“Hi! I’m Denki Kaminari, but calling me Kami is fine too! I’m a junior at UA High, and I may not be the top in my class, but I definitely— nya~”
A roar of laughter came from his black haired friend sitting in front of him. “You did it again! Oh my god!” Hanta screeched through the tears starting to leak from his eyes from laughing so hard.
Eijirou looked at his two friends with a forced neutral face. He really wanted to burst out laughing. “Leave him alone, Hanta. Ya know he can’t control his furry tendencies.” He turned to Denki, trying his best to hide his growing smile, “Maybe try again? I mean, this presentation shit for Mr. Aizawa’s class isn’t supposed to be this extra.”
“That’s so easy for you to say! Your senior crush-slash-soulmate barely speaks! God, when I figure out who the fuck my soulmate is…!” Denki paced back and forth on his old Thor blanket on his floor before letting out a defeated sigh. “I need a break…”
It took Hanta a bit to regain his composure, to which Katsuki sped it up with a slap to his back to get the tall boy to choke on air instead. Once he brushed himself off and wiped his stray tears away from his eyes, he cleared his throat and threw on a genuine smile. “Wanna have Bueller?”
If this were a Japanese shoujo anime, and Kami was the main protagonist staring at his love interest, then he would’ve somehow shown big hearts in his golden yellow eyes. “Yes! Get me Bueller! He’s a better friend than any of you jerks.”
“Then you bought a ramen noodle as your friend, dumbass.” Katsuki retorted as Hanta fished the pet ferret from its cage to pass it to its owner. “That’s dumb as fuck.”
Denki looked at the blonde through the ferret’s short fur, “Sorry can’t hear your jealousy from here! La, la, la, la, la—”
Katsuki rolled his eyes and turned to Eijirou. “I want to kill him. Can I kill him?”
The other boy gave him a judging look, “Do you want Izuku to go after you? He’s cute and all… But he’s seriously fucking terrifying in those debate matches they report on.”
Hanta looked between his two friends, blocking out Denki’s praises directed towards Ferret Bueller, “Guys, we gotta find his half. This isn’t fun anymore.”
“You’re just bummed ‘cause Shouto isn’t shoving, like, a hundred bucks down your throat, Fanta.”
“Fuck off, bastards.”
“Did you read the script we gave you? Just to make sure you don’t say some stupid vine reference in the middle of your presentation,” Shouto’s pointed gaze at the purple boy only made Hitoshi laugh.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Shouto.” Izuku turned to his slacker friend, “Hitoshi, I swear to god, follow the script. I know it’s your dad’s class and you’re passing and whatnot… But—”
“You guys are basically the moms I never had.” Hitoshi gave his friends a lazy grin. “I’ve got this. You better stop.”
“Shou, he did it again.”
Shouto rolled his eyes, his patience wearing thin. “Gotta dip. Bye.”
Denki’s presentation went smoothly, or as smoothly anything Denki Kaminari does. He ended up presenting his furry tendencies to his whole class. And Mr. Aizawa.
Denki wanted to die.
After Mr. Aizawa gave him the straightest face and told him to stay after class, Denki moved back to his seat, not even having finished the first presentation of the new year. Since he became of age to start presenting for his soulmate, he hasn’t been able to convince the whole student body of UA High that he isn’t just some closeted furry and that the phrases are just his weird as fuck soulmate.
Even though Hanta and Mina gave him two thumbs up each when they left the classroom to head to their next class, Eijirou patted him on the back.
“You’ll be fine, bro! He teaches a bunch of kids trying to find their other halves. I’m sure he’ll just tell you to whisper or somethin’ if it happens again!”
“Mr. Kirishima! If you want to continue chit-chatting with Kaminari, it can wait until he leaves this classroom,” their teacher’s monotone voice echoed in the empty classroom.
“Sorry sir!” Eijirou called out, making a beeline towards the door. “Good luck Kami!”
Denki rolled his eyes at his friend before moving towards the teacher’s podium in the front and center of the class. He swallowed a ball of anxiety in the form of spit forming in his mouth before starting, “Uh, what’s up Teach?”
Mr. Aizawa ignored the question entirely, instead opting to stare directly to Kaminari’s eyes. The blonde student felt an increasing amount of unease grow in the pit of his stomach, unsure as to why his observant, calculating teacher would want Denki Kaminari after class. Denki knows Mr. Aizawa slips up on his soulmate’s phrases as well.
After another minute much too long of the scruffy teacher’s staring into his soul, he blinked. “Your dismissed, little listener. Fucking hell, Hizashi!” Mr. Aizawa groaned before restarting, “Dismissed. Try to keep your tendencies to yourself. Rumors are hard to break.”
so! soulmate au! first off: i don't usually read soulmate au's cause they're all the same? (no offense) its always a soul-ID mark or tattoo or a thought tattooed or blah blah. & my dad recently picked up my younger sister's slang. he keeps saying that since i can't leave my apartment it would be a "fat rip" & my being in pain is a "fat mood". i can see him saying this shit cause he's "cool" & up to date with memes. my mom? hell no.
so this is where this monstrosity grew from. my mom randomly saying "fat rip" or whatever because her soulmate (my dad) says it as a joke.
here's the gist of it:
P-A & P-B have go-to phrases for every occasion. Once they hit a certain age, the opposite person switches their own phrases for their soulmate's phrases. Sero talks in 90s slang, Todoroki curses too much. Todoroki now drops 90s slang here and there, while Sero will somehow talk about his "bastard dumpster fire" of a dad.
Chapter 2: A Normal Day at UA High
Cue a cheesy montage of the kids going through their day at UA High.
Eijirou gains some knowledge.
so this is like a stupid filler chapter for what's to come? kinda.
deku's part of the french honor society with aoyama and bakugou's totally not jealous. nah, nope, no way. i honest to god DO NOT have anything against french people. i just tried to tap into a (not) jealous bakugou.
sidenote: aizawa & yamada adopted eri and shinsou. izuku's "little brother" is kouta. bakugou actually likes the kid cause kouta doesn't give a shit. bakugou tutors kouta. yeah.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Ochako spotted Hitoshi’s purple head from across the hall, his lazy gait moving closer to their filling lunch table. Izuku followed her gaze as she waved him over excitedly. “Hey! ‘Toshi, sit with us!”
Shouto froze from eating his school cafeteria re-heated pizza as Izuku cried out through his half-eaten salad, “FUCK! SHIT! OCHAKO!”
Ignoring Izuku’s warning, Hitoshi gave them a large grin, “Actually, Meghan. I can’t sit anywhere. I have hemorrhoids.”
“Hey, Katsuki… Why don’t you ever slip some of Izu’s phrases?” Eijirou’s history textbook ignored to ask his friend.
“Huh?” Katsuki gave him a glare, “Why don’cha focus on your failing classes before you get all comfy in my affairs?!”
The pair sat face-to-face at one of the library’s tables, near the windows, overlooking the student parking lots. Katsuki’s black and red motorcycle shone against the early afternoon sun, and the blonde was practically counting down the seconds until Izuku finished that stupid French Honors Society.
Those goddamn, baguette-douches, cheese-fucking—
“Yo, earth to Katsuki. You still there?” Eijirou snapped his fingers very close to his ears, and it did bring him back from his thoughts, but he’d never admit it to anyone.
“Fuck, shit. If you’re so curious, why don’t ya ask yer senior boy-toy. I’m sure his annoying sunshine friend would go into detail about how every other word that comes outta that wallflower’s mouth is ‘bro’.” Bakugou checked his phone from his jacket pocket. “Shit, I forgot I’m tutoring Izuku’s little brother today. Fuck.”
Eijirou watched as Katsuki pushed himself from the wooden table, haphazardly tucking away loose papers and his textbooks into his messenger bag with little thought. Katsuki gave him one last look, nodded, saluted him in his weird Bakugou-fashion. “Tell Mrs. Midoriya and Kouta I said hi!!”
“Did he do it again?” Hizashi’s voice feed sounded fuzzy through Shouta’s speakerphone. Shouta groaned, wanting to bang his head against the student desk he was currently grading his class’s assignments on. “I guess that answers my question.”
“‘Zashi, can you pick up Eri from school? I still have to wait for Hitoshi to finish up with— I don’t even know what he’s doing,” Shouta could already feel a migraine starting as he rubbed his tired eyes. “Make sure to pick up cat food too. I know Hitoshi blew that off.”
“I should just sleep forever and ignore all responsibilities. Dammit,” his soulmate shuffled around, and Shouta heard something click off. “I’m parked outside her building. I’ll call later. Send me a pic of the cat food ya buy, I don’t want a repeat of what happened last month.”
Hitoshi watched as Eijirou stretched in his chair, still inside the library. The teen’s black hair untamed and frizzy around his badly placed girly hair clips, Hitoshi almost wanted to offer his own black metal clips. At least it would look better than the Hello Kitty and Powerpuff Girls charms decorating his hair.
Instead, he watched as the boy yawned, and while suppressing is own yawn, pull out his phone. Hitoshi took this moment to walk “casually” up to Eijirou, ask him some questions, and then leave. He had to meet his dad in his homeroom soon anyways.
As smoothly as possible, Hitoshi trekked across the fairly bare library. He ignored the narrowing glare from Mr. Black or Mr. Mist or whatever his name was, his focus was entirely on his classmate.
“Hey, uh… Eijirou right?” Hitoshi started, completely forgetting if he’s even ever spoken to the kid.
The other boy seemed completely unfazed. “Oh! Hey dude! What’s up?”
“Deez nuts! HA got ‘em!” Hitoshi coughed before quickly slipping out an apology. “Uh, anyways, I was just… Uh… Do you know who that furry kid is?”
Eijirou had to quite literally bite his tongue to stop him from laughing out loud in the school library. Which would mean both of them would be kicked out. To never return. Which would piss off Katsuki. A lot.
“Yeah! Denki’s just presented for being ‘of-age’ for his soulmate, and we give him shit ‘cause whoever’s his soulmate has got to be fuckin’ with the kid.” Eijirou stopped to catch his breath before asking, “Why do ya wanna know?”
Hitoshi felt his cheeks heat with a light blush. He coughed twice before responding. “No reason.” He mumbled out under his breath, “Ah, fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this.”
Eijirou didn’t seem to acknowledge the last part because he only flashed Hitoshi one of his popular sunshine smiles. “Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but I bet my parents are just worried sick why I haven’t even called yet! I’ll talk to you later if I see you in the halls.” Eijirou stood up quickly, a packed up and closed book bag hooked around his shoulder that had Hitoshi wondering when he had packed up his work? The slightly taller teen quickly walked out of the library, leaving Hitoshi wondering what the hell happened.
Once he got outside of the high school’s campus, sending a text to his dad to pick him up from the front gates, he sent a text to his friends’ group chat.
Shitty Hair: GUYS! I think I know who’s Denki’s half!
PSA: buy correct cat food ya fools! unless ya wanna clean cat vomit from your impossible-to-clean-or-vacuum carpet.
Chapter 3: OwO nice bulge
So much for not fucking up in front of your soulmate, Denki.
me @ myself: i can't believe i've done this
enjoy this completely crack fic as i finally update before i basically scramble (like an egg) outta my apartment for therapy.
katsuki's got a good handle on not spilling izuku's word vomit rants
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Last Time on Closeted Furry Tendencies…
Shitty Hair: GUYS! I think I know who’s Denki’s half!
Kirishima can’t imagine what Hitoshi’s friends were dealing with his half’s Vine references, the few rare times Denki spills a phrase or two from Vine, everyone just leaves the room. And Katsuki threatens to smash his head open with one of his heavier textbooks. His phone vibrated in his hand twice, so Kirishima checked to see who responded.
Alien Ripley: WHOMST!!!
Tape Flask: I’m sure Ei’s heading home, Mina.
Shitty Hair: just waiting for my dad to pick me up!! & lets just say he def recites vines
Izukus BOTTOM: oh fuck i think i know who ur talking about
Izukus BOTTOM: … WHO THE FUCK CHANGED MY SCREEN NAME AGAIN?!
Shitty Hair: seriously bro? who do you think???
“Hey, uh, Dad?”
Yamada turned his attention from the vegetables he was chopping up in prep for dinner to Hitoshi, “Yeah? What’s up kid?”
“How… Um, wow, this is awkward… Was there—?” Hitoshi paused to gather his thoughts as Yamada dropped the knife completely to show he had Hitoshi’s complete attention. “HowdidyouknowyoumetAizawaasyoursoulmate?”
Yamada’s eyes widen momentarily from surprise at the lack of a moment of air in between his question before chuckling softly. “Do you have an idea of who she is?”
Hitoshi’s eyes darted to the side as he felt his cheeks heat. “He. He’s in my class that I’ve got with Pops.”
“Oh?” Now Yamada was completely invested. He’d have to pester his husband later to get the class roster. Play it smooth Hizashi, try to get the kid’s name from him. “Well, what’s the kid like?”
“He’s an absolute dumbass.”
“Izuku, I’m not fucking around,” Katsuki starts in a low whisper since Kouta was sitting near them, “it’s Hitoshi right? Kid thats always high outta his mind?”
“‘Toshi’s not… He doesn’t…,” the green-haired teen paused to think about his friend.
Katsuki gave him a side-eye glare.“…Oh, yeah, he kinda does look like he does that. But don’t you have Hitoshi in his dad’s class?”
Katsuki frowned at his soulmate, closing his mouth quickly to stop himself from spilling his soulmate’s word vomit thought process from his mouth. Izuku smiled brightly at him, knowing what would’ve happened.
Kouta stopped the easy math problem worksheet and looked to Katsuki and his older brother. “There’s a cute girl in my class. Her big brother goes to your school… I think. His dad looks like a mean burrito.”
Izuku stared at his otherwise quiet brother with wide eyes. “Looks like we found a lead then.”
“Denki,” Eijirou wished he can force his friend to make the first move without having to use Katsuki as a threat, “can you just talk to him?”
“Do I hafta?” The blonde’s face fell, his eyes scanning the school’s courtyard. Since school was out already, all the grades mingled, friend groups forming around the benches and picnic tables. Hitoshi stood near Izuku and Shouto, noticing Hanta already moving across the grass to say hi.
“Go,” Katsuki growled out. Eijirou pushed his friend forward, keeping his hand on his lower back to continue pushing him towards his goal. Katsuki stayed a couple feet behind to catch him just in case Denki tried to run.
Izuku watched as Denki, Eijirou, and Katsuki made their way over to their picnic table. Hanta was already chatting with Shouto, completely ignoring the world around them. Ochako giggled when she spotted Denki’s bright red face, tapping Hitoshi’s shoulders quickly.
The three boys stopped in front of Hitoshi, Katsuki moved to Izuku to rest his head on his shoulder to watch the impending shit storm. Eijirou gave one final shove to Denki’s back, making the red-faced blonde almost trip on his footing.
“Hey, Kami,” Hitoshi started, a sly smirk growing on his face.
Denki gulped, feeling his face absolutely burn as his skin felt electrified with goosebumps. He whispered a greeting. Eijirou groaned from where he sat next to Ochako.
“Uh…,” Kaminari starts, feeling the pressure of the two groups of friends watching their interaction. “Hitoshi, right?” The other boy nodded, his smirk never fading. “Cool. Cool. Cool. UwU, I want your cummies.”
sorry for that ending
(lmfao i'm not)