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the best kind of apology

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There’s nothing that Lena hates more than the sound of Kara’s DEO-issue cell phone.

It seems to trill its irritating little tone at the absolute most inopportune moments - like when she and Kara are on a date, or in the bath, or in the middle of a deep conversation.

Or now, when Kara’s clit is in her mouth and the blonde is halfway to splitting Lena’s headboard in two.

“Crap!” Kara hisses, squirming out of Lena’s grasp and grabbing the phone. She answers it quickly, already sitting up. “What is it?”

As Kara listens to the situation, zipping around the room and putting her suit back on, Lena sighs in disappointment, wiping her mouth and flopping back on the pillows. It’s a pretty common occurrence, being interrupted by Alex or J’onn calling for backup, and she always knew that getting involved with Kara meant sharing her attention with National City. Supergirl is a hero, and she’s needed. But it’s still a pain in the ass sometimes, and every time she leaves, Lena worries.

“Yeah, I’m on my way – I’m still getting dressed. No, I’m – I was in the shower, at home, and you’re distracting me, so –“

And then there’s that. Kara looks at her apologetically and Lena tries to swallow the pang of sadness that always follows those little white lies, but it sticks in her throat.

It’s been almost 6 months, and Kara still hasn’t told anyone about them. To all of Kara’s friends and colleagues, Lena is just her best friend. Most of them are also under the impression that Lena has no idea Kara is Supergirl.

And Lena understands the fear, she really does – coming out to Lillian Luthor had been no picnic – but it still hurts every time someone asks Kara if she’s seeing anyone, or when she has to lie about her whereabouts. Alex would obviously accept Kara, considering her own journey to self-discovery last year. So, no matter how much Lena understands or how much she tries to tell herself that it isn’t true, she can’t always stop the small, dark voice deep in her head that tells her it’s something else. That it’s something wrong with her.

That it’s because she’s a Luthor. Dark, impermanent, and fundamentally unlovable.

Kara tosses the phone onto the bed so that she can fasten her cape, and Lena hears Alex’s worried voice through the receiver.

“It’s going to be dangerous, Kara. You should come pick up your new suit. Winn added more anti-Kryptonite protection, and extra shields in case of a solar flare.”

“I’ll be fine, Alex. I can handle it.”

Kara finishes pulling on her boots, hanging up the phone and shoving it into whatever hidden pocket she keeps her belongings in during fights. Lena is pretty sure it’s some kind of pocket dimension, because she can never find it when she’s divesting Kara of the suit, but she hasn’t been able to prove it.

“Okay, I’ll be right back, love you, bye!” She rattles off, kissing Lena briefly on the cheek and zooming off into the distance through the open balcony. Lena sighs, flopping back onto the bed and pulling out her phone, preparing for a bit of a wait and then to finish what she started when Kara returns.

When two full hours pass and Kara is nowhere to be seen, a spike of worry pierces Lena’s gut.

During regular Supergirl emergencies, Kara is gone a half hour at most. She zips in, fixes the problem, and comes home. Sometimes she stops at the DEO, or, if she’s fighting some kind of rogue alien, it takes her a bit longer. But two hours is pushing it, and Lena finally gets up and puts on her clothes when the clock strikes 8pm and there’s no sign of a red cape hovering outside her window.

Padding out to the living room to make herself a sandwich for dinner – she and Kara had planned on going out, but clearly that’s out of the question now – she clicks on the television, and what she sees there completely obliterates all intention to eat food.

The CatCo Media news channel is on, and on the small video playing next to the anchor’s face, Supergirl falls from a roof and lands in a heap on the ground. A bloody heap. Kara is bleeding. Lena almost thinks that the picture has been paused, because Kara isn’t moving – but after a few seconds, agents rush over and pull her body onto a gurney. She’s limp, and lifeless, and Lena wants to scream.

According to the anchor, Supergirl was taken away by black-outfitted agents and the Martian Manhunter took over – she has no idea whether he managed to subdue whatever it was that brought Kara down, because she’s already muting the TV and pulling out her phone with suddenly shaking hands.

Kara’s phone rings right through, of course – she cuts off Kara’s cheerful voicemail message, cursing. Next she dials Alex, to no avail. Three times, and it just goes straight to her automated voicemail. Starting to feel desperate, she dials Winn, and then James. Both lines ring through, unanswered.

The panic starts to rise like the tide inside her, ebbing ever higher through her chest until she feels like she’s suffocating in it, drowning in the horrifying realization that she has no way of knowing if Kara is even alive. She hardly realizes that she’s been pacing circles around her living room until she bangs her shin on the coffee table, the sharp pain breaking the loop of a bloodied Kara hitting the cement that’s been running through her head.

It’s fine, she reasons. She’s probably just recuperating. If something serious happened to Kara, they’d call me.

Wouldn’t they?

She’s Kara’s best friend, yes, but nobody knows that she and Kara are dating, let alone that Lena is aware of her alter-ego. No matter what they’ve shared over the last months, no matter how many times Kara has pressed their foreheads together and said I love you, their relationship remains between them. A secret. Would they really keep it from Lena that her human friend Kara is hurt, even if they think she doesn't know about her Kryptonian identity?

She has no idea. All she can do is wait, and hope.

18 sleepless hours later, when her phone is still silent and all media outlets are exclaiming that Supergirl has disappeared, waiting and hoping go out the fucking window.

Lena goes to work, but she doesn’t so much as step foot in her office. Instead she gets two espresso shots, calls Jess from the car to inform her that her schedule needs to be cleared, and goes directly to the lab. If the techs are surprised to see her there, they don’t show it – she just takes a station, politely asks an intern for a strong cup of coffee, and gets to work hacking the DEO’s finely crafted security systems.

And it’s good, she’ll give them that – the code has an elegance to it, and she can see Winn’s fingerprints all over it.

He’s good. But I’m better.

She works in stints, taking short naps when she gets too tired to think and running on caffeine and anxiety. She checks her phone constantly, but still there’s nothing – 26 hours, and then 32, and then 48, and still none of her incessant calls are returned. The longer she doesn’t hear from Kara, the more sure she becomes that something terrible has happened, and it makes her double her efforts.

She works until her vision swims, until her hands start to shake, until one of her employees approaches her and asks if she’s all right, clearly noticing that she’s been wearing the same clothes for two days. She blinks up at him, her bloodshot eyes absorbing something that isn’t her screens or the device she’s been feverishly working on for the first time in what feels like a year.

She accepts the cup of coffee he offers, and when she looks back at her tablet, it hits her.

Winn, you wacky little genius.

After three straight days of radio silence Lena marches into the DEO at 6:43am, heels clicking and an army of gun-toting agents surrounding her. The blaring alarms are like music to her deliriously-exhausted ears – they mean that she’s here, and Kara is somewhere in this fortress-like building. She can see Alex advancing with a small team, and the gobsmacked look on her face when she sees that Lena is the intruder is almost enough to make her laugh.

Almost.

“Where is she?” Lena can tell that she looks insane, that she hasn’t showered in days and her eyes are reddened, but she doesn’t care.

Alex gapes at her, holstering her weapon and gesturing for everyone else to do the same. “Wh – Lena – how did you get in here?”

Lena thrusts the device she’s spent 78 hours crafting at Alex’s chest, still wild-eyed. “You need to upgrade your security. Where is Kara?”

“I can’t just ignore the fact that you broke into the DEO and apparently know who Kara is, Lena, you need to sign –“

Winn runs up behind her, holding a tablet with several red blinking lights and staring at Lena’s device with fascination. He pries it from Alex’s grasp, starting to examine it closely. She can see James up on a higher platform, looking down at them in some kind of armored suit, and anger builds up inside her like a storm cloud.

All of them are here, and none of them called her back. None.

“Where. Is. She.”

Lena’s voice is low and dangerous, and she spends several tense moments in a stare-off with Alex before she seems to relax, bending to Lena’s iron will.

“Follow me.”

Alex leads her through labyrinthine halls, further and further into the facility until they reach a glass window looking into a stark room. It contains a lab table, what looks like two giant tanning beds, and…Kara. Awake. Kara is awake.

She’s sitting at the edge of one of the beds, the soft yellow glow making the bruises on her skin stand out. She looks almost as tired as Lena feels. She perks up when she sees Lena, looking confused but happy to see her - and then it morphs into realization and, clear as day, guilt.

Lena’s jaw tightens. She’s awake. She’s awake and she didn’t even think to call. She looks Kara in the eye through the window, and asks Alex the question she’s been wondering for days.

“Is she going to be alright?”

Alex nods, looking Lena over with concern. “She solar flared and lost her powers, and then fell 3 storeys. She was in pretty critical condition, but her powers are coming back now. The sun lamps did their job. She’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

“Good.” Lena nods, the line of her shoulders still stiff.

Kara waves hesitantly, looking hopeful, and Lena swallows the urge to cry ugly, betrayed tears. She breaks eye contact and turns on her heel, gesturing at the closest guard to the door. “I’d like to be shown out, please.”

She signs every NDA Alex gives her, goes home, consumes most of a bottle of scotch, and falls asleep crying.

 


 

The moment that Kara sees Lena in the window of her recovery room, she knows she’s screwed up.

It’s not that she’s forgotten about her girlfriend. Far from it - she only woke up about 2 hours before Lena arrived, with Alex hovering over her and telling her that she’s been out for 3 days. She’s feeling more sore than she’s ever been in her life, and she spent those hours trying to soak up as much solar energy as she can. Her first thought upon waking – besides ‘what on earth happened to my head’ – is that Lena must be worried. It sits like a rock in the back of her skull, knowing that Lena hasn’t heard from her in 3 days, the knowledge that it’s likely that nobody has told her that Kara is okay. She wants to leave, to hunt for the phone that’s missing from her pocket and call Lena and tell her that everything is alright.

But Alex and a few DEO technicians have been in and out constantly, assessing her condition and running tests, and she had just been considering sneaking out to try to find her phone when Lena appeared in the window, looking like she hasn’t slept in a week.

For a split second, her heart rises like a balloon just at the sight of her. She’s just had the most awful, blindsiding fight and then woke up three days later, and there’s nobody in the world she’d rather see more right now. But then she sees the most wounded, naked look of heartbreak cross Lena’s face, and it all comes crashing down.

Oh, no.

She feels Lena’s hurt like a punch to the gut. Looking closer she can see the tired darkness under her eyes, the redness, the absolute exhaustion radiating from her like an aura, and the almost claustrophobic guilt threatens to make her throat close.

She tries to wave, to tell Lena somehow with a gesture that she’s sorry, but Lena just turns and leaves the room, taking Kara’s heart with her.

After that Alex lets her leave with the promise to go home and rest, seeming to sense that something was seriously off about Lena’s visit and Kara’s subsequent frantic, restless energy. Kara agrees, with no intention of resting until she can talk to Lena.

She goes to L-Corp first. It’s a weekday, and technically Lena showed up at the DEO before work – and Kara has never known her to miss a day, even when she’s recovering from an assassination attempt. But when she arrives, Lena’s office is dark. Her assistant Jess sits watchfully at her desk, typing away despite Lena apparently not being there.

“Is Lena not here?” Kara asks without preamble, and Jess looks up for half a second before continuing to type.

“She didn’t come in this morning.” She says it with a pretty pointed tone, accompanied by an almost Lena-esque eyebrow raise, and Kara’s guilt intensifies.

She must be at home.

Kara takes significantly longer to get up to Lena’s apartment than usual. She’s never been more thankful for Lena leaving her usual note with the doorman – that Kara is to be let up at all times, without question – because she has the sneaking suspicion that otherwise, she’d be having to fly up and tap on Lena’s window. She takes a moment to x-ray Lena’s apartment before she approaches the door, just to make sure she’s home and okay, and it breaks her heart when she sees what’s inside – Lena, still in her rumpled dress and curled up into a tiny ball on the couch, surrounded by tissues and what looks like empty scotch glasses. She looks small and defeated, staring into space with a blank expression.

Finally, Kara knocks.

“Lena?”

Silence. She can hear Lena’s heartbeat – it quickens when she hears Kara’s voice, and she hears the shuffle of fabric and a sigh. “Lena, I know you’re in there.”

“Once again, you’ve apparently forgotten what a phone is.” Lena’s voice is hoarse and scratchy, and Kara frowns.

“I called, and you didn’t answer!”

“And you didn’t take the hint.” There’s more steel in her tone now, and she can hear Lena get up – presumably off her couch – and start to tidy the glasses from her coffee table.

Kara sighs frustratedly, resting her forehead on the door. “I came to apologize.”

“I got all of your apology texts. I get it.”

Kara sighs in frustration, and Lena resolutely ignores it. “No, Lena you don’t – please, will you just let me in?”

“Why? You can just break the door anyways. You don’t need me to open it.”

“I would never do that.” Kara whispers, genuinely hurt that Lena would even suggest she might invade her privacy like that. There’s a pause, and finally soft footsteps pad from the couch to the door. Two locks click, and the door eases open a few inches. Lena looks, if possible, even more tired than she did at the DEO.

“You make it very difficult to give you the silent treatment,” She says, and there’s no forgiveness in her tone, but the door is open and Kara will take what she can get.

“I know.” Kara doesn’t put her hands on the door, doesn’t push. She just waits, hands behind her back. Finally Lena sighs again and she steps back, opening the door with her. Taking the invitation gratefully, Kara steps inside.

As soon as Lena shuts the door behind her, Kara turns around, unable to keep the words inside anymore.

“I messed up, Lena. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Lena is silent, walking in a wide circle around Kara and towards the kitchen. She carefully pours two glasses of water, slowly filling them until they’re exactly equal and arranging them in perfect parallel on the table. Kara gets the feeling that the small act of control is Lena trying to keep her emotions in check.

“I should have – I should have called, as soon as I woke up. I should –“

“You should have listened to Alex when she told you to be careful. You should have gotten your other suit before you left. You should have said goodbye.” Lena’s voice gets higher and more broken the more she talks, like she can’t control her own speech anymore now that she’s started. “You should have called me to tell me you were okay, you should have told Alex about us so that she didn’t look at me like I was a criminal when I came to see you –“

Lena breaks off at that, her voice cracking as a tear tracks down her face. Her mouth quivers heartbreakingly, like she’s forcibly trying to keep it shut. She turns away quickly, facing the opposite wall and bracing her hands on the counter as she heaves unsteady breaths.

Kara feels like she’s been slapped in the face.

She’s never seen Lena like this. She’s shaking, her knuckles white on the marble countertop, all of her repressed feelings bubbling to the surface and spilling over. Kara has no idea what to say, how to make this any better – Lena is right, about everything.

“I thought you were dead.” She whispers, her voice thick. “You disappeared, and all the news outlets were showing that footage of you – of you falling, and – you were bleeding, and nobody knew where you were, and I kept calling and calling, you and Alex and James and Winn and nobody – nobody answered. And all of them were there, with you. They didn’t even think I warranted a phone call.”

“Lena –“

“And you. You were awake for three hours before I got there. And you didn’t even think of me?”

“Of course I did!” Kara finally bursts out, cutting Lena off. “I thought of you every second I was awake, but I didn’t have my phone, and Alex –“ She stops, suddenly understanding the root of Lena’s pain, of her frustration with Kara specifically.

“Alex doesn’t know.” Lena finishes quietly, her arms crossed defensively. She looks small, defeated, and Kara begins to understand the magnitude of her fuck-up.

“I’ve tried to be okay with it. With you not telling anyone about us. It was working fine, but – not this time. I just…I just don’t understand.” Lena murmurs. “Is it because of my brother? Because of who I am? Are you ashamed of me?”

“No!” Kara exclaims. “God, no. Lena, it has nothing to do with you.”

“Then what?”

“I’m scared!” Kara shouts, her own eyes starting to spill over with the confession she’s been trying to ignore for months. “I’ve never had to do this before, and I don’t know how!”

Lena flinches at the volume, and Kara lowers it abashedly. “I’m sorry, I just – my whole life, I’ve been hiding the fact that I’m an alien. Now, I have the whole Supergirl identity, and I don’t – telling people is so stressful, having this hidden part of myself, and it makes me feel anxious. And now I have this huge other thing that I’m hiding, and I know that Alex will accept and love me, but that doesn’t make saying it any easier.”

“I thought you learned that lesson when you kept your Supergirl identity from me for over a year. It only gets worse the longer you wait.” Lena says tiredly, but her tone isn’t accusatory anymore – just sad. She sighs, rubbing her face and smudging her already-ruined mascara at the corners of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Kara. You don’t owe anyone your identity. I shouldn’t be forcing you. You deserve to come out in your own time, and I was being selfish.” She crosses her arms tightly over her chest, as if she’s trying to protect herself from her own feelings.

Kara shakes her head, her heart hurting at how Lena seems to be pinning this on herself.

“No, Lena, I’m sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. You were worried about me. I disappeared on you, and if I had just told someone what you mean to me…” Kara moves slightly closer, not yet sure if Lena will appreciate being touched but wanting to give her the option. Lena’s arms loosen ever so slightly.

“And what’s that?”

With all the sincerity in her heart, Kara tells her.

“Everything, Lena. You mean everything to me.”

Lena looks at her for a few moments, the words hanging heavy between them. She looks like she’s struggling with something, her face moving in a way that it only does when she’s holding back a wave of painful emotion, and Kara finally finds out what it is when she collapses into Kara’s arms, shaking with uncontrolled pain. Kara catches her, overwhelmed by the sudden break in Lena’s armour.

“I thought I was losing you.” Lena sobs into Kara’s chest, and her heart aches with every word, as if the muscle itself is rebelling at the thought of Lena feeling so alone. Somehow, she knows that it’s more than just bodily harm Lena was afraid of losing her to, and her next words confirm the theory.

“And I tried to cut you out, I’m sorry, it just – it hurt so much –“

“I know. I’m sorry, Lena,” Kara murmurs into her hair, peppering kisses on the top of her head and squeezing as tightly as she dares. She knows that Lena likes the pressure, finds it comforting, and she’s relieved when she starts to relax. “I’m so, so sorry. I promise, it’ll never happen again.”

Lena just sniffles, clinging harder to Kara’s torso, and Kara can tell from her silence that she doesn’t believe the words. Gently lifting Lena into a bridal carry and heading towards the soft bed down the hall, Kara makes her decision.

Never again.

In the days after their fight and make-up, Lena is notably clingier than usual. She’s like a cat, wanting consistent physical contact but never voicing that it’s what she needs, and Kara starts waking up in the middle of the night to find Lena clinging to her as if subconsciously afraid that Kara is going to disappear as soon as she lets go. It breaks Kara’s heart, but it strengthens her resolve. The next morning she leaves Lena in bed with a note and a kiss on the forehead, calls Alex, and asks the question she’s been avoiding for months.

“Can I come over? I need to talk to you.”

When it’s over and she and Alex have had their share of talking and tearful hugs, she flies back to Lena’s apartment to tell her – but it’s empty. Lena has left a note of her own on the fridge, saying that she had to go into work but that she should be home before dinner.

Shoot.

She could go to L-Corp and tell Lena right away, but clearly if she had to go into the office on a Sunday there’s something she needs to get done, and Kara doesn’t want to distract her, So instead she cleans the entire apartment, bakes muffins, and finishes the article she promised to James before finally flopping onto the couch, staring at the ceiling and waiting, waiting, waiting to hear the click of Lena’s heels and the comforting thump of her heartbeat.

When she finally does hear it, the familiar thump-thump paired with Lena murmuring a greeting to her doorman and rustling through her purse for her keys, she fidgets so hard waiting for her to actually step out of the elevator and put her keys in the door that she has to sit on her hands.

At last the handle turns and Lena throws her keys into the bowl next to the door, immediately dropping her purse, stepping out of her shoes, and undoing the thick belt she has cinched around her waist to accent the pencil skirt.

“Lena?”

Lena jumps suddenly in response to her voice, spinning wildly towards the couch and seeming to realize she’s there for the first time.

“Jesus, Kara!” She gasps, slapping a hand to her chest. “I know I gave you a key, but can you not sit in the shadows like that? You scared me.”

“Sorry! Sorry,” Kara holds her hands up in surrender, and Lena relaxes incrementally, her hand going to her hair to shake it out of its tight ponytail.

“I thought you were working tonight?” She says, running her fingers through the loose strands and sighing as the pressure on her scalp eases. Kara swallows, trying not to get distracted by the delicious way her neck flexes as she finger-combs.

“No, I finished the article. I – I told Alex.”

Lena freezes mid-brush, her face torn between hope and doubt. “…told Alex what?”

“I told her. About us,” Kara says, and Lena blinks, looking shell-shocked. Kara hurries to elaborate, standing up and taking Lena’s still hands in her own. “You were right. She was happy for me. She was surprised, but she was happy.”

Alex’s reaction had wavered somewhere between shock and dawning understanding while Kara explained exactly how her friendship with Lena had turned romantic, and in the end, she reacted exactly the way Kara knew she would deep down – with a big hug, and an apology for not noticing this huge life change on her own. Kara’s shoulders have felt remarkably light ever since, and all the way to Lena’s apartment, she asked herself the same question that Alex did.

Why did I wait so long?

“Kara…” Lena whispers, looking close to tears. “You did that for me?”

Kara shakes her head, pulling Lena closer. “I did it for both of us. But it felt good - I should have done it sooner. I was holding myself back because it was easier that way, but I didn’t think about what it was doing to you. Especially this week. I’ll tell everyone else tomorrow, I promise. I just wanted Alex to know first, she would have killed me if Winn found out at the same time she did –“

Kara’s ramble is cut off by soft, insistent lips, and the entire weight of Lena’s body being thrown into her arms.

Of all the ways she imagined this conversation going, this is the ideal scenario, and Kara takes full advantage. She slowly walks them back towards the couch, sitting when her knees hit the cushions and pulling Lena onto her lap, one knee on either side of her hips. Their kisses get deeper, more insistent, and when Lena starts to grind down onto her abs with tiny, intoxicating whimpering noises, Kara finally finds the strength to pull away slightly.

“I want to try something.” There. She’s started the conversation, and everything else from here on out will be easier.

Lena chases her lips, stopping only when she realizes that Kara is looking at her intently.

“Oh?” She replies with moderate interest, abandoning Kara’s absent lips and working instead on smearing red lipstick all over her collar.

“I know it’s been a bad week.” Kara struggles to get the words out while Lena bites at her neck, gripping the edges of the couch to ground herself.

“That’s an understatement.” Lena mutters, punctuating it with a particularly hard bite. Kara can’t feel the pain, but she gets the point.

“Well, I want to help you feel better.” Saying what she needs to say is difficult enough without the distraction of Lena’s hot breath in her ear, and she needs all of her mental capacity.

“What do you suggest?” Lena purrs, and Kara can feel the timbre of it hit the very core of her. Something about Lena’s voice always makes her vibrate, and that desperate, antsy energy that makes her want to pin Lena down and absolutely take her apart starts to filter into Kara’s bloodstream. So much for this being easier.

“Well, you know that…thing we’ve been talking about trying?” She edges, starting to squirm under the focused attention.

“Thing?” Lena asks absently, starting to unbutton Kara’s shirt. Her fingers brush the hot skin of Kara’s sternum and she swallows, still trying to make Lena understand.

“Yeah, the thing.”

Pushing Kara’s shirt from her shoulders, Lena huffs, seeming to get fed up with Kara’s lack of active participation.

“Kara, I don’t know what you’re referencing, so just spit it out –“

“Anal.”

There’s a pregnant pause as the word hits home, and Lena freezes halfway through trying to unclasp Kara’s bra. Her eyes are wide, her smudged mouth slightly agape, and Kara feels a little thrill at finally getting her point across.

She also feels some pride at rendering Lena Luthor speechless, but that’s less important.

“…oh.” Lena says inelegantly, still seeming to struggle for words. Her voice sounds strangled, and Kara suddenly worries that she’s pushed too far.

“If you want!” Kara assures her, putting her hands up in surrender. “It’s totally up to you, it’s just that I know you wanted to try it and I was a little unsure, but I definitely want it now, and I thought maybe I would –“

For the second time in an hour, Kara is cut off with a heated kiss.

By the time she’s carrying Lena to the bedroom, her clothes are already half abandoned. Lena’s dress is somewhere in the living room, her bra is abandoned in the hallway, and Kara struggles to get out of her own pants without putting Lena down. Finally she manages, falling onto the bed with Lena underneath her, and immediately Lena pulls her close, looping a hand around the back of her neck and arching into the contact.

Lena seems a bit frantic, almost hurried, but Kara doesn’t want this to be rushed. She wants to take her time – she wants to take Lena apart, slowly and carefully, until she knows exactly how loved she is. Until she knows how much she means to her. Until every inch of her is sufficiently worshipped.

“Let’s start slow, okay?” Kara murmurs against her lips, and like clockwork Lena relaxes, the energy subsiding to a low simmer. She nods, letting their bodies downshift into something more languid. For a few minutes Kara loses herself in it – in hot, open kisses, Lena’s tongue meeting hers in a slow, wet glide while their hips move in an excruciating grind.

When Lena finally pulls away, her face smudged with lipstick and her eyes almost black, Kara is the one left feeling a little bit desperate. Seeing Lena rumpled and waiting for her always makes her come a little unhinged, and there’s a spot on Kara’s stomach that’s slick with the arousal that’s soaked through Lena’s panties – Lena is clearly struggling to remain patient, her spread thighs quivering and her breathing noticeably measured, and Kara wants to reward her.

And maybe, just a little bit, reward herself.

Lena’s sigh of relief when Kara trails kisses down the column of her throat is obvious, and Kara grins into her neck.

“Impatient?”

Lena groans, and Kara can feel the rumble of it under her lips. Her only response is to spread her legs wider, bucking her hips so that the soaked fabric between her thighs leaves a trail over Kara’s hipbone, and the sentiment is understood.

Finally Kara drifts further down, lips ghosting over Lena’s collarbone and down her chest until she’s kissing delicate circles around a nipple, soft and rosy and just starting to pebble under her attention. She nuzzles and bites the soft skin surrounding it, watching it stiffen as Lena gets more and more frustrated with her deliberate lack of attention.

“Kara…” She husks, a hand sliding into her hair and tugging insistently. “Please.”

The plea tugs at a deep place in her chest, a place that urges her to give this woman everything she could possibly want – and finally, she does.

When her mouth descends, Lena’s gasp is a sweet reward, and it’s one that she intends on repeating.

The way Lena reacts to Kara’s teasing – squirming, soft noises of pleasure, toes curling in the sheets but not pushing, not begging or trying to hurry her along – gives Kara a rush that zips all the way down to her toes. At this point Lena would usually be urging Kara’s head down or grabbing her hand and sliding it to where it’s needed, but right now she seems to be just riding the wave, and Kara is happy to take her time. To indulge.

And it is indulgent – swirling her tongue slowly around hardened skin, sucking at the bud slowly and then moving to the other side, pushing Lena’s breasts together and nuzzling the soft skin while Lena lets out a breathless chuckle, it all feels indulgent to the point of decadence on her part. Everything feels like more, like it’s deeper somehow, and Kara pauses in her quest to kiss her way down Lena’s body to just look at her.

The soft evening light from the window gives Lena’s skin a pinkish glow as she arches into Kara, her mouth open in a silent gasp that draws her attention – she’s always loved looking at Lena’s mouth, whether she’s talking or smiling or even eating, admiring her soft lips and the way her bottom teeth are slightly crooked, the almost-unnoticeable underbite of her sharp jaw. The tiny, wonderful imperfections that make her Lena. Her hands are clenched in the pillow behind her head and her hair is fanned out across the white sheets, and suddenly Kara’s chest feels tight with more than just arousal. She has to bury her face in Lena’s soft belly to hide the sudden wave of emotion, squeezing her eyes shut and breathing deep.

“Hey,” Lena rasps, her voice low and soft. Kara leaves her safe place in Lena’s abdomen and crawls up to press their foreheads together. “You okay?”

Her brow is furrowed in obvious concern as she smooths a hand down Kara’s cheek. Kara leans into it, turning her head to kiss Lena’s soft palm.

“Yeah. Just…really love you. That’s all.”

Lena’s smile is dazzling, looking confused but happily surprised by the sudden turn of mood.

“I love you too, Kara.” Her eyes are soft, arousal still visible but clearly taking a backseat. But, now that Kara has expressed her strange wave of feelings, her own arousal comes roaring back with a vengeance. She’s reminded that Lena is still wet and spread underneath her, and she has a task to accomplish – specifically, to make Lena come until she passes out.

Starting to move down again, Kara gives Lena’s hip a decisive smack.

“Okay - back to business!”

Lena’s surprised laugh is swallowed up in a long, surprised moan when Kara takes slight advantage of her super-speed to immediately wriggle herself between Lena’s thighs, pull her panties down, drape a leg over her shoulder, and dive in.

The softness of that moment is entirely forgotten a few minutes later, when Lena is sitting on her face and on her way to her second orgasm.

“Kara – god, please, please –“ Lena pants, her forehead pressed against the wall and her knuckles white on the headboard. Kara’s instinct is to acquiesce, to give Lena what she wants and speed up until she’s coming, but she tempers it. Today is about making Lena feel loved, worshipped, and Kara knows that if she draws it out, Lena will come that much harder.

Her thighs are shaking on either side of Kara’s head, and she’s hot and wet on Kara’s tongue, her hips jerking in an attempt to make her speed up. But Kara just anchors her with one hand, holding her hips still. The forceful move seems to bring Lena even closer to the edge – she’s whimpering incoherently, and Kara can almost taste her orgasm on the horizon.

Deciding to finally give in to what Lena’s quivering body so obviously needs, Kara gathers some slick from around her chin and tries to slip her fingers inside, meaning to hurry her along. But the move means that she loses her grip on Lena’s hips, and they shift immediately to seek the pressure of Kara’s mouth - it makes the angle change, and Kara’s hand is trapped against her chest and her fingers are slippery and they slide too far, up and up until they land firmly over another opening.

Kara’s stomach drops – she meant to do this slowly, to make sure she has exact and explicit consent before making any forays into this department, but with Lena grinding down frantically on her tongue her mouth is too occupied to pull away and apologize for accidentally pushing a boundary.

But to her surprise, Lena bears down and tenses, arching deliciously in a way that Kara knows means she’s on the razor’s edge.

“Oh god, oh god, yes, oh, fuck, yes, Kara –“

Kara has no idea if Lena is referring to her finger placement or not, but the response seems to be overwhelmingly positive, and she’s fairly sure that if she stops when Lena is this close, she’ll be thrown out of the apartment. Following her gut, she keeps them there and presses just a tiny bit harder. Her middle finger slips inside just the tiniest bit, just the pad - and then Lena is coming, screaming unintelligible praises into the wall.

Kara’s mouth fills with warm fluid, and thankfully she has enough reflex and lung capacity to keep from choking as Lena comes hard on her face. It runs down her chin, over her neck and into her hair, and the sounds Lena makes as she rides out her pleasure are enough to let Kara know that she made the right decision.

Finally it tapers off, leaving Kara dazed and almost painfully turned on. Lena looks down, her eyes cloudy with pleasure, and they widen when she sees the state of Kara’s face.

“Kara, oh my god, I – what did I –“

Kara can sense her embarrassment, but before she can reassure her that this is the single hottest thing that anyone on this planet has ever experienced Lena is moving away, looking abashed. But the movement just makes Kara’s finger shift, and Lena’s clit drags slightly on Kara’s collarbone, and to Kara’s delight she gasps and twitches and one more weak pulse covers her chest.

Kara’s nipples are stiff and slick, coated in come, and she’s never seen Lena blush this hard in all the time she’s known her.

“Oh my god, oh my god –“ Lena mutters frantically, now determinedly dismounting Kara’s body and moving away. She refuses to meet Kara’s gaze, and Kara sits up, trying to follow.

“Lena, it’s fine –“

“You’re soaked!” Lena tries, pointing at Kara’s chest, but Kara grabs the pointing hand and brings it to her mouth, finally meeting Lena’s eyes with a decisive statement.

“Lena. This is the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me. I want to do that every day for the rest of my life.”

“Kara…” Lena sighs doubtfully, gesturing to the wet sheets. Kara shakes her head, refusing to let Lena retreat in on herself like this.

“Hey, you know how much I love it when I can make you do that.”

“I know, but it was – I did it in your mouth.” Lena edges, still looking like she doesn’t quite believe Kara’s affirmations.

“Yeah!” Kara says, not fully understanding why on earth Lena would feel ashamed of that. “It tastes amazing. You taste amazing. Here.” Dragging two fingers along her wet collarbone, Kara raises her hand to Lena’s mouth.

She does it without really thinking – she just knows that Lena is self-conscious, and she wants to assure her that having a mouth full of her come is absolutely the best thing that’s happened to her all day. But then Lena is leaning forward, looking curious, and then her fingers are enveloped by the wet heat of Lena’s mouth, her tongue swirling over sensitive fingertips –

Lena is licking herself from Kara’s hand, looking more and more intrigued, and Kara can feel it in her entire body.

The green of her eyes has been almost eclipsed by black, and slowly but surely as Kara’s composure crumbles, Lena’s confidence seems to return. She arches a brow, making a show of flicking her tongue between Kara’s fingers, and Kara whimpers pathetically when Lena abandons her now-clean fingers and decides to take initiative – she leans forward, licking a hot stripe across Kara’s collarbone, and idly she wonders if spontaneous combustion is a reality on earth.

Lena makes a tiny noise of approval at the taste of herself on Kara’s skin, and the combined visual of her pink tongue and the noise finally makes Kara’s shaking arms give out. She flops onto her back, suddenly gasping for air, and Lena follows.

Before Kara can think, Lena is straddling her, long hair draped over one shoulder and smiling mouth lowering onto Kara’s still-slick nipple.

“God, Lena –“

It’s as heady and erotic as it is new and strange, and under Kara’s encouragement, Lena leans into it. She licks herself from Kara’s chest with abandon, and Kara slides eager hands over her back, scraping gently with her nails until she palms her ass, squeezing and feeling it give.

Lena’s breath hitches. Her hips jerk, and her tongue stills as she breathes wetly against Kara’s skin. All at once, the memory of her own suggestion and Lena’s reaction comes crashing back into her brain. Along with the thing she’s been thinking about ever since her tongue slipped just a little bit too far down a few weeks ago, and Lena’s bucking hips almost broke her nose superpowers and all.

And her hands are on Lena’s ass.

Kara pulls gently, guides Lena until they’re face to face again, and soothes the tension in her shoulders with slow kisses.

“So, you liked it when I did that?” She murmurs against Lena’s lips, and Lena pulls back.

“When you did what?”

If they’re going to do this, Kara reasons, she might as well go for broke.

“When I touched your ass,” She says bluntly, and Lena jerks away slightly. Somehow, she seems to be blushing with her entire body.

“I – it – it was –“

Go for broke, Danvers.

“I want to rim you, Lena.”

The silence in the room, after the last half hour of breathy cries, is deafening. Lena’s eyes are wide and nervous in a way that Kara has never really seen before, and her mouth opens and closes a few times before she seems able to find her words.

“I – you – that – what?”

Well, some of her words.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I really want to. Like…a lot,” Kara says earnestly, and the tension in Lena’s frame starts to ease as it sinks in.

“You do?” Lena’s voice is breathy, almost to the point of being…dreamy. Like she’s far away, probably thinking of the exact implications of Kara’s request.

“Absolutely.”

Lena’s teeth sink into her lower lip, her thighs shifting together. She looks like she’s waging an inner tug-of-war between desire and shame, and Kara can only wait until she’s worked through whatever is going through her head.

“Are you sure?” She finally asks, wringing her hands, and Kara grins. In Lena-talk, that’s pretty much a victory.

“Yes. I asked, didn’t I? I was sort of, uh. Thinking about it the other day.” Kara says, feeling her neck heat up a little bit at the reminder of exactly how hard she came when she got herself off to the idea of her tongue in Lena’s ass. (answer: hard enough that there’s now a hole in the wall behind her bed that’s covered only by drying plaster and prayers). Lena’s eyes snap back up to hers, wide and alert at the implication.

Oh,” Lena breathes, and if Kara had to guess, she’d say the pretty flush rising up Lena’s chest is no longer from embarrassment.

“What do you think?”

Finally, the answer comes quickly enough that Kara is comfortable proceeding.

“Okay. I – yes. Please.”

Lena fidgets again, looking nervous but intrigued and very, very naked, her dark hair framing her breasts and making her look like some kind of renaissance painting. It’s…entirely distracting.

Instead, Kara queues up the checklist she’s been making all day. Okay, calm down - you prepared for this!

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Kara says, already halfway to the bathroom.

Lena nods silently, and Kara starts rooting through the cupboards on a mission. When she finally finds what she needs – mouthwash and wipes – she gets back at top speed, the resulting whoosh of air making Lena’s hair flutter. She drops them on the bedside table, and Lena acknowledges them with a bite to her lip.

She did a lot of reading in preparation for asking Lena to try this, and while she isn’t worried about her own safety thanks to her non-human immune system, she wants to make sure that Lena is safe, in more ways than one.

“I need you to give me a safe word,” Kara says, and Lena raises a brow at the suggestion, her nerves seeming to ease.

“What? Why? We’re not doing BDSM, are we?” Her grin is a little bit cheeky, and Kara makes a strangled noise that almost passes as a laugh at the suggestion of – okay, so it’s not like she hasn’t thought about it, but –

Focus!

Kara clears her throat, continuing with her suggestion. “Well, we’ve never done this before. Earlier, I did something new, and if you hadn’t liked it – I just want you to have one.”

“Kara, I trust you. I’m probably never going to use it,” Lena says pragmatically, but Kara stands firm.

“Just…please? I need you to feel completely safe. I need both of us to – it goes both ways.”

The inclusion of Kara in the equation seems to sway Lena’s opinion pretty easily.

“Okay. What should it be?” She says immediately, and Kara shakes her head at how readily Lena will accept just about anything if it’s on someone else’s behalf.

“It should be something you’d never say in bed ordinarily, so that it’s really clear.”

Lena laughs. “Alright. So, something crazy, like, ‘Kara, fuck me slower’?”

Kara snorts, poking Lena’s side. Lena squirms away, giggling.

“I’m being serious!”

“Okay, okay,” Lena acquiesces, holding her hands up in surrender. “Can we just do the traffic lights? Like, red and green?”

“Okay, red it is. If you say that, I’ll stop right away.”

“I don’t see why it couldn’t just be ‘stop’.” Lena grumbles, and Kara retaliates for the sass by grabbing her by the waist, flipping her over, and pulling her hips forward. She smacks gently on Lena’s hip, watching the soft flesh move in response, and Lena chokes off a gasp.

“Because it makes me feel better to know you have a safe word.” Kara says decisively.

“Okay.” Lena acquiesces, her voice trembling but her body still and waiting. Waiting for whatever Kara decides to do. It’s intoxicating.

Kara spreads her slowly, feeling her throat go dry at the sight of it – Lena, wet and open and ready for her, and just above, a tiny bud that needs her attention. A thrill of nervousness races through her – this is new, what if I’m bad at this, what if she hates it – but it’s soothed by the soft, untraceable-by-human-ears sound Lena makes in response to Kara’s staring. It’s instinctual, and base, and Lena’s eyes are screwed shut but Kara can hear the slamming of her heartbeat, a hard staccato rhythm. It reminds her what the point of this is, in the end -

She’s going to make Lena feel good.

“You look beautiful, Lena,” She says, reaching to the bedside table and grabbing a wipe. She traces a finger down Lena’s spine all the way down, reveling in the way an involuntary shiver follows the digit.

“This doesn’t have to be dirty, or whatever - it’s just different.” She says, the words seeming to work to reassure both Lena and herself. Lena relaxes slightly, and Kara runs a wipe gently over the now-exposed skin. The tiny hitch of her breath is music to Kara’s ears – and, even through the fabric of the pillow she has her face hidden in, Lena’s voice is shaky.

“I like it.”

It’s muffled, but audible, and Kara perks up at the desperate tinge to it.

“You like the position?”

She throws the wipe onto the ground beside the bed, leaning over Lena’s back and trailing teasing kisses. With some difficulty, Lena removes her face from its hiding place and turns her head, looking back at Kara.

“Yes, but…I like that it’s dirty. It makes me feel…hot.” And her face is hot as she says it – flushed bright crimson, her lip bitten so hard that Kara can see indents there that are likely going to bruise.

“Oh!” Kara grins. “Well then.”

Her mouth dips to trace Lena’s lower back, and she dives headfirst into unknown waters.


 

It’s times like these that Lena is reminded of the fact that Kara is truly, wonderfully not of this earth.

It’s been like this all night – Kara’s unwavering attention is overwhelming, and yet she craves more, needs more. Ever since she stepped out of her heels after work and Kara rushed forwards to relay her news, Lena has been consumed with a need for closeness, for connection – and she’s getting it, in a way she had previously been convinced would never happen.

It’s as if Kara read her mind. This sort of thing – a hot tongue, Kara’s tongue, tracing over rounded flesh and weaving patterns that inch closer and closer to being absolutely sinful – is a deep, dark desire that she’s never revealed to anyone. Ever. She shouldn’t want this – it’s wrong, and it’s shameful, but something inside her lights like a beacon at the thought and she can’t smother it.

And somehow, Kara saw it.

She’s come far enough to admit to Kara – once, before quickly changing the subject when she sensed Kara’s hesitation – that she likes this kind of sex, but she hadn’t expected Kara to gain any interest in it, hadn’t expected her to use her mouth

And then the mouth is gone before it’s really made any contact, and Lena can’t stop the small noise of protest that slips out.

“Are you okay? Is this still okay?”

Kara. Sweet, accommodating Kara, asking consent every step of the way – nothing and no-one makes Lena feel as safe as she does. But right now, with her ass spread wide and Kara’s face inches from it, talking is the absolute last thing she wants.

“I’m - yes. Don’t - don’t stop,” She manages to grind out through clenched teeth, and thank god, Kara takes it at face value.

 “Okay.”

And then Kara’s breath is hot on her – and then her tongue is – Christ

Kara’s tongue is tracing light but enthusiastic circles around her asshole, and Lena briefly detaches from reality.

Part of her, the part that houses her logical brain, is still trying to sort through the conflicting feelings she has over this. Embarrassment and fear and searing desire chase each other in circles as Kara explores this brand new part of her, and she can’t seem to pin one down – but the combination of the three makes for a potent mental state, somehow existing separately from her body.

But at the same time, the baser, more animalistic part of her brain is running wild.

Something about having her hips in the air and her face in the mattress has always activated something inside her, and now, with this new element added, she’s started to lose control entirely. The sounds coming out of her mouth are foreign and desperate, and the urge to reach her own hands back and shamelessly spread her ass wider for Kara’s mouth is so strong that she has to bite hard on her own forearm to resist it.

But Kara seems determined to rip down every single defense she has, to crack open her chest, pull all of her secret guilty desires out like an erotic magic trick and leave her completely raw and vulnerable – because she pulls away slightly, suckling on Lena’s tailbone.

“I can’t use both of my hands,” She pants, and it’s clear in her voice how much this is affecting her too. “Can you – can you spread yourself for me?”

The noise Lena makes isn’t human. It’s loud, and completely mortifying, but she does as she’s told – she reaches back with shaking hands, pulling until she’s open for Kara’s tongue again - and Kara takes advantage of the access. She hooks her arms under Lena’s thighs and pulls her closer, like she can’t get enough, and Lena is pretty sure she can feel the arousal literally dripping down her thighs towards the mattress.

How so much sensation can be locked away in a part of her body she’s usually ashamed to touch she has no idea, but god, it feels so good – and Kara is making all these little pleased noises every time Lena reacts, which only inflames her further. Knowing that Kara is enjoying this. That she’s pulling back occasionally just to stare and knead at Lena’s flesh, before diving back in as if not having her tongue gently probing past the tight ring of Lena’s ass and making her scream into the pillow is physically painful.

But eventually, even as distracted as she is, Lena realizes that not all of the noises she’s hearing can be coming from Kara’s mouth. There’s a fast, wet noise, like someone is rubbing, like Kara is –

Twisting around to look behind her, Lena groans when her theory is confirmed. Kara has one hand between her own legs, and it’s moving at a lightning speed.

Kara is touching herself. And by the sounds of it, she’s close.

The realization of it, that Kara likes this so much that she’s actually about to make herself come while she rims her, is enough to make Lena frenzied. She reaches back blindly, finally finding the back of Kara’s head and pulling her face closer, deeper while she buries her face in the safe darkness of the pillow again –

And just like that, with a tiny squeak, Kara comes on her own hand.

It’s almost enough to send Lena over the cliff with her. Almost. But not quite – thankfully Kara doesn’t stop the movement of her tongue, but Lena needs more.

She’s aware that her voice is getting hoarse, but she could no sooner stop her moans and wordless begging than she could get up and leave this room right now. She’s never felt pleasure so intense and acute and yet somehow so far from what she needs - but she’s caught in an iron grip, physically and mentally, and all she can do is hold on for the ride and hope that Kara will guide her.

When Kara finally pulls back, her chest somehow heaving despite the red sun lamps remaining off, Lena can feel tears building at the warring sensations of loss and relief. Relief that, finally, Kara is going to make her come.

 “Lena, I…” Kara swallows, and every cell in Lena’s body screams for her to finish her sentence.

“I want to use the strap-on. Like this.”

Oh god, oh god, oh god -

Fuck!” Is all Lena can manage. She’s shaking, the logical part of her brain shrinking away from the idea – if people found out, if people knew that Lena liked this, what would – but the other, more basic level of her brain is flashing images of Kara buried to the hilt, the movement of her hips slamming the bed into the wall until she’s screaming.

“Do you want – “

In the end, instincts win out.

“Yes!” Lena sobs. “Yes, god, yes –“ and Kara immediately scrambles towards the toy drawer.

“Stay right there. Grab the headboard and wait for me. Can you do that for me, Lena?”

Lena does as she’s told, wrapping her hands around the thick wooden bars and closing her eyes, listening. Kara undoes the cap of something and swigs, swishing it around in her mouth – the mouthwash, Lena realizes. Shortly after she can hear her rummaging through the drawer, the rustle of her slipping into the harness, the hiss and clack of straps being tightened and buckles fastened – and then the bed dips again, and Lena lets out a ragged breath when Kara’s hands alight on her hips again.

Somewhere in her brain, she wonders which dildo Kara chose. God, I wonder how big –

But the thought is firmly cut off by Kara spreading her legs and lifting her thighs slightly to move her back. Her knees briefly leave the bed, and as usual it makes Lena’s condition that much worse. But the pinnacle, the thing that almost makes Lena come before Kara has even gotten started, is her voice.

Caressing Lena’s thighs, Kara sighs. “Rao, look at how wet you are.” Her fingers gather it, and she brings it to her mouth with a pleased noise.

"I can't wait to be inside you."

She says it as she squirts lube into her hand, and Lena can hear the wet sounds of her spreading it over the length – the length that’s going to be – she’s going to –

Lena’s thoughts are fragmenting. She can’t even decide where to look, alternating between slamming her eyes closed, looking at the wall, looking at over her shoulder at Kara –

This proves to be a mistake. Kara looks like a goddess, naked and framed by the sunset from the window, her hair coming loose from the half-updo she has it in, and the pure hunger in her eyes as she looks down at Lena makes her clench. Kara notices, biting her lip, and Lena turns her head again.

But Kara isn’t having it.

“Look at me?” She whispers, and Lena is helpless to ignore her.

She twists, managing to look back again, and her eyes trail down Kara’s arms and her flexing abs all the way to the toy jutting from her hips. Her earlier question is finally answered – Kara has chosen the smallest of them, but it’s still substantially bigger than her tongue, and Lena whimpers. The shame of it – the tension between I want and I shouldn’t want, between needing to hide and needing Kara inside her immediately, burns down her spine and all the way to the hole that Kara is gently tracing with a lubed finger.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” Kara says, her voice husky and reverent, and Lena has to look away this time. It’s too much, like looking into the sun, and if she’s going to keep her sanity she needs to bury her face in something before she embarrasses herself. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Nothing could be too much, I’d take anything for you –

It’s easier said than done, though. Kara has to work slowly, working in first a single finger and then two, and by the time she’s easing a third inside Lena is starting to feel like she’s approaching her limit. The burning stretch and relentless pressure are mixing with the swirling feelings in her gut, and she’s briefly considering calling yellow when Kara stops, three fingers still buried to the knuckle.

“Lena?” Kara asks, and it sounds like her throat is a dam holding back a tidal wave of something – she’s hoarse, and shaky, and the knowledge that Kara is just as moved by this as she is helps to settle her. Kara’s ragged breath washes over her like a balm – she likes this too. Kara likes this.

“…I want it,” Lena whispers, and Kara’s fingers twitch.

They ease out of her slowly but surely, and Kara wipes them before discarding the cloth carelessly. There’s the squirt of more lube – probably more than necessary, but the caution is appreciated. Slick sounds follow, and Kara’s heavy breathing, and –

Something wet and firm nudges, and then settles. It’s slow but inexorable, the pressing, the stretch – every inch or so Kara stops, smooths her hands over Lena’s back, and checks in. It’s sweet and thoughtful and so very Kara but it’s also absolutely fucking maddening, being teased with fullness but not given it completely.

The third time Kara checks in, when she’s halfway buried and Lena is absolutely out of her mind with need, she groans in muted frustration.

“What do you want?” Kara asks, a warm hand firm on Lena’s lower back – it’s probably meant to be purely comforting but what it’s doing is pressing Lena harder into the mattress, and Kara probably has no idea exactly what that’s doing to her.

 “I just –“ Lena’s voice wavers, and she pushes past the embarrassment. Healthy communication, she tells herself. That’s what Kara likes.

So, she healthily communicates.

“I want it all, Kara, god, I want it so bad –“ She blurts in a rush, her voice high and unfamiliar in its desperation. But she can’t lower it, her chest feels tight with the weight of the moment and Kara is already pushing in further, more insistently. The moment Kara’s pelvis lines up, pressing firm against the backs of her thighs, Lena is distantly surprised that she doesn’t break the headboard slats with how hard she’s gripping.

Kara traces a line down her spine until her finger brushes the base of the dildo, and Lena is sick of waiting.

“Kara – Kara, please – fuck me,” She finally gasps, and Kara’s hips twitch with a whimper at the direct plea. She pulls out slightly and then pushes back, adding a tiny snap to her hips, and Lena’s resulting sob seems to finally convince her exactly how much she needs this.

Finally, finally pace picks up, Kara’s hips hitting hers in a fast rhythm, and every single inhibition has left Lena’s body – it’s total freedom, like a freefall, and Lena chants almost incoherently with every thrust.

“Keep fucking me, keep - god, don’t stop, it’s so good, it’s so so good – Kara –“

She can feel every millimetre of Kara inside her, steel hands in a bruising grip on her hips, excess lube sliding down and smearing all over the crease between her thigh and cunt – and all the time Kara’s momentum is building.

“Touch yourself,” Kara finally grunts, not letting up her pounding rhythm for a second. “Touch yourself for me.“

Like she’s been subconsciously waiting for Kara’s permission, her hand has left the headboard and is frantically rubbing her clit before she even gets the sentence out. She’s so embarrassingly wet that there’s almost no friction but the act still zips bolts of feeling through her, and she’s so close, so excruciatingly close -

And then Kara, sensing as she always does when Lena needs something else, comes to her rescue. Bringing her hand down with an open palm and a resounding smack, she rasps something in a voice tight with exertion.

“Maybe next time - I should put the vibrator inside you, too -”

And, that - the husky tone, the second hard smack on the flesh of her ass, the image of exactly what Kara is implying and the inherent implication of next time - is what finally breaks what feels like weeks worth of tension in her exhausted body. Everything tightens, her free hand reaches back blindly and clutches Kara’s in a vice grip, and she collapses in on herself like a dying star.  

It feels like what she thinks an epiphany must feel like. Like something inside her has changed fundamentally, clicked and triggered a flood of emotional relief along with physical.

It feels like rapture.

 When she finally feels like she inhabits a physical form again, she’s still on her belly on the bed, her face to one side and her arms spread out above her head. Kara is lying directly beside her, blue eyes wide and their noses touching. The harness is lying already-cleaned on the table, and Kara smiles softly when Lena opens her eyes.

“I’m running a bath for us,” Kara whispers, and Lena could cry at how perfect she is in that moment.

A few minutes later she’s up to her shoulders in hot water with Kara behind her, feeling relaxed and completely boneless as steam rises from their bodies. Kara combs gentle fingers through her tangled hair, littering her shoulder with kisses and gently massaging her sore shoulders, and Lena groans and tips her head back when Kara manages to work out a knot in her neck that’s been there for weeks. And when Kara dips a hand below the water and makes a ‘V’ with her fingers over the root of Lena’s clit, she sighs, and spreads her legs wider.

With that perfectly-placed hand and her mouth at Lena’s ear, Kara guides her like a slowly-coiling spring. She murmurs affirmations and praise in her ear, the assurances of love working Lena up almost as much as the fingers now lightly squeezing. She doesn’t fly over the edge so much as drift over it, floating safely back to the ground in Kara’s arms.

As she winds back down, the lapping of the water and Kara’s steady hands are so soothing that she’s actually lulled into a light doze, and she only jerks back into awareness when Kara wraps an arm around her chest in a firm hold. She buries her face in Lena’s neck, huffing against the wet skin.

“Can you forgive me?” She whispers, and Lena frowns at the nervousness in her tone.

“For what?” The fog of exhaustion and four orgasms is clouding her brain, and she can’t for the life of her think of what Kara might need forgiveness for.

“For everything. All the stuff I put you through. Can you forgive me?”

Ah.

Lena turns to press a kiss to Kara’s cheek, still groggy but absolutely certain.

“Kara, I love you. Of course I can. I have.”

“But I hurt you.” Kara’s voice is small, still clutching Lena to her chest like she might float away at any moment. Lena shifts, water splashing around their raised knees.  

“You apologized, darling. A lot. So much that I can’t feel my legs right now,” She jokes, but Kara still seems dejected.

“I know, I just – I don’t ever want to make you feel that way again.”

Affection washes through her, and she nuzzles into Kara’s damp neck, already feeling sleep pull at her again.

“I trust you,” She murmurs, and Kara’s hold on her loosens slightly as she finally relaxes. Lena slides back into a doze, and it feels almost dreamlike when Kara lifts her from the bath, dries her off, and slips them both into bed.

Lying pillowed on Kara’s chest, everything below her waist deliciously sore, feels like the first time she’s fully relaxed or felt any kind of peace in a month. Her sleep is deep and dreamless and wonderful -

And then, that terribly familiar text tone goes off.

Lena groans, burrowing into Kara’s armpit to muffle the dreaded noise. Kara grabs the phone and answers it, but rather than springing out of bed like usual, she pulls Lena closer. Lena can hear the other line, and her sleepy brain follows the conversation with some interest.

“Hey, Alex. Is it an emergency?”

“It’s – I mean, not really,” Alex seems surprised at the greeting, and Kara pushes on.

“Can J’onn handle it?”

“Probably, yeah. Are you okay? Are you still feeling tired?”

“No, but…I’m at Lena’s.”

Lena can practically hear Alex’s smile through the phone. The jarring unfamiliarity of the situation, of Kara actually being honest about where she is, makes her more alert.

“I see. Well, you sound happy.”

“I am,” Kara says, kissing the top of Lena’s head, and Lena can hear in her voice that she means it.

“I’ll let J’onn know you’re off for the night,” Alex offers, and Lena feels a rush of gratitude for the woman that was pointing a gun at her less than a week ago.

“Thanks.” It seems like the conversation is over, but Alex speaks up before Kara can cut off the call.

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

Alex pauses, and her next words are halting but genuine. “I didn’t tell you this earlier. I think I was a little shocked. But – I’m glad you two found each other. I had noticed you were happier lately, but I didn’t know why. It makes sense now.”

Kara grins, propping herself up on an elbow while Lena twists around and nuzzles into her neck sleepily, her damp hair leaving a mark on the pillow.

“Thanks, Alex. I’m pretty lucky. Call me if there’s an emergency, okay?”

The line finally dies and Lena drifts off to sleep again, for the first time safe in the knowledge that, while Kara might have to leave for a while sometimes, she really isn’t going anywhere.