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don't smile at me

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Felix had always been a good roommate towards Changbin. Changbin always thought that the latter had been treating him too nicely, when he doesn't even treat him back the same way with affections.

They became roommates through Chan; Changbin had been looking for someone to share the rent with when his older friend coincidentally mentioned about his cousin needing a place to live at. They hit it off quickly, with how Felix was really friendly and Changbin was accepting.

He remembers how the younger male offers to massage him when his body seems too stiff to move around properly. Felix would leave him messages on post-its around the house when he's not around, reminding him to eat, sleep and other sorts of stuff that Changbin tends to forget.

Felix would make him great coffee in the morning when Changbin grumpily wakes up, obviously not happy that he's getting very little sleep with how much work he has to do. The younger male would try to include him in his life as much as it allowed him, starting conversations about dancing with Hyunjin and Minho, rapping with Chan and Jisung.

When Changbin needs help regarding his producing, Felix was always there to listen and gave helpful advices that usually intrigued the older male. And Changbin couldn't help but admit that Felix is pretty as he scans his eyes down his facial features.

His doe eyes, his freckles, his eyelashes, his eyebrows. His pink full lips, his nose, the permanent blush at his cheeks, his smile, his grin. His front two teeth, his cheekbones, his jawline.

Changbin may be awkward and closeted towards him, but Felix never fails to show affections with a sweet smile.

So when Changbin rushes into their house looking dishevelled and frantically scared, Felix definitely knows that something's wrong when he ignores his question, "Binnie? Hey, are you okay?"

The latter keeps quiet, stopping in the middle of the house with his face as white as a sheet. Felix scans his eyes down his friend's body figure, furrowing his eyebrows confusedly when he notices the darkening bruise at a spot under the sharp jawline.

He moves his gaze further, gasping loudly when he sees the bloody knuckles and a bleeding slash at his inner thigh. Felix gets up onto his feet hurriedly, moving towards the male carefully while biting down on his bottom lip anxiously,

"Binnie, what happened?"

Before Felix could take another step, Changbin runs to his room and locks his door behind him, catching him off guard. Felix follows behind, immediately banging on the door and shouting for the older to let him in.

"Let me in! Binnie, please, open the door.."

Changbin holds his clenched fists to his chest, shaking like a leaf and breathing unstably as he recalls back of what he had done. He tries to blink away the tears, gasping for air as he leans against the door when he sees before his eyes the way his mother cried for his father to stop hitting her.

He had had enough of the abuse. So he fought back. And even though his mother tried to hold him back, he despised his father for hurting her. What he didn't think through was the police could get involved, almost putting him behind bars.

Felix leans his head against the locked door and weakly bangs his fists on it, "Binnie.. Why can't you just open up to me? When will you let me in?"

Changbin takes a sharp intake of air and collapses onto his butt, knocking his head back against the door as he breaks out into a pained sob. He hides his face into his arm, crying until he couldn't breathe properly.

Felix hears the sobs and feels his heart in his chest swell painfully, making him slightly teary as he listens to his older friend cry to himself. He turns around and slides against the door, and onto his butt, sitting there helplessly.

Both stayed in the same position all night, falling asleep when they couldn't fight the slumber.

Changbin awakens peacefully, eyes struggling to open because they were swollen from crying. He leans away from the door and looks around lost, taking a moment to realise that he had fallen asleep against his bedroom door.

He sighs softly, leaning back against the door, closing his eyes again and taking a deep breath to recompose himself. After a moment, he lifts himself onto his feet, immediately heading to his bathroom to wash up, careful of the open wound at his thigh.

After he finishes his morning routine, he stops in front of his bedroom door while biting down on his bottom lip anxiously, hesitating to step outside because he's too embarrassed to look at Felix in the eyes.

He lifts up an arm to frustratingly run his fingers through his wet hair, taking a moment to make his final decision. He unlocks his door and slowly pushes it open, but it doesn't even move an inch.

Furrowing his eyebrows, he looks into the small tiny gap created, and he feels guilty when he sees Felix asleep against the door. The latter was hugging his knees to his chest and he had his body tucked into himself, leaning his side against the door like a baby.

Changbin clears his throat, "F-felix?"

He doesn't get any response.

"Felix? Buddy? Uh - lightly pushes the door against his body - Lix?" The older male was glad that he only had to do a small movement, because he wouldn't want to hurt Felix.

The latter stirs awake, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his fists and he turns to face the direction of the voice that he had heard, jolting awake when he realises that it was his roommate. He hastily gets up onto his feet, patting away any dust from his clothes as he stands up straight, allowing Changbin to open his door fully.

Felix clears his throat and rubs the nape of his head shyly, "Binnie! Uh, hi! I hope you slept fine yesterday?"

"I.. I did. Thanks." Changbin tries to smile, failing miserably and he internally curses himself at how he awkwardly grins at his younger friend, who nods slowly.

"Okay. Uh, I'll just... Yeah, I'll start moving," Felix grins lightly before he rushes to open his own bedroom door at the end of the hallway, stopping when he hears Changbin call out his name.

Changbin clears his throat, "Rooftop lunch? I'll order food."

Felix pretends to ponder about it for a moment, but all he actually wants to do is agree, "Sure. Sounds good, I'll see you upstairs then hyung."

Changbin waits for Felix patiently on the rooftop, sitting on top of a mat by himself with a box of fried chicken sitting beside him, including a bottle of soda and two disposable cups, not forgetting wet tissues. He was wearing a knitted sweater which covered his whole upper body till beyond his jawline, comfortable sweatpants and a pair of flipflops.

His knuckles were still red but the swelling has already slowed down, and he had already covered up the wound at his inner thigh with the necessary stuff that he had in his first-aid box, that has been sitting uselessly in his bathroom's cabinet. The bruise under his jawline was covered by his sweater, so he didn't pay any mind.

Jolting from shock when he hears a loud sound, he turns to see Felix entering the rooftop with a sheepish grin, accidentally pushing the door opened with too much unexplainable force. "Sorry!"

Changbin rolls his eyes in disbelief and he turns back to the scenery, sighing softly when he hears Felix sitting beside him with a huff, "I, uh, want to apologise for yesterday."

"It's fine! I acted out of line too, so it's even," Felix grins reassuringly when Changbin looks at him with his eyebrow quirked up.

"Really? Huh, I thought whatever you said was right."

"Nah. I shouldn't have acted so impatient. Anyways! I'm glad that you look better now," Felix says as he observes the older male's knuckles, looking up with a small smile before he asks if they could start eating.

They eat together, finishing the food in time for them to have a conversation that they should have a long time ago.

Felix downs his cup of Coca Cola in one go and looks at his roommate with his nose scrunched up, "Do you hate me hyung?"

"No? Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. It's just that, you've never really include me in your life before," His lips form a thin line as he looks at the scenery, not wanting to look at the older male.

"Maybe I'm the only one, but I hope you know that you mean a lot to me hyung. And I don't expect much from you, just forms of enthusiast and comfort make me happy enough. Is that too much?"

Changbin shakes his head slowly, mumbling out a soft no, "I'm just scared, I guess. The last person I ever opened up to was my ex and he fucked me up real bad."

Felix hums in understanding, "Well, you should know that I'm different from him. I live off the little things, you know? I'm happy whenever you smile, laugh or when your eyes get that small twinkle while talking about something you like."

"That's... How did you notice?" Felix smirks smugly and shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

"I just told you Binnie, I live off the little things. No matter how subtle, how small it is, they all still matter."

Changbin shyly smiles at that, messing his hair with his hand as he looks away when Felix turns to look at him, "That's nice of you."

"I think you were trying to say sweet? How limited is your language, hyung? I'm the foreigner, not you!" Felix giggles happily when the older male glares at him, obviously ruining the mood.

They spent the day together telling things that were once secrets and laughing at each other when one acts too silly.

Maybe this gave Changbin the reassurance to open up to Felix. Maybe something starts to bloom in his heart for the younger when he wakes up the next day on the couch with Felix, faces too close and legs and arms tangled.

Maybe they started to date after they took a few months to realise their feelings for each other. And maybe they lasted as long as fate allowed them to. Forever.