops his bags, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk’s shoulders. “No promises. Now give me my good morning kiss.”
Jeongguk, either shy, embarrassed, stubborn, or maybe a mix of all three, turns his head further away.
“Baby,” Taehyung whines, pouting behind him. “Come on.”
“Morning breath, Tae.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“You were just complaining about that last night!”
“Come on. Gukkie?” Taehyung kisses his neck, slowly pressing his tongue against his skin. “Baby boy?”
Jeongguk growls, turning around and grabbing Taehyung’s head, pulling him down into a quick, firm kiss that makes their teeth clash together.
Taehyung frowns. “What was that? You call that a good morning kiss? Here, let me show you how to do it properly.”
“Tae-” Taehyung captures his lips, immediately flicking his tongue out to lick against them. Jeongguk parts them automatically, unable to help his moan as Taehyung's tongue slides over his own. He presses forward until Jeongguk’s back hits the bench, Taehyung lifting him by the hips and hoisting him to sit on it, grabbing his ankles and wrapping them around his waist. Taehyung ravishes his mouth and Jeongguk is only along for the ride, whimpering as he not so subtly starts to grind against Taehyung’s crotch.
“Fuck,” Taehyung says as soon as they break apart, a string of saliva connecting their lips before it, too, breaks. “Now that’s a good morning kiss.”
Jeongguk is already halfway to his headspace, rutting against his crotch and Taehyung grins.
“Now come on baby, we can’t have sex without cleaning you up and having breakfast.”
“No.” Taehyung flicks his nose. “Shower. Breakfast.”
Jeongguk huffs, hopping off of the bench as he does what he's told. “Fine.”
Taehyung chuckles, smacking his ass as he walks towards the bathroom.